Drake Mayday, a Raiders Revival, Bleakest 0-3 Teams, MLB Playoffs, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

11:57Cousin Sal:Right, yeah. Best to everything as soon as his foot hits that ball. So, I really didn't think, I was shocked that they ran a play there. It really looked that at first the Ravens went a bunch up and just take a knee or something. And then I take their chances in overtime. And I wasn't even really doing the math on just like a long completion in bounds, but there's so much wrong with that. Like I know receivers can give themselves up and then the clock stops automatically, but why are you even touching him down with seven seconds left in the middle of the field? You know, um,

12:27Bill Simmons:just a good job talking about the umbrella coverage versus what they did and how stupid it was basically.

12:33Cousin Sal:Yeah. I just, I, it did not occur to me that they would be able to kick a field goal there. There was, there was so little time and I've watched so many games and it was in fact like back to back field goals in 10 seconds had never, I don't think happened before. I think that's the stat for that. So, um, so it's not like their kicker.

12:50Bill Simmons:It's not like they have Justin Tucker in the late 2010s here. This kicker was pretty embattled in the preseason. Yeah. He's playing on a weird field in Brazil. I actually didn't think he was going to make it. all of a sudden the game's over and he's running into the corner like he's a soccer player. And the good news for you, I think, from a Dallas standpoint is I thought those teams were pretty interchangeable and pretty even. Yeah, sure. Like you're not a top-level team, but you're definitely circling between second and third level, I think. Oh, that's good. Because you can move the ball and you can get stops.

13:22Cousin Sal:Third level of hell, maybe. Speaking of, the worst is I have to hear Jason Garrett's. He's the first voice I hear after the loss. I know. I'd much rather hear yours and Kyle's. Like, I don't know. Anybody's just awful.

13:35Bill Simmons:Well, so where did you watch the game? Can we get a little Intel? Yeah. Cause you're in, you're in Brooklyn. Cause Jimmy's got shows in Brooklyn all week.

13:43Cousin Sal:So you're there. Jimmy came alive all week. Uh, yeah. Monday through Friday out here. We always go to a bar in Brooklyn and, um, the bar to, I, I reserve for like a little room with like four tables and it's nice. They put the games on however I want. It was going to be a little challenging today cause the Jets and Giants played at one, which we hadn't dealt with before, but, uh, I was excited. And then the guy calls me at like 8.30. The bar owner is like, we're closed. Too much flooding. I'm like, oh, 8.30 is like 5.30 in the morning because I just got here yesterday. I'm like, oh, my God. So now I'm scrambling.

14:14Cousin Sal:I'm like, is there a Dave and Buster's? What do I do here? We're going to. So my buddy, brother, brother, you know, brother, I got an Uber. I went to Long Island and I watched with the Parley Kid, Mikey Meatballs and all my friends back home. So that was it. Oh, you did that. Yeah, that's that's great. It's good. It's good. We all got together.

14:31Bill Simmons:That's a good win. I mean, if you had been at the bar and the Cowboys had won, you could have done the De Niro. Drinks are on the house.

14:40Cousin Sal:That's right.

14:41Bill Simmons:You could have done that.

14:42Cousin Sal:Yeah, right. Yeah. Not even close. Too much flooding.

14:47Bill Simmons:So you got to experience actual, real, genuine sadness with some of your oldest friends.

14:51Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's actually important, I think, every decade or so.

14:54Bill Simmons:Yeah. How about you? Where did you watch? That's a great story. I was in Boston. I watched a game with my dad. and I wrote down some of his quotes during the game. I'm guessing your game, the Jacksonville. Jacksonville. He's very excited about the game. I did not think we were going to win. I took the Jags and bring our 107 and I thought something was seriously wrong with Drake May. His quote's in order. It's like I'm watching Mac Jones again. That was the actual quote. I think Diana Rossini ruined our season. He said that. Should we try DeVito? Question mark. Dead serious. And then sadly near the end, he said, he looked at me and he goes, you know, it was so exciting to have a franchise quarterback, even if it was only for one year.

15:45Talked about past tense.

15:47Bill Simmons:It's completely out. We don't know what's going on with our quarterback. He has, I think, what's the number? Nine fumbles and 10 interceptions in his last seven games. dating back to the start of the postseason. And Drake maybe is now done. People were sending me emails, Drake maybe not, Drake maybe Mac Jones, Drake maybe getting benched. There's been a bunch of these now, and this is your big victory today.

16:15Cousin Sal:Well, yeah. I mean, if you're revving up for an apology, you don't have to. That's my birthday gift to you. Don't even bother apologizing. I actually felt bad for him a little. Like when a hostage taker all of a sudden has feelings for the hostage, Oh. I think you wanted to sneak him

16:32Bill Simmons:a ham and cheese sandwich.

16:33Cousin Sal:Yeah, I want to help you. I want to help you out a little bit. This is tough, man. Yeah.

16:38Bill Simmons:Let me take that duct tape off for a second.

16:41Cousin Sal:It was for a second. Don't tell anybody. So, I mean, I don't know what, you know, I guess you should have talked to your dad about Trinidad Chambliss, CJ Carr, Arch Manning, or your Darian Mensah guy. Like, which way are you looking? I'm looking out for your team now.

16:56Bill Simmons:I want to help. Doug Clawson on Twitter said the Pats offense this year has 29 points on 30 drives, which is 0.97 per drive. Fewest point total for any team through three games since the 2021 Jets in the first three starts of Zach Wilson's career. That's how bad this has been. And some of the worst decision interceptions. It doesn't seem like he's practiced with any of the receivers. the plays and the play calling matched with the personnel we have doesn't seem to work we were predicting our plays from the couch which is always a bad sign it's like second and four inside run uh i don't know what what they're doing when trevion henderson who's the most exciting running out on the side screen pass swing pass sweep all we do is run him inside so he can get knocked down you know for two yards to carry romeo dobbs is on pace to become the most disliked boston athlete in the last five years, including all the Red Sox Celtics Bruins guys.

17:58Bill Simmons:And May just has no confidence at all. And looking at his press conferences after makes it even worse. He's going out there and he's like, yeah, I'm a mess. He's basically saying like, I'm a mess. I don't know what's going on. I can't. I got to fix this. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. He's missing throws that he made for four straight months last year. And just doesn't look comfortable. Jacksonville's defense is terrible. It's It's just not a good defense. Like people were lighting it up. I'm going to say it's in the bottom 10 to 12 defenses in the league. Really? And he made them look awesome.

18:31Bill Simmons:Yeah.

18:32Cousin Sal:It is tough when you can't explain what's going on with your team. Like my team is like, well, this is our team. This is what we do all the time. Your team is like, I don't know. Oh, you really wanted to pick up where you left off in the regular season. Right. And then just consider the three, four week playoffs. And it's like he's healthy.

18:50Bill Simmons:The offensive line's better. now he doesn't have A.J. Brown so he doesn't have last year he had Diggs last year he had Diggs and Booty and Booty was a good deep threat and Diggs was like his over the middle like 10 yards down guy I don't know who he's throwing to now but it's weird it's almost like being a parent when you have kids and you think your kids have when they're younger and you think your kids have figured it out and then all of a sudden they start doing stupid shit again and I'm like wait why did we go backwards I thought we graduated to this level and now we're back here. What happened?

19:23Bill Simmons:What did I miss? He's back to where he was as a rookie and I don't understand it.

19:28Cousin Sal:Really? Like really terrible.

19:30Bill Simmons:Like really bad. Like that last interception he threw in the end zone. First of all, he's thrown it to Chisholm, who's like our sixth receiver. And then he's not even open and he could have run it in. Like every single part of the decision was awful. And I just don't think Jacksonville's defense is good. Like he shouldn't look like that against them. No.

19:50Cousin Sal:No doubt about it. I don't know. I don't even know what to say. I find myself feeling bad for him now. I'll say something snarky on Twitter once in a while. But also that weird old ghoul Skip Bayless is now claiming Drake Maybe. And so I might move on from that name. It made a commercial of it too. Skip Bayless is doing the Drake Maybe now? Yeah. He says Drake Maybe. And then like in all the comments, it's like, yeah, credit Cousin Sal, credit Cousin Sal. But whatever. I just now it's like yucky.

20:18Bill Simmons:Wow. Yeah. I can feel the shoe polish from his head just dripping off that theft. There you go. The Pats in this post-Mike Vrabel Sedona era, they look sloppy as hell. They look poorly coached. And it looks like he has no feel for the team. And I really do think it all starts with that. And the year from hell team, which I think we have a bunch of candidates this year, starts with the Vrabel-Rossini stuff, goes all the way through. You know, even all the Ed Sheeran stuff with the owner. Like, what good thing has happened with the Pats? A.J. Brown gets hurt in an hour. Yeah. The only good thing is they didn't give up this year's first-round pick for him.

21:00Bill Simmons:That is good.

21:01Cousin Sal:That's a positive.

21:02Bill Simmons:Yeah.

21:02Cousin Sal:For sure. It's positive. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I think you had somebody write in about the year from hell. And how do you calculate it? I had Brian in Bethesda.

21:14Bill Simmons:He said we have strong contenders, including the Pats, the Bucks, the Packers, and the Chargers, for a year from hell. And it can't just be performing poorly versus expectations, he wrote. What extent should we weigh factors like the team coach having an affair with a prominent reporter, a starting running back, getting arrested for domestic violence, having a washed up DJ for an offensive coordinator, or a quarterback who was great last year but now poops the bed every Sunday? How do you rank the year from hell? It is weird. We have four teams that have a case. And you could say the Bucs probably, you know, you should be cruising to the NFC South.

21:51Bill Simmons:Baker got hurt at the end of the game. Maybe Bowles gets fired tomorrow.

21:55Cousin Sal:What happens with

21:56Bill Simmons:that?

21:57Cousin Sal:I think they stay with them because now they have this injury thing. I mean, to me, they're like, they're gamblers, just an absolute nightmare. 12 in a row without covering. But yeah, it's bad. I mean, if you're going to rank them, I think you kind of have to wait until the end of the year because here's how I would do it. I would say four plus games under win expectation, right? That's one. What you don't have is, oh, you do have the major injury. You have A.J. Brown. Major injury, I think, is a big thing. And all those teams you mentioned are on their way to having one, I think. Two to three off-field incidents involving players of the domestic abuse, vehicular assault, walking through a glass door to a whiteout party, whatever.

22:37Cousin Sal:Yeah, so. And I think one off-field incident by the owner, GM, or president, maybe even in the preseason. So I would say that. And you cost me$75 ,000 on parlays. I would put that in there.

22:50Bill Simmons:And multiple bad luck injuries, which the Patriots didn't have. It feels like the Chargers are headed that way. What do you mean you didn't have? A.J. Brown's a bad luck. I mean, I know, but we haven't had like five of those. Oh, all right. Well, now you jinxed it. You know, I was watching the Raiders today, and I don't know if the Raiders thing is sustainable, but they are 3-0. They did spend some money this offseason, right? They got Quay Walker. They got N 'Kobe Lane. They got... What was the other one they bought? Oh, Kirk Cousins they went and did a small deal with. But they went out and got some veterans, brought them in.

