Oh No Mahomes, Burrow’s Funk, Old Man Rivers, Denver’s Hot Streak, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

14:02Bill Simmons:Yeah. Three field goals. You know, they scored 16 points.

14:07Cousin Sal:Yeah.

14:08Bill Simmons:Did I think the Chiefs would have more than 13? I did. Yeah. That was the problem. them. But the Chargers defense, they're really physical. They dial it up and it was two weeks in a row where the Chiefs receivers were just getting the shit kicked out of them. Rice took more hits in the last two weeks than most guys, I think, take in a year. It's a weird game. I'm not sure either of these teams, if the Chiefs had been able to crawl back, I don't think they would have been a threat. I don't really feel like this Chargers team is that much of a threat either. But they're going to be hanging around in this playoff race.

14:42Bill Simmons:It was a great win for them. Cold weather, West Coast team going East. Herbert's playing with a broken, whatever he has, left hand, left wrist, whatever it is.

14:51Cousin Sal:It was the best win of all the wins today. That was the best one for a team. It was the Chargers, right? Because I think they were going to have a tough time clawing to 11 wins without this game. They got, well, I look at it now, at Dallas, Houston, and at Denver. Those last two should be tough. But now they're looking good for the playoffs, at least. And Herbert was throwing. I was like, it's his left hand that's messed up, right? Because some of those passes were very wobbly. The touchdown pass was wobbly. A couple others were wobbly. And then the Chiefs, but you said it. Chiefs scored 20 points.

15:26Cousin Sal:It's over. They win the game. But I don't feel like they have any plays anymore.

15:30Bill Simmons:Do you feel that way? Well, they have the play where Mahomes would not find anybody open and then roll right and right before he's going out of bounds. He would throw it to somebody. That's a good one. was that play. It's tough because they couldn't throw the ball deep and they probably had the worst set of running backs in the league. Right. Did anybody have, even Houston today, I had Woody Marks in fantasy. We'll talk about his controversial touchdown later, but he goes out. They bring in some dude I've never heard of and the guy ended up with 100 yards. Yeah. And their third down back was good too.

16:04Bill Simmons:Like all three of the running backs were better than anybody the Chiefs had, but they just kind of ran out of skill guys. And I think some of the higher draft picks they took, like guys like Worthy, they took that left tackle, this draft, I got hurt. They spent their second round in the last draft on a right tackle, who I don't think really made it. And they started missing on their draft picks, which I think is what really sunk them.

16:26Cousin Sal:I mean, Mahomes, we discussed it last week. He's not himself. He was himself. Maybe two, three levels below what we're used to with him. But these receivers, they don't do them any favors. They are so soft, rice worthy. I feel like they play other positions. And they're like, Coach, how much longer do we have to play wide receiver here? They don't really even look like they fit the scheme of the offense. And yeah, you're right. And Isaiah Pacheco, you talk about not being able to get a running game. Would you ever consider starting that guy in fantasy under any circumstances at this point?

16:59Bill Simmons:What a disaster. I wrote down, we'd kind of given year from hell to either Washington or Baltimore. Yeah. The year from hell team. It turned out it was KC pulled off the Scooby-Doo mask and it was them all along. This was the year from hell ending with the terrible Mahomes injury. So it's year eight for Mahomes, three Super Bowls, and lost the Super Bowl in year seven. Nick Wright made this point on my podcast on Thursday that the parallel of him and Brady was basically the same arc, the two guys. Brady, I think, tore his ACL in his eighth season.

17:36Cousin Sal:Year nine, I think. Yeah. Or his year nine. And Mahomes was year eight.

17:40Bill Simmons:But it was just kind of weird how that. Yeah. But even before the ACL, like it was, it had to be asked, like, was this starting to feel a little Pujols-ish? Right, right, right. Like with somebody who just looked like one of the all-time guys ever in their 20s. And then in the 30s, it just tilted a little bit. I guess we'll find out. It's certainly, you know, between the way the season ended and now he's coming back from a major injury, this is by far the most adversity he's faced in his career.

18:10Cousin Sal:And not to mention, they're$44 million over the cap going into the offseason. I know the cap goes up and everything, but they have a lot of gaps to fill. But yeah, I think we have to figure out, like, what was weird when Kelsey used to be open by 20 yards all the time, every third play, or nobody ever getting open. But it was just, I don't think either of us thought that the dynasty would end with Gardner-Mitchell throwing an interception after a delay of game call that took them out of field goal range. I forgot about the delay of game.

18:40Bill Simmons:The interception was actually kind of hilarious because he had sucked me in because I had the Chiefs money line. He came in and I was like, you know, I've had some good moments with Gardner-Mitchell over the years where unexpectedly he pulled and then just a terrible pass in traffic. you mentioned like how they're over the cap next year and I'm sure this would be a topic this week about whether they make next year they're kind of blow it up and rebuild and take all the cap hits and Kelsey will retire Andy Reid turned 68 in March and the oldest Super Bowl winning coach ever was Bruce Arians who was 68 so you have that piece too where it's like alright we're going to do you either say we're going to throw away next year we'll take our lumps We'll try to reset our cap in a year from now when Mahomes is helping in.

19:27Bill Simmons:Or you do that. Well, Andy Reid's going to be 68. Mahomes can be ready in time for September. And every year we have Mahomes, you can't throw it away. Let's fucking go. So it'll be interesting to see how they play it. Their draft pick will be a little better maybe than they would typically get. It'll probably be like in the 12 to 15 range. Oh, they should get a receiver.

19:46Cousin Sal:They should get a flashy receiver. Or a left tackle. A fast one. Really fast. Lit it up in the combines. That's what they should do.

19:54Bill Simmons:and they have the Chris Jones and he's getting out on his career they're going to lose Kelsey, I assume Kelsey's going to retire so we'll see what happens with that but that was kind of a shocking game kept waiting for the Chiefs to come back Mahomes had a bad turnover in the second half that was surprising this is what happens with these teams what do you think they are against the spread now this season? because I feel like I've personally lost five games with them Well, that's what?

20:24Cousin Sal:0-7? 1-7 in one-score games now? So, yeah, they're right there. That's what's weird. They were going to be favored the rest of the year. People were talking about on our pregame show, take them to win the Super Bowl if you like them today, 55-1. Like, all right, I don't know if I like them to win eight in a row, but I do like them today. And, God, not even close. They're not winning the Super Bowl, everyone. Sorry, Nick Wright.

20:44Bill Simmons:What happened to how the refs used to fix the games for them? I guess that can't happen. That doesn't happen anywhere. Maybe they had that exclusive contract that expired after seven years. That's it. Well, great for the Chargers. And then you look at the big picture with the playoffs, where the Chargers are in. The three wild cards are Buffalo, the Chargers, and Houston. Yeah, it's pretty much tough. Three teams you wouldn't want to play. And then the NFC, the wild cards right now would be Seattle, San Francisco, and Green Bay. That has to be the best six wild cards we've had at least this decade, right?

21:17Bill Simmons:There's not an easy one out of those six.

21:20Cousin Sal:It's pretty good. I don't know if I trust any of them. That's one thing. I'm going to trust the fewest. You're right. The teams are pretty solid. But as far as trusting, we're always looking for, all right, who's the team we're going to bet against? I have five. I have like five teams I'm excited about against in the playoffs.

21:37Bill Simmons:Who's the team I don't want to bet against? Maybe four. Because I want to bet against everybody. Mine's gone.

21:42Cousin Sal:Yeah. Yeah.

21:43Bill Simmons:So the Chargers are 10-4 at Dallas, home Houston, at Denver, the last three. They have some good wins though. They beat KC twice. They beat Denver. They beat Pittsburgh. They beat Philly. And they beat Philly the same way they beat KC with pretty physical. I was not a believer. I didn't see it. I thought they had too many injuries, especially after they lost Joe Walt. They lost Hampton for a while. But there is like a January recipe for them where they're just like defense, run the ball. Herbert needs to make two plays. Don't beat yourselves. We've seen that work.

22:14Cousin Sal:I felt like I found an old like a relic when I dug up that they lost to Jacksonville by like 28 a few weeks ago. I was like, oh yeah, that's what this game... 35-6, right? Right, that's what this game's going to be like today in Kansas City. And it won't really matter, but they'll get housed. Nope, not even close.

22:33Bill Simmons:The other AFC West game that had a huge impact was Packers-Broncos. Great game. And there's this moment. so the Green Bay's up 23-14 in the third quarter Denver just had a three and out after halftime and it feels like Green Bay's about to put the game away it just feels like they're better they say fuck it they go deep to Watson Sertan makes a great interception and at the same time hurts Watson Denver has the ball Watson's out and it just felt like the game tilted and flipped on its axis Parsons gets hurt I don't know 45 minutes later but literally from that moment on it was Denver's game and Bo Nix any questions you had about him and I'm not sure I still don't have some questions but he was incredible for three hours, like he really was great, he had that awesome fourth and three throw in the fourth quarter but in the first half he was super accurate, that was the best game I've seen him play and then you, so would you want to go Denver or do you want to go Green Bay for this because it was a really important game for both teams

23:40Cousin Sal:Well, you talk about the year from hell. Green Bay might have had the half from hell, the way you described it, right? Yeah. They blow the big lead. They lose Parsons. Uh-oh, what does the rest of the season look like?

23:51Bill Simmons:Parsons, who was out of control for four weeks,

23:55Cousin Sal:just was unblockable and felt like he was being held all the time, basically. Yep. And LaFleur is ballsy. The play you mentioned, like going to Watson to put the dagger in, right? They would have been up three touchdowns or 17 with that. and he's like ballsier than Dan Campbell is at this point. Like he should get the credit that Dan Campbell gets all the time. But that's what happens with something like that. Sertan, like you said, made a great play. But Bo Nix, I haven't seen him play a better game. Four touchdowns, crisp throws, right? Lots downfield. They looked like a team I could see getting to the Super Bowl, right?

24:27Cousin Sal:And the defense, ironically, wasn't playing their best. They did have three sacks and had pretty big moments and a couple interceptions, but they didn't lock down like normal. They needed Knicks in this game. And he came through. That was a big... You know what? He showed me something. I'm going to say it, Bill. He showed me something.

24:43Bill Simmons:Oh, you want to give him his... He showed me something award? Yeah, he showed me something.

24:47Cousin Sal:He really showed me something.

24:48Bill Simmons:I like their pass rush. I thought it made a difference in the fourth quarter. Love seemed a little frazzled. But Love... You know, he loses Watson, who was, I think, his most reliable receiver in two explosive plays a game. They lose Kraft a couple weeks ago. Then they lose Parsons. I would argue Parsons, Kraft, and Watson were three of the best seven, eight guys in the team. Right. So, you know, I was thinking about how... When you got Jacobs every Thursday,

25:17Cousin Sal:it's like he might play, he might not. I mean, he did well today, right? He caught one and he ran for one. But if that guy goes down, then a world will hurt.

