BakerMania, Kelce’s New Identity, Cross-Off Teams, Guess the Lines, and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel

14:29Bill Simmons:That's pretty ridiculous.

14:31Cousin Sal:Because it doesn't seem like, because they're also down linemen, right? We don't even talk about the offensive line, but going into every week, it's like, well, they're down two starters and who knows with the Werfs or what's going to happen. That doesn't ever seem to matter, the way he scrambles. It's kind of like Barry Sanders as a quarterback. Like Sanders, like didn't follow his blocks and would have like 70 yard runs. Right. Like, I don't know. Is this going to take him to the Superbowl?

14:53Bill Simmons:They had a left guard leave the game today against the Niners. And they said it was the third string left guard that was leaving. And, and the announcers were like, I don't even know who the fourth string. We'll see who they bring in. What's interesting is they have the fifth best odds on Fandle right now. They're eight to one. Now, I think the injuries and the schedule that they have coming up are factored into that. But I haven't liked how the Packers have looked at all. Like, at all. Detroit, we saw today, like they've had some bad luck with the defensive injuries. That'll come back. I'm not willing to write them off or get excited about them.

15:30Bill Simmons:It's too early. Eagles is the wild card. And we haven't done – I haven't done any pods since Thursday night. I just don't think Jalen Carter should mean that much where you just look like complete shit on both sides of the ball I know he's good but they got manhandled in that game and the offense looked awful the Hurts thing is just really strange the lack of pace that they have especially when they fall behind he doesn't seem like he changes his demeanor at all there's no urgency everybody seems unhappy I don't understand it. I don't understand what's wrong with them. And I think I've watched like 80 % of their plays this year.

16:14Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah. I mean, I bet them every week. So I got off to a very, very slow start Thursday, then Friday, then Saturday, then today. But yeah, I mean, this is an athlete, one of the great athletes, right? He squats 600 pounds, whatever he does, and he can't get it together. He can't get this offensive flow. His wide receivers pretty much hate him. and I don't know, was Barkley, was that just a weird thing last year that isn't going to happen again? That's what I'm worried about, thinking about. Is that going to make a comeback?

16:44Bill Simmons:Yeah, their offensive line certainly isn't the same. They won the Super Bowl last year, so we always forget to completely factor that in, even though it's always factored in with the odds and the discourse. But it is, you know, when you haven't done anything versus when you just did it, it's a little different. But it's the lack of, they're like a basketball team that only runs kind of one play over and over and over again. Right. And even if the other team figures it out, it's like, well, I guess we're going to do the exact same thing again. Maybe they won't figure it out this time.

17:15Cousin Sal:And by the way, they might have killed their hopes of renewing the tush push by running it four times in a row. I think that might be enough for the owners to be like, all right, we don't have to wait around for someone to get injured. Right. This is ridiculous to watch.

17:27Bill Simmons:People are horrified about this. Green Bay being the favorite at plus 360.

17:36Bill Simmons:I guess somebody has to be the favorite, but I don't know. I look at that list and I don't really like any of the teams. And the Niners, by the way, have the six best odds at 10 to 1. But what's interesting is Seahawks, the Seattle Seahawks are 8 to 1. I'm sorry, they have the eight best odds. They're 16 to 1.

17:55Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah.

17:56Bill Simmons:and I would I honestly like them as much as any of those other teams just because they I think somebody's got to come out of that NFC West somebody's going to be a two or three seed they've stayed healthy I kind of like their defense when their defense is actually healthy they have some playmakers quarterbacks playing pretty well they're winning on the road I thought the win today was really good but they don't lose I like the way they're playing

18:17Cousin Sal:as much as anybody yeah win on the road that's what you want in a playoff team right like I just think the quarterback is still not trusted If you look at every team ahead of them, except for San Francisco, you would probably take that quarterback. But to your larger point, should there be four teams ahead of Tampa Bay? I say no way in the NFC.

18:37Bill Simmons:Maybe two. The other thing with San Francisco, and you can hide behind all the injury stuff, and they've certainly had some terrible ones, not to mention Kittles played one game. They've had Mac Jones playing on one leg for the last couple weeks, but they can't block. Yeah. And I don't know if that's like, oh, and all those injuries they've had on the offensive line. It's more like, yeah, Trent Williams got old. That guy used to be the best left tackle in the league. And I don't think they have a dominant lineman anymore.

19:07Cousin Sal:His numbers aren't great anymore.

19:08Bill Simmons:But I thought Mack, there was a moment in that second half when all of a sudden it looked like Mack was on the 2023 Pats again. He was just going backwards and there was five guys there. And that's when his at his worst. He had no time to do anything. So I know they're 4-2, but to me it feels a little like when Cincinnati was 2-0 and neither of us, both of us were like, oh, this is going, arrow pointing down. I don't see it with the Niners. I think too much has happened.

19:36Cousin Sal:Yeah, I mean, we looked at all these teams, Ed, where they're getting these guys back. Detroit's getting defenders back. Tampa's getting guys back. You don't know that. San Francisco just seems to lose one key player every week.

19:46Bill Simmons:Yeah, they got the Falcons at home week seven. That's a Sunday night game. Then they go at Texans, at Giants. And that's pretty tough when you have all the injuries on top of the fact that you've had trouble blocking people and now you're going Texans, Giants, back-to-back.

20:03Cousin Sal:Right.

20:04Bill Simmons:The Giants have the best pass rush in the league, and I think the Texans are probably in the top four or five. So I was looking at the odds for the NFC West, and I think they're still favored. Yeah, they're plus 135. The Rams are plus 160. And the Seahawks, I haven't gotten it for five, six straight weeks. I still don't get it. The Seahawks are plus 290. And I don't understand that at all. To me, it's like those three teams have to be neck and neck. I would not put any of them over anybody right now. Do you understand that?

20:35Cousin Sal:No, it was 4-1 last week. I think it was 8-1 the week before. And we were talking about this then. So, yeah, I think they're the most balanced. If you trust Sam Darnold, they're kind of the most balanced team with a good enough coach, I think, to get it done.

20:51Bill Simmons:And they have, I would say, JSN is now a top three or four or five, somewhere in their receiver. Now that Puka finally got hurt, which was, unfortunately, you could only throw to a guy 15 times a game.

21:04Cousin Sal:Can I tell you something about JSN? I don't know if you saw this. 21.11 miles per hour on his touchdown reception.

21:11Bill Simmons:Oh, really? I thought that was like a 20.9. Really? When I watched it live. Yeah, I watched Football at the House today, and we were like just watching it blind.

21:20Cousin Sal:You thought that was a 20.9? I was like, yeah, that seemed like a 20.9.

21:23Bill Simmons:21.1?

21:25Cousin Sal:Oh, no, watch it again. That's a 21. Maybe 21. Should they time that correctly? 21.15, I would think.

21:31Bill Simmons:Wow, 21.1. 21.1. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just think if he had gone a mile an hour faster, he would have been going 22. Wait a minute. Okay. Okay. Are you saying? I'm going to go get coffee tomorrow and go 22 miles an hour and see how many people beep at me. Do you think this is something?

21:52Cousin Sal:Should they have the sperm count for the receivers too? Might as well just make up numbers.

21:58Bill Simmons:Let's do blood pressure. Yeah, yeah. Let's do it all. I think I'd be more interested in that. What was his blood pressure as he ran down? Maybe that would explain what happened to Di Mercado. He blacked out. His good cholesterol is actually low, so we're all right. I had a thing I wanted to bring up with you. Because, you know, the Mariners are doing really well. They won tonight. There's like a kind of a Seattle moment happening. Even the WNBA team got a little frisky in the playoffs. And then the Seahawks doing well. And I do believe in the city cluster theory because it's happening now with Indiana.

22:32Bill Simmons:This is what made me think of it. The Pacers had their whole like crazy, crazy, improbable run, right? Right. Now the college football team and the pro football team are both on these crazy runs. And everybody's thanking Pat McAfee. He's like at the center of it. How does he do it? It happened in Boston in 2002 when the Pats, when they won the first Super Bowl with Brady. That's been a few times. And then the Celtics in the playoffs that year had this improbable run. And the mindset shifted. It was when they came back. They almost made the finals. They came back from 25 to beat the Nets in game three, which was just on NBA TV recently.

23:13Bill Simmons:And I wrote a comment about being at that game and the Boston fans were so beaten down, but the Pats thing kind of swung the perspective. And then the Celtics are doing well. And it was like, maybe we can come back. And it was like, it was like a mood cleansing. And I wonder sometimes if that happens with cities, but I was thinking about that with Seattle. This is one of the dumbest theories I'll ever have, but the further the Mariners go, I also think it's good for the Seahawks. There's just good vibes and happiness everywhere in Seattle, and maybe it'll transfer. Okay.

23:41Cousin Sal:I mean, I don't know. That's my stupid theory. We should ask Vandal if good vibes and happiness figure into any of these lines. My good vibes theory. Well, we do it the other way, right? Like New York sucks. They had a bad week. Philly had a bad week last week. Now kind of Detroit's there too, right? Scooblin' Tigers lose game five. Definitely has that. You get the stink. Lions lost this week. Who's the other Detroit? There's another Detroit. What happened? Am I missing something? Oh, Michigan.

24:08Bill Simmons:We had that in 07 when the KG trade happened, the Red Sox won the World Series, and right as the Patriots' Spygate, we were ripping off that whole thing, and the Celtics were going for 70 wins. And it was just, sometimes it happens where the city, where good stuff aligns. And then, like you just said, the opposite happens, where you just feel like, oh my God, every single thing is going wrong. Anyway, stupid theory.

24:38Bill Simmons:let's move to the KC game really quick. So this line stayed at two and a half. Yeah. And apparently a lot of the sharps were on the lines. I didn't understand why anybody thought the Chiefs were going to go two and four. It was like 90 % of my reasoning for the Chiefs is like, they're going to go two and four. It's not like they're that banged up, right? Their left tackle got scratched pretty late. We don't know what happened with that, but their blocking was fine. But they should have won last Monday. That was one of the three dumbest losses of the season. And I thought with all the Detroit defense injuries, I thought that line was disrespectful.

25:18Bill Simmons:I didn't understand it. Did you understand it?

25:20Cousin Sal:Yeah, you called it. I don't know. I thought it was about right, but I hold a grudge, and I was still so mad at them for Monday night. I actually didn't think they played that great Monday night. I know the pick six is…

25:31Bill Simmons:14-0. I mean, the pick six won the game.

25:34Cousin Sal:Like they're up 14 and they, and then they end up with like, they still have 14 late in the third quarter. Like this is the chiefs. And then I don't know. It's, it's all, if you depend, if you believe that now they're not the one score team winning team, right? Like they would tend to know last year in one score games this year. I think they were all in three tonight. Wasn't one score. Right. So I don't know. Yeah. I mean, good, good for you if you took it, but I just, I don't know. I didn't buy into the Detroit secondary thing. And I know a lot of Detroit fans want to blame that illegal shift call or whatever when, you know, golf wasn't lined up right in the first drive.

26:08Cousin Sal:But they did get beat up today.

26:10Bill Simmons:Well, the reality, how many points did they end up scoring? They had 17. Yeah. Their vaunted offense. What do you think a team's record is when either a running back fumbles as he's about to go in the end zone or a quarterback throws a 99 yard interception? or a guy fumbles it when he's about to go over the goal line or the fumble where it goes out of the end zone and it's the safety for the other team. Has any NFL team in the history of the league ever then won the game? No, no, no. I'm going to say they're like 0-1 ,200.

26:43Cousin Sal:It's impossible. It's impossible to do that. Yeah, and there's so many close calls. But yeah, so that 99. And even for them to win, Lawrence had to like fall down, roll over, keep rolling, stumble again, and then they almost won anyway.

