Philly’s Dominant D, Shaky Mahomes, Shakier Darnold, Shakiest Goff, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

13:35Bill Simmons:Right. Caleb, it was weird because his scrambling is just great. Yeah. Like, he has four or five of their, like, Lamar level. I can't believe he got out of that place. and then the ball is just going all over the place. And sometimes it's a good place, sometimes it isn't. But he is really hard to take down. And I do feel like there's a little bit of a ceiling with him if he can just kind of calm down and keep the passes in the mix. I don't know. They rely on those turnovers. They got an unbelievable McCarthy performance today. Like he was so bad, it was almost defied belief. And I really thought, I don't even, what school did Max Brosburn go to?

14:18Bill Simmons:Who is Max Brosmer?

14:20Cousin Sal:I think he actually went to Minnesota College.

14:22Bill Simmons:It got to the point where I just thought he was coming in for the third quarter. Let's see it. Yeah. Like, well, they can't play McCarthy for another half. Like, he's unplayable. Like, he was actually unplayable. And they brought him back. And then in the last kind of drive, all of a sudden he settled down. It was a little Bo Nix-ish. It was beyond like boot and rally Bo. It was something.

14:45Cousin Sal:I don't even know what it is. I'm done giving these quarterbacks nicknames. It gets me in trouble. It started with your guy. I love your nicknames. The Pats haven't lost since the Drake Baby podcast. Believe me, I know it. I need to give my own quarterback. I need to call him Dak Prescott-a-be-cut or something. Prescott got something just to inspire him. But you're right. You already know since the Drake Baby. Call him Mr. August or something. Yeah. Yeah, but Jay, I mean, I was 16 for 32, 150, two interceptions. Could have been seven interceptions. Could have been anything you wanted out of that.

15:21Cousin Sal:And it's just, yeah, you're right. Where is Brosmer? This Bears, you know, defense isn't great. Like Flacco lit him up in the fourth quarter. Maybe it's just a fourth quarter thing, but he did what he wanted against them, right? So, yeah. Absolutely have to win that game.

15:35Bill Simmons:I wrote it down before that last drive. McCarthy had 74 yards passing. He had two picks, and he was 3.0 yards per attempt. And then in that last drive, basically doubled his stats for the entire game because he threw for like 75 yards and threw for a touchdown. But it was so bad. And I think big picture, like it's just cost them the season. Like they have to run the slate now and I don't think they're going to run the slate with them. The receivers looked really frustrated. And I think their team's pretty good. Like it's their quarterback has just killed them game after game going back to Wentz.

16:14Bill Simmons:and, you know, the Monday night game when he beat them, it was the Bears, right? On that first Monday night game? Yeah. Yeah. And he got hot basically for 20 minutes. Other than that, not a lot going on with that. Yeah, I mean,

16:30Cousin Sal:they run the ball too. Like Aaron Jones is back. They do nice things. It's not like they have to rely on the pass, right? But then you got blue chip receivers, obviously Jefferson and Addison. Those guys shouldn't be getting like six receptions total, whatever it is. I was looking at like an adjusted. Maybe it's just over. Maybe it's like under five and a half wins. I see like plus 420. That could be it. What do you mean? I'm just seeing Fandle has adjusted wins. Like Minnesota under five and a half is plus 420. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't see a lot. This is still, this is a quarterback that is going to be at a disadvantage in a lot of these matchups.

17:07Well, then the Packers, they beat a bad team. Yeah.

17:12Bill Simmons:And they looked like shit. which I think is the third or fourth time this year, they had just drops on both sides of the ball. It was really interesting. I don't know how many interceptions they dropped combined with how many drops their receivers had. Playing the Giants, it was a classic, don't put us in a parlay. We're going to fuck around and make you super scared for three hours. Don't do it. I didn't do it. And of course, then put the Cardinals in a parlay instead, which was even worse. But they're not impressive either. And at one point, what was it? Malik Willis going head-to-head against Malik and Jameis.

17:46Bill Simmons:Malik and Jameis, the matchup we didn't know we were going to get. But, you know, I have some Packers features, so do you. Yeah. I thought they'd turn it on or show flashes by now, and it's just not happening. And I don't – now that Kraft's out, I'm not – now Jacob's got hurt today. I just don't know if they have the skill guys.

18:05Cousin Sal:No, I think so, right? It has to be a different – like Watson caught today. That's why he just had a touchdown. But yeah, it's between like six guys who are about the same catching the ball every week. It's a different one. But I don't know what happened to Jordan Love either. Like we could do this every matchup for anybody, any team who lost. I'm like, what happened to this quarterback? But honestly, like the NFC North was supposed to be the beast, like the heavyweights, right? What trust rating do you put on Goff, McCarthy, Love, Caleb Williams? Like if you were to go one to like, who's one in that?

18:40Cousin Sal:Is it Caleb Williams? has he won now? Just quarterback. Like who would you take

18:45Bill Simmons:if you had to win one playoff game?

18:46Cousin Sal:Who would you trust? Yeah. So my choices are Goff,

18:50Bill Simmons:Caleb Williams, or Jordan Love. Or McCarthy. McCarthy's fourth. So let's say I'm outdoors in January on the road and I could have one of those four. I'd probably take Love. I don't think I would take Caleb. There's too much. It's too erratic. Right? And Goff, I think, Even though Goff has had great stats and has been really loyal, Goff's there for me. If the weather's bad and you're playing a good defense, I want no part of that.

19:17Cousin Sal:Love sometimes does that thing where he rears back. Remember that terrible electric football game? Yeah. You have the plastic figures. You'd have to really sling his arm back. Love does that. I'm like, oh, you're not even looking at your receiver. What the hell are you doing? It's second and eight. Even at downfield like that. I'm trying to think of...

19:39Bill Simmons:it's almost like, I remember writing about this like 13, 14 years ago, Ryan Reynolds, when they were trying to make Ryan Reynolds a star for like seven years. Ironically, he belatedly became a star thanks to the Deadpool movie.

19:53Cousin Sal:He did all right.

19:54Bill Simmons:This was from like 2005 to 2012 and he just kept starring in movies and people were like, here, Ryan Reynolds is going to be a star and it just wasn't happening for years and it would be like, the Emityville Horror remake, and then it'd be like, here's the Sandra Bullock rom-com and it just never happened. And I'm kind of wondering if love's like that. We're love, we've penciled into this group and I don't really know what the credentials are other than he played awesome in that one playoff game that they lost. Wasn't that to the Niners?

20:25Cousin Sal:In a really good game. Against the Cowboys too. I know that's where you would get that. Oh, they beat the Cowboys, right. So they had the one win. All right, I forgot about that. Yeah.

20:34Bill Simmons:But we are penciling him in. In my head, I have him in that category, and I don't know if he's earned it at all because we have a lot of games like the one today where they just really look struggling. Well, I would have, I agree with you. I think I would also have the Bears out, even though they have the best record of those three, just because I don't trust what I'm watching with my eyes. I just feel like they should lose every game I'm watching. It's interesting because we both have Bears fans in our life. There's no Bears fan. It's like, we fucking got it, man. No way. Look out. They're kind of like, I can't believe this.

21:07Bill Simmons:Our seven and three. It's enjoyable. They're having a good time.

21:11Cousin Sal:I have a Bears friend fan who said we're the worst seven and three team of all time.

21:15Bill Simmons:I don't know if I'd go that far, but it's got to be one or two others. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. The NBA Cup is back. It's sure to be thrilling as always. I think the one thing I was like with the NBA Cup, what team is going to come out of nowhere and kind of plant their flag and make us believe in them going forward because a big spotlight, national TV, good crowds. Who's going to kind of step up in the playoff atmosphere? The best moments are served cold, just like Big Globe Ultra or refreshing beer with only 95 calories. Plus, Ultra is also helping you see all the excitement up close and in person with a chance to win courtside tickets.

21:52Bill Simmons:Big Globe Ultra, superior is worth playing for. Enter now at mclobaltra.com slash courtside. Big Globe Ultra courtside, 25 to 26, no purchase necessary. Open U.S. Residence 21 Plus begins on October 1st, 2025, ends on June 30th, 2026. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobelcher.com slash courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. I have a game I want to play with you. Oh. I'm going to give you a bunch of things, and it's an excuse for us to talk about the different games, but we're going to rank these sentences in order of improbability from one being the most probable to 10 being improbable.

22:30Cousin Sal:I can't wait.

22:31Bill Simmons:Here's the first one.

22:33Cousin Sal:Yeah.

22:34Bill Simmons:Patrick Mahomes blew a fourth quarter lead in a must-win road game and got outplayed by both freaking Knicks. One to ten. How improbable was that for you as you were watching? Oh, going into the game? Yeah, even as you were watching. How improbable was it as it was happening?

22:52Cousin Sal:You know what? I'm going to say, I have to say like four. I took the points. I like this.

22:59Bill Simmons:I've been suspicious of Kansas City for a while now.

23:02Cousin Sal:You wanted to do a parlay, right, with division-winning parlays or something, like early in the week. And I was like, I don't have a good feeling about... I actually said on the pregame show, I was like, they're going to score like 19 or 20 points. Four and a half is too many. I don't know that Bo Nix can match that. But, yeah, I was actually a little more surprised at the defense. I know Mahomes is getting crap, but I thought Spagnuolo would have something dialed up so that it was 19-7 in the fourth quarter. But it wasn't.

