Six Police Officers at the Door...

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1:25Good God in the heavens above, I cannot sleep for thinking about wee punch. Who's punched the man who? So I was like...

1:38I'm gonna have to get you to come home, love. Sorry. There's some police officers that wanna know that you're okay. It's not f***ing babysitting when it's your baby. It's called parenting. I'm just incompetent. I don't know, I don't know, I tried to do the dishwasher and I thought I'd done that. Oh no. You broke my finger last week. Yeah. On the other hand, am I okay?

2:03Doobie doobie doo. Doobie doobie doo. A bit of primal scream as we're coming in there, love it. And a real scream. And a real scream. For me. We're going to whack it in. Are you okay? Are you alright?

2:23Our manager Katie jumped out in a T-Rex costume. He was coming in. You fucking idiot! It's fucking Monday morning. Jesus. You're in charge of us. You're our manager. Oh God. That's who's running the show. And someone running this operation. Why have you done that? Just because. Yeah. And I bet you'd go home at the end of the day and tell your husband that you worked really hard and stuff, wouldn't you? Or you'd just sit here and listen to us. Can I just say, you do that, you constantly do that to me. Scare you. And you laugh all the time. I know. You're giggling. You keep going, it's your hair.

3:14It's because your hair's shaped. my hair shakes like you'll just jump out of me and i go oh like i don't know what you want from me yeah you find it so funny every time you do it that wasn't funny because i got a fright yeah so so that's not allowed no see this is my problem as well it's what happens when but you very rarely scare me i know i just it's annoying it's really irritating like that there's no fun in it for anyone else apart from you when you do it it's funny though and i remember you and the kids were doing it quite a lot and I did that thing where I then was like alright I won't be miserable, I won't be a stick in the mud I'll get involved as well I jumped out and made Harrison jump.

3:56You went a bit far I didn't go far, I did what everyone else does to me and he started crying. Yeah because you went too far, terrified him But I just did I just jumped out. You used to go out the back door and like trap the side windy and stuff. Yeah. You really freaked That's not the same I suppose not Anyway should we do this podcast Hello welcome to the Buckleys The podcast where we sit down Have a chat moan a bit and invite you into our lives But before we get into it we just want to remind you That you can get in touch with your stories and questions For us by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk Or you can message us at thebuckleyspod On Instagram and TikTok And don't forget to follow and subscribe To the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app That you like to use and if you do enjoy the show The show the show, if you do enjoy the show Seanapal then go ahead and leave us a review Hey Claire, how are you?

4:50I'm alright You're ok? Yeah, fine Nice and relaxed I'll get you back, you know You're going to regret that I'm a bit down Claire I'm a little bit down I'm a little bit down and depressed I've depressed myself this morning I was watching I was watching videos on Instagram Yeah And this video came up And it was like Oh you'll never guess what's in my loft And the bloke goes up into his loft And there's like Four little baby They're all like Nude Not nude But they don't have any What do you call it Fur yet Right okay Like little squirrels Right And he's like And he's literally like in the video Going off a fuck Oh I don't know what to do now Alive?

5:40Yeah they're like they're in the um that stuff that you keep to make sure you don't lose any heat yeah insulation wriggling around and stuff and he's like i don't know what to do now leave them the mum will come back right the thing is and then i looked in the comments and stuff what people were saying they're like gotta get rid can't get rid mate oh no you can't you can't have squirrels phone the rspca is that what you do that's what i would do but what what would they do well they You would take them away, I don't know, and you would just talk that they did something. I don't think they've got time and money.

6:16I love squirrels. I like squirrels. We've got a little squirrel that comes to the garden every day. Stephen. Yeah, Steve. We've got a little squirrel feeder. Yeah. Well, we had a squirrel feeder for ages. I had to get rid of the squirrel feeder because, no, because I love the birds. We get really nice during the summer. What? Do you? Yeah, yeah. No, during the summer, when I'm sprinkling the grass, I don't know, suddenly wet grass during the summer brings birds into the garden. Yeah, because the worms are coming up. Do you reckon that's what it is? No, but we get blackbirds, and they have a very beautiful song.

