You Wound Me Up On Purpose?!

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0:40Clair Buckley:Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit trimfiradio.com. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry, so you're always supported during an emergency.

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1:31Hey, Chicago. Class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new Fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First Day Fits handled Walk out ready for whatever's next Visit your nearest croc store today Right I'm just going to say we love Popeyes

2:03Clair Buckley:How could you not? I mean the chicken the crunch the New Orleans flavour I'm dribbling just thinking about it Yeah you are Well you know it's serious when we start daydreaming about their chicken sandwich Don't get me started on the chicken sandwich It's the best It all started back in New Orleans in the 70s Proper Louisiana roots, proper southern flavour. Then they came to the UK in 2021 and they've already got 75 restaurants here. And every time they open a new one, it's a massive deal. They're accused down the streets. Have you seen it? Yeah, I have. I know you were there. They serve their New Orleans style menu featuring the infamous chicken sandwich that literally broke the internet.

2:42Clair Buckley:Plus wings, tenders and traditional biscuits served with gravy. Their chicken tastes so good because it's 100 % fresh, marinated for 12 hours and hand-breaded and battered on site for that iconic Shatter Crunch coating. Oh, I think my stomach just rumbled. Sorry about that. So if you haven't tried it yet or you're already hooked like us, Popeyes is offering the Buckley's listeners a tasty little treat. Yep, you get£5 off when you spend£15 or more on the Popeyes app using the promo code BUCKLEYS. That's B-U-C-K-L-E-Y-S You know how to spell it That's how you spell it Honestly, trust us, just try the sandwich You'll be licking your fingers and possibly the phone screen as you order Well, I'm trying not to do that, that's a bit gross I'll make no promises, Claire I would love to be able to know how to hotwire a car Was it everything?

3:35Clair Buckley:Yes! Was it everything apart from the movies? I think it is You walked across our hall with your shitty arse hanging in Yeah, well I had to you know that I love you so why do we have to keep saying it it's when you're shouting at me and saying things like you know that I love you I don't know I don't know I think I annoy her you do

4:01Clair Buckley:Claire put your tits away for two seconds because we need to do sorry we need to do a podcast I love I'd say I'm Claire. I'm James. You're Claire. You know what that means? It can only mean one thing, Claire. The fucking Buckley's. It's a fucking Buckley's fucking podcast about to come at you. Jesus. Right, all over your face. Right, welcome to the Buckley's. That's us. This is the podcast where we sit down, have a chat, moan a bit, and invite you into our lives. But before we do get into it, we just want to remind you that you can get in touch with your stories and questions by emailing us at the Buckley's.

4:35Clair Buckley:What's our email, Claire? The Buckley's pod. No. thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk or you can message us at thebuckleyspod on Instagram and TikTok and don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show on Spotify or whatever podcast app you like to use and if you do like the show, why not go ahead and give us a review because it helps out. Oh, Claire. Oh, Jesus. How are you? I'm alright, Matt. How are you? Oh, hot, hot. It's hot in here. It is, yeah. The old... Exactly. I am getting so hot. I'm taking my clothes off. I saw a thing on Instagram the other day. It was a picture of Nelly. Yeah. Right?

5:13Clair Buckley:Yeah. Little plaster on his cheek as well, which made it so obvious. And it was somebody showing a picture of Nelly to young guys. Yeah. And they were like, who's this? And they were all like, I don't know. Chris Brown. And I'm sitting there going, good Lord. Do you not know who Nelly is? Do you not know who Nelly is? You never heard of Cisco? Fucking. That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong. You'd say that to a kid these days They wouldn't have a clue They'd probably scream for help or something They just don't know They don't even know they're born And I saw another thing I don't know why I'm kicked off with this But I saw another thing Let me just get it out The Maple Leafs The ice hockey team Follow them on Twitter I'm looking for ideas and stuff The old Chiefs They did this thing where all the players were walking out to do practice and they must have had like a thing a little sign held up saying can you name all four Beatles?

