Moment 109 - How to Overcome & Push Through Your Hardest Times: John Eckbert

0:00This episode is brought to you by Me Undies. While Me Undies can't totally help your love life this Valentine's Day, they can offer you insanely comfy undies and loungewear to buy or gift. Me Undies has so many awesome Valentine's Day prints and styles. Plus, you can match with your partner, friends, or even your pets. This Valentine's Day, give the gift that'll keep them thinking of you and score huge sight -wide savings at meundies .com slash Spotify. That's meundies .com slash Spotify. Me Undies. Comfort from the outside in. When was your hardest time? My hardest time? In your five guys, Jenny.

0:38Yeah. Well, I went through a very painful divorce and went through something called leave to remove, which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Essentially, it's the right to have your children taken out of the country. So I had two young children who, the court system approved leave to remove, which allowed my ex to take my kids back to America, which was incredibly painful. And my whole view of myself, my definition of who I was, changed. I thought of myself as a great partner, good husband, good father, devoted father. I was in politics back in America, was involved in my community, and church leader, and businessmen.

1:32And I thought, you know, all these things are who I am. And essentially, all of that was a quite a large bond fire of vanities. And that was a real dark moment for me. And there were days when five guys was the one thing in my life that was stable and that I could hold on to. And it really pulled me through a very difficult, dark time personally. How long did that process last? That's part of the UK challenge. It took years. Better part of two years were in that process. And then, you know, trying to rebuild those relationships. Thankfully, I'm in an amazing place with my kids now and have, you know, accepted that they, that we have had a more adult relationship prematurely.

2:25But now that they're both university, it feels more normal now. And those are hard fought, hard won, recast relationships, which, you know, were really important to me. But was, I was, the thought that they were at risk was caused just enormous anxiety and living with that kind of anxiety on the personal side, having a place where, you know, things were more predictable. Was in being able to work in that way and provide for them was, you know, a real, yeah, really helped me through. When your kids are essentially taken away to another country and you've got this huge responsibility of running this big business, how does that impact your ability to show up every day professionally?

3:26Yeah. Well, I mean, it was, it was, it was really complex for me because I had a non -compete back in the US, the business that I had sold. So I couldn't just relocate back to America and do my job. So it felt like a huge catch 22 because I had these court -ordered natural obligations. And the only way that I could really fulfill them was to keep doing my job here. So court -ordered financial obligations is in the separation costs and stuff that you have to pay to your part. Yeah, exactly. So it felt like a catch 22. They were allowed to leave, but I had to provide for them. So I had to stay. So it felt like a kind of a dentured servant to forbid.

4:05But, you know, being able to focus on the important job that I had actually was enormously relieving. Because I knew that for, you know, 10 hours a day, you know, 12 hours a day, whatever it ended up being, that I could actually do something productive, that I knew I was good at, that made a difference for them. And that was, the anxiety of being separated, I could set aside for a few, you know, for those hours in a day. And that was really helpful. It could have just kind of overwhelmed me. But work was able to, it was a place where I could escape from that. Did you see your motivation fluctuate?

4:53Often when we have these like pretty substantial life events, there's an initial period where getting out of bed in the morning is a little bit more difficult. It's almost like someone is messed with your why, your reason to get out of bed and your sense of purpose. So you always have to, I've learnt from my own experiences that you have to spend a little bit of time. You're almost faking it to get the drive back if that makes sense. No, of course. You know, I told you I got up at 5am when I was a kid and practiced violin for an hour before school. And I mean, I was never a great musician. But what I did find was that if you did something every day, you actually could get better at it.

5:31Maybe even more than competent. And I think it was something like that that just in me said, you know, get out of bed, do the next thing. And something, things will change. I called a friend of mine who had been through a similar situation. And he said, you know, just keep showing up. You know, texting my son every day, calling you know, every day, being as present as I possibly could. And you know, obviously it's imperfect. And it's deeply upsetting. I'm sure to them as well as to me. But doing it as much as you possibly can to be available and in touch. And then you just have to trust. Trust something that it'll be okay.

6:21Trust something. Is it just trust life that it will. No, I mean, you know, I'm now we're getting very personal, see even. But, you know, I believe in a higher power. I don't pretend to understand it. But I think there's something much more powerful than I am in the world. And what I will say is that it helped me to see the world in two camps. One of the things that I can control. And some things that I absolutely can't control. And if you spend, if you allocate your mental health and your time on the things that you can't control, you can drive yourself to distraction and eventually madness. So being able to focus on the things that you can control.

7:05And realizing that that's your job. You know, your job as a human is to do the things that you can control. And if you, if you, you know, it's just it's just arrogance and ignorance to focus on the things that you can't control. And so identify those identifying those two camps and being at peace with that, accepting that you can't some things you can't control. That's really hard. But it's hugely important. Yeah, I was at this festival this weekend and there was a I did one -on -one meetings with lots of people that were in the audience for three hours. And I found myself being asked over and over again how to deal with exactly that, which is when chaos arrives in our lives, what to do on that day.

