Fake Scottish Accent

0:00Can you see this microphone at all? No. You can't, can you?

0:03Clair Buckley:That's an insane choice. I know! I don't know why I did it. Went to a party last night. All they played was George Michael music. I'm never going to dance again.

0:17Got it. That took me a second.

0:20Clair Buckley:He hits the air con switch. Instant weaponised fish fog. That's petty revenge. All the bloke did was clock off early on a Friday.

0:33you okay

0:34Clair Buckley:you ready for this podcast yeah you sure yeah you sure you're ready yeah I'm ready is that what you're wearing orange couch orange set decided to wear an orange tracksuit I didn't think about it I'm sorry clearly I look great though you do in any other setting you'd look brilliant Adidas Originals love it absolutely love it yeah I didn't think about the colourway so for MD watching

1:08Clair Buckley:you can apologise who cares get out of it no you're allowed to apologise no don't fucking watch then let's kick this off are we doing a podcast yeah come on hello and welcome to the Barclays the podcast where we sit down have a chat chit we have a chit and we moan about and invite you into our lives is that what it says no we have a chat and moan a bit and invite you into our lives before we get into it I need to say this you can email us whenever you want our email is I don't know why I went weird there what I'm bored of this intro I've got to do something to amuse myself you do it okay hello welcome to the Buckleys the podcast where we sit down have a chat moan a bit and invite you into our lives before we get into it we just wanted to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us and you can email them to thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or messages on the Buckleys pod on Instagram and TikTok.

2:06And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app you use. And if you enjoy the show, go ahead and leave us a review.

2:15Clair Buckley:Yes. Easy. We've got some five-star reviews. Anthony says, dog shit as usual. Five stars. Jason says, you two are like a kick in the balls. Never want it. but when it happens, I strangely enjoy the pain. Five stars. Daniel says, moaning constantly, ill all the time. We're in 2026, not the 90s. Five stars. Speaking of being ill all the time, one of our listeners said this. Yeah, I saw this. I think the podcast should be sponsored by ibuprofen. James is basically a textbook case of someone who's sick 80 % of the year. If there were a podcast award for most sick presenter with a big biohazard symbol on top, James would win it hands down.

2:58Clair Buckley:That actually wasn't the thing that I thought that we were going to read that. That was Johnny. Good one, Johnny. Johnny's fair enough. No, there was someone else saying that I was after... What are they saying about you? Yeah, no, listen. Everything, whenever I get slagged off in the comments, I do, you do have to go. Fair enough. Yes, okay. Fine. Do they slag me off in the comments? I don't read them. Yeah, there's one, there's a few for you there's a few that come up a lot what are they saying? she puts on that accent oh but they say things like I'm from Ayrshire Ayrshire or whatever and they're like and she's putting that on you're toning it down I do tone it down yeah this is me speaking very politely when you do go up to Scotland I'm gone I'm like when's she with your family and everything I go oh yeah and you're probably People all sitting there going, look at this fucking c***.

3:54Clair Buckley:Look at him sitting there. What a wanker. What a dickhead he is. And I go, oh yeah, oh cheers. People for Ayrshire are not saying that. Whoever said that isn't for Ayrshire or not. There's been a couple of people saying that. Really? Yeah. I don't even think. I listen to like. That would annoy me. That would have really fucking irritated me. Oh, it doesn't fucking annoy me. What annoy. They should be annoyed that they've took the time out of their day to comment. But also, as if we have, like, as if we can be bothered with the, clearly. with the effort I'd have to do this every week no but just sort of do you know like we don't these these these podcasts are shit right do you know what I mean absolutely and it's because of us we don't put any work into them and we don't you know but but on the other hand the producers taping furiously you're also they put loads of work listen we've got a great team yeah we me and you it comes down to me and you these podcasts would be much better if me and you weren't here probably yeah yeah if they'd got somebody else in yeah if they'd got someone better in this team where like two people who care and put in work would probably be great absolutely yeah but then but also to be like that you'd put in the effort to like ham up your Scottish accent or something as if no I'm definitely not after I was like they were like oh he's always fucking sick like da da da I've been ill like really quickly yeah and that's what I was moaning about yeah you got ill and then you got ill again I was ill one minute and then I was and then two days later I was basically sick again with the same thing and then I went to the doctors yeah after the second time of having this virus yeah and then I thought it was an infection or an well same thing isn't it oh is it infection and then it was and then they were like fucking like a drain on the NHS or whatever because I went to the doctor because because after I'd already been sick and was like, I'm not going to bother a doctor with this thing.

