The Chiefs Are Done, Pittsburgh Hates Us, Lamar Is Missing, Guess the Lines, and Some NBA Stuff With Cousin Sal

15:37Cousin Sal:Right, sorry.

15:38Bill Simmons:And they play Arizona, Las Vegas. They're at the Chargers in Indianapolis.

15:44Cousin Sal:Tennessee's just such an easy win for everyone. But I hear you. That's how they'd have to do it.

15:49Bill Simmons:Well, Tennessee. I don't know if you watched Mike McCoy's post-game locker room speech.

15:54Cousin Sal:I missed that one. What did he do? He kept his clothes on?

15:57Bill Simmons:Praise Tony Powered. Talked about how well they ran the ball. He thanked KOC for, not KOC, Stefanski, for that weird two-point play he ran and took his hot quarterback off the field. Yeah, listen, I was on a Pat's thread today, and all of us were like, please, God, don't. We don't want the 2-7 against the Texans. please no I don't want to play them I don't want to play their defense I just think that's a scary matchup because you have you figure the Bills either they're going to catch the Pats and take over the AFC East or they're going to be the 5 seed would be my guess they have probably one more loss than them but they'll end up probably 12-5 would be my guess and then it's the Chargers the Colts, the Texans puncher's chance of the Chiefs as the other wild card spot

16:49Cousin Sal:I think the Chargers-Texans week 17 is probably for the 6th seed. I've looked ahead a little bit here. That's probably for the 6th seed, losers the 7th seed. But otherwise, honestly, these playoff positions are kind of set. I don't know what the numbers are, but Chargers-Texans-Bills, probably the wild cards, right? Yeah, I think that's fair.

17:12Bill Simmons:It's hard because everybody's playing each other, and then you have in the NFC South, you have Carolina and Tampa playing each other twice. so it's hard to guess what we'll talk about that later too i was trying to think of the most shocking i can't believe this ended this fast nfl season that i can remember since we were kids because even like the cowboys you made the playoffs that year and you even won a round and then you lost and then the next year you went six and ten and the pats had that last year after they won the last ram super bowl when you know they they played the titans they still made the put did they make the play?

17:49Bill Simmons:I can't remember if they made the playoffs or not, but that terrible loss to Ray Ball at the end, but the pick six. Yeah. They were at least in it and it felt okay. And the last one I can remember was the 1980 Steelers. Remember when they went nine and seven? I don't think they made it, but it was so stunning as a kid. Like the, right. Oh my God. The Steelers are not going to, they'd won four or five Super Bowls. It's like, it's really over. Like it was just like improbable. And then I'm sure there's kids right now. like, oh my God, really?

18:19Cousin Sal:This isn't happening? The Eagles, after they made the Super Bowl, the loss to the Chiefs, the last six, was that the year, the next year? But that wasn't, yeah, you're right. That wasn't early.

18:30Bill Simmons:That wasn't either a mini dynasty like this was. That wasn't a generational team that we'll remember this Chiefs run for as long as we're following football.

18:41Cousin Sal:Yeah. And it wasn't even a big injury. It really wasn't, if Mahomes goes out week four, you understand. man, but this is just every game. Look, they won all the one-score games last year, and they just can't do it. They can't do it this year.

18:54Bill Simmons:So I guess it was bound to happen. The game when it really felt like, and maybe this will determine the playoff standings, but that stupid Jaguars Monday night game that everyone and their brother lost money on, and that pick six Mahomes threw, and that was the first time it was like, huh, this doesn't feel like a Chiefs season in the same way. But now you think, big picture, like Reed's about to hit his 70s. They're going to lose Kelsey. They've spent all this money on all these dudes that they've moved these contracts forward. And Chris Jones is in his 30s. Mahomes is going to be in his 30s now.

19:26Bill Simmons:So, you know, we've seen teams reset, but it usually depends on the draft. And putting like two, three drafts, like when the Pats did their reset in the 2010s, it was because they hit in 2011 and 12 and 13. They hit a bunch of drafts in a row and were able to rebuild. So that's going to have to be what they do.

19:42Cousin Sal:But we've liked a bunch of rosters more than the Chiefs for a while now, right? Yeah. Like a bunch of AFC rosters. Like, oh, I'd rather have 10 other receiving cores than the Chiefs do in the AFC. And now it's just like, yeah, that's still true. And Mahomes has lost a step. And maybe Reed's lost a step. And Kelsey's definitely lost a step. And that engagement is over. I don't care what anyone says. Reporting it live right now. That's it. Sorry.

20:11Bill Simmons:There it is. It's funny, Mahomes, I don't feel like has lost anything other than the deep stuff, which we've talked about for two years. Everything else, he still moves around in the pocket. He still pulls plays out of his ass. He's still awesome as a scrambler. He's probably the only quarterback who, when he's in the open, isn't necessarily going to slide. I'll show you how bounced off him today for a really big play that extended a third down. But the deep balls, and he threw a pick today on one. it's been an issue for two years and I don't really understand that. I don't know if it's healthy or it's like a mental thing or what's going on.

20:48Cousin Sal:These guys are open on some

20:50Bill Simmons:of these passes.

20:51Cousin Sal:Some of them. Some of them they are and then they just don't get it but it was going to be a tight window against this Texans defense on a lot of them so I just, yeah, I mean if you're asked the question which quarterback do you start a team with, you're not going to go four, five, six before you say Mahomes, right? So I don't want to bury them too much.

21:09Bill Simmons:No, I was listen to the ringer nba show or nfl show the other day with shield and solak was on and they were talking about drake may and the mvp and then they were talking about how many qbs potential like how big of an asset is he basically and it's like yeah we have this mahomes alan lamar group and it's like has may moved into that group as an asset he's on a rookie contract and they were like you know would you trade him for lamar the way lamar's been playing no um and then they mentioned Allen, who's a little bit older than May. So, but I can see the case for, for Allen on that, but they said Mahomes and I'm like, man, Mahomes is going to be 31 next year.

21:47Bill Simmons:May's 23.

21:49Cousin Sal:Yeah.

21:49Bill Simmons:I, as a Pats fan, I don't, it's crazy, but I don't know if I would do that. I don't know if I would give up eight years of May to get Mahomes at this point, which would have been the craziest thing to say ever a year ago.

22:01Cousin Sal:And especially since he fills the void of what you're talking about. Your guy throws the deep ball well and Mahomes doesn't anymore. That's all I'm going to say. Nice about Drake May. Thanks. They were off.

22:13Bill Simmons:Listen, you turned his career around.

22:15Cousin Sal:I know.

22:16Bill Simmons:Well, huge win for the Texans. I continue to think they're really good and they have some excellent wins this year. And you go back to that first part of the season. So they've beaten Baltimore, San Francisco, Jacksonville, KC, Buffalo and Indy. Yeah. a hard schedule this year, right? Eight and five, when you think like Stroud missed a couple games. Nick Chubb is in and out. They have this Woody Marks out of nowhere playing for them. Neither are their rookie receivers. They've been okay, but not awesome.

22:49Cousin Sal:I'd say good job by us for not crossing them off. I mean, you read that schedule? If you would have read that schedule, we looked at that schedule like, how the hell are they going to do this? Now they're minus 1 ,600 to make the playoffs. I'll give you a bad job by us.

23:03Bill Simmons:I texted... You and Henshin and the house, we do some future bets during the season sometimes. And the Colts, I think we're plus 780 to miss the playoffs with that schedule coming up. And we batted around and we didn't do anything. Didn't do it. And listen, I mean, the Danny Dimes thing was terrible today. But you knew one of these teams after like the 8-9 game mark was going to do the swan dive. And it was like, which one's it going to be? Colts are now 8-5. there's a crazy Indiana injury thing going on where you had the Pacers these first three rounds of the NBA playoffs with some of the greatest comebacks you know most entertaining games it was like it was like wow who sold their soul to win these games basically and then poor Halliburton goes down in game 7 Caitlin Clark gets hurt for the fever then you have Jones who Garrett's calling Indiana Jones and seems like he's on pace to be the Kurt Warner of 25 years later and he's playing with a fractured fibula and then blows out the Achilles on his other knee and I think they're done.

24:09Bill Simmons:I don't think they can come back from this.

24:11Cousin Sal:Oh, are you calling Fernando Mendoza, the IU quarterback, is going down in the second round of the playoffs? Oh, I didn't even think about him. Maybe it's just pros.

24:19Bill Simmons:I think he should be careful though. I would wear like what my mom wears. I would wear the evil eye to force up to

24:27Cousin Sal:do off the evil forces. high heels and, uh, all right. No, yeah, no, you're right. Yeah.

24:33Bill Simmons:No, just, does your mom wear one of

24:35Cousin Sal:those? No, my father, my father's mother would wear that. Yeah, for sure. For sure. But, uh,

24:40Bill Simmons:your mom insane or is that just my mom?

24:43Cousin Sal:No, my mom's insane, but, uh, yeah, but she has different things going on. Um, yeah, you got, I mean, I feel bad for Daniel Jones. It was like a, it was a valiant effort. I mean, I don't know if it was 30 for 30 material. I mean, maybe he could be featured in a music box doc? I don't know if he plays an instrument, but he really just, we all thought the Jags were the ones who were going to fall off, right? When you said that, like, all right, one of these three AFC South teams, it's got to be the Jags and now they've won four in a row. I do think, though, could they pick up Joe Flacco, this Colts team?

25:14Cousin Sal:Because they're kind of done with this Riley Leonard guy and Anthony Richardson's not up to speed. Isn't he on the Bengals? I thought they could they either said goodbye to him or they're about to say goodbye to him, I thought I saw. But, you know, Burrow's healthy, so they're plus 270 to make the playoffs. I don't know. I just... I mean, you would think they would go to Anthony Richardson, but

25:36Bill Simmons:he hurt his eye in that freak injury before a game. Got hit by a pass. So he's out. And then I don't know when Sauce Gardner comes back.

25:47Cousin Sal:Wow, really. Really fell apart for them.

25:50Bill Simmons:I thought this was a weird stat. the Colts have lost 11 straight road games to Jacksonville dating back to 2015.

25:58Cousin Sal:Yeah. We talked about that in the pregame show. Andrew Locke was the last one. How is that possible? I know.

26:03Bill Simmons:Because they had Urban Meyer that year. I don't remember them winning any games. So somehow the Colts still lost that year? That was it. I have, I don't know if you saw this on FanDuel. The Jaguars are now minus 450 to host the Shakeys game on Saturday.

26:16Cousin Sal:Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, there's a heavy amount of action when dimes went down. If there's, I mean, if it's Jaguars, they could host Houston, right? Couldn't that be a 2-6?

26:30Bill Simmons:My guess is it's Jaguars against either the Bills or the Patriots. Because if the Bills beat the Patriots next week, they still have a chance to win the AFC East. But I would say the five seed is coming from the AFC East would be my guess.

26:44Cousin Sal:See, I think the Jags could be a two seed. Like who they're going to end up with. They have the Jets at Denver, at Indy and Tennessee. They're going to have 11 or 12 wins. Your team will be the one seed. Right? Like, they play Denver. So if they win that, they're, I think, the two seed.

27:00Bill Simmons:Wow, are you right here?

27:02Cousin Sal:Yeah.

27:03Bill Simmons:Oh, yeah, because they're ahead of – oh, you're right. Because, yeah, they're going to be ahead of the AFC North.

27:08Cousin Sal:Denver's got some tough games left. So it'll be the three seed.

27:11Bill Simmons:So it'll be a 3-6. So it'll be like – I mean, Jacksonville Chargers, just put it in the shakies now. Start making the posters.

