The Smashmouth Giants, Bumbling Chargers, Stumbling Packers, Week 1 Overreactions, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

21:28If our defense blows it at the end, so be it. But I like the idea that a lot of people I know didn't start Allen in fantasy. But our friend Brad in our league, Brad bid$30 for him. He doesn't spend$30 on anything except for like orange crush and tobacco, chewing tobacco. But that's, yeah. So, yeah, they're going to be good. They're going to be all right. And they play the Lions next week.

21:53Bill Simmons:I got an email from Ryan in Buffalo who said, Josh Allen now has nine career games with at least two passing and two rushing touchdowns in the same game. Five more than any other player in the history of the NFL. should that stat be called the Josh Allen? Oh, interesting. Or should we call it the Josh? And who could even threaten to break it? He wonders if Drake May would have the best chance. Oh, that's why he's trying to antagonize you. Yeah, yeah. He also has the 20th most rushing touchdowns of any player ever as a quarterback, Ryan says. I like the idea of calling it the Josh Allen if you have the two touchdowns from running passing in the same game.

22:32Bill Simmons:Yeah, that's good. He has more than anybody? Five more than anybody? Five more than anybody. It's nine total. Yeah, he has more rushing touchdowns than Earl Campbell. I saw the list. I already forgot it. But I know there's some gigantic names on it. But that was the classic Allen game, right? He was incredible. He was awesome. He had multiple superhero plays. And the guy on the other team dropped the game-winning pick. And then you have C.J. Stroud come back down. And C.J. was, for the most part, his stat, he was 274, two touchdowns. Didn't have a pick. And then they're in the 20. They have, like, about, what, 30 seconds left.

23:03Bill Simmons:They got to score a touchdown. One thing you can't do is take a sack. He takes just an awful sack and then gets a strip sack where he fumbles and they lose. And that's it. So if you're a Texans fan, you feel better about C.J. Stroud than you did in January, but you still aren't high-fiving anybody. Yeah, but it's that defense that I'd be a little worried about because that has to be great. It has to be as great as it's been for them to go as far as they do, even with Stroud playing well. So I don't know. And Joe Brady went shirtless after. So, you know, he's a hard push for coach of the year. I saw that.

23:36Bill Simmons:It was a hard push for coaching locker room moment of the year. Yeah. So you had the Bills in that game in Ringer Wiseguys on Friday. You were the only. Everyone was zagging toward Texans. I would say the Texans and the Cowboys were two of the most popular picks this week. Right? Yeah. And both of them fell. Chargers were in a bunch of survivor pools. And that didn't happen either. there's a lot to cover from today. We're going to take a break. We're going to come back, and we have to talk about the weirdest game of the week and probably the season, Packers-Vikings. That's coming. Another killer.

24:15Bill Simmons:This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. It's the small moments where we have the most fun sometimes, like having a friendly little competition with your friends. See who's the fastest or who can put better in the backyard or who can get to somebody else's house or the better route, whatever it is. Even better, if you put some Michelob Ultra on the line or a refreshing way to up the stakes, like me and House are going to pick games against each other on Thursday. It's the NFL season. Maybe we keep track in ways of Michelob Ultra six-packs. I'm happy to do that. Maybe Michelob Ultra will make a special BS podcast or ringer six-packs.

24:53Bill Simmons:And then we could barter them back and forth, whatever it is. By the way, they should do that for us. Superior is worth playing for. Michelob Ultra Superior Light Beer. Enter for a chance to win superior soccer, basketball, and golf prizes at Michelob Ultra.com slash superior access. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026. Anheuser-Busch Michelob Ultra Light Beer. St. Louis, Missouri. I'm just talking fantasy. I have a chance to somehow win this week in our league, even though AJ Brown is now out for six weeks. It really hurt my feeling, but I need... So we're talking 23.6 points for Rasheed Rice and Kenneth Walker.

25:34Bill Simmons:That would be what beats me. You just got to keep them under that. Yeah. Yeah. The good news is I won't pay close attention to every freaking snap. And this one is submarine my night tomorrow. Zoe's not playing a Monday nighter. No, thank God. No more games for her. Packers Vikings. Green Bay goes up 22 to 10 with 20 minutes left in the game. Kyler Murray has been knocked out. He threw a pick and then he got concussed. he's gone. Carson Wentz is in. I thought McCarthy was coming in. It was just weird to see Carson Wentz. I forgot that McCarthy wasn't even the number two quarterback. He comes in.

26:10Bill Simmons:He looks like Carson Wentz. There's a couple moments where it looks like he's actually maybe physically breaking down. 22-10 feels pretty good. What happens? Green Bay doesn't score another point. The Vikings scored 29. so Green Bay loses they outscored them 419 to 219 they had Minnesota 132 passing yards this was the 6th straight loss for Matt LaFleur including blown leads of 21-3 21-3 and 22-10 to include the playoffs last year this was we try not to overreact to week 1 this was an an abominable, abominable loss. And if I'm a Packer fan, I'm losing my mind. This is not like the Patriots-Seahawks game.

27:01Bill Simmons:This is like, how the fuck did we lose this game? No doubt about it. And I was going to be so mad. This is my best bet of the day. Packers minus, plus the one and a half. So there was some tic-tacs in there. The Bills were a tic-tac. This one was a tic-tac. And I was going to be really mad if they lost by three. They made the two-point conversion, Minnesota. You got to be kidding me with this. And by the way, I deserve it because I interviewed Justin Jefferson, the lovely man, and then picked the Packers to blow them out. Right. But what the F happened? Like, I don't understand how a defense could be working so well and then just salivating with Carson Wentz.

27:37I think the big play was, I think they would have gotten out of the drive, but that body-to-body thing where you put too much weight on somebody when you sack a guy like Carson Wentz and they got called for the penalty. Did you see that? Whoa. Did I see it? Yes. You feel it?

27:53Bill Simmons:three penalties kept that drive going, including that one. Yeah, listen, this is... So my buddy Chip, college roommate, diehard lifelong Packer fan. Oh, yeah. He said, can you please read this during the podcast? I'm going to do that because I've known him since 1988. Two third down stops and an interception all overturned by insane penalties. In a few years, we'll find out this game was part of a gambling scandal. Wow. That's the first one of those. I love it. From my old college roommate, Chip. Yeah. So I don't think Packers nation is happy about the results, but they could listen. Minnesota blitz love.

28:30Bill Simmons:The final number was 78.4%. That's how many times they blitzed him today. The Packers offensive line was a sieve, right? Right. Their defense, they, they, without Parsons, they just have no pressure at all. They couldn't get any stops and they ultimately couldn't stop Carson Wentz who, by the way, hit Jefferson on that long one. I don't know if Murray would have hit him on that. I guess my question is were the Vikings maybe one injury away from being a decent team? Because you and I both we are not Murray fans. You pull him out of that game, I feel like they lose that game if he's the quarterback.

29:08I kind of did too. And he threw a bad interception. Right? Bad. Before he went out. And then he had a couple decent ones. But he got crushed. I hate saying that, honestly. It's like, alright, I'm watching the wrong sport here. I'm going to put the tennis on for a little bit. But, so, yeah. No, you're right. So, 78 % blitzing, and I think they got home 58 % of the time. I think the pressure was 58%, and it just seemed to pick up in the second half. Like, I don't see any adjustments from LaFleur at all. I guess if you're winning, you don't have to make too many adjustments, but just a respectable performance.

29:44Bill Simmons:In the first half, they were blitzing on everything. Then the second half, they started mixing it up. Love ended up with 387 passing yards. He was hit 15 times and blitzed 78 % of the time. And I don't know if you saw this, but Kenny Atkinson announced that analytically he thought Jordan Love won the game. Oh, did he write it? He did? Yeah. He's still doing that? He didn't learn his lesson? Yeah, he looked at the stats. He thought Jordan Love won. But so we had him, Nerd King Jordan Love, the new Nerd King, going head-to-head against former Nerd King Justin Herbert. And it was perfect because Herbert was just atrocious in the Cardinals game.

30:22Bill Simmons:Whereas with the part of the nerd king package is the nerds have to make excuses for you after you lose the game. So in this case, it's like, actually, Jordan Love was amazing. With the way the Vikings were blitzing him, that was one of the best games of his career. They lost by 17. But that'll be the nerd argument this week because he's our new nerd king, Jordan Love. He's the one? Yeah, Justin Herbert, who's now been dumped, who's left Nerd Village, and he's left the country like Megan and Harry. And now he has nobody to defend him when he plays like complete dog shit against the Arizona Cardinals.

30:54Not only that, Madison Beer left. She's on the market for all you single fellas out there. She's seen enough. She's like, I can't be with that. Yeah.

31:01Bill Simmons:She was like, I thought I was going to be in the suite, being shown in the suite the whole game. I had like four touchdown dances with my beer. Thanks a lot. Yeah, that was my big loss. Not even my best bet, but I would have had a nice day had they come through on a money line parlor. Yeah. Plus, they killed like 30 % of eliminator pools and like 60 % of my voice were screaming obscenities at Mike McDaniel most of the afternoon. It was disgusting. Also, it was a karaoke LeFleur game. They gave up a 69-yard kickoff return, right? Packers special teams, lock it down. Terrible blown coverages. Like TJ Hawkinson was just wide open at one point.

