Burnham, take your time on holiday... Have two months or even two years!

0:02The Telegraph.

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1:11Hello and welcome to The Weekend Tea with me, Michael Deacon. And today with me, Tim Stanley, instead of Poppy Coburn, who is on her holiday.

1:28Indeed she is, and she's not alone in that, because the other person who's on holiday this week is none other than our brand new wonderful Prime Minister, Andy Burnham. I assume they're not on holiday together. Although I can't be certain of that, because Downing Street has refused to say where exactly Andy Burnham has gone on holiday. I'm not sure Poppy told me either. This is a good point. We're just going to have to wait until she gets back, and then hopefully she'll have some quite juicy exclusives, if she's not on front of all of the tabloids. I'm assuming he's gone to Manchester. Right. For his holiday, right.

1:57Because it is the centre of the world. That's true, actually, yes. Wonderful beaches. Fabulous, fabulous sunny weather at all times. It's famous, famous. Zach Polanski floating by. Beautiful, beautiful. Yes, well, I must remember to go there for mine as well, in that case. Sounds wonderful. But in any case, this is a story because some people think it's a bit off that a brand new prime minister has just jetted off on holiday a mere two weeks into the job. They think that's a little bit early. What do you reckon, Tim? Are they being a bit unfair? I think it should have been sooner. Sooner? Can you imagine if he had been at number 10 and said, I accept the privilege of the lifetime, which it is for every politician, whatever they do.

2:38I'm going to the toilet now, and it's the privilege of a lifetime. It's the privilege of a lifetime to become prime minister, go into the house, and then minutes later, re-emerge in a colourful shirt in a pair of trunks. Like these ones. Not unlike ourselves. And emerge with a suitcase and get straight in the car and drive away. I'd rub it in people's faces if I was prime minister. Yeah. I actually think that would have been very, very impressive, actually. I would have respected him for that. But in any case, I've got to say I'm with him on this one anyway. I mean, three reasons, basically. Number one, look, even prime ministers need a holiday.

3:07Number two, prime ministers of the past actually used to take far longer holidays. I mean, Stanley Baldwin, for goodness sake, in the 1930s, would take three whole months off to go doing whatever the hell he was doing in France, for goodness sake. But the third reason, and I think this is the most important one, is that if Andy Burnham is away on holiday, that means he's not here ruining the country. As far as I'm concerned, don't hurry back, Prime Minister. Please take your time. Take a second week. A second month. Two years. Because Britain can ruin itself. We don't need politicians doing it for us.

3:38Yes. But I do love the fact, you mentioned Stanley Baldwin, that the implication of that is that back when Britain had an empire, it could run itself for three months. it didn't require someone at the helm and yet now that Britain has Gibraltar, we apparently have been micromanaged, minute by minute by a man in number 10. We've been infantilised to the extent that, you know, presumably there are people up and down this country going I don't know how to do my job anymore without Andy Burnham looking over my shoulder the whole time. I don't know how to operate this supermarket checkout I don't know how to take the bins in without our Andy there to sort of explain to me how to lift a bin I don't know what's going on This is the third time I've told this joke, including on Newsnight.

4:20But I did wonder if this was Angela Rayner's employment bill kicking in. This is some subclause of it that no one spotted at the time, that every worker in Britain is now entitled to one day off for every day of work they do. So two weeks on, two weeks off. But as someone, this is going to be a theme running through this program, as someone who's anti-work, I approve. I feel I work too much. Well, I was about to say, for somebody who's anti-work, you do a lot of it. No, I know, I know, but I feel I do too much of it. So, I mean, the one reason why people vote Labour, ironically, is surely not to have to work so much.

