No One Cares You Did Dry Jan

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1:14Start spring off strong with these deals and more. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Valid through 325, while supplies last. Soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. See Lowe's.com slash terms for details. Subject to change. Point boosters subject to exclusions and more terms apply. One time only offer. Are you happier? Are you healthier? Do you feel better? You had one of those big Bo Peep hooks. Are you kidding? You were, you were going, oh, good. I think you're confusing that for, oh, God. Claire, get the kids and the boys. Go down to the basement.

1:46Lock the door. What do you mean you wanted that one? That's the point. That's the one. That's the one you do want. Oh, I love you. Get away from me. So I'm here, we're getting divorced or?

2:02Swig There we go I'm ready Ready I've got my bare feet Is that alright? Should I put my eggs on? Hey listen, you're high up on the wiki feed charts Are they clean though? No look, I've got shit all over them Because I walked from the Well I think people like that as well Do they? I think you've got like Step in Jelly and stuff Oh Jesus Christ, they'll get the views step on like an apple crumble or something. Oh, really? Yeah, people love it. Hey, listen, Claire. How do you know? I know these things. I'm a freaky guy. Welcome to The Buckleys, the podcast where we sit down, have a chat, moan a bit and invite you into our lives.

2:40Before we get into it, we just want to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use. And if you do enjoy the show, why not go ahead and leave us a review? Claire. Yes. How are you? I'm all right. How are you feeling? I'm okay. We've made it. It's the end of January. It's the end of January. It's the end of dry January. Ah, thank God. Yeah. Because I...

3:13Funnily enough, guys. You're not even going to let me pretend. Funnily enough, if you've done dry January... Are you happy or not? You're not going to get any respect from us. Are you happier? Are you healthier? I just think it's like... Do you feel better? Yes, the easy way out. I know. We're not quitters, are we, babe? No, we don't quit. Never. We don't quit. Never. We stick with it. We'd be sat there 11.59, January 31st. Is there 31 days in January? I don't know. 30 days of September, April, June and November, all the rest of 31 except February. Yeah. Right, we'd be sat there 31st of January, 11.59, just looking at the clock ticking.

3:55Yeah! We did it. Do you think? Yeah, of course we would. What's the point? Who are you trying to impress? Who are you trying to impress? You say that to me all the time. Well, it's when you sit there reading a book. And I'm like, there's no... Every time I read a book... I go, there's no one here. There's no one here. I'm reading because I like reading a book. Who are you doing this for? The people that do Dry January, the people that do the London Marathon. The people that climb a mountain. I just want to go to them. I do it all the time on Cameo. People are like, my mate's climbing a mountain.

4:30Can you wish them the best of luck? And I just go, yeah, well done. By the way, people are going to be mildly impressed. No, I'd be really impressed. This will be your reaction. When you go, oh, by the way, I climbed that mountain. People go, oh, all right, that's good. If I met somebody who climbed Everest, I would be full of questions. I would want to talk to them all night. I would love that. Well, you're in the minority. I don't think... I don't care about London Marathon. And it's blokes, by the way. It's blokes doing this stuff. I don't think you're going to get the reaction you think you're going to get when you walk into the pub with your medal around your neck.

5:05Oh, they don't do that. Just going, oh, what, this? Yeah, just done the marathon. People go, oh, that's quite good. Anyway, did you watch the game over the weekend? That's it. There's too much work for too little payoff. It's the same with dry January. Oh, I've been doing dry January. Like, in it, people are fed up with the people that do dry January. Listen. I don't want to hear it. No, it's not. It's the same as the problem that everybody's got with vegans, right? It's the people who tell you too much that they're doing it. You've got your vegans, you've got your vegetarians that do it and they keep it to themselves.

5:40Absolutely fine. Jack Shalhoub, he's come up again. What, Jack? What's he doing now? I think this is like the third episode in a row that I've spoken about with my mate Jack Shillow. Right, he's a vegetarian. I keep forgetting he's a vegetarian. Is he? Yeah, exactly, exactly. He keeps it to himself, he gets on with it. Aren't you taking him to your steakhouse after this? I am, yes. Because I saw the booking in the diary. Yes, I am. Yeah, we're going to Hawksmore, mate. Yeah, we don't fuck around. That is so... There'll be something there for him. Does he eat fish? He does eat fish. Right, okay.

