Week of Pain

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1:39Yeah. I was like, oh, I might step on a Venus flytrap and then that'll be me done. Do we say f***ing this? Do we? Surely we do. The whole thing will be bleeped. Yeah, sure, yeah. You wait for it. Here it comes. Yeah, what are you going to say now? Yeah? Really deep down Right in the centre Of that little black Piece of charcoal That you call a heart You love me And you hate it

2:09Should we get this Show on the road You're not taking Your zipper off at least Nah Bit chilly Fuck off Is that The cue Sure Yeah no that's not how I talk to people in this room that was a joke the podcast where we sit down have a chat moan a bit and invite you into our lives before we get into it we just want to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions for us by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok and don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app that you like to use and if you do like the show give us a 5 star review come on Come on, you fucking c***.

2:59Give us a review, you c***. Right. How are you, Claire? All right. I'm better after that. I felt good. Yeah. It's good, isn't it? Yeah, I love seeing that one. Good week? All right week? All right. Yeah. Not too bad. Yeah. Not great. That's the conversation over my kids. Such as life After a school day I go to How was the day They go it was alright I go anything good happen They go no I go anything bad happen They go no I mean well that's alright That's fine then Yeah it cancels it up I've had a week of pain Claire I've had a week of pain I'm constantly trapping a nerve No Okay Lesson Yeah I knew you'd forgotten You looked at me a bit blank there Yeah You were like what's he talking about Well, because you say it every fucking week.

3:51I'm constantly trapping a nerve. Doesn't a trapped nerve need to be diagnosed? You don't know when you've got a trapped nerve, right? I can fucking feel it. But how do you know what that is? It's a bit pain. This is just something you say all the time. I think it's an age thing. Because we've just started. Yeah. I also think it's an age thing. I'm getting to a point in my life now where I am constantly trapping a nerve. Do you know how I trapped a nerve? Do you know that? How do you know it's a trapped nerve? It's like having a cold. No, I feel like you have, I don't know, a bit of... What's it called?

4:33Go on. When your leg goes all... Relax yourself. No, go on. When your leg goes... When you've got cramp or something. Yeah, same as that. Trap nerve, cramp, they all... That's not the same thing! No, but they're all very common. I'm just saying you don't go to a doctor with a trapped nerve. Oh, you don't? You've got a trapped nerve. I thought a trapped nerve was like a big thing that needed fixed. No. It's just a thing. It's just a thing that happens and the doctor would go lie down. How many nerves have you got in your body? Because you've fucking trapped them all. You've got a lot of nerves in your body.

5:05You're getting on them. And you're getting on every single last one of them. Anyway, I trapped, I'm like, it is, Stop saying that. It is every other week I'm trapping a nerve at the moment. Do you know how I did it during the week this week? What? Yawned. I yawned too hard. Yawned too hard, stretched a little bit too much and I was out for a couple of days. What happened? It was here. It was here down the side of my neck and that was it. I was talking like this again. I'd be watching the TV and you'd ask me a question and I'd go, oh, what's that? because I can't move my neck.

5:49That was one of the things. Week of pain. I accidentally bit my own cheek. What were you eating at the time? I can't remember what I was eating. In a KFC or something? Probably. Wasn't one of my meals? No, but that's got nothing to do with the cheek. Biting. But I accidentally bit my own cheek while I was eating and then you get in this weird loop where the cheek swells up a little bit and then for a couple of days after when you're eating, because your cheek's so big and fat, you end up biting your cheek again, which then makes it swell up more. Then you bite it like, you get into some weird cycle with that.