27:19Cousin Sal:That's a lifetime achievement award. Yeah, there's no question.

27:23Bill Simmons:There's no NFC matchup that's going to battle that one. Yeah, you're right. I forgot that the AFC North is going to be the four seed. So that'll be either Pittsburgh or Baltimore hosting Buffalo or New England. Odds are it'll be Pittsburgh hosting Buffalo, a game that I feel like we've seen every year now for nine years, even though it's probably only happened twice.

27:42Cousin Sal:Yeah, I know. We can't get away from that one. That turned into a real disgusting division. I don't know when you want to talk about that. But, goodness.

27:50Bill Simmons:So, Lauren, tell me if you agree with this. Trevor Lawrence after the game today. We all feel like we're a really good team and probably don't get the credit we deserve. And everybody talks about every other team. It's not untrue. Nobody really cares about the Jags, which is fine. It's kind of just how it is. And we'll use it as a chip on our shoulder and keep playing. You know what happened when I read that, Sal? What'd you do? That nobody believes in us police got activated. Yeah. They all hopped in a car and started cruising the neighborhood. They were like, whoa, Trevor Lawrence is just throwing it out there.

28:22Bill Simmons:Could the Jags be a nobody believes in us team? Nine and four, nobody's talking about us. I'm just, we're in nobody. It's in December. We're in nobody believes in us land. I'm on radar now.

28:31Cousin Sal:He said nobody cares about us. Is that the same as nobody believes in us? Because I agree that nobody cares about them.

28:37Bill Simmons:Nobody really cares about the Jags, which is fine. We don't get the credit we deserve. Everybody talks about every other team. That's all nobody believes in us talk.

28:46Cousin Sal:Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm starting to believe. I don't count myself.

28:51Bill Simmons:I don't believe in you either, even though I bet on you today, the Jaguars.

28:54Cousin Sal:I bet on them in August. They're my team to win the AFC South. And with each win, I become less confident in them. I don't know what it is. Right. But they do get off to leads now. They kind of feel like they stomp out some of these teams. And their defense is very good. Like, they won their last four. Three of them, they allowed a total of one touchdown. Three of the four wins there. So I still think they're going to have 12 wins. I don't think, I'm not saying, oh, I'm betting them to win the Super Bowl at whatever, what odds would they be? I don't care what stage are you. I'm not going to let you do that.

29:24Cousin Sal:No, they're 19-1. Keep going on that.

29:26Bill Simmons:One thing that happened today was, I thought Thomas was, you felt his presence a little bit in that game today, which he's been, I don't know, for the last six, seven weeks, he's been either not playing because he was hurt or he was a mess. and he was on fantasy waiver wires. Like it was that bad. But if they can get him going a little bit with the running game they have and some of the other stuff. And then, and I had a couple of red zone plays today where there was one specifically where Lawrence was about to get sacked. He's running down the middle toward the end zone. There's a guy behind him going for, and it just like had all the makings of the strip sack, but he didn't fumble it.

30:05Cousin Sal:Right. And I was like, oh, Trevor Lawrence. Yeah.

30:08Bill Simmons:Get better at this stuff.

30:09Cousin Sal:Yeah, it's weird. He's beating, well, you know, like I said, that's a big game against Denver. And they're like, I'll believe in you there, Trevor Lawrence. You beat Denver. Not that they're a world beater, as we saw today. But you do that, and all of a sudden, you're a decent, decent division winner.

30:25Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. The NBA Cup is back. It's sure to be thrilling, as always. I think the one thing I always like with the NBA Cup, what team is going to come out of nowhere and kind of plant their flag and make us believe in them? going forward because a big spotlight, national TV, good crowds. Who's going to kind of step up in the playoff atmosphere? The best moments are served cold, just like Big Globe Ultra or a freshing beer with only 95 calories. Plus, Ultra is also helping you see all the excitement up close and in person with a chance to win courtside tickets.

30:59Bill Simmons:Big Globe Ultra, superior is worth playing for. Enter now at michlobaltra.com slash courtside. Big Globe Ultra courtside, 25 to 26, no purchase necessary. Open to US Residence 21 plus begins Ends on October 1st, 2025. Ends on June 30th, 2026. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at makelobalture.com slash courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. So the biggest things that happened today, chief season's seemingly over. I'm going to go with this one next. Do you want me to list all the things I thought were the biggest things happening today or do you want me to go one at a time?

31:33Bill Simmons:Sure, go ahead. Want me to go for drama, just one at a time?

31:36Cousin Sal:We can only really respond to one at a time, right? So I don't know, whatever you want to do. That's a great point.

31:43Bill Simmons:Lamar's?

31:49Bill Simmons:You all right? We're live, you know. What's going on here? I know. Has he been replaced? Is this alien Lamar? Who is this? Is he way more hurt than, is this like when Derrick Rose came back after his ACL injury and it was like, that looks like Derrick Rose, but it's not Derrick Rose. Who is that? I don't understand this. He's not scary anymore. When he takes off, you don't feel like he's this incredible magician. He just seems like the worst-case version of playoff game Lamar, but it's every week now.

32:31Cousin Sal:Right. He has, what, no touchdown passes in how many weeks? I know he was averaging seven fantasy points. the last three weeks before today. I don't know what this team's identity is, and I'll throw the Steelers in there too because I have no idea what they're going to do week to week. I can't handle them. But the Ravens outran them by, what, 180 yards today? That's usually a winning formula.

32:55Bill Simmons:210 yards or something. Yeah.

32:57Cousin Sal:At home, that's usually good enough. And they got screwed on that touchdown. Whatever. They played poorly, but that likely touchdown, I don't understand what anyone's looking at there. Like you have to, what do you have to do? You have to secure the ball. You have to take two steps, then take 11 more steps, then high, high step across and then celebrate with a cheerleader.

33:17Bill Simmons:To finish the catch by actually finishing the catch and then finishing it again. Why is he always involved in this? I know you're right.

33:24Cousin Sal:He is. It's everything's down by the goal line with him. Maybe, maybe take him out there.

33:27Bill Simmons:And also we were watching it today and they were showing the replays. It's like, why did you drop this? It was like the guy came in late and hit it. He just caught it, took two steps, and just was like, ah!

33:38Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah, he freaked out. Yeah, I don't know. But, I mean, they should be able to overcome that in Aaron Rodgers. I'll tell you what. I'm looking at something. They could be done. They're 6-7. Could they be 6-11 at Cincy, your team, at Green Bay, at Pittsburgh? I mean, they're still showing a 165 for the division. They could be 6-11. You get 8-1 odds on 6-11 for them. It might be all over.

34:07Bill Simmons:I think they're done. And I kind of felt like they were done even before this week, but the Steelers were so bad the last couple weeks. I looked it up. So the Steelers are 7-6, which is 13 games. But I've lost money on 15 Steelers games this year. There's only 13. There's two extra games. I couldn't find them in the standings. Every week I'm wrong on them. It's just week after week, get it wrong. they are the ultimate Costanza zigzag team and the thing that was weird today was Rodgers was good I thought he the last couple weeks he was awful he couldn't have been worse and today I was like he made some plays, he created time I don't know, he took some hits he did the double down check down, whatever the fuck that's called did you agree?

34:57Bill Simmons:He was pretty good

34:58Cousin Sal:Yes, yes. He extended drives. He did all the things you're supposed to do as a quarterback. You know, maybe playing with that wrist messed up, that left wrist last week was tougher than this week. You wouldn't think so, but going to Baltimore would be a tall task. But, yeah, they're the class of that division. We just keep hoping that Cincinnati could win so that they could compete for the division. But it's just, it's over. It's over. It's these two crummy teams that are going to lead the way.

35:25Bill Simmons:At 110 Pacific time today, Malia Rubin texted, I'd rather get a rectal exam every Sunday than watch the Ravens. She's a Ravens fan. That's pretty rough. I don't know. Put that on the box, the VHS for the season. They still make those. The 2025 Ravens season thing. The Steelers had 13 first downs and 34 yards rushing, and they won. I don't know. How many of these games have they won like that? We were like, how did they win? What just happened? What did I watch? If Blakely catches it, I don't think the Steelers can go 50 yards to get the field goal, do you?

36:03Cousin Sal:Probably not. No, not the way that game was going. But I feel like both these teams deserve 6-7, 7-6 at this point.

36:12Bill Simmons:So what are Ravens to make the playoffs?

36:14Cousin Sal:They are, well, their division in playoffs is essentially the same, plus 168 because they're not getting a wild card.

36:22Bill Simmons:I was thinking in quarterbacks and Lamar is better than the guys that I'm about to mention are, but quarterbacks that just weren't as good anymore. And it was, and we kept waiting for it to come back and it just didn't. But, uh, Culpepper did this. Right. Randall Cunningham did this. Michael Vick did this when he came back after the suspension and he was really good and then all of a sudden he wasn't I'm sure there's others but it wouldn't be like crazy unusual if he just kind of peaked two years ago and that's where we are with this now or he might just have four injuries and they're not being honest with us about any of them

37:01Cousin Sal:I was looking at his numbers against the Chiefs against the Steelers in January they're all bad, Lamar's record And it's like we had our top four in our heads for probably about three or four years now. It's been Lamar. It's been Allen. It's been Mahomes. It's been Burrow. I didn't expect to. I'm not kicking two of them out of there, but we'll talk about it, right? Like we're discussing it right now.

37:25Bill Simmons:Lamar is out of there now. I mean, whether he can play himself in next year, but there's no scenario where he's in there anymore. Your boy took his spot.

37:32Cousin Sal:Yeah. Is there anybody else?

37:35Bill Simmons:Jordan loves kind of like doing this now.

37:38Cousin Sal:Right.

37:39Bill Simmons:Hey, guys. Let me in. I thought Love was great today.

37:45Cousin Sal:Yeah, he was excellent. I don't know why he does a fadeaway pass when he doesn't seem to need to do that. It's almost like a basketball thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

37:54Bill Simmons:But he was very, very good. Let's talk about that game. Bears-Packers. Only three games again, and...

38:04Bill Simmons:Why are they doing this to us?

38:07Cousin Sal:oh three games in the late window

38:09Bill Simmons:three late games and the over under of one and a half of the three games sucking is usually the over right so today too the game sucked which was great for me because I got to be an NBA hole and watch the Boston Celtics beat the Toronto Raptors the three seed in the east one of the most inexplicable runs in the history of the franchise anyway

38:32Cousin Sal:what was like Tuesday you were like they're gonna get pounded by the Knicks I was like, yes, you're right. Let's bet the Knicks. And then, no, it was the other way. Yeah, it was the other way.

38:42Bill Simmons:Well, OJ and Anobi didn't play, though. That was great. I thought Bears-Packers, I thought it felt like a playoff game.

38:51Cousin Sal:Yeah.

38:52Bill Simmons:The Bears lost, and they didn't cover by a half point. But I thought that game was a good game for them. It was a moral victory. They belonged in the game. it came down to a couple plays. They were right there. And in the playoffs, I think that team could hang around and do some stuff.

39:11Cousin Sal:And you know, even beyond that, I'm proud of them because, you know, this is a rivalry that's been going on for like 300, 350 years. Even though no one can name like two games that they remember in the last like quarter century. Yes, but they stepped up. They heard it was a rivalry. You know, I know they were like 1-12 against Green Bay, the last 13. they were down what 14-3 at one point and that could have been like all right everyone's called them fraudulent now they're gonna go away they fought back I think they only had like 73 yards in the first half of offense they couldn't be stopped in the second half I can't believe they didn't win this game and I know you hate that play where he rolled left their last play where he threw an interception Caleb but you know what he really showed me something no he was he was very good he was he was very good today I I'm I'm on Caleb Williams side they lost and they're not

40:01Bill Simmons:I thought they really fucked the game up near the end. So they're basically slow playing it, and they were clearly going to try to score and go for the two-point and not have the Packers get the ball back. I couldn't believe the announcers were even wondering if they were going to go for the two-point. They were 100 % going for the two-point.