6:11He does have a bit of fish. Fine. But I forget, like, I booked it. I booked it. Of course you did. I booked us going out I booked a steakhouse. I completely forgot he was vegetarian. Not a thought for the other person. But I love it that he keeps it to himself. He doesn't make it a big thing. He doesn't have a bumper sticker on his car saying I'm vegetarian. Now, to be fair, on that, on you booking a steakhouse, right, when you're going out with a vegetarian, now, shoot me. That's their problem to figure out. I think so too. And I think he thinks so as well. Great. Whenever we go out for something sweet, he's like, I'll get on with it.

6:46Don't worry about me. See, my sister-in-law is like that. My brother's wife is a vegetarian. And she never, ever, like when they come down, if we get a curry or we get this or that, she'll find something. Or if she cooks something, she'll cook meat stuff. She cooks meat for my brother, yeah. She doesn't impose it on you or make it a thing. Yeah, yeah. Vegetarians, dry January, marathon runners, people that climb mountains. If you want to do it, you do it. Just keep it to yourself. Okay, fine. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, sure, sure. Oh, I did dry January, and then I just kept going. Well done, what do you want from me?

7:24Now we can't be mates. What are we going to do, I'm afraid to die? That's the end of this friendship. Yeah. There's nothing more sort of like that gut-wrenching feeling, right? When you get like a date together with your mates, and then you meet up and you turn up and they're like, oh no I'm not drinking tonight you go well what alright what am I here for then I'll do one better for you I started a whole fucking podcast with my other mate Joe yeah because I have to have a beer and stuff like that and I was like oh the podcasts are great we'll do one together me and you we can have a couple of beers we can just talk bollocks and do it yeah turn up for the first day of recording he was like I haven't really I haven't had a drink for about a year and a half I went oh for fucks alright well we just signed up to do 52 episodes of this alright great wait, this is going to be a laugh, isn't it?

8:17You don't want to mention that in the meeting, Joe. I know, yeah, you could have flagged this up. And I would have gone, do you know what, we'll leave it. We don't do well with sober adults. We don't do well with people that want to better themselves. Come down here with us. Come and have a kebab and a beer. And we'll have a laugh and we'll enjoy ourselves. And if the kebab plays shut, we'll grab a pot noodle. We'll be on our way. I don't want to hear that you're learning a language or something like that. Those are other people. Paige, you can... Shut up. I'm trying to make another point. You'd see, this is what James does.

8:55So last week he was talking about NutriCheck, which he does. You do genuinely use. I do, but I don't tell anyone about it unless I'm being paid. Well, that's true. That's fair. That's fair. You're also obsessed with Duolingo. Yeah. You're learning another language. What's my... I'm Italian. This is what James does. Honestly, it's one rule for him I'm coming up to 500 days Streak, 495 at the moment Can you talk Italian? No, I can't I shouldn't have said talk there I should have said speak, right? No, I didn't notice Can you talk Italian? Talk Italian to me This is bad, isn't it? No, I was talking to that bloke at that restaurant Jess's 30th Yeah, listen, that's the night I fell over Oh, that's the night you fell over But I remember you going, you were getting a bit of a fanny flutter when I was talking Italian to that waiter.

9:49Are you kidding? You were, you were going, oh God. I think you're confusing that for, oh God. No, you weren't. I think you are. No, you loved it. Did I? Anyway, we've gone off tangent straight away. Anyway, Claire, it is January 29th. Go on, what does that mean? You know. Everyone here knows, right? Oh, have we got another day? It's National Puzzle Day! Oh, Lord. National Puzzle Day is celebrated annually on January 29th to honour the fun and mental benefits of puzzles. It was founded by Jodie Gill in 2002 to share her passion for puzzles with others. As it is National Puzzle Day, we have a little story from one of our listeners where they had to solve their own puzzle.

