Planning for the Apocalypse

0:12James, I am wet right now.

0:19Clair Buckley:Right. Get ready for bridesmaid duties. Very cute. Very false advertising apparently. Oh, we're not doing as well as you, but we're trying our best over here. You're always convincing me to take the high rod, and I know for a fact I would have been happier if I just nutted them at the time. Are we going to do this? Because I'll do this. You want to get nuts? Let's get nuts.

0:49Clair Buckley:Right, Clare. Yeah. We're here. We are. We're doing another one. Here we are again. Welcome to The Buckleys, the podcast where we sit down, we have a chat, we moan a bit and invite you into our lives. Before we get into it, we just want to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at The Buckleys Pod on Instagram and TikTok. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use. And if you do enjoy the show, why not go ahead and leave us a little review?

1:19Clair Buckley:There we go. That was the bit. That was the bit that I need to say. How are you, Claire? I'm alright yeah yeah oh good do you have a song that you just because I've got a couple and you just sort of start humming a song I've got a couple um one of them I've forgotten one of them one of them is I don't know what you're talking what do you mean what is the sorry I just what's the context here because I said like you know when I'm just going about my business yeah and I've got I've got one and I you must You've got a lot that you do. I've got one especially. That you sing all the time in the house?

1:57Clair Buckley:Spin Doctors. Two Princes. Do that all the time. What is that? If there's a silence, if I'm just in the kitchen on my own. What is that? I don't sing the words. I do it in like the Vic Reeves style. What is that? And the kids take the piss out of me for it. I've been doing it ever since I can remember. I'll just walk around the house going, Do you have one? Do you have a song that you go to? I don't have a song that I do that way, no. I'll be in the car by myself.

2:40Clair Buckley:I'd do it for ages and ages and ages. What is that? That's got to be some sort of fucking, that's got to be some mental thing. Yeah, it is, yeah. Because even I'm going... I think it's called eritonitis. No, but it's been going on for decades. Yeah. They'll just do that. They'll just sort of hum that song. Yeah. It's a good song, though. Now, what is the actual song? Two Princes. But what does it sound like? Because I only know it as that. I don't really know the words. If you like to call me baby, we'll go ahead now. Right, right. I don't actually know the words. Doobie. Doobie, doobie, doobie.

3:22And sometimes when the kids were little you'd say booby Yeah Yeah I remember that

3:29Clair Buckley:Anyway So Claire You know we like to We don't always achieve it But we like to be light and entertaining And You know we just We see ourselves as a We don't talk about the real stuff We like to just talk about the stuff that annoys us, the real stuff to us, right? Sure. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I mean, you get into stuff, but sure. Sure. Can I talk to you about the end of the world? Absolutely. That's my favourite scenario. Yes. So, listen. I'm waiting. I'm ready. I keep feeling like we're going to run out of World National Something Day or World Day. Yeah. We don't. every fucking day.

4:19Clair Buckley:My theory is correct. Why? My theory is absolutely correct. Every single day is that I'd be... Can we look up how many days are overlapping? Because there must be National Hamster Day and National Wear Your Shoes on the Wrong Feet Day. Anyway, it's National End of the World Day. Yeah. How is that a day? Well, End of the World Day originated when a radio presenter and numerologist, he's called Harold Camping. Oh, he said the end of the world was coming. He said the end of the world would be May 21st, 2011. 2011. It didn't, obviously. Well, you know there's a theory that the world did end. When?

5:11Well, there is a theory that the world...

5:14Clair Buckley:Yeah, you got me. there was a turning point and I think it was 2012 there was a point where everybody sort of agrees that everything kind of changed slightly and like there was stuff that some people remembered and that other people there was some sort of split somewhere around about 2012 and apparently this is a different dimension we went into We're in a different dimension. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Is there any, can you give us any examples of any, why people think that? No. Because it sounds to me like it felt a bit different. Yeah, it just felt a bit different. Yeah. Felt a bit different. There's also another theory that we all died.

5:59Right. And none of this is real.