23:27Bill Simmons:I don't know. I don't feel like my team... I don't know. We have no edge rushers, really, at all. And the one we had got hurt. So... I'm mad at myself for doing 10 wins with Crosby.

23:41Cousin Sal:Maybe that's a karma thing that's going to... N 'Kobe Dean, not N 'Kobe Lane.

23:47Bill Simmons:There's two N 'Kobe's in the world, and you couldn't figure it out? Yeah. Well, right now it's 12-20. So odds are we're going to probably mess a couple out. So yeah, the Pats are plus 100. But then you go to the make of the playoffs. The Chargers are now plus 460 to make the playoffs.

24:06Cousin Sal:Hate that F-18.

24:07Bill Simmons:Holy mackerel. Green Bay is plus 240. To make the playoffs. Your team is plus 128.

24:14Cousin Sal:So my team and yours are almost on par with this?

24:19Bill Simmons:Yeah. And the Las Vegas Raiders are plus 166 to make the playoffs. That is lower than 2-1. What are the odds of that?

24:28Cousin Sal:What's the Browns? Browns are plus 610. Oh, really? Okay. So they're 2-1, but they're not trusted at all. Yeah, I just don't want the Raiders or Browns or anything stupid like that. I still have to root for the Patriots and Chargers as a result. So if you had first coach fired, who would it be? Still Bulls? Yeah, but I got to tell you.

24:52Bill Simmons:Are you sure he's not getting fired tomorrow?

24:53Cousin Sal:I don't think so. I don't know why I don't think so, but I think it's going to be Salah. I mean, I couldn't believe. I watched that game with a bunch of Giants fans, and it reminded me why I moved 3 ,000 miles away, because when the Giants win, it's not fun. But yeah, man, I never had, even though they were driving, I never thought they had a shot at winning that game.

25:17Bill Simmons:I was not that focused on... This is David's comeback. I had the four top on the TV with my iPad. So I basically had five games going. And then sometimes I was doing the boxes. I had a lot of trouble following everything. Good one to skip. But the Cam Ward piece, the two things I wrote down was obviously our second cross-off. But Cam Ward, like they... They were inside the 10-yard line, and he just gacked the game away. And Sal, after, did the whole he's got to make better decisions thing. But I think the problem with Cam Ward is I just haven't seen any evidence that he's going to be a good quarterback yet.

25:53Bill Simmons:Have you?

25:54Cousin Sal:No. No, I don't think so. Where's the evidence at this point? I wanted to give, I mean, maybe there's an evidence and a crime they're going to plant on him or something. He should check his car. But I don't know. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Like most of his touchdowns came in the last five games, I think last year. And, you know, he had that couple of things where he roll right and throw across his body. But, um, that offense is just, just really rough. And they, they actually had more yards than the giants. It was like two 62 to two 38, but, um, I don't know. I, how does Dable not come away with that one?

26:27Bill Simmons:Jameis gets the win. He's alive. The, the rumors of them trading for another quarterback. We'll see what happens with that. Um, I had, There's a lot of games to cover here. We're going to take a quick break. We're going to come back. And then we're going to talk about the 3-0 Raiders because I can't believe the Raiders are 3-0. That's next. The Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by FanDuel. Welcome to your most rewarding season ever. And it's only on FanDuel. How rewarding are we talking? More rewarding than an 18-point comeback? Maybe even more rewarding than an O-lineman catching a touchdown.

27:01Bill Simmons:I used to love that. Linebackers. Belichick used to do all that stuff. in this NFL season. That feeling doesn't stop on the field. Look out for the all new FanDuel Rewards Club, exclusive offers, surprises, and much more. Every week, check the FanDuel app to see what's waiting for you. Make this your most rewarding season ever with FanDuel. Download the app to get started. FanDuel, play your game. 21 plus select states, 18 plus DC or Wyoming. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER. Call 888-789-7777 seven or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut.

27:35Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by PayPal. Every winning team has that one player who can do it all. The new PayPal app, it's kind of like that. You can shop, pay, earn rewards, manage your account all in one place. Plus find offers, deals, and stackable rewards. PayPal offer also offers purchase protection on eligible items. So you're covered if something doesn't go your way. Download the new PayPal app to get started and see paypal.com slash protection terms. All right, the Raiders. They're 3-0. Finally, some positive news for Tom Brady. Do you think he's even watching the games? He's working during these games.

28:16Bill Simmons:Honestly, I didn't until you said it. Part of it or the Raiders helps run the team, but is doing another job as these games are happening. So New Orleans, Shuck has four touchdown passes, 27 first downs, They're 28 for 143 rushing and 29 completions for 255. And they lose by eight for a variety of reasons. But Bowers was incredible. 10 for 116. Cousins is now the fourth Raiders quarterback to have three plus touchdown passes, three games in a row. Wow. Can you name any of the others? Four Raiders. All right.

28:55Cousin Sal:I would think Carr did it once.

28:57Bill Simmons:Yep. There's one.

29:00Cousin Sal:This is really tough I don't think you'll get this I'm going to say Rich Gannon There's two I don't think you'll get the third I mean, Stabler They didn't put up big numbers But I know he's a big game guy now Jeff George Jay Schrader, 1990 Oh, that's fun

29:19Bill Simmons:Okay

29:20Cousin Sal:And Kirk Cousins

29:21Bill Simmons:Wow, what a group Cousins, who we were like Who's going to catch the ball of this team? And they're actually When you watch them they got these two tight ends now that Bowers is back. I think Gentry's really good, you know, and their line's better. And they can move the ball, you know, and they can block a little bit. And the Saints are kind of the same way. I feel like the Saints can move the ball. They can play from behind. Both of those teams, I feel like could sneak into the seventh seed and possibly the Shakey's game. It's conceivable. Oh, well, the Saints are going to have a four.

29:51Cousin Sal:Are you kidding me? I guess the Saints will be the four seed, but they'll be in the Shakey game as the four seed. I like this game. I like bad entertaining games. Like you and, you and Corolla love bad movies, like point break or something, but I can't sit through that. Like the Saints Raiders, I can watch all week. And yeah, like you said, like the Raiders are just pretty good balanced offense and a defense that made plays when they needed to. I know they gave up a lot of yards to chuck around and find out, but I like watching them. Powers with 10,

30:23Bill Simmons:what do you have, 10 grabs for 116? He was all over there. You always feel him when he's healthy and he's in the game. And the Crosby trade, you know, which that trade was done, they ended up keeping him, and you can feel him in these games too. I thought their defensive line was good. The problem for them, and wow, I would bet the no playoffs for them, is their schedule is brutal. These next nine games, Chiefs at Patriots, Bills, Rams, at Jets, at 49ers, Seahawks, at Broncos, at Browns. So they'll be favored in maybe two of those.

30:55Cousin Sal:Yeah, but we haven't guessed the lines yet, but they have the Chiefs. They're home, right? That's the first time in a while, I feel like. That's a frisky game. Decent chance to win that game. And those teams you mentioned, maybe two of their quarterbacks could go down. Who knows? I hate to think like that, but this could be the team.

31:13Bill Simmons:Then you have the Saints. So basically, if you're looking at the AFC playoff picture, the Raiders and Chargers, just switch bodies with those teams and you're fine. NFC South, I don't know what to make of it. We have New Orleans, Carolina, Atlanta, a team that was dead four days ago. Atlanta's now tied for first place. They're all one and two. Tampa's 0-3. Tampa's had every single possible thing go wrong. They're a game out of first place. Their division is now 3-9. You predicted that they would go four 7-10 teams and 7-10 with the division.

31:43Cousin Sal:Yeah.

31:44Bill Simmons:Do you want to drop that to 6-11?

31:46Cousin Sal:Do you want to revise that at all or no? Maybe soon. Yeah. Well, the AFC South is 3-9 also, So 6-18 between the two South divisions. But you made me laugh. You sent the first through fourth. Fandle has odds for who coming first. Yeah, it's like bingo. You might as well play bingo at an old age. I'll give you 35 choices if you want. I'll book it.

32:08Bill Simmons:Well, and then the Colts, Texans in the AFC South. The Texans are now 0-3. So in the history of football, nobody's gone 0-3 back-to-back years and made the playoffs both years. That's a tough one. They lose today when Daniel Jones has two picks and a fumble. They lose today when they get the go-ahead. They're up one, right? Their defense just needs to get a stop. They're kicking off. It's near the end of the game. Just stop the Colts. You win the game. Let's see your best defense in football. Colts go down the field, get the field goal, and beat them. So no Nico Collins for this loss and last week.

32:50Bill Simmons:So it's not their, you know, that's, you know, somebody that in the ringer wise guys, we, some people pick to be potentially offensive player of the year. So that's no small thing. Right. I still don't, I, as much as I like Ryan's and, and him as a vibes guy and his defenses and stuff, I still have the game management with him. I almost don't feel like he gets enough credit for being kind of a bonehead in some of these situations. They, they were down 16 and seven in the fourth quarter and kicked a field goal on fourth and four, it was like on the six yard line. It was like a classic, like we're not doing this anymore.

33:26Bill Simmons:Like, even if you don't get it, they're still trapped inside the 10. Like you're near the end zone. You haven't scored a touchdown. You know, you've scored one, you've scored seven points in this game. You got to like actually try to score a touchdown here. You're not going to win. It kicked the field goal. It somehow almost worked out for him, but I don't know. I never feel great watching Texans games from a strategy standpoint.

33:48Cousin Sal:They really got their asses kick like the Colts at time of possession 35 24 Texans ended up with like 220 total yards 23 or something the Colts turned it over a few times and if not for that this this might have been like a double digit win right but but I think you're right that's the reason you go for it by the six like who knows how many more times you're gonna get it and uh I don't know I was wrong on Stroud like when they're also when they're not running the ball like Montgomery at 33 and Marks with 15 it's just it's just too much for Stroud it really is and that's why yeah especially those

34:17Bill Simmons:receivers. He's throwing at dudes. You can't even tell which one. They're all wearing like 19, 18, 17. You can't tell who's who. None of them are ever open. And they can't run the ball. I thought they'd be able to run the ball at least competently, but they just not able to run it. Woody Marks seems like he's been a little better than Montgomery. And then you have Bills Chargers. Three and O 'Bills own three Chargers, which was another variation that game that we just talked about, where the Bills have five turnovers, ten penalties, they drop two Herbert picks. He gives them one, but they drop two other ones.

34:53Bill Simmons:And they still pull it out. And not only that, but they covered. Yeah.

34:57Cousin Sal:Well, of course, we'll get to the Dolphins. No business not covering. And the Chargers had no business. Just another disgusting outing. And I think that's as bad as the Bills. We're going to see them, honestly. I agree. I thought the Chargers played really well.

35:14Bill Simmons:Other than Herbert kept trying to throw the ball to the Bills. Yeah. Like Cook got a good game. And Johnson dropped a couple passes.