6:55They do, they do. And I was trying to encourage more of them to come, so I put a feeder out, and the squirrels kept getting involved. so I had to get another bird feeder because the squirrels kept nicking all the bird yeah well Stevie doesn't use that squirrel feeder anymore because Cosmo pissed right on top of it he did he stood right over it cocked his leg and peed right on it and I watched him for the back door and I thought you little arsehole no apparently if you didn't know this already by the way like we knew it we literally said it the day we brought Cosmo home because you know when you get a new dog the first couple of days sometimes they can be a bit sad until they realise oh no you guys are my family now or whatever he was just fucking bowling around he was about the size of a hamster when we brought him I was convinced you'd brought you'd got the wrong breed or something I'd been sold a chihuahua as soon as I brought him anyway that's not staff it I went it is stick him in a teacup like it was nuts but yeah no he was just like right is this me then and then just bowling around but he is a cocky dog so he does if there's something in the garden he'll be like I'm pissing on that, that's mine and then he does that thing as well where he kicks stuff up in the air so that everyone every other dog in the area can get his scent or something just go I'm fucking here before we move on from that something has taken over my life and it's depressing me and it's very similar and your little squirrel story made me think of it.

8:32Has anybody heard of Punch the monkey? No. Good God in the heavens above, I cannot sleep for thinking about wee Punch. Who's Punch the monkey? Oh, James, my God, this will break your heart. I want to go and get him and just bring him home. Oh, he's this tiny little monkey in a zoo in Japan. Right. And he was rejected by his mum. Right. And they gave him this stuffed monkey toy. And all the other adults have rejected him. And he just walks around with this little stuffed animal. And there's videos of him and they're all pushing him away and hitting him. It's so cute. You want to see him? Oh, there's a picture of him there.

9:19Oh, it's killing me. And the zoo are doing updates. Oh, that's so sad. He makes me tear up. What was that gorilla? there was a gorilla like a couple of years ago Harambee that women found really sexy I think there was some like really handsome gorilla and like women were literally swooning and being like my god he's a good looking gorilla oh is that him? oh it's the eyes he does have nice eyes yeah there's something like there is something about him he does have nice eyes to be fair that took me by surprise see me him we could go and adopt Little Punch and live happily ever after

9:59Look at him More than he is Do you know what I mean There's a gorilla I am There is something He's got it He's got it Listen whatever it is He's got it Little punch the monkey Little punch He's struggling He's killing me But on the other end of the scale Shabani's loving it He is I just want to quickly I've got a very very quick moan for you Very quick moan Thermostat when are you going to is this about me what no when are you going to just accept you don't understand what a thermostat is and how it works I hate talking about because you will just be like because I spend years I spend years trying to get the right knowledgeable of all no not at all no I spend years trying to get the thermostat and I've still not mastered it.

10:56I'm trying to get that thermostat. But every time I go back, someone's fucked with the settings that I left it out last time. I don't touch the settings. I don't do anything. You do. You go, oh, it's warm. I just turn them down all the time. Exactly. You turn them down all the time. Because it's always fucking boiling in that house. And I keep going, it's just warm. The heating isn't on. The heating isn't on. It's warming with us. And you turn it down as if it's on. Well, you just admit you don't understand what a thermostat is. Just because you turn the thermostat down doesn't mean you're controlling the heat.

11:25I saw it at like 18. It's boiling. That's just because it's a warm house and a warm day. It's not a warm day. This is all year run. It's like that. You don't let me open the windies because it's too cold. I'll tell you something about our house. It is well insulated and it does keep good heat. If some squirrels wanted to nest in there, they'd be having a field day. But you're like, oh, it's warm. just because it is warm. So you'll go, I'll turn the thermostat down, but that's not how the system works. I just have an eye. The heating already knows that it's warm. It's not on. The heating knows that it's warm.

