The Mailbag Makes a Dramatic Return

27:38Now, if Durant's not there in 2017, maybe they could have won that one. The Kyrie thing is starting to get a little gamey in 2017. I don't know. He might not have won in Cleveland. Kyrie never gets his shot in game seven. That becomes his one great moment and becomes the thing people always pointed to until he had his Dallas redemption of like, ah, say what you want about Kyrie, but he made one of the great shots in the history of the league. And then the Klay Thompson game in OKC, that becomes, if they win the title that year, that becomes the most legendary playoff heat check we've ever had because that would have swung them getting into the finals, the whole thing.

28:13And then Curry wins back-to-back. And then also the favorite of 2017 historically puts him on a whole other level. They ended up winning back-to-back with Durant. But I think winning 15 and 16 back-to-back, that's a big one. But the big one is LeBron not winning in Cleveland. And if he hadn't won in Cleveland in 16, 17, 18, would he have just stayed? Would he have just been like, I can't leave until this happens? And that just would have kept been like a Jenga stack. They didn't have a lot of picks. and a lot of ways to get better. Then he never goes to the Lakers. What happens to the Lakers with Lonzo and Brandon Ingram and Julius Rand, all these guys they had where they have just tried to go young, where they have eventually gone all in on Kawhi?

28:55Like that is the best sliding doors of the last 10 years, no question. And it all comes back to Draymond, who may or may not have intentionally hit LeBron on the balls. There you go. Okay, this is from Adam in Lafayette, Colorado. how many of the Pats' six Super Bowls would you give up in exchange for them finishing off the 18-0 season in 07-08 going 19-0 and beating the Giants? And which one of the six would you give up? First of all, thank you for asking. I thought about it. I think the 19-0 season, you almost have to think about this like a football trade where when somebody trades up in football for a quarterback, they're giving up their current first, a future first, and something else at the very least.

29:46So obviously trading the 2005 Eagles Super Bowl because they'd already won the year before and then in the 2001, the miracle season. So even though beating Pittsburgh that year was great, the actual Super Bowl against the Eagles wasn't like the greatest game. Kind of more remembered for Donovan McBad, Brandon, the two-minute drill for 10 minutes. So I'd sacrifice that one for 19-0 in a heartbeat. But I think I'd have to throw in more. I'd be willing to throw in the last Belichick-Brady Super Bowl when they beat the Rams 13-3. Maybe lose that game, but you beat the Chiefs the round before, which was the real Super Bowl, holding off Mahomes for one more year, giving Brady that.

30:30And then I would also, if I had to throw in anything else, making the 2012 Super Bowl, which was they ended up sneaking by the Ravens in the AFC title game. Lee Evans got stripped when he caught what seemed to be the game-winning touchdown and then got stripped right after he caught it. And then Billy Cundiff missed an easy field goal. All of a sudden, the Pats were in the Super Bowl. Gronkowski was hurt. It wasn't a great Pats team. So I would trade 2005, 2019, and I'd lose in the AFC title game. I'd turn all of those into losses for the chance to go 19-0, achieving mortality, never having the helmet catch, and keeping Eli Manning out of the Hall of Fame.

31:11Yeah. It's not even a question. So in this scenario, in the Super Bowl trade scenario, we'd win five Super Bowls instead of six. We'd make eight Super Bowls instead of nine. The helmet catch never happened. 19-0 did happen, and Eli stays out of the Hall of Fame. That sounds great. Next question from John Walsh. John J-O-N not John Wall Street who's my mentor I know the NBA has shelved its plan for expansion but assuming they do add teams in Seattle and Las Vegas how would you realign the conferences you know this is a really interesting NBA question and I've talked about this with different NBA people who probably won't talk to me now after the LeBron nutshot thing but Memphis and New Orleans go east I think that happens and I think Milwaukee has to go west and what's interesting thing is Milwaukee was initially West and then somehow switched back and became East.

32:04I don't know how we decided to do that, but I would switch those three. Then you add Seattle and Las Vegas. You put them on the Western Conference side. I'll just rip through this super quick. Four 18 divisions. You have the East, Boston, New York, Brooklyn, Philly, Washington, Toronto, Detroit, Cleveland. Those are all pretty close together. You have the South, Chicago, Indiana, Charlotte, Orlando, Miami, Atlanta, New Orleans, Memphis. You have the North, Milwaukee, Denver, Minnesota, Utah, San Antonio, Houston, Dallas, OKC. And then the West, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix, Vegas, LA, LA, Sacramento, Golden State.

32:46I just solved it. Unfortunately, we're not getting expansion. Although, although there is some Vegas buzz building again. I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that the league adds one more team not to, that they have 31 teams and that they jump on this Vegas market while there's like a real opportunity and real money behind it and a lot of groups and a lot of interest. And the price would have to be, my guess, what I've been told is somewhere between seven and$8 billion, at least seven, because that's what, it's basically what the Celtics got when you put in, you put in all the other stuff, all the puts the minority owners had.

33:31So let's say it's, let's go$7.5 billion for a new Vegas team. That would mean 30 times 250. Every team gets 250 million cash. They don't have to share it with the players, right? Just money into their pockets. And they'd be sacrificing going from a 130th media right to a 131st media right, but they'd be getting this$250 million up front. And if you think about it, how long are you going to own an NBA team? It's weird. The expansion was dead. I think they moved toward this NBA Europe thing, but there's some Vegas buzz again. I'm just telling you. And I look forward to other people reporting this down the road and not mentioning this podcast, but there's some Vegas buzz.

34:22Next question from Jeremy Alexander. Oh, it's another reordering question with teams. He says, Indy moves to the AFC North, Baltimore moves to the AFC East, and Miami moves to the AFC South. Who says no?

34:40I looked at this and I was like, wait, why isn't that the way they've done it? Why is Miami in the AFC East instead of the AFC South? Baltimore is right next to Washington. So you could basically have the AFC East. They would have Buffalo, New England, the Jets in Baltimore, all of whom are next to each other. And then Indy in the AFC North, that makes sense too. They'd be with Pittsburgh and Cincinnati and Cleveland, of course. And then Miami is in the AFC South with Jacksonville and Houston and Tennessee. Of course, why wouldn't they do this? Come on, Goodell. Next question is from Albert Stern.

