Labour faces Nimby nightmare after Burnham’s migrant plan

0:03The Telegraph. More illegal immigrants, please, but not in my backyard. Andy Burnham's doubled down on his plan to send migrants to middle class areas despite the extra cost. Labour MPs are now in a panic. And we hear from two of the candidates running in today's Clacton by-election, including His Majesty Count Binface. If I get one vote, it's gone well. Just one whole vote from an actual human is such an honour that, you know, I like to think I've helped stoke up a bit of a debate. I mean, apparently I am the establishment, Camilla. So that's a change. So whatever happens, I think I can call my campaign a success in at least not maybe numerically, but other ways.

0:51Tim Stanley Friends Reunited This is nice isn't it Well you disappeared for two weeks I was only off for three days What are you saying You've got holiday envy You can go away for two weeks If you like I think this is why You need an agent Yes I tell you what You do need an agent In fact you want to borrow my agent She's very good Try and get you a pay rise Did you I could be your agent You could yes Yes shall I do that You wouldn't want me as your agent Could I take 25 % Of your moral management Oh I love So you being my agent is also you getting more money. Yes, that's right. Very good. My agent told me these sorts of tricks.

1:27Did you watch The Eclipse? I did. I was a bit disappointed. Why is everyone saying they're disappointed like it's a new Jurassic Park movie? What did they expect was going to happen? I know, this is like going and seeing The Odyssey and it not being five out of five, as our colleague Robbie Collin suggests. I'll tell you why, right? Because I got on the train at Marlabona at precisely the wrong time, ten past six. It was going on while I was, you know, chuntering back to Hertfordshire. Then I was driving down my road and saw my daughter on a bike carrying her cereal box viewer in a hand. I saw lots of these.

2:02People had cereal boxes, right. And I don't understand how it works. I don't really know either. You look through a hole in the box. You look through a hole. And because she was riding on her bike, she then crumpled the tinfoil. So when we looked through this thing, you know, it wasn't a perfect view of the eclipse at all. It was just a, as my son said, just a mess. So she was upset. Then we were saying to the kids, don't look at the sun. Although, what did people do before we had eclipse glasses? Went blind. I looked at it. Did you? How long for? Very briefly. I mean, it hurt. I had stars in my eyes.

2:33And then the next day, the triffids tried to take over the planet. But in the good old days, when there was a solar eclipse, there would be an orgy of human sacrifice. That's right. Now people just get sore eyes. That's right. I feel some of the drama's gone out of it. I did like the fact that in my village, people were just out and about together, watching together, watching the sky together. But basically, we kind of mistimed it. And I was, so we're watching the telly. I mean, I'm not sure it's great telly to have a camera. That was more exciting than the eclipse itself was watching broadcasters trying to cover an hour of darkness.

3:09Basically cover an hour of staring at the sun. Yes. And there were these images of Spain. And so I naturally assumed that we were going to have that effect. We were going to have moon covering sun in full. But we didn't have that ever. I wanted it all to go dark. Because we left the EU. Is it because of Brexit? I blame Brexit. I was very amused by one commentator. It may have been the BBC who, trying to fill an hour, started to slip into sort of epic poetry. Yes. The sun has disappeared behind the magisterial moon, swallowed like a wolf in the dark sky. And he said at one point that it was the most extraordinary thing he'd ever seen.

3:43Yes. You've had kids. No, that's right. Get a grip of yourself. Also, somebody did something really good on social media, which I think was filmed maybe like in Hackney or something like that, where they recreated an eclipse with two bald men just walking in. I saw that. One walking behind the other. It was great fun. So a little disappointed. I don't think we'll be alive when the next one comes around. Oh, really? I said to my youngest, well, it's something like 2075 or something. I think I'll be alive. How old are we now? What year is it? By that point, I'm hoping they will have cured death.

4:16Sorry, will you be alive in 50 years' time? How old are you? I think I probably will, yes. Oh, I don't know if I will be. Not if we stay in this industry. Not if we keep on doing this podcast and have the stress associated with it. Fact of the day, Google searches for sore eyes and hurt eyes are up over 5 ,000 % from the previous week. Oh, come on, people. Honestly, what snowflakes? Oh, I've looked at the sun and now I've... It's ridiculous. We're going to talk about the Clacton by-election, which is going on as we speak, Tim. Twelve votes are being counted. Twelve votes are being counted. How many candidates?

