Burnham has no policies except devolution and buses!

0:03The Telegraph.

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1:42and you may well be wondering what has happened to the lovely and very special daily tea teapot that normally sits on this table i asked the studio manager this and he said it's gone to reform so there you go biggest affection since robert jenrich but anyway first thing we want to talk about today is uh andy burnham because it was his first ever pmqs and uh what did you make of it poppy an unalloyed triumph well it was a back to school moment i mean he the first thing i noticed when he did his like he was at the dispatch box it was his first speech so he looked quite tired i assume it's the commute from number 10 north to number 10 south is quite taxing on our new Prime Minister.

2:20But it was quite underwhelming for someone who's been sold to us as, you know, this man is Mr. Charisma. He is the opposite of Keir Starmer. Yes, he doesn't really have any policies apart from devolution and buses, but that doesn't matter, right? Because he's just got this incredible way of coming across and communicating those ideas. And he sat there and he blinked his eyes and showed off his beautiful eyelashes quite a bit. His backbench was pretty underwhelmed. I mean, Kemi Bader not seem to just run circles around him, exactly the same way as Keir Starmer. Yeah, exactly. And the other thing I thought was, you know, he said beforehand he's going to do PMQs differently.

2:54He wants it to be more sort of consensual, less of the political point scoring, he said. Yeah, in Parliament, obviously the wrong place to do politics. Well, of course. But within about two minutes of his first PMQs, he's immediately ranting about Liz Truss crashing the economy and the mess the Tories left behind. He's raising his voice. He's getting pink. I think, yeah, OK, well, you buckled pretty quickly there, mate, I'm afraid. Is this a sign of what he's going to be like as Prime Minister? You know, I always stand by my principles. Five minutes later, just immediately drops everything and acts like the rest of them.

3:25I never thought I'd live to see the day when Andy Burnham would do a hasty U-turn. I mean, that's just not his style, is it? It's so out of character for a politician to go back on his promises. That never happens. It doesn't happen. But I see what, my favourite bit of PMQs, actually, it's nothing to do with Burnham and Baden-Ock and all the rest of it. Actually, it was to do with my very favourite MP, Labour backbencher called Samantha Nibbler. Now, we have mentioned her here before because about six months ago, she launched a campaign all about sex. She's obsessed with sex and she called it the Summer of Sex.

3:58And she organised a dildo exhibition in Parliament. I don't think I got invited to that one, so I never had the pleasure of going to see her dildo collection. It was seemingly though it was hers. But anyway, she's still banging on about her Summer of Sex. She's still banging on about her... Come on. Come on. No pun intended. She's still banging on about it, even in September. So her summer of sex is over. I assume she's now starting an autumn of sex or whatever else she plans to get up to in autumn. I don't know. But anyway, she used her very first ever question to the Prime Minister at PMQs to ask him if he would come and meet her to discuss her summer of sex.

4:36That's got to be an HR issue. The honourable member for OnlyFans comes up to you and says, Hello there, Mr Prime Minister. Would you like to look at my sex toy collection? I mean, is there some kind of authority? She didn't quite phrase it like that in the comments. Set the Boris Johnson years or later again. This is totally inappropriate. She did ask him to come and discuss her summer of sex and Burnham said to him, yeah, all right. All I can say is, I want to be a fly on the wall at that meeting. I want to hear the Prime Minister asking her about, well, Samantha, how was your summer of sex? Did you enjoy it?

5:04Can we ask what her constituents think of it? I mean, are they on board? Is this her waiting for when she inevitably loses her seat in the next election? You know, we've had so many prime ministers that there's so much competition. Is she actually trying to angle some job in the sex industry? I have no idea what her plan is. I don't know. How does she promote this summer of sex in her constituency? I mean, is she literally going door to door saying, good morning, madam, I'm your local MP. I just wanted to know, are you planning to have sexual intercourse tonight? Because if not, I really would encourage it because it's tremendous fun.