4:55Well, quite, yes. So if the Prime Minister is leading by example, I'm all for it. He's going to say, Tim, tell you what, I'm here to help. I've listened. I've listened to what he's saying. So from now on, instead of presenting 17 episodes of this podcast a day, you've only got to do 16. And then I can have a couple of weeks off. And, of course, he's already doing work from home because he's working from number 10 north, which I assume is just his kitchen. Yes. I don't know why he got a building. I think he should have just, number 10 North should have just been the Burnham's house. He really should have rubbed it in people's faces.

5:25Yeah. Of course, it may well be that the reason he stuck to his holiday plans is because his wife has put a foot down and said, look, I don't care if you're prime minister. We booked this holiday months ago. We're damn well going on it. You're not missing out on this. And he's listened to her. Although it must be said, he does not always listen to his wife's advice. Andy Burnham appeared on a podcast this week where he was talking to a very popular podcast called How to Fail with Elizabeth Day. But when he told his wife about his plans to become prime minister, she tried to dissuade him, apparently.

5:54She said, she was like, what? Not again. They told you twice. They don't want you. Why are you doing it again? And on that occasion, it seems he hasn't listened to his advice. I have to say, it's a very foolish husband who does not listen to the advice of his wife. So having done this thing she clearly didn't want him to do. I felt he was clearly in no position to say no to the holiday. And I think a lot of the public would be saying Mr Burnham, listen to your wife. We quite agree. And we have been wondering why will he take no questions from the press? Maybe he doesn't need to because he's getting all these questions from Mrs Burnham.

6:28The true voice of England. Possibly the true Prime Minister for all we know. Yes, exactly that. Anyway, according to your report MPs are now drinking so much they are having to have their stomachs pumped or at least one of them has yes supposedly yes um which is rather disturbing news yeah i think although i mean it'll particularly disturb i think hannah spencer she's that new green party mp who looks a little bit like a children's tv presenter you remember when she just entered parliament only a couple of months ago she was railing against um this culture of drinking in parliament saying she's disgusted that you know mps go and beer in the parliamentary bars while they're waiting for a late night vote that sort of thing.

7:07Of course, she is a member of the Green Party whose policy is to legalise crack cocaine, smack and all the rest of it. So presumably under a Green government, there'll be no more MPs drinking beer and wine. Instead, they'll all be shooting smack into their eyeballs instead. But - I don't know why I laugh at that. I mean, it's an awful - Can you imagine the Green Bench is littered with drug addicts? But obviously, it's difficult for journalists to comment because there's no stomach left to pump in most cases. But I have always thought that the Houses of Parliament is a bit like an airport. You know how people go to an airport and they think, I'm in an airport.

7:42I'm going to have a pint. At 5am. Yeah, exactly. It's 5am. People seem to have a similar attitude towards Parliament. I'm an elected representative. I'm going to have a pint. Well, exactly that. Do you remember the story about Mark Reckless, the appropriately named Mark Reckless? He'd just become a Tory MP in 2010. And he had to apologise within the few months of arriving in Parliament because he confessed that he'd been too drunk to vote. one night. So there you go. So we know this goes on, but to be honest with you, I don't feel it's that much of a problem. I mean, let's take the example of Winston Churchill.

8:12Okay. Yeah. Okay. He used to drink whiskey for breakfast. He would drink a pint of champagne at lunch and a bottle of Clara to dinner, plus, of course, port or brandy before bed. Now, he was our greatest prime minister. So, I mean, if anything, today's MPs aren't drinking enough. No, no. If we want a new Churchill, we need to raise their game. We're back to the point about Stanley Baldwin, aren't we? They should be half cut and on holiday because apparently that's when Britain was at its greatest, when it was run by people who were either not physically there or not mentally there. There you are.

8:43And that, you know, we had an empire. We were winning world wars. Yes. But I'm reading a very big, clever book about the 1973 oil embargo. And it's basically a history of Saudi Arabia. And I learned something fascinating in that, which is why did America get the concession for Saudi oil and Britain didn't? And one of the reasons is, is that when Roosevelt met with King Saud in the 1940s, he very sensibly abstained from smoking or drinking in his company and charmed the king into giving the Americans the concession. When Churchill met the king, he refused such conditions and he smoked a cigar in his face.

