Mia Khalifa's Heart Breaking Reality Of Being Controlled By The Adult Industry

29:16That first domino falling, which took you to Austin in that new direction, was there a catalyst? Was there something that pushed that domino? Because I noticed that in this sort of timeline of events, you then at the same time separate from your partner around a similar time. And then you leave the adult entertainment industry. Was there a catalyst? Because those two decisions are huge decisions and they feel correlated. They feel like they're attached. I had nothing to lose. And I think that I also knew I need to get the fuck out of Miami. I was in Miami at the time. And it was where everything happened.

29:48And I just did not want to be there anymore. It felt daunting. It felt like walls closing in on me everywhere I went. Was there like a catalyst day, though? Is there something that happens? I mean, she goes fat. I need to. Was it just slow? Yeah, it was, I mean, it was the day I met my best friend on Twitter. I hadn't meet her that day on Twitter. Her and I had been following each other for a while. She was, she posts memes. I liked them. Vice versa. She, her and I were talking about something. Oh, she said I'm looking for roommate. I'm asking around the office for a roommate. And I said, what if I moved to Austin?

30:22I don't want to live in Miami anymore. And then I started looking up. How do you move states? Like, what does it take? What does it require? What paperwork do I need for my dogs? Like all of that stuff? And then within a month, I was packed up and moved. And was there a catalyst for you deciding to leave the adult entertainment industry? Even though you were there for a couple of months, was there anything? I think it was how overwhelming everything became so fast. Ah, okay. Like that, that was the reality check. It was like, it was like a like, like, when they turn the lights on at the club at four in the morning, like, whoa.

30:54Okay. The floors are sticky and nothing looks the same. This is not what I signed up for. It's not what I expected. I fucked up. That's not a typical experience for an actress in that industry. No, no, no. That is a very atypical experience because you went from obscurity to, to number one in an industry in weeks. Yeah. So you got hit by a fucking truck. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. You become a paralegal? Yeah, for a very short period of time. Like, six months. Tell me all about that. Nothing really much to say. It was for an insurance defense firm. It was pretty boring and it was very much like corporate.

31:40The insurance company that they represented was, it was Geico. So it was like a very boring thing. And it was, it was just paper pushing. It was really weird to work there, especially since that was my first job. Where I did it. I did the application and I went into it thinking this is the shift. This is, this is me putting me a caliphah behind me. And this is me like trying to be a real human. Did not work. Everyone in the office recognized me. It was a very uncomfortable work environment. Not because, not because anyone was overtly inappropriate. It was just simply being in an office, knowing anyone who walked through did double take.

32:23And it's like, are you? So that was uncomfortable. And then after that, I worked at a construction company just doing bookkeeping and office work. And same thing I would have to go on a job site. And the owner of the company just made it so I, like, I, I can't go on job sites. It was a distraction. It was not a good idea. It was people would be, that, in that situation, people would be inappropriate sometimes. But yeah, I, I started to feel like a burden in the office is where I was. And I hated that feeling. And I was actually sitting at that construction job in the office when I was talking to Rachel and the DMs.

33:06Like, I'm going to move to Austin. Let's do it. Anxiety. Yeah. Has that been a big part of your life for much of your life? Yes, very much so. And I think that has been prevalent from the very beginning. The very beginning is in, since you're a kid or teenager or yeah, probably even in utero. I mean, my parents grew up in the Civil War in Lebanon. And I lived through a lot of conflict in Lebanon, whether it be civil or the surrounding countries or whatever. But we left for a reason and it's because it was dangerous. So I think I've always had that. Like I jump when I hear a noise. I jump when someone who's been in the room for four hours with me speaks, even though they haven't spoken because they haven't spoken in 10 minutes.

33:50Like I get scared. Like I'm a jumpy person. Probably because of that. When was your anxiety at its highest? 2019, 2020. Okay. So that's post Austin. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was when it was post everything, but it was in the midst of the porn company going after me publicly and re -releasing things and digging up footage that was corrupted in 2012, 2013, whenever it was shot and releasing it, like it was new and that coming back into the new cycle and them just being extremely abusive and exerting and proving that they still have control over me because I signed a contract that says in perpetuity on it.

34:46Your life had had started to move. Oh, yeah. I was married again. 2019. You're where you living at this point in LA. I was living in LA. Um, yeah. I was living in LA. I was doing my own thing. I was starting to figure out what it was I wanted to do and where I want to like things were really good that year. It was it was the year I had that little cameo in that incredible show, Rami. Um, that was that was really that was a huge moment for me and I'm so grateful for that moment and I'm so upset that that moment was kind of overshadowed by all of the negativity that came from the the porn company in the subsequent months.