4:5335 or something. You've spoken to one. I've spoken to one. Who did you speak to? I speak to William Cluston. Who's from the... From the Social Democratic Party. Lovely. Rod Liddell's old outfit. That's right, yeah. I speak to Count Binface, who notably spoke to me remotely while you weren't here. Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Yes, it's funny, isn't it? It's a Clark Kent situation. Well, we do deal with that a little later, so you can look forward to that. In the meantime, shall we discuss the left's abject and quite hilarious hypocrisy on asylum? Yes, I'm enjoying this. Yeah, because Andy Burnham has called their bluff.

5:30Yes. His argument is, if we're going to accept all these people, and he says, I don't want to take so many people from the continent. But while they are coming, while we're working on reducing the numbers, where should they go? Should they always go to poor areas? They go to poor areas, by the way, because the government puts a cap on how much it's prepared to spend. So he's saying, let's lift that cap so that some of the burden can be shouldered by leafy middle class areas instead. And the problem with that is that Labour now represents a lot of leafy middle class areas. Yes. But there's another problem with it, isn't there?

6:05It's economically illiterate. okay so in kingston-upon-hull it only costs a hundred pounds per week to house a migrant in hamstead heath it costs a thousand pounds a week to house a migrant but we're going to do it anyway because i'm the king of the north and i want to make sure that misery is spread across the country i mean that's what this is like lowest common denominator the new politics isn't it is like rather than spreading joy across the country, let's just make sure that everyone across the country is equally peeved at the notion of having migrants on their doorstep. We've talked about Piddington already.

6:48It completely changes the entire demographic of that village. And Andy Burnham is saying, but you know, bad luck because you're middle class. Won't these people be turning around and saying, oh, but hang on a minute, I think I'm already playing my part in all this because my taxes are going towards the accommodation in the first place. Also, they won't be middle class anymore because the value of their house will plummet. Sure. But I am sympathetic to some extent because I do feel that rich bourgeois liberals have been able to say one thing and do another because the asylum seekers are not overwhelmingly coming to their areas.

7:26So they can afford at a dinner party to say, well, I think we should take as many people as we possibly can, fill the country up. There's wonderful, hardworking people, much hardworking than our people. And therefore, he's calling their bluff and saying, well, if you feel that way, then why not take them in your constituency? And the backlash has been very, very funny. So to give one example, York MP, Rachel Maskell. Now, we like Rachel. She's been on this show. I really, really like her. She's a good Labour MP. Well, she's a kind of moral crusader, yeah. She's my kind of Labour MP. So it pains me to do this, but this is politics.

8:03We've got to do it. Here she is speaking in 2015 on the subject of how many people can Britain afford to take. We need to shout so much more and say 20 ,000 is not enough. 30 ,000 is not enough.

8:26We must keep going until we are at saturation point because what does it matter if we have to wait another week for a hospital visit or if our class sizes are slightly bigger or if our city is slightly fuller? What does it matter if things are slightly more challenging, if we have to pay a little it more into the system, surely it is worth it to see those lives being restored again. Rachel has insisted that those words were taken out of context, but she has constantly spoken out in defence of human rights treaties. Yes. She, as the MP for York Central, represents a city of sanctuary, somewhere that tries to offer a place of refuge to asylum seekers.

9:12She opposed the 2021 Nationality and Borders Bill, the Tory government's bill, saying, as part of the global community, we have a responsibility to one another. It is wrong that they scapegoat the victims of these terrible events while doing so little to create safe places. In other words, this is an MP who has consistently taken the side of accepting more people and being generous towards them. She's basically constantly wearing a refugee's welcome sign. Right. around her neck or like the chap I saw earlier. I love migrants. He had that badge on his backpack. Right. Okay. Well, all of them, even the criminal ones.

9:50Okay. Fair enough, mate. Okay. There you have it. Go on. One can imagine a large migrant going up and asking for a kiss. So Rachel Maskell's history, as we've heard there, very pro-migrant. What has happened? This same Rachel Maskell now opposes plans to move 1 ,200 men to an RAF base at Linton-on-Ouse in Yorkshire near her constituency. A similar plan came up in 2022 to do this, but it was nixed because of strong local opposition. And people against it say this is a small Yorkshire village, all the same old arguments, a small Yorkshire village that will be taken over by people. Rachel has called it unsuitable, adding that the base will be situated near a primary school and a nursery, is served by only four buses a day to York, and would leave a ratio of six men to every one woman in a 600-person village.