5:35If you've not done it before, don't worry, because I bought a leaflet. It's got all the diagrams. Do give it a go. It's the home office leaflet that we give out to asylum seekers. That one's slightly different. That's trying to discourage them from having sex. This one is encouraging them. I don't know if Samantha Niblett has been telling the guys in the hotels to have a summer of sex. God, I hope she misses those ones. Because if it turns out it's all her fault, Burnham's going to have words. So that was my favourite bit of the PMQs. Anyway, I don't think that can be topped. There's an easy segue here, because who has the most sex appeal of all people in Parliament?

6:05Keir Stalmer. But he's left. He's left. It's gone. It's gone. I'm feeling bereft. Yeah, how are you feeling? Scenes of mourning throughout the nation. It's like when Diana died. This is presumably why you're wearing black. Yes, yes. In memory of the greatest prime minister this country has ever, ever had. There we are. Yep, so Zakir Summer has not just left number 10. He's now left parliament altogether. I really like the fact, by the way, that he announced this basically just directly before the end of recess. Recess for Parliament is about two months long. He's just sat there pocketing his MP salary for two months.

6:40And then just as the holidays are about to end, it's... No, sorry, I've quit. He's a man after Ryan Hart. There you go. You've got to admire that anyway. Obviously, Keir Starmer, his last U-turn, because obviously he did say when he left his position as Prime Minister that he was going to continue serving his constituents as an MP. There we are. How long did that promise last? Not as long as the map... To the length of the parliamentary holiday. Very, very short indeed. Shorter than the summer of sex. But the reason this is interesting is, of course, because he stepped down from his position as MP, there's going to be another by-election.

7:12You cannot get away from that. In London, in Hoban and St Pancras, that's Sakia's old seat. And the big news there is that one of the candidates looks like it's going to be leader of the Green Party, your favourite politician of mine, Zach Polanski. So this is tremendously exciting. The man who you never want to see smiling, and not just because of his teeth. Zach Polanski, I mean, if he didn't run in this seat, everyone was going to accuse him of bottle it because his excuse in previous by-elections is, oh, I don't really fancy being the MP for a seat that's not in London. You know, really staying clear to his metropolitan values.

7:44He can't avoid this one. It is a very solidly left-wing area. I mean, what you expect is literally North London. But the Labour Party has a trick up its sleeve to try and stop Zach Polanski. Right. They're trying to outwoke him. Right. Is that possible? I think so. How are they doing it? Okay, well, obviously, wokeness has nothing to do with policies. It's entirely about identity and feelings. Yes. And so they are putting forward potential names of candidates. But, like, we don't need to talk about names because that's obviously not relevant. We have to talk about their identity. So potentially they might put forward a Somali candidate or a Palestinian candidate.

8:17Wow. Imagine Zak Palanski blocking a Palestinian candidate. Oh, my goodness. From the House of Commons. What a Zionist. What a racist. What a filthy Zionist. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. How inappropriate. They'll never come from that. I mean, this is great, isn't it? I think they should really, really lead into it. They should get the most woke possible person. You know, they should have one arm. They should be in a wheelchair. They should have Just Stop Hoyle T-shirt on. They should come out there, say, free Palestine. Where's the trans candidate? Oh, come on. That goes without saying. They've got so many to choose from, they haven't narrowed it down yet.

8:46They should have genders that are actually changing when they are at the hustings. They should go through about 15 different genders just in the process of giving their speech. That's how woke you need to be to block Sankt Polanski. Okay. For winning that seat. Well, I have to say, if these are the Labour candidates, I think on this occasion I might have to back Zach. I think I actually... The boss of reason. He sounds preferable. I think I might offer to go door knocking for him. Please vote for Zach Polanski. He's got a lot to offer. He can give you a free boob job using the power of his mind.

9:12And also, he has promised to legalise all hard drugs. And let me tell you, if he ever gets into power, you're going to need them. So there you are, Mr Polanski. The offer is there. If you need some leaflets delivered. Well, on that note, still to come, Find out why Bridget McCann's daughter is taking after her mother and you're going to see an amazing spectacle where I start to wax Michael Deacon's legs.

