Mahomes or Allen (Again???) and a Clippers-Heavy Mailbag With Nick Wright

21:22Bill Simmons:You know what happened in that game. What, that Patrick was concussed? Patrick got concussed. That's what happened. I mean, let me listen. I'm not as comfortable saying that as you. What I will say is we've seen him play. I don't know why it's a bad thing to say it, though. There was a clear before and after in that game when he got hit in the head and he was never the same and made some of the most inexplicable decisions he's made in his career all over the span of an hour and a half and blew the game. We've never seen a half like that before. He definitely was hurt or compromised or something.

21:56Bill Simmons:Something was wrong. And so, you know, the year before, they got blown out in the Super Bowl. Then they lose to Cincinnati. Then they trade Tyreek Hill. And people are like, okay, you know, Chiefs, good for you. You won the one Super Bowl. You're now in a different time. They went all in on this young defense and a wide receiver core where every single guy that was in that wide receiving core is out of the league now, except for Sky Moore, who's a pump return. That's what the Patriots had the same thing where you go back and look at some of the receivers like, where are they? They're gone. And that young defense got better and better as the year went on.

22:34Patrick was unreal that year throwing to nobodies, but with a good offensive line and they turned it around like that. They spent three picks in the top 40 on guys to defensively impact the passer. The top corner in football, Peter Woods the D tackle, R. Mason Thomas the D end. They are rolling the dice that Josh Simmons is going to be healthy and available for the majority of this season. The reporting this morning that he might miss week one is terrifying for the Chiefs. Oh, no.

23:05Bill Simmons:I didn't like you anyway in that game. And so potentially not having him, your left tackle for week one against Denver, Patrick's first game back is concerning. But what the Chiefs, rightly or wrongly, what they believe is, if Patrick has a solid offensive line and the defense can get off the field on third down, the rest of it, he'll take care of the rest of it with, and this is the part that I think has been overlooked in how, what's happened to Patrick's numbers the last couple years. teams certainly last year and a little bit the year before it did not matter what formation kansas city was in teams were like run it all you want right you guys can't hurt us running the ball we are just playing the pass yeah and that's why i i think the kenneth walker addition changes things not because kenneth walker is a special player but because if you just do six men in the box like teams have been doing at Kansas City for two years, they'll be able to punish you there.

24:05And does that clean things up for Patrick a bit?

24:07Bill Simmons:So it's like having a center where you get a really good three-point shooter to give them a little more space and room to operate. But they are also, here's where they're also similar to your Pats. They're not, you know, big spenders. They don't do void years. Well, we're the cheapest. We're the Bengals without the PR. You guys don't even pay Christian Gonzalez. When his agent is the same age as Witherspoon, he got paid six weeks ago. What are we doing? It's unbelievable that you guys won't pay Christian Gonzalez. He's so cheap. And nobody wants to talk about it because we've won so many Super Bowls and he kept the Patriots in New England, right?

24:48Bill Simmons:We owe him a lot. But I don't understand why he's this cheap with this stuff. And we're compared to how the Eagles are always pushing the envelope, of spending, spending, spending, and looking for every nook and cranny, and the Pats are the opposite. He's just pocketing money. The Gonzalez deal should have been the easiest deal in the history of sports. I don't even know what the rationale is. They're so far apart. It's like every guy would kill to have Gonzalez. Every team would kill to have him. And same draft, same position, same agent. It's like, okay, here's Weatherspoon's deal. We're going to add 2%, so he's now the highest, and it's done.

25:26The terms, whatever the agent agreed to for Weatherspoon, would it be agreeable for Gonzalez?

25:31Bill Simmons:I'm worried they're going to trade him. That would be. I'm not kidding. I'm honestly, I'm prepared for anything with this because clearly they didn't want to get the deal done. And I don't know what to expect. Who the F knows? So I don't. So can we before we do mailbag, can I ask you a Pat's question? Well, I had one more chiefs thing for you. Sure. Yeah. Go. I just think the Kelsey thing is a huge part of this. Just the fact that he got old and he's had a full NFL career and he's going to the Hall of Fame as one of the best tight ends of all time. The best, but that's okay. Go ahead. Well, he's definitely not because he was a C-plus blocker, C-minus.

26:09So have you...

26:10Bill Simmons:I like blocking with my tight ends. I understand. Gronk is the most talented, best tight end of all time. Gronk is the best ever. No, he just is, though. Gronk is the best ever. Hold on. Do you like playoff production? is Kelsey receiver or tight end was he a receiver that lined up as a tight end or was he actually a tight end well so here's the thing amongst receivers and tight ends he has the most play off everything yards catches touchdowns except for Jerry he was great but my question now for in 2026 especially after watching him last year yeah and he got married like I just why is this he got married thing all of a sudden going to hurt him on the field.

26:51Bill Simmons:It's planning a wedding. It's got 1 ,500 people there. Did you get to go to the wedding? That's done. That maybe hurt him last year. Did you get to go to the wedding? That's actually an argument as to why were you there? You were there, weren't you? No, I didn't say that. I should do to you what you did to Zach. No, I didn't go. I wasn't there. But let me ask you, your argument is planning the wedding is a drag. Let me agree with that. That's now off his shoulders. He's ready to have kids. Now he's got more time. He doesn't want to play football really that much anymore. See, I don't think he doesn't want to play football.

27:25I think his wife wants him to play football. I think that this is Kevin Wild's take that Taylor, that Kevin Wild's take is life is high school. And Taylor Swift in high school was, you know, the band girl or whatever. Like didn't have - She's in drama classes. Yes, all those things. And so there was a part of her that always wanted, you know, to date the football star. And now she's an adult and she's like, I can date the football star. And they fell in love. And so when people are like, Taylor's going to want him to retire, Wild's take is, no, the opposite. She wants him to keep playing.

28:09Bill Simmons:She loves sitting in the seats. Yes, she loves seeing her husband. By the way, I was reminded of one of the great Kevin Wild's takes. I was at dinner with Dave Jacoby two weeks ago. Oh, shout out Jacoby. And one of Wilds is saying, you know, when people order and like you order like whatever, like a smash burger, you know, the strip steak, whatever. And then the other person at the table or the two people are like, they don't want to get the strip steak because you just ordered it. So like, I'll get the chicken instead. And Wilds is like, I actually want to order what everyone else ordered because then we can talk about the order because we're both eating it.

28:46Bill Simmons:And it's a botany experience. We both have the chicken. We're eating the chicken. And we're like, is this chicken delicious? It sure is. And he thinks it brings people closer together. And that when everyone has different orders, it keeps people apart. It's a classic Wild's take. He has a lot of restaurant takes. He really does. He wants more towers. He wants more things. He's all about towers. Yeah, when Wild's has it. If you ever have a first things first restaurant, it will just be all towers. so what is interesting about kw is he is he so he has all these great you know he's this mag oh you know what forget this i'm gonna do he's gonna be so mad at me but i don't please anything that embarrasses him before the nfl season i'm in i can't believe i'm gonna tell this story on the air on the most popular podcast in the world because he doesn't really do um like group dinners with us.

29:44He's like, I spend, he's like, I spend more time talking to you guys than my wife. Like, I don't need more time.

29:51Bill Simmons:It's like a cat. He just jumps on your lap when you don't expect it. And then he's gone for three weeks. And he was like, I think Wilds is in the garage. I feel like that's the, is it Wilds and Paul George? Now you've compared in your career. Wilds is like Paul George. He's a cat. They're both cats. But like three years ago, four years ago, there was a dinner that he had no choice but to go to because the bosses were in from L.A. Right. So we all go to dinner. Dinner goes a little later than usual. I think there's, you know, maybe one extra cocktail and then, you know, coffee, a real long, good dinner.

30:27The type of thing I love, but Wild's usually out on.

30:30Bill Simmons:Can I guess where this story is going before you finish it? Yeah. Because he is the king of the Irish. Goodbye, Kevin Wilds. So he did that. He did that at a different dinner. years later, which is we all ordered dessert. And then he was like, I'm going to use the restroom. And then he came back to the restroom and was like, guys, he just said it. He was like, I don't have to stay for this, right? And just left. But that's not it. This one, he did stay. Okay. And I used to, I used to smoke the occasional cigarette or two. And so I, we're outside. But I have to wear a seatbelt. Fine. Great take.