26:58Bill Simmons:That's what the Chiefs do to teams, yeah. House and I made a lot of jokes during the game about Travis Kelsey. Because it's a little bit of a deep cut on the Taylor Swift album, but it was very controversial song in the album called Wood, which people thought was about Travis Kelsey's healthy manhood and satisfying her. And how she finally has, she's finally, the sex thing has finally really worked out for her. And if you go back and look at all her boyfriends, maybe this is a different type of guy she's dating. So we were just calling him Wood the whole game. And it was very enjoyable. I was like, moms, get it to Wood.

27:38Bill Simmons:Like, this clearly should be his nickname. She wrote this whole gushing love song about his sexual prowess. Like, he should just be Travis Wood Kelsey.

27:48Cousin Sal:Yeah. Oh, look at Woody over there.

27:51Bill Simmons:Wood, come on. I mean, that's why you see why Taylor's smiling. Dude, Wood's just getting it done.

27:58Cousin Sal:I like it. I like it. You think it'll catch up? It's not a negative thing.

28:03Bill Simmons:Right. It's positive. Right. Just praising him. It's like when we did the Pete Davidson, the Big Dick Energy, or what was it? Yeah, all that stuff.

28:12Cousin Sal:I saw, we went to football camp, and I ended up seeing our offensive lineman in the shower, and he had a gigantic schlong. And then I told everyone, and they ended up calling him Tripod, and he hated me for it. He wanted to kick my ass every day for it. I was like, what the fuck? That's a great nickname. Like people point out, he's got a big dick. Come on. Come on, Wood.

28:34Bill Simmons:Try that as a compliment. Of course it is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, on that note, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and talk about the rest of the week. Six Slate. That's sponsored.

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29:45Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by Holiday Inn by IHG. If I'm ever traveling for work, where I stay is so important. I actually really care about this because sometimes I even have to do a podcast wherever I'm staying. In general, I don't go on the road that much, but when I go on the road, I like to be in a nice hotel with a nice room. I'm spoiled. If you sound like me, check out Holiday Inn. It has a whole new energy, especially for business travelers. You'll see it everywhere from refresh rooms to reimagined social spaces and dining done right. with new drinks and dishes. And for business, there are flexible spaces that work for the way you work.

30:26Bill Simmons:It's a new day and a new stay. Book now at HolidayInn.com. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra, the official beer partner of the NBA. You know the NBA season's almost here when that anticipation kicks in. What trades worked? What rookies are popping? Which teams might flame out by Christmas? I already had my guard up with this season because the Celtics, obviously a team in a little bit of flux. And then Jason Tatum posted like a minute of him working out and looking really good. And it broke my brain because for the first time I was like, wow, he might actually be back in the second half of the season.

31:04Bill Simmons:What's that going to mean? Whatever happens when I'm watching all that unfold, I'm doing it with the Michelob Ultra in hand. Superior Light Beer, just 95 calories. There are a lot of moments worth playing for, but the ones that taste the best are served cold. Order Michelob Ultra and fill up your fridge as we gear up for NBA season. Cannot wait. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2025. Anheuser-Busch. Michelob Ultra Light Beer. St. Louis, Missouri. All right. You want to talk about your team first or my team first?

31:32Cousin Sal:Let's get mine out of the way. Okay. You lost to the Carolina Panthers. They did it again. They dragged me in. They dragged me in. I loved it. I was like, just win this game. Half game behind the Eagles. We have a home game against the Eagles. Oh, you were thinking that way? Damn it. Why did I do that? Why didn't you tell? You should have told me. You should have reminded me. You were doing that on the Sunday pregame show. I thought it was a bit. No, no. You really were sucked in? Yeah. I mean, he's playing great. He really is. This is, in a way, a Baker Mayfield thing. The last three weeks, Dak has, I think, 11 touchdowns, one interception, over 800 yards, and the defense allowed, I think, 90 points.

32:10Cousin Sal:And I'm like, shit, he could carry them. And he almost did. Just despicable, though.

32:14Bill Simmons:We were talking today, watching the game. It's not just that he's playing great. Every throw is perfect. Every throw is like the guy's in stride, running with it. It's right here. It's on the sideline in the only spot where the guy can catch it. He's really playing out of his mind. And Pickens has been phenomenal too. I know people see the highlights on social media, but in the open space, you just feel like he's going to get an ADR touchdown every time. the irony of them getting their asses kicked by Rico Dowdle, I thought was unbelievable. When all everybody did last year was complain about the Cowboys running backs.

32:52Bill Simmons:And then they have this guy who looks like, you know, he's playing like his family's being kept in a log cabin. And unless he gets 200 yards, everybody's going to die at midnight. Like that's how crazy he was running.

33:03Cousin Sal:And he called him out before. He's like, I'm going to do this. This is the Rico Dowdle revenge game. It's like, okay, is it that easy to exact revenge on the Cowboys? You could just say it, and then you're good for 160 yards. Could anyone do this? The woman that works concession stand at Cowboys Stadium, they ripped her off for overtime. She's going to run for 160? I'm sorry, Rico, we moved on from you and your two rushing touchdowns last year.

33:28Bill Simmons:But Jesus. I don't remember a single Rico Dowdo conversation. I don't remember him being on a fantasy team. I don't remember you being like, man, we let Rico Dowdo go. I think he's going to come back to haunt us. There was no conversation. So I don't know what happened to him this year. It's a borderline free Dak, though. He's got this terrible defense. All these injuries on the offensive line. And it's very similar to that Burrow-Higgins chase situation. He's not taking too many sacks.

34:01Cousin Sal:It's not that bad, the offensive line. But as long as the defense is as bad. I mean, probably a couple weeks. They're saying I think it's still two weeks. But, I mean, Pickens as a one is really not bad. It's crazy.

34:14Bill Simmons:No, it's funny that you did the Parsons trade, which it's not like he's coming back to haunt you that much either. No one's talking about that, by the way.

34:23Cousin Sal:He's not that good. I know the idea is that Jerry has to lose everything, but I don't know. He's not even top 50 in sacks. He's sixth in tackles for losses on his team. Not jumping out of the TVs, I'll tell you that much. No, no. He's getting back injections? a stationary Joe Flacco would be a good place to shine, but it didn't happen.

34:45Bill Simmons:Well, and then the Pickens trade, would you give up for him, a third? Was it a third? Yeah, I think it was three.

34:51Cousin Sal:It's a three or a four?

34:52Bill Simmons:Yeah, three. Whatever, that trade was incredible. Carolina, so McMillan had a breakout day. That was the end of the thing that happened. They got two running backs. They could actually probably shop Hubbard if they wanted to, if they felt like Daudo was. And there's a few teams that need a running back, including my team. But Carolina, three and three. this is the furthest they've made in a while because we're going to do cross-off teams later. Not crossing them off. I think they have a chance to be a 7 seed. Yeah.

35:19Cousin Sal:They're not bad. They're 3-0 at home. Let's wait until they get to 6-3 and then we'll cross them off. Bryce Young just killed us. He has like 160 passer rating when he's losing to the Cowboys. It's ridiculous.

35:34Bill Simmons:He's very calm. Well, my team the worst officiated game I can remember of a Patriots game just five or six calls that we still don't know where the flag came from they had a touchdown called back they're kicking the extra point and they're like no no there's a flag there's no flag in the field nobody knows what happened with that there was an offensive pass interference that nobody understands what happened with that there was a fumble that we recovered that they decided it wasn't a fumble and nobody could have I've just never seen anything like it. And at some point you're like, well, if they were ever going to have a rigged NFL game, I think I'm watching it.

36:13Bill Simmons:If there were ever like three officials who said, fuck it, we're in New Orleans, gambling's legal here, let's go for it. It was that bad. And the Pats, they won anyway. And they won because Drake May was out of his mind. He was so fucking good, Sal. Just give me the Drake, definitely. It's over. You've lost. How about Drake? He's Drake, definitely. For now, Drake may be plus. How about that? Drake May was the best quarterback performance of the day, other than maybe your guy, but at least Drake May won. Today, the stat has been around a bunch of times. The 23-and-under quarterbacks to throw for 200 more passing yards with a 100-plus passer rating in five straight games, him, Mahomes, and Dan Marino.

37:00Bill Simmons:He's hit on eight straight 20-plus passes, not counting the two that got called back on penalties. When he's throwing deep, which was his thing, coming out of the draft for everybody, it's like this guy loves the big plays. He's a big play hunter. He loves throwing deep. He's great at it. And the Pats are 5-2. I'm sorry, 4-2 with the Titans and Browns as their next two. And Drake May is down to 16-1 for MVP.

37:31Cousin Sal:Well, he can't win MVP. So just stop. He's 16-1. This is when people... I don't want you... People stop listening to you if you say things like this. He's not going to win MVP.

37:41Bill Simmons:I'm just pointing out he's 16-1 to win the MVP.

37:44Cousin Sal:Well, I don't know if you read the fine print, but... Six best odds. If you lose to the Raiders, you're not eligible for MVP. So it's Drake May and it's Cam Ward, the only two that can't win the MVP. That's fair. Right now. Fair. No, he's been great. He's been great. He makes amazing third down throws down the field, wherever he has to hit it. He extends drives. Great, great, great. I agree with you with everything. I even had the Saints plus three and a half, and I'm like, you know what? This is officiated so poorly, I won't be able to take Simmons crying like this. I now hope New England wins the game.

38:18Cousin Sal:And they did.

38:19Bill Simmons:You had to turn on your own bet. Our running backs were so bad in this game that and the play calling too. The two running backs, Stevenson and Reminder, I don't know what happened to both of them. 22 for 45. every time it was like third and eight, third and 13, third and 11, third and nine. And, uh, the Pats were somehow six for 13 on third down. But Drake was just, I can't believe how good he was the last two games. It's a completely different ceiling. Like it's all the past fans are talking about. Like, it's like, we have a guy, like, this is it. It's happening. So with this easy schedule, I just feel like, uh,

39:00Cousin Sal:you know, you feel like he's doing well on this easy schedule. Well, sure, yeah. I feel like we're in a good spot with this guy. All right. You are. You definitely are. And listen, coming into the year, we thought at worst that we're going to get the seventh seed. And now there's nothing to shake us from that, right? Like the AFC.

39:16Bill Simmons:So what's that the rest of the way? They'd have to go six and four? Well, it doesn't even matter. Like six and five. Six and five. Six and five gets them in the playoffs. They play six shitty teams. But, yeah. They still have the Jets and Miami. I think both of them again.

39:35Cousin Sal:But when we did this in August, we thought the Ravens were in. We thought the Bengals were in. Those teams are not in now. So you're not going to say you're going to sneak in because you're going to have 10 wins anyway.

39:45Bill Simmons:Yeah. And then the AFC South, the way the Jaguars look today, because you would have said, oh, we'll have Indy and Jacksonville. But Jacksonville, I thought looked terrible. I know they had some injuries, and they shouldn't have won last week. So they're, I would say, a pretty soft foreign too. and then it looks like we're 100 % only getting one AFC North team unless there's some sort of miraculous ball.

40:06Cousin Sal:Well, and I don't know if you saw those division odds, but it finally flipped to Pittsburgh being a favorite of minus 135 because now they're three and a half up on Baltimore, and I know it gets dicey for them in November. The games are tough, but three and a half is a very big lead for a team that doesn't have their starting quarterback yet.

40:25Bill Simmons:Well, the Ravens got killed by the Rams, and you know here are the stats so since we had the 14 team playoff format only 2020 Washington started 1-5 and made the playoffs before that 1-5 was a death sentence we only had the 2012 Redskins, 2018 Colts and 2015 Chiefs the only three that made it coming out of 1-5 so if you're going to make the case for them the defense got a little healthier They have a bye week next week. Their next six are Bears at Miami, at Vikings, at Cleveland, three in a row on the road, home Jets, home Cincy. And I think they're going to be favored in five of those if Lamar is playing, right?