5:56Clair Buckley:I'll get over it. And it took me ages to get over it. I should have gone to the doctor. As soon as I got ill again, I was like, right, I'm definitely just going to go to the doctor this time. I then got caned for going to the doctor. Some people, right? Fuck them. Some people. Fuck them. My God, I just want to fucking get their head and just squish it between me and just watch their eyes pop and just fucking have all their goo all over me. and I just go yeah and I'm the aggressive one fucking hell I should have said aggressive one 99 % of people that comment on our no they're great there are people and again even when they slag us off I'm like yeah there are people I'm with you I agree I'm totally with you but some people are just fucking they jump into something and they've not they've not heard what's going on they've not listened why do they comment though who cares Why can you comment on something that you don't know?

6:52Clair Buckley:That's the problem. Who gives a fuck? I have loads of people. Like when I was fucking doing that press stuff. He's off, guys. He's off. I don't know if I can ring him in. He's gone. When I was doing that press stuff for the film and things, I'd spend a couple of weeks doing radio and breakfast and print newspapers and stuff. That's the one. And they do. They go, anyway, yeah, good you've got. film coming out, what do you think about this? Just to sort of get some sort of headline. Some sort of juicy, you know, controversial, here's James' take on this quite serious political thing or something like that.

7:34Clair Buckley:And I go, I don't know much about it. So I'm not going to comment. And then you get caned for not knowing much about it. No, then he gets left out. Oh, right, right, right. Fine. What's your point? My point is, why Why are there so many people that when they don't know enough about the thing, they'll still go, let me tell you what I think about that. Yeah. I go, well. But those are the people that we don't go to the pub with. So fuck them. If I wouldn't have a drink with you, I'm no interested in you. But there's not, you know, I say there's so many people. There's not that many people. But there's, you know.

8:10No, there's not. There's not.

8:12Clair Buckley:Anyway. How are you, Claire? I'm all right. Well, I'm all right. I'm wearing an orange tracksuit and somebody's pissed me off so I'm actually I'm feeling a bit vulnerable right now yeah can you see this microphone at all no we can you can't it can you no that's an insane choice I know I don't know why I did it for everybody listening I'm wearing an orange tracksuit and I'm sitting in an orange cage really orange yeah really orange it's a good job I'm not a ginger can I I'd have disappeared is that allowed? what ginger? yeah yeah of course it is I'm Scottish yeah but I don't know I've got ginger family are you allowed to say the G word?

8:53yeah yeah yeah not sure

8:56Clair Buckley:not sure this day and age I've got ginger family I had a boyfriend that was ginger did yeah so you know can't get me on that I like them exactly I've got loads of ginger friends I do

9:11Clair Buckley:here's something I wanted to this will be a very quick discussion go on it's just something I was thinking about the other day. I'm drinking a bottle, by the way. I know you can't see it right now, but I am. Do you... Right, this might be because I'm... I'm not just like... This might be because I'm insane. Sorry, go on. And do you know, like, I am in my own world and it revolves around me and evolves. Absolutely. How many times do you think I've said to you, in our marriage. Oh, it's just your world, James. I just live in it. But I've always been like it. Yeah, I know you have. Even as a kid.

9:53Clair Buckley:No, I don't, yeah. I've heard the stories. I just want to know if this is just, if this is a normal thing that everyone could go, yeah, no, yeah, yeah. But I think I'm, I think I've set trends in my life. I know you do. And not since the in-betweeners, by the way. Can I tell you that you have not? You do think this about yourself. You think you come up with stuff first. You think you do stuff first. I'll be the first person. You just forget where you saw it, Faye. No, no, no. I'll be the first person to admit that obviously it's not the case. I've not set trends. But I'm just wondering, and people can get in the comments, let me know.

10:38You're opening them up to slide you off here.

10:40Clair Buckley:No, no, let me know what trend you are convinced that you've set. But when you really think about it, you're like, well, I probably didn't. Obviously, I didn't. But in my head, I'm like, well, I was the first one doing that. Yeah. You think that about a lot of stuff. I was watching you doing your trainers just then. Yeah. Now, when I was a kid, when I was in secondary school and stuff like that. Can I tell you something really quickly? Yeah, go on. I'm going to interrupt you here because you've already told me this, telling me that you brought this back. On the podcast? No. in the huss just me and you when you were a kid you tucked your laces in right yeah you couldn't see you couldn't you couldn't see the knots you couldn't have loops you couldn't have knots everything you'd even lace your shoes so the laces would go into the shoe yeah that's really uncool and then one day no one else was doing it and I was in secondary school I was like nah fuck this I'm like I can't really tie my shoe properly and and you always step on the wee hard bit at the end and side so I was just like I'm just going to start I'm just going to start doing my laces the traditional way.