40:20Cousin Sal:You know why they were going for the two? Because Green Bay let the clock go down. If it's a minute 40 left, if they're calling their timeouts, the Packers, now Green Bay, now the Bears have to think about going for two, right? But they went too slow, though.

40:33Bill Simmons:I was saying this as it was happening because I think they ran for it. There's like a minute 15 left. And it was headed to be third down and short. And they let 38 seconds run off before they ran their next play. But the guy got stuffed. So now you have all your timeouts left. But now it's fourth down. But now, even if I get it, I'm not even inside the 10-yard line. So now I've lost some of my run pass flexibility because it's under 30 seconds. I just thought it was mismanaged by the Bears. Don't get that cute. Play with a little urgency. There's two minutes left in the game and you're down seven.

41:11Bill Simmons:Don't fuck around.

41:12Cousin Sal:Well, there's a report. Ben Johnson wasn't even on the field. He was in the locker room. He had started his great job guy speech. Oh, he was oiling up? Yeah, he was already gone. He took his shirt off. So they were coachless towards the end. He was playing his entrance music. He was getting ready. I guess I'm rolling left and throwing the pass that was intercepted. They had done that against the Eagles last week and scored on it. So they do like it. But I'm with you. This was a good Bears loss. I know they dropped to the seventh seed. I don't think they're in danger of losing that playoff spot.

41:47Cousin Sal:Do you? I'm trying to look at their numbers here. No. The Bears are good. They're minus 215.

41:51Bill Simmons:It took me a while to kind of admit that. But I also thought they made some jumps. But they can run the ball. They had some good drives today where it felt like the game was going to get away from them. and it just didn't. Caleb, he does a lot of good stuff. He does a lot of stuff that make you go, he's raw, he's all over the map, but he's got so much talent. He'll make a couple plays a game that are some of the best plays of the entire day. These really, really crazy athletic plays are hitting guys with precision. I certainly feel better about him than I did like three months ago, don't you? Definitely.

42:28Bill Simmons:I wasn't even positive if you could win a playoff game with him three months ago. But there's enough there, I think.

42:34Cousin Sal:I mean, this is going to sound stupid. I'm more impressed with this game than I was him beating Philly on Black Friday. Yeah, because the Packers are legit good.

42:42Bill Simmons:I mean, the X factor of this game, I have to mention this because all the Packer fans, including a couple in my life, were going nuts about it. And we saw it too. Parsons got held the entire game. And especially in the fourth quarter, he was just getting mauled. And I don't know whether they just decided to call the whole game like that, but it was pretty crazy. And you could just see it on the TV. Like he was like a cannon coming out on these plays. Right.

43:06Cousin Sal:They were so fast today.

43:09Bill Simmons:I thought this was interesting. So Christian Watson's back.

43:12Cousin Sal:Yeah.

43:13Bill Simmons:And he's ready to swing your fantasy league playoffs. I don't know if you saw this, that catch and run score, he reached 21.6 miles an hour.

43:22Cousin Sal:Is that right? Yeah.

43:24Bill Simmons:When I was watching live, I thought it was like 21.2. Okay.

43:28Cousin Sal:Yeah.

43:29Bill Simmons:It was 21.6. I'm going to get you a new calibrator for Christmas.

43:33Cousin Sal:A new MPH calibrator. Because, yeah, you seem to be off on some of these. That's almost 22 miles an hour, Sal. I think Brady said that Caleb Williams this year had three runs over 20 miles an hour. Imagine Madden talking about this nonsense. Yeah, Madden would get this shit out of there.

43:52Bill Simmons:Brady's it was really cold there Brady was wearing some sort of leather yeah what was that jacket vest it looked like a combo Alaska parka but also with a leather part and it was so cold I think he just decided to smile like a crazy person because I think his face froze he was just like ah it's great to be here ah what a game oh

44:14Cousin Sal:he is growing on me I'll say that I don't know if he was I thought he had some good moments in the fourth quarter I don't know if he was one of the greats but yeah he's grown on me. It was enjoyable watching him. He's having fun watching too. Or maybe he's freezing the ball.

44:27Bill Simmons:I think he's figured out how to let the game breathe and how to pop in a couple times with like, oh, this was one of my favorite plays. Here's what they did. He's able to weave some of his own things that happen into the game now in an organic way, not an inorganic way. Packers. I feel like we change our mind every week on this. but they seem like they're the most complete team. And especially if they can at least figure out a two seed situation and get, uh, the first two games in Lambeau, I think they're in pretty good shape.

45:00Cousin Sal:Nine, three and one. What are the Rams? 10 and three. Um, with the Seahawks game left with the Seahawks. Right. And green Bay's at Denver, at Chicago, Baltimore, at Minnesota. That should be three wins.

45:13Bill Simmons:That feels like three and one at least. Right. So that should be.

45:16Cousin Sal:Yeah.

45:16Bill Simmons:Yeah. So that probably two seed for them, which puts them against the seven seed. Who's going to be who?

45:23Cousin Sal:Maybe an NFC West team? Could be the Bears. It could be... Well, the Bears. Yeah. Yeah, the Bears dropped the seven right now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's true. I mean, yeah, there's still a fight for this seven seed in the NFC. I don't think it is.

45:37Bill Simmons:If Carolina wins the NFC South, is that just an automatic Shakey's game or no? You can't even get it out of your back.

45:44Cousin Sal:Look at you. You're choking on it. Yeah.

45:45Bill Simmons:I just had a hiccup that almost died.

45:48Cousin Sal:Yeah.

45:49Bill Simmons:Still hiccuping donuts from last night at 2.30 in the morning.

45:52Cousin Sal:Carolina-Seattle would be a Shakey's game, you think? Something like that. Oh, my God, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Jacksonville can't fight that. We are going to lose so much money on that. It's all going to be about Mike McDonald, how he never loses on the road. We're going to hate Carolina by then, and they're going to win by 27-6 or something.

46:12Bill Simmons:It'll all depend on which week it is when they do the Carolina zigzag. Right, that's true. If it's coming off them sucking, you can't bet on them.

46:21Cousin Sal:I can't believe how Tampa blew this division. I honestly can't. I mean, I know you bet. I bet them, and now these teams are both 7-6. I mean, and I lost just a ton on that Bucs parlay. Did you stay away from a Bucs money line parlay?

46:34Bill Simmons:Oh, I think they've been terrible. I looked it up. They've won one game since Game 3 of the World Series, the 18-inning game. That game happened like a year ago.

46:44Cousin Sal:Right. Yeah, it was a long time ago. But they were playing good teams. This is an automatic. Just check this off.

46:51Bill Simmons:Well, remember, we were talking MVP for Baker early. Right. He's been bad. Yeah. He misses a lot of throws and does a lot of dumb shit and looks like the Baker who is in Carolina, I think he's hurt, so I'm not going to blame him. I think he's been playing hurt for the last five, six weeks, but the decision-making's bad. His arm strength doesn't seem the same. He's missing dudes. I think he's just been bad.

47:17Cousin Sal:It was rainy and he's not 100%, but it's also rainy for Tyler Shuck. Go Shuck yourself. Pretty good. And he was decent and he figured it out and he ran for first sounds when he needed to. I really feel like Baker let me down. Like Ruiz, early in the year, when we loved Baker, had Baker as his 16th best quarterback and he came on with me and Tate. I said, don't ever come on the show again. That's just nuts. Get out of here, Ruiz. That's it, Ruiz. Do your own thing. But from week seven forward, which is probably what you're talking about with the baseball World Series. He's 36 to 37 in both EPA and CPOE, which I think is important.

47:53Cousin Sal:It feels that way watching it. Yeah. Oh, man, they are going to blow this division. And they're clueless on fourth and one. Like, Bulls, like, they don't have an answer. They just can't convert fourth and one.

48:05Bill Simmons:Seahawks, Falcons, speaking of the NFC South. Atlanta is now 4-9. Raheem has dropped to 33-56 for the career. But I want to mention Seattle quickly because they took care of business. They beat the hell out of Kirk Cousins. Seattle has Indianapolis home next week.

48:27Cousin Sal:Yeah.

48:28Bill Simmons:I guess with Riley Leonard, but if you're ever going to want to play Indianapolis, it's next week. And then the week after the Rams at home. So it's all lined up for them. They could potentially even be a one seed if they really wanted to go for it here. The last two games are on the road.

48:45Cousin Sal:Their defense is spectacular. I think nine total points, eight turnovers. I know it's Brosmer and Cousins the last couple weeks, but they don't really let down on the road. When JSN is back, I think he's going to be the career leader in walking yards into the end zone. He's so far open. He starts his trot at the six-yard line and just walks in. Who is the actual leader of that?

49:12Bill Simmons:I would say either Moss or Rice.

49:14Cousin Sal:Moss or Rice? I feel like Moss had a lot of those. Yeah, yeah. Andre Risen used to have a bunch.

49:19Bill Simmons:Moss would have those TDs where nobody else was in the TV. He had to have led the league in that.

49:23Cousin Sal:Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. All right, he's got a ways to go, but he's pretty good.

49:28Bill Simmons:Broncos, Raiders.

49:30Cousin Sal:Wow.

49:31Bill Simmons:You know, Broncos did whatever, but just an incredible cover at the end of that game. Wow. Raiders down 10, five seconds left, line up for the field goal. Get it. They cover. and it might have been the backdoor of the year.

49:42Cousin Sal:Well, I mean, you have to paint it a little like, can he pick it to lock it? Brandon Jones for Denver knocks it out of Lockett's hand. So they stop the clock for delay a game. Out comes Daniel Carson to kick a spread covering walk-off field goal. I mean, God bless. I had the plus seven and a half. I feel like everybody else at Denver. God bless Pete Carroll. Just extend him for 15 years. Let him coach into the 90s. I love that.

50:06Bill Simmons:And Pete Carroll was full Biden face the entire game. now. He's just, he's got the Biden,

50:11Cousin Sal:where am I? Yeah. Hunter Biden. Yeah.

50:14Bill Simmons:The worst. Rams, Cardinals. I just wrote down, why do we ever pick the Raiders or the Cardinals to make the playoffs? I picked the Raiders to make the playoffs. You picked the Cardinals. Maybe when we do the futures, they should just be off limits for a playoff pick. You just can't pick them.

50:30Cousin Sal:No matter how tasty it looks. You talk about that four o 'clock window, they are just destined to lose by 30 in that four o 'clock window most weeks. And that was dumb.

50:39Bill Simmons:Let's start flexing games to 4 o 'clock just to kind of help out the multi-view.

50:43Cousin Sal:Oh, interesting. Yeah. Well, we have a full slate of weeks coming up. There are no more buys. So we get like four or five 4 p.m. games. But this should have been the only bet we made. The Rams raging after that loss. Cardinals dying to lose by multiple touchdowns. What would we do there?

50:59Bill Simmons:Gannon and the first coach fired kind of get their little smoke down. Dolphins-Jets. So Dolphins are 6-7, which is the same record as the Chiefs. I was trying to think when they lost that game into Cleveland, the Dolphins. And if I said to you then, I will bet you in week 14, the Dolphins and Chiefs will both be six and seven. What was that, 25 to one?