31:05Great take. We're outside. And I don't know how. but I peer pressure Wilds. I'm like, come on, man. I was like, have a cigarette with me. It'll be good bonding.

31:15Bill Simmons:Oh, the K-man will have every so often. So he smokes half a cigarette. Okay. Gets his Uber to, you know, he lives in Westchester County, I'll call it. It's a long drive from Midtown Manhattan. Halfway through the Uber ride, that cigarette's not sitting well with him. Oh, no. makes the Uber driver pull over so he can throw up from the cigarette. He's gotten so soft in his old age. Not even from drinking? It was from the half cigarette? From the half cigarette. And he swears he hasn't smoked one since. He hasn't. This does not surprise me. Because Wilds was always destined to be an older guy who was going to be grossed out by half cigarette.

32:04Bill Simmons:it. That was one of his destinies. Oh, man. This is great. He's all in, though. He thinks the Pats are going to beat up on the Seahawks Wednesday night. I said this last night. They're a live dog tomorrow night. Unless they trade Christian Gonzalez for two first-round picks. So, to sum up before we go to the mailbag, Allen is the consensus best quarterback in the league, but I don't think anyone feels awesome about it. I think it's the 1999 NBA MVP version of that. And when I said last year, I thought he was the best QB in the league. I just felt like, I really felt like he was the most consistent at that position.

32:48Bill Simmons:And there had been some slippage with Mahomes. And this is why the Mahomes thing is so interesting going forward. It's like, how is he going to basically elevate himself the second part of his career like Brady did? Because Brady's second half of his career was better than his first half of his career. Just was. No doubt. For all these different reasons, is Mahomes going to be able to do that? Or did we already see the peak? I think is the sneaky most interesting question of the season, other than what's going to go on with the Rams. So I, and what I, listen, I think the Chiefs are going to be good.

33:20I also think the media is much further down on them than the odds makers. Like you see a lot of people, they are, it's almost surprising when you see someone in the media pick them to win the division. I might be the only person who picked them to win the Super Bowl. They have the fifth best odds. They have a total of 10 and a half. They're the favorites in the AFC West. So Vegas and the media fan sentiment is misaligned there. The interesting thing about, here's what I will say is, using the Brady comp, if Mahomes has a year this year that is similar to Brady in 09, his first year back from the ACL, the overreactions will be the general consensus will be he is the king is back no, no, the opposite Brady in 09 wasn't great I'm talking about the Brady's stats were good that year

34:13Bill Simmons:I thought they were great in 2010 his stats were always good the 09 team just wasn't good they were too slow, there was a bunch of different reasons for it so I just if Mahomes has a great statistical year then I think we'll be right back to where we're supposed to be. But if he looks different coming off the ACL, even if, like you've said, it's a two-year injury, it takes whatever, the overreactions will be massive. And there's, you know, people are so eager to make this Justin Herbert thing happen. If, God forbid, if the Chiefs slip and the Chargers actually do something, which won't happen, there will be a lot of, he's not even the best quarterback in his own division takes anymore.

34:58But I'm prepared for all of it.

35:00Bill Simmons:We're going to take a break. We're going to come back, do some mailbag. The Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by FanDuel. The NFL, it's back. Yeah, FanDuel making it your most rewarding season ever by kicking off football with a super boost. Oh, yeah. Patriots, Seahawks, one game. All you need is one point. Here's how it works. Opt in. Use your token on Patriots versus Seahawks with the kickoff super boost. And then once either team puts the first point on the board, you can win up to$25 guaranteed. I am leaning toward a parlay on this as the best bet, which would be the Patriots money line and the over, which I think the odds would be really good.

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36:50Bill Simmons:Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. see app for details. All right, come back. We just smoked a half cigarette. We're ready to do some mailbag. Shout out to the K-Man. These are all actual questions. You can send in questions to bspodcast33 at gmail.com. I got a lot of Clippers questions and I grouped them all together and I figured you'd want to do them with me. I mean, what's more fun than the Clippers story? All right, first one is from Lance from Detroit, now in LA. He says, Steve Ballmer is the richest guy in the NBA. He's out of picks, but he's never going to be out of money.

37:25Bill Simmons:Why not go scorched earth on the second apron? Spend a billion dollars on payroll for the next couple of years. The fans are rightful anger right now, but if you go all in to win, they will forgive you. He says, this would be the sports version of one of my favorite moves. He calls marrying the nanny. When you not only commit the biggest mistake you ever made, you then embrace it. Ethan Hawke and Robin Williams both had affairs with their nanny and married them. both men are still beloved Gavin Rossdale, Jude Law, many others slept with the nanny and left them and are pretty fucking far from beloved Steve Ballmer needs to marry the nanny and go over the second apron I love marrying the nanny, it's one of the best things anyone's said in a while I mean I've never heard a phrase like that me neither, that's brilliant by the writer but it got my got me thinking immediately I do, it is interesting that a the most punitive parts of the second apron.

38:25And the thing that in theory teams are most afraid of is that we will freeze your pick seven years out. So the Clippers have a small window of like, go bleep yourself. We don't have a pick seven years out. Right. Like, so.

38:40Bill Simmons:Oh, you can't, you don't, won't have the same roster movement. It's like, we're fucked anyway. Right. So that, I do wonder if he could in the short term like hedge his financial advantage in order to acquire, like what would be the way to do this? Acquire players whose contracts are underwater. And then like, will he take on bad contracts to get picks attached to them? I think that's what you have to do. So that's what Brooklyn did when they finally eventually figured out what to do. And they did like the D 'Angelo Russell trade, got some picks in there. Like, if the Philly thing doesn't go well coming out of the gate or Embiid gets hurt, maybe that's part of what you do.

39:27Bill Simmons:Man, you have been ready to trade Embiid since the moment they got LeBron. I mean, he plays 40 games a year. I think it's a fair conversation. Yeah. He can't play more than 10 games in a row. Yeah, well, I don't know if you have Philly mailbag questions. So you're down with, Steve marrying the nanny and basically just spending crazy amounts of money the next couple of years. If he can, absolutely. I think that's what he's got to do. I also think he owes that to the fans. Cause I think your, was it, was it you that said he should have had the option, sell the team or take the penalty? Yeah. I, I think Adam Silver should have said that publicly.

40:09Bill Simmons:We gave him the option door a or door B because that would have even crippled them even more. Ballmer. I, I don't say this to kiss your ass. I thought that was one of the smartest, like, individual opinions I heard on this whole thing. Because it is true that he is the villain here. He is the person that authorized all of this. Like, he is, he gave the okay. He still claims he didn't. I think they might end up suing and, like, they're still adamant they didn't do anything, despite the 36-page report that painstakingly spells out all the things they did. well certainly I guess my point is let's assume the Clipper that the NBA is correct that the Clippers did do all this it wasn't done without his knowledge like it wasn't Lawrence Frank like he I'm going to believe the NBA that he greenlit it well can you imagine how mad he would be if he knew nothing about any of this right it wouldn't be you would have fired those people a year ago and so I do think though that saying to the owner, hey, we are going to destroy your ability to compete unless you sell the team.

41:24So make a decision. Is it about you or is it about the fans? Make a decision. I think that would have been really interesting. They obviously didn't go that way. It also does, is this, I don't know, you have more Clippers mailback questions. Yeah, let me keep going.

41:39Bill Simmons:Go ahead. From Clay Grossman, why can't Bomber just show up to the home games and pay the fines. He has enough money and he'll sue if they try to take any more money from him. What if he did show up to the games but he was wearing one of those, like, remember when Michael Jackson got really crazy and was wearing those disguises when he was at concert tours? And he was going out in public, but he would have this, like, elaborate thing on so people wouldn't recognize him in public and he could go to a mall? What if Palmer just did that? And we're sitting at games It's like, man, that guy's kind of built like Steve Ballmer, but he's an acting like Ballmer.

42:17The problem is, I don't think I think it's true. I think we would snap. No, there's no there's never been an NBA fan ever that acts like Steve Ballmer. True. So you see this giant guy, no matter what the disguise is, acting like Ballmer, you'd know it was him.

