343 - It's About Listening!

0:00It's about listening. That's the title of this podcast. And one of the things that I have seen in my mentoring is how poor the listening skills are of mentees. Not all, but the vast majority. And I have talked to my marketing director about that and wondered why that is. Because his listening skills are excellent, mine humbly are excellent as well. and I wondered, okay, what's the difference? Because if you listen well, you will pick up on buying signals, objections, all those other things that lead to a successful outcome. If you don't listen well, you will miss all of those things. And so what do I think is the result of poor listening skills?

0:49I think part of that is the social media, the attention deficit, if you will, or lack of focus. We're now driven into a world where when we see a text message, most people answer it within three seconds, believe it or not. That tells you where the priority is. They're distracted by those things. Their attention is drawn to a much smaller level. Reels and shorts and all that thing is content which is intended to grab attention very, very quickly. And so that's part of it. The other part of it is that when I was making sales calls in person way back in my career, I kept a notebook with me and each one of those calls, I brought it in and it had, what did I want to talk about?

1:44And then I would take notes during that sales call. And when I got out and did my report of call into a dictaphone, for those that know what that is, I sometimes would go ahead and dictate it by memory, who I talked to, what action was required, what the content of the call was, any comments. And then I would open up my notebook and look at my notes from the call and say, oh, wow, I missed that and I missed this. So I think note-taking is a big part of that, is that when you're on these calls, take notes, because you will not remember everything. And I got an email from Chris Voss that I wanted to read to you.

2:33And a lot of this I've certainly talked about, but I think he frames it really well. So Bruce, negotiation isn't about talking, It's about listening. And the best way to get the other person talking, the kind of talking that actually moves the negotiation forward, is by asking the right questions. Not just any questions, but the ones that open doors, reveal motives, and shift the conversation in a productive direction. I've been in high-stakes negotiations where one good question changed everything. Hostage situations, business deals, salary talks, it doesn't matter. The right question at the right moment is like a crowbar.

3:16It gets you into places you would never reach otherwise. I love that sentence. A go-to question, what about this is important to you? Simple, right? But powerful. It makes the other person spell out their priorities, their real reasons for being at the table. Once you know what matters to them, you know how to frame your offer. Another one, how can I help to make this better for us? Notice that word, us. It plants the seed for collaboration. It signals that you're not just pushing your own agenda. You're working towards a solution together. That changes the entire dynamic. When a negotiation stalls, you might ask, what is it that brought us to this situation.

4:01It shifts the focus from frustration to problem solving. People stop digging in their heels and start reflecting. And when they do, they often walk themselves right into a solution. A universal question like, what's the objective? Or what are we trying to accomplish here? It's amazing how often people lose sight of their actual goal in the middle of a negotiation. They get emotional, caught up in proving a point, defensive. This question resets everything, forces clarity, and keeps the discussion productive. And finally, a common favorite, how am I supposed to do that? This is the ultimate way to push back without pushing too hard.

4:44Instead of flat-out rejecting an offer, you throw the problem back in their lap. It makes them step into your shoes, see the constraints you're facing, and often without realizing it, they start negotiating against themselves. Guide the conversation, expose real motives, and get closer to the desired results with the right questions. If you master the art of asking the right one at the right time, you'll never negotiate the same way again. That's 100 % correct. Those are things that I talk about. He succinctly laid them out. I like when you get into a confrontation having the person switch chairs, maybe not literally, but if you were in my position, what would you do?

5:32How would you handle that? That goes along with his question of how do you expect me to do that, right? So if you think about those things, If you ask the questions, if when you get an objection, you ask why is it, what is it that concerns the person, etc., etc., etc., rather than just assume you know it, you will connect with them better and you will get better results. One of the things that we do in the VIP Mastermind is we end up doing a lot of role plays. And it's amazing in those role plays what people learn. We point out the lack of listening skills. We point out how to do things better.

6:18And whether it's the VIP Mastermind or whatever it is, certainly Chris Voss's materials on negotiation can be extremely helpful. Keep upping your game. Understand communication. Understand selling. Understand how to get on the same side of a problem with the person you're talking to so that you're not adversarial. and ultimately what's important to them. If you can master those things, as Chris Voss said, you will have much better results. So I hope that's helpful. If you're looking on how to do these things, go over to brucewhipple.com. But it is about listening and not talking. That's a great thing to remember.