23:27Bill Simmons:Well, and they just needed a couple stops in the fourth. Knicks was, you know, I think people will probably overreact to Knicks over the course of the week. He's pretty steady today. Made a couple big throws and certainly outplayed Mahomes.

23:40Cousin Sal:I like this game, though.

23:42Bill Simmons:I like it. But Denver runs it for 21 for 59, and they still win. I'm higher. I'm like a seven. Really? I thought KC scores. They go up 19-60, and they're about to kick the extra point. and I'm thinking like, oh, why did I worry about the money line? Because it was KC three and a half, and I was worried about the hook. Then, of course, Bucker misses the extra point. And he missed the extra point. I was like, holy shit, they're going to fucking lose. It was like immediately swung the reaction. But I was like a seven watching it because I just felt like it was such a huge game for KC. So you don't want to go five and five.

24:21Bill Simmons:They're five and five. It's nuts. I mean, they're minus 225 to make the playoffs, so people still believe, but I just think the road's really hard. I know the schedule's getting a little easier, but they have no room for error now.

24:33Cousin Sal:I think it's not, I looked at it, it's not awful. So the bad part is they have four teams they lost to ahead of them, right? So yeah, are they minus 220 or something? Is that what you said to make the playoffs? Minus 225. They have Chargers, the Broncos, Colts, Texans all at home, and then at Tennessee and at Las Vegas. Now they need, they need what, five of those to make it.

24:54Bill Simmons:Is there some weird schedule stuff with them, though?

24:57Cousin Sal:Like they have Christmas, Thanksgiving, Christmas. They play on both. Yeah. I don't love that. The weird thing is they're 0-5 in one score games, and they were 11-0 last year. So what is that? Is that referees? Is that just Mahomes not having his flair in the last drive? I don't know. I guess we'll see. So Mahomes, I just don't think he's playing that well.

25:22Bill Simmons:like it could be one of those things where it's a fun thing to say in a sports talk show he doesn't hit guys on those deep balls and when he actually does it it's either a pass interference or maybe once a game but he had in the first half he had open guys that he just missed and I think it was three times two or three times I think it was three but then the red zone stuff has been weird too like that interception he threw today was like uh you know that that was like a scrub quarterback interception, right? You're inside the 15. He didn't realize that guy was just going to jump up and catch the ball.

25:57Bill Simmons:Like, Mahomes, this shit wasn't happening with him a couple years ago. Right. So you can't blame the weapons thing because he has weapons. These guys are, like, I think good receivers. He certainly has better weapons than Buffalo does.

26:08Cousin Sal:Yeah, I think so too. And you're right. And if it wasn't a deep ball, it's the, you know, rolling right, taking a look down the field, seeing if nothing's there. Oh, wow. He needed eight. He just ran for nine. He didn't have the flow. He wasn't controlling the game at all. So it is strange, but what are we going to do? Are we going to bet against this team? I wouldn't take a no at plus 190 or whatever to not make the playoffs. No way.

26:33Bill Simmons:Plus 480 for the division, which has to be the biggest odds they've had since Alex Smith was their QB.

26:40Cousin Sal:Isn't it weird that they're ahead of the Chargers, who are 550, despite Chargers' one-and-a-half game lead?

26:45Bill Simmons:They look so awful today.

26:46Cousin Sal:That was the worst loss for a team, yeah.

26:49Bill Simmons:Yeah, I don't feel like this is an overreaction. They haven't looked right all year and you can't blame the weapons. I don't think their offensive line's that good. They have these holdings every single game. There's like one, two, three, four holdings that just, they're like crippling. All of a sudden it's second and 18, third and 17 because over and over again, it seems like their guys can't block. They just don't look right to me. And I think they're running out of time here. because let's say they get in now. I don't think they have any chance to be a five seed. No, it doesn't look like it.

27:28Bill Simmons:No. So you're in the six, seven seed range, but it's going to be a long haul. They're not going to have a home game for the entire playoffs. They're going to have to play every round. They have some older guys in their team, so there's some injury stuff. And it was the first time I was watching a Mahomes game thinking to myself, I think my Patriots quarterback would have done better on that one.

27:51Cousin Sal:Oh, you guys with that. Yeah. That's fine. Just tell me. I get it. Yeah.

27:56Bill Simmons:I did a, I premiered my sauna Instagram, sauna YouTube shorts today. I missed it. I did a quick Mahomes thing. Yeah, I did it in the sauna. And then Chris Ryan pointed out I should have called it actually hot takes because I'm hot in the sauna. Oh, that's good.

28:10Cousin Sal:Yeah. Would have been good. Are you nude or are you wearing some stuff? No, I wear a t-shirt,

28:14Bill Simmons:which apparently is controversial. Some people don't understand Same way of a t-shirt and sauna. I like to wipe my face with a t-shirt.

28:20Cousin Sal:You don't have a towel? I'll send you towels.

28:23Bill Simmons:I don't like the feel of a towel on the face. I'd rather have the shirt. I know it's weird. I'm not defining it. The color's running.

28:29Cousin Sal:Got the ringer green. It's weird. I got a white t-shirt on. You look like the Hulk coming out. Oh. Well, all right. Let me just say this about the Chiefs. We will bet them at Tennessee. We'll put them on a teaser. We'll bet them at Las Vegas. We'll put them on a teaser. We'll bet them home against the Texans. Money line or whatever few points they're given. We'll bet them home against the Colts next week. I won't say the line because it ruins everything. And then the rematches against Chargers and Broncos. I don't know if I'd bet them.

28:55Bill Simmons:I don't know if I'd feel good about that Colts game.

28:59Cousin Sal:All right. I mean, they have played them tough in the past, but do you think they get swept by both the Chargers and Broncos? I think there's five wins on this schedule.

29:09Bill Simmons:Here's what needs to happen. Mahomes needs to be Mahomes again. If it's going to be whatever this version is, they're not doing jack shit. There's got to be some other extra thing for him. I think 5-5 is a big deal. We always compare Brady and Mahomes. Brady went 5-5 twice in his career. It was the first two seasons he was a starter. I think he lost six games once in a season after 2002. I think he lost five games in a season two or three times total. This is the guy who's supposed to be on that level and they're talking goat stuff. He's a 500 quarterback this season. Some of these losses are his fault.

29:44Bill Simmons:Like, that red zone thing killed them today. I thought their defense played pretty well. You know, I think his receivers are open. Thornton was open. I thought Worthy was getting open. Kelsey was getting open. Like, you can't play in the weapons. So, at some point...

29:58Cousin Sal:I think he just lit a fire under his ass. Well, he's playing...

30:01Bill Simmons:Honestly, he's playing like he's a 36-year-old quarterback, and he's 30. Right. And the one time he feels like Mahomes is on these scrambles because he's still dishing out. It's the one thing, like, he's way better at than Drake May is going outside the pocket and actually putting his body in people. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Drake May's just getting killed.

30:19Cousin Sal:And Mahomes is like,

30:20Bill Simmons:Mahomes knocked somebody on his ass today. But I just don't think he looks scary this year. Compared to Josh, it was like the last three quarters of that game when fucking Kaiser Soze against Tampa. That was unbelievable. But we haven't seen Mahomes do that in two years.

30:35Cousin Sal:No, I'll give you that. No, for sure. I still think they're a playoff team based on the schedule. No, I think they're a playoff team.

30:41Bill Simmons:I thought heading into this game, this was the team I was afraid of. And thinking with the Pats, I was on a couple of Pats threads about trying to figure out the seeds. And if we were like the two seed, oh, fuck, that means we could be 2-7 against KC. I don't want to see KC. I still don't want to see KC. But that was the... Let's guess the line. Pats KC? 2-7. In New England? Mm-hmm. What's KC's record? 3-14. So KC's like 11-6 or 10-7?

31:11Cousin Sal:10-7.

31:12Bill Simmons:Yeah.

31:14Cousin Sal:They had to win like four to five to get in. I think they put in the Tic Tac.

31:16Bill Simmons:I think everyone's so afraid of Mahomes in a big game. I think it would be in the Tic Tac one way or the other.

31:20Cousin Sal:Let's get there. That'll be great. Let's just do that.

31:23Bill Simmons:Listen, it's more fun if he puts the superhero cape on than the guy that is kind of sort of, but not really. I just think this whole thing's weird. He's 30 years old. He should be peaking. And he's not. And I don't really understand the reason.

31:38Cousin Sal:And it's not the offensive line like it has been in the past. We've seen him under siege in the Super Bowl and some other games. He's not playing well enough.

31:48Bill Simmons:Pats, Colts, Broncos, win totals, all the overs have covered. The Broncos were 9.5, actually. They didn't cover yet. So they're 9-2. It's almost covered. Almost. But just to be fair, because we didn't talk about Denver at all, Denver's missing a couple guys. Denver was in a situation that they've been in six, seven times this year where they actually needed their QB to make a couple plays, and he did. Their short-arm running backs, Dobbins, is out for the year. And I think that's going to hurt them down the road. But I thought that was an awesome win for Denver. Like, they have to feel, you fall behind, it looks like, either three or four in the fourth quarter, and you just assume the Chiefs, oh, this will be the classic Chiefs winning on the road game.

