In short
The Buckleys banter about “Weaponised Farts,” plus domestic mishaps, public annoyances, and a debate about what makes a good stag do.
Guests
No podcast guests. The hosts are Claire and Sean Buckley (they also reference “Harrison” and “Jude” as family members, and “Cam Bartlett” as a football-related reference).
Key claims
- Sean says his diet can produce “weapon-grade” farts that clear rooms quickly.
- He claims he was thrown out of two venues for farting/stink-related incidents.
- He says he can “blame the dog” (a Yorkie named Bella) to cover up his farting, costing him £300 in vet bills.
- He argues some stag dos should be comfortable (hotel/pool/food) rather than exhausting “embarrassment fests.”
Notable examples
- In a bar, a fart allegedly made a nearby woman vomit; he was escorted out.
- Near a band, he claims his fart stopped the music mid-song after someone said the smell was unbearable.
- On a flight tunnel, a woman allegedly joked about smelling “the catalytic converter.”
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOFarting Confessions
1:33 to 2:42
The hosts share humorous stories about embarrassing farting incidents.
“Our email is thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok.”
The Haircut Debacle
2:43 to 6:14
A discussion about a miscommunication leading to a bad haircut for Harrison.
“and it just grew back to a lovely little hairstyle.”
Reflections on Parenting
6:15 to 10:01
The hosts reflect on parenting challenges and the dynamics between parents and children.
“Yeah, he looks yeah, he needs to fucking what do they say?”
Public Behavior and Annoyances
10:02 to 14:01
Hosts discuss their pet peeves about public behavior and interactions in London.
“People always give me advice on how I should do it.”
Whistling and Singing in Public
14:01 to 15:02
The hosts discuss their feelings about whistling and singing in public spaces.
“And I was just like, this is like the police report.”
Car Conversations and Awkward Silences
15:03 to 17:28
The hosts explore their dynamics in car conversations and the comfort of silence.
“But we got in the minicab and what was I supposed to do?”
Hairstyle Appreciation Day
17:29 to 19:37
The hosts celebrate Hairstyle Appreciation Day and share personal hair stories.
“silent and you sit there and you're like, oh, God.”
Bold Haircuts and Personal Experiences
19:38 to 22:23
Discussion on bold hairstyles, personal experiences with haircuts, and their significance.
“I bet people will find this hilarious and then leave the house.”
Haircut Anxiety and DIY Solutions
22:24 to 24:16
Hosts share their anxieties about haircuts and discuss DIY hair solutions.
Stag Do Preparations and Expectations
24:17 to 26:21
The hosts talk about the upcoming stag do and the pressures of participating.
“like I've done all those things a handful of times and I just don't like it.”
Show all 29 chapters
Preparing for the Stag Do
28:00 to 29:02
The hosts discuss their upcoming stag do, sharing thoughts and expectations.
“And I was going, thank you, mate, because I did put a lot of effort in.”
Expectations and Pressure of Being the Life of the Party
29:02 to 30:50
They joke about the expectations placed on them to be entertaining during the event.
“And that's the pressure that I'm under, Claire.”
John's Wedding Dilemma
30:50 to 32:08
They read an email from a listener dealing with a fallout with his best man over wedding planning.
“I did have a little scan of his email and I'll read it to you and have a guess whose side I'm on.”
The Modern Stag Do
32:08 to 34:21
A discussion on modern stag do expectations and personal preferences for celebrations.
“At that age, I didn't want to have a stag date.”
Personal Stag Do Preferences
34:21 to 36:50
The hosts share their ideas of an ideal stag do, emphasizing comfort and relaxation.
“Going for a shower, getting changed, going for dinner, going to bed.”
Concerns about the Stag Do
36:50 to 39:24
Worries arise regarding the atmosphere of the stag do and potential activities.
“Because I think, and I'm not being funny, I think someone's going to go at a strip club.”
Final Thoughts on Stag Do Traditions
39:24 to 42:00
They reflect on the balance between traditional stag do antics and personal desires.
“But how much is acceptable to ask people to spend on a stag do?”
Debating Stag Do Traditions
42:00 to 43:39
Explore the dynamics and expectations of stag do traditions.
“A little bit of, a drop of pork for dessert or something.”
Celebrity Stag Dos: The Extravagance
43:40 to 45:09
Learn how the rich and famous celebrate their stag dos with lavish parties.
“Would you like to know how the rich and famous do their stag dues?”
The Relatability of Stag Do Experiences
45:10 to 47:38
Discuss relatable experiences and expectations around stag dos.
“He saw the itinerary and went, this ain't for me, I'll just blame it on her.”
Introducing Buck My Life Feature
47:39 to 48:39
Learn about the segment where listeners share their funny mishaps.
“You've never come back from somewhere and gone, that was amazing, wasn't it?”
Weaponised Farts: A Hilarious Listener Story
48:40 to 54:29
Hear a listener's over-the-top farting incidents and their consequences.
“Hey, Claire, it's time for one of our regular features.”
Embarrassing Stories and Their Impact
54:30 to 56:01
Delve into more funny and embarrassing tales shared by listeners.
“It was like, oh, fucking hell, Buckley's let one go.”
Embarrassing Stories Unfold
56:01 to 57:40
Listeners share embarrassing stories about misjudging reactions to grief.
“She was like, oh, God, oh, the catalytic converter.”
School Gate Blunders
57:41 to 59:13
Discussion about awkward moments related to grief at school gates.
“I still wouldn't have any sympathy for her because I'm like, it doesn't matter.”
Public Faux Pas on the Spot
59:14 to 1:01:01
Claire recounts her public faux pas and the hosts reflect on embarrassing moments.
“and like I know I have a bit of banter with him you do yeah he's funny and he's And, you know, he's got his own construction firm and stuff like this.”
Loud Conversations in Pubs
1:01:02 to 1:02:52
A humorous exchange about being too loud during conversations in public settings.
“That was a private moment in a friend's house.”
A Train Journey Disaster
1:02:53 to 1:07:38
A listener shares a traumatic story about a train journey gone wrong due to a stomach issue.
“I was like, I'm going to have to tell her if I can pipe down a bit.”
Wrap Up and Listener Engagement
1:07:39 to 1:09:05
Hosts encourage listeners to share their stories and provide episode closing remarks.
“I wish I'd had those when you were in labour.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Clair Buckley:What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do? Africa by Toto. Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. Talking to me? We talking? I f***ed up. Yeah you did. I f***ed up. You did. He's been thrown out of two places for farting. I think Sean needs to go to the doctors. I don't think I've ever f***ed myself in public. You just told us a couple of months ago about when you pooed in a park. I thought it was a park, it was a street.
0:33Clair Buckley:My agent texted me about something important for work and I was just like, oh, I can't do that day. And she was like, oh, I've looked at your diary, you've got nothing on that day. I was like, yeah, but I've got to go for dinner in the evening. Because in my head, I'm like, if I'm going to be like, mentally prepared for dinner, I need to have a bit of chill out time before And then, because you know what it's like when you're with other people, you've got to sort of go. Like if we go around someone's house, I take a deep breath before I go in and I'm like, right, here we go. Hey, how are you? Oh, it's so great to see you.
1:11Clair Buckley:Oh, yeah. And I'm like, I've got to do this now for the next few hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. I won't turn it on for the podcast. No, I'm not. I'm back here in the morning. Shall I do the little intro thing? Yeah. Welcome to the Buckleys. It's a podcast. This is where we sit down, have a chat, moan a bit, and invite you into our lives. Before we do get into it, we just want to remind you that you get in touch with your emails and stories and questions. Our email is thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use.