51:23Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah, yeah, something like that.

51:25Bill Simmons:And here's the funny thing. Like, they basically eliminated Tua from the offense. He had week 10, 173 yards. Week 11, 171. Week 13, 157. but today he was 127. He's throwing three touchdowns in four weeks. When you watch it, it's like you kind of forget he's on the team half the time. They're just trying to run the ball. A-chan gets hurt today. They bring him right. They're just pound, pound, pound. I think this probably is the last game they're going to win this year, which...

51:55Cousin Sal:It better be.

51:56Bill Simmons:They're over-under with seven and a half.

51:58Cousin Sal:I mean, I don't care about that. We have a nice, little tidy parlay for them, for teams to not make the playoffs, and they're still in the hunt. They're still in that freaking graphic. They had 239 yards rushing. They beat Brady Cook today, but they need to go. We may want to hedge there with 55-1. They can fuck off.

52:19Bill Simmons:Titans-Cleveland.

52:20Cousin Sal:Did we cross them off? I can't remember if we did. They're still crossed off.

52:24Bill Simmons:Titans-Cleveland. Shadur is having kind of the perfect season where there's enough hope that it's exciting, but they're also losing every game. It's like you can't ask for much more. Stefanski. Is this one of the great tank jobs of all time, or is he just awful at coaching? Because now it's got to be one or the other.

52:44Cousin Sal:How about this? It's just like the Browns have since been so incompetent for so long. I can't even tell what a tank is or what, like, why. I mean, that two-point conversion is ridiculous for Sanders to not be on the field, but they don't even know what the play is.

52:58Bill Simmons:Well, he was on the field for the last one. We didn't get it. Yeah, right. He's your quarterback, fuckface. He's 360 yards.

53:04Cousin Sal:I do feel like Shador's status increased by losing to the Titans somehow.

53:09Bill Simmons:Well, this is like, I mean, it's a great talk radio topic tomorrow. He's doing just well enough that everybody can be Stefanski sabotaging him and we can do that whole thing. We never waited. I think we do this every year when the team's down 14 and they score. And then the nerds have decided it's really smart to go for two.

53:29Cousin Sal:Yeah.

53:30Bill Simmons:And I don't know how I feel about that one way or the other. But the one that was really stupid to me was the one, what was it? Thanksgiving or Black Friday, one of those games when the team, when the team was at the Eagles, the Eagles on Friday when, uh, and everyone argued about that for three days. I thought that was the dumbest argument I've ever seen.

53:51Cousin Sal:So you were saying, no, you say kick the extra point there. I think that was to go for two to see if you're going to be down by eight or nine. Right.

53:59Bill Simmons:No, it was to go for two to try to see if you can get it to seven.

54:04Cousin Sal:right because at some point you're going to have to get it to some point you have to go for the two

54:07Bill Simmons:yeah my thing is why do i have to go for two now if i get a stop and i score another touchdown and their defense has been on the field for the whole fourth quarter and i have even more momentum don't i have a better chance at that point to get the two versus like right now because if i don't get it the game's over you know and then the way that people explain is like well then you know exactly how many points you need. It's like, it doesn't matter. I lost the game. I want to keep the game alive for as long as I can. I don't, this is one of those ones where I don't see the other side of the argument.

54:40Bill Simmons:You can throw all the math you want. I would rather try to get TD, extra point, stop, get that defense right back on the field, ram it down their throats again, and then go for the two point after they've just given up 200 yards and 20 plays, you know, go for it then.

54:55Cousin Sal:I was always in that camp. The defense is going to be more tired then than it is six game minutes from then.

55:01Bill Simmons:It's the Patriots Super Bowl corollary. The more the Falcons were on the field, they just died. And then it was easier to do everything.

55:07Cousin Sal:But you know what's happening? I think now, not even just nerds, but people I respect more and more are now saying, no, no, you got to go for two. You know, like when you see a movie and you're like, oh, that wasn't that good. But then people are like, no, no, no, go watch it again. Now I feel, I can't explain. Like Fantasy with Eddington. Exactly.

55:24Bill Simmons:Fancy's like, Eddington was great. That's it.

55:26Cousin Sal:Was it? Eddington is going for two. That's what it is.

55:29Bill Simmons:Yeah, Eddington's going for two the whole movie.

55:31Cousin Sal:Right.

55:32Bill Simmons:No, you don't understand. You got to go, Eddington went for two. Oh, okay. And they'll laugh at you. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Titans, Cleveland. So Cleveland is going to be in the running for the best pick. Yeah. Number one pick, somewhere in there. But there's really no number one pick. Right. even knows. McShay's going to be talking about this for the next six months. The last one, Bills-Bengals, which I was saving for the end here, which was an incredible game. Allen is still 14-1 for MVP, which I don't understand because if they beat the Pats next week, there's a real chance they could kind of flip things around.

56:14Bill Simmons:And Allen was just superhuman today. I mean, this was like... Yeah. It's hard not to think he's the best player in the league. As great as Drake May has been, I think the MVP P. Case is there for May. I get it. Even though Stafford took the lead a little bit today. But May, Allen is just, there's nobody like this dude.

56:31Cousin Sal:He's the best player. Not too many guys who like, they're scrambling and you're like, oh, he'll just get six here for the first down. He gets 46. You know, in the snow. It's like a locomotive. Yeah, it really was. That was a great game. That was so much fun, that game. I loved it. It was so surprising that Burrow

56:47Bill Simmons:fucked up.

56:48Cousin Sal:I know. He had two picks.

56:49Bill Simmons:One wasn't his fault, but the first one was like a Max Brosmer pick.

56:54Cousin Sal:Right, right, right.

56:56Bill Simmons:It was awful. And it was a huge part of the game, right? And it felt like, I don't know, I thought they were going to go down and score. But then James

57:03Cousin Sal:Cook fumbling twice was in a huge part of the game, right? So, like, you can't be happy for that guy. He does so much, but you can't be thrilled with him for more than, like, 20 minutes at a time. Yeah, that was, uh, it's kind of a bummer for Cincy to be out of it, out of it. Like, they'll have some, like, if you had a choice, if you could have Bengals, just from a viewing perspective, Bengals Cowboys in the Super Bowl or whatever the Super Bowl is going to be, what would you pick? Just for viewing.

57:30Bill Simmons:Why can't that be the Pro Bowl? Instead, it's just the two best teams that didn't make the fun. Voted by the fans. Playing for$100 million. Paid for by Amazon.

57:41Cousin Sal:It could be in the morning, too, of the Super Bowl. It just could be the early game. That'd be good. Poor Burrow. Yeah.

57:50Bill Simmons:I don't know what to make of this season. We're not going to have Burrow in the playoffs. We're not going to have Lamar. Right. We're not going to have Mahomes. We're not going to have Andy Reid. We're not going to have John Harbaugh who might get fired.

58:04Cousin Sal:Yeah.

58:05Bill Simmons:It's just weird. It's one of the weirdest seasons we've had in a while.

58:09Cousin Sal:We're going to have Nix and Drake May, and we're going to have who else? Jaden Danos' career is already somehow over after two years. Bryce freaking Young.

58:19Bill Simmons:Yeah. Good job. Bryce Young's in. This episode is brought to you by HubSpot. You know why elite point guards make everyone better? It isn't just the no-look times. It's because they know everything. Who's hot? Who's tired? What the defense is doing? Which teammate needs a basket? Most businesses don't have that. Sales run one play. Marketing runs another. Nobody told service. The game plan has now changed. HubSpot gives you that point guard vision. one platform, full customer context. And that context is everything you need to win. Visit HubSpot.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

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59:36Bill Simmons:Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn. For small business, every hire matters, but the time and resources required to hire right are limited. Luckily, LinkedIn Hiring Pro is built for that reality. It's your hiring partner designed to help you hire with confidence by surfacing only the right candidates without turning hiring into another full-time job. Hiring Pro streamlines the entire process from drafting your job to shortlisting candidates and conducting AI-powered screening interviews.

1:00:07Bill Simmons:Its conversational interface lets you describe what you need in plain language, no recruiter jargon needed. Nearly 60 % of hires find a candidate to interview within a week. With Hiring Pro, you spend less time searching and more time connecting with the right talent. Hire right the first time. Get started by posting your first job for free at linkedin.com slash Simmons. That's linkedin.com slash Simmons. Terms and conditions apply. Guess the lines. You've won a couple in a row. Yeah, it's eight to six now, week 15. Your fan base has been fired up.

1:00:35Cousin Sal:I know, I know. I was with Dave Jacoby this weekend

1:00:38Bill Simmons:and it's all he could talk about. He loves it. Do you think Sal can pull this off? He's asking me, the person who's in control of my own picks.

1:00:47Cousin Sal:Right. What'd you tell him? You told him yes. I said I thought he could. Okay, good. Don't trash talk me now. Thursday night.

1:00:56Bill Simmons:16 games rest of the way. Here we go. This is our last normal slate of the year. You getting sad yet that football's almost over?

1:01:04Cousin Sal:Oh, after Thanksgiving, I'm a mess. And as my fantasy teams go away, this is right in it. and my regular team

1:01:12Bill Simmons:oh can we talk about that really quick

1:01:14Cousin Sal:damn it I thought I could sneak it by you yeah sure

1:01:17Bill Simmons:I know my double deuce team a lot of injuries this year just so much heart much like Trevor Lawrence people thought people not talking about us enough but this is in our knockout league that our friend Brad has gotten kicked out of five times now

1:01:35Cousin Sal:five out of 15 years so it was looking

1:01:40Bill Simmons:semi-bleak for me today. I'm going against Mahomes and Kelsey, and I have Vidal tomorrow night and then Nico Collins today, and I'm down like eight points. And Mahomes puts up 7.4, and Kelsey puts up a 1.3. They combine for less than nine points. Nico Collins beats them by five points, and it looks like I make the playoffs unless Vidal just comes in, fumbles, and then You got to bench him. Pulls a hamstring.

1:02:09Cousin Sal:You could just bench him. You'll be fine. How do I bench him? Take a zero. I'm not telling you. Figure it out. Can I do that? Yes, you can. Yeah. You can. I mean, everyone will hate you if that's what ends up happening.

1:02:25Bill Simmons:Oh, I can bench him for Ramondar Stevenson.

1:02:27Cousin Sal:Yeah, put in someone that doesn't play. Yeah.

1:02:30Bill Simmons:Oh, that's really smart. What happens if they recalibrate the scores and then they figure out a day later?

1:02:35Cousin Sal:That's tough. That's tough. that's a good risk.

1:02:38Bill Simmons:You know what? I want to keep them in. I want to roll up the score on Cohers. Send a message if I see them for the playoffs. But it was amazing rooting against Mahomes and Kelsey and they're having like the worst game of their entire career. I was like, this is great. All right, guest lines. Thursday night. What a stinker. Our first really bad one in a while. Can Al skip this one? Can what? Can Al? Can we not send Al? Can we send somebody else to this?

1:03:04Cousin Sal:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, what is he? Have Collinsworth call him and be like, Al, you don't need to go to Tampa, Al.

1:03:11Bill Simmons:He loves it. There's got to be somebody else.

1:03:14Cousin Sal:He's not going to freak out too much. It'll be 68 years.

1:03:17Bill Simmons:No, no, I love the gentleman clubs there. It's a great scene.

1:03:24Cousin Sal:I hit this one exact, so good luck off the bat. Bucks, Falcons.

1:03:30Bill Simmons:I might skip this. This will be one where I'll tell Howard and Eduardo right now. We don't have to wait until after the Thursday night game to finish the podcast. We'll finish it before this game.

