Permission to Pause: Brooke Burke on Wellness Retreats, Midlife & Finding Your Way Back to You

18:01Brooke Burke:and I was so happy I have experienced that with you it was amazing it was amazing I have done that practice every morning I'm positive that I am meditating wrong but I I will like turn on the Costa Rica meditation like the playlist and I have like a few favorites so I put them on and for the first song i do all of the i am's i love it in my head i don't say it out loud but now they can roll off where at first all i could think of honestly i'm a little embarrassed is a few good things but then everything that kept coming up like i think on our live i was like i'm scared and i said things and i was like oh you're supposed to only say pop like

18:47Hailey:no here's the thing here's the here's the real talk about this there's no rules and there's no right or wrong and I would rather have something be messy honest and even vulgar if it needed to be because those are that's our truth and I think as women we're we're raised in a society that's like be nice and be polite and be appropriate and be proper like I don't have room for that at all in the retreat time so when you said and I remember it you're like I'm scared I'm like I'm vulnerable and you're like I'm intimidated I'm like I'm fragile like another woman's story and other words will inspire another woman to go, oh, I feel that too.

19:26Hailey:And not only do I feel that, but I'm terrified. Or for a woman to say, I'm strong.

19:34Hailey:I'm surrendering. It's like there's all of these things that just spark and ignite. And then it becomes this collective story of shared emotions that sometimes we don't have words for our emotions. In another language, which I imagine they have more to pull from. Sometimes we don't have words and we don't always need words, but if we can find that, we start identifying with all those feelings. It was awesome to watch.

19:57Brooke Burke:It was amazing. It was really, and when I say transformative, like I came back, I came back a different person, like no question. I did too. And I'm going to say for people that might think that they know you, and honestly, I've had a lot of women reach out and say, how was it like what was it like i had met you for a podcast we had a great connection we did but honestly you don't know how that's going to be for for a week together with someone and what's it going to be like yeah like what's it going to be like and i i think that one of the most unexpected things that I walked away with was I could not help but the first thing out of my mouth that I wanted to say your ability to hold space for all of these women I I like I knew on the mat when I started crying and I cried multiple times I could hear other women sobbing too and And to be in a place where you don't know anyone.

21:06Brooke Burke:And by this time, sure, we had kind of connected with a few, you know, with the women, but we're still pretty much strangers. It like that night where we did this sound bath, I let go of things that I needed to let go of that I was not planning on letting go of. And your ability to really hold space. You're such a nurturer. And I guess I didn't expect that. I knew you were kind and you were funny. I know I knew you were charismatic, but like I didn't know that you had this tender, nurturing side. So that was really that was really fun, too.

21:47Hailey:I appreciate that. I guess for what? You know, there's always a persona and a character and I don't have room or space in my life and entertainment or in television to explore those things, nor would I. It's sort of like this conflict where I have this life and entertainment and then I have my, you know, my wellness world that really is my passion and really speaks to me. And they're so wildly different. But I appreciate you saying that. And my life was changed when I started doing this work. People like John Paul Krimony, my breathwork guru, teacher. I remember going to a class and going, whoa.

22:28Hailey:And having a similar experience to what you had, not really knowing how to deal with certain things and certain emotions and witnessing a healing process that was so powerful and painful and necessary that I wanted to continue to practice and learn those things so I could bring them into my retreat work. But it's amazing that you didn't know what to expect and that you expected nothing, actually, except a little bit of me time. right a little bit of work a little bit of meantime a little bit of ocean i love that i i think the retreat experience is different for everyone and i think the things that you discover and that you learn about yourself individually are so surprising and beautiful and necessary it's just it's hard for me to describe what a retreat is like to other women because yeah it's the experience that you need at that time in your life and it's what you make it and you know intentionally it's guided by music there's body work and yoga isn't just to work out or to exercise it's therapy it's medicine it's tap into your body it's to slow the hell down it's to quiet this down to open the heart space so that you can lie there for two minutes for shavasana or wherever however you call it so that you can quiet down your mind lower your stress levels and listen to your body Do you remember when we spent some time talking to our heart?

23:49Hailey:People are like, I've never talked to my heart before. We gave our heart a voice. What would my heart say? My heart's never spoken to me before. I'm like, why? Well, mine didn't either in my 20s, 30s, or 40s. It wasn't until I really learned how to do the work where I created space, where I held space for myself, where I could go inside and have those intimate conversations, the good, bad, and the ugly, and the provocative, and the vulgar, and the fucked up, and the beautiful and the great, like all of it. Like I want all of it. And so when women come, what inspires me about this work is there's no right or wrong.

