James has Over Curried

26:05You don't have to buy expensive headphones or anything like that. But if there's this thing where you can't use a phone, like we've been using for about 100 years, just put some headphones in. Yeah. And then you don't have to have the phones. You're hands free. I find it so... Oh, by the way, just while I'm talking about headphones, people using headphones so we don't have to hear everything that's going on. Parents that let their kids watch fucking Peppa Pig in the restaurant. Yes. Just give them a little pair of headphones. I'm not against the, you want to have a nice meal. The kid doesn't want to be there.

26:39He doesn't want to be in a fucking restaurant having a meal. Give them an iPad. I'm not one of those people who's like, oh, kids with iPads. No, fucking give them. Hopefully they'll shut up for two minutes and then you can maybe have a conversation. Yeah. Right? Pop little headphones on the kids. Yeah, that happens on planes a lot. Seat behind you. There's a kid listening to Mr. Tumble dead loud and you're like, ah. I feel like it's always Peppa Pig. Yeah, that's all I hear when I'm trying, like when I'm playing through the nose.

27:08fucking should we have a break should we have a little break and then we'll come back because I think we've got some listener emails okay which will help me calm down okay have a donut this episode is brought to you by eBay okay we both love a little bit of online shopping so let's see whose most recent buyer on eBay was the best are you in? yeah you're on I'm the bargain queen so I'm pretty confident on this one OK you go first what was the last thing you bought on eBay Claire? Well I bought a lovely little cushion for the chair up in our bedroom Boring I got a Japanese pocket Game Boy that is very rare it's a very rare one they only made it in Japan and it comes in the exact same colour way as the original Game Boy usually your pocket Game Boys are yellow or red or something like that but my Game Boy looks like the original Game Boy but it's a pocket-sized version.

28:05You can only get it in Japan or on eBay. OK, well, I'm assuming that you think you've won that little contest. I think a pocket Game Boy beats a cushion. OK. No, we're both winners, really. When you're buying on eBay, that is, you can find so many hidden gems and things that you wouldn't find anywhere else. When you find great deals, you can't help but say when it's eBay. When it's eBay! Do you hear that? Sounds like breakfast is ready. Because Quaker's coming in hot with morning nutrition, 100 % whole grain oats, and a good source of fiber to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kickstart your day.

28:45And that sounds absolutely delicious. Fuel to start whatever's next. Quaker, official sponsor of FIFA World Cup 26. I, oh, let's go! These days, you've got two choices. Buying a new car or making the one you've got run like new. We know which one we'd choose. That's why at Firestone Complete Auto Care, we have thousands of ASE certified technicians nationwide trained to spot an issue with your car before it becomes a problem, no matter the make or model. Get more out of your car. Firestone Complete Auto Care. Call or go online at firestoneauto.com to book today.

29:30Okay, Claire. You alright, Jimmy? I am now, yeah. Had your little donut. A little donut. It's Guy's birthday donut. Yes. Happy birthday, Guy. Happy birthday, Guy. We did explain even if we did know it was your birthday, we would have forgot it, obviously. We have no interest in anyone's personal lives, anything important. We're shits. We are shits. Fine. We've had a listener get in touch with a quick, helpful hack that should be a win. Okay. For us. For me, specifically, actually. I think but Andy has got in touch Andy we had two topics from recent episodes hiccups and vinegar right he's combined those two oh he said if James keeps getting hiccups here's my lifelong fix lifelong so I'll never get hiccups again or no he's just been using it oh okay two tablespoons of sarsen's vinegar down in one go hiccups gone instantly now I do think there's a little bit of science in that go on the acid Because when I was doing the in-betweeners, sometimes I get those hiccups that last for a couple of days.

30:32Yes, we know. And that's a problem when you're trying to make a TV show. Well, yeah. It happened a couple of times, and someone told me to chew a lemon. Right. And it did work. Right. Like within about a minute or two. Right. So you think the acid. And I did that twice, and it worked. So why haven't you been doing that then? I don't know. Because we do have lemons, because you've always got to have your gin at some point. during the day. We're always stocked full of lemons. I also use lemons for my avocado toast. No, you don't. Yes, I do. That's how you make it really good. If you make avocado toast, put salt, pepper, chilli and squeeze a load of lemon juice in it, mix it up and then put it on your toast.