10:50A little bit like Piddington then. That to me sounds a tad microaggressive. It does a little bit. Isn't the implication when you say things like it will create a ratio of six men to one woman, isn't the implication that those women are threatened by those men. Well, yes, but maybe they have every right to be. And they may well be. But how does that stack up to a lifetime of opposing stereotyping and prejudice against asylum seekers? It doesn't sound to me to be inclusive language. No. Interestingly, Edwina Curry, former Tory minister, famed for maligning the much-loved egg, has been on Times Radio earlier suggesting that if we do house large amounts of young men in areas, we should consider building some brothels.

11:37Oh, right. Edwina. Right. Come on now. But in the case of Rachel Maskell, this is Labour politics. It's left-wing politics. It is the politics of Marxism. Just not Carl, Groucho. Here are my principles. And if you don't like them, I have others. Yes. This is the kind of nimbyism that the left likes to accuse of our audience. Yes, yes. Oh, how typically telegraphian. Yes. Not in my backyard. The abject hypocrisy at play here is extraordinary. And do you know what? It's multi-layered. Because this is weird as well, isn't it? As the Labour government, with Angela Rayner and other people's help, tries to kind of wage a war against landlords.

12:25yet they're perfectly happy for landlords to be in charge of homes of multiple occupancy. That kind of capitalism is fine, by the way. They're banging on about lifting children out of poverty and how there are parts of Britain so deprived that you'd think they could feature in a kind of Dickensian novel, yet at the same time seemingly perfectly comfortable with eight people to one room because we've got to have a refugees welcome policy. these people are at sixes and sevens with themselves and this is the trouble and by the way this abject hypocrisy extends to other areas The Hastings Green Party opposed a two megawatt solar farm being constructed inside a nature reserve I don't blame them for that No, but I mean hang on if we must go to solar unfortunately sacrifices need to be made even of small little sweet animals And we can't do everything We can't put every wind turbine and every refugee in Blackpool.

13:24No. Councillor Andrew Stringer, another Green, sided with local opposition groups against a ground-mounted solar farm development. Right. And when challenged on the disconnect between Green Party national policy and his local opposition, he said that local democracy allows representatives to reject national templates if they feel it does not fit their specific local environment. Wow. The problem with that is that I've not yet met an MP who said, actually, I think our area could do with a refugee centre, a solar farm and a prison. Yes. Well, somebody else has pointed out, one of our Daily Tea listeners stroke viewers has pointed out, you know, who have been very quiet about this because they largely occupy very leafy parts of the UK, the southwest, some of the home counties, nice places like Kingston and Surbiton.

14:15is good old Ed Davey. Yeah. Resolutely silent about whether he, and he's very much refugees welcome, isn't he? Cuddly kind of politician, wants everyone to like him and for him to look as if he loves everybody. Yes. They've said nothing about this so far. So we look forward to them sanctioning migrant hotels opening in, say, Cheshire and Amersham. Yes, yes. Great stuff. So there's the hypocrisy there. Well, it's never appropriate where I live. No. It's always the right thing to do for Britain to be doing, but it's never appropriate where I live. And isn't this a lot of socialism historically? Aren't we back to animal farm and all animals are equal but some are more equal than others?

14:56How will this unify Britain, God only knows? The Prime Minister is now against vape shops and barbershops and all these sorts of things. He's noticed what the right has been saying for a long time which is the high street has been hollowed out and is now just being used as a front for organised crime. But if you get rid of the vape shops, does Andy Burnham think that suddenly an artisan butcher is going to come in and then, God forbid, gentrifies an area so that no one going in there can get any change out of a tenner for a steak. But back to Fan Buller, I mean, again, she's privately educating all of her children, but yet at the same time perfectly happy to slap VAT on private schools so that everybody else suffers.