35:22He said, a basic Google search about steroids say they weaken tendons and increase the risk of rupture. Why does no one talk about this? Albert, what are we doing? We're trying to ease the mailbag in here. Settle down, settle down. Let's not get in trouble on the first mailbag. Jack G, he wonders if you could pick one game to be able to rewatch like it had never happened before, what would it be? And if you could pick any game in history to attend in person, what would it be? So I actually did this with my son once. During COVID, we watched the Christian Leitner game against Kentucky and he had no idea what was happening.

35:58And I was like, let's just watch the second half. This game is awesome. Like, just watch this. He's like, who won? I'm like, I'm not going to tell you. so we watched it all the back and forth stuff and then later hits the shot at the end and my son was like just his head was doing 360s he couldn't believe this was an actual sporting event so that made me think like that's a great that's at least a finalist for this but the actual answer is the 1980 olympic hockey game between uh the us and the ussr that's that's the answer that's the game you would have wanted to be at there's no no game in the history of sports you would rather have wanted to be at than that game um that's also the game if you didn't know what happened and you came out of a coma and you just put that on, you wouldn't believe it happened.

36:38So I think that is the answer on both ways. Okay, Kevin from Las Vegas asks, with the Celtics hanging around 500 not looking like they'll tank, which is true, if Jason Tatum actually comes back on the early side, does the trade machine Picasso see a move they could make to actually make them a threat this year? So I came on this pod almost two weeks ago after I saw the Celtics in person with Washington and thought to myself, feels like this is a tank situation. They can't rebound. They're very dependent on three guys. If any of them get hurt, they're in a lot of trouble. And I'm not sure I see it.

37:19But think about all the stuff that's happened since. Washington and Brooklyn are in a death race to see who's worse. It's the two of them and that's that. Indiana is clearly tanking. They can not admit that, but they had so many injuries start the season combined with Halliburton that I think they own their own pick. They're not going to be a playoff team. Even if they made the plan, who cares? And the way they started the season, like, well, what's the point of this? So, you know, I think you'll see them trade Matherin and I think you'll see guys start getting mystery injuries there. But those three are pretty much guaranteed to be worse than the Celtics in any scenario you want to come up with.

38:01So then if you go, all right, Charlotte, as I'm recording this on a Monday, Charlotte is four and nine. You never know when LaMelo's going to play. I actually like the base they have, but Brandon Miller's missed a bunch of games and it's probably too late for them to do anything. So those are four teams, right? And then after that, you have, the Celtics could potentially be the fifth team. That could be the, we don't care about the play-in or the playoffs, but if Tatum's coming back and you're kind of hanging around, I don't understand the point of tanking to get like the ninth or tenth pick because even though this is a good draft I just don't personally understand it so I would be a little more proactive and the thing I was thinking so they have this Anfernee Simons contract he makes like 27 and a half million I actually like Simons I don't think Missoula likes him Simons had in Orlando a week from Sunday he had 25 points in the first half and then in the three and a half games since he scored 23 and he played 11 minutes on Sunday and basically he got benched.

39:03But I do think he's something and the team that really needs him more than anyone else is the Clippers who I saw in person on Wednesday. And they thought Kawhi, you just never know when he's going to play. He's hurt and who knows when he's coming back. And then they traded Norm Powell because he was about to, he was going into his extension year. They would have to decide on it. They didn't want to pay him. So they trade him and they get John Collins back and then decide that they'll sign Bradley Beal and Bradley Beal will be the Norm Powell and Bradley Beal gets hurt in like two days. And by the way, his career was probably over two years ago.

39:43They need a second scorer. They're in a lot of trouble. They don't have their pick, which is the biggest NBA crisis right now is that OKC has the Clippers first round pick. And if you look at it right now, the Clippers are 11th in the West. and Sacramento and New Orleans are always going to be lower than them. I think Memphis will be too and Utah will be probably, but the Clippers are not a top 10 team in the West. So they really need a scorer. They really need to do something. And as weird as this sounds, they actually really need somebody like Simons. Their offense is so hard and dependent that Simons is kind of perfect for them.

40:19They have Bogdan Bogdanovich. I can't remember which Bogdanovich is which. They have Bogdanovich. She's an expiring. They have Derek Jones who makes like 10 million a year for this year and next. So the salaries obviously add up for a Simons trade for the Celtics, but I would get friskier than that. Here's my fake trade. Picasso's in the studio for this one. Clippers get Anthony Simons and Sadiq Bey from New Orleans. The Pelicans get Bogdanovich's expiring plus Derek Jones. The Celtics get Trey Murphy. the pelicans from the celtics get the celtics first pick this year which could might be a lottery pick might be a high lottery pick if it's in the lottery um they get the right to grab the celtics have a swap with the spurs in 2028 so the pelicans whichever pick the celtics end up with in that swap pelicans would get that and then the boston's unprotected 2031 pick for trey murphy who's on a great contract, who I think is a really good player, who has been in the worst possible situation in New Orleans from the time he got there.

41:26That's the most poorly run organization in the league. They, for some reason, wouldn't sign him to an extension a year ago. He ends up getting hurt after he gets the extension. The perfect prototypical mid-20s NBA player. 40 % three-point shooter, maybe even better. Knows how to play, what to do. Underrated asset because he's been on New Orleans. So we've never even really seen him in the right situation. And if you're the Celtics, if you could do whatever it took to turn Simons into Trey Murphy and spend some picks and then have the foundation of White and Pritchard and Tatum and Brown and Trey Murphy and Cata, who's kind of turned into something here.

42:10And random big dudes and then look at free agency. like that's, you've, you've rebooted. So that'd be my dream. Probably won't happen. Do Mars probably won't do it just because I suggested it. Next question is from Wade Hacker. Is it too early to start calling Jaden Daniels RG4? It's 100 % too early. And I would encourage you not to make this joke around Washington fans. This is from John R. Of all your pop cultural references, there's nothing I felt more connected to than your love and adoration of Eddie Murphy. What are your thoughts on the new Netflix doc being Eddie? There's no one I'd rather hear review than you.