41:12Bill Simmons:They'll be favored in all of those and maybe even favored in the at Vikings game. So there's a chance they go five and one. I would say five and one if you're a Ravens fan, that's what you're hoping for. and 5-1 puts you at 5-6 heading into the stretch of the season. You get to play Pittsburgh twice still. God only knows what's going to happen with Rodgers. So it's weird. They're 1-5, but it doesn't feel over. But, man, they suck today. And I thought they were poorly coached.

41:40Cousin Sal:We can make them a cross-off if you want. We could do it right now. I can't do it with Lamar.

41:45Bill Simmons:He's won like 80 % of his games.

41:47Cousin Sal:I think the wild card's out, though, because they're 1-5. they're going to have even if they're 10 and 7 they're going to lose a lot of tiebreakers here I think the the way they get in is 9 and 8 head to head they beat the Steelers yes 9 and 8 and they win those obviously win those two head to head they have to win both

42:03Bill Simmons:Pittsburgh games you're saying

42:04Cousin Sal:yes definitely yeah but that's tough I mean that's not even a Pittsburgh time the Steelers are 4 and 1

42:09Bill Simmons:so the Steelers would have to go 5 and 6 the rest of the way basically and lose both of the Baltimore games right but this is like you bring up those division odds and I just think minus 135 is... I think Pittsburgh should be at least a 2-1 favorite.

42:25Cousin Sal:Yeah, I thought they should be minus last week before even gaining another game. I thought they should be favored because they're kind of doing everything right. By the way, I think we've been at this too long because that was such a gimme from the gambling gods, the Steelers. I saw it as a rat line, but Steelers 5.5. Why the hell weren't we all over that? I mean, the Browns coming...

42:46Bill Simmons:I couldn't do it with the Browns defense against how simple that Steelers offense is. I thought there was a real scenario where the Browns defense just won the game.

42:56Cousin Sal:They couldn't do anything on offense. They came from London. They opted to skip the bye after London. The Steelers are off a bye. Tomlin doesn't really lose too much off a bye. You have Dylan Gabriel going in there, and we whiffed on it. Stupid.

43:11Bill Simmons:Well, speaking of London, Broncos, Jets. What a way to start the morning. Yet another horrible London game. and I felt like the Broncos were about to win by 30. Bo Nix is running for a first down. They have the lead. There's not even guys around him. He slides, but he slides before the first down marker, which I think is in my top four least favorite plays in football, with number one obviously being the punter that kicks it into the end zone because the special teams guy knocked the ball into the end zone. That's my least favorite. But he did the slide, and he's just short, and you're like, oh, here we go.

43:47Bill Simmons:and then delay game penalty or whatever. Now it's, and then all of a sudden they're going backwards and the Jets are just hanging around and they end up barely winning 13-11. But I felt like they were going on a run. It seemed like they were going to go win by 30. Their defense gives up 95 yards total, 100 yards total, whatever it was. Jets do nothing. And the Broncos almost lose. And this is like betting on or against Bo Nix. I just don't know what the answer is anymore.

44:13Cousin Sal:Well, the answer for me is I can't have a lot of money riding on the London game when we're also doing the pregame show because I just get too angry and too distracted. It's like showing up to work, tripping your face off on Molly. And I was like, I can't, I don't even care what these guys are saying. I have to, what is going on with this game? Why isn't Denver winning? And then you're right. Like Justin Fields, he's the first quarterback to have nine or more sacks and nine or fewer completions since, You want to guess since who?

44:47Bill Simmons:It was Justin Fields.

44:48Cousin Sal:Since Justin Fields in 2021. This is so sickening. The Jets had two first downs in the first half. One of them was on a fake punt, right? Fourth and one when they went for it. They're celebrating it. I've never seen a team losing, celebrating converting fourth and one only to run the clock out. But they were losing, right? That was bizarre to me. I didn't know what I was watching.

45:12Bill Simmons:And Aaron Glenn is on the sidelines. He's acting like he's a disgruntled fan that's in the stands that flew to London. And it's like, you're actually the coach. You can fix any of this. He's just like, I don't know what we're doing. It's like, you're the coach.

45:26Cousin Sal:It's your team. He is. And he really went. And you know, he has Mark Sanchez third on the depth chart right now. I mean, things are really bad in Gotham. Really, really bad. But what, honestly, though, when does England get pissed at us? Like, I think it would happen three years ago. This is way worse than dumping tea in the Boston Harbor or whatever the hell. Like, if they did this to us and sent the club soccer team over here who kept batting the soccer ball around with their hands and were charging 200 bucks to see it. The striker has one leg. I think we'd be pissed. It's not an act of war, but it's pretty bad.

45:59Bill Simmons:Yeah. No, it is like if we put Nathan Fielder in charge of our experience of sending football to London, this is what he would do. Yeah. Like, what if we send Justin Fields? he has eight completions in three hours is this a rehearsal?

46:14Cousin Sal:is this whole thing a rehearsal episode? it's so bad

46:18Bill Simmons:so now people are like should they bench fields? he's just not accurate it's not going to change he's been in the league there were multiple plays when Garrett Wilson was open and then he's just straining to catch these things that just normal quarterbacks just complete the thing if you take out his running he can't really do anything

46:37Cousin Sal:these are unworldly stats negative 10 And yards passing net. I mean, you can't survive that.

46:43Bill Simmons:I'm sure he's a nice guy. I know. We've seen enough at this point. Great guy. We've seen enough. Somebody I thought we saw enough of, but obviously I didn't see enough of, even though I thought I did, was Jacoby Brissett, who when he was the guy blocking Drake May for a few games, just seemed like he had been washed up three years ago. He comes in for the cards today.

47:06Cousin Sal:Yeah.

47:06Bill Simmons:And immediately, Kyler can't play. he gets scratched. And this is like, this is a godsend. Who can I tease the Colts with? What money line parlay can I put the Colts with? Right. This is amazing. What a stroke of luck to get Jacoby Brissett. He goes 27 for 44 for 320. They're nine for 14 on third down. And they're just hanging the whole game to the point where House and I are going, you gotta be fucking kidding me. The Cardinals are gonna win this. Every time you think they're about to roll over, they had another drive. and they finally lose by four. They were on their third string running backs.

47:42Bill Simmons:Harrison left with a concussion in the second quarter. None of it mattered. They kept driving. And first of all, kudos to him. Second, I think the Colts defense has to go on fraud watch. Yeah. That's it. Like Denver was moving up and down on them. Bursette was moving up and down on them. And I know they have the record, but with their weapons, I like Warren. I like Jonathan Taylor. Dimes is fine. They have some receivers who can make plays, but their defense is not good enough, I don't think.

48:12Cousin Sal:No, I think you're right. Maybe cut them some slack. How much can you get up for a game like this? You know, Arizona coming to town with the second string, everything. Right, fair. It's still very weird to me that they have the best record in the AFC right now, right? And weird shit's happened. Like before the game, guy goes out with a concussion, like a deep back. Anthony Richardson, not that he was playing, but he had like a, I read that he had a band injury. I was like, what the hell is this now? You get hit in the head with a, a tuba coming out of the tunnel. Yeah, no, but it was actually the, those bands.

48:43Cousin Sal:I've done that a million times. So now he's got, but this is something that happens to like a two and nine team, right? Not someone, not a team that's, I mean, what are, what are their odds? Minus one 30 to win division. They're going to be around there in January. I think. Well,

48:57Bill Simmons:let's go backwards. They killed the dolphins in week one. Yeah. Not impressive. Now they barely beat the Broncos. goes in the game, the leverage game that they should have lost. They kill the Titans. They lose to the Rams. They kill the Raiders and they barely beat Bursette. Those are their six games. Okay. So we've been down this road before with teams. And what was that year? A couple of years ago with Minnesota when they were like 13 and four and we were like, I can't wait to bet against this team in the playoffs. I'm not sure I would say that yet with the Colts because they can move the ball.

49:31Cousin Sal:Yeah.

49:31Bill Simmons:Like, and they, I think at, you know, they've gone 33, 29, 41, 20, 40, and 31 in these six games. So they're always going to have the offense, which is a little different than some teams, but schedule's going to get harder here. As we get to the week nine range, they're going to be, well, they are, they're at chargers next week. Although the chargers are pretty banged up, but they still have at Steelers, at Chiefs, at Jags, at Seahawks, at Texans. It's tough. All left. Um, and they're playing the Falcons in Berlin. So we're... I'll back off a little. We're not ready to know with this team, I don't think yet.

50:07Cousin Sal:Yeah, but we know with the Titans. We know we're not confident with the Texans. And I don't know, the Jaguars are the Jaguars. You know, they came into this game 14-4 turnovers. I mean, you just know that's not going to continue. They're not going to have 60 by the end of the year. Right.

50:24Bill Simmons:Yeah, and what's interesting about Houston is their schedule is just a lot tougher in general.

50:28Cousin Sal:Yeah.

50:30Bill Simmons:because they're playing the first place schedule from last year. And you go through their games and they have a Raiders game. They have an at Titans game. And that's really it. Every other game is either pretty hard, hard, or really hard. So yeah, it's sitting there for the Colts, but I'm still a little dubious. I just don't think they can get stops. I think they were over and over again. Arizona had a running back that, who was that guy, Knight? Yeah, Knight. Do you know who that was? It's like their third stringer. I just assumed it was Shug Knight. It's not Shug Knight. Shug Knight. There he goes.

51:07Bill Simmons:Oh, I forgot to mention with Steeler Browns, 11 straight games of 17 points or less for Cleveland. Did you see that stat? Is that what it is? No, I didn't see that. 11.

51:17Cousin Sal:What a streak. Against the Steelers? Against anyone. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Currently. Yeah. Yeah. That's a problem. why didn't we have that? Damn it. I mean, they had lost 23 straight in three rivers. Zachy Shore, Hines Field, whatever the hell you want to call it.

51:36Bill Simmons:Ravens, Rams. One other thing I forgot to mention. Should the Ravens trade Derek Henry and just say, fuck it, it's not our year?

51:45Cousin Sal:I think they maybe should have traded him after they went 0 for 4 from the 4-inch line. Right? And he got the last shot at it. Interesting. Can I start the rumor of Derrick Henry to the

51:59Bill Simmons:Patriots?

52:01Cousin Sal:Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. Start that up. But they won't give up on Lamar before they do Henry. I mean, not trade Lamar. What pick would get their attention? Oh, man. Like our

52:13Bill Simmons:second? I wonder if he wants out. What if our second and Ramondre? Ramondre would get cut. Yeah, they got to take Ramondre.

52:22Cousin Sal:That's a fantasy trade right there. You know who used to

52:25Bill Simmons:work together?

52:25Cousin Sal:Derek Henry and Mike Vrabel. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. They used to have a really great relationship with Spotted Time. You don't need a running back. You've got the greatest quarterback of all time. Our running backs are 22 and 45 today.

52:36Bill Simmons:We need a running back. Our short yardage stuff is a disaster. It's like America if we get a yard.

52:41Cousin Sal:Brady dealt with that for years, and no shortage of rings.

52:45Bill Simmons:When's the NFL trade deadline? I don't even know. Week 8, Week 9? Yeah, right around there. Like after Halloween. I mean, they lose that Bears game and they go one and six. Why not trade Derrick Henry at that point? How many years does he have left anyways?

52:58Cousin Sal:The Bears game is after the bye. So they have a bye now, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

53:03Bill Simmons:Maybe. Maybe they scrap Lamar for the year. If the Pats traded for Derrick Henry, I would actually lose my mind. Really? That'd be it. Yeah. That'd be it. I'd be just, I'd wake up. I'd be too black. I'd be like DiMarcato fumbling the goal. I'd just complete blackout. I'd just be two blocks from my house. Like, how did I get here? Where am I?