15:34It's the politics of do as I say, not as I do. Yeah. Well, again, comprehensive education is not suitable for her. It's something that ideally everyone else should have. Yeah, could we have a choice without being financially penalised? But in my particular circumstances, it's not appropriate to me. Now, the reason why all this stuff is so annoying is because the left has undermined attempts to reduce the asylum crisis over the last decade. And they've done it not just through voting against things in Parliament, because, hey, there was a Tory majority. They should have been able to get the Rwanda plan done.

16:05but they've done it as well by adding to the cultural resistance to any attempt to stem illegal migration. Now, for instance, they opposed the Rwanda plan. We had a plan to solve this. Yes. It had its faults. But while the Tories were considering it, they hammered away on it's illegal, the courts will oppose it, it doesn't meet our human rights obligations, etc., etc. So they stopped what might have been an effective plan to stop the boats. Well, it was worse than that. They actually pointed the finger at anybody who supported the plan and basically intimated that they were evil, racist bigots.

16:42They were racist, right. I mean, the ultimate hypocrisy here, just to stop you on that particular point while I think of it, who actually originally invented the phrase hostile environment for illegal immigrants? It was Liam Byrne. Right. The former Labour immigration minister back in the day. Yes. The next thing we know, the Labour Party have completely changed their tune. and anyone who said, actually, I think we should probably create a hostile environment for illegal immigrants because we don't want people coming here on super dinghies, were castigated as white supremacists. Yes. So that's how hypocritical Labour have been on this issue.

17:17They're literally now trying to put out fires of their own making, which have been stoked heavily by lacking encouraged Tories, letting them get away with all this. Well, they're doing that because once they came into office, they had to deal with the problem. And no government of any shade could tolerate people drowning at sea trying to come here or the organized crime associated with it. But a Labour government in particular could not tolerate thousands of people being sent to very poor communities, which are already in dire straits and making things far worse. So it was inevitable, looking back on it, that you would get a Labour government trying to reduce illegal immigration.

18:00But instead, it just wasted 14 years on all this rhetoric around human rights and don't be racist and be kind, which meant that by the time they came in, the situation was far worse. And now they have to come up with plans like this to share it around the country. But of course, the big problem with the not share the wealth, but share the illegal immigration plan, the implication in it is that this is something that we're all in it together on. But this isn't like the war. It's not like a blitz spirit thing. It's not like COVID. We've all got to pull together. People don't want the boats coming.

18:36No, that's right. The issue for them isn't what do we do with the poor people once they arrive? That's the burden we've got to share. It's how does the state prevent the boats from coming in the first place? And that's what he's not tackling. Is it right to suggest, I mean, the way that Burnham's describing all this, you'd think that, as you say, every illegal migrant that's ever arrived to the UK has been instantly sent to Blackpool. That's not quite right. We've got maps on the Telegraph website. Well, they're at Cobra. They're in Epsom. You know, where was the Pink Lady's protest? They're all over the place.

19:09And funny enough, we've got the data team have put together maps and all sorts, which you can find on the Telegraph website to tell you exactly where the spread is. But everything's deflection, isn't it? Well, of course. The issue is illegal immigration. Yes. Burnham somehow, in his mind, deflects it onto class ward. Yeah, because he wants to be flexing his I'm a champion of the working classes muscle as he goes around his tour of Great Britain. But Ian McCord, who's an independent councillor and he's based in West Northamptonshire, has written to us and actually made a very good point. He says, in my ward, in Dean's Hangar, there is the MK Hotel.

19:43This is in the district of West Northamptonshire And there are three asylum hotels. One is a former Ibis, another is a former Holiday Inn, and one is a less salubrious, the sort of place you bring your girlfriend to tell her it's all over. Thank you for that qualification, Ian. However, if you go to the HMG website and look for deprivation indices, which they use to score, all are in the top 10 or 20 % of places to live. In Northampton Town, where there are pockets of deep deprivation by these measures, it's in the bottom 10%, yet there are zero asylum seeker hotels. So what more does RPM want from this community?

20:21Good question. There's complete inconsistency. surely as well where you have these hotels is dependent on planning laws space availability we've already discussed the rent issue the conversion i mean the court case from epsom was about whether they could convert from a planning perspective a hotel into a home of multiple occupancy that was what the debate was about and then that comes down to county council decision making at planning level so we've got bird of making political hay yet at the same time And what he's proposing is making the taxpayer poorer. The taxpayer already resents the money that's being poured into migrant accommodation.