6:15Clair Buckley:Right. Not one of them could do it. It's all young boys obviously. A couple of John Lennons were chucked out. It's made me feel sick. And I was just like what world are we living in? Well I'll tell you what world we're living in Clare because that brings us nicely on to what's been going on in our lives this week. What happened? Fucking plague's back. The plague? The plague's back, mate. Someone in America has died of bubonic plague. And obviously yours truly is worried. Bring it on. I started checking under my armpits. Why? For buboes. Does it start under your armpits? That's what it is, mate.

6:46Clair Buckley:You get these black sort of, you know, everyone knows about the plague. You was in primary school when you guys... I remember a lot of my primary school being dedicated to the plague. Now that I think about it. That must be an English thing. We didn't touch on that. What was your history in Scotland? What did you, well, it would be William Wallace, obviously. We learned how terrible yous were. Robert the Bruce. Was it just that? Robert, no, it wasn't. No, we did do that. William Wallace wasn't really, he's not, because he was very controversial as a figure. He's mythical almost, isn't he? Well, he's not, he was real, but.

7:24Clair Buckley:I know, but was he, you know, eight foot tall and. Shot fire from his eyes. Oh God, I fucking love that film. God! Now, but we did do Robert the Bruce. He was, although he betrayed William Wallace, he did become a hero. Right. And that's who's up the top of Loudon Hill. Robert the Bruce. William Wallace is at the bottom. Robert the Bruce is at the top. Their plaque. Do you know what, Claire? I was looking the other day if I could do my history GCSE. Because I didn't take history for my GCSEs. because it was at the same time as music. Of course, you're a gringer. So I wanted to do music. It was the only good mark I got, I think, music.

8:06I bet this is like a thing that happens.

8:08Clair Buckley:I didn't collect my GCSEs. Because a teacher told me afterwards and I was too embarrassed to tell her I was working in Matterland and I was serving her, my music teacher, and she went, were you pleased with your GCSEs? And I went, oh, they were all right. And she went, well, I think you've got a B in music. I was like, okay. Why didn't you go and get them? Because, right, I lived in a different town to my school and I've been through this. I had to get the 287 bus every fucking morning on the A13. And I don't know what it was, 20 years ago or whatever, 25, maybe 30, the world was a lot colder.

8:49Clair Buckley:I don't want to get into global warming and stuff, but it was fucking freezing. It was. At half seven in the morning standing on the A13. it was fucking so cold and wet I've never felt that cold since I've been to Norway since then we went skiing I wasn't that cold right but were you one of those teenagers who never wore a jacket? no I did it was me Claire wrapped up like like the Michelin man with your hanky in your pocket the tape would run out on me Walkman because I'd have to get it out James you did not have a Walkman going to school I had a really good Walkman as well At secondary school?

9:29Clair Buckley:Yeah, bought it off a mate It was a Sony Walkman It was a real thin one It was made of metal and everything It was so great I had an iPod In secondary school iPods didn't come out until what 2004? 2003? Yeah, I was like 4th or 5th year I'd left school May 2003 I didn't leave school until 2006 Because I was clever Also, how the fuck did you get an iPod When they first came out? You'd have to mortgage your house. We all had iPods. Nah, mate. What are you talking about? At my school, I went to St. Joseph's, and the older kids used to sit, it was like these little wooden benches, we called them the cages, and you would go and sit in the cages, and there was, I'd say like five out of ten kids had an iPod.

10:16Clair Buckley:I did get an iPod Mini, eventually. Yeah. I've still got it. Yeah, I know you do, yeah. And I got an iPod sock. Do you remember those? It was like a case of like six coloured socks, basically, that you put your iPod in. I had one of those and I got mine engraved. It had Buckley Live Forever on it. But no, I had a Walkman. I had a Walkman when I was at school. Everyone did. I didn't... Yeah, I had a Walkman, but not secondary school. Absolutely a secondary school. No, I didn't. Showed my kids the iPod. They went, Dad, it's called an iPad. Yeah. And I went, no. Yeah. No, no. You don't get to make me feel old because I remember the iPod.

