Are the Chargers for Real? Plus: the Tommy Boy Titans, a New York Swoon, Throwback Pats PTSD, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal.

11:30Cousin Sal:Yeah.

11:30Bill Simmons:Then the AFC West is pretty good too. NFC is better, yep. Yeah, so we have six 0-3 teams. The Jets, Miami, Houston, Tennessee, the Giants, and the Saints. The Jets and Giants are 0-6, Al. I feel like we've done this segment before, but let's do it again. Go ahead. What was the worst combined record they ever had in a 16-game season? Jets and Giants. Jets and Giants? How many wins? If you had to guess. Fan duel number, if I gave you over or under seven and a half, would you go over or under?

12:05Cousin Sal:16-game schedule, right? Combined wins. Four and – I'll say nine. So, no.

12:16Bill Simmons:There was a bunch of eights. Okay. And in 1996, they went seven and 25 combined. Trying to figure out who the coaches were there.

12:24Cousin Sal:Is that a co-tite? It might have been a co-tite. Yeah, it could have been a –

12:28Bill Simmons:Hanley Carroll was gone.

12:30Cousin Sal:No, that was after Hanley. The Coslet?

12:33Bill Simmons:Possible Coslet? Yeah, just guessing now. Coslet or Kotai, one of those guys. Then I don't know who for the Giants. Yeah, so the Jets-Giants 0-6. They're going to switch to Dart. That might give the Giants some life. I don't feel like the Giants are awful. And the Jets could easily be 2-1, so maybe.

12:51Cousin Sal:They can be. I mean, they just have to pull the Giants. They did a good job pulling them off prime time for the most part. They're not in the Thanksgiving game with Dallas. They're not in a Sunday night game against Dallas, although that was actually entertaining when they played Dallas. And Russell Wilson going into today had the most passing yards, right? And most long passes. Because of your stupid team. Yeah, I guess so. Your team just revived Caleb Williams' career today. Jesus Christ. He's back. The guy was getting ready to go to the CFL. Now he's number one pick again. Some tweet said, Ibra Flew finally developed Caleb Williams.

13:23Cousin Sal:He finally was able to develop. the worst revenge game of all time good god we'll show you no Russ looked like John Mara pulled him aside at the end and said I'll give you a million dollars if you could hit the crossbar with a pass three straight times ready do it it was in the same spot all three times

13:41Bill Simmons:I don't think anything drives me crazier than the fourth down throw it out of bounds pass yeah what's worse just you just throw it straight up in the air and have a drop down like you know a satellite from outer space and you have a better chance than just whipping it out of bounds. The only pass interference called every two and a half plays. Yeah. Take a shot. I don't get it. So I'm guessing you didn't do well gambling last today because I had a horrible day and I'm officially worried about 2025 for me now. I had a bad... We did our over-runners pod. I was telling you I didn't feel great about this season.

14:16Bill Simmons:It's not going great. I did not have a good day today.

14:19Cousin Sal:I did not either. I mean, we're going to talk at length. I think about that Rams-Eagles game. But when you have, first of all, those early games were just monsters. Just really, really bad, right? And then you're like, I think it's because you have both South. I know we pick on the South divisions a lot, but you have teams that just don't seem like they want to win, like Jacksonville and the Texans and the Titans and the Falcons, right? So bad. And then the heart attack endings in three of these others, like block kicks, return for touchdowns, it's just 1 p.m. Pacific time lunacy. But yeah, I was on the wrong side of all of those endings.

14:55Bill Simmons:My biggest one I got the most wrong was the Falcons in Carolina, which it was really more a bet against Carolina. I thought Carolina was the worst team I saw in the first two weeks. And they had that deceiving comeback against the Cardinals, but they were really bad. And they came out, they took the lead. They looked very polished. Penix was an abomination. Like he just couldn't have been worse to the point you're like, are they going to bring in Kirk Cousins at halftime? They get shut out by Carolina and Carolina. And that's another division where it's like, who's, Tampa can just have a guy go down.

15:31Bill Simmons:Mike Evans went down for them today.

15:33Cousin Sal:I still don't know if anyone challenges them.

15:36Bill Simmons:If Atlanta's going to lose 30 to nothing on the road in Carolina, I'm not taking them seriously.

15:41Cousin Sal:Tampa's winning some stupid games too, but I do think when they get everyone back, they're better. Yeah, that was the biggest Panthers win in a decade. and they had 224 total yards. I'm just getting rid of... I was thinking, are there too many... I asked ChatGBT, favorites four or more points that get shut out. Favorites by four or more. And ChatGBT... It basically told me to fuck off. I guess it was busy. But there can't be too many favorites, like mid-range favorites that get shut out.

16:13Bill Simmons:That was... You know, look. We knew there was going to be some weirdness. the higher favorites did great the first two weeks, right? We were texting about it all week. Okay, keep your guard up. Green Bay, that line just stayed specifically at seven and a half, seven all week. The money line was high, but the line was just never as high as it seemed like it should have been. And then that game had all the makings the whole day. Green Bay could never pull away. Love had the really, really bad fourth quarter interception. All of a sudden, Judkins, out of nowhere, wasn't even on the team. When we did our knockout draft, I don't even think he had signed with the Browns.

16:51Bill Simmons:I'm not sure anyone even took him or maybe somebody took him.

16:53Cousin Sal:No, nobody had him. You jinxed him. You said you had the better Ohio State running back.

16:59Bill Simmons:Apparently that debate has been opened again. But you just kind of knew how it was going to play out, but it made no sense as you were watching it. It's like somehow the Browns are going to win this. I have no idea. But then this kicker who we made fun of after week one, Schmidt, whatever, whatever his name is. And he's got a 55-yarder. It's like, of course he's going to make this. So now Green Bay has a little shine off their Super Bowl.

17:23Cousin Sal:Yeah, definitely. Super Bowl bliss. Until they beat the Cowboys by 78. I'm like, wow, we haven't seen that. That's weird. But yeah, they thought they could sleepwalk through this game. And for the most part, they were right. At one point, I saw four offensive linemen were wearing sandals. Is that weird? Like, they don't care. It was a sandals game. But they were hilarious.

17:43Bill Simmons:I said they were looking ahead to next week because they were playing your terrible team next week. Yeah, that's right.

17:47Cousin Sal:It's not like it's getting ready for the Cowboys. Everyone's wearing sandals. But the Browns were hilarious. They had the ball on the two and kept moving backwards. And there was no urgency with four minutes left. And then, I don't know, third and three with 318. Love throws an interception. It didn't make any sense.

18:03Bill Simmons:We talked about the Browns both weeks looking a little better than maybe if people didn't watch the game they would have thought. I thought week one they should have won. and just in general, they seem like relatively competent. And then today, they hung with the Packers that whole game and their defense is top seven defense, top five defense. They're really taking the Packers. One thing with the Packers, they're missing a bunch of receivers and it doesn't, I think they never really had a number one, but they had a bunch of number twos. And now it's basically just Golden and Dobbs and Wicks. And then Kraft was playing hurt.

18:45Bill Simmons:They just didn't have that same kind of explosives. But the Browns, that's not going to be an easy place to win this year. They at least have an identity and know who they are. I wonder if Shador will see him this year, though. So we're going to average 10 points a game. At some point, got to think about it.

18:59Cousin Sal:Yeah, I guess so. Or Gabriel, one of those guys. Flacco had thrown 90 passes in two weeks, right? So this game was a little different. But yeah, any team in the league, you only score 10 points. you're going to give them a chance to... I mean, I thought that leverage call was coming for sure on that field goal. I thought, I was like, here it comes. No way.

19:18Bill Simmons:Green Bay had 14 penalties. 230 yards total. And I think we can safely say the bandwagon got a little overcrowded.

19:28Cousin Sal:Yeah. A little too many people

19:32Bill Simmons:on there. Who do you have as the favorite right now? Do they want to give...

19:37Cousin Sal:They can give Micah back if they want. I mean, that's...

19:40Bill Simmons:Just flip the trade backwards?

19:42Cousin Sal:Just damage goods.

19:43Bill Simmons:Favorite to win the whole thing? Yeah, if you had to make one Super Bowl bet right now, what would it be? You can even say for odds versus who you think is going to actually win because the favorites right now are Baltimore and Buffalo and Fandula 5-1.

19:57Cousin Sal:Right. Is that going to change? I don't think that's going to change unless there's an NFC team that just really, really comes out in front. Packers had a shot to do that, but I think it's going to be Buffalo-Baltimore When we get to the lines, you'll see how much these teams are respected. But yeah, Buffalo didn't look great Thursday night, but I still put them at the top. They're missing a bunch of dudes. Yeah, I put them at the top.

20:17Bill Simmons:Well, you figure they're probably going to be a one seed, especially that division. The Pats, my stupid team, the Jets, the Dolphins. They could go just 6-0. If you go 6-0 in a division, at that point, you just need to go 7-4 against everybody else, right? Right. Something like that? Yeah.

20:38Cousin Sal:I think that was one of my future bets with you, that they went 6-0, something like that. That they ran the table.

20:43Bill Simmons:Yeah, I remember taking it personally because I believe in the Pats, and that's not how it worked out. It's not. It's all right. Let's take a break, and then I want to talk about the Super Bowl team that I think we should have a real conversation about. The Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by FanDuel. FanDuel is changing the way you live bet football. It starts with Next Drive SGPs. Bet on what's happened, Next Drive, touchdown, punt, field goal, whatever you want. Check out player stats, stick in player props, Build your bet exactly how you want it. Every NFL game day comes with a profit boost that you can use on your next drive SGP so you can get more out of every play.

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21:52Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. Every football season, the same thing happens. The game somehow makes everybody really hungry. Quarterback scrambles, clearly a sign for breakfast burritos. Yeah. Turnover? Suddenly dessert at 2 p.m. Doesn't sound so crazy. Wing formations? Well, those can only mean buffalo wings, as if they're ever not in play. Even the goalposts start looking suspiciously like french fries. It's almost like football is sending the message to eat more food. Yeah, the good news. Uber Eats makes those cravings easy to satisfy with game day deals all season long. From wings and pizza to chips, drinks, and even last minute grocery runs.

22:31Bill Simmons:Don't sleep on those. You'll find savings on all your favorites delivered straight to your door. Order now on Uber Eats. All right, before we went to break, I said I wanted to talk about the possible Super Bowl team that we need to have a real conversation about. Who do you think that is?

22:46Cousin Sal:All right, so it's one of the top eight you named earlier, right? Yeah. Okay. And I think it's going to be someone who won today, so I'm going to kick the Rams out of there. I don't think you're going to say Niners. All right, the Chargers, fine. Go ahead.

