How Did His Haircut Get Worse?

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1:52slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th, terms at aka.ms slash collegepc. Not loosened, not slipped slightly open, fully f***ing deployed. Judy, Judy boy. There are some really nice toilet papers out there. There's some bit of aloe in the sheets and stuff. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's all right, because I'm sick by the bill. Okay, listen, this is what I do This is how I operate

2:32Hey Claire Alright mate Is it making a noise? I might do that thing, do you remember when you were in primary school and like a teacher, like it'd be assembly everyone would sit down be the whole school, everyone's chatting and the teacher would just stand there Yeah Right, now that you're quiet, I'll get on with it, shall I? Yeah, I hated that. Like six-year-old kids. I know. Just tell them to shush. Yeah, just go right, be quiet. Right, guys? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you'd get some kids that would notice that the teacher was standing there. They'd go, teacher's standing. Yeah. Teacher's standing.

3:11We've all got to be quiet. We've all got to be quiet. Yeah. That was me. Hello and welcome to the Buckleys. this is the podcast where we sit down, have a chat and moan a bit and invite you into our lives. Before we get into it, we just want to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use. And if you do enjoy the show, why not go ahead and leave us a little review afterwards?

3:43Five stars, please. That'd be ever so nice. Ah, a couple of people have gone, can you not learn that intro? Do you not know that intro off by heart. Really? No, I don't. Never learnt it. I feel like you do kind of know it. Sort of, yeah. Oh, so what's the fucking problem? Yeah, a little bit. But if anyone's ever worked with me, you'll know I didn't. I don't learn the stuff. I don't learn the lines. That was a problem when I did Doctor Who. Was it? Yeah. Yeah. Because I'd not really watched Doctor Who. Right. But I was asked to be in an episode. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know. I don't really watch it.

4:20Yeah. See, I don't know if I should get involved in something. The experience maybe will be wasted on me a little bit. Right. Someone else maybe will appreciate it a bit more. My agent was like, it's sort of an honour to be asked to be in an episode. I was like, okay, I better do it then. And because I'd been asked to be in it, I thought they were like, oh, yeah, get Buckley in. He's quite funny. We'll get him in. He can do his Buckley stuff. Right. So I looked at the script and I was like, oh, God, there's a lot of words in it. And it's all very like being Doctor Who, who you're not allowed to call Doctor Who, who I did call Doctor Who, and they told me not to say that.

5:00You've got to just say Doctor. There was one point where I went, quit getting Doctor Who. And they were like, don't say that. But you have to, it's like monologues of lines. It's like Shakespearean. It would be like me learning Shakespeare. Right. Because it's all like, we're going to cross-reference the mainframe with the Zedspap now, and you've got to say it all really quickly and all loads of energy and stuff, and you've got to reel off all these words that don't make any sense. Right. I was like, oh, I'm not saying any of that. And I was like, I'll just go in. They've got me in. They want Buckley.

5:33They want me to be a bit of a cheeky chappy. So I did my first take. And don't get me wrong. I do the gist of it. Sure. Like I do what's going on. but I put a little spin on stuff. Right. So it was like, take one, did me, all right, cut. Right, what was that? They were like, what was you doing there? I was like, I don't know, I was just doing, you know, this is what I do, this is my thing. And they were like, yeah, can you just do the script? Can you just do what's written on the script? And I was like, oh, this is going to be boring.

6:07Okay. But, yeah, no, I don't learn the lines, never learn the lines. How are you Claire, you alright? I'm good, yeah, I'm fine We had a lovely little journey in, didn't we? I forgot my headphones today, didn't I? So I had to just Yeah, I've already had my phone I just had to tell you everything Every single thing that was going on in my brain You were going, you know people can hear you Well you were being a bit ridiculous What was I being ridiculous about? You were being loud, first of all I didn't think I was being that loud You were being loud There was somebody sitting right next to us And you were talking to me As if it was just me and you alone Yeah Talking about slightly sexual stuff Yeah, rude stuff, wasn't it?