24:21Hailey:There's really no rules. When I do the I am's or when we write those letters, the transformational letter writing experiences, no one's going to read that letter. You are free to let go and to unravel and to reveal your deepest, darkest truths. And it could be the most profound. I burned that letter, by the way. Of course you did. As you should. I didn't read the letter, but of course you did. Because we don't have a space in life. We should. Hopefully we're learning that as women. To just be sometimes. And, you know, the things that you're allowed to unleash and let go of on pen to paper are really important and really sacred.

25:01Hailey:And maybe they're not meant to be read. Maybe they should be burned, by the way.

25:05Brooke Burke:And that's okay. Yeah. Can you explain what the transformational letter writing is? Because I'd never done that. It was brand new.

25:13Hailey:I remember the first time that I did it, it was deeply painful and emotional. I hyperventilated and cried my eyes out and I had no idea what was coming. So TLW, transformational letter writing, is part of what I studied in breath work and with other teachers as well. But it's an opportunity. People do it all the time, by the way. You're having a struggle with a colleague. Write them a letter. It's not that you're going to give them the letter. You probably shouldn't give them the letter. it's for you to get your thoughts out and to process them and to go through them and to experience them and then the other side of the exercise is writing a letter to yourself from that person so that you have an opportunity to hear some things that maybe you need to hear that's just healing and so people like write letters to people that have passed away so that they can grieve so that they can have some kind of a spiritual connection people write hateful letters with things that they've been harboring that they're holding on to in this body in this container that need an outlet it's really really fucking powerful people write letters back to themselves to people that have violated them and have hurt them so that there's a healing that takes place because sometimes in life we just hold we hold that's where diseases created stress depression anxiety we hold on to all these things we never address it we never let it out of our body and people also yearn and long for things that they want and wish for from people and some of those people may not be capable of ever giving them to them so whether it's slots or live dealers

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27:08Hailey:It's part make-believe, but it's real. Our body doesn't necessarily process, you know, truth and, you know, fantasy. It's a profound experience. It's an opportunity to just check in and get really honest. And most people aren't really honest in life. Honest with themselves or with the people around them. It's hard. Too scary, too hard, too much judgment. Way easier to just be polite and be nice. Yeah. I don't really believe that, but most people do. I think it's way harder to not be truthful. And not everyone can take that. That's why the letter writing is really, really good.

27:43Brooke Burke:Yeah. Well, if we go back to, because I will say, what was your intention when we met in that dark room and we did the rose, the thorn, and the root?

27:56Hailey:my intention was to create a space for people to tap into the reality that we all have beautiful parts of our life even if they're forgotten even if you're suffering even if your life sucks there are parts of your life that represent a rose there are good things everywhere and if you don't know them and you look for them you can find them in those moments and the thorn is just acknowledging and paying tribute to something that's really hard that doesn't feel good because a lot of people don't identify that thing that is really challenging and maybe negative. They just deal with it. Are they just they never even called it for it because they just thought that's just part of life.

28:33Hailey:And I'm OK with that because I can take it. Especially strong people wouldn't really realize here's the beautiful thing. Here's the not so beautiful thing. Do I need more of this and less of this? And then the root is really like, what do I what am I what do I want to know? Maybe not what I am working on because some people aren't working on anything. What do I need to work on? that is going to help me become or let go or get more of this or less of this. So it's a visual that really works for people. Did you pass around a rose? We did. Okay. We did.

29:05Brooke Burke:Yes.

29:06Hailey:We passed around a flower. Yeah. Yeah, we probably did. So I passed around feathers,

29:10Brooke Burke:flowers. Yeah. Maybe it was a feather, maybe a flower. Something. I remember something was passed around, but I remember when I went in that morning and your voice was quieter and the studio was dark and it just had like a different vibe than maybe the other one no it's interesting

29:27Hailey:at the bodhi tree there's five incredible shallows open air you're in the sunlight you're in the jungle you're all over this particular room intentionally was chosen because it's a closed room it's very easy to um control sound in there for me but it's also dark so you're not really and that was also the room where we did the mirror reflection exercise where um i had my buddies that That was uncomfy too. Very uncomfortable. Seated in front of a mirror so that they could meet themselves and see themselves. But in darkness, it's really interesting what happens because we begin to use other senses.

30:04Hailey:So imagine having a meal and blindfolded. You probably would smell, taste, experience, touch, see all things differently. Imagine if you ate with your eyes. That's a different experience. But imagine if you took away a site and you had to rely on all of these other things. You might smell herbs, mint flavors. You might have a completely different culinary experience. Yeah. Same thing, lovemaking. Intimately, imagine being in a completely pitch dark room with your partner. Whatever intimacy looks like, it's a completely different experience. Kind of an awesome experience, by the way. Amazing because you're using all of these other scents.