22:59Bill Simmons:Yeah, let's do it. That's what it is? I didn't bet on it today because I have so many Denver futures that it wasn't wasn't worth it for me to do it I really want to do the Denver plus three now if you watch the game very closely and there are only three games so I watched this entire game and I thought the Broncos defense was great like they they pressured they had 29 pressures on Herbert they sacked him five times and he was under duress and it felt like a very even game And then you look at the stats after. Denver got outgamed by 111 yards. The Chargers had 29 first downs. Denver had nine. Denver kind of got dominated, but it didn't feel like that when you're watching because they were putting pressure on Herbert.

23:44Bill Simmons:I thought Herbert, you know, he was fantastic in that first game. I thought that last drive, that touchdown pass especially, just fantastic. MVP-wise, he's down to 6-1 now. and I think it's legitimate because he's playing as well as anybody. They're 3-0 in their division and I think what I liked about that game, Sal, it felt like a playoff game. I know Knicks didn't play that well. Knicks missed a couple bombs that he has now figured out how to hit a guy in stride by six inches too far and he'll hit like three fingertips but never get the guy in stride and it's like, oh! He's like the master. So they had plays.

24:27Bill Simmons:Franklin dropped one in the end zone. They left stuff on the table. And I thought the Chargers played. They lose Najee Harris against an Achilles thing. I'm rambling. My point is, I thought it felt like a playoff game watching it. I could see that game in January.

24:40Cousin Sal:It didn't feel like a Chargers game, right? No. The 2007 to 2024 Chargers would have blown that game. No question. And they almost did. They were up 10-0. And Denver came back. And it really looked like the yards were going to come at a premium. They weren't really moving the ball. Like you said, that last drive was really something. That's the Denver defense we've been afraid of. That's the Denver defense you bet all those futures on, right? I'm going to say something else, too. We may have to get rid of one of our favorite jokes, which is Chargers fans not showing up to watch the games. Yeah, that was a good crowd.

25:15Cousin Sal:It sounded loud, right? I don't think they're pumping noise in. It's really sounded. I usually wait until the next day where I can watch fights in the crowd. You know, they usually pop up on Twitter and then you scan the crowd. But I think it was pretty good for them.

25:32Bill Simmons:Herbert, you know, who we've talked about a lot in this podcast, and I've been saying how I'm a results guy. It feels like he's gone up a level and he's just hitting these little checkpoints now. Like that drive, I just feel like a year ago they lose the game. That Johnston is wide open five times a game now. Like this was a guy who felt like he might be a bust two years ago. And then Keenan Allen, who they got, it felt like pretty late in the summer. Feels like you can hear from him twice a game when they really, really need him and he's going to make a play. I don't know. That team has the look.

26:08Bill Simmons:I wonder what they need. They have Mack, who's going to be out for a couple weeks. Slater's gone for the year. I wonder, could they get one more offensive lineman maybe during this season?

26:18Cousin Sal:So what are they for the division now? Because for them to be, for him to win MVP and all that stuff, they have to be a top 13 and four. Two seed, right? Yeah. Minus 155.

26:31Bill Simmons:Well, here's the thing about them in the division. They're 3-0 already in the division.

26:35Cousin Sal:Right.

26:35Bill Simmons:They're 3-0, but they're all AFC West games. So, you know, watching them, I think Denver's closer to them than the Chiefs are. But we know, as we talk about every week, we got to wait for Rice and we're going to come back before we know what we have with the Chiefs. Sure. I've been really impressed. Do they play Baltimore or Buffalo this year? I've got to look this up.

26:58Cousin Sal:The Chargers. Chargers had the second-place schedule. I'm looking that up right now.

27:05Bill Simmons:They play the Eagles. They play the Chiefs again. Play the Broncos again. That's really it. I mean, you look at their schedule, the next couple. They're at the Giants. They're home commanders. They're at the Dolphins. and then they have the Colts in week seven. Like they really could be 6-0 heading into that Colts game.

27:23Cousin Sal:Yeah, right. And if Denver's going to lose dumb games like this, that week 18 game in Denver, which everyone had penciled, you know, circled, might not mean as much. Yeah, I mean, this easily, had they lost to Denver, then you're looking at the Chiefs are a game behind and they still have to play, Chargers still have to play the Chiefs in KC, right? Then it's like, oh man, this is up for grabs. But what did we say it was? Minus 155? Yeah, I think those are good odds.

27:49Bill Simmons:especially like some of the games that seem like they were going to be hard. Not sure. At Titans, that's not a hard game anymore. At Cowboys week 16.

28:02Cousin Sal:Easy. At Dolphins.

28:03Bill Simmons:It's like four and 11 at that point. At Dolphins, that's not a hard game anymore. So, you know, and then that at Broncos game, maybe they'll get to the point where they won't have to care about it. But this is the easy stretch of their schedule right now. add Giants, home commanders, add Dolphins. And then we'll see with the Colts. We'll see if the Colts are real. But yeah, I thought, you know, and then the other team that I could definitely, we mentioned them earlier, I thought just the Rams, the Rams definitely can hang. Now let's talk about how awful.

28:37Cousin Sal:They can hang. They almost made me hang. Jesus.

28:42Bill Simmons:I mean. They're 26, what was it? 26 to seven? 26, seven. That was it. Yep. did you feel like the Eagles could come back? Because I did.

28:52Cousin Sal:At 26-7?

28:54Bill Simmons:Yeah, I was sitting there going, this is actually maybe what they need to electroshock their system and start doing stuff. But I thought they'd come back. I thought the Rams would score again, and the Rams did not.

29:04Cousin Sal:I was so locked into the narrative that Jalen Hurts sucks. He can't throw the ball past six yards. No one's catching it anyway. He can only run. He's as good as Barkley goes. And the Rams were moving the ball too. No, I didn't. I mean, you could have gotten a monster live. line on that. Like that's...

29:21Bill Simmons:I didn't take it off the multi-view. No. Yeah, because there was a lot of time. It was 26-7, but it was like early in the third quarter. I know. And it was in Philly.

29:33Cousin Sal:I wrote down... That ending is sick. I feel like everybody... Like, doesn't it seem like online everybody had that bad beat? Yeah.

29:43Bill Simmons:Well, the Rams were one of the most popular picks this week, right?

29:46Cousin Sal:Yeah.

29:46Bill Simmons:Rams plus three and a half.

29:47Cousin Sal:That's like when 150 ,000 people claimed they were at Game 6, Red Sox-Mets. But I was like, really? Everybody had this? I know I did. I'll show you. But that ending, does it get any worse than that?

30:01Bill Simmons:What do you want to talk about the whole game? I don't care. No, let's talk about the ending first. I wrote down that was a utter pandemonium sportsbook game. Like, have you ever been in Vegas for one of those? Yeah. And then it's a shift and the guy's running and people are just like flying around in the sports, but going crazy. But we have these every year. I think people get amnesia. Really? Yeah. We have at least one of those every year. That's just like a completely insane.

30:28Cousin Sal:So let's set the stage. The Rams are getting three and a half points. They're kicking a field goal to win the game. So they're either win the game or they don't get it and they still cover. Oh, they don't get it. So the only thing that screws them is a blocked field goal run back for a touchdown.

30:44Bill Simmons:actually being dumb enough to run it all the way back versus just running out of bounds.

30:48Cousin Sal:But if I said to you, I'm like, all right, Bill, sit down. Are you seated? The Rams are going to have this kick blocked. Who do you want? Draw me what you want the guy who blocked it to look like. And you would draw... 280-pound guy. I'm like, 280. I said, okay, how about this? How about he's 520? How about he's 520 pounds? You okay with that? He's like, okay, sure. The game's over by then. This freaking brotherly love Butterbean, runs it all the way back and kills another Ringo 107 pick of mine.

31:17Bill Simmons:Where was the one fast Rams guy chasing him down from behind? The backup safety who's doing the Don Beebe. Nobody. There was nobody even in the picture.

31:28Cousin Sal:I guess it was 18 and a half miles an hour, which I wouldn't even know humans really did that. God bless them. I need to

31:36Bill Simmons:get a faster car, I guess. I don't know. Well, the Eagles, they had to fall behind by 19 to become entertaining. That was very entertaining. That game also felt playoff-y. I thought Nakua was awesome. And he had the stats too. He was 11 for 120, something like that. I think he's moved up a level this year for the conversation. What conversation? He's always up there. We had Chase and Jefferson. Oh, offensive. Right? And then there was a drop-off. And then it was like Nico Collins and neighbors. And you can start listening to all these dudes. I think Nakua has to be up there now. Did you look?

32:11Cousin Sal:I can tell you where he is, odds-wise, on Fandle. For what? Offensive player of the year. Oh, what is he? Isn't that what you're talking about when you say he moves up? I'm just talking best receiver. Oh, I see.

32:22Bill Simmons:Because poor Chase is stuck with the backup now for three months. Jefferson's stuck with Carson Wentz. Nakua's third at plus 750.

32:30Cousin Sal:Derrick Henry plus 650. Jonathan Taylor plus 500. Because he is just racking up insane numbers. Derrick Henry? Yeah. Yeah. How's he in there? Well, he had two touchdowns first week, and then last week he took off.

32:45Bill Simmons:I'm surprised Taylor's odds aren't even lower because he's been the most dynamic. Yeah, he's been awesome. Every game he's done one or two things. I also think Smith and Jigba, he's 25 to win that. That's not bad. I would probably nudge that one up.

33:01Cousin Sal:Jamar Chase just gone, not giving him a chance. You're right. I mean, how could he? 30-1. Jefferson, too.

33:07Bill Simmons:Same there. So that's one where I feel like we could see that game again in January. Eagles-Ramps. Yeah. We could be running that one back.

33:16Cousin Sal:Sure. It was great last January, too. I just pleased to don't get me on that result again. That was terrifying.

33:23Bill Simmons:I forgot to ask you on Chargers-Broncos. Where are you with Bo Nix right now? It's tough. I feel like I've watched every snap of the Broncos this season. And...

33:39Bill Simmons:it just has not been consistent.

33:41Cousin Sal:No, definitely not. I like the Oregon guys. At all. So it was Knicks. I watch Knicks a lot. Herbert, that was fun watching them go at each other. He does seem to take charge and he has good control. Like when he calls his own number and runs the ball, I was like, wow, that's good. He looks like a fourth-year quarterback. But I also think people gave him too much credit last year. Like that defense was so dynamite. That's what kept him in a lot of these games. But yeah, he is off from last year.