12:08And you turn the thermostat down. I turn the eye for a lot. I don't turn it down. And I'm trying to get the settings just right. And I go, who's put it down to three degrees? Me. I'm fucking sweating all the time. I hate that house. And you're always freezing. I said to you the other night I came upstairs and I was like oh it is a bit chilly up here you were like yeah I've already turned the heating up I know and that was from and then I was like great now we're going to sweat all night I know I know I've been there for hours going oh I'll turn the heating on and she'll complain about that it's just you don't you're the heating to you it's just it's a thing it's just an ongoing thing it's too hot it's too hot it's too hot it's always too hot and then whenever I've got if I go down the stairs first in the morning the first thing I do is open the back door wind, rain, snow whatever and I let a load of nice, I like fresh air I like to, you hate then you come downstairs and you're like what is the door open it's freezing in here why don't we all just go live outside is it a Scottish thing you and your family are the same your parents come and fucking stay with us for a weekend or something like that it'd be January and the back doors are open as if it's a fucking beautiful sunny day or something.

13:27I'm like, what's going on here? The doors are there to keep us, to keep all that weather and us separate. Might as well go live under a bridge or something. I will. Just admit you don't know what a family's name is. Fine, okay, fine. That shuts you up. Anyway, we'll have a little swipe and then and then we'll get into this podcast.

14:02Ready? Yeah. Go then. Hey Claire. What?

14:09Yes James? Hey Claire Buckley. Yeah. Do you know what today is? I don't know, what, fucking kick a steen day or something? Close. What? It's close. It's Let's Have a Laugh Day. Oh, shit. Shit. You're listening to the wrong podcast today. A national holiday designed to promote the benefits of laughter, encouraging people to add humour to their day and share joy. Do you know what happens when you laugh, Claire? What? Endorphins get released into the brain. It makes you feel better. Sometimes I just like to laugh. You know, do it. Go on, you do it. No. Is this an office thing? Yeah, there it was, yeah.

14:54It says here, what's something that always makes you laugh? We've established that. What? When you make me jump. Yeah, yeah, that's funny. And you should see her laugh. That is funny. Like tears. I only sometimes when it's a really good one. Sometimes they're a bit rubbish. You need to start doing that on, because those videos, you need to start videoing it. You're always in your pants, though. That's my fault. Remember the one the other night you were in the bathroom and I managed to get in the room and get behind the bathroom door? Oh, you took forever, but I was like, I'm here now, I'm sticking with it.

15:28I've wasted so much time standing behind doors. Yeah. It'd be good to know how much of my life I've spent waiting to scare you. That's as relaxed as you can get. Yeah, and you weren't in your pants. The immediate sort of 10 to 15 seconds after you've just been to the toilet, that's you, that's you back. You brushed your teeth as well, was it night? It was before we went to bed. Yeah, I was all nice and ready. I was trying to sort of get myself in the mindset of, you know, shutting down for the day. Yeah. But sometimes I like to do like an elaborate one. Like I'll go behind the bed or behind a door or whatever.

16:08Sometimes I like to just stand behind you. Yeah. And just not move. See, I'm the opposite. I do that to you when you're in the office all the time. See, I'm the opposite with you. Because I'll walk into a room and you'll be facing another way. And I'll be like, oh, she doesn't know I've walked into this room right now. And no matter what I do, I'm going to make her jump or something. And I don't want to make her jump because I know how that feels. And it's awful. And it's horrible. So I'll just be like, hey, perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think that's just because it's you. I think you'd get that reaction any time.

16:47Do you reckon? Just like, ah!

16:51Keeps a little face. So. So what, we didn't have a laugh day. We're having a laugh day. We've got some funny stuff. We've got some funny stuff on this podcast. We've got some funny jokes, thanks to the internet. Oh. Okay. These are all like Christmas cracker jokes, which are terrible. We do like dad jokes, to be fair. I don't mind a dad joke. I also don't mind a pun I feel like I could make a pun joke out of anything if you gave me a minute or so alright give them a sign and then we'll come back to you there was a thing that Adam and Joe used to do I think it was on Radio 6 they used to have a Radio 6 show and it was absolutely brilliant and they used to do a thing called author jokes and one of them so it was very pun based and I came up with a couple but I never submitted them I wanted to submit them but one of them that I remember was that you made up yeah did you watch that film about the homosexual shoes having an affair

18:09no Brogue Back Mountain.

