I've Been Scammed

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1:38That is so gross That was a thought that I should have kept in my own brain. Remember that internal voice you were talking about? Use him, mate. Yeah. She was like, oh hang on a minute. Biddles! What? What did you want to write? I wanted to put astronaut. How much? I think we've reached the conclusion of this whole podcast. Great, right, cut there!

2:06Go on then. Hello. Hello, welcome to The Buckleys, the podcast where we sit down, have a chat, moan a bit and invite you into our lives. Before we get into it, we just want to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us. I've just downed so much beer It's all coming up now In gas form Before we get into it we just want to remind you That you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us By emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk Or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify Or whatever podcast app that you like to use And if you do enjoy the show why not go and give us a fucking review Hey Claire Alright How you doing, you alright?

2:47Yeah, fine You awake? You ready? You got some energy? You ready to go? Podcast, record, entertain people. That's what I do, mate. People rely on us. For what? We're like a service now. People, they need this podcast to become a part of people's lives. Remember we had that police officer came up to us and thanked us at the train station. Yeah. We're that important. We need to start putting some effort into these fucking records. I do. Do you? I'm not saying, and by the way, I said we. Because I don't. I do. This is effort. This is it. Yeah. You just turning up. No, I'm... I talk... Right, what are we talking about?

3:27I don't know. That's what I'm asking you. I talk all the time on here. How are you? I don't know what else you want, baby. You just seem a bit... You need a bit more... Why do you do this every time we come in here and sit down? You're like... You're like, you're right? You seem a bit... What's the matter with you? I was fine until you started doing that. No, I'm in a bad mood. Well, that's good. That's fine. I can work with a bad mood. that's what the people want you know when we were on the train just then there was all kinds of stuff that was annoying you I'm like oh great she's on it mate this is going to be a brilliant record you were annoyed with yourself no I was just asking you a question I didn't know if your brain worked the same way mine does you talking about that?

4:08yeah it's starting to annoy me how much I read I read everything everything I see I have to read it do you get annoyed when you're at a train station you're sat on the train Yes and then it starts going and then the train starts moving and you're like oh I haven't finished reading that advert yet Yeah and I panic and then I'm like oh god something bad's going to happen now because I didn't read it Oh well that's something else Claire Well I don't really think that and I don't really care but I do have that thought for a second You sounded like you cared on the train I get out of it very quickly Yeah Even if I think that That's what I'm like I'm like hot and cold I'm like I'll be fine Like things can make me really angry and then I move on to the next thing Yeah No no no I was just asking you if when you read you have that internal voice because that's been spoken about before like when you read do you hear your voice reading it yes right so do i yeah but also even though i know that just says train station right i don't have to say it but i do like in and like this morning we i don't know there was a lot of signs and like inside my head was very busy and it was just annoying me.

5:17I was like, shh. Yeah. Shh. Just relax. You were annoying yourself. Yeah, I was a bit, yeah. I think that's it. I think we've reached the conclusion of this whole podcast. We've gone through everyone and now we're on us. Yeah. Might be time to finish. It might be time to hang up the... Yeah. I'm sick of the sound in my own voice. You pissed off at me last night as well. I did a little fart. That's not true. Go on. It was huge. Well, you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know... You went back in to do it. Oh, the one that I did when I was saying goodnight to Jude. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You were annoyed about that one.

5:59And it stunk. Yeah. I didn't know it was going to stink. I didn't know... Jude was just... We were tucking Jude into bed. Yeah. He was already going, Dad, can you go away? Can you leave me alone? You are annoying him, yeah. Yeah, I like to... You know what I'm like when it's time to get the kids all nice and relaxed for bed. That's exactly what I said. And then you're like, right, anyway, I'll see you later. He wouldn't give me a kiss goodnight, Claire. No, he didn't want to kiss you. He gave you a kiss goodnight. And I was going, right, give Dad a kiss goodnight. Give me a kiss on my cheek. And I was pushing my cheek into his face.

6:32He was going, go away, Dad. Why are you so weird? So I did a little fart and left his room. You were being really annoying last night. Oh, he was giggling. They love it. He wasn't. I was standing back and he was going, Mum, why aren't you helping me? Get a bit! No, but he was doing that thing where he was angry laughing. That's my favourite kind of laughter. You might have realised that. Yeah. You can't help but laugh, but you're still furious. I don't think that happens very much with me anymore. No? Those days are gone. I think so, yeah. Oh, well. Um, Claire. What? I've been scammed. Fucking irritating the shit out of me.