6:04Clair Buckley:Okay. But it is end of the world day, May 21st, 2011. May 21st? Yes. Why? So why is it ended? Because this guy said this is when the world was going to end. He said the world's going to end May 21st. Right. I mean, the world will end. Yeah. It is going to end. Oh, I just watched that dinosaur thing. That was, that brings you back down to earth. Yeah, yeah. There's lots of ways that, but the world didn't end when that dinosaur thing happened. No, but their world ended. Yeah. They finished. That's a different thing. Yeah. But everyone's, there's loads of people whose world ends every single day.

6:42Clair Buckley:So I wouldn't worry about that.

6:46Clair Buckley:This will end for me at some point. Maybe sooner than later. Sometimes I worry. Depends how tolerant you are. Oh, there's a thing here. The theory that Claire is talking about is known as the block universe theory. As the theory goes, the four-dimensional block universe contains everything that ever has, ever will happen at once. Time doesn't actually pass. There are just specific moments and they're all happening at the same time, even though you may only be experiencing one of them. This means that on some plane of time, yes, you are already dead. Right, this is the kind of stuff that freaks me out.

7:26Right, but also...

7:28Clair Buckley:That I can't get my head around. But then also, isn't there the theory that there is an alternate... There's an alternate for everything, right? Well, there's the multiverse. So there is a universe where we exist exactly the same way. But we've got antlers or something like that. There's an infinite possibility. There's infinite possibilities of everything being exactly the same, except you've got like a cock on your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, do you believe that stuff? I don't know. Because there is this infinite universe. Again, I don't understand the actual, it's a fun thing to think. Oh, yeah.

8:08But usually with this sort of stuff, there's some sort of something that backs up the theory.

8:14Clair Buckley:This is why I think that, and I've not got to that bit yet. Well, that's the boring bit. No, that's the interesting bit. That's the interesting bit. But yeah, no, I can't get my head round. There's so much about space. And I'm not just talking about myself, space and time and all that sort of stuff. there's stuff that you know the big old the clever clogs on this planet the proper clever people that still can't get their head round so sometimes I'm just a bit like why should I bother oh no don't bother I wouldn't try and understand any of it but yeah I do no I just are you okay I'm alright yeah but I just you sure I think about all this nonsense but I don't have the intelligence to cope with it well don't worry about it it's fine but I do worry about it Claire it's fine do you want to have a curry tonight yes right there you go you see you're happy again brilliant that's all you've got to worry about where is it where is it so the question that's been poised to us and I don't want to go too introspective but the question is how do you think the world will end is what we're supposed to be discussing right now in our brief but I think I'll finally explode in this studio you'll explode create a black hole and everything will get yeah well hey come on relax yourself so how do you think the world will end again so we just touched on it then it doesn't like that's not a cut and dry question because what are you talking about how will humanity end or the earth or the what or the earth alright well humanity then let's say the earth outlives us which it probably will yeah right well just how do you think how do you think humans will come to an end I switch between do you think it'll be like like an asteroid again do you think it'll be some sort of virus could be weather could be there's a whole load of things that could take us out in a second yeah right But I think that, and I'm going to be very positive here, that in some way or another, human beings, I don't know how many of them, even though there might be some sort of tragedy that wipes out, I don't know, 99%.

10:50Yeah. So me and the other guys, what will we do?

10:54Clair Buckley:I think the thing that we do good as a species is we adapt and we overcome and we do eventually survive. Okay, but to keep it light, what's your movie? Go on. What's your movie? Do you want to be in 2012? You love that film, don't you? Love that film. I've only watched it once. Do you want to be in World War Z? Yeah. Do you want to be in The Day After Tomorrow? Right. see I think I would A I think I would be fine with like a like a zombie thing I think I'd be good I think I'd be alright no I feel like I think I'd also be alright in the cold yeah I'd take the cold over the zombies I feel like the zombies are a constant it's a constant threat threat yeah whereas if I'd scraped through and survived some sort of climate if you survive the day after tomorrow where it's like the snow literally is taking over I'd be like, right, we've got through that.

