I Need a '90s Doctor

5:31Clair Buckley:Explain to them everything that's going on. Yeah. And then it's like, is a week on Wednesday any good for you? And you go, well, I'll probably be all right by then.

5:40James Buckley:Yeah, yeah. And like you say, you've got to be sick within a certain couple of hours during the day. Yeah.

5:47Clair Buckley:So I'm thinking I might just book weekly appointments.

5:51James Buckley:Right.

5:52Clair Buckley:Just cancel them.

5:52James Buckley:I don't know if that's going to help the system. No, it's going to make it worse. No, no.

5:56Clair Buckley:Yeah, it's going to make it worse. Sure. But I don't know what choice I've got. Because I just need to be prepared on the off choice that I'm... I can't even talk. Chance. I'm all bunged up. on the off chance that I'm sick and like it'd be good to have a doctor's appointment there ready

6:14James Buckley:right okay but let's be serious for a wee minute here you've got a call what's that you've got the call you've got I've got a call who you've got a cold

6:21Clair Buckley:oh right sorry

6:24James Buckley:you fucking knew what I was saying

6:25Clair Buckley:I couldn't understand what you were saying

6:26James Buckley:you've got the call yeah I've got a little cold relax yourself I've got a little cold you don't need to go to the doctor's for that

6:32Clair Buckley:no no you're the problem I've got no I've got an infection there's all green stuff coming out of me is I'm sick. Where? I'm sick.

6:42James Buckley:Where?

6:43Clair Buckley:Nose and throat and chest and lungs. All right? There's a difference between having a cold.

6:49James Buckley:This is the problem with you. Everything's an infection.

6:52Clair Buckley:It is an infection.

6:53James Buckley:Right, but that's what the call is. You're infected with the call. It's fine. You'll get out of it. Who's cold? Cold. The cold. The cold.

7:03Clair Buckley:But, yeah, like, I haven't seen a doctor. I probably wouldn't have been sick for two days. This is going to take a couple of weeks to get fully over.

7:13James Buckley:What happened to your wee spray thing? I thought that got ahead of the sickness.

7:18Clair Buckley:That's what I was told. See? I'm coughing and everything. I'm coughing and everything. And the worst thing is, is that we're recording two episodes today. So I'm going to be even more miserable and fed up by next week. so sorry about that I do want to apologise to our listeners as we won't even be reaching the already very low lazy bar that we usually reach we did mention 5 star reviews earlier Claire, a little while ago we were talking about how Claire has 5 stars on wiki feet

7:55James Buckley:well I don't, I'm 4.89

7:58Clair Buckley:well apparently I'm also on wiki feet

8:02James Buckley:Oh no.

8:03Clair Buckley:I don't know how.

8:04James Buckley:No, because you never get your feet. So don't let anyone see my feet. Never get your trot, is it?

8:07Clair Buckley:What do you think my rating is, Claire? Just for context, 12 people were voted.

8:18James Buckley:3.7.

8:19Clair Buckley:That's much higher than what I thought you were going to say.

8:22James Buckley:Well, people who like feet like feet. That's the thing.

8:25Clair Buckley:4.32.

8:27James Buckley:Is there pictures?

8:28Clair Buckley:I don't know. I don't want to know, to be honest. and a bit like after you watch a film, they also, oh, this is weird. So, you know, if you watch a film on Netflix or something like that, they go, oh, if you like this, you might like this. Frodo's feet come up next. Wiki feet, no, Wiki feet have recommended some similar feet.

8:47James Buckley:To yours? Yeah.

8:48Clair Buckley:They're like, oh, if you like Buckley's feet, you're going to like this, guys. And it's pretty fucking cool, to be honest with you. Damon Alban.

8:55James Buckley:Right. From Blur. Right.

8:57Clair Buckley:Me and Damon there.

8:58James Buckley:Yeah.

8:59Clair Buckley:That's weird, isn't it? Why is this a thing? Oh, the internet's weird.

9:03James Buckley:It's a strange little place.

9:05Clair Buckley:The internet is like so great, but then also so terrible.

9:09James Buckley:Oh, yeah.

9:10Clair Buckley:It's the best and worst of us. It really is. Okay. And that is what, if you're an alien and you want to do some research into human beings, you'd probably go, right, what are they doing on the internet?

9:25James Buckley:Yeah. Nothing good can come of that.

9:28Clair Buckley:No, but like I say, they'd be like, oh, Christ. A lot of them are doing some really great stuff, and a lot of them are really deprived.

9:36James Buckley:So I've never been a TikTok girl, right? No. I'm old, Anna. Me neither. I'm always on Instagram. But I've recently been watching TikTok, and I found this woman. My God, I love it. She's so funny. It's just this woman. I think her page name is LOL, right? but she wears this headband with this camera and it's like pointing down at her so she looks really tall and everything and our legs look really long right and our eyes are really big

10:08Clair Buckley:like that bloke that does the train stuff

10:10James Buckley:yeah but it's a different it looks slightly different Bourgeois what's his name? Francis

10:16Clair Buckley:Francis Bourgeois

10:17James Buckley:she just walks about her house like annoying her husband and stuff and it's just really funny and I fell down a little hole of watching all her videos.