10:40you excited yeah really you excited i'm trying my hardest to make it seem like something exciting is about to happen um hey james claire and the crew oh that's nice isn't it there you go um i've debated sending this because it makes me look like a complete idiot we don't worry about that uh but here we are my wife and i were clearing out our three-year-olds old clothes and because I hate waste, I decided to flog them on Vinted. Yeah, brilliant. Yeah, we were just talking about that. We were just talking about that. I've just... I've got a Vinted account and I've just never got room to put stuff up on it.

11:17But my friend's son has got a Vinted account. Yeah. And I've had all these old, loads of old Fred Perry, pretty green stuff that used to fit me back in the day. And I've kept hold of them. And for the last couple of years, I've just been constantly like, I'll get back into them. It's not happening. I've had to sort of just go, listen, the body's growing. It's over. I'm at a different stage these days in my life. And I was like, but I can't throw them away. Literally thousands of pounds that I'd spent over years, like on these clothes. I was like, I can't throw them away. I could give them to charity.

11:54I was thinking about giving them to charity. And my mate was telling me about his boy who's been doing this vintage thing. I was like I'll give them to him yeah so I've gone away and he's they're all I should have found out his vented thing I could have helped vlog him I could have like plugged it now couldn't I you could have yeah but I am sort of secretly interested because I want to know how much they go for how much they get now is he is he is he putting them up for sale as James Buckley's old Fred Perry's or is he just no but no because what he does is and he's very good like he's 15 years old this boy right and he Googles stuff and finds out the market price for stuff and he does his research.

12:34He just goes a little bit under. Yeah, and he does his research and, you know, but I'm interested to see what they go. But yeah, no, absolutely. Stick it on Vinted. Either give it to charity or stick it on Vinted. Don't throw stuff away. No, we never throw clothes away. I'm always taking charity bags to the shop. Yeah, sometimes they go through. Sometimes they will. I don't want to put people off giving clothes to charity. Go on. That's not the message. I want to put out at all whatsoever okay they can be a bit snooty sometimes though and you want to go go fuck yourself fair they can be a bit like sometimes you do look through it yeah and you're like you don't have to look through it in front of me no either chuck away wait until I'm gone and if there's nothing there chuck it away yeah I'm trying to help you out I'm doing you a favour yeah yeah but do give do give to charity generously um I decide to flog them on Vinted.

13:29After taking the dogs for a walk, I get to the locker drop-off, scan the code, pop the parcel in, job done. On the walk home, it starts hammering down, so I zip up my coat and notice the parcel is still in my pocket. I instantly panic. Convinced that I put something in there, I racked my brain of what it could be. Is it the dog? Dog shit. It's a bag of dog poop. Oh, no. As I arrived at the locker, I then started to realise that I managed to put in the dog poo bag. That was full, by the way, in the compartment. A panicked phone called to the company. It ends up in a 15-minute conversation where I have to repeatedly tell them I did not do this on purpose, as if it was some sort of hate crime.

14:18She then sends me another QR code, which opens the locker, only to see this lovely, delightful, smelly, full dog poo bag sitting there. I did a quick swap and all was sorted. But I wonder if I hadn't noticed what that person would have received. A smelly dog poo bag. OK, I've got a couple of problems here with this story. What makes the story even worse is I only made one pound off of it. Safe to say I will be double checking any future parcels. Have a great day. Lewis from Swansea. How did he get a bag of dog shite Mixed up with a bag of clothes You're getting confused You're thinking of a big bag of clothes Going to somewhere This is someone who's bought a pair of baby socks For a quid Okay fine I'll accept the baby socks That's it, that's what's happened

15:11There's probably a site That probably would have bought the dog poo online I've bought poo online Yeah we have Yeah, yeah, we have. I've ordered poo online. Two big boxes of it. Yeah. Lion poo. There you go. That's true. There's a cat, and it's still doing it. You did it the other day there. Yeah. There's a cat that shits in our garden. So I went and bought lion poo. We looked it up, didn't we? From a zoo. Because if you've got a bigger cat with their scent, they can smell it, and they go, oh, I'm not going to go near that. Yeah. Yeah. So. And I think it actually did work for a little while. But I'm going to have to buy some more now, obviously.

