Abducted by Aliens

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1:02You can hear it, feel it. And at Quaker, we fuel it. With 100 % whole grain oats. And a good source of fiber in every bowl. Helping you turn that rhythm into your soundtrack for a great day. Fuel to start whatever's next. Quaker, official sponsor of FIFA World Cup 26. I-O, let's go! I-O Let's go Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused But with zero sugar, 200mg of caffeine and immunity support You're smarter and more focused for drinking Storm Storm, good energy in, good energy out Energy for life Let me introduce you to the male psyche If we don't stink out of the bathroom We feel like we haven't done our job properly I love walking out of the toilet and going I'd leave that for a while Love I wouldn't go in there for five minutes, sweetheart.

1:59I don't know what it is about condoms these days. They are making them baggier. I have to get mine tailored, which makes everything even more embarrassing for me. Yeah. So I also take a couple of suits with me as well to the tailors. James was abducted by aliens. No. Either I got abducted by aliens or I think I fell asleep instantly, but with my eyes open. You didn't. You said your bum was sore afterwards.

2:28All right. That's just handling some nuts. Oh, you dropped. Did that go? No.

2:39You can't make that same joke every time. I do think there's one in there. Is there? No, there isn't. No? That's all. Okay. What, you hoping I get you to check? Well, I will do if you need me to, Claire. Hello and welcome to The Buckleys, the podcast where we sit down, have a chat, moan a bit and invite you into our lives. Before we do get into it, we just wanted to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use.

3:13And if you do enjoy the show, why not go ahead and leave us a little review afterwards if you do enjoy the show. If you don't enjoy it, don't worry. Fuck off. Don't worry. Just quickly, I've got to say this this episode of the buckley's is sponsored by co-op's new meals range served so thanks co-op hey claire how are you i'm all right how are you i'm all right i'm all right claire buckley i'm all right as i l and b i'm all right are you sure you're all right yeah are you sure you're all right i'm all right what's happened to your hair jimmy hey don't worry about the hair don't worry about it you look like 2016 gems do i yeah gone back in time yeah i had to do have a little haircut for work you did yeah the famous haircut i was a bit annoyed about also i've been told that i can't um because i like a neat beard they don't want it to look so neat so i've not been able to shave my cheeks now do they know that it goes all the way up to your eye socket that's good you told them that because there's neat and then there's my beard does my beard line is here it's really weird if i'd like didn't like just shave these bits of my face here i'd look like i was wearing a balaclava constantly yeah did you tell them that they said yeah we want that we don't want it to look so neat so you're acting again you got a little acting job a little bit of acting yeah okay no it's mental isn't it that is good though absolutely insane um hey can i tell you what happened to me this week.

4:43It's sort of a bit of a moan, really, but I feel like it doesn't class as a moan. It's just a what happened. It's just a what happened, and I just want to... I haven't even told you about this. Oh, good. Because I was so tired that I couldn't even bother to whinge to you about it. However, I had to get a taxi home from work the other day. Working in town, I had to come all the way out. And, uh... What? It's awful, isn't it? It's just such a hard life you've got. It's awful, isn't it? You had the windows down. Front or back? Front. And it was doing that thing where it rumbles in the back of the car.

5:16Yeah, I hate that. It was physically hurting my ears. I can't understand that. Right? I said, can you put your windows up? Did you say please? I said, it's all right if you put the windows up. It's making the rumble noise. He put the windows up and he went, well, it's going to get hot now. And I went, well, you can put the air conditioner on. and he said, no, I don't want to put the air conditioner on because it makes me sick. Oh, okay. I said, okay. I left that. I left it. I couldn't be bothered. This was quite early on in the journey as well. How does cold air make you sick? Don't know. Don't know.