42:32Bill Simmons:You'd have to be heavily sedated, I think. I do really I do wonder what the mechanism is. If Ballmer's like I'm guess who owns the arena? I do guess who pays the security guess who all this or what what is the NBA going to do to keep me out of the arena if Balmer actually says I'm gonna call your block not even a block but I'm gonna start showing up I don't know what the league would do yeah how far could he push it to be like well you already screwed me anyway so let's let's keep going I'm gonna escalate this Because I do think that if you power ranked the punished, like if you, let me ask you this.

43:14If the NBA was like, okay, you can take a whiteout. If kids don't know what whiteout is. Right. Imagine a racer. Yeah. To one of these punishments. would he and it's like you can either get two of the five first round picks back we'll give you two of them back or we'll remove your ban which one is he getting rid of like i bet the ban hurt him all like maybe not as much as the five first round picks yeah but if it was like hey you can pick the punishment five first round picks stripped and you're not banned or three first round strips picked and you are banned, I think he'd be like, we'll do...

44:05I said that backwards, but you know what I mean. I think the ban and not being able to go to the games is about as harsh as the picks.

44:14Bill Simmons:This arena that he built, that he planned for four years and built this little palace and had a great time. But it is pretty sick, right? It is a real home court advantage. It's pretty great. And now it's going to be a morgue. These two emails are together. I want to read them both and then we can discuss. The first one is from Patrick Cummings. He, uh, he asked for a conspiracy bill on this one. ESPN came out with a report that the NBA didn't find any smoking gun in the Clippers and the punishment would be next to nothing. This in turn made two forms of talking head takes. Number one, Pablo Torre looks bad.

44:49Bill Simmons:Number two, the commissioner is weak and the NBA is afraid of their richest owner. Well, what happens? A report it comes out four weeks later, they publish it. The punishment comes out. It is the largest in league history. Now the talking heads are saying ESPN looks bad and Pablo is owed an apology, but couldn't both ESPN and Pablo have been correct at the time of the reporting. I believe what happened is the NBA was going to go soft on the Clippers. It got leaked and the outrage caused them to go in the opposite direction. Basically ESPN and Pablo were correct and the changed it. So that's one theory.

45:22Bill Simmons:Then the other one is from Ian Wager and Winnipeg, also for conspiracy bill. My friend, John thinks the NBA released that bogus clips punishment report to ESPN to gauge the public backlash. They decided to be leaning on the Clippers when social media went crazy about it. They decided to go hard on it. What does conspiracy bill think? I'll give you my, I have really strong thoughts on this, but I'll let you take the floor. No, I, I mean, I think that, and listen, I am, I'm not against, you know, the occasional poking fun at Pablo Torre. I'm not even against the, you know, someone occasionally being a little, you know, everybody has their smugness limit.

46:08And some people have different levels with that said, I never thought the ESPN report made Pablo look bad. I thought even if that ESPN report was true, it totally, to me, was possible that everything Pablo reported was accurate, and the NBA was simply going to look the other way. So I didn't look at that ESPN report as, oh my God, Pablo screwed this up. It was pretty clear Pablo's information all along was accurate. And so to me, the question was whether or not the NBA was going to take it as seriously as they did. I read that ESPN report as they were fed information by the Clippers and when they asked the NBA about it, the NBA didn't confirm or deny and they went with it.

47:05And I think that was, again, that's just my gut feeling. And that was obviously a massive mistake, But that wasn't like lightly sourced. It had multiple bylines on it, including Ramona, who's a real reporter, Don Van Nata, who's a real investigative reporter. And that was it was a little stunning that they would.

47:27Bill Simmons:And Baxter Holmes. Oh, Baxter Holmes. I forgot who is a really good investigative reporter, too. So what's your take? I'm curious. I don't even think this is a take and this is not conspiracy bills take. This is my take. And I think I'm right. I think they were very close to a settlement. And I think the Clippers knew they were close to a settlement. And I think what was going to happen was the punishment was not going to be nearly as bad as it was. And they were hammering out all the details. And the Clippers felt like they were going to be home free. And instead of just waiting until the settlement, they wanted to start pushing and changing the narrative sooner than the settlement.

48:07Bill Simmons:They pushed the ESPN story. There's no question. Right? Right. that ESPN story comes out but the settlement wasn't done yet and I think the league and Adam Silver flipped out and I will always believe that's what happened I think when that story came out I think Adam Silver was like you motherfuckers like we've just been trying to figure this out for the last however many months and you're going to do that well the settlement's off and then threw the hammer at them and I feel like I feel like where this was headed was they got in trouble with, they did something similar with DeAndre Jordan in 2015, which was way, way, you know, way less big of a deal is one thing.

48:47Bill Simmons:And they got slapped in the hand, they got fined. And they were going to push this as maybe the report never gets published. This is their second offense. Um, we investigated this. There was a lot of stuff, but there was no smoking gun. And I really think that's what happened. I'm not I'm not reporting that if you aggregate that I'm not reporting that but I'm always that is my theory for what happened I think they thought they had a settlement and I think once they did what they did I think the NBA was like okay fuck you guys so a couple things because I can add to that in real time just again just my gut feeling but just to clarify so you're you're under that line of thinking, had they reached a settlement, there's never a public report.

49:35Bill Simmons:I don't think so. It's just like we, the, I don't know that I'm just guessing because, because you can't release that report and not think the Clippers didn't do it. Right. So correct. That's what I was going to say. You couldn't have, you, you couldn't have a slap on the wrist and like, and then like, here's the report. Like, so they would have had to give either a sanitized or a much shorter version of it. So here's what I wonder, because I'm trying to figure out if they were that close to it, you know, a settlement, a favorable settlement, why would the Clippers leak this to ESPN? Because they're dumbasses.

50:13Bill Simmons:They shouldn't have done anything. They should have just waited till the settlement came out. So that what I was wondering is if these penalties are a nine out of 10 and the settlement was going to be a four out of 10 and maybe a three out of 10 yeah and the clippers were pushing for a two out of 10 did did they leak it to try to show the nba people are don't give a shit like if it's reported that we didn't because what i saw is the reaction to that espn report was a lot of people talking shit to pablo not a lot of people outraged the clippers might get away with it. So did they leak it to try to show the NBA, look, people don't care.

50:57They think this happens all the time or whatever it is, but the NBA's reaction was galled by the fact that they would try to front run whatever settlement or agreement. I mean, that does -

51:08Bill Simmons:You said it perfectly. That's my theory. I think that is what I would bet happened. And I think, I also think all the Pablo podcasts, I think probably drove the Clippers a little bit crazy too, that this was just every time this died down, it would happen again. I still feel like like I probably used hyperbole when I was saying I thought the Dodger story was a thousand times bigger. But I do think the Dodger story was way bigger because that's one two World Series. That changed the entire landscape of baseball and is going to lead to a lockout. Ultimately, what did this Clippers thing really change?

51:45Bill Simmons:Like they they won two playoff series with Kawhi, right? It was more incompetence versus like the Dodgers thing actually shifted the sport. Well, the Dodgers thing also, I, the other reason I agree with you that I think the Dodgers thing is a potentially far bigger deal is the Dodgers thing also might have real implications. Not exaggerating it on the American, right. On the American economy. You're right. Like there's, there's, there's, there's a possibility that that was like the canary in the coal mine of like, wait, hold on. How much of these businesses are being propped up through what's supposed to be super safe insurance money?

52:26Bill Simmons:Yeah. And if there's, you know, if we assume Mark Walter isn't the only person in that line of work that is doing these types of things, like, is there is that something that if you keep peeling away at, you're going to have major, major problems across a wildly important sector of the economy? I think a lot of people are worried about that. Correct. That like transcends the sports piece of it. Oh, but here's the thing. And you hit on this a bit, but this is the Clippers piece that I am. I don't want to say I'm most interested in, but I feel like my interest level has the biggest difference between how much people are discussing it and where my interest is.