18:15That's a joke made up by me. See, Katie likes it. She thought fucking a dinosaur suit was funny, so that doesn't mean anything. Brogue Back Mountain. It's not bad. It's not bad. It's got a great... Not bad. Are you coming to all our live shows? Can you sit in the audience to make sure? Do you know what really... There's the one joke that we have had so many arguments about. Me and you? Me and you. Over a joke? Yeah, over a joke. Because James claims that he made this joke up, right? And I go, but you didn't. Because I heard that joke when I was like eight. And you go, impossible. Impossible, Claire.

19:01I came up with it. What do you call flip-flops on the wrong feet? Flop-flips. He's convinced. Right now, has everybody in this room heard that? Right, you did not make that up I'd never got told it You did I'd never got told that joke before And he told the boys once that he made up this joke And then he told it and I was like James, you didn't make that up I've heard that a million times And you were like, impossible Claire I remember when I came up with it And I'm like, you didn't No one told me that joke I admit it's a very root one and I do admit but there's been a few occasions where you will not accept that I've heard that joke before you said it it depends what situation I'm in I do just like arguing with you but I will admit that it would be very easy to come up with that joke anyway and I'm sure it was about before but I did arrive at it myself I don't think you did I'd never heard that joke okay alright I put my flip flops on the wrong feet they were flop flips yeah argued with me that it was impossible that I could have possibly have heard that joke.

20:13Yeah, yeah, no. No, I hadn't. I hadn't heard it. I hadn't heard it. That's all I can tell you. You have. I definitely haven't. Anyway, what we got here? We've got some suggestions here. Suggestions, jokes. Here's one for you, Claire. If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom? Oh, European. European. Which only works if you talk like... in a bowl. A 1920s. Yeah. Or a 1920s prospector. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? No. He passed away. Passed away. Nice. I sold my Hoover the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.

20:59Good. See, these are like anti-comedy. These are depressing, aren't they? They're like, they make you feel shit after you've heard them. Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut? No. He just needed some space. Of course. Of course he did. Of course he did. How long are we doing this for? I've got a few more. Okay. What kind of tea... I hate these as well. I hate these kind of jokes. What was that thing on Friends when it's like, what kind of ship never sinks? A friendship. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

21:39Trying to get it I feel like that's more fun What kind of tea is hard to swallow That's what I love about Cracker jokes We always just try and guess what it is Are the ones on the back of a penguin It does sort of like Go against the spirit of telling a joke Because it's like no no shut up don't tell me I'll get this in a second What kind of tea What kind of tea is hard to swallow Law? Fuck, I don't know. Reality. Oh. God. I'm intro. I broke my finger last week. Yeah. On the other hand, I'm okay. See, it's delivery. It's because you've got a professional one. Hmm.

22:27Want to hear a roof joke? Yes. Well, this one's on the house.

22:34If you've got any of your favourite jokes Get in touch I liked on the other hand I'm okay I thought that was alright Those sort of set up and punchline can work I think Jimmy Carr's good at those things Who's the guy who wears the Hawaiian shirts all the time And he's got the really messy hair The comedian He does the one Yeah he's really good at those And he just keeps going and going Milton Jones yeah he's really funny He's quite good. And they're all terrible, but because of how he does it, it's funny. Let's talk about side-splitting sitcoms. Oh, God. I feel like I can talk about that. We've reminisced about classic sitcoms before.

23:19We have, yeah. Just then, talking about The Office. Do you have any moments from sitcoms that you remember? I bet they're in, because there is. Well, there's the classic. The very first one that comes to my mind is Dale Boy on the bar. So I've got the top ten funniest sitcom moments of all time, according to Brits. And that's number one. Yeah. Fawlty Towers was always a favourite. Me and my dad used to watch that. What's the big moment in that? Where he starts hitting his car with the branch and stuff and he starts having a sort of fit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Inbetweeners has made the list. Of iconic moments?