10:26Clair Buckley:It does sound funny. Francis Bourgeois, I do quite a good impression of him. I do it better when I've not got a cold.

10:33James Buckley:Is that how he talks?

10:34Clair Buckley:That's how he talks.

10:36James Buckley:I've never seen a video of him.

10:37Clair Buckley:Oh, you must have done.

10:39James Buckley:I know who you're talking about. Yeah. I've never seen a video.

10:42Clair Buckley:Today I'm looking at the Intercity 225. It is probably my sixth favourite train.

10:49James Buckley:Yeah, it's not my bag, mate.

10:50Clair Buckley:No, but the whole thing about him is that he's so sweet. and he's innocent and he's just a guy that like gets honestly like when you see him react to trains going past like I've never made those noises before that's right yeah I was seeing that I think he's going to go to space or something today I am in space that's the moon

11:11James Buckley:so how's it alright for him to go to space and no Katy Perry

11:14Clair Buckley:don't know

11:14James Buckley:why are you no angry about that

11:16Clair Buckley:yeah no I am not angry about that I was annoyed about Katy Perry I say annoyed I didn't really care to be honest I just You seemed to be pretty annoyed. No, I jumped on a bandwagon. That is you. But that's how it works, isn't it? You go, you live in your life and you go, and if someone walks up to me on the street and went, what do you think about Katy Perry going into space? I go, I don't really know what you're talking about. But then when you, like, read about it.

11:37James Buckley:If everybody else is annoyed, then you're annoyed.

11:39Clair Buckley:And you just sort of go, yeah.

11:41James Buckley:You know, that is annoying, isn't it?

11:43Clair Buckley:That is fucking annoying with a stupid fucking daisy. Posing with a little flower.

11:49James Buckley:I think that was for a daughter or something. Was it?

11:52Clair Buckley:Yeah. I don't know why they didn't just leave the fucking spaceship up there.

11:56James Buckley:No.

11:56Clair Buckley:If they'd have fired it off to the sun.

11:58James Buckley:Like a big brother experiment in space.

12:01Clair Buckley:Yeah, everyone would have got on board with that. That's what we should do, actually. Let us know in the comments or anything. Your five people you'd put on a rocket to the sun.

12:13James Buckley:Oh, careful, Jimmy, because we'll probably be in it.

12:15Clair Buckley:You can only do five.

12:16James Buckley:Well, you'll probably be in it then.

12:18Clair Buckley:Yeah, the guys have been putting the pictures of my wicky feet. They're grim. Me with a fag while I'm on holiday. I know, yeah.

12:26James Buckley:You can't even see your feet there. That's my legs. That was us on holiday.

12:30Clair Buckley:Yeah. We don't look like we're on holiday. Or we don't look like we've been on holiday, to be honest. We look terrible. We look pale as fuck.

12:36James Buckley:We look hungover. Sitting smoking cigarettes on a beach.

12:45Clair Buckley:Carry on.

12:46James Buckley:He was doing this the whole way here, and I was like, nobody's nose does that every single time. It makes that noise. Every single time.

12:54Clair Buckley:I don't know how I blow my nose. Every and about you. I think I've got a seviated septum.

13:01James Buckley:A seviated septum. You've got my illness.

13:04Clair Buckley:Not well, Claire. The brain's not firing at all whatsoever.

13:10James Buckley:In fact, I'm going to drink some more beer

13:12Clair Buckley:because alcohol kills the bacteria.

13:16James Buckley:Is that what the doctor told you?

13:17Clair Buckley:That's what Dr. Buckles told me. Hey, Claire. Is this going well? Are you okay? I'm a bit like, yesterday I had a fever and stuff.

13:27James Buckley:Right.

13:28Clair Buckley:Like I am a bit.

13:29James Buckley:I didn't see you yesterday. You stayed in bed or did?

13:32Clair Buckley:Still got up at fucking half six. Yeah. Take the boy to ice hockey training though, didn't I?

13:38James Buckley:Yeah.

13:39Clair Buckley:I love it. Even when I'm sick.

13:40James Buckley:Little Jude's getting pretty good. He's taking this very seriously. Yeah. I think we've got a little ice hockey player.

13:46Clair Buckley:Yeah, he's eating loads of eggs at the moment.

13:48James Buckley:Yeah, he's eating eggs and he's trying to bulk up.

13:51Clair Buckley:Yeah.

13:52James Buckley:He's so cute.

13:53Clair Buckley:He's so skinny.

13:54James Buckley:He is. But he's got muscles though. Yeah, but... Is it a little?

13:58Clair Buckley:Yeah, because he's got to have something.

14:00James Buckley:You can just see the muscles.

14:01Clair Buckley:He is, like, I'd love to know his body fat percentage. I mean, I was the exact same. I had a six pack and stuff when I was, like, his age at school. Yeah. Not because I was strong.

14:10James Buckley:Just because you could just see it.

14:11Clair Buckley:Just because you could just, yeah. Like, you've got muscles. They weren't big muscles, but there was just no fat on my body at all whatsoever. Honestly. We've got a listener email, Claire.

14:23James Buckley:Well, should we have a swipe first?

14:24Clair Buckley:You want a swipe?

14:25James Buckley:Yeah.

14:26Clair Buckley:Well, all right. I'm getting the nod.