25:24Bill Simmons:Yeah, you're always wondering what's going to happen with him. The other thing was, yeah, I'm not going to count Green Bay out, but I do feel like every single week we've come on this pod and decided somebody else in the NFC looked like they were the team. Right. And Green Bay's now had their moment and we're back to the Rams.

25:42Cousin Sal:Yeah.

25:42Bill Simmons:And Thursday night, Seattle could beat the Rams. And I'm like, maybe it's Seattle. I just think it's one of those years for the conference. There's a weird Denver thing, though. And I've watched a lot of Denver this year. We have a bunch of overs with them that have all hit. I have a one seed bet with them. I have them for the division, which I think is going to win. So I've watched a lot of them. I think Peyton's done some really weird shit with the clock management in the fourth quarters of these games. And it wasn't just today. Like, they blew two fourth downs today. They hit one of them on the fourth and three, but it's like this unnecessarily aggressive, and I get it, maybe he's trying to establish some sort of mindset, but we've seen it over and over with them where they're just kind of unnecessarily aggressive sometimes.

26:30Bill Simmons:And I don't know, like, I don't think they can run the ball the way he seems to think they can. It's like fourth and one, fourth and two. I don't think they're as lights out as he seems to think. And at some point, it's going to kill them. And I don't know when.

26:43Cousin Sal:I am just so numb to teams going on it. We're going for it on fourth and two.

26:47Bill Simmons:I know Campbell went on his own 20 today. What was that? Like his own 25?

26:51Cousin Sal:You can't get outraged anymore. It doesn't look weird to me. It's like my kid asking for$20 to be sent to his watch. I'm like, all right, fine. I don't understand it at all. So which one? You did text. You did have problems. That was towards the end of the game when they were up eight. It was like fourth and three from the 45. That's a tough spot. I don't know what you'd do there.

27:12Bill Simmons:I just felt like Green Bay wasn't going to score again. And I don't know why I want to give them life and put them there in midfield when my defense is playing like that and I'm home and Love has that kind of demeanor that he had. I didn't love it. There was a lot of clock management. I thought the Pats screwed up today. the end of the first half, which this is the second time in the last couple weeks Vrabel did this, where in the last two minutes, going too slow, because you don't want the other team to get the ball back, but really, you should be stepping on the throat and trying to actually score a touchdown.

27:46Bill Simmons:They killed all this time. They ended up settling for a field goal.

27:48Cousin Sal:Almost didn't even get the field goal off.

27:50Bill Simmons:Right, almost didn't get the field goal, but it's like, what are you afraid of? You have two minutes, you have a really good end of the quarter or QB in May, just go. Let's throw the ball. Let's see if we can make some stuff happen. Denver was the opposite. But yeah, the Peyton thing I think is a little weird. Denver's going to be the one seed. So I guess the question, Sal, is if they miss the first round and they're just playing a home game round two, home game round three, and you have Knicks at home who seems pretty comfortable at home, and he never has to leave Denver, plus you have the altitude, cold weather, maybe they're going to do it.

28:28Bill Simmons:I don't know. This is the first time today where I was like, ah, maybe.

28:31Cousin Sal:I don't know. Same thing. I don't know if there was so much talk about, oh, Terrell Davis and Favre. This was a Super Bowl 90 years ago. And like, no, they really looked like a Super Bowl team. And yeah, you're right. The home games will help. It does seem like they have a lot of like open. They were terrible against the Giants at home. They won another weird home game in there. Obviously, the Raiders was 10-7. But today looked like an explosive good one seed team beating the crap out of another solid playoff team. But yeah, I don't know. I think you're knocked out of that. What are they for the one seed?

29:05Cousin Sal:What's their odds now?

29:07Bill Simmons:Well, for the conference, I'm sorry, for Super Bowl, they're plus 950 on Fando. Buffalo's plus 800. For the conference, they're favored over Buffalo for the conference, plus 320 to plus 390. and then Denver to be the one seed now is minus 260. 260, yeah. You can put a little Jags plus 550. Trevor Lawrence has finally figured it out, money. I'm happy to book that if you want to do that. Well, they play Jacksonville this week.

29:35Cousin Sal:So that's going to be that, I think, yeah. And then at KC and the Chargers. Yeah.

29:41Bill Simmons:Buffalo, not totally out of it at 22 to 1, in case you think they could run the slate and do it. I want to talk about Buffalo because I actually think that's the team. That'd be fun. That's my bet your life team in the AFC. We made the case for Denver. Today was a great day for them. They've done everything they needed to do, everything they needed to show, except for can they protect the lead at the end of the game with the running game. They haven't had a lot of injuries. It looks like you're going to have to go through Denver to take them out, and yet I would still take Buffalo. so we're going to take a break for the pod we'll keep going on YouTube this episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra the NBA Cup is back it's sure to be thrilling as always I think the one thing I always like with the NBA Cup what team is going to come out of nowhere and kind of plant their flag and make us believe in them going forward because a big spotlight national TV good crowds who's going to kind of step up in the playoff atmosphere the best moments are served cold just like Michelob Ultra or a freshen beer with only 95 calories.

30:47Bill Simmons:Plus Ultra is also helping you see all the excitement up close and in person with a chance to win Quartzide tickets. Michelob Ultra, superior is worth playing for. Enter now at MichelobUltra.com slash Quartzide. MichelobUltra Quartzide, 25 to 26, no purchase necessary. Open to U.S. Residence 21 +, begins on October 1st, 2025, ends on June 30th, 2026. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at MichelobUltra.com slash Quartzide for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. Buffalo puts together five straight touchdown drives and beats my team. My team was up 21-0. They needed the game more than we did.

31:24Bill Simmons:We're missing our left tackle and our best defensive lineman, Milt Williams. And yet the loss still really hurt. And it was a unique chance to put the division away, beat them twice in a year. And now I look back and it's like, really close game. We won in Buffalo, really close game. They won in New England. And we're probably going to see them again, would be my guess.

31:48Cousin Sal:Yeah, but I wouldn't be too disappointed. If we had this scenario and looked ahead in August, you wouldn't be too bummed. It was a great game. You can hang with Buffalo, right? That's the main thing here. You hung with them twice. Even though if you take the division, and even though maybe he's ahead of them, MVP odds board, he's not Josh Allen. That's just what you see, right? Like, he took that game over. He might be in a couple years.

32:16Bill Simmons:Yeah, sure, maybe.

32:17Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's not happening now. Dozens of times before we've seen him do this. He also has the second most wins by a quarterback in their first eight seasons in NFL history, tied with your guy Brady and Russ Wilson, and probably the best cold-weather quarterback I've ever seen this side of Favre, right? It's outrageous that I love Drake May.

32:40Bill Simmons:I'm delighted to have him in my life. There's no way Josh Allen should have worse MVP odds than Drake May. Like, we kind of had the referendum game today. And the stuff he's done these last four weeks, where he just went to a whole other level, he's so terrifying. And it was funny because I thought the Pats, the first half, it was the best game plan they've had all year. Like, they actually had some stuff where all the Pats fans were like, Why don't we ever do these design QB draws with Drake? Why don't we use his legs intentionally instead of him just scrambling? And they did all the stuff I wanted them to do.

33:17Bill Simmons:And then in the second half, just... I don't know what happened. I don't know where Diggs was. I don't know where Diggs has been just in general. Diggs was the reason they won the Buffalo game in Buffalo. They had a great game the first one. Yeah, right. Didn't get a call, which is fine. But there were eight calls in this game. And I think we went 0 for 8 in the eight most important calls. And Drake wasn't... Drake wasn't good enough. The game was in his hands in the last seven minutes. Henderson scores, they come back down, and then Drake has to kind of, you're home. This is it. But it's year two.

33:50Bill Simmons:Year four, I think he wins the game.

33:52Cousin Sal:I think he had 35 second-half yards before that Henderson reverse field run. Nice job by Drake getting in the way or whatever he did run down there.

34:02Bill Simmons:That was awesome. And that was the kind of play where you think like, oh, shit, if we win that game, This is going to be a legendary play. Henderson breaks his second big run. Mays hustling down to kind of help create the block for it. But the defense just couldn't get stopped. So special teams was bad today. It was an uncharacteristically sloppy game, but at the same time, that team's just a bad matchup. You even saw they sat Spillane in the game, and they said Spillane was injured. But I actually just think he was too slow to be in the game. That's my conspiracy theory. But tight ends and running backs coming out of the backfield and QB scrambles, that's how this Pats defense is going to lose, I think.

34:43They might be a year away from having the kind of ceiling.

34:48Bill Simmons:The way for them to make the Super Bowl is the way Denver is doing it now, where it's like, you have to come here and come through us and we're going to have round one off. Now they're going to have to have round one Houston coming to New England, which is terrifying. I know you saw Stroud today. Stroud was great today.

35:06Cousin Sal:Very good. Yep, yep.

35:07Bill Simmons:Houston looks excellent.

35:09Cousin Sal:Houston, that game, we have to have a nickname for that when the game is over before you even find the, you have your floor box situated. Oh, yeah, 17-0. Yeah, you didn't even know the game started. I have to add another game. I don't think you play, I would think, if you get the two seed, let's say you don't get the one seed. If you win the division and get the two seed, yes, you're home for Houston, right? I would think.

35:32Bill Simmons:Unless they can leapfrog somebody.

35:35Cousin Sal:They play the Chargers in 17. Yeah. Or would you rather have this? Buffalo wins a division. You're a five and you go to Baltimore or Pittsburgh. Wouldn't you rather have that? And then I would play Denver in round two? Whatever. You're better than just get out of that one. You don't want to play Houston, do you? I want to win the division.

35:57Bill Simmons:I don't want a scenario where they have to go to Buffalo. I don't want, I don't, winning in Buffalo twice in the same year seems inconceivable to me. Okay. The best case scenario for them is the Chargers end up the seventh seed instead of Houston.

36:09Cousin Sal:Yeah, I guess so.

36:10Bill Simmons:And they can get the Chargers who I think with the offensive line issues they've had is probably a pretty good matchup. They do play in two weeks. Yeah. Houston. All right.

36:17Cousin Sal:And I offered you this to make, remember I made you this offer if you didn't take it. That's all right.

36:21Bill Simmons:Do you feel, yeah, I'll mark it down. I did turn it down. it does feel like something shifted here with Alan now you know where we and this was talking about this in August and I did my QB pyramid I had Alan at the top and I was just like I just think he's the best guy now he's never played in the Super Bowl it's hard to be like this guy's the best guy but he's never played in the Super Bowl but he's clearly the best player in the league is there anyone you would put ahead of him at this point? It's just watching football week to week he's the best guy I don't even think it's an argument.

36:57Cousin Sal:I don't think so. He's getting a lot of help from Cook, though, we should say. Cook is the best, like, gliding through the snow and first downs and six when he really should have gotten two and stuff like that. So that definitely helps. That would help Mahomes and the Chiefs. I'm not feeling bad for them at all. But, yeah, he's the best. What are you going to say? He's throwing up on the sideline. I don't know if that's a fetish thing with him and Hayley Steinfeld, but it works out. Really, it's all – he's great. It might just be when it gets cold, because they did win like six in a row two years ago to make the playoffs.

