Are You Chatting Up My Husband?

4:41Clair Buckley:I was like, yeah, of course. And then she started talking to me and she was like, oh, we're all out having a drink. His grandfather passed away a few days ago. So we're all a bit down at the moment. Like the whole family's a bit down. And then I was just, I was chatting to them for about 20 minutes, half hour, something like that. Just sort of go, like just talking to them. And like just having a bit of banter with them and stuff like that.

5:04James Buckley:Because you said also, is it your husband?

5:06Clair Buckley:I was like, so it's your husband? She was like, yeah, yeah. And then I went, oh, right, so you're available then.

5:14Clair Buckley:And she was into it, man.

5:15James Buckley:She was, yeah. In fact, I think if I remember correctly, I had to come over.

5:19Clair Buckley:Are you chatting up my husband?

5:20James Buckley:Yeah, I said, because she had her arm linked to it and everything. I said, are you chatting up my husband? She did not pay one bit of attention to me. She was just kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I was like, oh, well, I'll go excuse myself then.

5:34Clair Buckley:But I do, sometimes I don't know when the joke isn't there, do I?

5:40James Buckley:No, but also I think she had already given you the vibe of...

5:44Clair Buckley:And I'd had a few beers as well. Yeah. Luckily she laughed. But I always do, I do, that's my thing. And that's what I think a lot of British people in particular, is that we joke about stuff. And that's how we deal with things.

5:59James Buckley:And the more serious something is, sometimes it is, the joke.

6:03Clair Buckley:The funnier it is.

6:04James Buckley:It can be, yeah.

6:05Clair Buckley:But I do sometimes miss the mark, don't I? When I'm having a bit of bance, a bit of hashtag bance.

6:10James Buckley:Oh God, what have you done with that?

6:11Clair Buckley:Well, just that time when we were in New York, I think I've spoken about it before, and you were going, James, that was so rude. I was going, no, I was just fucking having, I was drunk again yeah

6:19James Buckley:he did laugh as well but I did say to you I said oh that was a bit mean

6:23Clair Buckley:we got a hot dog from one of those we'd come out it was late at night I was like it was the New York equivalent of grabbing a kebab I suppose on the way home and there was a hot dog stand I was like I've got to have something to eat chatting to this bloke and he was like where are you from and we did chat to him for a good little time he was like my brother's in Britain my brother stays in Manchester I was like alright okay and he was like yeah yeah he's a doctor you know my brother he's doing you know he's doing all this and stuff and then he had

6:57James Buckley:another one in Australia yeah and he was like

7:00Clair Buckley:and he's a brain surgeon or something like that and I went what the fuck happened to you mate you've got two brothers one of them is a doctor in Manchester one of them is in Australia a brain surgeon you're selling hot dogs on the street you're going joking I was only joking because in my head I was like To be honest.

7:17James Buckley:It was so rude.

7:18Clair Buckley:No, but in my head. He was laughing though. In my head, I was like, this seems more exciting to me personally. I'd much rather be in New York selling hot dogs, being amongst it, than, you know, being in Manchester or whatever. Yeah. So I was just sort of, I was being affable, I suppose.

7:35James Buckley:Yeah, but it's not that that didn't land, to be fair, because he didn't take offence to it. But I was just a bit like, oh.

7:42Clair Buckley:I was like, oh, you've got one in Australia, one in Manchester.

7:45James Buckley:What the fuck happened to you? wasn't he like I'm still my mum's favourite yeah yeah

7:54James Buckley:Claire

7:56Clair Buckley:anything to moan about

7:59James Buckley:just this shirt apart from that I'm fine

8:01Clair Buckley:you look lovely you look great I've got something to moan about Claire

8:05James Buckley:shocker

8:07Clair Buckley:this episode goes out on the 12th of March which is just after your birthday happy birthday how old are you now

8:16James Buckley:how old am I let me think I've not decided how old I want to be yet I've not really had this I mean it's coming I'm getting you know I'm getting old but I've not decided you know when women lie about their age I've not decided where I should land right maybe 32

8:33Clair Buckley:I reckon you could do 28

8:35James Buckley:I'll fuck off I'm trying to get my top off again

8:38Clair Buckley:no I reckon you could I like my birthday

8:40James Buckley:it's very it's you know like dates sometimes just feel clean my birthday feels clean the 10th of March which is by the way Harrison and Jude tell me that all the time it's Super Mario Day because it's M-A-R-1-0 and it looks like Mario and it's Super Mario Day I like that I'm born on the 10th I like March as a month

9:04Clair Buckley:have we got are we talking about Super Mario Day? we know we like our our shitty

9:11James Buckley:it's not been done yet

9:14Clair Buckley:And then there's May the 4th, isn't there? Yeah, May the 4th. Star Wars Day. Yeah.

9:19James Buckley:You know, like, I wouldn't want to be born on, like, the 29th of September. Like, that doesn't feel nice. I don't like that one. Do you know what I mean? Am I mental or do you know what I mean?

9:32Clair Buckley:The 27th of December.

9:34James Buckley:Yeah, but you're talking about because that's just after Christmas. I mean, just the number...

9:40Clair Buckley:It just doesn't sound good to you.

9:41James Buckley:In the month. I just don't. March 10th.

9:45Clair Buckley:Oh, lovely.

9:46James Buckley:Do you know what I mean? No, you're not getting it. Sort of. I think people will get it. Let me know if you get it.

9:51Clair Buckley:It's like having a really good phone number.

9:54James Buckley:Yes.

9:55Clair Buckley:Where it's like 077451001. Yes.

10:03James Buckley:I mean, that was way too many numbers, but I know what you mean. Yeah.

10:06Clair Buckley:Like if you've got a phone number that will just...

10:09James Buckley:Yeah. My friend...