53:05Bill Simmons:Yeah. Kawhi is a huge villain in this. I agree. And so the Kawhi Leonard trade and transaction now goes down as the single worst transaction in the history of the sport. You in order in order, Kawhi wouldn't come if you wouldn't give up, get Paul George instead of just waiting a bit. And you give up five first round picks and Shea. And now it now got worse. Right. And now and evidently, you also wouldn't come for the maximum. You had to find extra ways to pay him money. I almost would feel a little differently if it was if Kawhi had taken like the mid-level and they're like, we'll make up the money on the back end because he wanted to build some super team.

53:50But it's like, no, I want the maximum and then some. And he and he, you know, listen, people can it was new balance, whatever. He really did put his chin out there on the king of L.A. Hey, LeBron, I'm the best player in the league. I'm running this ad campaign. I'm taking your town with this whole thing. And then the only time they made the conference finals was when he got hurt. And he got hurt the previous round. And it was the return on investment on he, he tore his ACL while playing for them and skip Bayless knew before the Clippers knew skip reported that like his, His lack of commitment to that team, availability, plus, at the very least, just allowing Uncle Dennis to run roughshod.

54:44But it's hard for me to believe he wasn't at least somewhat aware of it.

54:47Bill Simmons:Well, and the lack of communication, too, where they just— I mean, this was years and years of them being like, yeah, we don't know anything that's going on with this guy. We don't know when he's going to show up, not show up. We don't know if he's healthy. I have more Kawhi stuff, so save that because I want to keep going. from Bo in the LBC. Do you think you, Wazer House, will select your Clippers season tickets in next year's worst NBA contracts draft? I think it is eligible. It's not as bad as Joel Embiid, but it's bad. You mentioned Uncle Dennis. Caleb in Tucson wants to know, if you exclude every NBA player, employer, owner, is Kawhi's Uncle Dennis the biggest off-the-court villain in NBA history?

55:30Bill Simmons:because he basically demolished the clippers franchise for almost a decade and a half um i still think it's tim donahue Well, yeah, I'm trying to think of who else because that was you were like every player owner or it's basically all NBA employee, basically non-player, non-front office person, non-owner, which rules out Sterling and some other classics are retired players eligible. Because if so, Enos Canter's rising up that fucking list pretty quick, but that's a separate thing. That's a good one. The utter embarrassment. But yeah, I mean, Donaghy is an all-time one. Also, he's changed his story.

56:14Bill Simmons:I did a podcast a couple years ago about this. He's just a pathological liar about even what he did when he reffed. I think he's been so damaging that some people, because people believe fake news shit. I also had the Pistons guy who threw the beer at Ron Artest might be up there. That's a good one. John Green. started the melee changed the course of the 05 playoffs because you could argue the Pacers might have had the best team that year and then David Falk I do feel like Jordan's age in the 90s who just got too much power and too much influence and that all led to the 99 lockout and some really damaging contract stuff and he just flew too close to the sun as an agent so those would be three people I thought of but maybe there's more that's a good list go ahead this you're gonna love this one from wally conspiracy bill is needed based on the 35 page report it feels like there was often haggling between balmer and uncle dennis about if balmer was getting enough endorsement money to pay kawaii do we have dates on those correspondences is it possible many of kawaii's prolonged injury absences happen because him and uncle dennis weren't happy about the money they were promised that they weren't getting you gotta admit when all this came to light and was being investigated magically kawaii was as healthy as he's been in 10 years his two healthiest clippers years were the first year in the last year when the scheme was exposed do you think he withheld playing services from the clippers during certain points of his clipper career because he wasn't happy about the side money what do you say conspiracy bill i get that is an all-time great pretty good that's a great conspiracy bill question.

57:59And I am comfortable saying if the dates, if we were to get those dates and they lined up, I would just flatly believe that's what was happening.

58:12Bill Simmons:Me as well. That's a great email. This has been covered a little bit already, but Matt S wants to know if Kawhi just goes back to Toronto in 2019. They won the title. He's the best player in the world. He's playing with Lowry, Van Vliet, Siakam, Ananobi's coming on, Marc Gasol's still there, Serge Ibaka. Does that change the course of 2020? And does LeBron not get the fourth one? Yeah. Listen, you and I feel very differently about the 2020 NBA season. Before COVID shut everything down, the Lakers were the best team. There was three. LA, LA, and Milwaukee were the three best teams. Yes. But I think the Lakers had a better.

58:55I know they had a better record than the Clippers. I'm not sure about their record versus the Bucs. LeBron and AD, that was, you know, peak AD, healthy AD. LeBron was awesome that year. LeBron was unreal. Yeah. And then in the bubble, they were, I understand it was the bubble, but they had earned home court. So they don't get, it'd be one thing if they were like the seven seed that took advantage of the fact that they didn't get to have to play road games. They were the homes, they were the number one seed, and they annihilated everybody. they you know they went people I remember they were like oh that Portland team's dangerous gentleman sweep that Rockets team it was never really going to work but Russ and Harden were working Davis demolished them demolished them

59:38Bill Simmons:and the Clippers immediately got the fuck out of Dodge they didn't want to be in the bubble at all the Clippers were up 3-1 on Denver and up big in all those games and just gave off well the Clippers were the ones when they had the vote the Clippers were the ones like Like, yeah, we'd like to both to leave. We'd like to get out of here. And Lou Williams stopped by the strip club to get the chicken wings, so he had to miss time. So I think that LeBron and the Lakers were, I think the more interesting what if, it's not quite related, is if Solomon Hill doesn't fall into Bron's ankle the next year when they were again, I think they had the second best record in the West.

1:00:16Bill Simmons:Yeah. What does that championship defense look like? And more importantly, does that then prevent them from ever trading for Russ? And do we have an entirely different LeBron in the Lakers era? It's hard to like. Well, what's incredible is that's probably the number one LeBron injury. What if? And it's not fairly an injury. Like, I mean, he said it's partly because of how much work he puts in and the fact that he's a super freak. But it's just had no injuries ever. Well, so that's what I was about to say. Russell sprained his ankle in 58 in the finals. That was the only finals he lost. He's playing on one leg against Bob Pettit.

1:00:51The, so it was, it's hard to be like, oh man, LeBron got unlucky with that injury when he's played a quarter century and it's the only unlucky injury. Like how many times, like he avoided that.

1:01:04Bill Simmons:Honestly, I said this a couple of weeks ago, his unluckiest thing ever was Orlando just being on a heater in that 2009 series. That's like, you go back. He averaged 38, 9, and 9 in that series. I thought it was like 35, 9, and 9. No, it was 38. It was 38.9. 38.9. Yeah, it was over. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, not 30-8. He was awesome. And Orlando was just on a team heater. It was crazy. You just have a bunch of, you know, Haydo Turk, Loon, Rashard, Lewis, and nobody, it skipped to my Lou. Nobody can miss. That was an unbelievable one. One more. Two more emails, quick. James in Chicago. He said, Kawhi burned the Clippers ship down with everyone still aboard.

1:01:48Bill Simmons:Bomber, Uncle Dennis gone. Nobody saw it coming. By the time we blinked, the limp was gone. He was already in Canada. Kawhi is actually Kawhizer Soze, isn't he? That's from James in Chicago. I love Kawhizer Soze. That's what we have to call him from now on. So is he, so because he's back in Toronto. Bomber's dropping the coffee cup, slow motion. does Kawhi now have a chance alright so here's my question also going back to the only place that likes him so that's what I was going to ask more likely to have a statue in a city Kawhi Leonard or Kevin Durant Kawhi Leonard 100 times Durant's messed that up 19 times just since he left right the thing he did recently about Oh, Durant.

1:02:44Durant doesn't have a city.

1:02:47Bill Simmons:I still feel like there's a Seattle move for him. He's got to stick around. Maybe there's a Team USA headquarters in Colorado, wherever it is. Maybe he can get one there. He's too good of a player not to have a statue, but I don't know what city's putting it up. Max K wants to know, what if Kawhi is the one who ultimately gave the NBA everything? His relationship with the Clippers was over. Toronto is next. If the investigation put him in real jeopardy, contract voided, suspended, Toronto trade gets frozen. And what if he decided, why am I protecting the Clippers? You know, Dennis knew more, blah, blah, blah.