34:09Bill Simmons:Yeah, he's just not as accurate. He had a great play in the fourth quarter at a scramble. And it was like third and 12, third and 13. And there were people in front of him. And it seemed like he was going to either slide or get tackled. And he made a move. And he somehow got right to the line. And you saw the whole sideline explode, the Broncos sideline. You know I always loved that. And it felt like a moment. It felt like, here we go. Bo Nix is finally showing up for the season. Somehow they lost anyway.

34:36Cousin Sal:I think he's taking the C.J. Stroud approach. Like, have a memorable rookie year, and then everyone's like, what the fuck? What is going on with this guy?

34:43Bill Simmons:Yeah. We should talk about C.J. I'll skip ahead of that game. Jaguars 17, Texans 10. This is one of the only games I got right. Jaguars defense, I continue to think might be pretty good, even though the Bengals scored some points on them. But they can rush a passer. They seem to get turnovers. And then on the flip side, Houston's offense now, 38 points in three games. Today was a little unlucky because Collins had a really bad fumble with like four minutes left. It felt like Lawrence threw a terrible pick. They had a lead. Bad Lawrence pick. It was like Jaguars karaoke. Houston, long pass to a wide open Collins, tied.

35:23Bill Simmons:Jaguars, they give up the ball back. Texans coming down. Then that Collins fumble. And then all of a sudden, that was it. We came flying back the other way.

35:33Cousin Sal:Yeah. I mean, when we go over the worst teams in the league, we won't include the Texans, but that offense has been real atrocious, right? Like, it's going in, they were last in points scored, and right there again, right? And like fourth to last in yardage. He threw 38 times, which is a lot when most of it is in catch-up time, right? And he couldn't break 185. So there were lots of drops, actually. I don't know why I find myself defending Trevor Lawrence all the time. They were like five drops on the Lawrence side.

36:04Bill Simmons:Thomas was bad for three hours and then made the biggest play of the game.

36:08Cousin Sal:Right. Yeah. So yeah, 17-10 sounded right in a game that nobody wanted.

36:12Bill Simmons:I don't know what happened to Thomas. All right. I wrote in my notes, he seems like he's in like some sports movie where it's like the part where they're playing like sad music and where before they come back and become the hero again. Like when Rod Tidwell, that part, Jerry Maguire, when he's just, you know, he's filming the commercial and Jerry's yelling at him. And then we just see him get the shit kicked out of him. And it's kind of all headed over by the football. He just seems like he's in a major funk. I was reading about all, he's on, I think most of my fantasy teams. And I was reading about it this week.

36:46Bill Simmons:And it's like the most polarizing topic with the Jaguar fans. Because most of them are like Team Lawrence. And a lot of them are blaming Thomas for like, he's dogging routes. He's not catching stuff. He can only run one type of, he can either go deep or just do a deep cross and that's it. He can't catch the ball over the middle. But yeah, they're kind of a mess. And yet I'd rather be them than Houston.

37:12Cousin Sal:Yeah. Houston can't block.

37:14Bill Simmons:Houston, unless that Woody Marks can turn into something a running back, they have no running backs. They spent two second round picks on receivers and they have nobody who can block. And then Stroud doesn't look like the guy from two years ago.

37:28Cousin Sal:No. Now, they have some relief. They play the Titans at home. But, no, I would not want to be the Texans right now. That's a lousy team. I don't know. As far as Jacksonville goes, Lawrence has his awful moments too. But he had to think Travis Hunter was going to work out, right? And he had to think Brian Thomas wouldn't drop three balls a game. So, that offense, I think, has a chance to get going. I don't know about the Texans. We love Nico Collins, but I feel like he may have to do it all. Well, here's the other thing.

37:58Bill Simmons:There's three back in the AFC South already. They're, I mean, nine and eight might get a seven seed. So they'd still have to go nine and five the rest of the way. Their schedule is not that hard, but 38 points in three games.

38:14Cousin Sal:I can't even imagine how much money you're going to put on a money line parlay with them to beat the Titans to start.

38:21Bill Simmons:I don't know. I might scale back until I get a better feel for this season.

38:24Cousin Sal:Yeah. Today was not great.

38:26Bill Simmons:The Colts killed the Titans. I had a little on the Titans money line and immediately regretted it. Not a lot, just a little. Colts still have not punted. Is that true? Yeah, you're right. Only one other team has gone 3-0 and punted less than five times than it was the 2007 New England Patriots. So on Tennessee first, there were fire Callahan chants. They've had 31 penalties in three weeks. They did a whole bunch of dumb shit again. but I really want to hone in on what happened at the end of the first half. Did you watch this game or do you have it on multi-game?

39:00Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

39:01Bill Simmons:It was fourth and one. They're in the 39-yard line with 46 seconds left in the first half. Indy calls timeout because they want to get the ball back. The timeout ends, and Callahan's still deciding whether he wants to do a field goal or not. They get to delay a game. after a timeout and the field goal goes from 57 to 62, Sly misses, Indianapolis ends up driving down and getting a field goal. So Callahan says after, I hadn't decided yet at the moment what we're going to do. We were going back and forth and wanted a minute to think about it. I was going back and forth between the fourth down call and the field goal and decided to go take points that particular situation.

39:46Bill Simmons:And the operational part of it to kick it on time didn't happen. They were coming out of a timeout that they didn't even call. Right, right. This guy's terrible. House calls him Dumbo on my Thursday night pod every week. It might be offensive to Dumbo. He hates him. He says he's the worst ever. Well, we might have a new entry to the first coach fired.

40:06Cousin Sal:Yeah.

40:07Bill Simmons:Because McDaniel, like Buffalo, Buffalo really had to work to beat Miami on Thursday night. I thought Miami like fought. Right. Tennessee's not fighting for their coach.

40:17Cousin Sal:That Miami drive in the second quarter to end the second quarter was as good as you'll see all year. But Callahan, it's funny because Callahan was the name of the tires. Wasn't that Tommy Boy? Yeah, Callahan tires. Can Chris Farley go around trying to save Callahan's job? Should that be our nickname for him?

40:35Bill Simmons:Tommy Boy? Tommy Boy. His name's not Tommy.

40:39Cousin Sal:He's the father that had a heart attack in the third scene.

40:42Bill Simmons:His thing with the field goal and the delay game, that was when Tommy Boy was doing the demonstration for the guy and he set his desk on fire. Right, right, right. He's like, you guys over there puking his guts out! Get out! It's Callahan. Anyway, yeah. Well, then the other thing is, Cam Ward started the game with a pick six. And it was like a really awful, I'm going to just stare you down and then throw it. Yeah. On the positive side, the Colts 3-0. and Daniel Jones apparently has down the nickname Indiana Jones.

41:22Cousin Sal:I hate it.

41:23Bill Simmons:I heard the NBC guys talking about that in the pregame show. That's why I hate it. Jason Garrett really enjoyed it. He started humming the song. And I don't know. I can get there with it.

41:33Cousin Sal:I was there. No, don't you do it now too. But no, it's fine. Tate and I were talking about, is it the best nickname? There's so many great nicknames in the NFL. And I was all behind it. And then exactly, I had it just written down. Jason Garrett starts singing the song and calling him Indiana Jones. What was the song? How does the song go? Isn't it a... I just sang Star Wars.

41:54Cousin Sal:Whatever. I don't need Jason Garrett singing or speaking.

41:58Bill Simmons:No, I just said that's Star Wars. That is? Hold on. Yeah, hold on. We got to get this right. Let's get it right. Thank God we're not going live on YouTube today. The Raiders theme song. Now we're going to get blocked on YouTube. the Raiders song is hold on I got Raiders Lost Ark why am I we did it yeah it is I got it right oh yeah oh this is John yeah we did get it right woohoo yeah I don't know why I was blanking Colts do you believe yet

42:39Cousin Sal:I believe they can win that division right like we're not excited about anybody else, but yeah, that'll be... I'm looking long and hard at them as the team I'm going to bet against in the playoffs. Sure.

42:52Bill Simmons:Shakeys? They're at Rams, home Raiders, home Cardinals, at Chargers. The funny thing is they killed the Dolphins, but they should have lost to the Broncos and then deservedly beat the Titans, but you know, the leverage call gets called. They're 2-1. We're not as excited.

43:11Cousin Sal:The individuals are getting all the love on Fandle. Jondon Taylor, as I mentioned, offensive player of the year, favorite, Steichen, plus 380, coach of the year. I would have thought Daniel Jones would be, this is not right. He's third for comeback player of the year. I thought they were going to give him that award next week when he comes to L.A. Well, what did he come back from?

43:33Bill Simmons:Just being terrible?

43:34Cousin Sal:I guess that's it.

43:35Bill Simmons:Did he, I guess we went through this with Flacco that time.

43:39Cousin Sal:Right, right, right. Can you come back from something if all it was was being enough?

43:44Bill Simmons:He's Indiana Jones. You have to give him the award. I like that Trevor Lawrence is fourth. Who's betting on... Did Trevor Lawrence come back? Did I get the memo? Right. It's 17 points today.

43:54Cousin Sal:Well, Dak, McCaffrey, those two are both ahead of Daniel Jones right now. I guess you're right. It's what you come back from, right? McCaffrey is...

44:00Bill Simmons:Two is 101. Probably would recommend no on that one. Yeah. Well, I think you're right. What are the Colts division odds now? They are almost 2-1, right? Yeah. Oh, no. Minus 135.

44:14Cousin Sal:135. Hmm. All right. If you parlay that and the Chargers. Seems like a trap. Who screws you?

44:20Bill Simmons:You almost get 2-1. Yeah, one of those teams are going to be the rabbit team. I would do... I still feel like the Jags can be heard from. I know that's crazy, but... No, that's... I like some of the pieces with them, and I think their coach isn't bad.

44:37Cousin Sal:That's my... I mean, that was my preseason team to win, so I have to stay with it. I'm just trying to see if the Colts, if it ever gets hard for them here. At the Rams, home for the Raiders, home for the Cardinals, at the Chargers. That's a fun game. And Titans, Steelers, Falcons.

44:54Bill Simmons:I'm just mad at myself because I couldn't... July and August, I didn't want to pick the Texans. I couldn't come up with another team. I wanted to short the Chiefs. I didn't have the balls. And then thought it was going to be the Broncos and they had the wrong team. These South divisions ruin our summers.

45:12Cousin Sal:We spend much, much too much time trying to figure out who's going to win. And then our families are growing up and we're missing it all.

