James Blacked Out

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1:08Clair Buckley:Get the Unreal College Deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. terms at aka.ms slash college PC. I got a couple of the chilies and rubbed them well into her sex toys. Oh! you, I thought. So the person you were worried about was you? I'm going, no, no, sit down. Sit, no, no, no, no, no. You haven't finished your drink. That's cheating. Is there such a thing as a happy marriage?

1:47Clair Buckley:No, of course not. You join everyone else. Pick you miserable people. Either way, justice was served Unlike his lunch

2:01Clair Buckley:Hello and welcome to The Buckleys The podcast where we sit down, have a chat, moan a bit And invite you into our lives Before we get into it, we just want to remind you That you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us By emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk Or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok We want you involved Don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use. I can't be a zinc, Claire, I'll be honest with you. You are, mate, I know. And if you do enjoy the show, why not go ahead and leave us a review afterwards?

2:33Clair Buckley:There we go. Hey, Claire, how are you? I'm all right. How are you? I'm a bit annoyed. Why? First of all, we've got fucking Gen 1 iPads that we use on this podcast. And now I'm plugged in because no one could even be bothered to fucking charge the iPad. What are you on? I'm on 4 % I'm on 3 % Well I don't know what we're going to do Because I've got the only charger As well It's fine I don't care No one's got a cable Old enough To plug into these iPads What a shit show Hey Listen It is what it is Isn't it It is That's not the worst thing About this podcast No it's not is it No How's your tattoo Good Yeah we got new tattoos Didn't we Got new tattoos My sister's a tattoo artist Which is very dangerous because we can just book in whenever we want.

3:22I went a bit... I don't know why I got what I got.

3:28Clair Buckley:It's a bit wild, John. Yeah, I got like a snake done my side here, behind the boob. It's a bit Sons of Anarchy. Yeah. It's sort of like you're going to be a riding bitch at some point. You're going to be someone's old lady. Good, yeah, yeah, cool. Yeah, I like it. I mean, my tattoos are terrible. Yeah, my tattoos are all better than yours. Yeah, but I do that on purpose. Yeah. What did you get? I got a little, where is it? It's just here. Got a little hockey stick and a puck. A little hockey stick and puck. For Jude. For Jude. But we went with Cam and Jess. Yeah. And Cam plays for the Chieftains.

4:11Clair Buckley:So I was going, first of all, as a joke, I went, oh, I should just get a little number eight next to it. you know in tribute for cam you're going absolutely not don't do that that's fucking stupid and you were doing your thing where you get angry and then i thought right i've got i've got her here so i was talking to your sister and i was going oh by the way your sister hates me as a client as a client yeah um because every time i go to her i go it looks too good like she'll spend like a week. I'll give her some ideas and she'll go like, I've drawn this thing up. I go, no, that looks way too good.

4:49Clair Buckley:No. What I said to her, um, the first time that she did, did a tattoo for me, I went, can you, can you make it shitter? And she went, no one's ever asked me that before. And then, uh, and then she was like hockey pucks and hockey sticks and stuff. I was going, no, no, it needs to be a bit more goofy. Yeah. That's what I said. Yeah. And then when she was doing it, I went do you reckon you could just stick a number a number eight on me somewhere just to annoy Claire, she was going no she's going to have a go at me for doing it, I'm going to get in trouble I was going no it'll be fine, it'll be hilarious she'll be so angry, it'll be really funny I went just do it, just do it like you don't have to print anything off or line it up or anything I went just do it on me oh god, so I did, I got a little a little number eight on the back of my arm and your reaction was worth it.

5:40Clair Buckley:Your reaction was so worth it. Because you couldn't see it. When I first turned up to look into the mirror, I was going, oh, look, there you go. There you go. And then I turned around. And obviously, after you've just got tattooed, it's quite red. And I just had a tiny little red mark on the back of my arm. And she went, oh, he fucking has as well. Yeah, it's ridiculous. It makes you look stupid. I don't know why you think it's funny. I don't care about looking stupid. I just care about making you angry. I find that hilarious. Well you did I find that really really funny I think it's the most ridiculous thing you've done in a long time I should probably say that number 8 is Cam's number It's a chieftain's tattoo Yeah That's not that wasn't your original tattoo No What tattoo are you booked in for?