14:28James Buckley:That's what we usually do. All right.

14:30Clair Buckley:We'll go for a swipe. It does sound like a euphemism.

14:34James Buckley:For what? Fingering? I don't know. Yeah, a bit of fingering. That's what I was thinking.

14:38Clair Buckley:So I'll grab my little antibacterial spray and we'll be back in a second. Claire, we've got a little listener email here.

14:48James Buckley:Thank God.

14:49Clair Buckley:From Angus. Before you get excited.

14:53James Buckley:Where's it be?

14:53Clair Buckley:Bristol. There'll be some heritage there, though, surely.

14:57James Buckley:Got to be. You don't do that to your wing for any reason.

15:00Clair Buckley:Angus says, I love, I do like Celtic.

15:05James Buckley:Yeah, Hamish. I love Hamish.

15:06Clair Buckley:I love Irish names. There was a lot of, when Jude was born, I was trying to. You want to call him Killian? I love Killian, Tighe. lots of beautiful girls Irish names Quiver

15:19James Buckley:try and spell that

15:21Clair Buckley:you did that once you Quivered on the way here didn't you

15:26James Buckley:anyway move on what are we doing here

15:29Clair Buckley:Angus has got in touch

15:31James Buckley:Angus says hello James and Claire

15:33Clair Buckley:huge fan of the podcast

15:34James Buckley:you spelled my name wrong

15:35Clair Buckley:oh let it go let it go listen you would be touchy if people The problem is yours is the most unusual spelling of Claire. Pretty much all of the spellings of Claire have an E in them. Yeah. And yours doesn't.

15:51James Buckley:No. C-L-A-I-R.

15:52Clair Buckley:And I know the thing that really annoys you is like Claire will like, obviously I'm going back years now, but like open a bank account or something like that.

16:01James Buckley:Yeah, I'll sign up for it.

16:03Clair Buckley:You fill it up, you send ID and things like this. And when she gets letters from the bank, there's an E on the end of it.

16:09James Buckley:They've changed it?

16:10Clair Buckley:As if they've gone, silly girl.

16:13James Buckley:she's spelt her own name

16:14Clair Buckley:she's missed off the E from her own name

16:16James Buckley:yeah Scottish power still send it to me

16:19Clair Buckley:yeah they do yeah

16:20James Buckley:arseholes

16:21Clair Buckley:anyway Angus says hello James and Claire with an E huge fan of the podcast in a recent episode you talked about the uniquely irritating habit people have of stopping dead in public places it's an it is an epidemic

16:34James Buckley:it is

16:35Clair Buckley:especially in London

16:38James Buckley:oh it's everywhere

16:39Clair Buckley:no in London it's a whole different ball game

16:42James Buckley:It's everywhere.

16:43Clair Buckley:You have got to be. Honestly, it is anxiety-inducing walking through London. You've got to just be ready for all your surroundings because no one else is. People just fucking driving all over the place and people just looking at their phones with headphones on

17:00James Buckley:and just looking everywhere else

17:03Clair Buckley:apart from where they're supposed to be going.

17:04James Buckley:Drives me nuts.

17:05Clair Buckley:There are a bunch of fucking babies in London. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah. Day one. As soon as you learn to walk,

17:12James Buckley:your mum and dad are going,

17:13Clair Buckley:right, look both ways. The amount of adults that don't know how to cross a fucking road in central London.

17:19James Buckley:I know. They should just cross them, because it's much safer.

17:23Clair Buckley:Anyway, sorry, Angus. What's Angus saying? Angus is saying. In a recent episode, you talked about the uniquely... I'm so annoyed. The uniquely irritating habit people have of stopping dead in public places. Just the other week, a group walking in front of me on a very thin pavement yeah you get those don't you yeah came to a full emergency stop to listen to a voice note on their phone right there's so much there's so many ingredients there you're gonna kill him angus oh my god the voice note i've got

17:56James Buckley:a couple of pals that love a voice note you've got a few people who send you voice notes yeah I tell you who's the worst. Your big famous pal.

18:04Clair Buckley:Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Buckley.

18:07James Buckley:All right, Buckley. Right, baby, listen.

18:10Clair Buckley:Baby, listen, right.

18:12James Buckley:We'll let you guess who that is. You listened to one last night. It took about 20 minutes before we could go to bed.

18:20Clair Buckley:Yeah, he was being very nice, though. Here's the thing for WhatsApp. This has got to be round the corner, innit? What? because whatsapp's um your zuckerberg fella

18:34James Buckley:is that his name yeah zuckerberg yeah he's that guy yeah is that facebook yeah that little nerd and he's uh they love it they love ai don't they when are they gonna um add on whatsapp a little

18:48Clair Buckley:feature where it takes the voice note and writes it out of you and then i don't have to complain about the voice note anymore you can do that no i don't know if you can do it on whatsapp you can

18:56James Buckley:talking to your text message.

18:58Clair Buckley:It happens on my phone now when someone leaves a voicemail.

19:00James Buckley:Ah, it comes up with the writing.

19:02Clair Buckley:The thing with the writing. Let's add that to, what's that, voice notes? That way everyone's happy. No. The people that like to leave a voice note can leave a voice note. The people that prefer to read a message.