35:20Cousin Sal:Like they, you know. I mean, the Bills' defense, embarrassed, that should never be a sentence in the second half. I can't believe the Chargers were held to one touchdown. But Allen was 2-0-4, two interceptions, right? Cook had a good game. That was about it. But, yeah, I don't think we're going to see. That's the kind of game you have to steal from the Bills. Otherwise, they're just going to run the table.

35:44Bill Simmons:Chargers are up 10-0. thing. They scored six points in the last three quarters. The worst one, Herbert had just an absolute abominable red zone pick. Yeah. Tough for me to pile on him too much after the game Drake May had, but let's just say with a lot of pressure on him this week, I don't think Justin Herbert threw the monkey off his back, but everybody is going to have this stat in their podcast today, but since 2013, the teams with five plus turnovers and a minus four turnover margin, the Chargers are the only team that's lost in that scenario basically that's happened three times, including this one.

36:18Bill Simmons:So Chargers next three at Seahawks, Broncos at Chiefs really could be an own six. They're going to be, my question is when does Harbaugh start sniffing around? I talked about this with Pellicero on Thursday's pod, but he is definitely a hit the trap door. I'm out if he doesn't like the setup and we know how he goes. And I think he's going to, we'll hear his name being thrown around, I think for college pretty soon.

36:44Cousin Sal:Oh, you're saying moving on from this team. When does he get the... I'm trying to think like who we would replace. Interesting. Yeah, because it can't be his fault. The DJ, he could say it was the DJ's thing and something happened with Herbert. He could blame Madison Beer.

36:59Bill Simmons:I think he could blame the fact that they don't have a home field advantage and it's a really weird situation. Yeah. You know, there's a bunch of excuses you can make. Yeah, it wasn't the right fit. You know, I can't say it's live or die with that franchise. Like he's got a million outs and he'll be coaching USC next year. or something.

37:14Cousin Sal:Yeah. I mean, it, well, you use the wrong example, but there was, it goes to college where there's like 70 ,000 people like, and every single one of them is rooting for him. It is just a whole different, a whole different life. Plus in the NFL, you can't cheat. Right, right, right.

37:29Bill Simmons:Like at Michigan, they knew all the plays. That's one of the reasons they won the title. All the Michigan fans listening are like, fuck, I really want to fire back, but I, I, Spygate, Spygate. Yeah. They have to like turn it with the pets.

37:43Cousin Sal:You can cheat. Yeah, right. You can cheat, but then you get relegated to coaching the Carolina UNC. So, but that's, yeah, that's it. What are you going to do?

37:54Bill Simmons:He's having a good time. Yeah. So there's a real 0-6 chance. I mean, the bad thing for the Chargers, 0-3, they're playing the Seahawks in Seattle next week. And normally you would think, oh, Seahawks got by Washington. Maybe they're looking ahead. But the Seahawks just had a horrible loss in Washington. and I don't think they're losing two games in a row. We should talk about that game. I'm sorry, what were the Chargers odds to not make the playoffs?

38:19Cousin Sal:Oh, plus 460 to make it. So it's minus seven or something. I might do that.

38:26Bill Simmons:Seahawks-Washington was our tease killer of the day. I think everybody had it. It was the right pick. The Seahawks had 437 yards, Washington at 258. The Seahawks had 28 first downs, Washington at 17. but Washington's D had three turnovers, including a really, really abominable Sam Darnold pick that turned out to be a pick six by a white guy, which always hurts extra. You got to be out of Boston. Twice a year, I lose money on Mariotta. I looked it up. Yeah, I looked up in my records. Oh, really? Just twice a year, it just kills me. So you got it out of there? I just got to get it back. Look, stupid game, weird weather, et cetera, et cetera.

39:07Bill Simmons:For Seattle, the one thing I think is a concern is price. And the only reason I'm noticing it is because in our fantasy league, he's one of my running backs. Me too.

39:15Cousin Sal:Yeah.

39:18Bill Simmons:I just haven't really seen it from him yet. Plus, he had fumbles in back-to-back weeks. But when you watch him, do you feel like it's like, oh, this guy. Does it feel like he has it? I'm just not sure yet. I was further along mentally when I drafted him and spent$28 on him.

39:36Cousin Sal:he doesn't feel special right now. Doesn't feel special, right? Right. But this is, you laid it out. Like this is a game, Seattle, this again, like the Bills, this is the worst they're going to play. And they also should have won anyway. 437, like you said, the 258. And you give any team three turnovers and that's, it was two from Donald, right? And then one fumble. So, and it, the problem is in the last three minutes,

39:58Bill Simmons:they had, they had two third and relatively longs just to shut down Washington. And each time Washington converted them, did, like they had a third, Merritt had a, basically a design QB draw to end the game, and it was third and eight. And Seattle had a chance to get the ball back. They couldn't cover JSN the whole game. Right. But, um, just a stupid one. But we were due, and I think everybody and their brother had Seattle in the team.

40:23Cousin Sal:Well, yeah, anyone who's miraculously left in an eliminator pool is probably out because of that. But, yeah, and we're also used to Mike McDonald winning every road game. And, uh, defense didn't really just, I don't know. Didn't show up, honestly,

40:36Bill Simmons:in the big moments at the end. Weird one. And then the other one. So I did it. I took Tampa and Ringer 107 again because they own 11 in their last 11. I said to House on Thursday, I was like, how many times can they not cover? At some point, this isn't like flipping a coin or, I don't know, playing any sort of card game or roulette or whatever. This is, you know, the lines are adjusting, they're moving, there's different incentives. To go 0-12 against the spread is impossible.

41:08Cousin Sal:It's pretty good.

41:09Bill Simmons:They just did it.

41:10Cousin Sal:Yeah. It's like flipping a medical chart is what it's flipping. They landed on thumb, dislocated thumb today for Baker.

41:20Bill Simmons:One of the worst games I've ever watched. It was just such a clusterfuck for

41:26Cousin Sal:three hours. I think it was the two worst, I forget what metric it is, but the two worst offenses evolved this year where the Vikings offense and Tampa Bay's offense both in the same game. And I don't know. I guess I'll just be wrong about Minnesota. Like they're going to be good. This is how they're going to do it. And I just, you know, what did they have? Like yardage wise, it was, I wasn't even paying attention, but, you know, they have one offensive touchdown in the last two weeks, right? And their total yard margin is, that's a tongue twister, is minus 244. So this is the team I'll be wrong about all year.

42:03Bill Simmons:It's fine. They're 3-0. All three wins. They have not gotten to 250 total yards. Today's game had 20 first downs and 17 punts. And they were 4-32 on first down. The two teams combined. And you really felt it when you watched. Tampa had nine first downs. Kyler stinks. I mean, he's just not a good quarterback. He's just not. And it doesn't really matter because Minnesota, defensively, they have this blitz thing figured out against... Now, I don't know if it's going to hold up against the best teams in the league, but when they play everybody below that top tier, you just don't know where it's coming from.

42:41Bill Simmons:Baker, over and over again, it was like 3rd and 15, 3rd and 23, 3rd and 30, 3rd and 12. They just have a way of making you go backwards. Tampa needed the game. Baker was running for his life, then finally got hurt at the end. And

42:59Cousin Sal:Baker's always running for his life, and he's always, they always lose on the play. Like, I almost didn't pay much attention to this because I knew it was going to have a dumb ending like this. So, I didn't think we were going to see Jalen Daniels, Kansas quarterback in there, but he could be their guy for a little bit.

43:13Bill Simmons:Yeah, he came in. I had to Google him. Minnesota's defense, definitely better than I thought, considering I wasn't sure that, you know, it's all scheme. I didn't know if they had the talent. And Tampa's offensive line, worse than I thought. I thought that was going to be like a top five or six O-line. I don't really know what happened to them. Worfs is back. Worfs is back. It's going to be fine. And then Niners cards was the other one when you're talking about just weirdness. The Cardinals kick for the cover. They're down nine. So much fun. I got to say, I always think teams should do this. We've talked about this over and over again over the years on the Sunday Night Pod.

43:52Bill Simmons:They was a 45-yarder. You always see the teams try. They burn off 28 more seconds on the clock before they end up kicking the field goal. They were like, let's do it now. Let's go for it. We'll try to get the onside. They didn't get it, but they did get the cover. Bad game for the Niners because Trent Williams, Mike Evans, and Drake Greenlaw all got hurt. So now they're missing, I think, 27 of their 22 starters. It doesn't seem to matter. Three bodies a game. It's crazy. It doesn't matter. Arizona today, 38-44 time of possession. They almost had the ball for 39 minutes. They had 27 first downs.

44:24Bill Simmons:didn't matter they lost um brock purdy is our september mvp which is usually a bad thing there this is whoever is our mvp favorite heading into october something bad usually happens like i remember russell hustle and bustle was the most famous one for this a few years ago but baker last year i always feel like it's you never want to peak in september but brock purdy's been out of his mind. He's been, if you knew nothing, if you just were like in the Martian and you were away in outer space for 10 years and you came back and you're just watching football, you would think he's the best quarterback in the league.

45:01Bill Simmons:He had this throw, he rolled out to the right today and he did a jump up in the air.

45:06Cousin Sal:Yeah.

45:07Bill Simmons:You know when most quarterbacks they just roll, they just kind of run out of bounds and throw it. He did like a throw in the air precision and it was like, holy shit. Never seen anybody do that. He's been just awesome.

45:20Cousin Sal:he's very cool. And I don't, I don't know. I'm trying to think of who to compare him to because he has my homes like qualities, but he also has like Baker like qualities with a good Baker, you know, when he's under siege and he kind of like gets out of there. But yeah, that, that spinning, that play when he jumps in the air, he's, he's just, uh, he's really fun. And that offense is good. I mean, I don't know what to do about Shanahan. Just like, just like the game was kind of over, even though it ended up being close on that lateral play. It's like, no, they just, they're just better. He does all the little things.

45:49Cousin Sal:to Shanahan. But I love this game because I had it on a teaser minus two and a half and that shithead Pinheiro misses two extra points so they're up two. And then San Francisco should be killing the clock and Purdy runs for a touchdown and I'm losing my mind. And then I find out like Kittle with a block in the back when Purdy's at the like two inch line. Yeah. So now they really could run it out, right? And Maniac Shanahan throws up a play to throw it to Kittle who looks like he wants to go out of bounds but scores anyway and then like you said Arizona kicks a field goal to cut it to six. That is the beauty of a two-team teaser.

46:22Bill Simmons:Yeah, if that was the Chiefs, the game's over and you don't cover. Right. And that's that. I like that game for Arizona. I think there's something there with Arizona. I liked how they played in week one. They got their ass kicked last week, but I thought they moved the ball. You know, Love, who we all stared at in our fantasy leagues and went either way later in a round-by-round or didn't go for nearly enough money in an auction draft. And guess what? The guy's really good and it's going to be heard from all year. And they're, you know, if Marvin Harrison, if they had nailed that pick, which they didn't, but that offense would be pretty dangerous.

