You Want Some?!

4:39James Buckley:Right.

4:40Clair Buckley:But I did it in America. Yes. And you know America, they don't give a fuck, do they? There's no regulations on stuff. They hate regulations. Yeah. They absolutely hate it. All the food's got stuff in it that's illegal here, isn't it? It's the land of the free. It's your choice. It's your choice whether you have this or not.

4:57James Buckley:Okay.

4:57Clair Buckley:They say, you know, this donut might kill you.

5:02James Buckley:But I bet it tastes amazing. It tastes absolutely amazing, though. Okay.

5:06Clair Buckley:And it's up to you whether you want it or not.

5:07James Buckley:So would you use Domestis or something?

5:09Clair Buckley:No, I went into a clinic in LA. So if you try and get your teeth whitened here, there's like, well, you know. you have to do it over time this was just like come in for 15 minutes you walk out with mental teeth and I was there for about 15 minutes and I do have sensitive teeth anyway

5:28James Buckley:the thought of biting like a nice lolly

5:31Clair Buckley:just the thought of it makes my hair stand up on edge God that's the last thing we need with that I'm getting a haircut in a couple of days time as well that's another thing that's been annoying me give me a second I've got a list but yeah no I was just looking at my teeth but I went I went and got them whitened in America right and after about 20 minutes of sitting in a chair in a room on my own with like a light in my face or whatever they were doing they came and was like how's uh how's the teeth feeling are they all right you know they're not sensitive or anything I was like no they're absolutely fine I didn't feel a thing they went you could do another 20 minutes if you wanted to then I went yeah go for it oh no did another 20 minutes they came back in and went still feeling all right?

6:13Clair Buckley:I went, yeah. Yeah. What are you talking about? Absolutely fine. They went, do another if you, if you, you know, and then you're done. Then you're properly done.

6:21James Buckley:How much did this cost?

6:22Clair Buckley:I can't remember. I couldn't tell you.

6:23James Buckley:I genuinely can't remember.

6:25Clair Buckley:It wouldn't have been expensive. This is like, everyone does this in LA. So I did it three times, looked really nice and white and clean because I was doing an American TV show. And I'd become, you walk around America for a while and I to look after my teeth but you do see people with amazing teeth you know fuck's sake anyway so i was like oh cheers thanks for that bye i'm off open the door gust of wind hit me and it was like my head exploded i was like oh god i was like jesus christ honestly it was so fucking painful and then for about three or four days afterwards.

7:08James Buckley:Yeah, didn't you even say like breathing,

7:10Clair Buckley:like when you took a breath in your mouth? Yeah, I had to keep breathing through my nose and things.

7:15James Buckley:Oh, God.

7:16Clair Buckley:Like this went on for about four days afterwards.

7:18James Buckley:Wow.

7:19Clair Buckley:We'd just be sat watching TV. Like we were in America, we were in that living room. We'd just be sat watching TV and I'd just go, just out of nowhere. It was absolutely awful. I had to keep rubbing Sensodyne toothpaste. taste on my teeth and just leaving it on like neat just sort of like sitting there um but the worst thing is is that I got my teeth whitened because I was going to be in this American TV show yeah the next day after I got it whitened was the big read through with all the uh cast with all the cast I'd already briefly met the cast and everything because we had to do a big photo shoot and stuff and I think a little press thing and stuff.

8:03Clair Buckley:It was a really, really great bunch of people. It was already a bunch of people that I felt like, oh, we're quite pally already, even though I only met them once. And I went in and the star of the show was a lady called Soryu and she was like, your teeth look mental.

8:20Clair Buckley:I was like, oh, no, really?

8:24James Buckley:Like that episode of Friends where Ross leaves on all the night. Yeah, it was pretty much.

8:27Clair Buckley:So we had to do the big table read in front of all NBC executives, all the big wigs.

8:33James Buckley:Did people start putting sunglasses on?

8:35Clair Buckley:Like the most powerful people in Hollywood were in that room and it was just a read through and we're on a big long table and they're in front in like an audience. And all through this read through I was like just waiting for my lines and stuff and just going...

8:54Clair Buckley:And then just going, oh no I don't think we're going to be able to do that

8:57James Buckley:so it was just painful just even sitting it was terrible and if you'd just done it the once it would probably have been fine

9:06Clair Buckley:no but I wanted, you know me Claire you're going to do something

9:10James Buckley:what else did you bring up then?

9:14Clair Buckley:you brought up something else oh yeah I'm getting a haircut yeah my hair's gone insane I had to do something a couple of days ago on the radio and as you know it used to be great doing stuff on the radio because you'd usually do either breakfast or drive time. But back in the day, it used to be like you just turn up like, oh, we need you in at the studio at half seven. So I'd have to leave at like five o 'clock in the morning, half four to get into London on time without hitting any traffic or anything like that. But you just turn up in your fucking pyjamas or something because it was radio and it was just like...

9:47James Buckley:It's just your voice, yeah.

9:47Clair Buckley:As long as you sound like you're awake. Like, nowadays, it's like they've got eight cameras in all the rooms and stuff, and everything's got to be clipped up for... So you've got to be TV ready for radio these days.

9:58James Buckley:Yeah, yeah.

9:58Clair Buckley:And a load of comments were like, is he wearing a wig? What the fuck's going on with that hair? The problem is, right, is that I got it cut for work.

10:08James Buckley:Yeah, this is from your Christmas thing that you did.

10:12Clair Buckley:Yeah, and this was months ago that I got it cut. And this is going to sound mental, but I had to grow it to get it cut.

10:17James Buckley:Yes.

10:18Clair Buckley:And it's still not at the length.

10:19James Buckley:You have to grow it so that you can get the haircut that you like, your little rod cut.

10:23Clair Buckley:It's still not at the length that I need it, but it is just getting too silly now.

10:27James Buckley:Harrison went and got his haircut at the weekend there.