37:30Cousin Sal:We keep talking about that. Some people don't even want to use the weather as any kind of factor, but it's pretty damn good.

37:37Bill Simmons:They were able to pressure the Pats a little bit, and I don't know if that was the case of the offensive line is just bad, or maybe their defense is a little bit better. What did you see when you watched the game? What did you see from the Pats? Did they seem like an actual Super Bowl contender to you? I can't look at it objectively, obviously.

37:52Cousin Sal:No, except for that second half, right? I mean, it's the opposite of what the Packers did. Well, I guess it's the same thing as what the Packers did. Yeah, yeah. Like, wow, they were on fire in the first half. For different reasons. Everything clicking, right. But you couldn't move in the second half. And, like, Allen didn't let you have the ball. But honestly, overall, I'll go back to my original point. You should be, you hung with them. You'll hang with them again. I'd be surprised if you ever lost to them by two touchdowns, you know, going forward.

38:16Bill Simmons:Yeah, that's where I've landed with, I think my dad's in the same spot. Like, yeah. played them twice. Either team could have won both games. Got Campbell coming back for the playoffs, which I think is really going to help. Milton Williams coming back. Hopefully nobody else gets hurt. And we'll see how it goes. Carlton Davis didn't make it a quarter in today's game. They might be a cornerback short, but everybody's short something at this point. I still think, like, I just think, like, Buffalo and the Rams would be the safest pick right now, I think. Yeah. But I also think, we talked about this earlier, it's like 2008, that year, the Brady ACL year, when we ended up with Pittsburgh and Arizona, and it was just one of those stupid years.

39:05Bill Simmons:Like, I'm prepared for any scenario this year.

39:08Cousin Sal:I'm trying to think of who Buffalo doesn't match up against. I guess it's Houston again. Like, it all comes back to Houston, just because they're trucking teams. Are they the only team in either conference

39:18Bill Simmons:that if they're down 21-0 on the road, you're not even blinking. Because that was me today. I was like, all right. I don't feel like we have this game in hand. They're going to make a run. It was 24-7 at halftime. It's like, they have the ball second half. I know it's going to happen. They're going to go down. They're probably going to score. It's going to be 24-14. Can we put a drive together? We couldn't. Now it's 24-21. That's the only team in the league. Maybe the Rams would be the only other one if they're indoors.

39:47Cousin Sal:Yeah. That I can see.

39:48Bill Simmons:Like, 21-0 doesn't matter if you're playing this team.

39:51Cousin Sal:It is bad when you can't spot a team three touchdowns. It's got to be four for them to be completely out of it. Don't hang your head down, kid. You did good. You did really good today.

40:00Bill Simmons:It's been a great Pat season. And also, by all accounts, I knew a couple people that were there. The crowd was great. Yeah. It was everything you want. And, you know, there's some self-inflicted stuff, but it'll be a good experience for them. Rams-Lions. So the Rams are now the new, they look like the best NFC team. Puka got banged up. Yeah. I think I was thinking about who to name this award after because he's definitely the number one. Oh, God, he's out. He's hurt. This is bad. And then he's playing two plays later.

40:33Cousin Sal:Yeah.

40:34Bill Simmons:And then five minutes later, it's like, oh, no, what happened? And then it's like, he's fine. But I was thinking, who would get that award? Who would you name it after? And I thought, I realized it was Terry Glenn.

40:45Cousin Sal:Oh.

40:46Bill Simmons:Remember Terry Glenn? We both had Terry Glenn.

40:49Cousin Sal:Right.

40:49Bill Simmons:It's like, oh, no, what happened? Did he tear his ACO? Did he sprain his ankle? Did he separate his shoulder? Oh, he's back.

40:56Cousin Sal:He's back in there. This is great.

40:58Bill Simmons:But one of those rope-a-dope guys where you're just never sure if they're healthy. But Puka's like, hey, even at the end of the game, he limped off from the sidelines. Is he fine? Is he not fine? I don't know. I don't think he knows.

41:08Cousin Sal:I keep it a little closer to home. This guy never made an NFL team, but our friend Brad, he'll fall down the stairs and stuff. I'm like, oh, man, should you call the ambulance? He's like, no, no, no, Randy. Let me just shake it off. I'm fine.

41:21Bill Simmons:Let me just put my kneecap back on. Right.

41:22Cousin Sal:He's down in the sun-kissed two minutes later. He's fine. Well, but Devontae Adams did get hurt.

41:28Bill Simmons:So that was the big thing from this game. He definitely got hurt. They have a game Thursday. They're playing Seattle. They have the same record. And bad timing for the Adams injury. Yeah.

41:40Cousin Sal:I would say. For sure. But again, another team that showed me a lot. I mean, winning that game 41-34. but the Lions are just, they're the other end of that. They just don't, boy, everything has to go right for them, right? Like it did the Thursday night game against the Cowboys. Like you need, you know, I was looking at Gibbs touchdowns the last seven games, 0-3, 0-3, 0-3, 0. What the hell is that? And so unless it's him and I'm on Ross St. Brown, the golf is kind of lost back there. And they had what should have been a pick six there with Hutchinson. He looked back. He was running it back. I think they scored anyway on that.

42:20Cousin Sal:But they had a nice little margin there, and they couldn't put him away.

42:24Bill Simmons:I was going against Stafford in our fantasy playoffs in the league we care about, the knockout league.

42:29Cousin Sal:Yeah.

42:30Bill Simmons:And it just felt like any time he wanted to throw for 12 yards, it was there for somebody. Like when they really, oh, do we need 12 yards? Fine. I'll just hit somebody else over the middle again. I'll hit this tight end. I'll hit Puka. Oh, there's Adams. And Detroit just couldn't stop him. They had no chance. That's it. They're the eighth seed, and it's probably staying that way would be my guess.

42:52Cousin Sal:I'm thinking, I'm looking, what's their number to make the playoffs? I know they're a plus. They are... Well, the bigger question is... Plus 148.

43:00Bill Simmons:Who would be the team that would have to fall out for them to make it? Because we have, you have that dock with all the games left. Right. Is it San Francisco or would it be Green Bay?

43:10Cousin Sal:Green Bay is minus 1150 to make the playoffs.

43:13Bill Simmons:Which seems aggressive, considering they've lost three of their best guys.

43:17Cousin Sal:It is. San Francisco, as far as Vandals are concerned, is not even on the board. So these are teams with 10 wins. Green Bay essentially has 10 wins. They're 9-4-1. Chicago's minus 370. So they would be in competition, I guess, with Detroit.

43:29Bill Simmons:And what's Detroit to make the playoffs right now? Plus 148. Well, that doesn't make... So who is the team that's going to fall out then?

43:38Cousin Sal:Because they could get the division, I guess, technically. But not really.

43:41Bill Simmons:So they're basically saying it's Chicago versus Detroit for that one spot. And they have Green Bay in. And yet Green Bay has at Chicago, home Baltimore, at Minnesota. I genuinely think they could lose all three of those. I mean, they could also win all three of them, but at Chicago is going to be a hard game. Now it's a 9-5-1 with home for Baltimore who has to win.

44:08Cousin Sal:See, I'm thinking of it as if they get to 10-4-1. Then someone has to go 11-6 to beat it, right? Like 10-4-1, that'd be 10-6-1. I think they kind of only need one more.

44:19Bill Simmons:Who would you pick at Chicago next week? Would you take Chicago or Green Bay next week in Chicago? I would take Chicago right now. I think they'd beat Baltimore.

44:29Cousin Sal:I think they'd win the home game against Baltimore. And then that's 10-5-1. Then I think they have it.

44:36Bill Simmons:It's tight. It's pretty tight. Weird shit happens in the last three weeks. Yeah. As we always know. Chargers now, minus 4 ,000. I guess I'm not going to win my... They're not going to make the playoffs bet.

44:49Cousin Sal:Such a big game.

44:52Bill Simmons:So, Rams-Lions, the other thing I was thinking, you really need the one seed in the NFC so you don't have to play in that first week with those three wild cards. I don't want to see any of those wild cards. Whoever it ends up being, I guess I wouldn't mind seeing Detroit because they can't stop anybody. But if it was Green Bay, it was Chicago, or the Seattle Rams, the one who doesn't make it, all those options suck. Yeah. You get the two seed, you have to host Green Bay? Right. Or you have to host San Francisco? Like if Purdy's just throwing bombs? I don't know.

45:32Cousin Sal:I don't like any of those scenarios. Yeah, you definitely don't want to play a division team. and you've got Seattle and San Francisco are going to be two of the wild cards, right, if you're a division winner. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so to get the one seed, they're minus 160. They're 11-3. It's not going to be from the south. Yeah. It's not going to really be the NFC East. Wait, who's the other? Who else could it be? I'm looking. No, it's the Lions. Your team's out now. Oh, it's all their... We're eight teams. We have eight teams now. Yeah. I was just looking for the one seed. So Seahawks are plus 210.

46:04Cousin Sal:San Francisco plus 750, Rams minus 160. So interesting.

46:11Bill Simmons:If you want to bet the Seahawks, you're almost better off betting their one seed at plus 210 than you are betting them on Thursday to win that game, right? Smart. Yeah, right. Because who do they have for their last two?

46:24Cousin Sal:At Carolina, at San Francisco.

46:27Bill Simmons:So San Francisco is still kind of in this. This is interesting. Something weird will happen.

46:31Cousin Sal:Yeah.

46:32Bill Simmons:Every time we think something, we know it's going to happen. Speaking of the NFC West, we're talking about Rivers. I thought that was stunning. He was competent. Yeah. It was amazing. I mean, he wasn't good, but he was competent. And they did, first of all, it was a fascinating game. And we had the Seahawks. I mean, how many bets did you have with the Seahawks in it?

46:54Cousin Sal:All of them. Every bet you can make.

46:59Bill Simmons:Every single one. Yeah. Did you have OKC in bets?

47:02Cousin Sal:I did. Yep. That was good. That lost. Well, you could give me a heads up there.

47:08Bill Simmons:I didn't know Wemby was playing. I was mad at some NBA people I knew. It's like, what the fuck? I was at a Christmas party. I didn't even know Wemby was playing. Yeah, that sucked. So Rivers, first of all, they win the coin toss, and they elect to receive. And I was like, oh. And then once you started watching the game, you realize why they did it. They just wanted to fight. It was what we thought. This is why I love the under. 40 seconds of play, 35 seconds of play, field position, don't take any chances, short passes, run the ball, try to keep the ball as long as possible. And then every time they punted it, it felt like the Seahawks were on their own seven-yard line.

47:47Bill Simmons:And it was just one of those games for two hours. And it turned into a field goal game. Rivers cannot move side to side. He can't, could he throw a pass longer than like 14 yards? No. Nah, it didn't look like it, no. And yet it seemed like they were going to win for two hours. Right.