19:12James Buckley:See, this is, you're coming to a privilege here. I can't use that. Why not? I can't understand a word I'm saying.

19:17Clair Buckley:No, but you don't like to leave a voice note anyway.

19:20James Buckley:No, I know, but even, see, like sometimes if I'm doing something, I have like tried to talk a text message.

19:26Clair Buckley:yeah pointless I've tried to do it to you pointless

19:29James Buckley:even these fucking guys get my subtitles rang sometimes on the social clips

19:34Clair Buckley:I've tried to do it to you sometimes I'll see it

19:36James Buckley:and I'm like that's not what I said but carry on

19:38Clair Buckley:I've tried to do it with you with my watch before

19:40James Buckley:what

19:40Clair Buckley:where I've like replied to a message to you with my watch it'll be like I think it was like a really nice message it was like sorting out dinner tonight I'm gonna do this would that be okay which is a lovely thing like imagine that you're living your life you're out and about and your wife at home is going, I've got dinner sorted, don't worry about it. And I appreciate that sort of stuff. And the message, I was like, yeah, great, thanks. And then I saw that in, like, text. And it just looked a bit like, yeah, great, thanks.

20:09James Buckley:Yeah, she's going to punch me in the back of the heat when I get in.

20:11Clair Buckley:And then I sent another message going, talking to you through my watch.

20:14James Buckley:Oh, yeah, you did.

20:15Clair Buckley:In case that message sounded a bit short.

20:18James Buckley:Yeah, you did, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I made you salmon that night.

20:22Clair Buckley:That was right, was that sticky rice? Yeah. Oh, it was, well. anyway

20:26James Buckley:what the fuck is Angus saying?

20:28Clair Buckley:rather than react immediately right hold on

20:30James Buckley:you need to go back a little

20:31Clair Buckley:right he's walking along the street a group of people right while they're on the pavement on a thin

20:37James Buckley:part of the pavement

20:38Clair Buckley:yeah

20:38James Buckley:a group

20:39Clair Buckley:have stopped dead to listen to a voice note on their phone rather than react immediately I played the long game I waited I overtook them at the first opportunity then stopped dead directly in front of them love it They walked straight into me.

20:55James Buckley:Love it.

20:56Clair Buckley:Then, five minutes later, I held a shop door open for someone on their way out. They breezed past me without even a glance.

21:04James Buckley:So rude.

21:05Clair Buckley:Pure doorman energy, as if I'd been hired by the shop specifically for them. I loudly said...

21:12James Buckley:You're welcome. Classic. Love it. Well done, Angus. Classic. You didn't say what you wanted to say.

21:18Clair Buckley:They looked startled, as though gratitude had just been invented. yeah you're listening to the right podcast you're one of us anyway love the podcast thanks for validating my daily low level rage at the general public

21:32James Buckley:no problem mate there's plenty more where that came from

21:35Clair Buckley:all the best Angus from Bristol yeah no it is Partridge there's a scene in Partridge where Lin goes who's upset you now and he goes just the general public but yeah that got us thinking Claire

21:50James Buckley:Go on.

21:51Clair Buckley:Is chivalry dead?

21:53James Buckley:Is chivalry dead?

21:54Clair Buckley:And I do think, depending where you are in the country...

21:59James Buckley:I was going to say that.

22:00Clair Buckley:Chivalry is dead. Now, I think southerners get a bad rep. Rep?

22:05James Buckley:Rep.

22:06Clair Buckley:Reputation. Reputation. Southerners get a bad rep for being not very friendly and all that sort of stuff, right?

22:14James Buckley:Right.

22:15Clair Buckley:The problem is we're getting tarred with London brush.

22:18James Buckley:Right, right. Right, okay.

22:20Clair Buckley:You go 30 minutes outside of London and yeah, people do hold the door for you. People do want to help you out.

22:27James Buckley:Right. I think the bigger the...

22:29Clair Buckley:Because what happens is Northerners, they come down from North and they go into London and they go, fucking hell, everyone's rude here. And you're going, yeah.

22:35James Buckley:Yeah.

22:36Clair Buckley:Yeah, they are.

22:37James Buckley:Yeah. I think the bigger the city, the less chivalrous. Yeah. But isn't chivalry men for women or is that just what we've sort of made? I thought when we spoke about chivalry, it was like men putting their jacket over a puddle for a woman.

22:56Clair Buckley:It comes from that sort of thing. Well, it comes actually from the Middle Ages, Claire. It was sort of the rules of war and stuff like that. So, you know, during like the Hundred Years' War and stuff, England would go over to France and like noblemen and things like that, they wouldn't be killed. It was like a game. It was like sport to them. People like me, they would have been chopped up or whatever. But you're important people. And if you caught like another nobleman, you would just say, right, you're our hostage now. And like they say hostage, but you'd be like, say if you captured a king in the Middle Ages, you'd be like a guest of honour.

23:41James Buckley:Right.

23:41Clair Buckley:And they'd put on lavish games and stuff like that. But in a weird way, that was sort of not honourable for them. Because it was like, look at you. Like, we're looking after you. Don't you feel, I don't know, like emasculated or silly?

23:55James Buckley:Okay, so that's where chivalry came from.

23:57Clair Buckley:Yeah, like, that's sort of where it's about rules and proper etiquette. Right. That sort of stuff. Got it. Right.