1:03:27Bill Simmons:What if he realized the writing was on the wall? I think this belongs in the Bill Simmons Conspiracy Theory Hall of Fame. Basically, he was the whistleblower. He was deep throat. so I talked about this last week but I do think it's in play so I don't think he had to be the whistleblower I think he simply had to say I will fight it like the I will basically cop to all of this which he did in his statement he just said it wasn't him it was the people around him yeah but and you talked about it last week the NBA needed desperately the players association to not fight this. And which means Kawhi had to be okay with it.

1:04:08So Kawhi oddly had a lot of leverage in what he was willing to and not willing to accept. And he once again comes out the big winner. And I do find, I think one of the funniest parts of the punishment is that instead of giving uncle Dennis a lifetime ban, they clearly had a meeting and they were like, all right, what's the longest Kawhi's career is going to keep going? Because we're pretty confident that once Kawhi is out of the league, that Uncle Dennis' client list is down to zero.

1:04:44Bill Simmons:I heard Wilds was looking at him. He's bringing Uncle Dennis to the FS1. And go home with Uncle Dennis. And so I thought, yeah, I mean, I don't know that Kawhi had to like give them a bunch of stuff. It seems like they had it. I just think he had to be like, yeah, I'm like, so wait, just let me just make sure I'm quiet. Let me make sure I have this right. Everyone else gets crushed and you're taken for me. 700 ,000, but I get my contract for this year and I get to go to Toronto. I get to go to Toronto. I get my contract. You guys have on, you know, on the record, I made us essentially 50 times what my fine is.

1:05:25Yeah. You know what? I'm okay with that. No problem.

1:05:27Bill Simmons:Honestly, this was the peak of player empowerment era. We thought it was like the decision or LeBron going back to Cleveland or Durant going to Golden State. This was it. Kawhi just running amok, making all this extra money, and then escaping Scott Free to Toronto where he can hang out a drink. It's really unbelievable. Last one. How long do you think the Clipper curse will last, and what do they have to do to make it happen? Make it go away from a karma standpoint from Josh from Fort Wayne, Indiana? I honestly think I don't see I think they have to move and I don't maybe out of the country like maybe they're the first London team like maybe they just need a new country maybe they need a new continent I don't know if there's anywhere it works here maybe they have to merge with somebody else I just now we're going to go to the 2030s they've lost so many of their fans people are so mad about this that now there's a backlash against the people that are mad about this where the diehard's like, hey, this is, you gotta stick with your team.

1:06:28Bill Simmons:It's like, this team's a train wreck. You don't have to stick, I gotta tell you, listen. And I made, I don't feel like there was enough, again, this is gonna sound very self-congratulatory, but I think you and I are two of the only people that really laid out that this just nuked the next decade of the Clippers. that their next, their best hope at fielding a competitive team, if these penalties stay unchanged, their best hope is around 2036. Like they need, so it's 10 years in the wilderness. It is the NBA version of the SMU death penalty. It's like you're just finished. Yeah, because you're never getting a free agent ever because you have no future.

1:07:18Bill Simmons:Correct, you're never getting a free agent. To augment the good guys you have. And by the way, guys don't hit free agency. The only, like guys, so the first round picks are used to either, you know, find your next star or to trade for your next star. You don't have them. So you're just nuked until 2036. Like the next great clipper other than Wagler, honest to God, is probably right now nine years old. so like that's like that's well you have to look at yeah you have to basically copy the brooklyn model which they they belatedly started figuring out what to do and from 16 17 18 19 knowing they weren't gonna have the picks but they basically tried to pave the way to get to that durant kyrie summer and then bet on the wrong guys right but yeah maybe that's the brooklyn model which because we talked about them marrying the nanny and going over the second apron they could also to go the other way and basically spend $1 more than whatever the floor is.

1:08:22Bill Simmons:Basically be as bad as you possibly can be. Make those Embiid type trades to try to get more draft picks and really try to bottom out because nobody's going to care about them or think they have a chance anyway. So here's the other thing that is maybe interesting only to me, but I'm curious about and I don't think anyone's reported it. With the new lottery system, I don't want them to have to redo the math and remove the Clippers from the draw. Like, let's say the Clippers in the lottery from the draw. So if they were one of the bottom three teams, they'd have two balls, but they don't have a pick.

1:09:02Bill Simmons:So the other, the next three teams basically would be the. Right. But that's not what I want. What I want is for them to do, even though they don't have a pick, they are still, they're still a lot. So, so they actually have to play it out. You play it out, and if they have the fourth pick, then it's picks one, two, three. It's like a placebo pick. I like this. Fourth pick is vacated, and we go to the fifth pick. And then you can really see what picks were taken. But I do wonder, in all seriousness, if there is a world where in three years, the NBA essentially or in two years or at some point brings to Balmer what your suggestion was which is listen the market for these teams is outrageous if you sell then these penalties are gone the new owner and we can try to bring some of these fans back I don't see him doing it he's got a lot of money he's had a lot of success a lot of money.

1:10:09Bill Simmons:I do feel like he doesn't feel like he was that involved with whatever bad things happen. If he maybe trusted the wrong people, maybe had people like Jillian Zucker telling him, no, no, everybody in the league does this. It's not just us. And just, it was a lot of unforced errors, but the intent wasn't there in the way it seems. So I don't know. You want to do a couple more mailback questions? Yes, please. All right, we're going to take one more break and then do them. FanDuel is making this your most rewarding season ever with boosts, promos, a new rewards club, bringing the teaser back, and so much more.

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1:12:56Bill Simmons:All right, a couple more mailbag questions. Max M. from Santa Barbara is a diehard Commanders fan, and he said, after the OSU cease and desist with Jada Daniels, is this the most pressure a QB has ever had to get to six wins? To get to six wins? Because if Jada fails to get there, if he's at four, if he's stuck at five, the jokes and the memes will be out of control. I'm not saying it's going to be a distraction, but I'm hesitant to say it won't be nothing. That's from Max. It's pretty good. So if they're like five and 10, well, yeah, jokes are starting. Yeah. The jokes are starting. And I, and that team, I expect to be really bad.

1:13:35Bill Simmons:Me too. And I have a general, I, I don't know why there wasn't, sorry, Joe house, why I was one of the lone voices in the media that going into the draft with him was simply, I was playing one note and it's a boring note and it's a it's kind of a bad take strategy because when you're proven right you don't get to celebrate it right but the note was this guy is too skinny yeah and i don't think he can hold up and i am i put him in the same bucket but well riskier one that i put chet in when chet was coming in and and i read this long espn profile and they're like listen, Chet works out all the time and eats a billion calories.

1:14:27And I came away from him. I'm like, now I'm more concerned. Like if you told me like the guy, ah, the guy's just eating Doritos and he's not on a good, you know, regiment fine. But what you're telling me is he can't gain weight. Jaden is coming off a year where he missed games four separate times for three separate injuries. and he is the same frame. Like if you, it's just, and I don't think he doesn't work hard.

1:14:55Bill Simmons:I've been saying this for two years too. It makes me too nervous. He's too skinny. I get nervous about Drake May who's 40 pounds bigger than him. He's, I don't like, he is just too skinny. And the fact that we're now into year three and he hasn't bulked up, it is a huge concern. The fact that they can't fix the offensive line. Like I think that. Well, and then they lost their left tackle who is their best lineman by far. Tonson, Torres, Tyson, Bicep, Bicep, whatever. I had a bunch. We did the Futures draft last night. I had multiple Washington bets. Yes. Unders, adjusted unders. Yes. Jeffrey G.

1:15:30Bill Simmons:in Marina Del Rey said the Niners opened the season in Australia where prostitution is legal and there are legal brothels all over the cities. What if Jed York was visiting East Palestine, Ohio as his own personal training camp? Was he just trying to get in game shape to open the season strong in Australia? I got to say, I didn't know that there were legal brothels all over the place in Australia. I didn't know that either. I'm so happy there. I didn't know that either. What a rocking place. I've been to New Zealand. I have not been to Australia. I do think, you guys talked about this yesterday.