32:29Bill Simmons:Really good. They pulled it off. It was a nice one.

32:31Cousin Sal:That defense is good. Maybe we're not, and I know you're right, Mahomes hasn't looked good all year, so it doesn't really, We shouldn't just blame this week, but Eagles defense, great. Denver defense, great today. So let's see.

32:42Bill Simmons:And I actually thought Seattle's defense was really good today. Yeah. They gave up some stuff early, but they really, they boa constricted Stafford as that game went along. For the conference, Buffalo is the favorite at plus 380, at least on FanDuel. Colts, plus 440. Chiefs are third at 5-1. Denver, 6-1. Ravens plus 650 which is fucking bonkers I can't wait to talk about them and then the Pats are 6 that's 7-1 even though they have a real chance to be the one seed and not even play until round 2 and if they play they'd be home and they're 7-1 to win the conference I don't understand that at all but if you watch their defense closely Thursday maybe it made more sense

33:24Cousin Sal:I have to take that another emotional hedge bet that's a lot but also I wouldn't those six teams I wouldn't be surprised to see any of them in the Super Bowl right now would you be like super surprised? I'd be surprised by Baltimore.

33:36Bill Simmons:I don't think they're very good. We'll get to them. Actually, let's do it now. Next in probability scale, 1 to 10. 10 being the highest. Shadir Sanders didn't save a Browns blown lead loss at home to Baltimore. How improbable was this for you on a scale of 1 to 10?

33:59Cousin Sal:Wait, what's the number? You can go minus if you want.

34:01Bill Simmons:One's the lowest.

34:02Cousin Sal:Yeah, I'll give it a 1. I'll give it a 1. It was also a one for me. Yeah. I mean, I live bet Baltimore, so that tells you how much I was confident. He looked so discombobulated that it actually, we were texting like,

34:19Bill Simmons:does it make sense just to run the ball on the line three times and punt and just have your defense try to win the game versus risking a turnover, going backwards, all stuff that happened when he was the quarterback. He ended up, he was four for 16 for 47 yards plus a pick. Like, he just wasn't ready for the speed of the game. Miserable interception. He wasn't ready. It was like they picked him out of the stands and threw him into the game. It was really bad. By the way, Dylan Gabriel, not much better. But at least was, you know, not a complete detriment. And, I mean, at one point the announcer said, Sanders made one completion and the announcer was like, well, he is doing what he does best, making plays from the pocket.

35:02Bill Simmons:and I was like what quarterback does that what quarterback is like bad in the pocket when they have time isn't that like part of being a quarterback

35:10Cousin Sal:he has chat GBT that's like I have to say something good about this kid positive compliments here are his stats he's 4 for 16 for 47 yards give me a positive statement I could say oh what he's doing from the pocket ok alright I'll read that

35:23Bill Simmons:he literally doesn't do anything right because even the game management they're down 7 completes a pass there's like 220 left on the clock and they walk it up to the line and it just goes to the two-minute warning. It's like, you might have needed that one. You're trying to score a touchdown. Try to get one more playoff before the two-minute, but he just should not be playing.

35:41Cousin Sal:Do you understand? Do you know how many times he was sacked in two years in Colorado?

35:47Bill Simmons:Well, he was famous for this, right? Told the ball too long. I mean, it was a lot. It was over 100, right?

35:51Cousin Sal:It was 93, which is plenty.

35:56Cousin Sal:And not all his fault, but 50 of them were. I watched a lot of their games. I watched a lot of that conference. That's the whole thing. Yeah, his decision-making sucks, and they're just going to feast on him now. Granted, he didn't play with the first team. Is the first team very good? I'm not sure, but he didn't play with the first team all week. So I guess we'll see next week if this concussion holds out. To be fair to Sanders, we get to watch a lot of bad quarterbacks. Yes.

36:25Bill Simmons:This was a case where it actually swung the game when he came in.

36:29Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah.

36:30Bill Simmons:Because Baltimore did not play well. They didn't look right. It's week 12 next week. They've shown nothing. 17 first downs total. Two Lamar picks. Too many field goals. No explosiveness. They end up getting the go-ahead touchdown on this gimmick fake tush push. Great call. Fake tush push. Andrews runs around, runs for like 35 yards. But they don't look like the Ravens at all. And that's why the odds are funny because I think people still feel like they're this Ravens team from like two years ago. They're not even remotely the same team anymore.

37:02Cousin Sal:Well, they were favored to win the division when they were like two and five, right? Now they fought back to five and five, and I haven't even checked what, I guess, Pittsburgh won. So, yeah, they're minus 280. Like, that's a foregone conclusion that they're going to win that division. I'll tell you what else is a little off. I think Harbaugh is a little off. Some of his play calling is very strange. Like, as bad as Shador was, they had, I think it was at the eight-yard line, they kicked a field goal to go down three. I was like, Frickin' go for it there. Just go for it. Leave Shador Sanders at his own eight, you're going to get the ball back in three real minutes.

37:38Cousin Sal:And there was another couple of things like that. But yeah, they're not in sync at all on any level. I mean, I thought Henry would just win that game. At some point, it was just like, hand off to Henry. He'll bust one open soon.

37:49Bill Simmons:Well, their O-line has been so bad, I almost think they don't trust Henry like they used to. I asked Mallory Rubin, giant Ravens fan, for her take, and she said, the great indictment of the late Harbaugh era continues even in victory. They routinely come out flat and lifeless and unfocused. There's just a discombobulated quality to how they play that feels pretty damning. It all feels so meh right now. Play calling, predictable and flat. Lame, obvious, runs up the middle. Blah, blah, blah. She was just like, all the Ravens fans are like, what is happening? How is this the team? We were supposed to be in at least one Super Bowl here in the 2020s.

38:30Bill Simmons:They do not look like a Super Bowl. That's a team I would want to play in the playoffs because I don't think, unless Lamar is going to have some dramatic athletic recovery. All right. I was also one for that one. Next one. Sam Darnold fell apart in a huge game, threw four picks, and became the GOAT. How improbable was that for you on a scale of 1-10?

38:55Cousin Sal:I would say six, actually.

38:58Bill Simmons:I didn't think it would be that bad. I was a seven. He had sucked me back in. This is the third time he had sucked me back in. One of the picks wasn't his fault. Three of them were. Right. And I didn't like the body language and the look on his face after pick three. There was that. You get the PTSD from those last two weeks last year. And, you know, pass rush was good. It's not like the Rams defense wasn't good. No. They weren't that good. He just was a mess.

39:28Cousin Sal:This is another thing I want to get better at. I do want to give the defense's credit. I feel like we did. Yeah. With Denver and with Philly just now. And I want to do it with the Rams too. But he really did look. Sam Darnold looked like a guy named Sam Darnold. Like playing quarterback. He was really to a point where you get a lot of texts from people like, is he throwing the game? Oh, Sam Darnold's throwing the game. And you know what sucks about living in this era where there's widespread gambling scandals? It becomes the go-to joke. Well, you could just be, yeah, but it's fine if it's a joke.

39:58Cousin Sal:It's like, yeah, he does look like that. And then you'll have friends like, no, seriously, do you think he's actually throwing it? But no, I don't fucking think he's throwing it. No. Stop it already. This is the time we live in. But yeah, I was actually, but then I was surprised that they came back. You're right. Like Seattle's defense stepped up. That was looking like it was going to be like 38 to 10, right?

40:18Bill Simmons:Yeah, even at the end, you know, the Rams actually got a first down after they got the ball back under three minutes left. And it felt like, oh, this is over. And then they stopped him again and somehow got the ball back, you know, at like the 10 with enough time to move the ball down. And even then, like, Darnold was going too slow. I almost feel like we need a nickname for his – maybe you can redeem yourself from Drake, maybe.

40:43Cousin Sal:Go ahead. For him.

40:45Bill Simmons:He's crappy alter ego in big games. because it's like a fight club thing. It's like when Ed Norton had the two identities.

40:53Cousin Sal:But I don't know.

40:54Bill Simmons:It's like, oh, it's Sam Darnold that's in here today. It's blank. I was thinking Spam Darnold. That's good. Or Stan Darnold. Or like his evil brother, Vic. I don't know. It needs to be something. But you kind of know it's just not Sam Darnold.

41:11Cousin Sal:It's Spam or Scam, I think, right? Scam Darnold. That's really good. Oh, today he was Scam Darnold. That's great. I like it. There we go. Now he's going to the Super Bowl because I said those words. There you go.

41:22Bill Simmons:Fox, after one of the turnovers, they played give it away, give it away, give it away. Now, the red-eyed chili peppers song. I thought that was really good. Stafford's MVP case took a slight hit today. Did it? I thought he was favored.

41:38Cousin Sal:I thought Allen was favored.

41:40Bill Simmons:I thought Allen jumped him.

41:41Cousin Sal:No, Stafford's plus 170.