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11:49The President of the United States is going to be very happy this week because an illegal alien has left his country, but voluntarily for once. I am of course talking about Harry and Meghan and their big return to the United Kingdom. But of course, Donny had to have his say, didn't he? Because he's not been the biggest fan of the Royal Giro. And this is what he said. I'm happy about it. No, I was not a fan. I thought, look, I had a very good relationship. with the Queen. Really good. I got to know her very well. A really good relationship with King Charles. I know him as Prince Charles and King Charles.

12:28I've known him for a long time. He's great. Great guy. And I thought they treated the royal family with great disrespect. I didn't like it. I didn't like the way she acted. I thought she was terribly disrespectful to the Queen, to King Charles. And I don't know. Maybe I'm different. I wouldn't have taken him back, frankly. If I were the royal family, I would not have taken him back. So yeah, clearly he's very glad that Harry and Meghan have left. They've been sent packing to Britain. And I understand his point of view, okay? I see why he's happy they've gone. But I say from a British point of view, it doesn't feel entirely fair, you know?

13:07If he's going to send back all the unwanted British celebrities, he doesn't like, shouldn't we stand up for ourselves here and send back some unwanted American ones? We want a fair deal here. So for one thing, Ellen DeGeneres. Yes. Trump's getting her back, I'm sorry. We're not putting up with her anymore. I believe Madonna has a house in Britain. She lives here at least some of the year. So she's getting deported. And I think Lena Dunham, remember her? Yes, I do. She wrote that horrible, nauseating, millennial drama called Girls About 10 or 15 years ago. Clearly not a girl's fan. Not a big fan of the girls.

13:37Now, yes, apparently she lives here, some of the years that write, she's out. Because come on, if you're sending us Harry and Meghan, I mean, goodness me. Yeah, that's got to be worth at least a dozen woke refugees. I think I'm going to be looking through American celebrities who live in Britain. They've all got to go. I think it's time for Andy Burnham and Ed Miliband as Foreign Secretary, time for them to stand up to Donald Trump and say, we're not going to take this lying down. If you're going to inflict Harry and Meghan on us, whoa, we are going to retaliate and you're not going to like it.

14:01Well, I think the way that you're going to do this very delicate piece of diplomacy, where you're actually encouraging Donald Trump to take migrants back into the United States, Yes. You've got to get the king to do it because every single time the president talks about the royal family, he just is gushing. He always likes to mention how much he's got a fantastic relationship with the late queen. We were very, very close. And then he's like, Charles, I knew him when he was Prince Charles. Now he's King Charles. Obviously, there was that very strange summit where they were together. And he seemed to actually be making the case for America still being part of the British royal family.

14:32I think it was the most royalist speech that we've heard. I think he's made the case for him to become a part of the royal family. Yeah, I think he's thinking, you know, when I'm done as president and Charles is done being king, hey, look no further, guys. You've got a ready-made king there. I mean, there's no kings protests. He's already been crowned himself as a king. So why not just move in? It makes sense. No kings in America. But hey, yeah, we love them. We love kings. Okay, well, hang on. I figured it out. Harry and Meghan, you've got to go back to Montecito. And we are going to take over Donald Trump as the newest, freshest member of the British royal family.

15:06How about that? I'm happy. I'm happy. You're happy. Maybe the rest of the country isn't going to be very happy with that. We might need to put it for a vote. I bet the Americans will be happy. Referendum. They'll be like, this is a fantastic... This is the best trade deal in the history of all trade deals. They've gotten to their president. They are to the deal. There it is. Well, another news of strange political figures and their habits. Bridget Macron, of course, of age gap fame. Obviously, I'm Gen Z, so we talk about age gaps a lot. Yes. But this is a pretty major age gap that she has with Macron, the French president.

