Drake’s Mystery Shoulder, Super Bowl Propalooza, and a Mega-Parent Corner With Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel

12:59Cousin Sal:Well, your excuse is pretty well set now. I will say you're good to go.

13:03Bill Simmons:These aren't excuses. The line hasn't moved. The best thing that I feel the best about is the line has not budged from four and a half. If it started creeping up to five, five and a half, I would get really nervous.

13:14Cousin Sal:Can I ask you, this is exactly what I wanted to ask you. Like which trends scare you? Which give you hope? Which do you immediately write off as inconsequential? I'm going to read a few. You tell me. You're talking gambling trends or football trends? I'll read these. Favorites four and a half or higher, one in 10 against the spread the last 11 Super Bowls. I love that one. That made me feel great. Yeah. Okay. You love it. Underdogs have won three straight Super Bowls outright and covered five straight Super Bowls and are 15-7 against the spread in the last 22 years.

13:43Bill Simmons:It also sounds wonderful. You like that.

13:45Cousin Sal:Okay. Pats in white jerseys, which they'll be wearing on Sunday, 5-0 straight up this season. White jerseys, 16-5 in the last 21 Super Bowls. I was happy about that as well. You like that. All right, here's one. No starting quarterback with a name less than five letters long has won a Super Bowl. Starting quarterbacks whose first and last name end in the same letter are 0-6 in Super Bowls since the AFC was formed. Starting quarterbacks with the initials DM are 0-2 in the Super Bowl. Dan Marino, Donovan McNabb.

14:17Bill Simmons:what was the first name one five there's been quarterbacks with five letters long

14:23Cousin Sal:that what about jalen hurts h-u-r-t-s no starting quarterback with a last name less than five oh your last name yeah last name less than five yeah yeah but here's the thing with drake may

14:35Bill Simmons:is his name is now one name oh yes it's like he's like madonna like drake may is his name Nobody calls him Drake. Nobody calls him. Has one person called him May ever in 2025 or 26?

14:48Cousin Sal:You know what? That's true. Like I took a lot of crap, but if he actually changed his name to maybe, then he's got the five letters and you got the, now he is in company. How about this? Just like which celebrity or influencers bet gives you the most comfort? Like Drake, the rapper, if he bet a million on Seattle, he's number one.

15:06Bill Simmons:The other Drake going big on Seattle. Yes. combined with Adam Carolla also betting on Seattle would be my two most exciting things.

15:14Cousin Sal:Stephen A saying they don't have a shot. That's pretty good. He'll take that.

15:17Bill Simmons:Stephen A saying he could see Seattle winning 60 to nothing made me feel really good. Yeah. I liked there was some graphic of all the ESPN people and everyone had Seattle. I felt great about that. I think that Seattle fans are a little nervous about the fact that they're the favorites. And, you know, even like in week 18, they were minus one and a half against the Niners, right? People are like, are we sure? Like the Niners had like half a team. And it wasn't really until, I don't know, did they even have their respect in the Rams game? What did the Rams line end up at? Not really.

15:50Cousin Sal:I mean, it would have been. It was under three, right? Yep. Yeah, it was two and a half, three and a half.

15:56Bill Simmons:Yeah, jumped around there. It's funny because their defense is obviously really good. But it's not like the defense, when we've seen defenses just win a Super Bowl, like our favorite example, the 2000 Ravens. I think the Seahawks Broncos Super Bowl is a good one. There's been a couple where the defense just crushed it. The Seahawks don't get like a ton of sacks. Like I was going through their box scores. They had like one sack in the Rams. Like they'll get pressured. They're good at like bend don't break. They're good at getting stops. But they're not like overrunning you the way like I think the Texans would or something.

16:31Cousin Sal:Stafford had their number, you know, He threw it on him the whole game. He did. He definitely did. So you got to keep that going. And Kendall Jenner has a million dollars on the Patriots. In a way, that's good, I think.

16:44Bill Simmons:Yeah, everything she touches. I don't want to mention this for too long, but the thing that made me the most nervous was Kraft being in a certain set of emails. Oh, I saw that. Over the weekend. I didn't really like that that much.

16:59Cousin Sal:Okay.

17:01Bill Simmons:What's that? I don't know. That was tough. Yeah. It was a couple of tough craft moments in the last week where he's become the family patriarch that you're just worried the entire Thanksgiving, something bad's going to happen. Right. Oh no. We just got to give one more hour with grandpa before we keep moving. Yeah. It's amazing how many people, first of all, the question I get asked the most is why aren't I going? Which I've already explained. Yeah. And people are really dumbfounded for the most part in person when I tell them, yeah, I can't go. And here's why. And they're just like, I just can't believe you wouldn't go.

17:36Bill Simmons:But I don't think people understand what it's like to watch your team lose at the Super Bowl. No. And it's just not worth it for me.

17:44Cousin Sal:I get it. I definitely get it. But is this really going to continue for the rest of your life? I think it is. Drake maybe is just outstanding and you are a nine point favorite at some point to win the Super Bowl six years from now. I think it is.

17:56Bill Simmons:The only thing that could flip it is if my son got really into the Pats.

18:02Cousin Sal:I see.

18:03Bill Simmons:Which hasn't happened yet. But if all of a sudden, like this is happening to a couple of my friends actually have kids around Ben's age or younger where their kids have really gotten into it. Wilds was on the podcast Thursday talking about it. And I think if it's your kid and they want to go, I think that would flip it. That's fair. Limping out of those two Giants games, I still think about it. It's way up there. It's really bad. No, it's easier to be home. I don't mean to rub it in because your team hasn't been in a while. Well, I saw them. I know you were there.

18:30Cousin Sal:I saw them win a Super Bowl against the Steelers, and it was not satisfying because I picked the over-under wrong. So what are you going to do?

18:39Bill Simmons:How do we feel about the over? Before we go into the props, how do we feel about the actual over-under and all that stuff? Just the line staying at four and a half, and then the over, what is it, 45 and a half now?

18:55Cousin Sal:45 and a half. Yeah, it was 46 and a half, but it's been 45 and a half for a solid four days now. So how do we feel about that? You know, I think it's like we've seen enough Super Bowls. I think it's too low. And I think we've seen Super Bowls get out of hand, right? Sometimes they get out of hand early. But I feel like I was looking at this. This is one of my plays. They're number one and number two in explosive play margins, right? And that's basically explosive play offense versus allowed on defense. So you might say, yeah, the defense is good at stopping these. But if you throw in the fact that there's a Super Bowl, there's nervousness, there's trick plays that aren't left in the tank, right?

19:31Cousin Sal:Because you use them now or you don't use them. There's no bad weather to consider. I really think that 45 and a half number could be off. Like two of the last three years, we saw 62 and 73. You know, I just, and you know, that last time they played, it was 52. Should have been more if done for that fluky Malcolm Butler play. So I think it's a little low. I think you'd take and adjust it over.

19:53Bill Simmons:You know what's weird? if this was a championship weekend game, so it was like the AFC title or an FC title game, I would think it's going to be like 40 or 37.5, something like that, like a defensive struggle and both teams like trying to have long drives. You're so right. Like the Super Bowl, something about it just makes, it just plugs the game into the wonky machine.

20:18Cousin Sal:Yeah.

20:18Bill Simmons:And all bets are off and you get the one stupid play. There's always the chance somebody can run it up. I was watching, they were showing Super Bowls all week and I was watching the Seattle-Denver game, ironically, that I forgot two weeks ago.

20:32Cousin Sal:How'd you like it for the first time?

20:33Bill Simmons:Well, I forgot it started with a safety. Yeah. And it was like five nothing at one point and it was just really ugly, but then they eventually grew the lead. Right. But then the other version of that was the Denver game when they beat, I think it was Carolina, 24 to 10. Yeah. And it was just kind of ugly and it just, and I wonder if that's going to be this game. I know I hear your point on the explosive plays, but if Drake's not 100%, I don't know how the Pats get to 24 and up.

21:02Cousin Sal:We could be due for that. What was it? Rams? It was Rams Patriots, right? When there was like no scoring forever. It was 3-3 with 10 minutes left. Yeah, unreal. Yeah, I hope it's not that. I mean, I don't need it to be 52-48, but let's see each team score a couple touchdowns here.

21:17Bill Simmons:Well, because there's a couple of variables too, because we mentioned Drake's shoulder. The Seahawks are really down to one running back. And that guy they played as the backup did nothing. And I don't think they feel great about him. But they're not going to have the same pass protection. You know, they have one and a half receivers. Barner's fine. But there's a chance, like, with the way the Pats defense, and the Pats defense, by all the advanced metrics, everything has been awesome now for, like, six, seven weeks. Maybe it'll be hard for them to score. I was wondering, like, that Seahawks Niners game week 18, I think the final score was 13-3.

21:52Bill Simmons:There was a lot of settling for field goals and a lot of choppiness. It felt like the entire game was in the middle of the field. That could be that, too. Could be.

22:01Cousin Sal:I mean, that's when Fanduil cleans up, right? Because all the props, everything's leaning towards overs.

22:07Bill Simmons:Speaking of Fanduil, shout out to Fanduil Canada because sometimes in the American sites, it's harder to find all the bets. Fanduil Canada was crushing it. We were passing. What did they have it on? Like Wednesday, they had everything. It's unbelievable. They had national anthem bets. They really know how to do it in Canada. I think you and I, the Southwest go to Ontario.

22:29Cousin Sal:Like, let's just fly out there. I'll get it. I'll spring for a boarding class tickets if we want.

22:35Bill Simmons:Canada's ready to roll. Speaking of Fandu, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back. And it is officially proper pool. Let's do it. The Bill Simmons podcast is presented by Fandu. It may be last call for football, but there's still one more week to make a count on FanDuel. All week, FanDuel giving you a daily profit boost every day leading up to the big game. That means more chances to boost your bets and send football season off the right way. Play your game with FanDuel, official sportsbook partner of Super Bowl 60. You must be 21 plus president select states or 18 plus and president in D.C., Kentucky or Wyoming.

23:10Bill Simmons:Opt-in required bonus issued as nominal drawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply, including any token expiration, max wager amount. See terms at sportsbook.fandler.com. Gamprom, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut. This episode is brought to you by Expedia. You got to love a good deal, whether that's a quarterback on a short, low-risk contract who competes like a top-tier quarterback, like a Brock Purdy once upon a time, Or Expedia's bundle and save feature, which allows you to combine flights, hotels, and cars into one package for impressive discounts.

23:50Bill Simmons:And not just that, but if you're a member, you can book an item now, add select items later, and still enjoy bundled savings. For instance, if you're a football fan, you want to go to the championship, conference championship, the Super Bowl, wherever it is, and you don't know your team's going to be in, all of a sudden they're in, what do you got to do? I got to get a hotel, I get a flight, I get a car. Expedia can do all three. You never know when your team's going to be in a big game. Use Expedia. Now that is a winning strategy book now with Expedia. All right. So before we get to the props, you mentioned how the underdogs are 15 and seven against the spread since 2004 and I've covered five straight.

24:31Bill Simmons:Yeah. Did we realize that trend was happening at any point during the Super Bowl runs when we were making picks or because 15 and seven, I was actually surprised that that was the number and maybe I have amnesia. I don't remember.