48:05Cousin Sal:What were you thinking as you were watching this? Well, I got, first of all, what a crazy week with, oh, the old man this. Like we heard the same two jokes a thousand times. Old man Rivers. We have to say it with a straight face, even though we have 10 years on him, right? Like, oh, he's dying to get away from his wife and kids. That joke was welded into the pavement. But he needs to show the ref his AARP card. Meanwhile, I thought he did a good job under the circumstances. I forgot his release, which even when he was good, looked like he was never going to get to the receiver. And then at 44, 45, like, wow, this is interesting.

48:42Cousin Sal:But you're right. He did what every 24-year-old backup should do, just control the clock, check down, don't throw long because you're not doing it in practice. He said during his week of practice, he said, the balls I've thrown have barely hit the turf. And I think he meant like hardly, but he said barely. Like barely means they're all hitting the turf. But he did, you know, he did a good job on the circumstances. But if Seattle makes a couple of those touchdowns out of the six field goals, this isn't even a discussion, right? I know.

49:11Bill Simmons:So he had the charisma and the leadership pieces.

49:14Cousin Sal:Yeah.

49:15Bill Simmons:And the whole team seemed like they were completely bought in on him doing well. And like that they believed in him. And you could see it on the sidelines, the way people were reacting to him. and he had basically everything other than like just athletically. He's not close, but I actually thought he was doing a better version of what Rodgers was doing with a couple of exceptions this year. Like Rodgers was good two weeks ago. But for the most part, like he didn't hurt them. He didn't have a turnover until the last play of the game when they had to throw the ball downfield. Right.

49:47Cousin Sal:And he had the throw to Pierce, which was good. I'm trying to think of his longish throws. Like that first down catch by Pierce. Right. late was good.

49:55Bill Simmons:Everything was crisp though. His quick wide receiver screens, all his stuff it was... Catching his guys in stride on a slant. I just couldn't believe it. I thought it would be inconceivable that he would be able to match the speed of the game when he hadn't played in five years. And then there was the experience of being a fan of football and watching football day in and day out and just not seeing this guy for five years. And then he came back. It was like getting like... It was like deja vu. Like, oh, that guy looks like Phil Rivers, but it is Phil Rivers. Just forgetting his weird releases and those fucking you know, those little balloon balls he throws.

50:31Bill Simmons:There's just no zip at all, but it always hits the guy. I don't know. I had a good time. Even though I thought I was going to lose my bet for the entire time. It was rough. It was fun to watch.

50:40Cousin Sal:I thought like, well, I don't know. Then we could talk about Sam Darnold and how he wasn't getting it done. The Colts defense was pretty physical for most of the game for a team that was missing a lot of their defenders. They kept JSN in check for at least the first half, probably the third quarter. They may have been looking ahead to that game you talked about, the Rams, but Mike McDonald actually impressed me because the offense wasn't working and he at least was smart enough to figure out how to keep 47 seconds on the clock to set up your guy, your fantasy legend to kick that field goal.

51:12Bill Simmons:Six field goal, Jason Myers. No relation to Michael. Single-handedly got me into the next round of the playoffs. I texted a couple of my Seattle friends what I had in my notes. And here's what I wrote. Seattle is 11-3. They've won four straight. Their three losses were by nine points. They were number one in DVOA heading into the weekend. And their fans feel terrible. And Danny Kelly, one of the people I texted that to, texted me back, I'm miserable! Exclamation point. Like, it was weird because they won. They got the job. They pulled it out. They're playing on Thursday night. They have a chance to do the division.

51:50Bill Simmons:but offensively, they're just not good enough. They have one good player. Their running game's awful. Charbonnet and Walker, they're not quite as bad as the Chiefs running backs, but they're not good. Cup looks like he's a tight end now, the way he moves. Shahid, at least, they weaved him in a couple times. He made a couple plays, but for the most part, it's JSN. That's it. And that's about it. And a bunch of tight ends you've never heard of.

52:17Cousin Sal:We thought Walker would be much better, right? At least that platoon. would score, at least by the red zone. No pop. Right. But he wasn't great either. I don't know. I'll chalk it up to them looking ahead and them laughing at the same two jokes like everybody else did about Phil Rivers. But yeah, that was not a good effort.

52:35Bill Simmons:Do you think there was anything to Buckner being back? Because I thought the Colts' front seven was really good. Yeah.

52:41Cousin Sal:Very solid.

52:42Bill Simmons:They're missing both cornerbacks. Mm-hmm. This Jason Myers in field goals in general with fantasy. it's gotten to the point, what did people, what did Hinch pay for Aubrey in our league? Three bucks? The kickers are crazy.

52:58Cousin Sal:Yeah, three bucks.

52:59Bill Simmons:Three. You could argue like the top three, four kickers are worth like 15 bucks.

53:05Cousin Sal:Yeah, maybe.

53:05Bill Simmons:I went against Fairbairn. I beat Damoshek in our league. He had Fairbairn. Right. Fairbairn? Fairbairn?

53:12Cousin Sal:And another crazy defense. He's the kicker. I think you lost the defense kicker battle 37-32 or something, wasn't it?

53:19Bill Simmons:Yeah, he got 18 points from his kicker. And then I got 24. But this seems like it happens every week. Last week, I got another 20 for Myers. But this never happened in fantasy before. I wonder if we have to change the rules.

53:34Cousin Sal:And it doesn't make sense because teams are going for it on fourth and one more than ever. Much more than ever. But we're still getting these 55-yard blasts in cold weather.

53:43Bill Simmons:I had, in that Houston game, Woody Marks scored. it was shotgun I couldn't tell if it was intentionally in a hammer or it was a fuck up but it was a shotgun snap that went by Stroud bounced right to Marks and Marks ran in for a touchdown

53:59Cousin Sal:you think that's a touchdown? you think that's your count as a touchdown?

54:02Bill Simmons:I think when a guy runs it in as a touchdown it's a touchdown so we've used CBS forever you've had CBS since the 90s

54:10Cousin Sal:people made fun of us for that when you posted that that's what you get for using CBS We like seeing the history and everything of 25 years.

54:18Bill Simmons:Yeah, it has every champion and every season we've ever had. At some point, we're stuck with CBS, whether we like it or not. So five minutes passes. There's no marks update for my touchdown, my six points. And then I'm looking at the play-by-play or whatever, and it says Stroud, fumble, marks recovery, which, by the way, we also count. Sure. But if you watch the play, I don't understand it. a millionaire said that was a fumble recovery. It was a run play. Yeah. It's a shotgun snap that went to him, and he ran it in. Like, how can they fuck this up? It's the playoffs. Have they not given you credit still?

54:55Bill Simmons:I don't. Let me look. Let me look at the double deuce.

54:58Cousin Sal:Yeah, they haven't.

55:01Bill Simmons:Assholes. Give me my six points. I only won by 3.9 points. This could have been... I was like one more Stafford touchdown away I would have lost by.01 because the CBS jerks wouldn't give me my six points for Woody Marks. And then he immediately got hurt right after. All of a sudden, red flag.

55:23Cousin Sal:Yeah, right, right. He always leaves games. He set the record for leaving games.

55:27Bill Simmons:Yeah, I forgot he only plays for an hour. And then his backup came in and ran for 100 yards.

55:33Cousin Sal:Yeah.

55:34Bill Simmons:Because I made this big play this week. I had Stroud as my QB with Marks and Nico Collins, and I'm like, Houston's going to roll it up on Arizona. I was right. And unfortunately, Woody Marks didn't want to join the party.

55:44Cousin Sal:How is just this team of the... I'm looking at this. Val is your receiver. Butte, Mark. Here's another one.

55:50Bill Simmons:How did you get this? I picked up Valey. Isn't it Valey? Yeah, it's Valey.

55:55Cousin Sal:I don't know.

55:56Bill Simmons:On the Saints, who is great. And then he left.

55:58Cousin Sal:Right. He got injured too. Yeah, they should give you... Look, it has to count as a touchdown for someone, right? So if it's not a defense or special teams touchdown, which it's obviously not, then it has to go to... I don't care if it's a lineman or a fan or whoever jumps on the ball and runs it in. They get credit. Here's the thing.

56:17Bill Simmons:They're updating everybody's scores constantly. Yeah. So they obviously have a million people working behind the scenes.

56:24Cousin Sal:Right, right.

56:25Bill Simmons:This Woody Marks thing is like one of the most important things that happened all weekend. They couldn't have figured out a ruling? Jerks. Why don't they torture us? Panther Saints, by the way, that was incredible. way more entertaining than it should have been. I think Tyler Shuck might just be good. I don't even know if he's serviceable. I think he actually might be good. If I'm a Saints fan, I don't want a quarterback next year. I'm good. Let's roll with this dude.

56:52Cousin Sal:Get him more blocking. If you look at the top six, I think only the Raiders are going to take a quarterback. There's going to be shuffling around and the teams are going to trade. I'm with you with Shuck. I was watching with my kids at halftime of the late afternoon games. I'm like, let's take an underdog. Let's pick an underdog. Who do you want? We all took the Saints, and that was exciting as hell. I don't know. Watch the Panthers just beat. We haven't even talked about it at Tampa, how they've blown this, but pretty damn good.

57:20Bill Simmons:They're still in the lead somehow, even though they choked on Thursday night. They're the favorite. The Panthers kind of got dominated, I felt like, in the last hour of the game. Yeah. Saints were moving it. Panthers couldn't run the ball at all. Saints, so I lost. I had a all-line Saints minus 3.5 future. That was like 2-1. But you know what? Hats off to them.

57:43Cousin Sal:Under 3.5?

57:44Bill Simmons:Under 3.5. It was plus 200. Gotcha. I'm sick about that one. But I got to give the Saints credit. I thought they played a good game, good comeback. A lot of it was great down the stretch. And now we have two depressingly ugly Panthers-Bucks games in the next three weeks to decide who will be the host of the Shakeys game. Because I don't see any other way. Oh, you're right.

58:09Cousin Sal:Yeah, they have to. Yeah. In fact, I have a line.

58:12Bill Simmons:Can Fando put this as a line? Tampa, Seattle, minus 135 over Jacksonville and the Chargers. Ooh. Jacksonville, Chargers feels very Shakeys-ish. What is that? You're thinking that's a 3-6? 4-5? Yeah, 3-6.

58:29Cousin Sal:No, that's not a 4-5. 3-6. Yeah. So, yeah, it's funny how Baltimore-Pittsburgh won't be a Shakey's game, even though they're junk, right?

58:37Bill Simmons:Although if Pittsburgh's the fourth seed, it could be the Shakey's game. But the problem is they won't put Buffalo or New England in the Shakey's game.

58:43Cousin Sal:They'll get Aaron Rodgers in a prime spot if he's around there. Yeah, no.

58:47Bill Simmons:They're not putting a good quarterback in a Shakey's game.