45:18Bill Simmons:It doesn't make sense that Daniel Jones was that bad last season, unless it's just a two-year injury. Yeah. Because he was completely awful last year. Speaking of awful, Niners cards was a pretty awful game. And it had a... So the Niners were going to win. and then Mac Jones turned into Mac Jones through a terrible pick to get the ball back. There's a safety involving Mac Jones. It wasn't his fault, holding penalty. And at that point, you realize Niners 1.5 is going to be dust because it's 15-13 Cardinals. I was struggling before the beginning of the day to do Niners minus 1.5 for Niners money line, which is minus 120.

46:02I was like, I'll just do the minus 1.5.

46:05Bill Simmons:When is teams ever? When do they ever win by one? Well, then they come down. Mac Jones leads a game-winning drive in the Cardinals. So I want to blame Kyler Murray or Gannon, but the reality is third to nine, they ran a great pass to Zay Jones and he just couldn't hold on to it.

46:20Cousin Sal:That was the high one he went up for and he didn't come back.

46:23Bill Simmons:I guess if you're going to ding them, it's like you ran the play of the game for Zay Jones.

46:29Cousin Sal:Well, here's who you could blame. This was a rat line and I lost on this too, so I'm not going to pretend to be an expert. But this was a rat line. It was one and a half, right? The tic-tac, the one we hate. No one had a good thing to say about Arizona this week. They're, oh, they're lucky to be 2-0. They had injuries all over the place. And this line could not move past San Francisco one and a half. And the gambling god says, I know what we'll do. We'll have them win by one point. And everyone, like Bill, will have them minus one and a half. And Mac Jones, like, that was pretty remarkable taking him down the field there, you know?

47:01Cousin Sal:And he was hurt. He was on one leg. and you get caught for it right. He was limping around. You get a safety? That's insulting. That's really hard to come back from. I know it wasn't his fault, but that's like getting slapped in the face with the white glove. And he just shook it off, and it came all the way down and won that. Yeah. Actually made a field goal.

47:19Bill Simmons:And they lost Bosa early in that game. I thought that they had a bunch of plays in the red zone and inside the 10, and I thought the cards defense really rose to the occasion. I don't know why the cards defense is as frisky as it is because it's not like it's loaded with all pros, but they made a bunch of plays. Connor going down, flipped the game a little bit for them because I actually think they'd probably win if that doesn't happen. But I thought the coaching on both sides, I thought some of the red zone stuff with the Niners was really bad. Arizona, I just, when Murray is coming out and around, like when you're betting against the cards, I'm just always worried of him rolling out like when they need first downs.

48:02Bill Simmons:Then they get away from that. It's like, oh, you're just going to go back and try to hit somebody on 39. I just, I don't love the whatever. I thought Trey McBride was terrifying. Good throw to him in the end zone.

48:14Cousin Sal:Yep, that helped.

48:16Bill Simmons:But the teams were pretty close though was my takeaway from that game. The Cardinals were a little better than I was prepared for. And the Niners just winning that game with Mac Jones I thought was pretty good. The Niners are 3-0.

48:31Cousin Sal:But are they going to lose, like, and they beat, was that all three NFC West teams they beat? Wait, no, yeah. No, two of them. The Cardinals and Seattle, they beat. Yeah, right. Yeah, and New Orleans was the other. Yeah, are they just going to lose someone big every week, though? That's the problem. That's the issue. We know they're not deep. They pay seven guys, you know, 80 % of the budget there. So I'm not sure how many more injuries they can afford.

48:59Bill Simmons:I mean, McCaffrey, that play in the end on the last drive, there's just nobody better than him. You kind of know they're going to do the dump-off pass to him. They do it anyway, and he's flying off. Their defense is a little better than I thought it was going to be considering they had so much turnover, considering they lost, like, what, seven, eight guys. But I think seven kids Sal is helping them, or now he has eight kids. All right.

49:24Cousin Sal:What's that division? Minus 105? Yeah.

49:29Bill Simmons:But we have a 3-0 team and three 2-1 teams?

49:34Cousin Sal:Yes, that's right.

49:36Bill Simmons:You want to talk about your team or my team?

49:39Cousin Sal:I mean, we're going to hit both of them. Let's do your team. And then maybe we'll forget about mine.

49:47Bill Simmons:Fumbled four times.

49:49Cousin Sal:Yeah.

49:50Bill Simmons:Inside the five-yard line, we had a tip pick that the quarterback just should have lofted it. It's the easiest touchdown ever. and just tries to throw a straight line for some reason. But I think the reason is because it seemed like he got mildly concussed two plays earlier, and they don't even stop it. They don't have like... I thought they had these concussion spotters. Like he hits his head backwards. He's holding his head. And then two plays later, throws a terrible tip thing. Ramondre fumbles twice. It's an all-time murder. I don't think we'll see him again. The Pats have five turnovers and 26 first downs.

50:22Bill Simmons:I don't remember that stat ever. last three quarters they outgamed Pittsburgh 349-101 and they lose by seven and it was a fucking absolute gut punch of the three hours I hated it yeah

50:38Cousin Sal:ugly ugly ugly and we're definitely better than that team I think so too but five turnovers I mean the Steelers didn't even do a great job imagine only scoring 21 points the other team is five turnovers like Rodgers made a couple good throws but 139 yards they had 203 total yards like you were alluding to it just doesn't seem like a Vrabel team though right with all the turnovers and even like going but even going for it on fourth down I know there were four for five like he goes for it the least on fourth down I know we went for it on our own 15 yeah right it's just like a different coach different everything

51:15Bill Simmons:different discipline I think May is incredibly talented and 90 % of the game he had today was great. But one play a half, he does something stupid. Like the tip pass touchdown, that's his fault. He can't make that play. And then the other one was in traffic. I don't know what he's trying to do, but he loses it and he fumbles. He's just trying to do too much. And sometimes he'll put the ball on the ground. And he's got to figure out how to not have those two plays a game. He's young. He's 22. But I think when he's moving around on the sides and he's lightning fast. Right.

51:55Cousin Sal:He's not too young for me to give him a nickname that you're not going to love.

51:59Bill Simmons:I'm ready for it. He probably deserves it. Drake maybe. You got to say

52:06Cousin Sal:Drake maybe. Right? Maybe good. I don't know. Is this an even week or an odd week? That's so good.

52:14Bill Simmons:I'm never going to call him that, but that's really good. It's just a really good nickname. It's Drake maybe.

52:19Cousin Sal:I'm sorry. I mean, we haven't done my team yet. There's plenty of names you can call them.

52:26Bill Simmons:I feel like that might stick unless he can shake it.

52:30Cousin Sal:Come on, maybe. Let's do it. Have some fun out there, kid.

52:35Bill Simmons:Just don't have your one terrible play half. I'm a complete believer. I have an incredible amount of Drake-based stock. But he just can't help it. Yeah. Man. Yeah, that's tough. Yeah, I'm sorry. Rodgers can only do two things at this point he he can do the quick back pedal quick throw that's either like a short wide receiver pass or a tight end three yards in front of him and he can do the three step drop quick back shoulder 20 yard throw and he can't do anything else and he's if you're pressuring him he's just going to get rid of the ball I was not impressed by him I didn't think he was very good today but he did enough to to kind of hang around and get 21 points.

53:22Cousin Sal:Yeah, you made things extraordinarily easy for them. I mean, just barely top 200 total yards.

53:28Bill Simmons:A couple big, any incompletion, he's doing this for the flag. Like he, you know, and then like he got three of them. It was very, it was a very frustrating game. I can't believe that Drake made a nickname. Unbelievable.

53:42Cousin Sal:I shouldn't have said it to you. I feel like a bad friend now.

53:45Bill Simmons:Jesus, why don't you come up with a nickname for my kids now?

53:48Cousin Sal:Okay, I'll work on it.

53:50Bill Simmons:Maybe. Oh, my God. I still believe. All right, you're a stupid team. Oh, no. You revived Caleb's career. He had a massive fantasy day. Your defense has given up 12 25-yard-plus pass plays in the last two games.

54:07Cousin Sal:Yeah.

54:09Bill Simmons:You fell for the worst flea flicker I've ever seen. It's still hanging in the air. It was like an alley-oop.

54:15Cousin Sal:Yeah. It was like flicking a feather. That's the flip. Yeah. It just never came down. I've been on my Cowboys friend text chain, and we're trying to remember if this is the worst defense we've seen in decades, and it really might be. It really might be. There was a couple of bad ones. But, I mean, 385 yards in 57 plays. I did a little math. That's seven yards a play. And it seemed like so much more. And the fact that, does everyone just embarrass their old coordinator? Like, you know, Ben Johnson was embarrassed by Detroit. Should we keep this in mind for gambling purposes? Like, Chicago embarrassed.

54:50Cousin Sal:He blew us. So, you know, congrats. You gave Caleb Williams his best game since he was a sophomore at USC. I hate it. I hated it.

54:58Bill Simmons:Awful. But Dunzey's good. I think he's been fine. He's definitely made a leap up this season. Yeah. Right. Luther Burden, you know, the flea flicker. He's over by 15 yards. Yeah. Yeah.

55:12Cousin Sal:Yeah. And Kenny Clark, who we got from Micah Parsons, he's out. He came back. Trayvon Diggs, I don't even know who's good anymore, honestly. I get bummed if these guys are out. But we are going to be exciting, though. You're going to see a lot of the same game over and over.

55:25Bill Simmons:The problem is as soon as C.D. Lamb went out, the game was over. Yeah, right. Because you have this top-heavy team. You already traded Parsons. Now you just have Dak and C.D. You take him out. There were guys I'd never heard of.

55:37Cousin Sal:And Pickens is good. Pickens is all right, right? He's a very solid number two if CD could stay on the field. And Javante Williams, he fumbled. But that's been a surprise too. So what's our record going to be?

55:51Bill Simmons:What's your record going to be? Fando has the regular season wins. They have it up already, huh? Wow. You can go under six and a half wins is plus 120.

56:02Cousin Sal:Yeah, I think six and 11 is right. Under five and a half is plus 220. 20. I mean, I'd have to find five wins for them. I don't know. I don't think they're there. Five more? Is CD going to be hurt for a couple weeks there? He says he's playing Sunday. He says he's going to play.

56:25Bill Simmons:Miami, under four and a half wins is plus 165. That's pretty good, too. Under five and a half is minus 120. Are they getting the six wins, the Miami Dolphins? Do you want to wait on that? They're home for the Jets on Monday night. For them to get to six wins, that means they're six and eight the rest of the way. Is that team going six and eight? Yeah, that's not. I have so many Miami futures already that I can't put more on it. Against them.

56:52Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah.

56:53Bill Simmons:Yeah, but don't worry. I'll give it all back with Denver. Do you know what's great with Tua?