24:06James Buckley:Well, you weren't very chivalrous this morning.

24:08Clair Buckley:I feel I'm very chivalrous. You caught me out. I was not well today.

24:12James Buckley:To be fair, you were like, oh, great. So we were getting off the train, and there was a woman with a pram, and the step is quite high. And she went to do it, and I was standing, and she was like, oh, do you want to go? She was feeling the pressure for me being there. Yeah, it's awful, yeah. And I was like, well, do you want a hand? She was like, yeah, oh, that would be great. So I put the thing down, and then... To be fair, you were texting somebody.

24:37Clair Buckley:Yeah.

24:37James Buckley:And you were a few steps behind me, and you came out, and you were like, well done.

24:41Clair Buckley:Yeah.

24:41James Buckley:I was like, oh, sorry. Because you don't like it when I do do stuff like that and you're there, to be fair.

24:48Clair Buckley:No, yeah, I suppose it's old-fashioned. You are a bit like, oh, I should have done that. No, I said to you, well done, in a way, I was jokingly pretending to be a part of the situation, like I was making sure everything was done correctly. I was watching. Yes, good job. Good job, girls, well done.

25:08James Buckley:I was like, hey, there's nobody better to help a mum than another mum.

25:11Clair Buckley:Listen, and maybe it is old-fashioned these days, but I do like chivalry. No, I do.

25:16James Buckley:I think we are quite old-fashioned, though.

25:18Clair Buckley:I do, you know, I would give you my coat. I would, you know, that sort of thing.

25:21James Buckley:And I would expect it.

25:22Clair Buckley:Here's a quick one for you, Claire. The producers have just written on my iPad here. The correct phrase is bad rap. I thought it was. Which means an undeserved negative reputation or unfair criticism.

25:34James Buckley:But I thought it stood for bad reputation. No, I knew it was bad rap.

25:39Clair Buckley:I knew it was bad rap. Bad rap. Yeah. fine um but that's the beauty of language it evolves doesn't it yeah it changes all the time but chivalry depending on if you are anywhere else in britain apart from central london

25:52James Buckley:chivalry is not dead listen i'm gonna be really biased here and i don't care but i think when you go up to scotland people are very chivalrous i think people are a lot nicer they hold doors open they I do all that

26:10Clair Buckley:I'm nice I hold doors open I get annoyed with people that don't do it I get annoyed watching people not doing it for other people I sit there and tut

26:22yeah

26:24James Buckley:you're quite I'm not coming at you right but you are also a person who's in their own little world when they're out in a book

26:33Clair Buckley:yeah

26:34James Buckley:I do think that sometimes you miss stuff that I see

26:39Clair Buckley:not true I refuse to believe that

26:42James Buckley:I absolutely refuse to believe that

26:46Clair Buckley:but yeah I've always said that about Scotland though I love going up there I've been adopted I feel like I've been I'm like a sort of long lost son when I go up to Scotland I can't talk because my nose blocked is blocked can't talk nose blocked can't talk nose blocked No, but I do. I love it. I go up there. Everyone's pleased to see me. Never have to buy a pint. Never have to buy a pint in Scotland. They won't let me. They won't let me do it. No. People queuing up, can I get you a pint? It's amazing.

27:24James Buckley:You need to go up there again.

27:26Clair Buckley:We need to go up there more often.

27:27James Buckley:We'll be in Glasgow in March, April.

27:30Clair Buckley:We will be in Glasgow, won't we?

27:32James Buckley:I can't get it. Fucking hell. And Edinburgh.

27:35Clair Buckley:and Edinburgh Glasgow in April Edinburgh in May me and Claire we're doing a live show get tickets go on

27:43James Buckley:we're also everywhere else Newcastle Sheffield where else Nottingham

27:48Clair Buckley:I do think manners are important I do judge people on their manners

27:52James Buckley:yeah I do too

27:53Clair Buckley:our boys are very we always get people coming up to us telling us how well mannered yeah Jude's skating coach came up to me the other day like after the lesson he was like But I just want to say, Jude's manners are absolutely amazing. He's such a polite young man.

28:09James Buckley:We do get told that a lot. We do get told that a lot.

28:12Clair Buckley:And I think it just is like...

28:14James Buckley:We just brought them up. I think, I genuinely think we brought them up in quite an old-fashioned way.

28:19Clair Buckley:I think that's it, yeah.

28:20James Buckley:We brought them up how we were brought up. Yeah. Where it was like, not exactly like that. Like, we have more of a laugh with them and stuff, sure. But it was always like, watch yourself.

28:32Clair Buckley:Well, I am old school. like I think I have said on the podcast before like there is there is a reason why I behave in a certain way while I'm out in public because when I grow up people would punch you in the eye if you were a bit cheeky and a bit lippy or whatever

28:48James Buckley:not that we would do that to the kids but you know it's the threat that's what you need bring back the threat I love that I still do that I'm like do you want to hold on to that phone yeah

29:03Clair Buckley:oh you do we've done we've done it in the past yeah we have done it that's it mate you're not getting that for a week I know

29:08James Buckley:god it's not worth it

29:09Clair Buckley:it's not a big drama or anything like that I literally go I don't know what you want me to do here you've been misbehaving I've asked you to stop gave you a load of warnings give me that phone you're not having it for a week

29:19James Buckley:that's all we've got these days now isn't it phones laptops

29:22Clair Buckley:stuff like that gaming

29:24James Buckley:you're not allowed to go and play games and they go

29:25Clair Buckley:what am I supposed to do I go go and read a book he always says that he always says that I love that Because I do know, like, even if someone said that to me, I'd go, as if I'm going to read a fucking book. I'd rather sit there in silence.