42:51Thank you. I wrote a huge, long, giant piece for Grantland about Eddie in 2012. That was one of my favorite things that I've written. He said, I know your celebrity interviews have become less frequent. That's probably going to change in 26. But I'd love to know if you've ever had him on a podcast as a guest. If you've ever had him on a podcast as a guest and if you ever tried to get him. Why hasn't he been on? I'd love nothing more than listen to it. Make it happen. Thanks. Eddie, I don't know if he'd be the number one person all the time I'd want on my podcast, but he's shortlist first wave.

43:25If he ever wanted to do it, I'd love it. He doesn't really do stuff like that. I haven't really seen him do really anything. He'll pop on like Kimmel's show and you know, but for the most part, I would love it. Nothing, I would have so many Eddie questions, but the Being Eddie doc, I saw it. I kind of was scared to watch it because it felt like a doc commercial, but I'll explain that in a second. I loved it. I couldn't believe how many good celebrities they had interviewed for it. I loved going back into the seventies and eighties, seeing some of the standup stuff. and uh if i had a note i actually i think it could have been multiple parts i think you could have really you the 80s and what eddie meant and how white everything was back then and how he became the bridge to a lot of pop culture changes as we headed into the late 80s and him and michael jackson a couple others were the bridge to that they talk about this in the doc but to me that i could have watched way more of that and gotten the background of it.

44:31And it was a little, I wrote a little bit about it when I did my big piece about Eddie, but there was this weird stretch on TV where they're just, it just got super white and there was no explanation for it. It was like the Jeffersons, Sanford and Son was gone by then, Gary Coleman, Isaac, the bartender, the black guy in Hill Street Blues, the white shadow was canceled. Like we just, black people just weren't represented it on TV. And so Eddie, when he, when he got on SNL and started hitting that, it wasn't just that he's the best cast member they've ever had. And probably the only person who was overqualified to be on the show pretty much immediately, but, um, there was also nobody like him on television.

45:08So it was, it just felt like the most important thing, especially for if you were a teenager, you were, you know, late teens or in your twenties, this was like, this is, this guy was everything. He was our number one. So I could have dove into that. There's this new trend right now, and I think we're getting better at it. And I call it the docu-mercial. It's basically a documentary crossed with an infomercial about somebody who participates in it, but has some sort of editorial say over it. I don't really personally like being involved in these that much. But the way to think about it is like they have autobiographies and books and these are kind of the well-done celebrity documentary versions of that.

45:50Like Beckham, I think was a good example. I thought Beckham was really good. It's basically a really well-done autobiography. Like if you think of the Agassiz autobiography, people, it's the documentaries are, are kind of staring more and more toward that principle. The catch is when, you know, it just becomes an infomercial and that's when, that's when it gets really hard. But I didn't feel like the Eddie thing was an infomercial. He was obviously super involved. There's things they didn't touch. But for the most part, I thought it was worth watching. If you like Eddie at all, I don't understand why you wouldn't like that movie.

46:27Okay. This is from JD. So we went from John R to JD. He said, it appears Miles Turner and A.D. Mitchell are locked in a spirited battle for this year's Mike Pence Award given to the person the state of Indiana was not sad to lose. Past recipients include Victor Oladipo and suicide cult leader Jim Jones. JD was going for it. So I always think this is interesting when this happened because I think Indiana fans like Miles Turner. But I also got the feeling they weren't like devastated to see him go, which I think is a really fun random list. I would call it the glass half empty guys. flawed stars that you like that bring way more to the table than they take off.

47:15But the more you're with them, you start concentrating on the stuff they take off the table and you just start seeing all their warts instead of their strengths. So if I had to name this after anybody, I would call this Antoine Walker syndrome because I loved Antoine Walker, but by 2003, became convinced this was a losing player. And then they traded back for him in 05. And I kind of got amnesia for all the things I didn't like about Anton Walker and they made a little playoff run with him. It was the same thing. It was like, oh yeah, I forgot. Um, these guys that you love that their hearts in the right place, but they kind of drive you crazy.

47:48We, Marcus Smart is the best example of the last 10 years. I was ready for Marcus Smart to go and talked about that in the podcast, but loved him, appreciated him. Um, it was great, but I just kind of watched him for too long. Derek Lowe was a great one in the Red Sox. Drew Bledsoe definitely got there for the Patriots. And then, you know, I was trying to think of guys in the future who might be like this. And it's definitely Raffaella for the Red Sox and Christian Gonzalez for the Patriots, who has a chance to be the best cornerback in the league, but those three things a game that drive me crazy.

48:21And I think five years from now, I'm going to be going nuts about this. But anyway, those are my guys. All right, we'll take one more break and then we'll hit the rest of the mailbag. All right, more mailbag. This is from Connor B. You always say how if you were a GM, you would have already traded for so-and-so and parentheses, Bill Simmons' voice. Does this mean I have to do my own voice? Bill Simmons' voice. He'd already be on my team. But you always seem to say this after the trade when the player is succeeding in his new dig. So put your money where your mouth is. What five guys are you going after in the NBA?

48:53Well, too late for Ryan Rollins. I loved Ryan Rollins. Then Milwaukee just said, yeah, we like him too and gave him a great contract. I'll give you six guys I really like. and maybe I'll add to this list. I used to, when I wrote, when my fingers worked, I used to in my NBA column near the end of the hour would have the Bill Simmons All-Stars for guys that I inexplicably liked that I didn't feel like got any buzz. And this was way less people I'd league past back then. Guys I like, two on Atlanta. I like Guy A, however you say his name, G-U-E-Y-E, Guy A. I think that's how you pronounce it. He was like bouncing around the last couple of years.

49:29Then all of a sudden this year you watch him and it's like, yeah, Like guy A. And then Krejci, the other guy in the Hawks, he's a shooter who I really enjoy his work too. He had a game the other day where he just kind of went nuts, but he's like exactly the type of shooter you want, like a streak, he check shooter. So I like those two. Kata and the Celtics, I get to watch every day. I've liked Kata for multiple years. He's actually my daughter's favorite non-star Celtic really since she was living in Boston two years ago. and kind of would intermittently play, not play. He'd be in the G League, but you'd always watch him go, is there a difference between Keita and DeAndre Ayton?