24:43Cousin Sal:14 and seven would have been nice. 13 and seven. The problem is like when the chiefs are staring at us as favorites, a lot of those years. So what are we going to do? Yeah.

24:51Bill Simmons:And the Pats and the Pats are the masters of winning, but not covering a bunch of those. Um, all right. Superbowl props. We've been doing this first time we did it was the, I think it was the Pats giants. The first one, right? Cause I had my podcast for ESPN and 07 at that point. Yeah, so I think this is our... That worked well. That would be our 19th Super Bowl. This would be our 19th Super Bowl prophecy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:19Cousin Sal:Do you want to do the novelty ones first that we talked about in Canada? Let's go serious, and then we'll get goofy. Yep, yep.

25:27Bill Simmons:So, Drake May related stuff. We mentioned the 20 and a half completions over plus 108. Mentioned the 50 plus rush yards, two to one. the interceptions minus 138, which I think might, I hate to say it, but might be the best one either way. If he's healthy, he's gonna be throwing the ball a lot. Every, every round he's either had a pick or it seems like he should add a pick. If he's not healthy and his shoulder isn't great, then that might happen too. Darnold is minus 128 for interception. I haven't seen a bet, have you, where you could bet on both guys to throw a pick? I did. What's that? What are the odds on that?

26:01Bill Simmons:Plus 200. I like that. I like it. All right. So we're going to mark that one down, right? So you like the double pick plus 200?

26:09Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's weird because each quarterback, two interceptions is only plus 300. So both teams interception is nice value there.

26:18Bill Simmons:Yeah, the two plus picks is three to one. Okay. All right. So we'll get to that. Let's see. Want to do MVP first or touchdowns first? Let's do MVP. Let's work. Okay. We already know the result. so there was a great bet for this that I think we talked about on Ringer Gambling show on at least one of our shows with JSN a few weeks ago I think Raheem was on that I forget who else but I want to say it was like 18-1 before they played a playoff game and the analogy was like Edelman Cooper Cup like sometimes a receiver can kind of own the game he's really the only receiver that those odds have dropped so he is

26:59Cousin Sal:in the game yeah

27:01Bill Simmons:He is now what? Five to one, is it now?

27:05Cousin Sal:JSN is plus 550, I'm saying. Right. Two favorites are Dono plus 115 and maybe plus 230.

27:14Bill Simmons:Okay. So if you had to bet, so important note for the young aspiring gamblers and people who are going to parties this week who want to make bets. We're not saying who we think is going to win the MVP necessarily. We're just saying what is the best value that we're looking at this like, oh, Wow. Those are the odds? I like it. So what's your favorite? I'm saying both, actually.

27:35Cousin Sal:I'm saying this is the best value, and I'm saying this is who's going to win MVP. And you could go MVP any other position or quarterback. Any other positions, plus 210. Quarterback's minus 260. I'm done. I'm done, Simmons. I know this is a boring pick, but I'm going quarterback. I know it's a giant number, but if I had to bet on exactly one thing the whole game, it would be that a quarterback's going to be MVP. three in a row, three Super Bowls in a row, 12 out of the last 16. This is becoming like the regular season MVP where it almost has to be a quarterback. I mean, so what are the odds? It's minus 260.

28:09Cousin Sal:It sucks. And I'm just saying everything else is a sucker. But like I like Cooper Cup at 100 to one. That's ridiculous. That's way too high. If you want to play some of the fun ones, you'll probably throw out a few defensive players. But honestly, once it gets to like 21, 18, 21, 17, they're going to give it to a quarterback. and you know it could be where jsn has three touchdowns and nobody else does anything then you have to kind of give it to them but that's like the only scenario where anyone other than a quarterback gets it in a big offensive game i think yeah but why wouldn't you pick the team

28:41Bill Simmons:you think is going to win and then just either bet darnold plus 115 or may have plus 230 you

28:46Cousin Sal:could do that you could do that or you could just sit back for three and a half four hours and uh and win but you'll you'll you have more cup is my long shot what do you like i'm sure you have some good ones to throw.

28:57Bill Simmons:I thought Ramondre at 30-1 was pretty interesting. I just thought that line was really high, and especially if Drake isn't 100 % healthy, I just think they're going to try to run or bust. I actually really liked how the Rams ran the ball last week. I think Corum and Williams, I think they were like over four yards a carry, but I felt like they were moving the ball, and the problem was they fell behind. Yeah. I feel like the holes were there, too. So I like that one a little bit. I think for the wild cards, I mean, honestly, Travion at 125 to one jumped out at me too. Yeah. And he has been done nothing for a while.

29:37Bill Simmons:But there was, I'm going to give a reader named John P sent this tweet along. It's from a tweet somebody named Pete Collins did. And it was about how Travion Henderson has been crushing split safety looks this year. Oh. 68 carries, 319 yards, two TDs, almost five yards a carry. Best in the league among qualified running backs. New England barely saw two high shells on offense. Seattle is the highest rate of two high shells, and they've allowed 5.0 yards per carry against them. And the reason I was thinking Henderson was sometimes the big-ass run can just... If it's a 20-10 win and he has a 78-yard touchdown run and runs for 100 yards.

30:19Bill Simmons:I just thought those odds were crazy. So he's had two, and this plays to another bet I had with him that I thought was interesting for a running thing. 70 plus rush yards for him is 14 to one. 80 plus, these are all in Fando. 80 plus yards is 25 to one. He's had a 65 yarder and a 69 yard run this year, twice. So two in 20 games for them. 10 % of the time, he's busted one. This is the kind of defense that he's busted. So you're betting 10 % of the time he does this, but I'm getting 25 to one odds at 80 plus yards. That's what it is for 80.

30:57Cousin Sal:All right. Yeah. That's better than the one I wrote down. As long as we're giving love to Travion. I had most rushing yards for Henderson at plus 2000. So. Right.

31:06Bill Simmons:This makes more, the 80 plus makes more sense. Cause then that would be like a 65 yard run and he would get like a five and a 10 or whatever. And he would get it. So, see, I had him down and then for, the other one is just Marcus Jones. So do you know how many TDs Marcus Jones has this year? How many? No, I don't know this one. He has four. Does he have that many? He has two defensive interceptions and two special teams touchdowns. And he's like an awesome kick returner. Right. And I was thinking like, what if he had a kick return touchdown? And then what if he had a kick return touchdown and a defensive touchdown?

31:44Bill Simmons:I hate this. What if he had a kick return and an interception? but the odds are like nuts for him. They are, I can't even find them. Is it plus, is 125 to one? Is that what I'm looking at? I think that's what it is. Ernest Jones? Is that what he said? Yeah. No, Marcus Jones. Marcus is 100 to one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like, if they play this game 50 times, is there one version of this game where he busts a kick return touchdown and gets a pick? Yeah.

32:11Cousin Sal:And if he gets a pick, he's dangerous. You see, this is what I didn't want to do. I was all set on quarterbacks, Now you're going to make me bet six of these, including Jason Myers and all this other nonsense. But you have to do it.

32:23Bill Simmons:It's the last game. I think the single best bet to me is JSN. I just think for value. Yeah, 550 because odds are he's 10 for 125 with a touchdown. If he gets two touchdowns, he locks it. And we also have a really good history of multi... I was looking at the multi-touchdown game history. Right. And there's some good ones. Well, Cooper Cup was one of them, right?

32:49Cousin Sal:We were at that game.

32:50Bill Simmons:Cooper Cup. So in the last 10 years, Jalen Hurts had the three touchdowns, so he doesn't count because they were running. But 22, Cup had two. 21, Gronk had two for Tampa. 20, Williams had two. He's a running back. 18, Gronk had two. And then 17, James White had three. And I think two of them were catches. So, because I was looking at, I think the two plus TD bet is, we get great odds on that. Raheem's always loved that one. Yep, that's a fun one. I was trying to figure out who the best two plus TD bet guy would be. And it's gotta be him.

33:26Cousin Sal:That's JSN for sure.

33:27Bill Simmons:Yeah, it's plus 650 that he gets two TDs. So you can do that instead of the MVP bet. Because if he gets two TDs, he's probably won MVP. But he might not.

33:36Cousin Sal:Yeah, I see. Yeah, I just, the only thing is you gotta get, for the MVP, you probably, All those guys you listed, how many receptions? Seven?

33:46Bill Simmons:Yeah, you have to go...

33:47Cousin Sal:It can't be two one-yard touchdown catches and nothing else, right?

33:50Bill Simmons:No, you got to be nine for over 100. Seven, eight, nine catches for 110, 140 yards. And you need at least one TD, probably two. If it's a higher scoring game, I think you need two. Lower scoring game, you need one.

34:03Cousin Sal:I mean, Kopp had a bunch of catches and drew like pass interferences towards the end, like three of them in that last drive or next to the last drive against Cincinnati.

34:11Bill Simmons:Well, that's part of my question with Darnold. When you talk about how he's a lock, like you think the QBs are the best bet. There's probably going to be some pass interference yards, which is always weird for these MVP things. I'm just telling you now, Carlton Davis is going to get a pass interference in this game. I don't know if you can bet on it on FanDuel, but I would bet on that. It'll be a rollercoaster ride this whole game.

34:33Cousin Sal:He's top four in drawing pass interference calls in the receivers in the league. Right.

34:37Bill Simmons:So he gets a 35-yard pass interference. It counts for nobody. It counts for neither Darnold or JSN on that one. And then the only other one, it's like if it's a Seattle defense goes nuts game, that's probably Lawrence at that point. Yeah. He's what, 100?

34:58Cousin Sal:Yeah.

35:00Bill Simmons:Speaking of that, I mean, I'm sure everybody has this, but him for the one sack at plus 122, I think that's a put in bold.

35:09Cousin Sal:That's moved around a lot already this week.

35:12Bill Simmons:It's dropped from like plus 145 to plus 120 range, right?

35:16Cousin Sal:I don't know. So what are we going to do? We're going to take like six of these?

35:23Bill Simmons:I think the best bet is JSN. But I also like the Marcus Jones one. I think those are my two favorites. All right.

35:31Cousin Sal:I'm going to...

35:31Bill Simmons:Do you like Ramondre at 30 to 1 or no?

35:34Cousin Sal:Yeah. I mean, I like... I get it. That's the kind of game it would have to be. I think your guys passing would have to be short passes the whole time. They wouldn't be able to put up big numbers, but I don't know if you could win a game like that. I'm urging people to bet$2.6 million to win$1 million on a quarterback to win this, uh, MVP.

35:54Bill Simmons:So if the Patriots win, I think may is going to be the MVP because that would mean he played well and he carried them for some reason. If Seattle wins, I don't think that means Darnold is the MVP. That's true. I think you can, To me, that would be 50-50 at that point. Like, in the NFC title game, he definitely would have won MVP. Even though JSN was awesome in that game, but Darnold was like 350 and didn't have a pick.

36:19Cousin Sal:But if you see a Kenneth Walker rushing touchdown, then you see a JSN receiving touchdown, then the needle moves to Darnold, right? Because it's not one player dominating. So usually the quarterback.

36:32Bill Simmons:All right, touchdown stuff. Your favorite touchdown. You can go anytime touchdown, multiple touchdowns, first touchdown. What was your single favorite one?