1:47Clair Buckley:And if you do enjoy the show, leave us a review. If you do enjoy it, leave us a review. Claire, how are you? Good review. yeah if you enjoy it leave us a review if you don't like it then it's fine move on yeah um am I alright are you okay yeah yeah fine talking to me are we talking yeah yeah am I am I am I was it yesterday it was yesterday yeah am I out of the doghouse there I fucked up yeah you did I fucked up you did I told you it was two oh it wasn't just me it was also Harrison Yeah, you both got it wrong. Harrison decided, because I think we've had two days in a row where the sun just sort of popped out a little bit.
2:32Clair Buckley:So he was like, oh, it's getting summer. Oh, I think I might just shave my head. Get in the summer sort of vibe. Get rid of this hair, just shave it off. And I was like, yeah, cool, do it. So you started shaving his head. Because he did it last year as well. Yeah, he's done it before. and it just grew back to a lovely little hairstyle. Well, he had a little sort of... He had like a little floppy kind of... Well, he had a Cam Bartlett hair. Well, yeah. He loves sea Bartlett. Cam took him to the head, took him to his barbers. He wanted the same. Harrison was like, I want a haircut like Cam. Oh. Anyway, it just got growing.
3:12You'd think,
3:14Clair Buckley:by the way, the Bartlets, their players, Cam and Grant Bartlett, they play for the mighty chieftains you must know that by now if you listen to this podcast you'd think they were dead if you came to our house harrison's like got a shrine he's got like two cards you know those collectible trading cards signed by them in little cases you bought the cases i know i bought no but i didn't know that you'd make him a display in his bedroom and there's a scarf around it and a puck and it's like you know when you like see like flowers on the side of the road it's a bit like that uh but yeah harrison's like oh i'd like my hair like cam so he was rocking that for a bit like super short sides floppy slicked back but he was like I just want to shave it off and yeah me and Harrison were having a discussion and you were going what do you want because you were like right I'll do a number two well it's the last time we did it it was a number two right this is where me and Harrison got confused but you were going no do a number one otherwise it's just going to look like a grown out number two and I went no he's never had a number one number one's too harsh and I was going no no no number two looks like a number one but like a week later no anyway i scalped my child he's bald he's bald kids bald and listen yeah he's rocking it it's fine but i don't he's really like i was a bit upset he's really got like the hair's all gone and he keeps and this is another thing right and this is the internet infecting kids minds because he kept going oh man look at my haircut hairline hairline that's it yeah look at my hair my hairline's cooked that's what he said he was going look look at it look at it i was going that's just your hairline i was going you're not receding at 14 mate you had you don't have a receding hairline the hairline does go like that it does That's just what a hairline is.
5:30Because everybody's got fucking fake square hairlines everywhere. I know people that weren't going bald and they've gone to Turkey
5:39Clair Buckley:and they've moved their hair further down their head. One mate who's like, I'm off to Turkey for a hair transplant. I was going, what are you talking about? I was like, are you donating hair? Is there a mate of yours that needs a hair transplant? And you're like, I'll donate my hair to you. did not need it at all whatsoever but went there and did it yeah and now he's got now he's hair now it's too much there's too much hairline there but yeah me and Harrison sort of ganged up on you I don't know what happened we were convinced and I said this afterwards I said that's it I'm done arguing with you idiots especially you I said because I knew that he'd never had a number one we were both going no no we gave him a number one last year and I knew it and anyway I did it and as soon as I did that first bit I was like oh my good god and then there was no going back no no you can't go back you can never go back but yeah you know I fucked up I thought I thought he's bald he's bald we've got a bald boy we've got a bald child yeah anyway and he needs well it's fine what was you going to say you're going to slag him off no I wasn't so Harrison's bald he needs to go out and get some sun now because he just looks sickly.
6:59Clair Buckley:Yeah, he looks yeah, he needs to fucking what do they say? I was going to ask him if he wanted a little fake tan last night before we went up. They need to touch grass don't they? Yeah, yeah. Not so much Jude, Harrison especially. Yeah, Jude's busy. Harrison needs to get out of it. Harrison's yeah, pale dark eyes ball dead. He's doing the Festa thing. He's got the Festa thing going on at the moment. Oh, I hope he doesn't hear this because he kind of regrets it as well. Yeah, but it's one of those things. I'd like to see if it was you and your precious hair. You were just going, oh, it's just there, it'll grow back.
7:33Oh, no. All right, I'll give you a number one then, see how you feel.
7:36Clair Buckley:I was saying that when we were in the kitchen standing around him. I wasn't going fucking hell, mate, to his face. I was going, oh, it's there, it'll grow back. No, but yeah, he looks mental. He looks insane. Doesn't look mental. He does. He does, and I don't mean to be offensive, he looks like a sort of, if someone was in a 1920s mental asylum. Yeah, he does, yeah. Yeah, he does. He looks like he cut his own hair. Anyway. But you've forgiven me for that, haven't you? Yeah, sure. And you're not angry with me now, are you? No, it's fine. This is what I like about this podcast, to be fair, because this is our job now, isn't it?
8:19Clair Buckley:Even though that's mental, this is a job. If you're not talking to me, you have to talk to me.
8:27Clair Buckley:And I can like be really... I don't have to. No, you do. Of course you do. I don't. I can do whatever I want. If I were to come in here and no say I would, I'll do it. Try me. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you would as well, wouldn't you? Yeah, I would. But you bear it, didn't you? Absolutely. And also, this is a great opportunity for me to just say anything I want. Admit stuff, things that I've done. Why, what else have you done? I don't know. There's loads of stuff that I do in the house, don't I? just to get a little reaction. Do you know what, Claire? And it is also, the way I am with you is because you're fed up of it now, 15 years together, 13, no longer than that, haven't we?
9:10Clair Buckley:We've been together over 15 years, coming up to 14 years married this year, haven't we? You know when you get a puppy? Yeah. And you set rules and stuff then. Yeah. So when we first started going out, I was like all fun and funny. And God, isn't this guy wacky? Yeah. And he's like, oh, he's fun to be around, isn't he? Oh, he's always fucking joking with me and, oh, you little prick. Yeah. And all this, right? So now after time, you know, your boundaries weren't set. You've let the puppy get away with stuff. Yeah. You know, you were wrestling with the puppy and let it bite you. Yeah. Now I'm a grown adult puppy.
9:52Yeah.
9:52Clair Buckley:now I'm a big dog now you're a big smelly he shits everywhere dog and I still want to bite you and stuff like that yeah that's a good analogy yeah so it's sort of your fault you should have been better at training me you know the thing about dogs I love them but you can always put them down and they don't and they do you know after about 15 years that's sort of the max with dogs isn't it you've done well time is ticking is it yeah the vet is calling don't know what that means what were we talking about the other day I can't remember specifically we were talking about me getting killed no what were we talking about I don't know probably we who just us we were talking about me dying oh what was it oh it was insurance yeah that was it yeah that was a weird conversation that wasn't me that was C Bartlett he was going you won't get much for him if he dies in some sort of accident, you have to make it.
10:52Yeah, yeah. People always give me advice on how I should do it.
10:57Clair Buckley:But we were also talking about, what a weird discussion, how the payout, say if I died in a car crash, you're lucky if you get 30 grand from the insurance if I died in a car crash. And you were going, no, I'll be fucking, I'll be getting more than that. I'd be getting my money as well. I'd be going, you know how long I've suffered? Yeah. But I also said that you'd be the first person to not sue for emotional distress. They'd be like, Mrs Buckley, we see that you're not suing us for emotional distress. You go, no, no, I'm absolutely fine, but I just, I don't want to take the piss. No, I just want what's owed to me.