50:09Because I don't feel like there is. Like, what is the difference? And then he's actually playing this year and he's been a revelation and a huge plus minus. So he's probably actually ineligible for this list now. Quentin Jackson on the Pacers I like. He's a guard. You'll see him a lot as they start tanking. I've always liked Jordan Goodwin. The Suns ended up with him. I thought it was smart because the Lakers would rather have Brian James and Jordan Goodwin. And then Naquan Tomlin, I think, is the number one for this. I don't know where this guy came from. Every time I watch the Cavs, I'm always like, what's going on with this guy?

50:46I really like Naquan Tomlin. So that would be my five plus Kata. Next question is from Andrew Spots. Do Wemby and Castle have the potential to be the best defensive pair ever? Who holds the title? Settle down, Andrew. Honorable mention, I would go Duncan and Bowen, Rodman and Robinson, Rodman and Dumars, Drew and Giannis, Draymond and Iguodala, DeBuscher and Frazier, and the Wallaces in Detroit. And I think there are only two actual answers for this question. One is Bill Russell and Casey Jones, who Casey Jones was the most famous defensive guard of his era. And Bill Russell was the greatest defensive player in the history of any professional sport and won 11 titles in 13 years.

51:26So yeah, let's mention him. And then Jordan and Pippen. There's two versions of Jordan and Pippen and both of them were out of control. The year after they won their first title when they were like two Dobermans was crazy. But then after Jordan came back from baseball, the first full season back when they won the 72, those two guys, they really knew each other. And they were just, I talked to Tim Legger about this on my podcast two weeks ago, just out of control. When they just decided to shut teams down and take out guards and do whatever they wanted to do, they just did it. So I think it has to be those two pairs.

52:02Jordan Pippen, when you throw the Rodman piece, that might have the edge, but that's it. That's the bar. And Wemby and Castle, Castle would have to be, he'd have to go up seven other levels before I'm ready to have that conversation, as great as Wemby is. this next question is from joe oh didn't include his last name it's just joe oh what's the funnier movie death the woman on the boat in jaws 2 panics dumps gasoline on herself and accidentally blows up the boat or poor ben trammer in halloween 2 getting obliterated by a speeding cop car and exploding like a michael myers decoy gone wrong follow-up if you had to pick up your own if you had to pick your own movie style demise between those two spontaneous boat explosion or mistaken identity fireball, which way are you going out?

52:50So we covered both of these in the rewatchables in the last six months. And we were just laughing just a couple of weeks ago about how funny the Ben Tramerson is. He's basically, this poor kid who makes the mistake of wearing a Michael Myers mask. They see him, cops start chasing him. He gets hit by a car, driven into a white van that blows up and he just blows up and burns to death. And meanwhile, it's a mistaken identity. And then the cops, it's like, it's not him. They just kind of run off. but I think the Jaws 2 lady is funnier because she thought pouring gasoline on an attacking shark and then I guess trying to blow it up would not blow her up too and the way she's like that's great I think the worst death is just being left in your Halloween costume to burn to death by two people who then drive away I think would be worse I have, if we were doing a Mount Rushmore movie deaths.

53:46I would include those two. I would also include Henry Thomas dying in Legend of the Fall, which I just watched. I mentioned earlier. It's a drama that's now comedy. There's a scene where he's in a war and Brad Pitt's his brother and Brad Pitt sees him in the distance running for him and sees a shooter about to shoot him and starts running and everything's in slow motion. And it's the kind of thing like in the 90s made perfect sense, but by the 2000s, they're making fun of it in movies like Tropic Thunder. He's running in slow motion, cut to the guy, cocking the rifle in slow motion. And then Henry Thomas getting shot and he does the full Jesus death where he's like.

54:28And then it cuts to Brad Pitt, who's like, no, running. And then it goes back to Henry Thomas. He's like, just taking it. It's fucking hilarious. I would put that in there. But I think the funniest death scene ever, because I think you have to include the entire scene leading to the death, is Steven Weber in Single White Female, which is an awesome, awesome, really weird movie. And it's Bridget Fonda, her roommate, Jennifer Jason Leigh. And Jennifer Jason Leigh just starts pretending to be her roommate and ends up going into Steven Weber's hotel room, pretending she's the other one. She's got the red hair and the overcoat.

55:06It's dark. He's not really awake. and she goes in, takes off the overcoat and starts blowing him. And he doesn't really realize it's not his girlfriend until the tail end of the blowjob and then decides, he kind of does the fuck it, let's just finish and we'll deal with this later. But he also doesn't want to finish. He's like, oh, oh no, oh. So then she looks up and it's her and he's horrified and they start arguing and then she throws a high heel shoe right in his eye and kills him. And the entire sequence is hilarious. So that would be my, those would be my four. But if you have any other suggestions, I'm happy to hear them.

55:45Send them in. Brian asks, at what point do we retire the term podcast? Nobody uses an iPad and with the pivot to video and streaming, these are very clearly talk shows. Not necessarily. I think we're stuck with the term. I just think we're going to morph into saying video podcasts or podcasts, depending on if it's a video show or not. But if you look at the definition of a podcast, which I looked up, a podcast is a program made available in digital format for download over the internet. So why would we change that? Maybe it'll change and just become shows. Maybe because as we stop making TV shows, maybe podcasts become shows and we just call everything show.

56:31That's the only thing I could say. It did make me wonder. I do wonder why words die. Words that we use just kind of go away. Like we used to say taping. I would even say I'm taping a podcast. Now you wouldn't say tape because we don't tape them. We're like digitally recording them. So I should say recording a podcast, but I'm still saying taping. There are words from like the 60s and 70s and 80s, like groovy, wicked. Yoked was a big one when I was in the 80s. When I was in high school, somebody was yoked. We don't say that anymore. Radical went away. Foxy, calling a woman Foxy, that stopped. I think the number one though is knapsack.