36:41Cousin Sal:Let me see. Hold on. I got to find it. Cardi B. I got all this stuff. All right. All right. Well, first of all, under one and a half yards, shortest touchdown, minus 138. A little juicy there. It's a brother-bry special. It's hit five of the last six. It's hit 22 of the last 32. It really should be about minus 180, 185, but it's minus 138. You talked about it. The PI calls in the end zone, puts the ball right at the one. We see it all the time. We saw it a bunch of times with Hertz, obviously, but under one and a half. I like Kup to score the first touchdown at plus 1 ,300 and to score at plus 260.

37:20Cousin Sal:I'll find some more. Go ahead. What do you have?

37:22Bill Simmons:Kup, 1 ,300 for first? Yeah. And then what was the other one? Plus 260 that he scores any time. All right. This is my favorite. This might be my single favorite bet. Barner to get a touchdown is plus 1230.

37:43Bill Simmons:I think that's what it is, but he's 12 to one. Oh, plus 230. Sorry. Is that what it is now? Just any touchdown, anytime, anytime. Touchdown is what? Is it plus 230 or no, that's going to be higher than that. I think I had a typo. I'm sorry, America. Plus 230. Anytime plus 230, yeah. Yeah, plus 230. First touchdown's 12 to one. Two touchdowns is 20 to one. Here's the case for Barner. Not only does he have their tight end, so he might be able to get the first and goal from the five touchdown, he's now their tush-push short yardage guy because Charbonnet got hurt. Good one. And that's a recent development.

38:25Bill Simmons:So any fourth and one, he's coming in, or any first down and goal from the one, like you talk about the Brother Bryce special, So Barner is going to be in the game. Right. Anything one yard and in, he's in. And at the plus 230, I think that's amazing value. I kind of can't believe it's not higher because I could also get a pass with him too. Right. But I like the 20 to one too for two TDs.

38:48Cousin Sal:All right, I'm writing that down.

38:50Bill Simmons:I don't necessarily like him for MVP because I don't think he'll have enough catches because he's usually like a two for 15, three for 20 guy. but he might catch a five-yard touchdown and run for another one and then run for another first down. Any fourth and one, third and one goal line and one, he's going to be with the ball. That's a push push guy.

39:12Cousin Sal:Can we talk about how ridiculous plus 230 is for any time touchdown Barner when there's JSN, there's Diggs, there's the quarterbacks who can run it in, there's Kenneth Walker. Come on. We can move these up to more than plus 230.

39:28Bill Simmons:Well, so Drake's plus 290. JSN's minus 110. This is for any time. Marcus Jones is 22 to 1 for a TD. I just want to bring him up again. The New England defense is plus 850. The New England defense is 40 to 1 for the first TD. Wow. And I bring that up for this reason, cuz. Who led the league in turnovers this year?

39:53Cousin Sal:The Seahawks, right? What quarterback? Oh, Darnold at 14 interceptions. Did he also fumble combined?

40:00Bill Simmons:Sam Darnold had 20 turnovers this year. He had the most turnovers in the league. The number two guy was Geno Smith at 18, and the number three guy was Tua Tagliabula at, I think, 15. Sam Darnold had the most turnovers in the league. I know. In the league. And up until week 18, San Francisco, everybody's like, I don't know. San Francisco is one-and-a-half point favorites on the road, missing half their team. We were like, I don't know if Sam Darnold gets to the playoffs. I don't know. Looked really good against the Rams. Sam Darnold, I trust him completely. Are you sure? We've seen him flame out in these games.

40:40Cousin Sal:No, I think he throws one for sure. What did we talk about? Plus 200 for both to throw one up? It's a long game. I agree.

40:48Bill Simmons:So a pick six, basically, New England D. Could also be a fumble recovery or a strip sack, plus 850. But that first touchdown, 40 to one. That's fun.

40:57Cousin Sal:That's a fun one. I had a combination here. Diggs and Walker first touchdown. Because there's like a million combinations offered on Fandle. But if you like the idea that Diggs is going to score and KW3.

41:09Bill Simmons:See, I feel like you did this a couple years ago. It didn't work? It seemed great on paper and then it didn't work.

41:14Cousin Sal:Are you saying I offered a Super Bowl prop and it didn't come to fruition?

41:17Bill Simmons:No, I mean, there was a year where you were like, these are great. You get this guy or this guy. I know, but this guy or this guy

41:25Cousin Sal:gives you a couple odds. Then, you know, if you have Diggs first touchdown and Seattle's at the eight-yard line, you're kind of screwed, right? Like, you just, yeah.

41:33Bill Simmons:And then Tonga gets the first touchdown.

41:35Cousin Sal:Diggs or Walker, first touchdown, plus 260. Fine, I'm just saying, there are a lot of fun combinations out there. So what was your favorite combination? Diggs-Walker. Your boy, Stefan, it's plus 260. Either one of those is the first touchdown.

41:50Bill Simmons:I have my favorite long shot for this. If this is your Gary Russell bet, I apologize in advance. Don't do it. It won't be. Does your Gary Russell bet, is it the last name begins with a T? No. Okay. Tonga, for a touchdown, is 75-1. Okay. This is something the Patriots have been doing last few games. They bring in this huge defensive tackle they have. And in the last game, they brought in him and Milt Williams together, which was nuts. They've been bringing in Tonga. Patriots coach Mike Vrabel, famously used by Belichick to be a blocking back or like a tight end person, but then would catch balls.

42:40Bill Simmons:And I think there's some crazy stat, like he has more touchdown catches than there. It's like five Hall of Famers who played in Super Bowls. Right. And I wonder if there's some Vrabel symmetry with him getting some non-receiver, non-running back, non-tout end. Like Tonga. Oh my God, Tonga! It's the first touchdown of his career!

43:00Cousin Sal:I like that. That's 75-1. I flagged Lineman scores a touchdown at plus 1 ,100. Obviously not as good as 75-1. But you got the...

43:09Bill Simmons:The Lineman covers... That covers everybody on both teams.

43:12Cousin Sal:Both teams. Vrabel's devious nature. you got Seattle at the one yard line maybe they want to put the whole Malcolm Butler thing to rest that's Barner throwing number 64 someone 60 pounds heavier than Barner whoever it is plus 1100 not bad

43:30Bill Simmons:I really feel like Vrabel is going to pass it on if he has the chance to pass it on to somebody and also this is McDaniel and they do weird shit when they're close to the goal line in big games McDaniel has done this his whole life. Tonga's 75-1. The Drake, his odds were plus 290. He's 30-1 for two touchdowns. And when you see them around the goal line, they did the Josh Allen quarterback draw play for him. Yeah. But if he's not healthy, who knows? For the playoffs, he's 24 for 141 rushing with a TD. And then the JSN bet, so him being minus 110, He's 12 touchdowns in 19 games. Out of those 12 touchdowns, only two of them were two touchdown games.

44:21Right.

44:21Bill Simmons:So he's scored in 10 of the 19 games. I don't think the minus 110 are good enough odds for him.

44:30Cousin Sal:That's the dirty little secret. None of these are good enough, really. But it's fun to bet two or more. That's a good one. That's because if they play 75 times, you might score. But yeah, the two pluses are fun. but how many touchdowns are expected in this game? Five?

44:47Bill Simmons:I don't know. Depends if the, if the, I think it's five, five and a half. Is that what the number is? On Sunday night, I was like, this is going to be like a 30, 27. I think we can move the ball on their defense. And now that Drake's not as healthy, I wonder, is this going to be a chew up the clock when you have the ball kind of game?

45:04Cousin Sal:I would like to get a separate box of the FanDuel CEO and everybody watching us discuss this. and they're like, these idiots just named 35 players to score a touchdown when there's only five and a half touchdowns expected in this game. You think that's going on behind our back?

45:19Bill Simmons:Probably. I think they're probably laughing and being like, these guys, this is great. Every year. Their bets are terrible. Speaking of Fando, Super Bowl LX? Are you calling it 60 or LX? I got to go 60. 60 is upon us. Unfortunately, that means it's the last call for football. How are you feeling?

45:42Cousin Sal:I'm not feeling that great. I know you set the stage nicely with the Saturday before, but I don't know how we're going to get through this. I really don't.

45:51Bill Simmons:Well, we're doing all of our props. We're doing all of our predictions all week long. But FanDuel has a$6 million? Yeah. TD jackpot. Oh. Place any time TD bet on the Super Bowl. The jackpot token applied. And if the selected player scores the first TD or the last TD, not only do you win your bet, you get to split the prize pool with the others who selected the same TD score.

46:16Cousin Sal:If you take Tonga, that means who are you splitting it with? Well, now it's going to be a bunch of people.

46:21Bill Simmons:So we can go first or last TD. We want to go first. I like Barner at 12 to 1 for the first TD, but I'm willing to be outruled by you. What's your favorite? No, if you like that, that's fine.

46:33Cousin Sal:And I think you got to go big numbers here because like I said, Those first four or five are not worth it at plus 140 and 230 and all those. So I would say Cooper Cup. But if Barner is a good, you state your case. I like it. It's fine.

46:46Bill Simmons:Barner, I can get the first and goal from the one following the pass interference. Yep. Little tush push thing. Or maybe they try to run in. They couldn't get it. Now it's third and one and they bring them in. How excited will you be? I can get a little play action.

46:59Cousin Sal:Yeah. I wouldn't be excited at all. You'd be so pumped. You'd be like, yeah, Barner. We're down 10-0.

47:05Bill Simmons:I'm just going to be silently by myself, just freaking out. That's our pick for the jackpot. Listen to Bill Simmons podcast all week and the ringer gambling show and continue to place your bets on FanDuel Sportsbook for the big game. FanDuel, play your game. Okay. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Imagine a game where you're on the court solo, no coach, no teammates, no one in the stand. Stressful, right? Sometimes life can feel like that too. That's when State Farm, they show up. They're on the bench, ready to help you find the right coverage when it matters most through an agent online or even on the app.

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48:26Bill Simmons:Max$100 cash back per month. Rushing stuff. Drake May under 36 and a half or over. Boy, this moves around so much. Didn't it already move four yards? 40 plus yards is now plus 108. 50 plus yards is plus 200 and 60 is plus 350. If I knew he was 100%, I would be banging the 50 plus for two to one. And if it turns out on Wednesday, Thursday, he's cleared. He's 100 % 50 plus because I think he's, we've seen it. He needs to use his legs to help them move the ball.

49:01Cousin Sal:So you think if he's not 100%, he'd take off more? There'd be more design quarterback runs? But you're going to get a hit though. Yeah, maybe he doesn't take the inbounds and everything. Maybe it's a little more sliding. Maybe he finds a sideline more, but maybe a couple more.

49:14Bill Simmons:I don't like tentative Drake, man. Okay. And we mentioned the Travion stuff. Yeah. 70 plus, 14 to 1, 80 plus, 25 to 1. What was your favorite?

49:24Cousin Sal:Well, I like the Travion to most rushing yards, although you crushed that with the 80 plus. It gets 25 to 1. How about this? Any player rushes for 205 plus, which would be our Super Bowl record, which, by the way, is held by Timmy Smith, who did this Washington against Denver. Is this an unbreakable record? This is a 38-year-old record. He did it in 22 carries. I feel like at 100 to 1, you have a couple with great breakaway speed and ability with Kenneth Walker and Travion Henderson, as we've met, like 100 to 1, 205. Is this just, oh, this is never going to get beaten.