31:43Bill Simmons:They had the penalties. They had the bad offensive line. They had the play where he took the field goal off the board to set up the sneak that didn't work. Which leads me to my next question. How did he not make that sneak? I'm sorry. I just like, oh, he made it. They're going to review that. Oh, God damn it. He didn't make it. He wasn't even close. Stupid. First coach fired. Oh, here we go. I could give you the floor. I could give you Todd Bowles. could I give you Jim Harbaugh could I interest you in that one wow that's a good one that was the one of the worst coaching I think that might have been the worst coach team I watched today it's the Chargers no life stupid shit um doing the same dumb stuff over and over again um really really egregious coaching stuff like they they're down what were they down nine or 12 there's four minutes left they have a third and 30 and they they have like two timeouts left they call time out right because they they don't want to have a delay game on third and 30 what are you guys doing right when you're on 10 yard line yeah what are you calling what are you calling time out for you and then later it's like well they only have one time out left because they had to use that to save the delay game to save the delay game so that on third and 30 they could throw an eight yard pass and punt right that's just bad shit i don't know yeah it was bad he uh i would say he's top three or four at this point.

33:09I mean, the team's supposed to win like double-digit games, right? I mean, we'll go over our big regrettable futures in a minute, but yeah, that was... Talk about like missed assignments. Like we were led to believe, all right, when Joe Walt comes back, wait till you see. Nobody's going to get within 15 yards of Justin Herbert. He's going to be able to do whatever he wants. Right. Sean Slater, whoever else is in there. Not the case. Just overthrows, bad. I know McConkie went out, but that game was lost before then.

33:34Bill Simmons:McConkie went out because Herbert throwing the hospital ball. I don't know if you saw it. Yeah. He led him right over the middle and he got absolutely killed. Then I remember DJ Mikey Mack as the offensive coordinator who has the hospital ball in his offensive play sheet. Should we give someone credit? I know we don't give anyone credit, but Arizona was... They were decent. I looked at like... I want to talk about Arizona. Hold on. One more thing on the Chargers just quick. Because I do wonder if this is the week one overreaction game. But you love the Chargers heading into the season. Oh, yeah.

34:05Bill Simmons:I was with you for most of August and when they lost their center and the left guard center right guard combo were all like F minuses I got scared off did you see the play when they blitzed they sent three guys hit Herbert the two tackles both blocked their guys and the other three guys were blocking one guy three guys were blocking one guy three other guys are hitting Herbert and the other two guys are creating the pocket And I was like, I hope that's not a metaphor for the Chargers season because it kind of felt like it was. And defensively, they couldn't get stops. They couldn't cover anybody.

34:41Bill Simmons:They didn't get any pressure on Brissette. I thought the Cardinals kind of dominated them. They really couldn't get stops. The Cardinals, if you look at their drive charts, they had like six good drives where they kept the ball away from. The Chargers had like three possessions in the first half or something like that. And then really like one, the two in the third quarter. It wasn't a lot. But I get on Mike McDaniel. They were terrible by the goal line and everything else. But yeah, I'll give Cardinals. I can't believe it. Bursette made some big third down plays. And they moved the ball. And loved scoring early on.

35:16Was big, even though he didn't do a ton after that.

35:18Bill Simmons:I wonder with Bursette. He's at least the new Flacco, right? Because when he was on the Patriots, he was unplayable two years ago. He was really awful. And now I watch him and he's got McBride. He's got Wilson and Harrison. Who was that other guy who had seven catches today? That third receiver. I'm blanking on his name. But that guy was catching balls. And Brissette was like, you know, methodically moving down the field, making all the right reads. He only had one Brissette play. He like threw it up for grabs. Four guys had a chance to get a pick. None of them got it. But I'm with you. I was watching that game.

35:56Bill Simmons:And this is why I think this was the week one overreaction game. because I left that game thinking like, the Chargers aren't bad. I mean, the Cardinals aren't bad. I know. I hate it. I actually think, and there was a case for them. Who was on Wiseguys, Dabundo or Raheem? It's about last year how they were like, there were eight one-score games and they were always in the mix. Oh, yeah. The Cardinals. Like, they had a lot of injuries. Yeah. But I don't know. I have a buddy that works in the organization. He's like, he said before today, He's like, they're really rallying behind Brissette. They're playing with a chip on their shoulder.

36:32They like LeFleur. By the way, this LeFleur won. The other one didn't. But there's like some bulletin board material. Like tickets today were$18 at SoFi. Did you see that? Like the cheapest tickets. So, you know, I think they were like pumped. They're playing in front of Chargers fans in SoFi, which is unheard of. So they really went out there and kicked their ass. I thought it was interesting LeFleur's parents were there.

36:55Bill Simmons:But their other son was playing too. but I guess it's because the one son is the first game. First game. It did make me think if you had two sons that were NFL coaches and like, let's say you're retired and you could just go to the games, like you really have to manage some egos in that one, right? Well, I think you just do like with Zoe. Like what if you had two daughters playing soccer? Like who gets the bigger screen? You stay at home. You got to just stay home. I got to watch both of you at the same time. So Brian from Everett wrote in. Since the start of Thursday night football, no NFL team has played all their games on a Sunday until the 2026 Arizona Cardinals.

37:35Bill Simmons:Wow. I don't think we talk enough about the futility of this franchise. The NFL didn't want to put them on Thursday night against the Raiders in Madagascar. Instead, they punish us in the late afternoon window every Sunday. And yet, this franchise went on the road and beat DJ Mikey Mack and Justin, greatest, best ever quarterback to open this season. He's right. and we were talking about first of all we did we did the futures should we just do that now? Yeah because we're going to go through all these videos anyway one of your favorite futures was the Cardinals would start at 0 and 5 there was a case for them to start at 0 and 11 if you looked at their schedule it was like they didn't have an easy win forever and yet they took it off the board let's do it what's your most regrettable so we did the future draft last week and we did what 60 futures combined something like that yeah Yeah.

38:25Let me pull up. All right. I'll just start. You have to go with the injured guys first, right? So Dijon Stribling to win offensive rookie of the year. Plus 850. That's no good. You know what? I'm going to treat this like a yard sale. Like everything must go. Like I'll sell this plus 850. I'll give you, I'll give it to you for a hundred to one. Like that's it. So I quickly looked at the list you sent and you're like, all right, here's your list. I was like, I have 30 of them. You have 30. I was like, shit, I'll just read all of them. But that's my first one. So go ahead.

38:53Bill Simmons:Oh, then mine would be Brock Bauer's 1 ,000 plus yards at plus 135. That is in the front of my store with a 50 % off sign right now. They shaved his meniscus, but he might be ready for week two. What? They shaved his meniscus? What do they use, a straight razor? What the fuck is that? He's fine? No, no, they shaved it. It's fine. I wonder, though, if he is back for 15 weeks or 14 weeks, he could still get the thousand. Listen, go to the front of the counter. You can bring it up. what's your next one okay i mean a.j brown 10 plus touchdowns same sort of thing he's out a month six weeks i don't know was it high ankle sprain who knows what these things yeah you have no chance at that gross uh and i have no chance at miles garrett defensive player of the year for plus 400 i'm gonna cross that one off tom palisaro breaking the story today great so that was pretty fun yeah that was fun um shout out to him but yeah miles garrett who when you watch that game on thursday and you're like, wow, is Miles Garrett in the game?

39:53Bill Simmons:And they're like, no, no, he's number 95. He's out there just doing nothing. And now it turns out he was hurt. Right. What's your next one? All right. Well, Indianapolis, Cleveland, Giants, Jets, and Arizona, no playoffs was plus 156. I got a little nervous. Three of those teams won. Giants, Jets, and Arizona. So I would sweat that out. Yes, I'll put that in the front of the store too. I won't sell it. If you want to steal it, just take it. I'm putting Dallas over 10.5 wins plus 500 in the front of the store. They'd have to go 11-5 to beat that. I watched multiple guys in your defense leave during this game.

40:35Bill Simmons:Nobody seemed like they were in shape. Overshawn got hurt again. That guy just can't seem like he can play five games in a row. I kind of regret having that one. What's your next one? That's not right. I have some Patriots futures. I wasn't going to use those. I didn't know we were playing like that. Bring them. I have, on the show, I said Herbert MVP. Oh, I'll do Herbert 4 ,500 plus yards 12 to 1. Yeah. Let's put them together as a package deal. All right, we'll couple that. That's nice. We'll sign those too. We'll just sign them. Yeah, we'll sign them. It's a combo. Two for one. Two for one special.

41:12Stafford most passing yards. I mean, we haven't talked about, it's not even an indictment against Stafford, of them and they were really bad the other night. But I think Caleb Williams is just going to go nuts with this one. You know, so I don't like five to one.

41:26Bill Simmons:One of us had Caleb, I think, for four. I had him for 4 ,000 yards. 4 ,000 yards? Yeah, that was you. That's a win. He'll get that by week three. We talked about the Rams, the super team stuff, how high the numbers were, how bad of a sign that was for them based on the history. I don't know, man. I could see them missing the playoffs I don't even think that's like a crazy week one overreaction because we were all signing up for this team that had Myles Garrett just running a mock on defense and then Aaron Donald coming in and now it's like well Aaron Donald's going to play 25 to 30 plays and Myles Garrett has a bad knee right and now they have this is my fear in general with them is when you have these top heavy teams now you're one more injury away from being the Chiefs last year Right?