46:58Bill Simmons:I think they're well coached. I think that's a frisky team. That's a team I would not put in a tease against them, basically. Yeah. I think that's a watch out team.

47:08Cousin Sal:I thought he was perfect for a backdoor cover. And that's kind of what happened with Brissette. I think he had like a game where it was 47-57 last year against them. So they ended up losing. But yeah, they kind of played a level of competition.

47:21Bill Simmons:I went 2-3 in ring around 07. But the two games I was agonizing over today to be my Sunday ad were Arizona plus 8.5, which would have been fun. And then the one I picked was the Chiefs, which dropped to minus 9.5. So I grabbed it. And they're up. They're just so bored. They're like, can this game just end without anybody getting hurt. We're watching. My daughter's boyfriend was over and he's a Chiefs fan. So we had to have it on as one of the four, but I had the action on it. So I'm invested in it. And Miami's just terrible. I mean, anytime they have to throw the ball, it's a disaster. Right. And the Chiefs are up seven and it just feels like the classic, they're just going to be bored and win by seven.

48:09Bill Simmons:But they go ahead and they get the, they finally did it. They go up to 14. and then you realize with the Dolphins, there's probably Malik, you know, in garbage time is not the answer. There's certain quarterbacks where you're like, this is great. He's going to move the ball down and score. It's not going to be Malik Willis. So you're feeling pretty good when you're up double figures on Malik.

48:34Cousin Sal:So bummed. And I thought they were smart to go for it on fourth down. Like fourth and six around midfield. They had plenty of time. They could have punted away. But, yeah, they're kind of listless. The only way, I think it was really hot down there. And it showed. And the Chiefs were just, Chiefs were dying to lose that game. And ended up covering.

48:54Bill Simmons:Can we talk about the call? The other great call of the day? The rough in the passer of Mahomes in the end zone? Yeah, right, right. Hilarious call. Hilarious. The Chiefs are the best. I love it. And their fans know. Like, all that was Chop Robinson just comes right down the middle. Mahomes releases the ball. tackles him as he's landing on him he lifts his arms out which is what you're supposed to do if you drive him down and you have your arms like this they call it he puts his arms out as he's landing on him which means it's not a rough in the passer but it's Mahomes and he's going to get the call

49:28Cousin Sal:talk about what the hell is the guy supposed to do like yeah that's that's right at the top of the heap there what the hell is that guy supposed to do but the funny thing on that you know there was a defensive holding call on the same play so it's almost like the referees are like whoa Eddie, I got this. What do you have to go being so obvious in the end zone? Come on, dude. The 20-yard line. You were supposed to get the next call for the Chiefs. Dolphins.

49:54Bill Simmons:I forgot to mention with Houston because I'm going through my notes and I went out of sequence.

50:00Cousin Sal:You got to talk about your crush on Carly Ursae Gordon again. Houston,

50:05Bill Simmons:their next seven Cowboys, Titans, both at home. at Jaguars in London, home Giants week seven, and then bye week at Chargers, at Browns, at Colts. I feel like they're going to be five and five by the time this is all said and done.

50:25Cousin Sal:This is why we like them, right? Like we like them for number one. Probably not going to get the one seed like we predicted in August, but yeah, and they're in a division that's three and nine right now. And there's no way you could convince me any of these teams are much better than them.

50:40Bill Simmons:the stupidest game of the day. And this is when I lost, um, the under on Steelers Bengals. Oh yeah. Steelers scored in the first two minutes. It's like, all right, kiss this under goodbye. I teased it up to 40 and a half. Pittsburgh ends up with 411 yards. They punt once. Um, and since he's new and improved D, we can officially stop talking about that. Yeah. Cause Rogers was slicing and dicing them. They had real trouble covering the Pittsburgh tight ends, including that giant guy who just watched him who just seems like he should be the best tight end in the league. Every time somebody throws to him it's like watching a high school movie.

51:17Bill Simmons:He's got to be 340 pounds. I mean I'm not saying how do you even tackle that dude? Yeah. Since he has a rough in the punter penalty to keep one Pittsburgh drive alive. Right. And then their punt returner muffs a fumble. That keeps another. It was one of those games. It was one of those I don't even understand how Cincinnati lost this game but they did. Tell me what you think at this stat. Joe Burrow now 1-34 when trailing in the last eight minutes of a football game.

51:45Cousin Sal:I saw this. I'm shocked about it. 1-34. That's insanity. Like, that's... How do we put... That guy shouldn't be in everybody's top four quarterbacks. And I know that he is. We're right around there. And then you look at... We'll get back to it, but we look at Bryce Young has 12 game-winning drives. I'm like, when the hell did that happen? Is that in his life? So Joe Burrow might not have 12 game winning drives if he's one in 34 when trailing in the last eight minutes in the NFL. Right.

52:16Bill Simmons:I need, I might have to do a rarity and assign this to maybe our guy, Austin Gale can help out with this one. I really need to understand the stat. It feels too insane to be true. There has to be more context to it. Maybe like in 25 of those games, they were down double figures with eight minutes left. Like maybe he just hasn't been in enough close games. I don't just dumbfounded by that. Steelers are now two in one. Their next fiber at Browns Colts at Buccaneers at saints in Paris and Browns home on a Thursday night. They might be like six and two in a couple of weeks with that schedule.

52:56Cousin Sal:Is the outlier going to outlier game going to be them getting killed by your Patriots or being good.

53:03Bill Simmons:What about the Browns beating them this week? Oh, coming up. I think whatever happens in that game becomes the outline. That'll be fun. That's true.

53:11Cousin Sal:Yeah, and listen, let's give Rodgers credit. We could do it, right? It's fine. Rodgers was good in that game.

53:16Bill Simmons:He really was.

53:17Cousin Sal:He was good. He was terrible last week. He was really good this week. Even his interception wasn't his fault, right? I mean, he fired it in there, but it was, yeah, almost 300 yards. That's what you have to do against that Bengals defense who, yes, you're right, is puzzling at this point.

53:31Bill Simmons:Yeah, I didn't understand that. It doesn't seem like. And then Pittsburgh, no Porter. they were playing Samuel in the Porter spot they benched him in like third or fourth quarter put a rookie in and the Bengals receivers were just torching whoever and somehow didn't win the game Browns Panthers mentioned the Browns Cleveland is now 2-1 Deshaun of the Dead now has two straight game winning drives he had two touchdowns no picks today and I don't know he's been moving the ball They actually look pretty good. The crowd was great. They made a couple defensive stops. Carolina lost Coker during the game, and I do feel like he's like the security blanket for Bryce.

54:14Bill Simmons:But they came back. It seemed like a game Carolina was going to take, and just a classic Browns home game. The Browns have been reliable at home, it feels like.

54:25Cousin Sal:I guess. I'm trying to figure out what to do. Did you lose money in this game? I mean, no. I'm trying not to bet NFC South games anyway, but the Browns had less than 250 total yards. I'm glad the fans are rooting for them and everything. And this Watson experiment is getting funny. Like, what do you do now? If you're a Browns fan, like talk about teams that are all over the map, but also what's waiting in the wings. Like he was 16 for 30 for 144.

54:53Bill Simmons:I mean, if you're a Cleveland fan right now, you have probably more fun sports stuff happening at the same time than you've had in 10 years. Right? Oh, that's true. Right. But the baseball, baseball was a fun season. You had the 2-1 Browns. You have the Cavaliers who were able to somehow get Peyton Watson, still trying to figure out how that happened, but they're one of the favorites in the East. You didn't have to go through the LeBron farewell tour, which I didn't think was going to work out. Right.

55:29Cousin Sal:Yeah, enjoy it, Cleveland. It's good. And you're right. If they win Thursday, kicks a can down the road.

55:35Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. And whether it's a flea flicker or a tush push, you need a plan that fits your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and for your budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This episode is brought to you by my old friend, NFL Sunday Ticket. Kickoff's coming and with NFL Sunday ticket and YouTube TV, you get every game, every Sunday, all in one place. New users can get NFL Sunday ticket for eight payments of just$30 a month.

56:10Bill Simmons:New users pay$240 or eight, eight non-cancelable payments of$30 a month. First charge of purchase, availability varies with NFL Sunday ticket for out-of-market games and YouTube TV for local and national games. YouTube TV required. Terms, restrictions, and embargoes apply. Commercial use excluded, no refunds. more. It's 12.52 a.m. Eastern time. I don't want to... I might do a line of cocaine. I have some cocaine here, fortunately.

56:37Cousin Sal:Who is watching this on the East Coast? What's wrong with you people?

56:41Bill Simmons:I didn't realize how late it was on the East Coast. Our whole life is... I miss the West Coast. Guess what does happen on the West Coast? Like these terrible storms and being up at one in the morning.

56:50Cousin Sal:I don't think this has ever happened before, like with us. Maybe when we used to call in, could we possibly have both been on the East Coast? 18 years ago, but you might see two old men fall asleep for 90 minutes on Netflix.

57:02Bill Simmons:No, let's just go to guest alliance. Thursday night, Steelers at Cleveland. Here we go. One of these teams is going to be 3-1. Steelers, Browns.

57:15Bill Simmons:Is that true? Yeah. I mean, I know it's true, but the only way it's not true is if it's a tie, and then both of these teams will be 2-1-1. That's true. Which is probably on the table. I have the Steelers favored by one and a half.

57:30Cousin Sal:We split this. I said three and a half and it's two and a half.

57:34Bill Simmons:Okay.

57:35Cousin Sal:Right. We split it.

57:36Bill Simmons:Browns home dogs two weeks in a row. There's no way I'm taking it.

57:43Cousin Sal:Yeah. Throw it on teaser.

57:45Bill Simmons:I'm betting the Browns money line. Wow. I'm in. I kind of enjoy. Wow. We have a lending game. Yeah. Yeah. 6.30 PT. You'll be up. This one's worth waking up for on the West Coast. Colts-Washington. Daniel Jones against Marcus Barriotta. Once again, we continue to thumb our nose at the fans in England. They shouldn't have fucked with us in the 1700s. Colts, I have as minus three favorites.

58:20Cousin Sal:You're going to get it. I thought it'd be a little less. I was impressed with Washington. It's three and a half. I said one and a half.

58:28Bill Simmons:One thing I'll say about Washington, and I don't know if this is sustainable, but it is, you know, I love when the whole sideline is like fired up and jumping and like celebrating plays and all seems kind of locked in and locked in with the coach. They did seem like they were pretty locked in in the game.

58:47Cousin Sal:Yeah.

58:47Bill Simmons:Then you think back to Philly in week one where they definitely could have won that game. Daniels gets hurt week two. That screws up that game. But that game was, Maybe Washington's a little better than we theorized.

58:58Cousin Sal:Good for you, Joe House. Yeah.

