Busta Rhymes: "His Death Stopped My Career!" Busta Rhymes Finally Opens Up About His Grief, Nearly Dying & How He Turned His Life Around!

30:57I had my name from being a part of the FIPS and Nation of the Guards and Errors which that name was cooler that was Lord Taheim right. But somehow I abandoned that to become like the rappers that had three part names right. Is there a reason you don't tell them me. I'm getting to it. I'm just trying to help with I'm setting it up with the proper prerequisite. So LL Cool J is a three part name. Jam Master J is a three part name. All of the guys from the fat boys Prince Markey D Cool Rock ski. I'm do's had three part names right.

31:46I changed my name to chill old ski.

31:57That name is so fucking terrible. I know I'm sorry bro. Name is terrible. And you know it's so crazy. I kept that name for a long time because I really thought it was the shit because I felt like chill old ski bro. Terrible. I know it's terrible. But I really was proud of like I got a three part name like my favorites. And if you want to be like your favorites, you got to do the shit. That is a replication of your favorites. And then I destroyed Charlie Brown so bad that at the end of that night, the end of that little battle that afternoon after school. He just came over to the side and was like, yo, we should be in a group together.

32:52And that's really the day that I guess bust of rhymes. I guess it's a catalyst moment that they bust was born. You talked about how that kind of moment helped you develop your style and your charisma and the way you carried yourself. And from then till when you get signed at 17 years old, I'm curious about what happens in that moment because that's really, you know, a lot of people at 12 years old or 10 years old or whatever want to be hip hop actors or hip hop stars or they want to be whatever they want to be musicians. But very, very few make it to the top table. What happens between the playground that day and 17 years old you getting signed when you look back and go, it was for that reason.

33:33Was it natural talent? Is it hard work? Is it all of the above? It's all of the above, but the first thing for me was the addiction to the reaction that I was getting from the people and I was seeing it and how it felt in real time. And just looking at the fact that I came up with something in my crib by myself in my bedroom that was fueled by a determination of wanting to defend myself like a fight. And a lot of the times I don't think I might have said it like this. I've said it before, but I don't think I've said it a lot. I don't know if it would have been a, I had the same desire to want to be in hip hop.

34:28I had the same desire to want to rhyme DJ, but I don't know if that moment didn't happen. I don't know if I would have pursued being an MC at that time. It probably wouldn't have happened. I've sat here with a lot of people who are comedians and entertainers and actors and the biggest movies in the world. And it's so interesting to me that there tends to be an early catalyst moment where they perform maybe in front of the family at Christmas or on stage or whatever it is. And they get this reaction. And in that moment that reaction does something to them on a psychological level, which becomes, as the word used is the word I hear, becomes this addiction.

35:12And I often wonder to myself because a lot of other people will experience that reaction and not develop the addiction. So the reaction, it appears to me is doing something for those people that they needed at that moment. Yes, I needed it at that moment. I'm going to tell you something. It actually happened before that to want to be a MC happened in that moment. The addiction to entertaining people and that should happen when I was like seven, eight years old. Maybe even six, six years old because where it started for me initially was at the time, and particularly like I was saying how the neighborhood was back then and how he was raising our house back then.

35:57My mother and my father, we had to go to bed at nine o 'clock on a school night. And on a weekends, when we was that young, we might be able to stay up until about ten o 'clock, but we still had to go to bed by a certain time. When my mother had company, I'm like my father and they had like family and friends or they just had a little grown up, get together and they get to drink in a little bit. Sometimes, you know, they so entertain by each other's company, they forget to send us to bed at nine o 'clock. They play music and shit. And I used to have to do things. I would try to creatively come up with ways to avoid being sent to bed at nine o 'clock.

36:44So when they play in music, the first thing that I would always get into doing is reenactments of Michael Jackson and from the Jackson Five and James Brown dance routines. So I used to do that shit and I was nice with the fucking split and spinning around and shit and carry it on. I'm doing all type of shit. And for hours. And so I literally would be sweating through my clothes, but it was so entertaining that sometimes the whole company that was there for my family. My mother and my father, they ended up cheering me on and rooting me on to continue and bigging up my moms about how much talent her son has.

37:41Was it not that feeling then that you were chasing what it was first? That's what I was saying. And like I wasn't thinking about me in no rapid end, but I knew what that feeling felt like. And I always wanted that feeling. And that feeling started in the crib. And then it translated into me trying to get that attention in the classrooms was turned me into a jokes during the class. So I would do shit to get the attention of the crowd from the class and became like this class clown dude and that would get in trouble and shit. And then it translated from that into you know me break dancing and doing all of this hip hop shit because I loved hip hop and I was starting to see what was being created as a movement.