5:53You're in the wrong job, mate. Well, yeah. You are the only taxi driver that's allergic to cars. Yeah. Right, you need to switch up a little bit. Yeah, if it makes you feel sick. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what, right? And you know I love a little, not that I love, but I don't mind a little to and fro, a little confrontation. Yeah. Confrontation. I don't mind a little sort of, what the fuck are you talking about, mate? Yes. But because he said, I can't have the air conditioner on because it makes me feel sick. I didn't even know how to come back. No. I was just like, right. That sounds like. And it was fucking hot.

6:29It was really fucking hot in that car. And that was my choice. Either have that rumble noise going in my ear. I hate that I hate it and I'll tell you what right I think I feel like if you wear headphones because I was wearing headphones it makes it worse or something that sounds like what he said to you sounds like having an argument with Harrison I feel like he's just made a rule up yeah like that sort of juvenile teenage argument you're like well no you don't have to do that because you can do this no I can't do that it makes me feel sick fine I'll put the air conditioning on mate but it's your it's your funeral you'll be cleaning up after me And then I would have said, you need to put the aircon on because it's hot in here.

7:09But he was upset that I asked him to put the windows up. Yeah. So I was like, well, I don't want to push this guy anymore. What was he going to do? He's in charge of the car. He might just be a lunatic. You don't know. You don't know. You don't know where things are going to go. Sometimes it's best to just go, makes you feel sick, does it? Right. Okay.

7:34Obviously what I wanted to say was What are you talking about? What do you mean? Put the fucking aircon on It's the same air Annoying, isn't it? Very Annoying And funnily enough That's not the thing I want to moan about Oh God Put that back down What was I thinking? What was I thinking? Right, it's just a quick one, right? To be fair, that was what I was going to moan about But I bumped it Okay Alright I want to talk about something that happened Two minutes ago To this guy What happened? Went to the loo there, right? Yeah. Right. You know, and it's a public space. It's an office. There's loads of people that work here.

8:07Not just us and our team, but there's all kinds of people. Yeah. Weirdos. Yeah. Strange people that also use this space to work in, right? You know, when you use a public toilet, there's a very simple system where you can see, usually, nine times out of ten, you flick the lock, right? And on the other side, there's a little red dot or something like that. A little indicator. Say this is engaged, right? Occupido. And you know I hate getting hassle on the toilet. Because sometimes it goes away. And I've got into a situation where I've had really bad constipation. Where I haven't seized the moment.

8:51Sometimes, like, if you hold on to something too long, then you lose it. And then it's like, fucking hell, where did it go? Right? twice twice two times dos as the French say right yeah trying to open the door yeah it's locked you know it's locked it happened once and I was like and you were trying to have a shit yeah yeah I was trying to do you're shitting in here I was desperate okay well we both woke up this morning and had the same ailment didn't we well you've brought it up now we might as well Claire was like oh I've got the shits today I went me too me too and you're worried that it might I'm fine I'm fine as well I've got a very good system when I've got diarrhoea because of my diet I have like diarrhoea is the sort of thing that I have quite a lot and what I do is is I just I don't know spend a spend a good 15-20 minutes sat on the toilet and it all flushes out okay and I'm good for the day okay So what were you doing in there then?

9:58I was taking a shit. It was a normal shit. Oh, okay. Anyway, somebody else... It's gone back to solids now. Somebody else came up? Yeah, twice, man. Did you get it out? Did you manage it? I did, yeah. And also, what I don't... And now the smells lingering and somebody's going to walk straight in after you. That's what I worry about. What can I do? Sometimes when we sort of had to go to a hotel or something and you're having a shower or getting ready and I can't just go to another toilet. Oh, yeah. because I say I've got to go now because if I don't go now, then it will go away. I'll lose it, Claire.

10:30I'll lose it. I'll lose it. But what I like to do is I like to, you know, I like to take my time. I like to enjoy myself on the toilet. Yeah, I think I'm pretty sure that's a man thing. Read up what's happening in the sports section and all that stuff, right? And then you were like, just flush it straight away. That's what you said to me. Yeah, well, that's the problem because you do it. And why are we talking about this? This is disgusting. But you do it and then you sit there for ages and you just let it linger. Let me introduce you to the male psyche. All right. If we don't stink out of bathroom, we feel like we haven't done our job properly.