10:31Clair Buckley:Oh, yeah.

10:32James Buckley:And he's really happy with it, isn't he? It's the first time he's in proper short hair, and it's quite long on the top, and he's doing this slicking back thing, right? Looks like a little gangster.

10:42Clair Buckley:Yeah.

10:42James Buckley:But anyway.

10:43Clair Buckley:Like Peaky Blinders or something. Yeah.

10:45James Buckley:And do you know what he said last night? He went for a shower and it was all wet, and he slicked it back and he was like, this would look really good with a suit. I was like, okay. But anyway, he said we were in the kitchen, we were tidying up before we went up to bed and he said, I really like this haircut. He was like, you know when you just get a haircut and you think this is going to be me for the next couple of years, do you know?

11:07Clair Buckley:Yeah.

11:08James Buckley:James went, yeah, I did that 25 years ago. And I've never changed. I was like, yeah, you're talking to the right guy.

11:16Clair Buckley:He was like, Dad, you know when you get like a haircut and you just think, this is me. I think I'm going to stick with this. I went, yeah.

11:24James Buckley:Yes.

11:25Clair Buckley:Yeah. Apart from like if a job comes up or something like that.

11:29James Buckley:Yeah.

11:31Clair Buckley:Anyway, let's move on to this is really, I read this before. This is really loose. Anyway, Claire, it's January 8th. Oh, OK. Which means, of course...

11:46James Buckley:Oh, fuck off.

11:47Clair Buckley:It's World Typing Day. We all know January 8th, when January 8th comes around, we all go, oh, it's World Typing Day. It comes up on my phone and everything. On Apple Calendar, they've got it already written in for you. World Typing Day. It's a day dedicated to celebrating the humble skill of typing and encouraging more written communication.

12:10James Buckley:No wonder you're laughing. You get paid for this. Wow.

12:14Clair Buckley:World Typing Day.

12:16James Buckley:We're putting in a complaint. This is not...

12:18Clair Buckley:A written complaint.

12:19James Buckley:Listen, this is an... LAUGHTER I'm going to type my complaint up. Do it today.

12:27Clair Buckley:It's an age-old tradition that goes way back to Malaysia, 2011 when it started. It's inspired by a national speed typing event held that year. The celebration was created to highlight the importance of writing in the digital age, not just typing fast, but expressing yourself through words. So in honour of a day all about typing away on a keyboard, here's some written communication from our listeners. That was just a long-winded way of saying, oh, we better do some... We've got some emails. We've got some emails.

12:58James Buckley:Right. Okay.

13:00Clair Buckley:Brilliant. Have any of these emails got anything to do with World Typing Day? No. No.

13:04James Buckley:Thank God. Okay.

13:05Clair Buckley:Are we going to mention... Do we loop back? Is there a feature or something that ties in World Typing Day? No. No. Okay

13:14James Buckley:That's a good thing I think to be fair

13:16Clair Buckley:We are wasting everyone's time We are wasting absolutely everyone's time Anyway we do have some stories for you guys And Jesus Christ Is this an email? Is this one email?

13:30James Buckley:Is it long? Oh my god it's not

13:34Clair Buckley:It's very well written though Rihanna we've got a message from Rihanna

13:38James Buckley:Rihanna

13:40Clair Buckley:Hi James and Claire A.K.A. Girlboss Right,

13:48Clair Buckley:I need to file an initial Oh no, that's it It starts off good It goes bad very quickly Right, I need to file an official complaint With humanity because I hate people Who stop at the entrance of shops Especially when I'm just trying to do A peaceful little by myself Unnecessary makeup trip I've been in boots for 40 minutes Covered in 18 foundation swatches that all oxidised into shades of disappointment. What does this mean? I don't know what any of this means.

14:17James Buckley:Well, she's sampling, I guess. Right. And she doesn't like it.

14:21Clair Buckley:There's tweens...

14:22James Buckley:She loves me at oxidise.

14:24Clair Buckley:There's tweens testing every body spray known to man.

14:28James Buckley:Right.

14:28Clair Buckley:The shop smells like vanilla cupcake. Okay. Why is it always vanilla cupcake? I feel like I'm inhaling Mary Berry's cleavage. I'm sweating. I'm carrying a basket of impulse purchases And I'm ready to leave I need to get home and hide these items Before my boyfriend gets home I'm going to be honest You're not winning me over with this I'm not on your side You sound like a bit of a Karen But the second I head for the exit Some absolute doorway demon Decides to stop dead in the doorway Why? Why is this the moment they dig for their keys? Why are they repackaging their bags like they're flying Ryanair.

15:10Clair Buckley:Why are they blocking the only exit like the final boss of Superdrug? And there's me behind them.

15:16James Buckley:I thought she was in Boots.

15:17Clair Buckley:She's obsessed with bosses as well. And there's me behind them, vibrating like a pissed-off washing machine, trying not to headbutt my way to freedom. If I ever have a villain origin story, it won't be trauma. Just know it will be someone stopping in front of the Boots exit while I'm trying to leave with my seventh unnecessary lip balm. Doorway blockers. I hope your bronzer always goes patchy. All the best, Rihanna. P.S. One for the girlies. Please tell Claire her make-up is always on point. We need the routine. James, don't even think about calling me a brown nose or something sarky like that.

15:51Clair Buckley:Fuck off.

15:56James Buckley:Wow. I mean, he already called you a Karen, so...

16:01Clair Buckley:I mean, you were right up Claire's arse from the beginning of the... To James and Claire, a.k.a. girl boss.

16:07James Buckley:She might have been talking about you.

16:09Clair Buckley:I don't think so.

16:10James Buckley:Okay. That's a lot of information. Here's the thing, right? Door blockers are bad. I think we've spoke about door blockers. People, you're walking out, as soon as they get out the front door, they just think the world behind them doesn't exist. Yeah. That is really annoying. Now, I think I've...