6:23Clair Buckley:I don't think you're supposed to say because I want to copy you or something James nobody's going to copy this tattoo I think people will No they won't No they won't I think people will No they won't In the doodle style so it's not going to be detailed or shaded or anything like that, but I'm just going to get a little... I could give you 20 million guesses. You'll never guess what he's booked in to get. I'm going to get a doodle of the Nakatomi Tower from Die Hard.

6:57Clair Buckley:Just on my back, just this bit here. I mean, cool, yeah. It's a great fucking film. Yeah, it is. I love that film. Yeah. Okay, do it. I'm going to get a little Nakatomi Tower tattoo. Okay. Let's remember that. Anyway, been up too much this week at all? I mean, well, you're working, so you've been away a lot. I have been away, haven't I? Yeah. So I've just been mumming it. And just before I went away, literally got home, said hello to the kids, said hello to the dogs, and fucked off to work. Yeah. I went on my little stag dude, didn't I? You did, you did the stag do. I went on the stag do. And was it as bad as you thought it was going to be?

7:38Listen, so I was worried that everyone was going to go,

7:46Clair Buckley:oh, who brought this guy along? He wants to go to bed at 10 o 'clock. Grandad Buckley. He's no, yeah, Grandad Buckley. I was worried Grandad Buckley was going to turn up. And then I was also worried that one of the other boys was going to be a bit of a liability and then we'd get into some situation, they'd probably drink too much or whatever. Turns out that was me. Turns out I was the mental one. You were? You went a bit too far, didn't you? First night? Yes. So I'll be honest with you, the stag do was great. Yeah. It was perfect. We went to Mallorca. We ended up going to, I thought we were going to go to Magaluf or something like that.

8:24Clair Buckley:And I was like, oh, I'm going to have to, there's going to be a lot of in-betweeners fans. And I'm going to have to enjoy myself, sure. but I can't fucking let loose or anything because people video you and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to be careful. And we ended up miles away, the complete other side of the island to Magaluf. We were in like a German section of the island. So nobody knew who I was. Nobody gave a fuck. There was hardly anyone there anyway. I think we were still a few weeks before the season started. So we basically had – it felt like we had an old whole island to ourselves.

9:00I woke up at half two in the morning to get ready and to get my flight.

9:05Clair Buckley:By four o 'clock, at least, we were already drinking beer at the airport. We had a couple at the airport. We had a couple more at the hotel. On the plane as well? Yeah, sorry. We had a couple more on the plane on the way there. Then when we got there, our rooms weren't ready for a few hours. So then we went and had a couple more. we nearly did 24 hours of drinking we nearly did 24 hours I did get very very drunk I only know I blacked out the second night we were there we went for a drink at our uh we came home from the we came back to the hotel from the restaurant and we went to grab a drink at the hotel bar before we went to bed and um and we were at this hotel bar and one of the boys went oh buckley what where were we sitting last night and i went i've never been here before in my life and he was like no we were here for a couple of hours i was like at the end of the night i was telling people that they need to finish their drink they're not allowed to go to bed yet i was going no no no sit down you haven't finished you haven't finished your drink there was one young lad with us the The bride's brother, he's in his early 20s, and they were telling me, they were going, oh, do you remember what you were talking to Oscar about?

10:29Clair Buckley:I was going, no, I've got no idea what you're talking about at all whatsoever. Apparently, I was going, listen, this is the stuff you need to sort out, right? You've got to get up, you've got to go to work. And this boy's got a job. He works fucking six days a week. Yeah, he's on a building site. I was going to him, you've got to do... And this prick's telling him to get up and go to work. I was going, you've got to do right by your family. Your family's the most important thing to you, all right? You've got to do right by them. They were telling me all this, and I was going, oh, my God. I was like, you sound like a fucking wanker.

11:02Yeah.