11:32Clair Buckley:But I just want what's owed to me. Stop doing that. Stop making me seem so horrible. That's right. Shout that at me. Stop! What? Oh, so what? Am I, do I have really tiny arms or is this cardigan made really weird? You're a mini person. This is a small ladies' cardigan. Look at this. Yeah, but you're small plus. Hilarious. You got anything to moan about, Claire? No. Are you? Hurry up, you do yours. I'm cool, man. I'm all right. I'm all good. You've already annoyed me. Yeah. Although, no. What was I thinking this morning? oh it was just loud people there was a lot of loud people today and that's coming for me yeah a lot of loud people there was a bloke on his phone good lord that didn't need the phone he didn't need the phone the person could have been he's going where are you where are you then where are you I'm sure whatever he is he can fucking hear you yeah exactly there was another bloke as well that annoyed me and you were like, what now?
12:46Clair Buckley:What's happened now? Honestly, he looked like a middle-aged Will from the in-betweeners. Right, I didn't see him. Glasses, he had headphones in, walking with a Starbucks, whistling. Whistling down the street. And I just wanted to be like, London. When you come into central London, we know, James, we know. Everyone just thinks it's their private space. when they're out on the street. That's why I said to you, we need to bring back, you know, just a, not severe, but just a little kicking.
13:26You'd get one.
13:27Clair Buckley:No, I wouldn't. I've been on the end of one. Believe me, when I was a young man, I was fucking, you know, like I'm with you. I was like that with people, just on the street and stuff. And you do, and you get a little slap, and you go, oh, fucking hell, I better behave myself when I'm out in public. Does that mean I'm allowed to slap you? No. Can't. But I was just like, I was talking to you about it when I was watching this bloke. I was going, look at this bloke. And you couldn't see him. He'd just gone past. I was like, this is when it's like... By the way, that's not what you said. I said... You just turned her into me and went, whistling.
14:03Fucking whistling.
14:04Clair Buckley:Yeah. I went, what? And I was just like... Whistling. And I was just like, this is like the police report. It's like, oh, it was just... He just punched me from nowhere. it was completely unprovoked I wanted to go it was provoked you you he looked punchable he was already I don't mind whistling I don't love it I wouldn't do it but I don't you don't mind whistling I don't think so I'll remember that I'll make you hate whistling sooner than I I'm sure you will do you love my singing no I hate your fucking singing I tell you what we got it's too much got in the minicab to get taken to the station today why is it the minicab it's a minicab isn't it Why?
14:43Clair Buckley:Well, it's not a black cab, so you call them a minicab. Oh, cab. Do you not know that? No, I don't. You've never heard that? Minicab. Yeah, that's right, isn't it? I don't say cab, I say taxi. Whatever. Oh, sorry, sorry I'm trying to involve myself in the conversation, Jibs. Yeah, I'll let you know when, not when you're supposed to chime in. But we got in the minicab and what was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do? Africa by Toto she started doing that how are you supposed to not how are you supposed to not there's another person in the car I know but it's Toto by Africa you do that a lot you do that a lot it's going to take a lot to drag me away from you how can you not when Toto's playing in the car easily you okay though apart from that apart from all that I'm fine yeah You're right.
15:41Clair Buckley:I do a lot of singing, don't I? I like singing around the house. Right, see, you've got a problem with a guy whistling. Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't do it in public. It's my house. You did today. I was in a minicab. Yeah. No, you're probably right. But it was Africa by Toto. It's a good song. What are you supposed to do? What are we talking about? Whatever you want. What do you want to talk about? I've got an eyelash on my iPad. What do you want to talk about, Claire? Not biting. Hey, what would you... CB, what would you like to talk about? I'll talk about anything that you want to talk about. Give me a subject, I'll talk about it.
16:22No, that's what I don't... I want you to read the iPad and move on.
16:25Clair Buckley:No, no, no, we'll get to the iPad in a second. This is just a rough guideline for the podcast. We're allowed to go wherever we want. We're allowed to meander through conversation. What do you want? Give me... What do you want? Do you want an opinion on something? No, no yours. No, go on. No, I don't want to do anything. Give me a subject. Read the iPod. Okay. Sorry. Just trying to have a conversation. Hurry up. I say that to you in the car all the time. When we're in the car together, it's just me and Claire and I'm driving. Claire says, you know, we don't have to talk. You talk all the time. You talk constantly.
17:03It's because I say something. You're singing. If you're no singing, you're fucking, oh, Claire, fun fact for you.
17:09Clair Buckley:Yeah, but I see something and I'm like, oh, yeah, have you ever thought about this? You know, has that ever crossed your mind? It's a lot, though. It's a lot. It's every day. But we can't. We can. But it'd be awkward, wouldn't it? No. Sitting in the car in silence. Isn't that a bit awkward? No. Isn't that like the, if you've got, if you're not comfortable with someone, it just goes silent and you sit there and you're like, oh, God. Surely you're comfortable with me. Exactly. So I just, I'd say. So you don't have your film silences? A little thought pops in and I go, oh, I'll tell Claire that. She'll love that.
17:43Save it for your pals. I'm sure they'll be undressed.
17:46Clair Buckley:I don't have many. I know. I haven't got a lot. That's all right, though. But they're not with me as much as you. I know. OK, that's why they're still your fucking pals. And I'll miss, like, the thoughts go. If I don't talk to you about something straight away. Right, then don't make a knot. Yeah, I've started doing that, to be fair. What? What do you want? What's wrong? hurry up here come on you've been silly now and I know you're trying to do it what am I trying to do because you don't even talk like this you're trying to be all upbeat and keep talking I know what you're trying to do and it's not working so read the fucking iPad I'm just trying to wind you up make you angry and it's not working do you see what day it is I do I'm going to take over we're going to get to this in a second
18:31brah's shown
18:32Clair Buckley:right well you know hurry gets the views you do that a lot to me in public as well stop it, stop it stop it now no, don't do that you do that a lot yeah I know, like when we're in B &Q and stuff and you go and pull, I thought you were going to pull your trousers down and sit on the toilet I did no you didn't, I thought you were pretending you were going stop right what day is it today Claire? I want to move on what day is it today Claire? I don't know I've not read it it is hairstyle appreciation day oh good somebody tell Harrison yeah so somebody should have told Harrison yesterday that it was coming up yeah we got we got rid of our kids hair and and I need a haircut I really badly need a haircut which is why I haven't bothered to do my hair today wow which is why it looks more mental than it usually does we've had this conversation before though I prefer your hair when you've not done it yeah it's all flat and stupid when you do it it's up to fucking high heaven I like a big looks like fucking bud's nest yeah I love it I love big hair I like it better when it looks like that I hate it when it does it dead high yeah it's great stupid I know it's stupid it makes people like laugh what are you talking about that's not why you date you date because you think you look good don't lie no but also I like it You don't stand in the bathroom doing your hair going, this looks fucking ridiculous.
20:05I bet people will find this hilarious and then leave the house. That's not true. You don't think that's true? No, Geese Peace, man. You do it because you think it looks good.
20:16Clair Buckley:I think it looks good, but I also like, I think it's like, it brings joy. Come on. You're in a weird mood today. No, I'll tell you something. You're in a very weird mood and you're getting on my nerves, Claire. You've actually... I'd tell you something. You're actually derailing this. You're ruining this podcast because you...
20:40Clair Buckley:Honestly, I'm going to go mental in a minute. I'm trying to move on. And you keep talking about your pish. All right. Now weeshed. All right. It is hairstyle appreciation day today. And as someone with a distinctive hairstyle, I think it's worth celebrating. Why have you said distinctive? Say what you mean. write what you wanted to write. Distinctive. That's an adjective. No. Is that an adjective? No. I don't know what nouns, adjectives. Adjective is a describing word. Distinctive. It's literally a description. I wouldn't say that's a description of something. Yeah. I'd say that's a bit too broad.
21:20It might technically be an adjective.