41:43Bill Simmons:Oh, Stafford's plus 170. All right. Yeah, yeah. 15 for 2830 yards two TDs yeah and maybe second are the Rams the best team in the NFL are you now because we thought before this game whoever wins has a stake to the claim or would you go Eagles

41:58Cousin Sal:I think they're the most complete team I do I think that's a very yeah it's a very close game if they play the Eagles but I think they could hang with them because they're tough and I mean we saw it last year they played outdoors they were in it they won like overthrow away from tying it I think so in the snow I do like them. I did want to point out, this is a weird time we live in, that the Seattle kicker sets up for a 61-yarder. Yeah, seems doable. To win the game, seems doable. Fandle only has the Rams at minus 138. Like, if you went back in time, like five years ago, the Rams would have been minus 300.

42:37Cousin Sal:You know, 10 years ago, it would have been minus... Because he made it.

42:39Bill Simmons:He made it right before the timeout. Yeah, right. And then they did it again, and he missed it.

42:43Cousin Sal:So bizarre.

42:45Bill Simmons:What do you think the stats are on that? The guy makes the super long one, but it was called back for a timeout. Has the guy ever made it again?

42:53Cousin Sal:No, no. Like ever in the history of football? Would you kick it? I wouldn't kick it the first time.

42:59Bill Simmons:Yeah, but then you're in like a cat and mouse game because they could fake doing the timeout, but then not do it. And they're like, oh shit, they didn't call timeout. Oh yeah, well you gotta kick it.

43:06Cousin Sal:No, I'm saying if you see the waving, you know, all that, you know the play's dead. I would pass on it. Yeah, don't kick it. Save your kick.

43:17Bill Simmons:What are the conference odds? If I was gun to my head, Eagles are plus 230, Rams plus 310, I'd probably take the Eagles because the defense.

43:30Cousin Sal:I mean, the game's in Philly. It's going to be in Philly, right? They're just going to roll up wins.

43:34Bill Simmons:Yeah. I think the East is a much tougher one.

43:37Cousin Sal:Yeah.

43:39Bill Simmons:One more improbable for you. I like this. Josh Allen had 45.8 fantasy points today how improbable is that to you let's go 1 to 10 I went against him in fantasy and still might win

43:51Cousin Sal:oh that's why you've screen grabbed it oh wow yeah

43:55Bill Simmons:I was like who's going against Josh Allen oh no it's me in a week when I needed to win 45.8 I don't remember a QB with 45.8

44:03Cousin Sal:because you have to run you have to run a few in right

44:06Bill Simmons:you need at least two rushing touchdowns

44:08Cousin Sal:yeah yeah I would still give that like a 4 I don't know. I had higher hopes for Tampa's defense. That over-under was just mashed. They had it.

44:19Bill Simmons:They got the terrible Allen turnover. Keon Coleman gets scratched this weekend. Kincaid's not playing. It was all set up for them. They had the lead a couple times. They took the lead back maybe three times, and then Buffalo just kind of pulled away. It's funny because we were blowing Mayfield that first month. No, just blowing smoke at him. Oh, I see. Okay. I just feel like he misses throws sometimes now. He's kind of moved back toward two years ago, Baker, a tiny bit. We should have a list of quarterbacks we think are injured.

44:52Cousin Sal:I was just going to say. Yeah. Like, could Mahomes be injured? Could Mayfield be injured? Could Goffs? You know, I think something's wrong with his hat.

45:00Bill Simmons:I would believe if you gave me all the QBs and said, one of these guys is hiding an injury, Mayfield would be my pick.

45:05Cousin Sal:Baker's number one?

45:05Bill Simmons:Yeah. It's like, oh, he has like a torn labrum or like some sort of really bad injury we don't know about. Because it also seems like he doesn't want to run with the same zest. So, like he has like a hairline fracture of his left collarbone or something like that.

45:20Cousin Sal:But also, maybe we give a guy like Baker credit who just throws fourth quarter touchdown passes like it's nobody's business and we expect him to do that every week. And so maybe the guy who's been traded six times, it's not going to happen every week.

45:37Bill Simmons:right yeah it was even it was 21-20 at halftime Buffalo yeah it was 26-21 halfway through third quarter Tampa right it was 26-24 they had the ball with five minutes left in the third and then that was that's when he threw that pick and then yeah they it was they were up 32-31 with 13 minutes left right they signed

46:06Cousin Sal:Hardman and he fumbled the punt. I mean, you're right. It was all Josh Allen. It's what Mahomes couldn't do. And he was connecting on long passes too. That stuff we hadn't even seen him do. I don't know where Ernie Shavers came from.

46:19Bill Simmons:Are we just calling him Ernie?

46:21Cousin Sal:Ernie Shavers.

46:22Bill Simmons:That's my single... My Instagram algorithm just feeds me a lot of boxing. And please, keep it coming. My favorite knockout that wasn't a knockout was Shavers knocking down Holmes. and Holmes just getting up. I don't think anyone's ever got up from a more ferocious punch ever in the history of the heavyweight division. He's dead for a second and then he just gets up. And he's just like, how did he get up from that? And Shavers can't believe it. And then Shavers is just throwing these crazy bombs trying to take him out. Holmes somehow gets out of it and wins the fight.

46:57Cousin Sal:And to me, Ernie Shavers' greatest moment was being the guest referee between Tommy Wildfire Rich and Bulldog Buzz Sawyer. Oh my God. Gordon solely announcing it like it's a life-changing event.

47:10Bill Simmons:So Tampa rushes for 202 yards. They ran the ball down Buffalo's throat. They ran for 5.2 a carry. And they lost. And they lost by double figures. And they lost my Tampa plus 10 and a half tees. But I think Tampa is the lead favorite to host the Shakey's game on Saturday.

47:34Cousin Sal:Oh, interesting.

47:36Bill Simmons:Because it's either them or whoever wins the AFC North, I think, is hosting the Shakey's game.

47:41Cousin Sal:Well, it's typically an AFC South winner, but that team's good this year, right?

47:46Bill Simmons:That's going to be the Colts, and that might be... I mean, the Colts might be a one seed. They might not even have a Shakey's game.

47:51Cousin Sal:Right.

47:52Bill Simmons:It's not going to be the Pats. They'll put the Pats on Saturday night because they always do.

47:56Cousin Sal:Right. And the Chargers, Denver, they'll get the night game or something, or they'll get some kind of late game too. It's like Sunday night or something. Yeah, you're right. Can I just say this?

48:06Bill Simmons:It would be like Tampa-Green Bay-Shakies game. Your freaking team is 7-1 is crazy.

48:10Cousin Sal:I don't think you could put a team that allowed 200 yards on the ground. And it wasn't a surprise to, like, the Bundow and Heifetz were talking about it. Like, this Syracuse Tucker guy, he's going to run for triple digits. Like, all right, guys, calm down. This is their team right now. Like, I don't know if you could put them at the top of the AFC odds-wise if they've given up this many yards rushing.

48:32Bill Simmons:It's too easy. I genuinely think the Patriots would beat them in a playoff game. I just think we would move the ball up and down the field on them. And then Josh would have to basically do what he did today to hang with the Pats. I think there's other teams that would be a bad matchup, but I think Buffalo's a good matchup for them. All right, another one. Justin Herbert got knocked out of a Chargers game and suffered a possible concussion. What was the improbable skill for you on this one? Because for me, it was a one. because you could see this coming last week and they can't block for him anymore and he was taking fucking massive hits and there's just no way he's making it through the season, I don't think.

49:13Cousin Sal:I'll give it a two, but I mean, your guy kind of plays the same brand of ball, doesn't he? Who? I can't say his name. Drake, maybe, yeah.

49:23Bill Simmons:I think May gets way better protection than this Chargers thing. This Chargers thing was bad today. These guys were like running 12, like basically running 10-yard dashes, just hitting him as he's throwing it. They're plus 134 on FanDuel to miss the playoffs right now. And I don't see the case for them making it. Really? They're 7-4. They have Vegas at home next week. So let's give them that one, 8-4. But then they play Philly, KC, at KC, at Dallas, Houston, at Denver. I don't think they get to 10 wins

49:58Cousin Sal:At Dallas, Houston That's two, they should win two games Not if they're going to block like they blocked today No, I know, it was bad today It was bad and the injuries are no good And everything else

50:09Bill Simmons:And by the way, you can run the ball down their throats It's not like they have a good defense I know they have offensive line injuries But what's the excuse for the defense? What was the excuse for Jacksonville just demolishing them? And it was like Etienne and Tootin They're just like running all over them I took that game off I didn't even have that game on a TV by the end it was like 35 to 6

50:30Cousin Sal:there was 7 there was 7 early games and what would you like the other 6 all came down to like the last 4 minutes at least that one was gone I think some of the networks left it too I don't know I mean they look good against the Steelers though I don't like to react this way right like they what's different about that and yet like every week it's funny I would say on the pregame show we talk about Joe Alt for like 4 minutes the guy never touches the ball And yet, today, it really reared its ugly head. How good he is and how good that line is.

51:00Bill Simmons:Rodgers was horrible. Like, Rodgers was like Sanders today. Like, he was so bad, it almost didn't give Pittsburgh a chance. And I wonder if that kind of threw people off the scent. I love the Jags today. That was one of my favorite picks.