10:11Clair Buckley:My phone number's all over the place. When people go, oh, right, yeah, let me just take your number. I have to get my phone out and I have to look up my phone. You don't know your number.

10:19James Buckley:I don't know your number. See, my number's quite an easy one to remember. I've got quite a nice phone number as well.

10:24Clair Buckley:No, I've just remembered it. It's just one.

10:28James Buckley:It's got a lot of the same number in it.

10:30Clair Buckley:I can only remember one phone number and it's your one just in case I get lost or something. We're talking about this.

10:35James Buckley:You're going to phone me if you get mugged. Phone the police.

10:38Clair Buckley:I'd rather set you on them.

10:41James Buckley:We talk about this all the time, don't we? About if we had got kidnapped and you weren't allowed to say it loud.

10:49Clair Buckley:I don't know if we should be talking about this.

10:50James Buckley:Well, I'm not going to say what our code is. I forget it again. I never remember it.

10:56Clair Buckley:Well, I would just say something unusual.

10:59James Buckley:But you say weird stuff all the time. No, no, no. This is the same conversation we had.

11:04Clair Buckley:Right, so...

11:05James Buckley:You'd be like, hey, sweet cheeks.

11:07Clair Buckley:No.

11:07James Buckley:And I'd be like, but that... That's not true.

11:09Clair Buckley:How do I answer the phone normally?

11:11James Buckley:Alright, tits.

11:12Clair Buckley:Yeah. So then you know everything's alright. Yeah. Even when I call you up and go, Oi, tits, do you reckon we can have a curry tonight? Yeah. Right? Yeah. If I was to... I don't want to say just in case I get kidnapped.

11:25James Buckley:That's alright, they're not going to...

11:27Clair Buckley:Well, I'll tell you what you could do. What? And I always remember this. I think it's the Terminator 2. Where he's like talking to... I think it's the nanny or someone at the... the boy's house yeah and he's like what's the dog's name he says no no no he says oh is wolfie okay

11:44James Buckley:no but yeah he goes he goes to the boy what is the dog's name and he goes oh it's it's rex yeah

11:50Clair Buckley:and then he goes how's wolf is wolfie feeling better i can hear him yeah wolfie's fine and

11:55James Buckley:then he just goes your parents are dead yeah yeah i love that yeah it's well good so just a little something but we i say that i do say that to the kids like but i came up with something and i don't

12:05Clair Buckley:want to talk about it but it's very very subtle it's enough for you to go hmm that's weird and then you can just carry on going yeah no i think we'll see i forget it again so i would be i'd be useless you wouldn't forget it if i told you it tell me we'll cut it out what is it

12:24James Buckley:why are you whispering they're not gonna

12:27Clair Buckley:they might kidnap me you should know who it is

12:31James Buckley:oh yeah that's right yeah yeah that is weird yeah but it's not weird enough where I wouldn't just wonder if you were being really weird that day

12:40Clair Buckley:I think you'd remember that

12:42James Buckley:maybe I would if I heard it yeah

12:43Clair Buckley:I think you'd then go oh alright then I'd go I can't talk James see you later

12:47James Buckley:good luck

12:50Clair Buckley:you'd just leave me you'd just go oh I get what's happening now oh well I'm lucky bye

13:00James Buckley:Anyway, what are we talking about?

13:01Clair Buckley:Let's have a little swipe and we'll be back with some more shit.

13:07Hey, Claire.

13:10Clair Buckley:You know I like to talk about the old movie tropes. Yes. Those little things that you see in movies. That was a little movie trope, sort of, what we were talking about. Yeah, yeah, getting kidnapped. A couple of weeks ago I spoke about it and we've had some more suggestions. Good. Pat's got a couple here. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So we've got a little story about this. It's a very quick story. It's not even really it. It's not an anecdote or anything like that. Pat says eating Chinese food from the small square boxes with chopsticks. Oh, I love that. You always see it in American brands.

13:42James Buckley:The white boxes, yeah.

13:44Clair Buckley:And we, one year, you got Harrison.

13:49James Buckley:Yeah, because he loves all that stuff.

13:51Clair Buckley:A big stack of those little Chinese. So if he makes like super noodles or something. Or a pot noodle or something. You can pour it in the little Chinese.

14:00James Buckley:But I did the classic Claire thing. Do you not remember?

14:03Clair Buckley:Oh, they were massive. No, they were tiny. Oh, they were, yeah. They were really tiny. Yeah.

14:09James Buckley:So they're still in the cupboard. Yeah. I've got about 80 of them.

14:14Clair Buckley:Here's one carrying, from Pat again, Pat's hit us with a few here, carrying groceries into the house in large brown paper bags.

14:24James Buckley:Pat just wants to stay in America.

14:26Clair Buckley:With carrot tops sticking out of the bag.

14:29James Buckley:Yeah, and a baguette.

14:30Clair Buckley:Yeah.

14:30James Buckley:Why have we not gone down the paper bag route in this country? Some shops do do it. Yeah. Some testers do it.

14:40Clair Buckley:It's the classic American thing. I've been in America. I've been asked, paper or plastic? Yeah. I go paper.

14:45James Buckley:Yeah, you got it. Love it. Yeah.

14:47Clair Buckley:Yeah. Leon has written in and says, I am no longer a smoker. And I can't say I've ever fired a machine gun. But if I was ever to have a cigarette or cigar again, I sure couldn't think of a worse time than having one whilst firing a machine gun.

15:06James Buckley:You'd look great.

15:08Clair Buckley:Yeah, it'd be good. Not cigar.

15:11James Buckley:Cigarette.

15:12Clair Buckley:No, it's got to be a cigar between your teeth. It's like Commando, isn't it?

15:16James Buckley:Well, I'm thinking more Scarface.