42:15Bill Simmons:Now it's like Puka has a hamstring pull or something. Now I'm looking at 6-11 and not 12-5. It's interesting because that game, first of all, everyone was right about it. Like, yeah, they should have flown in earlier. It's like that did seem like what it was. The 49ers were much fresher. Garrett was out of breath. Like the Rams were way out of sync. It had to be part of it. Either that or the Niners are way better than the Rams. So I don't know. But I don't want to mix games here because we're still doing regrettable futures. but is there a 10-plus win team that you had that you're throwing out the first game that lost that you're okay with?

42:50Like, that's actually not too many lost, right? It's just the Chargers and Rams.

42:55Bill Simmons:I feel pretty good about the Pats. I got to be honest. I'm not like, I think the Pats are going to be okay, and they're playing in Seattle. Seattle's really good. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not panicking about that. All right. I wasn't going to panic for the Rams, but it's not great at all. They do have to fix that defense. I think the 11.5 over-under is an official panic. You're good. I wouldn't want to have to bet on the Rams having to go 12-5. My last regrettable one is I had Washington-Atlanta under 8.5 wins for plus 112. And I mentioned how the 7.5 was like plus 400 or something. And I named the balls to do that one.

43:33Bill Simmons:I did the easier one. It's like there's no chance either of those teams is winning nine games. Right. Like zero. I'll couple that with, he wasn't awful today, but Jaden Daniels comeback player of the year, plus 750. Just doesn't, he just looks like a quarterback who's coming back from an injury. And, you know. So who's going to win that then? Well, we have to see Mahomes. We have to see, who else was on that? Was Mahomes? Burrow on it? I can't tell. No, Burrow was on it. Damar Hamlin's back on it. He just wins it every year. Just really just anybody, except for anybody who I have. Wait, we have to rip through a couple more games really fast.

44:09Bill Simmons:Yeah, go ahead. Ravens, Colts. Lamar looked back in a real way. Daniel Jones did not. Daniel Jones, and give House credit. I got to give House credit every once in a while. He was on this the hardest of anyone. This guy, is he going to be moving around in the same way as last year? What do you think Daniel Jones' rushing stats were in today's game? Oh. I don't think I saw one. I don't know. One rush for four yards. Wow. This was a guy who his legs last year was such a big part of those first eight games. And their defense, I didn't see a pass rush. I didn't see a team that could cover either. And Jones just looks like a guy recovering from a really major injury.

44:52Bill Simmons:Baltimore, 506 yards. Indianapolis, 251. The problem is Flowers got hurt and Bateman got hurt during the... Not Bateman. Lane, right? Lane, the rookie. Colby Lane. Yeah. He had a hurt wrist. We don't know what happened, but Flowers actually looks like he's going to be out for a couple weeks. I think so. I also had Jacoby Lane for Offensive Rookie of the Year. So that's a good one. Yeah, Ravens minus 9.5 was my bet. Not my best bet, but the best bet I made. That was a great bet. Yeah, I love that one. They just, yeah, their offense looked amazing. And Zay looked so fast. And, like, we were talking on the chain, like, oh, my God, he's worth every penny.

45:28But Derrick Henry, 24 for 144, three touchdowns. Like, when is this guy done, honestly? Like, 20, 33-ish?

45:36Bill Simmons:We were all texting about it. The bigger question for me now is when does the GOAT start coming into play with him? Yeah. Like, when does he become eligible for that conversation? And when have we ever had a guy who we never thought ever had a chance to be the best running back of all time? But now we're sitting here after all these years and like, wow, if he does this for like three more years, we've never seen this ever. Like, we've seen running backs peak for five, six years. Yeah. But not just stay steady like this forever, basically, it feels like. I don't even know how old he is anymore.

46:13He's 32, and I think you nailed it. So three more years, he'd be at 35 doing this. And it doesn't seem like it's that old compared to other athletes we're about to talk about. It's a position where you're done in seven years. I think Riggins had over 1 ,000 yards. It might have been one more at 35 years old. So if he keeps this going, I think he's the greatest older player or athlete of all time. Like, you could say Brady, but Brady doesn't take hits. Like, Henry gets tackled every time he gets the ball, almost every time he gets the ball. So, I think you almost have to go to the pugilistic sports, like Foreman and Bernard Hopkins.

46:45Oh, that guy.

46:45Bill Simmons:Bernard Hopkins is a good one, yeah. Yeah, because they're taking abuse, you know? Yeah. So, I don't know. That's a great one. Yeah. Yeah, what's crazy about it is he still is physically dominant and overpowering the same way he was at his peak. Yeah. Nothing has changed about how he played. It's not like when Jordan got older and he said, oh, now he has a fadeaway. Now he's figured out the mental game and he's not going to try to dunk on you all the time. Derrick Henry is the exact—you could watch Derrick Henry highlights this year and they're the same highlights as Derrick Henry in 2019. It's the same guy.

47:17Bill Simmons:I don't know how he does it. He must be like one of those Versa climber, LeBron, like wakes up at 5 in the morning, workout guys, because there's no other explanation. but like Emmitt Smith, your guy, he comes in 1989 draft. By what year was he like, oh man, Emmitt, he's kind of starting to look like a shadow of himself. It was like 1998? Yeah. 97? They say when 95, they win. So it might even be 96. Yeah, it might have been right in there. This is a seven or eight year position for great guys. I mean, McCaffrey is defying a little bit too, but he's also missed giant chunks of seasons. Yeah. Henry is not.

47:57Bill Simmons:Phenomenal. We both like the Ravens. I like them more than you heading into the season. I had them as a possible one seed. I liked everything I saw today. And what was interesting about today was everyone was on Indy. And that line moved from three and a half to three. It was the sexy pick. DeBundo, you know, he's young. He's a precocious gambler for us, but he made a big deal. This was the first ticket I got this summer. It was Colts plus three and a half. Shane Steichen. So tough one for him. He's a Colts fan. He has a shiny blue jacket and everything, but that's it. Not going to get them any wins.

48:30Bill Simmons:I think your take was probably more closer to the right take, which is you thought they had a chance to be the worst team in the AFC. I said that? I'm smart. Yeah, I didn't realize. But, you know, like the bigger takeaway is like Daniel Jones is not right. It wasn't a matter of this game, really, I don't think. But we can't take it for granted. These guys are just going to come right back. You know, Jaden Daniels was fine, whatever. So tomorrow is interesting, right? That's a little bit of a rehab bowl between both of them. Right. And Mahomes. I agree. Yeah, Cousins, who I thought looked pretty good today for him, makes you wonder why Atlanta just didn't keep him.

49:04Bill Simmons:We're not paying him anyway. And then the Bears were the other offense. 59 points. Ben Johnson wasn't kidding when he was saying he thought they could have the best offense. Six rush TDs. They might be the best NFC North team, even though they can't stop anybody. Carolina, the Bears defense gave up 478 yards, 24 first downs, and Bryce threw for 361. It's not like the Bears defense did anything, but the offense was so good. But, yeah, it was. But is it? By the way, that was a score-agami, 59-37. And they're going to be the most exciting NFC North team for sure. They're going to be a slugfest every week.

49:39And you mentioned Ben Johnson saying he wants to break the points record. Yeah. We talked about this on Ringer Wise, guys. I almost think he gives the defense a bonus for giving up short touchdowns, like touchdowns that don't take a long time, so that he can break this record. He's like, yeah, let's just defense. Just get off the field. Oh, like he sells out? Yeah, he's running crazy blitzes, doesn't really care. Could they do it? So 6-0-6 is the record. And they have fits. So they now need 5-47 in 16 games. They need 34 a game. I mean, that's doable.

50:12Bill Simmons:Especially if the defense is bad. Who do you think is the favorite in the NFC North? On Fandle right now. Fandle where we have saved the six-point tees. I think it's the Bears. The only reason I looked at MVP and he's like fourth. So is it the Bears? It is still the Lions at plus 155. The Bears are plus 230. Not a lot of action in Arizona at 40-1 for the NFC West. And then the NFC South, which went 0-4 today. Tampa is still the favorite at plus 165. You know, I predicted that the winner would go 7-10, and I think I was just a little bit generous there. I redid the math. Could be 6-11. Could be 4-13.

50:56The winner of the NFC South could be actually 4-13. Everything would have to fall right.

51:01Bill Simmons:So we have the Bears with a super fun offense. We have the Giants with a competent team again. Like, stuff's starting to shift in the NFC. Lions-Saints, Shuck was reprehensible for an hour and a half, two hours, and then did the thing he does where all of a sudden he's just roaring back and making plays and he almost has to taste his own blood and be down 15 to start playing well. Luckiest Lions win. First of all, the Saints, I think they won the coin toss in OT, but they decided to go second, which most teams do, but the Lions just were like thanks i went right down and scored and then the saints i hate that move by the way yeah would you want to go first yeah your defense is tired you don't want to put them on the field give them four six minutes of rest there that's how i felt but it didn't work out for detroit because the saints came back down made a bunch of crazy plays they score and then they run the worst two-point conversion play probably the year yeah would be my guess yeah i don't they had all their receivers on one side it was so clearly going to be like a quick flare out to olave They read it, and he didn't know what to do.