38:37And what was being generated as an interest that was taken over like it didn't matter what else was cool at the time when hip hop started to really become that shit. There was nothing more important than knowing how to do something that was a representation of hip hop. If you was a graffiti artist and you was fucking dope. You became something that was like on a celebrity status level. That's when motherfuckers started putting graffiti on clothes and everybody that was involved with hip hop or some kind of representation of hip hop became some sort of celebrity. So for me that's why I wanted to learn how to do everything in hip hop because I still didn't know what I wanted to do.

39:24The DJ shit complicated. The break dancing shit I ain't like the fucking bruises I was getting all the time. You know what I'm saying? And the graffiti shit I was cool with it but it was really when that situation happened with me and see Brown. That's now when I found that I was able to get the feeling of when I was this little boy dancing from my parents and they company. And at the same time I was able to have that spotlight on me being the rapper guy. So it was like all of this shit became the thing that I started to grow. Not only this appreciation for it but I started to grow addicted to the shit.

40:10That is what I was expecting. I was just trying to figure out the psychological reason why you became so addicted to this because listen I coming from a background where lots of my friends started rapping and most of them fell off. And then there's like one or two of them that just became like their medication. Yeah. And I always wondered why they just like that individual just stuck at it for all those years. But in that in that answer we have the um... I think the biggest addiction for me out of all of it was to be able to say to my father I wanted to be able to experience the day. Not knowing if it would ever come but it was a serious serious thing like I used to write this shit on my wall and just on a piece of paper and I would stick it on the wall.

41:03And it would say one day I'm going to get a deal. I'm going to sign a contract. I'm going to come home with so much fucking money that I'm going to be able to tell my father I told you so. That's all I wanted to be able to do. And I wrote that shit and put it on the wall. And I would look at that shit every day. And it would be day still when he would tell me I got to come to work. And I would look at that sign and then I would see him outside in the truck. And I would walk out that fucking house and I would be mad as hell. Angry. And what I do love about my father is I got older is I understood what he wanted.

41:56He just wanted to make sure I wasn't wasting my time. He built this company. He wanted to pass it down. It was love. It's love. It was he need his son to succeed. I'm his pride and his joy. And failure is not an option with my father. And I guess where he came from. You know, it's the same with my mother. My mother when I told her 18 I wasn't going to university. It wouldn't speak to me for years. But she comes from Nigeria. She left school at seven years old. She can't read or write today. So I was the only of her four kids. I was the only one that says I'm not going to university. Right. Now she stood in my way and said don't start a business, et cetera, et cetera.

42:41But in my maturity I go she stood in my way because she loved me. Absolutely. At the time and everyone goes a lot of people go through it, especially sort of immigrant immigrants and stuff. That's primarily. Yeah. Because that pain and that struggle, that suffering that they come from, that shouldn't know. That's not this shit that we was raised in. That you know me and you we obviously even if you was born there, you wasn't even spending your years there to experience the pain that they did. So you come here now, you still don't know they struggle. They know don't. They never go forget. And they obviously want the best for their babies, man.

43:20My father came to the Apollo to see us. And this one made them even more so about disrespecting me. And disrespecting the rap shit. Me and my crew, ladies and gentlemen, we had an opportunity to perform at the Apollo at amateur night at the Apollo. And we get up there and we got booed, badly booed. One of the first times, you know, when me and Charlie Brown decided to form the group, the guy I missed to read that was with us originally, he got tired of the wait. There was no real light at the end of the tunnel. If we was going to get an opportunity to get a record deal, he was selling drugs in the street too.

43:58He decided he wanted to go back to the street and do that. He ain't want to be in a rap group no more. That's how room was made for Dinkle to get in the group. Because we still felt like we needed to replace the third rapper. We got our three rap dudes now. It's me, Brown and Dinkle and then I said, yo, we need a DJ. Let me get my cousin. So Mallow came and we ended up doing the show at the Apollo. That booed and my father was even, he was hitting me with the, I told you so that night. See, I tell you, you know, we had to time it. It's like, I'll eat that rapper boy shit. If it come on work, that's what I'm gonna tell you if it come to work.

44:34So you can learn some stability and stop waste your time with this rap. Shit. It's like he talking to me and we still in the venue. Really? We ain't even leave. He just beating me in the head with this total disrespect.