11:41Clair Buckley:Right. Lacing them up, tying a bow. Yeah. Lo and behold, no one tucks their laces in anymore. I've actually... And I'm going back 2001. I've actually got a couple of pairs of shoes that I do. You know my Adidas shell toes? Yeah. I don't tie them up. Those laces are tucked in. Right. Well, that's not cool. You know, I decided that we're not doing those anymore. Well, I'm bringing it back. I'm going to bring it back. Another one when I was at school was all the boys had backpacks. Or bagpacks. Bagpacks. Bagpacks, right? And you never wore the backpack just two straps. Two shoulders, no. You either put one over diagonally.

12:26Oh, no, you didn't do that. Or you just wore on one shoulder.

12:28Clair Buckley:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, I was just like, I'm just going to fucking rock this the way you're supposed to do a backpack. You think you're so... And honestly, it blew people's minds. I was walking down the corridors in the school and people were going, people were like, whoa, who's that guy? Yeah. What's he doing? With your tied shoelaces in your two... I can tell you what you look like. I went this... Whoa, I just two-strap it, didn't I? Yeah. What do you do? Just over the shoulder. That's going to be bad for your back. I've just thought of something. Do you know what I've got a big problem with?

13:02Clair Buckley:But obviously I didn't bring those... No, no, no. Just before we move on. I don't... I wasn't moving on. It was in the same realm. But I want to hear. Are you finished? No, I'm sorry. But I do want to hear in the comments from people that are convinced that they set a trend. I knew someone, because you remember one year, Balmers and Magnus basically came out at the same time. And I had a mate that was like, they've brought those out because I've started drinking cider. And now, like, everyone's drinking cider. that's mental and he was like no one was drinking cider before no one was drinking cider and sure there was people that drank cider and cider's fucking centuries years old or whatever but he wasn't as like this commercial thing no it's just because he started drinking it and then he noticed everybody else was drinking it this is the problem you get people like this and you're one of them where you are in your own little fucking world yeah you really are and there are people like that oh I've never heard that name until I called Machiodac yeah what trends did you What's fucking children calling it?

14:08You just noticed it now, you fucking silly.

14:10Clair Buckley:What trends have you set? Let me know in the comments. I want to know. What was you going to say? People who wear backpacks. First of all, I've got a problem with backpacks. I love a backpack. Where are you going? I don't know. I just don't like. I take a backpack with me into London. I know. But what do you need in that backpack? Well, I've stopped bringing it now. Exactly. But it was mainly. And why? What are you going to do? why why because I just think they're a bit much who needs a backpack I needed it I've stopped doing it now but I needed a backpack for the train journey I can swallow the backpack because I carried my little my Steam Deck my Game Boy I can swallow that but the backpack with the the clip in the front hmm come on like a rambler like you're fucking going up the highlands yeah that's another thing as well what Americans do I saw a woman walking up the street I was taking Jude to hockey walking up the street a busy street not on a mountain she was walking past a John fucking Lewis and she had her backpack on with a clip like North Face or something like that and I was like where have you gone?

15:19Clair Buckley:do Everest or something yeah no it's a bit much it annoyed me you don't need that you don't need the big well we don't know we don't know what she was doing but also well she wasn't fucking climbing in here and outside John Lewis here's something that I've realised has got on my nerves recently spark alright here's something that I've realised has got on my nerves recently is um Americans yeah Americans started this just yeah no Americans have started this and it's it's crept into Britain I think now where season yeah you know I hate that you hate that no it's a new one if anybody says to James oh did you watch season 2 he's like you mean second series say say we go for a long walk say we go for a nice long walk say we go for a walk up Loudon Hill which we have done it's a walk right you're no longer in your car you're going for a walk I know what you've got to say and I've got really bad news for you we did this hike we did it when we did it we accidentally did it we stumbled on it look by the way keep this in right because this is the whole podcast where James moans about the same stuff over and over again but he doesn't remember that he's moaned about it also and also let me finish this sentence because because I've got a point because this is my life yeah alright every fucking night we sit down and we'll have dinner and he goes do you know what Claire and he goes on this big rambling thing and it takes him so long to get to his point and I'm like you told me this last week right I feel like that hike thing is a new thing to me though did I?

17:07Clair Buckley:not only do I not remember bringing it up in the podcast well we did I also feel like I've only just over the last couple of days going well that's stupid why do they keep calling me that? you're a very special kind of person who forgets stuff instantly no no no I've got early onset dementia and you won't be laughing then you'll be I will be if you forget where you stay you'll be feeling very very bad forget who you're married to Listen, we've got some stuff to talk about on this podcast. It might not seem like it right now. But we definitely do. So let's have a quick swipe and then... Jesus Christ, I've just seen the most mental picture.