9:21And the Saudis, not just for that reason, but also for that reason, said, we're not dealing with the British. But I quite like that. I like the thought that we essentially gave up. We gave up on the Middle East because we refused the conditions of not smoking or drinking. Well, I like that. That was when we bestrode the world. We didn't pander. We didn't grovel, did we? Yes. Not like now. Yes, yeah. I like that. I'd like to see a prime minister slurring their words at the UN. Yeah. Giving the Chinese what for because they've had a heavy lunch. Make one proud. If you're watching, R. Andy. I hope you're paying attention to these very wise words.

9:57Before we take a break, there is one story we cannot possibly ignore because it is still everywhere and it is not going away. And this is all about Professor, at time of going to press, Jason R. Day, who, as we know, has now resigned as Poet Laureate, Vice President of Amazon and Captain of the European Ryder Cup team, as well as Cambridge University as well. We missed from the moon very much. He will indeed. There is a rumour that he also plans to hand back all seven of his knighthoods, although that's unconfirmed. But it's not going away. It's given us a lot of joy, I would say. It has. And we've been debating on the Daily Tea, is this a silly season story in the sense that everyone's sort of noticed it because there's less else to notice.

10:41And in some ways, what he's going through is a nightmare that I'm sure many people have had. Imagine if the world suddenly paid attention to you and went through everything you'd ever done and examined everything, and all in one go and everyone did it. And the difference being that I don't think I'd call Carter Ruck or the police. I think it was the panic. It was the hitting the panic button that I find most curious about this story, calling the police because someone asked you about your... And the police's own behavior has been very disturbing here. Yes. Because when the first journalist tried to investigate this whole business, sent some questions to the professor, The police investigated this and told the journalist to stop asking questions because you're affecting the professor's mental health.

11:26And I thought, look, if the police now think that just asking someone questions is unacceptable, it's going to make their own job pretty hard. I mean, you know, can accused criminals use this argument against the police? You know, look here, officers, can you stop asking me questions about this bank robbery I carried out? I find it's very distressing for me. Yes. You know, it's affecting my mental health. Yes. You know, it's awfully upsetting for my family, you know, to hear about all the crimes I've committed. So please, can you just back off? Yeah. And they just go, oh, you're terribly sorry, sir.

11:53Yes, we won't do that again. I do apologise. I don't know. Well, even if it does go to court and goes to jail, don't worry. You'll be out within days under this government. I mean, that's the joy of a left-wing government, isn't it? Anyway, enough of all that for now. But still to come, are nursery rhymes sexist? And should we ban women from topless sunbathing?

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13:12Nirav Modi and of how we caught him. He was in the news all the time. Where is Nirav Modi? Why can we not find it? He's one of the most sought-after criminal in India. You owe a lot of people a lot of money, Mr Modi, who would very much like to know where you are. Sorry, no comment. The Indians will think we're a laughingstock. Here we are seven years later still speaking about this case. They think it's a sham. The Diamond King, a new podcast from The Telegraph. With me, Nick Brown. And me, Robert Mendick. Out now.

13:53Anyway, another story that caught my eye this week, Tim, is about Linda LaPlante, a great crime writer. She wrote Prime Suspect for TV in the 1990s. She did. D.I. Jane Tennyson with Helen Mirren. Were you a big fan? I was a huge fan. She was the detective, the lady detective, the lady detective. It was ahead of her time. Now they're everywhere. Yeah, but she was a lady detective who liked to drink. They were brilliantly well-written. They were. I must admit that at the time I was more of a cracker man or cracker boy, I suppose. Robbie, just to be clear for those who don't know what we're talking about, that is as in the police show cracker, not the drug.