6:32And then the other night there, I smacked my face while looking at my phone in bed. Did you drop the phone? I don't know what it is. Did you drop it on your face? Yeah, yeah, so I'm like that, and then it just sort of slips out your hand or something, like gets you right across the nose, and I don't know what it is, the phone... Your nose is so close to the phone screen anyway. But, you know, it'd be like, it falls like, I don't know, three inches, but the phone turns into like a sledgehammer or something. Like you look like you've been in a car crash or something after you've just dropped your phone, like it's so painful and the phone why where was the mark on your face oh no but it just fills it right like the phone becomes so heavy like this thing that you carry around in your pocket you carry it everywhere it's no big deal as soon as you're lying in bed and you just sort of like absolutely let it just sort of slip out your hand suddenly it's like someone's punched you in the face were you asleep at the time because sometimes i do do that no sometimes i yeah i've fallen asleep with my phone in my hand before no i mean sometimes when you fall asleep i punch you in the Right.

7:42No, if it's like a Sunday afternoon and I've just had a really big KFC or something, I'll be like lying on the couch or something like that. Yeah, I know, yeah. I've got the phone and I'm just sort of like... Yeah. Do you know what I would love... And I'm drunk. This needs to be... Somebody needs to invent this, right? Where you can actually see how... Like a little meter where you can see how much pain somebody's in. Yeah, but no one can invent this. Because you, honestly, I think you have the tiniest little twinge in your neck or something. And you act like it feels like a broken neck. I think I've got quite a good pain threshold.

8:25You don't. I do. You don't. I am just in a lot of pain. No, you're not. You think you're in a lot of pain. No, this is what you think. You think you're in a lot of pain. You never give me respect for when I'm ill or when I'm in pain. You're in pain every day. and it's something new? That's because I keep fucking... From yawning? Yeah, my body breaks down from yawning. Something happens to it. Your pain threshold is about that much? That's what it is. It's not at all. It's really not. I've got a good pain threshold. I really do. It doesn't sound like it. No, just stuff happens to me that's really, really painful.

8:58Yeah. If it had happened to you... Honestly, I think the stuff that happens to you when it happens to me, you never hear about it. I think when I complain about something, it's actual... I would love to see how you dealt with the pain I have. What? What pain do you have? Like, period pain. Every month. I know. Honestly, your stomach fucking cramping up. My back's killing me. I don't know how it all works, do I? I know you don't. I know you don't. Right. Anyway, what else happened? What's wrong with you now? That's it. Right. That's it. Right. Trapped nerve from yawning. Bit my cheek. Smacked myself in the face with my phone.

9:34Right. Right. It wasn't a great week for Buckley. Okay. It was one of my strong weeks Also just as we are I feel like you're in the moaning mood And I've actually just thought of something that pissed me off Bring it up baby You want it now? Yeah go on Right you know those fucking keep clear signs on roads? Yeah Right this happened to me twice on one journey Someone beeping behind you going to move forward No no no no That happened to me And I'm going there's a fucking keep clear in front of me you dickhead No I can see them I know where they are the person who goes in front of you I swear to God they clear it by that and then they stop there's loads of room in front of them and I think like a normal person they're going to keep going so then I'm out they keep clear and I'm going move up move up give a little beep happened to me twice in one journey and I was going I know that these pricks are seeing they keep clear and they see me coming behind them and they stop on purpose because there's plenty of room for them and me.

10:38Well, you beep them. You say keep going. I'm trying to get past the keep clear thing here and you've got loads of space in front of you, you fucking idiot. It happens all the time and I'm sure it is like a thing where people are like, well, I'll just clear it for myself. Beep them. Beep them. I try not to beep too much. Yeah, the beep's the last result. It is. The beep is the last result. You go to America and this is something that I always need to remind myself. You beep constantly. Because road rage in America is a whole different ball game, right? there's been occasions where I've been driving around in America I'm going you fucking idiot and then you have to go hang on a minute hang on a second so when you're driving in America you do have to keep calm but in the flip sense they fucking they're beeping flip side whatever we need to start a new thing where James gets sayings wrong on the flip sense on the flip low right they beep all the time they're always beeping and that's what winds me up when I'm in America.