56:57Cousin Sal:Yeah. First of all, he throws like he has a bomb attached to his chest. Like, I know exactly where the timer is, and I got to get rid of it. But, you know, there were quarterbacks. He's throwing it in the ocean. Yeah. Like, Jimmy G. Who are the guys who would, like, throw the hospital balls? Like, even Peyton towards the end of his career. Jameis. Peyton is great. He does this. He does it with running backs. I've never seen it with running backs before. But he'll have A-Chain, like, flaring out. And that's clearly the option, but doesn't get him the ball for a good five Mississippi count. And then he just gets blown up in the backfield.

57:28Cousin Sal:He's throwing these passes for minus yards.

57:32Bill Simmons:It's remarkable what he's doing, Tua. He also does this Jedi mind trick on the announcers because he seems like he's in command. At one point, Herbstreet's like, I really like what I'm seeing from Tua. He's got command of this game. He was like four yards a throw. Right, right, right. He was like 30 attempts for 118 yards. Herb shoots praising him. Then he throws an interception and triple coverage to end the game. But there's something about the rhythm of how he plays that you feel like it's going better than it actually is. Then you look at the stats, you're like, oh, this is going terribly.

58:10Cousin Sal:He had the one great drive at the end of the second quarter, and that was it. Otherwise, it's, you know, Tyreek Hill has his issues too, but he's basically hugging the goalpost and 70 yards behind him Tua has just completed a three-yard pass. I'm not going to keep doing this.

58:26Bill Simmons:Three blowouts. Washington killed the Raiders. Vegas taking Gente at six is starting to look a little gamey. Yeah. When you think like Membo and the Jets and the left tackle the Saints took, Banks, and then the Raiders can't block. Vikings Bengals was a blowout five Bengals turnovers two for TDs I think the biggest thing with this is Chase was going first in some leagues he was certainly the first wide receiver but in auctions he was in the 50s in any snake draft he was one, two or three I don't know if we were doing fantasy drafts over again I don't think he's one of the top eight or nine picks without Burrow.

59:16Cousin Sal:It's Jake Browning.

59:17Bill Simmons:But it's a fantasy murder.

59:19Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah, for sure. And I felt Jefferson's in the same boat. But there was a ton of Jake Browning love this week. You would have thought it was Jake from State Farm. The football pundits were just going on and on about him. And what did he do? He was 19 for 27, 140, two interceptions.

59:37Bill Simmons:I had that game on the multi-view for a while, and there were a few kind of showing him on the sidelines, and it was a little deer in the headlights. Now, granted, he's in Minnesota. They're blitzing him. They're doing all this stuff. Don't you have two multi-views going? There were nine games of some in the early sleep. I settled on, I had the four. Yeah. Then I had a split. So I had two on one TV. And then I had Rams-Eagles on the other TV. So I had seven. I just punted on two games. Am I the only lunatic? I didn't watch Commander's Raiders at all. But why? I, you know, that was kind of the one I dropped.

1:00:14Bill Simmons:Whatever the blowout game, I got rid of that immediately. I never watched that again.

1:00:18Cousin Sal:Why doesn't, maybe I'm the only one who wants this, but even DirecTV had the eight box. Come on, YouTube. You can get that going. Or six or something.

1:00:28Bill Simmons:Six, not bad. The problem with Red Zone is I feel, I hate when the Red Zone is ahead of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Sometimes Red Zone and they'll show it, but then it's like behind in the box that I've been watching. You have to switch your gaze and everything. So I'll get rid of it. Seahawks, Saints, nothing happened there other than the Seahawks. Might have the makings of a top five defense. I'm not saying they're a top five defense, but there's some meat in that dish. And there's a Darnold-Gino seesaw right now where week one, oh, Gino, oh, Darnold. And now it's like, now it's Darnold and Gino's way down here.

1:01:08Bill Simmons:And I just feel like it's going to keep doing it. probably.

1:01:11Cousin Sal:Poor Pete Carroll. Turned 74 on Monday. Not a great six days.

1:01:16Bill Simmons:So maybe old coaches, maybe this isn't a good thing to have a coach in your mid-70s because you watch Carolina and Belichick and then Pete Carroll. Maybe there's the shelf life, which we could have told people because we've watched it happen with our own dads. Of course.

1:01:30Cousin Sal:And we get excited because they were 1-0, right? It'd be your team. You didn't get too excited. But Carroll's chewing gum faster than you've ever seen before and doing push-ups with the defensive line and stuff. Like, oh, this guy, he's 36. Doesn't matter. But it's the team. I think you're right. Chenty maybe wasn't the right pick. It was a luxury pick for a team that was five, six players away. Yeah, that's it. That's exactly it. You get that running back when you're a playoff team. You do it when you're the Chargers. And you can't get past the first round.

1:01:58Bill Simmons:You take Hampton because you're close. You have a lot of talent.

1:02:01Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:02:02Bill Simmons:All right. We'll take a break. We'll do guest lines. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Countless hours in the gym. A thousand shots before tip-off day after day on the same court with the State Farm stanchion right there. That's right. The best players put in the work. And State Farm is the same way with insurance experts who put in the work as well. Whether you get a digital quote or reach out to a local agent, State Farm is there to get to know you and help you select the right coverage that fits your life and your budget. Putting in the work is what separates the good players from the great.

1:02:37Bill Simmons:and that's why you want State Farm on your team. So get the coverage that's right for you. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Coverage options are selected by the customer, availability and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by TikTok. Did you know you can use TikTok to connect even more with the sports you love? It's not just highlights, it's everything around the game, including the sports community. Find breakdowns of classic basketball plays, deep dives on baseball stats, even videos on how athletes train and recover. There are people teaching strategy, sports, history, even ways to improve your jump shot.

1:03:13Bill Simmons:It's kind of like the biggest locker room ever. And everyone's sharing what they know on TikTok. All right, Cuz, week four. You beat me first two weeks. I beat you last week. Thursday night, Cards, Seahawks. It's in Arizona. And I think this is a good game. I'm actually relatively excited to see what happens in this one. It'll be a defensive affair. I have the I put this in the tic-tac zone Cardinals by one and a half

1:03:39Cousin Sal:Man I put it in a tic-tac zone too But I thought Seattle Would be favored by one and a half You actually nailed it It's the Cardinals at home By one and a half Okay But I guess that makes sense Because San Francisco Couldn't pull off a three Or two against them I don't know I think Arizona maybe Slaps them around a little In a stupid game But I don't know

1:04:04Bill Simmons:we have an Ireland game oh you knew it I only knew it because the Ringer Fantasy guys are going there

1:04:12Cousin Sal:so actually we're doing

1:04:14Bill Simmons:some shows and that's how I found out you're writing a check for them

1:04:20Cousin Sal:to get on a plane

1:04:21Bill Simmons:so I can remember that there's an Ireland game I was thinking today I don't know if it wore me down but now I kind of wish we had more 6.30 in the morning Pacific games. Like I could have used one today. I woke up because I was in Boston for a long time and I came back and I was just kind of up at 6.30. I'm like, I wish we were in London right now with the Jags and the Browns just watching some terrible football.

1:04:51Cousin Sal:Can I sell you on 7 a.m.? I know if it's overtime, it overlaps with the early and nobody wants that. Oh, to throw in, like, have a little multi-view action? Well, just 7 a.m. and not 6.30. Like, 6.30, I feel like a degenerate, like a bad father and husband and everything else. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

1:05:15Bill Simmons:7's okay. You can sell me on 7. Okay, let's do that. I have Steelers and a pick-em. I have this as an actual pick-em. Steelers, pick-em, Vikings.

1:05:25Cousin Sal:I don't know who gets it. I guess you do. I said Steelers minus two Yeah It's Vikings minus one and a half Oh great

1:05:34Bill Simmons:That was really well played by me

1:05:37Cousin Sal:I don't know I guess that's right I don't know man Rodgers

1:05:44Bill Simmons:McCarthy will be out right From what I saw today from that Steelers team This should be a nice matchup for the Vikings defense But who knows Yeah Sunday Marquee Ravens Chiefs in Kansas City it's sad to make the KC we keep complaining about how we're tired of watching them and yet they're clearly the Marquee game in this this would be a good game I have the Ravens favored in this game and I have the Ravens favored by two and a half oh come on is this how it's going to be?

1:06:22Cousin Sal:I said two and I thought I was a genius I'm like oh people are going to say Kansas City's favorite. It's three. So you get it. Jesus. They love Fandle Vegas. They love the Ravens. Love the power rankings.

1:06:38Bill Simmons:It's tough when the Chiefs are trotting out two guys the Pats wave as their starting receivers. It just is. It's like they're their starting receivers. Juju Smith-Schuster and Taequann Thornton. It's like everyone said how terrible our receivers were and we wave both of those guys. It's not great.

1:06:52Cousin Sal:Yeah, they're Chiefs. Well, if the Ravens give up 35-40 to Detroit, I don't think they will tomorrow. And then we'll know that's pretty much their defense, right? If two good teams are doing that to them. But I think it's a fair line.

1:07:07Bill Simmons:I have four watchables, starting with the Eagles at Tampa. And so we have Mike Evans has had his annual hamstring injury, which in our league that we're in together, the knockout league. I, of course, have Mike Evans.

1:07:24Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah.

1:07:25Bill Simmons:Who always goes$10 less than he should because nobody wants to have him when he has the injury and he's gone for four weeks. But then the price hit a point where I was like, I'm just taking him. I'll get 10 good weeks out of him. Well, the hamstring injury happened. He'll get to 1 ,000 yards. He always does. Yeah, it'll happen. Even if he needs 880. I'll have him for the playoffs. Worfs is coming back, and apparently Godwin's coming back too. And, oh, we kind of forgot to talk about that game, which is my fault. Tampa has now had three game-winning drives. They're 3-0 with three game-winning drives.

1:08:00Bill Simmons:He's so exciting.

1:08:02Cousin Sal:He is so damn exciting, Baker. He's great. He is. And I didn't even think Tyrod Taylor was bad. He threw a costly pick six with 20 seconds left in the half, and that ended up being the difference. But I think Bowles kind of screwed up and let the Jets back in it, and then their guy was the only one to make a field goal in that early slot and they won.

1:08:24Bill Simmons:I think he's become my favorite non-Patriots QB to watch. It's always exciting. The other team's always dropping interceptions that he's throwing them or he'll make some great play. He'll start talking shit to people. At the end of games, you always feel like he can come through. I don't know. I like him. He makes sense on that team too.

1:08:46Cousin Sal:Not that everyone needs a nickname, But he's like a 1 p.m. savior, right? Like he's always alive in the fourth quarter. King of the multi-view. Yeah, right. Just that early slate that normally sucks. You know, you can count on him. Yeah.