29:36James Buckley:Yeah, and they do. They do.

29:38Clair Buckley:All right, let's have a little swipe, Claire, and then we're going to have a feature.

29:41James Buckley:Okay.

29:43Clair Buckley:This episode is brought to you by AutoTrader.

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29:53Clair Buckley:Yeah. It's probably the most important thing that we own, is our car. I'm not a walker. I won't walk. Oh, you're not.

29:59James Buckley:No, you're not.

30:00Clair Buckley:I won't walk or carry. So we have a machine on our driveway that does both of those things absolutely brilliantly. And I love it. The time has come for me, Claire. And it is sad, but I do have to get rid of the Mustang, the tangerine dream.

30:16James Buckley:Jamesy's beloved Mustang.

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31:47Clair Buckley:Claire? Yeah? Strap yourself on because we've got a new feature. We've shared it. We've shared a few embarrassing stories in our time, and many of our listeners have too. Those moments where you do think, fuck my life.

32:03James Buckley:Yeah.

32:04Clair Buckley:So with this in mind, we've got a new section called...

32:07James Buckley:Segment.

32:08Clair Buckley:It says section in the...

32:09James Buckley:This guy's fucking useless.

32:11Clair Buckley:What are you talking about?

32:12James Buckley:It's a segment? Section, segment. We've never called it a section.

32:15Clair Buckley:I don't know, they're interchangeable, those words. Anyway, it's a new section slash segment.

32:22James Buckley:It's a new feature.

32:23Clair Buckley:You've ruined it now. It's called Buck My Life. We've got a jingle. Well, people say shit happens, this much is true. But it's not so cool when it happens to you. Buck My Life. Okay.

32:39James Buckley:First problem is...

32:40Clair Buckley:Before you slagged it off, Danny Elfman made that jingle.

32:44James Buckley:I couldn't hear what you were saying. I couldn't hear what you were saying.

32:46Clair Buckley:It was very distorted.

32:48James Buckley:What are you using? A Nokia 3210? Yeah.

32:52Clair Buckley:Did you just record into the laptop?

32:53James Buckley:Yeah, you can tell.

32:55Clair Buckley:Not got a microphone.

32:56James Buckley:Right, Buck My Life. Yes. What's this about then?

33:00Clair Buckley:Yes, Claire, this is a new segment section called Buck My Life. You'll tell us about your embarrassing situations. If you want to send your embarrassing Buck My Life stories to us, our email is thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. We've got some embarrassing stories from our listeners. The first one is from Scott. Scotty! The subject is kiss in public. This moment of train horror happened over a year ago on a train to London, and it's taken me this long to be able to man up and confess it. I boarded the train. The seats were limited. The first seat I saw was next to an obviously scared out of a wits young female student who really did not want this middle-aged man sat next to her for the next hour and a half.

33:45Clair Buckley:To put her at ease and let her know I was not going to try communicating with her, I got my phone and my ear pods out. That's not a euphemism, is it?

33:55James Buckley:No.

33:56Clair Buckley:There was a young lady next to me on the train. I knew she was worried, so to put her at ease, I got the pods out. Carefully, I placed them into my ears and began to choose an appropriate tune to begin with.

34:06James Buckley:So he did sit next to you?

34:08Clair Buckley:There was limited seats.

34:09James Buckley:Right, okay.

34:10Clair Buckley:But he wanted to make it very clear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to try and chat you up, don't worry.

34:14James Buckley:Appreciate that.

34:15Clair Buckley:Carefully I placed them into my ears and began to choose an appropriate tune to begin while whiling away the time Prince's Kiss was my tune of choice Pods in ear, I hit play It didn't sound right, it was a little muffled I upped the volume a couple of notches, but it still wasn't up to its usual standard Upped it by four, louder but still muffled Screw it, I went all in and cranked it up full What was wrong with these damn pods?

34:43James Buckley:I wonder

34:44Clair Buckley:It was that moment there was a tap on my arm. The shy student looked at me, pointed at my phone and said, it's coming out of there. It was then the world fell out of my arse. I was filling the quiet coach. It was the quiet coach, so it was like, you're not allowed to have your phones on and stuff. From Newark to London with Prince's classic kiss.

35:08James Buckley:How does that go? Oh, right, that one, yeah.

35:14Clair Buckley:Yeah, it's the wrong song for the silent coach, Kevin. Kiss. Yeah, just for context, here are the lyrics to the second verse of Kiss. You got to not talk dirty, baby, if you want to impress me. You can't be too flirty, mama. I know how to undress me. Yeah, I want to be your fantasy. Maybe you could be mine.

35:39James Buckley:Nice.

35:39Clair Buckley:It's a bit intense, isn't it?

35:40James Buckley:It is, yeah, yeah.

