Moment 119: How To Figure Out ANYTHING In Your Life: Marie Forleo

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0:32In the book you took about these three points of philosophy that... Oh, the three rules. The three rules, yeah. The underpin this figure outable mindset. Yes. What are those? So rule number one is that all problems or dreams are figure outable. Rule number two, if a problem or a dream isn't figure outable, it's a law of nature, right? So death, maybe taxes. Rule number three, you may not care enough to solve a particular dream or reach a particular goal and that's okay. Find something that you do care deeply about and go back to rule number one. And what that does is it creates a container. A container for us as human beings to be honest about what we care enough about to go figure it out.

1:20Because in my life, there hasn't been one thing yet that I have truly wanted to either understand, achieve, transform. Do you know what I have to sound different relationship with? That when it was true in my heart that I haven't been able to figure it out and if I don't want to figure something out, like I can get real at myself, like I don't care enough about this to go figure it out right now. That's super important. Yes. Number three, it's the one we don't talk about. Yeah. Because will it all have goals in our life that we think are important? We think we want to do. I want to become a DJ.

1:56I want to start working out and get a six perk. I want to be an artist. They often don't happen. And we end up thinking that they haven't happened because we are an unmotivated person. So we say, you know, we start being ourselves, I'm unmotivated, I'm a failure. I'll just keep trying at it. We very rarely pause and go, do I actually want it? And this is weird thing that I noticed, which I wouldn't name the person. But they know who they are because I know they're listening. This is weird thing that I observed, which taught me a really important lesson. It's sometimes that like, we want to want something.

2:30And the way that I, which I was laughing at, the way that I described that is like, we want to want something. We want to have the motivation to do the thing. We want to want it. Yeah, we want to want it. We think we should want it. Yes. So we go around saying we want it. So like, I want to, I really want to go and lift weights, I might say, Stephen, I really want, you know, I'm saying to the world, I don't, I really want to go and lift weights. But it's because I want to be the type of person that wants to be that, that wants that. Yes. So I go around saying it, but I don't actually want it. I just want to want it.

3:02Yes, I had this same conversation with my best friend and we were laughing about this because I have put so much pressure on myself at so many different points of my career because I think I should want something. Yeah. And I'm like, but if I, okay, for example, I think you'll appreciate this because I think you and I share a certain similar philosophy, perhaps about social media, for example. So I suck at social media, right? I'm never on it. I don't put any attention in it. I actually had a colleague of mine say to me, like, Marie, you're so good at what you do. Like, why aren't your numbers bigger?

3:38And it was like one of these, you know, like when someone makes a comment and you're like, oh, that kind of feels like a punch in the gut. And you're just like, oh, I don't know. And anyone who knows me, my friends, and even my audience, they know I'm like, very transparent. Like, I don't spend a lot of time on my phone. Like, I'd prefer to write books. I create programs. Like, there's other things. And then I, I just want to live my life. Like, I feel like I'm like, oh, there's like, oh, if I was really committed to being a changemaker, then I would be making videos. And I was like, what the hell is that philosophy?

4:06Like, I remember torturing myself. I should want to want that. Exactly. But the truth is I don't. Exactly. And that's the hard part to admit. Yes. Yes. That's the really hard part to admit that we just don't care enough. We just don't want it. It's someone else's. It's someone else's. And I think that just having this conversation, because I would imagine there's folks listening to us right now that think that they should want to want something and they don't. And then what happened? So, you know, I failed to go to the gym to get that six pack that I had to tell myself I won, or I failed to start that business because I didn't really want to, but I wanted to start it.

4:40Yeah. And then I use excuses. And the number one excuses, I just don't have the time. Right. Because that's a cloaking of, as you said earlier, that's a cloaking of your true priority. Yeah. It's a way of saying, so it's not my fault. It's just a lack of time in the day. There's only 24 hours. But really, as you said, it's actually that, how you use your time is one of the clearest demonstrations of your actual priorities. Of your values. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. The way that I always like to keep myself honest about like what I want and to call myself out on my own excuses, this is the two word distinction that has helped me the most.

5:14Understanding the difference between can't versus won't. So, any time that I'm about to say, oh, I can't do that. I can't do this. I can't get up earlier to work out to get those six packs. I can't write my next book. I just don't have the time for me learning Italian. I can't learn Italian. I have so much on my plate right now with my business. So 99, not 100, 99 % of the time when we human beings say, can't, it's a euphemism for won't. And what does won't mean? Won't means we really don't want to. We're not willing to make the sacrifice. It's not that important to us right now. And so I always encourage myself and other people to play with this.

5:54Like anytime you're about to say the word can't, try on won't or try on that's not a priority for me right now and see how your body feels going back to this body truth. Something in me goes, you know what? I actually don't want to learn Italian right now. You know why? Because in my free time, I'm watching the House of Dragons. I'm, you know what I mean? I'm watching this show or that show or I'm hanging out with my friends or I'm doing this. I'm doing something else where I could be dedicating that to my Italian studies, but I'm not, you know why? Because that is not my priority right now. That is so much more honest and it's so much more freeing and then all of a sudden, I'm not a bad person.

6:31I'm not, not ambitious enough. I'm just me.

6:38Q1 is often when businesses start implementing new systems and processes in hopes of creating efficiencies for the year ahead. And over the course of my career, I've learnt just how crucial having the right systems in places, one which has helped me across many of my investments is NetSuite. They're also a sponsor of this podcast. NetSuite is the number one cloud financial system through their streamlined platform. You'll find all of your accounting financial management inventory and HR in one place. Their technology has been a real game changer, especially for my team at Flight Studio. As over the last year, we've moved out of startup mode and into scale at mode.

7:13We no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors. Over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future proof their business with NetSuite. So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business, head to netsuite .com slash Bartlett and free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning. That's netsuite .com slash Bartlett. Q1 is often when businesses start implementing new systems and processes in hopes of creating efficiencies for the year ahead. And over the course of my career, I've learnt just how crucial having the right systems in places, one which has helped me across many of my investments is NetSuite.

7:50They're also a sponsor of this podcast. NetSuite is the number one cloud financial system through their streamlined platform. You'll find all of your accounting financial management inventory and HR in one place. This technology has been a real game changer, especially for my team at Flight Studio. As over the last year, we've moved out of startup mode and into scale at mode. We no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future proof their business with NetSuite. So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business, head to netsuite .com slash Bartlett and free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning.

8:28That's netsweet .com slash barlet.