35:35The porn company, um, coming after you and attacking you, not something you would expect from a company. A billion dollar company at that. Yeah, it goes to show you how petty and personal it is. Um, because the people who are behind it aren't aren't exactly the CEOs. It's it's the board pseudo producers who who don't like that. I'm out here talking about my experience. It it's very much individuals, not the company, but these individuals do have the power to speak on the company's behalf. What are they threatened by? I think they're threatened by like you said earlier. Most people in my position aren't in my position because they.

36:30This is the outcome that the girls want who enter the industry most of them who entered the commercial porn industry or the mainstream porn industry. They they want the fame. They want the infamy. They want they want all of that. And I think for the first time these individuals are experiencing someone who is fully aware of what was happening and is fully aware of what is and is an ethical and has the platform. And the resources to speak on all of those things. What is your opinion of the industry now? I have a very unfavorable opinion on it, but I do think that there are ethical and unethical ways that you can support sex workers and consume porn.

37:18As as someone who is a creator or as someone who is simply a consumer, there are ethical ways to do it. Granted, any company has its downsides like even only fans has trouble policing and and regulating the people who are on their site and the. Every company has its downsides, but I would say that the major production porn companies are all predatory and abusive and unethical and. Pray on vulnerable young woman. And even me saying this, I already know that some of the responses back are going to be from women in the industry that say, no, it's not. No, it's not. It's great. It's fantastic. Everyone is so nice.

38:08I love this company. I love working with I love all of this and to be honest with you, I think that that rhetoric is grooming. I think that if you're going to enter the industry and you're going to be an advocate for it, it has to it has to come with a caveat and that caveat needs to be. You shouldn't enter the industry unless you've already kind of been in the industry. It shouldn't be a first option for you. Like that shouldn't be something that you simply go into because you like it. Think about it more. Wait on it more. The age to go into the industry should not be 18. You're putting contracts in front of 18 year old girls that have the words in perpetuity on them.

38:49Do you know how dangerous and predatory that is. These are three, four, five page contracts. Jesus Christ. I mean, any contract when you're 18 years old, although it's like this reading. The legal verb. It's jargon. It's it's literally another language. I was thinking about Miranda rights. We don't really have like Miranda right. We have our own version of it here. But you do think I'll save the Queen. I've never been arrested. I'll let you know. But you get read your Miranda. I watch all of these like a US crime interrogation videos. It's like how I fall asleep. Don't worry about it. Wow. But I see them being read.

39:25I see them being read their Miranda rights before they get interrogated and then they get offered a lawyer. Yeah. Seems like maybe from what you're saying, that's not a bad idea. No. If there was some kind of like implications clearly stated to people that are considering entering the point industry at a young age and the opportunity to have a lawyer or at least legal representation to impartially explain as a third party, the potential implications for better or for us. I don't think that's ever going to be possible unless the laws change around what around around the the rights that they have.

40:05It's just those two words in perpetuity. In perpetuity. What vicious words. Yeah. Not not forever. Not not in your lifetime. Not in our lifetime. On in in perpetuity of all lifetimes in all existence. Who needs that much control over a young woman's body? They still own the website with your name with your. Yeah. There's nothing you can do to have that website take it down. I mean, there is, but it's a very expensive lawsuit against a billion dollar corporation. It's a conglomerate. They also own the bankers isn't the only company under that umbrella. It's it's a very it's a very wide reach. The peak of your anxiety 2019 2020 if I was a flown the war inside your your apartment, wherever you are living back then.

41:01What would I have seen? What would I observed? Didn't shower then brush my teeth and eat didn't leave my bed was crying all the time. Anytime I would open my phone I felt I felt like I felt like a prisoner in my own body and in the world more so not just in my own body because I I didn't I couldn't scream loud enough. There's nothing I could do to make it go away or to make them stop. Honestly, the worst part about it was I knew that if I if I went on and actually spoke about how how much it impacted me that's that's what they would want. That that's that's exactly what they would want. They were very annoyed that I started naming them by name and that's when everything started.

41:51These individuals value their privacy more than anything in the world and it's because of all the unethical and immoral things that they've done throughout their careers in this industry. So they all go by aliases to being called out by their legal government names was not something they took kindly to and that is why they chose to release the video that the footage was corrupted of 10 years ago. That's that was a pornographic video. Yeah, okay, so they started releasing more videos because she was speaking out against them and they started doing a variety of other attacks making like many Instagram documentary clips of you which I thought I find I mean you would expect like a jealous bitter X to be doing something like that.