11:08Like, I love it. I love walking out of the toilet and going, I wouldn't fucking, I'd leave that for a while. Love. I wouldn't go in there for five minutes, sweetheart. But yeah, just don't like, I check. Check, yeah. I don't want to be that person rattling the door. Because if it does happen, oh, sorry. Sorry about that. Well, don't do that. Oh, no. Don't say anything. They don't know who the fuck it is. Sometimes, though, and to be fair, it does happen a couple of times, right, where they don't have a little red. There is no indication at all. Right. It's just like a lock. Yeah. It just twists one way or the other.

11:49Right. Just gentle. I nudge with my finger. Yeah. Just like that. I just put pressure on it because I don't want to rattle anything or have anyone know that I'm like trying to get in or something. I just nudge. And if I can't get it open... Why with a finger? Why don't you just... Because I want to be delicate. Okay. I want to be really delicate. If it doesn't open with a slight bit of pressure, then I'll move on to another cubicle or something. How do you feel about the toilets with the gaps under the door? Do you prefer to be able to check the feet? Do you do that? I love it, right? If you just close the door and you're in your own space.

12:28American cubicles are insane, by the way. Absolutely insane. They have just... It's like getting out the shower and using a flannel to dry yourself. Yeah, they've got gaps in the sides as well. They've got gaps at the bottom. They've got gaps at the top. Huge gap down the seal. Like the doors don't close. The doors don't close in American public toilets. I'm just saying, why do they have to be like that? What's the point of them? Get rid of the doors then. Get rid of the doors. That's what they're doing in America. That's where all the problems are coming from right now. Because they are just all there shitting in front of each other.

13:07Claire. Yes, James. We've had a few emails sent in. Okay. Thank God. Because ever since you shared your run in with the ghost dog. Yeah. We've had a handful of listeners writing in. It's true. I've got one here from Joe. Joey. He says, I was listening to the episode where the subject of the paranormal was raised. Claire mentioned she had a... Why is everybody laughing? It happened? Claire mentioned she had a previous encounter with a ghost dog. It was at this moment I thought, fuck right off. That's what he said. In an agreeable way or... I myself have a disappearing ghost dog story. As a teenager, around 14, 15, I was hanging around the local park.

13:58Obvs. Is this a wind-up? One summery evening. Wait, hold on. Why would that be a wind-up? Well, because if you're going to see a dog, it'll be in a park, won't it? Oh. Yeah, but not if it... Well, we'll see, won't we? One summery evening. What if it... That's what happened? Puffs. Puffs away. Does it ghostly poof? No. One summery evening, as the sun was going down, I was approached by a whiter-than-white Westie. The dog strolled towards me. I leant down to stroke it, and at that precise moment, the dog ceased to exist. Gone. Vanished. I asked my friends where the dog had just gone, and nobody had seen it, and thought I was mad.

14:41So to be validated all these years... It's not validation. It's not validation. to be validated all these years later by a fellow ghost dog seer feels fantastic. All my mates can get fucked. It was there and I really saw it. Yeah. Right. Yeah, same. And you can get fucked enough. Hang on. And so can you. You keep laughing at this story enough. Let me just play devil's advocate here. Right. Now, when you're eight, nine, ten years old, there's a reason why you go to a park. To play on the swings. To go on the slide. Right. When you're 14, 15, when you start hanging out in a park then, it's probably because you're doing stuff that you can't do in your house.

