Your Network Is Weak—Here’s How to Fix It [Social Intelligence Brief]

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0:33When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp. The secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans. Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom's 60th. And never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end-to-end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Learn more at whatsapp.com. Have you ever walked out of a networking event with a pocket full of business cards but zero real relationships? You don't have to fake being an extrovert to build a powerful network. That's right.

1:09This week we're giving you the blueprint for networking that works. By being smart, not loud, let's go.

1:24Now most people show up to networking events hoping to get lucky. but high performers actually engineer connection before, during, and after. In today's three-part strategy, we're gonna share with you how to stand out and build real relationships without being the most extroverted person in the room. Now, I wanna talk about our first strategy because one of our executive coaching clients came to us, Sri, who had just joined a group, YPO, and he recognized that the group already had a lot of clicks. There was a lot of people who seemed to know each other and he was a new member and he wanted to make an impact.

1:56and he had an event coming up in Miami and he was trying to figure out how he could actually start building some relationships in this new group that he was excited to be a part of. Now, here's what I shared with him that's a secret that I've been using over the last 15 years to build relationships before the event even kicks off. Now, here's the thing. Whenever you have an event or a conference on the calendar, you always have a day of travel to get there. And what most people do is they focus just on where they're staying, how they're getting in, how they're getting in from the airport. I know I've been just as guilty.

2:27And oftentimes we're not putting any thought into, well, what we're gonna do that first night when we show up. Now, here's a secret to success. Host a private dinner or drinks the night before the event. It's super simple. All you have to do is find a restaurant, bar, a watering hole nearby where everyone is staying, wherever the conference is at. You make a reservation for 10. You then go through the list of people who are gonna be attending, the people that you hope to meet at the event, and you send them a message a week before saying, hey, you're hosting a little gathering and you thought of them and you'd love for them to join.

3:01Now, this is so key. It doesn't matter if they show up or not. I know you're thinking, what if they say no? What if they have plans? What if they're too busy? I will tell you every single time I've done this, I've been surprised, one, by how many people respond. Yes, I didn't have plans. And two, how easy it was to reach the people that I was hoping to meet at the event before the event even kicked off. And here's the best part about it. If they say no, you still have a reason to follow up with them. You can say, hey, sorry, I missed you at the dinner. So excited we finally get to connect. Now, here's what happened to Sri.

3:35He let his friend know that he was going to Miami and he was trying to find a restaurant nearby. So his friend actually knew the owner of this restaurant, said, I'd be happy to introduce you so that he can get you a reservation. The owner reached back, said, who's the group? Sri gave a little bit of backstory of what the group was, a bunch of entrepreneurs, and he was excited to host. He ended up hosting this dinner. The chef came from back in the kitchen, introduced himself to all the guests and gave them a dish off menu. His little pre-dinner before the event became the most talked about thing that entire event.

4:09People who didn't go to this dinner, they had FOMO and they wanted to meet Sri. And people who did go to his dinner couldn't shut up about the meal that they had from the chef who was hosting. So that's the power of doing a little bit of preparation before the event. it can unlock all these unseen opportunities that you didn't even realize. AJ, this is something that we've talked about all the time, which is about being proactive. Right? Hope's not a strategy. So we can go to the conference and hope somebody invites us and we meet some cool people and hope that it's going to be a good time. Or you can start putting it together to where when they think about what's going on at the conference, what's fun at the conference, who's making this conference awesome.

4:54It's going to be your name that comes up. Even for the people that don't show up to the dinner, you have already reached out and established a connection with them. So they know who you are. They're going to be looking for you at the conference. They're going to be asking how dinner was. They're going to tell you why they could make it and how they got in late and they were beat by flying in the whole time. You are now the center of who everybody knows. You've already established yourself. So regardless of how many people show up to that dinner, you're already on everybody's mind. You've already won.

5:39Exactly. And here's the science. We've talked about this before. It's the mere exposure effect. This was studied by psychologist Robert Zagdruck, and he showed that repeated exposure, even without deep interaction. So just your name showing up, just being present actually builds trust and likability. So they're gonna see your face at dinner before the event. They're gonna remember your name from the invite that you thought of them before the event and they are now liking you before you've even introduced yourself. And I've done this with complete strangers. Now you might be saying, hey, dinner's a big task.