6:58I was like, where do you think we are? I don't know, I just didn't have my headphones So I had to talk to you, didn't I? Yeah And all I think about is sex and then I was doing that thing where I was just making songs up about the passengers and you were telling me to stop doing that Yes, again, because he was right there Well he was a bloke walking along with a framed picture He was doing something he was taking it somewhere I don't know, he had a picture in a frame It was a big frame as well it was just bizarre to see that So I was just singing I got a picture in a frame and I'm getting on a train Yeah Yeah Just making up with songs about people Apart from that though Are you okay?

7:41I'm fine Fine I'm fine Yeah You are irritating No I'm not You are No Surely not You are really irritating No one's ever said that about me ever You are really irritating Well this is news to me Claire Why haven't you mentioned it before? Yeah I'll try and bring it up more often I'm a bit worried Why? I'm worried that my clothes are getting a bit tight on me. Are they making stuff smaller again? No, no, no. It's just because Are they making mediums more like smalls? No, no, no. It's like this fit me a little while ago but now I'm hench, shouldn't I? Now I'm all hench and buff and stuff because I'm back in the gym.

8:24Back in the gym doing three days a week. How many days have you done? I've done three. I've done one week so far. Right. Okay. But I'm back in the gym. I'm so weak by the way. Yeah. I'm so physically weak. Oh yeah? Yeah. That's not good. There was a time a couple of years ago, by the way, when I say a couple of years ago, I mean COVID plus a couple of years ago before that. Right, yeah. There was a time when I got pretty strong. There was a time when I was going to the gym quite a lot and stuff like that. You couldn't tell. I didn't look like it. I got quite strong. I could lift things and stuff like that.

8:58Right. Oh my God. I'm so weak now. I got, I waited for this girl i'll say girl she was a young lady she was she was young though right small little lady okay i waited for her to get off the machine and then i just sort of tested and i was like fucking hell that's like put it put the weights right down so i was like oh god that's embarrassing i felt well i didn't i wasn't feeling great no and then um and then at one point i was doing the like pull downs with the little rope thing is that what they're called? I don't know I don't know what they're called day four you'll learn that it was for my triceps right I think that's what it is but listen I did used to go to the gym quite a lot and I do know about form and stuff like that yeah I might not lift the heaviest but I do it properly okay right and I got to my second to last set and the last couple I just sort of form went out the window and I was just sort of trying to get done like that, right?

10:04Right. And one of the PTs in the gym came up to me. Oh, no. And bless him, I know he was just trying to help out. He was like, remember to, you know, you've got to make sure you do it nice and slow. I was going, yeah, I know, I do know. I do know I was doing it wrong. It's sort of why I'm here. He was a big sort of rugby player type guy. Right. Like he was very manly. Right. I was like, I know, I know, I get it. I was like, look, and I was just honest with him. I was like, I did start off doing them correctly, but I got a bit tired, so I started cheating. And he went, hey, we don't cheat. And then he just walked off.

10:44I was like, oh, cheers. Did it make you feel like, you're right, I shouldn't do that, let me do it properly? No, it made me feel a little bit, and believe me, I'm sure he might listen to this podcast and I will see him again. and I definitely don't want to upset the guy at all whatsoever. Sort of fuck off and leave me alone. Mind your own fucking business a little bit. No, but that's his job because you can get hurt if you're not doing it right. No, he had someone... No, he knew I was off the TV so he was making a special point. Well, you people need doing a peg. Believe me, in the gym I am on the lowest...

11:21I'm literally on the lowest peg. I'm putting that peg on the lowest thing that he goes in, right? But yeah, no, I'm back in the gym now. I've got a question for you, Claire. What? Are you a bit worried about me, you know, hanging around the gym and stuff and, you know, because that's where apparently people pull. Who? Yeah. Is that right? People always meet. Well, there's a lot of people that meet at the gym. You know, a guy, I meet a girl at the gym and stuff. Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. I'm just wondering whether you think, you know, anyone's going to come up and approach me while I'm... No, you're not worried?