44:53But again, at that time, I hated him for it. As we got older and that day came for me. I got my record deal when I was 17 and... What was it about you though? Was it the unique style and you had a completely different flow that people were just drawn to, that raised the energy on every record you touched? It definitely was that and that came completely from dancehall influence. Right? So, are you familiar with like sting? Yeah. Alright, so sting clashes that used to happen from the 80s all the way down. The one thing that I saw in dancehall culture that I wasn't seeing in hip hop was the way when dancehall artists was getting busy in clashing in front of that 10, 15 ,000, thousand people in that sting audience, the energy that they had to have to make sure that they're portraying themselves in a way that was just more than the lyrics.

46:05It was a complete showmanship that was a collective of things. It was the outfit. It was the jumping around. It was the kicking the foot. It was the flinging hand and the way you was coming through on the microphone and the flow patterns and the cleveness of the lyrics and the push lines. It was all of these things and it was mind blowing to me because I wasn't seeing that same thing in hip hop. In hip hop, you seeing dudes just walking around, you know, they might hold a crutch and act like they were too cool to be that animated. Me, I loved that shit. I loved kung fu movies. I loved karate movies.

46:49All of that shit. I, I, I, I, I, and the dancing up and the dissing and the, the foot, this, that. I just took all of that shit and I said, I'ma turn this into what I'm gonna do on these stages. And I think that if I mastered this shit and I could, master my breathing, and I don't exhaust myself too soon, try to jump around all over the fucking stage going crazy. I think I might become a dangerous motherfucker that's hard to compete with because dudes are not moving like this on no stage. I'm going to all of the shows. I'm being a student. I'm in the clubs. I'm in the street. I'm everywhere just to see and learn and, and, and pull inspiration from somewhere.

47:42And I pulled a lot of inspiration from different places, but that was when I found it. Like, looking at those clash, sting clashes and jammies and kill them and jarrow like, I'm a man from Saxon and all of that that was added. Tipper, Irian, all of them, man. Like, don't, don't, don't do, raise me. It's so interesting because what you've described there is kind of like my understanding of what creativity is, where you pull from so many different, almost clouds of inspiration to create a new one. Yeah. And I was thinking about, I was thinking about your kids. You said to me before we start recording, you got six kids and they're around like 20, 30 years old now.

48:20Right. Based on what you now understand about what made you stand out different, what it took in terms of your mentality to use the word student there. One of those kids comes to you now and says, Dad, what are the fundamentals that I can take from your journey up until that point? I say 21 years old. That would increase my chance of success no matter the industry. What are those fundamentals? So the fundamentals that I would give my kids, which I've already feel like I've been given to them, is the first thing is identify with what you love and once you love it, hone in on that thing until you can master it to the point where people can identify that there's no questioning your love for it.

49:17That's the first thing. Once you love it to the point where your actions speak louder than anything you could say about how much you love it, that is always the root of whatever success is preordained or destined to come to you. No matter what it is that you choose to do, because what is actually going to create the revenue is that you're not doing it from a place of trying to generate the revenue. You're going to do the shit regardless. So it's not about the money for you. You're fulfilling something in your soul, in your body. There's a feeling that even the money can't give you. There's people that have this money and they still can't find that feeling, and there's nothing like it.

50:22There's a feeling that really exists, bro, that can actually make you the happiest person in the world. That happens to be my music, because and my children understand now, I love my children so much, and I love my family so much. I'm not playing with anything that I know is going to allow me the opportunity to make sure that I can show them, and I can take care of them, and I can, without compromise, find a way and a means to securing of the well -being of my family. And I found something that I love that has provided me those means and the ability to do it, and I don't have to question how I'm going to get to that.

51:23Or no day, I could be sick, I could be, I could be sick and in the hospital and write a song.

51:34And even if I'm too weak to say it, I could give it to somebody, and work out whatever business I need to work out with that person, so they still do that same song. God willing to success at that song that hopefully is garnished, reaches a level of success based on this creation from a feeling that I was inspired by, or from a feeling that I got, that I can't explain and I can't give to nobody other than through this music, that will take care of, not just my family, but it actually might take care of filling a space in the millions of people's lives that will hear this shit, that at some point, depending on the impact of the song, they'll fuck around and see you 20 years from now and become the fucking CEO of Google, and will tell you, I am a fan, I loved you, what this fucking song did for me when I was 10?

52:37Now I'm 30, and at this moment when I was 10, I remember wearing this little t -shirt with a yellow fucking balloon face on it, and I had my little bicycle outside, and my mother let me play with my two friends, two houses down, we played this fucking song 10 times in a row until we had to go inside, and that song changed my life, and it gave me the motivation to when a do this thing evolved into this person, think a new way that allowed me to pursue something that I found that I love, and now I'm a fucking 200 million dollar CEO in Google, I'm a fan of your shit, you're still doing what I love, and I want to sit down with you and figure out something magical that we could do together.