21:00And by the way, in doing so, if you're going to make us all pay more in rents for something that the only thing that we're all united on across the ideological divide, I think if you look at any polling at all, is that the rate of illegal migration to this country via dinghies across the channel must come down. So back to your original point, if he really was a politician of the people, he'd be solving that problem because then he'd be uniting left and right. Yes. But I think there is also agreement that we just don't have the money for this act of, well, it's a strange mix of generosity and class war.

21:35To give an example of that, a lady called Lesley-Anne McLean, a 44-year-old, did not tell the benefits people when she was claiming that she was in fact married. and so she managed to scam the taxpayer for£27 ,908. Well, she was caught, she was taken to court and she was fined and she has been made to repay it by the DWP at a rate of£5 a month. What? Now, I recognise that, of course, if you're living on benefits, actually£5 a month is probably quite a lot But it means that she will only have paid the sum back,£27 ,908, after 500 years. How many solar eclipses is that? I don't know. But that has to be one of the most generous rates of repayment that I've ever heard.

22:32And accepting as I do that because she's probably on benefits, it's not so she's got much, much money to give. It does kind of speak to something, doesn't it? that if you took a loan out in the ordinary private market, you'd be expected to pay it back very fast with interest. And if you went even more privately and you didn't pay, someone would come around and break your fingers. But when it's the public's money, it's a rate of interest that means you don't have to pay it back after 500 years. It reminds me of covering the magistrates in youth courts back in the day when I was a local reporter and little tykes that set fire to people's sheds and stuff will be told to pay 50 pence a week and you're just watching it unfold going, this isn't going to get anyone anywhere.

23:15Just a final thought though, and we did have an email about this earlier in the week. The other irony is that people legitimately trying to get relatives here where they are working or they've got dual citizenship. You know, Australians coming to work here, for instance, have to jump through these extraordinary hoops and pay 800 quid for this application form and another thousand for this. And are you married? I was speaking to some Australians that can't get citizenship for their children, even though they were all but one born in the UK. And it's really, really complicated. But, you know, arrive here on a dinghy, get accommodation, get£49 a week on an Aspen card, get caught up in lawfare for a couple of years.

23:56Because the other thing that's forgotten, you know when these people have their asylum claim processed that they remain in the migrant accommodation? you know regardless of whether the claim is successful or it fails they're still put up by the state they're still put up by the state while it fails or if it has failed because then they obviously launch an appeal so it's just a kind of it's it's like rent rent ad infinitum paid for by the taxpayer yeah well somewhere that is overpopulated is the clacton by-election ballot But will Nigel Farage lose his tenancy or is he going to be taking out the bins?

24:46We spoke to two of the candidates running in today's by-election before the polls opened. This is me speaking to William Clauston, leader of the SDP. You're running there. This could be a really good opportunity for you because Labour is not running. Yeah. So effectively, it is just reform, classic Thatcherite party versus a bin. Yes. And that's why we stood in this election, why I agreed to do it. And I, you know, I live in Northumberland. I've been to Klaxon. I know that part of Essex reasonably well. One of our sons was at the university there. and so but it's essential we thought look i'll say what i think look i think it's odd that farage has has caused this election it's an odd thing it's it's uh he's pretending that the public can decide something that the parliamentary commissioner has to decide right so it doesn't really get him anywhere it's a slightly odd decision a friend of mine who's a professor of politics you know university and all said this could be a catastrophic you know decision We don't know.

25:45He has a right to do it, though, and it's been done before. David Davis did it, you know, an SCP member did it in the 80s. So you can do it. And I think on the same token, I think the major parties are pretending that the by-election isn't happening. Remember that this is a by-election caused by the leader of the top polling party in the country. So you can't pretend it isn't happening. So I think it was very wrong of them not to stand partly cowardice probably because they didn't want to You know to witness a win. I think he probably will win. I think you should be honest about that as well As far as bin phase is concerned.

26:20Yeah, look with the British like a joke. We like a joke But I was in Clackton all of last weekend and people were saying to me we don't want the joke on us Right, right. Okay. Did you say what do you say to them when they say what is the defining issue? as to why I should vote for STP out of all of the range of very small parties that are running. Why should you be the lightning rod for those not voting for Farage? Because for the 55 % of people that didn't vote for Nigel last time, we are the only proper political party. We might be small and growing, but we are the only proper political party.