15:18Clair Buckley:It's like Predator.

15:20James Buckley:But then I was thinking more the cigarette. I'm thinking more John McClane with a gun yeah the white cigarette yeah but then I suppose Scarface with a cigar

15:30Clair Buckley:Aoife's here she says a trope I have always wanted to do is sliding across the bonnet of a car yeah

15:38James Buckley:yeah

15:39Clair Buckley:or to smash through a window I don't think you want to do that Aoife I did that I did that once you did classics yeah yeah yeah you don't want to do that fun but probably lethal for a clumsy fucker like me. Yeah, Aoife, do the sliding across the bonnet of a car. I saw something, because obviously that's Dukes of Hazzard, isn't it? Sliding across the bonnet of the car. And that was an accident, the way that even came around.

16:08James Buckley:Is that where it started?

16:09Clair Buckley:I believe so, because originally he wasn't supposed to do that.

16:14James Buckley:This is why America's better, though, because you've never seen that in the bill.

16:19Clair Buckley:It's true. Originally, he wasn't supposed to do that. He was supposed to run across the bonnet of the car and jump in and get into the passenger side. He jumped on the bonnet of the car. His foot come from underneath him and he carried on sliding and then jumped through the window into the car. Right. And they were like, that looks cool. We'll keep that in. however because he slipped and wasn't planning on doing that he actually slid over the little aerial on the bonnet and sliced like the back of his arm open or something you're gonna see his bum no he sliced the back of his arm open but up true professional yeah just carried on and that is the shot that got used even though he injured himself and then that became yeah might be bullshit i saw that off the internet.

17:11James Buckley:Fine. Yeah, sliding across the bonnet is a good one. I think I'm too little to do that. I don't think I could make it.

17:17Clair Buckley:A couple of other tropes for you, Claire.

17:19James Buckley:Go on.

17:21Clair Buckley:It's classic. This is horror one for you. A person, usually the husband, the no-nonsense husband, who doesn't believe the house is haunted until it's too late. That wouldn't be me.

17:33James Buckley:That would be you. That is you.

17:35Clair Buckley:Listen, I don't believe in that sort of stuff and I say this all the time.

17:38James Buckley:I tell you what, the time stuff's flying about. See?

17:42Clair Buckley:It's not. It is. If I saw it, I'd be like, right, come on, we're leaving.

17:46James Buckley:No, because you see stuff and you play it off.

17:49Clair Buckley:I'm like, yeah, it's the house, it's moving.

17:52James Buckley:It's the house settling.

17:53Clair Buckley:The house is settling.

17:54James Buckley:How often...

17:55Clair Buckley:Australia moves like five inches a year, the whole fucking country.

17:59James Buckley:How often are we sitting in the living room and the kids are with us or in the kitchen or in the playroom or whatever and we hear somebody walking about upstairs?

18:11Clair Buckley:It's just one of those things.

18:13James Buckley:It's just expanding wood. Opening and shutting doors.

18:17Clair Buckley:Oh, it's the windows open in the bathroom or something. Right, that's what I'm saying.

18:21James Buckley:That's you though, but we hear that constantly. We do have a ghost.

18:26Clair Buckley:We don't. No one has a ghost, Claire. no such thing person who says let's split up never split up never

18:36James Buckley:and what should you never say

18:37Clair Buckley:I'll be right back correct the person who does the exact opposite of what you should do yeah you don't have a film unless they do that though do you?

18:48James Buckley:I know you can't like every horror film would be like let's just stay here lock the door and phone the police no well it's going to be really boring to watch isn't it you've got to go out and explore

18:57Clair Buckley:that's your problem with the Harry Potter films, isn't it?

19:00James Buckley:Oh, I fucking hate the Harry Potter films, man. You are just like,

19:03Clair Buckley:why doesn't he just go to a teacher? Why isn't he going... There's a bloke after him that wants to kill him and for some reason the teachers are also... Like, it's always like...

19:14James Buckley:My thing is just...

19:15Clair Buckley:We'll have to sort this out by ourselves. No, go to an adult.

19:18James Buckley:I'm like, you're 12? Stop running about the schools if you're fucking on the place.

19:22Clair Buckley:I remember back in the 90s... I remember back in the 90s what they told me was find a policeman yeah it was actually like find a policeman yeah yeah or a mum yeah find a mum right yeah um but you don't have a film if they do that i know but that does annoy me about

19:42James Buckley:harry potter stuff i'm like your kids go to your class and go to fucking bed yeah disrupting the whole thing he's such a badly behaved little boy yeah he thinks he can do whatever he wants

19:55Clair Buckley:When we were watching it before and you were going, arrogant, he's just arrogant. He is.

19:58James Buckley:I hate him.

19:59Clair Buckley:He thinks the rules don't apply to him because he's so special.

20:02James Buckley:Yeah. You didn't even know that until two minutes ago.

20:05Clair Buckley:Yeah, you were just some dickhead living under some stairs. Yeah. And now you've found out that you're a fucking prodigy child. Yeah. And you act all humble and stuff, but you don't give a fuck. No, he doesn't. You do whatever you want.

20:17James Buckley:Yeah. Yeah. That's why, I mean, no spoilers if you've never fucking seen Harry Potter. I mean I don't know what to tell you but the whole time I was like Snape should just fucking off him when it turns out

20:31Clair Buckley:you can't kill him

20:33James Buckley:you can't kill Harry Potter he should have been excluded

20:36Clair Buckley:he should have been in isolation the problem is like especially for the first few films it is like boo Snape boo but he is like go to bed we can't like I'm a teacher and you're breaking the rules so I have to tell you off

20:57James Buckley:it's the same with Lion King everybody's like oh Scar's so bad I know Simba was being a right little knob oh I just can't wait to be king and you're going to do what I tell you Scar's like well I've been fucking here the whole time

21:10Clair Buckley:but that's the lesson

21:11James Buckley:the brother's deed I should be next

21:12Clair Buckley:yeah but he's not a good

21:15James Buckley:yeah because he's been pummeled all his life he's always been second best

21:20Clair Buckley:Yeah, but he is just anyway, isn't he?

