Moment 170: The Scientific Method For Unstoppable Confidence: Professor Steve Peters

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0:36And over the course of my career, I've learnt just how crucial having the right systems in places, one which has helped me across many of my investments is NetSuite. They're also a sponsor of this podcast. NetSuite is the number one cloud financial system through their streamlined platform. You'll find all of your accounting financial management inventory and HR in one place. Their technology has been a real game changer, especially for my team at Flight Studio. As over the last year, we've moved out of startup mode and into scale at mode. We no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors.

1:11Over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future -proof their business with NetSuite. So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business, head to netsuite .com slash Bartlett. And free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning. That's netsuite .com slash Bartlett.

1:29So if I'm 30 odd, you know, and I've got low self -esteem, I'm 33, I've got low self -esteem. And I came to you. Where would you begin with trying to help, and that low self -esteem was manifesting in abusive relationships, bad work relationships, very negative sort of feelings about myself and maybe even some impulsive behaviors. You know, I'm eating too much and whatever. Where would you start with me? Okay. The first, I mean, just still in people who say, oh wow, that's a strange start point. I'm a doctor, so the first is make sure you're actually okay. I'm okay. Because if someone were presenting this, it could be in depression and that can present in many ways.

2:10Typically, it's low mood and loss of pleasure and everything and loss of energy. But that doesn't have to be. So I mustn't miss that. So I would make sure your mind is not ill with only treatment. Now we assume that this is longstanding and what you've done is what you're describing is a lot of maladaptive coping strategies. So I eat too much, which is probably comfort eating or it's just habitual stuff that you're just not, you know, or it could be got low self -esteem, I've seen this, you're almost punishing yourself. You know, I don't deserve to eat well and I don't deserve to eat the right things.

2:43So I deserve to be overweight or I deserve to look like this. So that could be the bottom. So I have to start, my start is my next exploration. But the key to this would be to move all that to one side. If you're in a reasonable place where you can actually communicate, if not, I'll let you express it all. It's important you get it off your chest. If you've got it, you think, I don't need to do that. What I do is what I've seen the book here. In a path of a young like explain, the starting point is get a blank piece of paper and write down who you want to be. What behaviors do you want to have?

3:13Let's define what you want, not what you don't want, not what you're experiencing. Don't start with a trickle. I call that the trickle. Start with a blank piece of paper and then write down the person you want to be. I want to be, I want to be really confident. I want to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. I want to get married. I want to have kids. I want to work out every day. I want to eat really good food. Right. So what you're describing now is the human system. The great news is when I ask you with the characteristics you've got. So I want to be calm. I want to be happy. I want to be confident.

3:46That is you. That is you. How do you know it's me? Right. Because if we were, we can't surgically remove interference neuroscientifically. We can sit on functional and pschanus. If we remove the chimp and computer system, then you're completely in control of yourself. So you would choose to become. You would choose to be confident. So therefore that's you. The human system can choose. What happens is when you choose to become the chimp system interferes. Or the computer interferes and throws shells to the world. Someone who's not calm. So it's very important to recognize who you are before we start.

4:22So now we've got a guy. You're not going to write. No one ever writes anxious. No one. They say, no, what I want to be is calm, collected. A good friend. I have integrity. That is you. If we didn't have interference in the machine. So it's very crucial. This is the biggest point in the book. The biggest point is to define yourself because now you've got self -esteem can rise just on that alone. Once you've grasped that, you say, wow, when I'm presenting the world is interference. It's not me. If I didn't have this machine, I would not have anxiety. Because that's a system that you say in the human system can't do anxiety.

5:00It's not built to do that. It's built to be rational and calm. But what it wants to do and how it wants to present is a choice. The chimp has no choice. The computer has no choice. The commuters programmed. But these are interfering and presenting to the world someone who's not you. So it's very important to grasp that concept. That's my starting point. Now we've grasped that. We build on that. So now I know who you are. I'll say this sometimes when you were a friend and you've been chatting a while and maybe it's got late in the evening. And you've got a lot off your chest and you've discussed you calm down.

5:35And sometimes the real you presents. And suddenly you feel at peace. People often say, I don't know. It's just now felt totally like some thought. I've got perspective. I'll gather the worlds the way it is. I accept things are. And I've calmed down. And then suddenly you see the real person. And they've got morals and values and not every human else. Sometimes the chimp's the good guy. Sometimes the human's not nice. So I do get people who do not write for example, who you are. They don't write compassion. They don't write integrity. They don't care. And if I challenge to say you didn't put compassion, they say, I don't bother about that.