42:43That's exactly what they are. You know not a corporation. That's exactly what they are a jealous bitter X. I look at all the decisions I've made in my life and I think about you know being 18 and deciding to do this or that or 25 and doing this and fucking up at that and you people look back and they say there's always a silver lining. Is there a silver lining? Yeah, I'm really funny trauma makes you funny. Built character. No, of course there's a silver lining. I'm sitting in front of you today happier than I've ever been. I've I am not the sum of the things I've been through or the adversities I've faced.

43:23I'm not the silver lining is fucking happened. It's over with. It's not over with actually it's following me for the rest of my life. But I am no longer in the mental space that I was back then. So it's over with for me. And you get to make yourself a lining. Yeah, that's that's what I feel like you've done is you've made a silver lining because there's clearly you could have gone several ways. Yes, that's true. What are the ways you could have gone? I was acting on instinct. There wasn't a time when I sat down and thought what do I want with my life? I needed a job. So I acted on instinct. I applied to things that I felt like I could do.

44:03I'm good at paperwork. I'm good at I'm good at just administrative things. I like I like being left alone. So I didn't want a job where I was working with like I was always acting on instinct. There was never really a plan. What felt right it felt right in the moment to get an office job. It felt right in the moment to leave that one and go to another one. It felt right in the moment to leave everything and move to Austin. It felt right in the moment in Austin to well, actually, I had a very that was the first time in my life where I started forming a core group of friends and people who are still in my life to this day.

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45:5740 camera and stylish Corolla visit biotryler dot com for great deals and more Toyota. Let's go places. Depression. Another word. Different to anxiety. Many respects. People often characterize it with like thoughts of the past and they think of anxieties worries of the future. Depression's another word that I read a few times throughout your story. Again, is that something that's kind of been with you throughout life or is that was that post moving to Miami? It was really that 2019 2020. Yeah. Yeah. I went on Lexa pro. I went. Like that was when. I mean, maybe I was depressed, but it was never diagnosed.

46:41I had two therapy sessions a week and a psychiatrist and I was on Lexa pro. I was on plan for print all I was on beta blockers, everything for anxiety, depression, all of that. All of that was in was in 2019 2020. The one when everything started to kind of get rehashed and I felt like. The things I'm very, very grateful to be out of the depths of my depression, but something that does keep me up at night anxiety wise is where things are headed with AI and deep fakes and things like that because that feeling of of being violated all over again and having no control. Like it's like trying to run in a dream as hard as you as you try.

47:35It's impossible and it's a very daunting feeling and you feel claustrophobic and you feel like you're trying to breathe underwater and all these really, really awful things that are out of your control. That's what that's what that feels like and I try not to think about it for too long, but. The AI stuff feels like that in the deep fakes. Yeah. Okay. It's fucking terrifying. Yeah. Well, people worried about you 2019. Did you have people around you that worried about you at that point? I did. I did. I'm very grateful I did. Because I'm trying to think of this, this step people take when they go and have therapy where they go to the doctor and say listen, something's wrong with me.

48:14You're at home. This stuff's happening online. This porn company targeting you. What is this? What is the, what was the catalyst in that moment to make you go? Do you know what I need to go get help? Oh, I was still in therapy. Yeah. And my therapist said you need a psychiatrist. Really? Yeah. He said. I, I'm died. Like you need a psychiatrist. I can't prescribe you antidepressants. You need, you need a psychiatrist here. Some recommendations. Again, so what's the life like? I joined a TV show. So things change for me. You know, people start stopping you in the street coming up during the jam and stuff.

48:50And you know, I love you know, it comes with the territory of what I did. I was well aware of what I was getting into. Also, I joined the TV show and I was like 28, 29. So you kind of like, you're probably a bit more prepared mentally for things and you understand the world a bit better and you're not trying to impress people as much as I was when I was younger. But it was still an adjustment to say the least. What was life like for you that post Miami period? You're now moving on with your life. You're trying to, you know, this porn company come for you. What is a life like day to day when you go to the coffee shop?

49:20I'm kind of glad you asked that because it's a huge contrast to what it is now, even though it's kind of still the same. I would get recognized and I would get come up to and I would get asked to take a photo with someone all the time, but my reaction to it is completely different than it is now. I would want to crawl into a hole and hide away and be ashamed. I was so embarrassed. I felt like a, like a warm feeling in my stomach. Like I had just been punched or like I just found out I was being cheated on or something. It's just a very painful visceral reaction to be recognized and to know what you're being recognized for.