11:38They do beep a lot. You'll be in traffic and they beep as if that's going to fucking do something. Yeah. They're like and I'm like where? Where do I go? Where do I go here? Yeah. In Britain in this country you beep you've got to be fucking ready to back that beep up. Yeah. The beep is and I know what you were saying like I don't want to beep. I beeped somebody the other day when I was taking you somewhere. I was telling you to beep them. Remember? Yeah you panicked you couldn't beep them properly you lost where the beep was. I nearly pressed the bloody thing, what do you call it? The air bag thing.

12:12Right. That's it! The great big thing on the steering wheel. No, it's not. No, it's not. That's what I thought. But it's two little horns at each side. No, it's not. Is that the old one? The whole thing will go. Oh. Well, I did beep them. But anyway, that was annoying me. You keep clear, guys. Yeah. Move. I know you're doing that on purpose. I know you're doing it on purpose. Good moan. Classic moan. I know they see me behind them. And yes, maybe I should wait to see if they clear it, but I can tell you can clear it. I've got a classic moment for you. This is classic. This is vintage Buckley's.

12:42Just carrying this on, what you're doing right now. So during the week, at the tube station, going up an escalator, some woman waits till she gets to the top of the escalator and then there's barriers in front of us where we go through with our tickets and whatnot. She's then gone, oh yeah, barriers. Stopped. Stopped to go through her bag at the top of the escalator. right and that's even worse and people were having to go run her that's the I was right behind her right that's even worse than stairs yeah because at least stairs I can stop I'm just being automatically funneled into this woman yeah you know I should be so lucky but but do you know what I mean and you can go hey what's it mean let's go later I'm like running backwards

13:32fucking well annoyed me but that's not my moan for this week that was just You just reminded me of what happened during the week. My quick little moment. Very quick. Quick one for you, Claire. TV remotes. What about them? We need to go back. We need to go back to the big, chunky, rubber-buttoned TV remotes that we used to have in the 90s. Thank you. 90s gone. Nowadays, they're very sleek and delicate, ergonomic. I think that's the word, isn't it? Is that what it's called? what is ergonomic? I always think it's sort of Scandinavian furniture sort of minimalist yeah yeah there's like a little touchpad and two buttons yeah and from that you have to control the whole thing that's going on right alright so you're halfway through a film yeah this little sexy remote yeah is on the arm rest your arm just maybe brushes the remote suddenly the whole thing's just closed down you're on a different channel and everything's got like and you're like oh fucking hell now I need to get back to where we're going.

14:35Yeah. Yeah. Let's get back to those big chunky limots. The chunky Skyrimot. Where there's a button for everything. Same with cars. Same with cars. Happened to you the other day trying to put the heat seater on. You've got to get fucking buttons back in cars. Heat seater. I'm surprised. Hold on, I've done it. I've done a spoonerism. The seat heater. Seat heater. The heat seater. The seat. It still hounds. It still hounds, right?

15:05I cannae talk. No, seat heater's right. Heat seater is not right. Right. What did you say? Heat seater. I said heat seater. That's wrong. Heat seater's wrong. So when we were trying to put the chair warmer on. Yeah. The hair trauma. We were trying, because it's not a button. It's on the screen. Yeah, it's an iPad in the fucking car now. I just want buttons back. And they are, they're genuinely dangerous. That's what you said. they're so what gotta do cars with buttons Claire gotta get buttons back where you can drive and you just know where the button is and you just press it and it does what you're supposed to do I've gotta go into a menu and I'm trying to drive a car at the same time like it's so counterintuitive you're not supposed to use phones you're not supposed to use do you know what I mean and now they've put iPads in cars get the buttons back get the buttons back same with TV remotes get the buttons back there's nothing wrong with buttons what's going on oh it's not futuristic enough in the future we won't have buttons no again like fucking cars where the door handle is in the car oh I know whenever we get a taxi or something it's like a a Tesla I'm sitting there and I'm going how do I get in you've got you've got to press the handle so it pokes out a bit and then pull the handle as well so you can go backwards we're going backwards there was there's all there was already stuff that worked yeah yeah do you miss the role you're doing windy i don't miss them no you're all right i'm not i'm not being i'm not being i'm not going i'm not just being i quite i quite like them no they're in your way see when you were having an argument in traffic like in your dad your dad's arm went in the front you were like oh fuck it's kicking out when you When you saw your dad's arm going, you're like, oh, fuck, oh no.