50:04Bill Simmons:The problem, I was looking at Walker. I actually like the under for him at 73 and a half just because the Pats run day has been so good. The problem with Walker is he's been a 15 to 19 carry guy like his whole career. He's not like a workhorse running back. He's not like a huge guy. He's had a bunch of injuries over the years. And even in that last game, they were pretty careful. Like they, they brought in, uh, the backup. They had wide receivers in the backfield a couple of times. They use Barner. Yep. I don't think he'll get to 20 carries. Do you? He kind of gets lost in those holes though.

50:38Cousin Sal:I don't want to compare him to Barry Sanders, but you're like, oh, he's going to be bottled up after three. It's like, it really is just the explosive play potential, right? I don't think he's going to do it with, you know, six yards a carry for 35 carries. That's not how he would get this. But and then your guy, too. I mean, these guys, you don't see this where these guys have gigantic. What'd you say? 69 and 65 yards. That would help. That would help to get to 205. You almost need to get two of them.

51:04Bill Simmons:Yeah. 101 is interesting. That would be Walker just absolutely murdering us.

51:10Cousin Sal:Yeah.

51:11Bill Simmons:So this is for the Drake May. Oh, I'll do the Seattle quickly. I thought the under 73 and a half for Walker under for the backup Polani. This one was interesting. JSN 0.5 rushing yards is the over under. I was like, wow, that's low. They'll just do a sweep of them. I looked it up. I said four rushes in September. They don't use them that way at all because they need them so badly for the past stuff. They don't run like in the beginning of the Seattle Denver game that I was watching. They got the safety. they ran that quick sweep play with Percy Harvin that always seemed unstoppable when he's in motion full speed and they just hand it off.

51:52Bill Simmons:And you would think they would do that with JSM, but they don't. They run that play for Shahid. So I actually like the under for that. What was Shahid? Shahid's probably... Well, Shahid, that's a popular one. And everyone got killed on that last week.

52:05Cousin Sal:Right, right, right.

52:06Bill Simmons:But they tried it. They ran the one sweep of them.

52:08Cousin Sal:I mean, look, like we said, this is not where you don't keep the trick plays in the bag, you know?

52:14Bill Simmons:No. Well, yeah, you're right. If you're going to run JSN, this is the week because you're not doing it. You're zagging. But the ones I really like, I like these Romandre odds. His over is 49 and a half. And you look at like, so these are like since the Buffalo game that they lost, he was six for 50, eight for 51 against Baltimore, eight for 47 against the Jets. They took him out. Against Miami, seven for 131, took him out. Chargers playoffs, 10 for 53. Houston 16 for 70, and then Denver 25 for 71. Especially if Drake's not 100 % healthy, they're going to be trying to run the ball. Yeah. And the other one I really like, 20 plus first quarter rushing yards is plus 174.

52:58Bill Simmons:The Pats always start out slow. They try to establish, you know, try to keep the ball, move the chains, get some first downs. 20 plus sounds great. Yeah. Plus 174?

53:10Cousin Sal:The tough thing with the first quarter is you don't know if you're getting the ball, right? Everyone's very conservative, which lends towards your bet winning, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, and I have some props, receiving props that go along with that. But yeah, how many drives you need for that? You need two or one?

53:27Bill Simmons:I need two and maybe even one if he busts like a 13-yarder, which he's prone to do. The other one I like for him was five plus rushing yards each quarter, plus 240. Just five.

53:39Cousin Sal:Yeah, that's a good. Second quarter would be the hard one

53:42Bill Simmons:because you have like the, there's a two-minute drill potential. Then fourth quarter, same thing.

53:47Cousin Sal:Look, you're stuck with this whole, this Rabel thing. And he's like now copying like Belichick. How frustrating it was, was it for gamblers to, you know, worked out Super Bowl wise for you guys. But you didn't know the snap count for your running backs ever. Like that was a secret. Ramondre snap count was split with Henderson, like week 17 and 18, as late as that. Then it was like 94 % to 6 % in favor of Ramondra Stevenson, which is crazy. So the Patriots fans still talking about that kick return in the preseason. Give Trevi on some love here.

54:22Bill Simmons:Even somebody like Bobo, I was looking up that.

54:24Cousin Sal:Yeah.

54:25Bill Simmons:I was looking up Seahawks snap counts. It's like Bobo played 19 plays last week. What sickos?

54:32Cousin Sal:Seahawks snap counts we're doing. We have all this.

54:34Bill Simmons:God bless. All this shit now. Yeah. So I like, I think out of all those, my favorite is probably just the over 49 and a half for him. The straight up. But I like that 20 plus first quarter.

54:46Cousin Sal:Any other rushing ones from you? I had more. I have a bunch of receiving. Okay. Let's go to receiving.

54:51Bill Simmons:Yeah. Smith and Jigba, 90 plus is minus 128 for receiving. 100 plus is plus 116. 125 plus is plus 265. It's a lot. Well, if you like them to win MVP,

55:08Cousin Sal:you're going to like all those numbers, right?

55:09Bill Simmons:Right. I would, at that point, just bet the MVP because you get better odds. The question for me is, are the Pats going to do the thing where they try to actually take out Cup and just hope JSN doesn't go nuts? Or do they try to take out JSN and steer everything to Cup and Barner and some of these other guys? I don't know what the strategy is going to be.

55:28Cousin Sal:The old Pats would do, put the two guys on the one on the best and then the next best on that. So that's interesting.

55:35Bill Simmons:Make Cooper Cup beat you.

55:36Cousin Sal:This is a big spread in terms of your best guy and their best guy. 93 and a half for JSN and Diggs is 43 and a half. Like, have we seen a spread of 50 before in a while? I don't think so. But, yeah, I mean, I have a few here. Well, let's see. Do you want to go? Did you have any? No, go.

55:57Bill Simmons:Let me hear him.

55:57Cousin Sal:All right. Henry, catch on the first drive, plus 250. I don't have the data, but to me, and especially if there's shoulder issues, this is good. Get rid of the butterflies. First pass short one tight end settles in the first level, four yards over the middle. I would bet AJ Barner at similar odds, right? Seattle 29th in the league against tight ends. So Hunter Henry props in general. There you go. So Hunter Henry, anytime touchdowns plus two 30, but Hunter Henry where the ball is tipped by six or more Seahawk defenders before he catches it is also plus two 30. So lucky. So lucky. Stuck that in.

56:36Bill Simmons:I was looking at Ernest Jones for that, too, because Drake's almost throwing picks to linebackers, I think, two straight weeks.

56:41Cousin Sal:Yeah.

56:43Bill Simmons:Yeah, that's true. It's close.

56:44Cousin Sal:I mean, I got a bunch. Henry, over half a receiving yard first quarter, if you want to do that. Same kind of thing. Very conservative plan. Diggs, four-plus receptions. They play zone most of the time, Seattle, and he's around five catches a game against teams that play zone. and he's like top 10, 11 receiver versus the zone. I would go with that. All right, you go. I catch my breath there.

57:10Bill Simmons:My favorite guy for this game, for this category, is Matt Collins, who became a really, really essential, important Patriot who is on the field a lot because he's such a good blocker and became a trusted Drake guy and then got hurt and missed four games, came back last week. He's 30-plus yards is even. 40 plus receiving yards from his plus 188. 50 plus is plus 310. 70 plus is plus 750. Wow. Let me read you some of the big games he's been in this year, in the second half of the year. Denver last week, two for 51. Baltimore, seven for 69. Buffalo, four for 41. Tampa, six for 106. Cleveland, seven for 89.

57:55Bill Simmons:I think my favorite out of all these is the 50 plus yards for him plus 310 is the one I would go with because I think he's going, if they fall behind, great for the bet. He usually has one big play if they're winning, so that's also good for that bet. Either way, in a weird way, I feel like he's kind of more reliable than Diggs. Diggs has been really hit or miss in these big games. He's been awesome, carried them in some games. Other games, you forget he's out there.

58:25Cousin Sal:Yeah.

58:26Bill Simmons:And he doesn't play all the time either because they keep his snap count. Collins is going to be out there a lot.

58:30Cousin Sal:I do like Diggs to impregnate a cheerleader before halftime at 30-1. I knew that was coming. Male cheerleader, 750-1. I don't know. He only had four kids this year.

58:39Bill Simmons:It's fine.

58:39Cousin Sal:Oh, that's it? All right. Your Mac Collins is my Keishon booty because I have him 90-plus yards at plus 880. and it's kind of the same reasoning as the Travion Henderson thing, right? He busts big plays. He has longs of 39 twice. He has a long of 42, a long of 32, which puts him right in the mix. And if they do focus on digs... So you have 90 plus yards for him? 90 plus is plus 880. Most receiving yards is plus 1300. Same rationale as Travion Henderson.

59:13Bill Simmons:Most receiving yards in the game? In the game. Yeah. I know it's asking a lot. JSN. Yeah, that would almost have to be an injury. I think the cup odds were interesting just because if they do the thing where they try to take out JSN, cups over is 32 and a half, 40 plus yards, plus 136, 50 plus, plus 225. He has to be out there a lot because he's such a good blocker. And, you know, he's trying to win a Super Bowl after the Rams gave him up. I'm sure that'll be a huge story this week, how hurt he was that the Rams kind of cast them aside.

59:49Cousin Sal:If you're Cooper Cup, do you let loose that you might retire after this game? Then you get some MVP love and all that other stuff. I would just do that every year. Yeah, I would do.

59:57Bill Simmons:Once you're over 30 as a football player, we should do it. We should say that

59:59Cousin Sal:for this prop thing. This is probably it, guys. We're going to retire after year 19. This is it. I should start that.

1:00:07Bill Simmons:Yeah. This could be it. This might be the last time you get to enjoy this. Never know. So your favorite out of all these is what? My personal favorite is 50 plus Matt Collins plus 310.

1:00:16Cousin Sal:I'm going to go booty 90 plus at plus 880. That would be my favorite. But there's a couple Seattle guys too. Like Helani over 9.5 receiving. Caught 27 last week. Backfield's all thinned out. Plus running backs I think account for 25 % of New England's allowed receptions, which is the third highest. Everyone's got Kenneth Walker over 20.5, so I don't love that as much. But he did have 78 in two playoff games. He did it five times before that. That's about it.

1:00:45Bill Simmons:I do feel good about our defensive line against, like, putting real pressure on Darnold. I think they kind of lucked out with who they played the last few weeks. And I thought the Rams defensive line was disappointing last week. But no Charbonnet, who was their big pass pro guy. Right. The fact that this guy, Holani, has to probably actually be out there at least, what, 25 % of the snaps. So that might help your catch bet if he's a better blocker. Defensive stuff really quickly. I mentioned Lawrence was plus 122 for a sack. Lawrence having a sack in each half was 10 to one. He only has six sacks on the air.

1:01:23Bill Simmons:So it's not as enticing as it looks. Um, interceptions other than the Marcus Jones one Woodson on the pats, rookie safety, 24 years old. He's nine to one for a pick. I think he's been playing really well the last few weeks and he's always around the ball and he's either had a pick or dropped a pick. Right. I'm telling you, his hands are on the ball. That one jumped out to me. And then Ernest Jones mentioned him earlier, 11-1. I'm that little seven-yarder over the middle that either gets tipped or Drake doesn't see the guy. I thought those were my two favorite interception ones.