15:35So they started, I'm not sure we could say they started dating, but they met in maybe the most auspicious of circumstances. He was in school and she was his teacher. I hope it was a secondary school. Just about. Right. Just about. But it really was just about. I think if we were using American terms, it was middle school, say. Right. He was not very old. But it's France. They do things different there. They certainly do. They certainly seem to be happy-ish. What's the age gap between those two? We're talking decades. Decades. We are talking decades. But when she met Macron, she already had several children.

16:14Right. And he was a child. You are. It's pretty big. But there's been an interesting news story, which is continuing on the saga of possibly the world's most successful cougar. Her daughter, from her first marriage, has got a new boyfriend. Right. And he is in his 20s and she is in her 40s. Right. And she's posted a photo. 20-year age gap. Yeah, which is nothing compared to the mother. Well, OK. He's an adult. I mean, that's an improvement. But basically, this seems to run in the family then. The women in the family, they go for men or boys an awful lot younger than them. That's quite remarkable, I must say.

16:52The thing that I always wonder about the big age gap relationships, whether it's a man with a younger woman or it's a woman with a much younger man, I always think, for me, the problem is not moral. I'm not here to judge. I'm just thinking, what on earth do they find to talk about? There's, you know, decades apart, you don't have the same cultural references. I mean, frankly, it's hard enough presenting a podcast. I mean, I'm 20 years older than you are, and sometimes I feel like an elderly high court judge sitting here saying, well, young lady, could you tell me what it is the young people are talking about nowadays?

17:21I mean, it's quite dark, but, like, I guess they would have spoken about schoolwork. I don't know. I mean, in that case, yeah. Back then. But, yeah, nowadays. Have you done your homework, ma chere? Oh, God, God. Yeah. What is wrong with the French? Can we just ask this question? I mean, at least things are getting better. I assume if there is some kind of cougar gene that's running in the family, that because the age gap is getting slightly smaller every time, maybe in 10 generations they'll have someone their own age and then the curse will be lifted. There we go. Maybe we should move on from this slightly dodgy talk of age gaps and instead talk about someone who's got absolutely no skeletons in his cupboard whatsoever, and that is Sir Cliff Richard.

17:59Now, the reason I want to talk about him is it's very strange, you won't believe this but obviously as a young person yourself you will be well familiar with the video game grand theft auto because that is the biggest video game in the world has been for 15 years and there's a brand new version of it coming up very soon all the young men are very excited about this because well it's not just the most popular game it's also one of those violent games it's all guns and gangs and bloodshed and killing prostitutes and this that and the other anyway they've just released the trailer for the new game it's about 20 minutes long I watched it and I was staggered to find that on the soundtrack for this trailer was a song by Sir Cliff Richard.

18:40Now, Cliff Richard's not a guy I would normally associate with guns and gangs and violence and the killing of prostitutes. I wouldn't have thought that was his scene, really. Yeah, he's not Tupac. Not his sort of thing. I don't know how this has been arranged, but anyway, yes. The young men playing the super violent video game, listening at the same time to Cliff Richard. So it's a bit of a surprise, but I've got to say I'm all for it. I think the young men of today could do with a bit of Cliff Richard in their lives. I hope they'll listen to that song, they'll enjoy it, they'll investigate his back catalogue and they'll become fans.

19:06In fact, ideally, he will become their role model. And then perhaps they will give up listening to the gangster rap and spray painting graffiti everywhere and shoplifting and smoking cannabis and stuff. And they'll take after Sir Cliff, you know, they'll start watching Songs of Praise and dressing smartly and playing tennis with Sue Barker or whatever. You know, wouldn't he be a much nicer role model for the kids? It really is a nice change because I obviously have played GTA and I confess that when the next GTA game comes out, I will be pulling a sick day. Sorry, guys. I don't really look like the type to enjoy it, so I'm going to get away with it.