11:58Now we need to figure it out. Now we need to start working out what's going on. Whereas the zombie thing, luckily enough with zombies, is that there's always zombie rules.

12:10Clair Buckley:There's always some great zombie rules, some very convenient zombie rules where they only walk. Well, that's the ones you use, the fast-moving zombies. They're the ones you go watch out for. They only come out at night time. like there's always there's always some convenience I hate zombie shit I love it I fucking I've never watched The Walking Dead I've never watched The Walking Dead I hear it's absolutely brilliant I hear it's absolutely amazing I'm just not I just think zombies are so silly it's not about zombies as in like the living dead even though that's technically what it means it's not like people who died and then they come out the graves they use zombies as in like virus like they're infected it's an infection I know but it always seems a bit far fetched me the only zombie scenario is like oh do you know what 28 days later no no that's good the only zombie scenario that i was like oh do you know what that's actually quite an interesting twist on the zombie is um the last of us the last of us right yeah but those were like big like space alien things weren't they didn't they have like that wasn't their big like like plant things or something?

13:24Yeah, they were mushroom

13:25Clair Buckley:spores. Right, is that what it was? Yeah. Yeah, but weren't they alive? We watched it together. Yeah, but didn't they grab people? No, it was a mushroom spore thing. It was a certain type of mushroom that infected people and because of the way the mushroom works, it spreads, it releases spores. Mushrooms can spread all over the place if they get the right conditions. I just feel like there's a little foothold of realism there that you can get into. I'll tell you what freaks me up. Before we move on, just quickly, I think the biggest living organism is a mushroom. Like, honestly, it goes on for, like, thousands of miles or something daft like that.

14:08Clair Buckley:What, underneath? It's a connected mushroom. It's almost classed as one thing. Right. Because they've built this network through the ground, through trees and stuff like that. and I think that's where The Last of Us got their idea from that sort of thing. I'll tell you what freaks me out. Go on. Which, and I think would scare me. What do you think about Planet of the Apes? Planet of the Apes? That's scary. Why is it scary? Because they are so strong. Like I would take on a zombie all day than an ape. Well. That film, because I feel like that could happen. Oh, it could happen. I feel like that could happen.

14:51Clair Buckley:Yeah, again, you've got your toehold. There's a little thing there. The lesson of the Planet of the Apes thing is human nature. Yeah. So don't fiddle about with stuff too much. Yes, true. Love those films. Here's the chimpanzee. He's almost intelligent as humans. I wonder if we could fiddle about a bit and fucking fuck shit up a little bit. Yeah. And then you do and you go, all right, and now we're in this situation. Yeah, exactly. Like, you can get on board with that. anyway what were you saying about keeping it light well we're talking about the end of the world it's not the national end of the world yeah but I'm talking about Planet of the Apes it's end of the world though but I'm just saying by the way end of the world movies apocalyptic movies are I love horror films right end of the world films are some of the best I love watching those films you do like the disaster genre don't you I love them I find them too stressful oh I love them they're some of my favourite favourite films to watch I don't enjoy watching them love it like because and that's not a I get so into it and then I'm like picturing myself and I'm like right what would I do I'd be that guy it's not because I'm dissing the genre it's because no you're just too you don't you don't like it's like you get actually stressed like people normal people like me you can sit down and appreciate a film and have some fun and watch it and you're going well I think that could happen because did you know that mushrooms actually do grow under the ground in the one big network and it could happen.

16:21Clair Buckley:Yeah. Mushrooms can survive without soil, water or light, which makes them such a realistic reason for the end of the world. According to a YouGov survey, people in the UK were asked a question in the event that civilisation collapsed, how well or badly do you think you would do at surviving in the post-apocalypse? The results weren't great. Only 5 % of Brits said very well. No, but that's because we place shit down, don't we? Like America would be like freaking out and being all dramatic and stuff. And we'd be like, oh, we'll just get on with it. But then we'd be going, oh, we're not doing as well as you, but we're trying our best over here.