50:05And it wasn't until I started to accomplish other things and I started to be proud of things that I've done and things that I've kind of shifted and diverted into in my career. So those first few months to a year in Austin, I felt very, I had a lot of social anxiety and I didn't go out much because I didn't want to be recognized. I felt like I just didn't want to be recognized. I didn't want to be looked at. I didn't want to be perceived. I didn't, I didn't want to leave my house. None of that. Is that a form of self hatred? Because you like? No, because it was more so the people who were coming up to me, college guys, like men, you know, it just made me uncomfortable because I knew why they knew me and it wasn't until I started accomplishing things that I was actually proud of that that changed.

50:58I didn't feel that same like gut wrenching visceral feeling of shame when I would hear the name Mia or or get called in the street or anything like that. Like I the more I accomplished the more proud I was of what I've built and what I've changed and all of these things that I've done. And the more comfortable I got with being recognized because inherently people were recognizing me for other things women started to recognize me. Everything kind of shifted the more that I do and continue to do the more the more the more that changes like I I rarely get come like I get come up to more by feet by women now than by men.

51:40And I love that. What was that path out of the book like from a psychiatrist having this podcast called the path out of the jungle for you. What was the path through the jungle. Sorry, but what was the path out of the jungle for you that 2019 depression period like how did you for people that might be in that situation right now where they're really struggling. What was was it just time was it community support was it the medication. How did you get out of that phase. Everything all of that combined all of that combined truly I don't think I could have done it without shout out to Lexa pro without the Lexa pro without my support system without without my job without people in my job encouraging me to to pursue what I want to do and into into the not let fear of having something taken away from me or having something you had that fear of having it taken away from you.

52:37Of course, of course, they're constantly threatening me even using the name me a califa. They're threatening using the name me a califa. They think they have ownership of it. Okay. Which they do not it's my dog's name and they tried to convince me not to use califa because they said no one's going to know how to sell it. But yeah, I I I'm constantly in fear of their a billion dollar corporation. Yeah, the amount of lawsuits that they've field on a daily basis. They're being sued right now by by a company that does MLB trading cards because they're trying to do trading cards of actresses. You you married around that time, right?

53:21Yeah, a lot of what I read said that that marriage had fallen apart because the attention you were getting was difficult for your partner. I don't know about that. He's also famous. No, no, well, he's a very popular chef. But no, that that was more of irreconcilable differences. Now I'm just kidding. It was it was a lot. We we weren't therapy for a year. An entire year. We tried. I was we were separated for three months. I lived in an Airbnb. I moved out of the house like we we tried. It was more so it just very much came down to we got married very too early. We got married too soon before we actually knew each other.

54:03We got married in the honeymoon phase and we were just very different. TikTok. You've become a TikTok sensation. I don't like to spend too much time on TikTok because you know I I I end up not doing anything with my life. I spent too long on that because it's really addictive. But I went through your TikToks. You're comedian. Oh my god. Trauma. No, but you know, but you are you're incredibly successful in TikTok. I think that TikTok is my favorite app. And I think that I'm very lucky that TikTok is just it's what it's where I spend the most time. I kind of just get it. I get it. It was very easy for me.

54:39I love TikTok. social personality. Yeah. You've cultivated a group of people there. Huge group of people almost like 30 million people something crazy. Who love that. Side of Sarah. Yeah. The woman on on my TikTok are amazing. I'm very, very grateful for the community of women that I've found on there. You second ago you said about 10 years time plans for 10 years time. You said now you have an answer. What is the answer? The answer is two car garage. Decent backyard.

55:21Three very successful. Still operating companies that I'm very heavily involved in still. I don't plan on retiring anytime soon. And hopefully a kid on the way. Oh. In order to have a kid. Now there's a couple of roots to having a kid. That's not true. In order to have a kid you can adopt one. You can steal one or you can have your own. All of these parts. I mean sure there might be a fourth part that I'm not thinking about. Yeah, I wouldn't mind stealing four year olds. Someone who's already like into cartoons and stuff. Maybe that's the route I go but I go for. Are you in a relationship now?

55:57No. You know, you're single? Yes. How are you finding that? I talk a lot about my guess about relationships and how dating in the modern world is really, really tough. It is tough. It sucks. Especially for a certain generation that I think got caught between like the digital world and like the analog world. Yeah. Do you find it tough? Obviously people know who you are. You're famous. You're super famous. You've got like 60 million followers plus. Do you find it tough today? Very. Very. But I'm also not trying. I've been a serial monogamous for a while. I got out of a long term long -ish term relationship a few months ago.