57:08And I know this because my kids constantly make fun of me because they have backpacks, they call them backpacks. And then I'll be like, I'll misplace my backpack, which I call a knapsack. I'm like, has anyone seen my knapsack? And my kids just think I'm like a thousand years old. It's like, why do you keep calling it a knapsack? It's a backpack. Like nobody says the word knapsack, but we did call it a knapsack. And then for some reason, and we all decided backpacks better. So maybe that happens with podcasts. I don't know. TJ McGlynn writes in, I've been reading your stuff since 1999 when I was at Northeastern.

57:41Thanks, TJ. I don't write anymore, but thank you. I actually proposed this hypothetical to you at your book signing at Professor Toms in New York City back in 2010. So I'm running it back. That was a great book signing. The premise, you're a 30-year-old average player. You're somewhere around six feet tall. You're in decent shape. you get out on a team with Jokic, Giannis, Luka, and Steph. You have an average NBA bench. You'd have all training camp to practice with them. And the only two caveats, you have to play at least 30 minutes a game and you can't foul out. So I assume by saying can't foul out, you could just keep fouling people, but you couldn't foul people intentionally to try to just get out of the game.

58:27You'd have to play 30 minutes. And even if you had 12 ,000, I'd have to keep you in. So TJ asks, what's this team's record? He thinks he'd say at best 38 and 44. So I was thinking about this, even if it take me 30, even when I had my big USC pickup basketball comeback in the early 2010s. So I fit the profile for pretty much all of this. I think I think it's at least a 48 win team I know that sounds crazy but I have Jokic, Giannis, Luka and Steph they're four of the best 10 NBA players in the league Jokic is the best I'm getting all kinds of rebounds I'm getting passing I can outscore basically any team Jokic and Steph together would be holy shit and I was thinking like, all right, so you're gonna be wide open every game.

59:24So you're either in the right corner or the left corner in every offensive play. So they're just putting you there. And all you're doing is you just, for practice, you're practicing nothing else other than just shooting like a thousand threes a game from the left and right corner because they're gonna be open. At some point, you're probably gonna have to take them. And could you hit 30 % on the wide open threes? Then maybe Yannis get some rebounds. Then on defense, I think you'd have to play zone. You'd have to stay in the corner. You're only playing 30 minutes, so you might want to rig it. So maybe you play 16 minutes in the first half and then 14 in the second, but you save the last 10 for crunch time.

1:00:07Or even if the team's down nine, now you can try to make a run in the last 10 minutes with Luka, Giannis, Jokic, Steph, and some good bench player. I think that's a 48-win team. I'd like to see somebody try that. Maybe that's why they created the second apron. Next question is from Jesse McCoppen. Why are the Dolphins so underrated in the tortured fan base discussion? We haven't had a playoff win since 2002 as our best quarterback since Marino. They were rendered irrelevant by Brady's Pats and Josh's Buffalo Bills recently. So that's basically this entire century. But my entire childhood, this was the team we had to beat.

1:00:50The Dolphins were awesome in the 70s. They were one of the coolest teams in the 80s, even though they never won a Super Bowl. The Marino Dolphins were one of the envies of everybody. And they weren't as maybe fun or successful as people remember in the 90s. They did make the 92 AFC title game. But I always felt like with the Dolphins, because of the success in the 70s and 80s, and then Marino was so iconic in the 90s and 80s, it always seemed like they mattered more than they did. So it's tough for me to think of them as completely irrelevant, even though they've been irrelevant for this entire century.

1:01:26Which raises a different question from Patrick B. I don't know if he knows Jesse McCoppen. Who do you use the most irrelevant franchise in professional sports? They're too bad to make the playoffs, but not so bad they're topping the news with their total dysfunction. It's a team that's usually in a small market. Bonus points if their location name is generic, Indiana, Golden State, New England. And it's a team that makes you say, oh yeah, they still exist when they're picking eighth in the draft. I'll just assume it's my Columbus Blue Jackets who are celebrating their 26th season and only have a total of 15 franchise playoff wins.

1:01:57So I had no idea, which I think speaks to Patrick's case that the answer is the Columbus Blue Jackets. I combed through all four leagues, tried to top this. The dysfunction rule that he made, that cancels out the Wizards, the Pelicans, and the Kings. The Hornets were too lousy. I don't think they matter either for this. it's really the Bulls in the NBA for the last 25 years, but they had MJ before that, so you can't count them. In baseball, it's probably the Reds are the closest, but they even won in 1990, I don't know. NFL, it's really the Dolphins, but you can't say it because 70s and 80s in Reno.

1:02:32Titans and Cardinals, maybe the closest, but they both made Super Bowls. The Cardinals made it in 08, the Titans made it in 99. Titans were pretty good with Vrabel for a couple years too. Columbus's case is incredible. So they come in the league in 2000. They haven't made round two of the playoffs ever. They haven't made the playoffs since 2020. They've missed the playoffs 20 of 25 times. The best blue jacket ever is Rick Nash. They've had 17 captains. Lyle Odeline, Ray Whitney, Luke Richardson, Adam Foote, Rick Nash, Nick Foligno, and Boone Jenner. I've never heard a single conversation about the Blue Jackets.

1:03:21Now, granted, I don't have a ton of hockey fans in my life, but I have never heard a single combo about them. I'm not sure who their rival is. I looked this up on Google and Google said their rival, the Google AI, whatever that thing is, called their biggest rival, the Pittsburgh Penguins. And then I asked Google what the Pittsburgh Penguins' biggest rival was. And they suggested Philly, Washington, the Rangers, and the Devils. So Columbus's biggest rival isn't even one of that team's four biggest rivals. Their saddest moment was Johnny Goudreau dying recently. That was really sad. Their weirdest moment was a backup goalie a few years ago died in an awful fireworks accident, which I didn't know about, but it's a terrible story.

1:04:03Their worst draft pick in 2006, they took Gilbert Brule over Andrzej Kopitar, who became probably the greatest player in the history of the Kings other than Gretzky. And apparently the Blue Jacket, I did a lot of research on this one. Apparently the Blue Jacket fan is still upset about that pick. Most exciting controversy was they hired Mike Babcock, who is already kind of, not in disgrace, but controversial. And then they had to fire him before his first season because of some weird scandal where he asked players to share personal photos with them and then use the photos in some sort of something and the players got upset about it and they just fired them.