14:27Of course. It is important to make that clear. And he was a gambling addict. That was his shtick. But for some reason in the early 90s, all policemen were flawed. Yes. They couldn't just be a straightforward policeman. They had to have. Columbo wasn't a mess addict or something They've all got to be depressed, drunk and divorced I mean that is the rule of crime writing But anyway I should probably explain why we're mentioning Lynne La Palette and that's because she's just received a driving ban which she's very upset about because she admitted driving several times over the speed limit of just 20 miles an hour I'm afraid She admitted driving at the speeds of 24 miles an hour, 25, 26 and even I believe it, 27 miles an hour Absolutely daredevil stuff there but there you go I'm afraid she's and she's very upset about this driving ban as I suppose you would be she says it's essential to her job because you know she has to drive to I think to prisons and meet criminals so that she can research her yes her books and and what and what have you and she says she's got some interest in other arguments that she presented the court she said she couldn't possibly just get a driver chauffeur because she would get distracted by him chatting to her during the journey while she's trying to concentrate on the prep for the interviews.

15:37Trying to write things down as she's driving. She's trying to think of questions. Yes, presumably normally she makes notes while she's actually driving, she's actually at the wheel. I don't quite know how that works. She's totally upset at this, but unfortunately she's lost that case, despite being represented by the top celebrity lawyer, Mr Loophole. He is this guy who is famous for getting celebrities off. Nick Freeman, he's called for getting them off driving bands, but he's not succeeded in this case. I must admit, I do have some sympathy for Linda Le Plante. Yes. mainly because 20 miles per hour is an absurd sort of a speed limit.

16:07I'm not going to say it's impossible because then people will start following me around trying to catch me up. It's very hard to do 20 miles per hour. It feels so slow. It is like you are in a hearse. And I would guess, you know, if you're someone who's 83 years old, that possibly feels a little bit close to the bone. Right? So I get why she's upset. Yeah. Fair enough. Of course, it's all of Wales now. It's outside schools and all of Wales. Well, not all of Wales, but you know what I mean. And we have tried, I have driven through Wales. And it's really odd when you suddenly, as you say, go to that hearse-like speed.

16:33And you start to think, oh, just park and walk. But maybe that's why they do it. Yeah. Well, the thing is, they have 20 miles an hour in Wales, even at bits where it's countryside. Yeah. There is no one here. There's no one to hit. Even if I wanted to hit someone, I couldn't. Yeah. There's no one around. There's no pedestrians. There's no other traffic, for goodness sake. And yet still 20. Yeah. 20 everywhere. I know. Whatever is Welsh for 20. Anyway, another story. The Royal College of GPs says that GP surgeries should be closed during heat waves. Brilliant. I love it. I'm just thinking, well, hang on a minute.

17:05What if I've got heat stroke? Yeah. Who am I supposed to see? Or anything else wrong with you for that matter? The thing is, I have noticed GP surgeries are hotter than hell, whatever the time of year is. They're one of those places like retirement homes that are always cracked up to the very top of the thermometer. thermometer. And I think it's done on purpose because they don't like you turning up to GP surgeries. Of course, they want everything done down the phone. I mean, if GPs had their way, they'll perform keyhole surgery over the phone. But if you do ever show up to a GP surgery, I have noticed it is like you're walking into a rainforest.

17:37It's that strange mix of very hot and very damp. And I think at the beginning of the day, they come in and say, turn up the thermostat, Doris, keep them out. I think it's done on purpose. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised at all. I wouldn't be surprised at all. And in any case, the trouble with this, they say, you know, close and during heatwaves. Well, look, the current heatwaves last about three months. And we know this is the new normal. This is how it's going to be every year. It just sounds to me like, you know, here's yet more public sector workers looking for an extra excuse to sky, basically, isn't it?