1:03:42Cousin Sal:I thought you'd skip picking it. I was like, that's interesting. You're just giving me one. All right. Bucks minus six was my guess. It's five and a half. That's what I had. Vegas zone. Good guess. I want to bet this. I can't bet this. They suck. They suck so bad, Tampa Bay.

1:04:01Cousin Sal:This is a bad game. Yeah, they blew it with this.

1:04:07Bill Simmons:and they can't flex it either. Well, this isn't a bad game. Sunday marquee game. What an honor to have my team in the marquee game. Patriots-Bills in New England. Good job. Wow. A lot of stuff going on here. Rabel's record out of a bye, did you know this? 35-0. What?

1:04:26Cousin Sal:He's had that many?

1:04:27Bill Simmons:Yeah, I looked it up. 35-0.

1:04:29Cousin Sal:No, it is not.

1:04:31Bill Simmons:Something like that.

1:04:32Cousin Sal:He hasn't had 35 byes. Was he coaching in the 80s? What are you talking about?

1:04:39Bill Simmons:So he's had a lot of wins in a row. I forget what the number is. It looks great for his age. Wow. Yeah. I have this hardcore, it's in New England, hardcore Tic Tac. Hardcore. Pat's minus one and a half.

1:04:53Cousin Sal:Oh, good. I'm glad you picked that way. It's the other Tic Tac. It's plus one and a half. I said plus two. I said the Bills favored by two. Bills are favored. Yeah. Yes, sir. Woo. They need it more. They didn't know about the 35-0 mark for Vrabel. Oh, that is a... You know what?

1:05:14Bill Simmons:I know we already had the Nobody Believes in Us place in Jacksonville, but we're going to have to send some people over to New England.

1:05:21Cousin Sal:Really? Okay.

1:05:24Bill Simmons:I'm really surprised by that.

1:05:27Cousin Sal:Take your pats in a teaser, plus seven and a half. Bang. There you go.

1:05:31Bill Simmons:I mean, this is massive, massive, massive home game. for the crowd. Everyone's going to be excited all week. Come in the bye. They'll have... I feel like they're saving stuff for this game. I thought they... Second half of that Monday night game, I thought they rope-a-doped the rest of that game. They didn't want to show anything in the second half.

1:05:53Cousin Sal:What was this line when Buffalo was home? Was that week seven or something? What week was that?

1:05:59Bill Simmons:Oh, it was high. It was like seven and a half, something like that. Seven, seven and a half, eight.

1:06:04Cousin Sal:All right, so they're not... Wow, they adjusted a little bit, but not too much.

1:06:08Bill Simmons:You're up 2-0 on me already. Four watchables. Ravens-Bengals had to put this on here. It's in Cincinnati. I have the Ravens favored, even though they've looked like crap. Ravens minus 2.5.

1:06:22Cousin Sal:Oh, you get it exactly. I said 1.5. Why should anyone like the Ravens in this situation? Honestly. What are they better at at this point? Maybe their defense slightly?

1:06:34Bill Simmons:What's the most fun Derrick Henry team next season?

1:06:37Cousin Sal:Oh, where he goes, huh? Chiefs? No, he wants to go to a winner, right? Oh! Denver? Someone like Denver? Does he want a chance to win a title?

1:06:53Bill Simmons:Oh my God, that was a drive-by shooting. Oh, come on. It's fine. Nick Wright was 50-50 to go to work tomorrow. Now he's like, now he's doubtful. Enjoyed a day off. Nick Wright, it was like a bullet in Nick Wright's neck. Unbelievable.

1:07:09Cousin Sal:Hey, how about the Texans? Texans. Derek Henry on the Texans. Yeah, that's good.

1:07:16Bill Simmons:Has he been on the Texans? He'll hit this point where it's like, was he on that team already? Right, yeah. All right, Chiefs home for the Chargers. Technically, Chiefs season not over.

1:07:30Bill Simmons:I have the Chiefs Go ahead Chiefs minus three

1:07:33Cousin Sal:You're gonna get it I said two and a half It is Four and a half It was five and a half Before the game Four and a half That's dumb I mean If they win this now I guess a short week For the Chargers I don't know what They're thinking here They just don't score enough

1:07:57Bill Simmons:Packers at Denver this isn't I mean would you have had this as the marquee game or Bills-Pats the only reason I had Bills-Pats was there's more at stake but Packers-Broncos could be the fucking Super Bowl

1:08:12Cousin Sal:yeah but I'm just I like points at this point in the year you know try to hit this exact because I did

1:08:19Bill Simmons:Packers-Denvers so it's funny I had one team favorite in this game by one and a half. And then I flipped it to the other team.

1:08:26Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:08:27Bill Simmons:The more I stared at it and I decided it would be Packers minus one and a half.

1:08:30Cousin Sal:All right. You had the right team favored. Two and a half. That's what I had. You got that? Yep. Got it exactly.

1:08:39Bill Simmons:Yeah. This is the gambler saying, we don't really believe in you yet, Bo Nix. Right. You know, you're looking good at some of these crappier teams, but not sure we believe in you against a good defense.

1:08:53Cousin Sal:And just gambling. You have to show it to us. Psychology. You're like, oh boy, Green Bay looked pretty good. They're back. No problems there. Denver screwed us with that Raiders thing. How do they not beat them by three touchdowns? I'm taking Green Bay and then Denver shows up.

1:09:07Bill Simmons:If this gets to three, I think the Broncos are a live pick for me.

1:09:11Cousin Sal:I'm with you. Yeah.

1:09:12Bill Simmons:Two and a half. I just feel like we never had two and a half until the last five years. No, I know. Until AI. I feel like it's AI's fault. Really?

1:09:22Cousin Sal:AI? Yeah, AI figured out.

1:09:23Bill Simmons:Like, no, all these lines that were three should be two and a half. We'd make more money. Now it's just two and a half.

1:09:28Cousin Sal:I'm going to ask chat GBT why the lines are all two and a half. And if they hesitate, I'll know you're right.

1:09:35Bill Simmons:Yeah. Ask after we're done with the puck. That's a good idea.

1:09:42Bill Simmons:Rams, home for the Lions.

1:09:45Cousin Sal:I might be off on this. That's a good one.

1:09:48Bill Simmons:I think I went too low. This is a great game, though. I did Rams minus four.

1:09:53Cousin Sal:That's what I said. Five and a half.

1:09:56Bill Simmons:Yeah, I knew I should have gone higher.

1:10:02Bill Simmons:It's tough now. Lions are running out of guys. Yeah. I mean, branches out now? Jesus.

1:10:07Cousin Sal:Yeah, that's rough on the defense there. They get the rest advantage, though, here. Ten days. I don't know. I don't. They ran it up on Dallas, but we were due to play a sloppy game. and that's just kind of what that was. That's all I'll say. How do you feel about George Pickens? Great, dude. It's going to be a lot of fun. Do you think that's true? He cost himself like$10 to$15 million on one or two plays where he gave up? That's funny.

1:10:35Bill Simmons:I watched that whole game and did something in my intro for the podcast after. I didn't really notice the Pickens stuff as much. I thought it was like two plays.

1:10:44Cousin Sal:That was it. I mean, it's in my feed all day long, so that's what it was. It really was just two plays, but I think it's more troubling when he goes at it with Richard Sherman and stuff. I don't think, I don't know. It's also really tough to pay two receivers top dollar and be good, right? We're seeing with the Bengals now. Exciting. I would recommend against it. You don't think it's good? Yeah.

1:11:08Bill Simmons:I don't think it's a good idea. So on Fandle, the Offensive Player of the Year, JSN is now minus 370. Wow. Gibbs is plus 600. Taylor is plus 850. and then McCaffrey, who has a chance to go 1 ,000-1 ,000. He had a bye. It's 25-1. Yeah, he's down to 25-1. I'll just say this. Taylor was the best player I was watching all season, non-quarterback for a while. And I just, I agree with what Shiel and Solak were saying on the podcast the other day. Like Gibbs, eye test-wise, it just feels like he's the best at his job over any receiver, running back, tight end. But I think he, I really do think, I agreed with what those guys said.

1:11:56Bill Simmons:I think he gets penalized because of the team he's on because they have so many weapons that it's like, oh, but he's on Detroit. It's like, I don't know, man. I wonder like from a game planning standpoint, if you pulled the 32 defensive coordinators and you were like, who is the scariest guy?

1:12:10Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:12:11Bill Simmons:I feel like Gibbs would win.

1:12:12Cousin Sal:Right. Yeah, you have to prepare for him differently.

1:12:15Bill Simmons:And it gives you have, you're having like extra meetings about Gibbs. Now we got to talk about Gibbs coming out of the backfields. Now this inside run with it, like you're doing like an extra three hours on Gibbs stuff, I think.

1:12:26Cousin Sal:Yeah. I mean, look, the eye test is great, but stats count too. And he's up there against Barry Sanders for like a 24 year old. Like he's ridiculous. And you know, he's hit speeds of up to 62 miles an hour. Sometimes.

1:12:41Bill Simmons:I don't know if you saw that. That seemed really fast. Yeah, yeah. JSN's been great. I see him being the favorite, but a four-to-one favorite seemed crazy to me.

1:12:48Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:12:49Bill Simmons:But it feels like that should be a little closer. Okay. The fairly watchables, we only have two. Panthers at the Saints. I think all games with playoff implications, but this will also be a fun game because Saints already beat the Panthers. I think Shuck is like, if I'm the Saints, I'm not going in the draft thinking I need a quarterback. I think he's been good. I'm for a rookie. Isn't that weird? We had four non-first-round rookies playing today at one point. Did you know that?

1:13:16Cousin Sal:At quarterback?

1:13:17Bill Simmons:Today, four rookies. None of them picked in the first round. We're all playing today. Think about how weird that is. Playing quarterback.

1:13:25Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is weird. Including him. And now you're going to have the top five teams, arguably three or four, don't need a quarterback, right? What are you doing with Tennessee? I'm still not sure. They're trading down, but who's trading up? Yeah. This is going to be a weird draft. This is going to be a weird one.

1:13:44Bill Simmons:I have the Panthers favored by two and a half at New Orleans.

1:13:48Cousin Sal:You get it. I went higher. I bought into the hysteria. I said four and a half. It is exactly two and a half. Great. What's the score here? Tough game. That might be a stay away. Four to four. Oh, I hate that division again.

1:14:02Bill Simmons:We were so right to neglect it. This is, I think, the hardest line of the day. Seahawks home for the Colts. Mm-hmm.

1:14:14Bill Simmons:and the Colts need it. Yeah. Riley Leonard against an awesome defense. I thought maybe double digits was the answer, but I went low. I think I went too low. Seahawks minus eight and a half.

1:14:29Cousin Sal:You're going to get it. I said eight. Damn it. It's ten and a half. Oh. Ten and a half.

1:14:35Bill Simmons:Yeah. I thought it was a bad job today.

1:14:38Cousin Sal:That's a tough place to win. Rodley Leonard. He's going to have to make some plays.

1:14:46Bill Simmons:So if you have the Seahawks fantasy defense, good times are ahead in the first round of the playoffs.

1:14:53Cousin Sal:That's a good one. San Francisco is a good one against Tennessee, as we'll see in a second.

1:14:57Bill Simmons:I have some bad news. The poopfecta has six games in it.

1:15:04Cousin Sal:This is what happens when there are no buys or anything. They have to play the whole slate.