15:22Good times. Right? Now, I think that he may have been possibly impaired or had, you know, some kind of... Influence. Yeah. And all of a sudden he was seeing dogs. You can't jump to those conclusions. No, I'm just saying consider that. Consider that. Sure. Consider that for a thought. I bet he wasn't. And yeah, I'm telling you, ghost dogs are real. Right. Well, you're going to love this then, Claire, because Laura writes in, she says, when I was younger, around 15, I randomly woke up to a black dog staring at me with glowing eyes next to my bed. Same. I was fully awake at this point. Same. I decided to reach out and stroke it and then it completely disappeared.

16:09It's the same thing. We didn't own a dog. Till this day, no one believes me. I'm now 37 and remember it clear as day. Thought I would let you know. Thank you. It's true. See, you love all this kind of nonsense. Because it's true. You love it so much. I'm not saying everything's true. You need to... Listen, I'm the wrong guy for this. Because it all sounds like bollocks to me. It all sounds like bullshit. Until it happens to you, you've had a few things happen to you. And you go, oh, Claire, I can't explain it. It's a bit weird. But there must be some explanation. What if there's not? But there is.

16:48There always is. OK, so then. There always is. What happened to you then? What happened to me? When the clocks. Talking to your microphone. No, I'm trying to have a fucking argument with you. I don't care about the microphone. When the clocks stopped. It didn't stop. What happened? The clocks jumped. You lost like an hour or something. I told you this in confidence. Because what happened? What do you think happened? Right. James was abducted by aliens. Hang on. And I believe you, babe. One or two things happened to me, right? Yeah. Either I got abducted by aliens or I think I fell asleep instantly, but with my eyes open.

17:28You didn't. You were conscious. You told me that you spoke me through the whole thing. I must have fallen asleep. I must have fallen asleep. I remember. You said your bum was sore afterwards. I remember I was a teenager. I was about 15 years old. Were you under the influence? Possibly. Very possibly. I slumped down in my room. I just had, I can't remember exactly what it was. I just had something stressful happen to me. Okay. And I was stressed and I slumped down up against the radiator in my room, slumped on the floor and I sat there for a second and then I looked at the clock and all of a sudden it was three o 'clock in the morning like as if it was like that happened to me that's a weird story right that happened to me and what time was it when you slumped like 10 no about nine o 'clock something like that in the evening so it wasn't bedtime or anything so you have got how many hours is that about six hours that you cannot account for went instantly right right you don't remember falling asleep you don't feel like you fell asleep no i don't but right you were abducted i do think i do think the more i think about it i must have just because i was so stressed and anxious about something or like i must have just shut down that's paranormal that is paranormal or otherworldly i don't think i was abducted i think i think i just got well that's what you told me listen remember claire i was the boy that was diagnosed with stress when i was seven mum took me to the doctors because i was having really really bad stomach pains and he was like this kid's stressed i was like fucking tell me about it doc jesus christ i do i've always been quite a nervous anxious thing yeah and i think i'd got myself into a state so much that my body just shut down i was worried about something no i don't think so mate i think you were abducted do you reckon yeah i do but listen i'm not your guy for this kind of stuff i do just for my own sanity you can't handle it can you just for my own well-being i need to be like no it wasn't that it was this but you need to do your own thing you need to do your own thing start talking about all these fucking nonsense stuff all right go and do your own thing without me there poo-pooing everything no but wouldn't you rather know that there's something else doesn't that comfort you it doesn't come for me listen i'm not i'm not talking about that i'm not talking about that when you die i'm gonna be honest there fucking needs to be something else because if this is it fucking hell there's gotta be something else once i get through all this life yeah and listen there probably isn't but to keep my own sanity i need to i need to believe that once we get through this it is just gonna be lazy sundays every day where you just have your best day for the rest of eternity right okay right gareth is here gareth says solved it thank god gareth has solved it.

20:25He says, I may have cracked the case of Claire's mysterious tumbles. Ah, me falling over. Referencing all the stories of her falling over recently. Okay, hold on. It was like twice? As she's mentioned. No, you do fall over all the time. As she's mentioned, she keeps glimpsing her ghost dog from years gone by. It was once, wasn't it? Yeah, once, yeah. Gareth's got too excited here. I'm tripping over the dog. The poor dog is clearly still loyal and is just forever getting under her feet. Am I falling over Paisley all the time? case closed. Oh. Maybe, maybe the dog has been with me all this time.