53:24Cousin Sal:You'd be fumbling your hot water with lemon.

53:27Bill Simmons:It would go all over the house. Derek Henry would be one of the most beloved Boston veteran athletes like we've ever had. He would just immediately be beloved. This is great. Thanks.

53:37Cousin Sal:Is he a Henry? Is he like a John Henry? Is there a relation? Because you can make that work.

53:44Bill Simmons:Packers, Bengals, we don't have to talk about that game. Although I don't understand why Love has the fifth best MVP odds in the league. Have you watched any Jordan Love game this year and been like, whoa, this guy's amazing. Like Dak Prescott's 10 times better than Jordan Love this year. Jordan Love has guys running around wide open all game.

54:03Cousin Sal:Golden made him look good today and Kraft came back a bit, but they still were in danger of getting that game tied on them in the fourth quarter.

54:13Bill Simmons:Titans Raiders was the other one that happened. They really fucked up with these only three games as the late games. And that's one of them. They should have flexed the fourth game. right? They should just flex Pat Saints and made it like a later game.

54:25Cousin Sal:You like the two Monday nights, but one of them could have been a late afternoon game. Like, now we have two Monday nights, one at 7, one at 8 Eastern, and then we got a, you know, we got a baseball game at like 3.

54:37Bill Simmons:It allowed House and I to watch Wizards preseason, so that was fun. Oh, okay. Had that on one of the TVs. Then House did this thing where he, I think just because he's old, turns out House is old. Turns out we're all old. he kept falling asleep and waking up. So he would snore and then the snoring would wake himself up. What time was this? I was going to, it was like 2.30 in the afternoon. Oh, come on. No, it was. I should have videotaped it because I could have sent it to the NFL, like Roger Goodell and all those people. I'm like, this is what happens when we have three people, three teams in the late games.

55:12Bill Simmons:That's great. This is my buddy House who loves football. He's sat asleep. It's 2.30.

55:16Cousin Sal:Gino and Cam Ward, it did it. Yeah. There you go.

55:19Bill Simmons:Yeah, House was like, ah, I flew cross-country yesterday. All right, cross-offs. Jets 0-6.

55:26Cousin Sal:Yeah.

55:26Bill Simmons:It's the first time we've done this. Jets, cross-off.

55:29Cousin Sal:Yep.

55:29Bill Simmons:Okay. Browns, 1-5, cross-off. Yeah. Yeah. Tennessee, 1-5, and should be 0-6. Sure. Oh, probably the worst coach in the league. Yep. All right, that's three. Are you going to have one more or no more? Let's see. No, we're going to have five. Oh, five. Dolphins 1-5 are automatic cross-up. Yeah, yeah, they're gone. They're done. They're gone. We didn't talk about whether DJ Mikey Mack, I don't think he gets fired because two weeks in a row, the team could have rolled over, and they actually really fought and tried to win for him. Today they took the lead with a minute left. Two actually came through, and then, of course, they fucked the game up.

56:09Cousin Sal:I thought this was the same old ball, right? Like the Chargers, Miami, whoever lost, it was like, oh, this is the same old team, right? Same old Chargers, typical Chargers. They get the lead and they blow it at the end. Well, but they're playing the same old Dolphins with the same old coach with his analytics and drawstring sweatpants. He's a mess. And now, like, what, Tua's going out and saying the players are missing, they're skipping meetings. Yeah, yeah.

56:36Bill Simmons:Not great. Well, that was, I forgot to mention, that was a pretty massive win for the Chargers because, you know, I don't think they're going to win the Super Bowl without Slater. not to mention they're missing their top two running backs even though Vidal looked good today but they'd fall in the 3-3 with the depth that we have in the AFC I don't know

57:00Cousin Sal:I feel like they're at much worse shape at 3-3 than Kansas City is even though they beat them head to head yeah

57:05Bill Simmons:so 4-2 at least by some time Herbert made a great I mean what's his face made an awesome McConkie yeah McConkie awesome seemed like he was going going out to kill some cuts back in. Right. And then again, but a terrible loss for Miami. They're a cross off. And then I don't mind the Saints. I thought they were pretty frisky today. And in general, I don't think Rattler's that bad. They can move the ball. I think they're decently coached, but they're a cross off. They're one and five. They're not going eight and three over their last 11 to make the playoffs.

57:41Cousin Sal:Yeah, so normally we might keep the NFC South last place team around because the first place team is usually like 3-3 at this point. We're not doing that this year. Tampa's too good. Yeah. So we have five cross-offs. Okay, that is five. One. Yeah. Two. Okay. And who's on the lookout?

58:02Cousin Sal:Ravens have a bye, so they get to survive. I think we're okay for a minute now.

58:07Bill Simmons:Yeah, I think listen, we have cross-off scouts in Cincinnati and Las Vegas. There's no question. Arizona. And, uh, you know, the giants, we didn't talk about, I mean, all the giants fans, we know they're absolutely going nuts about dart and scadaboo, uh, in the front four, but dart, we went through this with Drake may last year. Like they have to like have an intervention with him. He's going to spend the entire season in the blue tent. Yep. You can't, you can't seek out hits when you're a quarterback. Like you're not playing high school football anymore. Like these that are 6 '5", 290 pound people.

58:44Cousin Sal:I don't know if he's a great fit for New York either. Like he went right after the reporters. I know a lot of them were assholes, but he's like, yeah, and you know, you guys are so negative. And the reporter's like, well, what are we negative about? And he's like, well, now he has to decide how much he wants to commit to this whole thing. Yeah, to the bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But people didn't believe.

59:03Bill Simmons:It's like, yeah, you're right. We didn't believe a one in 14. We're going to beat the Super Bowl chance.

59:07Cousin Sal:Shoot us. Sorry. It's just based on the whole last month, but okay. But who did what? Okay, let me ask you this. What 80s tag team does Scadaboo and Dart remind you of?

59:18Bill Simmons:Oh, wow. When we first saw them. Like a B-B, Brian Blair and Jim Brunzel, the Killer Bs?

59:27Cousin Sal:No, I think a little more grit than that. Who do you got? Road Warriors. Legion of Doom, right? Oh, interesting. Just delivering clotheslines every play. And we'll see one climb the other's shoulders. I feel like this is a, they're just a battering crew. Like, what the hell did we just see? Just running everybody over.

59:46Bill Simmons:They won that game and did media for like an hour and a half after. Yeah. I just had Amazon on cause I was doing stuff and, and came back and Fitzpatrick and Scadaboo both had their shirts off, their chest bumping. I'm like, what's this guys are two and four. They're the fricking title game.

1:00:03Cousin Sal:They're Hawking animal. I don't know who's which, but they're Hawking animal. This is the road wars.

1:00:07Bill Simmons:All right. We're going to take a break and then we're going to do, uh, Gisalance. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Countless hours in the gym, a thousand shots before tip-off, day after day on the same court with the State Farm stanchion right there. That's right. The best players put in the work. And State Farm is the same way with insurance experts who put in the work as well. Whether you get a digital quote or reach out to a local agent, State Farm is there to get to know you and help you select the right coverage that fits your life and your budget. Putting in the work is what separates the good players from the great.

1:00:44Bill Simmons:And that's why you want State Farm on your team. So get the coverage that's right for you. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Coverage options are selected by the customer, availability, and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by TikTok. Did you know you can use TikTok to connect even more with the sports you love? It's not just highlights. It's everything around the game, including the sports community. Find breakdowns of classic basketball plays, deep dives on baseball stats, even videos on how athletes train and recover. There are people teaching strategy, sports, history, even ways to improve your jump shot.

1:01:19Bill Simmons:It's kind of like the biggest locker room ever and everyone's sharing what they know on TikTok. Last week on Guest Alliance, I hit 10 exactly. Controversial. What's the point of this anymore? You thought I was cheating. I've never cheated in Guest Alliance. What kind of feedback did you get from people with the cheating non-cheating?

1:01:39Cousin Sal:It's so funny because people are like, well, we know Bill's been cheating all these years. I'm like, I laugh at it. I don't think it's true, but I do think that's funny that that's a consensus for this. And I'm going to go with it. Like Belichick.

1:01:50Bill Simmons:Yeah. Yeah. By association. Trying to cut corners. Guilty. What would be the fun about cheating against the lines? Like, I'm honestly curious about that.

1:01:58Cousin Sal:I don't know. I mean, has sponsorship rate gone up since you hit 10 in a row on the podcast? No. We did nothing happen. Oh, it didn't? Okay.

1:02:05Bill Simmons:I don't know what it would be then. Thursday night, Steelers at the Bengals. I hit this exact, and you're going to think this is payback, but... Well, you won the first two weeks. I won the next four, so I'm up for it. Oh, man, this is bad. Am I a cross-off? No. I put this in the Vegas zone. I have Steelers by five and a half. You see what I mean?

1:02:29Cousin Sal:I can't even gain on you here. It's five and a half. It's five and a half. alright and I wonder is it well before we go on this was what it was when they were home against Cleveland is this still a little light this is still this is Flacco now

1:02:53Bill Simmons:I thought the Bengals you know unfortunately we had to watch that game semi-carefully because we only had three games yeah Look, Flacco's 40. I'm not, nothing to write home about at this point, but he is pretty good at throwing that 20-yard sideline throw, like up in the air for receivers. There's something there with them. Okay.

1:03:17Cousin Sal:So this might be the trip up game here, Thursday night.

1:03:21Bill Simmons:Listen, are the Staywars just going to, week after week, things are just going to go right for them? No, you're right. Is this how it's going to go? I don't know.

1:03:29Cousin Sal:By the way, the Eagles made me not want to bet any Thursday night games. That was clearly a team that was unprepared and everything else. Oh, yeah, this is a game coming off a three-day rest.

1:03:40Bill Simmons:Me personally, if I didn't bet the Thursday games or the Europe games, I'd be having an unbelievable year. Yeah. By the way, we know not to bet those games. They know what they're doing. It gets near game time. We're like, all right, fine.

1:03:54Cousin Sal:You know what we should have done before we move on? if we had bet against all the backup quarterbacks on a parlay, it was plus 270. They all lost. Five for five. Even as good. Some of them played well. Persett was good, but it still lost. Does Dylan Gabriel count as a backup quarterback? He'd back, back, back, back, back up.

1:04:12Bill Simmons:Yep. Way back. I think I'm going to hit the London game too. 9.30 a.m. Sunday. I'm going to try not to bet it. Rams, Jaguars. probably be 80 % Jags fans. I have Rams by two and a half.

1:04:28Cousin Sal:That's what I had. It's three. Okay, at least you're not hitting them exactly now.

1:04:33Bill Simmons:The rare three. We don't have threes anymore. Yeah. I mean, part of the science against the Lions this year is you just bet one and a half, two and a half for Vegas. Right. You tell them.

1:04:42Cousin Sal:Maybe you could tell them they're wrong. I mean, you're as reliable as anyone. I think this ends at two and a half, though. It's not a tick of a home game for Jacksonville, having been there a zillion times?

1:04:54Bill Simmons:You know, I don't know if they're expecting fans after what happened today. It might just be an empty stadium. It might be like a COVID. They might have to have cardboard cutouts of people.

1:05:03Cousin Sal:Right, right, right.

1:05:03Bill Simmons:I don't know if they go back. Burning cars outside. I mean, this will be a nice little tester for the Jags, right? Sure. You win this, you're 5-2. You lose this, you're 4-3, and you should have lost the Chiefs game, and you're kind of frauds. So we'll find out. there was a classic I still I just can't get there with Lawrence I know he was pretty good last week but there was a play they're down he wasn't very good today they're down 26 throws this pass that it felt like it could have been picked and it bounces up in the air and it goes to Brian Thomas I think or one of the receivers and the guy runs down and then it turns out it gets called back for a flag but they cut to Lawrence and he's like doing this like he did something it's like that pass was terrible it should have been picked It's like, yeah, we did it.