1:09:01Bill Simmons:So I have Eagles minus two and a half.

1:09:04Cousin Sal:All right. I got to make a comeback here. I don't know if I can. I said Eagles one. That was dumb. It's three.

1:09:11Bill Simmons:Two 3-0 teams. Let's do it. Also, two minus threes. We haven't had a lot of those in guest lines. Falcons home for Washington. No idea if Jaden Danis is playing. I think the Falcons are going to be one of these teams that there's the home Falcons line, and then there's the road Falcons line. We don't have a lot of these. I have Falcons minus one and a half.

1:09:37Cousin Sal:Man, I could have stole this from you, but my guess was even worse. I said Falcons minus two and a half. It's Washington minus three. Whoa. And you're 5-0. I guess it's 2.5 now. Either way, you get it. Wow. What do you think the reason is for that? I don't know. And it's... Just because the Falcons were so bad?

1:09:59Bill Simmons:Yes. No, but it's Mariota, though, unless we hear differently. So they must think Daniels is coming back.

1:10:07Cousin Sal:Like, you know, Washington, I guess they had that game in hand, but they gave up some big plays, too. Like, Trey Tucker's still scoring 50-yard touchdown as we speak. Yeah, that's a weird one.

1:10:18Bill Simmons:Well, we have three home dogs already. Just pointing that out. Rams home for the Colts. I really wanted to do Rams by three on this, but I think the Colts get a half point of respect, so I want Rams minus two and a half.

1:10:34Cousin Sal:Okay, I got this exactly. It's three and a half. Not a lot of respect for that. I wish I wasn't so angry at the Rams because I would be all over this. I might still, but I don't know. I don't know if I can forgive. I don't know.

1:10:51Bill Simmons:I know we talk about this every year, but the worst game we beat of all time was the Music City Miracle. I think we decided this like 10 years ago.

1:10:59Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:11:00Bill Simmons:That was number one because it was a playoff game.

1:11:02Cousin Sal:Right, yeah.

1:11:03Bill Simmons:It not only swung it, but it also swung the line. Wasn't it? It was like Buffalo by five or something.

1:11:10Cousin Sal:Right, right, right, yeah.

1:11:11Bill Simmons:So not only did they lose, but

1:11:15Cousin Sal:I don't think the miracle I think it was an LA miracle that I didn't have money on it here at my home I think that's why I didn't hurt as much

1:11:26Bill Simmons:Niners Jaguars so I assume Brock Purdy but the Niners have had a bunch of injuries and I don't know why I went low on this but it felt the right thing to do Niners minus three and a half

1:11:41Cousin Sal:oh you jerk I thought you were going to go even lower. I said four. It is three and a half.

1:11:47Bill Simmons:Oh, man. This is a good sign for my game when I'm on it with the lines. Good for you. Maybe I'm finally getting my shit together. That's a fair line because there's backdoor touchdown potential with the Jags.

1:12:05Cousin Sal:The stupid Jags could have been three and oh. How did they blow that Bengals game? Kind of dumb.

1:12:12Bill Simmons:fairly watchables. Lions home for the Browns. And I just don't think the Browns can be a double-digit underdog anymore. So I went 9.5 for this. That was as high as I wanted to go. Wow, you are just edging me out.

1:12:27Cousin Sal:I thought they could be a double-digit underdog. I had 10, and it's 8.5. You got it.

1:12:33Bill Simmons:Their defense is too good. I don't think you can spot them that many points. But if Detroit loses, this can't be a game that they screw around with, right?

1:12:42Cousin Sal:If they lose tomorrow. This is... All right.

1:12:47Bill Simmons:Well, we'll talk. We'll talk Turkey and Caesars. We always try not to overreact after three weeks. But that Browns team seems like... I was reading some of the quotes after. It's kind of an adult team. It's weird. Like Flacco was talking about, we went all week. We just talked about playing complimentary football, complimentary football. Adult team. For three hours, we played complementary football, and that's why we won. It's like, wow, that's an adult explanation, Joe Flacco. But yeah, they play defense. They don't beat themselves. They can run the ball a little bit with Judkins now. Their offensive line's okay.

1:13:19Bill Simmons:They have a couple half-decent receivers, and they get stops on defense. They've done this now. They held the Bengals to 17 with Burrow.

1:13:29Cousin Sal:I can't believe this.

1:13:30Bill Simmons:I'm just saying. They held the Bengals to 17. They could have been shut out today. And they held the Packers to 10.

1:13:37Cousin Sal:Yeah, that I saw. Yeah. Yeah, the defense is good. I don't know. I just, like I said, Flacco's thrown 100 times and they end up with like 17 points at the end. I'm not defending that.

1:13:49Bill Simmons:Okay, here's the let's be careful out there game of the week. Chargers at the Giants. After what we saw today, I don't see how this isn't at least Chargers by six. and I'm going to say Chargers by 6.5 at the Jets. Oh, good. Okay.

1:14:05Cousin Sal:You left the door open there. I said 5. It's 5.5.

1:14:09Bill Simmons:Hmm.

1:14:11Cousin Sal:Vegas owned us. I'm not. Yeah, 3-0 versus 0-3. I don't know. It's only an hour since we saw how miserable they were, but this is not. If this game was like December 2nd, I'm like, oh, Chargers are going to get tripped up. Yeah. I don't have that feeling right now with them.

1:14:30Hmm.

1:14:31Bill Simmons:What do we call week four is the makeup mirror week? The makeup mirror? Yeah, you know those mirrors that our wives have when you turn the light on and you can see all the things on your face, just everything. It's like the crazy microscope view of your face.

1:14:45Cousin Sal:This is it, yeah.

1:14:46Bill Simmons:Like week four, we kind of know what the weaknesses are. It's the quarter mile, yeah. With the Chargers, Hampton, really they're only running back now that Harris is out. offensive line just shaky enough that the Giants could probably pressure Herbert and do some stuff. Chargers on the road. This is a game that Chargers should win, but it's very similar to that Packers-Browns game. It's like, oh, if you're a really good team, you should win this, and then you don't. I guess so.

1:15:16Cousin Sal:I think Russ is... If that defense plays like they did against... Who'd they play on Monday night last week? What was that? They played the Raiders. I don't know. I don't think Russ is going to be able to move this ball too much. Do we see Russ?

1:15:30Bill Simmons:You think this is where they switch it, huh? I would do it. I thought when Dart came in for those little option stuff, they were immediately more dangerous for me. Because of his skepticism. I would do it. I don't know what they're waiting for.

1:15:42Cousin Sal:The fans are booing because they drafted a number one. They have a first round quarterback. No, they're booing because this is New York. This is what they're doing.

1:15:53Bill Simmons:Oh, Mike. He came right in. He made friends with everybody. See, he loves being on the practice squad. They just love Jackson Dart.

1:16:02Cousin Sal:He might have set a pass rush record tonight. I think I heard 25 when I wasn't paying attention.

1:16:09Bill Simmons:Well, I like they had that all-22 camera. Yeah. And they were showing how Abdul-Carter was like combo spy assassin. That's great. Where he was kind of rushing, but also ready to be the spy. I've never seen a defensive lineman used that way. It was really interesting. how they use it because usually that's just like a pure linebacker. Now I want to look for defensive rookie of the year. He's a beast. He's right there. That kid in the Niners has a chance too. What are the odds for defensive rookie of the year? I'm not seeing it now. They only have offensive up right now. Hmm.

1:16:44Bill Simmons:Yeah, they took it down because they knew we were going to talk about it. Next one. Texans-Titans. I can... I honestly say I might skip this for the multi-view or even like any TV next week.

1:16:59Cousin Sal:No, you're going to have too much money on them. You can't skip this. On money on who? I'm not betting this game. On the Texans.

1:17:05Bill Simmons:No.

1:17:06Cousin Sal:This is their season. That's it.

1:17:08Bill Simmons:They're a crossover for the division. That's, yeah. Yeah. It's in Houston. I'm going to say Texans by five and a half.

1:17:17Cousin Sal:All right, I get this. I said six and a half. It is seven and a half. Do I have a chance? That's seven, three. You're winning.

1:17:24Bill Simmons:Come on, who's laying that many points for the team that can't run the ball or score?

1:17:29Cousin Sal:Well, you get a free six with Cam. I guess they are going against Tommy Boy. Right. Tommy Boy.

1:17:36Bill Simmons:New guy's puking his guts out.

1:17:39Cousin Sal:Fat guy with a little coat. Don't do it, Tommy Boy. No, Tommy Boy. The Titans need you.

1:17:50Bill Simmons:Raiders Bears. Wow. somebody's favored by one and a half where is this I'm gonna say it's in Vegas I'm gonna say Vegas by one and a half damn you got it

1:18:04Cousin Sal:you got it I said two one and a half Vegas exactly one and a half

1:18:12Cousin Sal:both one and two kind of a kitchen sink game for the Raiders someone's gonna win and people gonna talk about the winner being in the playoff contention Can we write that down that we're not going to be that one of those people?

1:18:27Bill Simmons:Yeah, let's not do that. Yeah. I do have something, speaking of the Raiders and Tom Brady, because I had Tom Brady for a decent chunk of the game because he was doing one of the late games. J.J. Watt was so much better than him as an announcer. J.J. Watt was fucking fantastic. Have you actually listened to one of his games? That was the first time I'd heard because he did Steelers-Pats. He was just awesome. He was laying out. He was immediately picking out whatever had happened on the line for every single play. Whatever happened, he was like, well, you know what? They missed that bat. The right tackle missed it and that a lot.

1:19:07Bill Simmons:And they didn't chip him. But it was all very accessible. He's not that funny. There's not a massive sense of humor with him. So Ian Eagle was really working hard because he's a funny guy. And I think he can start pulling it out more and more. but from observation analysis, he was lights out.

1:19:25Cousin Sal:Really, really good. He had a fake mustache. That's how much the comedy was lacking. He had this crazy, I don't know if you saw this. Well, that was because of this.

1:19:30Bill Simmons:It was because it was 70s throwback.

1:19:32Cousin Sal:Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. That's it. So that's where it was. But no, he was excellent. He doesn't take himself seriously, right? No. But he speaks on our level.

1:19:42Bill Simmons:He's good. Because I was, as a Pats fan, I'm like, great. We got J.J. Watt, his brother's out there. We're going to have to do this brother thing. Right, right. But he kind of really went against it. There was only one time when TJ Watt got held on a fourth down. And he's like, oh, they got away with a hold. I don't know how he saw it from the booth. Griped a little, yeah. And then they do the all 22. And it's like, clearly gets hold. But he was seeing everything. And I thought he really helped me enjoy the game. Like, I learned shit from him. So kudos to him. I hope he keeps doing it. That's good.