52:09Bill Simmons:It ends up throwing it out of bounds. Yeah, shucked running it in or something was going to be. You know, I had a half, as the game went to overtime, I had like a half a page of notes written to give you about how Dan Campbell sucks. This biting kneecap bitch let him be the first coach fired. And then, you know what? He gutted it out in overtime, so he's really great again. I don't know what's with this team. 21-0 at home. Like, why do they struggle? This is a team where if they don't have 35 points in the fourth quarter, I'm like, oh, something's wrong. I could get 35. Right. But you're right.

52:42Bill Simmons:That defensive touchdown was everything. Saints should have won the game. Their secondary is going to be really bad until they start getting guys back and it's just something to file away. The other thing I didn't like for them, Gibbs, who now has 51 touchdowns in 50 games. He's in this 50-for-50 club that I didn't know about until five hours ago. He had 29 carries for 156 today. So it's six catches. So 35 touches total. I don't know. It's too much. Putting 35 touches on Gibbs against the Saints in week one is not a good recipe, in my opinion. Right. So now he's on pace for 600 touches this year.

53:20Bill Simmons:And I just don't think that's sustainable. It might be smart going a little bit. Yeah. And then we have Eagles-Washington. I just wrote down for this game, Philadelphia sucks the life out of both fan bases for three solid hours every week. I don't have any other notes. It's pretty good. It's just everybody's bummed out. People who bet on the game, the other team's fans, Philly fans. Who has a good time during an Eagles game? Nobody. Not one person. No, you're right. I mean, I did a little bit because I'm not afraid of their offense. Not that my team's going to contend, really, but it's not fixed in any way.

53:57They had 10 first downs. Not scared of that. so I don't know

54:02Bill Simmons:did you think they were protecting as well as they used to? I felt like Washington who's not exactly the 85 Bears I thought was kind of beating them in the line of scrimmage I was surprised no doubt about it yeah I thought you know and then like just really they screwed up like David Blouse drawing up a shuffle pass to a blocking tight end there's a two point conversion that's not going to be good well we know who the guy who's going to go$29 and your fantasy draft auction week one is going to be. It's going to be Dontavian Wicks. Oh, yeah. Because I don't think anybody has him. Right, right. Yeah.

54:35$29 for him. I wouldn't do it.

54:37Bill Simmons:It's fine. I don't love that offense. McLaurin had two catches. He sucked last year. We blamed him on the contract holdout. He never seemed to be open in this game. None of their receivers ever seemed to be open. And Washington's going to be bad. Raiders-Dolphins? Let me just say one thing about Stephon Diggs because he might be one of the... Oh, humping the goalpost? costing them a penalty and a two-point conversion attempt. And I'm sorry to go after your boy Brady, but he and Burkhart don't mention it at all until the fact that they don't mention the fact that it prohibited them from going for a two-point conversion until they're bumping into commercial.

55:14And then they couldn't... They're like, oh, by the way, they couldn't go for two there because of the penalty. We'll be right back and getting drowned out by widespread panic, whatever music they have going into the break there. But come on, guys.

55:29Bill Simmons:I'm going to hold about 10 Brady jokes. Raiders-Dolphins. Here's a good Brady joke. The Raiders won. Raiders-Dolphins. They're like, who do we get for this game? How about Chris Myers? He's back. Chris Myers. He hasn't retired, and he's going to be doing Raiders-Dolphins until he dies. This was Malik Willis against Kirk Cousins. It was everything advertised. It was only one of the four games we had. and the big takeaway for me in this one is Ashton Gentry who I think I have in every fantasy league. Really? I think we got him for I got him for 28 bucks in our league. He's going for like in the 50s before he got hurt.

56:07Bill Simmons:He looked really good. It's good. Yeah, he looked I think he's they didn't look bad. Now they're playing Miami who's really awful. Yeah, they should look bad. But I thought they looked a level higher than Miami. Miami didn't look awful. Like Willis I bet Willis had thrown an interception. That was my only thing on this game. But they just didn't score points. He wasn't that bad. I think that's a good bet every week is a Willis interception because none of their receivers can get open and he's not opposed to throwing the ball into traffic. I wrote down the receivers in this game. Did you hear me go through this whole routine?

56:41No. The receivers in this game, I think, were the worst batch of receivers in a non-strike season. On both sides. The top three were Malik Washington, Chris Bell, Caleb Douglas, Trey Tucker, Jalen Naylor and Jack Bash. Bash. How do we even score a touchdown today? I know he scored. I know he scored. Do you get worse than that? No. No. No.

57:04Bill Simmons:I don't think like I'm trying to think of a good offensive matchup. I don't think they see the field. They're probably the sixth receiver. Yeah. Right. On a good offensive team. Cleveland Jacksonville. We mentioned Deshaun more depressed than ever. And then Falcon Steelers we got to talk about because this line moved three and a half points. Oh, yeah. Moved to six and a half. Mm-hmm. Tua, do we ever, do you think we ever see Tua again? Like, in all seriousness. Well, will he be healthy enough to get, they have to put him in if he's healthy. Do you think he plays another down in football ever? Well, you think Cooper Rush is just like, he lit it, I don't know.

57:46Yeah, I think he would. I just thought that,

57:47Bill Simmons:that House has a conspiracy theory that, Oh. That maybe, No. No, that maybe, it's like, yeah, say you're injured, but maybe he's not playable. Oh, I know they want Penix in there. I know they're propping him up and everything. Yeah, this is bad. I mean, it combined for the 1 ,069th ranked total EPA out of 1 ,097 games offensively. Wow, it felt worse. Stewards offense, I didn't think this would happen until week six, but about late in the second quarter, it became, let's try to get a PI that became the offense. Rodgers was 5.5 yards per attempt. Rushing attack, 21 for 58. I would not call it explosive.

58:33Bill Simmons:I don't want to say too much because the Patriots play them next week, but hard to overstate how punchless they looked and how unthreatening they were. And Rodgers did not want to get hit. Ever. All his decisions were based around, I don't want to be hit once in this game. And Mike McCarthy must be like, God, this doesn't resemble any kind of offense I've ever been a part of. And that's my thing. It's offense. What the hell do I do? Are we going to play the Falcons every week? And, you know, Michael Pittman, did you see him? He caught a few catches for like 60 yards. Did you see his post-game interview?

59:13I don't know if you saw it. He said, you know, he came over from the Colts. And he said, he's looking forward to this marriage with Rodgers. But he just needs to fuck other teams first. He didn't say that. I'm sorry.

59:29Did he say that? Someone find that interview. DK Metcalf said he feels like he's lost the intimacy he had with Rodgers last year. Yeah.

59:40Bill Simmons:Who says that? Jets, Titans. Salah's revenge ended up being a one out of a hundred on my revenge scale. Tennessee had 195 yards of offense the Jets had an easy win they somehow had a knock at a turnover no interception 18 in a row yeah and that's about it I really wanted to make the Jets my fifth ringer 107 pick on Sunday and I just couldn't pull the trigger because I just kept thinking about betting them or picking them and then having to watch Gino in the humidity and just doing Gino I just couldn't do it I didn't want any part of that game But I think, you know, is it a wild card to say Sala could be a first coach fired?

1:00:25Would this be like week 11? If he's like 0-9 and there's a buy in there somewhere, and they're like, you know what? We screwed up. This is not going to get better. You weren't good with the Jets. It's just not going to work here.

1:00:38Bill Simmons:Jeremy in Hudson, New York wrote in. He's a longtime Jets fan. After watching Robert Sala shit the bed for years with the Jets, then somehow shit the bed against the Jets on Sunday, I found myself wondering, what is this guy actually good at? In light of the one thing he's demonstrated, sustained high-level production, I'd like to nominate a new nickname for him, Successful Seaman Sala. Enjoy. He's nine kids. Oh, that's right. I guess Jeremy's saying that's the one thing he's been successful at is reproducing. Okay. That's good. I don't know if Successful Seaman Sala is going to catch on, but we'll have to watch Peter Schrager's show tomorrow and see if he...

1:01:17Bill Simmons:Oh, good. All right. We'll cover that. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Whether you're racing to build the biggest sandcastle, seeing who can throw the fastest pitch, or competing in a championship match, it's always better when there's a prize on the line. Like Michelob Ultra. Smooth, refreshing, and so satisfying after all that hard work. Superior's worth playing for. Michelob Ultra. Superior light beer. Enter for a chance to win superior soccer, basketball, golf prizes at michelowvulture.com slash superior access. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026, Anheuser-Busch, Michelob Ultra Light Beer, St.

1:01:55Bill Simmons:Louis, Missouri. This episode is brought to you by NBA 2K27. We just had one of the craziest off seasons we've had in the NBA, which is perfect for 2K because every 2K season could be one of the craziest off seasons. The whole league shifted in real life. It could shift to an NBA 2K27. The best place to compete with these new look rosters. And also try to figure out who's on what roster. You can see how new teams and new dynamic duos match up. You can play Philly. Feel what it's like to have all their new guys with the old guys. And you can also take a struggling franchise to the NBA Finals if you want.

