Why "That's Fine" Is the Most Expensive Sentence You Say | Social Intelligence Briefing

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0:44Johnny:You ask what you're worth. They come back low, and then something happens that you didn't even choose. Silence. And somewhere in that silence, before you've thought about it, before you've decided anything, you just hear yourself say, that's fine. That's the worst two words in the whole language because you didn't mean it. You knew it wasn't fine before it even left your mouth. It wasn't fine. And you knew it on the drive home. You replayed the whole thing. What you should have said, what you could have held out for, why you caved the second the room went quiet. And you didn't lose that negotiation because you weren't smart enough to win it.

1:22You lost it because you couldn't stand seven more seconds of nobody talking. Nothing more complicated than that.

1:31Johnny:That's today's episode. Not how to argue better, not how to build a stronger case. One skill. What do you do with your mouth shut in the seven seconds after you make your ask? Because the person who talks first in that silence is usually the person who pays.

1:55Johnny:Here's the exact moment we're talking about. You made your ask, a number, a deadline, better terms, whatever it is. They come back with less than what you wanted and they just stop talking. Maybe they're looking at a spreadsheet. Maybe they're looking right at you. Either way, the room goes quiet and it feels like it's your turn to say something. It is not your turn. That's the whole trick. It feels like it's your turn, but it's not your turn. because that silence isn't empty. Something is happening inside of it. They're testing how much you actually believe in your own number. And most people fail that test almost instantly.

2:34Johnny:They jump in, they explain themselves, they give away real ground just to make the quiet stop. That's right. You give away money to make an uncomfortable feeling go away. That's the whole trade you're making. And you don't even notice you're making it. And here's what makes it even worse. The other side usually knows this, at least a little. Not as some evil plan, just as something they've learned from being in enough of these situations. If they wait, most people will negotiate against themselves for free. They don't even have to counter again. They just have to sit there. So the cheapest move in any negotiation isn't a clever counter.

3:17It's just not talking.

3:19Johnny:We're teaching you how to be the one who doesn't talk. One move, fully scripted. Use it the next time somebody goes quiet on you. Let's start with why your number matters so much before we even get to the silence part. Now, Adam Galinsky and Thomas Musweiler ran research on this back in 2001, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. What they found is that whoever puts the first real number on the table pulls the whole rest of the negotiation toward that number. Not toward the middle, toward their number. Ah, social physics, huh? So the first number said out loud becomes gravity.

3:58Everything else in the room starts orbiting it.

4:02Johnny:That's a great way to put it. And here's the part that should really land. That effect holds up even when both sides know what's happening. You can tell someone, hey, I'm about to anchor you, and it still works. Knowing the trick doesn't make you immune to it. So even if you see it coming, it still gets you. Exactly. That's how strong this is. It's one of the most replicated findings in all of negotiation research. And there's a related pattern too, the first offer effect. Across a lot of separate studies, whoever makes the first offer, instead of waiting around to respond to the other side's number, tends to walk away with a better outcome.

4:43Johnny:because that first number becomes the reference point everything else gets measured against. That's so important. So let's just go ahead. Step one, before we even get to the quiet part, say your number first and say it clean. Say it loud and proud. Don't apologize for it on the way out of your mouth. That's why the number has to come out clean. No hedge. No, I was thinking maybe around just the number. Now, here's where the silence research comes in. Jared Curran at MIT Sloan had spent years studying what actually happens inside of a negotiation, not just the final number, but the back and forth, who talks, who gives ground, how satisfied each side feels walking out afterward.

5:29Johnny:And the one thing that shows up again and again in that body of research, negotiators who can sit inside of a pause, who resist the urge to fill it or cave first, consistently do better than negotiators who rush to fill the quiet. So it's not just about the number you say, it's about what you do after you stop talking. Right. The number gets you in the room. The silence is what protects it. And there's one more piece, aspiration effects. This is well-established in negotiation literature, connected to goal-setting research generally, and it's been studied specifically inside negotiations too. Negotiators who walk in with a higher specific target consistently walk out with better outcomes than negotiators with a vague one or a low one.

6:17Johnny:And here's why that matters for the silence part specifically. If you don't know what your number is going in, you can't hold it once the room goes quiet. You'll drift toward whatever feels less uncomfortable instead. That's right. Know your number before you walk in. Write it down if you have to. That's the mechanism. A concrete, ambitious target shapes your opening number, and it shapes how far you're willing to get pushed off of it, what's called your resistance point, which shapes literally the entire rest of the conversation before a single word even gets exchange. Awesome. AJ, go ahead and lay that all out.