51:14Cousin Sal:Herbert murdered my guillotine league. I think I'm done. I think I'm done. I got like four points from him. I think you're done, too. He was brought into the blue tent and interrogated by authorities for what he did to my fantasy team leading up to that moment.

51:27Bill Simmons:Meanwhile, the Jags, we got to shout them out in our continuing quest to not just talk about one team. It's a pretty nice win. They had a terrible loss last week, right? Kind of loss you have that Davis Mills game where your season might crater, and instead it went the other way. and so now they have what are they they're 7-4 now

51:53Cousin Sal:but they still have Arizona

51:55Bill Simmons:and Tennessee and the Jets left and Tennessee again they're making the playoffs now so what are they to make the playoffs

52:05Cousin Sal:I was looking where are they they are

52:10Bill Simmons:minus 180 to make the playoffs now so

52:14Cousin Sal:it's not a bad bet

52:15Bill Simmons:I think they get to 11 wins.

52:18Cousin Sal:Such a weird team.

52:19Bill Simmons:Well, if they get to 11 wins, then that's at least one of the bars. The Chargers somehow get to 11 wins, which I don't think they will. Then that means the Chiefs basically have to get to 11 wins.

52:33Cousin Sal:I just, you know, the Jags gave up 29 points to Davis Mills in the fourth quarter last week. You know, it's always, I was trying to make a case for them. Like this is maybe one of the top five wins of all time, even though they beat the Chargers in a great playoff game. And then like, wow, they made the AFC Championship three times. But I still think this was better. They almost had us. Yeah. Yeah.

52:54Bill Simmons:And heading in that fourth quarter was like, oh my God. Was it by 10?

52:58Cousin Sal:Did they have you by double digits at some point? I think they were up by 10.

53:00Bill Simmons:It was like, wow, Blake Bortles is going to end us. Last one. Jacoby Brissett was 45 for 57 for 452 yards and two touchdowns and still didn't cover any 18-point tees. How is that for improbable? I'm going to scale one to 10.

53:19Cousin Sal:I'm going to go with a solid 10. The second part is a one. Didn't he have 47? Did you say 45? He's 47 for 57.

53:29Bill Simmons:For 452 yards. And they had the classic guy about to run in for the touchdown getting stripped of the goal line. Yeah. Which I've now bet on that team, I think, all five times it's happened this season. I don't know what it is, but San Francisco's defense is completely fraudulent. Like, completely. And that's a team that they're 7-4 and might be a playoff team. Right?

53:56Cousin Sal:Well, that was our seventh seed. I'm sticking with that. I'm sticking with them. Their defense is awful. Their next four is the easiest schedule in football, and then their last three is the hardest, I think. So this was a perfect tune-up for Purdy. And by the way, they got a lot of calls here. I think the penalties were like 130 to 15 or something. They were better. They'll push teams like this around.

54:20Bill Simmons:Offensively, they look the best they've looked. But they do have Carolina next week. Then they go to at Cleveland the Sunday after Thanksgiving, which we have now. I just don't think that's an easy game. I don't care how easy it looks on the schedule. There's nothing easy about it. And they also have at Indianapolis and home Seattle end of the year. So it's going to be either 10 or 11 for them.

54:44Cousin Sal:Should Shanahan give Brissette a game ball? Should he like walk to the other locker room? I didn't see the press conference, but 47 completions. My God. Yeah, that's a lot.

54:56Bill Simmons:All right. I think that's it. That's all I had for the game. I like that game. We should bring that back. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Countless hours in the gym. A thousand shots before tip-off. Day after day on the same court. with the State Farm stanchion right there. That's right. The best players put in the work. And State Farm is the same way with insurance experts who put in the work as well. Whether you get a digital quote or reach out to a local agent, State Farm is there to get to know you and help you select the right coverage that fits your life and your budget. Putting in the work is what separates the good players from the great.

55:33Bill Simmons:And that's why you want State Farm on your team. So get the coverage that's right for you, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. We're in the heart of the FIFA World Cup 26. Every play matters here. FIFA World Cup 26. For you, the stakes are just this high. Michelob Ultra, the official beer sponsor of the FIFA World Cup 26. It's giving you a chance to win$1 million worth of tickets and prizes. Michelob Ultra, from the pitch to the poor. superiors worth playing for.

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57:21Cousin Sal:It is not known if ZetBound is safe and effective for use in children. Don't share needles or pins or reuse needles. Don't take if allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or if you've had multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Tell your doctor if you get a lump or swelling in your neck. Stop ZipBound and call your doctor if you have severe stomach pain or a serious allergic reaction. Severe side effects may include inflamed pancreas or gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experienced vision changes before scheduled procedures with anesthesia, if you're nursing, pregnant, plan to be, or taking birth control pills.

57:54Cousin Sal:Taking ZipBound with a sulfonylurea or insulin may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and worsen kidney problems. Talk to your doctor Call 1-800-545-5979 Or visit setbound.lily.com

58:11Bill Simmons:Cross-off teams Jets, Brown, Tennessee Miami, Saints, Vegas Giants, it's seven Arizona, Washington, Cincy Can we add Cincy? That's ten Yeah, yeah Would you put Minnesota on yet?

58:28Cousin Sal:I think I put Atlanta in before Minnesota That was my other question I think Atlanta's in

58:33Bill Simmons:I mean, I don't, because Minnesota still plays a couple of these teams more. I don't know if they are, but I think Atlanta is.

58:40Cousin Sal:Whose fans will hate more? Atlanta. They do. Yeah, they should. They suck. And we see every week, we're like, let's just take them off the ledger of bets. And then I'm like, oh, they have the second best defense. And like the, just awful. Just, I mean, they ought to be ashamed. If they come close to making the playoffs, which I don't think they will, they got skunked by the Panthers and then the rematch they gave up 448 yards to Bryce Young.

59:07Bill Simmons:And three TDs and no picks.

59:09Cousin Sal:Yeah.

59:09Bill Simmons:And Carolina is now a half a game back in the NFC South. Come on. What did DiBundo say today in the shows? 18-1? At one point the Panthers to win the division? Yeah, for the division. By the way, for people listening, our Sunday pregame show, we're now on the Fandles Sports Network. So you can get on YouTube, you can get on Twitter or like there's 29 markets. A lot of them are either East Coast or the South. There's some in California. But it's a bunch of different markets. But it's coming out at 11 o 'clock now every day. It's a great show. We're really proud of it. And the Cousy's on there. He's doing double duty.

59:41Cousin Sal:I'm on. Joe House gave out a 50-1 winner today with Kenneth Gainwell to score two touchdowns. Come on, people. That was 50-1? 50-1. Wow. Maniac.

59:52Bill Simmons:Can I mention a quick Atlanta thing? Sure. Atlanta's been the team that I think has burned us the most this year. Or they're in the running?

1:00:00Cousin Sal:This decade, yeah.

1:00:02Bill Simmons:They traded next year's number one for the 26 pick because they wanted to get the two pass rushers because they were like, look how smart we are. We loaded up on the pass rush. They're three and seven. They traded that pick to the Rams. Right. The Rams have Atlanta's pick, and that's going to be like the seventh pick in the draft. Like, what an amazing trade. They basically gave up number 26, got a second rounder and Atlanta's first. I mean, that's a fireable trade. In the basketball, the guy's getting fired. I don't know how the NFL works.

1:00:36Cousin Sal:Howie Roseman will steal that pick somehow when no one's looking. Yeah, somehow that's going to be in Philadelphia. I mean, those pass rushers are good. Their defense is usually good. That's why I picked them today. But not the, I mean, fourth and four, up 24-19, under two minutes left. And Young hits Bryce Tremaine. Like, that's how they're losing these games. you can tell that's why I lost my money Why would you bet the Falcons? I don't know. I don't know. And the Panthers are what? 360 to make the playoffs? They're not making it.

1:01:12Bill Simmons:The Falcons, they're this year's champagne room stripper that the buddy's going, I think she likes me.

1:01:17Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:01:18Bill Simmons:It's the Falcons. Two more things really quick. Mason Rudolph replaced Rodgers midway through and easy Steelers went over the Bengals. And I didn't even realize it happened. It was on one of my TVs. The Steelers game was so forgettable and so kind of blah that I didn't realize there was a quarterback change for like a half hour. So that happened. I also forgot Texans-Titans was even happening early and didn't realize until I wanted to get out of the 35-6 game and saw there was a seventh game, which I'd forgotten. I was like, oh, Texans-Titans. I put no thought into it. I had no money on it.

1:01:53Cousin Sal:You didn't know it was early? You didn't know it was on the schedule? I forgot it was on.

1:01:56Bill Simmons:And it wasn't in when I looked at YouTube TV. I didn't see it.

1:01:59Cousin Sal:Oh, even they had it.

1:02:00Bill Simmons:And I just, so I did catch the big Cam Ward drive, which I think was the best moment of his career. But if that doesn't describe that game, I don't know what does.

1:02:10Cousin Sal:You know, when we're talking about like getting alerts on our phone, like House has a thing now, if the Wizards are up double digits in the fourth, we should get an alert on our phone from FanDuel so that we can know immediately. Like the Titans were favored in the second half. Like your phone should, literally blow up after 10 seconds if you don't do anything about it. It should shake and then blow.