1:02:36Bill Simmons:Because it'll never happen in real life for a couple of the struggling franchises. You know who I'm talking about. Anyway, NBA 2K lets you experience every transaction and storyline right from your home. Pick up your copy of NBA 2K27 right now. This episode is brought to you by Core Power Protein Shakes. You know how we always talk about the little things that separate great athletes? Post-workout recovery is a big factor. Core Power Protein Shakes help you keep going after your workout with high-quality protein to build muscle and electrolytes to help hydrate. It's all you need for your recovery.

1:03:11Bill Simmons:One bottle available in 26 and 42 gram protein options to pick what works best for you. Visit corepower.com to learn more. All right. Before we get to Guess the Lions, we have to talk about... First of all, can you give me 20 seconds on the Mariners? No. I don't know. Just 20 seconds. Oh, you take them. Yeah. I want to take 20 seconds. Yeah. Yeah, I don't have 20 seconds. Yeah. So Hench and I, we haven't won our AL Keeper League since the mid-2000s. And we had our best chance this year. And unfortunately, we have multiple Mariners on the team, including George Kirby, who we traded for a midseason.

1:03:50Bill Simmons:Munoz, the closer. Kate Anderson, who we've been waiting for them to call him up for three months. They finally did three weeks ago when it was far too late to help us. And Josh Naylor, who is supposed to have homers and steals and has had one homer since the All-Star break. And just in general, I feel like I've been sucked into the vortex of this Mariner season. One of the guys we're competing against has Brian Wu, who is the only competent pitcher they have right now for some reason. Oh, no. We have Munoz as the closer. He was the best closer in the AL. He has 10 blown saves and six losses this year.

1:04:21Bill Simmons:And today, when we're finally having a good day, and it was a make-or-break day for us, Munoz comes in against the Athletics in Sacramento. And this is after George Kirby, yet another atrocity on Friday night. just the A's beat George Kirby two times in a row. The A's have like, everybody's heard in the A's. They play in Sacramento. It's a bunch of dudes you've literally never heard of in your life. And they're just beating the Mariners over and over again. Munoz comes in with a one run lead, proceeds to walk somebody, which he does every, every single time he comes in. It's like, it's just, they should just put the first guy in first base.

1:04:56Bill Simmons:Then Lawrence Butler comes up, who's hitting like 200 as, I don't know, nine homers. and it's just like I know Munoz is either going to give up a double or a home run here so he goes 3-1 on Butler Butler walk off Roy Hobbs homer off Munoz for his 10th blown save so instead of so we get the minus one we get our ERA and it's just like we're gonna have to bench Munoz because he's that much of a disaster when we're trying to win and so between that and all the other guys in this team i just i hate the mariners i really i hate their guts and i've been tweeting about them and the seattle mariner fans they love it because they're like finally somebody other than us have noticed what a fucking dumpster fire this team is they the mariners fans hate their manager they hate the general manager they hate all the guys in the team it's like it's like this is the most unlikable baseball team this year and somehow i got sucked into them with a fantasy team and i I can't tell you how much anti-Joy they brought me this year.

1:05:56Bill Simmons:And they can fuck themselves and go to hell. The Seattle Mariners. And Seattle. Just the city of Seattle has to be at the top of your shit list, right? Well, I feel bad for them because they took the Sonics. No, they took the Sonics from Seattle. I like Seattle. Whatever the Seahawks are doing. I empathize with them. I just can't believe. This team was favored to win like 93 games. Yeah, yeah. This is one of the World Series favorites. Wow. You know, that might have been longer than 20 seconds. I wasn't timing it. Sorry, Zoe. I was watching Munoz blow a save. My bad. I had to put Seattle on the screen.

1:06:29Bill Simmons:I didn't see that corner kick. Munoz puts you guys on. And then the only other thing I had was the scheduling stuff this weekend where we have the U.S. Open. They have the men's final, which is an awesome final. It's Shelton against Zverev. Everybody's rooting for Shelton on the planet. And they put it on during football. And there's just no way this is the right solution. Could you put it at night as like 8 o 'clock ET? Maybe you go head-to-head against the Sunday night football game. DeBundo is suggesting, or somebody on our thread was suggesting, maybe move everything a day back and the men's final is Saturday night and the women's is Friday.

1:07:05Do them both Saturday. Do the men's and women's Saturday night. It's fine. It's good. So do the women at like 2 and then that goes right into the men? Yeah, you got two weeks to figure out the days off and everything. But just putting it so we see an hour and a half of football finally back, and then someone's supposed to remember that there's a tennis match, the biggest tennis match of the year is on. I know you wanted to be like sports czar years ago. Yeah, I'm still available. I just want to do the scheduling. Just get me scheduling. Believe me, I won't put golf up against anything stupid, basketball.

1:07:38I'll line it all up. And then you had a whole thing with the WNBA, right? Yeah.

1:07:42Bill Simmons:So if we were the sports stars and WIBA came to us and they were like, hey, thinking about folding the season for three weeks near the end of August when there's no football or anything going on, when we actually have people's attention other than baseball and we're going to have momentum heading toward the playoffs. What we were thinking of doing, we're going to shut everything down for three weeks and we're going to send everybody to some World Cup tournament that nobody even knew was happening. I'll pay anybody $5 who knows who won the last 10 Women's World Cup FIBA tournaments I don't even know what was this all of the best players go over there and then they play France today I actually watched the semi-final yesterday against Spain I did I enjoyed it because it was fun to see who the lineups were going to be they went with the vets like I like these players and so today it's going head to head against football wasn't ever watching that apparently we won and they stopped of the season for this afternoon late afternoon no is it 11 o 'clock pt but my question is wow what's the point of stopping the season for a tournament that nobody knows is happening and it was on tnt or tbs one of those maybe you got a decent rating i don't know but they had so much momentum with the season and now they have to come back and be like okay the season's back because we're back from the world cup we won it's like cool i didn't even know we had a world Cup for women's basketball.

1:09:08All right. Yeah. And so now they have to finish the season against football, gearing up, right? College football, baseball playoffs. Like this is, they really screw themselves on that end too.

1:09:19Bill Simmons:Can you imagine if the NBA, it's like late March and they're like, yeah, got to shut the NBA season down for three weeks here because we have the FIBA World Cup. Right. We're just going to stop it. We'll be back. Just hold it. Just remember where the standings are. everybody would be like what are you guys doing who cares about a world cup you would have to go from 14 NBA podcasts down to 11 a week seriously when they shut down I like the Olympics the world cup is fine if it's in the off season but during the season ridiculous yeah I know put us in charge of scheduling we'll do it for nothing we'll pay you whoever also Steve Ballmer before we came on today said he wasn't gonna sue the league because really didn't have a case yeah but he said we want to move on move forward we want to rebuild our relationship with our fans.

1:10:06Bill Simmons:You know how he could start... He told Maria Taylor this? No, they put out a thing from the Clippers account. Oh, okay. You know how they could rebuild relationship with the fans? Offer us refunds for season tickets and tickets. Give us a chance to get out of the relationship and then that would rebuild the will. Because I promise you there'll be some people that wouldn't keep season tickets or tickets they bought this year. That's true. So maybe do that. That would be a good way to rebuild some will. Okay. Guess the lines. We tied last week. Yeah, we did. Now, what ends up happening, I'm going to pull the curtain back a little bit.

1:10:40We tie, and then you decide that we didn't tie, and Jacoby's like, Sal, you should have won or whatever, and you're like, he didn't win. He didn't even tie. I'm like, what? I know. I went back.

1:10:49Bill Simmons:I thought you cheated me out of a win, but I went back to this. Never. I would never. I'm going to lose this week, though. Thursday night. This is unbelievable. Detroit has to play on Thursday night in Detroit. I mean, I'm sorry. Buffalo has to play on Thursday night after that pretty physical Houston game. They're playing the Lions, who just played an overtime game. Yeah. So, good luck. Welcome to the NFL season, everybody. Four days after. And this is a new stadium, right? Yeah. Home opener. Yeah. I put this in the Vegas zone. I had Bills minus four and a half. Okay, good. I had four, and it's three and a half.

1:11:25Yeah. Well, I don't agree with that at all. But I accept the result of the books. That's good. You're not going to, you're going to pull Steve Ballmer? No, I'm not going to contest. I'm going to accept the result

1:11:38Bill Simmons:and move on and try to rebuild relationships with my fans. From what I saw, the Lions secondary, this should be a really nice Josh Allen game would be my guess. They're not as good. I guess they played at a level of competition. Is that what we, the best thing we could say about the Lions? But they're not as good as them. Does a new stadium opening help or hurt or have no effect? Hmm.

1:12:02It didn't work for the Cowboys. I know they lost and the last-second field goal to the Giants. I don't think it works. I don't know. They do this in TV, too, when they have a new set.