6:13Well, you could also just host people at the hotel bar the night before. Hey, a few of us are getting together to talk about AI before the event kicks off. And I thought of you. You'd be surprised how even the smallest gatherings that you are the hub of create massive opportunities around this networking event. And we've had clients who go to one conference a year, but by laying the groundwork ahead of time, they've become the go-to dinner every single year at that conference. AJ, this rolls into the second one as well, which is this sets up, this pre-gaming sets up everybody's goals and puts everybody's goals onto the table.

6:53And now everyone can help everybody else. So I'm going to let you go ahead and move us into this next one and we'll get into that. As the weather finally cools down, I'm swapping in the pieces that actually get the job done. Warm, durable, and built to last. And Quince delivers every time. Quince has all the false staples you actually want to wear on repeat, like 100 % Mongolian cashmere sweater starting at just$60, classic fit denim, and real leather and wool outerwear that looks sharp and holds up. I've actually got my eye on their suede trucker jacket. It's perfect for layering, and it hits that balance of casual but still put together.

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9:17I thought to be a super connector, you had to know everyone, you had to be extroverted, and you had to constantly be out talking to people. But by simply asking people in conversation, who are you looking to meet? You're going to find that they're looking to meet specific people. And if you can make that introduction, if you can actually share people in your network or people you just met even at the event with other people, you signal status, you showcase competence and your generosity all at once. This is how we create social capital and we can do it instantly. I've introduced two people that I just met at that event to each other.

9:55they ended up having a great conversation and did business together. And guess what? I was a super connector that brought it together. So it doesn't mean you have to know these people inside and out. You had to go to school with them. You had to grow up with them or even do work with them. But by just paying attention to who other people are looking to meet and then allowing yourself to make the introduction, you create social capital out of thin air at this event. Yeah, Robert Cialdini calls this trigger social proof. In fact, we see it in marketing and everything. This is when somebody is going to make that introduction for you, which makes it much more stronger than you yourself trying to make that introduction.

10:36So I see AJ. I'm like, AJ, oh, my God, I'm so glad I ran into you. I got this buddy that I think you guys would totally hit it off. You got to meet this guy. He's my good buddy, and I know you guys are going to hit it off. So now you're excited about it. You want to meet this guy. he's been vouched for, he's been vetted. So this connection is now rated at a higher level. Exactly. Think of yourself as the matchmaker at that event. And here's what happens. It creates reciprocity. When you're running around introducing people, people are naturally going to ask you, well, who are you looking to meet?

11:10I'd like to make an introduction for you. And that rolls into our third, which is a super important strategy. And I've worked specifically with clients on this one, because if you get it wrong, you end up wasting a whole event. And that is being hyper specific around who you are looking to meet. If you're going to take the time to get on a plane, if you're going to take the time to get a hotel room, to pay the ticket, to go attend the conference, you should have a clear list of who you are specifically looking to meet and be able to share that with everyone you meet. So when they ask you, hey, AJ, who are you looking to meet?

11:41I want you to be able to say, I'm actually looking to meet the CFO of biotech companies who are venture backed by just adding that specificity, everyone mentally can go through their Rolodex and think about, okay, do I know any CFOs that could help AJ out? Is there anyone that I just met who fits that criteria? If you were to walk in just saying, Hey, I'm looking to meet cool people. You're actually going to meet nobody. Nobody. Here's another point to that AJ as well. You know, I guess man, a manifestation is pretty big in the world. In fact, we've talked about it briefly on this show. Now, there's a lot to it, but there's this idea of actualizing your thoughts.

12:24Well, this is why it is important to identify who it is that you want to meet, because that's how manifestation works. It's clear in your mind. You can speak it. Other people hear it. It is now in their mind. They're now looking for it. That brings it to you. That's how manifestation works. Specificity is incredibly important to make that happen. Yeah, this was literally one of the first lessons that I learned from mentor Stephen Mead. And he said the most impactful thing you can do is specificity. When you're looking to grow your network and you're just taking everyone, those connections have less value.

13:07When you are very clear on what you're looking for and who specifically you're looking to meet, people can actually help you. They will go out of their way to help you. And we've even used this in dating. Yes. If you're looking to meet someone who's into CrossFit, who joined a run club and who just moved to LA by being that specific, people are going to think of their network, who would be a great fit to introduce to AJ and Johnny. So it's really important that you do a little bit of legwork before the event, because everything that's going to be happening at the event is going to be coming at you full speed.