58:50Cousin Sal:I was so mad at that Tampa game Thursday. But also glad it was a Thursday because I would have had it in thousands for T-shirts if it was Sunday. Right, you lucked out. I mean, that was the worst loss of the year, I think, right? You're up two touchdowns. The team scores two touchdowns and misses both conversions. 19 penalties. What else do you need? Kyle Pitts wakes up, has more touchdowns. That's like 8 % of his career fantasy points in one game. Come on.

59:17Bill Simmons:Come on, Tanner. Raheem Morris is like, this team had 19 penalties. Never say die, guys.

59:24Cousin Sal:Meanwhile, they're minus 330 to win the division. Carolina plus 260.

59:28Bill Simmons:Yeah, so the playoff odds, the playoff matchups right now, Denver and Rams won seeds. So we'd have Pats Texans, Jags Chargers, Steelers Bills. So Pats Texans would be the best of those three games. And then in the NFC, Bears Packers. That's a good one. Eagles Niners in Philly. And then Tampa Seattle. And the thing with Seattle is that the offense just, I just don't know how they're going to get to like 20, 24, 25 points in a playoff game. And the defense against Phil Rivers, I wouldn't say they were awesome to watch. They were fine.

1:00:19Cousin Sal:Seattle's going to lay two and a half to Tampa for the Shakey's game. We're going to love it. We're going to be all over it. And Tampa's going to win by three touchdowns. We're going to be vomiting up mojo potatoes on the way to the parking lot.

1:00:31Bill Simmons:Quick on Texans cards, the Stroud starting to put it together in a real way is the December wild card for me.

1:00:39Cousin Sal:Yeah. Because if he can create plays

1:00:43Bill Simmons:and put up enough offense to match their defense, then they're just a live underdog in every playoff game. Jaguars-Jets. Trevor Lawrence is here to rope us in. And so five touchdowns today. Yeah. I'll be interested to see if the fans get chirpy this week because this podcast, along with every other podcast, every other writer, some serious questions about Trevor Lawrence, which apparently now have been answered because he lit up the Jets. Right. He's playing your dumb team next week, so he'll look good in that game too. So I feel like there's going to be some real Trevor Lawrence momentum.

1:01:18Cousin Sal:He's not playing my team.

1:01:19Bill Simmons:I thought he plays your team next week.

1:01:20Cousin Sal:No, the Chargers play the Cowboys. Who do the Jaguars play? Oh, they're at Denver next week. Okay, so now we'll know.

1:01:28Bill Simmons:I just want to remind people, before they start throwing the Trevor Lawrence stuff at us, heading into today, he was 30th in EPA for quarterbacks between number 29, Michael Penix, who's no longer playing football, and number 31, Carson Wentz, who's also no longer playing football. So congrats on the Jets game. I'm still not buying Trevor Lawrence stock. I need to see a little more if that's cool.

1:01:54Cousin Sal:I need to see a little more too, but I have to physically be able to see it more because this was on such a small TV. I call this game a squinter because I had a squint to my eyes to make it out on the very small four box I have in the TV. It's a squint box. It's a squint box, yeah. I was like, what is that? I was like, I know Brady Cook's going to throw with three interceptions. He wasn't good in Missouri. He had 11 touchdowns this senior year. Yeah, but the one thing Jacksonville's doing is, I know it's the Jets, but they're kind of hammering teams early, right? It's not like 16, 14 late. You know, they get some groove and they got some feeling and they have a little home swagger.

1:02:33Cousin Sal:So I don't know if it keeps up. This is six in a row now.

1:02:36Bill Simmons:They might have a good coach. I mean, we might have like Vrabel, Ben Johnson, and Liam Cohen like having these dramatic impacts and then Pete Carroll doing the opposite in Vegas.

1:02:45Cousin Sal:I think he's like one win away from being fifth all time in Jacksonville Jaguars coaching wins, Liam Cohen. Liam Cohen? Yes, just from this year.

1:02:55Bill Simmons:Eagles, Raiders. Eagles got back on track. Raiders are now the worst team in the league. Biden was on the sideline. What, for this game? That was Pete Carroll. Oh, that was Biden? Oh, yeah, I was wondering. What game was Biden at? Wasn't he at this game? That was this one. Do you think he was out there because he saw Pete Carroll and he felt like he needed to be on the sideline with him? Brother. I'm going backwards. for the season. I think looking back, the week everybody spent wondering if Tom Brady had an unfair advantage with all the inside info he was getting in the games he was doing, was that unfair for the Raiders?

1:03:38Bill Simmons:It's the funniest storyline in retrospect.

1:03:40Cousin Sal:That's good.

1:03:41Bill Simmons:Because they're terrible. And now if we've learned anything, it's that that hasn't helped anyone. Congrats on that.

1:03:47Cousin Sal:I think this was the most foolish I felt about a pick. I took Vegas plus seven and a half since betting Tyson over Jake Paul. I think that was like, oh, we're getting not only seven, we're getting seven and a hook, and Kenny Pickett revenge game. What am I doing? Kenny Pickett revenge game. 75 total yards for the Raiders? It just gets worse and worse.

1:04:10Bill Simmons:I didn't watch Giants, Washington, or Niners, Titans. And, in fact, I've watched less of the Niners this year, I think, than any other playoff team. Take one more break for the pod. come back and I want to talk about the Ravens Bengals. We'll stay here on YouTube. So Ravens killed the Bengals. The Burrow situation is getting weird now. There were signs last week. House and I talked about this on Thursday because we took the Ravens partly because we didn't understand some of the Burrow quotes. Burrow is awful in this game. Like really bad. And afterwards he said there's not a team in the NFL that would have won the game today if I was the quarterback.

1:04:48Bill Simmons:I don't know what's going on here, but it really is starting to seem like maybe he's not on this team next year.

1:04:55Cousin Sal:I mean, he got suckered. There's talk about how he might pull on Andrew Luck. You could see him just retire altogether. His during the week comments were bizarre, too. I know sometimes you get sucked into weird questions by the reporters, but he's like, yeah, no, I don't know if I'm having fun. I mean, he couldn't even explain it. So and then he said, guess what? Anyone who bet the Bengals plus two and a half, you're not going to have fun either. I mean he threw one of the worst interceptions that was that was Brosmer level pick except it was forward and not backhanded but I don't know what the hell's going on with him they played on Thanksgiving he looked great

1:05:28Bill Simmons:really bad so Max and Rich on their show on Friday which was a really good show actually they talked about Burr of the Giants just like off the comments he had about if he was going to go where would you want to see him go

1:05:47Bill Simmons:you know, they're going to have what? One of the top three picks right now. They're scheduled to have the number one pick. Yeah. I guess Mendoza would be the number one pick. Maybe they'll get the third pick. I don't know. But what's just my NBA brand's working here. What's the right price for Burrow for you? Oh, man. Let's say the Giants were like, let's go get Joe Burrow. It's a big contract. We have the calf space. We'll throw in Jackson Dart. We don't think he can stay healthy. He got possibly concussed again today. but is it dart and two firsts? Is that what I'd have to get if I'm the Bengals?

1:06:21Bill Simmons:Is it dart and one first? Is it more than that? What is it? I think it's the one. I think it's one now. I really do. I would think it's just the top three pick. Cause he's been hurt basically every year. He's 29 years old.

1:06:34Cousin Sal:Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot. It's his willingness to play the game. If he wants to still play, there's all of that stuff. I think he went from fetching two ones to one, one and plus a Jackson Dart, but you don't see him in Minnesota? Could you see him like in Minnesota? Like, oh, I'm going to revitalize Justin Jefferson. We got the LSU connection going. Goodbye, J.J. McCarthy.

1:06:57Bill Simmons:Yeah. Like J.J. McCarthy in a first and a second? That'd be the most fun, I think. I don't know if they have that cap space. It'd be fun to have him in the Giants. You just don't want him in your division.

1:07:09Cousin Sal:No, no, no. That's enough. Do you

1:07:12Bill Simmons:think he's on the Bengals next year?

1:07:15Cousin Sal:Yeah, I think after all this shakes out, they got him as receivers. That's the thing. It's just not working out. And Higgins being out was not good.

1:07:23Bill Simmons:They still can't block for him, though. I would have rather had the ability to block.

1:07:27Cousin Sal:Right. Every year it's the same thing. Well, that's what happens when you pay two monster wide receiver contracts. But it doesn't seem like anyone cares in that organization. They didn't even sweep down the snow off the seats today. I saw that. I saw that. It's like, we're not going to score anyway. You don't want to use these seats. It's fine.

1:07:42Bill Simmons:They're the cheapest organization in the league by far. Yeah. Their fans are miserable. I think they leave as much unspent cap as anybody. They have this incredible asset. We talked about this in our preseason over-unders. They have this incredible asset that they just decided not to protect with their offensive line in any way. I don't know. I would probably think about moving on. We thought they were back, though.

1:08:12Cousin Sal:What we saw on Thanksgiving was like, oh boy, just too little too late from this team. Joe Cool. Joe Cool is back. We saw him in the tunnel with various ascots and everything. Good job. And then even the first half against the Bills, he was very good, right?

1:08:29Bill Simmons:It's not good. I'm also a little worried about our fourth place bet that we did. We have Saints.

1:08:36Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:08:40Cousin Sal:Browns. Titans? Is that it? Browns and Titans are doing us solid. The Saints, was there one more? Was there... I can't remember. I think we were good with three of them, but the Saints winning doesn't help. But Atlanta winning Thursday was okay, too.

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1:10:51Bill Simmons:Michelob Ultra courtside 25-26, no purchase necessary, open to US residents 21 plus. Begins on October 1st, 2025, ends on June 30th, 2026. multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobeultra.com slash courtside for free entry, entry deadlines and prizes and details. Let's do guest alliance. Week 16, I won last week.

1:11:13Cousin Sal:I don't like this. You're up 9-6 after 15 weeks. We should mention two Saturday games this year.

1:11:20Bill Simmons:This week, yeah.

1:11:22Cousin Sal:This is good.

1:11:22Bill Simmons:So this week, so we go Thursday to Saturday, Sunday, Monday. it's officially a don't get divorced weekend it's tough Christmas shopping, kids home from school just be careful with your relationships and your marriages and everything else two Saturday games

1:11:41Cousin Sal:two Saturday pro games three college playoff games Saturday lot going on

1:11:49Bill Simmons:Thursday night Rams at Seattle I don't see how Seattle is favored in this game after what I watched today even with Devontae Adams hurt I put this game in the tic-tac zone I have Rams minus one and a half

1:12:08Cousin Sal:alright we tied here I can't even get off to like a lead here it is one and a half

1:12:14Bill Simmons:if Adams was playing I probably would have gone two and a half

1:12:18Cousin Sal:really? yeah I think he's worth a point hmm This is going to be a mess. I know there's no way we could stay away from it, but I think you called it. Seattle could now look like they're the best in the league. I mean, three days rest.