1:12:12Bill Simmons:Mm-hmm. And they're like, look at our set. Hey, new set. I remember when I was doing Countdown, we had to do a whole thing about we had a new set. Right, right, right. People don't care. And then people see it, and it's like, oh, yeah. People are like, oh, cool. So, yeah, there's light, and you have a desk, and there's TV behind you. Well, what's it going to do anyway? It's supposed to get the fans. You don't have a crazier group of followers than the Bills anyway, right? They're cracking their skulls open in the parking lot. Right. You already got the best fans. Sunday marquee game. Pretty clear.

1:12:48Bill Simmons:It's Texans-Bengals in Houston. Yeah. A semi must win for the Texans, who did not want to go in two. Bengals trying to capitalize on some momentum. I don't think they'll be getting four turnovers again. This game is in Houston. And I put it in the tic-tac zone of Houston minus one and a half. You get it. I said one. It's two and a half. Okay. So maybe the books agree with our not getting too excited about the Bengals yet. Yeah, well, I mean, Coach Taylor, don't forget. I mean, he went 2-0 last year, so I guess it's possible. We forgot to, that was probably his most convincing week one victory ever.

1:13:32Yeah, for sure. Coach Taylor, right? He didn't get it. It's like, what? Why are you carrying me?

1:13:39Bill Simmons:Three watchables. We should mention there's a lot of like good team against a not as good of a team matchups, which lead to more fairly watchable and poop-fucked games. But three watchables. First one is in Denver. Broncos, home for the Jaguars. Yeah. Tough one because we didn't see the Broncos yet. We don't know how Bo Nix is going to look. I have Broncos minus two. All right. I got it exact. It's two and a half. Okay. That is tough. So tough to have learned anything from the Jags today other than that Parker Washington picked up where he left off last year. Yeah. He was fun. You know, they got turned over twice, Cleveland.

1:14:23One was an awful interception, but I don't know what else to say about him.

1:14:26Bill Simmons:The only thing I noticed from the Jags is I don't love their running backs, and I'm not sure they fixed the Etienne now, A-chan. A-chan, yeah. Leaving. It was Tootin and Chris Rodriguez was out there and just all like backup fantasy running backs. Right. Those are just their running backs, so I don't know. Right. Those are your third and two guys and let's show that's going to work. All guys you don't really want starting in your fantasy. Should I change my name to A-chan too? Cousin A-chan? I think you can think about it. I think it's time for to shake things up a little. Chicago is home against the Vikings.

1:15:00Okay.

1:15:01Bill Simmons:And I guess Carson Wentz. I can't imagine Kyler Murray's because that poor guy was doing the fencing position. That's usually two weeks. Yeah, we won't see him. I have Bears minus three and a half. Oh, all right. I thought I would lose it here. I had three and a half also. It's five and a half. Carson Wentz. Tie there. you know you're going to tease through the zero slightly I don't know if the from what we saw from the Bears defense where they should be put with other teams right to me if you're going to do the money line with them you do it with the over right just like right on although man I had the Cardinals one I almost did them for ringer 107 I had a teased with them in the over.

1:15:52Bill Simmons:It was 41. And the final score was 26-14. Chargers didn't score in the second half. I thought I nailed that game perfectly. Football's back, baby. It's back. It's self-loathing and regret. We're back. Pat Steelers is our last watchables. It's in New England.

1:16:15Bill Simmons:I can't go higher than two and a half for this. Wow. Really? Yeah, I can't. What is it? I win this. I said three and a half, and I was a point off. It's four and a half. Vegas, son. Come on. You got to like, that's, I mean, you would be, you wouldn't be shocked if they lost, but you'd be pretty, if that's on a one score game, you're not going to give Aaron Rodgers trouble? They beat us last year. No A.J. Brown. We also don't have booty. so now we don't have a deep threat. We have Dobbs who was so bad last week it's still a topic of conversation back home. Kyle Williams who I guess is the deep threat now who one out of every 10 times it's like an awesome pass to him and then the other nine times it seems like him and Drake May both thought it was a different play.

1:17:08Bill Simmons:Henderson might not be healthy. I don't know. I love all the negative talk But if TJ Watt doesn't get his big mid on that pass, Cooper Rush beats the Steelers today. This is the stupid Steelers, though. Okay. Fairly watchables. I got four. Bucks, Browns. In Tampa. I'm probably too low. I had Bucks minus seven. No, you're going to get it. I was too low. I said six and a half. It is seven and a half. Now, we're talking teaser. we're talking turkey teaser that is looking tease-ish yeah this is the kind of game though you will absolutely hate the Bucks even if you win because they'll they'll screw with you a little bit as I said earlier you know when when you have loved ones that might not be around for a lot longer and you go visit them you know like an uncle or a grandparent you said this to me 20 years ago when we were sitting next to each other 22 years ago we were sitting next to each other at Jimmy Kimmel Live because we shared an office and our desks were right next to each other and we had a lot of spare time and your brain was moving 100 miles an hour back then and you would just ask me these weird questions that would break my brain and one day you asked me how many times did you think I would get to see my dad for the rest of his life?

1:18:40Bill Simmons:I was so much more fun back then and I was like, what do you mean? And you were like, just the rest of your life, how many more times do you think you'll see him? He lives in Boston. You live here. How many more times? And then you moved on and you started another conversation. I was just sitting in a world of like, what are you? There's no way I moved on. I demanded a number. I must have demanded a number. I think you had somehow calculated your parents because your parents didn't live there yet. I know, and then they moved out.

1:19:12Bill Simmons:you were thinking maybe 68 more times and now it's been 680 I know it would have been plenty no no I love him I love him to death anyway I mentioned that story why as a segue because I feel sad we only have so many more times to bet against Deshaun Watson oh I see I got you this might be it this is the last week I'm going to have multiple bets this is like the goodbye We're taking him to hospice after this It's also the Baker Bowl Baker's gotta hate this team a little Oh yeah This line will be 9.5 Baltimore's home against the Saints I put minus 7 for this one Because of the The late touchdown potential of the Saints And the Ravens defense Which seems like it would love to give up a late touchdown I don't think it could be much higher than 7 I said eight.

1:20:07It is eight and a half. Oof. It's a little pricey. Yeah, I think they just think the Ravens. You're beating me this week. I'm a little off. I'm like a point and a half off. Five to three, including ties.

1:20:21Bill Simmons:Yeah. Cowboys home for Washington. I put this in the Vegas zone. I have four and a half for the Cowboys. My God. We tie here. Yep. What is it? Four and a half. Oh, we both got it. Yeah, we both got it. I know I'm going to put them in a money line. I have some bad ones. I have some two that are three off. So you're going to three that are three off. This was the hardest one for me. This next one. Packers are at the Jets. I tried this in a bunch of different ways. It was, I was like, when you get ice cream, you get the little spoons. Yeah. I'm like, can I try the banana cream pie? Right. Can I try that almond?

1:20:59Bill Simmons:Um, I tried Packers minus one and a half. I tried Packers minus one. I tried Jets minus one and a half. I put I wrote down pick them I landed at Packers minus one against the Jets you gave it too much thought because you weren't even close it's four and a half I said four Packers four and a half yeah really at the Jets must mustache win right mustache

1:21:29Bill Simmons:from what you saw from the Packers today I know they can't Their running backs are probably bottom five out of all the running backs in the league without Jacobs. They can't block, and their defense gave up multiple big plays. They have real special teams issues. Their fans hate their coach. Why would they be favored on the road against a Jets team that, I don't know, is coming off a win, and I don't get that one. I got to be honest. I saw the least of the Jets. I had it on my computer screen. my biggest takeaway is that Aaron Glenn should keep the towel I know it was sweltering hot but he should turn into Tark from UNLV like he won with it don't let that go but otherwise it was a lot of guys just not moving the ball for hours I thought I'm proud to say I didn't see any of it it was one of the sacrifices yeah there's eight games I'm not watching all eight games so that was a pretty easy sacrifice I don't know I just think it was I guess it would have been four and a half My bigger point is I don't think the Packers are good.

1:22:34Right.

1:22:35Bill Simmons:And I don't think that's a week one overreaction. All right. He gave us 29 straight points to Carson Wentz to lose today. Could this be? There is always one where there's a team that's 0-2 and a team that's 2-0 and neither has business being the other. This could be the one. I don't like them on the road or at home. Poop Fecta. Panthers are at Atlanta, and I have the Panthers in the tic-tac zone as a minus one and a half favorite. All right, that's what... Wait, I had plus one and a half. So I had Panthers minus one and a half. It's Falcons minus one and a half. Yeah, so we're both off three points.

1:23:12Jesus. So Falcons, not even knowing who their quarterback is. One of these teams is going to be one and one. It's insane. So, yeah, so no matter what happens in that game,

1:23:25Bill Simmons:the AFC South cannot be 0-2 next week. Right. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. Oh, I know how to end. Can I just say, there's no way either team should lay points in this game. They should both get four and a half points. Is that possible? Both teams are getting four and a half. Does that make it too easy for the batters? You tease them each way? Yeah. You could do that with this game. But for this game, you could tease it. Oh, my God. You could have the Falcons plus four and a half and the Panthers plus seven and a half and just try to middle it. Awful three hours. That would be the worst.