35:41Clair Buckley:Especially when you're trying not to come across as a creepy man.

35:45James Buckley:Yeah, yeah.

35:46Clair Buckley:Anyway, he says, I had ear pods. I tried. I fucked up. Love the pod. Scott, still hiding in Lincolnshire with embarrassment. Oh, Scott, not your fault. It's technology.

35:57James Buckley:Well, it is because you put the ear pods in and they go.

36:03Clair Buckley:Sometimes they don't.

36:04James Buckley:They do.

36:05Clair Buckley:Sometimes they don't. They do. And I'm like.

36:07James Buckley:Because I'll wait to hear. And then also you can see it on the top of your phone. that shows you your little things connected.

36:12Clair Buckley:No, because sometimes I'm like, I put the earpods in because then usually I'll just put the earpods in and click the little button and then it carries on playing whatever I was listening to. And that's great, that's a great system. Sometimes you get stitched up a little bit. And I put the earpods in, I don't hear the bloom or whatever it is, let me know it's connected. And then I look at the phone and it says it's not connected. I'm like, right, like what do I do now? and then I just press play anyway and then they are connected.

36:44James Buckley:Sometimes you have to take that little risk but I've got to make sure technology can stitch you up. I've got to make sure minds are connected because I'm always listening to weird stuff.

36:53Clair Buckley:Yeah, that'd be funny. You on the silent cabin. Yeah, yeah. They discovered six decomposing bodies. Each one more mutilated than the last. we've got a message here from Claire with an E their subject is heavy petting not allowed to do that in the swimming baths Claire is here, she says my partner and I had a trip planned so we used a house sitting website to find someone who could look after our pets while we were away

37:26James Buckley:oh no, sorry but that just oh my god, I would never like, oh my little baby Doug no chance

37:35Clair Buckley:after a quick

37:36James Buckley:also rooting through the drawers yeah because you know you would I would

37:39Clair Buckley:I wouldn't

37:41James Buckley:I wouldn't

37:42Clair Buckley:I wouldn't I genuinely wouldn't I don't like that sort of thing what

37:45James Buckley:wouldn't see what everybody else has got yeah I'd go for a wee I wouldn't maybe I wouldn't open drawers but I'd go for a nosy

37:51Clair Buckley:I can't do that why

37:52James Buckley:it's not

37:54Clair Buckley:it wouldn't be right I can't do it it's like when you tell me to again it's the old fashioned thing I should have been a little railway kid or something like that I should have grown up during the Blitz but you know you say can you grab that out of my bag for me and I'll hand you your bag your friend your mate did that to me I genuinely felt embarrassed like I felt flustered

38:19James Buckley:but going in her bag

38:20Clair Buckley:she was like oh James the baby's things just in my handbag can you grab it for me and I was like I just handed her a bag I was just brought up that way

38:33James Buckley:Don't go through a lady's handbag. Or people's drawers, which I feel like is... Yeah, but you're in their house, an empty house. Exactly. You've got to be nosy.

38:41Clair Buckley:Exactly, you've got to. You're absolutely right, Claire. After a quick call with the applicant, we felt comfortable going ahead with them. Oh, no. On the eve of our trip home, I received two packages left at our door. Assuming this was one of our frequent deliveries, I took to the box with a knife without reading the label. Once opened, I immediately sent a picture to my partner to ask him, if he was implying we needed to spice things up in the bedroom.

39:06James Buckley:What is with the dildos on this podcast?

39:09Clair Buckley:He had no idea what I was talking about, but when he received a picture showing a box full of flavoured lube, tights, thongs and double-ended fleshlight, among other things.

39:23James Buckley:A fleshlight is the thing that looks like a torch and it's a fanny on the top, right? And then stick their...

39:29Clair Buckley:It's the male dildo.

39:30James Buckley:Yeah, so double-ended would be two men.

39:34Clair Buckley:A little bit of docking, whatever.

39:36James Buckley:Would be two men just going at a little pole.

39:41Clair Buckley:Yeah.

39:42James Buckley:Together.

39:42Clair Buckley:Yeah, what's your problem?

39:44James Buckley:Well, I don't know.

39:45Clair Buckley:To each their own. So we got a double-ended flashlight on the go. Okay. Now both panicked, I checked the label on the box and realised the name matched that of our recent confirmed house sitter. This made for an exceptionally awkward encounter. and house handover the next day. We had a fantastic holiday, but couldn't get the thought out of our heads of our house sitter wearing tights, a thong, and using a double-ended fleshlight while our unsuspecting pets watched in horror. Exactly.

40:14James Buckley:You left that person with your dog.

40:16Clair Buckley:I'll be honest, right?

40:17James Buckley:I hope the dog's all right.

40:19Clair Buckley:I will. Because it was double-ended. I like having it off as much as the next person. Sure. I would say it's probably my most favourite thing to do.

40:28James Buckley:Fine.

40:29Clair Buckley:I'm never at my most happiest. I could hold it off for a week while someone's gone away.

40:34James Buckley:Do you know what I mean?

40:35Clair Buckley:And I would be a bit like I'm at a stranger's house.

40:38James Buckley:Yeah.

40:39Clair Buckley:But I've got to have it off. Oh, I haven't got my fleshlight with me. I'm going to have to get that. I don't know, man. There's so many steps there that I wouldn't have to go through.