18:06That's what this is really about. Yeah. And why can't private sector workers do that? I mean, that's what annoys me. There we are. I haven't heard anyone say that officers of the Daily Telegraph have got to close during a heatwave and we don't need to produce a newspaper for three months. place as you know is that in the middle of summer they turn on so much air conditioning that people actually start putting layers on and then in winter they turn so much heat on that people are walking around almost topless yes almost topless which we're going to come to um but the bank of england the bank of england uh has a way around all of this which is letting people work from home yes so apparently it's let a thousand of its employees actually not just work work from home Work from abroad now.

18:44Work from abroad. You could work from the beach, from the pool, the holiday resort in the Mediterranean, wherever you've gone. Maybe Poppy's doing that now. Maybe Andy Burnham's doing that now. Maybe they are sitting, you know, sun loungers side by side, you know, tapping away at their laptops. Why don't you bring to read it back? Because she ran the bank in the room for 20 years. Well, famously, alongside Jason Arday. Close colleagues. Yes, that's very true. Anyway, I mean, I know that as a newspaper, her our view in all manner of articles is that working from home and indeed working from abroad these are these are terrible things and will lead to financial ruin and the collapse of our society that sort of thing yes but i've got to mean i'm just i feel like i can't say that because i just feel deeply envious of these people frankly because you know if i could work from the pool in in crete then that is exactly what i'd be doing i mean as far as i'm aware the telegraph does not have such a policy this is this is not on offer to us although i haven't asked yeah maybe i will I'll see what the editor says, shall I?

19:39Shall I? Shall I ask? I'd like an arrangement where I could not work from home, as in just go home and not work. Be by the pool. I mean, the joy of AI now... That is available to you, Tim. It's called redundancy. No, but with AI now, I mean, can we not just write sketches by AI and file them from Corfu? Don't give them ideas, Tim. We'll both be out of a job. Then we'll both be not working from home. I think this was Karl Marx's vision, wasn't it? A world in which everyone just sits on a sun lounger all day and files someone else's copy. Non-workers of the world unite, as I think he said. Yes, exactly.

20:15Workers of the world unite to not work. Anyway, I'm going to have to move on to something a little bit less jolly here. No, this is horrible. This is a story that is close to your heart. I know that. And the question is, when your pet dies, should you as an employee be given compassionate leave? And the reason I ask this is that Greg James, he's the breakfast DJ on Radio 1, he missed work this week because his pet dog had died and he was very upset about that. So he didn't present that day. What do you think about that? Is that perfectly fair or has this gone mad? It's more than fair. And I think I'd want a year to grieve.

20:53Like Queen Victoria. You're going to be wearing black for 40 years. Yes, exactly. Because you've got a dog. I do have a dog. I have Bertie. And I don't even want to think about that kind of eventuality. But I will say, to be serious, I will say that dogs are part of the family. And I think in a civilized society, we should recognize how deeply people feel when they lose a pet. And they should let them have their space. I don't think that's unreasonable. Well, it is very upsetting when a pet does. I know this. I mean, I've got pets down the years. When I was a child, while working here, our pet cat got run over before his second birthday.

21:25So it was very distressing. I didn't get a day off for that. But yes, of course, I know how distressing it would be. I just worry if we write this into law that you can have time off to grieve your pet. I just think that opportunistic, cynical employees will take advantage of this rule because some pets live a lot less long than others. Right. So you could have someone who just deliberately buys a load of hamsters and then is basically off work every two months. It's just extra holiday or a really clever employee would think, right, I'm just going to have a load of pet mayfly. and that I need never come into work again.

21:58Every day, just a ring and say, yeah, I'm afraid another one's gone. I'm heartbroken again. Just like I was yesterday and just like I will be tomorrow. So I just think it's a law with unintended consequences there. So I'm sorry about that, Tim. If you have a tortoise, you'll never get a day off. There you are. There you are for 200 years. You'll be staring at them through the garden window. Well, probably the tortoise will get a day off before you do. It's very true. So next on the agenda, Tim, I want to ask you, Are nursery rhymes sexist? And the reason I put this very important question to you is that there is an academic at Pakistan's National University of Sciences and Technology who for some reason has been analysing British nursery rhymes and has decided they're deeply problematic and chauvinistic and teach children worrying lessons about gender roles, it says here.