1:20:14Bill Simmons:I'm glad you're learning. Yeah. Yeah. Who's your... Buck and Aikman are the number one right now, right? Well, you're biased. I got to say, Romo. Yeah, you got to stay out of it.

1:20:24Cousin Sal:He's got like a five-foot stand-up right behind him. Yeah, I know.

1:20:28Bill Simmons:This is a bad topic for you. But Eagle and Watt is in the conversation now.

1:20:32Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:20:34Bill Simmons:Collinsworth, Tariqa, I really like. They're all good. I don't think

1:20:38Cousin Sal:we had five good teams. Greg Olson's good. Yeah, we have at least five now. Olson's very good. Yeah. And Brady,

1:20:45Bill Simmons:it's okay. I just feel like him and Burkhardt, it's not something's missing and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that Brady's doing 17 other things.

1:20:54Cousin Sal:I feel like he's going to grow on me. Eventually I'm going to be like, yeah, this is good. Yeah, I think so. You and I have seen some long form stuff with him. Like there was a 30 for 30 on the tuck rule. He was great. The more time he has, the better he is.

1:21:09Bill Simmons:One thing I've noticed with him, because I don't think he's bad. I do think he brings some stuff to the table. But a lot of times he's better coming out of the timeout when they can go with a big wide shot of the play and he's like, watch what, and he'll actually really lay it out. I think he has problem in the moment when a play dissecting it immediately. But when he has a little time, he's really good.

1:21:32Cousin Sal:Coach Tommy boy has the exact opposite problem. Very bad coming out of the timeout.

1:21:37Bill Simmons:The play of game.

1:21:38Cousin Sal:Lights out everywhere else.

1:21:41Bill Simmons:He was doing the Chris Burr like, Oh, God damn!

1:21:45Cousin Sal:Holy shnikes! How did I do that? We turned it over again!

1:21:51Bill Simmons:Poop Fecta. Bill Saints. Yanks. Saints were just, wow.

1:21:59Cousin Sal:Bill's our favorite.

1:22:00Bill Simmons:I'll give you a hint.

1:22:01Cousin Sal:I'll give you a clue there.

1:22:03Bill Simmons:Saints in pole position now is the worst team in the league.

1:22:05Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:22:06Bill Simmons:So it's either 14 or 14 and a half. We haven't seen a line this high. and I kept it at 14 because of the Bills defense. So I have Bills by 14.

1:22:16Cousin Sal:You're going to love this. No, it has to be higher because there were 12 and a half against the Dolphins. At least they have a pulse. Okay. I said 15 and a half. It's 16 and a half. That's a good number. That's a good number. Holy moly. So let me read this to you. Spencer Rattler is 0 and 9 now as a starter. Has anyone gone 0 and 10? There are two guys who have been 0 and 15. So he's got a little ways to go. Who are the two guys? You want to guess? Or is it two? This had to be from when we were kids. No, definitely. Since we were... One of them, we gave a pretty good nickname to... Oh, was it Kaiser Soze?

1:22:58Cousin Sal:Yeah, that's the one. Deshaun Kaiser Soze was 0 and 15. And Chris Wanky is the other one. He was before. Chris Wanky? Yeah. He went 0 and 15? I didn't know he had that many starts in him.

1:23:11Bill Simmons:I guess he did, right? Honestly, if you told me over-under for Chris Wanky starts, I would have guessed like seven.

1:23:17Cousin Sal:Yeah. 0-15.

1:23:19Bill Simmons:So did he ever get a win or no?

1:23:20Cousin Sal:Can Rattler get there? That I didn't look up. I just, how, I got to look this up now.

1:23:26Bill Simmons:How did Chris Wanky, where was I? You had skipped those two years. I feel like we were even doing pods back then. We knew each other then. We did?

1:23:36Cousin Sal:He's drafted in 2001.

1:23:38Bill Simmons:But then he started in 06 and 07. All right, so he finished 2-18 as a starter. And he lasted like five seasons? Yeah, he was gone for three and then came back. Then the other one was Kaiser? Yeah. I mean, 15's a lot, man.

1:23:59Cousin Sal:He never had a win. 0-15, career. He didn't get there? Really? No. Oh, he's got to come back.

1:24:06Bill Simmons:0-15 when the 2017 Browns and then played three more games off the bench for the Packers but didn't start

1:24:15Cousin Sal:oh I mean the Cowboys will start him right maybe could take a backseat for one game right

1:24:23Bill Simmons:his quarterback rating was 60.5 58.9 for his career he had 11 touchdowns and 22 picks in 2017 and then another two picks in 2018. So he finished with 11 touchdowns and 24 picks.

1:24:42Cousin Sal:That's pretty good. Yeah, we loved it. We loved it when he moves in. I think we were making money betting against him. We must have been, right? We actually were. I remember. Yeah, we don't have a Kaiser. So maybe Rattler could be the new Kaiser. Will they leave him in long enough, right? Who's knocking on his door? Hayner and Noddy. Tyler Shuck. Tyler Shuck I think they can maybe give him that many starts Good luck Spencer

1:25:10Bill Simmons:My other poop fact Patriots home again for the Panthers This is a loser leaves town match It might just be two losers I have the Patriots favored by three Let me see if this changed Patriots are home right? Yeah

1:25:27Cousin Sal:Four and a half I had three also You said three? So I won for the week is that it yeah I had a big lead for you oh shit yeah it's over it's over no Green Bay Dow there's two more two Monday

1:25:43Bill Simmons:oh there's two Monday

1:25:45Cousin Sal:you should get docked four games of not knowing there were two Monday

1:25:50Bill Simmons:oh that got

1:25:51Cousin Sal:cut off my thing yeah I had a guess for that you're gonna win anyway you got it anyway nine to five damn Jacoby Jacob Mojo back your number one fan

1:26:05Bill Simmons:okay Sunday night Packers at Cowboys the Michael Parsons game Jerry Jones who's his interview with you think Dungy who does he sit down with what NBC person Ray Taylor

1:26:18Cousin Sal:sit down with the clapper doesn't that make the most sense clapper they deserve each other at this point

1:26:25Bill Simmons:I was watching college football on Saturday and there was like a weather delay in the Notre Dame game and Jason Garrett had to fill for like, I don't know, 10 minutes. It's the second time because that also happened in the NFL. I was trying to think who's less equipped to be able to fill.

1:26:42Cousin Sal:The clapper are trying to be the filler. Oh, they shouldn't do that anymore. If there's even a threat of a 2 % chance of precipitation, they should get him the hell out of there. He shouldn't be it. Or just like cue up Seinfeld or something.

1:26:54Bill Simmons:Be like, we're now bringing you to a classic season four Seinfeld.

1:26:59Cousin Sal:Packers. He sings the Indiana Jones song over on a loop. I have the Packers by five in Dallas. We split it. I said six. And I think it should be higher. It's five and a half. Okay. I mean, congratulations. There's your second leg of a teaser. I don't know who's first. That's such a winner.

1:27:20Bill Simmons:Well, we're going to have, it's going to be a Jordan Love referendum for the next couple of days on the talk shows. And then he has the Dallas defense waiting for him.

1:27:29Cousin Sal:He does. And Micah is going to end Dak's career. All that stuff. Yeah. It's going to be a fun week.

1:27:37Bill Simmons:Monday night. Dolphins. Home for the Jets. Unbelievable. The Dolphins stink, and they're going to be favored in this game. Yeah. And not only do they be favored. I think they're going to be favored by two and a half. You got it exactly. I said three. It's two and a half. Wow. I'm on it this week. I'm going to open up on the betting this week. I think I have a comeback this week.

1:28:00Cousin Sal:You really did a great job. Never cheat. Manipulating these, yeah. They're doing the thing. Like last week, they did the Mondays. One was at four, one was at seven on the West Coast. Now they're like, screw that. You're going to have to watch both. One's at 7.15, one's at 8.15 Eastern.

1:28:16Bill Simmons:I like that more. Yeah. I thought the two in a row on Monday night was a little much. The other one's too late, yeah. Yeah, it was just, come on. I just did 10 hours on Sunday. Now I got to do another six on Monday. Right. Bring them a little closer.

1:28:30Cousin Sal:I mean, who did it? Was it Chris Fowler had laryngitis? Like, that's how... Yeah. Was it Reece Davis or Chris Fowler? Are they the same person? Chris Fowler did it.

1:28:40Bill Simmons:Chris Fowler. I've liked this the whole time. And then Broncos Bengals in Denver. Jake Browning. And yet, Denver... I just don't think they could be favored by more than like four and a half. So I'm going to go four and a half.

1:28:55Cousin Sal:Yeah, I went... Even lower. I said four. Seven and a half. Oh, come on. Yeah, I mean, but that's also... That's an overreaction. They can't lose that game, though. They got to... We just saw what Jake the Snake did against a good defense.

1:29:12Bill Simmons:Oh, I forgot that we were calling him Jake the Snake.

1:29:15Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:29:16Bill Simmons:All right, we're tied. Two to two. Damn.

1:29:19Cousin Sal:Damn, that's not fun.

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1:29:47Cousin Sal:Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease

1:29:52Bill Simmons:and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis.

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1:31:17Cousin Sal:All right. Mine, it's just going to be a short one. But it's, so my family and I spent some time with our cousin, Jimmy Kimmel, and his family the other night after a tumultuous week. Tumultuous is a good word for it. Yeah. Yeah. And the kids, my kids, I think they felt weird approaching him at first. And my middle guy, Jack, who was a junior in high school, breaks the ice and says in his deadpan way, says, hey, some kids at school say it's not right what happened to you. and then just leaves it there. Like, I'm really like, and so, and Jimmy says, well, what did you say? He's like, I said, yeah, I think you're right.

1:31:57Cousin Sal:And Jimmy's like, well, next time tell them, I'm not too worried about what happens. My cousin Jimmy is an excellent dancer. And Jack was stone-faced taking it in and nodded like, okay. And I guarantee tomorrow he's going to take this literally and say this to high schoolers. There's no doubt about it. I guarantee it. So there you go. He's an excellent dancer.

1:32:22Bill Simmons:Were your kids, they're getting this in school? Yeah. Yeah, they're getting this in school. My kids were getting it and your kids are actually related to Jimmy.

1:32:30Cousin Sal:Yeah, right.

1:32:31Bill Simmons:Yeah.

1:32:32Cousin Sal:They're younger. I mean, you know, it's just a quick act. That's all I have to say right now. I can't really say anything. You and I, I know too much. Yeah, we both know too much.