1:05:52Cousin Sal:They're still dropping some. By the way, I would move this. I think a couple weeks ago we were talking about how Nakua, I don't want to bet, I don't want any part of the Rams if Nakua's not in the lineup. You don't do this for a receiver, but this could move a half a point if he's deemed out. Is he out? I don't know. He's limping around for the whole second half of that game.

1:06:11Bill Simmons:Yeah, he could sit this. I mean, it's in London. If he's out, the Jags, I think, are a live bet. Yeah, sure. Sure. Sunday marquee, sadly, Slim Pickens. We got to go with Colts Chargers just because that's a five and one against Oh, man, it is. Four and two. It's in LA.

1:06:36Bill Simmons:Chargers have lost some people. I hesitate to say this is a test for the Colts, but I do have them favored. I have Colts one and a half.

1:06:45Cousin Sal:Oh, you do? Oh, good. I have the Chargers by two and a half. It's Chargers by one and a half. Oh, my God. It feels so good to win one. Wow. By myself. Do you agree with that? Well, I agree with two and a half. Because I do not. I think the Colts should be favored. Really? Yeah. All right. I mean, you just said how they might have fraudulent defense and everything else. No, but the Chargers have, they're on their third string running back and they're missing both tackles still. All right. Will they have, what will the fan situation be like? Oh, you know, a lot of the Ringer guys are coming to town, right?

1:07:20Cousin Sal:It's a special week for Spots. It's core week. And our nephew, Anthony DeBundo, is a big Colts fan. I wonder if he'll go to this game. Interesting.

1:07:30Bill Simmons:A lot of Colts fans. That would be great. He sent me a wedding photo of him and Drew Carter, the Celtics guy that I love. They're two Syracuse guys. I just felt really proud looking at it. I frame it. I was going to put it over my shoulder. I love Drew Carter. Drew Carter should be one of the NFL play, play, play guys. I don't understand how they do the scouting with this stuff sometimes. Yeah, when there's actually like a legitimately, like Noah Eagle is like, oh, that guy's good. Like you just know right away. Right, right, right. There's certain guys and it doesn't really matter what the sport is, but you know who the good guys are.

1:07:59Bill Simmons:And like Drew Carter is great doing the NBA games for the Celtics. It's like, clearly should be doing NFL.

1:08:05Cousin Sal:Yeah, well, there's a color commentary position open. I don't know about play-by-play, but yeah, he can get it. You hate that. You're cutting all these. I'm not cutting any of them.

1:08:19Bill Simmons:the watchables. We got three. Eagles at Vikings. I don't, it's even questionable whether this is a watchable, but it is Wentz going against the Eagles is fun. Yeah. Right? I assume we're not going to get McCarthy. Nah. And God only knows what to expect with the Eagles. It's in Minnesota. And I went Eagles minus one and a half.

1:08:40Cousin Sal:All right. I get this. I said two. It is two and a half. Yeah. That might come down to.

1:08:48Bill Simmons:it's a tough one because I don't know what to make of that Vikings team. Right. Do they have, you think they'll have Van Ginkle and Cashman back? I don't think they will.

1:08:57Cousin Sal:I feel like they haven't played in forever, but one's going to get 10 days rest. Yeah, one will have two weeks rest.

1:09:03Bill Simmons:So next watchables, I just, I think the Giants are a watchable if they're playing a good team. So Broncos, Giants, and Denver, I think, has to be in the watchable category as long as this dart thing is going and all the Giants fans are fired up at it. I have Broncos by seven against the Giants.

1:09:22Cousin Sal:Yeah, you hit that exactly. I don't think I have to tell you anymore. I said five and a half. I thought that was a little rich, seven. But I forget, Hawk and Animal coming to Denver. I had it lower in my head too,

1:09:34Bill Simmons:but then I thought this is such an obvious teaser. They're going to jack it.

1:09:37Cousin Sal:We can't bet it on a teaser. It's obvious to others. We can't. After what we went through this morning,

1:09:44Bill Simmons:Well, that right guard on the Broncos, what was that guy's name? Number 69, Pert? Oh, right. 79? Mm-hmm. Just over and over again was murdering them with holding calls at the worst possible times. Mm-hmm. But if they played anyone else, they would have lost by 17 points today. That giant front four really is something. You know, we'll find out. They beat the shit out of the Eagles. I think Peyton, the announcers were even saying it, Eisen and Warner, they were even intimating, And Peyton was like, I'm worried about this game. We just had this awesome win against the Eagles. And this is like a stupid Jets team.

1:10:17Bill Simmons:And I just want to get through this and pull a win out. The other watchables. I'm sorry, your team is exceedingly watchable. I have Washington at Dallas. It's a watchable game. I'm going to enjoy it. All your team does is play awesome games. Oh, yeah.

1:10:36Cousin Sal:The Carolina-Dallas game was super fun. I really enjoyed it. Listen, regardless of record, Let's just do Tampa Bay-Dallas in the NFC Championship.

1:10:44Bill Simmons:It would be great.

1:10:45Cousin Sal:Let's do it. It would be a really fun game. Play out the rest of the year, but make that the championship. It's fine.

1:10:50Bill Simmons:I did Washington favored by three over Dallas and Dallas. I think I got this exact. Yeah, two and a half. Washington favored by two and a half. I don't have the same magic today. They're going to win. I'm close. I'm hovering around every line. Yeah.

1:11:06Cousin Sal:You can look them up real quick if you want, like you did last week, and then just jot them down. Another game.

1:11:13Bill Simmons:Bears home for the Saints. Now you're asking, why is this a poopfecta game? The Saints are kind of entertaining. I don't know. I don't mind the Saints. I didn't mind watching them today. And I think the Bears are mildly entertaining as well. And it's in Chicago. And I have the Bears favored by four over the Saints.

1:11:33Cousin Sal:I had the same. Is there an injury? Because this went, so we tie. It's four and a half, but it opened at five and a half.

1:11:40Bill Simmons:Did someone get screwed up there?

1:11:43Cousin Sal:So what's the last? It's four and a half? It's four and a half. Huh.

1:11:48Bill Simmons:Wait, if it started at five and a half, now the Bears aren't in favor. Maybe, I think it might have gotten bent down because the Saints have kind of been hanging against teams that would all be in the playoffs if the season ended today.

1:12:01Cousin Sal:I guess. Yeah. Yeah, Chicago on a short week. It's just interesting that that would move so much.

1:12:09Bill Simmons:Chiefs home for the Raiders. it has to go past the T's number. I have Chiefs minus seven and a half, probably too low.

1:12:20Cousin Sal:Yeah, I have eight, and I was way low. It's ten and a half. Oh, Jesus. That's too high. What do we do with that? It's too high. This is going to be, we're going to have this on a money line parlay. We're going to have to be watching with a minute 20 left in the fourth quarter to see if Butker kicks a field goal.

1:12:36Bill Simmons:We had a two-week window with the Chiefs where they were getting people actually flipping the other way and not respecting them enough. And now it's gone back to stupid again. That's what happens.

1:12:49Cousin Sal:But you have Geno. I mean, to his credit, he was giving up his interceptions on the other side of the field. Like near the other end zone. He kept it toward the red zone. Right. That's what he could do. That's all he needs to do. The Titans almost covered that game.

1:13:03Bill Simmons:We were watching it just trying to – it was 20-3 and we're like, all right. So they'll score. Gino will do something dumb. They'll get a 2017 final. Just waiting for it. And then, you know, Cam Ward just plays like a rookie quarterback, unfortunately.

1:13:17Cousin Sal:How he gave up the ball there at the end was really like, hey, I'm sick of holding this thing. Take it.

1:13:23Bill Simmons:Yeah, it's not great. Packers Cardinals in Arizona. No idea if Kyla Murray is starting, but I would assume he is. And then Harrison with the concussion. That's usually a two-week injury now, the concussion. Yep. pretty rarely the guy comes back after one. I initially had this at three, but I'm bumping it to three and a half post-concussion. Am I going to beat you this week? Packers three and a half. You might. I said six. It's six and a half. In Arizona?

1:13:50Cousin Sal:Yep. They're done. They're done with this team. Yeah, but has anyone watched the Packers? I mean... It's not like they're lighting the world on fire. No, it's true. They'd really be better off, even if he's ready, keeping Brissette in. I don't agree with that at all.

1:14:06Bill Simmons:I both don't agree with that at all and I've never bet Arizona so maybe the line's right exactly poop fact of three games Browns home for the Dolphins wait a minute how are you not putting your game I have my game in poop fact of

1:14:19Cousin Sal:oh it's better than that this is a rivalry it's a huge rivalry go ahead you go fairly watchable alright I'll move it up yeah because we're able going back to Tennessee of course there's a lot of a lot of shenanigans

1:14:31Bill Simmons:could take place here alright fairly watchables Pats at Tennessee. So

1:14:40Cousin Sal:You know what? If you say it like that, maybe we should move it down.

1:14:44Bill Simmons:Now that I have it floating in my head. Well, so they played the Saints today and they're basically three and a half all week and it didn't budge. And I think the Saints are better than the Titans. So I'm going to say Pats by four.

1:14:59Cousin Sal:All right. So you're light on all these. I said seven and it's six and a half. these cross-off teams have to get five, six points. They can't run the ball. Yeah, but these teams that don't even really they're either going to lose by 10 or 7 some of these teams.

1:15:16Bill Simmons:Or 40. I don't know. I was on it last week. I don't agree with some of these lines this week.

1:15:22Cousin Sal:I love this.

1:15:24Bill Simmons:I just think that Titans team is going to be really fired up because they're a fucking mess. Vrabel is doing great with the Pats. It's going to be a whole week of why do we let Mike Vrabel go? So either that's bad for the Titans or they're going to be all fired up to play him. Yeah. But there's going to be a lot of emotion.

1:15:40Cousin Sal:What happens? Lots of more emotion if they sign Derrick Henry on Thursday going back to Tennessee. Can you get it done that quickly? Can we make the trade? Yeah. That's like a rounder.

1:15:52Bill Simmons:Second rounder and a remandere for Derrick Henry in the fourth. Even for a week. Can we call it in?

1:15:58Cousin Sal:Just trade for a week, a rental. Then trade him back in two weeks. Airbnb them for the week

1:16:04Bill Simmons:and then just slaughter the times. It'd be great if we could do trades like that. Poop fact that Browns' offense in Cleveland. And I have no idea who should be favored in this game, but I'm going to say Browns by one and a half.

1:16:15Cousin Sal:Yeah, you got me here. I said Miami by one. It's Browns by two and a half. Oh, man. Is that... I mean, we're right. I mean, they're both cross-offs, but Miami's more of a cross-off, I guess. So bad.

1:16:33Bill Simmons:I mean, giving up all that rushing yardage to this guy that was released by the Chargers before the season and then re-signed. Yeah. Pretty bad. Yeah. Getting beaten in the last 40 seconds by a team that basically had one receiver. Pretty bad.

1:16:52Cousin Sal:Any chance we see Shador here? Or did Dylan Gabriel just feel bad for him because he really didn't have a lot of chances?

1:16:59Bill Simmons:I mean, they should just put Shador in. They can't lose. If he's good, it'd be like, whoa, he's good. And if he's bad, they never have to have that conversation again. But it makes more sense to plan now.

1:17:09Cousin Sal:Which makes me think he's not ready. Like, why wouldn't they put him in? He has to really not be ready to further embarrass this club.