22:44So, for example, get this, the line Jack and Jill went up the hill is bad because it places the male characteristics first. symbolising leadership. Now, I've got to say, the first thing, that's nonsense, obviously, because for goodness sake, Jack and Jill went up the hill. It's in that order because it's an internal rhyme, okay? Jill rhymes with hill. If it's Jill and Jack, it can't be went up the hill. It would have to be Jill and Jack went up the track, or Jill and Jack injected smack, or you know, it ruins the whole rest of the rhyme. It's not going to make sense anymore. If it's got to be a hill...

23:18Yes. And the other point about this is, by the way, at the end of that rhyme, it's Jack who comes off worse. as that. He breaks his crown. Jill merely comes tumbling after, although no doubt that's sexist. Oh, she's tumbling second, is she? So the woman's always second. That's it. She's always left behind. Even when it comes to the falling down and breaking your skull open. Oh, yeah. It's always the man first, typical. So he should go down first. I think with nursery rhymes, actually when you get older, it's quite hard to remember. All I recall of Jack and Jill is the dirty version. I don't think I was taught that at nursery, Tim.

23:51What kind of school did you go to? We don't know what they did up there when they came down with a daughter. I mean, it's not that filthy. Right. The other one, by the way, the other nursery rhyme she objects to is Little Miss Muffet. Yeah. Apparently that is because Little Miss Muffet portrays femininity as emotionally weak because a spider frightens her. Now, I just want to point out, literally this very morning, my wife went into the bathroom to have a shower and immediately came running out and said to me, there's a giant spider in there. You need to get rid of it. Right. Which I then did.

24:21So as far as I'm concerned, Little Miss Muffet, it's not merely a nursery rhyme. It's practically a documentary. Right. OK. Look, I'm afraid it is just true that there are women who are scared of spiders. I'm not saying all women. I'm not saying that no men. But I'm a man and I'm terrified of spiders. Oh, are you really? I'm absolutely terrified of them. The other night, I walked into the front room and I must have walked past it first before I walked back. So at some point, I nearly trod on the wretched thing. But I thought I can see something. And I turn around and sitting in the middle of the floor was this rat-sized spider.

24:51And it's one of those occasions where I'm thinking, okay, I could take it on, which in my head is like one of those Harryhausen, you know, Homeric epics. It's me with a sword up against a gigantic spider like that. But actually just involves me clubbing the poor thing to death with a slipper. Or I just thought, I'm just going to pretend that neither of us have seen each other. Right. And I think he was thinking exactly the same. Just stand very, very still. I haven't seen you, no, and I haven't seen you. And then we'll just go our separate ways and pretend this never happened. I think you're being a little optimistic, Tim.

25:23You're going to go home tonight and find he's changed the locks. Or he's there with his mates. That's one reason why I don't tend to kill them, because I'm terrified the family will come back. You are going to see more of them this month, because August is August, but it's house spider season. This is when the males start to emerge. They're basically looking for a mate, I believe. So the equivalent of Tinder is drawing them into my house. Yes. But I do want to say on Little Miss Muffet, who sat on the top of eating her curds and whey. Yes. Little Miss Muffet was eating protein. She's a bodybuilder.

25:54Right. So that's pretty ahead of its time. Well... That's quite progressive. She could be on the tigress. The problem was the spider was a bodybuilder as well. It sounds like your spider. It sounds like your spider. Oh, I love it. It came down like that with its muscles. Yeah, your house is now, it's basically a spider gym. They're all working out down there. By the time you get home, if they let you in, they're all going to be, you know, the size of Hulk Hogan or something. I like the thought of coming up the drive and I can hear, oomch, oomch, oomch, oomch. There you are. All these little spiders.