1:04:43That was weird. And then their greatest win, they swept the 2019 Panthers in round one. It was the only time they made it to round two. It has to be the Columbus Blue Jackets. I can't believe how boring all that is. Unbelievable. Anyway, that's your answer. Jared in Ohio asks, if you could take one weird thing from the old NBA and bring it into today's game, and what would it be?

1:05:14Well, it's an easy answer. Weird looking jump shots. I really miss from my childhood and from loving the NBA in the eighties, when people had different shooting motions and there was just different distinct ways to shoot a basketball that feel like they're gone. The best one, Jamal Wilkes, who would start like nearest hip, and come up and I don't even know how he did it. And it was awesome to watch in person. And he was a great shooter. And that was like, you can even replicate his shot. Kareem Skyhook. Michael Adams, he shot like he had a little hop step from his right shoulder, like a push shot.

1:05:56Sean Marion, his shot always looked broken. It looked like he would shoot it from here and kind of fling it up. Reggie Miller for a great jump shooter. He had a really, really distinct jump shot, which I thought was just really cool to watch. Larry Bird had a weird one. He'd kind of shoot it like this. But it was like a cross-face shot, but one of the best ones ever. Kevin Martin, I think, was probably of the recent players, probably the last recent player who was a big scorer who had a weird shot. And then I think my favorite for this, other than Jamal Works, Vinny Johnson, the microwave. His shot just kind of came out of his neck.

1:06:34It was like he didn't have a head, and it was unblockable. everything about Vinnie Johnson can't be replicated. He, I don't know, he had no neck. He was like this little fire hydrant. His shot came out. He was impossible to guard and he would just score 16 points in five minutes. So that's probably what I missed the most. Kenny from Brooklyn wants to know, is TAS still your favorite TV show of all of 2025 or did the season premiere of Landman Unleashing Demi Moore take the honors? I did watch Landman. I think the winner for me for 2025, and granted there is, granted there is, I don't know, six weeks left, is The Beast and Me, which just went up on Netflix and I devoured it.

1:07:27I watched all eight episodes. I actually was raining so hard in LA on Saturday night that I woke up because of the rain because I thought like a window was broken. It was just raining that hard and I couldn't fall back asleep and I'm watching two more episodes of it. I finished it on Sunday night after I did the podcast. The star of The Beast in Me is Claire Danes, who's finally getting to play a conflicted, erratic, possibly crazy, neurotic person who's on the verge of melting down every episode. She's never played a character like this before. The guy from The Americans, Matthew Reese, he's in it.

1:08:01He's cooking. He's so good. And the guy from Breaking Bad who played Mike, one of the older guy who ended up better call solid. That guy who initially I know him as the guy from 48 Hours who gets shot by Gantz. My iPad test, when you're watching a show, how much of the time are you looking at your phone or your iPad? So the morning show is basically like a 99. You look at the TV like 1 % of the time you're actually watching it when it's the morning show. This show is a put the iPad down show. it's like I don't even want to be distracted I'm so into this it's like a real old school thriller where you're like I don't know where this is going I can't wait to see what happens next I really enjoyed it and I was thinking Claire Dan's season tickets I still might be a season ticket holder for her and she's basically playing some variation of the same part in every show and I'm in every time it seems very normal in real life but I was thinking I was texting with Joanna Robinson and Rob Mahoney about this because I wanted them to cover this on Prestige, on the Prestige TV podcast, excellent podcast.

1:09:08And I was saying how I'd been with Claire since my so-called life because she was great on that show. And I really liked that show, but it wasn't like a typical show for a guy in his 20s to watch. And I was explaining like back in, when being single in the 90s, like being versed on 90210 and Melrose Place and the real world and my so-called life, which were shows I liked anyway, were great like conversation breakers with, girls you want to talk to at a bar. Um, and just being well-versed and having like jokes and material about that was actually like helpful. And we were wondering what are those shows now that if you're in your twenties and you meet somebody at wherever party work, wherever, um, what are the end shows that a man would have to, to, um, I don't know, make some sort of connection over the show.

1:09:56And I don't really know the answer. It's probably prestige shows, but But if you're in high school or college, you probably have to watch Summer I Turn Pretty to be able to have jokes about it in case it ever comes up. Are you for you? I don't know. I don't know the answer. Maybe this is just specific to the 1990s. John in Portland wants to know, I'm taking bets on Nico's next job. He offers the following five. Special assistant Rob Polenka, clutch super agent, Nike Jordan sports marketing star, CEO of Mamba Inc. and VP GM Adidas Basketball. All decent choices. He's gone. He has to leave the country.

1:10:36I think he gets involved in NBA Europe, I think would be the next move for Nico. I don't think it could be anything in the United States of America.

1:10:46Kyle Wiltshire in Hendersonville, Tennessee. Pennsylvania, I almost created a state. He wonders why we haven't inducted the first class of the Bill Simmons Podcast Hall of Fame yet. It said, develop a criteria, create a panel, serve as voters, include the audience in the process. Pre-record all the announcement induction episodes, run them in July when we're on vacation. Imagine CR knocking on Coles from his door to present him with a 33 Larry Bird jersey. As a first bout, Bill Simmons Podcast Hall of Famer. Then you sit down with Chuck and have a retrospective career. Pod about his career on your show would be so great.

1:11:18Just a thought. I enjoy the show. That's from Kyle in Hendersonville, Tennessee. We'd probably spend most of the time talking about Chuck's controversial Nico take that really, really made people in Dallas mad, but I loved it. I'm trying to think if there's been a lower stakes hall of fame, but I'm not necessarily against this. I think it would be two people a year. And I think as the years pass, we'd have to leave somebody out to kind of get a Pete Rose type controversy going. I think it would be Sal. First, because Sal would do this if it was somebody else just to torture them. But also like you could say, because Sal is my co-host on the infamous podcast in September 2014, when I said too much about Goodell and ended up getting suspended and just opened a can of worms.

1:12:02Like Sal got blamed for that. It's a little like Bonds and the steroids. And is he going to get in? Can he shake that podcast off him? I don't know. Maybe I can start the Hall of Fame in one of the future mailbags.