7:46And people had me recording these voice notes for them for that day. So when that day comes, they just wanted to be able to play it. And what you said that is exactly what I said, which is there are a small list of things you can control. And on that tough day, make a promise to me that you'll spend 100 % of your mental energy focusing only on those things. Because you can't because obviously yesterday focusing too much on that tends to lead to depression is I think the loose how the philosopher says focusing too much on tomorrow. And the things that are yet to be in your control will also cause a lot of anxiety.

8:15So really focusing on today. I think it's just phenomenal advice in terms of A, it's the thing that's most conducive with a successful outcome. But B, it's also the thing that's most conducive with having a healthy mental state in total chaos. No, I think that's absolutely right. I think the other thing is that realizing that our I believe our purpose in life is human connection. I think that's why we're here. I think we're made to connect. And sometimes it's you know we're colliding and more than connecting but figuring out how to connect with other human beings. And I will say, you know, that was the making of me as being able to when someone comes into my office and says, you know, I've lost my partner.

9:00You know, they passed away. You know, way before their time. You know, being able to connect with that person in that moment of loss is hugely valuable as a company. But hugely meaningful to me as a human being. And I wouldn't have been able to do that if I if I hadn't been through the loss that I that I had experienced. So you know, it's one of those things where you end up being grateful for the most upsetting things that happen in your life because I think they're the making of you in many ways. Because of what you said at the start this conversation about that importance of feeling like you belonged and that's so it's so evident that that is.

9:44Much of the reason you've also been successful is you mean even from this short conversation we've had you strike me as a very empathetic person who is able to connect with others. That moment must have been presumably even more difficult because your sense of belonging in that moment was was taken from you to some degree. The family unit right. No, for sure. That was that was a yeah, that was a defining moment. But now you know the thing about about five guys is that we have these 8600 people who get up every morning and have the shared vision mission to make great burgers and fries for hungry customers.

10:21And I get to be a part of that and you know I get to be a part of this larger community that has this and that you know it winning in business feels fantastic right. It's a real it's a real high it's a it's a it's a drug and it's an addiction and being a part of a community that had that that that's accomplishing this thing. You know we were the we were the eight fastest growing business in 2016 I think in the UK and the fastest growing food and beverage business and even with that we never met a budget that I had made so you know we were we were fastest but you know still behind by by by my mind and being a being a part of this community that shares our our values and that are all working towards this is is enormously satisfying and and and yeah feel something that that you know his has always been empty.

11:19Some days as CEOs we maybe we're tired or you know we're in a bad mood or something's off and we can sometimes not show up as our best selves. And sometimes when when that happens with me I regret it so I'll go home and think I just wish I had wish I had a bad situation differently. Do you do does that happen to you a lot where you think I wish I'd been in a better mood or I'd slap more today or something yeah Julie tells me. Who's Julie. Julie by head of ops she comes and says yeah you really fucked up that meeting. That was it. But but actually having having somebody who you know to me the the one of the worst things that can happen.

12:00Are these you know emperor has no clothes where you know where the where the where the the most important powerful person in business has blind spots that you know everybody knows about and somehow you you work around. And and that's just hugely dangerous as a business and having people who can come into your office and go John that was you know that comment was just way out of line or really unhelpful you know you now have people thinking like this is that what you wanted. So people who can confront power with truth and you know to me that that kind of culture is hugely important to a company because you can go so wrong with the emperor has no clothes and people think we know this we just can't tell him to that person.

12:46How do cultivate that because I'm I imagine a lot of CEOs and a lot of team members that work for a CEO think off there's no work at good my CEO and tell him that was wrong reason it said that. What was she should have said that I think publicly owning your shit is is really is really helpful in that way you know so so showing up at the next meeting and go hey you know what I said this the last meeting and that was just really wrong it was off and I you know I was I was off my game or you know I didn't think it through and you know it should be the opposite it should be the opposite that and and you know showing that you can.

13:22And then respond to that kind of challenge I think is is is important as a leader and then you give everybody else permissions to do the same thing you know I mean you can change your mind you're allowed to change your mind you're allowed to be wrong is a is a fallible human being too and confessing that it's powerful.

13:45Q1 is often when businesses start implementing new systems and processes in hopes of creating efficiencies for the year ahead and over the course of my career I've learnt just how crucial having the right systems in places one which has helped me across many of my investments is net sweet that also a sponsor of this podcast net sweet is the number one cloud financial system through their streamlined platform you'll find all of your accounting financial management inventory and HR in one place. There technology has been a real game changer especially for my team at flight studio as over the last year we've moved out of startup mode and into scale at mode we no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future proof their business with net sweet.

14:31So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business head to next week dot com slash Bartlett and free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning that's next week dot com slash Bartlett. Q1 is often when businesses start implementing new systems and processes in hopes of creating efficiencies for the year ahead and over the course of my career I've learnt just how crucial having the right systems in places one which has helped me across many of my investments is net sweet that also a sponsor of this podcast net sweet is the number one cloud financial system through their streamlined platform you'll find all of your accounting financial management inventory and HR in one place their technology has been a real game changer especially for my team at flight studio as over the last year we've moved out of startup mode and into scale at mode we no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future proof their business with net sweet.

15:28So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business head to next week dot com slash Bartlett and free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning that's next week dot com slash Bartlett.