1:32:42Bill Simmons:where, yeah, we both know too much. And we, not only our cousin, but all the people working for the show. And it's better if we're not talking about this in any way.

1:32:53Cousin Sal:When I can, I will. I think you wrapped it up pretty well the other day. I didn't listen, but someone told me what you said didn't sound too stupid. So good. Didn't listen? That's right. No, I listened. I listened. No, it was good. That's good.

1:33:09Bill Simmons:I hope it works out. wouldn't that be nice? I hope it has a nice happy ending in some fashion we'll see we'd probably talk about it more if we knew what was going to happen I think we're too far under the hood in this one so it's better that we don't really talk about it so my mom has really taken it up a level with the texts and just sends me these random ones, including one on Monday where she's asked me at the weekend and then texted about the podcast. Watching you and Sal, what happened to your right eye? Oh, no. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm in Boston. My contacts like she's like, looked like your eyelid was bruised in the inside corner and I was bloodshot.

1:34:05Bill Simmons:Thought Carrie threw another shoe at you. So, so this is a story when my wife and I were living together in Boston where we weren't even engaged. I lived in this apartment where we put all our stairs and you walked in the door and we put all our stairs at the bottom. And then you would, this is when I lived in Charleston, then you would walk up the stairs to where the room was. so my wife was up ahead of me we had just gone out to dinner and had a couple drinks and she didn't realize I was behind her and she was taking off her shoes and she whipped the shoe back but I was actually coming around the corner of the thing and she nailed me in the eye and my mom has been bringing this up now for 27 years it was like a domestic violence incident I don't think she's ever really fully believed the story

1:34:54Cousin Sal:yeah I think she's waiting for you to break down and tell her the truth one day

1:34:57Bill Simmons:It's like, well, you know, remember that time? Well, here's what actually happened. And this is really what happened. It was, she's at the top of the stairs. She was kicking off her shoe, kicked it down. And it just like nailed me in the eye. And I think my mom's brought it up once a year ever since. So somehow, yet again, it came up. And she also has had a lot of thoughts about our cousin that I'm not going to, about the treatment that I'm not going to read in.

1:35:26Cousin Sal:but she's been weighing in a lot on texts lately. She thinks other people should get kicked in the eye. Yeah.

1:35:31Bill Simmons:I think the texting with the, with our moms, you know, the, with the technology was dicey there for a while. Right. And then they started to go on Facebook. Your mom was big on Facebook. My mom was more of a reader of Facebook and the texts were always like incoherent misspellings, but now they're just like very direct. Like what's going on with this? or like some crazy comment or Bill Maher's dead to me or like just like just very direct stuff. And I've really enjoyed her texts. Do you get a lot of AI?

1:36:04Cousin Sal:I'm getting a ton of AI stuff from my mother. Like, look at this. I just sent just videos that are clearly not. I mean, some of them are tough to distinguish, but it'd be like Jimmy talking and like, no, he hasn't said anything about this. What do you, come on, stop. But yeah, that part could.

1:36:20Bill Simmons:There was a great Belichick, whatever her name is video yesterday.

1:36:26Cousin Sal:Jordan, yeah.

1:36:27Bill Simmons:Well, because there was video of her going on the sidelines talking to her. So, of course, all my past fans were just like, wow, could this be going worse?

1:36:38Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:36:38Bill Simmons:Like, this is the greatest NFL coach of all time. This has been the most humiliating year ever. He's getting his ass kicked in these games. He's got this 25-year-old coming on the sidelines when he's trying to coach. Like, how did he get to this point? but there was this AI thing where they're talking and then all of a sudden they start making out and I actually believed it for a split second. I was like, oh my God, what's he doing? And then I was like, oh, this is AI. They got me. But we're going to hit a point where it has to say AI in the corner, right? It would have to start to put like, it has to be like watermarked AI.

1:37:12Bill Simmons:Yeah, but it's too easy now to fake this stuff.

1:37:14Cousin Sal:Right, right, right. Yeah, I want to see one of Jordan kicking her heels off and one hitting Bill in the eye. And the other bill, Belichick. Right. See what that looks like.

1:37:24Bill Simmons:My mom's still investigating this.

1:37:26Cousin Sal:It's like a Dateline NBC.

1:37:27Bill Simmons:So what did you say to her with that particular comment? I think I just, I'm old and I slept wrong. And I don't know my, I don't know what happened. It was like, there was nothing. No, Carrie didn't throw another shoe at me. I'm fine.

1:37:43Bill Simmons:Anyway, that is Parent Corner brought to you by Scout Motors. Join the wait list for the Scout Terrence, Scout Traveler at scoutmotors.com. concept vehicles not available for sale features and performance specifications are preliminary subject to change joining the wait list does not guarantee purchase visit scoutmotors.com for details so yeah should be an interesting week ahead yeah

1:38:07Cousin Sal:we'll see how it goes I wish I could say anything there are a couple bombshells still there so I'm feeling good we're going to be alright Right. Everything's going to be just fine.

1:38:18Bill Simmons:I think we'll be fine. You know, I'm not betting against our cousin.

1:38:21Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:38:22Bill Simmons:He'll be fine. Whatever he wants to do. Hey, listen, he might just want to be a pop-up chef to start making barbecue around the South Bay area. He'll do a great job. Be happy. He'll be fine. Anything you want to plug before we go?

1:38:39Cousin Sal:Bring your gambling show all week long. You can catch me with Tate on Tuesday. You can catch me house in the Bundle on Wednesday and then I'm with the Bundle and Heifetz on Friday and Ryan Fitzpatrick will join us as well on Friday. So that's going to be fun. I zoomed into that Wednesday show with you and the Bundle.

1:38:57Bill Simmons:Yeah, you did. I was power walking around Boston and I was outraged. I just

1:39:02Cousin Sal:jackpatched me and all of a sudden I was on the show. The Bundle wouldn't. He passed on the Thursday night game. We spent 10 minutes previewing the Thursday night game and he passed on it. You can't pass on the one game, right?

1:39:13Bill Simmons:He's on a gambling show where you have to give picks.

1:39:16Cousin Sal:You were worked up. You had that busted eye and everything. You were walking the streets of Boston. Kerry just hit me with a shoe. I was like, nice working with you, DeBundo. I think you have to make picks on these gambling shows.

1:39:26Bill Simmons:Yeah, I'm pretty sure. It's the games tomorrow night. It's the only NFL game we'd like to pick. He wouldn't even do the over for the Miami total. That's what I did. That was my... He wouldn't even condone that one. I didn't have a lean on it either.

1:39:38Cousin Sal:Yeah, anyway. Also, I want to say sportsbook consigliere David Sharapin passed away this weekend. He was a really good dude. He was a fan of ours. He's, you know, I'm not going to pretend to be his best friend, but I'd see him in Vegas in front of and behind the counter, worked at various sports books. We'd shoot the shit. Super nice fella. And one of the few, maybe the only sports gambler who seemed to be loved by everyone. Is there a sports gambler that's loved by everyone? I don't think, I think that's harder than a three-team teaser. I don't think you could do that. I certainly can't think of one.

1:40:10Cousin Sal:No, he's the only one. No, he's gone. Rest in parlay, Steve.

1:40:15Bill Simmons:You know, the only other thing I had for you before we go. Yeah. I haven't won our fantasy football league since 2008. What are you, 3-0 or something? 2007. No. I just like my team this year. All right, let's see. I feel like I might have something to share with my team.

1:40:40Cousin Sal:Let me see. Double deuce.

1:40:42Bill Simmons:All right, so you're going to win by – You're going to beat Hench this week? Yeah. I have the Caleb Williams-Baker-Mayfield QB combo. James Cook. I have the two Pats running back. So the Ramonjo is about to get waves. So that'll be Travion Henderson going forward. I have this Ollie Gordon on Miami and Woody Marks on Houston. I feel like one of those is going to come on. Nico Collins, Mike Evans, Tyreek Hill. I have Brock Bowers and Tucker Craft.

1:41:09Cousin Sal:Not bad.

1:41:10Bill Simmons:I have I am an hour and a booty and, and Dobbs. Right. And then Braylon Allen and the jets. I feel like I'm going to get lucky. I have all my fab left. I just kind of like my team this year. I like my quarterbacks. I feel like I'm going to, I feel like I can make a run.

1:41:27Cousin Sal:I mean, you're definitely going to lose this week. Now that you talk them up, you have a 37 point lead going up against Gibbs and Laporta. But, uh,

1:41:35Bill Simmons:yeah, I feel pretty good about that. 37.4 point leads. and then your team has what do you have you have Herbert H.N. and Jacobs Jefferson, McLaurin, Garrett Wilson yeah my team's way better than yours what?

1:41:50Cousin Sal:yeah I have Kenneth Walker on my bench I'll figure it out yeah I'm gonna lose you have Shakir yeah

1:41:59Bill Simmons:who's the number one pick if we're doing a fantasy draft right now

1:42:03Cousin Sal:Jonathan Taylor I think right? is it? oh yeah I think you're right he's got monster numbers here. I don't know. Are you, how many, aren't we in like seven leagues? I can't even. Well,

1:42:17Bill Simmons:we're doing this guillotine league, which has been, that's been really fun. Right. I'm in, I'm in two guillotine leagues and two knockout leagues, then the ringer fantasy league that I think I'm going to be in last place for. Oh,

1:42:31Cousin Sal:you are. And we had a draft punishments. What was your punishment? I can't, it wasn't anything that bad. One of them was like, no coffee for a week and you like almost started crying when you saw that yeah i wouldn't be able

1:42:43Bill Simmons:to do that that would have been really tough i think mine was curious to throw a shoe at me i wish i had known that story that my mom chases it down for 27 years i should take a video of the stairway really like reenact it what happened oh yeah yeah it was wasn't great um anyway all right cuz as always especially this week good job by you good job

1:43:07Cousin Sal:about you, buddy.

1:43:08Bill Simmons:Thanks to Eduardo and Gahau as well. Don't forget, new rewatchables coming Monday. We did Airplane, Sal. Oh, really? Yeah, Airplane and then Prestige TV, Task on HBO. Episode 3 just broke that down. Surely you can't be serious. All right, see you next week, Sal. See you, bud.

1:43:39Bill Simmons:Must be 21 plus in President's Select States for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus in President D.C., Kentucky or Wyoming. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 1-88-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit Gambling Helpline, ma.org, or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support Massachusetts, or call 1-877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York. Turn it up. Storm has zero sugar and 200 milligrams of caffeine, so you can turn that workout up a notch. Good energy in, good energy out.

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