1:17:17Bill Simmons:I think that's what's happening. Yeah. Panthers at the Jets. I have the Panthers favorite. I think the Panthers have a legitimate chance to go 4-3 here. Panthers minus 1.5 is my guess.

1:17:28Cousin Sal:All right, I have to check this. I had Panthers by two. The Jets are favored by one and a half. You get this one. The Jets are favored. The three and three Panthers are an underdog to the 0 and 6 Jets.

1:17:43Bill Simmons:Well, so, all right, let's talk this out. That's a, there are two Panthers teams, Road Panthers and Home Panthers, and the Road Panthers are bad. That's the only thing I can think of. Sunday night, 49ers, home for the Falcons.

1:17:56Cousin Sal:Oh, we just talked that out? That's what that was?

1:17:59Bill Simmons:Yeah, that was it.

1:18:00Cousin Sal:What about how many versions of the Jets are there? Because I just see the one that loses every week.

1:18:05Bill Simmons:I mean, if they can't win this game, are they going to win this season?

1:18:09Cousin Sal:You're right. They're not going to be favored for the rest of the year.

1:18:11Bill Simmons:How many wins are left on the schedule?

1:18:13Cousin Sal:No, they can't be favored by anyone else. They're home for Miami, though, who just got a raw number against Cleveland.

1:18:19Bill Simmons:They're home Browns, Week 10. Home Dolphins, Week 14. They're at the Saints. Hmm. No, they won't be favored. Those are our last three chances. Yep.

1:18:34Bill Simmons:Sunday night. 49ers, Falcons. And this line could move if the Falcons look good against Buffalo tomorrow, would be my guess. But right now I have a 49ers by three.

1:18:48Cousin Sal:Yep. That's why I had it also. That's exactly what it is. Okay. I think I went by five, six, seven. Seven, two. Ten, seven. Oh, I won.

1:18:58Bill Simmons:Wow, he took a big haymaker and bounced back. That's resilience. You know what? There's a lot people could learn from you. Thanks, buddy. That's how to just suck it up. Just move on to the next week. It's impressive. Monday night, Lions-Bucks.

1:19:15Bill Simmons:It's in Detroit. And it feels like the Bucks are going to be missing at least their first three receivers. I don't know if Bucky Irving's playing. I have Lions minus three. I had two and a half. Yeah. It's five and a half. Oof. So that's pricing in all the injuries.

1:19:33Cousin Sal:Yeah, but come on. Wait, don't we? That's too high. Are they going to get slaughtered, Tampa Bay, or are Baker going to have a chance to win it in the fourth quarter?

1:19:42Bill Simmons:Oh, our special guest is here. Let's guess this last one really fast. There he is. Seahawks, Texans in Seattle. I have Seahawks minus two and a half.

1:19:51Cousin Sal:Jimmy, guess for me because I already won, so it's okay. You can screw this up.

1:19:55Jimmy Kimmel:I go Seahawks minus three and a half.

1:19:58Cousin Sal:All right. You split it. It's three.

1:20:00Jimmy Kimmel:All right.

1:20:01Cousin Sal:Great job, Jimmy. You did it. It's a rookie mistake. You need to price his right him. If he says two and a half and you think it's three or three, you should have gone three. I have too much integrity for that.

1:20:11Jimmy Kimmel:You know that stuff. Yeah, that is true.

1:20:13Bill Simmons:All right. Okay. Today's Parent Corner is presented by Uber Eats. Let's be real. Wouldn't it be game day without a spread of your favorite foods, pizza, burgers, burritos, you name it. Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long. We're delivering as a special guest for Parent Corner, controversial late night host, Jimmy Kimmel. He's here, our cousin. He really is. Just embroiled in controversy. Occasional late night host.

1:20:40Jimmy Kimmel:By the way, I think I'm spending somewhere in the neighborhood of between$40 ,000 and$80 ,000 a year on Uber Eats now. I'm not sure what it is, but it's really, it's a problem. It's too easy now. It's too easy.

1:20:54Cousin Sal:This doesn't count as a Parent Corner story, but Jimmy, your mom showed me a picture of the bag that the Uber Eats delivery driver left on her front porch and said, please tip me well.

1:21:09Cousin Sal:And she was really bent out of shape about it. She's like, I was going to tip them well. Why? I don't understand you say that.

1:21:18Bill Simmons:Jimmy, we want to have you on for a variety of reasons for Parent Corner, but your son is in the all-time sweet spot for Parent Corner. I went through it when my son Ben was around this age. It was just a smorgasbord of stories. And then Sal just went through it with Harrison. And now your beloved young Billy, it's in the sweet spot right now for him.

1:21:40Jimmy Kimmel:Billy's eight years old now. And there are a lot of kids in our family. And as my father said, this is the weirdest one.

1:21:51Jimmy Kimmel:he's uh you know he's into a lot of the normal kid stuff the eight-year-old stuff like uh roblox and mr beast but also obsessed with death in a weird way like uh tornadoes and um tsunamis earthquakes hurricanes he always wants to know if they're gonna if they're coming if they're gonna and he also wants to know who will get them if we die if molly my wife and i die who will get cut where will they live and he wants all the details on who it is it almost gets to the point where it feels like he's hoping it happens yeah well wait a minute did you tell him did you tell him what was the answer i'm really interested in the answer you know what we don't know the answer i think we had a plan like when they were babies but now like now my older kids are like each married and so yeah it probably would make most sense that they would live with their sister and brother and in some way but now you have an answer yeah i guess so but then which one do we pick and then do we even we tell do we tell the people we picked no it's a nice surprise i think you might have

1:23:02Cousin Sal:been considering later me for a second and then you saw house eats three and uh the vomiting you I said, we can't go on.

1:23:09Bill Simmons:You were the leader in the clubhouse until Brad, you get custody of him two weekends a year. That's true, yeah. That was the deal breaker for Jimmy.

1:23:16Cousin Sal:Queer the deal for anybody.

1:23:17Bill Simmons:The Labor Days with Brad, he couldn't do it. So give us some of the highlights because I got to see Young Billy in action a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. I'm not going to say it was a tense atmosphere before your first show back, but people were moving around. Pete was emotional. And then he showed up and had a water gun and was just antagonizing and attacking everybody. and lighten the mood.

1:23:38Jimmy Kimmel:He sees the, when they come to the office, he just sees just a bunch of adults as his victims. And we actually had a stern talk with him afterwards. Like you can't, because like nobody can say anything to him. He's the host's kid, you know? Right. And I think somewhere down deep inside, he senses that because he goes absolutely wild. It's also probably the free snacks at the craft service table have something to do with it. Right. But he is, I mean, he and his penis are like Starsky and Hutch. They are a team that cannot be separated. And every story goes to his penis. I mean, he really, I think his greatest move was he's walking around the house and he's got his dick out.

1:24:29Jimmy Kimmel:And I go, all right, put your penis away. And he's like, what? But I see, put your penis, put your pants on and put your penis away. And Molly, my wife's like, you know, Billy. Okay. All right. It's funny, but put your penis away. He's like, it's not, my penis is not out. And he kept a straight face and insisted that his penis wasn't out and then started crying. Like as if, as one would, if his penis wasn't out. And he's just like, why are you saying this? It's not. Why are you saying my penis is out? It's not out. And it's fucking out. And you just like you don't know what to do, you know, because it's out.

1:25:11Jimmy Kimmel:Number one. But part of you really admires this insane avenue that he's chosen to walk down. And then the other part doesn't want him to do it at school, you know. Right.

1:25:23Bill Simmons:So it's really it goes from adorable and hilarious to an actual issue.

1:25:29Jimmy Kimmel:pretty fast. It hasn't become an issue yet. I mean, like he's shy with people outside of the house. He said he doesn't like the doctors to see his penis. And we're like, well, who do you like to see your penis? He said, my cousins. He also, I think,

1:25:48Cousin Sal:what if we all wore scrubs? Would that, you think, put an end to it?

1:25:53Jimmy Kimmel:I think it's important for context to know that he dresses now like Aaron Paul in the first season of Breaking Bad. He'll wear a skull cap and jewelry. He's got a gold chain that he thinks is pretty valuable. I bought him for like$8 on Amazon. He's always in black. And if he's not in black, he's in something absolutely crazy.

1:26:17Bill Simmons:That sounds good for Hollywood Boulevard.

1:26:19Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah. He looks like a skateboarder from the 80s, but he doesn't ride it. skateboard so we come down in the morning and he's eating tortilla chips and um molly says who told you you could eat tortilla chips in the morning and he just goes thinks for a second he goes my penis he also squeezes he likes to grab our asses not just with one hand but two hands it'll just really and he'll make he'll make sounds like an old pervert by like he says to molly her last name's mcnearney he goes oh squishy mcnearney he's behind her squeezing her ass

1:27:11Jimmy Kimmel:squeezing his friend mo's ass at school he's got a handful of mo his best friend mo's ass and he's holding a book. And the book is a photo book that Mo's mother has made for Billy. And on the front of the book, Billy is also squeezing Mo's ass. So it's like if you were to hold it up to a mirror, you'd see infinity of Billy squeezing Mo's ass. And then he does the fun little things like he'll take Molly's chapstick and just start applying it to his penis. Oh my God. Molly said I actually overheard her say this and I wrote it down put on your clothes your penis is not entertainment that's what she thinks

1:28:01Bill Simmons:that could help the ABC's fall lineup your penis is not entertainment on Tuesday nights on NBC yeah

1:28:11Jimmy Kimmel:he's very he's into all the bad things that

1:28:15Bill Simmons:boys are into uh not not farting not not the farting poop area not really farting for sure

1:28:21Jimmy Kimmel:pooping you know he loves to fart he will he'll get naked and just like just sit right on my head and fart while i'm sleeping morning he gets in bed with us and he just gets upside down in the bed just puts both of his feet right my right in my mouth like right in my face like I'm trying to sleep. He said his favorite dinner, his dream dinner, is cereal with prime. You know that shit Logan Paul or Jake Paul sells that like poisonous drink? Yeah, that's his dream dinner. Cereal and prime.

1:28:58Bill Simmons:Yeah, cereal and prime. That's his dream. That's like for an eight-year-old, like a bump of cocaine or something. Yeah, for sure.

1:29:06Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah, we're going to Ireland with my family next week, you know. And I don't know if he decided this or my dad decided this, but they decided they're going to have a sip of beer together in a pub. Oh, nice.

1:29:22Bill Simmons:Interesting. That should go well. Yeah, that should be great. Is there anyone in the Southern California area that your dad hasn't told yet that he's going to Ireland or there's still like 10 people left?

1:29:34Jimmy Kimmel:There's nobody. the number of texts can we talk about parents I guess we can

1:29:41Bill Simmons:all parents and kids are eligible

1:29:44Jimmy Kimmel:I mean for God's sake this man the details the texts are right now first of all I know the exchange rate for euro for the whole year like from January what it was what it is today and what a shame it is that it's it was we didn't get this money exchange in January because it was you'd save 15 cents for each dollar. I know how many pounds are allowed in his luggage. He wanted to know because you can get up to 70 pounds if he should bring two pieces of luggage with under 70 pounds or add a third, you know, just like all these crazy questions he's asking us. We're having a big family reunion with our Irish family and And he keeps reminding us that one member of the family, this kid who had the same heart surgery Billy had, is going to be there.

1:30:41Jimmy Kimmel:And he's now reminded us of this six times. And Molly and I are over-unders 11 on it. So we still have a few days, but 11 is what we're shooting for.

1:30:53Bill Simmons:I was thinking that should be, you know those ads they have, the old people ads where it's like, this is wrong and you could take this. And that would be the ultimate one is to not tell the same story 10 to 20 times. Oh, yeah. You've got some certain age as a parent, and it's just, did I tell you that blah, blah, blah? It's like, yeah, you told me 20 minutes ago that you told me the same story.