16:26Clair Buckley:And what they do is they walk past the door.

16:28James Buckley:Yeah.

16:29Clair Buckley:They get themselves through the door. They get themselves out. And one step outside the door, they stop to check the...

16:34James Buckley:Yeah.

16:35Clair Buckley:Just look at the birds or something. Now, depending on what mood I'm in, there are ways to do this.

16:40James Buckley:And I've found that the slightly aggressive but nice, saying something nice is the best way to do it.

16:51Clair Buckley:That's interesting.

16:52James Buckley:Right.

16:53Clair Buckley:That's interesting. So it's like... I'll just say this, because you always tell me what a nice person you are and how nice you are. And you say things like, I'm actually a really fucking nice person. You say stuff like that to me all the time. And so I think, oh, God, in her head, she does think she's being nice. So I'd love to know what being nice but also being aggressive is in your... Slightly aggressive. I'd love to know what slightly aggressive is in your head.

17:19James Buckley:So slightly aggressive.

17:20Clair Buckley:Because if I'm actually a fucking nice person, is you being nice?

17:23James Buckley:That's not what I say. I'm a nice person. I'm nice to people. Right, OK, listen, we're getting into a different conversation. Right, what I mean is, right, I do actually think I've figured this out.

17:35Clair Buckley:Go on.

17:35James Buckley:So the way to get these people, right, is, let's say you're walking out a shop and somebody does stop right in front of you. You say, excuse me, which is nice, but with a bit of aggression, excuse me, excuse me, but going past. Because what that does, that's not nice, what that does, I'm hoping in their head they go, oh, shit, yeah, I was blocking the door there. I won't do that again.

18:03Clair Buckley:That's it. That's your big thing. Right. That's how you cracked it.

18:06James Buckley:No, but also...

18:07Clair Buckley:I thought we were going to get some... You were one step away from just going, move.

18:12James Buckley:Well, that's what it means. Yes, we know. Right, so that's what I'm saying. So you don't say...

18:17Clair Buckley:I was hoping for something a bit more, because that's what we all do. So you don't say... Excuse me.

18:21James Buckley:You don't say move, you say excuse me. Yeah, you say excuse me, yeah.

18:24Clair Buckley:But in... As if you're saying, fucking get out of the way. Yes. Yeah.

18:29James Buckley:That's not a trick. If somebody, like... That's not something you've created. No, I'm not saying I've created that. I've smashed it. I'm just saying that's how you deal with those people.

18:38Clair Buckley:Instead of smacking them over the head with some nunchucks.

18:41James Buckley:What about this?

18:42Clair Buckley:I go, excuse me?

18:44James Buckley:I don't do it that angry. I just mean just a little bit behind it so they know that you're not just saying, oh, excuse me. Like if somebody bashes into me, everybody's go-to is like if you're in the supermarket or something, you do say sorry. And I do do that as well. But you got to do it in a way like, oh, sorry. you've got to let them know that they're actually in the wrong

19:06Clair Buckley:this is why you're running out of local supermarkets you can go to

19:10James Buckley:I could have said do you want to watch where you're going but you don't why is everybody looking at me as if I'm nuts

19:21Clair Buckley:I'm being polite but I'm letting

19:23James Buckley:them know

19:24Clair Buckley:this is where you've got blinkers on or something and I'm glad that you've brought this up in public because I'm always telling you all the time that you're quite aggressive, right? And you think, you think that you're being so polite.

19:40James Buckley:No, I don't think I'm being so polite. I know I'm, I know I'm, but you've got to let these people know.

19:45Clair Buckley:Yeah.

19:46James Buckley:I don't think that's really aggressive. I think, I think what you should be able to do,

19:50Clair Buckley:if someone stops dead in front of you.

19:52James Buckley:I just walk straight into the back of them.

19:54Clair Buckley:No, you should be able to get like, carry like a small, like one of those like ninja knives and slice the back of their knees so that their tendons... And I'm aggressive. And then they can't walk anymore.

20:09James Buckley:Right, okay.

20:11Clair Buckley:Their legs just instantly...

20:13James Buckley:Right.

20:13Clair Buckley:You see that in movies, don't you?

20:15James Buckley:And then if they complain, you go, well, you weren't fucking using them anyway, were you?

20:19Clair Buckley:Just go, you ruined the way. But yeah, Rihanna, you are right. No, she is right. You are absolutely right.

20:25James Buckley:No, Rihanna's great. Come on, Rihanna knows what she's talking about. She knows make-up. She knows people. She is so itched on. It's old.

20:36Clair Buckley:We know what shops make you rage most. It is your supermarket.

20:40James Buckley:Me? It is supermarkets. It is the supermarket. I do have a hard time in supermarkets because people are so fucking rude. Right, and there's the thing. I'll die on this hill. I'm not rude. I move out of people's way. I make sure I don't leave my trolley. I'm very...

20:56Clair Buckley:You're not bumping into people. No, I'm not bumping. You're not stopping you.

20:58James Buckley:And if I do, I'm like, oh, sorry.

21:00Clair Buckley:Yeah.

21:01James Buckley:Actually, sorry.

21:02Clair Buckley:Yeah.

21:03James Buckley:It's everybody else.

21:04Clair Buckley:Yeah.

21:05James Buckley:And they need to know. People, I think people are too polite. Like, what did Rihanna say there? Nothing. She said she was waiting to get out. She's vibrating with her anger. Is that what she said? What did she say, Jeff? Vibrating like a pissed off washing machine. Is Rihanna like a writer or something? She's very, she's full of...