59:00Bill Simmons:You have a watchable team. They're watchable. Sunday marquee game. I put Bills-Patriots as the marquee game, not because I'm a Patriots fan, but I think it's the most fascinating of all these games. You could say Bengals-Jags. You could definitely say Rams-Eagles. You could say Texans-Cowboys. But Bills-Patriots in Buffalo, AFC East, But Drake May, I think that we went there a year ago and he was awesome. And now it feels like he's going to have the biggest, hottest microscope on him that he's ever had in his career over the next seven days. And I don't, I don't, this is just a fascinating football game.

59:41Cousin Sal:It's a division clincher if the Bills can get it done. Oh, God. Right? It's close.

59:48Bill Simmons:I have the Bills favored by six and a half.

59:51Cousin Sal:you got that exactly because you cheated and it's late I thought it would be 8 I thought you have to make this 8

59:59Bill Simmons:the only reason I went so I thought about the Chargers line which ended up 7.5 and I think the Pats are better than the Chargers and the Pats got a lot of respect with that Jaguars line today which never moved from 2.5 I still feel like because their defense and the coaching now they really need this game it probably ends at 7 right? Well, this is how I felt about the

1:00:21Cousin Sal:Chargers this week. Chargers really need this game. Everyone wants to bury the Bills from week to week. Like, oh, they can't Josh Allen can't do this. This is a perfect spot for them. And then the Bills lackluster effort and they still win. The Bills

1:00:35Bill Simmons:with the, not only if Josh has an off game, all of a sudden there's James Cook doing something spectacular. They're pretty tough. Five watchable games. I thought the slate was really good this week. Bengals-Jags is a good one. That's in Cincinnati. I should mention, because when we talked about Jags Pats, we only talked about the Pats side of it. I thought the Jaguars were excellent today. I thought Lawrence was fantastic and made a couple really, really lights out. I don't know how he got it in their throws. And that was, my dad and I were talking about Drake May, like whatever speed bump he's hit.

1:01:10Bill Simmons:And Lawrence had like five of these, right? He had, during his career, felt like every year we had a moment where we're questioning, is Trevor Lawrence any good? what's going on here. And then he got paid. Why did he do that?

1:01:21Cousin Sal:Right. It's like, what?

1:01:22Bill Simmons:Yeah. Same kind of pedigree up and down and now he's really, I think, settled into a nice spot and that would be the hope for the guy who finished second in the MVP voting last year that maybe he can get his career back together. But

1:01:36Cousin Sal:I thought Lawrence was awesome. One thing he shouldn't do, Drake May, is I have to call Lawrence out. Whatever. I like him as a player. He's fun to watch. But that, you know, the gambling industry has enough problems and then add to it like stuff that he did like with eight minutes left. You saw that, right? You're watching with your father eight minutes left. Stopping at the one yard line. That was weird. Why do you do that? You're asking for trouble. You're going to give us trouble. Don't stop at the one freaking yard line with eight minutes left or don't be in the game. Right? Right. Or take a knee from the 30 or something.

1:02:08Bill Simmons:Don't stop at the one. It just felt like a brain fart. It's a lot. Bengals at home against the Jaguars. I have Bengals minus two and a half. Yeah, we split that. I got it exactly.

1:02:18Cousin Sal:It's two and a half. Hmm. I don't think that line moves. Right? No, I think that's fair.

1:02:26Bill Simmons:Maybe on Sunday that moves to minus one and a half. Yeah, I don't think it gets to three. That's for sure. That's a good game. I think the Jags are good. Even last week against Denver, they played a really good first half and died in the second half like the Rams did today. And there might be something with Denver in September with that altitude. But, you know, Washington's there one play. then all of a sudden it's Myers. They still have Thomas roaming around. Lawrence can run. They're running game. I don't love their running backs, but they weren't bad today. Have you heard Parker Washington speak?

1:02:59Bill Simmons:Yeah, it's interesting. It's definitely a top five. I didn't have that voice going with your body.

1:03:05Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's like when an actor is like Australian. Like, what? You've been on The Walking Dead for a decade? I didn't know this.

1:03:14Bill Simmons:Rams are at the Eagles. coming off a loss, 1-2. We'll see with the Eagles tomorrow how they look. I have the Rams favored in this game by 1-1. I got it exactly. It's 2-1. Oof. There's a lot of support with the Eagles. Man, that's another way that Cowboys lost her today because it does feel like 10-7 is going to take the NFC East. I know.

1:03:38Cousin Sal:Damn it. Stupid, stupid team. This is the rematch of that worst bad beat of the year last year, right? This was the block kick game?

1:03:48Bill Simmons:Oh, you're right. Yeah. Fun. I was thinking with the two Shans tonight coaching, that was, I guess every time they play, it's the rematch of the worst playoff call of all time.

1:04:00Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah. Oh, I had, of course, had a lot of money on the Rams. Yeah. We have

1:04:09Bill Simmons:the two Texas teams playing each other. It's in Houston.

1:04:15Bill Simmons:He used to know in three Dallas one and two. I got, I got to say, if you had told me after three weeks, these teams would have a combined one win. I would have assumed Texas had the win, not your team. Oh, interesting. Well, they will.

1:04:30Cousin Sal:They'll have a win. You just have to wait a few days.

1:04:33Bill Simmons:I could not get this to three without knowing if Nico Collins was playing. So I have Texans minus two and a half.

1:04:38Cousin Sal:You hit it. Exactly. I said one and a half. I don't know why I thought they give Dallas a little more credit, a little more firepower in that offense, but fine. Two and a half.

1:04:48Bill Simmons:I think if Nico plays, that goes to three. Chiefs at the Raiders. Man, shit. This could have been the marquee game of the week. Yeah.

1:05:01Bill Simmons:How many Chiefs fans at this game? There are a lot of Raider fans. Like, there definitely would be some Chiefs fans, but there would be a lot of Raider fans. And even better, there's going to be a lot of social media videos of people fighting in the stands. in bathrooms, in concourses, even in the sections.

1:05:17Cousin Sal:I went to this game, Chiefs at Raiders, three years ago. It was a week 18. Didn't matter for the Chiefs. They still started Mahomes and there were a lot of Chiefs fans. A lot. Yeah.

1:05:30Bill Simmons:I put this right in the Vegas zone, ironically. Chiefs minus four and a half.

1:05:35Cousin Sal:All right. This is just like, I said four and it is four and a half, but this is like, Kyle, I'm falling asleep. Just get me the Lions. And those will be my lines. That's what's going on here, right? I'm cheating now? Yeah, I think so. To make myself feel better because my quarterbacks have to feel better. Like, I don't need to feel better. Yeah, you got it exactly.

1:06:00Bill Simmons:I think it stays right around there. Raiders are a live dog in that game. I can't say I was blown away by the Chiefs today. Their defense, Miami was really running on them, And they lost A-Chan in the first quarter of that game. And then their backup running back, Gordon, he left the game because he had cramps because it was hot. And the Chiefs were still running the ball. And it's like, I don't even know who's playing right now. How are you getting five yards carried? Yeah.

1:06:28Cousin Sal:You and I are going to take the Raiders on a teaser. Just be cursing them this time next week. I'm going to just bet the money line. Really? Look at you. Raiders and Browns. You're going already.

1:06:37Bill Simmons:I was telling our friends at FanDuel, because I've been in Boston. I've been using FanDuel. and they were asking like, what do you like? What do you don't like? And they have all these fun promo stuff. And I was like, the one thing you don't really have are like the boost for underdog money lines. Like a little 30 % underdog money line. You know, $50 max, whatever. Because like, I would throw the Raiders in that one.

1:06:59Cousin Sal:They also don't pay you out if you lose. I hate that. I know a lot of the other books do that too, but it's really hard to get ahead.

1:07:09Bill Simmons:49ers home for the Broncos. I don't know who's playing for the 49ers because every guy on their team is now hurt except Brock Purdy. I have 49ers by three.

1:07:19Cousin Sal:Let me check if this has moved. It is two and a half and I had three also. I'm winning. You're a good number ahead. Seven to four, including ties.

1:07:32Bill Simmons:Fairly watchables. This is the definition of a fairly watchables. Bears, Jets. I guess we didn't talk about Jets, Lions. I accidentally skipped over that one. Oh, yeah. It was a fun one. Yeah, Gibbs was great. But the Jets can move the ball a little bit. Gino, the question of whether Gino could be revived at all, I feel like, I don't know whether the Lions secondary was the biggest part of him being revived, but Gino had some good throws in that camp.

1:07:58Cousin Sal:He had good throws. Wilson was really his only big name by the time kickoff, and then he had to go out. Yeah, Gino had good numbers throughout.

1:08:09Bill Simmons:Sadiq looks like he's the real thing, which all the people I know who follow college were convinced that he was going to have an impact and he looks like he's going to have an impact.

1:08:18Cousin Sal:And Aaron Glenn really wanted that game. Like doing stuff, like going for two down. But the thing we hate that all the smart people explain to us that we don't understand, like trying to cut it to six, right? And then getting stuck at eight. And then tying it anyway. I don't know. I think he would have gone for it to win it too at the end.

1:08:37Bill Simmons:Gino is 31 for 37 for 321, three touchdowns, zero picks, mostly because the Lions defense really blows. It's really bad. But the Jets, there's a scenario where they're 3-0. They blew the game last week. I still don't know how they lost the Packers game. And then in this game, they were right in it. We mentioned Gibbs before. Gibbs on pace now for over 2 ,600 scrimmage yards and 34 touchdowns, which should be the records across the board.

1:09:08Cousin Sal:Yeah, the Lions, you want to get right your offense, play them on three days rest or seven or 10 days. It doesn't matter. That's the defense you want to go against.

1:09:17Bill Simmons:I have, because this is in Chicago, and it's Geno Smith, and this is what he does is makes you trust him, and then he burns you. I have the Bears minus two and a half for this, but I think that's too high.

1:09:29Cousin Sal:You're going to win. No, it's too low. I said two, and it's three. Oof. that surprises me. So it's getting a little crazy. So it's not Caleb Williams? So that injury was real and extensive after all?

1:09:44Bill Simmons:It sounds like that was a three to four week injury.

1:09:46Cousin Sal:Right. Okay. So that would be week two.

1:09:48Bill Simmons:Although if you were Caleb Williams' PR team, you're like, look, dude, I know you might be able to come back next week, but you might have to sit out now for three weeks here.

1:09:56Cousin Sal:Right. You took a lot of shit this week. Too much of a show. Yeah. Yeah.

1:10:01Bill Simmons:We're going to have to make this seem worse. Bears Jets something terrible will happen that game there will be some sort of reprehensible touchdown or turnover punt return or something awful Bucks home for the reeling Packers who we did not talk about who the most disgraceful performance of the year so far Thursday night Atlanta game which was Atlanta was like a touchdown underdog it's Thursday night this is why you shouldn't bet on Thursday night games or pretend you're going to know what's going to happen. But Panics did kind of come alive in that game as the Packers defense was decomposing.

1:10:42Bill Simmons:And the Packers are just look like they're just going to be bad.