10:56Clair Buckley:That's a new thing. 2001. Anyway, what the fuck are we doing? I don't know, but plague is back. Oh, yeah. Just want to let you know. So, guys, do check under your armpits. Look out for rats with fleas. Also this week, I had another good idea. I think we should give out stickers that say the words in partnership with the Buckley's podcast. and we just give those out to people and they can do whatever they want with them. What do you mean? The only thing I worry about, though, is if they see, like, you know, those adverts on the tube and stuff that are up on the top there, that it says, like, Coca-Cola, da-da-da-da, and then they stick them on that advert and it says, in partnership with the Buckleys, because that would just be free marketing for us.

11:42Clair Buckley:Yeah, that's a great idea. And I worry that people would do that. And I wouldn't encourage people to do that. You wouldn't? I wouldn't. I wouldn't. No. But if we gave out stickers that just said in partnership with the Buckleys and they, I mean, use them responsibly. Don't just go up to, you know, an advert for a new Sony TV or something and start putting in partnership with the Buckleys on there for everyone that sees it. And they start going, why is that in partnership with the Buckleys? I should probably look that up. What's the Buckleys podcast? Because that would be a disaster for us in a legal atmosphere.

12:13Yeah. Yeah. So we wouldn't want that.

12:15Clair Buckley:I wouldn't want that. but I do like the idea of giving people, people love a sticker. People love a sticker, don't they? Yeah, and just let them do it. Let them do whatever they want to do with them. But you're talking to our listeners, they're not going to do Coca-Cola and Sony, they're going to find fucking hemorrhoids cream advert. Whatever, but I'm saying don't do it. Floridix. Floridix. You see that everywhere, don't you? Floridix, what a terrible name for a product. What is it? It's about being tired at some women like this? Yeah, I just think of a flower growing out of a penis. Right. It's the image I've got in my head.

12:47I didn't.

12:47Clair Buckley:Anyway, I'm thinking about maybe we start giving these stickers out to people. And what was it you said? In partnership. In partnership with the Buckleys. Right. Okay. Yeah. And then they can stick them on their... Laptop. On their laptops. On their cars. But yeah, so I want to give stickers out, but use them responsibly. Yeah. Don't use them in a way to advertise this podcast that we're not in control of. Hey, Claire. Yeah. I'd like to talk to you about something. So we were actually, we were sat in the kitchen having a couple of beers, me and you. And we were having a little discussion, one of our heated discussions that we like to have.

13:29Clair Buckley:Were we? And I wanted to bring it up on the podcast and maybe include listeners. Okay. But we were talking about those classic movie tropes that we'd love to do. I don't know what trope means. Well, those classic cliche movie things. yes we were while we were talking I was writing them down and we came up with some pretty good ones dramatically close the eyes of a dead person yeah you know when they're like dead and then someone just sort of goes like that I'd love to do that of course grab the bottom of the helicopter while it's taking off well what you said to me was because we started getting a bit silly and you went no not too crazy just like because I said like when something stressful is happening in your life you go into the bathroom you splash your face with water you do the back of your neck and stuff like who does that telling a taxi driver to follow that car yeah that's a good one love to be able to do that oh this is what you said and I was like yeah I would like to do that hot wire well that was one yeah hot wire a car but also cut the circle out of a glass yeah like as if you're on a heist yeah you know and they just go yeah and it's like a perfect circle and even there's a little suction cup and even sort of less than that is open the door with a credit card well the thing is I have done that that is how we used to get into my aunt's house in dagnum because the the lock here he goes again because there is it was one of those you know where they just shut automatically but from the inside you have to put them open but the the guard that was covering the seam between the door and the and the door frame had been knackered so my cousins just used to push the a credit card in and it would push the lock back and they could just open the door and i'd like to take like a pin out my hair and open a lock.