19:38Any man in the office of my age will be completely suspicious with me. It's going to be fine. I will be running down pedestrians in my imaginary car. Sorry, Mr. Editor. I can't come in today. I'm busy shooting her. It's like, what's that in the background? Ah, ah, ah. It's nothing. I live in central London. It's fine. There you are. But GTA is usually famous for its soundtrack being, as you say, like traditional gangster rap. Yeah. But I think the reason why they put Cliff Richard in, not just because Devil Woman is a fantastic song. It obviously is a real banger, as my generation would say. It's because Rockstar Games, which is a company that makes the GTA franchise, is actually British.

20:14Yeah, Scottish even. It's based in Scotland. Dundee, right? Yeah. So a game that's usually focused on like New York, LA. now it's going to be focused on Miami and it's supposed to be really, really realistic about it revealing the seedy aspects of American culture comes from Scotland. Soft power. It's that soft power, isn't it? I would have to say I found it very surprising, because I thought if you wanted to design a game about a place that's incredibly violent and hideous, Dundee would have been ideal. I'd say, why are you bothering, have to do a fact-finding mission to LA and draw what that looks like and stuff.

20:47Let's get that. What's GTA Dundee? Just stay alive. stay alive. All the characters sit around injecting heroin. They don't actually go out and commit any crimes. There you are. They're very dark term. I need to get my phone out for this next bit because I couldn't actually believe my eyes when I heard about this story. You know the footballer Phil Felden. Yes, Man City in England, yes. Yes, I see. You're a big fan. So if I look now on Instagram, I can see that he has just under 20 million followers. Okay. Which is, you know, internationally famous football fan. That's like I expected. Would you believe that there is someone who is, I mean, given how old he is, has a lot of time to catch up with him in terms of followers.

21:28Ronnie Foden, who is his son, aged seven. Seven. Nearly has four million followers on Instagram. Right, just repeat. Phil Foden's seven-year-old son is on Instagram. He has his own account on there at the age of seven and he's amassed four million followers. Now, I just want to give that context. because there is this story that has caused quite a lot of consternation online where Phil Foden has been advertising a job for someone to manage little Ronnie's Instagram for 50k a year. A professional social media manager for his seven-year-old son. Okay, I know you're looking at me like I'm nuts. He's nearly got four million followers, 50k.

22:09I think he's underselling it. Well, there may be. I mean, I think you've got to be asking for a bit more money. Especially Phil Foden earns probably about a quarter of a million pounds a week, by the way, so he could afford a little bit more, I have to say. I mean, what does it actually look like to be a social media manager for a child? I mean, do you ask him for input? Like, what would you like me to caption this? He can't really write at that stage, so, like, what are you going to do? You're just going to get him to voice record into it? I don't know. This is so weird. Can I have McDonald's for dinner tonight?

22:37Yeah, I'll put that one in. This is incredibly weird, but I have to say, in a way, I like the story because it makes me feel like I'm a great parent because, like, most parents nowadays, I worry, am I letting my son have too much screen time, letting him play video games and all the rest of it? Oh, is it all right for him to have a phone? My son's 12, by the way. Now I'm feeling great. I feel like a great parent. I found out that a seven-year-old is not only allowed on social media, but has built up 4 million followers. I'm thinking, my son doesn't have an Instagram account at all. He's five years older than that.

23:07I'm feeling pretty good now. I feel like I'm a pretty strict disciplinarian. Do you not just think that he knows something that we don't? I mean, what jobs are there going to be that exist by the time that little Ronnie is an adult. He's probably going to be one of the only people left that can make money because he's invested early on his influencer career. He'll probably have enough money, he'll be able to retire at 13. Yeah, we'll be down a mine somewhere. Like the Chinese would have taken over the country. Before he sat his GCSEs, he'll already have retired. Before he said I had to read or write.

23:32He's already got a fully functional Instagram account. Yeah, well, there we go. Footballers, they do make you laugh. They do laugh. There's a new film coming out. The Ali G movie. And you're going to have to remind me of this because, again, this is the age gap problem, right? Yeah, there you are. I never watched Ali G. Well, you couldn't have done because Ali G was a comedy character from before you were born. I mean, this is late 90s. So Ali G, played by Sasha Barronko, and he was very, very popular at the time because, you know, it was seen as very edgy. Basically, Ali G is this character, he's sort of a young man who talks in, shall we say, street slang and all the rest of it.