1:15:08Bill Simmons:I guess, you know what? Let's go five because maybe this goes in as a fairly watchable. Is Bears-Browns a fairly watchable or a poopfecta? Yeah, it's fairly watchable. Yeah. I think the way the Shador thing, everyone's going to talk about.

1:15:21Cousin Sal:We do our Ringer pregame show. We do the pre-production meeting. We try to stack the games kind of like what you're doing, like talk about the best ones first. We always move the Browns up because there's a Shador prop. There's a Miles Garrett prop. There's fun stuff going on with them.

1:15:37Bill Simmons:Stefanski tanking or just having a head injury. Yeah. I have the Bears at home favored by eight over the Browns.

1:15:47Cousin Sal:You get that too. I said nine. Why isn't this nine? It's seven and a half. Shit. Six, four.

1:15:55Bill Simmons:You're up. Poop fact of five games. Giants home for Washington. So Daniel's got hurt. I don't know if we mentioned that. All the Washington fans in my life who I took money from with my Pats versus Washington. just wear Chang like a speed bag.

1:16:13Bill Simmons:Giants at Washington, or Giants home against Washington, there's going to be no Jaden Daniels because they decided to play him. And all the Washington fans of my life did not want Jaden Daniels to play anymore this season because they're out of the playoffs. He's already injured. What's the point of this? We could get a better draft pick. And yet he played and got hurt again.

1:16:31Cousin Sal:Yeah, and it's unfortunate, but I played devil's advocate with that with House and I ran into my buddy Nathan Hubbard's Washington fan. What are you going to do? You're just not going to play these guys ever? Like there's a quarter of the season left. It's like, it's easy to say from your television, your living room, but people buy tickets to these games. Why do they have to miss? I love your new role as the voice of the fan. I know, but why? It's like, for next year? What's next year going to be? And then House is like, well, Mary.

1:16:59Bill Simmons:He's a skinny, fragile guy that has already been hurt a bunch of times and you could maybe hurt him for next season.

1:17:05Cousin Sal:Then he's not your guy. He's not going to make it if that's going to be how you view it. That's it. Sorry. I feel bad he got hurt, but people are buying tickets for these games.

1:17:18Bill Simmons:Somebody's not going to make it on that Washington team, but I don't think it's going to be. I think it'll be either the head coach or Kingsbury would be my guess.

1:17:25Cousin Sal:Yeah. Eagles. Wait, you didn't guess.

1:17:28Bill Simmons:You didn't guess.

1:17:28Cousin Sal:Oh, I didn't?

1:17:29Bill Simmons:Oh, Giants minus two and a half.

1:17:33Cousin Sal:It is two and a half. I said one and a half. All right. I got some work to do here.

1:17:39Bill Simmons:All right, good. I thought the Giants were okay on Monday night. I still feel like they're, like, when you think about two-win teams, them versus the Raiders, they're, like, way better than the Raiders.

1:17:48Cousin Sal:I can't even remember Monday night. There were a couple plays, right, that screwed them. No, I know, but what were the two? They had, like, two plays that were just really dumb. Well, we got a punt return. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's dumb, yeah. And was there a missed field goal or something? Yeah, there's a missed field goal. Yeah, that's hard to handicap those.

1:18:02Bill Simmons:But they kind of hung with us there for two hours.

1:18:06Cousin Sal:Okay.

1:18:07Bill Simmons:Eagles, Raiders in Philly. You know, nobody on the earth is going to bet on this because nobody would trust this Eagles team, but it has to be Eagles 12 and a half, Eagles 13. I'm going to go Eagles 12 and a half.

1:18:20Cousin Sal:I might call bullshit on this, how close you are with these monster numbers. It is 12 and a half. I said 11 and a half. Well, who's taking the Raiders? Well, but it doesn't mean you should get it exactly every single time.

1:18:31Bill Simmons:All right. But that's the area that big favorites are going to get. Nobody's taking the Raiders unless you're getting 13 points.

1:18:39Cousin Sal:Would you take the Raiders at 11? I wouldn't. No, of course. I took them at seven and a half today. I'm so excited. They have a new system, you know, where they just bring the field goal kicker out, if it makes sense or not.

1:18:52Bill Simmons:Pickett's one of those guys where you'll be like, I could kind of see it. Yeah. I'm still holding on to like a penny stock for him.

1:18:59Cousin Sal:You know, my favorite Gino, I feel bad for him. He was in and out of that game. But when he's in the end zone, they snap it from the two-yard line, whatever. He backs up. He's in the end zone. He throws a screen to the guy in the end zone. I think he likes hitting a receiver in the end zone, even though it's his own end zone. I'm like, oh, Jesus. Now this guy has to run six yards to get to the one. It's the feeling of seeing a receiver catching in the end zone.

1:19:22Bill Simmons:He celebrates. He puts his arms up. Tua had a classic today. I don't know if you saw it. Because House and I took the Jets. We couldn't find a fifth team. So we're like, fuck it. We took the Jets. And it was a hint of a possible Jets comeback. And Tua is in basically his own end zone, goes back to pass, goes this way, and then is throwing a screen the other way. And this Jets guy is just running in for the one-yard pick six, which is always the funniest play in football. But he kind of banged into the guy and he couldn't catch it. Tua has one of those a game.

1:19:55Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:19:56Bill Simmons:Like some of the worst passes of the season, and it's him once a game and the guy always drops it somehow. He's a Madden glitch. Yeah, he really is sometimes. You're like, how did you throw that? Jags home for the Jets. I have the Jags minus 10 and a half, probably too high.

1:20:15Cousin Sal:No, I had nine and a half. It's 11 and a half. Oh, that's definitely too high. They hate the Jets.

1:20:22Bill Simmons:I hate the Jets after today.

1:20:24Cousin Sal:I mean, what's it going to be? Is it going to be this, who is this schmo today? I don't even know what Brady Cook. It sounds like a quarterback name, but.

1:20:36Bill Simmons:Yeah, that sounds like AI or like the Madden generator created a name.

1:20:41Cousin Sal:Your new quarterback is Brady Cook.

1:20:43Bill Simmons:He's got a 64 rating.

1:20:45Cousin Sal:Southeast Louisiana. So, yeah.

1:20:48Bill Simmons:Texans home for the cards.

1:20:49Cousin Sal:Is this an old school 2004 Sal and Bill three-team teaser?

1:20:54Bill Simmons:I know you don't want to do the Eagles. I can't. No, it's illegal to put Trevor Lawrence in a tease.

1:20:59Cousin Sal:So with no Trevor Lawrence, no Hurts. Yeah, we have the Niners coming up.

1:21:02Bill Simmons:There's a Niners game coming up. That could be the last piece. All right. I have Texans cards. Texans minus nine in Houston.

1:21:10Cousin Sal:Let's see what this moved to.

1:21:16Cousin Sal:Come on. Where is this? Houston is home. Yeah. Got it. Eight and a half. I had eight and a half. I did get this. I swear.

1:21:30well that's a good one now what are they gonna so they're doing the kyler murray they're just

1:21:35Bill Simmons:not bringing them back because it's easier for them to get rid of a lot of his contract but if he got hurt there's some injury thing we're doing that thing yeah yeah let him play baseball it's fine they'll go on is there a team that would talk themselves into kyler murray next year? Could he start for like the Jets?

1:21:54Cousin Sal:You can't do that to the Jets. Well, that's going to be your answer for whatever I give here. No, there's a couple others I was thinking. You could say it. They're in this league? Atlanta? Oh.

1:22:08Bill Simmons:Hmm. They can't think Penix is ever playing for them again.

1:22:14Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:22:15Bill Simmons:17 knee injuries.

1:22:16Cousin Sal:He does. He would be, he would fit in Atlanta

1:22:19Bill Simmons:I would want him indoors, probably in one of the Souths. I think his destiny is to be in one of the South divisions. It's because just weird shit happens in both of those divisions, so get him in there somewhere.

1:22:32Cousin Sal:You're destined for the South, young man. Take this plane ticket. Atlanta, I thought, would be a good one for him. Niners-Titans in San Francisco.

1:22:44Bill Simmons:I think I'm too low on this. I said 10.5 for this.

1:22:47Cousin Sal:I said 11.5. It's 13 and a half. Oh, my Lord. I don't think I'm close here. Wow. Six, seven, eight, nine. So we can't put that in a tease. No. What is... I'm up by one? No, you're up by like two. Nine to... You're up by three. It's nine, six. Oh, I clinched. Great. Yeah. Take that, Jacoby. Damn, Jacoby.

1:23:09Bill Simmons:So close. Sunday night. Cowboys-Vikings. Your team. Still technically sort of alive, I guess. Yeah. You need the Philadelphia Eagles to lose tomorrow against the Chargers. Yeah, at least that.

1:23:24Cousin Sal:And then you win this. It makes me sad to watch Washington play like they did today. And I know it's because the quarterback went out, but they play the Eagles twice. I need them to show up. Whatever, it's over. It's fine.

1:23:38Bill Simmons:But meanwhile, I didn't watch one minute of that Vikings game, but apparently they played great.

1:23:43Cousin Sal:Yeah. People were upset with me. Like, see, you didn't give J.J. McCarthy enough credit. I like when quarterbacks play well. Don't you? I want to have good quarterbacks in the league. I just don't want them to come to life when I bet against them. I want either really good

1:23:58Bill Simmons:ones or really bad ones. I thought Brosmer's pick six was my favorite football moment probably of the month.

1:24:06Cousin Sal:So Tyler Shuck does nothing for you because he's kind of in the middle. He's in the middle. He's not a guaranteed fourth quarter interception. Just for watching

1:24:14Bill Simmons:football on a Sunday. Yeah, he's in the middle. Although he's fun from a backdoor cover or getting frisky as a big money line thing. I want to figure out Ringer 107 next year. I really feel like we got to work in underdog picks. Ringer 107 should move a little bit more like our Sunday pregame show.

1:24:32Cousin Sal:So there's just certain categories of picks a little bit? Yeah.

1:24:37Bill Simmons:Yeah. Because I thought the Texans as an underdog would have been a really fun, like just the underdog money line. The Saints against the Bucks was like a really obvious money line one that would have been a fun one to go after. Sunday night, Cowboys at home, I have them in the Vegas zone here at minus five and a half.

1:24:57Cousin Sal:That's what I had too, and it's six and a half.

1:25:05We're going to be 8-8-1.

1:25:07Cousin Sal:The Eagles are going to end up having like 11 wins, 10 wins. It's going to be like, what did we go crazy about? It's going to be a weird vibe for those Eagles playoff games. Yeah. What seed is that looking like right now?

1:25:22Bill Simmons:Well, they won't top either of the NFC West teams.

1:25:26Cousin Sal:They have the Bills. They have two against Washington, Vegas, and the Chargers tomorrow. 10 or 11, right. Yeah. Monday night. Three. Yep.

1:25:39Bill Simmons:Steelers home for the Dolphins. And if, let me tell you something. If this isn't in the Vegas zone, I don't know anything. This is the most Vegas zone game matchup of the year. This is it. We've reached peak Vegas zone. I went Steelers minus four and a half.

1:25:56Cousin Sal:It's not. I hit this one exactly. It's three and a half. I'm going to recount these. Six, eight. You lost. No, yeah, it's 10-8. 81, 10-8. Nine, six in the week.

1:26:07Bill Simmons:How is that game not in the Vegas zone?

1:26:10Cousin Sal:They have no idea what to do with the Steelers. I don't blame them. I feel bad for anyone who has to set these Steelers lines.

1:26:18Bill Simmons:My goal for the rest of the year is to get a Steelers game correct. That's my new goal.