40:49James Buckley:Yeah, that's weird.

40:50Clair Buckley:I would just be like, if I needed to have sex, if I needed the tights and the double-ended fleshlight and I hadn't brought it with me, there are pets there watching. I would just be like, do you know what? I'll hold off. I'll wait a couple of days. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird, man.

41:06James Buckley:No, that's weird. That is weird.

41:10Clair Buckley:I'd feel a bit violated.

41:11James Buckley:I'd be fucking furious. I'd be furious. How dare you order that stuff to my... How dare you order anything to my house? Yeah. It's my fucking house. Even if I got like an Amazon thing like for some cotton buds or something, I'd be like, what are you doing? It's not your house.

41:28Clair Buckley:And that was Claire's hot take. New feature. We've got Archie here. Archie says, when I was about 13, I was in JD Sports with my schoolmates, hanging around, doing whatever kids do. There was a random mannequin in the shop, which looked out of place in the middle of the shop. Not sure why, but in the moment, I decided to walk over to it and put my hands in the back pocket of the jeans of the mannequin to see if there was anything in it. This better not be a person. that was just standing still. No. Once my hand was almost touching the bottom of the back pocket, probably four knuckles deep, the mannequin jumped forward and shouted, Oi, thief!

42:07Clair Buckley:Security instantly ran over and grabbed me by the jacket and then escorted me and my four innocent mates. You're not innocent. I think trying to put your hand in the mannequin pocket is still a weird thing to do. You're not completely innocent there. Me and my four innocent mates out with the whole shop staring at us. Turns out it wasn't a mannequin. It was a huge bloke who stood unusually still and then became someone who looked like he wanted to punch me. It still haunts me to this day. And going into any JD brings instant flashbacks. Yeah, that is embarrassing. I like the thought of Archie sort of having, like, PTSD.

42:45Clair Buckley:In JD sports? Like sort of Vietnam flashbacks or something, like when he's in JD sports. He's just, like, in the corner.

42:52James Buckley:You do do stuff, though, and it does replay in your head. like there's nothing worse than the thing that comes into your head when you're in the shower or you're trying to go to sleep or

43:06Clair Buckley:just trying to live your life yeah and it's usually when you're quite happy yes and you're like

43:10James Buckley:that's when your brain loves to do it

43:11Clair Buckley:god I've smashed it today I did everything that I wanted to do

43:15James Buckley:yeah

43:15Clair Buckley:I did well at work I got down the gym

43:17James Buckley:yeah

43:18Clair Buckley:I had a nice meal and now it's time for me to go to bed

43:21James Buckley:yeah

43:21Clair Buckley:and then your brain goes do you remember when you put your hand in that bloke's pocket yeah fuck off

43:25James Buckley:Oh, yeah.

43:27Clair Buckley:We've got one more here, Claire, from Jess. It starts off well. She says, I needed a wee on the plane back from Spain. Cued longer than the men's England team has waited for silverware. Oh, cheap shot. Finally got inside and it was pitch black. Couldn't see the door lock or the loo, so just kind of felt around. I had to close the door with my leg.

43:54James Buckley:Oh, that's stressful.

43:54Clair Buckley:Finally, I started to wee and after a few seconds I started to feel warm. I stood up and managed to find the door lock which turned the light on.

44:05James Buckley:Yes. What, she'd never been on a plain toilet before?

44:08Clair Buckley:I didn't realise the toilet seat was down and I'd peed all over the lid. Oh no. All over my clothes and the wee was now forming a little Amazon river that would flow under the door as soon as I opened it. Took me a long time to use a plain toilet again. Wow. Yeah, you're supposed to sort of get your bearings before you shot that.

44:27James Buckley:Yeah, look around you. I'm going to blame Jess for this one.

44:31Clair Buckley:Yeah.

44:32James Buckley:I don't know.

44:32Clair Buckley:But it's a good story, Jess. Thank you for that.

44:34James Buckley:That is definitely a, what is it called? Buck My Life.

44:37Clair Buckley:That was Buck My Life. Woo! Right, that's it for this week's episode of The Buckleys. Thank you so much for listening. Remember, you can get in touch with your stories and questions by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk. Or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. and don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use. And if you are feeling extra generous, why not go ahead and leave us a little five-star review? All that is left is for Claire to say.

45:04James Buckley:So when you're sick, you're ready to wrap it up. When I can't be arsed, you want to talk for days.

45:09Clair Buckley:Go on, Claire.

45:10James Buckley:See you next Thursday.

45:10Clair Buckley:That was a podcast. There we go.

45:12James Buckley:That was the end of it.

45:14Clair Buckley:It was only because people started clapping. And I knew we were going to start clapping in a bit. So I thought, well, let's not clap now. We're about to start clapping.

45:22James Buckley:Nobdy was about to clap you what are you talking about?

45:24Clair Buckley:Kate started clapping at the end of my life or something she doesn't fucking know

45:27James Buckley:what's going on yeah she was doing that for the feature yeah I know but and then you started just you were like right we're done I was like

45:32Clair Buckley:that's actually the end of the episode don't clap now hold your clap

45:37James Buckley:alright okay I'll see you later let's go alright guys Chief and Sky the Chiefs