1:12:36Bill Simmons:They've got to figure out the special team stuff. Shahid finally didn't do a fair catch at the five after he did one in the first quarter again today. I think the fair catch in the five is my most annoying play of 2025. Did that internal rule go away? Don't have a fair catch inside the 10. Keep your feet in the 10. If you feel yourself going backwards, don't catch the ball. Just run away from it.

1:13:00Cousin Sal:Yeah, well, it used to at least be the five. If you feel yourself drifting, just, yeah, sprint to the sideline.

1:13:08Bill Simmons:Quite a spot for the Seahawks. Yeah. Saturday, you could skip the first game. Eagles-Washington. I feel like this game happens every year. The Eagles are always favored. We put them in nine parlays, and then Washington wins. Yeah. So let's not do that this year.

1:13:25Cousin Sal:Oh, we're not going to bet it.

1:13:27Bill Simmons:No, we're not going to do that this year. Let's not do that. All right. We can guess it, but we're not going to bet the Eagles. Just promise me you won't let me bet the Eagles.

1:13:34Cousin Sal:I promise you. Yeah, because they seem too back. This is what we needed. The NFL really needs Washington to be frisky in their three games. Yeah. You know, like you said, the Christmas game, this one, then week 18.

1:13:47Bill Simmons:Why don't they try to figure out, why don't they look at the same stuff we look at when we're doing over-unders, when they're figuring out the TV schedule? Looking ahead? Washington was the most obvious regression team in either conference. Right. Why didn't they realize, it might be a little dangerous to put them on Christmas or Saturday or whatever. There's here the 19 reasons they might go backwards.

1:14:10Cousin Sal:Way too many eggs in the Washington basket, yeah.

1:14:13Bill Simmons:I have Eagles by minus 5.5 directly in the Vegas zone.

1:14:19Cousin Sal:All right. I don't know what point I have to call cheating here, but you nailed it exactly. Again, I said 7.5. You don't think it should be 7 or more at this point? Well, Washington won today. I don't. They've been okay the last two weeks. I don't care if they play bad teams, what they do. Or I guess I should say the same about Philly.

1:14:38Bill Simmons:You know why I went, why I didn't? I thought about doing the 7 or the 7.5 because it teases.

1:14:43Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:14:45Bill Simmons:I just don't think anyone wants to lay more than, like more than five and a half points with the Eagles at this point. Mm-hmm. Like going seven and up with that team, like you just feel stupid.

1:14:57Cousin Sal:Is this the Raiders thing? I want to see teams' records after playing the Raiders. It's like playing, you know, a horse with your six-year-old son. Right. Getting a pickup game.

1:15:07Bill Simmons:Like eating ribs with Brad.

1:15:09Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:15:09Bill Simmons:Packers at Chicago is another game. Now, this is an awesome game.

1:15:13Cousin Sal:Really good.

1:15:14Bill Simmons:So, spend time with your family during the first game. Carve out the second game. And is this going against a playoff game? It is, right? It's going against a college game?

1:15:23Cousin Sal:Yeah, it is. Yeah, there's three. Yes. This is the Texas A &M Miami game? Yeah, I think so. This is against a good one.

1:15:31Bill Simmons:I feel like there's going to be some marital and relationship strife on this Saturday. I don't like anybody's eyes.

1:15:36Cousin Sal:And there's parties Saturday night. Yeah. We've got to figure this out. I hit this exactly. So really concentrate here.

1:15:44Bill Simmons:Packers at Chicago. I went Packers minus two and a half.

1:15:51Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's Packers minus two and a half. Three for three.

1:15:59Bill Simmons:Did I hit the first three exact? I didn't hit the Rams game, did I? You hit the first three exact. Yeah, what do you want me to say?

1:16:06Cousin Sal:What a streak I'm on. Look at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're looking ahead of time. You're looking at... I'm not looking at anything. What's your record? Nine or something? Not looking at anything.

1:16:15Bill Simmons:All right. Packers minus two now.

1:16:17Cousin Sal:That's a tough one. We got lucky. Oh, you didn't have that. Two weeks ago, you had Chicago, right? When Green Bay won by seven? That was last week already. Yeah, yeah.

1:16:26Bill Simmons:That was last week. I lost that one. Yeah, all right. I like the Bears in that game. Sunday marquee game. This has to be the first time in years that the Jaguars have been in the marquee game. Yeah, right. And yet, here they are. Playing in Denver. And I have the Broncos favored by four.

1:16:48Cousin Sal:Wait, what happened here?

1:16:50Bill Simmons:I think I get this. Yeah. Broncos minus four.

1:16:53Cousin Sal:I said two and a half. It's three. That's my eyes. I'm not used to winning. So, yeah, that's it.

1:16:59Bill Simmons:Wow, that's a lot of respect for the Jags.

1:17:01Cousin Sal:Yeah. I don't know if I agree with that. Denver's what, one? 11 in a row now? Yeah.

1:17:10Bill Simmons:we'll see watchables got three watchables I put your dumb team in here Cowboys home for the Chargers it's playoff implications you're not quite dead yet it'll be a fun game to watch

1:17:24Cousin Sal:you know I wish we weren't I wish we didn't have to worry about playoffs it just put such a sting in it it would be so much fun to watch if we were like the Savannah Bananas of the NFL you know just an entertaining yeah who said you were we're the entertaining team you're right

1:17:42Bill Simmons:let's just switch the uniforms get it done is Justin Herbert a starting quarterback in fantasy playoffs this week playing your team

1:17:51Cousin Sal:uh yeah I think so I would take him I would take him over like Lamar and some of these less trustworthy guys I have a tic-tac I have the Chargers minus one and a half over the Cowboys. I think I'm going to get this. Oh, you had the Chargers. I had Dallas minus three. It's Dallas minus two and a half. Over the Chargers. Let me see if I'm looking at this right. Dallas minus one and a half, 49 and a half. Yeah. Minus one and a half. Yep. Oh, what did I say? Oh, shit. Well, you still got it

1:18:28Bill Simmons:because I had the Chargers minus one and a half.

1:18:30Cousin Sal:Okay. Don't you think that flips by Sunday? Yeah, probably. Why would people be excited to bet that that? Cowboys here.

1:18:38Bill Simmons:What's George Pickens' price now?

1:18:42Cousin Sal:It's going to be interesting. He went from$28 million a year to$2.8 million? Who do you franchise tag? Pickens or Aubrey? If you're Jerry. Aubrey. You do? Wow, you didn't even think about it. Don't even blink at that. Yeah. Because kickers aren't even that expensive. So then you're going to lose Pickens probably. Okay. That's fine? All right. Wow. Yeah. It's a couple of bad games. That's all it takes. Sorry, George.

1:19:08Bill Simmons:Watchables. Bucks at Panthers in the putrid NFC South. This could only end in a tie. It would be the only perfect outcome. It's in Carolina. I have Tampa favored by two and a half. We both get that.

1:19:19Cousin Sal:And that is exactly what it is.

1:19:22Bill Simmons:There was an interesting video of the Bucks leaving the field on Thursday and the defensive guys yelling at each other that I thought was noteworthy.

1:19:31Cousin Sal:I couldn't hear it because I was yelling myself at everyone in the house. You were yelling at Todd Bowles. Everybody.

1:19:37Bill Simmons:You had 19 fucking penalties. You still lost.

1:19:39Cousin Sal:Disgusting. Yeah. Everybody praising Raheem Morris. Like, oh, he did it. What a great job, Herbstreit. What a great job. You got these guys together for this. They had 19 penalties. They really didn't do a great job.

1:19:55Bill Simmons:I yelled at Rich. That was my first note on the Max and Rich because he said Raheem Morris was a good coach. I had to mail him his record. Why do you say that? He's not a good coach. I just thought he was a good coach. I was like, I have to correct you. He's not a good coach. Is he okay with that? He's a mediocre coach, but he's not good. He's 33 and 57 lifetime. Yeah.

1:20:19Lions, Steelers, in Detroit.

1:20:24Bill Simmons:And if there's ever a game that has to be in the Vegas zone, this is it. And I have the Lions by four and a half.

1:20:30Cousin Sal:All right, good. I had you out here. I said five. It's seven. It's all the way up to seven. Lions are weird. They lay a touchdown against the Brown team. We didn't talk about TJ Watt getting stabbed by the Chargers doctor. Yeah. Oh, no, it was his own doctor. It was his own doctor, yeah. I don't think we can blame the Chargers doctor.

1:20:46Bill Simmons:How did this happen twice in a decade?

1:20:48Cousin Sal:I guess this wasn't as crazy, because what do they call it? They don't call it a stab, but a poke? I don't know what they call it, but it's pretty routine, but it went poorly.

1:21:01Bill Simmons:I would say so. It collapsed part of his lung.

1:21:04Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's not good.

1:21:06Bill Simmons:It's not good. Like if that was, like let's say Zoe was having a breathing issue or something that did that and it collapsed half of her lung, I would be out of my mind for like three weeks. No doubt. I'd be so mad. I would be like trying to sue everybody and sports are like, oh, kind of a fuck up. It's pretty weird. I always thought collapsed lungs

1:21:25Cousin Sal:should be a worse prognosis, but you kind of recover fairly quickly from a collapse lung. Yeah, it's crazy.

1:21:32Bill Simmons:that sounds like one of the worst injuries you could have. It should be. It sounds like you can bounce back. That line is too high. Fairly watchables. I got three. Chiefs at Titans. They really screwed up. I didn't want to put this in the poopfecta because this whole post-Mahomes era Chiefs, it's at least worth a whirl on the multi-view. Right?

1:21:56Cousin Sal:Post-Mahomes? Yeah, a little Minshew. Do you get Post Mahomes' new CD? Download that on Spotify as soon as you can. Post Mahomes.

1:22:10Bill Simmons:I put this in the Vegas end, too.

1:22:12Cousin Sal:Chiefs, five and a half. Who gets this? I said four. It's three and a half. I get it. This is Minshew leading this team. I guess you have to get points no matter what. So Mahomes is the QB. What's the line? Nine? It's so stupid. Yeah. So he's worth five and a half points? Maybe four and a half. Maybe four and a half or something. They really, they dumbed this down, this whole thing.

1:22:37Bill Simmons:Who on the Sunday Ringer gambling show is going to take the Titans as their underdog? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This has a whiff of JJ to it.

1:22:47Cousin Sal:Man's best bet. Yeah. Friends don't let friends bet the Titans, but I'm not listening to you. I'm taking them.

1:22:56Bill Simmons:Mike McCoy has figured it out Fairly watchables Dolphins home for the Bengals I can't believe it But I'm going to lose all my Dolphins unders I had already spent the money in my head After when they were 1-6 or whatever And they went on this winning streak They're probably going to win tomorrow night in Pittsburgh And now they're playing a depressed Joe Burrow And a terrible Bengals team In this game at home And I have them as three point favorites

1:23:23Cousin Sal:Miami is three I had two it's one and a half alright good I'm starting to build some momentum what's the score? hey so we 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 7 to 4 it's a good nice little lead for me did you for you or me? for me I'm losing now? yeah I got the first three exactly how am I losing? you went on a sad streak after that we also speaking of sad streaks have excuse me, cheating a big bet of Miami to not make the playoffs on a parlay, right? Oh, yeah. When do we... You're not worried at all about this. They're plus... Miami making the playoffs. They're not going to make the playoffs. Yeah, that's true.