31:11But why does the lemon have to be soaked in gin before you do it?

31:17But no, I will... I'm going to get back to you on that, Andy. Next time I have some hiccups and I've not had any for a little while, actually. No, you said that now. Yeah, I really hope I don't get any soon. But if I do, I'm going to do a little... What did he say? Two tablespoons. Oh, I could do that easy. I could drink vinegar. You'll burn a hole in your heart. Good job I don't have one. That was what I was told when I was a kid. What, too much vinegar? If you have too much vinegar on stuff, it burns a hole in your heart. We've got a fly in here. We do have a fly in here. I did notice it. Leave him.

31:50We'll try and carry on, but that is going to... Oh, he's fine. No, there's nowhere for him to go. He's just going to get on everyone's nerves. We'll keep recording this. It's like the episode of Breaking Bad. That's a terrible episode as well. I know that it's supposed to ironically be, this is hilarious. Guy's trying to hit a fly with a rolled up newspaper. This is like, I'm actually in a cartoon. He's a weaver. Oh, is there? Is he gone? Did he go? There he is. He's on the floor. No, he's come back this way. No, he's not. He's right there. No, there's another one. No, that's a dead... Claire, we've got two flies in here now then.

32:27No, there's another one, look. Go out the door. Guy, you need to kill that because you've half killed it. That's cruel. Oh, there is another one. Yeah, there is another one. It's gone out the door. Well, you know what they say. What? Flies run shit. That's it, man. We keep producing this shit. We're going to fill up the room. This freaks me out a little bit. We've got another listener who's got in touch with an update for me regarding my fear of produce being fondled in the supermarket. Fondled, right. Yeah, wanked off. Yeah.

33:02Sienna says, just a quick one. I love that. I love just a quick ones catching on. Just a quick one. Some good and bad news for James. I work in a warehouse and they have quality assurance. They sometimes taste the produce before it hits stores. and I believe they have quality assurance for stores also. They get quite good pay too. There's good money in quality assurance for squeezing plums. What? I've been doing that for free. But as I'm sure James probably already thought of, the bad news is that this means more people than just the people in the supermarkets. Yeah, they're getting touched before they even get there.

33:45Yeah, but I assume they use a... They use a... Glove. Glove, yeah. A leather glove. That's gone sexy now. No, I mean a rubber glove. That's still sexy, isn't it? What is it with rubber and leather? It is sexy. You... If you wear like a leather skirt or something, I do go with that. Yeah, you're all... If I put on anything leather, you're like... Yeah. Remember I had that leather tassel-y dress? Yeah. I'm sorry. I would always assume that they've been touched because they've got to be touched to be put in the packet. I know, but it's only just dawned on me. You can't think about this stuff. I know, you'll never leave the house.

34:23You'll end up just staying in your bedroom wearing a tinfoil wet. You're such a fucking contradiction. Yeah, I am. You're worried about somebody touching fruit and you're shitting in parks. Yeah. Like, pick a lane, mate. I know. And I also say things to you like, if we're going for a Chinese takeaway or something like that and we go in... And it looks too imposh. No, no, but no, I say the opposite. Well, yeah. We look at the walls and I go, look at all the grime on the walls. This is going to be a good one. Yeah. There's years of grease built up. Like, those tiles were white one day. And they are bright, luminous green.

34:59Yeah. That's when you know it's going to be a good one. You kind of go through life thinking about stuff like that. But as soon as it gets in. I get that. As soon as something, like, it's like one of those things where people mention it to you. And you go, well, thank you. No, I can't stop thinking about it. But you mention stuff like that to me all the time, like cutlery in restaurants and stuff like that. And listen, I don't want to share cutlery with people or I don't want to eat something that somebody's had their grubby fingers or whatever, but I can just be like, well, no, I just put it out my head.