1:10:45Cousin Sal:We were joking last week about, should we cross the Falcons off? Like, oh, all right, there's a game in four days. Let's just wait and see it. Yeah. Like, let's wait to see if we cross the team. Now they're in first place. Can't cross them off. We cross the Packers off. Maybe that's the team we should have waited for four days. Yeah. And they're, oh man, I don't want to overstate this, but they're a top five exciting offense in the NFC at this point. I hate that I'm saying that, but right? It's like Bijan and their tight end doesn't do anything. Kyle Pitts, but you know.

1:11:18Bill Simmons:Yeah.

1:11:18Cousin Sal:Drake London. Drake London just gets free. If he was just a little faster, he'd probably have like 12 touchdowns a year. So you don't have the Packers pick? No, I don't have it. You have it? The Jets have it. Oh, I thought you meant the actual line. Because there's no line. There's no line.

1:11:34Bill Simmons:No, the Packers don't have their first-round pick this year because they traded in the Michael Parsons trade. But then you rerouted it toward the Jets. The Jets get to pick between your pick or the Packers pick in 27.

1:11:47Cousin Sal:Well, they'll pick whatever's the better pick. Yes, is the one they're going with. The Cowboys have both picks. And the Jets get whichever is the better. It's like a basketball scenario. Yeah. So only Jerry Jones could corner himself in a way like he can't fully root against the Packers now. Right. Because of this dumb thing. Like you could have been like Micah Parsons is the enemy root against the Packers. Fine. Like, no, no, I'm going to finagle away that, you know, trade this, quit away of this big thing. And like, no, now, now it's confusing as shit. I mean,

1:12:21Bill Simmons:I don't know who the eight worst teams with the orders after dolphins Titans, but the Packers, I think the Chargers are another one. I don't see how they're not two of the eight or nine worst teams from watching all the teams and all the games. The Packers. I didn't think the Packers should have won last week.

1:12:40Cousin Sal:I don't like anything about... I don't like their offensive line.

1:12:43Bill Simmons:And if Jacobs doesn't come back for two more months or whatever, they're not going to be able to run the ball at all.

1:12:48Cousin Sal:Right. It's weird. They showed the stat today during the Sunday night game. The three quarterbacks that take the fewest sacks are the two in the game tonight, Knicks and Stafford and Jordan Love. I'm like, how is that possible? That offensive line is so miserable. The defense is bad. There's nothing to like about this team, honestly. More regrettable extension, Matt LaFleur? Or Baker Mayfield? Oh, I thought you were going to say like Beyonce. Extension. Oh, I see. I think it's Baker. Maybe we would have waited a couple games to iron that one in.

1:13:25Bill Simmons:Right. Also, he's been so up and down. It's really tough with these quarterbacks where you just have to kind of blindly pay them$50 million a year and hope it works out. It's fine if it's Justin Herbert. Whether or not it ultimately happens from the Chargers, he's still other teams would pay that. Nobody else is paying Baker Mayfield$50 million a year.

1:13:51Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's funny. No one is, but three years ago, I would have said, and you probably would have agreed that Tampa is the best fit for this guy. Just everything they do is the best fit. But that was the Mike Evans Tampa. And now I know like now, well, this isn't a good fit at all. I mean, if he's going to get injured, it doesn't really matter. But where's where he can go to different places where he would, uh, he would, I don't know about thrive, but he would be improved.

1:14:16Bill Simmons:Bucks Packers in Tampa. And I have the bucks favored by three. Oh, I said five. I said five. The Bucs by three. Bucs by three at home against Green Bay.

1:14:27Cousin Sal:He's not playing. The guy you had to look up is the quarterback, right? Jalen Daniels? It doesn't matter. There's no line on this, so. Okay. We could skip it. I just assumed Baker was going to play. Hmm.

1:14:41Bill Simmons:All right. Maybe he is.

1:14:43Cousin Sal:What does a separated thumb do? I don't know.

1:14:46Bill Simmons:Is that just the trick your uncle does? He'll tape it to his other fingers. Right. Last one. Seahawks Chargers in Seattle. I had it around 7 couldn't decide where to put it put it Seahawks minus 6.5 only because it's a must win for the Chargers only because you're a jerk it's

1:15:03Cousin Sal:I said 6 it is 6.5 on fire this week could be

1:15:08Bill Simmons:could be a good sign for my betting let's just let's just especially after Washington last week yeah I do really worry about the Seahawks running game I haven't talked to Danny Amino about it yet but I just haven't seen anything from their running backs like the Kenneth Walker thing which I think he got like 14 a year from Kansas City I never understand the finances with the salary cap and our teams can just push the money ahead and eventually they get killed for it and on paper everything they did was smart and they spent the end of the first round pick on a new running back but if they didn't hit with this guy this is pretty bad this has happened to the Patriots 20 years ago with Maroney where post Corey Dillon it's like oh Maroney he's going to be our Corey Dillon.

1:15:52Bill Simmons:He sucked. What round did you get? He was a first rounder? First round pick. He was one of the first round. I forgot about that. Yeah. And it was a really, really important pick for us. And we just whiffed on it and didn't win a Super Bowl again for eight more years. Oh. Yeah. That's too bad. Yeah. Sorry. Poop Fecta. Three games. Giants Cardinals. First one. It's in New Jersey. I like the cards. I penciled them in for me for Ringer 107. I have the Giants as minus one and a half point favorites.

1:16:25Cousin Sal:I'm way off. You're cheating aside. I'm way off. I said four and a half, and it is exactly one and a half. I think I've nailed like six of these. Why did I have so big? So big. You want to, you have one, two, three, four. You have six. More cheating. You knew that. Yeah. Six. Six. Six exactly right.

1:16:50Bill Simmons:At least something good happened to me today. Ravens home for the Titans. I think I got this one wrong. I probably went too low. I have Ravens minus eight.

1:17:02Cousin Sal:Oh, I had 10 and a half. It's 11 and a half. And this one's worth four games.

1:17:08Bill Simmons:I don't know why I went so low on that one. 11 and a half, huh?

1:17:12Cousin Sal:11 and a half. So the Ravens are going to win. The Seahawks are going to win. So Ravens in a three-team ten-pointer? Yeah. You're thinking? And the one you're about to say could be the third.

1:17:26Bill Simmons:Oh, man. Vikings.

1:17:32Bill Simmons:Home for Malik Willis in the Miami Dolphins. My only thing with this is, as we discussed and decided a couple years ago, Kyler Murray is not allowed in teases. So if you bet this game, you just have to do it straight up. You can't put him in a tease. You can't put them in a parlay. You can't put in with other teams. You just can't. Not allowed. It's actually illegal. I looked it up.

1:17:54Cousin Sal:Is it really illegal? Yeah, it's illegal.

1:17:56Bill Simmons:Yeah, they ruled on this two years ago. Okay. If you bet Kyler Murray, it just has to be straight up.

1:18:01Cousin Sal:But look up the manifesto, and how many times has a team played another team where the defensive coordinator is suing the other team? Oh, I forgot. Oh, so you didn't know what it was. Oh, Flores is going to crush Malik.

1:18:14Bill Simmons:Well, this feels like a Vikings minus 19 and a half. adjusted or something, right? Yeah.

1:18:22Bill Simmons:I actually didn't think the Dolphins were that bad today. But I couldn't tell if the Chiefs were just in a coma. Yeah.

1:18:31Cousin Sal:Well, if they have running backs out, what do they even have anymore now? It's just excellent defense.

1:18:37Bill Simmons:So the Sunday and Monday night games. Well, you didn't pick. You got to say a number. Oh, Vikings? I went Vikings minus eight and a half. I think I'm too low.

1:18:45Cousin Sal:All right. No, you are a little bit. I said six and a half. It is nine and a half. Oh, I hit it. I don't know why I said six and a half.

1:18:52Bill Simmons:Dumb. Dumb. Sunday night games are weird ones. I can't wait to hear Chris Collinsworth talk himself into Lions-Panthers in Carolina, but that's what we're getting. Be a lot of Jameer Gibbs. Right. Oh, Mike. There's nobody like this guy. There's just not one running back in the last 10 years like this guy, Mike.

1:19:13Cousin Sal:Look at Coker on the sidelines. I got to get him. He wants to be out there. Put some pads on.

1:19:20Bill Simmons:He's chomping at the bit, Mike. Lions, I have favored in Carolina by two and a half.

1:19:29Cousin Sal:Two and a half. It's three. I said three and a half. We split it, right? Yeah. Boy, the Lions really did have an easy early on, right? I know we went over it, but.

1:19:41Bill Simmons:You know who got absolutely shithoused in the Browns game today was McMillan. Oh, he's like two catches that they, that ward on the Browns who, when he's out there, he's one of the best cornerbacks in the league, but has always is injured or has a concussion or whatever. But when he plays, he's awesome. He's took them out. Couldn't do anything. Yeah. So weird.

1:20:05Cousin Sal:I mean, guess what?

1:20:06Bill Simmons:The reason I mentioned that is because he's going to have a lot more fun this week against the Detroit Lions.

1:20:10Cousin Sal:Yeah, that's true.

1:20:11Bill Simmons:Yeah. Should be. I'm on. And then I have a big game. Yeah. Monday night is actually a fun game. It's not, won't be telling our grandkids about it, but Saints Falcons in New Orleans.

1:20:25Bill Simmons:I think this is the, the Katrina anniversary game. I think they're doing. Oh, right. A bunch of stuff for it. So it should be emotional. I put it at a Saints minus two.

1:20:39Cousin Sal:I said one and a half and it is two and a half. So you get it and you sweep the week. It's not even close, but, But, you know, and I know this game, whatever, it's got meaning now. Now this is going to sound like I'm an asshole. But who schedules three NFC South teams in the two night games? Like they can't, if it was going to be the Katrina game, you can't have Carolina in the Sunday night. You can't do it. This is, I don't know if you blame AI. Maybe this is the beginning of the end where AI just kills us all.

1:21:08Bill Simmons:Which does the schedule first to kill us. And then at the end, it's just killing us.

1:21:12Cousin Sal:This is it. This is the beginning of the end.

1:21:14Bill Simmons:It does feel like Goodell lost a bet with somebody. And if you win, I have to put three NFC South teams on Sunday and Monday night. Surprised he didn't do all four. That could have been Bucks-Panthers.

1:21:27Cousin Sal:He just could have gotten the whole division out of there. Should flex that now. 13-6, I think you won. Good Lord.

1:21:35Bill Simmons:Shuck is just outright fun to watch. He's really fun to have on. I finally have him on one of my fantasy teams. Oh, that's good. the one with all my high school college people and just really fun slings the ball the pick at the end that killed him was not his mistake this episode is brought to you by PNC Bank in today's sports everyone is constantly trying to outdo each other trick formations infield shifts constant rotation changes yet it's proven time and time again that strong fundamentals are the thing that will lead you to victory banking no different while everyone else tries to outdo each other, PNC Bank just keeps going right down the middle with steady calculated money moves and the financial wins just keep coming.