15:15Clair Buckley:Well, that was it. I wrote that down. Pick a lock with an unfurled paperclip. Yeah, yeah. This one's a bit mental, but I would still like to do it. Shoot in a car, like the petrol tank, and make it explode. Right. I mean, that is a bit... Yeah, that's up there. After a stressful day, you go to your sort of like whiskey bar and you like start downing. Like they do that all the time in movies, and they've got like a bottle of vodka and they're like... Yeah. They do that a lot in EastEnders as well. It's like as if you wouldn't be like vomiting. I know, yeah. Like burning your throat. It's like, God, it's been such a tough day.

15:55Clair Buckley:I'm going to have to have a bottle of this Jack Daniels because I'm such a tough guy. Yeah. And then also following on from that, taking pills without any water. Yes! I see that in movies all the time. It's like... I try to speak great. There's about eight of them. They just go... yeah i'd love to do that um just climbing through some air vents yeah yeah i'd like to be able to do i'd like to do that yeah um i'd like a dog that leads me to trouble no you do that all the time because for a little staffy puppy will go up to james and he just wants to like he just wants a clap and james is like what is it he wants me to stroke him to people that aren't from scotland oh yeah clap the dog james is that sounds aggressive james is like what what is it boy what is it boy what it's stuck down the well where is it take me there now and he does just sort of go like that oh here's one that i want to do claire it's a bit of a fantasy of mine say me and you are like oh lord being chased right and we have to lose the people were chasing us we duck down an alley and passionately kiss each other so that the people chasing us just sort of awkwardly look and they're like oh god yeah they don't ever interrupt md kissing for some reason yeah yeah let's do that sure and then also you know swiping a desk in the heat of the heat of the moment just clearing a desk we don't have a desk i know but i'll get one and i'll pile it with some stuff obviously we'd remove laptops and ipods ipods ipads and stuff like that.

17:34Clair Buckley:Stay at a motel. Yeah. Like an American motel sort of thing. Serial killer. And use one of those beds that shake when you put a quarter in it. The vibrating. Yeah. I'd love to do that. But I just wanted to, because I just thought... I wonder if that helps. I don't know. A shaky bed. It might make you feel sick a little bit. What do you mean, help women to get... Whatever. I'm up for any help. I just thought that was a fun conversation. Yeah, that is a fun conversation. And I just thought, when we were talking about it, I was writing stuff down. I was like, this would be really great once I open up to our listeners yeah movie stuff and not too crazy like you like shooting the car with a guy that's too much I'm talking like like hair clip opening a door hot wiring a car I would love to be able to know how to hot wire a car was it everything yes was it everything apart from the movies I think it is I don't think you can do it now everything's all electronic I know but if you do look at the way like those movies that we grew up watching it looks so simple yeah Yeah, they just rub the two little wires together.

18:34Yeah.

18:35Clair Buckley:All right, let's go. It's like, well, no fucking car is safe. What's the point of keys? Well, you've still got to get in it. You've got to... Well, that's another one. The thing in the window. And open the window. Yeah. Open the door. That is a thing. Yeah. I'd like to be able to do that. People that steal cars use. But yeah, if you've got stuff like that, do get involved because I love stuff like that. And it would just... We might not read it out. It might just make me happy. But yeah, what's our email? Thebuckleys at platformmedia.uk. Let us know your classic movie tropes that you've always dreamed of being able to do.

19:12Follow that car.

19:13Clair Buckley:Claire, I've been talking about stuff that makes me happy too much. Now it's time to have a little moan. So in last week's episode, I had moaned at you. You were the target of my moan, getting us to do stuff. It's really inconvenient things to help friends out. I told you, that's why you shouldn't have friends. This week, for balance, I'm going to moan at myself. I've made a little log over the last, I think it's been four days, and I have written so much stuff that I've done to myself that I've annoyed myself with. Okay. I plugged my phone. Plugged my phone into charge. Oh, it didn't turn it on.