24:04It's constantly, it's incredibly dim and constantly making a fool of himself, interviewing major celebrities with no idea it's a comedy character, and just making a fool of himself, basically. That's the thing. But anyway, supposedly, there's a load of people now trying to get this new film of his cancelled because they think it's somehow racist. Now, I cannot believe that after more than a quarter of a century since this character was first on our screens, there are still people who do not get the joke of it. The entire joke, some might say the only joke with Ali G, is that he's not black. He is white.

24:37okay he's you know it's inspired by these sort of white middle-class young guys who sort of appropriate black street culture you know sort of talk and dress as if they are actually rappers or something when really they are extremely white middle class i mean he's called ali g his full name is alistair graham okay and i think it's fair to say it's probably inspired at least in part by a tim westwood who back in the 90s was a radio one dj that's who used to yes let's not go into that but anyway he used to present the hip-hop show on radio one and he used to talk as if he'd been raised on the mean streets of brixton in reality he is the white middle class son of a bishop from i think buckinghamshire so anyway i think that's really the joke with ali g and yet some people still don't get it after all this time and they're trying to cancel it frankly i think that this sort of attempted cancellation probably the best thing that could happen for sasha baron because at least it's going to give him loads of publicity because to be honest the joke's quite old now i don't know if people are really ready for another ali g film whether the time has passed for that sort of thing.

25:35But this is actually giving him loads of free publicity, so he's probably loving it. I'm a little bit curious about has Sacha Baron Cohen been cancelled before? Because every single character, I mean, it's kind of the entire point of his comedy, is incredibly offensive. Yes, that's the idea. Has like, were the Austrians up in arms over Bruno? Was there like a cancellation attempt of trying to be made over that? I mean, I know the people in Kazakhstan were very upset about war. They were very unhappy initially. Yes, they were very unhappy initially. And then after a year, they noticed actually they were suddenly getting tourism, which they hadn't had before.

26:04So I think that was all fine in the end. But here he is. He's back. And to be honest, I'm sort of more amused by the cancellation attempt than anything else. Michael, I can see that your eyes occasionally are just dipping to something on the table here. There is something I want to talk about, yes. Yeah. There's been a Chekhov's gun moment on today's podcast. As you can see before me, no, they are not period products. These are wax strips. Right. I think I'm going to have to explain it. I think you are. This is going to have to take quite a lot of explaining. Now, in the news this week, one of the papers I saw, there was a story about what sounds like a very weird trend in Japan.

26:36Apparently, loads of Japanese men are having all of the hair on their legs removed. Supposedly, the reason is that Japanese women don't like men with hairy legs. I don't know, but I don't care what these Japanese women are saying. Men should not have their leg hair removed. Certainly shouldn't have it waxed. Very painful. And frankly, it makes a man look pretty stupid. And I should know because I have done it myself. Oh, good God. I'm going to have to explain why I did not do it of my own free will. I must stress, believe it or not, I did it for work. And this was a very long time ago. I was 22 years old.

27:07I was just starting out in journalism. On my very first jobs, I was a junior staff writer on a magazine for teenage girls called Just 17, OK? Or J17, to make it sound a bit more cool. Part of my job was I had to do a monthly column which was called Challenge Michael. and every single month I'd be set a very stupid kind of challenge by the editor to amuse our readers with. She would come up with the idea and I'd have to do it. And one month she said to me, Michael, this month I want you to spend the day as a woman. Now, you couldn't commission that kind of article nowadays. I was going to say, yeah, of the time.