15:55Yeah, you have to get more. But yeah, you can get poo online. You can, yeah. I can't remember how much I spent on it. Do you know what? I don't think it was that expensive. I can't remember exactly, but I was like, oh, that's not bad for a lion. For a bag of shit, yeah. Yeah. Got another one here from Kate. Says, hi, James and Claire. hearing your rants about postmen. Not postmen. Delivery drivers. The postmen. Postmen are great. No, they're lumped in. No, they're not. Not postmen. We know our postmen, the bald fella. He's not been there for ages. Is he not? No. But you get to know your postman.

16:33Your postman's there. Your postman does things like, oh, I just left it over there for you. You get to know your postman. The postmen are great. Okay. It's your sort of delivery driver that just turn up in a fucking Vauxhall Astra. Yeah. And they're all piled in their clothes and I'm going, I don't think this is a professional outfit. What's going on here? Hearing about your rants about delivery drivers reminded me of my own parcel-related humiliation. My boyfriend and I went down to Cornwall to visit his brother and partner. Lovely weekend, all very wholesome, until I got home to Essex and realise I'd left my favourite cardigan behind.

17:16His brother says, no worries, I'll post it back. Brilliant. I even offered to pay the postage. He said he'd sort it. Great. Cut to a week later. The doorbell goes and the delivery guy is standing there with a small jiffy bag. I'm thinking, great, my cardigan's back. I look down. The entire parcel is covered. And I mean covered in detailed artist-grade drawings of penises. All sizes and shapes What? Some with shading I try to grab it quickly, pretend everything's normal But the delivery guy just stares at me and then hands me a form I have to sign a declaration confirming that the vandalism to the parcel Was not done by him or anyone in the parcel service How's she met in all that?

18:02So there I am, standing in my doorway, solemnly signing an official document About a bag full of dick drawings I won't be getting my boyfriend's brother to send me anything again Now, did the boyfriend's brother admit to it? That's it Because if somebody said, oh you need to sign this to say that I didn't do it, I'd go, what? How do I know you didn't do it? I'd go, I didn't know you didn't do it You just turned up at my door with a bag covered in dicks I famously don't sign anything Do I? What do you mean? Whenever we do a job, a corporate job Oh, I sign everything. Or even when I've signed on to do films and TV shows, they spend the whole of the production, like a whole sort of six or eight weeks going, oh, James, can you sign that thing?

18:50Don't forget to sign the contract. The contract. That thing. Yeah, yeah, I will do. I'm terrified of signing contracts. Yeah. Everything we do, everything Buckley's related is me. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how you think that's a good thing, though. Because you can't get me on something. Yeah, but if we split up tomorrow, it's all my work. That's all my money. Yeah, but if I go on... It's on my name. If we sign, like this podcast, for example, which we do, you know, there is commercials, there are adverts. Yeah, and I sign off on them. Yeah. You sign off on them. But if I, you know, go on a rant about vegetarians and stuff and they want to sort of kick off and all of...

19:30I don't know. I just sort of think, you can't do me. You can't get me. You can't get me. So you're laying me out. I'm the sacrificial lamb I'm not saying I don't tell you to sign it well you have to sign stuff nah to get stuff over the line nah you can get away with it no you can't you just go oh yeah no I'll do that I'll do that because they are because by the time they've sorted out a production company and you've got to do it on this day and it needs to go out in a week's time they're not waiting for you to sign the contract they need to get it done you go oh yeah no I'll sign it I'll sign it look at your face no you do you get away with all kinds of shit and I have done there's been stuff where it's like oh but you signed a contract saying that you would do this and I go check the contract mate I don't think I have signed it I love that you live your life in fear of being cancelled yes I do I'm sitting there I'm at home waiting for my turn my turn's got to come you do don't you it's gone through everyone I'm on that list yeah well okay and I won't even get cancelled for doing anything good like having it away or anything it'd be because I said a really bad joke jokes are worse than having it away you don't get cancelled for cheating well yeah I think you do do you?

20:48you would all my people would come after you if you cheated on me I know but if I cheated on you they'd be like wow she stayed as long as she could she tried her hardest No, no, no. Listen, you're always bringing up like, oh, if you cheated on me, I feel like you're subliminally trying to sort of say the words cheat on me. And what? Subliminally. You're saying the words cheat on me just because you want to get out of jail free card. You want to be able to go to the court and go, you cheated on me. We're going to court? Well, you have to go to court, don't you, to get divorced, don't you? No, you just sign the papers.