26:51And I actually think if people find out about us, which they're doing so, a lot of our values land exactly on top of the values of people in Walton-on-the-Nays. and Brinton and Clacton, actually. And our challenge always has been, do people know about us? And this is a great opportunity to do it. So genuinely, I think most British people agree with the SDP on most things. So it's a great opportunity. So you can vote for a novelty candidate if you like, but we are standing in this election to provide people a proper alternative. And this is me speaking to Count Binface, leader of the Recyclons from the planet Sigma-9.

27:29You know, Count Binface, there are some out there that think you are my podcast partner. Wow, I didn't... OK, well, I'll take that as the compliment I'm sure it's intended. And if you're not one in the same bin, you may be a brotherhood of bins. You may be Tim Stadley's long-lost brother from the planet Sigma 9. Well, look, I can lay that to bed. I mean, Tim is, I'm sure, a charming human. We have met, you see. So there is footage of me and him at the 2024 general election in Rishi Sunak's camp. And I mean, hey, we both know that a conspiracy theorist won't be put off by simple visuals or facts.

28:15So but let me say I am not Tim, but I have met Tim. But I haven't met you. It's lovely to chat to you. And I love, I blooming love your teapot design. Thank you. On the side. Where do I get one of those? We might be able to sort one out for you, Camp Binface. Although, is it easy to drink tea through a bin face? No, no, no. It's not the tea itself I'm after. No, I can vaporise it, inhale the fumes. But no, I just think it's a lovely little design. It's quite sweet. Now, on to very serious matters. This Clacton by-election. The bookies say you don't really have a hope in hell of winning this against Nigel Farage.

28:55He's 1 to 100. You're 40 to 1. Can you defy the odds? Is it 40 to 1 now? They always say, never tell me the odds, whether you're navigating an asteroid field or taking part in a by-election. Well, all I'll say to that, Camilla, is, you know, I'm not William Hill or any of those experts, the Racing Post. But I do know enough to know that occasionally the old hundred to one shot can come in. Foyne-Avon in the Grand National 1967. Things can happen. So I'm not suggesting I'm going into the final straight as the leader. Who knows? I mean, we just don't know. But to use another grand national metaphor, maybe Nigel could do a Devon lock.

29:50He could be just coming to the end and a little whoopsie. We just we just don't know. And that's the magic of elections, isn't it? Otherwise, why would we be chatting? Indeed. I'm worried, though, that the human fish finger may have split the vote on the loony flank. Well, that's for Nigel to worry about, isn't it? It might be for you to worry about if, unfortunately, your support, the support for Count Binface, may have been, I suppose, heavily divided. You've got human fish fingers standing against you. You've got a host of independents. You've got monster raving loonies. You've got all sorts.

30:27Well, you might know more than me, Camilla. Is Mr Fishfinger actually standing? I didn't know if he made it onto the ballot, you see. So I'd be very gratified to meet him. He's got fame across the galaxy. Yes. But is he standing? I don't know, but I think the fox dropped out, fearing you as too fearsome a competitor. Yes, one of the foxes. I get confused between the bloke who looks like a fox and Lawrence Fox. Lawrence Fox is in. The furry one is out. Wherever there's a bin, a fox is sure to follow one way or the other. I'm wondering how you're coping with your newfound fame, because this is an astonishing poll by More in Common, which suggests that more people have heard of you, Count Binface, than the Chancellor John Healy.

31:17When asked if you've ever heard of this person, 34 % said they'd never heard of Healy, but only 31 % said they'd never heard of Count Binface. This is extraordinary. Your fame now is becoming intergalactic. well i mean to be fair it was always intergalactic it's now becoming uh earthly as well i have to say i didn't know that yes well thank you for sharing that news with me when you said uh you're newfound i thought you're asking me how i'm going to cope with this newfound heat ah it's of course very punishing to be in full battle armor uh in 38 degrees uh on an election week. But as for that, Paul, well, I mean, we've got to give John Healy a chance.