21:22Clair Buckley:Right. Don't join in. I think it's a verb, is it not? They've put questionable hairstyle. Right. There you go. I think it's worth celebrating. national hairstyle not national is it national or international we don't know we don't know how do you celebrate hair appreciation day Claire is what I hear you say well you embrace a fresh look by experimenting with a bold new hairstyle well Harrison's was bold yeah Harrison's yeah it was bold I say bold you know people say bold no they don't they do they don't they don't who says bold they do Maybe Jordy would maybe say he's a wealthy. No, some people from Essex do.
Read the full transcript
22:04Clair Buckley:They go, oh, he was bold. And I go, what? Bold. They say bold. Okay. Yeah, he was a bold, he had a bold haircut. Oh, my stomach's rumbling. Whether it's a daring colour or a quirky cut, dive into something different. Is this sponsored? We're doing a sponsorship right now. so Claire what would you do one day if I came home with a different haircut I would be shocked to be fair would you be shocked yeah I'm going to have to get my hair cut soon for work I know you were just saying this yesterday you're doing doing a bit of acting and you're going to have to get a haircut yeah I don't mind I don't when I say mind I mean care so that's not true that's genuinely not true I'm going to out you now no I like your hair because you're going to go because you always go I've said openly you always go I've said publicly I like your hair you always go don't let them do anything with your hair no I say don't let them do anything too much I know but it is what it is when you did that 222 yeah I wasn't I didn't like the hair but what can you do yeah it's fine that's what I mean really deep down I don't care not everyone has got a J from the in between his haircut yeah so sometimes I have to get him get it cut don't I what's the worst haircut you've ever had Claire?
23:28Clair Buckley:you've ever had a bad you don't get your haircut no I don't because you always complain when you get your haircut always I never like it nobody can do it as good as I can when was the last time you got your haircut this must have been pre-Covid no remember I went to Toby not that long ago you're still talking I reckon about 5 years ago 4 years ago but before that remember I tried a little fringe yeah I liked it I thought you looked really cute no right absolutely not I really liked it before that it was probably you're probably talking a decade to be honest I just don't I don't enjoy going to the hairdressers I don't enjoy that stuff it's well boring I don't enjoy hairdressers I don't enjoy getting my nails done I don't enjoy getting lashes done like I've done all those things a handful of times and I just don't like it.
24:24Clair Buckley:I don't like getting my hair cut. I feel really awkward. I'm always really, I don't know, if anybody else feels like this, let me know, if this is like a thing. I always feel really tense all the time because I'm convinced that they're doing something that I don't like. Whether that's nails or lashes or hair, anything, I'm always like, I'm going to hate this. And then I'm just really tense until it's done and then I do hate it. Yeah, exactly. You've manifested that. Yeah. so you've projected already you've already decided how you're going to how you're going to feel maybe but I just can't also I just can't be arsed like if I wake up in the morning and I'm like oh like I've got a nail appointment and then I've got to go and get like my toes done or something I'd be like fuck like I just don't I don't enjoy that stuff so I don't do it no I don't but I'm pretty good at that stuff myself I'm a little DIYer I do my own nails cut my own hair if I need to yeah but I've got to wrap up my haircut you need your haircut but I do I'm so impatient I'm just like oh is this done yet yeah and your hair does take a little while sometimes yeah but anyway no so I've never really had I've never really had a bad haircut because I kind of just always have the same hair I'm just long dark hair it's a bit boring but long dark and mysterious yeah Do you think I'd suit a buzz cut?
25:53Clair Buckley:No. I know for a fact that I wouldn't. Absolutely not. I did it when I was 15. And my head is so round. It looked so fucking weird. It looked really odd. It was too round. It's this way that's round. You do have a big face as well. So I feel like you need hair at the sides. Yeah, to frame it. Yeah. Frame it, yeah. That's why I've gone with the haircut that I've got. Yeah. It's a struggle being me I know, we need to move on I'm not done yet, we're not swiped yet We're not swiped yet I have Claire Claire Claire Claire Claire So I fucking hear You make me sound like a 1920s New York gangster Hey Claire Claire Hey Claire Claire What?
26:47Clair Buckley:I'm going on a stag do soon You are? You've just recently had a hen do. Yeah. Well, I didn't have one. I went with my friends one. No, you recently went on a hen do. Yeah. I spent the whole time going, are you sure? Don't do it. Shut up. Shut up. What are you talking to? Shut up. Watch yourself. You watch yourself. Look at you. Oh. What, because you ain't going in front of folk? Yeah. I want to tell you. Yeah. See, I can get away with it now. Aye. Keep going. See what happens. Well, what's going to happen? Right. Where are you going on your stag do? What? No, I'm going on a stag do soon. I'm a little bit worried about it because I'm not a stag do guy.
27:26No, you're not.
27:27Clair Buckley:I didn't have a stag do. No. I don't like the stag do. Like what I said earlier about going to someone's house for a couple of hours. Yeah, you got it really. Imagine spending three or four days. It's a lot. You do need to prep yourself. Yeah. And to be fair, the bride, whose hen do I just went on, said to me on the way home, now, take this how you will. She was like, you did really well on that. She was like, you were really getting involved. And I was going, thank you, mate, because I did put a lot of effort in. You put in a shift. I did, I did. And I was like, thank you for appreciating that.
28:08Because she knew.
28:09Clair Buckley:That's what she said. She was saying, I know you hated that. Yeah. Yeah. But I appreciate that you did that. Yeah, yeah. So you just got to do the same, mate. You just got to reach down for a weekend, try your best. Absolutely. And get it done. Yeah. I'm prepping, like I'm going on this stag do, I think it's in like a month or two's time. I'm constantly thinking about it right now. Yeah. To get myself in the zone. Yeah, yeah. To be ready to. Yeah. I'll be at the airport, I'll be like. that's it hey what oh oh we've all got a t-shirt have we oh great and they're doing t-shirts yeah oh I got asked what do you want on your t-shirt I mean I don't care so starting off strong with the effort exactly well I'll put all the effort in the on the day on the yeah weekend or whatever it's that we're doing I don't care you'll be fine no it'll be great you'll be fine and the good thing is the groom see the bride's because we're very good friends with him and the groom's pretty similar to you yeah I don't imagine him being like a ooh yay t-shirts I feel like he's going to hate it as well I love a beer I love a drink I'm going to enjoy myself yeah that's it 11 half 11 comes I'm off I'm going to bed I'm sure nobody we'll miss you I think they would though I don't think they will you're not exactly the life and soul of the party kids I think they'll be fine no no no this is why I think they'll go right great grandad's gone to bed no not at all have some fun no because because Claire I'm so lovable right and like because I'm such a great guy so I this is another thing I put the pressure on myself because I'm like if this stag do is going to go well it's down to me because I've got to be on it.
30:11Clair Buckley:I've got to be funny. I could make or break this stag do. And that's the pressure that I'm under, Claire. You wouldn't know. You don't know. You're very sort of, you've got your Morticia Adams thing going on and everyone goes, oh yeah, that's great. Me, they're like, fucking Buckley's coming. Can't wait. He really does think a lot of them. Can't wait till Buckley turns up and I've got to live up to that billing. I bet everybody listening to this podcast thinks you're joking and you're not. You're not joking. You think that. You think that's what people think about you. There's a bar that's been set.
30:43Yeah.
30:44Clair Buckley:People have this... When Buckley's coming, they're like... Stop saying Buckley. Well, that's my name. Right. But John's emailed in. John's got a... He's in a situation here. I did have a little scan of his email and I'll read it to you and have a guess whose side I'm on. Okay. I've not read it, so go on. So John says, Hello, Buckleys. I'm getting married in the summer. Congratulations. But unfortunately, it's been overshadowed by me falling out with my best man. Oh, no. I made him my best man and gave him all the usual jobs that come with it. Yeah. Apart from planning the stag do. Now, to be fair, I feel like that's the main job.
31:25Well, yeah. So he's a bit, he's maybe unreliable, I'm feeling.