21:26No, but it's a legal thing. Yeah. There's courts and stuff involved. You don't have to go to court unless there's a problem. I don't mean you go to her court, but you go to the courts. The papers go through the courts. Listen, I've looked into it. It's a very simple process. There'll be a judge. A judge has to decide. Surely a judge has to decide whether a marriage can be dissolved. No. What's happening here? Are we getting divorced? No. My point is you keep sort of dropping these little hints about cheating and about divorce. What will happen if we get divorced? I want to keep going to you. You're not fucking getting...

22:00Like, you'd love it. If I cheated, nah, it's not that easy. It's not that easy. And I've had, listen, don't get me wrong, I'm a face. I've been propositioned. When? And I've had to go to him, go and tell Claire, well, nice try. Go on, go back to Claire. Who's Claire? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. And I'm looking at, is there a camera on me right now or something? Go and tell her, nice try. You've got to get up earlier in the morning. When have you been propositioned? You would tell me straight away. What, brag? Yeah. Yeah. You'd be like, oh, there was some woman who wanted to. Hey, listen.

22:42You've never told me that. I can't tell you every time someone wants to talk to me. Look at you, you're worried. You're worried, mate. Hey, let's have a little swipe, and hopefully when we come back, we'll still be married. We're leaving today and entering a world of Mickey Mouse waving, princess meeting and greeting, lightsaber clashing, the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror dropping, Banshee flying, Space Mountain launching, galaxy rewinding, what the whole network galaxy rewinding, fireworks igniting, World of Other Worlds. For whatever you love. Infinite worlds await at the most magical place on Earth.

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24:09But too often, life, or usually price, gets in the way. That's why Priceline is here to help you turn your dream trip into reality. With up to 60 % off hotels and up to 50 % off flights, you can book everything you need for your next adventure. Don't just dream about that next trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com and book your next trip today. Got your happy price. Priceline. Hey, Claire. Yeah? We've got an email. We've got a message from Tom. Tom says, hello, James and Claire. This is the story of how I tried to leave the hospital after my son was born.

24:46Yeah, I tried to do that as well. You grabbed me. Said, oh, you're fucking going nowhere. you had one of those big Bo Peep hooks

24:58you're not leaving me with this this is a story how I tried to leave the hospital tried to leave the hospital after my son was born and somehow found myself staring at my own low budget remake of The Great Escape did you end up in a bush taking a shit and needing KFC wipes that was my version of that it was lockdown 2020 and my partner Abby had just given birth. It was midnight. Yeah, it's late. It's midnight. You've stayed long enough. Time to go. And the nurses told me I had to leave. So I said my goodbyes and wandered out into a completely empty corridor. I get the lift and it's plastered with a massive red COVID-19 do not enter sign.

25:40Fine. Stairs it is. I walk the longest corridor of my life. Same bloody sign on the stair door. I look at the security camera for a bit. waiting for someone to stop me and then think, nah, sod this. And I go through anyway. I start skipping down the stairs, buzzing from becoming a dad. Sorry. This is why I should read them. Then realise I'm sweaty, out of breath and panting. Classic COVID symptoms. So I start freaking out. Great. Now I look exactly like the bloke you shouldn't let out of hospital. I finally get to the main exit and everything's closed. I have no idea how to escape this place. I head off back up the corridor and out of nowhere, a tiny bald scientist.

26:27A scientist. I said fucking 28 years later. A tiny bald scientist with a tray of liquids appears. He looks scared to death to see me. I'm tall, tattooed, bald, sweating and breathing heavy. So I can kind of see why. I ask, how the fuck do I get out of here? So you're bald, tatted, sweating, start shouting expletives. He starts shaking. He tries his card on the exit. Nothing. After I explain, I'm not a COVID case. He's not doing himself any favours. No, he's mental. He's a big, bald bloke with tattoos, screaming, how the fuck do I get out of here? I'm not a COVID case. Unless it was when COVID was scaling, We didn't know what the hell was going on.