Moment 115 - 3 Happiness Pillars Everyone Needs To Know: Dr Rangan Chatterjee

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0:32I heard your conversation with Moe in the hotel room last night, which was fantastic. So good. And I agree with what you and Moe was saying, happiness is a choice when you understand what happiness really is. What is it? It's not a thing that you can get to. It's not something that you can pursue directly. It's something that ensues when you do the right things. And the right things for me are when you focus on the three, I call core happiness as three -legged stool, alignment, contentment, control. You can apply it to anything in life. I think that's what happiness is. And I think we are pursuing it.

1:21People say we shouldn't be going after happiness. We should be going after meaning. Have you heard that? Yeah, all the time. Right. I have a different perspective. Meaning and purpose is really important. No question. But I don't think that's happiness. It's meaning. It's a necessary ingredient for happiness. But it's not happiness in and of itself. I don't mean to be controversial, but let's say a soldier fighting in World War II against the Nazis. One might make the case that has meaning. Doesn't mean they're happy. 100%. Right. So meaning is subtly different. Have you heard of the Japanese concept of icky guy?

2:08Yes, yeah, yeah. Right, I love icky guy. This idea that we should be looking, not should be, but we could be looking for something in our life that we enjoy, that we're good at. That's what the world needs and what pays us money. Right. The kind of holy grail that's at were. And I remember writing about this in my second book on stress. I remember the book came out and I was in London. I was giving a talk. And at the end of the talk, we were doing Q &A. I remember the back right of the hall, this young lady had a hand up. And she said, Doc Chasji, I'm an 18 -year -old Japanese student living in London.

2:47I've grown up with the concept of icky guy my entire life. And frankly, I found it demoralising, demotivating, too high a bar for me to get to. And that stuck with me, mate, because I thought since then, that's so interesting, because I love this concept of icky guy. She grows up with it and finds it off -putting. I think the problem with these grand ideas of meaning, purpose, icky guy. As much as I like them, they're not for everyone. Someone might be hearing that in a core centre right now. They don't like their job. They're doing it. They're like, what, icky guy, are you kidding me, mate? I just want to get through and pay the bills.

3:28Right? So I think, I bring it all back. Is this core happiness tool that I've created? Is it applicable in all situations I think it is? Because if you look at it through the lens of what we're talking about, this comes under alignment. So that chat working in the core centre, they do the exercise and they figure out kindness is something that's really important to them. Then, if on the way to work, they stop in the coffee shop and they're kind to the barista. They get on the bus, too, work, and they're kind to the bus driver. They go to the job they don't particularly like, but they are kind to their colleagues and their boss.

4:04They're living in a lined life. They're living with meaning. It doesn't mean that the job that they're in currently is the job that they love and they're going to be in forever, but they're living in harmony with who they are. And that's going to mean that meaning and purpose come naturally as a by -products. So I want people to really focus on alignment. It's one pillar of happiness, and I think your meaning and purpose will come. Can you talk to me about control as well? I thought long and hard about this word control. And I undernaught what's it the right word to use? And I spoke to some of my patients, I spoke to some of my friends.

4:43I don't really think it is when we understand. It's about what are the things that I can do in my life that gives me a sense of control. We know from the scientific research, when you have a sense of control, you have better relationships, you have longer relationships, you're healthier, you have a lower stress levels, you live longer. So it's that sense of control. And that could mean many things to different people. For me, I'm really big on morning routines. I know for me, if I get a pearly, if I have time to myself to have a little routine, I've almost got this resilient bubble around me. It doesn't matter what's going on in the world, it doesn't matter how bad work may or may not get that day.

5:26I've got an element of control because I've sort of nurtured that routine for myself. So that's one way that people can think about control. Another way people might want to think about control is there's a chapter in the book called Talk to Strangers, which is basically this idea that actually relationships are very important, of course. But there's two different kinds of relationships. They're the deep nurturing, intimate relationships. But there's also the, there's also those kind of almost trivial interactions that we have day to day. So when you say hi to the barista, or I said hi to your work colleagues when I got here, those little things, they are not trivial.

6:12There's a network in your brain called the sociometer. It's constantly detecting your external world for threats. And when it receives positive information like a smile, like a, you know, a bit of a nod, a handshake, you know, it sort of relaxes. Your stress levels go down, you feel a sense of connection with the world around you. Coming back to control, you feel that the external world is safe. I've got a degree of control. There is order in the world. Let's focus on these simple things you can do each day. If you say hi to the Amazon delivery driver and smile at them, say thank you to the barista and say a few nice words to them.

6:55Say hi to the bus driver and smile at them. Thank the postman. You are working on your happiness. You know, it seems trivial, but it's not. The research is so, so clear, right? Because it gives you a sense of control. Second pillar of the three. And we've got to touch on the third pillar before I start getting into one of these topics. So it's so interesting that these are the things that you know we're talking about today because I think I spent all weekend reading about studies on the importance of, you call it the sociometer in the brain, but just that thing that connects you with your tribe.

7:29But please do get into the third point, which I think you said was contentment. Contentment, yeah. Contentment is about feeling calm and that sense of peace when you're at peace with your life and you're at peace with your decision. So what things in your life give you that sense of contentment? And I really feel it's these three things. When you put them all together, the side effect of doing them is you're happy. But also happiness is not often what we think it is. That big billboard image of the happy family on the beach with a smile on their face and the ocean behind them. That to me is not happiness.

8:16That's a pleasurable experience. It can form parts of a happy life. But that's not happiness. You can be sad and happy. The way I look at happiness, core happiness, I was thinking about this last week. I was chatting to someone who was going through grief. Someone very close to them had died. And we were having a really long, deep conversation. But they were present with their grief. And they were able to share with me exactly how they were feeling. No masks on at all in terms of these metaphorical masks that we put on. There were just being themselves. That's core happiness. Because they're aligned.

9:04That inner thoughts are, I feel sad, upset, frustrated for my loss. And their external actions are completely aligned with that. So I kind of feel really what happiness is about. Is living an intentional life. It's about taking the time to understand who you are. Defining for yourself what happiness is or what success looks like. Not using society's definition. You post a few days ago, don't use society's definition of fun. But that was a great post. Just because society says to have fun, you need to go to a bar, have loud music on and get drunk. Well, if you like to sit at home in the bath reading a good book, that's great.

9:52If you don't, that's fine as well. But it's got to be you. It's your value. So I can't tell someone what they need to necessarily do in all aspects of their life to be happy. But be intentional about your life.

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10:44We no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors. Over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future -proof their business with NetSuite. So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business, head to netsuite .com slash Bartlett and free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning. That's netsuite .com slash Bartlett. Q1 is often when businesses start implementing new systems and processes in hopes of creating efficiencies for the year ahead. And over the course of my career, I've learnt just how crucial having the right systems in places, one which has helped me across many of my investments is NetSuite.

11:22They're also a sponsor of this podcast. NetSuite is the number one cloud financial system through their streamlined platform. You'll find all of your accounting financial management inventory and HR in one place. Their technology has been a real game changer, especially for my team at Flight Studio. As over the last year, we've moved out of startup mode and into scale at mode. We no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors. Over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future -proof their business with NetSuite. So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business, head to netsuite .com slash Bartlett and free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning.

12:00That's netsuite .com slash Bartlett.