17:02It does, yeah, that's the thing as well. It does automatically... It doesn't make it look as good when it's just like... Yeah, no, but there's no way of looking up for an argument. Because you've either got this, you're like, oh, I'm going to fucking give it to him. And then you do a little shimmy, right, to get the roller down. Or there's a slow, undramatic sort of like window coming down. Oh, as soon as this window fucking comes down, I'm having you! No, but I thought... You wait for it. Here it comes. I thought the window thing... Yeah, what are you going to say now? Yeah. Oh, my God. You give me 30 seconds once this window's rolled down, mate.

17:42No, there's no way of looking tough. They need to have a... They need to have a... Do you want, like, your window down just for air or is it fight window? Yeah, fight. The fight window might just go... Yeah, fight window. Yeah, fight window. Yeah. We need buttons and we need fight windows. God, I'll get back to buttons. Right, let's have a little swipe and then we'll actually get into this podcast, shall we? Oh, Claire. Claire, Claire, Claire. Claire. Where? We're into spring. Yeah. Springtime. Is it sprung? Spring has sprung. Were you doing a cling spring? Spring clean? Yeah.

18:26Yeah, probably. Yeah, absolutely. doing a little charity shop drop off. I will be. Love it. I will be. I mean, we don't just do that in the spring. We do that all the time. But I've just... You buy so much shit. No, but I've got a lot of stuff. Harrison got you there the other night, didn't he? Why? Talking about buying stuff. Why? You're having a beer with your mate and he asked you to buy him some new headphones. Oh, I was drunk. Yeah. Yeah, he got them. He came up to me the next day and went, where are those headphones going to tell him? I went, what are you talking about? It was like, you bought me headphones last night.

19:01I was like, aw. Yeah. I was like, good. Yeah. And they turned up the next day. Good one. You were like, oh, yeah. And I went, hey, he's earned them. He took his moment there. No, fair enough. When you were all happy and having fun. Fair enough. No, I've got a load of stuff, clothes, that need to go to the charity shop. It's clothes that I've been hanging on to for years now. But I constantly just say, I'll get back into that. Yeah. I'll get back into that. this year I've decided I'm not I'm not getting back into it I've got to come to terms with it those clothes don't fit me anymore and they won't ever fit me again do you know what kind of person I am?

19:37this is really bad as well yeah I know what? carry on I know what kind of person you are carry on well if you do know you'll fucking watch your mouth exactly that's why I'm not saying anything I'll like prove my point go and clear it I'll go to clear out my wardrobe right and then I'll keep stuff for the most ridiculous reasons, not even just like, oh, I'll fit back into that or... I'll look at something and I'll be like, if somebody had like a 80s themed party, this would work really well for that. I should keep that just in case. Now, what the... Like, I do that with stuff all the time. If I get invited to Buckingham Palace, then I'm going to need that.

20:20Then that's... Like, I have these theories in my head where I'm like, but if I could use that for that, it means I don't have to buy something new. And then you end up with so much shit that you just don't wear. Are you still using the, if it had shit on it, chuck it method? You mentioned a while ago. Yeah, it does. It goes through my mind now. It is in my head now. I do do that. The shit rule. I do sort of look at something. If that had human shit on it, would I still want it? It's a good rule. Yeah. It is a good rule. I do use it. I just have a problem with that rule. because everything you use does have shit on it.