1:31:15Jimmy Kimmel:Most parents will tell you, when you tell them, yeah, you told me that story, they have to finish it. It doesn't matter. Right, they finish it anyway. Yeah, it's like they got started, and they're going to finish it, and you'll go like, there's no one else in the room right now. Like, who are you telling this to? I told you that you told me this story, already.

1:31:33Bill Simmons:They're on Broadway doing a performance. They just don't care who the audience is.

1:31:37Cousin Sal:Or you have to hit a quota at the end of the month, like a cop giving speeding tickets or parking tickets. Maybe there's a number in their head they have to hit.

1:31:45Jimmy Kimmel:Let me read you a text that Molly sent to me last night. She said, I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you your dad just came to the door with Todd. Todd's our dog. And was mid sentence about his great great grandfather when I opened the door. And then just went through his entire genealogy. I think I said three words and then he said, all right, gotta go.

1:32:12Bill Simmons:Meanwhile, these are the texts I get from my mom, whose name is Jan. This is just out of nowhere and solicited on October 4th. Do I have Janheimers or did I never watch another nine and a half weeks? Is this pre or post Wild Orchard? Oh my God. Text from my 70 year old mom. Nice. And does she pronounce it Orchid or is that you? That's just me. Orchid. Orchid. Yeah, that's just me. That's me. So who is the funniest texting parent? Sal, what are your parents from a texting standpoint?

1:32:45Cousin Sal:Well, my father's got gorilla hands and gorilla brain too. So he can't really text. He doesn't know how to text. But my mother's pretty crazy. So he doesn't text at all. Your mother's like a big social media person. We featured some of my mother's texts on Jimmy Kimmel Live. She's just a lunatic, all caps. all knowing everything and, uh, and, uh, voice texting it too. So it all comes out ridiculous.

1:33:06Jimmy Kimmel:I get a lot of good texts from your mom. You want to hear, um, I think I got one just the, the other day. Um, yeah. Uh, I mean, just, I mean, the mostly complimentary, but, um, a lot of times they're, you know, give me a tip. Oh, my friend is the executive producer of this documentary. She is a retired judge. Thought you should see this. And then there's a two-hour documentary she wants me to watch on my phone.

1:33:40Cousin Sal:My mother's name is Fran, and she changed, on the phone, she changed her name to Melanie. You know, it'll say like, maybe. It says, maybe, Melanie. Maybe, Melanie. And I was like, you know what? I'm just going to change it to Melanie. Now she's Melanie in my phone. So I call her Melanie. She hates it. Don't go by that. I don't even know what the hell that is. Don't do that. But it's clearly something she did in the settings or something.

1:34:04Bill Simmons:My mom sends me texts like these thought-provoking texts out of nowhere like I'm not even 100 % sure OJ did it. That'll just be the text. It'll just be there. No context or anything. I'm like, wait, what? Yeah, that's my dad's way more normal. I know Sal's on this too.

1:34:22Jimmy Kimmel:The only text I really get from my mother are her daily Wordle and Connections. I get Connections, too. Wordle and Connections every day. Every day. I never respond to them. I mean, I'm looking through them right now. There are like 50 of them, and I've never responded to a single one of them, but I keep getting them every day.

1:34:45Cousin Sal:Can I tell you, I get them from her, too, and it ruins my day. I love hearing from her, but she'll wake up at like 4.30 in the morning, so she'll get it done first, and she'll always write, this was too easy. And I'm like, God damn it. Now I can't get even one wrong, right? So now I have to get four for four. And if I don't get perfect, it's like, oh, she did it again.

1:35:06Jimmy Kimmel:Wednesday, 4.51 a.m. Wordle score. Thursday, oh, she slept in, 7.10 a.m. Friday, 5.42 a.m. Saturday, 5.42 a.m. I mean, it's insanity.

1:35:20Bill Simmons:Jimmy, do either of your parents still do the thing where somebody recognized them and they tell you about it? Like, it's going to be this amazing story about how they get recognized, but you immediately know by the twinkle in their eye before the story starts where the story is going to be and what it is.

1:35:37Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, although it's hard for my parents because it's hard to get recognized when you're shouting your son's name at strangers before they even speak to you. You know, it's a little bit different. My Aunt Chippy, our Aunt Chippy, I should say. Um, uh, she told me three times in the span of 24 hours that, um, Garth from Mazda sends his best. There's a guy named Garth that works at a Mazda dealership in Las Vegas who, uh, one time provided aunt Chippy with a car. I've never met Garth, but, um, the third time she was about to tell me, she goes, Oh, did I tell you, did, did I tell you who reached out?

1:36:20Jimmy Kimmel:I go Garth from Mazda. She's like, yeah, Garth from Mazda.

1:36:25Cousin Sal:This is a huge, huge for Garth from Mazda.

1:36:28Bill Simmons:That should be your mom's next thing for her phone, Sal. She could be Garth from Mazda instead of Melanie. Wait, Jimmy, what about your daughter? No, or have you hit that point now? Is she too cool to hang out with you yet? Or is that happening in real time?

1:36:43Jimmy Kimmel:And I like to find out what kind of like the new lingo that the kids are using. And then I just drop it in, in the middle and she hates it so much. It is so funny. Apparently baddie licious is something that they're saying. And so we were having dinner last night and I knew she'd said baddie licious. They went to the chapel rowing concert, my wife and, and daughter. And she called some woman who's all dressed up baddie licious. And so I was eating last night. We're eating a Chinese food. I was like, Oh, this is baddie licious. and she just like looks at me like they get so mad right and molly does a bit called cool mom but she's like jane you're so lucky you got a cool mom and she starts like dancing around like and jane really like genuinely hates it it's not even like a joke like she hates it like she'll pull her aside and say please please stop doing that stop doing that for some reason they tolerate my nonsense more but also like nothing i say you know nothing i say is ever serious so it's right it's part of but yeah that's that's the big thing she also just started her new season of basketball and she scored four points today which is huge she has not scored before and but she plays like the the level of intensity with which she plays is insane is like like a young Dennis Rodman.

1:38:15Jimmy Kimmel:I mean, she is like just running as hard as she can. She was, she's pretty tall, you know, and she was assigned to guard this little girl who was about half her size today. And she would not, I mean, you would, she was glued to this kid, this poor kid the whole time. She did not let up on this kid. And this kid had no chance of scoring, you know, even with it, if this kid was alone on the court, she had no chance of scoring, but Jane was up this kid's ass And she is so serious. It's really funny to watch her play. And she wound up scoring a couple of baskets. So she was very pleased with herself tonight.

1:38:54Jimmy Kimmel:I miss those days. And she's wearing deodorant now too. Deodorant? Yeah.

1:39:01Cousin Sal:Dennis Rodman never wore deodorant. So there's the difference.

1:39:04Jimmy Kimmel:She said, hey, can I have some deodorant? I was like, yeah, I guess so.

1:39:10Bill Simmons:Sal, did you have a parent corner? Because I gave mine to Jimmy. I did.

1:39:14Cousin Sal:And I think this is a good one for all of us. So Saturday morning, Harrison, my 12 year old, approaches me and is like, can we play golf? I know you're busy, but can we, is there a way we can play golf this morning? I'm like, oh Jesus, there's so many good college football games. He doesn't have a tournament. I just wanted to veg out, you know? And so now I have to weigh my gambling addiction with my duty to be a good parent, which I'm not addicted to. So, and I ask everyone, nobody else wants to go golfing. So it's just me and him, no one else in the family. So we have 90 minutes before the Oregon game.

1:39:49Cousin Sal:So we go to that hotel golf course a couple miles away on Rosecrance. And I am bad. I am so bad at golf. My swing, people say they're bad. I am really fucking bad. Like Charles Barkley would giggle like a schoolgirl if he saw my swing. and if I have a driver, I could hit it 180 yards or 35 yards. And there's no rhyme or reason. There's no why I would get one more than the other. And Harrison has like a classic smooth baseball-golf hybrid swing, but I'm more powerful, so I should beat him. And I'm beating him by three going into the seventh hole. I'm beating him by two going into the eighth hole.

1:40:30Cousin Sal:I'm beating him by one going into the ninth hole. Oh, God. And I'm like, I can't fucking lose to this guy. There's no way I can lose. And I need to make a five foot putt, which I had not been doing all day to secure the win. And I did it. And I was giddy. And he didn't even care that he lost because he's like, you're an old man who's done this. Yeah, you've played all your life. But it got me thinking, what age do you have in your mind that you would be okay with your kid beating you at every sport? I think golf, I would say 19. He would have to be 19. I think basketball, because I'm short, I would say 14.

1:41:12Cousin Sal:Tennis, around 17, 18. In a race, I would say 16, because I'm fat fast. You know that, Jimmy. So I'm going to try to hang on to that. You are fast. You really are quick.

1:41:25Jimmy Kimmel:It's because you have a 22-inch inseam, and your legs are like cartoon legs. You know, they just, they get a lot of movement.

1:41:35Bill Simmons:He's like Fred Flintstone.

1:41:36Cousin Sal:He goes really fast. You guys could slow down on the compliments here. But no, but so do you guys have ages for when you, when it's allowable to be beaten by? What about boxing? Oh yeah. Well, hopefully I never find out about that.

1:41:50Bill Simmons:It's an actual fight. Yeah. UFC fight. Like Palmer Horse 37. No, I don't know. I think everything is before 20.

1:41:58Jimmy Kimmel:Sure. I've been playing chess with Billy and that's another one that I just don't let him win. I just won't. Yeah, you can't. Right. Like, I'm just never going to let him win. He's going to have to beat me because I feel like when he does beat me, which he will eventually, that it will be much more exciting and satisfying for him. Yeah.

1:42:16Bill Simmons:I've had that argument with my wife too, because I never intentionally lost anything to my kids ever. My wife made her mad a couple of times. Like, really? You couldn't let Ben win the one Monopoly game? I'm like, well, what kind of lesson is that? Then if he actually wins, he won't know that he achieved the win.

1:42:34Cousin Sal:I'm with you on that.

1:42:35Bill Simmons:Letting him win does nothing. But physical sports is worse though, right?

1:42:39Cousin Sal:Isn't that like, I don't know, you lose your vulnerability a little bit.

1:42:43Bill Simmons:I would think like, what is the bigger ego blow for the dad? I think losing a race would be number one. That's tough. Like when your kid's faster than you, like fundamentally, the most primal thing you can do other than fight is race somebody. and the moment they're faster than you, I would think that's like both they're faster than you and also you'd feel old. It's all bad. If Ben beat you in tennis right now, how mad would you be? He'd never beat me because I would just, I would psychologically just, I would make him mad he would melt down. Tennis is the easiest sport. Somebody can be better than you and you can still beat them because you just have to fuck with them.

1:43:21Bill Simmons:Interesting.

1:43:22Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah. I always do feel like you have the edge over your little brother or your child. Whatever it is, if you have that childhood edge over them, you always maintain it in some way. Right.

1:43:36Bill Simmons:Yeah. If you know where the pressure points are, you can go. My wife plays tennis six times a week. I can still beat her anytime we play because I can always get her rattle and I can do stuff.

1:43:51Jimmy Kimmel:When I was dating Sarah Silverman, she lived in a condo complex that had a tennis court. And I was just like, well, why don't we, we never, you know, we've never played. You got a court at your house. We should play. She's like, yeah, you're right. So, you know, I get my tennis racket and she gets her tennis racket and we go down to the court and we play and she beats me. And that was the last time we ever played.

1:44:17Cousin Sal:Okay. So how old does your ex-girlfriend have to be before you're okay? Yeah.

1:44:23Bill Simmons:Chest is a good one. And Scrabble was always fun. Like the board games are the ones. Scrabble, Jimmy Old Bluntoy's 85.