1:16:06Bill Simmons:Yeah. I do. I am really fascinated by the different approaches in travel. Oh, my God. I it is it it is I mean listen I flew non this is the number one storyline of the year however this plays out is going to be amazing because I got this I got another email from somebody who does a lot of long flights who was saying that San Francisco is actually going to be in the long term more trouble because when you stay far away from where you live for too long when you come back you're screwed up for weeks so he's like the Rams are going to lose this game but in the long term would be better. The Niners are going to win the game but be fucked up for two months.

1:16:51So I think that's super plausible. So I have taken what is, I think, the second longest nonstop flight that is offered. I have flown New York nonstop to Auckland, New Zealand. Wow. So that is 18 and a half hours. Okay. And it is a real mind-effing In that, like, get on the plane, have a couple cocktails, take an Advil PM, sleep deeply.

1:17:23Bill Simmons:Yeah. Six hours, wake up, watch a movie. And it's like, oh, we got 10 hours left. Yeah. And so I understand that there isn't necessarily an exact right way to do this, but I do find it super fascinating that the Rams, because it's not just the, I can't imagine if right after that flight, the next day, I was flying again. That's the other piece of it. The other piece of it is post-game. Like, they're going to spend 36 of 60 hours on a plane. It's one of the rare stories I can't get enough of. Like, Dana White had a whole thing about how he's solved flying because he has to fly a lot. And he was basically saying you can't eat on an airplane.

1:18:13Bill Simmons:You just got to hydrate. You got to do all these different things. But once you eat food, it screws you up. So you got to basically fast when you're on the plane. I don't think that works for football players. I don't think that's going to work. Tell you that much. Ben from Connecticut. This is a rewatchables question. In the Aliens podcast, you guys discussed a potential new award based on Bill Paxton's incredible character of Hudson. And I was saying it was more than a Deion Waiters heat check because he's in the whole movie, but he's kicking ass with the movie. He suggests the Scottie Pippen Award for the movie isn't winning any titles without this character from Ben from Connecticut.

1:18:51Bill Simmons:it. I really like the Scottie Pippen Award. I think it's like, like only a few movies. It would have to be like an iconic movie. A few good men. A few good men. So that would be Nicholson. Nicholson. Because he's only in the movie for like eight minutes. He's Scottie Pippen's the movie though. Yeah. I mean, there's, I mean, the two that come to mind immediately for me, as far as two movies where someone is barely on screen, but is the reason. But you could argue Nicholson's Dion Waiters because he's only in the movie for like 15 minutes. This is more like this is more like a sidekick. So like Kevin Bacon would be the Scottie Pippen in A Few Good Men.

1:19:30Bill Simmons:Okay, so that's a bad example. So do you have an you've you've had more time to think about this than me. So do you have an example? I just I in general, I like a Scottie Pippen award because I think Scottie has really been struggling with his place in NBA, you know, history. I think I still think he's one of the best 30 to 35 players of all time. I think I have still in my top 30. And probably the most underappreciated superstar we've had because he was on the Jordan team. I think the most. Sorry to interrupt not to do this, but the most on the most under discussed season of my lifetime. His like as far as looking back on it.

1:20:10Bill Simmons:First, no MJ season. Correct. Yeah, they went from 55 wins to 54 wins. Easily could have made those finals. Yeah. And Scotty is just like, Scotty is totally, he has just become for so many people younger than me, a not even supporting actor, but like a tertiary character in Jordan's story. Which I think bugs him. Yeah. It should bug him. And the money, of course, bugs him. But like, it's, he was, if, like, if Michael Jordan never existed, I think Pippen would have still had a run as a top five or six player in the league for a couple years. Steve Kerr said he was one of the two or three greatest teammates he ever had.

1:21:02Bill Simmons:Everybody loved playing with him. He was completely unselfish. I would defend him forever. I think a good example is John C. Reilly and Boogie Nights.

1:21:12Bill Simmons:Not the star. Oh, you haven't seen Boogie Nights. could also do Morgan Freeman and Shawshank would be another Scottie Pippen oh that's a great one not the lead character but is just incredibly important and one of the reasons that you know my Boogie Nights confession was going to be worse than I haven't seen it you don't like it because of your references I finally literally like six months ago I was like I've got and I love I think there will be bloods the greatest movie ever made so I love Paul Thomas Anderson. So right around the time the one battle after another came out, I was like, I gotta see Boogie Nights.

1:21:53I watched the first hour in 20, and then I had to leave to go somewhere. I haven't gone back to it. I wasn't taken with it. I feel like this might be the final...

1:22:07Bill Simmons:No, it's gonna get you. Just keep coming. Keep testing it out. Okay. Keep coming back to it. Keep kicking it. all right do you care about tupac's murder yeah of course this is from jason p he said uh i know you used to use picture me rolling as your intro which was true that was the first year of uh my post espn podcast what were your thoughts on the verdict this week and i was always curious to know what tupac album was your favorite um the answer is obviously all eyes on me which came out february 96 double album i was gonna say almost exactly 30 years ago yeah it had uh i wrote down so i I didn't forget all about you.

1:22:44Bill Simmons:How do you want it? Life goes on. California love two of America's most wanted picture me rolling and I ain't mad at you. Double album, which was hugely important in the CD era. Yes. Especially if you had stuff in cars and the first side was better than the second side, but it was still like, it was like, it was like 25, 26 songs. And was this new era where people started being like, yeah, I'm just going to give you a bunch of shit. So when you're buying CDs back then, all you want is like three good songs, like three or four. It's like a win for$15. You could double album. It's like$22 and there's seven good songs.

1:23:22Bill Simmons:It's like you've hit the jackpot. So anyway, this is what life was like with CDs. No. So, but I, the, my, the first gift I ever got from a girlfriend, girlfriend, I was in, I think sixth grade was the smashing pumpkins, melancholy, which was a double album. Yep. This was the era where it all started. Right. And I'm a little, you know, I, the first hip hop CD I ever got was the P Diddy album right after Biggie got killed. Yeah. I don't acknowledge that album. The, well, I just, that's, no, I just, I never liked Diddy. But go ahead. Sorry. the verdict. So this guy who finally got nailed for it, he thought he wasn't going to get nailed for the murder and just started doing interviews.

1:24:14I know.

1:24:15Bill Simmons:And it was like he didn't understand. He must have thought there was some, I don't know what he thought, but all of a sudden this dude was going around just giving like basically to a podcast. Like, yeah, so here's what, and eventually just got nailed. And now he's going to jail. He has to be one of the dumbest murderers we've had in a while. Well, we had never seen someone treat murder like the way we would talk about like. Are the Clippers cursed? No, no. But the way the way you talk about like dumb shit you did in college that, you know, the statute of limitations is going on. You know what I mean?

1:24:58like I, I've talked a number of times about the fact that I right out of college was on, who wants to be a millionaire and won 50 grand and they send you the whole check and you're responsible for the taxes. And I, you know, gambled a lot. And when the taxes were due, I had what I had and I paid what I thought I could and whatever. I, I say that knowing that was 20 years ago. I think I'm in the clear. Maybe I'm not, I don't know. I, I think I'm fine. I can't imagine someone. You wouldn't talk about robbing a bank like that. This guy's talking about murder. Just like, and it also gives you a really interesting window into the intoxicating glow of attention.

1:25:47Like this guy's like, I am going, I got away with the most famous murder ever, allegedly, or I don't have to say it anymore.

1:25:57Bill Simmons:Famous hip hop murder ever. Yes. Oh, yeah. Good point. Sorry. Well, but it's also one of the most famous unsolved murders is what. Well, it also was Conspiracy Bill, who's been around for a long time. Yeah. Mid-90s Conspiracy Bill was really, really something. And I had a lot of theories about this, including including Diddy and Suge Knight doing it together because Tupac had already served his purpose. Diddy want to get rid of him? Suge got all the royalties for whatever. Conspiracy Bill had lots of thoughts on this. How did this confession sit with conspiracy bills? Honestly, a little disappointment because I really like my Diddy Suge theory.

1:26:38I was going to say.