21:01Maybe, right? If you stop looking at time as linear. How can you make everything so fucking boring? Maybe that dog that came to visit you when you were a kid was Paisley. Oh, she's been with me all the time. Anyway, Halloween is just around the corner. It's October. It's finally October. So if you've got any spooky stories or brushes with the paranormal yourself. We want to hear them. Strange noises in the night. A ghostly figure at the end of your bed. A dog that wasn't really there and didn't exist. Send them in by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk. This episode of The Buckleys is brought to you by Co-op's new meal range, Served.

21:47If you couldn't guess... Look at that. Check out this lovely, lovely food that we've got on our table here. We've got the old aubergine parmigiana, a little bit of salad. Garlic and herb potatoes. Garlic and herb potatoes. They look good. Potats. Right. It's time for more served up hacks. Regular listeners will be familiar with our Instagram algorithm updates where we share the weird and wonderful, mostly weird content that the internet serves us on our individual feeds. Well, Served Up Hacks is a spin-off of that. That's how successful our Instagram algorithm section is on our podcast. You don't need to tell me.

22:27It's now got its own spin-off, where we share the internet's most questionable life hacks that we, and our producers, have discovered online. Claire. Yes. Have you ever tried a DIY toilet roll speaker? I have. No, of course I have. No? What is that? Well, when you see videos of this, it tends to go, step one, you cut a slot in a toilet roll. Right. Step two, stick your phone in. Bish bash bosh. Instant surround sound. Really? It works. It genuinely works. Because you can get people who have sort of made 3D printed stuff that can go on the bottom of your phone and things like that. It's basically the same principle.

23:10Oh, okay. I'm not a scientist. No. But I think it's got something to do with sound waves. Claire, do you think this is genius or just peak student desperation? Well, I mean, if it works, then it's genius. Of course, yeah. I've never tried it, but I'd definitely be up for trying it. I mean, that seems like something our kids would do. It seems like something Harrison would have seen and done. But I used to do stuff like that anyway, with a little bog roll and turn it into a speakerphone. Hello. Okay. Help, I've run out of toilet paper. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, I've got one for you. Go on. you know peeling garlic well annoying genuinely really annoying it is annoying it gets under your nails and you have to get pull the little flappy bit that hangs off of it and stuff and then the rest of the shell skin listen to this pop the cloves right with the skin still on it into the microwave for 15 to 30 seconds the skin loosens up and it makes them much easier you can either sort of like squish them out or it makes it much easier to peel what i'm thinking about there claire is the smell I have considered the smell but what I'm thinking about is in the long run are you saving time?

24:19Yeah I think you would be Really? Yeah When was the last time you peeled garlic? Right I'll tell you what I do is I just put it through the little crunchy thing that we've got Yeah but you still need to peel it No the skin comes it just pushes through all the others the skin doesn't go through does it? No but I was told it didn't that's why I've been doing that It doesn't, but I would still peel it and do it. Yeah, I do. How long does it take you to peel a clove? One clove? Maybe. Peel off a clove. How long does it take you? Maybe 15 to 30 seconds. Do you reckon? Yeah. It's about the same, isn't it?

24:56Also, are you accidentally cooking the garlic already? No. No? I don't know. I've never tried this hack. I'm going to try it and I'll get back to you. All right, we'll let you know how Claire gets on with that one. One more for you. Are you spending too much time on your phone? Yes. Why not try switching your phone screen to black and white to make it less addictive and more boring? No. What, are we all toddlers here? No, but obviously... Because it's not like shiny, colourful... It's scientifically proven that colours are evocative and exciting. Wow. Well, is it red? You always recognise red straight away.