17:11Yeah. The first thing I'd do is go to Scotland.

17:15Clair Buckley:Go to Scotland, yeah. That's where I'd be. Anything kicks off, I'm out of here. Do you know what? We need to get, you're Scottish, the boys are Scottish. We need to get a little Alamo up in Scotland. We need to get a little... A bunker. A little chalet away from nowhere. Now you're talking. Now you're talking. With some space to grow stuff. Society's all fallen down and petrol's gone. That's the movie then. We're trying to get to our safe place. you can't make it too far away or we'll die on the way it does need to be far away but you need to have stuff prepped so we'd be ready we'd have enough petrol to get there James I am wet right now right ok let's build a bunker let's set this up let's do a dry run ok will it be a dry run?

18:11I don't know I don't know.

18:13Clair Buckley:Will you be enjoying it too much? I am into this. All right, we'll slide all the way there. Let's bury some, like, weapons along the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to have... James! You've got to have little sort of SOS packages buried. Let's do it. Listen, on that note, let's have a swipe and then we'll get to some listener emails. You ready? Are you? Not really. Not really. Got a little bubble. That's twice that's happened to you. It's the beer, Claire. Ew. It's the beer. Ew. If I move my throat at any point now, this bubble will go. Clear that. No, I don't want to. Oh, it's gone. Claire, I've got an email from you and I'll tell you something.

18:57Clair Buckley:For me? I've got an email for you, yes. Oh. For us, whatever. But I'm excited about this one. Okay. Because it is from Anonymous. Wow. I've not read the email. When they don't want to put their name to it. it starts juicy I think you hated that one what? juicy goss yeah Anon says hi guys I have a wedding dilemma hit me I got engaged in November last year and our wedding is planned for late December this year my brother then proposed to his long term girlfriend on Christmas Eve and they've decided to speed run to do a speed run wedding in July now for years the four of us, me, my fiance, my brother and his partner, have talked about being in each other's bridal parties.

19:46Clair Buckley:My future sister-in-law would literally say things like, I can't wait for you to be bridesmaid. And even after they got engaged, she was like, get ready for bridesmaid duties. Very cute. Very false advertising, apparently. Because we were a bit more organized and actually went ahead and asked them to be in our bridal party for our December wedding because it seemed like the right thing to do and now nothing. They have asked their friends and not included us. Fucking the wedding man, it's a minefield. It is, the Occamut. Don't have a wedding and not expect multiple bombs to blow up in your face.

20:30Clair Buckley:Yeah, absolutely. I, for a fact, wouldn't have asked them if it wasn't for the years of hype. I felt like I had to. So my question is, is this our fault for jumping the gun, even though we got engaged first? Do I say something about how it's rude? Or even better, can I politely uninvite them from our bridal party now? Or do we just leave it and bitch about it behind their backs and move on? Yeah, you do that. Listen, this is coming from a guy, me, who has literally sat in my kitchen with one of my closest friends that I've known for years and years and years where he told me he was getting married and that he needed to talk to me about something.

21:12Clair Buckley:And I said to him, don't ask me to be best man, by the way. And you were going, that's mental that you said that. I said that was very rude because that is what he was going to ask you. I don't think he was. He was. This was years and years and years ago. In the end, he didn't. No, of course he didn't. Because I said... You don't want it? I don't want it. I don't want to be in a bridal party. I've been Usher a couple of times now over the last few years. Even that's a fucking pain in the arse. Right, but that's not the point of this. It's weird that you were all talking about how you're, like, when we get married and we'll all be in each other's groomsmen and bridal party and stuff.