1:26:23Cousin Sal:Four weeks left. I was talking to Anthony DeBundo, my co-host on several shows during the week, Tony Tokens, and he's like, the Steelers special. They just outgrew it. They just can't do it anymore. they're kind of lost with it lose the first half, win the game they didn't even do it today well you should have

1:26:43Bill Simmons:once that story came out about they could buy out Tomlin in March it was like ah they're definitely winning this episode is brought to you by Firestone Complete Auto Care there are a few things you don't want to overthink like where you take your car when something feels off. Firestone Complete Auto Care is basically a one stop shop tires, oil changes, brakes, batteries, alignments, diagnostics, whatever's going on, there are thousands of ASE certified technicians have got it covered. Plus, every visit comes with a courtesy inspection, including free tire and battery checks. Visit FirestoneAuto.com to find a location near you, a trusted name since 1926.

1:27:26Bill Simmons:This episode of the Bill Simmons podcast brought to you by Spectrum Business. Fast, reliable internet means everything for your business. And even this podcast, that's why I trust Spectrum Business. They keep companies of all sizes connected with internet, advanced wifi, phone, TV, mobile services, plus 24 seven US based support. Millions of business owners already trust Spectrum Business. So visit spectrum.com slash business to learn more restrictions apply services not available in all areas. Today's parent corner is brought to you by Workday. Are you a forward thinker? Then you need an HR and finance platform that thinks like you do.

1:28:03Bill Simmons:Workday is the AI platform that helps propel your organization, your workforce, your entire industry into the future. Workday, moving business forever forward. Why don't you start us off?

1:28:15Cousin Sal:Okay. So I'm a lunatic with my children in terms of asking dumb questions and I insist on answers, right? I used to do this with my cousin, Jimmy, when I'd go out there, I'd be like 11, he'd be 14. I wouldn't let him go to sleep before he'd answer the questions. Like if one of your parents had to die, which would you pick? And he would like stall for like two hours. And then he finally -

1:28:37Bill Simmons:By the way, he used to do that to me when we worked together.

1:28:40Cousin Sal:Right, exactly. It's great, right?

1:28:42Bill Simmons:Simmons, Simmons. If you could only save one of your parents, which one would you save?

1:28:48Cousin Sal:And you said your father. Yeah, well, because your mother's wearing that thing. I refuse to answer. Your mother's safe because she's got - No, don't say that. She'll get mad at me. She'll put a curse on me. No, you did not say that. I refuse to answer. I have it recorded, but it's fine. No. So of course I do this with my kids. What's the point of having kids if you're not going to do this with your kids? So I'm like, yeah. I ask them if one of your cousins had to live in a tree the rest of their life, what would it be? And which of your friends would join a boy band? What's the weirdest thing?

1:29:17Cousin Sal:Weirdest animal you'd put on a slice of pizza? Cooked kangaroo, by the way, is the answer there. So now Harrison, my youngest, is kind of turning the tables on me He likes this kind of line of questioning only when he wants to play. But he asked me, and I want you to answer this. You get$10 million to complete a 20-yard pass to someone in your contacts, in your phone. And if you lose, you get shot in the head. And so then it's like the question is like, all right, who's doing the shooting? And he's like, well, I would shoot. I'm like, no, you're not going to shoot me in the head. But anyway, you die if it's incomplete.

1:29:56Cousin Sal:If it's complete, you get$10 million. What's your answer here?

1:30:02Bill Simmons:What did you answer?

1:30:04Cousin Sal:Well, I feel like I narrowed it down to three. Mikey Meatballs, a ringer producer, very good athlete. I don't think he'd let me down. Van Lathan, very dependable, athletic.

1:30:13Bill Simmons:I don't know, bad creaky knees.

1:30:14Cousin Sal:Oh, really?

1:30:15Bill Simmons:Yeah, I don't know.

1:30:16Cousin Sal:Okay.

1:30:17Bill Simmons:Could stumble as you're throwing it.

1:30:19Cousin Sal:I think Van comes to here. And our friend Tall John, because I don't think I could overthrow him. You know? Right. He's like, he's about, you know, he's seven or eight feet tall. So those are my three. Do you have athletes in your, you know,

1:30:35Bill Simmons:I'm going to pick Craig Coral Beck. Oh,

1:30:37Cousin Sal:good.

1:30:37Bill Simmons:Okay. It's like almost six foot three. He's in the like late twenties, like maybe 29, 30. Still plays sports, does stuff. I would pick him or Tate. Tate, good hand. A little younger scratch golfer.

1:30:54Cousin Sal:Tate's going to be upset. I think those would do. I was like late 20s. I want that range.

1:30:59Bill Simmons:You can't pick even though my son can catch anything. Right. I don't know. I don't know if I'd trust him. Maybe it's too much pressure. Maybe he'd want me to get shot in the head. He wants to collect.

1:31:09Cousin Sal:He wants to collect that. Like lose it. Let's go. Let's see where that money is.

1:31:13Bill Simmons:I would go Horlbeck or Tate.

1:31:14Cousin Sal:Oh, Tate's going to be so upset with me for not picking him. But this is the worst thing you ever did to Tate. Yeah, I know. All right, Tate, you're number four on the list. Damn. That's a pretty good one. That's good.

1:31:25Bill Simmons:So that's what your kid's doing now, coming up with crazy.

1:31:28Cousin Sal:Yeah, I like it. I don't mind it. Keeps things fresh.

1:31:36Bill Simmons:But you know Larry David, don't you?

1:31:38Cousin Sal:Isn't he in your contacts?

1:31:40Bill Simmons:Wouldn't throw it. Larry's too old. Yeah, anyone over 50 wouldn't do it.

1:31:47Bill Simmons:So we had a little holiday thing yesterday, and we got rid of the dogs. We brought the two dogs to my mother-in-law's house and they stayed over with my mother-in-law. And it was great. It was like when you're just getting rid of your kids, when you actually have real kids. And I was thinking like, this is something we should probably do more often. Have an empty, because Ben doesn't hang out with us. We get rid of the dogs. It's like we have like an empty house. It's like we're going nuts. And then that got me into this existential crisis of it. Would it just be better if we didn't have dogs?

1:32:23Bill Simmons:I love Murph he's probably my best friend I did this pro cons list in my head because it was so nice to just wake up in the morning we didn't have to feed the dogs walk the dogs just lie in bed post made at Starbucks I'm just not doing anything this is great I'm so glad they're not here what do they do to get in the way

1:32:46Cousin Sal:of you post made at Starbucks how do they get in the way

1:32:49Bill Simmons:just having to wake up go down feed them let them out just like the responsibility of all that walk them around just like do you hit a point in your life because I've always been a dog guy do you hit a point in your life when you get older where it's like maybe this is kind of a pain in the ass

1:33:11Cousin Sal:really? see I thought it was the other way you told a nice story about your dad I think when you get older there's no one in the house the dog is even more necessary.

1:33:23Bill Simmons:This is why I did my pro con. I played it out in my head. I did a whole bunch of pro cons. And I ended up with it is better to have the dogs. But I did. It was the first time in a while where I was like, all right, let's actually think about this.

1:33:34Cousin Sal:Was it close with the pro con? It was close for you to say this.

1:33:38Bill Simmons:You know, the shitting in the house was a con.

1:33:39Cousin Sal:You don't like that. Yeah.

1:33:41Bill Simmons:Yeah, that happened recently after Thanksgiving when Murph dropped a big one in a room.

1:33:47Cousin Sal:I mean, Murph accounts for like 38 % of your parent corners, which are sponsored a lot of times. So you have to consider that. Was that on the pro?

1:33:55Bill Simmons:Well, are you going to get another dog after your older dog?

1:33:58Cousin Sal:Yeah, I think so. Oh, you are? So you always have a dog? I think so. I think we have to have someone to yell at. We have to, you know, the wife talks in a weird voice. It's very routine at this point.

1:34:10Bill Simmons:My only other parent corner is my son needs to start wearing contact lenses. Like his eyesight has been kind of lousy. like just like, but lousy enough to get by where he could like see, but now it's kind of like straining is doing this and his eyes. Like he actually really needs to start wearing. So he's been wearing glasses when he studies at night and stuff like that. And he just needs to do contacts, but he doesn't like putting his fingers near his eye. So when I was 13, you're a big contact guy for a long time. Well, I was glasses forever because I didn't want to put my fingers in my eyes.

1:34:44Bill Simmons:I didn't want to, I was like afraid to put my contacts in. Yeah. So I thought for a parent corner, I would tell the story. I went to a hypnotist between eighth and ninth grade and the hypnotist over the course of three sessions walked me through putting my finger in my eye and I got over the hump and I started putting my contacts in and I've been wearing contact lenses ever since the fall of 1983. And now I'm at the point where I could be in an airplane as it's landing and bumping and just like fucking put my contacts in.

1:35:19Cousin Sal:Really?

1:35:19Bill Simmons:But I couldn't get over the hump. So the question is, should we get a hypnotist for my son who doesn't want to put his fingers in his eye? Or is this insane?

1:35:28Cousin Sal:No, I, first of all, oh, so you'd get rid of the dogs and get a hypnotist? No, no. Okay. No, I'm getting confused. Trade the dogs for a hypnotist. Why didn't you, wouldn't an ophthalmologist be able to take you through it better than a hypnotist? you can get some kind of no i didn't want to put my i was afraid of my finger for some reason i

1:35:46Bill Simmons:had like a weird thing about my finger going near my eye i just didn't like it so i have more questions

1:35:53Cousin Sal:what did he do he or she do to get you to like what things did they say we did that thing where

1:35:59Bill Simmons:you go into like the little hypnotist thing and then and then he would walk me through visualization of putting contacts in my eyes and put the finger there and press it against and blink and make sure and I would just kind of go through it. And it actually worked. I think hypnosis might be underrated. No, I think it does work. Do we do it for Babydoll to get him to stop smoking or is it more fun to just have him smoking?

1:36:22Cousin Sal:No, yeah, no, that's his essence. He needs to start and he wouldn't go anywhere.

1:36:25Bill Simmons:He needs it.

1:36:26Cousin Sal:I was on such a bad gambling streak. I went to a hypnotist. Our cousin Jimmy set us up with this hypnotist he liked to stop gambling. This was like before I knew you. But when I got to him, it was a Friday and I was going to Vegas that weekend. And I said, whatever you do, can it kick in Monday? And he's like, get the fuck out of my office. What are you talking about? Oh my God. So I had conditions, but I think it does work for people. Would Ben do that or would he just laugh at you?

1:36:54Bill Simmons:We're going to, so his, apparently his girlfriend's going to help him with it. And you just, once you get over the hump with it, you're good. But there's something about the mental block of doing that.

1:37:04Cousin Sal:Yeah. Well, the fact that you had it and you could relay that to him. I'm a success story. I've been wearing them forever. And it's,

1:37:10Bill Simmons:it's why my eyes look red and everything we do now in 4k and people always think I'm stoned. It's because I have these giant fucking contacts in my eyes. Yeah. And if, and the other thing with contacts is you can't use like bi-zine or any of that to make your eyes whiter. Cause you're just putting chemicals in there and it, and they have like these re-wetting drops, but they don't really work for me. It's so complicated.

1:37:31Cousin Sal:You never got the Lasix, right? No,

1:37:34Bill Simmons:my eyes, I'm like a minus 10 and a 10.5.

1:37:37Cousin Sal:So it's right. In that range where you have to get either reading glasses or, yeah, contacts.

1:37:42Bill Simmons:Yeah, there's no saving me. I really thought, I thought as we got older, I really thought they were going to figure out seeing and hearing. Everything. Didn't you think like in the 80s, it's like, oh, they're going to figure this out. We'll have no more blind people or deaf people. We'll have all this stuff. We'll, by 2000, they'll have it all. They're going to have flying cars.