53:27Sounds addictive. That's very fucking addictive. Fuck that. That's the most addictive shit in the world to me, because it's like, that's greater than man. You can't teach somebody how to do that. That's not a book science, that's not school. You know what I'm saying? That shit is, you identify with this gift. We all got to give. There's something that we've all been blessed with. At some point, if we listen to that fucking little thing that speaks to us inside, some people call it instinct, some people call it a vibe, some people call it an energy. Whatever the fuck you call it, some people call it a voice.

54:13Whatever that thing is, bro, if it sparks the thought that changes the whole trajectory to what your life can evolve into because you took a second to listen to that shit. You are identifying with your blessing. You are identifying with your gift. And at that point, you learn what the fuck it is and become one with it and walk in your purpose, bro. So you might instill this thing into the lives of so many people that you live forever through this thing that you've created. That's not a man thing no more. I said it's deeper than man. I am absolutely addicted to that because when you really think about it, that shit is something, that's godly.

55:11It's weird to me when people find it strange when we call ourselves gods and earths. Because I'm saying, what do you want me to be? You want me to be other than god? Anything other than its original form is the worst state of its own existence. Because you're not even functioning within the nature that you was created to function it. So you can't make me call myself devil -like because you think that it's a blasphemous act for me to say that I'm godly, I'm god -like, I'm made in the likeness of the most high. That mentality is why I function this way. Because I refuse to think that there is nothing that I can't do beyond man.

56:08Beyond man. If I could sit down here and smoke a spliff and eat a bowl of cereal and fucking go, y 'all y 'all y 'all y 'all y 'all y 'all. I went on a step up and the place I went on steps, your west -west correct? Who I got you on check and the whole fucking planet is doing it. It don't matter what country I go to and then I get to Sweden and they tell me, y 'all y 'all, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I ain't from Sweden. I don't know that. I just was vibing and bugging up. The weed had me filling away. Nice little spliff, little food, little bowl of cereal. And I just was joking in the crib and y 'all y 'all y 'all y 'all y 'all.

56:47Motherfucker is laughing in my house. I thought it was funny. I did this in on the record. I liked funny. But I was so serious. There's always a balance between the guys that we found the most entertainment from. All of the dudes that was on TV that we liked that was the fucking criminals. They was always funny, right? Al Pacino in Scarface. He was a serious mother fucker, but he was funny. Joe Pesci in Goodfellas. Serious but funny, right? We in the hood, we love the balance between serious and funny. I try to incorporate serious and funny and all of my shit. Bottom line is, my children, the fundamentals I want to give you all, find it, love it, identify what you love, become one with that thing, pursue it to the point where you become so engulfed and you don't know nothing else other than that.

57:40Walk in your purposes what it evolves into. What kind of human beings do they need to be? Character traits. All right. This is what it needs to be. Some of it might sound fucked up. First thing is you gotta be selfish as hell. You gotta be selfish. I don't give a fuck. It's the sacrifice but without great sacrifice and without great risk because there is no system as a great reward. Can't have one. That doesn't, that math will never math. You know what I'm saying? You have to have, and I don't like this word, but I'm gonna say it because it's true. You have to be a little maniacal with the shit.

58:29Maniac, right? That word isn't good in a lot of situations, but when you're pursuing your destiny, when you identify with your destiny, you have to be selfish, you have to be maniacal, you have to be uncompromising. And you have to move in a way when it comes to those three things, when you function completely in a way where it's an unwavering faith. Like it don't matter how fucked up that shit might look. It don't matter how much it feel like it ain't gonna work.

59:16It's only delusional until it works. So is it really delusional? A mother fuck only gonna call it delusional until it don't work for nobody else to see what for the whole world to see. And then once the world see it, there's nothing delusional about it. Now your delusion becomes, oh, he was a fucking genius. We didn't see it when he saw it. We didn't understand it when he did. We thought the mother fucker was crazy. But he definitely always figured this thing was the thing to do and he stuck by that shit. When you say selfish, obviously that word has got a lot of different connotations and meanings.

1:00:02But I heard from it that the selfishness is focusing on serving yourself and your dreams and your mission. Like you were somewhat selfish when you said, I wanna be a rapper even though your father's saying, I want you to come and be an electrical contractor. That was selfish of you to say, no, I wanna take care of me first. That selfish, I mean him even more extreme than that. Yes. Selfish to my father because, in a way I don't wanna look at it as it was selfish to him, I just want some, I don't wanna do what you wanna do. That's not really being selfish. That's just having a difference in opinion.

