Most Replayed Moment: Matthew McConaughey - The Comfort Crisis Is Destroying Your Potential!

0:00I've had many leading experts on this show, including Matthew Walker, and they've all said the same thing about sleep. They've said it's the biggest positive investment you can make in your own performance. You can have the best strategy in the world, but if you're consistently tired, poor decision-making will follow and eventually cause other things to fail in your life. So if you're looking to optimize your recovery, you should start looking at what you're sleeping on. Our sponsor, Helix, makes high-quality mattresses tailored to your body. It doesn't matter if you run hot, sleep on your side, or need something firm.

0:30Helix has a mattress for you. And I asked them recently to send one to a member of my team. And Juan received it. And we travel a lot. So when he's home, quality sleep really matters. And he told me he's getting the best sleep of his life. And the data backs it up with 82 % of people in a Helix study saying they saw an increase in their deep sleep. And with a 120-night trial, you've got four months to prove it to yourself. You can get 27 % off at helixsleep.com slash diary. That's helixsleep.com slash diary.

1:05Do you remember these? Yes. You wrote this roughly around the same time in 92. Roughly actually when I was born, funnily enough. I saw the date on the top and thought, oh, it's a few days after my birthday. And again, you put fatherhood number one, but there's a series of other things on this list of your 10 goals in life, which you wrote in 1992. As you reflect on those goals, do you wish you hadn't written any of them? And is there anything else you wish you had written? no that that that i wouldn't change a thing about it 10 goals in life become a father find and keep a woman for me keep my relationship with god chase my best self be an egotistical utilitarian take more risks stay close to mom and family win an oscar for best actor look back and enjoy the view just keep living i don't know what i'd add to that one of the things that you talk you've talked a few times about is this idea of like needing resistance.

1:58Yeah. You've said it two or three times. And we're going back to what it is to be a man and what it is to be a well-orientated, stable man. Needing resistance. Is that a goal to aim for? Is that? I think it's just a necessary necessity for having more than just an individual life. at the top of the high rise with money, if you're successful to do that. I mean, I'm supposing that whether it's different words, your friend went to Christianity for a very similar reason. It's like a certain amount of guilt is very healthy. It helps us, keeps us, it's boundaries. Boundaries. Without any shame, without any embarrassment, without any guilt, telling me it's all just four-dimensional?

2:55Where's the form? Where's the art? It's four-dimensional. It has no form. You've got to have gravity to have form. You've got to have some resistance to have some form. You've got to push off of something to go somewhere. You've got to be—it's very hard when you're just floating and no gravity and no resistance to actually pursue a North Star. You have no leverage. You're floating. Where's the art? Probably more anarchy than art. So resistance gives form. Heard great artists say this.

3:35Limitations reveal style.

3:43Resistance. Something to go, or else it's like in green lights. Life's just nothing but green lights. If you've got no yellows and reds, no reasons to pause or crises that stop you, resistance? What are you, just go in circles until you run out of gas and get dizzy? I don't see that. How do we evolve or devolve without resistance? Now, picking the right resistance is an art in itself. It's challenging. I've been clumsy with it in my life. when, especially when I got famous and got success. Man, enough people telling me I love you and the caviar and the champagne. I was like, what the shit? Why me?

4:30I don't deserve any of this. And I fucked things up on purpose just to say like, I tripped myself running downhill so I could bloody my own nose and go, oh, now I can feel. Okay, okay, now my heels are on the ground. I need, it's clumsy. So I don't think we need the kind of resistance that we create that can harm us or get in our way for getting in our way's sake, because I've come to learn, and I think we all are. No, when things are going really well, resistance is going to come. If you have any ambition, resistance is going to come. We often see resistance as a form of failure and something that we should endeavor to avoid.

5:13You think about the avoidance of people building families or even, you know, many people consider that we're living in a bit of a comfort crisis. This is slightly a different sort of analogy. But most of the diseases that we have today, whether they're diseases of, I don't know, the mind, like, you know, people feeling lonely and isolated or physical diseases, 80 % of Americans getting back pain. But no one in the Hadza tribe in Africa getting back pain. They're all a consequence of us continually choosing comfort, which is a short-term friend but long-term enemy. And resistance, I think, is something increasingly we can choose, opt out of.

5:48It's a choice, too. I mean, can I hit a little poem that's on this subject? It's called Tips Included. And I wrote this based on participation trophies, entitlement, how too much of something can be just as harmful is not enough, how we all need good fortune, good fate, and charity sometimes. times, but we shouldn't rely on that. Okay? It's called tips included. When extra credit's included, credit doesn't get his due. When more gives us less, the exchange rate's gone askew. When amnesty is offered, going into the crime, we're more bound to commit it because there's no fine. We start playing to tie instead of going for the win.