12:01No. I wouldn't be worried. It's not my arena. Also, I would... It's definitely not the place I'm ever going to pull. I'm not saying that nobody would... That people wouldn't come up to you. Yeah. That's fine. But I'm not worried about it. No. No. No. I did have a few people ask for selfies. Did you? Yeah. That's a bad place to ask for a selfie, isn't it? It's at my lowest You look all sweaty and red It's like It's like someone asking me for a selfie In the middle of when I was having sex or something Oh I thought you were going to say having a shit It's when I feel my most vulnerable Right And least confident Right Okay Okay I get that Nobody's ever asked you for a selfie during sex Have they?

12:45Um No No No Well if you haven't then they haven't Then it's not happened. Oh, because that was your first? Yes. Oh, shut up. Yeah, right. As soon as we got married, we waited. Yeah. Harrison was at the wedding, but carry on. That was weird. That was really confusing. Yeah. The haircut's gone down well with our listeners. You've been getting some hassles, son. No, not hassles. We've all been glowing reviews, I think. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. You've been reading the same comments? Yeah, I've screenshotted a load of them. Where is it? Oh, here it is. I made a little album called Haircut Comments.

13:28Here we go. You look like Begbie from Trainspotting. Not bad. Love Begbie. Not bad, I'll take that one. Love him. Robert Cudley was a handsome man. Here's one that just says, oh no, no, no. Too late, too old. What have you done? Too late, too old? Well, because I think people, a lot of the comments. It's a young man's haircut. A lot of these comments are off of the shorts, off of the clipped up stuff. Yeah. Because I'm pretty sure I explained why I got my hair cut. Yes, you did. So they don't have the explanation. Well, they should listen to the fucking podcast. Here's one that says, how did his haircut get worse?

14:09Is the boy having a midlife crisis? Oh. Well, I mean, you're back at the gym. I know, yeah. Got a weird haircut. Rage bait hair. Did you give one of the kids the clippers? No. I don't think it's that bad. Here we go, classic. What does your barber do for a living? Yeah. James, your barber needs to get in touch with compensation for the damage to your barnet. Has his solicitor been in contact with his barber yet? Just haircut is terrible. I think they're being a bit dramatic here. Holy Aussie rules football. You do look, that's what the boys said to you. Our kids said you look Australian. Some of these are just telling me off.

14:54Oh, I am. Here's one that just says, grow the hair back and never do that again. What in the Auf Wiedersehen pet is going on here? But they were always moaning about your hair, your normal hair. Oh, I can't win, can I? I just can't win. Did you start filming the podcast before your haircut was finished? can this bloke get a decent haircut as a bald man it makes me sad to see a terrible haircut who cut his hair with a knife and fork James has gone from Oasis tribute act to bullseye contestant wow so I think it's gone down well I think people love it I think people are loving it mate Do you care?

15:43You don't care No I like Clearly I don't Yeah I've never Had a problem With looking like an idiot Yeah As long as he makes people laugh Fine That's fine with me I know his comments were funny Yeah they were Yeah Good So I was just reading them going Oh no Oh they're true Oh they're alright But you didn't pick that haircut It's for work Yeah It's for a TV show you're doing But my normal haircut I do pick Didn't I I still get sick for that True But You know What can you do Who cares But this is I feel like this is A fairly normal haircut These days I think I've seen I've seen a few people with that Obviously I would never usually notice But like The other day When I was at the ice rink With Jude I saw a guy He walked in He had exactly that haircut And I was like Oh yeah It's like a thing Hey Should we have The quickest of swipes And then get into this Podcast episode Let's do it

16:45oh claire yes can i talk to you about inventions yes you must all right okay um a few weeks ago i mentioned that i'd come up with some inventions in the past before a company did like the phone holder i did do that blobhead can back me up on that one he was like that's a well good idea this was years and years and years ago um well i asked our listeners to send in their inventions and they sent in some of their own. Okay, what have they got? These are going to be good. There's no way these are not going to be good. And by good, I mean terrible. And I really hope they are. If they are good, you up for investing?