21:23James Buckley:I don't know. I was team scar.

21:24Clair Buckley:He's an evil little dickhead.

21:26James Buckley:I don't know. Simba was really annoying. And then when he becomes a teenager.

21:30Clair Buckley:Yeah.

21:30James Buckley:And Timon and Pumbaa try and go and tell him you need to come back. And he doesn't even care. He's not interested. He didn't deserve to be king.

21:36Clair Buckley:No.

21:40Clair Buckley:No. He didn't, did he? No. Wanker. Yeah. Simba's a wanker in the end.

21:49James Buckley:he doesn't carry on what are we doing

21:51Clair Buckley:I'm going to have a quick swipe okay and then I've got some listener emails that I need to read this episode is brought to you by AutoTrader

22:02James Buckley:with the kids the hockey training the dog the chieftain games everything that we do we really need our car don't we

22:09Clair Buckley:yeah it's probably the most important thing that we own is our car I'm not a walker I won't walk you're not

22:15James Buckley:No, you're not.

22:16Clair Buckley:I won't walk or carry. So we have a machine on our driveway that does both of those things absolutely brilliantly. And I love it. The time has come for me, Claire. And it is sad, but I do have to get rid of the Mustang, the tangerine dream.

22:32James Buckley:Jamesy's beloved Mustang.

22:34Clair Buckley:I absolutely love that car. But just life needs something a bit more sensible. Practical. But if you're thinking about selling your car, it's probably time for Autotrader. If you fancy a change, then AutoTrader's free valuation tool can show you the value of your car in under 10 seconds. So you can crack on with the buying or the selling or just having a little browse, which is something I love doing on AutoTrader. You can decide what to do next.

23:00James Buckley:Get a free valuation on AutoTrader today.

23:05Clair Buckley:We're leaving today and entering a world of Mickey Mouse waving, princess meeting and greeting, Lightsaber clashing The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror dropping Banshee flying Space Mountain launching Galaxy rewinding Galaxy rewinding Fireworks igniting

23:26James Buckley:World of Other Worlds For whatever you love Infinite worlds await at the most magical place on earth

23:33Clair Buckley:Walt Disney World Resort Are you ready for some classic Buckleys? Oh, hear that? yeah what was that me

23:41James Buckley:that's the sound of a 32 year old's knee

23:46Clair Buckley:you ready for some classic Buckley's Club sure what's that we've had some listener emails or leesner emails yeah and the the Easter holidays are coming up right right so this is the time of year where people start thinking they might even start going on holiday now that you know the planet's warming up a bit and stuff and a couple of Who talks like that? I don't know. We've had a couple of emails. This is what would happen if I got taken hostage. You'd be going, who the fuck talks like that? Exactly. Why are you talking so fucking weird?

24:21James Buckley:That's what I mean. I would never know if you're trying to be weird or not, because you're always weird.

24:26Clair Buckley:And I'd try and, like, do some sort of...

24:28James Buckley:The planet's heating up, Claire.

24:29Clair Buckley:Yeah. Like, do you know what?

24:32James Buckley:That's something you would say.

24:34Clair Buckley:It's spring. The planet warms up a bit, doesn't it? Okay. Depending on what side of the, not side, whether you're top or bottom. Anyway.

24:43James Buckley:One is four.

24:44Clair Buckley:I've got a message from Carl. I was recently on a four-hour flight returning home from Greece on a work trip. I specifically paid for a window seat as this is the only seat that I can get some sleep. And I needed the rest. As I made my way down the aisle to my row, I could see two young girls in their 20s. one was in my seat the other one in the middle leaving the aisle seat free I politely said excuse me I think you're in my seat

25:12James Buckley:why do we always say I think when you know well

25:17Clair Buckley:it's to give them it's to give them some wiggle room there to go oh I'm sorry I didn't realise

25:23James Buckley:right but you don't think she's in your seat you know she's in your seat

25:27Clair Buckley:I know but it's it's to it's like I say it's less aggressive okay it's just more polite I think you're in my seat. To which she replied, Oh, it doesn't matter. You can sit there. And pointed to the aisle seat. I again politely explained that I had paid and booked the window seat as I needed to get some sleep. She wasn't having any of it. Oh, don't be one of them. I'm already here now. Just sit there.

25:57Clair Buckley:Don't you be one of them. Yeah. You're being the one of them. Yeah. Typical, annoying, fucking stupid passenger.

26:05James Buckley:Yeah.

26:07Clair Buckley:I was fuming but stood my ground and the cabin steward eventually told her she needed to move, which she did after giving me a look like I'd just walked into her house on Christmas Day and pissed on her kids. After a very awkward and silent 45 minutes, the cabin steward came around with the drinks trolley. The girl in question ordered a coffee, tried to pay on her card, which was declined.

26:29James Buckley:Yes.