7:13Well, I should say, I nearly got scammed this week. Nearly got scammed. I took an online dementia test. Took me about 20 fucking minutes. It was a link. And this is the man who's always fucking busy. He's never off the clock. Who's the time to sit and do that? Are you laughing? Because you can't talk fucking shite. It was a link. Sitting up these stairs and I walk in, he's on his phone. That's what he's doing. It was a link off of an Instagram thing. It was like, do you do this? Do you do this? And I was like, yeah, I'll do all those things. He was like, you might have dementia. Take our test.

7:47I was like, right. So I took the test. I hope one day you forget who you're married to. There was so many questions. I hope one day you forget where you stay. There were so many questions. It took me at least 20 minutes. I'm being generous there. I thought it was going to be like 10 questions will tell you if you've got dementia. Because that's how that works. It was going through loads and loads and loads of stuff. Did this whole test clicked OK or clicked? it's a new word for you, clicked okay, and it was like, I guess you had to pay for the answer. Yeah, it was like 2.99 to see the results.

8:23Obviously. And by that point, I was so angry, I was like, right, you're going to get your 2.99 off me. You did not. Yeah, I was like, fine, because you've made me fucking sit here. You idiot. I had the kids coming in asking me about stuff, they needed a lift to somewhere or something, and I was going, I can't, I can't do anything right now, I'm doing a dementia test, boys. Harrison was coming in going, oh, I think there's a girl that I like and I'm not sure. I was going, shut up for a second. I'm doing a dementia test. I agreed. I did it. I did all that work. Turns out I'm fine. I don't have dementia.

8:54Which I don't think is true, to be honest with you. But, because I'm no mug, Claire, I also had a little check because I thought, I better fucking sign some sort of subscription. 20 quid a month? Yeah, yeah. My suspicions were correct. I'd been tricked into signing up to some kind of monthly health subscription thing so I cancelled it I had to go like do a bit of digging look into some stuff cancelled it before I was charged then I carried on being angry because it just got me thinking of all the poor people that like and what I want to know is how in good conscience if the test had come back saying I've got dementia how they could fucking take 20 quid a month off me or whatever when they know for a fact that I'm not all there and I just thought you are the most evil people on the planet that's low isn't it that is low they are hoping that a bunch of people with dementia will accidentally sign up to something so they can take money off them let me tell you son I don't think anybody with dementia is doing that test I think it's only fucking idiots like you I've also got a new thing that annoys me It's just a quick one Just a quick little moan I made a note of it I was like I've got to talk about this on the podcast It'll take me 30 seconds I promise Singers That fly around an arena Yeah I'm in I'm in I don't know why It fucking irritates the piss out of me What are you doing?

10:34Yeah They're like They're flying around Pink, innit? Pink, she does that all the time. Yeah, I didn't want to mention any names, but Pink, Katy Perry, they're all... Katy Perry gets slagged off quite a lot on this podcast, I think. Well, I think when your music's so shite, you need to do something. That's it. That's it. That's the point. There you go, solved it. But also, it's sort of evolved a little bit as well. This is so specific. I think, and apologies if I'm wrong, because I don't want to slag anyone off that don't deserve it. If I'm slagging people off that do deserve it. I think the Backstreet Boys maybe did a gig at that Sphere place in Vegas.

11:14They're not flying around. They're a bit fucking 80. No, they're not flying around. Right, yeah. They're old boys. They're not going to be flying around, sure. And to be fair on the Backstreet Boys, if you're into that sort of thing, they're good pop songs. Unless they're some great songs. They are some good pop songs. You can't knock them. Backstreet's back, all right. Absolutely. I mean, come on. They were on this levitating podium. Yeah. Like going up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I just, you could just see. And it wasn't like you had to look hard or anything. It was actually quite obvious. Behind each of them was a big metal pole.

11:46And they were harnessed in. And I was just like, that doesn't look cool. No, yeah. Ooh, safety. Yeah, exactly. It was like, ooh, rock and roll, lads. Yeah. Fucking hell. No, I know what you mean, yeah. They were like hooked. Yeah. And they had like stagehands running onto the stage to make sure they were hooked in. Just don't do it. But also just to go up on a... Five feet? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm with you on that. And I don't know why. It's annoying. I'm just furious. Well, furious, fine. I was just angry. It is annoying, yeah. No, I'm with you on that. So, we have to start with a correction, Claire.

12:26Okay. I mean, you never admit you're wrong. Never. No. I mean, I think this is... You wait until your lawyer turns up. I think this is for you. There's been a couple of comments and we've had a message from Sam in Chelmsford, up the Chieftains. Yeah. And he says, Hi, James. I don't want to be that guy, but the Batman theme tune you sang a few weeks ago was from Joel Schumacher films, not the Tim Burton ones. It's really not a big deal, but I just wanted to let you know because I don't ever want you to look like such a massive fucking loser ever again. Again, not a big deal. Just try not to be so careless in the future.