13:37But if you've had an event planned before where you got some face time, you got the mere exposure effect working to your advantage, you go at it saying, OK, who are you looking to meet with a game plan to play matchmaker and start making introductions, creating social capital out of thin air? And then when people naturally ask you, well, who are you looking to meet? You have specificity working to your advantage. You just become the top one percent of every single networker at that event. And for those of you with careers where one or two events a year are make a break for your book of business, it's so important that you employ these three strategies to be successful.

14:12Now, here's something that you might not be thinking of, but I was actually shocked to see and hear from so many of our clients that they don't have a game plan for following up. Why go to the game? Why go to the event if you're not actually gonna follow up? You need to put 60 to 90 minutes on your calendar the day after or the following week, And that is dedicated to you following up with all of those business cards and all those connections you made. Because a study from Salesforce found that 80 % of leads from networking events die due to lack of timely follow up. And I've worked with so many clients who don't have a game plan.

14:48They leave the event and then they jump to their to do list. They're busy executives. They haven't thought about, OK, well, how am I actually going to have the time on my calendar to follow up? And then those events are a complete waste. So I recommend you have that time booked on your calendar. And then as you're meeting people and you're moving around the room to meet the next person, just jot a little note to yourself about who that person was, who you're helping them connect with, how you can add some social capital in your life. And it's gonna make the follow-up that next 60, 90 minutes the following week even more impactful.

15:18I love that. And the other piece that is fun about this, you have the dinner, you're now doing pregame with everybody else. Everybody is putting their cards on the table of who they're looking for, what they want to get out of this. So now you're going into this convention with a team. Everyone's clear on everybody's goals. The best part is you're now working towards the target that everybody had talked about it, had identified. and now you're seeing how close everyone's efforts collectively can get everybody to their target that was discussed at dinner. Here's the best part. You got a reason to follow up, debrief with everybody, discuss who they met, how close they get to their target, who's still left on the board.

16:09If any numbers were missed or any introductions were skipped, an opportunity quickly for anyone to follow those up and make those introductions while it's still fresh in everybody's mind and they're still in that networking spirit of the conference because by the time people get on that plane they decompress they get home they're moving back into their life so this is why from the start to the finish that it is very important there's a process put together because then at the next conference, everybody knows the drill. Sri is going to have the dinner. You got to go there. We made plans last time.

16:54I was so productive. The most I've ever been at a convention, I got everything that I needed. And now on this meeting, I have a better idea of how I'm going to go about it. And I'm going to be able to help other people at that table. So it only moves everything farther. That process gets refined. And now everyone starts to look forward to those meetups before the convention. And I want to encourage you swing for the fences. My client, Aaron, really was dying to meet the keynote speaker at this conference, but was very intimidated about reaching out. I encouraged him to write a simple message, the name of the conference, plus invite to dinner and the date.

17:38So one day before simple, straightforward message. Hey, I saw you're keynoting this event. I'm hosting a little dinner discussing AI and here's the time date location. He was shocked that within 12 minutes that keynote speakers, executive assistant replied, yeah, there's nothing on their calendar. They're looking forward to it. Now here, maybe the keynote speakers EA thought it It was actually a dinner sponsored by the event. It didn't matter. Aaron actually got to meet one of his heroes by hosting this dinner. So swing for the fences. You'd be surprised at how many people don't have plans before the event and they're happy that someone had the gumption to put something on the calendar.

18:17So if you're showing up at events thinking you'll just wing it and magic will happen, think again. Yeah, the magic doesn't happen in the ballroom. It happens before you show up and after you follow up. The people in the middle, they're the ones you connect. And these three strategies are how high performers turn events and conferences into opportunities, not just tote bags and business cards. And here's the best part. These aren't just the ideas we talk about. They're the exact same frameworks that we drill in our weekly X-Factor Accelerator implementation sessions. We run live practice with real feedback, real scenarios, and you'll work on striking up conversations cold, going deep fast, and even forging relationships that actually move the needle in your career.

19:00So if you're done being invisible at networking events and ready to become magnetic, join us. Apply now at unlockyourxfactor.com. We'll see you on the inside.

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