26:30Clair Buckley:I was secretly laughing inside at her embarrassment brilliant but decided to be the bigger person oh no and just said I'll get that for you and pay for a coffee no too much that's what I would do

26:40James Buckley:you would have done that and I'd have been furious that's what I would have done

26:43Clair Buckley:I would have gone don't you worry I'll do that for you because we're all here together we're all part of a fucking society yeah alright you would have done that we're all just trying to get on

26:51James Buckley:and I'd have flicked the cup on her face

26:54Clair Buckley:the look on her face was worth it and she thanked me and I politely nodded then turned over to sleep and no more was said was I right for paying? no or should I have let her go coffee-less for the rest of the journey? no, you were right you were right and that's it that's how you win

27:13James Buckley:listen, that is killing the kindness

27:14Clair Buckley:that's how you win those situations

27:16James Buckley:that does make her look stupid I don't have that in me I don't

27:20Clair Buckley:well then you will always lose you will be bitter and lose Carl is and this is the most important thing in these situations these social situations there are winners and losers yeah

27:31James Buckley:but you already won you got your seat

27:33Clair Buckley:after having to be that guy that has to get a steward and stuff yeah that's fine you've put me all through this yeah but what I did do was after all the faff of trying to get you the move I then also brought you a coffee

27:45James Buckley:I get that

27:46Clair Buckley:so go fuck yourself yes

27:47James Buckley:I do get that but and I would love to do that however when that happened if that was me if I was Carl right when that happened and then half an hour later our card got declined I would have just enjoyed that moment so much that that would have been that would have been the end for me that I would have been like yes brilliant yeah

28:12Clair Buckley:but you you and you're well within your right yeah and obviously it's a brilliant moment for Carl oh it's brilliant fucking perfect yeah it's poetic justice but you've missed the opportunity to just rub a bit more.

28:28James Buckley:I get it, but it's at my expense.

28:30Clair Buckley:It's not at your expense. What, a fiver for a cup of coffee or something?

28:34James Buckley:Aye, I know, exactly. On a plane. They got you.

28:37Clair Buckley:It's worth it. To be able to go... See?

28:46Clair Buckley:See?

28:47James Buckley:I know you would have. I know you would have. What's wrong with your pals? You don't get a fucking puss. I know I get it I don't think I could have brought myself to death I'm just being honest I would have just

28:58Clair Buckley:no you wouldn't have

28:59James Buckley:alright

28:59Clair Buckley:I know you wouldn't have

29:00James Buckley:I might have done

29:02Clair Buckley:it's about like I say and don't get me wrong don't want to buy her a coffee

29:06James Buckley:no I know I get it

29:07Clair Buckley:don't want to buy her a coffee I know it's about winning

29:10James Buckley:yeah yeah

29:13Clair Buckley:it's about winning the situation I get it and that is it that is it checkmate if it weren't for me you wouldn't have had a coffee yeah I've still fucking got your coffee

29:23James Buckley:I'm here, it's alright she told him it's alright it's alright, I'm already here, you can sit there

29:29Clair Buckley:not the point love here's another message from Thomas who was recently on a work trip to India with a colleague we were both very I'd love to go to India I think you need to know where you're going

29:45James Buckley:is the problem but I think we would really like it I would like to go as well

29:50Clair Buckley:I'd like to see... And I get that some people would be like... And I think you're one of these people. Whereas I could see a picture of it.

30:00James Buckley:Yeah, well, I'm not going to say to you.

30:01Clair Buckley:I would like to see the Taj Mahal.

30:02James Buckley:No, I'm not going to say to you. Come to us. Tommy. Tommy went to India. What's he doing? Tommy says,

30:08Clair Buckley:We were both very excited as the distance warranted business class. Nice. Nice. We boarded the plane and our seats were diagonally from each other in a group of four seats. Oh. The other two were occupied by a husband and wife. My colleague asked if the husband would like to swap seats so he could sit with his wife and so that we could sit together too. Win-win, right? No. Mind your own business. Do you know what I mean?

30:34James Buckley:I know what you mean.

30:35Clair Buckley:The husband's then like... Oh, I was thinking of just popping my headphones in and re-watching The Sopranos or something on my iPad there, but I suppose... I was there next to you.

30:50Clair Buckley:Do you want a drink?

30:51James Buckley:She's going to want to talk to me.

30:53Clair Buckley:She's going to want to fucking talk about stuff. The swap occurred, but after takeoff, the seat that my colleague moved into turned out to be 40.

31:04James Buckley:This is it, man. Don't fuck with fate.

31:07Clair Buckley:And the fancy touchscreen thing wouldn't turn on on a 10-hour flight. See, that's why I'd take my iPad with me. I don't rely on in-flight entertainment because they do break. I do. And if you, yeah, you do. I'm like, where's...

31:22James Buckley:I don't take anything.

31:23Clair Buckley:Where's the headphones? Where's the iPad? Where's the spare battery to charge the iPad once it runs out of... Yeah, I don't care. Because also it's like, oh, there is USB and plugs and stuff. Sometimes they aren't working. Yeah. You've got to be self-sufficient. Yeah. I'm a professional at this shit.

31:39James Buckley:But that's because you, like, I can take a book. You need constant, like, cartoons playing.

31:46Clair Buckley:I need my game boy with me.

31:49James Buckley:Yeah.

31:49Clair Buckley:Yeah. Yeah. He thought about asking them to move back. No, you can't. You can't do that.

31:56James Buckley:No, no.

31:57Clair Buckley:And even the flight attendant said they would back him up. What's worse, the husband and wife spent the next seven hours asleep. So he just sat there bored. Oh, no. What would you do? Would it be out of order for Thomas' mate to ask for his seat back?

32:11James Buckley:Yeah. You can't do that.

32:12Clair Buckley:You can't go back. You've already asked them. Never go back. You can't ask them. I feel like that's a saying of mine. I say that to myself all the time. Never go back.

32:21James Buckley:What do you mean? In what context are you saying this to yourself?

32:26Clair Buckley:Sometimes if I'm in traffic and I'm like, right, I'm going to fucking make a manoeuvre here. And then I end up in more traffic. And then I'm like, should I go? Never go back.

32:37James Buckley:No. Once you've made the mistake, you've got to stick with it. Yeah. It's the lane change. It's a penance.

32:43Clair Buckley:It's a sort of, you know.