1:01:58Cousin Sal:I think we load up on this category because this could be a sloppy game. We sort of like both players to throw an interception, maybe even more than that. So let's just take the best there is. Let's take Christian Gonzalez at plus 650. Red hot, had one against the Broncos. you know, if you think Darnold with 14 on the year is going to throw one, you might as well cover your bet with the, and some of the fumbles. Yeah. He's dying. He's dying to give us the ball. There you go. And so I like them. I like M and Yuri on the other side for Seattle to take one. I think there could be like a safety blitz again.

1:02:30Cousin Sal:Like they're going to, they're going to like, they're not going to leave anything, um, you know, left unfold. Like I feel like I know he's against tight ends. He's not the best, but you know, uh, may already took 15 sacks. So if you can get plus 650, 640 for Eminem, that's a sack, actually. That's not for an interception.

1:02:49Bill Simmons:I like all the sack bets for Seattle for the odds of them just based on the fact that the Patriots have been giving up sacks this entire playoffs. Yeah. Even though Seattle had one, they're basically one sack a week the last couple of weeks, but maybe this is the week they break out. Some random stuff before we get to your really goofy stuff. No touchdown in the game is 175 to 1. double overtime is 101 on FanDuel a correct score repeat of the Malcolm Butler game Patriots 28 Seattle 24 is 350 to 1 And then National Anthem as of right now, 119.5 seconds. Yeah. Minus 110. Okay. Take us through some of the wacky ones.

1:03:38Cousin Sal:Well, let me just read a couple more before we get to the pregame and everything else. I'm picking the game right now. I'm going to say 33-20 Seahawks at 250-1. That Patriots score 20 points is 10-1. 21 is 19-1. I know you hate that. minus 500 that Chris Collinsworth calls the Seahawks blowout when a good old-fashioned ash kicking. So that's going to happen.

1:04:03Bill Simmons:Ash kicking. I don't know if he's heard. I've heard him say that before. So he kicks some ash. Ash kicking, Bill. Come on. I'm sorry.

1:04:12Cousin Sal:They're kicking all kinds of ash, Mike. Mike, you know. These guys are getting ash on the side. This seemed mean, but Fandle put it up. Seattle, who attempt to pass at the one is plus 650. That's a Malcolm Butler, you know, a nod. Like, I feel like if you're Pete Carroll, do you bet this as an emotional hedge? I just... Pete Carroll can't watch. He can't. He's not watching this. It's awful. He takes his team to 3-14. He watches Geno Smith get ruined. He's 74 years old. That's your miserable swan song in the NFL. He's fired in disgrace. He wants to be left alone. Here's two more weeks of the Malcolm Butler play.

1:04:52Cousin Sal:followed by an uninspiring Raiders hire, which is going to further remind you of... Quinn Kubiak already has a job, apparently. That's right. I think that's it. Did that bust a break already?

1:05:02Bill Simmons:Would you hire a guy before you made sure he was good in the Super Bowl? You know, that's not worked before, right? What was it? Was it the Philly one when they gave up a million times? Is he going to be nervous to be aggressive in the Super Bowl or less nervous?

1:05:14Cousin Sal:Yeah. I mean, Darnold's going to throw eight interceptions now because of this. Team the score three times in a row. I'm not doing you any favors with the VIG minus 166. The Eagles scored six times in a row last year. The year before, the Chiefs scored three in a row. The Bengals did it in the Super Bowl out here with SoFi. This happened at four of the last six. 16 and 10 the last 26.

1:05:35Bill Simmons:So you basically need the last two of the second quarter and then you also have the ball in the third quarter.

1:05:40Cousin Sal:Maybe a field goal in there kind of thing. I think this should be minus 220 or minus 230. Let me see.

1:05:46Bill Simmons:Sorry. Did we You mentioned the kicker props about like total number of points scored by the kickers. I always thought that was a good one.

1:05:55Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah. What is it? Ten and a half?

1:05:58Bill Simmons:Well, Seattle's kicker to have ten points or more. I thought there was good juice on that. I like that. Right.

1:06:04Cousin Sal:Did you have tie Patriots last week for Denver, the Denver game? That one. Didn't you and House have that? 16 to one. We didn't actually bet it in real life. You didn't make a big enough deal out of that. Yeah. It's also 16 to one if you like the Seahawks and a lot more if you want. the Patriots. What is it for the Patriots? I didn't look because they're not going to win. I didn't feel it mattered. But I will say Pat's over nine and a half second half is minus 128. Don't you like that a little bit? In almost any case, like they're a second half team. Even if they have to come back, that's especially good.

1:06:37Bill Simmons:Yeah, always second and third quarters seem to be the quarters. A quarterback's shoulder might not work. Positive.

1:06:44Cousin Sal:I'm ready for the nonsensical stuff, the novelty props. Okay, go. Well, he said 119 and a half. This is Charlie Puth singing, right? I think he's friends with our buddy Daniel, so it'd be nice if we could find out what that is. But this has gone under in three of the last four. Three of the last seven, though, have come within seconds of this. And there's no evidence of, you know, usually you can go to YouTube seeing him do it. He played this on the piano in a minute and 13 seconds, but that's a bad indicator. So what I would rather do is, last brave home of the brave that's held over under three and a half seconds i'm going over this is your time to show off charlie poots right and i think you know it's tough because they'll say brave and then director almost always cuts to the fighter jets and so you don't really know when the brave ends and you end up uh arguing with a guy from antigua on the on the phone calling you mr Saul trying to get your money back.

1:07:43Cousin Sal:But those are the old days. This is Fandle. They're going to pay up over three and a half. So there you go.

1:07:49Bill Simmons:Yeah, that is. There was one time I can't remember we were watching together and we had no idea when the song actually ended because they cut to the fly away. We were like,

1:07:57Cousin Sal:what happened? Was there an extra second in there? They're too loud, these fighter jets.

1:08:01Bill Simmons:Is there any way we can get inside information from PR agent of the stars, Louis K? That would be nice.

1:08:06Cousin Sal:I mean, he steered us. Did he steer us right or wrong with this before? Steered us right twice. He did. Okay. He's freaking out. No, no, he did.

1:08:14Bill Simmons:And then he got really upset that we talked about it on a podcast. So we said we wouldn't do that again.

1:08:18Cousin Sal:We'll never do that again. But Lewis, come on. Except for the two times he gave us winners.

1:08:21Bill Simmons:Yeah. Does he represent Charlie Poo?

1:08:24Cousin Sal:He should just for this. You can lose him as a client after the game. Will a player or coach cry during the anthem? I saw this. I say no, plus 184. I think it's worth it. You need to see a visible tear running down the cheek. That's how it's explained on Fandle. That's a pretty big threshold. What do you think?

1:08:46Bill Simmons:It's a tough one. I think in the social media era, you're going to fight off the tears more than you would in like 1990. Right. Where you cry and it's just the moment comes and goes. Now if you cry, you're a meme for the next two days, potentially, especially if your team loses. I think you fight the tears off. I'm going no.

1:09:03Cousin Sal:Yeah. Yeah. I'm the same way. Like the one they go to was the Sirianni, like crying like a 12-year-old at a Taylor Swift concert. But I don't think we see that again. I don't think, I think, you know.

1:09:14Bill Simmons:Yeah, Serenity can't really be compared to other humans. Right, right. Just in general. I would say no.

1:09:20Cousin Sal:Coin toss, tails, heads, minus 104. See if you can find a better vig than that. The winner of the coin toss, this was interesting, is 25 and 34 in the Super Bowl only. Is that true? If you're smart, you'll try to lose the coin toss. Tails is 31-28. Eight, Tales has won two of the last three years. Eight of the last 12. The last time the Super Bowl was in Santa Clara, it came up Tales. I'm going with Tales. I wouldn't say it never fails, but I think it's the pick. What do you got? You have to be on record. What are you saying?

1:09:50Bill Simmons:This is where you and I, both of them love gambling. This is where we break. This is where I wave goodbye. I can't bet the coin toss. I just can't. I don't care about the history of it. It's just, I did. I've lost it. It's just like, you might as well.

1:10:04Cousin Sal:You have to lose$1 ,000 before the game even starts to consider yourself a traditional.

1:10:10Bill Simmons:I was more excited. There were bets about, at least on FanDuel Canada, there were bets on temperature of the game, and it had these five-degree radiuses, but it was all in Celsius. And even though I graduated with a master's degree, I couldn't understand the Celsius.

1:10:26Cousin Sal:I did the conversion. You converted them? So it's between 16 to 20 degrees Celsius is minus 125. That's 61 to 68 degrees. Fahrenheit.

1:10:35Bill Simmons:I think it's going to be lower. I think we're going to be in the high 50s. Oh, really? Oh, I think that's a good range.

1:10:41Cousin Sal:I don't know. I think you get plus 140. That seems to be true.

1:10:45Bill Simmons:I mean, that'd be amazing for the Patriots. Drake Bay hasn't played a game in normal weather since like mid-November. Can you tease that to

1:10:53Cousin Sal:74 degrees plus 10 and a half?

1:10:56Bill Simmons:I wonder. I'll ask Bando, can we tease the Patriots with the degrees? Tease it down to over 51 degrees. There is a weird one. How do they know what the weather is? A week from now. I know. I've never understood that.

1:11:07Cousin Sal:Well, that's a big range though. They don't, they probably don't.

1:11:09Bill Simmons:I mean, even last week they were saying how, yeah, there might be some flurries in the second half. It was a fucking blizzard. I've been betting on the weather for a while.

1:11:17Cousin Sal:And it gives me an excuse to go outside. I do kind of like it. I do like betting on the weather.

1:11:21Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by Instagram. As a parent, I know that you're always going to worry about your teens. And while we can't keep them at home in a bubble, there are still ways to make sure they're protected. Like Instagram teen accounts. Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what your teens see and who can contact them, plus time management tools and extra controls for parents who prefer them. And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences. Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com slash teenaccounts.

1:11:54Bill Simmons:That's instagram.com slash teenaccounts. This episode is brought to you by TaxAct. Like an expert coach, TaxAct offers step-by-step guidance and guaranteed accuracy when filing taxes. Get tips along the way, add expert assist to talk to tax experts and let our experts do your taxes for you with expert full service. Tax Act helps you find the deductions and credits you deserve so you can get them over with. Visit taxact.com to learn more. Conditions apply. See taxact.com for details.

1:12:25Cousin Sal:There is a weird one that the coin is flipped and it gets lodged in JSN's throat rendering him ineligible for the game. Pat's gets so lucky. That's plus 250. Cardi B, how many times did they show her?

1:12:41Bill Simmons:Odds are she's with Kraft. I would think at this point. I don't know if they're going to go less Kraft camera time or if that will be the same amount of camera time. I think they show her at least four times.

1:12:54Cousin Sal:Really? Oh, wow. What is the over-under? It's only one and a half. Oh, over. Over. Oh, okay. I'm going to hit that.

1:13:02Bill Simmons:She just sang on SNL.