30:43Hailey:It's wild. So when you take people into a dark room where I don't have to worry about how you're looking at me, You kind of meet yourself differently. I think most of us walk through life worrying about what other people are thinking. And if I'm looking at you, and I'm really looking at you, and I'm really taking you in, that's all I'm saying. But if I'm looking at you looking at me, wondering, is my hair funny? Or why are you looking at me like that? Or I don't know, do I have black under my eyes? Or are you looking at the wrinkles? It's a completely different experience. So it allows you really just to see, and to see yourself, and to create a safe space, You probably remember hearing me say during retreat time in breath, to cocoon, to be selfish, to be in your own world, even though you're hearing music and you might be hearing emotion.

31:28Hailey:You might be hearing trauma. You might be hearing laughter. You might be hearing joy. You might be hearing tears, crying. Lots of things happen in breath work, but you're kind of meant to cocoon and just care for yourself a little late. That's why the music is sold out also. Yeah. Because I want to drown out everyone else's experience so that you could have your own.

31:45Brooke Burke:um well i remember like as the feather or the rose whatever it was was getting passed around you're like again i was like here we go again i had i didn't even have anything to say like i didn't know i was like okay just make sure i had something to say that day make something up and the second i got the i think it was the feather now that you say feather it's feather and i and I had it in my hands, it just like came out. And I think for me, I'm positive I'm not the only one with this. But for me, again, I didn't know what I was going to say. And so the rose and the thorn were pretty easy. And then when I thought about the root, and I have to say really quick, I had And in my room, there was a tree growing through the room.

32:39Brooke Burke:And so when I walked in and I was like, okay, we just, this is the root. Like I have this live tree growing through my room. And there was something symbolic about that. But when I thought about what I really needed, I have spent my entire life, make other people comfortable around me and, and disappoint them. So I've done this. pleasing other people my my entire life and I finally at that moment I was I'm really trying I'm still doing it but it was finally the first time where I've done a few things in the last few years that have really hurt there's really disappointed people and but for me it was the first time that I had used my voice even though I knew that there were going to be a lot of people disappointed with the decision that I made.

33:35Brooke Burke:And that's hard. That's really hard to be okay with. I mean, my mom, there's a few people that kind of helped me through this, but they know my story. I think only a few people really know your story. And that was pretty... Not everyone is worthy of knowing your story, right? Yeah, not everyone is worthy of knowing it. That was really impactful for me. So that is something that I've taken home along with the meditation there's something about when I got home and I ordered the incense and I got it all ready and I made this like little room and got there and I'm like okay I don't even know what you do with your hands but something like this and I'm sitting there But just it was almost like my soul was like, oh, welcome back.

34:27Brooke Burke:Like, yes. And so it does get easier. I still it's a skill that I need to work on. But for me, it shows me that I matter. And even though I have, you know, I'm a confident person, there is a part of me that doesn't want to do any inward work. And so that was really something that as I walked away, I had no idea what I was going to walk away from that retreat with. And you know, it's so interesting about this.

35:02Hailey:A couple of things that I want to touch on. From the outside looking in, you never know what's going on inside of a person, right? Especially a strong, capable person that's got their whole life together and everything's working, that can have gunfire going off inside their head and nobody knows it, right? One of the reasons why people don't want to do that deep inner work is because it's just too hard and we've got everything handled because we're like really capable people. We've got, it's way easier. I'm just, I've got it and just keep grinding and keep powering through. What happened during that time where you found yourself at a space to have a voice where you were, I don't want to say forced, but you were inspired to dig a little deep and answer a question that was very personal.

35:49Things come up.

35:50Hailey:They can't not come up, right? And, you know, when you talk about going home and you created the space, I think we kind of don't want it to end and then we're like, oh, we've got to like reenter into our life. Then you're kind of like on the high of all these things you've learned. Yeah. And then you're on the come down. But you want to kind of take that toolkit and then go home and create a space which is really hard to do. You're not going to go home and have nothing to do but take care of yourself for seven days again. Yeah. It's physically impossible. So the goals were, and I'm so proud of you for doing it, to go home, create a space that belongs to you to maybe meditate.

36:28Hailey:And you said you know that you're doing it wrong. And the thing that really pisses me off about the confrontation about meditation is there's no real rider way to do it. The way I meditate might be different than, you know, a Buddhist who's doing it his way for me. it's time that you've dedicated to yourself and the phone might ring and somebody might need you and dog might bark and that's okay too it's time and you could do a walking meditation i don't sit down and just watch my breath and trust me for years my mind i was like who has time to meditate i i i have so many things on my list i'm not that person anymore right and so when i discovered that my optimal optimal speed is really slowing down and you you heard my lecture lecture about that that there's so much to do in stillness and I'm not falling behind.