1:22:20Bill Simmons:PNC Bank, brilliantly boring since 1865, brilliantly boring since 1865 as a registered mark of the PNC Financial Services Group Incorporated. PNC Bank, National Association member, FDIC. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Whether you're racing to build the biggest sandcastle, seeing who can throw the fastest pitch or competing in a championship match. It's always better when there's a prize on the line, like a Michelob Ultra, smooth, refreshing, and so satisfying after all that hard work. Superior is worth playing for. Michelob Ultra, Superior Light Beer. Enter for a chance to win Superior Soccer, Basketball, and Golf Prizes at MichelobUltra.com slash Superior Access.

1:23:02Bill Simmons:Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026, Anheuser-Busch, Michelob Ultra Light Beer, St. Louis, Missouri. All right. Baseball playoffs quick before we do parent corner. Yeah.

1:23:14Cousin Sal:Do you have a, I know you're going to be doing this. I'm ringer wise guy. It's funny. Like I look at the four series and maybe it's because it's two out of three. Yeah. And, um, I just never, I don't like anything. The one I would take a shot at is your team. And it's like, you're crying about them. You enhance your crying about the reds. Like, Oh, they should be plus two 60. Why are they only plus one 45? Like we don't have a chance. The Yankees won the season series, seven, six, the AL stinks. you're playing the Yankees without their best player. It's two out of three. You have 87 wins in the garbage AL.

1:23:46Cousin Sal:Of course you have a chance. This is dumb.

1:23:49Bill Simmons:We've been terrible for over a month. I mean, we've just been like a 500 team or worse. And a lot of the guys that carried the team in this streak are either hurt or have died. What? Even this weekend, they put Gasper, who single-handedly was keeping the offense kind of interesting for a couple weeks. And then Guerrero, who came out of nowhere, this 35-year-old flamethrower, who they were just using every other day, it felt like he finally broke down. So those guys are on the IR. And our season's gotten to the point where it's like, oh no, Gaspar and Guerrero are on the IR. Like, that's how bad it's gotten.

1:24:27Bill Simmons:Gaspar and Guerrero. Well, the big thing for the Sox is the bats are just ice cold. Like, the only way they're going to beat the Yankees It's like 2-1, 3-2, 1-0. It's going to have to be lights out pitching.

1:24:41Cousin Sal:In October.

1:24:42Bill Simmons:And that's it. Like, I went Friday night. I was going to do this for my parent corner. But for my birthday, I want to go to Red Sox Cubs. And we're in Boston. So, got tickets. And, of course, like this giant hurricane's coming. We were fucking going. They moved the game up to 5.30, second half of the doubleheader. And we go and, you know, we have great seats and just drinking. They actually had Michelob Ultra at Fenway. I was excited because I do enjoy Bicola Vulture. But watching the Red Sox, these guys just come up. And my daughter's boyfriend, Hank, also really likes the Red Sox. And these batters are coming up.

1:25:20Bill Simmons:And we're just telling my wife, who doesn't know anything, like, ah, this is going to be an out. Hopefully he just strikes out so he doesn't hit no double play. We had no hitters. We had basically Roman Anthony and Sogard. He's the only other guy you trust. They end up winning in the eighth because Abreu finally hit. Finally, he was like four for 48, finally gets one. But it's one of those lineups in a playoff series. I don't see anybody doing anything. And Contreras got hurt. He got hit in the hand.

1:25:45Cousin Sal:I think that hurts. That for sure hurts. I mean, it actually hurts.

1:25:48Bill Simmons:I trusted him the most in a playoff series. Like, he was going to have good at-bats.

1:25:52Cousin Sal:I wouldn't go by it. You know, you're going to try a little harder in these games, I think. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I didn't. Why? Because of your birthday? You think they were trying? I don't give a shit.

1:26:03Bill Simmons:No, they've been trying. Now, they clinched a playoff spot, but I thought the line was like Yankees minus 170. I thought that was fair, but it's in Yankee Stadium. I'd be really surprised. The series that jumped out to me was Houston. Houston is like minus 140 against Chicago. And I just like Chicago is just not a playoff team. I'd be really surprised if they just beat Houston.

1:26:29Cousin Sal:They had a guy. What's the name? He broke the strikeout record. he's batting 199 Colson Montgomery yeah Montgomery batting 199

1:26:37Bill Simmons:he's like 230 strikeouts

1:26:39Cousin Sal:yeah 234 or something yeah that's what it was but uh yeah it's like I looked up like Dave Kingman because that was the Mets version of that yeah right even he hit like 220 228 but uh I think you're right the Astros are my Mariners like I just can't every time I bet them right it just goes down in flames and what they ended up 81 and 81 so I don't know it's not a lot of good baseball this week

1:27:03Bill Simmons:so yeah like the White Sox when the Red Sox played them they have some frisky young guys but I can't see them winning a playoff series but this is the dumb thing about these best two or three like you could just right a couple things could happen so the AL Keeper League that Hench and I we haven't won in like 20 years and we're battling my friend Mike who's who's been winning forever and this other team the Rockers it's the first three man race we've had where everybody's in first place at one point on Friday night like it was a real race nice Hench and I are texting but this is all to the point my wife's like I'm gonna take your phone if you text Hench again like just every at bat looking at it so we need strikeouts and we need runs basically we need a big weekend of offense but we have Kate Anderson pitching last night and we need a big Kate Anderson game this guy who's been our phenom we wouldn't trade him he was gonna carry us down the stretch Seattle just absolutely fucks us doesn't bring him up until after the well after the deadline he's on like these four or five innings starts we don't get what we think out but now it's like this last this will be his last start it'll be great we need a big start cruising along I'm watching it on my iPad gets hit by a line drive on his throwing arm leaves the game 10 outs leaves the game takes our season with him and I'm texting with Hench and Mike who's going to win the league and Hench isn't texting and I like I think Hench is actually dead I think this killed Hedge.

1:28:33Bill Simmons:And 10 minutes later, he just texted back, I'm dead. And then he used to say, long rant, but it was just, why do we do fantasy? I was so bummed out. It ruined my whole weekend. It was like, really? I thought Cade Anderson shattered his elbow. It's like, this Mariners team is the fucking curse of all time. So their season ends today. They fire the manager right after the game. It's like, yes, we've decided to separate with Dan Wilson. Oh, really? The guy that you quit on four months ago? And then another guy, we traded for Vlad Guerrero, who's like$37. Vlad gives this interview this week, and he's talking about this$500 million contract he got.

1:29:14Bill Simmons:And he's like, that money is for what I already did.

1:29:18Cousin Sal:Right, right.

1:29:19Bill Simmons:It's not about what's about to happen. It's about what I already did. All the Blue Jay fans are like, what? Because this guy is like completely mailed in the season. so we Hench and I I don't know if you've ever been more angry texting ever we finished second we had the first pick in the minor league draft next year because we finished second and we're just never going to win this fucking league

1:29:40Cousin Sal:I like that it came down to the last day you absolutely knew what was going to happen because you hate the Mariners and they had to screw you one more time oh and then there

1:29:49Bill Simmons:was an extra one where Logan Gilbert who was on the team that won it's like

1:29:54Cousin Sal:well we kind of

1:29:55Bill Simmons:need him to get shelled Of course, he pitches one of his best games. The Mariners just hated us. Munoz, you'll never be on my team again. Josh Naylor, I have a strong dislike for you. George Kirby, I really hope you get traded to the National League. And then Cade, I hope you come back.

1:30:11Cousin Sal:You should have a Mariners podcast. I don't know. You could do it like with Kenny Main or something. I don't know who you would. Just you two. You and a Mariners fan.

1:30:18Bill Simmons:I just can't imagine it would ever get worse than them. House started a new segment on the pod. you can go eat a big you can go eat a fat dick so obviously the Mariners we're going to send all the fat dicks to them

1:30:30Cousin Sal:he's inviting people to eat a fat dick

1:30:33Bill Simmons:yeah so we haven't won in 22 years I haven't won our football league in over 20 years since 07 yeah maybe I'm just suck at fantasy I was really like I was like why do I do this maybe I'm just not good at it

1:30:44Cousin Sal:you're good at other things right yeah I'm good at other things maybe I'll just do other things yeah there's something else I do like Guerrero though I'm thinking about it it's like that's something like But maybe when he signed the contract, he's like, oh, man, this is a lot of money. And his agent's like, hey, kid, shut up, man. This isn't for what you're about to do. This is what you did in the past. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, just stop hitting home runs. If we got to tell him not to ever repeat that, that's just agent client talk.

1:31:09Bill Simmons:He was all proud of it. He gave this interview. That's unbelievable. The way he talked about it was nuts. That was one of the craziest interviews anybody's given. I was almost like, is this AI?

1:31:19Cousin Sal:Did he actually say this? What happened? He had one home run at home this year. I think at the Rogers Center.

1:31:24Bill Simmons:We traded for him because we needed home runs. Guess what? He doesn't need home runs. That was it. No home runs for him. Yeah. It was really quite an experience. What's going on in New York this week other than Jimmy's show?

1:31:41Cousin Sal:We got the Kimmel show. I don't know. Hopefully it stops raining at some point. And that's it. I don't know. There's a lot going on. All right. Let's do a quick one. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. Go. All right. So a few weeks ago, my kid went to Cooperstown, right? I had a whole story on that. So they have a couple weeks off, and then they play 13U Little League. And it's wildly different from what they did a few weeks ago. The mound goes from 50 to 54 feet. They're 80-foot base pads from 70. So it's almost like you're watching a different game. A ground ball third, guys got forever to throw our kid out.

1:32:15Cousin Sal:So we had our first tournament for the fall, and the pitchers from both teams are having trouble adjusting to the longer distance, right? So the catcher short hopping balls all night. Each team had like nine walks. And my son was on his way to being the biggest culprit here. So he's, he's under throwing, he's pitching, he's under throwing, short hopping the catcher. And then he's overcompensating and sailing pitches high out of the strike zone. Like the Mariners almost signed him right away. But, so then he like, he's like, Oh, Munoz. I don't know. I heard you have terrible control. Exactly. So he walks two kids.

1:32:51Cousin Sal:and then throws a ball and then points to his right elbow. And I guess like it didn't feel right. And, uh, and so the coach comes out and takes him out immediately.

1:33:01Bill Simmons:The Mariners would have left him in.

1:33:04Cousin Sal:Cause you need strikeouts, right? Yeah. He walked. Um, and then it's like all the parents are saying to me, like, uh, and then I go up to, I go up to him in the dugout. I'm like, what's going on? You're right. Cause I've seen this before. This could be, I've seen both sides. This could be, yeah, I'm actually hurt. or this could be, uh, I know I'm going to walk four more kids and I want to, I want to get out of here now. You know what I mean? So he just like stares, he's just stares through me. And then the parents like, is Harrison okay? And I'm like, I don't know. I think so. Like, I don't want them to worry.