1:24:02Cousin Sal:I'm looking at this now. Yeah, they could... 10 and 7 is the best they're going to do.

1:24:07Bill Simmons:Can I give you the futures that I'm most depressed that I lost? Yeah. These are losing bets. Philly, Casey, and Baltimore all to make the playoffs was plus 110. I somehow lost that New England, Philly and KC all to make the playoffs plus 312

1:24:28Cousin Sal:a loser I see a common theme here

1:24:32Bill Simmons:KC for the AFC West plus 110 loser I was right with you this one really hurt 200 200 I did this on Fando it was plus 2200 yeah New England, KC and Philly all to be in first place and New England was the wild card one in that hit and somehow Casey is not going to be in the first place.

1:24:55Cousin Sal:Did you have that for a couple weeks at least?

1:24:57Bill Simmons:That might have been exciting for a couple weeks. But I have these no playoff bets that we did. Miami, Cleveland, New Orleans, Tennessee. Right. And then we also did Miami, Cleveland, Giants, Tennessee.

1:25:11Cousin Sal:And then we have our last place thing too. Yeah.

1:25:13Bill Simmons:This was fun. Plus 337. Denver makes the playoffs. Cincy, the Saints, and Cleveland don't. I'm counting that as a win. Cincy, yeah. Yeah. That's good.

1:25:24Cousin Sal:What's more embarrassing when you bet a team to make the playoffs like the Chiefs and they don't, or when you bet against the Colts and by week eight, although that's looking good. That's not a good example.

1:25:38Bill Simmons:But they hit the over, though.

1:25:40Cousin Sal:Yeah, they hit the over. That's what they hit. They're over hit, really. But they're plus 8-10 to make the playoffs. So, Jesus.

1:25:49Bill Simmons:Okay. Guess the lines. Next one. Yeah, we're still doing it. I still can come back here. Bill's at the Browns. Tough day for Shador. Not a lot of texts from Charlemagne today. And my texts are that I'm on with him about Shador. Oh, really?

1:26:06Cousin Sal:Last week, there was a lot. Are you pro Shador and he's against them? No, he's pro.

1:26:12Bill Simmons:He was really bullish last week on Shador. This week, quiet.

1:26:16Cousin Sal:Has he made, Shador made one team regret the decision to pass on him? Including the Browns who passed on him four times before taking him? I thought he was pretty good last week. There were signs, at least. This week he was pretty good. He lost to the Titans, but yeah. I mean, the first two minutes of the game this week, there was a false start and two delay of games. And he throws Jerry Judy under the bus in the post-game press conference. I didn't like that. It wasn't his fault.

1:26:45Bill Simmons:That would have been a really, really tough, hard catch for Jerry G.

1:26:48Cousin Sal:Yeah, right. He held the ball in fourth and goal for 7.92 seconds and took a sack instead of throwing it. And the front office is like, we need Deshaun back. What's his status? Let's do it.

1:27:00Bill Simmons:I don't know what his ceiling is or what he's going to look like four years from now. The two things I've noticed is the same shit that people said in college. He holds the ball too long. Yeah. And it doesn't seem like he's quite athletic enough. You know what I mean? you want him to be more athletic than he actually is so that I don't know what the ceiling is but I do think there's something about him that makes sense when you're watching where you're like oh I can see it I know I feel like I've seen this before can he put it together though yeah can he put it together but I don't think it's not one of those where you see certain quarterbacks and you're like I don't see it this guy does not have it like a Nathan Peterman or somebody yeah Rosmer It's like, I don't see it.

1:27:45Cousin Sal:Well, tell Charlamagne to figure it out. Yeah, I'll argue about it with him tomorrow. I was off by a point here. What do you have?

1:27:53Bill Simmons:I had Bills minus 10.5 in Cleveland.

1:27:55Cousin Sal:Oh, you got it exactly. I said 9.5. All right, so that's going to be on your 13-point teaser or 10-point teaser. I mean, that's a freebie. We can't love Josh Allen all this time.

1:28:06Bill Simmons:I guess my question with the Browns is, do they have one more game at home where they get a lead and their defense kind of lays the smack down and they're awesome. Because they do this like four times a year, right? They'll get like a special teams play. They'll get a long pass play. They'll get some sort of fumble thing. And then their defense, Myles Garrett, goes nuts.

1:28:27Cousin Sal:Right.

1:28:28Bill Simmons:But I just, I'm not worried about that with Josh Allen in the game.

1:28:32Cousin Sal:I'm not either, unless he gets hurt. So to answer your question,

1:28:35Bill Simmons:I will be putting them in a team.

1:28:36Cousin Sal:Yeah, I mean, we should figure that out. We should have cross-off teams that are just not going to be competitive. these last three weeks. Are the Raiders one of them? Like, are they ever going to be in a game the rest of the month? Are the Browns? Are the Titans? Really figure it out.

1:28:49Bill Simmons:Well, the Raiders have a chance. For what? So if they fire Pete at the end of the year, they're probably still paying Antonio Pierce. Paying everyone. Do you think they're still paying McDaniels? Aren't they paying Gruden? And they're still paying Gruden because that was like an 11-year contract. They might be able to pay five coaches next year.

1:29:07Cousin Sal:That'd be good.

1:29:08Bill Simmons:Yeah. Poop packed up four games. Saints home for the Jets.

1:29:15Bill Simmons:This is going to be one of my ringer 107 picks. I love the Saints. Saints minus two and a half.

1:29:20Cousin Sal:Oh, I get this, right? I said six. It's four and a half. And I can't believe it's not six. Oh, you barely got that. Why do you think it was two and a half? Because it's the Saints. They're four and ten. They're decent. Jets are three and 11 with the going nowhere. there.

1:29:38Bill Simmons:Yeah, I probably went to.

1:29:39Cousin Sal:I like this too. I don't love that it's in the Vegas zone, but I do like the Saints here.

1:29:44Bill Simmons:Vikings at the Giants. Let's put a.5 on that and do Vikings minus 3.5 at the Giants.

1:29:52Cousin Sal:That's exactly what I said. And it's 1.5. Unless it changed after let's see. It's 2.5 now. 2.5 now. Either way.

1:30:04Bill Simmons:Falcons at the Cardinals who have to be this was not a good last couple weeks for them. I can't imagine Jonathan Gano will be the coach next year, but we'll see. Falcons minus three is my pick.

1:30:15Cousin Sal:They lost 11 out of 12. Their one win was against the Cowboys. You're going to get this. I went way too high. I said five and a half. It's one and a half. Falcons by one and a half. Do I have any chance of winning? Let's say seven, two, three, four, five, six. Nine to seven. Yeah, there's three left.

1:30:35Bill Simmons:Yeah, okay.

1:30:36Cousin Sal:And I was off a lot in one.

1:30:39Bill Simmons:Texans home for the Raiders. I went high. I thought this was a higher than you thought game. And I went high and I did Texans minus 13. Yeah.

1:30:51Cousin Sal:I said 12 and it's 14 and a half. Oh, that's higher than I thought. See, I was right. One, two, three, six, eight. All right. I'm up one. I have to maintain and it's got to be on this game, I think. did you see ham that no what is that john ham it's a movie it's john ham's new movie

1:31:14Bill Simmons:it's got a net really it's a he's a trapeze artist no it's ham that ham that i forget how you pronounce it but uh it's uh it's really great and i think uh it's a good one to watch with the wife and it's emotional. No, I was thinking like your football season's over. Oh, I see. I want to watch an emotional movie

1:31:36Cousin Sal:through Wife. Yeah. That's what I want to do. That's a cheer. That'll pick me up.

1:31:44Bill Simmons:Sunday night. Patriots at the Ravens. Mm-hmm. It's a tic-tac game. And I went back and forth and I landed on the Patriots minus one and a half.

1:31:56Cousin Sal:Okay, good. All right, I win the week. I said Baltimore minus three. and a half, and it's two and a half.

1:32:03Bill Simmons:Wow, it's up by four points.

1:32:05Cousin Sal:Yeah. You love the Pats on the teaser. You love them. Plus eight and a half.

1:32:12Bill Simmons:That's on your ring of 107. Honestly, I think that's outrageous that the Pats aren't favored in this game. Really? Yeah. What's good about the Ravens?

1:32:22Cousin Sal:Well, let's see. They were two and a half to Cincy, right, today? On the road. So that's the same number. No, nothing's good about them, except when you see Henry with a burst of energy. Every once in a while, yeah. That's what that should look like.

1:32:38Bill Simmons:I thought Burrow single-handedly lost that game today.

1:32:42Cousin Sal:All right. Just for fun, let's do San Francisco, Indianapolis.

1:32:48Bill Simmons:In Indianapolis, Niners minus 2.5 is my pick.

1:32:51Cousin Sal:Oh, no. I said 3.5. It's 5.5.

1:32:55Bill Simmons:Come on, Bill.

1:32:55Cousin Sal:You got to get better than this.

1:32:58Bill Simmons:the Niners are favored by five and a half in Indianapolis after what we saw today

1:33:04Cousin Sal:the Indianapolis played well today they power rank them high when they go against 72 year old quarterbacks or just you know quarterbacks that aren't established

1:33:15Bill Simmons:I would not be laying that five and a half but maybe they'll see stuff with with Phil

1:33:21Cousin Sal:alright nine set back in it

1:33:25Bill Simmons:congrats I spent a lot of time with Jacoby this week because he was in town. Yeah. We watched some basketball. He roots for me a lot, yeah. Yeah, he mentioned it's one of the highlights of his week, rooting for you on Guest Alance. Yeah. All right. He really enjoys it. I'm glad I didn't let him down. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn Ads. Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first but didn't live up to the hype? Well, marketers know the feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, impressions, reach, reacts. But when they don't show revenue, well, that's not such a great conversation with the CFO.

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1:34:44Bill Simmons:Take their Ponto performance joggers and Coronado hoodie made with Viore's signature dream knit fabric. Super soft, lightweight. Move with you wherever the day takes you. Plus, they're designed to look great. Whether you're working out, running errands, or even heading to the office, or like me, power walking around LA. Basically, Viore is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners, they're offering 20 % off your first purchase at viore.com slash Simmons. V-U-O-R-I dot com slash Simmons. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. All right, Parent Corner, you're up.

1:35:18Cousin Sal:We're doing it? Are we sponsoring?

1:35:20Bill Simmons:No, we're not sponsored. We're just going. Nobody wanted to sponsor us after we had a controversial parent corner a couple weeks ago. I just don't have a sponsor this week.

