Most Replayed Moment: Tony Robbins Reveals The Key To A Meaningful Life

0:00The most effective people at work aren't working harder than everyone else. They're working smarter inside better systems. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is the AI chat that works inside every tool you already use. Always ready and already aware of what you're working on. It's a teammate whose only job is to help you be better at yours. With Go working with you, you can show off what you do best. See what Superhuman Go can do at superhuman.com. That's superhuman.com.

0:34In a world of challenging meaning, where a lot of my viewers are struggling with meaning, one of the things I've noticed is that it appears, especially with young men who you talked about earlier, it appears that more and more of them are turning to religion. And you mentioned your faith in God there. It's a really interesting phenomenon for me that I've observed in my own life. I've talked about this a few times. Certain friends of mine who were very individualistic, they were living the dream in any way that you might define it you know yeah they had money they had freedom they had no boss no dependence no no partner and suddenly you see their life turn into what looks like depression a form of depression yeah an absence of meaning in their lives and i i wanted to just to throw this out there because we we are in a society that's um i think increasingly encouraging independence yes and there's upsides to independence of course we all understand those but i wondered if there's a sort of a double-edged sword here when we're where you kind of said earlier about making the world more about just me me me and i and in a world of abundance i imagine many more people are going to choose to make it about i i i i i because because i can i could put a headset on but theoretically never leave my house someone could literally put a robot puts the food in my mouth i could have some sex robot that just gets me off money comes in my account by ubi the reason your friends got depressed i've had this happen but I've seen this as well.

1:53Most of my friends are older than I am. Usually for some reason I gravitated to men that were 18, 20 years my senior who were brilliant and learning from them and seeing where they were going in their life and so forth. But I watched some of them sell their company and make a billion two. And then they were happy for like a month maybe. And they'd call me, let's go do this, go do that. And I'd try to go with them some, but I got a lot of companies, got a lot of kids, I got a lot of things, right? And it's like, and eventually they all want to get back in the game because we have six human needs.

2:22Certainty, uncertainty. Because think about this, if you were certain every moment of your life, you know what someone's going to say, and I'm sure you've had this somewhat, you know what they're going to say before they're going to say it. But if you knew what someone's going to say before they're going to say, you know what's going to happen, what's going to happen every moment of every day. In the beginning, it'd be cool. But after a while, what would you feel? Bored. Out of your mind bored. So God, in her infinite wisdom gave us uncertainty. We need variety. We need surprise. So I ask people, you're going to state in 15 ,000 people.

2:51And I say, how many of you love surprises? And everybody raised their hand, yay. And I go, bullshit. You love the surprises you want. The surprises you don't want, you call problems, but we need those too, right? Third need is significance. They need to feel unique. You need to feel special. They need to feel important. Who do you think has that need? All of us. Everyone. Yeah. Now, some people, like Donald Trump, it's pretty obvious, right? And some people, though, it's like, I don't want significance. I don't want to be, I don't want to be special. That's only because they feel if they get special, they'll get attacked.

3:22Some people do it by earrings. Some people buy tattoos in certain areas. Some buy knowing box scores about a sport more than anybody else. Some people buy their art. Some people buy the way they dress. Some people buy their money. Some people buy more generous. Everyone finds a way. Okay? However, some people do it through violence. Okay? So let me give you another seed. Why has violence always been with us? If I feel I'm insignificant, and this is, by the way, even more powerful in most men's cases because of the nature of testosterone. Right? Testosterone is about significance. It's about being dominant.

3:56Right? So if I'm in a community and I'm driving by or I'm walking by this community and it's a tough community, a tough environment, somebody comes up, puts a gun to my head. I've never met them in my life. Why? Well, first of all, how certain do you think that person is you're going to respond when they put a gun to your head? Before, you may not have paid attention to them, but you're going to pay attention now. How significant are they in your life on a 0 to 10 scale with that gun to your head? They're the most significant thing on earth. And by the way, every time it's a little different, they give variety.