31:28Clair Buckley:No. No, no, no. Listen to John. Okay. John says, I'm in my thirties. Right. And long gone are the days where I'm willing to go somewhere I don't want to. Correct. How old was I when we got married? 25, 26? No, I was 23. When we got married? Yeah. I was about 25, 26. I was 24 then. Well, I had Harrison. Oh, yeah, 24 I was, yeah. Right. Yeah. So at that age... Because I had Harrison at 23, we got married at 24 and I was pregnant at 24 again. Yeah. At that age, I didn't want to have a stag date. Ridiculous and he wonders why I'm always in a bad mood. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know, Matt. 24.
32:18Clair Buckley:No, I'm trying to, John's here. Just thinking about my stolen youth. John's saying he's in his 30s. Yeah, he's over it. He doesn't want to go crazy. I've never been that guy. Ever. No, no. That would even, like, I can't, I don't know who gets the pleasure out of it. We are not, Neither of us are big party animals. No. I think I can maybe stay a bit later and I'm a little bit more, but even then, like, I get to a point where I'm like, right. Yeah. Well, John says, I'm in my 30s. Long gone are the days where I'm willing to go somewhere I don't want to. Sure. Like, you're well with, you're a grown-up, you're an adult, you're well within your rights to go.
32:55Clair Buckley:I don't really want to do that. Yeah. I want it to be something I want to do rather than some sort of horrific embarrassment fest in a far-reaching place I've never heard of. Am I being a dickhead for doing this? Let me know what you think and I might change my mind. Well, obviously we're not going to change your mind, Johnny boy. You're absolutely right, John. Go somewhere. If you like playing golf, book a nice resort, play some golf. If you like theatre, go somewhere nice, go and book a show. Do what you want to do. There is this pressure of the stag and the hen and we have to be crazy and we have to do.
33:37You don't.
33:38Clair Buckley:I like drinking. This would be my stag do. Go somewhere sunny. I love the sun. Right. Go somewhere sunny. There's to a nice hotel. Yeah. You like your comfort. I like being comfortable. You like your comfort. Yeah. To a nice hotel. There's a nice pool that I won't get in. No. But you sit round it. Yes. Correct. With your socks on. Yes. And someone brings you drinks. Lovely. And I don't need to gut. And there's also a restaurant in the hotel. Oh. That's really nice. You're not leaving the hotel. Right. That's my perfect stag day. Now, see, that's... Three days, sat in the sun, by a swimming pool, drinking all day long.
34:25Yeah.
34:26Clair Buckley:Going for a shower, getting changed, going for dinner, going to bed. Now see, that's actually quite a reasonable thing to do because if you don't have loads of other stuff planned, you can spend more money on the hotel. So you can be like, no, we are just going to be here. We've got two days. There's no point in being exhausted and running around crazy. Let's have two days here. Beers, dip in the pool, nice food. Get some nice food. Half ten, I'm going back to my room. Sleep by 11. wake up half seven eight o 'clock little breakfast there you go go downstairs for breakfast that sounds lovely then go back upstairs chill out for a bit nap have a little nap yeah mid-morning nap yeah get down to the pool for about eleven yeah drink there until six so you want to just live your life except there's a swimming pool yeah and a restaurant yeah yeah if I could if I yeah and also I want a swimming pool but I don't want to use it yes I like the idea of being around it.
35:26Yeah, sure. Yeah.
35:28Clair Buckley:Glistening in the sun. You sit there and you go, oh, that's nice, isn't it? You getting in? No, no, not for me. Yeah. No, John, we're not going to change your mind, mate. But also, I thought he was going to get into it. What's happened? What do you thought was the best man? I think the best man's gone, well, I'd really like to do a stag do for you. And he's gone, no, I don't want you. Right. I don't want to do anything I don't want to do. Well, he's falling out with him over it. It's going to be an awkward wedding. I think John's right, but I am a miserable bastard. Yeah, but this is the problem, right?
36:01See if you had a mate who was a party animal, right, and his favourite... I know you don't, but I'm just saying if you did, then...
36:09Clair Buckley:I'll be friends with that person for about 30 seconds. That's his stag do. And he gets... It's you get to decide. I wouldn't be going on it. No, sure, yeah. Fine. If they go, we're going to Ibiza. Ibiza? We're going Biza, mate. Yeah. We're going to beef her it up. We're an F. Yeah. I'd go, let me know how you get on. Yeah. It's got the biggest nightclub in the world.
36:39Clair Buckley:I am heading off on a stag do. Yeah, you are. And I am worried about it. I do think they are, towards the end, they're going to be like, who invited him? Who invited this guy? Yeah. Because I think, and I'm not being funny, I think someone's going to go at a strip club. I think someone's going to say that. Probably. And listen, I love boobs as much as the next guy.
37:09Clair Buckley:But they're fine and they're like, ooh. You don't get excited anymore by seeing them. There comes a point where you don't, and also paying. You have to pay. Yeah, you can see them for free. And it's like, oh, what do I get out of giving you this money? Well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to show my boobs in front of your face. So here's what I was thinking there. It's got, like, the strip club's got to be a single man's thing, right? But then it's not. I guess it's just about seeing different boobs. Not the ones that you see all the time. Yeah. Well, I'm spoilt. Mine are pretty good. I'm pretty spoilt.
37:47Anyway.
37:47Clair Buckley:And I'm getting a nice set on myself these days as well. I might get a job there Yeah Yeah Yeah no I am worried About the stag do But Well I say I'm worried About it Oh you'll be fine Yeah no I'm sort of not Because I am who I am And I don't really Give a fuck And I am Going to They Them lot can do Whatever they want to do They can do Whatever they want to do There is some sensible ones Going as well I've got an opportunity To have my Stag do That I literally Just explained to you Yeah Because we are going to a hotel, there is a pool, there is a bar, and I think I'll just hang out there. No, you guys go have fun.
38:27I'll be right here.
38:29Clair Buckley:What? Oh, no, you go. You go. I'll wait here. It's okay. I've got my book.
38:38Clair Buckley:I'll have little glasses on a chain. Yeah, go for it, mate. Go for it. I don't need to worry about MD trying to pick you up, do you? No, you don't. But also, that's not like... By the way, I'm not like, oh, he's just saying that because his missus is there. I'm not at all. No. I'm not interested. It's awful.
39:00Clair Buckley:Fucking... You can do all that on a lounger. And I'm going to get... And I don't... I'm not going to not get drunk. I'm going to get fucking hammered. Yeah. I'm going to get so pissed. Good. I'm going to be like this going back to my room. I'm going to fall in my bed. I'm going to go what a day yeah love it fine you're fine but I get John you're overthinking I get where John's coming from John's overthinking as well but this is it but John like John's the same he's like worried he's like oh no am I the odd one no you're not is he selfish am I a party pooper you're not right can I talk about this what let me see I spoke to Cam about it this makes me sound bad this makes me sound like a real snob yeah but you are a snob yeah you are a snob you do love your see I just go along and I'm just like yeah whatever you guys want to do let me know I'm in whatever you're like well no but the groom has done it how many stars is the hotel no but the groom has done this before as well where he's gone to a hotel and he's gone got his phone out straight away and gone right there's another place two minutes up the road and I'm going to be staying there Right.
40:13He's admitted that to me. Okay.
40:16Clair Buckley:But how much is acceptable to ask people to spend on a stag do? On a Hainan stag do. Now, that is a tricky question. That is a tricky one because you're also asking, well. The stag do I'm going on. Yeah. And we're also paying for the stag. Yeah. That's what you do. That's been spread between us as well. Yeah. It's so cheap. Oh. I am worried. That's a red flag. That's a red flag for you. But that is a tricky question. how much is acceptable to ask. Yeah. Here's, well, it depends. Do you know what? It really depends. Do you know what? And this is a question I didn't get. What? Or I might have done, actually.