21:24Clair Buckley:Claire, that's what ties in today's theme. World Typing Day, obviously Is that what it's called? Yeah, World Typing Day

21:31James Buckley:Well, I think you just do what I do You say the right thing, right? So if anybody was recording you or anything You say the right thing

21:38Clair Buckley:But you say it in a way that's really angry Not really angry Slightly angry

21:43James Buckley:Just with a wee bit of aggression A wee bit of Listen, I'm not saying what we both know I want to say But sense the tone Yeah

21:52Clair Buckley:You're not being subtle just to let you know you're not you're not giving them a code you're not you're not saying to them

22:02James Buckley:it's a warning shot yeah

22:04Clair Buckley:yeah you I suppose you are saying the next one is a fight not a fight

22:08James Buckley:you've got to stop saying this

22:10Clair Buckley:I hate having to go to the bank I get so depressed when I've got to go to the bank it's so fucking boring

22:15James Buckley:and also you thought you would have a lot more money by then yeah

22:19Clair Buckley:it's just a whole sort of let down the whole trip any time that I do go to the bank It's like to cash a fucking cheque or something like that that someone's doing that these days.

22:29James Buckley:Oh no, what a life!

22:30Clair Buckley:No, but it'd be like some old relative that's giving you a cheque for your birthday and you're just like, cheque.

22:37James Buckley:Yeah, yeah. So now you've given me a job. Yeah, you have to go to the bank.

22:44Clair Buckley:You've given me an errand to run.

22:45James Buckley:Yeah.

22:46Clair Buckley:So in my head everyone's at work nine to five, right? Mm. So I go when it's less busy, I go around one o 'clock, something like that. No, that's the time when it is busy because everyone's on lunch. And then sometimes when it's not busy, it's just me. There's been loads of times where I've walked into the bank and I do just still stand there for about 20 minutes watching someone at the kiosk or whatever just desperately not, like, acknowledge me.

23:10James Buckley:Oh, I hate that.

23:11Clair Buckley:And you can't go forward until they tell you because it's a bank.

23:16James Buckley:Right.

23:16Clair Buckley:And I'm always worried that they might go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? What are you doing? because they're ready to be robbed at any minute, aren't they? You've got to wait for the...

23:26James Buckley:Right.

23:27Clair Buckley:Or the... Till number four or whatever it is they do.

23:30James Buckley:Post office is bad for that. Yeah. I was in a shop one time and it was just a little corner shop, like a little spa or something like that, right? And this was a couple of years ago and it was a girl in there and she was just on the phone. She was on the phone when I came in and I went round and I picked up some bits I think I was getting like the boys like Chris and stuff it wasn't anything like bigger whatever went up she was still on the phone and she completely ignored me for a good five minutes and I like put the stuff down and I like I mean eye contact everything and she was like like chatting away

24:08Clair Buckley:what was she talking?

24:09James Buckley:I don't know the rage inside my head I couldn't hear anything

24:13Clair Buckley:I need to know what the conversation was to help me get

24:15James Buckley:I left I tipped the bottle and left.

24:22Clair Buckley:I've done that a couple of times. I've walked out of places.

24:24James Buckley:I just think, how fucking rude.

24:26Clair Buckley:Yeah, I've walked out of places where I'm just like, this isn't going to work.

24:29James Buckley:If a queue's too long, I don't tend to wait. The women's bathroom's really bad for that. You know when we went to Danny's premiere, Marching Powder?

24:39Clair Buckley:Yeah.

24:40James Buckley:The cinema that we were in, at the end of it, I went to the bathroom. The queue for the women's toilet was un... I mean, it was literally cued right out the door and Danny's sister was there and I literally went up and I was like oh my god this is going to take forever

24:56Clair Buckley:did you cut and chat?

24:58James Buckley:no no no no she was at the end

24:59Clair Buckley:oh she was at the end

25:00James Buckley:no she was at the end

25:01Clair Buckley:didn't do a little chat and cut

25:02James Buckley:no I did however glance my because you know

25:05Clair Buckley:his sister a little bit yeah a tiny little bit yeah so I'm wondering whether you were just like god this is a no no

25:13James Buckley:I would never do that

25:13Clair Buckley:anyway what did you think of the film? no and then just sort of

25:16James Buckley:I would never cut get in behind her I would never cut a line, never. No, she was at the end of the queue. What I did do, though, was look over the men's toilet. They were coming in and out like a revolving door. And I said, I might just run in there. She was like, let's do it.

25:32Clair Buckley:Right.

25:33James Buckley:So we went in there. And then inevitably, I came out the stall and there was a guy coming in and he did the thing where he was like, oh. And then he looked at the door and I was like, no, it's me. It's me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Run it.

25:45Clair Buckley:Yeah, good.

25:46James Buckley:I did say sorry.

25:47Clair Buckley:I imagine it was round the other way.

25:49James Buckley:Well, that's...

25:50Clair Buckley:A man knew he was going to the men's toilets and saw a woman and shat himself. He did, yeah. Fucking hell, that's it, I'm cancelled. That's it, it's the end of it. Yeah. Whereas you just swaned in there, couldn't be bothered to queue. I didn't swan in. Because the rules don't apply to you, do they?

26:02James Buckley:I sneaked in, I was really fast, I kept my head done.

26:05Clair Buckley:Rules don't apply to you, do they? Got into the thing, had a quick pee, ran it. All right, so you're saying that's okay then? Yeah. You're saying that's okay?

26:13James Buckley:No, it's not okay. I broke the rules, I apologise. but I've had two children I had a few beers I would have pissed myself Yeah

26:21Clair Buckley:It was an emergency

26:22James Buckley:It was an emergency

26:23Clair Buckley:That's it I couldn't give a fuck to be honest

26:26James Buckley:I don't think men care about that as much

26:29Clair Buckley:Listen there is different

26:30James Buckley:rules for some things you just gotta accept that

26:32Clair Buckley:I never go to a urinal in the public toilet because people just want to talk to me and I don't mind talking to people I love talking to people especially when they want to come up to me and tell me how great the in-betweenness was

26:43James Buckley:Not with your cock out though I fucking live for that

26:44Clair Buckley:I'm just concentrating

26:47James Buckley:That's fair I would say That's fair Yeah That's a lot of pressure This episode is sponsored by Nutri-Check The UK's most powerful tool To help you track what you eat And understand your nutrition a bit better

27:00Clair Buckley:I read somewhere Claire That the average Brit eats 6 ,000 calories on Christmas Day Ooh I think I'm More Bringing up the average Yeah

27:10James Buckley:And I feel like late December is just fueled on leftovers. Cold meats, roast potatoes, covered in the cold gravy.