27:42These days that would be considered a bit problematic. But this was back in 2003. The word transphobia hadn't been invented yet. I'm not sure if the concept of transgenderism had invented them but anyway at the time no one saw any problems with that at all they all thought this would be very funny we'll get Michael to dress up as a woman today so that's what I had to do I had to spend the day in a mini skirt I had to totter around on high heels and also I had to go to a beauty salon to get my legs fully waxed and here it is here is the original copy of the magazine because of course I've kept it as a treasured moment of my storied career here we go we'll show you that on the screen as well this is the Challenge Michael page Here I am getting out my beautiful legs, as you can see.

28:21Can I just say, Michael, you really pass as a woman. Well, I might have done 22 years ago, 23 years ago. Maybe not so much now. I don't think I could pull off this miniskirt now. But anyway, that's me getting my legs waxed in a salon. As you can see, look at the hair on that. It looks like a dead ferret. That's a wax strip covered in my hair. I think we need an age rating for this podcast. Maybe, yes. It's suddenly got a lot raised here. I think we've probably... Someone called up Samantha Niblett. There we are. We've driven away our final remaining subscribers. Anyway, the point is, I had my legs waxed.

28:50I can tell you, gentlemen, that it was utterly agonising. It's horrifically painful. I looked an idiot. And so basically, do not do it. Do not follow this trend from Japan. Don't do it. OK, Michael, you've been speaking enough. Right. Because the reason I have the wax strips is that I'm going to do it to you again. Right. This is in the interest of public service journalism. We want to demonstrate to any men watching why you should not volunteer to get your legs waxed like a Japanese man, don't do it because you're going to see how awful it is and how much pain I'm about to be in. Just to be clear.

29:23Right, okay. I've never used wax strips before. Right. And so this is a bit of a journey for both of us. Right, this is bound to go well. So this is potentially going to be very, very painful. Okay, well I'm looking forward to that. Right, so I suppose I better roll up my trouser there, Keir. Hang on just a second. Here we go. Right, put your leg up, Michael. Right, let's go. There it is. On we go. You may be able to know that Michael's leg is quite braff of hair from the first waxing experience. It's never really drawn back. It's really sort of patchy and quite thin now. So why am I allowing this to happen again?

29:55I don't know. Hairy spot there. There we are. I mean, at least when I was 22, I had an excuse. When you're 22 years old and you're starting out in journalism, you think, I'll take any job I can get. I'll do anything. But I'm 45. I'm the assistant editor of a national newspaper. How am I still doing this? Well, it's on now. I've not really done. The only way you're going to get out of this is if you're done. Right. Is it all fully pulled out? Are you sure? It doesn't feel like it's currently... Yeah, yeah. All right, all right, all right. Firm. I know what I'm doing. We've got to do this. I'm a professional.

30:20I don't know what I'm doing. Okay, here we go. Let's see. Should we count down? Three, two, one. Ooh. Oh, that's a lot of hair. Wow. That's a lot of hair. I could have said it's not as much as the last time. I mean, it does go to show, doesn't it? That's pretty good. I used to be a lot hairier than I am now. Well, you've done it very neatly, I must say. That's a very neat triangle. I saw it a bit right now. Well, now I'm going to have to do the rest of it. Well, that's the trouble. There's now just a single, there's just a single patch now. I look even more ridiculous than I would without any of anything.

30:47So you're probably going to have to continue. I mean, there are some little strips over there. This is like a biohazard. Where am I going to leave this in the office? I don't know if we've got time to do my entire life. Okay, I'm not going to let the editor see me walking around with a pink strip of hair. Probably not. I think that's going to, I'll just put that there. He might think, wow, she's got hairy legs than I would have thought. A teapot would be there, but we'll just put Michael's hair there instead. She's going to assume it's yours, you see. Well, I think that's enough this week. I think we've got to give up.

31:10You did a great job, by the way. Thank you. I'm just amazed. I thought that could go a lot worse. I was expecting to see blood in the night in A &E, so actually I'm quite relieved. OK, well, next week you're going to wear the skirt again, right? I might pass on that one. I think I do have some limits. I do have some self-respect. It's only a very small amount, but I do have some. I'm going to convince him. See you next week.

31:54We'll see you next time.

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