32:45James Buckley:The lane change in traffic. Any lane I go into, the other one fucking moves.

32:49Clair Buckley:It's quite fitting for Easter. You know, sort of self... What do you call it? What do you call it? I don't know. Go on, Gandhi.

33:03James Buckley:What the fuck are you trying to make? No, but just sort of punishment.

33:07Clair Buckley:It's meant to be soul cleansing.

33:08James Buckley:Right.

33:09Clair Buckley:And that's what I do. I do little things like that during my day. if I've made a bad decision I go through with it you know what that's like

33:17James Buckley:yeah how long do you need to 15 years is that enough that's what's in the contract I've really fucked myself enough never go back

33:29Clair Buckley:so Claire we're trying to inject a new little thing into the podcast

33:34James Buckley:yeah I've heard a whisper in here what's happening

33:36Clair Buckley:very much like your I wouldn't have got her a coffee. Yeah. I would have enjoyed. Yeah. I suppose you call it tough love.

33:49James Buckley:Sure, yeah, yeah. If somebody's screwed me, I'll bask in their misery for sure. I call it tough hate. That's not true because you're a person who needs tough love. I don't. You do need tough love.

34:06Clair Buckley:I struggle with tough love.

34:07James Buckley:No, you need tough love. because you love to wallow.

34:10Clair Buckley:I need more carrot than stick.

34:12James Buckley:No, you don't. Sometimes. I need an arm around the shoulder

34:14Clair Buckley:and just sort of like... Sometimes. I just need someone to go, it's all right, you're doing your best.

34:19James Buckley:And I do do that for you. No, you don't.

34:21Clair Buckley:All you do is tell me all the fucking stuff that I do wrong all the time.

34:24James Buckley:No, that's not true at all. Sometimes I'll say to you, listen, it's fine, don't worry about it, everything will be all right. And then two days...

34:30Clair Buckley:Yeah, and you say it in that tone as well. Listen, it's fine, don't worry about it, we'll sort it later. And I go, I still don't feel good about it.

34:36James Buckley:And then two days later, Are you still moping about? And then I have to be like, right, fucking buck up your ideas. Anyway. Anyway, what am I doing? This is Claire's attitude. What do you want from me?

34:44Clair Buckley:So we thought that maybe you've got a problem. Something going on in your life. An annoying colleague. Someone that you work with that's annoying. Someone that you live with that's irritating you. Yeah. That sort of thing. Well, Claire Buckley is here to help. Oh, no. It doesn't have to be your own problems. maybe you have a mate who needs a bit of sense slapped into them fair words consider it done if you need that bit of tough love if you need a bit of no nonsense

35:16James Buckley:listen yeah because I'm still a mum and I still you know oh you're lovely to the kids

35:22Clair Buckley:they can do whatever the fuck they want they never do anything wrong

35:27James Buckley:that's not true they have to really push you

35:30Clair Buckley:before you go right enough of that Whereas I'm like just trying to sort of...

35:36James Buckley:There's certain people who get the nice side of me and there's certain people who don't. I use too much soy sauce.

35:44Clair Buckley:And that's a comment. That's a fucking...

35:46James Buckley:And I've told you why I said that because you're always talking about how thirsty you are and I said that's full of salt and you're standing there a wee bowl of ice and you're gone and gone and gone. I said that's enough, James. I'm looking after you. Salt's bad for you. Anyway.

36:01Clair Buckley:I'm not sure it is actually.

36:02James Buckley:I know what kind of person needs what, I think. I think we've got a good judge character about that.

36:08Clair Buckley:Send us your dilemmas to thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. Just, it won't make you feel better.

36:21James Buckley:It might.

36:22Clair Buckley:The advice won't make you feel better.

36:24James Buckley:It will.

36:26Clair Buckley:Right, quickly, Claire. Are you ready with the jingle? Because it is time for some Buckley's Law.

36:36Clair Buckley:do you know what I mean

36:39James Buckley:I was a big gap for something you left me hanging there

36:41Clair Buckley:like a fucking tit in the breeze waiting for your I even said are you ready with the jingle you gave me a thumbs up Christ this is a segment where we discuss all the new laws that we will pass when we will be in power I'm going to be honest I do think it's going to come round to us at some point do you think?

37:04James Buckley:I think we're running out of people to run this country

37:09Clair Buckley:everyone gets about a couple of months and then it's like no, move on right, this is from Met who? Met

37:16James Buckley:Met?

37:17Clair Buckley:yeah is that short for? Metting? I had a mate at school called Metting

37:21James Buckley:Matthew?

37:22Clair Buckley:no, Metting howdy to you both love the podcast here's a new law for you to stick in It needs to be illegal for takeaways to send out your food delivery

37:36James Buckley:Oh my god

37:38Clair Buckley:If we get into this, this is going to make me sound mean

37:41James Buckley:I cannot believe this has come up See, our listeners really are just us They really are us

37:49Clair Buckley:It needs to be illegal for takeaways to send out your food delivery With your cold drinks in the same bag as the food Takeaways always make you thirsty so you can't wait to have a big long gulp from your can and wallop, it's warmer than the naan bread you ordered. No excuses for this and they're absolutely wankers for doing it. Make it stop. Met, absolutely right. Now listen, I would tell you this. You are, you're not, I'm a professional, all right? I have stopped, say I get a little McDonald's delivery. I don't get a Big Mac meal. I get the Big Mac I get the fries on their own I don't order the meal which I think also makes it a bit more expensive possibly however I don't want an ice cold Coke next to my chips I don't like the also like the the drink doesn't warm up it just you're just packing ice with your nice lovely warm food

38:48James Buckley:yeah and it's never that warm to begin with

38:51Clair Buckley:so don't order drinks with your takeaways don't do it until we get into power and we say, no, there needs to be a separate situation going on here. You cannot mix the drinks with the food.