27:20Clair Buckley:Just grazing, just grazing through the kitchen for days and days.

27:23James Buckley:The cheese and crackers, that's what gets me. I will eat them until they're gone.

27:27Clair Buckley:This is why I'm using Nutri-Check this year because January is basically a big reset button, isn't it? What I do with the Nutri-Check app is scan some barcodes, track what I'm eating and then tweak everything to what works for me.

27:40James Buckley:I do actually. Every time I get a jar at the cupboard, you're like doing your little thing.

27:45Clair Buckley:So for example, when we do get a curry and I am trying to be good that week. I do use my NutriCheck app.

27:53James Buckley:You leave out the onion barges.

27:54Clair Buckley:I leave out the onion barges.

27:55James Buckley:Even though I love an onion barge, it's only like a small part of the meal.

27:59Clair Buckley:But calorie wise, it like doubles the meal. So I go, do you know what? I'll leave the onion barges.

28:03James Buckley:So it's for normal people who might have overdone it in the holidays and are just trying to get back on track.

28:09Clair Buckley:Exactly. So if you're trying to hit reset for 2026, give it a go. Just search Nutricheck in your app store. That's N-U-T-R-A-C-H-E-C-K. And you get a free seven day trial so you can see how it fits into your routine. I might just add Claire, that even though this was an ad read, Nutricheck is genuinely something. You've been using it for years. I pay for it.

28:35James Buckley:Yeah.

28:35Clair Buckley:On and off.

28:36James Buckley:I don't. I just use James. I need to.

28:39Clair Buckley:If I stuck to it, I'd be a lot healthier. But I do go for my little Nutricheck phases.

28:44James Buckley:You can only do your best. I suppose. The world moves fast. Your work day, even faster. Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work. Built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. Helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn more at Microsoft.com slash M365 Copilot.

29:19Clair Buckley:In a classroom of sodas, most stay quiet. Then there's Mr Pib Sweet cherry Bold outburst The kind of flavour That gets attention Bold kick of cherry Hey yo Mr Pib I've got another Email here From Fergus

29:36James Buckley:Fergus Fergus Oh I love that name Fergus Yeah

29:40Clair Buckley:I can't It's from the Inbetweeners Oh no Obviously you don't know Because you've never seen it

29:44James Buckley:It's from War of the Buttons Fergus What? War of the Buttons You've never seen War of the Buttons

29:50Clair Buckley:Never heard of it

29:51James Buckley:You've never heard of War nobody's ever seen War of the Buttons is it Orson Welles no I don't know the Irish the little Irish boys we saw it in school and I was obsessed with it they're aliens

30:02Clair Buckley:aren't they no

30:04James Buckley:that's War of the Worlds

30:05Clair Buckley:oh right sorry

30:07James Buckley:the War of the Buttons and there's a boy called Fergus in Geronimo and I love them anyway carry on it's a great film good for your kids just let your kids watch it well anyway

30:16Clair Buckley:there's an episode in the Inbetweeners where Will's mum starts going out with a bloke called Fergus right And I start taking the piss out of Will. And I can't remember exactly what I said, but I say things like, oh, yeah, go on. Oh, give it to me, Fergus. Oh, yeah. Now stick it up my arse, Fergus. I say it like that.

30:34James Buckley:Good Lord.

30:36Clair Buckley:I genuinely can't remember the context or anything, but when I hear the name Fergus, I just think of, now stick it up my arse, Fergus.

30:42James Buckley:Okay, fair enough, fair enough.

30:44Clair Buckley:And Fergus, a.k.a. stick it up my arse, Fergus, says, hi, James and Claire. On the weekend, I was playing some nursery rhymes for our son on Alexa. A firm favourite of his is the hokey cokey. Singing along as we normally do, it got to the line, knees bend, arms stretch, rah, rah, rah. And I actually found myself doing the rah, rah, rah in the exact way James does when he's doing his posh rants. So I asked, can we have an official Buckley's rah, rah, rah remix? Definitely, yeah, we should look into that for like next Christmas or something. Oh, the hokey cokey. Knees bent, arms stretched. Rah, rah, rah.

31:27Clair Buckley:Is it the hokey cokey or the hokey pokey?

31:30James Buckley:See, I used to say the hokey pokey.

31:32Clair Buckley:Yeah, I thought it was the hokey pokey. I think hokey cokey is a... No, hokey cokey is the UK one.

31:39James Buckley:Aye, no, sorry, hold on. Oh, hokey cokey pokey. Yeah.

31:43Clair Buckley:Oh, hokey cokey cokey. Yeah, it's cokey. Oh, hokey cokey cokey. Aye, it's hokey cokey, isn't it? Hokey Pokey is the US one. Right, right, right, right. When was the last time you did this dance?

31:53James Buckley:Two minutes ago.

31:57Clair Buckley:1993, probably.

31:58James Buckley:It was just the school disco, wasn't it? In a big circle.

32:02Clair Buckley:Did we sing any songs to Harrison and Jude growing up? Any nursery rhymes? No. Why are you looking like that? Did I do some inappropriate ones?

32:10James Buckley:Not inappropriate, probably. But you just had, like, these weird tunes that you... Wasn't it the BHS advert? British Homestores?