13:07Love the pod. No! Oh, no, I'm absolutely... Yeah, no, Sam and a load of other people, because I have seen the comments as well, are correct. The Batman, the Keaton Burton Batmans is...

13:25It's all that. Of course it is. I was thinking I did the Volkilma. Right. Which is probably, apart from the first Batman, the first Michael Keaton Batman I'm bad since I'm really boring I don't know I don't know why I've started this it's the second most watched Batman I've ever watched Batman Forever that you've ever watched this is just personal information I was just thinking that was a thought I thought this was like a statistic no that was a thought that I should have kept in my own brain absolutely there was no remember that internal voice we were talking about use him yeah there was no content to get out of that right who's your favourite Batman Keaton yeah Yeah, me too.

14:05Right, now that I've got that off my chest, can you smell that, Claire? What? That's the smell of National Fart Day. It's National Fart Day, celebrated on February the 5th, a day to humorously acknowledge flatulence as a natural bodily function without shame. Every day is National Fart Day for me. Not to be confused with National Pass Gas Day, which falls on January the 7th. What did you say? February? February 5th. That's my cousin's birthday. Yeah. Imagine that. Yeah. Which one? Connor. Connor. Yeah. Do you reckon Joanne... Knew. Farted? Right, come on. Because he was being born. Come on. That happens though, doesn't it?

14:48I don't know if you fart. Sometimes you can shit yourself in childbirth. Yeah, you didn't. I didn't, no. There's a lot of stuff that we could have had way more fun with those kids. You didn't shit yourself. You didn't let me write what I wanted to write on the kid's birth certificate. do you know that you can write anything you want on the kid's birth certificate when you go in obviously you can name them whatever you want yeah but like for occupation occupation you don't have to prove that it's true when harrison was born the first one we went in and registered him and it said occupation for me and i literally asked you i was like what do i put here then and you were I was like, just put actor.

15:30And I went, oh, I'll put. And then I gave it to the woman. I went, I'll just put actor. Because as far as I'm concerned, I don't think that's a proper occupation. I went, I'll just put actor. Is that OK? And she went, yeah, you can put whatever you want down there. Yeah. And I went, I can put whatever I want. She went, yeah. Yeah. You know, no one's going to check up on you. What did you want to write? But I'd already wrote actor. So I was like, right, remember that next time we have a kid. Which we've got to work quite quickly on, to be fair. And then Jude turned up and I was like, right, here we go.

16:00Like, couldn't, I was like a dog in a car, like with my head out the window going to the place to register because I couldn't wait to get in there. And Jude didn't let me, you didn't let me. What did you want to write? I wanted to put astronaut on his birth certificate. It would have been hilarious. No, it wouldn't. It would have been so funny. Or spy. Yeah, no. Didn't get to put astronaut. Don't make that noise ever again. It's the name, it's naming the baby. Yeah. It's such a big responsibility. Yeah, that's it. And once you write it down, that's it. Yeah, it's awful, isn't it? Yeah. We took ages to register Jude, because he didn't have a name for ages.

16:40The kid with no name. Yeah. He's got Clint Eastwood. I think we have to get back to National Fart Day. Oh, OK. Right. Worst place slash situation you've let one go. Oh, there's not many places I haven't farted, to be honest with you. I'm going through a little thing at the moment where it's cold outside so I'm wearing a big coat. Right. And so I don't like fart on the train or something. I'll wait until I get off the train and then I'm in the street and then I'll let one go. Right. But because my coat's quite big and it goes down to like my knees. Travel up? It comes up and like comes out of my collar.

17:20Oh, that is so gross. Do you not smell your own farts? Well, I have done, obviously. No, but do you not like... I don't, like, try. You've never, like, just cupped it up and scooped it up to your face? No. When one's come out really hot and you go, oh, fucking hell, but that stinks. No. You just want to check. No, I really don't do that. I think it's a guy thing. I think we get our power. I think it makes us feel manly. You'll wait till, like, I'm behind you going up the stairs. Yeah, that's always a good one. And then I have to walk through it. Yeah, because your face is usually at my arse. If you're, like, a couple of steps below me.

17:55That's how you get punched. Yeah. A good place to fart is on an aeroplane. Nobody can hear it. Oh, God, yeah, because of that constant whine of the plane, the air and the engines and stuff. I've let some go on an aeroplane. Oh, that's all anyone's doing on aeroplanes. Just farting right deep into their seats. And it is weird because nobody can hear it. No. No, you can really push and just go mental. Yeah. But as it's National Fart Day, let's read some guff from our listeners. Josh has got in touch. Joshy. Now, a while ago, I had a little rant about Andrew Flint Toff's nickname. Yeah, you did. Being Freddie.