35:29I don't think about it. Next time you're in a restaurant and you've got something on your fork, put it in your mouth and as it's in your mouth, just look at the people on the other tables next to you. Just do that. I know. And then decide whether you want to share. I know, I get what you're saying. I get it. But you kind of live like that. You've got to just get out of it. Or just get your own cutlery. Right, okay. Just get your own travel cutlery. When was the last time you took that out? Well, apparently it's mental if I do. It is fucking mental. God. Luke's got a message for us with an everyday mystery of a moan.

36:01Hey guys, I have a moan, but I'm not sure who to blame. There's always someone. There's always someone to blame, don't worry. Maybe the universe. There you go. Perfect. Why is everything always just out of reach by an inch? What? Picture the scene. You're lying on a sofa, stretching for the remote. You can just brush it with your fingertips, only to push it further away. The same applies with phones, chargers and drinks. Drives me mad. Love the pod. Now, Luke is on to something here, to be fair. I've got a problem with bedside tables. I don't know where else you're supposed to put the bedside table, but it's always like you're like reaching up or reaching around.

36:42Like it's not, I need the bedside table a little bit further down but that's where I get out of the bed. Yeah, you want it like up for the war. So I don't know what, there is something, there's an invention somewhere. Someone's going to come up with, going to revolutionise the bedside table. It's called fucking get up and move a bit. I don't want to get up and move a bit. I'm in bed. Who are you shouting at? Not you. No, I don't want to move out, but I'm in bed. And another thing I keep doing these days is I'll have, like, my phone or something, so I'll put it – I'm trying to watch TV in bed, so I'll find the bedside table.

37:19That moves as well. That joshels around all over the place. The amount of times that I'm just, like, so sure that the bedside table is right where I'm putting my phone, it just, like, slams, slaps on the floor. I've just completely missed it. And then you have to get up and start sorting that out. But the amount of times I've knocked over drinks. Yes. I'm a drink. Knock her over her. I do that a lot. I'll tell you what, Luke. When you started that message, I thought you were nuts. But now... No, I get what you're saying. I don't know what to do about this. Everything is just always that little bit.

37:55We need sort of Spider-Man webbing, don't we? Telekinesis. I mean, telekinesis would be perfect, but I'm trying to be a bit realistic. That's something that Joe Thomas actually said that made me laugh so much. What did he say? I think it was an in-betweeners thing. And you were talking about superheroes and saying, who's your favourite superhero? And Joe Thomas said, Matilda.

38:24It's great, though. It's like quickfire questions. She is a good... He's such a little nerd, isn't he? He's such a little nerd. Mine says, Roald Dahl's Matilda. Yeah. I would love that, though. Telekinesis would be one of the things I would pick. Imagine how good that would be, just for anywhere. Oh, it'd be brilliant. I'd like to be able to... Toilet roll. I'd like to be able to instantly travel to places as well. Yeah. Yeah. Time. I'd like to be... The Bernard's Watch thing, I'd like to be able to stop time. No, but then you get old. Well, that would be... I would have to have a little caveat, as you like to say.

39:02Yeah. Where I don't age in that time. or I just go for extra Botox. I just don't think that's possible. Maybe. I think you'd age. I know. But imagine that though. Imagine being somewhere and just being able to stop time. Where would you do that? Where would I do that? Outside Gerard Butler's house. Then I'd let myself in. I'm kidding. Have a little look and then I'd be on my way and he would know. Anyway, let's move on. See if that was around the other way. Oh, please. If that was around the other way. No, but I just mean in general. You can go and... What? No, no, no. What? What can I do? Whatever you want, mate.

39:44We're on year 13. Now's the time to do it. This is when it's all going to end. I don't want to do anything. Don't want it to end. Okay. You're so mean. Anyway, after that email from Luke, it got us thinking about everyday mysteries. Let's talk about... What does Gerard Butler's penis look like? Let's talk about that. No, not Gerard Butler's penis. It's the mysteries. so everyday mysteries everyday little things that happen that always seem to happen at the worst time the weirdest time whatever there's one here that got my attention straight away why do kids only need attention the second you sit down now our boys are older now so that doesn't happen as much but that used to happen all the time as soon as you made a cup of tea and you were like right five minutes, sit down, have a cup of tea.