56:33But yeah, it's difficult. It's difficult but I also haven't tried but I don't know what I'm expecting. I haven't gone into the dating world in maybe six years. I've been in long term relationships. What would make a great partner for Sarah? What would they have to have? What would be the jigsaw shape? Emotional intelligence and a good relationship with their therapist and with therapy in general. Someone who's constantly working on themselves and is self -aware and understands the ebbs and flows of life and emotions and how it's not always going to be even keel. It's not always going to be a good relationship.

57:19It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. It's not always going to be a good relationship. To launch it, it's called Che -ton. The inspiration is every woman who I've ever admired, every Arab girl who chooses yellow gold over white gold, every... Just women in general, huge inspiration behind it.

58:06It's body jewelry for the most part, but it's also lifestyle. We'll launch it, and yeah. Why did you choose jewelry? Because I love it. I was custom making the things that I wanted that I couldn't find easily. Hand larried and foot larried and belly chains and broad chains and all of this stuff was extremely hard to find. So I was custom making it and paying a lot for it. So very excited to put out something that is extremely delicate and precious and beautiful, but also affordable. You know, when you think about like the ingredient, ingredients list of your own happiness right now in your life, what is on that list of ingredients?

58:55What are the like factors that need to be present for you to feel like stable and full? I would say 70 % alone time. Interesting. 20 % time surrounded by people who energize and recharge me and 10 % just 10 % fuck it. 10 % just if something feels right, do it. Follow your instinct, but like I'm kind of scared of my instinct a little too sometimes, even though yeah, 10 % just listen to your gut. And going back to the start of the conversation, this is because you feel closest to knowing who you are. Yeah, yeah. The most secure in the decisions I make on a daily basis. And who are you? I'm Sarah.

59:53I'm Sarah fucking Joe. And he's Sarah J. Sarah is unapologetic and not fearless, pretty fearful, but I think that's a good thing. Cauchess. Cauchess and secure. Okay, so unapologetic. And then the second one was not fearless, pretty fearful. Yeah, but in a good way, cautious, cautious. Cauchess, okay. The unapologetic part, I get that. I sense that from you. Where did that come from? Rihanna. Rihanna. No, really, that came from Rihanna. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. She has a whole album called Unapologetic. And that is what I base my personality off of. Why? What do you mean why? Why did you choose to bait the 70 different albums Rihanna's made?

1:00:47Oh, that's the one that just exudes. That's the one that kind of that was her that was her shift also. That was her moment of now I know who I am. And I'm unapologetic about it. It might not be the bubblegum pop girl you thought I was or wanted me to be. This is who I am. And this is the person who's not going anywhere. Is that a stark contrast from the Sarah I would have met? How do I met you? Like 18? Like, I want it. If I like put that 18 year old Sarah there and I had them both side by side, I'm guessing Sarah 18 wouldn't be on an unapologetic. No. What can you describe how her have have I would have been sat here today?

1:01:25Troubled insecure quiet probably or too loud just because insecurity screams. Not not someone well actually know that is someone who I would want to be around because I feel empathy for her. And I forgive her. And the journey to unapologetic was from what I've gone and so far based on the evidence you got from going out and doing things and proving shit to yourself. Yeah. That's so important. I was going to say this at the start of the conversation is idea of confidence. People don't know how you said it like had the fact you get confidence like where does it come from? How do I buy one? But from your experiences it's the evidence you gain from doing shit that changes your beliefs.

1:02:03Exactly. It's all evidence. Yeah. You have evidence for like low confidence is negative evidence. Yeah. And the confidence you've bought over the last couple of years is from doing really cool shit. Yeah. Exactly. We have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest. Okay. And they leave it written in this diary. Oh. Aristotle said, give me the child at seven and I'll show you the man or one. Is it true that the first seven years of your life make you who you are? I think they have a huge impact just psychology speaking. Let's psychologically I think those are very formative years.

1:02:47Yeah. Seven years old you could have whispered some words into Sarah Zia. What would those words have been? You're amazing. You're enough. You're perfect. Thank you so much, ma 'am. Thank you. Sarah. Yeah. That's okay. Learning about your story and really like the reaction to the mistakes you made when you were younger is incredibly inspiring for me because we will make we will make decisions, especially in our young years that you know through now it's your other or coercion or whatever it might be. We're not necessarily, you know, we wouldn't make those decisions again. And the way you've responded to that and built the life that you're building now off the back of that and the audience you've built around tick -tock and social media around your personality and your humour is incredibly hope inspiring.

1:03:35It gives me a lot of hope that regardless of you know the steps I make in my life there will be there's a way through there's a way through the jungle and that's what your story represents to me. It's incredibly inspiring one and you're yeah you're an inspiration for that very reason. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that.