1:26:39Bill Simmons:I was like, ah, it was a no. Nathan from Appleton, Wisconsin. You're going to love this question. He just asks, how the hell did it take so long for Ben Simmons and the Sacramento Kings to find each other? and I was thinking perfect matches ever Jeff George on the Raiders was great Bill Walton going to the Clippers when he was destined to have 30 foot surgeries perfect remember when the Jailboysers drafted Quintel Woods right when they were already having so many problems they were like hey there's a first round pick who's in a dog fighting scandal you're in and then Brandon Whedon on the Browns I wrote down too was just a great one when the browns were really starting to seem like oh man this expansion era of the browns has been really rough and then they spent a first round on him those are what's your favorite perfect match though just off the top of your head i didn't prep you the right so that is i've got it has to be a bad franchise um could be any sport and somebody who maybe it It doesn't have to be a bad franchise.

1:27:47Bill Simmons:Maybe it could be any franchise. I don't know. I mean, I... I should have sent this one to you ahead of time. Can I give you a different take on this real quick? Yeah, go. Since I don't have a great answer. I really would have liked, and I'm not trying to take shots here. The guy does good work, and I understand he serves a purpose. But inside the mental negotiation Shams had with himself on when I announced this, I really have to put three-time all-star Ben Simmons as the qualifier. Oh, and they sent him what to say? Yeah. If you read the Shams bomb of the Ben Simmons tweet, it's three-time all-star Ben Simmons is signing with the Sacramento Kings.

1:28:35And I'm like, man, I really don't think that is getting, you know, the requisite information across as to why he's available for the league minimum. I'm also stunned he wants to play. Stunned.

1:28:51Bill Simmons:So if you have to say over under for Ben Simmons has left the Kings or Ben Simmons is retiring from the Kings or Ben Simmons has asked for his release or whatever. Does he make it to opening day? So here's, yes, I think he makes it to opening day. And I would also argue if he makes it to Thanksgiving, he'll make it through the whole year. I think it's just, it's the initial piece of it. And maybe it is, maybe he just playing in obscurity for that team is what, in theory, he needed. But he seemed to be pretty happy doing his fishing thing, occasionally making fun of the Sixers, like whatever it is.

1:29:38But I don't expect him to play when they play in Philly, which, by the way, I didn't tell you, when the Kings play in Philly, that's one of many games I'll almost assuredly be at. As you're looking at a very proud Philadelphia 76ers season ticket holder, Bill Simmons.

1:29:55Bill Simmons:Since when? uh since they signed lebron james come on yeah it's an hour and it's an hour and 42 minutes from my house you're gonna be in the helicopter with them flying back i'm not gonna be in the helicopter i have i have mapped out the the first things first to the sixers arena and i'm really i gotta tell you i uh considering lebron's teams have been eligible for 306 playoff games and LeBron has played in 306 of them. You're a whole like, ah, well, you know, you lump LeBron in with Embiid on, is he going to be available for the playoffs? Yeah, he's going to be available. This is, we've never seen this ever.

1:30:36In the last three years, those last three years, he's 22nd in the NBA in minutes. He's played more minutes in the last three years than Jalen Brown, I believe. He's available. LeBron's not an injury risk. He's available.

1:30:49Bill Simmons:This email was from Todd speaking LeBron. He's vacationing in Ocean City, New Jersey. There are always Philly player shirts for sale, Embiid, Maxi, et cetera. This week, I walked into a t-shirt store, and it was all LeBron, nobody else. I asked the guy at the counter, where are the Jalen Brown shirts? His response, who? Tough start for JB. That's your Ocean City update. And then here's another one, speaking of going back and forth. If I was an NBA, this is from Adam. If I was an NBA superstar who lived in New York City but played in Philly, I would 100 % rather have my own train or at least my own private train car that I could take back and forth instead of a helicopter.

1:31:30Bill Simmons:I do think there are legit benefits to LeBron having his own train. It would not be the standard Amtrak interior. He could have massage, stretching table, hot tub, ice bath, you name it. It's in there. I would love to be at a real world crossing and see the Le Caboose go by.

1:31:48That's a great take. He could get his own car.

1:31:51Bill Simmons:You knock out all the seats. Maybe it's just one train with the little thing in the front. Yeah, I mean, or maybe it's part of the regular train, but it's just like just the private car that's only for him. So it would have to be like the 1115 train back to New York City, but Lake Caboose is on it? Yeah, exactly. Just on it. I love that one. I don't know that I, I don't, I don't necessarily, I'm not as convinced as everyone else that he's living full time in New York City. No, he'll do what JJ did. JJ bought a place in Brooklyn because he had family and young children. And then I think he might have had an apartment in Philly, but he would drive back to Brooklyn, but then sometimes stay in Philly if he had to do that.

1:32:37Yeah, he can do either one.

1:32:39Bill Simmons:It's time for a new segment. It is called Greatest Plays of All Time, brought to you by State Farm. We've witnessed some truly legendary plays throughout football history. plays that can never be recreated because they're designed for that precise moment on the field. It's the same reason why State Farm helps personalized coverage. You need a plan design to suit your unique situation. Iconic plays. So I'm a child of the seventies, the immaculate reception, which I was probably too young to be watching that game. And there was never the right camera angle for what happened when Franco Harris picked up the ball that got bounced up in the air and runs for the touchdown.

1:33:14Bill Simmons:But that was like the first famous play I ever remember hearing about. I actually was watching the Hail Mary play of Roger Staubach to Drew Pearson in the Cowboys game. I think it was against the Vikings. And I think that was where they got the name the Hail Mary from. But I do remember that one. And then I was there for the helmet catch, sadly. That's one of the most famous plays ever. I think the single most famous play in the history of football is the Malcolm Butler interception because the Seahawks were about to win the Super Bowl and then the Patriots won the Super Bowl and it's one specific play that flipped the game.

1:33:53I still think that's the number one most famous play

1:33:57Bill Simmons:in the history of the league. Maybe I'm wrong. It was also the Patriots won the Super Bowl, so I hope I'm right. Anyway, when it comes to coverage, you need a game plan that fits your unique situation. State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget like a good neighbor. Stay Farm is there.

1:34:41Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Imagine you're running a professional sports team. Nice. Imagine the player contract report is due today. Not so nice. You've got performance notes from the coaching staff. You got a salary spreadsheet from your analyst, three rounds of back and forth emails with the agent and all of it is scattered. Absolutely everywhere. Well, that's where ChatGPT work comes in. It's a new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. Give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files and can create real work documents. For instance, spreadsheets, slides, structured reports.

1:35:17Bill Simmons:You can bring all those to your next meeting. And when you don't need answers, you need help just getting the work across the finish line. ChatGPT work can move your projects forward while you stay in control. Put ChatGPT to work on your most ambitious ideas and projects. Get started. Just go to chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans. Okay. This is from CJ from Long Island. He said his group chat got into a debate over the movie, The Mighty Ducks, not about the quality of the movie itself, which we can all agree is one of the greatest of all time. We couldn't figure out what was the most serious crime someone could commit where the judge waves jail time, looks you in the eye and says, I'm sending to you to head coach a peewee hockey team.

1:36:06Bill Simmons:Is it tax evasion, mid-level white collar inciting trading scheme, et cetera, et cetera. Let's be honest. Managing the group chat logistics, negotiating rotation minutes with angry finance dads, dealing with kids who bring goldfish crackers to the bench, et cetera, et cetera. Are we sure one year at Rikers wouldn't be easier than two years of coaching nine-year-olds in a hockey team. I'm sure it's somewhere between drunk driving and domestic terrorism for the severity of the offense. What do you think the offense was? So I think the offense would have to be one. Like, I think anything that is considered like immoral is the wrong word, but drunk driving, you're not like, I understand.

1:36:46Bill Simmons:You're not coaching a hockey team. You're not coaching a hockey team. Any type of violence. They're not being like, listen, go be around kids. So this is a financial penalty, probably. It has to be a financial crime and it has to be, it almost would have to be like embezzlement. And part of your defense was like, I'm, you know, I have a family member that's sick and I'm trying to pay for their treatment. They have to feel like you, you're dead on committed the crime, but also you're not a bad guy. Your mom needed$40 ,000 for a liver transplant. Yes, and so you just stole it. But it was, you know, you felt, you didn't feel good about it.

1:37:30You felt bad. I think that's the answer.