40:54Clair Buckley:No, to be fair, I might have got this question. I wasn't paying much attention. What? No, the problem is you've let somebody else organise it and now you're complaining. What do you mean let someone else organise it? It's not up to me to organise stuff. Yeah, but you could have chipped in. It's the best man. I was trying to chip in. Right. I was trying to offer some suggestions. Where we're going, I was like, do you know what, Claire? Because, you know, he's the same as me. We like a nice meal. We like going somewhere. We don't mind spending some money on a nice dinner. And I was thinking, I'll take us all out.
41:24Yeah.
41:25Clair Buckley:Because I don't mind spending money on a nice dinner and I want to at least have one nice dinner while I'm there. And I was like, I'm going to go on. I went on TripAdvisor and looked at the reviews. And there was a lot of like five-star reviews and stuff like that. and it was all fucking cheesy chips and kebabs and all this, which I love. Don't get me wrong. I was going to say. Don't get me wrong. You all love that. I absolutely love all that sort of stuff. But you thought one night people do like a... Like a sort of, we'll dress nice. Steak dinner. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that sort of thing. Yeah, absolutely.
42:01Maybe a cigar afterwards.
42:02Clair Buckley:A little bit of, a drop of pork for dessert or something. Sure, yeah. But I was just like, oh no. No way? There's not even a restaurant. It's all just side of the road, sort of trailers, which again, I love, absolutely love. I love that kind of food, but I was just, you know. You're just going to have to take a deep breath and get in there. Yeah. You're going to have to just deal with it. I'm the same guy as John in this situation, but I don't think he's 100 % right. And neither am I 100 % right. No, I think John is because he's the groom. I know, but isn't it the tradition to, isn't that the point of it?
42:40Clair Buckley:The point of the stag is to embarrass them and have one last hurrah. No, exactly. It's one last hurrah, so it should be something that he wants today. Yeah, but you can, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, I can't wait till you get back from this stag so we can hear all about it. It's going to be boring. We'll have to get someone else who went on the stag to come with us, to come into the podcast, tell us what happened. Sure. Sure, yeah. Anyway. Right. So, John, hang in there, man. You're a miserable bastard, but, like... You'll be fine. You're right. You're well within your rights. Claire, can I run down?
43:29Clair Buckley:Can I do a run down? Can I do a run down? That's a saying, isn't it? You've not convinced me.
43:42Clair Buckley:Would you like to know how the rich and famous do their stag dues? Sure, help me. Elton John. What did he do? 2005. It was rumoured to have cost£100 ,000. £192 ,000 adjusted for inflation. Cheers, guys. The guest list apparently included rock legend Ozzy Osbourne, Liz Hurley and Orlando Bloom. and take that performed. I'd pay 100 grand, no to attend. No, I'd go to that. That's great. Prince Harry in 2018 revealed at one point he was dressed up as a giant chicken whilst his friends shot fireworks at him from afar. That's what I'm trying to avoid. Yeah. That sort of stuff. I feel like Harry's a bit of...
44:29Clair Buckley:He's a squaddie though, isn't he? He's a military man. I think he's a bit of a party all night kind of guy. Ed Sheeran. this might be a bit of me to be fair especially if fucking they start blaring out Africa for his mate Stagdew he went to Butlins for an 80s weekend he called Butlins fucking awesome I think I'd enjoy that yeah how relatable Beckham apparently all his Manchester United teammates went to Dublin for Beckham Stagdew but he pulled out last minute because he didn't want to spend time away from Victoria aww aww aww Oh, that can't be true. He's done what you did. Oh, no. He's done what you did.
45:10He saw the itinerary and went, this ain't for me, I'll just blame it on her. Oh, she's saying, she's saying, I can't go. Lads, you go, you enjoy yourself.
45:19Clair Buckley:I'd love to come along. That's exactly what he's done. Oh, we're going to be out all night long. Oh, fucking, oh, I'd love to do that. You know what they're like, fucking, what time is this? Oh, leave me alone, Jesus. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you have fucked off on that stag do? I was supposed to have a couple of days off from you. Exactly. I love it when men say that. Oh, is it all right if I go to the pub today? Yes, go. What, a Saturday afternoon by myself? Absolutely. Fuck off. Well, I did that for your birthday, didn't I? You did. You fucked off for my birthday. It was brilliant.
45:58Clair Buckley:I was working. Yeah. I had to go to Manchester. Yeah. On your birthday. Yeah. You called me, you were like, oh, I feel really bad. I did feel a bit bad. I didn't think I would. Thanks. No, but everyone knows what we're like. We don't really... I don't know. We don't really do stuff, do we? I don't know. I don't know what point I'm trying to make. We don't make a big deal. No. We're not big like, oh, let's do dinner and... A big show. No. There's not a big to-do, is there? Like I say, my birthday is usually August. I'll get some beer for my birthday 9 times out of 10 the sun will be shining sit at the back door play some music curry in the evening it's perfect even our friends in fact I think sorry I think there was one summer we were sat out in the back garden and it was a beautiful sunny day and the dog was there and the kids were running around and I had a beer in my hand and I said to you if you if you do want to just come up behind me now just in the back of the head you did yeah i'll be like this is this is how i'd want to yeah and i was like no dude um even our friends because we were we were busy during my birthday you were away and i was at home with the kids and like we just had some bits going on but um like Jess was like right we need to organise a dinner and I was like it was a week ago it's done we missed it it's over I'm not going out I'm not going out two weeks after my birthday but it's just an excuse to go for dinner fine we'll just go for dinner right that's fine I'm not doing like a birthday dinner once it's done it's done Jess said to me what's I think I mentioned this she was like oh what's what's one of her favourite restaurants I was just like I don't know I've never seen her like something.
48:03Clair Buckley:That's true though. You've never come back from somewhere and gone, that was amazing, wasn't it? We should do that again. Oh, that was so, that was such a, that was such a lovely evening. I've never seen, you don't like stuff. I keep telling you this. Well, easy. People go to me, what does she like? I don't know. She's never said that she likes anything or looked like she's enjoying herself. Oh, please. Ready for a swipe? Yeah, we spoke about stag do's. Let's have a swipe and then we've got a feature. Thank God. Hey, Claire, it's time for one of our regular features. It's called Buck My Life. Well, people say shit happens, this much is true.
48:53Clair Buckley:But it's not so cool when it happens to you. Buck My Life Just a little reminder keep your Buck My Life moments coming in by emailing thebuckleys at Platform Media Sorry by emailing by emailing thebuckleys at Platform Media dot UK or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok and don't forget that you can also send us a voice note on You're getting on my nerves Sorry You can send us a voice note on 0203 951 4651 You feel bad when I say sorry, don't you? Yeah, see? You don't like it. No. You prefer it when I tell you to shut the fuck up and watch your fucking mouth. Yeah, exactly.
49:36Clair Buckley:So this is what I was talking about earlier. If I go, oh, I'm not getting the response I want, I'll stop doing that. But you do. You nine times out of ten, I niggle you, don't I? Yeah. Right, what are we doing? We've got a message from Sean, who's got an embarrassing story for the podcast. Sean, eh? Sean says, for reasons I still don't fully understand, depending on my diet, I seem to have the ability to produce absolutely weapon-grade farts. Mine are powerful, aren't they? Mine are really powerful. They can really... Clear a room. The sort that can clear a room in seconds, is what he goes on to say.
50:17Clair Buckley:One time in a bar... Oh, you can't be doing it. I let one go so bad, the lady next to me actually vomited all over the table and her friends. I was escorted out by the door staff. He got chucked out for it. Chucked out for farting? Yeah. Another time, I was near a stage where a band was playing and I broke wind. Within seconds, the band actually stopped playing mid-song and one of them said over the mic, what on earth is that smell? We can't carry on with that. My mate was stood next to me absolutely crying with laughter. and pointed straight at me saying, it's him, it's his arse. Ew. I understand.