1:12:41Okay, we're heading down the home stretch here. sumo wrestlers must win consecutive tournaments to reach Yokozuna status. That's from Craig in Nishinyoma, Japan. How would that work in the NBA? I think players would need multiple championships and our MVPs to be considered. In sumo, there can only be two or three NBA Yokozunos at the same time. And once they're out, they can't reach that status again. So who are the NBA Yokozunos in the history of the league? This is interesting. So you'd have to win back-to-back, two MVPs in a row, maybe two MVPs and a championship. So I think it's Mikan, Bill Russell, Wilt, Kareem, Bird, Magic, Isaiah.

1:13:20I think Isaiah qualifies the Pistons won two in a row. Jordan, Hakeem, Shaq, Duncan. Nash won two MVPs by this definition. I think he's in. Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Steph Curry, Kevin Durant, Giannis, Jokic, and probably SGA right now is, we'd be talking about, could he be a Yokozuna? I like this idea. This is like, it's a little like the Pantheon. It's like with like a distorted definition of it, but I like the Yokozuna idea. Brad in Chicago wants to know, with his recent passing, do you have any final thoughts on the life and career of Michael Ray Richardson? I actually do. Thank you for asking Brad in Chicago.

1:14:03I think he's the single most talented guard to fuck his career up in NBA history. It's either him or John Lucas in the finals. I think he was slightly better than John Lucas. His second year, 1980, Bird of Magic's rookie year, led the league in assists and steals. He was the perfect Knick for the late 70s, early 80s, NBA cocaine era. Cool as hell. Really talented. Fun to watch. Had an awesome, awesome, awesome Nike poster that I can't believe is in my studio. And was probably the most likely guy to put up a triple-double and then go to studio at 54 until 5 in the morning. He was involved in the best 80s drug guy trade ever.

1:14:39The Knicks signed Bernard King as a free agent. He'd had a ton of problems at Utah and Golden State. And they signed Bernard King, traded Michael Ray to him as compensation to Golden State. I wrote in my book, this was like Marbury for kid, only with the Russian roulette aspect of each guy has battled serious coke alcohol problems and will either make or break our franchise. So the Warriors got broken. They had to trade him for Sleepy Floyd four months later and Bernard King became an iconic Knicks. So the Knicks won that one. but Michael Ray goes to the Nets in 84 and round one, they're playing the Sixers who had Moses, Dr.

1:15:14J and Mo Cheeks, Andrew Tony, Bobby Jones. They had just had one of the greatest seasons of all time, won the title and they beat them in five games. And it was mainly because how good Michael Ray was in 85. The year later, he was a 28 and six for the Nets, played 82 games, led the league in steals, and then became one of the first kicked out of the league guys. And when Stern cracked down on, on the cocaine stuff. but I wrote in 2010 how I wanted a comments section in the Hall of Fame, that just this one section you go, and it's all the guys who had the potential to be great and just didn't pull it off because they either had drugs, injuries, some sort of bad break, a tragic death, whatever it was.

1:15:53So I had, 2010, I had Michael Ray Richardson as the first guy in this, Andrew Toney, Penny Hardaway, James Silas, Marvin Barnes, Gus Johnson, Ralph Sampson, Brad Doherty, Maurice Stokes, John Lucas, Sam Bowie, Terry Cummings, Roy Tarpley, Reggie Lewis, Grand Hill, Alonzo Mourning, Drozden Petrovic, and Tim Hardaway. Those were the 18. You would 100 % add Derrick Rose to that. You wouldn't add Yao Ming because I think he's in the Hall of Fame anyway. I think you'd add Brandon Murray because I love Brandon Murray and his knees just couldn't hold up. You might add Ben Simmons. Not my Ben Simmons, the other Ben Simmons.

1:16:33I think he's in. I think he's in in the Comet Hall of Fame section. The guy in 17, 18, and 19, there was times when he looked like LeBron in the open court. He was a first-team all-defense guy. He could absolutely be the second-best guy on a team that could win a title. And there was kind of nobody else like him in the league. And then that Hawks series, when they started intentionally fouling him, broke his brain. I think he's in. So I would have 21, and then we'll leave two spots open for Zion and Ja. Yeah. Sean from New Jersey wants to know, who would you pick to star in the sports drama about the NBA gambling scandal?

1:17:13My pick is Giancarlo Esposito as Chauncey Billups. So I only have four so far. I have Denzel as Chauncey Billups. I think we need some star power. I have Marlon Wayans as Damon Jones. That's easy. Jarrell Jerome as Terry Rogier. Big step up for Jarrell. And I think Michael Imperioli is the head of the mafia. Whatever mafia is involved in this, I think he's involved. And then after that, I'm not sure. I'm not sure who plays Adam Silver. I have to think about that. Maybe it's Corey Stahl. Could he do an Adam Silver?

1:17:50We'll find out. The more we know about this story, we'll have to keep adding cast members. Okay. We're really in the home stretch now. Ben from Chicago says, we need a conspiracy Bill Simmons podcast. I for one love when Bill goes into conspiracy mode. I can't imagine I'm the only one out there. First episode, did Adam Silver force the Luka trade on Nico Harrison? Silver says, okay, Nico, this is what's going to happen. You're going to either trade Luka to the Lakers now, or we're going to get them there in a few years. You'll get nothing from him. However, if you trade him right now, we'll get you AD and Cooper flag.

1:18:23Hold that thought. This next question is from Shane. Was the Luka trade orchestrated by the league to pump up the valuation of Lakers before the sale? Ooh. Did the NBA say to Dallas, don't worry, we'll compensate you with the first overall pick. Also, did Cuban sell the team because the league told him they need Luka and the Lakers and he didn't want to be a part of it? What are your thoughts? Woo! Conspiracy bill is here. Regular bill does not think any of this happened because not only would it be illegal, I think it would be consumer fraud and Adam Silver and Mark Cuban and the DeMont family would all go to jail.

1:18:56So I just wanted to mention that. I genuinely think this is what happened. Luke had been with the Mavericks since he was like 18. It was his first job. I think they slowly came to think he was an entitled dick and that he wasn't going to stay in shape. And it's a little like what I talked about earlier with Antoine Walker syndrome. The more time they spent with him, the more they just started seeing the glass half-empty stuff, not the glass half-full stuff. He screwed up in the 24 finals when he fouled out of game three and acted pretty petulant afterwards and didn't really play well in general.