1:00:44Right? Selfish, when I say selfish, it means my children, right? I've had to miss moments that were never gonna get back. I missed my oldest son's high school graduation. I missed one of my daughter's college graduations. I've missed times when I should have been there to teach my child how to drive or I should have been there to teach my child how to ride a bike. I missed a lot of that, right? And a lot of it had to do with circumstance and my circumstance, which I obviously contributed to creating for myself, I had to take responsibility for these choices that I made and these circumstances that I created for myself.

1:01:47And the situation that became a real life situation for me left me very few choices. So there was a choice where I could be there for everything and in the money ain't where it need to be. Or I'm gonna do what I love, not just because I love it. And it brings me joy and it brings me peace of mind because I would go to the studio and when I'm in that studio and I close the door and then I'm in those four walls I don't have to argue with the child's mother. I don't have to argue with my woman. I don't get talk back from people that choose to have a debate about shit that ain't even worth debating about.

1:02:43All of the unnecessary distractions I can leave outside of that room. And when I'm in that room, I am fulfilling my destiny. I am fulfilling my soul and I'm making myself get to a place mentally where my peace of mind is so where it needs to be that not only am I allowed to become feel, think, and evolve into whatever place my mind takes me. I'm then able to get to that place emotionally, spiritually, mentally create something, put it in a song, change the effect that I can have as an impact through this thing that I'm blessed with as a gift. And then I could come down off of that and be in a happier place so that when I do get back among the people that I got to argue with, I'm in a better place to deal with them.

1:03:49Is there sort of guilt associated with that as you've sort of matured and understood and had time to reflect on missing those key moments? I worry about this a lot because I'm a workaholic and I think my work is in many respects some kind of psychological escape. And I'm concerned that when I do have a kid, I've got a partner who has been together for four years, I'm 31 now, that I might use my workers and excuse to not be there or I might not make the a just necessary adjustment to realize that I only get one bike ride moment. So I'm going to tell you something.

1:04:32There is no right way and no wrong way when it comes to making that decision other than what you know in your heart. I definitely live with guilt. I feel like there was things that I could have done without to be there for my children. But I also feel like that's me saying that now, right?

1:05:01I'm in a different place now in my life and I was at that time. And at that time, the mentality that I have now didn't exist then. Right? And the mentality that needed to exist then for me to get to this mentality now was important. And it was a part of the needed components to exist in my journey for me to be able to have this conversation now, this mentality now. Was that survival? It definitely was survival. When you're dealing with four mothers all having you in court systems all getting significant amount of money for child support. All not in the best place relationship wise with you. Sometimes businesses up, sometimes businesses down.

1:05:55You have to be able to be swift and changeable regardless of the circumstances in order to stay remainable. Because no matter if business is up or businesses down, the courts don't care. The child support that needs to come every month, the mothers need to see it. Because they don't care. When your kids need what they need, they don't care. Because they didn't ask for this. You can't create an excuse. That's how I was raised. Your kid didn't ask to be put in a situation that you cannot do what you're supposed to do for them. So it's not their problem. You have to find a solution. It's a lot of pressure.

1:06:45It's a lot. It's a lot. But I also feel like when you identify with your gift, that's part of the gift. That's what makes it the gift. Because the most high usually don't give us more than we can handle. And with that being said, all of these things we're talking about, which is one of the best questions that I love that you asked, right? What would I give my kids? And I keep coming back to that because I want my kids to understand.

1:07:20That focus on what you love is most primary. Being selfish. When I say selfish, not just my kids, but even my woman. There might be a lot of shit she want to do. Sorry. I can't do it right now. I can't do it right now. I could do it later. And then there's moments when you can do it. And you make the time and you do it. But until there's another means of me being able to do what I love and find the fulfillment that I find while I'm doing what I love, this is also a part of who you're feeling love with. Q1 is often when businesses start implementing new systems and processes in hopes of creating efficiencies for the year ahead.

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1:08:40Over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future proof their business with NetSuite. So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business, head to netSuite .com slash Bartlett and free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning. That's netSuite .com slash Bartlett. The moments in our life, I think, help us to see things a little bit more clearly and especially when they're really significant moments. And one of those moments that I see in your story is in 2012, where I think you're 42 years old at the time and your manager and friend Chris dies. Rest in peace to Chris. Chris was all that I knew.