6:37When participation is the trophy for every cow in the pen. If I stay on the porch because you picked up the slack, when you look over your shoulder, I can't have your back. If there is no curfew, we're going to stay out all night. No tab at our bar, we're going to get drunk and start a fight. All these long lenses got us losing our sight. You keep lifting it for me, I'm going to lose all my might. When a four-star duty suits the six-star rate. We take our hands off the wheel and rely on fate. Eating all we can at the all-we-can-eat buffet gives us a 3.8 education and a 4.2 GPA. We steal from ourselves and get away with the scam.

7:23What's the measure of merit with less give a damn? These unlimited options sure have me confused while all the conveniences are keeping me properly lubed. In this red-light district with the horror of inflation, the ROI's math don't pay for vacation. So let's just admit it. This extra credit is quite a fluffer because when the tip's included, the service will suffer. That's so good. But it's about that. The conveniences, the long lenses, everything's like, oh, and we've out-convenienced ourself. What's AI going to do to us? Talk about convenience. How much, and I want to keep hearing studies, I wonder if you have an opinion on this.

8:12How much of you coming up with an idea and then writing and rewriting it, thinking about it? No, no, no, no, it's not our X word. Oh, no, this is what I really mean in how to get it done. How much of that is really valuable to get it beyond just an intellectual idea, more valuable than just going, ah there it is because what comes out of it incredibly impressive my hunch is that yeah we can use it for like uh signpost to help us oh that's good thank you for helping me organize but there's a value to us going through the sweat equity of learning something how do you feel about it i mean exactly what you've said but the studies that have just come out using different things like ChatGPT have actually proven what you've just said to be true.

9:01That when people use AI to produce a piece of work, not only can't they recall what they've made, but they also start speaking in language more like the AI. So they start to lose their own voice. But I mean, yeah, I mean, through history, people like Richard Fryman, the physicist, has said the best way to learn something is to learn it and then to go through the pain of writing it, condensing it down to a simple truth like you do so often in your new book, Poems and Prayers, and then sharing it with the world and then getting the feedback. And if the world understood it like you meant it, like that poem you just shared, you understand it.

9:37That's evidence that you get it. Right. So I think AI is going to be great for me saying something to you, but not learning something myself. And I think if you want to defend creativity and innovation and the ability to think, you actually have a huge opportunity, which is to go left when everyone's going right. And it goes to what you were saying there, you were talking about, be careful when you mess with incentives. Like be careful when you choose the easier road, be careful of the unintended consequences. And AI is a prime example of an unintended consequence of you taking the easier road today.

10:11Yeah. And, you know, I just actually made a video about this, funnily enough, just warning my audience about when something appears to be like a short-term friend, it's usually a long-term enemy. Like when you choose easy, today you choose hard tomorrow. And there's always a trade-off. Right. Do you think if you choose hard today, you usually get easy tomorrow? I mean, there's obviously a ton of nuance to this.

10:46But in many contexts, yes. So, for example, I was thinking of my father. My father would never have, he would avoid conflict at all costs. He would avoid the difficult conversation. And when I zoom out over the decades of his life and marriage, I go, man, that costs you big time. You caught up with him. Oh, my God. and me inverting that in my own life and continually just confronting it head on has had the complete opposite effect you never you know like when you were talking about being a young man and making that decision because you had that voice in your head saying law might not be my thing and you made that phone call to your father yeah like what what i hear you did is like you realigned yourself to you now if you hadn't made that call and you'd let a couple more of those bad habits you would have got to 40 and been like who the fuck is this guy right what is this life you would have looked around and said who is she who are they what is this job right and that's that course correction that i think it requires you to do this the slightly harder thing today what do you think i agree with you that's the that's the resistance that you're choosing you You know, look, I still got to learn how to take a vacation.

11:59Because, you know, there's sometimes when the wind's at our back and we've earned it. There's sometimes when it's easy street and it's like, yeah, don't interrupt this, man. This is a sweet-ass song. Trust that the hill's coming. Again, don't be so impressed with this. And don't, what I have to do is don't fall into when things are going really well, I go, ah, there it is. That's the mean. No, it's not. Not with any ambition, it's not. Or not with life happening, it's not. But my hunch, I want to see what you think about this theory is,

12:49It's better than shooting for a C and making an F. Now, so go for perfection. Reality always comes in under it. But in that moment when you see the inevitable reality, the outcome, the result, how quickly can we go, So, okay, but I got so much more out of it, the job, the person, myself, because I went for perfection. Then if I'd have just gone for, no, dude, just, I mean, you know, just pass class. It's, again, that little owner's renter's mentality. but what can be hard for me sometimes is it can take me too long to come down from when, oh, it didn't hit perfection. And maybe it takes me a week to go, dude, now do you finally realize that, of course, you weren't going to get perfection, but you got so much more out of it because you went for perfection.