50:55Clair Buckley:When we were doing the in-betweeners,
51:02Clair Buckley:so I was sort of, I got a bit of a reputation. Shock. Especially when we were in the car, tiny little yellow car. How are you not? That's so rude and unthoughtful. But I'd be like, I had dominoes last night, sorry. Soz had dominoes last night There was one time where we were in The common room Which is sort of where It's sort of, if I could describe The common room to someone that's not Bothered watching the in-betweeners I know what it is, it's like, we called it the cages Right, yeah You would just sit there But in terms of the show It was sort of the central perk Of the show So like, schemes and plans you'd usually like top and tail in the common room like it would sort of and that was massive to be fair and I'd like let them go and stuff and there'd be people like there'd be like lighting guys and stuff the other side of the room and we'd be doing they'd be filming and stuff and we'd do the scene at the corner of my eye I'd see like some big lighting guy just go
52:13that's not funny I hate that. Although I do have a funny fart story. I feel like you might want to hear this.
52:20Clair Buckley:Go on. Have I not? I don't think I've ever told you this. I remembered it when Sean was talking. Yeah. Because I don't, because I obviously... I've got more from Sean, by the way. I'll finish Sean then. Shall I finish him off? Yeah, finish him off. Okay. Let me just finish Sean off quickly. The door, so he farted on the side of the stage. His mate laughing. Yeah. Dobbed him in The door staff came straight over And assumed I'd been throwing stink bombs Into the crowd I tried explaining it wasn't a stink bomb It was actually my stomach How embarrassing But they wouldn't have any of it And basically manhandled me out of the venue So that's two places He's been thrown out of two places for far I think Sean needs to go to the doctors There's more There's two so far While I was being grilled at the front desk About what I'd thrown into the crowd I intentionally let another one rip Just to prove a point That was the moment the door staff realised I might actually be telling the truth.
53:19Clair Buckley:They immediately backed off, opened the door and politely suggested I move along before quickly shutting the door behind me. The best one was with my girlfriend years ago. She had a little Yorkie called Bella that used to sleep on the bed. One morning she went into the bathroom for a shower and while she was gone, I accidentally let one rip under the duvet. Unfortunately, she walked back into the room seconds later. Our eyes locked and she said, what the hell is that smell? Without hesitation, I pointed at the dog. She looked at Bella and said, are you serious? Was that my dog? And I doubled down and said, yes.
53:55Clair Buckley:Yeah, that's a classic thing. Everyone blames it on the dog. I'm doing that all the time. I thought he was going to say he killed the dog. The dog died. The dog suffocated. The next day, I had to take the dog to the vet because she was convinced Bella had some serious stomach infection. That little lie cost me 300 quid. The best part, that was 11 years ago, and she still thinks the dog nearly died from a stomach bug. And yes, I still possess this unique ability. It's not unique. It's come in handy on flights when screaming kids are nearby. If I'm suffering, we're all suffering. Yeah, there was one time, and obviously it became a thing.
54:32Clair Buckley:It was like, oh, fucking hell, Buckley's let one go. So we were getting on a flight, me and the boys from the in-betweeners. And we were in the, what's that thing? Like the tunnel. That tunnel thing that connects to the planes. Yeah. It's an enclosed space, isn't it? Lots of people in there. Yes, it is, yes. There was one time, and it was obvious because I'd farted and I was just doing this. You're such a baby. I was just doing this and I'm going, oh, fuck's sake, Buckley, that's well out of order. And there was a middle-aged woman in front of me who turned to her daughter, her adult daughter, and went, oh, God, you can smell the catalytic converter, can't you?
55:13What's a catalytic converter?
55:15Clair Buckley:It's a thing that you get in cars to make them more economical. I don't know. I don't know if they do. They're supposed to, right, aren't they? Eggy, right? Oh, there you go then. No, but I've never been in a car where I've got that smell. However. I have. My driving instructor used to say that to me all the time. So he was a farter. It was a she. Oh, she was a farter. Oh, dirty bitch. It was my dad's mate's mum. Oh, sorry. She was lovely. But in hindsight, and in her defence, if your job is being in a tiny car all day long, you're going to have to let one rip at some point or another. Yeah, true, true.
56:02Clair Buckley:But it happened all the time. She was like, oh, God, oh, the catalytic converter. And I just accepted it. I was like, all right, yeah. And it was only until years later I was going, she was just letting them go. She was just farting. Yeah. Fair enough. Rachel, she's got an embarrassing story. Hi, James and Claire. I've got an embarrassing story that I have to share with you. Keep them coming in. Let me preface. Yeah, that's how you say that, don't you? Preface. Huh? That's what I was going to say. I know you were. Let me preface it by saying the girl in the story, we'll call her Jane, used to cry all the time at work for no reason.
56:40Clair Buckley:Oh. I already hate her. Yeah. We worked in a nursery and she would cry for things like the children. She would cry for things. She would. Sorry, I said that weird. We worked in a nursery and she would cry for. And she cried like the children. No, I thought that's what she was saying, but it's not. Let me say the sentence. Or the children. No. We worked in a nursery and she would cry for things like the children not listening or the paper running out. Anyway, one day I was sat in the office with my manager and we were chatting when in walks Jane crying and visibly very upset. I'd gotten sick of this and had assumed it was for a ridiculous reason and said the damning line, What's happened now, Jane?
57:20Clair Buckley:Someone died? And they had. she told us her aunt had died and her mum had just rang her to let her know that she needs to go home safe to say I felt like the worst person in the world and wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole it's just an auntie buck my life love the podcast up the chiefs erm I did the same thing didn't I what I'm sure I spoke about it on the podcast is it the problem though it's the boy who cried wolf you fucking greet about everything nobody's got to have any sympathy for like I would still and I know this is going to make me sound horrible, blah, blah, blah. I still wouldn't have any sympathy for her because I'm like, it doesn't matter.
57:59Could you fucking grieve all the time anyway? I know, yeah, so where's your thing?
58:02Clair Buckley:Yeah. So your aunt dying is as upsetting as paper running out in the... Exactly. It's the same thing. People cry for ants. Ants? Yeah. Oh, ants. Yeah. I thought you meant the insect. No. The plight of the ants. Well it's not like a mum or a dad is it? No Or a sibling? No I don't know Do you cry? Yeah you do Do you? I don't know maybe Depends if you like them or not I suppose I mean I like all my aunts But I'm just saying When you get to a certain point You're like Fuck She's away is she? Blimey God God blimey What I do Fuck my old boots She's away is she? I did a similar thing And I'm sure I spoke about it on the podcast one of the kids' parents at our kids' school my aunts are going to kill me oh thanks very much one of the kids' parents he's a really good laugher I always like if it's sports day or like or it's like sorry what's this a parent a parent yeah if it's sports day you'll know what I'm talking about yes I do know and I know what you're going to say I always like hope I'm next to him like during sports day or something like because he's a proper good laugher he's a good lad and like I know I have a bit of banter with him you do yeah he's funny and he's And, you know, he's got his own construction firm and stuff like this.
59:23Clair Buckley:He's a builder. He's, you know, essentially, right? Yeah. And one day he turned up to work in a suit. To school. To school. Yeah, he was dropping off these kids and I was dropping off mine. And I went, oh, fucking hell, well, you've got a cold case later today, have you? He went, nah, my brother's just died. It's his funeral today. I went, you're fucking joking.
59:49Clair Buckley:I mean, that's it. That's it. That's it. The one guy I thought I could chat to at the school gate. Do we really did take it in jail? It was, he was like, it's fine. Yeah. He must have seen our mortified eyes. Yeah, yeah. But I had him and then the rest of the blokes. Oh, here we go. They were all those guys because they'd be like little groups of mums, basically. Yeah, the school gate. They'd be like... And then there was me by myself. There'd be little groups of mum, all in a circle, but each of them had one bloke. And they'd be there going, really? Oh, God, no, really? Oh, yeah, no, I wouldn't have had that.