1:09:23Everything, everything that I learned after Chuck D and Hank Shackley and them, I learned that with Chris, I learned how to make my money with Chris, a tax brackets change with Chris, my lawyers change because Chris, my book and agents change with Chris, my touring experiences change with Chris, my ability to tell my mother to quit her job and never had to look back to work for nobody from 1995 to this day. All of that, I did it with Chris. That day when you find out that Chris has passed, can you take me to that day? That day was so fucking terrible, bro.

1:10:09Wow.

1:10:13His life changed when this woman came into his life. I'm not going to dive too much into that part, but I'm definitely going to say that Chris's life changed not for the better when she came around.

1:10:35So once that happened, it started to change the energy amongst the violated family. And I really wish, because I don't want this to be heard in a way where it seemed like I'm shitting on the woman because I'm not shitting on the woman. I'm acknowledging the reality of the situation. As you can see, I'm not saying nothing bad about the woman. I'm just talking about, I'm acknowledging a time period where a change transpired in a significant way and it happened after this woman came around. That's it. Long story short, I think his daughter was coming home from college and he had to go and meet her at Grand Central Station in Manhattan.

1:11:33So he asked me for a ride to Grand Central Station. And I give him the lift to Grand Central Station. And that's the last day that I saw him. The next morning, I get the call from his assistant that something happened to him.

1:12:01And I'm asking what happened to him and they just said he heard himself. But they didn't say, you know, that he was dead. They just was like, he heard himself. The assistant called this young lady. I forget her name at the office when the young lady answered the phone. We're on the three way.

1:12:26And she's crying and she's screaming on the phone.

1:12:33And she just kept saying, Chris heard himself, Chris heard himself. And the assistant is asking what exactly did he do to himself. And she said she don't know. He just heard himself. And then we asked if he was dead. And then she said she don't know.

1:12:59So when we got to Chris's home, we couldn't go in the house. And it wasn't until you saw the coroner van come.

1:13:21And when you saw the van, and then they reversed the van into the driveway to get as close to the door of the house as it was a downstairs door. And then there was the regular door to go up the stairs and you're going to the house from the front. But whatever happened to him, it happened downstairs. Because that's where his body was. And they went inside and they brought them black bags with them, and body bags.

1:14:02That's when it got real. That's when it changed everything changed when you saw the bags.

1:14:16We knew that when they came out the basement with the bags and his body was in the bags, that's when you know Chris was never coming back.

1:14:42So you know the crying started and a lot of arguing started. A lot of threats started.

1:14:56And my life was going in the whole other direction after that. And I didn't like it. Because I was confused about how to move. And I was lost for a minute. Because I never really had to manage my career without a manager. And he wasn't just a manager. He was my brother. So it got scary for a minute. I couldn't get it together. That's why I didn't put on record for nine years.

1:15:44And I started to just do different type of business with sign and artists and I was just a little bit more That's when we put out OT Genesis.

1:16:06And we are really good success with him.

1:16:14And signed a few other artists. One artist by the name of Stov, Stov God Cokes and I signed. Another young artist by the name of Murder Moook.

1:16:28I wasn't happy though. We're just doing it like that. And I didn't feel comfortable putting out music until I got the right support system in place. And I couldn't get it together. You say you couldn't get it together. What does that mean? That means like psychologically you couldn't get it together. Psychologically I couldn't get it together because I didn't feel like I had a support system that I could believe in enough to make me feel like I am psychologically able to move with the comfort, the confidence and the support that I know I'm going to need. And the responsibility of trying to wear all the hats myself, I was doing it.

1:17:16But I wasn't doing it at the level that Chris Lighty was able to do it. And you were grieving at the same time? Absolutely. Because I lost my father two years after Chris. The two most important male figures in my life. Chris was going 2012. I lost my father 2014. And you had reconciled with him before? I definitely reconciled with him before he passed. The problem is I didn't get to enjoy my time with him once we got good. So that was a horrible feeling too. Because it's like all of the time that was wasted. Fucking not getting along was stupid. Fucking stupid. You know what I'm saying? That's part of the reason why I started to really like get unhealthy and fucked up.

1:18:11I was trying everything to drown the pain and the frustration and the suffering of those losses.

1:18:22By overworking, over drinking, over smoking weed and cigarettes. And it got so bad that I got to the weight of 340 pounds. I never been that. I'm not even built to be that heavy. It's funny. It's like I look back at certain pictures and I looked at how overweight I was. I look at my skin. And there's certain pictures I had. I had these marks on my face. I hate those pictures. I see the darkness in those pictures. There's this book called The Body Holds the School. But the title is just the thing that I've actually gained the most from. It just says that when there's things going on in our psychology and our mind, the body will show it.