13:53Yeah. So be pleased with reality because you got a good grade on it, man. That was good. that piece of art wouldn't have been that true if you wouldn't have been. I always say this all the time, and I never mean this in a disrespectful way. I've never done a movie or a performance that lived up to what I thought it could be. Because I'm thinking it can be divine.

14:21It comes out, maybe majorly inspiring, may speak to masses. even have some magic to it, but it's divine. That's resist. That's tension. Yeah, yeah. That unclosed gap. And I think everything that's ever been built that's great or creatively brilliant has come from someone who has a big expectation gap. And of course, the very definition of that, you're never going to close it. And actually, probably the reason you then are motivated to move to the next thing and pursue divine again is because it wasn't divine last time. Maybe there's still something left on the table and that means you never arrive.

15:03Right. You talk about arriving a lot in the poems and prayers as well. I also was reflecting on your mother's words where she, at a very young age to you, positioned life as a dichotomy of being humble but like know that you're the shit and all those things you went through. And it's the same thing. It's like strive for perfection, but also know that nothing will ever get there. And can you be okay with that dissonance? Right. And there's a moment, and I think it's where one of the arts of living is, if you are going to prescribe to go shoot perfection, there's that moment when reality comes in, when you had to declare.

15:42And the cards speak for themselves. And it's under. but you because you oversaw it it's a theory i got called oversee because you oversee expect the best this this divinity out of people and and art and of yourself and then it always comes in under how quickly can you go ah nice reality can i ask you a question about that then if you had aimed for something to be perfect and then it delivered itself as perfect exactly how you had imagined, if at all possible. Would that have made you happy? Would you have been? I don't know. You're right. Would it have made you scared? Both, probably. Because, look, I've had moments.

16:31Let me tell you one. In Africa. I'm in Mali, Africa. Doggone country. Me and my guy, who's a buddy now, Issa, were hiking from village to village in the Banjigara. Each village is 10 to 15 miles away. I went over there, needing my anonymity, under the name of David. And I said I was a writer and a boxer. Well, they called me Douda. Anyway, they didn't give a damn about the writing part, but they were very interested in the wrestling part. So each village I would go to started to catch up to me. Strong white men named Douda. And they loved to wrestle over there. They loved to wrestle. So it's kind of a form of entertainment.

17:12The boys just walk up and start wrestling. I get to this one village one night, Benji and Montu. And I'm laying there. It's a 14-mile hike to get there. I'm laying on the ground stretching. The village is all kind of come up around. They're talking and chattering. And all of a sudden, I hear this chatter, and it's sort of at me. I can just hear it. And I look up, and it's these two boys that are about 18. And they're boom, boom, boom, popping at me. And I can be like, and I know enough in the tone. I don't know what they're saying because they're speaking in Bombata. And I'm like, are they talking to me?

17:41And he goes, yes. He goes, they are the wrestlers of the village. They say they are the best wrestlers in the village, and they are challenging you to wrestling that. So I was like, oh, they are. I was like, well, they sure are talking a lot. I go, I don't know if they mean it. Do you all have this thing over here? We have a thing in America where if someone talks too much, they really don't mean it. He goes, yes, we have this. We have this. And just as that happens, you hear the crowd scream. And I look up, and the two boys, bam, run off. Why? Because the real champion wrestler of the village, Michel, 5 '9", tree trunk legs, about 220, burlap bag wrapped with a rope around his waist.

18:27He showed up. He doesn't say a word. He just stands over me, points to me, points to himself, and points over here. I look over where he's pointing and there's a big dirt pit. My heart starts racing. There's the challenge. As my heart's beating going, oh, no, I start to get up. Because as this ear's saying, oh, no, I'm hearing in this ear, if you don't, you will regret this for the rest of your life. You've got to go do it. This would at least be a great story to tell. So I get up. Village goes crazy. Oh, about 80 people have gathered now. The chief comes out. I'm standing in the middle of the pit going, I'm not sure how this is supposed to go.

19:06What are the rules? Chief puts his hands on our heads. Michelle grabs me by the waist, mimics to me. I grab him by the waist. Then he burrows his forehead down into my clavicle here and I burrow mine into his. So now we're like two bulls like this. And the chief puts his hands on our head and then raises them and goes, stop. And the crowd goes wild. Ding, ding is what stop meant. So we start going around, man, and I'm thinking, okay, I get some leverage on this guy. His legs are like tree chunks. I'm like, oh, I ain't getting him down low. So we're scrapping, grabbing, boom. I get him over, bam, flip him on his back.