32:01Yes. You know, he's just come in as Chancellor. It's not as if he was the Defence Secretary a few weeks ago or anything. So give him a chance to bed in. But naturally, I'm not surprised to be more famous than a Labour Chancellor. I mean, he might be gone next week. Indeed. Look, it's difficult to cope with a heatwave when you're a bin face. But I tell you what, you have one advantage. You're probably the only person in the UK that can look at the solar eclipse without damaging your retinas. Well, that's quite true. I mean, yeah, exactly. Not having eyes does help. I must say, I was listening to an earthly radio station last night.

32:39Yes. And somebody said the thing to do with the solar eclipse is to look in a mirror. Can I just say, please do not do that. No. That is just as bad as looking at the sun. Some humans confuse me. All I will say, Camilla, is as I'm sure you know, for thousands of years, solar eclipses have been seen as prophetic events ahead of spectacular epoch-making moments in human history. I'm just putting that out there. All right. Well, I accept that in the spirit in which it has been put out there. Let's probe some of the policies on your manifesto. Now, you've said you will not accept five million pound gifts from crypto billionaires.

33:24Billion? Yes, million. Billion? Yeah, million, not billion. I'd take a billion. Five million pound gifts. You've said from crypto billionaires on Earth. So would you take such donations from donors from other planets? No comment. Now, I agree with you that Flake 99 should remain 99. I also think we can all agree that arcade grabbers should be made fairer so that players can actually have a chance of winning. Now, you've said that we should impose a winful tax on cosy crime novels written by celebrities. Can we also not possibly tax celebrities who have children and then pretend they're professors of parenting and write books about that too?

34:12Could we not tax those people? I don't know what you're getting at there. I'm getting at celebrities that pretend they're experts in things that are everyday occurrences for other ordinary people. Oh, I know what you mean. Oh, I see. In other words, celebrities who dominate the nonfiction chart as well as the fiction chart. I see. Yes. Well, I mean, I haven't checked the sales figures on those, Camilla. I mean, if it brings money in, I'll consider it. I mean, all I'm saying, I had a lovely Australian journalist chatted to me and he picked me up on the cozy crime policy. And he said, but I like cozy crime novels.

34:49I said, well, I bet you like energy, too. Yes. But you wouldn't mind a windfall tax on the energy company. So all I'm saying is they're doing remarkably well, these cozy crime novelists. So why can't we just, you know, scoop off a tiny bit for the exchequer? I know it might not be a natural fit with the telegraph demographics, but, you know, at least I'm starting a debate. Look, the telegraph demographic are the ones buying the cosy crime novels, so I think it's, you know, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, frankly. Yes, maybe, there you go, you see, maybe that's the thing. By having a little bit of the money they invest in cosy crime, put into fixing potholes, it's a win-win.

35:30Now, Count Binface, are you a bin of the people? because we've got a new Prime Minister, Andy Burnham, who is very much down with the kids. He's been discussing what he might buy if he ever enters a Greggs. What's your ideal Greggs order? Well, that's easy. A croissant for a maximum£1.10. I think Greggs are pretty affordable on the old croissant front. Really? As you know, for a long time, one of my key policy planks has been a price cap on croissants. I've seen North London charging upwards of£25 for an extra large croissant. It's got out of hand, Camilla. It needs to stop. And funnily enough, I've had it said by a professor, an actual professor, and not someone who has done cheeky copying.

36:22A real professor at the UEA said that apparently several supermarkets went to my price cap of£1.10. Apparently, I'm channelling Nobel laureate Thomas Schelling's power of the focal point. You weren't expecting that from this interview. I tell you what, I wasn't. I was expecting you to say vegan sausage roll. There you go, you see. One simple question and we've got into high octane economics. Now, you've proposed that you're going to build just one affordable home. No, no, at least one. At least one, which is a start, isn't it, on previous governments. Now, where will that home be built and who might live in it?

37:03Good question. Well, I mean, if I was to become Clacton MP, I would campaign for it to be in the Clacton constituency. This is an ongoing policy of mine. Wherever I get voted in, I will endeavour to give those people the opportunity, probably by a kind of national lottery. I'd quite like to get that Arthur or Guinevere machine going again and maybe there'd be some kind of equitable route. Anybody who wants it can get involved. And then you never know, Camilla. Maybe we could build another one and another one. Yes. And so it goes on. But at least I would be under-promising and over-delivering. Unlike 1.5 million homes suggested by Angela Rayner, she's already admitted they're not going to hit that, I think.