1:19:10Yeah, man. Well, you will drink, we won't sleep, but you'll see it in the body before you see it. The mind is invisible, obviously. The body is the first place to see it. And I was reading through that phase of your life and you were on sort of breathing machines when you were sleeping and things like that. Now I was on the breathing machine. I had sleep apnea. Oh, you had sleep apnea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had sleep apnea. I was, um, drank yourself into a coma at one point. I drank myself into not a coma. I drank myself into an inability to wake myself up. Oh, okay. I had to be woke, woken up by my son and my security in LA.

1:19:44It took like 45 minutes and we had just come back from hanging out at a club called Poppies. He sat me down the next day. He was like, listen.

1:19:56I don't want to hurt your feelings because you my father.

1:20:02And I don't even know if I got the strength to say it to you now, but I had a conversation with the security. I need you to listen to them because I'm too scared to tell you how I feel. That's how bad it was.

1:20:18My son, they never speak to me like that in my life, but I needed to hear it. But he couldn't even say it to me because that's how much he still was trying to protect my feelings. But this is the first time that I knew I really disappointed my son. All that bust around shit was cool up until this moment when he saw this shit. And he's been seeing it, but this is when it hits the low. That conversation fucked me up. The next day the doctor is with the pretender zone and I went to the doctor. I'm breathing so fucked up that outside of the door. The doctor was like, yo, why are you breathing like that?

1:21:08And he wasn't even in the room with me. He's coming in the room. And I said, breathing like what? Because I was doing it this so for so long over the last three years that it was starting to sound normal to me. The doctor said I'm sending you to the hospital because he stuck this shit in my throat. And when he saw how big the fucking pallips was a block 90 % of my breathing passage. He said if he sends me home and I take a shower and the central air system is blowing. And I catch a draft that can lead to me catching a cold. And that last 10 % of my breathing gets blocked up because of a swollen gland from a sore throat or some shit.

1:21:46I can die in my sleep that night. He said, I'm going to call my ambulance for you. I'm in California. LA, he says, I need you to go right now to UCLA Medical Center into the emergency room. And I'm going to call the head person at the hospital to have them admit you immediately. You need to go into surgery tomorrow. I said, I ain't going to no ambulance. He said, well, and you have to sign this document that will exemplify me. If you don't listen and something happens and you die between now and when you get to the hospital. I ain't never been spoken to like this in my life. This is when I knew this shit was crazy.

1:22:29My son now, I'm calling them telling them to meet me at the hospital. We get to the hospital and I'm in the doctor's office and they doing a little preliminary shit before they got to admit me into the emergency. My son is talking to me and he tells me.

1:22:48I thought she was going to die last night.

1:22:55And I ain't never been to scared that, but I'm scared you're going to die. A lost grandpa already? I can't lose you too. Can you please stop drinking? Can you please stop smoking? Can you please get back to the daddy that I know you to be?

1:23:16Finished me. At that point, I made up my mind. I'm going to get the surgery. When I get the surgery, I'm going to get in shape. I go home on the way home, Dexter Jackson. Bodybuilder competitor. He was the competing Olympia. He became a Mr. Olympia champ. This man pops up in my stories, driving in his car and Jacksonville, Florida, and he's spitting the vocals to put your hands on my eyes to see. And then I hit him in the DM and I said, Mr. Jackson, I'm a huge fan of you. As a professional bodybuilder, is there any way that we could get on the phone? I need your help. He hits me back. He sends me his number, a column on the phone.

1:24:12I said, thanks for calling me. I salute you, Mr. Jackson. Can we please figure out a way to get me back in shape? And man said to me, you saw you ready, bus? And I said, absolutely. He said, you got to come to Jacksonville and you got to stay here for 30 days. Tell your girls she can't come. Tell your kids you'll see them in 30 days. I need to put you through something for 30 days before we continue this journey. You survived this 30 days. I know you serious. I rented a motherfucking mansion for like seven bedrooms. I went and got a cameraman, a document, my mill prep chef, my masseuse. Because I knew that that work out was going to fuck me up every day.

1:25:02And I needed some way to rub these muscles up. I got my recording engineer so I didn't need to leave the house. I got an assistant. And that was about it. Stayed in the fucking crib for 30 days. Lost about 27 pounds in 30 days. These dudes that I'm surrounded by, by way of my first bodybuilding competitor, trainer, Victor Munoz. And my second primary trainer, the legendary Mr. Olympia himself, Dexter Jackson. I was able to get my shit together, bro. And once I got my health, and once I got my mind, and I got my spirit right. And I started to be proud of me. When I looked at me and my kids was looking at me, and they would say shit, that you could only hear once you did what you needed to do and put in the work you needed to put in.