40:32Ma 'am! Well, now it happens with the dog. Now it happens with Cosmo. As soon as you sit down, he goes to the door and he needs the toilet. He also knows roughly when his dinner time is... Oh, my God, this dog. And I know that's a common thing. Our first dog, Paisley, didn't have a clue. No. She would just get fed when she got fed. Yeah. And it was usually the same time, but she never, ever got up and was like, Cosmo will literally get stay up at 7pm and he will be in your face. He puts his head in the way of you and the television, just staring into your eyes. And he won't, and then he'll go to the door, and then he'll circle, and then he'll sit next to you, and he'll come up close again, and you're like, I know, I get it.

41:14I know it's your dinner time. Just give me ten minutes. I'm just trying to finish this or whatever. But yeah, that's one. My life is full of mysteries, though, isn't it? Because I'm convinced, because you know, my grandfather died of Alzheimer's and dementia and stuff. Mm-hmm. Like, I'm waiting for that to happen to me. I mention it all the time. The amount of times I walk into a room, I'm holding something, then something takes my attention, and then I walk out of the room and that thing's just gone. Like, I don't know where that fucking thing's gone in my head. I know, but I've said this to you, that, like, Alzheimer's is a big leap from idiot.

41:50I just cannot. You know? I cannot concentrate on more than one thing as soon as... That's idiot. And it might not even be something that happens. I might have another thought. Unless I'm like, I'm going into this room now to get this and then I'm going to pick it up and take it downstairs. Unless I keep thinking that. By the time I've got to the stairs, I'm suddenly thinking about something else. Idiot. And then I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know who I am. The classic one is... I can't find my shoes. The classic one is the socks, right? Yeah, they go, don't they? Where the fuck do they go?

42:25I don't know. Where do they go? I don't know. I count my socks before I put them in the washing basket. Right. One, two. Oh, you make sure they've each got a pair. Yeah. Right. And then also I count them when putting them in the machine. One, two. No, but obviously you've got all of the socks then. Right. So then I go, I count to how many socks there are and then it'd be like 13. There's that number again. Yeah. Yeah. But do you know what I mean? Where's it gone? I know. Where's the sock gone? I know, I know. And again, a really normal one. Everybody will be nodding along. The fucking Tupperware.

43:05I've got so many lids and nothing to put that lid on. Where do they go? I don't know. I'm not a Tupperware guy. I don't fuck with Tupperware. I love a Tupperware. I don't need Tupperware. I don't like food unless it's there and then. I know, I know. I'm not a leftovers guy. No. I hate the microwave. Me and Harrison had leftovers last night. Leftover mints. We made little mints sandwiches. He loves it, doesn't he? Sloppy Joes. Yeah. Yeah, now, is that the universe? Can we blame the universe? Is that the universe messing with us? It's got to be, man. It's got to be something. Are we all idiots? I don't know if the government...

43:45Okay. ...are just gaslighting everyone. Maybe. Because I do naturally second-guess everything these days. Mm. And when you've got your civilisation into a situation where it's like, I can't even remember what I did with my toothbrush. Okay, yeah. Like, people will just panic. They'll get rid of their civil liberties. They'll just go, yeah, government, you do it for me. Okay, right. I think that's what's going on. Yeah. So I'm the government in earnest then? I think the government's pumping something in the air. Just, just... Stealing socks. Stealing socks. just slightly making us disorientated.

44:25Right, right. So that when it comes to like a big election or something like that, you go, I don't know. All right, then. Remember that time we lost our Beatles coaster? Do you remember the time when I lost a great big speaker? Yes. It was huge. Yeah, it was huge. It was a great big BT speaker. BT? Bluetooth speaker. Yeah. Paid a fortune for it. Yeah, we had it out of the back garden during summer and stuff. Yeah, yeah. And I was just like... And we had people over quite a lot. We had like a few little parties that summer and we were like, somebody took that. Never found it. Never found it. I don't know what I did with it.