1:35:30Cousin Sal:All the kids are home, right? It's great. You got the kids home. College, Zoe's home. Archie drove 14 hours. And his girlfriend arrives tomorrow. And she's staying for most of the week. And my wife's just a little too crazy, like trying to figure this out, what to put by her bed. sees candies and flowers. First time? First time girlfriend stayed. Okay. First time, basically first time we met her. We met her in New York for about 40 seconds. And then they went their separate ways. I don't know why she happened to be there. We were there. So anyway, we get like one dinner with her. And then he's going to do whatever the rest of the few days there together.

1:36:09Cousin Sal:So I was like, all right, we'll go to Bianco Monday night. And that'll be good. And she'll have some good pizza. and my son Jack is like, I'm not going to that. The Steelers are playing. I'm big Steelers. I'm going to the bar. He goes to this bar locally and watches the game with these strangers, like these 50-year-old strangers. And I was like, you're going to blow off the dinner to go to this bar? He's like, yeah, she'll understand. Archie will understand. Otherwise, I'm like, and I'm thinking like, you know, we better just let him go because he'll be watching the game on his phone at the dinner and he is not like me where he bottles up his emotions.

1:36:48Cousin Sal:Like every play, there'll be an F-bomb and the waiter will look over. I'm like, let's just let him go. So my wife's like, really?

1:36:54Bill Simmons:Since when do you bottle up your emotions? When did that start?

1:36:57Cousin Sal:That's just tonight. Just tonight. Yeah, it's working great. Yeah, it's a pre-New Year's resolution. But anyway, all right, so he's not going. My youngest son will go and he'll be looking at his watch, talking to his kids, talking to his friends the whole time. So she's not going to be impressed with that. And then there's me and I'm like, I don't trust myself at one of these because I love eating. And I said to Archie, I said, what is the acceptable amount of pizza? How many slices before you guys have a conversation about me afterwards? Right. Let me hear your answer first. Like, are there small slices?

1:37:33Cousin Sal:You know how it is. I was going to ask.

1:37:34Bill Simmons:So give me more info on the slices. Well, you know, it's Bianco. What do you mean? But is it like when Bianco, when he makes the pizza, or is it like the individual when you order the slices?

1:37:46Cousin Sal:No, no, no. It's when he makes the pizza. So we'll get a rosa. So it's a little s'more. Yeah. Are you going to eat the crust? I will eat the crust. You know how it is. I think that's a waste. Yeah, you always get mad when I eat the crust. I don't like it. I think it's childish. That's where all the good carbs are. She won't notice

1:38:08Bill Simmons:the first four. Yeah. Five, five, I think her radar will start going off six is my answer.

1:38:16Cousin Sal:Oh, no. I was hoping I can get eight. Six? Only six?

1:38:19Bill Simmons:I think six. I think she becomes concerned at six.

1:38:22Cousin Sal:Well, that's what Archie's like. If you're eating the crust. Archie said six also. But I said, what if it's eight? And he's like, it kind of depends what it is. It can't be like everyone's done and then you're going to have four more. So I have to time.

1:38:37Bill Simmons:Oh, the Joe house. Like when you come in late, you come in out of the bullpen and you close. Yeah.

1:38:42Cousin Sal:You don't like when I do that either. You're like, well, what are we ordering for Sal? And I was like, all right, screw you. I'll eat most of the calamari rings because I'm not getting a drink here like you guys. But whatever it is.

1:38:53Bill Simmons:Hey, first of all, that's just not true at all. I've always encouraged your overeating. I've never judged you ever. You don't like to share.

1:38:59Cousin Sal:You don't like to. But when we do the sharing place.

1:39:01Bill Simmons:I don't like to share dessert. And I stand on that till the day I die. Yeah, I think it's weird to like, let's share an ice cream or let's share pudding or let's share.

1:39:09Cousin Sal:Okay, so for tomorrow, you would recommend we each get our own dessert?

1:39:13Bill Simmons:No, you can do what you want. I just don't personally love sharing dessert. But I'm also an only child. I'm not going to defend myself.

1:39:19Cousin Sal:Yeah, you really are. Yeah. Your father can't fix that, huh? Yeah. No. All right. Maybe there's still time. I don't know. I'm going to eat eight slices of pizza tomorrow, and so be it. If they talk, they talk. I'll let you know how it goes. And is this the only dinner where you're all going out together? I think so. Yeah. Yeah, maybe ever again. Yeah. Yeah. My wife is very nervous about this whole thing. See how it goes. This all sounds great. Yeah, yeah.

1:39:53Bill Simmons:I don't actually really have a parent corner this week other than something I brought up a few weeks ago, but I'll bring it up again. This whole thing where our parents don't tell us that there's stuff going on with them because they don't want to worry us. I really want to talk this out our parent corners because our kids got older are now turning into parent corners about our parents and not us being the parent are you going to do this when you're like in your late 70s like you'll have some procedure and you just won't tell like Archie and then you'll tell him after the fact and then he'll be like why didn't you tell me I would have loved to have known or I could have driven you and you'd be like well I didn't want to worry you Right.

1:40:39Bill Simmons:Is this just something you do when you're in your late 70s?

1:40:42Cousin Sal:So if I have to get four slices of pizza removed from my spleen, and I don't say... You have to have your stomach pumped. Right. I'm leaning towards not saying anything, I think, only because... So we're going to do this. I think I'm rebelling against my parents who are just the opposite and don't... Oh, they gave you too much information. Every single step of the way, they made a left turn or a right turn before they got to Cedar Sinai, whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I would be that way.

1:41:10Bill Simmons:Cousin Jimmy, Jimmy's dad is the opposite. He's an overshare, right? He loves it. He's like, here's the update. I went and whatever. But our parents don't do that. Right.

1:41:22Cousin Sal:Mine does.

1:41:23Bill Simmons:Yours don't.

1:41:23Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:41:24Bill Simmons:Yeah. My dad does.

1:41:25Cousin Sal:Really? And you don't like that?

1:41:26Bill Simmons:He's, well, I'm 3 ,000 miles away. I'd like to know, like, he's having like some arthritis stuff in his neck, but he had some procedure and he's like, yeah, I didn't want to, I didn't want to worry you, but I'm home for the next couple of days because I had this procedure. And I'm like, what do you mean a procedure? Like a surgery? He's like, well, and I was like, did they have to put you out? And he was like, yeah, but it wasn't a serious one. I was like, but you had to go under? But he didn't want to worry me. But I think it worries me more that he didn't want to worry me. Now I'm even more worried that that's his attitude of not worrying me.

1:42:02Cousin Sal:And you could talk to his wife? My stepmother. Yeah. Well, because my stepmother,

1:42:07Bill Simmons:she, yeah, she's, she's not, she doesn't want, she won't tell me. Oh, I see.

1:42:13Cousin Sal:She's going to be loyal to him. Right, right, right. That's tough. The only thing I'll say is when it gets to this age and this isn't going to be comforting, you could assume that every four months is going to be, I don't want to say procedure. Well, that was his thing. It's like, it was nothing major.

1:42:25Bill Simmons:I'm old, blah, blah, blah. Right. I got arthritis. Yeah. And then, you know, my mom had the same thing. Like she, she had, had a cut and she went to the ER for it. And she told me like two days later because she didn't want to worry me. She was like, it was no big deal. And I was like, well, if you go to the ER, I'd like to know. I'm here. I would go.

1:42:45Cousin Sal:Yeah, I think you could understand it, though. You're a pretty private guy, though, when it comes to stuff like that, right?

1:42:51Bill Simmons:Isn't the parent-child ER slash surgery slash whatever? I feel like I'm entitled to the information at all times.

1:42:59Cousin Sal:All right. You are an only child. Yeah. It's not like he's telling the others.

1:43:04Bill Simmons:my daughter came back from college today the whole family's back i'm really excited what do you mean she was back wasn't she back then she went she went back for classes for two weeks now she's back now we're now we're all back it's nice isn't it it's great really nice yeah family's back did you did you ever have the empty nester combo with your with your wife about what happens if everybody's gone um what what do you mean like a house like all the kids are out of the house

1:43:31Cousin Sal:I know we're replacing them with dogs. I don't want to take it back to dogs because I know you hit that. So more dogs. I think it's going to be one more. It's going to be two dogs. Yeah. Why? Did you have that conversation? No, it's just, you know, Ben's going to be in college next year. Right.

1:43:46Bill Simmons:Unless we have another kid. I don't know. I got to check.

1:43:49Cousin Sal:Yeah. Pretty old at this point. Have another kid. Your dad should have another kid.

1:43:54Bill Simmons:You figured it out.

1:43:56Cousin Sal:You really solved it. Yeah. I mean, freaking. No, you have the Harrison thing.

1:43:59Bill Simmons:You solved it. Right. Every other week. Cooperstown in July, 99 degree, staying in some barracks.

1:44:07Cousin Sal:Between now and July, I have 30 tournaments, two-day tournaments in cities in California. No one would ever want to appear.

1:44:16Bill Simmons:It's amazing Babydoll doesn't own one of these Little League tournaments because it's the all-time money grab. It should be like the money grab production. Yeah, it should be Money Grab Field of Dreams presented by James Dixon.

1:44:27Cousin Sal:Yeah, we got to get him in there. He buys dumb shit.

1:44:31Bill Simmons:I talked to him this weekend, and you're not going to believe this, but he was in Martha's Vineyard.

1:44:40Cousin Sal:And it was beautiful there, baby. How many country clubs? 11?

1:44:46Bill Simmons:I don't know. We got that Christmas card from our cousin.

1:44:51Cousin Sal:Yeah. He makes a James Babydoll Dixon Christmas card and pretends Babydoll sent it and even somehow gets Baby's return address on there and sends it out. and it's all braggadocious stuff about what he's accomplished this year.

1:45:05Bill Simmons:I belong between 11 and 16 country clubs.

1:45:08Cousin Sal:Yeah, right, right, right. I almost got to have dinner with Al Pacino. It would have been one of the great moments of my life, but it goes on and on.

1:45:17Bill Simmons:So good. All right. That's it for Parent Corner. That's it for the pod. You got the Ring and Gambling Show Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. You're doing a good job. But when you're driving, I think the hosting's really gone up a notch for you this year. Yeah, I like what you've done this year. Well, thanks.

1:45:33Cousin Sal:You've added some things. I try to be like Terry Bradshaw and Colin Coward and like a nice little combination of those things.

1:45:40Bill Simmons:It's like how Jalen Brown added that little crossover step back. I feel like you've added a couple moves. Thank you.

1:45:46Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah. I'd like to add a couple wins so I don't have to go to the bank and meet with weirdos. All right, so we'll be back next Sunday.

1:45:55Bill Simmons:What's the Sunday night game next week? Your guys. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they flexed us. that's a fun one that's a good one yeah I'm already taking the line personally yeah so we'll be back after Ravens Pass on YouTube Sal good job by you good job by you buddy thanks to Gahal and thanks to I think Brian's on because I think Eduardo's off Eduardo's off and the Chargers just keep winning without him that's it for YouTube and then I'll be back rewatchables Monday high fidelity and then I got a podcast on Tuesday I'll see you next week Sal

1:46:28Cousin Sal:very good

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