1:26:06So that it shows. They're not going to say it if it don't look like the way they need to see it. So they could say what they need to say. When that happened, you hearing the right shit, you feeling the right love. And shit was lifting my spirit so much. And then I'm going to tell you something.

1:26:36Going through this pandemic was another serious challenge mentally and emotionally and spiritually. My brothers, Farrell Williams and Swiss Beats, and Big Up The Timberlain II was all four of them as the executive producers of this new album, Blockbuster. Which is out right now. Absolutely. The Blockbuster album is out and I'm super grateful to everybody that participated in helping this magic happen and come together. This is the culmination of all of the experience and all of the life stories that we've talked about. But the thing that really stood out to me is you've made the decision to put people on this album who are young, up and coming, fresh artists who you haven't really worked with previously.

1:27:17And you've worked with bloody everybody, everybody. But you chose to give these younger artists a platform for some reason. Two reasons. The first reason is I'm never going to listen to the narrative of this thing where I would hear it a little more regularly than I actually choose to hear it. I actually don't ever want to hear it. But it's this bullshit about how the elder statesman or the older MCs don't really respect what the new guys is doing. That shit is bullshit. At least speaking for myself and the type of artists that I surround myself with, we don't feel like that. We don't move like that.

1:28:04We encourage that shit because when we was young artists, we wanted the big dudes to put their arms around us and give us gaming, schoolers and teachers shit. So we could be better. And I'm saying, Chuck D gave me my name. Big Daddy came to let me come to his crib and ask questions. He put me on his albums. He used to help me learn, let me learn. Bring me the shows that he was performing at. Fucking, they lost soul. They did the same shit for us. Like too many MCs gave us the guidance that made me great. I feel like it's only right that we do the same shit for the next generation of motherfuckers, especially if they dope.

1:28:45And I'm a fan of a lot of these new artists. And I want to work with them because they still inspire me to when they're going to studio and stay razor blade sharp with my shit. When I got to do my shit, you know what I'm saying? And I see a lot of them paying homage. There's a lot of motherfuckers walking around with their hair styles. Like how are you still wearing with my dress? There's a lot of motherfuckers that dress and they thought they have you jewelry on that. Do it the way I used to do it and still do it. I just think I have to dress no more but all that other shit we still doing it.

1:29:14But I just want to make sure that they know we're not only here to give them the answers and the mentorship and the guidance and the information. So they could be that much more sharper when they're being creative or when they're sitting in the fucking corporate office negotiating the deal with the lawyers and they manage it. But I also want them to know that we love them too with fans of what they doing. We see our paying homage and we want y 'all to know we paying homage to y 'all too. One of the things I always think is destined to own the future is when both the past and present come together.

1:29:50And I say that with all due respect because sometimes people see projects like this as you passing the torch. But what you're actually doing is sharing the flame. Sharing the fucking flame. You couldn't have said it better. Because I am putting flame out no time. Well, your 33 years deep and it's still selling out the shows and doing the arenas and killing the game. I'm so excited by this project because for those reasons because you have two sort of generations coming together to create the future. And that's what's so exciting. And I have to say from this conversation everything you say and understanding the man that Buster is put so much more meaning into the lyrics and into the album and the record.

1:30:29So everyone needs to go check this album out right now wherever you stream anything. Please go check it out because it's one hell of a project. And you're you know you talked about that Google CEO who you inspired when he was 10 years old. You were that person and you still like that person for me. Thank you, King. So it's such an honor to have to get to spend this time with you today. Thank you. Likewise, man. You know, I really appreciate it. The questions you asked the places you went I didn't expect it. I'm glad I was in prepped. I'm glad I wasn't prepped. I'm glad. You know what I'm saying?

1:31:02I just was giving a prerequisite of how important you mean in the space and your platform and congratulations to the your evolution and your success with what you've been able to create for yourself. Thank you very much. And becoming a successful businessman. I was driven and inspired by the story that I was being told about you and I was like, on the fuck that I got a come pull up. And I'm taking my time. I appreciate it. We're going to do this shit properly. And I've never done an interview in 33 years. Never done an interview. Interviewed this in depth. Number two, I ain't never sat with nobody.

1:31:38This motherfucker long and they know interview in Europe and Europe in my life neither. So you got you hold the record, bro. I appreciate you, honestly. It's one of the greatest honors of me ever getting to do this is here and that from you. So thank you so much, boss. Thank you. It's an honor to pledge your brother. Appreciate you, King.

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