21:00Yeah, if I get rid of anything that's got shit on it... You'd have no underwear left. I'll tell you something. What? I've just got diarrhoea constantly. Okay. Are we ready for a swipe? Like, I just... I can't remember the last time I had, like, a solid poo. I've got to sort my diet out. I'm either constipated or it's fucking coming at me like a geyser. Geyser. Does that even mean? well that's not a good way to live i'm just gonna start calling it the diarrhea room that's okay i gotta go and do some diarrhea you do say that i do i know i do you do need to eat better i do i'd what no you don't no i do need to eat better oh right yeah yeah i offered to make a dinner yesterday you were like oh it was Sunday yeah I'm not having a the day of the dinner no I want I want something good on a Sunday and I was hung over as well what would you have Friday and Saturday something good yeah what was it I don't know KFC I'm starving now let's get this done I think you got a kebab at like midday yeah let's get this done because I want to get a kebab okay spring resolutions are a thing that's just Lent isn't it well let's give him something up a resolution is to try and make yourself better researchers suggest that you should save New Year's resolutions until spring because they're more likely to be successful I think that's true yeah tough to sort of take on some sort of challenge in an already quite historically and famously challenging part of the year I mean it's not as challenging as it used to be when you couldn't grow any food or whatever but just in the human psyche historically winter is a challenging depressing time of year and that's exactly what you said about New Year's resolutions was we talking about on this or was that a conversation we actually had in our actual lives when you were like do it later don't punish yourself even more January and February you need to be kind to yourself 100 % spring is the time for March is my birthday so March that's the beginning of spring Yeah, but I can't give up beer on my birthday.

23:19Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, no, you can't. Maybe April for me, but then it's starting to get a bit warmer. Exactly. So, you know. Well, yeah, I think the lesson there is beer's good all year round. All right, yeah. Spring is the time for outdoorsy types to get their hiking boots on and their picnic blankets out. Are we outdoorsy types? I mean, I don't mind going for a walk. I couldn't think of anything worse than a fucking picnic. Just sitting on the... I couldn't think he'd anything fucking worse. Let's go to Marks and Spencer's, spend fucking 80 quid on egg sandwiches and sit in a field. Somebody kicking a ball off your head.

23:55No. Even when I see folk coming out, I'm like, I get it. You think you're in a film. But I don't like eating outdoors at all. No, I'm not an outdoors eater. And I love a barbecue. Yeah. I'm a big barbecue guy. I bet we take it in. Yeah, I do. Leave the doors open. When it's a lovely sunny day and you go to the pub, like for maybe a little drink, little pub lunch or something like that and they go would you like to see outside i go no no no i don't know i would i don't want all the outside stuff getting involved in my food yeah eat in and then we'll go out and sit in the beer garden have a wee beer this is a this is a list of spring activities would we ever do any of these or a sprist of ling activities which you nearly said I saw it.

24:36Put that in slow motion. A sprista bling activities. Play it back.

24:42Good God. I'm going to need some more beer. You got a can there? Oh, yeah.

24:51It's like being in Willy Wonka's factory when we make this podcast. Right. Oh, God. This is a list. Yeah, go on. Of spring activities. Right. Would we do any of these? Okay, go on. Number one, take a hike. I wish you fucking would I knew you I got that before you I got that before you no take a hike right are we going hiking no Americans love this American loves to it's a walk it's a fucking walk oh you're walking aye we did a really long hike yeah you went on a walk and there was a hill involved alright right well we take the dug a walk all the time yeah exactly do that every day fine visit a botanical garden no no what's that butterflies and shit no it's a plants it's plants yeah What's the thing?

25:36Q That's the big thing During the summer Isn't it? No Q Gardens I've got plants in the house Yeah There are plants in the house I don't even like Looking at them No Not for me Don't care about plants Plants don't make Don't give me anything No me neither Palm tree does You love a palm tree Love a palm tree But apart from that That's only because You're in LA When you see them Oh is this a lovely look at this lovely plant. I go I like a cheese plant as well. Cheese plant? Mm-hmm. You know the big huge green leaves. They've got like the little cut out bits. I like them. No, no. That is. I'd be up for a I'd like a Venus flytrap.