45:04Yeah. No, wait, didn't we find it? No. No, we never found it. Yeah. Remember we lost our Beatles coaster and it was one of the first things we ever bought for the flat? Yeah. Little black coaster and it just had the Beatles on it. Just went. Yeah. For about a year. it disappeared and then one day it was just on the table. Yeah, it's the government man it is, it's to stop you from trusting yourself it's for you to become so dependent you no longer trust your own judgement anymore because you think you're going mad, you're like well I had the sock in my hand had a quick wank and now it's gone so everyday mysteries if anybody's got any more of them, get in touch because I think, I mean, we've done rubbish there.

45:51We've done the really obvious ones. But there's got to be some stuff where we're all going to go, yes. Well, I'll tell you something, Claire. Obviously, it's not the universe or the government. Because when we're the government, we'll be making big changes to fix all this nonsense. Right, OK. I forgot that we're actually running for government. That's right, yeah. I do keep forgetting that. I'll tell you something, right? Here's one of our policies. You'll have all your socks still. You'll have pairs of socks. Once me and Claire are in charge, suddenly all this weird shit will stop and then we'll know what's going on.

46:24Right. Give me the keys. Two. Number ten. Right. Okay. All right. It is time for Buckley's Law. Oh, feature.

46:38This is a segment where we will discuss new laws that we will pass when we are in power. So if you've got some law changes, some rules that you would like to, you know, us to implement, then get in touch. I've got a suggestion here from Scott. Scott says, hi, James and Claire, loving the podcast and the weekly dose of bants, rants, beers and bitching. Camden, Scott. When it comes to Buckley's Law, I think you should jail anyone who drives around with a bag of dog poo tied to their rear wiper. Who the fuck does that? I'm all for cleaning up after your dog, but I don't want to be driving behind your steaming turd trophy.

47:18No. Well, I assume... I've never seen that in my life. I assume... I mean, I don't know where you're walking your dog. There's usually... I tell you what, I don't like when they put them on trees around the park. They collect them, don't they? Aye, so they say. I'll come back for that. So you won't. But that's... Obviously, you don't want dog poo in the car, so they stick it on the... They hook it onto the rear wiper. I've never seen that. I've not seen that one. I'm going to be honest, Scott, I think there's something clever about that. And it's that kind of ingenuity that we'll be encouraging.

47:49Thinking outside the box. What if it falls off onto your windscreen? Then they're in trouble. Right. Then they're in trouble. Yeah, what if it starts raining? You need to put your window wipers on? Well, you're not going to be able to put it on, are you? Dangerous. These are the things that they're going to have to... Don't get me wrong, not going to just willy-nilly let people just have bags of shit. No, they need to be tied properly. You need to make sure it's not raining. and you're not going to use your window wiper, right? But that's the kind of thinking that gets you out of the situation that we're in now.

48:19I don't think so. Because what would happen is the government, our government now, would go, right, well, we're going to have to set up a whole thing about the dog poo bags. So we're going to have to... Bins in the parks? They already exist. This is going to cost us about£5 million a week. Everything costs£5 million, doesn't it? Or you could just get sensible people just doing, you know, they don't want to have shit in their car, so they're just doing the sensible thing, making sure that it's tied properly, etc. No, I agree with Scott. I don't want to see that. I've never seen it. I don't know where Scott's driving a bit, but that's never been a problem for me.

49:00Put it in the bin. There's bins everywhere. You should put it in the bin. Yeah, you can talk. You leave your shit. Once, one time. One time you shit in a bush. What are we doing about that then, Claire? because I feel like we're... I don't think that's a big enough problem. I think Scott's on an island here. I don't know where he's driving about. I don't see that. So how about this then for Scott? We'll get to that one. We'll get to it. It's not top of the list. No. We will get to it. We'll get to it. We'll revisit. Thank you, Scott. We've got one last one here from Clara. Claire. Claire with a K.