1:19:30And I think that left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. And they overacted to that. Didn't think about the first three rounds, thought about the last one. I think Kidd, who has blood all over him in this, all over him, because there's no way they make this trade without Jason Kidd. There's just no way. And I think he probably bitched about Luka's defense all the time and complained to Nico about him constantly. And then Nico, who was obsessed with Kobe, who had the Kobe work ethic thing in his head. And he's just like obsessing with how different Luka was than Kobe. And the two of them are just making each other crazy.

1:20:00Then you have Nico has an irrational love for Anthony Davis. He has a rational GM confidence after the Kyrie trade that worked out. I thought the Kyrie trade was a disaster. It's like, what are you guys doing? You're trading for Kyrie Irving? You're nuts? And then it works out. Patrick Dumont, obviously, maybe not a buffoon, but a sports buffoon. Didn't really seem like he knows that much about basketball and made the mistake of like, well, I delegate with my employees. So if they tell me this is what we should all do. but he did sign off on this trade. Let's be fair. Nico wasn't acting rogue.

1:20:33The guy at some point had to sign off on it. So Kid did this after the trade didn't work out. Dumont did this and everything got blamed on Nico. I don't think that's fair, even though it was his fault. I think Nico had the idea. Kid loved it and they pulled one over on Dumont. And here's the important thing. I think Nico, I think he genuinely thought if they did this trade, they're going to win the 25 title. I think he thought they could beat Oklahoma City if they did this. If they added Davis, they were really big, that they could throw whatever against OKC, Kyrie, Anthony Davis, all of these role players, defense guys.

1:21:09And he said, fuck it. He's like, we're going to win the title if we did this, because that's what we do when you have a rational confidence. And I think that's what happened. But we do have to include Conspiracy Bill. This did inspire me to come up with Conspiracy Bill's NBA conspiracy scale on a scale of one to 10, with one being the lowest level type of conspiracy and then 10 being the biggest. Number one, Stern leaking the FBI's Donahue investigation to the New York Post so the story would blow up before they kept working on it and may or may not have found out if any other refs were involved.

1:21:44That definitely happened. That's not even a conspiracy. I think he did leak it. So that's one. A two, really, I don't think this happened, but it's a fun one. The league made David Kahn, when he was the Minnesota Timberwolves GM, pass on Curry two times in a row so we'd end up in either Golden State or New York in a bigger market. Again, I don't think this happened, but it's a great conspiracy theory. And by the way, David Kahn did work for Pro Scour Rose after law school, big law firm. You know who was like the biggest Pro Scour Rose guy ever? David Stern, before he became NBA commissioner. Yeah.

1:22:16Conspiracy Bill is in the house. The 2006 pro Miami Heat finals officiating being a huge fuck you to Cuban for all the stuff he was doing and trying to make the league better. Now we're starting to get into, eh. The 2011 and 2012 lotteries being rigged. I don't think they could rig a lottery, but these are the two most suspicious ones to me. 2011, Cleveland wins with the Clippers pick, which wasn't even one of the top seven picks. the year after LeBron leaves. And then 2012, New Orleans finally sells the team after the league owns it. The league owns it, sells it, the Benson family buys it, and then they win the number one pick.

1:22:59So I'm just mentioning those. I would say the Luka Lakers conspiracy is a five out of 10. So again, I don't, these first five, but they're for really conspiracy corners, not actual reality. Number six, Stern pushed a Seattle sale to OKC businessman knowing he would move the team because he wanted Seattle to stay empty as a potential leverage city, either to draw teams that would relocate or to point to teams that wouldn't build new arenas where he could say, see, see what happened to Seattle, you could be next. Actually, I kind of believe that one. A 7 out of 10. Draymond's suspension gets upheld in the 2016 final so LeBron can have a chance to come back with the Cavs.

1:23:47That's one of those proof to me that didn't happen. 8 out of 10. 2001 Bucks Sixers series in Game 6 of the 2002 Kings Lakers series. Yeah. 9 out of 10. Jordan suspended in 1993. And he's suspended for a whole year and comes back with 20 games to go in the next season. It's just never added up. I've talked about it a million times, how the most competitive guy of all time could be like, yeah, I think I've competed enough. It's never added up. And then 10 out of 10 is the frozen envelope in the 1984 lottery, which I've broken down over and over again, where they put seven envelopes in this bin. Stern went around, he fell down, miraculously picked out the Knicks envelope, and the rest was history.

1:24:35and people thought that they made that envelope super cold so that he would know not to pick that one. That is the best NBA conspiracy of all time. I don't think any of these 10 actually happened, but if you go from unbelievable to, yeah, I could see that one. The frozen envelope is still the best one. So thank you, Conspiracy Bill, and thank you to the people who brought him in. And then Crazy Carl writes in another question for Conspiracy Bill. Do we think that Livy Dunn is dating skeins for his future money? No one can accuse her of because she started dating him when they were at LSU. So maybe Skeens is the winner in this transaction because she's worth it at any price because she's wicked hot.

1:25:15P.S. I'm not sexist. P.P.S. The reason I'm not sexist is because I think that guys can be gold diggers too. I'm worried that Zoe's new guy, Hank, might be trying the same move on Zoe. As the heiress to the BS kingdom, she probably has guys coming at her for the wrong reason. Let me know if you want me to get Big Dom, I'm Albanian George, ham from the town, and we'll put a tail on Hank. We'll report back soon. Just answer any call if it's from unknown caller. That's from Crazy Carl. Yep, these are my listeners. Thanks to everybody who sent mailbag questions. You can send them to bspodcast33 at gmail.com.

1:25:49Thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well. And I will see you on Thursday. I think Zach Lowe is coming out on Thursday and we're gonna do some football picks as well. So enjoy the first part of the week. I want to see them. I want to waste your time. Say I don't have feelings with them. Must be 21 plus in president select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus in president in DC, Kentucky, or Wyoming. Game problem call 1-800-GAMBLER. Visit rg-help.com. Call 888-79-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut. or mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts or call 877-8HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York.