6:14So I have to work out who you are. So not everyone is going to write the same things. That's why I know it's you. We're not just a generic list. Because someone could just be virtue signaling because you're asking me to do it. Or because I want to be these people. But really I'm a I'm a burglar. I'm a bad guy. I want to hurt people. I'll tease that out. How? That's my job. Because again, then you look at evidence based and you look at remorse. You look at whether somebody compensates for mistakes. There's a lot of things. I want to see the history here. Okay. And then I'll challenge that and challenge it.

6:44So that's what series of talks. So often we have a long time when we do take someone to explore this. So we don't get fooled. Is this a new, you talk referencing much of your psychiatric work here within psych hospitals? Yeah. So somebody is psychopathic. We generally, everyone's different version of what it is. From me, a neuroscientist, we know there are certain tracks in the brain that are not really fully developed, I don't function. And this produces someone without empathy, without remorse, without any conscience. These are classic. And so I don't know that. I'm not a mind reader. I can't tell until people talk.

7:19You know, so yes, they could deceive me. I have to just go on what they tell me. But I can listen carefully to the words they use. I can listen to what they're saying, I can look at the past life events. And it starts to unravel. So eventually you think, okay, I know what I'm dealing with now. So, but to be honest, people don't do that with me. What you tend is because I would hopefully set a scene where I don't care what you're right. I don't care what you want to do with your life. It's not for me. I'm not a judge. I'm here as a doctor to explore this with you and get insights for yourself. So the most people are not psychopathic.

7:51We're decent people who've just got lost in the way the neuroscience of our mind has tumbled us. So my starting point when you gave me all this was to say, let's write out the real you. And let's start building ourselves on that and recognizing what is not us. And let's start unpicking it. So let's just start seeing, right, why would you have, and we went earlier about low self -esteem, let's look at why you have that. First, it's natural and healthy. That can help people. Sometimes just saying that to go, that's amazing. I feel better for knowing it's natural and healthy, maybe rubbish and unhelpful, but at least I know it's healthy.

8:25And there's not something wrong with me. Because the second you start saying, I'm trying to please people and I can't say no. And you see that as being a weakness or a fault. We're in trouble again because you're muddling yourself up with a machine. So that's my starting point. Who are you? What's the machine doing? All of this, anything the chimped does, anything it does is natural. There's nothing you're going to give me, even if it murders someone. That's what chimps do, they're violent. So it's still illegal and not acceptable. But I'm saying, everything's natural. So that puts us in a different way of looking at it.

9:03Again, to try and give context to that. Natural isn't always good. So overeating is natural, but it's not good. And even like the classic one I always use with parents and teenagers, I always say, if you've got, said it this morning with someone, if you've got a teenager who's got a tidy bedroom, that's what I want to meet. If they're messy bedroom, great. That's normal. So you're more concerned with teenagers that aren't being teenagers. So if you've got a teenager who never lies, then it's a bit worrying. Maybe they're good at deceit. Because teenagers are learning to lie and they're learning to defend themselves.

9:39And it's a natural doing it. It's not helpful and they hope for the grout of it. But you've got to say what's natural and let's work with that. To minimize risk or whatever we want to do. So there's a long way in to where to say, you know, get you to be yourself, get your machine, let's see what the machine's doing and let's change the coping strategies. But accept the machine is the machine.

10:03Q1 is often when businesses start implementing new systems and processes in hopes of creating efficiencies for the year ahead. And over the course of my career, I've learnt just how crucial having the right systems in places one which has helped me across many of my investments is NetSuite. They're also a sponsor of this podcast. NetSuite is the number one cloud financial system through their streamlined platform. You'll find all of your accounting financial management inventory and HR in one place. Their technology has been a real game changer, especially for my team at Flight Studio. As over the last year, we've moved out of startup mode and into scale at mode.

10:39We no longer have to juggle multiple systems and having everything together has reduced the number of manual tasks and errors. Over 41 ,000 businesses have chosen to future proof their business with NetSuite. So if you'd like to learn how it can help your business, head to netsuite .com slash Bartlett. And free download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning. That's netsuite .com slash Bartlett.