Why High-Value People Don’t Avoid Conflict | Social Intel Brief

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0:42Use Indeed's sponsored jobs to hire top talent fast. And even better, you only pay for results. There's no need to wait. Speed up your hiring with a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Why is it that some people walk into a room and instantly command respect without saying a word, while others are ignored no matter how hard they try? The secret isn't louder voices or bigger resumes. It's hidden signals, subtle high-value behaviors that anyone can learn. And today we're going to break them down.

1:26respect isn't about dominance it's about presence and presence is built on the quiet signals that you send your body language how you give attention the way you carry responsibility the science is clear people decide how much they trust and respect you before they evaluate your skills. And this is why in our coaching, we see people with all the credentials, checking all the right boxes still being overlooked. And of course, we've discussed it on the show, that personal rejection stings. And the more you get stung, the more it takes out your morale. And eventually, you're unwilling to give out that value anymore because the return isn't worth it.

2:12So what are the four hidden signals of high value people? The first one is a calm authority. People respect someone who can slow the room down. In fact, frame strength research shows the stronger frame absorbs the weaker one and calmness is the strongest frame in high pressure situations. When everyone else is frantic, the calmest person becomes the natural leader. Your stillness actually signals safety and people follow safety. and i've seen this in boardrooms and in bars when you could say compose people lean in they want to have that and it allows other people to feel confident around you as well instead of taking from them and that's cooperation high value people make others stronger not smaller axelrod and hamilton found in repeated interactions cooperation beats competition so you may feel that competition helps in your career, but it hurts in your relationships.

3:12The fastest way to gain respect is to actually spotlight someone else. Say, that's a great point. Can you expand on that? Suddenly the whole room sees you as the leader who elevates others. And here's the kicker. You don't lose status by giving away. You gain it because people associate good feelings and recognizing them with you. And that leads to our third behavior, which is congruent body language. Having a strong posture, grounded eye contact, and purposeful gestures allows the other people in the room to be drawn into you. And Cuddy and Anderson found that frame strength and perceived confidence correlate with leadership emergence.

3:52You can't ask for respect verbally if your body language is withdrawn and apologizing. Uncross those arms, keep your shoulders back, and stillness is key. Your body should say, I deserve to be here before your mouth ever does. And the big point of this, and this is what we work in our programs with to make sure that everybody has the right strategies and frameworks so that they have high intention in every social setting that they walk into. The reason that you're nervous, the reason you have anxiety is there's no goal. It's a black box. You don't have any plans. When we used to do our field work, living in LA, taking the guys out, having a blast, we gave them missions, something to focus on while they were out.

4:44And what do you know? Everyone had the most amazing time fraternized with the most people they ever have going out before. Why? Because they had a framework. They had a strategy. There was goals that they needed to reach. So they went into those environments with high intention. Every social gathering situation that you're in, creating that intention will make all of your movements deliberate. And this is going to attract the attention that you do want. Because as we were saying, people want that. they see you calm, cool, acting highly intentional, they start to follow your lead because they think you know something that they don't.

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7:30Go to quince.com slash charm for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash charm. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash charm. And this last behavior is actually often the hardest for us who are high performers, and that's owning it. High status means owning outcomes, good or bad. Taking responsibility is key. And Harvard negotiation studies found that responsibility builds trust and leads to sustainable agreements. So you owning the good and bad as a leader stands out for the right reasons. And I remember when I first joined the team, we had a leader at the time who was constantly in a victim mindset.

8:20Whenever there was a negative outcome, it was blame, it was shift, it was focus on other people. And when I had an opportunity to take the lead, I actually owned it when I screwed up. And it was interesting to see how it changed the dynamic within our own company. And I look to do that even to this day, because when you own the good and the bad, you are high value for the right reasons. When you take responsibility, that's on me. Here's how we fix it. You remove the blame game and other people step up because of it. Respect follows responsibility. I think the most difficult piece there for folks to figure out is, well, what do I take responsibility for.

9:00And again, if you have strategies, you have goals, and you have frameworks that allow you to be successful, you can take responsibility to implement them. And that's where you're going to see the big change. Everything shifts at that point. And here's a great example. A former client of ours, Shane, is a senior engineer. He used to compete in every meeting, always proving he was the smartest, had the answers. He was respected for his knowledge, but not trusted. And here's the key. Once we started working together, he flipped to cooperative behaviors, spotlighting colleagues, asking them to expand on their points, and he got promoted within six months.

9:41Not because his skills had changed, but because his signals did. And that's the difference. Low value says, hey, what about me? Hey, check me out. Hey, notice me. High value says, I notice you. And that shift flips everything. So here's what we're going to do this week. We're going to practice one high value signal a day. Maybe Monday, you give undivided attention, phone down, eye contact with others, showcasing that curiosity. On Wednesday, offer approval, specific praise around things that you noticed in others. And Friday, extend acceptance, bring someone in who feels left out, invite them to hang out.

10:21These three simple actions will change how people react to you and watch how fast their respect comes. And if you want to challenge yourself a little higher, think about on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, how many people are you going to aim to give undivided attention to? How many people are you going to offer approval to and showcase their work? On Friday, how many people are you going to extend acceptance to? You may not hit it, But your intention will drive your responsibility and you will be surprised of just how far those small acts can go. And if you're wondering which of these signals do I already send and where am I slipping into low value patterns, that's exactly why we designed the Influence Index.

11:10It's our free diagnostic tool that reveals your default influence style. Whether you bag, battle, brag, or operate at a high value level, it shows the one shift that will make the biggest difference for you right now. Take the Influence Index today. You get your score, your blind spots, and your roadmap to becoming the person that people naturally respect and follow. Head to theartofcharm.com slash influence to take it now.

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