17:45Clair Buckley:We'll get to that in a second. Stay tuned. Have a swipe. Claire, we have got to May. Summer is coming. And we can now move from inside the pub outside the pub garden. Is there anything better? No, is the answer to that question. Did you... Did you see any May Day celebrations, Claire? No. Ever done a bit of dancing around the Maypole? No. You have? A bit of Morris dancing? Is that what that is? Well, sort of, a bit. The May Day festivities are weird, but there are weirder festivals around the world. would you like to hear some weird traditions around the world? The first one's really weird, and the picture that goes with it is brilliant.

18:37In Castrillo de Mercia,

18:43Clair Buckley:however you pronounce that, in Spain. There's an English man on holiday. They have... Por favor, I'm trying to get to Castrillo de Mercia. To dos beers, por favor. They have a baby jumping festival. What? During the festival, red and yellow masked devils run through the streets, hurling insults at villagers and whipping them with a horse tail attached to a stick. Babies born during the previous year are laid on mattresses in the street while the costumed men leap over them. Good Lord. oh not for me absolutely not a baptism of sorts it is believed that the devil absorbs the sins of the babies and affords them protection from disease and misfortune wow so superstition but fun one you know i like serial killers and stuff um well because it just said believe that the devil absorbs the sins of the babies.

19:48Clair Buckley:Yeah. There's the whole conversation about... That's a baby sin, man. Huh? That is a baby sin. Well, that's what I mean. So it's like nature versus nurture. Mm. Like, are people born evil or is it how they've been brought up? Yes. Do you think? Yeah, you're not born evil. I don't know. No, you're not born evil. You're not born a certain way. that it's not you don't what if two serial killers had a baby would that baby be evil depends how it was brought up no I don't think so no there's no there's no scientific proof if we adopted a serial killer's baby yeah and brought it up yeah the way we do yeah which is in a very loving home yeah and our boys are great sure do you think that that baby would end up the same as our kids yeah or would there be something in that child no I think no a little Damien that you just couldn't do anything for no do you not think no I don't know I think that's the question Ted Bundy was brought up very well no but it depends doesn't it well I mean it ended up that his sister was his mum but he didn't know that until he was older he didn't know that though there's always something there's always something where they haven't had that great a childhood and so that's what feeds into what goes on do you think they're all a blank slate babies I Well, I do agree with that.

21:13I think that...

21:13Clair Buckley:They're all pure and honest. But you never know. And open. They don't lie. And they don't know what lying or stealing is or anything like that. But you don't know if that... You can't scientifically prove if that stuff is inherited. I don't know if you could ever prove that, could you? It's learned. Yeah, you can. You absolutely can. Canada's got a weird festival tradition thing. It takes place at the Takini Hot Springs. and it's the legendary Yukon hair freezing contest where the temperatures drop and the steam rises from the hot pools. So your head would be outside, your body would be nice and warm and you can see a picture there, Claire.

21:56Oh, God.

21:57Clair Buckley:Your hair just sort of all freezes all mental. That'd be fun. It's like Jack Frost. Yeah. There's the Naki Sumo Crying Baby Festival in Japan. In Naki, sumo wrestlers compete to make babies cry, following the Japanese belief that crying babies scare away demons and make them grow up faster. Jesus. Aww. That's a shame, isn't it? You're a little guy. You've got the Battle of the Oranges in Italy. Right. The Battle of the Oranges is a chaotic annual food fight held in Iveria, Italy, during carnival. and thousands of participants in nine teams on foot throw oranges at carts representing tyrants guards commemorating a medieval uprising there was also um in italy before it was all unified unified most of italy's um history is loads of states it wasn't until i think the 20th century the early 1900s maybe that they were that italy was even a country but there was I don't know too much about it but there were these two rival towns that were always at war with each other that kept nicking each other's well bucket or something the water?

23:16Clair Buckley:yeah the bucket for the well for the town it became a thing where they just kept and I think that might have become a tradition or something like that this is a food chucking oranges at each other I've never been in a food fight, have you? Yeah. Have you? Yeah. When? I feel like I've been in a couple. Really? At school? There was definitely one at school. Never had a food fight? I remember a food fight at school. I also got into a... I got hit on the face once on the school bus with an apple. Somebody chucked an apple and I stood up at the wrong time and it whacked me in the face. Apart from that.

23:47Clair Buckley:I remember I got into a food fight in the back of a van. We who? Ferg. Wow. What kind of food? Chinese. Oh my God. We were quite drunk. Yeah, well... And it was his birthday. What the fuck are you talking about? Listen, we were really drunk. That sounds very erotic, by the way. It was very sexy. It was very, very sexy. It was his birthday. You were drunk. You were in the back of a van. It was his birthday. You started throwing food around. Yeah, it was me, Ferg, and... Did you kiss him? No, I didn't. God, no. It was me, Ferg, and another mate of ours. And me and Ferg had been to work that day on a building site.