1:02:31Bill Simmons:Last one is Miami in the Europe game, which I'm so proud. Not only do I not bet on anymore, I don't even wake up until halftime anymore. They can have their shitty Miami-Washington matchup. Woke up at halftime, put you guys on and had the game on the small left team with no sound. Miami's now four and seven and they have new orleans and the jets next and i i thought i was gonna win every miami under i had and now i have to sweat out miami under six and a half but um they had an overtime interception where uh they deferred right they won the toss at overtime they deferred in a 10 minute overtime and then uh jordan brooks the linebacker said jack jones said before the overtime interception.

1:03:19Bill Simmons:If y 'all stop the run, Mariota's going to throw it to me because he can't throw. And then Jack Jones picked off Mariota in overtime after telling his teammates he was going to.

1:03:29Cousin Sal:That's amazing. What a show off.

1:03:31Bill Simmons:Marcus Mariota, everybody. He's done it again. He's still making history. So maybe he was the worst quarterback today.

1:03:37Cousin Sal:Think about it, like how exhausted defenses are in overtime, and they choose to go on defense first. They could get another seven minute breather, you know, if they get the other team gets a couple first downs.

1:03:48Bill Simmons:Yeah, it's like a special level of being a mediocre to worse quarterback that a team would defer and give you the ball in overtime. It's like the number one thing you want to do.

1:03:57Cousin Sal:I mean, we were doing the pregame, so my takeaway is where nobody could score on fourth and goal from the one, and Tua wants to play in Jerusalem now. So that's all I got from that.

1:04:08Bill Simmons:Miami got stuffed twice on two different fourth and goals, and some have still won. so we have four two lost teams the Patriots the Broncos the Rams and Philly

1:04:22Cousin Sal:I don't think any

1:04:23Bill Simmons:are the Colts too no cross offs out of those no five two lost teams and then we still in the east I mean I'm sorry in the AFC let's say New England Denver Indy Buffalo make it it's four Pittsburgh Jacksonville and the Chargers are all six and four Baltimore and KC in Houston 5-5 so there's a lot of people left in the AFC

1:04:50Cousin Sal:why do we, it's so funny none of those two lost teams are just the ones we're used to if I get, alright, the Bills are minus 3 ,000 to make the playoffs I want to do a parlay with the Bills the Ravens and the Chiefs it's minus 102 do you lose that parlay? Bills who and the Chiefs? Bills, Ravens, Chiefs I don't trust the Ravens Wow.

1:05:13Bill Simmons:I wouldn't put them in. Who's going to steal the division from them? Maybe the Steelers. Mason Rudolph? The Ravens are trying to tell us they're not good. Every week, they're really... They're spelling it out. They're holding up signs. We're not that good. I've not seen any signs. All right. Guess the Lions. You won last week.

1:05:34Cousin Sal:Yeah. I'm going to keep winning. You had a good week? No, I don't think so. Okay. There's some monster lines in here that I did not get right.

1:05:45Bill Simmons:Thursday night is a surprisingly good game. Bills-Texans in Houston.

1:05:49Cousin Sal:It's a winner. Josh Allen's not going to have six touchdowns in this one, I don't think. He will not.

1:05:57Bill Simmons:Houston secondary is very, very, very, very good. I'm interested to see if Texans can run the ball in this game. I have the Bills minus three.

1:06:06Cousin Sal:All right, I get it. I said three and a half. It's four and a half. that's too high. Sorry, it's three and a half. It moved down. But either way, I get it. Okay, that's not as high. Three and a half is fine.

1:06:21Bill Simmons:That's a really good Thursday night game. Well, so he'll be back, right? Stroud? I don't know. He doesn't play on Sunday. How is he going to play on Thursday?

1:06:30Cousin Sal:I don't know if that's a really good game. I'm going to play him.

1:06:34Bill Simmons:Sunday marquee game. Pretty obvious. We're going to KC. Chiefs-Colts Daniel Jones and Patrick Mahomes get to renew the rivalry it's either minus three or minus three and a half I went with the Chiefs minus three

1:06:49Cousin Sal:just take it, whatever you got I said two and a half, it is three and a half okay

1:06:56Bill Simmons:hmm

1:07:00Bill Simmons:winnable game for the Colts I think they can run the ball on them fresh off a bye yeah A lot of pressure. I actually like that the Chiefs are home for this because I think if anything bad happens, the crowd's going to fucking get very sphincter tidy. Almost would rather be on the road if I'm the Chiefs. That's a really good game.

1:07:19Cousin Sal:Great game. It's an early game, huh? Is that an OK Jim game?

1:07:22Bill Simmons:It might be an OK Jim. Yeah, of course. OK Jim. Only have two watchables. Chicago at home for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Unclear if Rodgers is playing. He had a slight fracture in his wrist.

1:07:38Cousin Sal:Yeah, that's his left wrist. They're saying it's some kind of... And that's the wrist he uses to jerk off to UFOs. So I don't even know. I could see him not playing. I don't know that to be true. It's just a guess.

1:07:51Bill Simmons:It's just a rumor.

1:07:52Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:07:53Bill Simmons:I have the Bears favored by three at home against the Steelers.

1:07:57Cousin Sal:You nailed it. I went low. Yeah, I went one and a half. It is three. It's exactly three. Yeah. That seems like Mason Rudolph. You know what this is?

1:08:07Bill Simmons:This is the horseshoe up the asshole Super Bowl. Right. They should start marketing it that way. It's two teams that have just pulled horseshoes out of their fucking rectums for three straight months. Now it's a horseshoe battle.

1:08:20Cousin Sal:Of course there's rivalry with Rodgers and the Bears, right? We own them, all that stuff he would say. So it's probably better off the Steelers go with Mason Rudolph. Little score to settle there. Oh, he was... Actually... Oh, no. I'm thinking of Trubisky. Never mind. I'm out of it.

1:08:39Bill Simmons:I think it's fine to get Trubisky confused with the other guy who did it.

1:08:45Cousin Sal:I just spent hours with my father. I'm like, please, don't... Why? Don't turn it to... Yeah, we're going to go through the weekend you had in a little bit.

1:08:52Bill Simmons:This is an amazing performance by you just to be coherent on the Sunday night pod. Eagles at Dallas. Your favorite team.

1:09:02Cousin Sal:I don't know about that You could be 5-5-1 after this game Stop the nonsense here I'm so mad at this line

1:09:12Bill Simmons:I put this line I fucking rammed it into the Vega zone Like dead center minus 5, Vega zoned it up

1:09:22Cousin Sal:Well I said 6 because that's where it should start Because one's a very good team that we think is going to win the conference arguably and one is a team that doesn't belong in either conference and it's three and a half so you get it. Wow. I mean they're full of shit with this. That feels a little too low. Three and a half. By the way can I just go as good as the late games were this week? Yeah. Next week late afternoon Browns Raiders Jags Cardinals Falcons Saints Cowboys Eagles Oh my lord. If the Eagles go up like 13-0 It's a poop fact that's special. Really bad. Yeah.

1:10:00Bill Simmons:fairly watchables, only have three. Pats at Bengals.

1:10:08Bengals, wow.

1:10:10Cousin Sal:It's not a good football team. They're not. That's why I love Pittsburgh today. That defense is just, eventually you'll get to them. 117 points in three games before this. This is watchable because their defense allows nice big plays for you.

1:10:26Bill Simmons:I have the Patriots. So I put some thought into this one. I think it's going to be Patriots minus six and a half.

1:10:35Cousin Sal:What is it? I said eight. That's seven. Why is it seven? You're the best team in the universe. Why is this since he loses to everybody?

1:10:46Bill Simmons:I think you can throw in the Pats.

1:10:48Cousin Sal:You could throw on them? Oh.

1:10:50Bill Simmons:Yeah. So what? I just think they can hang around in this game.

1:10:55Cousin Sal:I mean, it's going to have to be flagged. you don't give up 60-yard rush games, right? So it's going to have to be all Flacco.

1:11:06Bill Simmons:Jags at Cardinals. And the Jags are going to be favored. And this is a classic, let's be careful out there on the Jags. Trusting them, betting real money on them, assuming that they're going to just cruise through this. I would just be careful all the way around. I have Jags minus three.

1:11:27Cousin Sal:All right, you get it. I said one and a half, and it's two and a half. I'm cashing out now. I'm sorry, Jacoby. Jacoby's my biggest fan in Guess the Lions. I don't like the way this is going. You tap it out? Just tap out? I'm going to cash out, I think. I guess it's the same thing. You like this? Lots of easy games. Did you see the UFC fights last night? I missed them, though. I didn't get to see them. I know there was a brawl. I know there was a brawl. Which were great.

1:11:53Bill Simmons:Yeah. Well, the last two were supposed to be these great championship fights. just like, oh, you knew in two minutes what was going to happen in each one. Just the female fight, just domination. Then Islam, just domination. Just domination. The guy is like, I just don't know what you would do if you had to fight him in the octagon. I don't know what, he lulls you to sleep. He does stand up. You're like, oh, cool. And then all of a sudden you're on the ground, on your back. and you're like, wait, I thought we were doing stand-up. And he just does it every round.