11:02Clair Buckley:They were going, they were like, no, it was hilarious. It was so funny. And I was like, also, what sage, what amazing advice, what insight. My advice to this young boy was go to work and be good for your family. Oh, my God, you're so deep, Buckley. Fucking hell. Oh, that's good advice, that is. Everything they were telling me, I was just like, I was like biting my fist going. Yeah. So the person you were worried about was you? It was me. I was the biggest fucking pain in the arse. Like, they kept telling me stuff and I was going, oh, God, what a tosser. What a fucking prick. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Also, Mr.

11:46Clair Buckley:needs to go to bed on time and stuff. I know. I'm going, no, no, sit down. No, no, no, no, you haven't finished your drink. That's cheating. No, we finish our drinks. And you called me when you got back to the hotel room. So I woke up in the morning and I checked my phone because I was like, fucking hell, I haven't spoken to Claire in over 24 hours. And I looked at my phone and... As if I would care. Let me care. turns out I FaceTime Claire I've got no memory of it at all FaceTimed me apparently I was quite annoying on the FaceTime very annoying very annoying you kept being like I'm so drunk Claire I'm so drunk and I was going right well go to bed yeah I was going right have you got water you're like yeah I've got a big bottle of water and I was right I did have a big bottle of water I know you did because you kept showing me it right and I went right well just drink your water and go to sleep and you were like yeah alright alright At one point you told me, you said about locking the windows and the door, and I just hadn't.

12:46Clair Buckley:And then I came back to you and I was going, yeah, see, that's why I'm married to you. You didn't say that. Let's say, this is why I'm married to you, Claire. I didn't even think of that. No, no. Just irritating drunk bloke. Yeah. And I was worried that someone else on the trip was going to be that guy. Yeah, that was you. It was really good fun. I really, really enjoyed it. Right, listen, let's have a quick swipe, Claire. Yeah. And we're going to carry on talking about stagging hen do's. Oh, really? So Claire Now that we've both been on our stag and hen do's Yes The wedding is on the horizon And the wedding season has officially begun It is June marks the beginning of most popular peak months for weddings Yeah Summer innit Summer weddings You don't like the summer do you?

13:32Hate it

13:34Clair Buckley:November for us innit It was we got married in November Yeah But we've got some wedding themed emails I was here from our listeners, Claire. Okay. This one's from Vicky. I've just read the first line of it, and she matches our energy. Okay. Completely. Vicky says, hi, guys. Love the pod, blah, blah, blah. Nice. Yeah. Just wanted to let you know that Claire has given me quite an issue at work. Uh-oh. Ages ago, Claire made the comment, there's always some cunt with a guitar. Well, it was from the in-betweeners.

14:09Clair Buckley:with the perfect degree of utter contempt. Was she at a live show? I'm going to find out. Claire's voice saying there's always some cunt with a guitar that's rent free in my head. I'm a celebrant and there is very often a person playing a guitar at a wedding. Now when I see them, I automatically think, there's that cunt with a guitar and I'm terrified I'm going to vocalise it. I'm also from the west coast of Scotland, so I sound pretty similar to Claire. I'll let you know when I get struck off. The thing is, right, when you've got something in your head, I do find it really difficult to not say it.

14:47Yeah, I do do that as well. Yep. There's a lot of times where I have said stuff where as soon as it leaves my mouth, I go, oh, that was an insight to the head thought.

15:01Clair Buckley:Why did you say that? Yeah. And it's always like in a sort of setting, like a group setting. You maybe had a couple of drinks and sometimes I'll just say something and I'll be like, oh, shit. Yeah, you've had to sort, you've like tugged at me sometimes when I'm talking. Yeah, we're both quite bad for it, yeah. Yeah, we are. We're fun, though. We're fun. We think we're funny. Me and you. Yeah. November wedding, Claire. We did. That was ours. Any regrets about the time of year? It was cold. About the time of year? Oh, no. No, it was lovely. Yeah. It was chilly and I was wearing a kilt. It was cold, yeah.

15:41Yeah, but you had pants on, you big cheetah.

15:44Clair Buckley:And also, yeah, thank God I did. Because a couple of your family members didn't.