1:13:04Cousin Sal:Yeah. She's huge right now. They'll show her. All right. Does she wear a Stefan Diggs jersey? Yes, it's plus 170. Or does she have like an outfit change?

1:13:12Bill Simmons:It could be like a Chrome Hearts type of specially made Stefan Diggs jersey that has like stuff on it. I could see that. Okay. Yeah, I could see that. All right. Is that bad luck though?

1:13:25Cousin Sal:No, I actually think she does wear it. You know, she's also like minus 250 to appear with Bad Bunny. So that could happen too. So you might see she has two opportunities to wear the jersey. Gatorade. I know you don't love this. Orange plus 230. No, I like this more than the coin toss. Okay. Orange plus 230. Blue plus 250. Yellow, lime, green. You get all three for plus 260. Yellow, green last year, one with the Eagles, plus 260. Orange way too chalky at plus 230 for something that's happened once in eight years. But go ahead. What was I going to say?

1:14:00Bill Simmons:Does it have to be the Gatorade for both teams? Is it the same color on each sideline? I can't remember.

1:14:07Cousin Sal:Oh, I don't think so. No, I think that was always a thing. Like this team might go one way, this team the other.

1:14:12Bill Simmons:Because if it's the Seahawks, they're going to go yellow, lime, green, right? That goes with the jerseys. The Patriots, probably like a blue or a red.

1:14:21Cousin Sal:I've been wrong about all this almost every year, and I love it. I love going with it. But what about...

1:14:27Bill Simmons:It's the last bet of the game. It's true. The game's over at that point. This is it. It's our farewell. Other than the guy crying on the podium.

1:14:34Cousin Sal:Well, I'll get to that in a second. But plus 1 ,100 for water slash clear. I like that. 17 years ago, water slash clear at a four-year run. So people are health conscious now. I kind of like that at plus 1 ,100. That would be my pick. No?

1:14:51Bill Simmons:Is there a bet for the Pats winning and Vrabel doing the Can You Dig It on the podium? Because they've embraced this whole Warriors movie thing. I haven't seen it. I don't know if you've been following this. Yeah, because they've been the road warriors. They're 9-0 on the road. This will be their 10th road win. And they're really pushing this road thing. Matt Collins came in last week. He was doing the bottles. The only thing they haven't really done yet is the Can You Dig It, Cyrus's famous speech. Right. Okay.

1:15:17Cousin Sal:If that happens, put odds on me not doing the podcast. because you're going to have to tag Joe House and emotionally I'm not going to be able to do it.

1:15:24Bill Simmons:Yeah, next week, no matter who wins, we're not going live until after the podium because I actually like some of the podiums. Yeah, after like the first two and then we'll come on. It's fun.

1:15:31Cousin Sal:All right, so the very last thing to bet on is the MVP who he thanks, right? God is minus 290, teammates plus 210. And listen, let me just say something. I'm happy for everyone who thanks Jesus. It's great that faith is such a strong presence in their lives. But if God is as great as everyone wants him or her to be, then they have to forgive you for not mentioning them first when you're handed the MVP award. Your teammates, though, who risked their lives getting their heads bashed in for 21 weeks and are right there next to you may not be as forgiving if they're not mentioned and you're standing right next to them.

1:16:09Cousin Sal:I would say plus 210 for teammates. Hopefully this sinks in.

1:16:12Bill Simmons:So it's teammates plus 210. God is who is what? God is who is a very tough question. No, God, what are the odds on God?

1:16:20Cousin Sal:Minus 290 for God.

1:16:22Bill Simmons:Anybody else in there?

1:16:23Cousin Sal:Coach? There is coach. Wait, hold on. Let me see if I can find it.

1:16:27Bill Simmons:Because Drake May is a wild card to thank his brothers first. He's very close to his brothers. He's the youngest brother.

1:16:32Cousin Sal:God, religious figure, minus 290. Teammates, plus 210. Family, plus 1260. That's who you like for Drake May?

1:16:39Bill Simmons:Fans 18 to 1. Drake would go teammates first. And I think Sam Darnold would too, unless he uses the opportunity to tell the Vikings to fuck off, which I don't think he would do.

1:16:49Cousin Sal:Interesting. That's not in there. Nobody thanks the coach. That's the longest shot at 25 to one. Even Kraft would get 18 to one if that happened.

1:16:58Bill Simmons:Oh, our special guest is here for Parent Corner. Oh, he is. Jimmy Kimmel. Hey, Jimmy. I know I was going to tell you to log in, but it worked. And we're live on Netflix, so we can't edit this. Hey.

1:17:14Jimmy Kimmel:No, I've been saying to Ted Sarandos, I said, would you please bring public access television to the platform? Oh, wow. And here we are. It's even worse. In public access, you'd go to a place. You'd go to a studio.

1:17:31Bill Simmons:We're in 4K, baby.

1:17:34Jimmy Kimmel:I'm yelling at the kids to be quiet.

1:17:38Bill Simmons:Wait, Sal was just going through the props, and there's a Super Bowl. Is it the MVP?

1:17:45Cousin Sal:yeah so the mvp thanks first jimmy what would you say on the podium and you could go teammates you

1:17:50Bill Simmons:can go god you can go coach you can go family and friends whatever you think the mvp is going to be just to start with the easiest is to either quarterback both of them we think would go

1:18:00Cousin Sal:teammates first oh you think so yeah okay yeah god is the big favorite at minus 290 yeah god's

1:18:07Jimmy Kimmel:always the big favorite isn't he kind of has some control over this too i would i guess i would go with God. I'd have to go with God. Go with God.

1:18:15Bill Simmons:Go ahead. Throw God in a parlay? Can we put God in the same game parlay?

1:18:21Cousin Sal:By the way, I'm looking at this. Yeah. Bowen Yang is 35 to 1. I don't know why anyone would thank him. Here's one for you.

1:18:31Jimmy Kimmel:What are the numbers as far as Will Aaron Rodgers apologize for suggesting that I was in the Epstein

1:18:42Bill Simmons:It's probably like 10 to 1. He hasn't apologized yet.

1:18:47Jimmy Kimmel:We're still waiting on that one. No, I'm waiting for that and his wife. Yeah.

1:18:51Cousin Sal:Listen, I don't want to put a pin in it, Jimmy, but there are still a million documents out there. So you are not nearly in the clear. Maybe I'm in all million. We don't have to clear yet.

1:19:01Bill Simmons:What was the other? So we had, how many times will they show Cardi B? It was another prop. Yeah. Because she's going to be there on behalf of Stefan Diggs. Yeah. And the over-under is one and a half. I went way over. I think they show her at least four times.

1:19:14Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah, it's got to be over one and a half. It's got to be two, right? It's got to be two times. At least two. At least one's a half. They don't count if she performs, do they? Is that part of the...

1:19:24Bill Simmons:It's during the... Oh, man. I have to look. Oh, that's interesting. That would be a... That would be... Yeah, I don't... I think that should count. I think it's on the broadcast. I think it's on the game. I think it is. Yeah, that counts. If she's a cameo.

1:19:37Jimmy Kimmel:How do they keep this stuff so quiet as far as who's going to perform? I mean, there have to be a thousand people in that stadium rehearsing. Like, how did they keep this quiet?

1:19:47Bill Simmons:Well, that's why the couple of the years when our friend Louis K was working and he was feeding us illegally stuff that we could gamble on, we got very upset that we talked about it on the podcast. We told him not to, that we wouldn't do that again. But I guess I just accidentally.

1:20:04Jimmy Kimmel:He's usually so rah-rah about these things. He's like, yeah, go ahead. Is he repping Bad Bunny now, too?

1:20:10Bill Simmons:Well, that's what we wanted him to try to sign Charlie Puth before Sunday to see. Because then we would find out the national anthem is 119.5 seconds.

1:20:19Jimmy Kimmel:Doesn't our friend Daniel know Charlie Puth? I said that. I know. Can we get word to...

1:20:25Bill Simmons:He does know.

1:20:26Jimmy Kimmel:He knows everybody.

1:20:27Cousin Sal:Yeah, he does.

1:20:28Bill Simmons:Sal, the only bet before we do a special mega edition of Parent Corner, the only bet you didn't do was the Gary Russell Memorial prop. Let's do it. So can we do that with Jimmy? Jimmy, you know the story. We did this. Can I set it up?

1:20:41Cousin Sal:I'll set it up. Set it up. You do it. All right. So Gary Russell. So every year I come on this podcast the week before the Super Bowl and try to pick an obscure player to do something positive, right? So it's usually like a backup tight end to catch a pass for a half a yard. And I've won with some no names like Henry Hanowski and Fozzie Whitaker. I usually lose. But the first year we did this, actually, Jimmy, we watched the Super Bowl at your house. It was Pittsburgh versus Arizona. And it was 17 years ago tonight. It was February 1st, 2009.

1:21:11Bill Simmons:What an anniversary. Haven't seen it in newspapers or anything. Yeah.

1:21:14Cousin Sal:Happy anniversary, Gary Russell. So I had Gary Russell to not score a touchdown, minus 140. He was the backup running back, Steelers running back, to fast Willie Parker. His first carry inside the two, he lost four yards. I'm like, they can't go back to him. Well, they did. I was like, give it to Fast Willie. No. They gave it a Gary Russell touchdown. Yeah. And as legend has it,

1:21:39Bill Simmons:it was an actual long email that we got,

1:21:42Cousin Sal:that I got from a man. He says he, he and a woman were at a Superbowl party. They didn't know each other. They noticed that the other was laughing after the Gary Russell touchdown and they got to talking and there were fans of the podcast. I'm like, Oh, is it because it's Al, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, they hook up, they end up getting married because of this prop. Yeah. So happy 17th anniversary or more likely, sorry about the divorce, right? Is that how it goes with this? Yeah.

1:22:09Bill Simmons:It's either a happy memory or a terrible memory for them, but it's one or the other. Yeah.

1:22:14Jimmy Kimmel:That's nice. It's probably led to a marriage. I'm trying to imagine a woman sitting through this show and listening to the plus 165, plus 238. It's not adding up to me. I don't know what's going on there, but happy anniversary. He's just taking shots at us. They love public access.

1:22:29Bill Simmons:Women don't listen to us.

1:22:32Cousin Sal:We have Obama listening to this. Yeah, our time. Barry O's listening to us.

1:22:38Jimmy Kimmel:That's true. Did I tell that story last time?

1:22:40Bill Simmons:You did. You told the story. He's probably not listening anymore.

1:22:43Jimmy Kimmel:I was more excited about that than either one of you. I don't know what it was. It really was. I couldn't wait to get out of the room.

1:22:53Cousin Sal:Yeah, probably. So Sal, what do you have for this year? Let me just say, it's been tougher and tougher to come up with these. because we know all the backups. We know some of the third strings. But I think I came across a doozy, which is really going to turn some heads here. Here we go. Drum roll, please. Cahal, for my Gary Russell annual prop pick of the year. Here we go. Brady Russell, Seahawks fullback to score a touchdown at 40 to 1 odds. Now, you might say, is he related to Gary Russell? I didn't even know who that was. he is not related to Gary Russell he's whiter than a sheet and he has long hair but just the fact that his name is Brady Russell perhaps one and two in Boston sports legends and the Patriots didn't sign this guy at the University of Colorado this is payback for Brady Russell how did the Patriots not sign a guy

1:23:50Bill Simmons:he should be on that team

1:23:51Cousin Sal:this is like Seattle having a guy named Marshawn Griffey Jr

1:23:57Bill Simmons:or the Patriots having it. Or New England having it. Yes, that's right. Plus his last name is Russell, tying back to the 17th anniversary of our guy, Gary Russell. Gary Russell, right.