26:22Isn't that normally what people can hear when they pass your house, isn't they? No. No? They hear the strings of Vivaldi. There you go. Anyway, one further point I want to make about that is, you know, people have a go at Jason Arday. But I have to say, he is an intellectual titan next to the type of academic who studies nursery rhymes for wrong think. So I will just say that. Anyway, I want to talk to you about topless sunbathing. I'm not going to do it with you, Michael. I'm very sorry to hear that. But anyway, specifically women. Women topless sunbathing. That's OK. No problem with that. This is a massive controversy in Spain because for decades now, basically, topless sunbathing has been practically de rigueur.

26:59Yes, mandatory, I think. But apparently it's dying out. That's why lots of men get it. And the Spanish press has been trying to investigate why is it that women these days don't want to sunbathe topless on Spanish beaches? And various reasons have been given. They're worried about being sort of secretly filmed on smartphones by pervy men, or they feel more insecure about their bodies because of unrealistic beauty standards in the media, all that sort of thing. But I just want to say, from a man's point of view, actually, I'm really glad that it's dying out. And the reason is that 10 years ago, I went on holiday to Spain.

27:29And during that time, I inadvertently stumbled upon a topless beach. okay just everywhere you could see yes topless women now you might imagine as a man i wouldn't object to that too much particularly as a man who started his career in journalism at a lad's mag which was filled with photos of page three girls but i've got to tell you that a topless beach i found is a very different proposition because certainly if you're if you're british and then therefore sort of you know hopelessly self-conscious about public nudity because you don't know where to look and also i'm thinking well i don't want to be seen to be looking i don't want any of these women to think the time looking at them so i was desperately looking around for things that were not naked breasts basically which is very hard on the spanish beach i i think i remember staring extremely hard for what felt like two hours was possibly only two minutes at a yacht in the distance as if i was transfixed by it as if you know i had an exceptionally keen interest in sailing and that no other site or sites could possibly distract me from this so anyway i was feeling but what made this experience all the more excutating for me is i was not alone i was with my wife right and i think if there is one thing that is worse than a topless woman accusing you of looking at her it is your wife accusing you of looking at a topless woman or so i would imagine i i didn't want to find out so i was desperate to look away just to make sure that my wife could see that i wasn't looking at topless women as well as the topless women saying that i wasn't looking at them yes uh so that was very painful i should add by the way that my wife was not topless i was gonna ask i didn't know if i could ask neither of us had expected to see all this toplessness on the beach.

28:58You both sat there fully dressed. We wore a t-shirt. Right, okay. Shorts and t-shirt. Well, someone will eventually accuse you of being a pervert. That's the problem. This is the risk. This is why I was so scared. And she herself was not keen to sample this particular local custom. So we just hastened awkwardly away. So now apparently this whole business is dying out. So I'm hoping about five to ten years I can possibly go on holiday to Spain again. Yes. I'll be safe. Yes. I won't have to go through that torture anymore. I once went to the funeral an old Labour activist, a great socialist who died a couple of decades ago.

29:30And one of the wonderful stories they were telling about her in the eulogy is that she once took her nephew to a beach and they discovered that it was a nudist beach. And she, being a flower child socialist, just instinctively stripped off and her nephew looked very embarrassed. And he said, I'm not going there. That's disgusting. And so she ran onto the beach, fully disrobed, while he stood there refusing to participate. So to get him to join in, she turned around and looked at him as though she didn't know who he was and screamed pervert so he felt obliged to join in well on that bombshell tim thank you very much for joining me and i'll be back here with poppy next week

30:36I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work, and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English, and it's built. No drag-and-drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked, and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Serval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company.

31:15This is a new way to run IT. We guarantee you'll automate 50 % of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four-week pilot. Go to serval.com slash tickets. That's S-E-R-V-A-L dot com slash tickets.