6:56Johnny:Say your number first. Say it clean, no softening or hedging. Aim higher than what even feels comfortable on purpose. Then when they come back low and go quiet, that quiet is not a signal to fold. That's the whole game. Anchor high, then shut up. Easy as that. AJ, what's the one thing every adult wishes they could get back from being a kid? Easy. Freedom. No obligations. No one taking your money every month for something you barely use. Mint Mobile just made that real. All plans,$15 a month right now. Even unlimited. I couldn't believe how easy it was. Bring your own phone, keep your number, sign up online in minutes.

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9:39Johnny:that's u p w o r k dot com upwork dot com all right now teach me the actual move johnny i make my ask they counter low they go quiet what am i physically doing okay well this is the silent move it's three pieces piece one the second they stop talking you start counting in your head not out loud, obviously, right? We're talking about silence here. One, two, three, all the way to seven. Slow count, not a rushed one. Why seven? Because that's about how long it takes for most people to break. Almost nobody can sit past seven seconds of real quiet without needing to fill it. You just have to outlast them.

10:26And seven gets you there most of the time.

10:29Johnny:And this is killer if you work and sales too. What am I doing with those seven seconds besides counting? This is so crucial in sales. In fact, I love this part because I wait for it because it's the most fun. So piece two, your eyes and your body, keep your eyes on them, not down at the table, not off to the side, like you're checking the exit or grabbing your phone, steady, relaxed, like you're just waiting because you are shoulders stay where they are. Don't lean forward. Leaning forward looks like you are about to fill that space and they start anticipating it. So if anything, sit back an inch.

11:12Your whole body should be saying, I asked, I'm comfortable. Hey, take your time.

11:21Johnny:Oh, and if I can't help it, if my hands want to do something. Give your hands one job. Put them flat on the table or hold your coffee. Fold them in your lap if there's no table. Just pick one and leave it there. Because fidgeting is a smaller, quieter version of you talking. It tells them you're uncomfortable and uncomfortable is exactly what makes people cave first. Okay, piece three. Piece three is the one that people forget to plan for. What you say the second they break, and they will break, somebody's got to talk. So if it's them, and it usually is, you do not immediately explain your number again.

12:06You do not have to re-justify yourself.

12:10Johnny:Okay. So what if they come up? What if their next move is an actual concession? Then you say something short. Thank you. That works for me. or, hey, we're getting closer and you stop talking again. And what if instead they ask you something like, hey, is there any flexibility on your end? You answer it short and you go quiet again. You do not fill your own silence a second time. Ah, so the whole move is ask, count to seven, hold your eyes and body still. And when they break it, respond to exactly what they said, nothing more. That's the whole thing. Let's make it real though, because saying it and doing it in the room are two different animals.

12:53All right. Hit me with the scenario. All right. Here we go. So picture Dana. She's interviewing for a role and the posted range was 75 to 95 ,000. She's got experience for the top of that range and she decided to go all in. 95 is her number, not 85, not somewhere in there.

13:15Johnny:So she's already done the aspiration piece. She picked the high specific number before she ever walked in the room. Right. Now the hiring manager, Greg, he comes back with an offer of 83 ,000. Dana says her number clean, no hedge. 95 works for me based on what this rule is actually scoped to do. And then Greg goes quiet. He's looking at his notes. 10 seconds go by. Feels like 10 minutes. Ah, that's the exact moment from the cold open This is exactly that moment And Dana feels it That pull to say something Anything, just to make it stop Her brain is already writing the sentence Or we could talk about 88 She catches herself She starts counting instead One, two, three Eyes on Greg Not on her laptop Not on the door And this is where episode one comes back around, isn't it?

14:17Johnny:You're reading the room, except the room is just one guy now. Exactly. The same discipline. Back in episode one, we watch who talks and who gets listened to. Here, it's watching one person's face while you say nothing at all. Same muscle, much smaller room. So what does Greg do? Greg breaks first. Around second six, he says, well, let me see what I could do. I might be able to get to 90. Dana doesn't jump on in. She doesn't say, well, thank you so much. That's so generous. She says, 90 is a real move. I appreciate that. And then she stops talking again. She's back in the silence. She's right back in it.