1:24:02Bill Simmons:I might do that. Eagles are at the Titans. I'm sure very few things, but I'm betting anything. This is in the Vegas zone. I'm going to say Eagles minus four and a half. I'm going to beat you this week. I had six and a half. It's seven. I'm off all over the place. What's going on with you, Bill? Yeah, I'm off. Is it your site? Are you not able to see? No, I got new contacts. I can see. Oh, they came in? Yeah. All right. Pretty happy. Yeah, it's weird. Finally see you again. Eagles minus seven, huh? AJ Brown ball. So that's like just a Titans thing. Because they looked. I mean, they had the same yardage and everything as the Redskins.

1:24:43That might be another teaser game.

1:24:45Bill Simmons:Seahawks are at Arizona. I think I hit this one exact. Seahawks, no Sam Darnold. so Drew Locke Cardinals looked awesome it's in Arizona the fans are going to be excited Seahawks minus 3.5 alright yeah I was off by 3 points here it's 5.5 oh it's definitely Drew Locke right they all but ruled him out Darnold's out for this week so I at least got that one right I'm off by 2 points every game yeah Cards kind of a sexy home dog there I'm just trying to think So they have the rest advantage, right? Seattle Yeah They didn't come from anywhere stupid Yeah I think it's just Boy That You talk about a backdoor cover potential That's the one Yeah Chargers home for the Raiders They will be a lot of Raider fans in this game And I have Chargers minus eight I had eight also It's seven So the Chargers had A really hard schedule especially from a rest advantage standpoint which was about as unfavorable as it's ever been in the history of the league.

1:25:56Bill Simmons:But they were supposed to go 2-0 to start the season. So they lose the first game. Now they have this Raiders game where the Raiders actually look semi-competent. So who knows? Well, if you need 15 points to beat the Chargers then fine. No one's out of it. I forgot to tell everybody. Everyone who had all the negativity toward my guy Drake May Wednesday and Thursday. I really hope that kept the same energy for Justin Herbert over the next 24 hours because he was worse than Drake May was. He was awful. Nobody was worse. He was 100 % worse than Drake May was. Are you kidding me? Maybe through three picks in his last three tries.

1:26:35Bill Simmons:He was in Seattle against the Super Bowl defense. Justin Herbert was playing the fucking Cardinals. A team that had an over-under of three and a half games. It looked like he was playing the Seahawks. I know. He was way worse than Drake May. And almost killed McConkie. Yeah, that's true. Drake May didn't kill McConkie. Drake May didn't kill anyone. Last one, Niners home for the Dolphins. I'm just operating as the Dolphins have to be double-figure underdogs against everyone they play. I have the Niners minus 12.5, and I think this goes up. You were smart about it. I said 10.5. It's 13.5. now it should go higher than that but what man I just think that Australia thing has to screw with now I'm really into these time zones and everything yeah I feel like we learned so much about time zones what's the score am I down 2 do I have a chance 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 10 to 8 is there 2 more or 1 more 2 more I was off by 2 on 1 and I was off by one on this game.

1:27:47Sunday night, Kansas City.

1:27:50Bill Simmons:Home for the Colts. I Vegas own this. Chiefs, minus five. I get this. Five and a half for me. It's six and a half. But there's no way to know. Beat me. Yeah, baby. Now I have the... You and Jacoby texting as celebrating. Here we go, Jacobs. Here we go. You always start out early and then you fall apart. I know. Monday night, Rams, home for the Giants. So before tonight's game, I had this in the eight and a half range. And as I watched in the Giants, I lowered it. I have Rams minus six and a half. Oh, wow. So I thought I was going to miss. I missed by two points. I said seven and a half. It's nine and a half.

1:28:35Oh, that's stupid. Destruction. That's stupid. Let me see if they changed it. Maybe I'll give this one to you. No Miles Garrett. Yeah.

1:28:49Bill Simmons:There's no way it's nine and a half. It's got to be lower than that. No, it's seven and a half. It went to seven and a half now. Oh, so I won that one. I still get... No, I said seven and a half. You said six and a half. Fine. See? This is what happens.

1:29:06Jesus. You can lose. You're all right. Twelve to... Yeah. I'll take it.

1:29:16Bill Simmons:Big win for you. Let me win something. Before we do parent corner, UCLA 2-0. Yeah. Two big second halves. I watched the entire Ohio State-Texas game. I've watched more college football. I'm on an incredible college football pace. That's good. Premier League has not been great. Yeah. I picked a team that doesn't score, and I've already lost interest. Are you Man U? No, I have Tottenham. Oh, Tottenham. They don't score goals. Right. And I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm Mr. Soccer, but I like soccer. I know soccer pretty well. Like one of the goals of soccer is to score goals. Yeah. They don't score goals.

1:29:53Bill Simmons:Yeah, I like to see goals. They don't score them. So I'm losing interest and I'm moving toward college football. This week's a great one. You have LSU, Ole Miss. So they're going to be pissed. Do they criticize the college football coaches like they do with NFL? because I thought Ohio State no, during the games like the announcers I thought Ohio State completely blew that game I couldn't believe it, the third and four where they basically throw the 35 yard lob pass in the corner to their best receiver, it's like okay, that's fine, but that's not the play you needed there you just need to get four yards, you're probably winning the game you need to get closer, they throw that play it doesn't work and then they miss the field goal setting up Texas coming back down.

1:30:41Bill Simmons:But it's like, you've third and four on the other side of the field. And you have the team you have. That game should be over. They depended on Jeremiah Smith too much, I thought. Way too much. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I don't know. I thought Arch would move up in the Heisman there. Did you feel like enough people were running toward him after he won? I felt like he was running around like Jim Valvano looking for somebody to hug. Everybody was gravitating toward other players. Yeah, he almost gets run over by the steer. This episode is brought to you by 7up. Okay, this one's a case for conspiracy bill.

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1:32:26Bill Simmons:Parent Corner, you're up. All right, here we go. So my wife flew out with my son, Archie, to set him up for his senior year. So he and his friends moved from a, like a nice apartment to a house and she was not happy with this because it's a nice apartment. And now it's a house that is, it's got like a, a used, it was like an auto body shop on one side and then behind it and down a little as a dispensary. So she's not happy with this location. And like, I think like college kids, it's more important to have a dispensary close by than even like your classes. Right. Right. Right. So they want to have parties, so they're going to have parties.

1:33:05Now, my wife was freaked out because as she's, like, setting up his furniture and stuff and whatever, they make that crazy Target run, there's a tweaker outside. And he just wanders the neighborhood. And it freaks her out. And, like, they all kind of, like, know him in the neighborhood, but he can get, like, ornery, too. So he'll, like, steal, like, DoorDash orders, but just parts of him. Like, if somebody orders, like, a raspberry lemonade or something, they'll just be gone. so they know to like order extra because it's going to be stolen even if they have their eye on it. So, and the cops will come by but they don't do anything.

1:33:38They just give them like granola bars and stuff. So, she is really messed up about this guy. She's like, he's going to kill everybody. But he also like, he hung two branches in the tree right in front of their house. Two branches and wire and like phone cables to ward off evil spirits, which I think is nice. Like trapping evil spirits. Yeah, that's neighborly. Yeah. Yeah. I wish someone would do that around here. Keep some of the evil spirits away from me taking the Chargers, you know? But it drives her bizarre. And she was mad that, like, I'm not getting mad about it. And she's like, put it on Parent Corner and see what Bill thinks.

1:34:15I was like, Bill doesn't allow his 88-year-old father to take a cab home from Fenway Park. He's fine. He's going to be fine with it. He lives on the edge. He doesn't wear a seatbelt. So he's going to say, let the tweaker move in. So I don't know. I think it's fun to tough it out. My apartment's got worse and worse. through college, like my sophomore to junior to senior year. I think it builds character. Unless you're murdered, then you have like zero character in that case. But I don't know what to tell her. I think it's fine. What do you think?

1:34:44Bill Simmons:I think from ages 21 to 24 are probably going to be the worst apartments you live in. Yeah. It's just not going to go perfectly. Right? So I think this is how you learn about life. This is it, right? The counter would be, unless you were murdered as you were sleeping, would be the counter. Yeah. Don't get murdered. It used to be don't get fired, right? What about aluminum baseball bat under the bed, just in case? Yeah, you know what? I will. Just go to Dick's Sporting Goods or something. I would go for the aluminum because the wood could break. The aluminum, you get some good swings. Maybe get like a, you know, he figures out what he could get like three, four good wax in.

1:35:26I like that. But then maybe he's one of the evil spirits, my son is, with the aluminum bat that's being warded off. I don't know. It gets complicated. I know what you're saying, though.

1:35:37Bill Simmons:My parent corner. So we've been talking a lot about getting another dog. And it's, you know, because Ben's going to college in January. And then when he goes, he's got first semester, second semesters over in the summer in London, third semester. He's just going to be gone. And then Zoe's going to be graduating and probably staying in Boston. So it's like, if we're ever going to bring another dog in, this might be around the time. And my wife doesn't want to do it. But then every time I look over, she's on Pet Finder looking for rescue dogs and all this stuff. So I had the... We got Murph. We have multiple rescue dogs, but we got Murph from a breeder because we wanted a golden retriever.