24:01Top 10 funniest. Why are you surprised? No, no, no. No, sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that. Is it you on the motorbike? No, it's Car Friend. What's that? You jumping on the car? I'm going to say that, yeah. But it might just be the leading up to that bit. Right. David Brent's dancing, The Office. Yeah. That's in there. Don't tell him, Pike. Now, I'm a big sitcom, especially British sitcom. Yeah. classic sitcoms is Partridge in there? yeah erm no it's not in the moment not in the moment no because I was trying to think it's not in the moment I will say this apart from don't tell him Pike in Dad's Army I was going to say Dad's Army I'm not a big Dad's Army fan I used to like Dad's Army I never really I was like it's fine yeah it used to just be on didn't it it was on the telly and I don't know why it was always on at my nan's.

24:57It was as if television stopped in time at my nan's. Some bizarre stuff. Gavin and Stacey, Smitty's curry order. I never got into Gavin and Stacey. I've never watched Gavin and Stacey, no. I've seen little bits of it. It wasn't for me. People love it, though. They do. It's really, really popular. I'm just not interested in watching a bloke from Essex meet a girl from far away and then like because I'm just like far away Scotland and Wales well yeah exactly so it's just like well yeah go on then yeah yeah no I never got into that Father Ted I love Father Ted oh it's got to be the bit at the window when there's the wee bit of black tape oh no no that is brilliant oh is that yeah no that is brilliant I think there's loads of great moments in Father Ted there is it's number 10 on the top 10 funny sitcom moments lovely horse No, that's good as well.

25:56It's the... Now, I'll explain to you again, Dougal. These are very small. Those are far away. Oh, is that the sheep? It's the cows. The cows, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I loved Father Ted. Over 14 million people were watching when Del Boy fell through the bar. Wow. That was a good moment. What was it he said? He said, drink up Trigg, drink up Trigg. You're cramping me style, mate. You're cramping me style. Oh my God, I love it. Best sitcom characters of all time, number one, Partridge. Really? It's just an incredible character. It's just so... I thought Del Boy would have taken that. It's number two.

26:43Shit. It says here, in written here, it says, number two, only Fools and Horses, Del Boy, brackets, David Jason. But he wasn't the only person to... So not James Buckley. But he wasn't the only person to play Del Boy. Brent, Gervais, Blackadder is four, Basil 45. Fleabag, six. Who's that? So Fleabag has beaten Rick from The Young Ones. No. Fletcher from Porridge. Victor Meldrew from One Foot in the Grave. Frank Spencer from Some Mothers Do Have It. Yeah. Need some sitcoms back. Like, we need some good old sitcoms. Yeah. So The Inbetweeners was in the top ten moments. Yeah. Of British sitcoms. Yeah.

27:29I reckon if you gave me half an hour, I could get The Inbetweeners out of that. I love The Inbetweeners. I'm really, really proud of it. But I also, like... It does have good moments, to be fair, though, The Inbetweeners. It's like Car Friend is above Brent's dancing. And for me, personally... I didn't think it would be Car Friend. Isn't there better... The motorbike thing. was people loved that yeah that was a moment yeah that's so yeah i could think of better in between as my husband when will shit himself during the exam that was a good moment was it not pretty much everything underneath the in between is in this list and this is me being objective because like i say i'm not like i'm not ashamed of the in between i'm really proud of it i think i think it's i'm genuinely thinking in between this is funny yeah but i think pretty much everything under that list is funnier than the car friend thing not saying that the car friend thing isn't funny it's just interesting i think it's just sometimes these things it depends on what you know let's give it another 20 years and see if the in between is still because 40 towers we're going back to the 70s i know the in between us has still lasted quite a long time to be fair i mean when was the last series the last episode of the last series 2010 is that when it was there There you go.

28:48That's like 16... 2010, yeah, 2010. That's still lasted a long time. Yeah, it's doing all right. Thank God. Claire? We've got thermostats to pay for. Exactly. That heating is cranked up. Let's have a little swipe, because afterwards I've got some spoonerisms for you. And I really hope that they explain what the word spoonerism means to me.