32:18Clair Buckley:Let's go BHS. Yeah I used to sing that Harrison used to love that And I used to do Used to lift him

32:23James Buckley:Let's go BHS

32:25Clair Buckley:But I also used to do the I used to do that With the Tim Burton Batman music That was it I used to do that to Harrison He used to love it I used to pick him up and go Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do And I used to like Dip him on that bit He'd giggle away wouldn't he Yeah I loved it

32:41James Buckley:Yeah I loved it And then There was another advert There was Let's go BHS

32:46Clair Buckley:Let's go BHS

32:48James Buckley:Yeah there was that and then there was another advert. We sort of did that stuff.

32:52Clair Buckley:It was all stuff off the television. Yeah. It was all just stuff we were watching.

32:55James Buckley:Yeah. Although I did...

32:57Clair Buckley:Especially with Harrison because it was just us seeing that little flat.

32:59James Buckley:Yeah.

33:00Clair Buckley:And all there was was a room with a television.

33:01James Buckley:Disney'd your new one all the time. No, but I did... Harrison, Andrew's favourite was the Horsey, Horsey, Horsey, Horsey, Don't You Stop.

33:11Clair Buckley:You get them on the leg. Another one that you used to do was the... Then you drop them

33:16James Buckley:and they laugh.

33:17Clair Buckley:You used to do like quite a lot. Yeah, I feel like that was a Scottish thing.

33:20James Buckley:Yeah, maybe, yeah.

33:21Clair Buckley:Another thing is like the...

33:23James Buckley:Alibali.

33:24Clair Buckley:Have you got any money in your pocket for sweets? Alibali. Oh, is that what that is?

33:27James Buckley:Alibali, alibali me, sitting on your granny's knee.

33:31Clair Buckley:Keep going.

33:32James Buckley:No, it's all right. Come on, hurry up. No, because I want to get to the bit where it's like,

33:34Clair Buckley:have you got any money? Because it is literally like, it's so Scottish. It's like, give us some money for some sweets, you old bastard.

33:40James Buckley:No, it's not. It's something like that. I'm going to have to remember it. Alibali, alibali me, sitting on your granny's knee, Greeting for a wee Bobby To buy some Cooters candy Greeting for a wee Bobby That's greeting for money To buy some sweet Buy some Cooters candy

33:58Clair Buckley:Oh right, is that from Bob? Like something cost two Bob

34:01James Buckley:Maybe, yeah See I just remember that For films like Football Factory and stuff They would call each other A two Bob Yeah Yeah I don't know what that means

34:11Clair Buckley:Don't get lemon

34:12James Buckley:What does that mean?

34:13Clair Buckley:Lemon tart, smart

34:15James Buckley:Right

34:15Clair Buckley:He's getting lemon

34:17James Buckley:stripe him what does that mean

34:20Clair Buckley:slashing

34:21James Buckley:fucking have it right that's what I'm going to say in Asda what fucking getting lemon I'll stripe you

34:28Clair Buckley:don't you don't you get fucking lemon I'll stripe you

34:31James Buckley:don't need to do it like that

34:32Clair Buckley:don't need to do it like that don't need to talk like that

34:34James Buckley:stripe you

34:35Clair Buckley:I'm the daddy now

34:37James Buckley:yeah fucking right scum

34:38Clair Buckley:yeah

34:39James Buckley:you fucking want some

34:42Clair Buckley:do ya no that's the Wilsdon Raider whatever his name is you got no fans you want some my wife Chris was obsessed with that you got no grand you got no fans you want some he's like this tiny little bloke he's a bit the size of me

34:58James Buckley:yeah it's little man syndrome isn't it we've all got it

35:01Clair Buckley:he's brilliant

35:03James Buckley:yeah no but we definitely did do nursery rhymes we bought Harrison that big book of nursery rhymes

35:09Clair Buckley:which we've still got was it nursery rhymes or fairy tales

35:12James Buckley:I think a little bit of both

35:14Clair Buckley:but yeah we had that little book and we wrote a little message before Harrison was born.

35:17James Buckley:Because we bought it before he was born. Yeah. We wrote a nursery rhyme. We made up a little rhyme. We did.

35:22Clair Buckley:It was about me, you and the baby turning open.

35:24James Buckley:Waiting for a baby.

35:25Clair Buckley:Yeah.

35:25James Buckley:Oh, I wish I knew what we wrote.

35:27Clair Buckley:It's a bit soppy. We were a bit soppy back in the day, weren't we? Because you know, before you've had kids, you're really excited to have a kid, aren't you?

35:33James Buckley:Yeah, you think it's going to be the best thing ever.

35:34Clair Buckley:Jude didn't get any of that. Jude got none of that.

35:36James Buckley:Because we knew.

35:37Clair Buckley:Yeah.

35:38James Buckley:We knew.

35:39Clair Buckley:Jude got none of it. I do find, though, that nursery rhymes are all really quite sinister, aren't they?

35:46James Buckley:Yes.

35:46Clair Buckley:They're all about death or even child abuse and stuff like that. Really? Yeah. Look at this one. What? There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

35:55James Buckley:Yeah.

35:55Clair Buckley:She had so many children, she didn't know what to do. She gave them some broth without any bread and whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.

36:02James Buckley:Yeah, no. Good.

36:05Clair Buckley:Beat them before they went to bed.

36:06James Buckley:That's how they fucking used to behave back in the day.

36:08Clair Buckley:That was it. They did as they were told, didn't they? Exactly. I don't know what the lesson is, though.

36:14James Buckley:I don't know what the lesson is there. It doesn't matter what you do, you're getting your ass kicked before you go to bed.

36:18Clair Buckley:Ring-a-ring-a-roses.

36:20James Buckley:Yeah, isn't that about...

36:21Clair Buckley:It's about the plague.

36:22James Buckley:Right, yeah. It's like stuff coming down, though. I thought that was about the war.

36:26Clair Buckley:No, ring-a-ring-a-roses.

36:27James Buckley:Ashes, ashes, we all fall.

36:29Clair Buckley:No, that's the American version.

36:30James Buckley:Oh, is it?