1:36:23and so that same one we're talking about maybe getting another golden retriever because even

1:36:30Bill Simmons:though murph's a sociopath he's been a great dog for the most part we love murph and hey what do you have do you have a litter so there was a litter that was allegedly coming and we've been arguing about it the whole time because i'm like well if she has litter we could get a girl and then murph would have a playmate two goldens and uh my wife's like that no we'd have another murph this would be the worst thing we ever did we'd end up getting divorced, this would be a nightmare so we just argue about it and we go back and forth, so anyway it turns out the litter, the puppy never got pregnant so there's no litter, so we thought maybe in December so we're like, okay, that was God deciding we're not getting a dog, so what happens over the next I don't know, five six days I've noticed my wife a few times like checking out Instagram stuff.

1:37:20Bill Simmons:There's this dog she wants to. So now she's like, if we get a dog, it has to be a rescue dog. And I was like, well, we got these two other rescue dogs. And, you know, I feel like we did our rescue dog. But she's like, no, we got to do that again. That's got to be what it is. And this is kind of all we talk about now is about whether we get a dog or not. And I don't know if this is what happens when your kids go to college. But this is just it's just a nonstop, never ending argument about whether we should get a third dog or not. why don't we want to rescue what's your con against the rescue obviously great to rescue dogs I'm all for it and we've had a couple yeah go ahead the counter is sometimes the body language isn't great and you kind of assume the body language in the house of the rescue dog right like the rescue dog has it's always like are you leaving is this going to be it are you coming back yeah whereas like the dog that's been there since it was a puppy just as like Murph thinks he's as much owner of the house as we are.

1:38:23Bill Simmons:Like, he's just like, Hey, I'm going to bed. I'll just lie like right in the middle of the bed. Whereas the rescue dogs are always just a little nervous. Like they might get abandoned again. And you've had it. You've had a bunch of them too. My dog rescue dog won't eat unless my wife is in. If she's out of town for the weekend, it's like, all right, he's not eating. I'm like, all right, stupid. I'm the one who walks you. Why are you just, uh, you know, you should be anyway, you're right. Emotionally, they're a little... But the rescue dog thing is the right thing to do. And I think that's what we'll end up doing because there's so many dogs that need a home.

1:38:51Bill Simmons:So we're kind of gradually getting there, but I think it has to be a puppy so that at least we can get them early and try to... See, to me, that's the dilemma. The puppy. That's the pain in the ass. This is my wife's case. She's like, are you going to be getting up? Are you going to be the one getting up at three in the morning? It's like, well, I don't have a job. the puppy could cause a divorce more than even just the whole do you get a rescue or not well then there's this thing where you send the dog away for like three weeks so it gets trained and everybody who does it says it's the best but that kind of feels like cheating like we wouldn't do that with humans we had a daughter we sent her away we get her back when she turns two it's three weeks that's not that bad so you immediately send them you get to know them for like a couple weeks and then send me?

1:39:42Bill Simmons:Here's what's, yeah, that's what happens. But here's what's going to happen. We're not going to end up getting the third dog. Oh. And I just know how it's going to play out. It's not going to happen and we'll just ride it out with Murph and Jesse. Jesse's like 13, but in great shape. But at some point, if Jesse, you know, if that, if Jesse, it goes in the wrong direction and we only have one dog, this is all, my wife will, there's no way we will have one dog. Right. So I think that's how this plays out. But my point is we've spent a lot of time and I just wasted a whole parent corner talking about it.

1:40:16Bill Simmons:And I don't even think we're getting a dog. We're like the charger sideline. We're calling timeouts and we've run out of timeouts and we don't even have a plan. You'll get one within the next two years. I'm sorry to say, but the 13-year-olds can get one. The dog I really want and a dog that you can't really adopt because it's too hard to... nobody there's no rescue versions of these at least that i don't know but i really love newfoundlands oh yeah and we've argued about that a lot i've always wanted one but they drool and they have like they you know and that's kind of and my wife's like well yeah you you'll like it until he drools all over your shirt right as you're about to do a podcast it's always about like ruining a podcast like look how i'm dressed now right but i've always liked those dogs i've always I've always wanted one.

1:41:05Bill Simmons:That's kind of the... My cousin Katie has one and it is just nonstop drool. They will walk. It won't fall a lot of times. They'll walk with it around the house and, you know, it's just... Yeah, it's like on a string. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of cool. So does she like it? Yeah, yeah. But she has three dogs too. Gigantic dogs. So they're just in it to win it. Three gigantic ones. Yeah. Why don't you just buy the Mariners? Maybe that's what I'll do instead. Talk to her about that after this. maybe I'll buy the LA Sparks I'll get involved in an ownership group try to save them either that or Newfoundland that was today's parent corner brought to you by PayPal more security is always a win and the new PayPal app has you covered with past keys, biometric security plus purchase protection and eligible items all working together so you're safe every step of the way download the PayPal app to get started see paypal.com slash protection terms Emmys tomorrow night I was just going to say Yeah Come on Let's just win one For Jimmy Kimmel Everyone within the sound Of my voice Vote for Jimmy Although these people Can't vote No The votes are in Votes are long in Yeah Is he favored you think?

1:42:12Oh no no no No Well The technical Emmys Are a precursor And Colbert won Most of those And if you look on Some of these sites Or whatever Yeah It's a long shot But The voting's weird this year And you could tie Or something You could share the award, maybe. That's more of a possibility. But he's not favorite. Share the award? That's ridiculous. It would be a tie. It's very... I don't get it. It's a long thing. Can we win once?

1:42:43Bill Simmons:Is he doing his show, too, tomorrow? No. No, they're off tomorrow. No show. All right. Yeah. The Emmys are five Pacific, so... Well, good luck to him. You're going to be on... You're going to be on Ringer Wise, guys. What day is this week? Tate, Raheem, Tony Tokens, Joe House, and myself for tomorrow and then Tuesday and Thursday and our big week two preview on Friday. Always fun. The first preview was great. Oh, you liked it? Okay, good. Yeah, it was good. I actually liked having it more on a Friday than you guys doing it on Sunday. Yeah, yeah. Liked having, you know, 40 hours to kind of listen to it.

1:43:19Bill Simmons:It was interesting though. House was basically doing the same bits he did on the Thursday night pod with me. The same bits. It was like watching... the Bob Backlund, John Studd match of New York where the backbreaker, and then it goes to Boston, and I saw the same match. So I don't know. He's got to work on that. I don't know if he could have the same ending for the match. Well, it might be a different audience. Much like the wrestling. Yeah, I used to love that, too. When we just talked about that, Andre the Giant and the Ultimate Warrior. Yeah, the squash matches. Yeah, because Andre couldn't wrestle, so they would just go around the country, and Warrior would beat him in 90 seconds.

1:43:55Bill Simmons:Same three moves. And every time it would be this new thing in the city, but nobody knew. I was thinking if I was in the mid-80s, if you had told me all the wrestling would someday be available in basically like a TV that looked like this. Right. That I could just hold up and watch every match from the 80s on my command, like what my reaction would have been. I think I just would have had so many more questions. Yeah. Like, is there basketball too? Are football games on there? What about Letterman episodes? Everything. Yeah. Everything. But you'll probably get involved in a, you know, you're stuck in a dog adoption algorithm.

1:44:41And then that's what you end up watching. Yeah, we're just not going to end up getting one.

1:44:46Bill Simmons:It's going to have to be, I'm kind of glad I put it out there because then maybe somebody will hear and be like, Like, oh my God, my next poor neighbor has a litter of Newfoundland's coming. There's two left. You can get in on it. Yeah. Get a junkyard dog. Get a British bulldog. Get a bulldog buzzsaw. Short fat dog, the dynamite kid. All right. That's it for the pod. So thanks to Gahal and thanks to Eduardo. And I always forget to thank Chris Wallers, who's unsung MVP at the rear. He's the best. Yeah, he's really, we have a great, great, awesome crew beyond the scenes, but thanks to him. Thanks to Jack Wilson, who's probably working tonight, even though he's pretending he's not.

1:45:29Bill Simmons:He's the second best. Yeah, we have a lot of bests. We have a lot of great people at the ringer. Sal, I will see you next Sunday after whatever the NBC game is. As always, good job by you. Good job by you, buddy. Thanks, everybody, at Netflix.

1:45:46Bill Simmons:Must be 21 plus and president in select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus and present in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Opt-in required bonus issued as nominal drawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply, including any token expiration max wager amount. See terms at sportsbook.fandler.com. Gave them a problem, call 1-800-GAMBLE or 1-800-MY-RESET. Call 888-79-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut or mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplineMA.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts or call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York for Louisiana.

1:46:29Bill Simmons:Call 877-770-7867. Every game day, you show up for your team. Now, it's your time. We go D! We go D! Ask your prescriber about WeGoV, semaglutide injection 2.4 milligrams, a GLP-1. Call 1-833-4-WEGOV or visit wegovi.com to view the medication guide and to learn more about WeGoV. Why wait? WeGoV! This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. Now, this is a player in the food space that has championed winning food standards and quality since 1980. That means no added growth hormones or antibiotics in their meat. and no synthetic nitrates or nitrites in their deli meats, hot dogs, or sausages.

1:47:21Bill Simmons:Plus, all their seafood is responsibly farmed or wild-caught. They've even banned some ingredients store-wide. To make sure there's nothing to mess with the flavors you want, shop Whole Foods Market in store or online.