1:24:04Cousin Sal:No relation.

1:24:05Bill Simmons:Brady Russell.

1:24:06Cousin Sal:So I think Clint Kubiak, now the Raiders coach, or in eight days, whatever, switched him from tight end to fullback. A couple issues. He only has one target this year, and his hand is kind of injured, I think, from the one target. But I think he gets a handoff at the goal line. You don't want to go through any of that nonsense again like Pete Carroll did with the, right? This guy gets the handoff. Brady Russell, touchdown, lives in infamy. 40 to 1 odds. Go get it. Put it in on Fandle right now.

1:24:35Bill Simmons:I think Fandle should promote this as a special bet. See, you'll have Seahawks to win with Brady Russell. And that would be like, I don't know, 60 to 1 or something.

1:24:45Jimmy Kimmel:I'd be curious to see what happens to the numbers now that you've mentioned it. I mean, you got to get that bet in fast, right? Right now, right?

1:24:52Bill Simmons:Did Sal just change the Brady Russell market? Yeah, he did. Fandle is loving this, by the way. He'll be the only one making that bet. That's great.

1:25:02Cousin Sal:It's all free money. There you go. Brady Russell, do it.

1:25:04Bill Simmons:We brought you on for Parent Corner. You came on at the start of the football season. And your son, your son, Billy, quite a character, is still in his apex mountain for Parent Corner. This is the sweet spot when the kids are really little boys between eight and ten.

1:25:21Jimmy Kimmel:I think our I think that's the funniest stage yeah some people might say six to ten but the

1:25:28Bill Simmons:second half of their first decade is when the comedy really comes comes on so we haven't seen you in a couple months you're going to tell us some Billy's stories well he's very he's still

1:25:37Jimmy Kimmel:very focused on his penis you know he's still right all about the penis and we we showed the kids happy Gilmore which they'd never seen before yeah hey you know it's one of those things like should we show this to them? She's just, you know, and I was like, you know what, I'm going to show them. And now, you know, that montage where Happy Gilmore's got the, you know, gas pump between his legs. Everything's a penis, you know? Yeah. Billy does that now all the time. It's anything cylindrical is a penis, you know, chopsticks, pool noodles, broomsticks, whatever, hot dogs, carrots. He's got them all sticking out of his pants.

1:26:10Jimmy Kimmel:And he walks around. He's really a lot like Sal. I mean, like sometimes I just say to Molly, like what what happened was it tell me the truth did something happen with sal because he's much more like sal as a child than he was like me and sal is an inexplicable child like i could never ever simmons you don't need whatever you've seen from sal multiply it by 40 to 1 by brady russell and that's what sal was like when he was a kid but billy's got this super weird thing and this is it was a very sal type of thing like he'll walk in the room and his penis is out like he's got to either like like kind of up over his the elastic of his pants or just flat out and we'll see him we'll go all right all right all right put your penis away and he's like what do you mean and it's like just come on put your penis put your penis away it's like my penis isn't out and all right that's funny put your penis away he will keep it up until he is crying he'll be like Why are you saying this?

1:27:14Jimmy Kimmel:My penis isn't out. It's just penis is out. It's just penis theater. So he's praying at night. He's weirdly religious. Like I find on my YouTube subscription, all these Jesus channels. Wow. What's really?

1:27:34Bill Simmons:Did you tell him about the Super Bowl prop for minus two 90 for God? You got to get him in. Who does Billy Frank first?

1:27:40Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah. He says, and I've written some of these things down so I can remember this. He says, thank you, God, for my squiggly wiggly and my two big ones. That's his balls. He has nicknames for it. He says he names his penis. It changes every three days. Right now, it's Jiggly Birkenstock Jake is his penis's name. Like it. We bought him a wetsuit so we could go in the ocean in the wintertime. And he just immediately peed in it. Like immediately before he even got in the ocean. he folded his penis up like you know kind of tuck fold type of situation and he walks in the room and you know we're in there and my daughter's in there he goes Jane you have a little sister

1:28:29Jimmy Kimmel:he also would really like my wife he really wants Molly to touch his penis he wants I mean he's just constantly going fight it touch it mom squish my pickle and Molly doesn't, you know, she doesn't go for any of this stuff. And blame me for that.

1:28:45Bill Simmons:That's good. Game of Thrones in my work. That's about it.

1:28:48Jimmy Kimmel:He also will squeeze Molly's butt and he does it to us too, but Molly the most. It's like a stress ball for him or something. And like before he leaves for school, he'll double back and he'll squeeze her with both hands. And he says, I got to save that up for the whole day.

1:29:14Jimmy Kimmel:so now and i don't know if i told these guys about this but he's he walked we were in a hotel and he walked in on us um it's pitch black it's it's late at night

1:29:25Bill Simmons:and just in as we're about to make oh wow i'm so glad that's still happening yeah yeah yeah

1:29:33Jimmy Kimmel:when we weren't sure that we didn't know what he saw because it hadn't happened yet you know but um we weren't sure what he saw and we were hoping that he wouldn't remember in the morning like he was kind of sleepwalking or whatever because we wound up like walking him back to his bed i had to uh like flip the other way but he didn't remember in the morning and we were relieved that he didn't remember but then three days later we're sitting at breakfast and he goes his sister again he goes oh jane i forgot to tell you something and molly and i immediately knew what he was gonna to tell her and he starts telling her and we started like what what and jane's like angry at us and mortified and immediately you know something is going on and now he brings it up just like out of the blue once every like 11 or 12 days he brings he just brings it up and he goes and i know what you did he'll say when we we told him we were hugging what you did and he doesn't believe he oh yeah he's like he doesn't believe it at all and neither one of them believes us now and he'll threaten to bring it up around other people he's like well if you do that i'm gonna tell you know like i'm gonna tell grandma what you were like don't you not talk about this and then the other night he's got this uh stuffed animal and he's like kind of like he's laying down and he's got this stuffed animal on top of him and he's just kind of like bouncing the animal up and down and he says, this is what you did to dad.

1:31:09Jimmy Kimmel:He's terrorizing us with this. This is unbelievable.

1:31:15Bill Simmons:I saw when we came to your first show when you returned and Billy was there wreaking havoc for five minutes and I looked over at Sal and I've never seen Sal happier and more proud. It's the greatest. It was like he watched a trained assassin take assassin warfare to another level. He was so delighted.

1:31:33Jimmy Kimmel:I had to explain to him, like, when you come to my work, it's not so you can scare people. Because what you like to do is just hide in the closet and just jump out and scare people, everyone at work. And no one's used to this. And then no one could say anything because it's my kid. So it makes it extra horrible, you know? Yeah, they just have to endure it. outside. He was outside, um, just outside the house, like right outside the house. And he's playing with Jane and he says, I have to poop. And Jane said, poop in the bush. And next thing, you know, it's pooping in the bush. Oh my Lord. That was when our housekeeper decided to come up the stairs.

1:32:16Oh, no.

1:32:18Jimmy Kimmel:He's very particular about what he wears. We will lay out clothes for him every night so we can get going in the morning. Every morning, he chooses an entirely different outfit. He dresses like a cat burglar. He's in all black. He's got a hoodie on. He's like the burglar in the security company commercials. You know, that's what he looks like. He dresses like he's part of one of those roving gang, Chilean gangs who break into celebrities' homes. He's got all black on, and then he's got a gold chain, you know? And he loves NBA stuff, you know? It's all LeBron and, you know, whatever he loves. He likes Messi, too, even though we've never watched a moment of soccer on television.

1:33:02Jimmy Kimmel:But he likes the merchandising part of it. And sometimes at night, we hear him talking, and he's talking to Alexa. He's got a little one of those Alexa devices right next to his bedside, and he asks Alexa, these are real questions that he has asked Alexa. First of all, he asks her about the weather like more than an 85-year-old man just seven times a day.

1:33:26Bill Simmons:That sounds like your dad.

1:33:27Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah, he asked Alexa, he said, Alexa, if it was negative zero outside and I was naked, how long could I survive? There's a lot of questions about natural disasters, about tornadoes, if they ever come to California. When is an earthquake coming? Can I ask Alexa, how big is your butt? You know, that kind of stuff. And then Alexa, it is funny listening to Alexa answer these questions. Does Alexa upgrade him or get mad or does she try to answer? She says, I wish I could answer a question like that. But, you know, it gets in the whole routine. And he's crazy about the iPad. They both are nuts. Like kids don't need any more toys.

1:34:08Jimmy Kimmel:And there are no other toys necessary. it's just all in the in the ipad you know it's so true you don't need legos any of that stuff anymore that that air is gone molly's mother fainted and had to go to the hospital and molly was like i'm gonna it was gonna leave she was gonna go to the hospital and the kids were upset and um billy was upset and he said do you think to help take our minds off it we could have ipad time oh my god he's so smart so sal i don't know if i tell you this but on new year's eve we were um we were planning to go to sal's house sal usually has a party at the house but like everyone else out of town and sal wasn't planning to have a party but we just assumed there was going to be one so then sal was like uh yeah you guys could come over it's like you know all right we'll stay at home so we we're at home and we decide that we're going to watch happy gilmore 2 the four of us, you know, in bed, New Year's Eve.

1:35:04Jimmy Kimmel:And we are, you know, this is, this was a bad year, 2025. We're anxious to see it go. And I don't know what I had, why I had it in my head that once it was over, it would like, but then we'd have a good year. Yeah. Yeah. But we're, we're ready for it to be done. And, um, and I swear to God, this is exactly as it happened. We watched the movie. We watched the nine o 'clock ball in New York. You know, we watched the ball come down. we're up a little while Billy goes in the bathroom we're in bed and then Billy comes back into the room and he goes there are worms in my poop and I say what he's like there are worms in my poop you know I don't know if he's joking or whatever and I go in the bathroom and I look in the toilet and sure enough there are a whole bunch of white little worms pinworms in which I guess is a common thing, but none of my kids ever had this before.

1:36:04Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:36:05Jimmy Kimmel:And that's how we rang in the new year. That's how we ended 2025.

1:36:09Bill Simmons:See, I would count that toward 2025.

1:36:12Jimmy Kimmel:It is part of 2025.

1:36:13Bill Simmons:Yeah, I think that's thrown in the 2025 pile.

1:36:16Jimmy Kimmel:We made the mistake of thinking we were in the clear by 10 p.m., but it turned out we weren't.

1:36:21Bill Simmons:So yeah, you can really count 1201 as the official new start. So worms, how did you fix that? Was there like medication?

1:36:28Jimmy Kimmel:Well, you get like this, you have to drink this banana flavored poison and everyone in the house has to drink it. And you got to change all the sheets. And so I was, I don't know how I got this job, but every night for the next week, I practically boiled the sheets on the sanitary setting on the thing and then had to change all three beds every night.

1:36:50Bill Simmons:You should have lied to him and said he got the worms because he pooped in the bush. Oh, interesting.