37:13Hailey:I'm actually doing much better at a greater capacity. I'm more aware. I'm more productive. It's a long list, but...

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37:49Hailey:Your mind's always going to be like, am I doing this right? Do I have time to do this? I can't stop those thoughts. What am I supposed to be doing? So for me, meditation is time with yourself. That just serves you. And I actually, it's very creative for me. Creative time when I meditate, I get downloads. My challenge is to not stop and go write down all these things that are downloaded. I'm supposed to be meditating. So my meditation for me means that I am quieting down the noise so that I can check in with myself and turn the volume up inside so that I can really listen. And that's just my own imperfect description.

38:25Hailey:So the fact that you're even doing that is awesome and it's beautiful and honorable because you never did any of this stuff. Sound baths are sound healing. It's an opportunity to listen to different frequencies that you've never heard. Yoga, beyond stretching, is time for you to meet yourself and to turn up the volume inside and to listen to your body language. Breath work is an opportunity to release and to heal and to let go and to just see what comes up. So sometimes in meditation, you may even set an intention and just say, no agenda, just maybe something will come up. Or you might be meditating or preying on, I don't know, a new project, and you just want to kind of go sit with it in quiet without a narrative and just see what comes up.

39:11Hailey:It was amazing to witness you in that space, to learn things about you like you learned about me that I never knew. You're such an amazing woman because you're so strong and yet so feminine. You have this powerful energy, yet this very soft energy, which is really beautiful, masculine and feminine. It's really, really unique and it's powerful. And there's a softness about you that maybe hasn't had an opportunity because you have so much to give and accomplish and to do. But just watching the layers in your own time, watching you experience something, watching you find words for the emotions. It's that's, those are the moments that make me want to do more of this work.

39:58And, um,

39:59Brooke Burke:I will, I will do a trip like that every single year that I, that, that my life allows. And I know it's a financial commitment. It's a time commitment. Um, I think at some point I walked away and I've had a lot of women, like I said, which is why I want to do this and reach out to me. and ask me about it. And my parting words would be everyone at some point in their life should do something by themselves that they are scared, that they don't know. Because I was completely out of my comfort zone and I came home a different person. And I'm honestly, like you get back in life and then life just rolls on and it has to.

40:48Brooke Burke:And so you just go, go, go, go, go.

40:50Hailey:but I'm already a little tune-up you know you talked about that you need to revisit it with new tools in different times of your life as a different person and keep learning I learn every single from every single experience from every single retreat from every woman and I take it all and I'm not afraid of good bad ugly painful emotional joyful like I I welcome all of it and And I'm just I'm really grateful that we have that experience. I'm grateful that we get to tell this story, especially to the woman that is on the fence. It doesn't know if it's for her or it's kind of scary. It's a big commitment.

41:27Hailey:You know, geographically speaking, economically speaking, time, sort, life, animals, kids, partners. It is hard. Yeah. And there's no right time to do it. And it takes great courage for a woman to hold space for herself and to create a boundary and to hold that promise. and to say, I'm worthy of doing this. I deserve this time. I deserve one week and 365 days and I'll be damned if I'm not going to make that happen.

41:58Brooke Burke:I do think that it's good that you have options too, that you have other retreats that are not quite as long.

42:05Hailey:We have other retreats. We have retreats in Arizona in the fall. We have retreats in Costa Rica, soon to be in Malibu. We have fundraising opportunities, gifting opportunities, payment plans. I mean, what seems impossible is nothing is impossible if you want to do it. Yeah. And not everybody wants to do it bad enough because it's really scary. It's easier to not do it. But in making a decision that I am going to go meet myself, look, you're going to love it or not. Yeah.

42:32Brooke Burke:But it's something that has to be experienced. Yes. And I absolutely want to thank you for playing this part during this week in my life. because as I said, I had, I did not know the Brooke that I knew was not like the Brooke that I met there. And it was, there was Haley, by the way.

42:55Hailey:So it required trust. It required a tremendous amount of confidence to get out of your own way and to do it, especially at a busy time. I commend you for that. And, you know, I took such a chance to, you know, persuade you to doing it because something was calling to me and I took that call as a woman, right? Not knowing what the other side of that would look like. And I know we needed that experience. This is Saucho, by the way.

43:23Brooke Burke:Is he not so smushy? I want to steal him and put him in my suitcase. So lovey. Well, thank you so

43:29Hailey:much for letting me share this. I'm so happy that you did and many more to come. And there'll be a million experiences and more things standing in your way to have these, but more reasons to just show up and do it. Yeah, absolutely. I'm really proud of you. I really am. Thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability and trust.

43:50Brooke Burke:Thanks for listening, everyone. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider giving us a five-star rating and sharing the body pod with your friends.

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