19:40He flips me back over. I backflip him off my back and somersault him. He comes in, gets me in a freaking leg lock that I can barely breathe. I'm almost got to tap out from my shimmy to that thing. All of a sudden, Chief comes in, separates us. I'm hyperventilating, man. Crowd's going crazy. He's got to split Michelle on this side, me on this side. These talismans that were in my beard, two of them got torn out during the wrestling match. Got blood running down me here. My knees are bleeding. My ankles are bleeding. I'm hyperventilated and covered in sweat. I look over at Michelle, who's just staring at me going, barely glisten on him.

20:21And that's when the chief goes, and I go, oh, shit. Here we go. Boom, boom, boom. grabs my waist, bop, bop, burls his head. I burrow my head. We're off. Goes around again. Pretty damn good match. Strong. I flipped him. He pinned me. We got up, got moving. All of a sudden, Chief comes in and separates us. Raises both our hands. The crowd goes crazy. As soon as he lowers our hands, Michelle runs off. Everyone sees him go, and they come in and grab me and put Thimmy on the shoulders. Da-da, da-da, da-da. I go over. Now I'm a big man. In the village, which means they give me the best chair that has the least broken sort of, you know, straw on the seat, which means the village boy finds me the biggest chicken and plucks it and they cook it for dinner for me, which means they take me to the cleanest spot in the river.

21:12I come back that night. We eat. I get on the roof of the hut. What a magical day. I lay back.

21:22I see the Southern Cross for the first time in the sky. Like it was a neon light on a black backdrop. You could not see it. It was so bright, staring me right in the face. I laid there, 30 minutes, saw 29 shooting stars. I'm going, I might have a direct line. I might be the chosen one. Wow. Just as I'm about to shut my eyes, I got a little in my throat. So I sit up, go to spit out over the, off into the, off the top of the roof.

22:06Loogie plastered to my face. I forgot I had put my mosquito net on.

22:18And I was like, oh, perfect. Just when I was thinking, I might have the direct line. I just spit a loogie in my own face. And there became the humor. Now, to finish off that story, the next morning, when I left the village, remember Michelle who ran away? I got to the edge of the village about to make the 14-mile walk to the next village. And there behind the first tree passed off the property, popped out Michelle. Not a word. Looked at me, bowed, grabbed my hand. He walked me the 14 miles to the next village. Got to the village border, the next tribe. and walked home. I went back unannounced six years later.

22:59Did the same trip. Ran into the same people. The kids had grown six years older, everybody. We get to Benji Amatu. There's Michelle. He's had five kids and he broke his hip. So he's got a limp. Right? So we all agree, not another wrestling match. We have a great dinner that night. We talk, we tell stories. They're speaking Bombata. I'm speaking English, but we're just understanding each other's sort of charades now. Get up the next morning. Go to leave. Find that same tree. Out pops Michelle. Bows. Reaches out his hand. Holds my hand. And 14 miles to the next village. Stop. Bows. Turn around. Oh, no.

23:55I asked Issa back then the first time in 99, after that night when I wrestled Michelle, and he walked me the first time, and I got there. I was like, tell me about what happened last night. I'd do all right. He goes, oh, no, no, no. You do very well. He said, when you accept the challenge, that is when you were big men in this drive. It was not about the win or the lose. You accept the challenge. And then you wrestle Michel, who's not only champion of this village, but of this village and tree village back. And you handle Michel. Handled was the word. And one of the things he says, handled. He goes, you come back.

24:40We make money.

24:46That's what he told me then. And I went back six years later and had that experience. And that experience with Michelle, the respect we had, he walked me, broken hip and all, 14 miles to the next village. You accept the challenge. You accept the challenge. That is when you were a big man in this village. Because I was like, they put me on the shoulders, man. What was it? I was like, oh, you are a big man when you accept the challenge. He said, whole village think. Michelle is going to have a strong white man named Douda on back in 10 seconds. Over. but you handled Michelle not win or lose handled but you were a big man when you accepted challenge beautiful and then he's there six years later and walks me the same way I mean I think your question was on you know when we when we know or how confident when we're feeling like we're on the right path which that was a time when I thought I was so much.

25:52I was like, I think I might be the, you know, loogie in my face. And that to me was God going, you're doing good, but not that good, bud. What you just listened to was a most replayed moment from a previous episode. If you want to listen to that full episode, I've linked it down below. Check the description. Thank you.

26:16on the under three dollar menu at mcdonald's a mcchicken is 150 because when you're craving a mcchicken you deserve a mcchicken and now that mcchicken is just 150 with mcvalue limited time only prices and participation may vary prices may be higher for delivery