49:34She says, you know what really gets me? People dragging a four-wheeled suitcase. Why? What do you mean? They're dragging it behind them instead of having it upright and walking it. It's got four wheels. You don't need to drag it behind you. You're taking up all that space behind you. I agree. Let me read what she's got to say here and then let me tell you what you're on. It's designed to glide effortlessly beside you like a loyal little travel companion. Yet people yank it behind them like a reluctant donkey. Right. Some poor engineer spent years perfecting those spinner wheels. Let them live.

50:10Glide, don't drag. Anyone dragging a four-wheeled suitcase on two wheels should be banned. Please make it so. Stay smooth, unlike those dragging their cases. Claire with a K. Yeah, I agree. Right. Let me tell you something about the suitcase thing. Now, unless you're plodding along, taking your time, sure, you can just sort of nudge it and push it in front of you. Yeah. Sometimes you've got to go drop a cog and start revving and you've got to go really fast. That's fine. That's when you sometimes have to drag it behind you. That's fine. Do you think she's talking about people who are walking fast?

50:48I don't know who she's talking about. She's not. She's talking about people who dilly-dally wave behind them. I'm saying there is a time and a place for pulling it behind you. But also she's right. Those spinny wheels, they work. You can still go at a pace. The only time there's a problem is uphill. Then you maybe need to go behind you. Absolutely you do. But as long as you're moving... But also... It's the dilly-dally-als. She's talking about engineers designing stuff and da-da-da-da-da, right? The suitcases are top light. They're bottom heavy. If you push it, it will topple over. Ah, but it's beside you.

51:25The pull is not going... Yes, again, it's fine if you're just plodding along. Right, that's what she's talking about. She's not mentioned that at all whatsoever. I'm taking Faye, that's what she means. No, I'm saying there is a time and a place for pulling it. Okay. She's pulling it along like a donkey. Okay. Like a stubborn mule. Okay. And Claire is wrong. I don't think she is. I think I get exactly what she is. You're only saying that because her name's Claire. You make up these weird rules for me. It's spelt with a K anyway. Yeah, no, that's weird. I thought your name was an unusual spelling.

51:56I know, yeah. So this Claire, who's nicked your name and using a K, you're just going to get on board with it, are you? I'm on board with her. So what are we doing about that then, Claire? Yeah, because this is the second rule. We'll revisit. We can't keep saying that. We've got to come down on the law. Yes, we can. Well, the government will do whatever the fuck we want. No, that's not the kind of government we're going to be. We're not going to do whatever the fuck we want. We're going to do what people want us to do. Right, this isn't the top of the agenda, though. It's moving its way up the agenda to me because I can't believe how you've got something against people dragging a four-wheeled suitcase.

52:28It makes so much sense. No, it doesn't. Of course it does. It doesn't. It doesn't. You're taking up all that space behind you. What's space behind you? Because when you're walking through an airport and stuff and people have got a big, massive suitcase dragging... What's the difference between... Because it could be right beside them. I don't get how you're not getting this. I'm shocked that you're not getting this. I don't get what you're not getting. Less than other space. Yeah. It's taking up a whole big thing on its back, basically, behind it, behind you. But you are taking so long. Because you know if you push that thing too hard, it's going to fall forward.

53:04No, because you can put the handle down quite close to it and it's very compact and you move it, will you? Nah, mate. You're just not strong enough. I'm very strong. I'm very strong. I'm stronger than a couple of the chieftains. You are.

53:19That's not true, by the way. They're all very strong. They are very strong. But you did beat two in a strength test. I did, yeah. Right. That's just what we do on random Tuesday nights, by the way. Before we, me and Claire. Before we fought over suitcases. Before we get divorced over suitcases. we should probably say our goodbyes. Yeah. That's it for this week's episode of The Buckleys. Thank you very much for listening. Remember, you can get in touch with your stories and questions by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app you like to use.

53:50And if you're feeling extra generous, why not go ahead and read us a review? All that is left is for Claire to say... See you next Thursday. Bye, guys. From me, Claire and the Fly. Go on the Chiefs. Chiefs.

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