1:37:33Bill Simmons:Because Hardball did this too. Keanu ends up coaching that team. What did he do? Because he had a rich friend who got slapped on the wrist and they told him he had to coach this team and he didn't want to do it. So he paid Keanu to coach the team. That's what happened. Hardball, an all-time classic. Never seen it. Isaac says, we talk about certain types of players that became extinct in the NBA, like bruising post-up power forwards, big body centers, et cetera, shooting guards who can't shoot. With Russell Westbrook officially being retired, it got me wondering if the super explosive above the rim guard is now extinct.

1:38:13Bill Simmons:Derek Rose, John Wall, Baron Davis, Steve Francis, Westbrook. These aren't players that GMs want on a winning team anymore. Are these guards a thing of the past? I used to call these guards zero guards because they weren't a one or a two. They were, they, and not zero, like meaning they're bad players. Just like they're not a one or a two. They're a guard who has the ball all the time. They're going to have a high usage rate and they're going to, their field goal attempts are going to be up. Can this player work anymore in the NBA? So I, if, so I have a controversial opinion on this. If they can't, then we need to change the rules.

1:38:52so you want more russell restbook type players i want i want less finesse shooting and less analytically inclined basketball and more i'm the best fucking athlete out here and that's my

1:39:07Bill Simmons:balls to the wall and i'm gonna get my stats and this is what's gonna happen right and i and the the dunking piece is actually a big part of it i like i people talk about iverson and westbrook And I understand why, but watching them play was very different because Iverson was entirely under the rim and Russ was, you know, at his peak so much above the rim, which brings me to my favorite take of my own when it comes to the NBA, which is we have talked a ton about the three point revolution. And, and I think you and I have talked about this before or once already and Goldsberry's, you know, let everybody draw their own line, different things.

1:39:51Bill Simmons:Yeah. And different things you can do. And my answer, and I will bring it up again, is Dunksworth 3. Dunksworth 3 fixes a lot of this. You can keep everything else the same. I've seen you do this one. It's a really good take. I'm proud of you. It's one of your best. I did it to you. I know. You haven't seen me do it. No, but you've done it. This is in your, this is like, this is your Seinfeld. Why don't they make the plane out of the black box? I realized when I was halfway through it, I'm like, oh shit, I already told Bill this. No, no, no. But I was too deep. It's one of your best takes. I think you should redo it.

1:40:30I just don't, the point that I'm making is very simple. I, a big part of what I like watching about basketball is crazy athleticism. And I feel like under the analytically inclined era that we're in, that's less important than ever. You know what I mean? Like that is, and I don't, I don't think that is good for the sport.

1:40:54Bill Simmons:We're rewarding Sam Merrill and not Russell Westbrook. Yes. And I don't like that. That's the thing. I do think the creating your own three point line, depending on what team you have, because that's one of the coolest ideas ever. I was at Fenway park last week. I know it's so fun. Yeah, which I've obviously been to a ton of games there. But every time I go, I always I look around. I marvel at how fucking insane the actual park is, like how they built it, how like behind third base, the fans just come in and there's like no foul territory in the left. You have this giant wall. You have the right field bleachers way back.

1:41:32Bill Simmons:We have this foul pole that's like three hundred and eleven feet that you basically have to curve the ball around and foul pole. anything in the right, any kind of bomb to right field, really hard to hit it out. But it's cool. It's different. It stands out. It's different. It stands out. And the other, there are a lot of benefits to the create your own three point line. Most notably, or the top two would be one, you would need to build a team that can win a bunch of different ways. You would like the, you would need you, you could have the way you play, but you also would be like, oh, shoot, the best team in the league has Joker, and they have decided they're not having a three-point line.

1:42:13Like, do we have a way to play in those games?

1:42:15Bill Simmons:I think you would have to decide before the year. Yes. No, that's what I'm saying. You couldn't do it series to series. But the Knicks maybe would have made the arc even bigger because Towns can make 26-footers. I don't know. It would have been a fun one. And then lastly, the other thing it would do is it would make the regular season so much more important because you would definitively care about home court advantage. Well, how about a team that just said, fuck it, we're not having a three-point line? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, we're not going to have one. So if Denver was like, we're not having one, we just think Joker, I don't know if they'd be the right example, the Bucs with Giannis a few years ago, whomever, it's like, we're not having one.

1:43:00And you're in their conference. You're like, we better have a better record than them. because we can't beat them. If you're the Steph Warriors, you're like, we can't beat them four out of seven with no threes. We can't. So it just makes things, the regular season more important.

1:43:16Bill Simmons:It would be funny if Denver did it where they just, they had no corner threes and it was just a straight line, 25 feet just for Jamal Murray because he likes that top of the three. So it's like the only decent shot. I like a lot of ideas. I like it just maybe being like a little circle, like just one little spot. But go ahead. This is really the last one because we've gone too long anyway. This is from Scott Turner. He's wondering when songs reach a certain point of cultural saturation, should they be banned for five years? Not bad songs, overplayed songs. Two great candidates. Don't Stop Believing and Sweet Caroline.

1:43:51Bill Simmons:I like both songs, but we as a society have abused them and wore them out. It's impossible to go to any kind of party or game without hearing them. How great would those songs sound if you just hadn't heard them for five years? I think the killers have hit this point too with Mr. Brightside. Oh yeah. There's two that there's another one that they're playing in sporting events all the time now. And it's making me kind of feel like the killers are a little fucked out now. Also don't stop believing and sweet Caroline also have to, they either intentionally or unintentionally, intentionally, if they are played in an event, send a signal, this event's for white people.

1:44:37Like if it's so like that. And again, I'm not saying there's not non-white people that don't love that song. Obviously there are. What I'm saying is that is a, like it is that if that is the anthem.

1:44:50Bill Simmons:So Sweet Carolina, you're saying is the whitest, whitest song to sing in a group. If you feel like this is going to, like, the... I would say, actually, Rocky Mountain High kind of took the mantle in the World Cup. Maybe. The Royals, briefly, when I was there doing radio post-college, did... They played every game low places by Garth Brooks, like the Red Sox do Sweet Caroline. Yeah. And I was like, guys, this is not good for, like, our rep as a city. Like we got to do better there. So I agree. I like your idea of the, there are your emailers idea of, okay, we'll appreciate this more. I mean, there have been really bad songs.

1:45:39Bill Simmons:Let's give it a break. Let's give it a break. Yeah. The dogs out hit this. It needed that 20 years ago. Like there have been songs that hit the, well, remember outcast. Hey, yeah. Oh yeah. Beaten in the ground as bad as any song ever. Nelly Furtado song. Oh, that was another one. There was a pink one. I'm coming out because you gotta get this party started. Remember that was in basketball for three straight years. Every NBA game. But I'm worried about the killers. The killers should stand up for themselves a little bit. If anything from this podcast gets aggregated, I hope it's just the two seconds of you singing.

1:46:17Me singing?

1:46:17Bill Simmons:That's fine. That's all I want. Listen, it's part of the deal when we do this stuff. Nick Wright. The what's white. Oh, go ahead. No, you're about to promote what's right within the credit. I appreciate that. But I will be thinking about you if Wednesday night looks like the last football game we saw. That would be concerning. There's a lot of ways to be very optimistic. Be more concerned about my starting cornerback who made the all-pro team last year who doesn't have a contract and might just be like, I'm not playing tonight. If he doesn't play, it's an all-time story. It's an all-time story if he doesn't play.

1:46:53Bill Simmons:This is such, it's an unforced error, not on the level of the Clippers just giving Uncle Dennis carte blanche to send them crazy bills. Nick Wright, the What's Right podcast, as well as First Things First with half-cigarette smoker Kevin Wilds and Chris Broussard. He's going to be so mad when he hears this. Thanks, Bill. Can't wait. Good to see you. Thank you. All right, that's it for the pod. Thanks to Nick Wright. Thanks to Eduardo and Gahal as well. I am not going to be back until Wednesday night live on Netflix right after the Patriots-Seahawks game. We'll see what kind of condition I'm in, but I will see you on Wednesday night.

1:47:32Bill Simmons:I'm going to see them on the wayside. I don't have feelings with them On the wayside I'm a person I'll never know.

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