1:00:34Clair Buckley:I wouldn't have done that. I'd be like, fucking come on, mate. What's the matter with you? Why are you gossiping with the ladies? Yeah. Listen, men like a gossip as well. I love a gossip. You do love a gossip. I do love a gossip. You and your bestie are always gossiping. Yeah, of course. anyway I don't think I've had a buck my life moment oh you must have done well apart from like falling over oh you've had loads Claire you're always fucking embarrassing yourself when you're out you get food all over your stuff that happened once I fell once you haven't fallen once in like a proper public setting it's only been once when else have I fell oh I mean Jesus Christ the time you threw up all over the Dyer's bathroom?
1:01:22That was a private moment in a friend's house.
1:01:25Clair Buckley:I feel like we spoke about that on the podcast. And also it wasn't in the bathroom, it was in the hallway. That's right. And you ended up in the bathroom. I went to the bathroom for a long time. I came out and I threw up in the hallway and then I went home. Well, you was in the bathroom for ages. Yes, I was. Jo was holding your hair. Yes, I was. Me and Danny just. I was taking a little moment to myself. Me and Danny just sat in the living room. There was a boxing, there was a fight on. Listen, I threw up in the hallway, then I left. I sent them flowers. You did send them flowers. I'm very sorry.
1:01:52I bet they love those flowers. You had to clean up my puke. Yeah, exactly. You don't want to clean up somebody else's puke. No, of course you don't.
1:01:58Clair Buckley:And then I was worried in the taxi home. I was like, this is going to cost me a fortune. I'm going to have to pay for this bloke. I didn't. So all of a sudden, I have a 500 quid detailing. Well, I didn't. Anyway, thanks for bringing that up. That's all right. I thought we'd spoke about that. No, I don't think we did. But you do stuff like that all the time, Claire, you do. You do faux pas a lot. I can't remember any specific ones off the top of my head, but I do... You bring your energy to stuff sometimes. Do you know what I mean? What does that mean? Well, we might be, like I say, in a nice restaurant or something like that and you bring your sort of...
1:02:38Clair Buckley:Do you know what I mean? What's that? yeah you sort of shabby sort of nothing wrong with that I love you for it you said we were out for lunch on Saturday and you said that you and C Bartlett went to the bar and you came back and you were like Claire you are so loud I could hear your side of the conversation we're in a pub I was like just talking we're in a pub Sorry for having fun in a pub on a Saturday We're in a pub And there's a din Everyone's talking The whole pub's talking Everyone's there having a conversation I mean you were just running the corner for me I wasn't far You were in a different part of the pub I'm a good time I could hear you and Jess talking Oh no you could hear both of us No that's my point I was about to make I could hear you and Jess Having a conversation I could only hear one half of that conversation.
1:03:42Clair Buckley:I was like, I'm going to have to tell her if I can pipe down a bit. Good luck for that. We've got another one here. Quick, last one from Maddie. Do we need another one? Yeah, come on, we'll do this quickly. Maddie says, hey guys, huge moan of myself here and I think your podcast is the dog's bollocks. Thank you very much, Maddie. On my way home from work, I got katsu curry for dinner. Oh, I love that. Yeah, I'm dribbling. And shortly after, I felt a weird feeling brewing in my stomach whilst on the tube. Right, now, Maddie, you've lost me there. Why are you bringing katsu curry on the tube? No, she's already eaten it.
1:04:23Oh, she's already eaten it.
1:04:25Clair Buckley:Oh, I thought she's... I got katsu curry for dinner. I thought she maybe picked up a takeaway and jumped on the tube. I'm assuming this is where the feeling in her belly came from. I'm putting two and two together here. I brushed it off, yes. and briefly thought to myself, hmm, I should probably go for a shit when I get home. I got to Richmond. Ooh. Is that posh? Oh, yeah. And was now waiting. This makes me think of the cigarettes. And also, are you thinking of Rothmans? No, Richmond's. Richmond's? Yeah. Is that a cigarette brand? They're sausages, yeah, Richmond sausages. And they're cheap sausages, aren't they?
1:04:59They're cheap sausages and cheap cigarettes.
1:05:01Clair Buckley:No, Richmond's posh. The place is nice, fine. I got to Richmond and was now waiting for the overground train when the feeling in my stomach started progressively, started to progressively get more intense. Within 10 minutes on the platform, the feeling intensified to the point where I knew I was about to be in deep shit. Literally, I got on the train and thought, no stress. I'll just use the SWR toilet facilities. So I paced down the carriages. But when I got to the loo, it said engaged. Shocker. I was now at the stage where the pain was so aggressive, I was crouching on the floor in a ball as there was no free seats.
1:05:39Clair Buckley:Turns out the toilet was actually broken and I was now curled up crying, not only because the pain was so bad, but because the reality set in that I was about to shit myself in front of all these people on this train. I was wearing white jeans. I couldn't hold it any longer. I bolted off a few stops early. Ironically, the station was called Staines. Yeah, good. At this point, that's where Ali G's from. At this point, I'd lost all and any dignity I had left, got off the train, holding my arsehole as it was coming out of me and screamed at the innocent train guard, is there a toilet on this platform?
1:06:18Clair Buckley:Who then looked at me in shock and pointed to the door, which was about to save my life. I ran holding my arse, crying, sweating and absolutely destroyed that poor station toilet. After it was all over, I called my partner crying, shaking and begging for him to pick me up from the station after the most traumatic train journey of my life. Safe to say I was a broken woman that day and binned that pair of pants. Haven't had katsu curry since. Katsu curry is not even spacey? No, but it's just, I don't know, sometimes it doesn't matter. Chicken. But chicken's a thing. Chicken's a bit of a, you're playing Russian roulette sometimes with chicken.
1:06:58Right.
1:06:59Clair Buckley:Wherever you go. I feel like if I called you from a train station saying that I'd shit myself, I feel like that would be a really happy moment in your life. I would find that so funny. Yeah, I think you'd be like, I've got to go and pick your mum up. She's shit herself. Let me stop you right there. That's what I was about to ask because she doesn't, she says I called my partner to come and pick me up. Yeah. I don't think you'd be getting in the car, Claire. I think I'd be saying to you, yeah, you're going to have to... Surely you'd just put a bin bag done. I would. I've got seat covers for when I take the dog out.
1:07:37Clair Buckley:Yeah. So I'll just, I'll make you sit on that. Fine. I've never shat myself. I wish I'd had those when you were in labour. Right. I've never shat myself in public. Have you not? I don't think I... My stomach's rumbling so much. I don't think I've ever shat myself in public You just told us a couple of months ago about when you pooed in a park because you couldn't hold it any longer Well, no, I thought it was a park it was a street Yeah, that's right, yeah But, in my defence, it was a private road It's still public So that's not public and there was no one around Okay Well, I've never done that Well, I'd shit in the woods once Like a bear that was Buck My Life make sure you send us more Buck Your Life Buck My Life Buck It Buck It All Stories yeah Buck Me Up The Arse Stories okay thank you so much for listening guys that's it for this week's episode of The Buckleys remember you can get in touch with your stories and questions by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok and don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use and if you are feeling extra generous go on give us a little review all that is left Claire's on her phone sorry it was an emergency all that is why someone shit themselves no all that is left is for Claire to say see you next Thursday that was a podcast thanks guys go on the chase chase duns
From the publisher
Hair today, gone tomorrow... Clair blames James for making one of the kids bald, whilst James ponders a new hairstyle for an upcoming role. Meanwhile, James discusses the eternal dread that comes with attending a stag do, and a story about one listeners' 'weapons-grade' farts leaves the Buckleys in shock.
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