37:51Yes, that's right. In general, have you been well-received in Clacton? And Nigel Farage was on a campaign trail once and he once had a milkshake thrown at him. I mean, if somebody threw a milkshake at you, I mean, they'd just be doing their duty. They'd be putting away their litter. Well, only if they put it inside me. But I'm not an actual bin, you see, Camilla. You're just a bin face. Sorry. It's a bin face. That's very bin-ist of you. Sorry. But and also, I mean, I can't just go around lasering people in this planet. So what would I do? And I've only got one suit of armor on this planet. So got to be very careful of the old milkshakes.

38:33But I have to say, to answer the first part of your question, the people of Clacton, the Clactonites, they've been so kind and generous and lovely. And I know the area gets a bit of a bad rep for deprivation, but the people themselves that I've met anyway, and I've been out on the seafront. I've done interviews I've been to a plumbing showroom I put the old high-vis vest on You've got to do that And what else have I done I went to a podiatry clinic In Frinton Because I thought the phrase was Vote with your feet I took that literally But they were very cut And I know not every human is going to vote for me I'm not expecting that But we can all agree to Disagree agreeably I think is important.

39:24And that bit of British democracy is alive and well, I have to say. That's the mantra of this podcast, Count Binface, so I'm glad you've said it. Finally then, so you haven't managed to hold any babies on the campaign trail because I don't want to offend you, but maybe you'd be a bit scary to them. Yeah, I hold my hands up to that point. They're quite right. I mean, I have held babies before. Yes. I did that little trick. Not that it's a trick. It's clearly impassioned and deliberate. But in the 2019 election with Boris Johnson, I gave a little baby a cuddle, a human one. And as you say, yeah, they didn't like it.

40:05No. Started screaming, I think, didn't they? Sometimes in politics, as in life, Camilla, less is more. Less is more. And on that note, Count Binface, if you aren't successful in Clacton, and of course there are many people backing you there, I think, you know, you may well accumulate your highest vote share to date. What's next for Count Binface? If it doesn't go well by the seaside, where's your next target? Well, let me just slightly re-flavour that question, because you say if it doesn't go well. If I get one vote, it's gone well. Just one whole vote from an actual human is such an honour. that, you know, I like to think I've helped stoke up a bit of a debate.

40:51I mean, apparently I am the establishment, Camilla. So that's a change. So whatever happens, I think I can call my campaign a success in at least not maybe numerically, but other ways. So, you know, let's be kind about it. But other than that, well, a little bit of R &R wouldn't go amiss. I've got business back on Sigma 9. Yeah. Just like you, I've got a podcast to get cracking with. Yes. And, you know, there's loads to do. But thank goodness that there isn't any other election on the horizon in Britain. Can you imagine if someone was to call another one? That would be a right faff. Wouldn't it just?

41:32But something tells me that we may be seeing you again quite soon, Count Binface. But let's just see. It depends whether the Parliamentary Standard Commissioner's investigation into Nigel Farage is trashed or not. Quite. And I have to say, you know, you guys at The Telegraph, you've been doing some trenchant journalism on all that. And, you know, long may that continue. I know that both sides of the aisle of the fourth estate, as well as the party, you guys like to go tooth and nail. But having a free press and a free politics is absolutely crucial. That's why I'm happy to talk to you guys at Telegraph.

42:10And, you know, you keep doing what you do and you interrogate away. And who knows where we'll meet again? I mean, for all we know, next week old Andy Burnham will call a snap election. You just don't know, do you? You just don't know. But I've got the feeling, Count Binface, we'll see you at a podium at an election count, not just on Thursday, but at some point in the future. Thank you very much indeed for joining us on The Daily Tea. Lots of love to you. It's my pleasure, Camilla. And everyone else on Sigma 9. I'm sorry I couldn't drink your daily tea, but it's been a pleasure and a very good day to all your listeners.

42:44Tim, we're going to be back early doors tomorrow to do a Clacton Reaction special daily tea, which we'll get out as soon as possible. So expect that in your feed.

43:35We'll see you next time. services you can build, buy, or partner your way. Stop overthinking. Start building. AWS AI is how.