1:12:29Cousin Sal:Yeah, that's what you're saying. This is like you beat me in guest alliance. I could see that.

1:12:34Bill Simmons:I'm Islam. Yeah, domination. Not good. Packers, Vikings in Green Bay. And I think this goes in the Vegas zone as well. I have Packers minus five and a half.

1:12:45Cousin Sal:All right, I had five and a half also. It's six and a half.

1:12:50Bill Simmons:You see any teasers you like? New England and Green Bay? Hard to think J.J. McCarthy's going to go into Lambeau and do anything. But I know. Five, poopfecta games. Never a good sign for the weekend. Lions, home for the Giants. I put that in double figures. Lions minus 10.5.

1:13:11Cousin Sal:Too low? That's one I have to steal from you. I said 11. It's 10.5. You're looking at these ahead of time. You know you're not supposed to look at these ahead of time. Don't look at these. Your guess, and then we check versus your guess. We cross-reference. Don't look at them.

1:13:29Bill Simmons:Falcons at the Saints. How embarrassing is it that the Falcons are favored in this game? Because I think they are. I'm going to say Falcons minus two and a half.

1:13:38Cousin Sal:Oh, come on. That's what I said. It is two and a half. We both get it. Anyone who bets on this game should see a psychiatrist. Yeah, you're right. I'm staying away, except it's probably the best four o 'clock game.

1:13:49Bill Simmons:Go see a psychiatrist if you're betting this game. Raiders-Browns in Vegas. So this is the road Browns who are terrible, always. Possibly with Shador Sanders. And I still don't think the Raiders are favored by three. I said Raiders two and a half.

1:14:04Cousin Sal:I had two and a half also. It is three. Is this an FU game for Shador? Vegas passed on him like six times. I mean, everybody passed on him like four times. But they had like back-to-back picks. I think every game is an FU game for him. The whole league passed on him over and over again. They had that spot where they had like three picks and like had a 25 and they, yeah, everybody thought they would take. It seems like everybody was right.

1:14:29Bill Simmons:Ravens home for the jets. This has to be double figures.

1:14:36Bill Simmons:Ravens minus it's in Baltimore. I have Ravens minus 10 and a half.

1:14:40Cousin Sal:Okay. I get this. I said 13 it's 14 and a half. Yeah. That's stupid. I mean,

1:14:47Bill Simmons:I get it, but I just don't think the Ravens are explosive enough to carry a line that big. What is the evidence? They settled for field goals over and over again.

1:14:56Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:14:58Bill Simmons:Jets aren't terrible. They hung around with the Pats, I thought. They're coming on 10 days rest.

1:15:03Cousin Sal:They scored, and then they were dumb. Even against Cleveland, they had two kick returns, punt return, and then they were done. They just can't. Maybe second half is the way to play this. Fields is like,

1:15:15Bill Simmons:because you watch him, and you're like, oh, man, if he was only accurate, he'd be really good. I was thinking it's like, if it was a standup comedian who had everything except none of the jokes were funny.

1:15:25Cousin Sal:Right, right, right.

1:15:26Bill Simmons:If your jokes were funny, you'd be fucking awesome, man. Everything else is so good.

1:15:30Cousin Sal:Yeah, right. And just each punchline sucks. Twist balloon animals like no one's business. Yeah.

1:15:36Bill Simmons:It looks so good up there. The way you handle the stage, like I like your outfit. Seahawks Titans is in Tennessee. And And I really wanted to give this the 10.5, but I went 9.5 for the Seahawks. Seahawks, 9.5.

1:15:56Cousin Sal:I did give it 10.5, and that was way light. It's 12.5.

1:16:01Bill Simmons:Oh, my Lord.

1:16:02Cousin Sal:All right, let me just do something for fun here. Count the wins? No, I lost already.

1:16:08Bill Simmons:But if you do... You're doing a 13-pointer?

1:16:13Cousin Sal:Yeah, because...

1:16:14Bill Simmons:14, 13-pointer?

1:16:16Cousin Sal:Oh, man.

1:16:17Bill Simmons:Seahawks, Ravens.

1:16:19Cousin Sal:I think you have to do the 13-pointer because it's minus 265 if you just take the three favorites there. That's no good. That's not going to get it. Maybe add the Packers. I don't know.

1:16:30Bill Simmons:Sunday night is a decent game in there, Sal.

1:16:34Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:16:34Bill Simmons:Oh, Mike, we finally got a decent game.

1:16:36Cousin Sal:Come on, don't screw this up, Baker.

1:16:39Bill Simmons:Rams home for the Bucs. I have Rams minus 6.5. Against the Bucs.

1:16:48Cousin Sal:That's exactly freaking right. It went up. It was six, and it went to six and a half. I had four and a half. You get that. Poor Baker. It does seem like a tough game every time. Doesn't he play in a terrible division? When does he ever play his own shitty division mates? Well, this is his first play schedule, right? Yeah. I guess I was just hitting him hard at once there. So we have who the Panthers play?

1:17:14Bill Simmons:Oh, they're on Monday night. That's the next game.

1:17:16Cousin Sal:I mean, Tampa's minus 600. They're just going to keep losing, and it doesn't really matter.

1:17:22Bill Simmons:Well, how about this? To win the division. If the Rams beat the Bucs on Sunday, the Panthers could be playing for first place in San Francisco on Monday night. A team that you can throw the ball in.

1:17:34Cousin Sal:That's insane. I mean, I was looking at what are they to make the playoffs? They're plus 360, the Panthers. What are they for in the division? The vision there plus 500. How could that be? They're not going to make the playoffs, not the division. Maybe I got that backwards. But their games are...

1:17:54Bill Simmons:Sometimes they screw that up.

1:17:56Cousin Sal:Yeah. But wait, hold on. What are their... I saw their games. Now I'm holding this up. Whatever. They're not making it. You see, you're out. There you go. You see? That's it? See how I did that? No, wait a minute. Where is it? I had the whole thing listed. You do? Who is it? Oh, okay. They have the Bucs twice, the Rams and the Seahawks. And they're 6-5. So they have to win four games, Bucs twice, Rams, Seahawks.

1:18:23Bill Simmons:Well, what's interesting is they have the Bucs in week 16 at home and then the Bucs at Tampa in week 18. So if they're within a game.

1:18:32Cousin Sal:Oh, so you're saying they could take a wild card. That's interesting.

1:18:36Bill Simmons:No, I don't think they have any chance to take the wild card. I think they can win the division, though.

1:18:40Cousin Sal:Oh, well, then the Bucs will play hard that week, that 18. Yeah. Yeah, no. Can't do it.

1:18:47Bill Simmons:I have the Niners favored by five and a half against Carolina.

1:18:51Cousin Sal:No, I'm Monday night in San Francisco. You get whatever. It's seven. I have five. Don't do the whatever. Then it makes it less fun for me to beat you. I don't like when you do whatevers. God, I needed to win three in a row. You won 11-6, and you're up 8-4 on the year.

1:19:09Bill Simmons:Listen, Patrick Mahomes may be a 500 quarterback, but I'm still good at guest lines. Good. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. We're in the heart of the FIFA World Cup 26. Every play matters here. FIFA World Cup 26. For you, the stakes are just aside. Michelob Ultra, the official beer sponsor of the FIFA World Cup 26, is giving you a chance to win$1 million worth of tickets and prizes. Michelob Ultra, from the pitch to the poor, superior is worth playing for. Enter now at MichelobUltra.com slash superior access slash FIFA World Cup 2-6. Michelob Ultra FIFA World Cup 26 superior access.

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1:20:53Bill Simmons:NMLS 910457. Today's Parent Corner presented by Uber Eats. Let's be real. It wouldn't be game day without a spread of your favorite foods, pizza, burgers, burritos, you name it. Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long. So we have -

1:21:08Cousin Sal:Hold on. Grapes, watermelon, and low-cal popcorn for me. Fit Sal coming up. That's what I did on Uber Eats today. There you go. Really? Yeah, can you tell? Yeah, my neck is so much thinner now from last week.

1:21:24Bill Simmons:We're doing a special Parent Corner this week. We're not going to talk about our parents. We're going to talk about our friend, Cleto. So go ahead.

1:21:32Cousin Sal:Oh, all right. Well, Cleto Escobedo, I've known him since I was six. He's my cousin Jimmy's best friend. And he was the band leader for 23 years. And he grew up, Jimmy grew up across the street from Cleto. And he had a very cool, he was very cool growing up. First of all, he played the saxophone like no one's business. His voice was amazing. It's standing ovations in high school and college and any time he went on tour. And he was like a womanizer at like 10 years old and just a true rock star. and Jimmy and I would listen to him. Like I spoke at the memorial and I was like, it was like an alien going through his fitness regime.

1:22:15Cousin Sal:Like we had no idea what he was talking about. Tongue kissing girls and everything. And then he's like, he actually is a rock star. He like toured with Paul Abdul and like Paul Abdul's greatest song, Forever Your Girl. The best part of her greatest song. Like girl, you know, I love you and I always will. I'm sorry, Cleto. I didn't do that. That was Cleto, not on the record. Yeah, Cleto sang it. But when they were on tour, they would do it. And he toured with Paul Abdul and Mark Anthony before Jimmy brought him on. And just go backwards. Yeah, I don't know how much Jimmy wanted to do.