17:21Oh, is this turning into an episode of Dragon's Den? We might do a little Dragon's Den thing here. Okay. There's a new feature. Buckley's, not den, that's too obvious. Buckley's Den. Buckley's Bunker. Buckley's Bunker. Come into Buckley's Bunker. and see if we'll invest in you. Before I met you, that was one of my chat-up lines. Never worked. Never worked at all whatsoever. Okay. Right, what are they saying? This is from Dan G, who happens to be one of the ethical hackers on the BBC show Scam Interceptors. Oh, okay. I've not heard of this show. It sounds right up my street. What's he saying? He says, hi, James and Claire.

18:04Love the show. So you mentioned inventions. Well, I have a story for you. My partner, my dad and I were sat chatting about life. We got into the conversation of what happens when you pass. I explained how I wanted to be cremated and sprinkled at sea. Sprinkled? Sprinkled.

18:25Yeah, what's his name? Salt Bay. Imagine that. Getting sprinkled by Salt Bay. Whatever you do, do not throw me in. Sprinkle me. And sprinkled at sea. And my partner said she wanted to go out with a bang, but didn't really know how. Then my crazy mind thought of an invention. What if you could be cremated, loaded into a firework, and blasted off with one final goodbye to the world? That is a great idea. Fucking hell, we're coming in hot here. That's genuinely a good idea. That's a great idea. You get every day. You make a night air. You have some beers. You wait for the sun to go down, and then you fucking blast it off.

19:06I mean, not for me, I'm getting buried, but that's a great idea. Yeah, you're very specific about what you want. I've got to be buried. I can't, I'm not. I couldn't give a fuck, I'd be dead. Yeah. I always tell you, put me out of the bins. Yeah. Anyway, get back to Dan. Unbeknownst to all, after a couple of beers, sitting more on this and having the quote, all great inventions come from a single idea ringing in my mind, over the next few hours I began to get to work. Fire and Ashes was born I designed a fully operational plan for my company From Firework Designs With ash holding chambers, company logo Existing market comparison This is Dragon's Den Who could build such a product Laws within pyrotechnics, product costs and packaging ideas Even with the plan for customised upgrades Like whistles, multiple rockets in sync Colours and cluster effects with coloured glitters and all that sort of stuff.

20:04My partner especially enjoyed the idea of pitching to Disney. This is horrible. Because I told you something about Disney. Do you think? So many people scatter ashes at Disney World and Disneyland and stuff. But they're not allowed to, are they? No, they've put out things saying, don't scatter your ashes. Because like, oh, Disney World was my most favourite place. Please scatter my ashes there. and they're like, don't do it, we hoover. We hoover every day. They're like, we hoover every day. And sweet. And they do. Because of this. Like even like if you're just on a roller coaster or something, you just do that or something.

20:43At the end of every day they go around with a hoover because everyone like it's a thing. It's a thing that people do. And they are like, they will just end up in the hoover. So don't bother. Yeah, pitch it to Disney. I mean, that would also solve that problem for them. What, to be part of their fireworks show? Well, yeah, to get rid of people just scattering bodies, dead, burnt bodies around their, you know, the teacups or whatever. Yeah. I do think it's a good idea. I'd invest in it. I do think it's a good idea. I'd be up for investing in it. I think it's a really good idea. I think that's one of the best ideas I've ever heard.

21:26I think people would be into that. I think people would be into it. Absolutely. You want to invest in it? I do, yeah. All right, let's email Dan back. Tell him we need some numbers. I've got another one here from Lewis. Lewis. Hi, my name's Lewis. Thanks. Well, he didn't write from Lewis at the top. And I believe I've thought of something amazing. I don't know if it's already a thing. Okay. That's always the problem. Yeah. So one of my biggest pet peeves is the bed sheet popping off. Yeah. Everyone hates it. Yeah. One of the corners comes up while you're sleeping. It ruins everything. Yeah. Yeah, I've been there.

22:03And you're like... I think there is. ...wrestling with the mattress and you're pulling the mattress back and trying while you're also... Putting the bed, yeah. ...set on the... Because God forbid you should get up. Well, yeah. It's difficult, isn't it? I think there is an invention. There is little clip things, I'm sure. There is, yeah. I've seen clip things. So is that what he's going to say? I don't know. Each corner of the bed sheet has a long... Thing. This is perfect. This is the opposite to checking out competitors.