26:22Because that's like mixing plant and animal. Okay. I'll get you one for your birthday. You can get those. Yeah? I might get them. Yeah. Also the problem is right is that when you see cartoons and stuff growing up as a kid and you think about Venus flytrap. Yeah, it's not going to do what you want it to do. They're about this big. Right. They don't look like Super Mario. Yeah, like I'm worried if I step on a Venus flytrap. Venus flytrap, stepping on a Venus flytrap, quicksand, all that sort of stuff. I was terrified when I was a kid. Yeah. I was like, oh, I might step on a Venus flytrap. And then that'll be me done.

26:56I'll be gone. Swallowed home. And then they're like, couldn't even get your cock in one clip. Well, how big is it? You could. Outdoor yoga. Outdoor yoga. As if we do indoor yoga. I know, I know. As if, listen, hey, we're partial to the indoor yoga. My fucking nerves. I'd be trapped all over the place if I started doing yoga. Yeah. Jesus. Look at them trying to rage bait me. Bike rides. Nah, not for me. Not for me. Nah, none of that stuff. Not for me. None of it. No, is that it? Well, spring activities, no. You've purposely done stuff to, like Claire said there, rage bait. Yeah. There was no beer garden.

27:40Beer garden. Come on. There was no... What other things happened that involved beer? Festivals. Beer festival. Like a food festival in the summer. Yeah. Yeah. I don't eat very much, but the beer's great. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is... We aren't your guys. weren't you guys for that sort of thing we're not outdoorsy people I don't mind outdoors we're not outdoorsy people I prefer indoors yeah that's why I prefer winter I get the spring summer guilt I get the guilt where it's like it's warm outside and it's really sunny and bright and we're sitting inside and I'm like we should be out we should be out doing something we should be out doing something but you don't have to do it every single day and you get it more as well because I'm from the south east when you see the sun you're like what the fuck is that and you start like bowing and praying to it and stuff yeah it will destroy us all yeah yeah anyway it's the sun Claire I'm sure you didn't see that as a kid right anyway what else you got can we swipe yeah we can swipe have a little swipe we're leaving today and entering a world of Mickey Mouse waving Princess meeting and greeting.

29:03Lightsaber clashing. The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror dropping. Banshee flying. Space Mountain launching. Galaxy rewinding. What's the whole deck with Galaxy rewinding? Fireworks igniting. World of Other Worlds. For whatever you love. Infinite worlds await at the most magical place on Earth. Walt Disney World Resort. Get in the game with the college-branded Venmo debit card. Wreck your team with every tap and earn up to 5 % cash back with Venmo Stash, a new rewards program from Venmo. No monthly fee, no minimum balance. Just school pride and spending power. Get in the game and sign up for the Venmo debit card at Venmo.com slash college card.

29:47The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA. Select schools available. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo.me slash stash terms. Max$100 cash back per month. Hey, Claire. Yes, James. I've got a little email here from Chris. Okay. His subject is Taxi Drivers No Secrets. Again, sounds like a Netflix documentary, doesn't it? Yeah, it does, yeah. Chris says, hi both. Long-time listener, first-time emailer. Hello, Chris. And yes, well, you love him now, wait until you hear this. A five-star reviewer. Oh, of course. Ledge. You recently mentioned Taxi Etiquette. and I had an encounter with a taxi driver a few years back that I think you will get a laugh out of.

30:40We'll be the judge of that. Yeah, let's see. Oh, the pressure's on now, Chrissie. My mum and dad divorced when I was 11. Right, well, that doesn't, it's not started off. Sounds traumatic and depressing. Yeah, you'll love this. When I was 11, my mum and dad got divorced. Both have had other partners moved on and were amicable Right When I was in my late 20s, I was in a taxi with some mates coming back from night out It turns out the taxi driver was a family friend of my dad's Okay He was dropping off my mate first and then me And my mate lives in the same close as my mum We passed my mum's house when the driver dropped the bombshell I picked your dad up from here the other morning Dad!