39:04James Buckley:Yeah. So there's been a handful of times where you've been out or whatever and the kids know that if I order food with them, if we get a little takeaway, they're allowed to get a milkshake or whatever because I don't really care. It's annoying. Sure, it's annoying. but it is what it is. You will not allow those children to get drinks when your food order is in the bag.

39:32Clair Buckley:I go, I'm ordering something from here today, guys. It'll be like a Sunday afternoon or something. You're like, oh, I'm ordering one of these. Does anyone fancy anything? And then it's happened like two times in the last two weeks.

39:44James Buckley:Very recently, Jude's asked.

39:45Clair Buckley:Jude's gone, oh, I don't really fancy anything to eat. Could you just get me a vanilla milkshake? Yeah. Okay, no, sorry, boy.

39:51James Buckley:And he doesn't do it.

39:52Clair Buckley:Sorry, mate. Don't do drinks. Don't do drinks with the food.

39:55James Buckley:But they go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

39:57Clair Buckley:Jude started going, oh, yeah, you don't do drinks with your food, do you? Yeah, sorry, Dad, yeah. I go, do you want any food? Yeah. I'll get you as much food as you like. You can eat. And also, there's a tap with drink.

40:10James Buckley:Yeah.

40:11Clair Buckley:Don't really need to, unless it's beer, you don't need to really go out for your fluids.

40:17James Buckley:No. Yeah. Yeah, you, this is an actual.

40:20Clair Buckley:And also I'm thinking of making my own beer soon as well. I'll talk to you about that later. Yeah. I need space in the garage. I've looked into it.

40:30James Buckley:It's all your shit in the garage anyway.

40:33Clair Buckley:I know.

40:34James Buckley:Okay.

40:35Clair Buckley:It's all the other stuff that I half did. Yeah. I started and didn't carry on with.

40:39James Buckley:Well, Matt, you could not have hit the nail on the head. And it's literally been the past couple of weeks. Jude's asked for a milkshake.

40:49Clair Buckley:So, Matt, I'm with you. I know exactly what you're talking about. In the meantime, avoid drinks with your meals. Or avoid ordering drinks with your meals. Or have a drink with your meal, sure.

41:05But vote for Buckley.

41:08Clair Buckley:That's all I'm going to say. We'll push this through.

41:12James Buckley:When we order an Indian takeaway, I always put a note in to say pack the poppadoms separately.

41:21Clair Buckley:Yep.

41:21James Buckley:Because if they put the poppadoms in the bag beside all the warm food, they go all floppy.

41:26Clair Buckley:They carry on baking.

41:30Clair Buckley:And that you can fold them over. Yeah, they're gross.

41:34James Buckley:So I always say put the poppadoms in a separate bag, please. Keep them fresh and crispy. So that they're crispy. Because I love a poppadom.

41:41Clair Buckley:There's always a note with that. Yeah. Mac is here. Mac says all I got was this lousy t-shirt what are we talking about Mac says dear president and first lady Buckley

41:52James Buckley:hey whoa whoa hang on

41:53Clair Buckley:he says I'll let you two decide which title applies to whom

42:00Clair Buckley:nice and quick banned t-shirts with crap slogans on them much love bye bye Mac

42:09James Buckley:what does he mean slogans because if you've got a banned t-shirt

42:13Clair Buckley:It's like I'm with stupid

42:16James Buckley:Oh bad Oh bad Sorry I thought you said band

42:21Clair Buckley:No it's because I've got My nose is all blocked

42:24James Buckley:Yeah okay

42:26Clair Buckley:Thanks for the sympathy

42:27James Buckley:Band t-shirts with crap slogans Yeah I'm up for that

42:30Clair Buckley:You like a t-shirt with a crap slogan I love a slogan t-shirt I'm always taking the piss out of you I love a slogan t-shirt A Terry Wogan I love it What's some of the ones that you've had? Oh Here's one that springs to mind. Go on. And whenever you're wearing that T-shirt, I just go up to you and go, live wild.

42:51James Buckley:What does it say? Live wild?

42:52Clair Buckley:It says live wild on your T-shirt.

42:54James Buckley:Yeah, but it's probably just got like a big picture of like an eagle or something on it.

42:57Clair Buckley:Yeah, stupid.

42:58James Buckley:I like it.

42:59Clair Buckley:Live wild. How old have you been living these recently, Claire?

43:06James Buckley:One of the ones that comes into my mind is we got into a big argument on the podcast about, I can't remember what it was, and I was going, anyway, I can't be bothered. I'm not arguing like I can't. I'm not getting angry about it. And I was wearing a T-shirt that said, rage consumes me.

43:24Clair Buckley:Yeah.

43:25James Buckley:And I didn't realise in all the comments were that.

43:27Clair Buckley:That's the kind of shit that Mac's talking about.

43:29James Buckley:No, I love that. I love a little insight into how somebody feels.

43:35Clair Buckley:It's not how they feel, though. It is. It's a sort of projection. It's like you with Live Wild, as if you're some kind of fucking free spirit.

43:45James Buckley:I didn't buy that because I live, I don't even think I've got a t-shirt that says Live Wild. I don't know where you picked this up.

43:50Clair Buckley:What does it say on your jacket? Let me grab this, because I was taking a piss out of this.

43:54James Buckley:Right, but I don't, I didn't, I didn't even know the jacket said stuff. I just liked the camo jacket.

44:00Clair Buckley:This is full of it. This is full of stuff.

44:02James Buckley:Yeah, but it's a cool jacket though.