1:44:31Cousin Sal:Yeah, Jimmy has too much of an advantage on something like Scrabble.

1:44:35Bill Simmons:We did sneakers for rewatchables for Monday with Robert Redford. And there's a big Scrabble scene in it. And we were talking about whether Scrabble is still as relevant as it was when they made the movie in 92, when it was completely one of the most relevant board games. And the argument my co-host made was that it still is completely relevant. I have no idea.

1:44:56Jimmy Kimmel:More so if you count Words with Friends as Scrabble, which it is. You know, because a lot of people play Words with Friends. And it's Scrabble. It's just a slightly different shaped board. So, you know. Boggle's the next thing. I've been playing Boggle on the toilet for quite some time now. And they actually ruined the app on the iPhone. It stinks now. But I've been seeing Boggle in the future. And then I was at this event last week and Netflix is putting Boggle on their platform as a game that you can play against others on TV through your phone. And I was like, God damn it. I knew it. I should have gotten in on some kind of Boggle stock or something.

1:45:43Cousin Sal:Are people on the toilet playing each other? How does that? Or you just. Yeah.

1:45:49Jimmy Kimmel:You go to a public restroom and you line up. and you tap toes and then you know that it's time to play.

1:45:57Bill Simmons:I did have a bone to pick with Jimmy. He went on Colbert's show and he told this story about when he found out his show wasn't going to air, but he was in the bathroom when he found out. And there were natural follow-up questions that Colbert just didn't ask. And I just feel like if there's a career type thing that happens to you when you're in the bathroom, this is your exclusive home for those stories.

1:46:20Jimmy Kimmel:That's true.

1:46:20Bill Simmons:And you forgot that and hurt my feelings.

1:46:22Jimmy Kimmel:Well, everything big happens in the bathroom because it's the only place where people can't hear what I'm saying. And to be honest, I'm not even sure that that's the case because I've never been out in my office while someone was in the bathroom talking. So I should probably test it to make sure it is. You should soundproof your bathroom. I think it's soundproof, but I don't know for sure. But you know what I do because I have five guys in my office. When I have to take a call that's private, I go in the bathroom. And it's weird.

1:46:53Cousin Sal:I think it's soundproof because they would tell me if they could hear you and they're just always like, something's up, something's up, I know. Okay. Yeah, so you're good.

1:47:00Bill Simmons:Well, when I worked for you and I started coming in and helping you out in the office every day and I was the one person there and then you would go in there for a while and get a lot of stuff done and I just got used to it after a while. It seemed totally normal to me. But I thought that was like where you got some of your best work done.

1:47:17Jimmy Kimmel:I do often tell people that you credit me with inventing, taking the laptop onto the toilet.

1:47:25Bill Simmons:Well, you were the first one I'd seen with the laptop desk. You had an actual desk, so the heat from the laptop wouldn't cinch your privates. Picking up before we go. Oh, wait, so you're going to Ireland, Jimmy? I am, yeah. With the fam. But we did have to say something about our friend Alex, who passed away this year.

1:47:46Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah, Alex Wallow, one of the all-time greats. He was the president of ABC when we started there and was really our biggest champion and supporter. For whatever reason, we took a liking to each other right at the outset. And Alex passed away at 81 years old. He was diagnosed with stage four cancer in 1987. Crazy. Unbelievable. He had six months to live in 1987 and he was the toughest guy and the funniest guy. You know, Al Michaels was one of his best friends. And I don't think he'd mind me sharing this story because Al was at his bedside this week when the great Alex Wallow passed away. And he said he said I took his hand and he said his hand was really strong, like really for a person who, you know, had hours to live.

1:48:45Jimmy Kimmel:but he was really strong. And Alex at this time, he wasn't particularly verbal. He'd only said like a word here or there. He's semi-conscious. He's laying in bed and he takes his hand and then Al puts his hand on top of the other hand and they got four hands kind of holding each other. And Al kisses Alex on the forehead and Alex takes his hand out of the pile and he points to his lips. He wants Al to kiss him on the lips. And so Al kisses him on the lips. And Alex says, what a way to go.

1:49:23Cousin Sal:Wow.

1:49:26Cousin Sal:That's amazing.

1:49:28Jimmy Kimmel:I know all you need to know about Alex because he was always funny no matter what was going on.

1:49:34Bill Simmons:Yeah. He was a huge champion of the show in the early days. Early days.

1:49:39Cousin Sal:Up to his very last day.

1:49:40Bill Simmons:But I mean, we really needed somebody in the early parts. Fan of this show too, right? He would give you shit about what he didn't like. Well, every time I ran into him, he would read the column and the pod. And every time I ran into him, he was just, it was like we had had a seven minute conversation before the conversation we were about to happen. He was just right into like, I can't believe you said that about Eli. And then he's just in and he'd be going. And Jimmy, I think for Christmas one year, took all these, Alex was yelling at me about something for like 15 minutes.

1:50:15Jimmy Kimmel:I think it was something.

1:50:17Bill Simmons:I think I made a joke about Al on a podcast and he was furious about it. And he was just berating me about it in a good natured way. But, and Jimmy was so delighted. He just started taking pictures of us and then made this collage photo frame thing that he gave to me that I still have. But he was, Alex was a man of passion. Like he really, when he was riled up, he was riled up. Yeah, and he was an amazing boxing guy. He was one of the first great boxing analysts.

1:50:43Cousin Sal:When we were kids, I didn't know before you knew Jimmy.

1:50:46Jimmy Kimmel:He started doing boxing analysis and interviews in the ring and then somehow became president of the whole network, which I still don't understand how it happened. I don't think he ever really understood how it happened either, but he was just a great guy. And his wife, Martha, is a great person. They're really, really strong people with a great marriage. and he was the best.

1:51:12Bill Simmons:Yeah. Good one. Really good person to know. Great career. Cool guy. All right. Jimmy, thanks for popping. All right, now let's do Diane Keaton. I mean, Diane Keaton, she was pretty great too.

1:51:25Jimmy Kimmel:I got the sense that Diane Keaton had a little crush on me, to be honest. Yeah, I remember that. That was fun. Our last couple of appearances and the feeling was mutual.

1:51:34Bill Simmons:Yeah, there you go. Is there an all-star team of I had a feeling they might have had a crush on me?

1:51:39Jimmy Kimmel:Well, you know, it's not a full five. I mean, you could call it an all-star team, but there aren't many on the list, and most of them are men.

1:51:51Cousin Sal:Al Michaels kissed them on the mouth once. Yeah. All right.

1:51:56Bill Simmons:Today's Parent Corner presented by Uber Eats. Get almost anything for game day, like your favorite game day foods, drinks, and snacks on Uber Eats, the official on-demand delivery partner of the NFL. Order now. Jimmy, anything to plug? Your late night show? Any news? Any agent news? Do you still have an agent?

1:52:12Jimmy Kimmel:I still have a job, which is good. I don't have an agent. I have a manager. He's crazy. A great manager. Yeah.

1:52:21Bill Simmons:So I heard, Sal, do you want to tell the Brooklyn parking space story?

1:52:26Cousin Sal:I don't know. Jimmy didn't even know about that until I told him. Jimmy's publicist, Louis K., was all up in arms because when, Jimmy, you did the show at the BAM in Brooklyn, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and then had to immediately travel to do Colbert's show. It's Tuesday night.

1:52:41Jimmy Kimmel:Colbert's on my show. And then I'm going to go do his show. So he has to change his whole schedule around, you know, to do this. And I have to race. And it's an hour's drive from our studio in Brooklyn to his studio in Midtown. And what happens when we get there, Sal?

1:52:58Cousin Sal:Well, Baby had taken your, you know, they're very, you know, Obviously, this is a highly charged time for you. And they want to make sure that when you're outside, you can get right into the studio. And so they had a parking lot set up, a parking space that would require about 10 steps. And Babydoll swooped into that spot and took it from you. And I think you had to park at least across the street and maybe down. I had to cross the street. Yeah. But he didn't care. He didn't really. He wasn't remorseful. at all. That's the thing. He has no shame. There's no shame at all.

1:53:35Bill Simmons:Did he at least move the car so when you left the show, you moved it for him?

1:53:39Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah. He had to give up his keys. He wasn't happy, apparently. But that's what happens. That's a baby for you. My name is Chuck and I don't give a fuck.

1:53:48Bill Simmons:And as all this stuff was happening in your career, he was handling it from the streets of Martha's Vineyard?

1:53:56Jimmy Kimmel:He was. Were it not for Zoom, I don't know that I would be employed today.

1:54:01Bill Simmons:he said it was 20 hours a day what was the actual number for him he said it was 20 hours a day for him was the number

1:54:09Jimmy Kimmel:he quoted I don't it's hard to say because a lot of it was him talking to other people it couldn't have been because there's no way it was 20 hours

1:54:20Cousin Sal:because it couldn't have been yeah

1:54:21Bill Simmons:I mean there's 24 hours in a day so he did tell me

1:54:24Jimmy Kimmel:his wife Tanya he goes you know what Tanya has been great to roll. Tanya has been, I really, I really feel so understanding. She's been so great. And I'm sitting here thinking like, great, you're still in Martha's Vineyard. You're still going to this wedding. I'm in turmoil

1:54:47Cousin Sal:right now. No, but she let me during the cocktail hour, you know, they're handing out the nice pigs in the blanket, but I got out to make a 10-minute phone call. So, you know, she understood.

1:54:58Bill Simmons:So is he like, on speakerphone during some of these huge meetings? Like how did this work? Zoom.

1:55:05Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah. Yeah, Zoom. So we could really see him. But even the Zooms were like, he's in a place that's just ridiculous. You know, like clearly, clearly like at his vacation home, he is like nine shades of tan. He is so tan, you can barely see his face. Like just barely see him.

1:55:26Bill Simmons:Just to lighten the Zoom so you can actually make out his features.

1:55:29Jimmy Kimmel:In our big meeting, he was wearing a white shirt and he was like burnt umber. And you just really could only see his like a little bit of his eyes. And then, of course, if on the occasion he would smile, you'd see his teeth. And then a little flash of cigarette. Oh, man. That's like a little drift of smoke.

1:55:50Cousin Sal:That's when I need to pull up with marinara sauce. Whenever he's wearing a white shirt, it just gets me crazy.

1:55:55Bill Simmons:Does he speak more or less when he's on the Zoom than when he would in person during these gigantic career-altering meetings for you?

1:56:02Jimmy Kimmel:It depends who it's with. If he feels they're above him, he speaks less. If he feels they're beneath him, which is almost everyone else, he speaks the whole time.

1:56:13Bill Simmons:And do we know what wedding he went to that weekend that he couldn't fly back?

1:56:17Jimmy Kimmel:His daughter's friend.

1:56:20Bill Simmons:Okay. Daughter's friend. I'm glad we saw that. Was it like a top three friend? Was it a college roommate? There's a lot of daughters and there's a lot of friends. Okay. Yeah. All right. Glad we settled that. Jimmy, have a great time in Ireland. Great to see you. Cousin Sal, we'll see you in the Ringer, on the Ringer Game. We're on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. Ringer Sunday pregame on Sunday. And then back here next week. Jimmy, thanks for coming on.

1:56:48Jimmy Kimmel:I can't believe you guys watch games and then talk about them, and that is your actual job.

1:56:52Bill Simmons:we're so

1:56:53Cousin Sal:happy to be here they kicked off at 6.30 this morning they put these games in London it used to be one a year and now it's like six straight Sundays 14 straight hours of football

1:57:04Jimmy Kimmel:had you known maybe you would have chosen a different sport you're right

1:57:09Bill Simmons:yeah you're right boggles yeah boggles would have been great alright bye guys great to see you alright Sal see you next week bye Jimmy good job by you good job by you

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