25:33Yeah, yeah. That's why lots of brands are red. That's a man thing, though, as well. Apparently if a woman wears a red dress, they're more attracted to her. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. You know goalkeepers? Yeah. They wear, shout out to our good friend Joe Hart, you know they wear like fluorescent. Yeah, they are always a bit brighter, isn't they? You'll be looking more at them. In the split second where your brain needs to create a decision where to shoot a ball, you become a target rather than something to avoid. Right. Your brain just goes, yeah, hit it towards that. Right. That's why like some people...

26:07Did you just make that up? No, that's true. Okay. Well, I say it's true. It's something I heard. Right, yeah. Somebody made it up and you heard it. Yeah. Yeah. It does make sense though. It does make sense. Hang on. How do you change your phone screen to black and white? You can. You can do it in the settings. You can, yeah? Yeah. I think Jude's got... Has this all dark and weird? He is a little weirdo. Yes, he is. He's an odd little boy. Right, so I'll try the garlic one. Yeah. Are you going to do the speaker or the phone? I'll do both, actually. Okay. I do genuinely want to do the toilet roll speaker thing.

26:41I want to see how that works out for me. The black and white phone thing, I just don't think that's going to work. No, I don't. I think it would just be annoying. Yeah. It would just make me angry. That's what we need. That's what we need. More anger. Well, there you have it. This week's Served Up Hacks. But do you know what the ultimate life hack is? I do. Of course I do. It's Co-Op's new meal range served. We have got the new aubergine parmigiana with diced potatoes and salad. Nice. These are ready-to-cook meals prepared with fresh ingredients that you can cook in 30 minutes without having to follow an absurdly complicated recipe.

27:22Proper portions too, enough for both of us. The range is Italian-inspired and has six mains and 11 sides to choose from, so customers can mix and match mains and sides to create their favourite Italian flavour combos. Have you had one yet? I've had them all. You have not had them all. I've had them all. I had the Gnocchi and I did make these the other night. These are very good. Gnocchi is fun to say. It is fun to say, isn't it? And it's not Gnocchi. No, it's not. Don't get confused. And the deal is an absolute steal as well. If you are a co-op member, you can pick up a main and two sides for just£7.

28:00And you can grab it in store or get it delivered in as little as 20 minutes through co-op delivery. Uber Eats, Deliveroo and Just Eat. Super speedy. More hacks coming next time, but for now, here's one that actually works. Co-op's served range for an easy night in. Fresh meals, proper portions, zero stress. Dinner is served. £8 for non-members, co-op group membership required, subject to availability. See co-op.co.uk slash serve for details. Delivery partners, T's and C's apply. Claire, I've got an email for you. Yes. We've had from a listener. It says, hi, James and Claire. I recently spotted a bright orange Buckley's coach.

28:42And for a few glorious seconds, I thought this was an official Buckley's tour underway. We've got the photo there attached. Oh, good. Yes, the orange colour and everything. I got all excited until I realised the logo was in a different font and quickly came to the sad realisation that it wasn't you. No It's definitely the right colour though I couldn't help imagine Claire stepping out of the coach Doing her usual boss energy Before ungracefully falling on her arse Thanks for all the laughs from Joanna That happened twice that I've told you about Thank you very much Yeah but that's it It's the two times that we've mentioned But we haven't, you know Can we just finish that?

29:21Boss energy, I like that Boss energy, yeah Boss energy No, it's a great looking coach He is good I've seen them I've seen a Buckley's coach I've never seen one of those. Yeah, I have. I've seen them on various motorways. Fucking gloomy, wherever they are. You can't see a patch of sky. Anyway, speaking of coaches, it turns out that we are actually going on tour in March 2026. Are you excited? Shitting myself. Yeah, okay. Honestly, I feel sick thinking about it. Well, we won't be on a bus, but if the Buckleys wear... I'm not allowed on buses. People don't trust me on them. If we were going on a tour bus What do you think that would look like?