44:03Clair Buckley:So in the lining of the jacket, we've got and this is stuff this is stuff you would never ever say

44:14James Buckley:I like the camo jacket

44:18Clair Buckley:it says you are enough I'm enough love love love

44:23James Buckley:you are enough

44:24Clair Buckley:be beautiful love love love self love club be kind stay calm that's what it says on the back don't it it says be kind and then on the sleeve it says, doing my best. Just doing my best.

44:42James Buckley:I'm doing my fucking best.

44:44Clair Buckley:Wraithing team.

44:52Clair Buckley:This is what he's talking about.

44:54James Buckley:Yeah, but nobody reads that.

44:56Clair Buckley:Dream big. Brenda. And I've only just realised that. That's like the Honda sign or something.

45:02James Buckley:Yeah, but it's just a cool jacket. it looks you can't deny that that looks good I look good in that jacket it's a good jacket

45:10Clair Buckley:I know but it's it's a stupid shit on it

45:12James Buckley:oh sorry Mr fucking Fred Perry pretty green cannae fucking think for yourself

45:18Clair Buckley:don't even think for myself

45:19James Buckley:Liam Gallagher wears it so I'll wear it but that's everything hey I've never seen him to wear a jacket like that

45:28Clair Buckley:no

45:28James Buckley:I saw me baby yeah erm what are we saying

45:33Clair Buckley:are you saying no on the slogans then?

45:34James Buckley:No I love a slogan t-shirt, love it

45:36Clair Buckley:Alright Mac, I think we've been overruled here

45:39James Buckley:Yeah because President said no and First Lady's opinion doesn't count

45:43Clair Buckley:We've got another one here, it's from Jack says Cine Madness Hello Buckleys, I would like to ban a whole host of cinema related no-nos First up talking during a film Obviously On more than one occasion I've had to passively, aggressively shush sorry i put too many lees in that i've had to passive aggressively shush as someone explains the entire plot of the film to their friend as it's playing um another notable film ruining experience i had happen during oppenheimer when the bomb finally goes off uh you wait almost the entire film and it's a huge moment and as it did someone in the audience shouted Yas Queen

46:34Wow

46:35Clair Buckley:Completely took me out of the film And flung me into a foul mood And while I'm here Let's ban crisps, sweet packets and cinemas too Fucking annoying No, that's where I'm wrong I knew that was going to come up That's part of the experience Your sweets, your popcorn, your hot dog

46:52James Buckley:It should be quiet It's the packets

46:56Clair Buckley:Try not to make too much noise

46:57James Buckley:But they don't, fuck don't care

46:59Clair Buckley:But also, the sound system should be so good.

47:01James Buckley:Yeah. Yeah. I had a really bad experience once in a cinema. I was sat next to a guy whose nose was whistling the whole fucking time. I think you've told me this story a couple of times. Honestly, I wanted to take a fucking elbow in the face. It was like...

47:14Clair Buckley:You're still angry about it, aren't you?

47:16James Buckley:I was like, just... Like, get it out! Like, the whole time. Was it me? No, it was the you one there. It was me and the two boys. Took them to see Spider-Man. Oh, the whole time. and I was, like, it took everything in me. Now, what can you say to a guy who's noses, I can't go, do you want, yeah,

47:35Clair Buckley:like, you can't say those words. I kept going. Because you do feel it, you do feel it, and you hear it. Like, I kept you looking at it.

47:41James Buckley:If I can hear it, he can fucking hear it.

47:43Clair Buckley:Which is why, when my, like, when that sort of thing happens to me, I will just sit, like, right next to you and just sort of.

47:50James Buckley:Yeah, I mean, you, I can tell, but what are you supposed to say? But I love the, um, I also got into it one time I came to watch your play when you were doing 222. There was a couple, the row behind, but a couple along. So I just had to, like the stage was here, I just had to do that. Oh, they were so drunk and she was being so loud.

48:15Clair Buckley:That was the vibe though for 222.

48:17James Buckley:I know, but it was too much. I liked it.

48:20Clair Buckley:I loved the drunk crowd. No. And everyone jumping and shitting themselves and stuff.

48:24James Buckley:supposed to yeah they were talking all the way through it that's it that's the fine line though and there was like you know like you know like your people round about not people you know just everybody in the vicinity of the problem right we all knew it was a problem and i a couple of times

48:41Clair Buckley:i was like you know did the guys we should rise up yeah no i was looking at them and then i said

48:50James Buckley:can you be quiet and the woman who I can't remember her name she was with somebody else to come see the play and she came up to me afterwards she was like I'm so glad you said something I was sitting right next to them and they were so annoying blah blah blah and I was like yeah ridiculous she was like what you didn't hear was after you told her to shut up that she was calling you like a bitch and stuff I was like what I was like it's fucking well seen she was quiet when you were saying that.

49:20Clair Buckley:Yeah, couldn't hear that, could you? No. But you said, do you mind being quiet? And they were like, bitch. And then a little bit later, they fell off the balcony and she was hanging on and you were stood over her and she was going, help me please.

49:35James Buckley:Yeah, I scarred that bitch.

49:36Clair Buckley:And you just, you just enjoyed the moment. Mufasa'd her.

49:39James Buckley:Yeah.

49:39Clair Buckley:You didn't be the bigger man in that situation.

49:42James Buckley:I put my hands on her and then I let her go and I watched her fall

49:47Clair Buckley:who's the bitch now

49:48James Buckley:yeah yeah that's exactly what I did

49:51Clair Buckley:right that's it for this week's episode of the Buckleys thank you very much for listening remember you can get in touch for your stories and questions by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok and don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use and if you're feeling extra generous why not go ahead and leave us a review all that is left is for Claire to say

50:09James Buckley:see you next

50:10Clair Buckley:racing team

50:12James Buckley:listen I tell you what I'm going to bring in all your shit, please. Next week. Look at you. See you next Thursday. See you next Thursday. Go to Chase, Chase does!