22:37Each corner of the bed sheet has a long thing attached to it with a clip on the end. All four corners will meet up in the middle. So you've got to lift your mattress up. Fucking hell, moving a mattress is the worst thing. It's like fucking trying to move a dead whale, isn't it? because they weigh a ton, but there's no sort of structure to them. They're just sort of like a fucking floppy... They're awful. Yeah, that's not going to work, Lewis. No, Lewis. I don't think. All four corners of me up in the middle on the other side of the mattress and clipped together perfectly. Perfectly tight and unpoppable sheet.

23:17As I'm writing this down for the first time, I'm realising it's not as great as I've always thought it was. It's always just been a silent thing in my mind. It sounds quite shit, actually. And I wouldn't waste my money buying one. He's done a complete 180. We've got one here from Dylan. Hi, Claire, James and the team. My name's Dylan from Sheffield and I have got what I think could be a game-changing invention idea. Okay. Okay. It's called the Nobulator. Right. Basically, it's for men on nights out who need a quick freshen up. It would be installed in pub or club toilets and you simply pop your bits in for a quick clean.

23:57What the fuck? Inside it. Inside it have soft spinning brushes like a mini car wash with some kind of men's freshening wash. So it gives everything a quick scrub and leaves you fresh for the rest of the night. Think of it as a car wash, but for your knob. I thought it was too good to not send in. That's what Dylan says. So he wants a little hole in the wall in a club Yeah That he can stick his knob in Yeah, they get those, you've got those Yeah, you're just not going to the right places, Dylan Oh, Dylan No Oh dear How about you have a fucking shower before you go out? Once upon a time, I was a young man And when you did go out, the idea was that, you know, very rarely it would happen The goal is that maybe you might have sex at some point and so I'd make sure that everything was in tip-top shape before going on the night out.

24:56Yeah. I wouldn't go on the night out and go, oh, no. Oh, no. I'd better pop my knob in the thing. Yeah, no. And to be honest, from the sounds of it. It sounds painful, no. No, I think I'd walk out going, no, I don't need it anymore, love. I'll be honest with you, I'm a bit fucking, I'm ready for bed. Come out with a fag going, too late, sweetheart. The knobulator's done me The knobulator Here's one from Sally Who says Hi Buckleys I've had a few awkward moments in the past Where I've been stuck in conversations That I want to get out of Oh yeah And I have longed for my phone to ring Oh So I have an excuse to get out of it There's an app that does this I have even faked it on occasion But without the ringtone I just know people know I'm faking it And it's awkward for everyone involved That's why I've come up with this invention.

25:50The Saved by the Bell app. Nice. You're saying there's already one? I think there is, yeah. I'm sure there is, yeah. Whilst your phone is still in your pocket, you can say a keyword or a phrase which activates your phone to start to ring. At this point, you can take the fake call, say it's an emergency and be on your merry way. I mean, it's a great idea. I don't know how the app actually works. Well, Sally's worked it out here. I mean, that's a good way. If the app that already exists doesn't do this. That's much better, yeah. This is brilliant. Yeah. Sally, this is amazing. I assume you would be able to set up your own words for it.

26:24Yeah. Yeah, I'd get on board with that. I'd get on board with that. Mine would be, oh, is that my phone ringing?

26:32And then it would start ringing. I'd go, got to go. Saved by the bell. Yeah. Saved by the bell, great name as well. Great name, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I'm up for that. And your ringtone could be the Saved by the bell theme. It could be, yeah When I wake up in the morning Gonna make it on time Yep I still love Saved by the Bell It's alright Cause I'm Saved by the Bell Okay I used to love Zach Hey Fucking Kelly Jesus Christ Have you seen her? No She's still lovely Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, mama. Whoa. Yeah, she was there in the early days. Yeah. Yeah. Billy. What's Billy want? I'm thinking about Kelly.