19:50Clair Buckley:I forgot to turn the plug on, so when it was time to leave the house, I had about 11 % battery. Shocking. I was cleaning my teeth before going out. I was wearing fresh, clean socks. dripped little drip of water landed on my foot I fucking hate you are so dramatic I absolutely hate socks getting wet it's the worst thing it happens we've got a dog yeah sometimes I'll be in my socks in the kitchen and I'll stand in a puddle of water that he's dribbled out I go I get so angry yeah you do get so angry with myself it's really entertaining sat down to take a shit didn't check there was toilet paper who'd you shout no I did a a thing where I pulled I was just wearing loose shorts so I pulled my shorts up above my front just in case, I don't know, you or the kids were around.

20:35Clair Buckley:I know you don't want to see any of that. And I walked, because we keep them in the cupboard on the top of the stairs, the toilet roll. But I left my bum hanging out. You walked across our hall with your shitty arse hanging out? Yeah, well I had to. Why don't you just text somebody? I couldn't be bothered. I tell you what, when your kids get to a certain age god they come in handy for that I do yeah you're like Harrison bring a toilet roll down I also do this thing where they can't hear you for some reason which gets someone else this is all four days of stuff that has made me angry wow are you finally getting to realise how it feels to be me well maybe here's one that has really annoyed me and it's still a bit of a problem I bit my cheek while I was eating and then I got into this vicious cycle because once I bit my cheek, my cheek swelled up inside slightly.

21:32Clair Buckley:So then every time I was eating, I kept biting my cheek. Like hours later in the next meal, I'd forget all about my cheek being sore and I'd eat something. I'd go, oh God, and it would swell up even more, making me then bite it even more. That's a difficult cycle to get out of. My car keys slid out of my pocket into the seat crevice while I was driving. I did because it that gets on your nerves I can't concentrate when I'm driving because I'm like where the fuck are they and I was trying to get them and I could like feel them I was like doing this with my fingers trying to pinch them like some kind of chopstick with my fingers there I couldn't reach them they were just slipping away so then I had to just make peace with it and do my whole journey knowing that my car keys were down there loose just swaying about But that stressed me out.

22:17Clair Buckley:I was in a taxi coming home from somewhere. I wrote you a great big long text message. We went over a bump and like my, oh, it's just done it now to the iPad. Like my phone shook and I was in a rush trying to send you this text and it come up, you know, it comes up going delete everything you've just like, if you shake your phone. Yeah. So I didn't really pay attention. I was like, yeah. It was like undo everything you've just written. I went, yeah. And then everything I'd written you had gone, Didn't bother sending that text in the end. Just couldn't be bothered to do it. And then finally, last night, this is just a little one.

22:51Clair Buckley:I got into bed, was happy for about three seconds, and then I needed a piss. I had to get up straight away. That is less than four days, I think, actually. That is a man. We know real problems. I decided a few days ago to note down everything I do that annoys myself. Yeah, and that's all you got. I think that's quite a lot for like four days. I think you've been pretty good to yourself there. Next time consult me, I'll fucking add to your list. Anyway, that's some moaning done for you. Sorry about that. I just had to get that off my breasticles. Hey, Chicago. Class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast.

23:37So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local croc store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest croc store today.

24:26We'll be right back.

24:31Clair Buckley:This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Right Jimmy You alright? You calmed down? Yeah sorry You are annoying And I'm glad I'm glad to see That it's now Finally rubbing off On yourself No but it does You're annoying yourself As much as you annoy Everybody else Listen Don't get me wrong That's crazy by the way You might need to have A word with yourself I hate me More than You hate me I don't hate you Well Believe me If anyone ever said That I was like Arrogant Or that I loved myself that could not be further from the truth.