1:33:31Cousin Sal:Right. So I don't want to say no, he's hurt, but I don't want to be like, yeah, he just thinks he's going to walk everybody. So he's out. So, um, so the next day he's, he's still feeling it, even though he's icing it and we're doing the heat and Melissa's like, I'm going to get this taken to get looked at because this won't end with him. So he gets it. He gets looked at and he has what's called little leaguer's elbow. So it's inflammation. There's no tendons, but you need a break. You need like two to three weeks off. All right. So I'm like, all right. So he won't throw for two to three weeks.

1:34:02Cousin Sal:We let his coach know his coach is fine. And the coach is like, hey, talk to Helen, Martha and Shelly because their sons went through the same thing and they'll know what kind of physical therapy he needs. Like, oh, Jesus. Physical therapy? Physical therapy. He's 12. Like, he just needs off. He just needs to take three weeks off. So she's like, my wife's like, no, I'm taking him. He's got soreness and he's got inflammation. I'm like, okay, great. And then, like, how did physical therapy go? And Melissa's like, oh, well, the girl's, like, really cute. The girl doesn't like to, like, I don't know, like Harrison's, like, laughing when she's, like, tickling his elbow.

1:34:37Cousin Sal:I'm like, that's great. You know what's not funny? like this bill I'm going to get for physical therapy. And I'm thinking like we were kids like you and Gus probably played. You probably like threw a ball. Like you play like tag up or something and you would throw it. Or the pop-up game where you just throw like pop-ups as high as you possibly could. For what? For like two hours. Yeah. And then like your arm would fall off. Yeah. And what happened? Your dad took you to physical therapy? Your mom? No, no, no, nothing like that. No, not that. I know I sound like an a-hole and an old jerk, but just take a few weeks off.

1:35:09Cousin Sal:We need physical therapy for a 12-year-old who's x-rayed fine. Anyway, that's where I am.

1:35:16Bill Simmons:Yeah, how about hiatus?

1:35:17Cousin Sal:Just take three, four weeks off.

1:35:19Bill Simmons:Yeah, play flag football, run routes, you'll be fine. We should mention, you're still battling the kidney stones.

1:35:25Cousin Sal:Yes, I have not passed that yet. It's too big. I said 10 centimeters. Sorry, I don't have my metrics down. It was 10 millimeters, so it's big, too big to pass and in a weird place where they can't zap it right now. So I just have to tough, this out and stay on top of the pain pills for the next couple of weeks before this. This is going to be bread fire 2.0.

1:35:46Bill Simmons:I don't know how this is going to play out. So multiple people, including two different urologists. Yeah. Sent me listener emails. Oh. Pointing out the irony of you getting a kidney stone because one of the best things to prevent kidney stones, hot water and lemon. Oh, you were serious. I thought you were just being a jerk.

1:36:09Cousin Sal:No, that's for real.

1:36:11Bill Simmons:Like something about lemon and it's like, and if people feel like they're coming on, you're supposed to have hot water and lemon as one of the remedies. So you mocked me last year. You know what? Maybe you should have just followed my lead and started doing the hot water and lemons.

1:36:26Cousin Sal:I'm happy to say that I'm not doing it. I'd rather have passed stones every day of my life than be a sissy like that, hot water and lemon. Sorry.

1:36:36Bill Simmons:I will never stop calling him Drake, baby.

1:36:38Cousin Sal:and I'll never have hot water or lemon.

1:36:41Bill Simmons:The two hills I'm dying on. So my daughter last year in class, and she didn't show this to me, I found out from my wife, wrote this story about playing soccer her whole life and how what I was like on the sidelines, like encouraging her, but also if she got hurt, I would always be like, you're fine, you're fine. Because you kind of have to tell that, you know, because sometimes she would get a little dramatic. All kids do, but she's playing a physical position. And anytime she got hurt or she'd be like, ah, and I could always read if she was actually hurt. I'd be like, you're fine. You're fine.

1:37:19Bill Simmons:Um, which might make me like a little bit of a parent prick. I don't know. Um, but then there was one time when she really got decked. And, um, and this was like when she was in ninth grade, like really bad. And it was like, oh, and it was like the one time I didn't tell her she was fine and so she knew maybe she wasn't fine so she wrote this whole piece about it. It was pretty good. So then I went to the game Wednesday and she got nailed and she was kind of near me and I started to yell that you're fine because she was I could see her like and then I stopped myself so she got in my head like whatever she did is she just tricked me.

1:37:57Bill Simmons:So now I'm rethinking all the things I yelled her again. So now I basically just yelled go Z. come on Z and go Z those are my two things I bring to the table

1:38:07Cousin Sal:it's going to be the name in the next paper I didn't realize you're fine was this thing

1:38:11Bill Simmons:this North Pole for her when I didn't say it the one time she knew maybe she wasn't fine

1:38:16Cousin Sal:you can't say it ironically now where she'll just like nod to you now

1:38:19Bill Simmons:maybe I'll flip it I'll just start screaming she knows you read it I like that you're fine kid and then we've been in Boston for a few days and my son is home alone with somebody who's staying with him at the house. And I don't think he misses us at all. Really? Yeah. He's like, when are you guys coming back? Like, not like, are you guys coming back soon? And then I was thinking about when I was 18 and then every high school and teen movie I ever saw, they're all centered around the parents going away. And then somebody, you know, this is like the plot of Risky Business. So hopefully there's not a brothel being run in my house right now.

1:38:55Bill Simmons:I mean, you loved it too, right? When your parents were away? Yeah. Yeah. That's what my wife was like. I don't feel like he misses us. And I was like, trust me, he doesn't. He's probably delighted that we're not there.

1:39:07Cousin Sal:When I was, you know, when we are, I don't know, I was probably like 14 or so. Like we, my parents went to marriage encounter and it's where you worked on your feelings and everything. And now it's just whatever. It's just therapy. But it was like two full day. They didn't stay overnight, but it was like eight in the morning to like one in the morning. And then the next day, the same thing. It was a weekend. And then when they came back the second, the third day, I was like, oh man, I was like, you guys, you should do this every weekend. It was so peaceful. It was peaceful. You got a lot of work to do on yourselves.

1:39:37Cousin Sal:Yeah. And we took care of the house fine. But yeah, the kids love it when the parents are gone. Anyway,

1:39:43Bill Simmons:well, I'll be back in time for, I'll be back in time for Red Sox Yankees, which hopefully we'll see what happens. You're fine, Bill.

1:39:50Cousin Sal:You're fine.

1:39:51Bill Simmons:I'm fine. I don't think I'm fine with the Red Sox. we'll see what happens I wish man I wish we had healthy Contreras and I wish we had Gasper now Gasper they have two lefty starters so Gasper would only play against the one but I just wish we had a full team you didn't name a starting pitcher yet did you for tomorrow I don't know what they're gonna do they've been kind of mysterious about it we do have three good starting pitchers that would be the case for that's it and we have a closer we have an eighth inning guy I think Baio could be a long relief guy but I just I don't know who the hits are gonna come from Who do you think is winning the World Series?

1:40:24Bill Simmons:Did you make a pick?

1:40:25Cousin Sal:I haven't yet. I'm going to... Let's wait this one week, which is going to be meaningless. It's probably not going to be a lot of... any team playing this week.

1:40:35Bill Simmons:And WNBA, which of course had to start their playoffs tonight. Yeah. Or today, even though they were going against 14 football games. Perfect. But they had this incredible Liberty-Links matchup. The Liberty is the eighth seed, but they've been hurt all year. and of course they beat the Lynx now and now they can knock them out.

1:40:54Cousin Sal:Oh, nice.

1:40:55Bill Simmons:The Lynx were the one seed. They dominated the whole year. Miles was a little banged up. I didn't see the game. I was just getting updates on it but the Liberty like dominated them apparently. And then the Aces killed the fever. So I don't know what's going to happen to that either but I wish it had been three weeks. Moneyline Parley. We could have focused on them.

1:41:11Cousin Sal:Lynx, Game 2, Vikings and Chiefs. I don't know. We'll figure it out.

1:41:17Bill Simmons:Can we throw UCLA at Oregon in week six?

1:41:19Cousin Sal:Oh, that's going to be fun. That was fun.

1:41:22Bill Simmons:You still have ranked.

1:41:23Cousin Sal:Dude, what'd you have? Like two pick sixes? 23rd. That's amazing.

1:41:27Bill Simmons:They won by 51 points in Maryland. They were one and a half point favorites.

1:41:31Cousin Sal:And I know you went on fan. You tried to make the most of it, but you didn't make exactly the most of it, right? You were going to bet 50 plus or something? I had the...

1:41:41Bill Simmons:I did not do the 50 plus. No, I had them for seven wins, and I have them make the playoffs at 22 to one, which now has to be probably like five to one. But the bigger thing is USA, the Lincoln-Riley thing is going sideways.

1:41:53Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:41:53Bill Simmons:Their player took out Dante Moore in the most reprehensible sports moment of the year. And it just feels like UCLA has grabbed the city from USC in a real way. We'll see if they can maintain it. But they got Oregon. They have a bye this week and then Oregon.

1:42:09Cousin Sal:That's going to be great. It's exciting stuff. The backup was good. But yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you're watching college. I am. My wife was like. to save you from basketball. It can't be 100 % basketball. And the Patriots not playing well is not good for me.

1:42:24Bill Simmons:My wife's not happy about it. She's like, this college thing, I don't know if I like it. It's a whole other day. Because I was watching multiple games. I'm like, it's pouring rain out. What else are we going to do? Tell her October's going to be rough. There's a lot. All right, Sal. Keep us posted on the Kidney Stones. All right. There you go. What else do you have to plug?

1:42:43Cousin Sal:Ringer Wise, guys. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. Friday's the big preview show. That's going to be fun. Are we going five days a week during October? What's our plan? No. Okay. Four's plenty. God. Great. All right. Yeah, no, no. I think we'll make, you know what? We'll make videos on Wednesday. It's fine.

1:43:00Bill Simmons:But... Shrifty wants us to do something with October's 26th, the Equinox. Oh, all right. I feel like we've never fully saw... Because there's one day where it's like everything at the same time. All right. What day is that? Is that... I think he said it's the 26th.

1:43:15Cousin Sal:Yeah, I know. But is that... All right. We'll do something nice on the 26th.

1:43:20Bill Simmons:That's Thursday, 1st. It's like a Tuesday, maybe. No, a Monday?

1:43:28Cousin Sal:There's no way people are still listening to this. No, it's just you and I know. The 26th is a Monday. Yeah, Monday. Equal to Monday. All right. Fandle, use their bet protect if your player goes out early and go to betaches.com if you had a bad beat this week. Niners, maybe, laying the points.

1:43:45Bill Simmons:All right, go make yourself some lemon and water. nice hot water, throw a lemon in there, uh, make it work. Thanks to, uh, Gahal and Eduardo and Chris as well on the, the ringer. Don't forget about, uh, 13 going on 30 tomorrow. And then, uh, I'll be back on Tuesday with a whole bunch of stuff. Thanks for, thanks for watching late night. I'm going to go pass out. Good to see you. Good job by you. Good job by you, buddy.

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