36:31Clair Buckley:Ring-a-ring-a-roses, a pocket full of posies. A tissue, a tissue. So that would cover the smell of the death and of the plague and stuff. Then they all die. A tissue, a tissue, we all fall down. Wow. And all the kids are playing that in the playground.

36:43James Buckley:Yeah, yeah. Oh, I like it.

36:44Clair Buckley:It's creepy as fuck, isn't it?

36:46James Buckley:Yeah.

36:47Clair Buckley:Do you know what? That image scares me.

36:49James Buckley:What?

36:50Clair Buckley:I think it's one of the most frightening images. Little girl ghosts? No, but you did that to me the other day, because I'm not being funny. I was meant to bring this up to you. From behind, you do look like the little girl from... The Ring? The Ring, yeah.

37:03James Buckley:I think you'll find her name is Samara, and thank you. I appreciate that.

37:06Clair Buckley:And you were facing behind me and you just turned up in the room and I didn't know you were in the room.

37:12James Buckley:Just.

37:13Clair Buckley:And that freaked me out.

37:15James Buckley:Another thing freaked me out.

37:18Clair Buckley:I was getting ready for bed. This happened last night. Okay. And I think I'm going to have to start shaving my shoulders.

37:26James Buckley:Okay, let's see where this is going.

37:28Clair Buckley:Because I was just in my pants brushing my teeth before bed.

37:31James Buckley:Yep.

37:32Clair Buckley:And I was like leaning over the sink and in my periphery, I can see my shoulder and everything, but I could also, what looked like a black hairy thing, looked like it was further in the distance. And I did go, look, like that for a second. And I realised it was just the...

37:47James Buckley:You thought it was a spider?

37:48Clair Buckley:No, I didn't know what it was. Oh, right. I thought it was some entity or something that had come in the room.

37:52James Buckley:But it was your shoulder hair?

37:53Clair Buckley:Yeah. Anyway, so they're all sinister.

37:56James Buckley:Go on, what you got?

37:57Clair Buckley:So you got the rockabye baby. That's just a baby falling out a tree.

38:02James Buckley:Yeah.

38:03Clair Buckley:Three blind mice get their tails cut off.

38:06James Buckley:With a butcher's knife.

38:07Clair Buckley:Yeah.

38:08James Buckley:For the farmer's wife.

38:09Clair Buckley:But violent. Like, that's violent. That's a violent thing to do. Now that I'm looking back on these, wee willy winky.

38:16James Buckley:wee willy winky.

38:17Clair Buckley:A man that runs through town in nightclothes looking into children's bedrooms.

38:23James Buckley:Yeah. How does that go? wee willy winky running through the town, upstairs, downstairs in his nighty goon, knocking out the windies, peeping through the locks, are all the wains in their bed. It's past nine o 'clock.

38:35Clair Buckley:Humpty Dumpty doesn't make any sense at all whatsoever. That doesn't...

38:39James Buckley:Yeah, but is he an egg or is he not an egg? Because in the little books...

38:44Clair Buckley:Gervais goes through this, doesn't he?

38:46James Buckley:Oh, does he? Because in the books he's always an egg. But that's it.

38:49Clair Buckley:It's only because there's a picture of an egg. It doesn't mention the word egg in Humpty Dumpty at all whatsoever. Apparently it's about a cannon, I think. A great big cannon. a giant cannon that was used by the British army, the military.

39:04James Buckley:What, the cannon's Humpty Dumpty?

39:05Clair Buckley:The cannon was called Humpty Dumpty and it fell off the wall and it cracked and it couldn't be put back together again.

39:13James Buckley:Oh.

39:14Clair Buckley:I don't understand that when they were up, they were up, and when they were down, they were down. When they were only halfway up, they were neither up nor down. I don't remember that one. Do you remember that? Yeah. The grand old Duke of York.

39:22James Buckley:Grand old Duke of York.

39:23Clair Buckley:He had 10 ,000 men. He marched them, marched to the top of the hill, and he marched them down again when they were up. When they were up, they were up.

39:28James Buckley:And when they were down, they were down. And when they were only halfway up, they were neither up nor down. Yeah. It's perfect sense.

39:35Clair Buckley:Silly though, isn't it? It's very silly. Oh, I said silly, not Siri. You be quiet. All right, Claire. We've got, I think we've got just enough time for one of our regular features. It's called Bang for Buck. Bang for Buck. Is it worth the spend or just dumb luck? Bang for Buck Did it change your life or did it suck? Bang Brilliant. This is a segment where we discuss a recent purchase and whether it was bang for buck or not. Plus the reason, if any, behind buying it. A reminder to keep your bang for bucks coming in by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok.

40:23Clair Buckley:We've got one here from Charlie.

40:25James Buckley:Charlie!

40:25Clair Buckley:Charlie says, and his message is called One Big Bowl. Nice.

40:30James Buckley:Okay.

40:31Clair Buckley:Hi, James and Claire. I treated myself to what I thought was an absolute bargain. A Zorb ball. I found online for£200. What's a Zorb ball? It's like the Zorby.

40:40James Buckley:It seems you get inside and roll down the hill.

40:43Clair Buckley:Oh, is it that? I did that playing football once.

40:47James Buckley:Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

40:49Clair Buckley:To actually use the thing, I needed a proper blower to inflate it. So that was another£150. At this point, I'd spent£350 before even stepping inside it. I finally got inflated in the garden. 30 minutes of hissing, sweating and questioning my life choices. Climbed in and managed one roll on flat ground. No dramatic downhill moment. No wee. Just me gently bouncing like an overgrown hamster. I'm still convinced it will be fun though, eventually. I just need a free weekend a massive field and maybe another idiot with the soil poor Has anyone else made a similarly sim similarly

41:30James Buckley:similar

41:31Clair Buckley:similar yeah I'll say that Has anyone else made a similar ridiculous no

41:35James Buckley:similarly

41:36Clair Buckley:Has anyone else made a similarly can't say can't say that word

41:40James Buckley:Has anyone else made a similarly ridiculous similarly

41:43Clair Buckley:purchase

41:44James Buckley:I assume

41:45Clair Buckley:Ridiculous purchase please tell me I'm not alone I think I know in my heart of hearts whether this is bang for buck or not but I feel like I need to hear it from you too.