1:38:01Cousin Sal:There's going to be a pill for baldness. And, you know, all right, the fat thing, I feel like, you know, for a lot of money is resolving itself. but there's something for that.

1:38:09Bill Simmons:Yeah. Somehow we can't figure out seeing or hearing, but we can make videos of a cheetah coming into somebody's room and at AI where they steal somebody's baby and the cheetah leaves and it looks like a real video. Somehow we've been able to accomplish that.

1:38:23Cousin Sal:Need some kind of pill so that Murph doesn't shit all over the house. Maybe I need to hypnotize Murph. Maybe that's where this lands. Can dogs get hypnotized? It couldn't hurt. Yeah.

1:38:35Bill Simmons:That's Parent Corner. You can learn more at workday.com. What else? Any other highlights before we go?

1:38:43Cousin Sal:That's it. I don't know. Everyone's screaming about the college football playoffs. You don't care, right? Like this is just.

1:38:49Bill Simmons:Well, I care about my James Madison guy, Chesney. Oh, you like Chesney. They made the playoffs. Yeah. Holy Cross. From Holy Cross to James Madison going to UCLA. That's my guy.

1:38:57Cousin Sal:And now he's playing Oregon. Yeah. But he won't even play the coach there, right? It's just such a mess. I thought he was going to finish the season. He is? I know he did the other day. But yeah. I don't know. It's just like, I feel like this thing, this was like the worst week for football. These conference championships don't really mean anything. I know they got to figure that out. I just, they have to go to, they have to go to 16 teams because it's just unfair. No matter how you look at it, I really feel that way. Like Miami beat Notre Dame. So how are you going to put Notre Dame in over them?

1:39:26Cousin Sal:Alabama sure three losses, but they played in a conference final, which these other teams didn't. So they get a play in the top two conference finals. So just move it to 16 games. But I think Lane Kiffin overall, I just wanted to say this. I think he's taken a lot of crap for lying to kids. The people get righteous about lying to kids. You know how many kids I would lie to for like an extra$40 million? I would lie to like 500 kids. They make it like he took them to Bosnia and left them there. It's like, they're going to be fine. They got scholarships. They'll get a new coach that kind of cares about them.

1:40:00Cousin Sal:Yeah, you lied to kids. Is that the worst thing you did? It took$100 million more. Can I give you quickly a couple of basketball things

1:40:11Bill Simmons:that I just thought was interesting just on a Sunday night? Yeah, go ahead. The Celtics now have the fourth best odds to win the Eastern Conference at plus 650. They're a three seed, and there's real feelings that Jason Tatum could be back in January. That's fascinating. Miami is 12-1, but is probably the most likely team to get Giannis, unless you want to say Atlanta, who's 11-1. And those are the ones, if you wanted to make a Giannis play with one of those two teams, you could do it. The other one that's interesting is, there's been some Trey Murphy trade buzz. And I think if San Antonio was able, San Antonio makes the most sense for him.

1:40:53Bill Simmons:Because they have Devin Vassell's contract, could send that back, and they have all these picks. And Trey Murphy's probably worth three first-round picks. And if they got him and they had Castle and they had Dylan Harper and they had Wembe Yama and they have all the other guys they have, they're not going to beat OKC unless somebody got hurt. But it's just like their odds are 25 to 1. I think those odds would go down.

1:41:16Cousin Sal:Would you go something for the division I'm looking at plus 320? Would they overtake the Rockets? Potentially.

1:41:23Bill Simmons:Yeah. And then the only other one is Denver would be the wildcard Trey Murphy team. where they wouldn't be in any of the... Everyone will say San Antonio, Detroit. They'll list all the usual suspects. But Denver could go Mac Daddy, trade Cam Johnson, who they just traded for, throw some extra picks in there to New Orleans and get Trey Murphy. And that's the only team that can catch OKC. OKC is minus 130 to win the West. And I honestly don't understand why that's not 2-1. Denver is plus 450. and Denver's the only team that I think could chase them down.

1:42:02Cousin Sal:And the Spurs were 25-1, is that what you said for that?

1:42:05Bill Simmons:Yeah. And then the other one is OKC, that 74-plus wins is still dropping, and now it's plus 490. I honestly would be shocked if they lost 10 games. I don't see how it happens.

1:42:19Cousin Sal:Really?

1:42:20Bill Simmons:Yeah, I really don't. Like right now they're 23-1. It's like every time they lose, it feels like an event. They're so good. They're so deep. I know there'll be some schedule stuff coming on later. They've won 15 straight. Their net stuff's... I just don't understand how they would lose 10 games. So that plus 490 is a really crazy number, I think.

1:42:40Cousin Sal:What's their baseline? 70 and 12? 70 plus is minus 114. 75...

1:42:47Bill Simmons:Right now to win 70, they're minus 114 just to win 70. So it's four more wins.

1:42:52Cousin Sal:And 75 is plus 750. All right, I'll do that.

1:42:55Bill Simmons:Here's the thing about the 74. and this is why I think it's a great bet. If they're a little close to it, right? If they're like 64 and eight or something like that, like they're not going to do the thing where like, yeah, we don't care about that. Like at some point you go for the record. They go 10 and 0. And they're deep, right? And I think you would want to try to finish and try to get it. And you're at your, sometimes you're going against tanking teams. I just think I can't believe plus 490. I think that should be lower. I think that should be like two to one.

1:43:26Cousin Sal:I'm going to do that. I'll lose on that. That jumped out to me.

1:43:30Bill Simmons:The Celtics over under, this is another number I couldn't believe, 49 and a half right now. So before the year, they were 42 and a half. So it's jumped seven wins, basically based on them looking good for two weeks. And then there was a Dallas one too, I noticed.

1:43:47Cousin Sal:By the way, I told House this was going to happen here. You were down on the Celtics coming in the year. Oh my God, I went to that Washington game.

1:43:54Bill Simmons:I was like, if one guy gets hurt, this team's going to win 20 games.

1:43:56Cousin Sal:They're going to make a little run right around the NBA cup thing. They may not even be involved in the NBA cup. You're going to be back on them. And now you say, now they're going to win 50 games plus, huh? Two things happen.

1:44:08Bill Simmons:Yeah. I talked about contact lenses. We got him the test for no. Jalen's just been night after night has been toe to toe with whoever the best guy on the other team is. Like he really did go up a level and Kate has been good all year, but this, this Jordan Walsh things like, out of control. This was a guy he couldn't get on the court the first two years and even the first two weeks. It was kind of surprising when he was even out there in crunch time. Now he's turned into this destructive wing. Reeves talked about him after the Friday game. He was like, that guy's really good. He's really hard to score on.

1:44:45Bill Simmons:So they built this team with these wings that try really hard. They have shooting. They figured out how to bring in Simons and they beat Toronto in Toronto today. That was Toronto's been good this year they're putting together good wins over and over again so anyway, 49.5 seemed high to me but that's you know it says to how good they've been playing

1:45:08Cousin Sal:Are you sad LeBron's 10 point streak is over?

1:45:12Bill Simmons:I thought it was the best way to end I will say though I never really cared at all about the 10 points I thought the more interesting one to me was the Shea streak Do you see that one? Shea is almost I think he's getting close to 100 straight 20-point games.

1:45:28Cousin Sal:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:45:29Bill Simmons:And the record's 126. Like, that's one. That's like a baseball hit streak almost. That's great.

1:45:34Cousin Sal:That's great. But thousands. Think about all the shit that... But don't you think, like, pick any great player of all time.

1:45:41Bill Simmons:Don't you think any of them, if they were like, all right, we got to get 10 every night.

1:45:45Cousin Sal:No, of course. But it really means you haven't... Most of them... You didn't twist your ankle horribly in the first quarter. It's more like an injury-like thing. Right. Yeah, that's it.

1:45:52Bill Simmons:Yeah. And that's been one of the great things about that makes LeBron so different than everybody else is the durability. Just like the guy never fucking gets hurt when he's hurt. Even now at age 40, it seems shocking. But I'm more impressed by the 20 plus.

1:46:08Cousin Sal:All right. What about Bronny? Could he put together like a two point streak? Like a dozen or something?

1:46:15Bill Simmons:Lakers had a good win today.

1:46:16Cousin Sal:Yeah.

1:46:17Bill Simmons:They won in Philly and LeBron had his best game of the year. so we'll see I'm interested to see what Rich we launched our Rich and Max podcast tomorrow game over they're taping in the afternoon and I'm interested to see what Rich says about the Lakers because I think he's gonna not hold back

1:46:35Cousin Sal:he says he's not talking basketball you didn't see that thing he came out with today what yeah yeah yeah just college football it's him and McShay

1:46:43Bill Simmons:oh and we had the worst UFC ever this week yeah by the way

1:46:48Cousin Sal:you know so that started my losing streak for the week of course I had Marab in a Moneyline parlay, and he went out there and he went like two for 25 in takedowns. And then what did he say? What disease did he have today, did he say? He's like, I'm sorry, I was fighting. Now I have to find it. It was like a serious thing. He claimed he had a disease? The norovirus. Like Lyme's disease? He's like, I've been fighting the norovirus all week. Like, Lamar Jackson doesn't practice, and it's unannounced. And it's like, oh my God, this is like, come on, Dana White. Let's see a roster of everybody who has the norovirus.

1:47:21Cousin Sal:and I'll be sure not to bet 20 ,000 on him, whatever that number is.

1:47:26Bill Simmons:Well, I was thinking with the dislocated elbow 26 seconds in the previous match. Do they need a guy in the weight class who's just like the bullpen closer if there's some sort of disaster and it has to be like in the first like two minutes of the match? If the match is over, it's like you hear the glass break, the stone cold music and it's like, also this next guy comes running in and we just keep going. I like that. Probably not legal.

1:47:54Cousin Sal:No, but too many broken bones are over. You're right. No 10-point streaks in the UFC. All right, what do you got to plug this week? That's it, man. We're doing this Ringer Gambling Show live shows on YouTube and the FanDuel Sports Network. I'm on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday.

1:48:07Bill Simmons:It's great on the FanDuel. To actually just pop on one of the cable channels and it's there. Yeah, it's all over the place.

1:48:14Cousin Sal:Promo for us on a Timberwolves game. It's fun. Good times. And we occasionally give out winners. All right.

1:48:21Bill Simmons:As always, good job by you.

1:48:23Cousin Sal:Good job by you, buddy.

1:48:24Bill Simmons:Thanks to Eduardo and Gahau as well. Don't forget, Rich and Max, their podcast, we'll be putting up probably tomorrow night. So get ready for that. It's called Game Over. Hope you subscribed to that one. Hope you checked out the Jeff Buckley documentary we did. We have, I think WizKids coming this week, but, and that one's really good too. But Music Box Series on HBO. And Sal, next time I see you, we'll have an answer on Pats vs. Bills.

1:48:51Cousin Sal:Oh, right. Yeah. Make that Sunday night.

1:48:54Bill Simmons:I could be in a really good mood. I might be in not a great mood. Come on, flex that thing. Yeah. See you next week.

1:49:12Bill Simmons:Must be 21 plus in president in select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus in president in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. gamin problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER, visit rg-help.com, call 888-79-7777, or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut, or mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts, or call 877-8HOPE-NY or text HOPENY in New York. This message is brought to you by Mariner. It takes the right team to help developing athletes' talents, managing your money works the same way. You've ever thought, am I getting the most out of my financial plan?

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