18:32Yeah. Still doesn't make any sense. But off the back of that, you guys have been sending in some of your best nicknames. Josh says, hi, guys. I was listening to your podcast about friends and their nicknames. And I was reminded of a friend of mine whose real name is Josh. And he's Josh. And he's Josh. Josh. Excessive at you. And you messed it up. Due to us having this. Oh, there we go. Due to us having the same name, we searched for a while to give one of us a nickname. That was until one day where he responded to a random insult with the word Touche. Touche. Touche. Of course, he meant Touche, but spelled it wrong and used it out of context.

19:14T-O-O-S-H. The name has stuck, and even nearly 10 years later, we still call him Touche. Even his mum calls him Touche. Touche is a bit of a kind of cutesy name. I don't know if I'd be happy with that. Weetish. Yeah. Fucking hell right. One of our core group, one of our boys, wasn't like a new pal or someone. We'd known him for years. I think we were like year 10, year 11 by the time this happened. And we knocked on his door. I won't say his name. I'll say Dave. Okay. Knock on the door. His mum's there. We go, oh, you're right. Is Dave in? She's like, oh, hang on a minute. Biddles.

19:59And we're like, what? What? Biddles, your friends are here. And he came to the door. Were they posh? No, but she, well. That sounds like a posh word. But that's how she said it as well. Biddles. And did he come down? Yeah, he came down the stairs with his head down. He was laughing at him. So then did you all call him Biddles? It wasn't a nickname. It was only used, you know To be mean Yeah, like alright, calm down Biddles But Tush, so this guy's called Tush because he meant Tushy Yeah But Rho, T-O-O-S-H Tush Although, isn't it weird? Didn't we just talk about this? That I've been not saying, yeah, I have been saying words wrong I'm like mixing up the beginning and ends of words right now I don't know whether I've had some sort of little stroke or something, but it's happening a lot right now.

20:56Yeah, you're saying things like... I'm like, I'll shake the grease. Yeah, that's what you said. Like, I keep doing that. I've done it, like, ten times in the past couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah. You're dying. Thank God. I think you're dying. Doug's got a message. Doug it. Apparently this is a funny nickname that cannot be topped. Hi, guys. Since you requested funny nicknames, I feel like I have one that can't be topped and it still makes me laugh when I think about it. I started working with a guy called Mumbo. I never really questioned or thought about it. What do you reckon? Where's this going?

21:29Mumbo number five? That's Mambo. Mambo. Yeah. I never really questioned or thought about it. One day the thought occurred to me as to how strange this name was and I thought to ask him. His answer had me buckled with laughter. He said that when he was a kid, his friends came over and his mum made them all snacks and lingered in the room for a while. When she left, his friends said to him, by the way, mate, your mum stinks of BO. Henceforth, from that day, he was known as Mum Bo. By the way, mate, your mum stinks of BO. Well, he actually said, by the way, mate, your mum stinks of BO. Right, yeah.

22:10Mum Bo. Cheers, guys. Love the pod. I'll try to get to the Bristol show and bring Mumbo and his smelly mum along Oh yeah we've got tickets for shows available if you want some If you do want to come and see me and Claire live in the flesh That's a gross saying isn't it Yeah also it just makes me think we're going to be naked Yeah well I don't know about you I'm not bothering to wear clothes Claire Come and see us Well Doug says that that can't be topped but Gaz is going to give it a go Hey Claire, James and the podcast gang I think us up in Scotland can't be beat When it comes to nicknames We have a guy in work whose eyes are quite wide And his eyebrows Are naturally higher than normal Which makes him look constantly surprised

23:00So he's been nicknamed how much?

23:07Because it looks like he's permanently surprised at the price of something. That's brilliant.

23:17How much?

23:23That's really good, darling. That's well good. That is brilliant. We need more Scottish people to write in with nicknames. Did you have a nickname? No. No? No. Didn't have a nickname. Did you just call me something like little pea head or something? You do have a tiny head. Peanut head. Peanut head? Yeah. Yeah, you used to call me that sometimes. Peanut. Didn't really catch on. I used to call you peanut penis, didn't I? Yeah, because you were allergic to it. There you go. Good? Great, right, cut there! LinkedIn is pretty great at a lot of things. Like helping you tap into the latest trends and insights in your field.

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25:22Well... Because we've got a few. Let me think. Maybe we could do some Buckley's Law. Let's do it.