15:00And Greg fills that one too. He says, well, let me talk to my director. I think we can get closer to about 92. Dana got within$3 ,000 of her number and she never said one sentence, defending it after the first time. She just kept her mouth shut and let Greg negotiate against himself twice.

15:20Johnny:Okay, so that's the scripted version and a job offer. What if it's not a salary? What if it's a contract? or somebody hands you paperwork and says, well, these are just our standard terms. Same move, different sentence. Those are just our standard terms is doing the same job as Greg going quiet. It's daring you to fold without a fight. So you don't argue the term line by line right here. You make your ask something like, we'll need to do 30 days on this clause instead of 10. And then you go quiet. Same seven count, same eyes, same still hands. And most people, the second somebody says standard terms, well, they just nod and sign.

15:58Johnny:Because standard sounds like a wall. It's not a wall. It's just a first offer. Same as any other first offer. Somebody wrote a number and somebody can change that number. So the payoff move, one line. Whatever your version of the counter is, salary, payment terms, a deadline, you make it specific, you make it clean. And then the only thing you do next is count. And if they don't break by seven, don't panic and refill it yourself. Just ask one plain question and go quiet again. Something like, what would need to be true for you to get closer to that number? And then you start counting again. Ah, so the silence isn't just a one-time trick.

16:40Johnny:You can back into it as many times as it takes. As many times as it takes. And most people only have one silence in them before they crack. So if you can hold two or three, you are already operating at a different level than almost everybody across the table from you. Now, what we taught you just now, holding the silence, that's one move and it works on its own starting today. But inside Theos, negotiation is a full set of meta skills, three pieces, anchoring the ask, which is getting your number out clean and high before anyone else sets the frame, holding that silence, which is what we just gave you, and trading, not conceding, which is what happens after the silence breaks.

17:20Johnny:And you're actually moving numbers back and forth. This was just the middle piece. And there's a whole way to build your opening number so it does real work for you. And there's a whole way to give ground without feel like you're giving up. We didn't touch either one of those. And that's exactly what we go deep on inside of our new coaching program, the Elite Operator System, or Theos. The silence gets you a seat at the table. trading is how you actually leave with more than you walked in expecting. Now, here's your homework. Find one ask that you've been sitting on, a raise, a rate increase with a client, bigger ask with a vendor.

17:56Johnny:Say your number, no hedge. And the second they respond with anything less than a yes, count to seven in your head before you say another word. Fold your hands, keep your eyes up, let it go quiet. It will feel like way more than seven seconds. It's not. Just count. Now, bonus round. Notice the exact moment where you want to fill it. That urge right there, that's the whole gap we're talking about. Just noticing is most of the work. And if you catch yourself mid-sentence filling the quiet before you've even decided to, that's fine. Stop mid-sentence. It's a better outcome than finishing that sentence that gives away your number.

18:36You've been the one breaking first your whole life without knowing it had a name. Well, now it's got a name. Don't be the one who talks.

18:45Johnny:That's exactly why Johnny and I built Theos, the elite operator system. It's the same training we've taught elite military and special operators for the last 12 years. For the first time ever, we're opening it up to our listeners. Eight weeks, 18 meta skills total. Holding the silence is just one small piece of them. Theos teaches you the whole negotiation set, anchoring the ask, holding the silence, and trading not conceding, plus everything else in the system. Not stuff you nod along to, stuff you actually use the next time somebody goes quiet on you. You make your ask, you read the room or the person, and in 90 seconds, you decide how you want to play it instead of them deciding for you.

19:26Johnny:If you've ever said, that's fine, and known on the drive home it wasn't, that's exactly what we're looking for. Apply today. The link is in the show notes. Hold your silence this week. We'll teach you the rest.

20:07Johnny:by Tembi Dinton Hurst, Nicola Dinan, Curtis Garner, Raven Smith, and Rufy Thorpe. I, Hunter Harris, wrote and read the foreword. The audiobook's out now. Give it a listen. Hi, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Are you looking for a beach read this summer? May I suggest your big wireless bill? It's got suspense, mystery, a slightly flat emotional arc, and a shocking twist where you realize you've been overpaying the entire time. Fortunately, though, Mint's story is better. Every plan,$15 a month, even unlimited. That's it. Happy ending. Zero tears. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

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