41:55James Buckley:Yeah, no, you wasted your money, you big idiot.

41:57Clair Buckley:No, because I'll tell you what's going to happen.

41:58James Buckley:There you go, there's the truth.

42:00Clair Buckley:I'll tell you what's going to happen, Charlie, is that you are going to get a free weekend. It's going to be a lovely, clear spring day, not too hot, not in the summer.

42:08James Buckley:You'd fucking die in there.

42:10Clair Buckley:Yeah, you'd cook in there, wouldn't you? Yeah. And you'll go over a field with some hills and stuff and you'll bump into another bloke with one and you'll become friends for life and you'll be bumping into each other and stuff. It'll be great. Can you put a price on that? Can you put a price on that, Claire?

42:27James Buckley:Yeah, that's marriage if you do that.

42:29Clair Buckley:And to be fair, the Zordball is£385.99 on Amazon, so you got one online for£200. That is bang for buck. That is bang for buck.

42:39James Buckley:No, it's not. No, it's not.

42:42Clair Buckley:He's bought a Zordball and a blower to inflate it, which can be used for other stuff. if you've got like an inflatable bed or something, you've got guests coming round, for less than what the Zorball is going for on Amazon.com.

42:53James Buckley:Right, but it doesn't matter. You'd be an idiot not to buy that. Okay. Okay. Well, why don't you and Charlie arrange a day?

43:01Clair Buckley:I don't have one. And I doubt I'm going to be able to find one for 200 quid, like what Charlie's done. He's a ledge. Tom is here. Tom says, ain't afraid of no ghost. Hi, James and Claire. Claire, this one's for you.

43:13James Buckley:I'm listening.

43:14Clair Buckley:Might finally be the answer to your ghost dog situation.

43:17James Buckley:I love how everybody's trying to solve this.

43:21Clair Buckley:After watching far too many ghost hunting shows and having a few moments at home where I genuinely felt like something was there, it might just be shoulder air. I caved and bought one of those static detector pod gadgets for ghost hunting slash detection. 50 quid for a little pod that flashes and beeps whenever it picks up a spike in static or EMF.

43:44James Buckley:See, I couldn't get that because I would just...

43:46Clair Buckley:The electromagnetic field.

43:48James Buckley:Yeah, I'd get too excited.

43:49Clair Buckley:According to paranormal experts, spirits can nudge those energy fields. So in theory, this thing should give me a heads up if anything otherworldly wanders past. No proper hit yet, thankfully. But I do sleep better knowing that if a ghost Labrador does trot down my hallway, this pod will start screaming long before I do. Is it bang for buck or not? How much was it? What did he say? 50 quid, I think he said.

44:11James Buckley:Oh yeah, oh yeah, that is bang for buck.

44:13Clair Buckley:See, I don't want to fuck around with any of that stuff. like I don't want to do that thing

44:16James Buckley:it's not a Ouija board it's not you're not inviting them in

44:19Clair Buckley:I don't want to do that I don't want to like leave a tape recorder on overnight oh yeah just in case if I fucking woke up and it was just like hello I'd love that I am looking at you or something like that I don't know I'd love that

44:35James Buckley:I watch you wank

44:40James Buckley:that's why we don't have any ghosts you scare them all away that's it yeah your hairy shoulders

44:44Clair Buckley:shoulder um no i i think uh 50 quid for a thing that hasn't done anything yeah i'm gonna say

44:51James Buckley:but what surprises me is that he doesn't want he's he's happy what right first of all i need the backstory why did he buy it he must have felt like something was going on he said i was having

45:04Clair Buckley:a few moments at home where i generally felt like something was watching him right but then why is

45:08James Buckley:happy that it's not went off. Like, surely if you're buying something like that, you would be looking for something.

45:16Clair Buckley:And does it definitely work?

45:17James Buckley:Yes, it does, yeah. I'm going to get one. No, but I'm asking

45:21Clair Buckley:him if the one that he's bought

45:23James Buckley:Yeah, has he charged it? Has he put batteries in it?

45:25Clair Buckley:For all he knows, it might be like even a defective one. Yeah. He's like, well, no ghosts around here, thank God.

45:30James Buckley:But whatever helps him sleep.

45:31Clair Buckley:In fact, that's the argument behind all alarms. Go on. You don't truly know that they work. I know you can press a test button for a smoke alarm and stuff like that. But you don't.

45:40James Buckley:You've got to rely on them, yeah.

45:41Clair Buckley:It might just work when I press the test button.

45:43James Buckley:When it all kicks off, you've got to hope that they work. Yeah. Yeah, it's true, yeah.

45:47Clair Buckley:Oh, no, that's going to worry me now. All right. Have we done enough? We'd better leave it there then. That's it for this week's episode of The Buckleys. Thanks for listening. Remember, you can get in touch with your stories and questions by emailing thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at The BuckleysPod on Instagram and TikTok. And don't forget to follow and subscribe to The Shell on Spotify via whatever podcast app that you like to use. And if you do enjoy listening to the show, why not go ahead and leave us a little review afterwards? I did all that bit without looking. All that is left is for Claire to say...

46:16Clair Buckley:See you next Thursday. Which could mean ****. Anyway, thanks. There you go, there's a podcast. Go on, the Chiefs, Chaitens.

46:31Clair Buckley:There's a world where legends race across city skylines. Romance blossoms in glittering ballrooms. And there's magic around every corner. It's a world known to many as Great Britain. You've seen the action on screen. Now visit the real star of the show. Visit Great Britain. To discover more, go to tripadvisor.com slash Great Britain.