15:52Clair Buckley:You know, it's always bollocks saying that. Yeah, it's a wedding. Absolutely. are summer weddings overrated do you know what right I remember years ago I went to a summer wedding and it was in England and it was really really hot this is the thing I sweat like mad at a summer wedding honestly it was awful I was wearing this really lovely dress right it was quite a like a sort of form fitting little dress but it was silk and it was really embarrassing and there was nothing I could do about it but the under boob sweat was just seeping through the dress and I just had these two big patches under my boobs it looked insane I was like I've got to get out of this heat yeah hey Stevie Stevie I'd call if we ever had a girl I'd call her Stevie aww little nicks right Stevie says Hi, James and Claire.

16:56Clair Buckley:My boyfriend has a friend called Connor and he was once on a flight to go skiing. Bearing in mind he was an adult at this point. Right. That's always a great start to a story. Here we go. Yeah. I've started so many anecdotes where I go, by the way, bear in mind, I was a fully grown adult at this point. Yeah. Yeah. He said to his dad, my ears are popping. That's something I'd say to you. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. So his dad passed him a toffee, obviously to suck. You got to suck on it, yeah. A little bit later. Keep swallowing. His dad asked him if the toffee worked, but Connor couldn't hear him as he'd stung the toffee in his ears.

17:37Fuck off.

17:40Clair Buckley:It was the best story in my boyfriend's best man speech for Connor's wedding. Wow. That is good. I'm trying to think. your best men they didn't really slag you off but your best men sang a song just like came from the crowd with a guitar they're theatre boys it was quite sweet it was great they sang She's Electric but changed all the lyrics to match you basically yeah but yeah no there was listen there was always going to be a show wow it's always shallow I'm surprised I didn't break into something Bob Fosse some sort of Chicago yeah fucking the whole room didn't go like against each other yeah the jets yeah so yeah you got off rightly to be fair they didn't really have many stories about you I'm trying to think if they did I'm very safe with everyone I'm very apart from fucking the stag do that I just went on which I'm shocked I was talking to you and I was like I'm genuinely embarrassed I don't embarrass easily but I do make sure I do try to make sure that I don't really embarrass myself in situations doesn't always work.

19:17Clair Buckley:But that was like... Such is life. That was so unlike me. Yeah, it was. Because usually if I'm away from home and I'm drinking, I'll be like, right, I'm going to stop now because, you know, things get a bit silly after this point. Yeah. I just fucking... One, I kept going and wouldn't let anyone else stop apparently. Everyone else was going, come on. Come on, we've been up since fucking two o 'clock this morning. Can we go to bed? And I was going, no, no, you've got to finish your drink. No, no, that's cheating. That's cheating. Now, come on, one more. We can do one more. We can do one more. It's good.

19:50You always need something like that on a stag do. I didn't think it would be you. I didn't think it would be me either. There you go.

19:55Clair Buckley:But best man speeches can be a divisive topic. Yeah. A lot of people fall into the tropes when it comes to a wedding speech. There's a pressure. There's pressure on best man speeches. Well, the best man speeches, there's got to be a couple of things involved. They've got to be funny. Or you expect them to be funny. Yeah. They've got to sort of grass up the groom a little bit. How many of these have made you squirm? Go on. The inside joke. So sharing a story that only two or three guests will understand. Well, I like that. If you're in it, it's good. Well, yeah, but if you're not, you're just sort of sat there bored.

20:35Yeah.

20:36Clair Buckley:Excessive thank yous. Too much. Listing every single person involved in the wedding. No, yeah, no. Turning the speech into a grocery list of gratitude. Yeah. The never-ending story. Speeches that seem to go on forever and completely lose the crowd. It's tough. Speeches that only mention how beautiful the bride looks and nothing about her personality. The bride looks beautiful. That's what I'd do. If I was the best man, I'd go, she looks beautiful. And thank you all.

21:09Clair Buckley:it's tough because i was just at the stag that i've just been to i was with the best man and he was like he was like oh you're you know you're known to be funny he like it's the problem so this is the problem i've got this is when every anyone that meets me they're immediately disappointed they're so disappointed whenever they meet me because they think i'm funnier than what i am hopefully if they've listened to this podcast they'll I am getting a bit more leeway since this podcast has come out, to be fair. A lot of people do come up and go, I love the podcast. And then I go, oh, great. So, you know, you actually know me.