1:22:46Bill Simmons:When Jimmy was friends with him initially, Cleto was a little bit older.

1:22:50Cousin Sal:Yeah. And you said in your tribute, he was like your Mexican Fonzie.

1:22:56Bill Simmons:He was like just way cool. You guys were just learning every single thing about life from him.

1:23:01Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:23:01Bill Simmons:So three years when you're kids is like 20 years.

1:23:05Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah.

1:23:06Bill Simmons:Like somebody is like so far ahead in so many different ways. And he kind of adopted. Jimmy was following him.

1:23:11Cousin Sal:He was a catcher in little league. Jimmy was a catcher. He played, Jimmy couldn't play the sack. So he played the clarinet, but he wanted to be in the band, you know? So yeah, there was that. He was super cool. I said, he had like this beta max because his father, who also a great sax player gave up his career. So he could help raise Cleto with his mom in Las Vegas and became a, a, a, a butler in Caesar's palace and became Sammy Davis Jr.'s personal butler. because Sammy had known his band. And Sammy became friends with the family, gave him this Betamax, and we'd watch old fights on it. You talk about Larry Holmes and all of them, but even Muhammad Ali was his favorite.

1:23:47Cousin Sal:And it was just everything was cool about him. It was just a rock star for his whole life. And I mean, I don't know. I could tell a million stories, but I spoke it for like 600 people.

1:23:59Bill Simmons:Yeah, we had, there's a mass, and then there was a whole memorial service that was about as high of a production as you're going to get from a memorial service. Incredible. Jimmy's staff went overboard for three days, did this whole two-hour tribute, had like this 15-minute highlight video of all these different things from the show with Cleto, and then a bunch of speakers, all of whom were great. You did an awesome job. I was really proud of you.

1:24:24Cousin Sal:Thank you.

1:24:24Bill Simmons:Appreciate it. Michael McDonald came out. Yeah. Jimmy comes out at the end. It's like we wanted to get a special musical guest and couldn't believe this person was going to come out and do this. I'm just sitting in my seat. I'm ready for literally any musician. And then Michael McDonald, one of my all-time favorites, came out and sang something for Cleto.

1:24:44Cousin Sal:He sang the song Peace. He was so great. And my cousin Jonathan, who also spoke, he was great, said, we're telling all these stories about Cleto and women and his poor wife is there. And it's like it was all before he met her and everything. But she has to go through this and here. It's not bad enough. But we're talking about it. And Cleto. And then he took this girl to a place called the Soak and Poke. And it's like, and then it's like Michael McDonald coming. It was like the, my cousin John that said like, it was like the adult entered the room. He's like, okay, guys, I'm going to tell you about death.

1:25:15Cousin Sal:And I'm going to tell you about that. And he spoke fondly about Cleo.

1:25:17Bill Simmons:He had an unbelievable speech. It was like just off the cuff. Had this unbelievable speech about life. And then he sang a song called Peace. And it was like a two hour thing. And then everybody went to next door to Jimmy's where Jimmy films the show in the backstage. It was like 700 people there. And a bunch of our friends catered a bunch of the food, like Chris Bianco. And it was basically almost everybody who worked for the show in the last 23 years. It was really weird.

1:25:45Cousin Sal:Like seeing people like KP, our friends, like just that grew up in the green room and like here they are. And it was just like a terrible occasion to gather for. But it was really like, or your life like flash before your eyes like that. Wow. That was like 25 years ago.

1:26:01Bill Simmons:Everybody was, I know when people die, it's obviously you're always like, I can't believe this happened, but Cleto is 59. And, you know, what else do we have to say? Yeah.

1:26:13Cousin Sal:I mean, I just, I'm getting choked up. So I'm going to let you keep talking. I like this. I've never seen that you're vulnerable like this. I mean, you know, he died on my uncle Frank's birthday and my uncle Frank died on his birthday. Like my uncle Frank died first, obviously. And so, and that's just amazing. And just, you know, it's one of a hundred coincidences. And another coincidence is the Cowboys, our favorite team, I would go with him to Oxnard, you know, like, you know, that's not bad enough that we had to watch them on TV an hour and 40 minutes away in Oxnard. They set up training camp during the summer and we'd watch them from behind a fence and we'd walk away like, yeah, they're going to be good this year.

1:26:50Cousin Sal:And they're all always bad. Always terrible. Always shaking our heads on Mondays. But anyway, the Cowboys are in Vegas tomorrow where he grew up laying three and a half points. And I urged everyone in the crowd to bet$10 ,000 on the Cowboys because that's how Cleto would want it. Like I said, I don't care your financial situation. Just if you love Cleto, I don't think they'll take us up on it.

1:27:12Bill Simmons:Well, his two teams were the Dodgers and the Cowboys.

1:27:15Cousin Sal:Yeah. So he had, you know, he really, it looked like he wasn't going to make it a few weeks ago

1:27:21Bill Simmons:and then kind of rallied back a little bit and rallied back and was watching all those Dodger games. And they had that amazing run. They win the World Series. But, you know, some of the stuff about talking about family and how close that family was, his dad has been in the band the entire time and was there in the show the day after he died. He's going to be in the show on Monday. Right.

1:27:50Cousin Sal:I can't even look at him. It's just so sad. He is the nicest guy in the world, right? And forgetting even about the backstory of what he gave up to, you know. And then Jimmy brings them together for 23 years. They're playing side by side. But I have to say, it freaks me out. Just time going by. We saw the montage. I think you and I talked about it. Like, he was a little older than us when the show started. And now he's this little old man, right, in his 80s. Cleto, right. Cleto Sr. Sr. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I can't say enough about those people. It's very sad, obviously, of the kids and the wife.

1:28:26Cousin Sal:And then the extra layer of the parents who were, I mean, this family, they'd call each other when they weren't working together, like every 20 minutes to see. Like, none of them thought the other was a pain in the ass about it. That was just how they operated, you know.

1:28:39Bill Simmons:So. Yeah, it was weird talking to different people about it yesterday because, you know, when we all started with the show, I don't know. I was 32, how old were you? You were like, you're a year younger than me. So you're 30 or 31. Yep. We had a lot of people who were in their 20s. We had people in their early 20s. Like Daniel's wife was 22.

1:28:59Cousin Sal:Right.

1:29:00Bill Simmons:You know, and you see all those pictures. And in some ways it was a million years ago. And then in other ways it wasn't. Right. You know, so.

1:29:11Bill Simmons:I want to say something about his dad, but I'm not going to get through it. So I'm going to move on. Let's wrap up. Want to wrap up Parent Corner?

1:29:17Cousin Sal:Yeah, whatever you want to do, man.

1:29:19Bill Simmons:I'm trying to think of some sort of terrible Ben story that I could tell to loosen it up.

1:29:24Cousin Sal:I don't have anything. My kids were very upset. They don't have, I think that was their first funeral. And they don't like it. They're not fans. It turns out funerals are fun. We should mention his daughter went up.

1:29:36Bill Simmons:How old's his daughter? 14, 13?

1:29:38Cousin Sal:She's like 16 now, Jesse. 16, yeah, yeah.

1:29:41Bill Simmons:She went up and gave a really great, I just don't know how she did it. There was like a thousand people there. I would have been completely terrified, but talked about, you know, um, I don't know. Really talk to elk.

1:29:54Cousin Sal:Like you are. So she's a singer. Like she was like, yeah, you know, she's like, she's, yeah, she's a singer and she's got the bug. And, uh, they, they had that in common. And, uh, uh, yeah, you're right. Let's end this.

1:30:09Bill Simmons:Uber eats is like, what happened?

1:30:11Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:30:12Bill Simmons:today's parent corner is presented by Uber eats. get almost anything for game day like your favorite game day foods drinks and snacks on uber eats the official on-demand delivery partner of the nfl order now so i think um the band's going to keep going quito senior is going to still be in the band um amazing yeah and the show is going to be on monday i don't know and then you had you had to prepare we had you to prepare to speak in front of 1500 people yesterday you had to host the show that we have this gambling show in the morning watch football and then do this. I don't know how you did it.

1:30:46Cousin Sal:It's all right. I'm going to go to bed for three and a half days after this. That's how I did it.

1:30:51Bill Simmons:So the irony of all of this is Cueto, Vegas guy, Cowboys favorite team and then tomorrow the Cowboys are at Vegas. That's it. There's been a lot of weird signs in the last couple of days including Jimmy said there was a rainbow where he lives this morning and a whole bunch of weird stuff.

1:31:09Cousin Sal:His birthday was 823. So I'm betting, I'm going to hit all the weird coincidence of not. 823 adds to 31. Cowboys, 31 exact points is 11-1. So at least do that if you're not going to bet the 10 ,000 on them.

1:31:23Bill Simmons:I feel like the Cowboys will win tomorrow. I do like them. All right, let's wrap it up. Thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well. Thanks to you, Sal. Good to see you. Good job by you as always. Good job by you, buddy.

1:31:42Bill Simmons:I don't have feelings with them.

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