1:36:56Jimmy Kimmel:There was too much time between. And you know what? I wasn't thinking on my feet at the time. I was just like, I really just wanted to scream. Like, what is happening here?

1:37:06Bill Simmons:I remember our kids got lice and that seemed horrible. But the worms in the poop is like 20 times worse. We've had lice too.

1:37:12Cousin Sal:Now I feel bad. If I hadn't had a New Year's party, we would have had the worms in my toilet. Right.

1:37:18Bill Simmons:And you would be washing your sheets. I know.

1:37:21Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah. So we took the kids to their first Kings game, the hockey game. Yeah. And they didn't really want to go. They didn't know what it was or, you know, they weren't interested, but I knew they would like it. We had good tickets. They're right on the glass. And my daughter said, I don't want to see the players fight. You know, she really didn't want to see any fighting. And of course, by the second period, the players were fighting and she's screaming, punch him in the face, punch him in the face. You get intoxicated immediately. Yeah, immediately. And then they put me on the jumbotron and Billy was sitting next to me.

1:37:57Jimmy Kimmel:And so Billy, now this is, I don't know if you guys know about this, but little boys are, they instantly, I mean, like Billy, like you can't get him to talk to an adult, you know, like other than family members, you know, he barely, he's shy, you know, he won't, he's crazy when he's not around adults, but like he's pretty shy in public. But man, when he was, that camera went on him and he was up on the Jumbotron, he turned into, Cardi B and Bad Bunny and Bruno Mars and Dancing Barry all combined. I mean, he's twerking. He's going crazy. He's doing the whole thing. The audience starts getting excited.

1:38:39Bill Simmons:There's something about that Jumbotron because in the NBA League past this year, when they go to commercial, they don't show ads. They just show the people in the stadium and the Jumbotron, and they all do it. When they're on camera, they're like, it's like they lose their minds.

1:38:53Jimmy Kimmel:It's one thing to be an adult and to do it, but when you, I mean, these kids come out of the womb knowing that when you're on the Jumbotron, it's starting to go crazy. Seven and up, you just have to start acting crazy.

1:39:01Cousin Sal:How worried are you at that point that he's going to pull out his penis on the Jumbotron?

1:39:05Jimmy Kimmel:A little bit, but also hoping it happens, you know? I'm sitting right in the middle, you know? Taking more games. Jane was mad, though. Jane said, I'm sick of him getting all the perks. and then molly said to jane uh she said one of the um king's players was cute and jane said i'm not into adult men being cute but you go wild

1:39:35Jimmy Kimmel:so she's in that stage now she's in that stage i remember that one sal i i tease this for you um this afternoon yeah oh yeah sal and i went to the um we should have tricked your father into going to that anti-ice march today. Told him it was like a Dodgers parade or something like that because that would have been great.

1:39:56Bill Simmons:He would have been very unhappy. They're having a second Dodgers parade?

1:40:00Cousin Sal:Whatever Billy's reaction was on the Jumbotron, that would have been very, very opposite for my father. I wonder how long it would have taken

1:40:08Jimmy Kimmel:him to figure it out. So Jane, this is a question that Jane asked Molly and Molly wrote it down. and Jane said and this is a very I don't know what's going on if they're giving her gummies at school but she said mom have you ever thought that maybe everyone is a robot we're all robots except for three people and Molly said what three people and Jane said Jackie Boo which is our one year old nephew Uncle Sal and Aunt Chippy

1:40:37Cousin Sal:obviously

1:40:41Jimmy Kimmel:and Molly said why are those three the only ones that aren't robots robots and jane said because jackie boo is just a butterball and he's too round and cute and no way any robot gambles as much as sal and chippy it would explode a robot all that smoke and chip from chippy would kill a robot i love it i love it

1:41:09she calls you uncle sal even knows this yeah we're all uncle and ads all the yeah

1:41:15Cousin Sal:Oh, interesting. I know. It could be cousin. I know. Yeah.

1:41:18Jimmy Kimmel:You know, this segment is limited, I think, because, you know, your kids are getting older. Like, Bill, your kids are adults. And, um, Sal, you know. That's where we've had a lot of trouble. Bill struggles.

1:41:29Cousin Sal:Yeah. I have a 12-year-old still. Yeah. Bill. Harrison's not going to live forever. Harrison's carrying us. I know. Harrison's carrying us. Parents and dogs is Simmons' go-to now. I mean, I don't blame him.

1:41:40Jimmy Kimmel:This segment is more endangered than late night television. but I will leave you on, um, my parents, um, who drove me completely insane today.

1:41:51Cousin Sal:Oh no. Why?

1:41:52Jimmy Kimmel:Oh, nice. My mother, every other day. I mean, just like, it's just like, well, listen, we marched in a line. We went from one end, the one pier to the next pier and back. There was no chance of anyone getting lost, but they're just the phone call. Where are you? What, what street, you know, it's like, just keep walking in the line. And then forgetting where my house is you know and it's like just come to the house she's like i went to 35th street i'm like there isn't a 35th street there's no way you went to 35th street and then i can't leave it alone you know yeah but the fight they had today they had a really loud fight at the house and um the fight was about so they went to um a music recital for one of the children in our family and apparently j-lo's kid goes to this school and j-lo's kid was in the recital and they were telling us how good the kid was kid was really good right and um then they were talking about the fact that they were um interested in the fact that j-lo has like a big suv that picks her up to them this seems unusual right right and then they had a yelling fight about whether j-lo's car had a loud engine or as my father said the car behind that car had a loud engine right and you were yelling at each other about no it was her car no it was no it was a car it was there's a race car behind her.

1:43:26Jimmy Kimmel:No, it was her car. And they're fighting. Molly finally stopped. She goes, guys, I hate when you fight about J-Lo's car. Oh, no.

1:43:38Cousin Sal:You're only robots anyway. Leave it alone. You're not real.

1:43:43Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah. Wow.

1:43:45Cousin Sal:That's great. Wow. You want to do a quick one?

1:43:48Bill Simmons:Incredible. That was like seven parent corners.

1:43:51Cousin Sal:Yeah, I can't top that. That's good.

1:43:53Bill Simmons:You don't have a... Save it for the Super Bowl, you know? Yeah. I have to tell a quick story about my dad. Okay, good. You know, massive blizzard in Boston. Massive. Like, shut down. You're not going to be able to get food anywhere. Like, whatever you have, you got to stockpile. And my stepmother was out of town. So everyone snowed in for like two days. And my daughter is in college in Boston. So she goes to see my dad. like a day or so after the blizzard opens his fridge and he has six venti iced coffees in there. And then all of this food from this place, Abe and Louise. And so she's like, why do you have, I don't understand.

1:44:34Bill Simmons:Why do you have six coffees? And he claimed he tried to offer order one coffee and didn't think it went through and did it six times. They brought him a whole bunch coffees. We're not buying that. We think he stockpiled coffee because he didn't want to go get coffee every day and bought these six coffees with six muffins, but then had this Abe and Louis food, which he bought like two steaks and he bought like five children's pastas to survive him for the four days. So my, my daughter's in there like, what are all these? And he's like, oh, there's, I like their pasta, but they don't have adult pasta.

1:45:09Bill Simmons:I have kids pasta. So my dad was basically like the guy in Lost. Who's the guy? Desmond? Who's in the bottom, like has to survive for three months. I think that's what he thought the blizzard was going to be. And he was going to survive on venti coffee, leftover steak and kids pasta for as long as it took.

1:45:27Jimmy Kimmel:I would argue that what he claims he did is worse than what you think he actually did. I mean, accidentally ordering the same thing six times in a row. That's a lot of times. Did it go through? Did it go through? Even Louie saved his life. That would mean six different delivery guys. Because you know how that works, right? That would mean he got six deliveries from six different people.

1:45:51Bill Simmons:My daughter was like, she was trying to take a picture and he was stopping her. She thought it was just so funny. These six iced coffees next to each other. Like, what does the expiration date on an iced coffee too? Like, does the caffeine, does it kind of die? I don't even know. Depends on the milk. Three storms. Anyway, thank God. It's still freezing cold there, but I think he has two iced coffees left and one kid's pasta.

1:46:14Jimmy Kimmel:I like it. It's 12 degrees and he's drinking iced coffee.

1:46:19Bill Simmons:I know. You can't fight it. Anything to plug, Kimmel? It's February sweeps month. Do we still have sweeps? Nope. No, there's no sweeps.

1:46:27Jimmy Kimmel:No, we have Don Lemon.

1:46:27Bill Simmons:Literally, they don't have sweeps?

1:46:29Jimmy Kimmel:I don't think so. If so, nobody ever mentions them. We have Don Lemon on tomorrow, though. You know, he got arrested over the weekend. Really? Yeah.

1:46:37Bill Simmons:Yeah.

1:46:37Cousin Sal:Oh, that's a good one. He just got arrested again. You didn't see? I don't know. Oh, he did? Yeah, he'll be out before the show, I think. You're right. All right.

1:46:46Jimmy Kimmel:Thanks for joining us, Kimmel. I remember many times he gets arrested. He'll be on the show tomorrow.

1:46:49Bill Simmons:Were you guys watching the Super Bowl?

1:46:52Jimmy Kimmel:You know, I... Are you going to be together? I'm happy to, but I'm not looking forward to doing like a giant Super Bowl thing. I don't blame you.

1:47:02Bill Simmons:Well, the last time the Patriots and Seahawks played, we were at your house.

1:47:05Jimmy Kimmel:Oh, that's right.

1:47:06Bill Simmons:Right. Well, if you feel that... For the Malcolm Butler game. No, I'm going to be by myself. I don't want to be with anybody.

1:47:11Cousin Sal:I feel like... Where can I go? We go live like 20 minutes after the game. I can't go. Yeah, true. We're going live right after. Public access Netflix here.

1:47:18Jimmy Kimmel:I live one eighth of a mile from you.

1:47:20Cousin Sal:I know, but you're not having a New Year's party or however that works. I don't know. No, I have a New Year's party.

1:47:24Bill Simmons:You have worms in the toilet. I don't want to be there.

1:47:27Jimmy Kimmel:You just want to go to your house. Listen, you're welcome to come. I know my son Kevin's coming over and you're welcome to come over, but I'm not going to do a huge party, you know? All right. You guys figure it out. And so if you feel that it, I'm not going anywhere. Okay. All right. where you were at my house the last time, right?

1:47:46Bill Simmons:I've had good luck when you've been in the room with me for a Superbowl.

1:47:50Jimmy Kimmel:Yeah. But yeah,

1:47:51Bill Simmons:I'm not going to push it this time. Well, then I look good. Hey, listen, and we'll have a reason. All right. Thanks to cousin Jimmy. Thanks to South. Thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well. And Jack Wilson. That's it for us on Netflix. We're going to be back on Netflix after the Super Bowl podium next week. I hope I have a smile on my face. I'll have my podcast plus rewatchables tomorrow. We did Wild Things.

1:48:14Jimmy Kimmel:Oh, I saw you talking about that. That was good.

1:48:18Bill Simmons:Might be the last rewatchables. We might have pushed it too far. That's coming tomorrow through. That is on Netflix as well. Fellas, thanks for doing this. Thanks to everybody for watching. See you next week.

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