21:51Clair Buckley:Listen, it's weird. They've done a weird thing to you. I would say it's a blessing in disguise and I wouldn't poke the bear too much because one, you do. You've got something juicy to bitch about now. It will bring you and your missus closer. You can bond over this. This is going to be a great thing. This is a whole relationship. We both go, yeah, fuck them together, right? So you've got that. That's going to be a great thing for you guys. And also you don't have to do all the shit that comes with being a part of the show when you get in the show when you've got a pot it's a hard pill to swallow they've already asked them absolutely take it back take it back fucking burn it burn it out of the ground don't ever talk to them again I'm just trying to give them a different spin on it burn it I'm trying to give them a different spin on it you've got the no I'd be furious I get this I'd be furious absolutely oh so you're good enough to be my bridesmaid but I'm not good enough to be yours this is great this is brilliant and this is what you two talk about together you get furious how is this woman supposed you've got a common enemy it brings you too closer we are not when we are closest is when we've both got an enemy that is when me and you come together and I'm like I've never been so close to you that's fine right that's fine but how is this woman supposed to sit there on that day with this fucking bitch coming in and being a bridesmaid and stuff fuming and then you just no then it ruins her day because she's already got this in her head you need to get rid she cannot be a bridesmaid absolutely not absolutely not she needs to go I think if you start doing that then you do cause some problems there's already a problem the problem's here and the problem's them they've done it wrong they've done them dirty you carry on doing the right thing no because then if you carry on doing the right thing you can keep slagging them off no because then if you're going to be a hypocrite then you can't slag them off so much no so in this situation this is a reaction in this situation they get to slag off and they don't have to do any of the fuck they just have to turn up at the wedding and just fucking get on with it you can still slag fuck off and get like no I couldn't do it personally I think that this is a great situation I think that if somebody if this was me in that position and it was like oh you're gonna be bridesmaid and it's gonna be so great we're all so great and then we got engaged and I asked her to be a bridesmaid and then by the way jumping on the bandwagon they do it two minutes later it's like right okay fine and then I get shunned yeah no this is great this is all the conversation because I'm not having her there I'm not having her there this is what we'd be talking about in our living room and I'd go yeah you're fucking right and then but talking about it's not enough I feel like this would lead to some sexy times like honestly there's I know I know being on the inside no she can't be there it'll it'll it'll put a dampener on her day and if there's one day and she'll be able to complain about it for the rest of her life no that's not worth it that's not worth it if there's one day a woman deserves it's to be bride and she's this woman that's mean that's not nice yeah absolutely and she can either take the high road or she can tell it to fuck off take the high road no tell it to fuck off no take the high road you guys you guys are in the right you've done the right thing no it's a detriment to yourself you were honest you felt like the conversations that you were having were true and there was some sincerity behind it and you've been fooled and you've been tricked.

25:28Clair Buckley:And you guys get to... It's not too late. You got to December. You guys now get to be angry. You get to be... You're better than them. You're better than them. And you know that. That's where you get... Are you talking to the camera? Yeah, I am. Yeah, I'm looking. I'm talking to the person, to Anonymous, who's written in because I want to reach out to them and say, No, don't. You are a better person than them. Money can't buy that. Money can't buy that feeling of superiority. I'll tell you what money does buy. They're going to have to get her fucking dress, her shoes, pay for her makeup, pay for the dinner.

26:04Clair Buckley:These are all receipts. No. These are all receipts. Keep those receipts. Get them out. Because 10, 15 years down the line, this stuff's all going to come out, and you're going to come out on top, and you're going to go, all right, we're going to do this, are we? Are we going to do this? because I'll fucking do this. You want to get nuts? Let's get nuts. Something's going to come out. You're going to go on holiday together. There's going to be kids involved. You're going to be in a caravan site. You're going to be at Butlins or something like that. She's going to be a pain in the arse and you're going to go, do you know what?

26:35Clair Buckley:Let's go back to 2026, shall we? And it's all going to be worth it. Nah, get her out, fucker. Get her out. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Stick with it. I'll come, invite me, send me an invite, I'll come. Do the right thing, it will be worth it. You will get results. You will get what you, this is an investment. This is my problem with you, James. You think the high road pays off too much. It does. It doesn't. It does pay off. It doesn't. No, no, no, you're too impatient. You're always convincing me. You're always convincing me to take the high road. And I know for a fact I would have been happier if I just fucking nutted them at the time.