4:26Anytime you meet a belief, an emotion, or a behavior meets at least three of these six needs, you will become addicted to that thought, that feeling, or that behavior. It could be a positive one or a negative one, but you will become addicted to it. So violence connects to those three, but you can also get significance by tearing other people down. So why do we have so many warriors in their little house, you know, doing their little virtual signaling, doing what they're doing? Because they've never done anything with their life. And it used to be I'd have to confront you. Now I don't confront you.

4:58I don't even know who I am. I can say all this terrible shit, and I'm sitting in my place and make my seal feel significant because I make you smaller, I'm bigger. It's why social media is so terrible. There's great things in social media. It's what's so terrible about it. It's like people now can meet their need for significance without much effort. No consequence. You come and say this directly to me, you're going to pay a price of some sort, right? That's no longer there. Now, fourth need, connection and love. Everybody wants love. Most people settle for connection because they've had love at one point.

5:28It was so painful when it ended. They decided to settle for connection. How can you get it? You can get it by going for a run and feeling connected to God of the universe, nature. You can get it by prayer. You can get it by being with some friends. You can get it by making love. You can get it by getting a dog. If nothing else, get a dog. Don't get a cat. Cats leave. But, you know, dogs, you leave for two minutes. It's like you've been gone for six months. They'll make you feel very loved. There's a million ways to feel connection and love. Some are positive, some are negative. Some people get connected by their problems.

5:58They're always comparing problems. You ever seen two people comparing, but I have this. Well, you think that's bad. Let me tell you mine. They're arguing over significance and they're connecting through their problems, right? So the biggest drug on earth is not cocaine. It's not fentanyl. It's not dope. It's problems. Because the deepest fear everybody has is they're not enough. and our deeper fears, if we're not enough, we won't be loved. I've never met a human being. I've worked with kings, queens, winners of everything you can imagine, Academy Awards, scientists. There's some point in which you might feel for someone you care about most that you're not smart enough, young enough, old enough, pretty enough, funny enough, rich enough, playful enough, something enough.

6:39And it is the worst feeling on earth. To feel like you are unloved and worthless is internal death. So people come up with a story. It's just because I have, you know, I have this dyslexia. That's why. Or it's because I was raped, and maybe they really were raped. I'd like to kill the guy that hurt them. But that's not why they're feeling what they're feeling right now. It's because they're fearful. And so if you have a big problem, that's why I'm not where I want to be. It's not that I'm not enough and not worthy of love. And so people use problems as a way to connect. Now, these first four needs, certainty, uncertainty, you can see how they'd have a conflict.

7:12But have you ever rented a movie you've already watched? Yeah. Get a life. I have two. Why would we do that? Because we're certain it's good, but it's been long enough that we hope there's a variety. We won't remember it all. I'll have a variety once again. So you can meet multiple needs through the same task potentially. But certainty, uncertainty, significance, here you are in Hollywood. Why do people come to Hollywood? Be famous. Be famous, right? They don't know what that really is. If they did, some of them would move away from it. But significance is what they're looking for. But what they really want is love.

7:48That's what everybody wants. But you know what the problem is? They think if they're significant, everybody's going to love them. And I get these clients, without mentioning any names, the biggest names in Hollywood, the biggest names in sports. And you know what their number one thing is? They're angry. Why are they angry? Because they thought if I'm significant, everybody loved me. And now they go, people rip me online. They interrupt me with my family trying to have dinner. They don't give a shit about me. They just want a picture. They just want this. And if I don't do it, they write that about me.

8:14They care about themselves. They care about themselves. And so what happened is I thought by being significant, I would be loved. And now I'm super significant and I'm not loved. I'm attacked. Because the more you try and push your significance on someone, the less significant they make you. If you love someone, there's nothing more significant than that. True love. Not a trade. Not I'll love you if you give me something. Genuine love. And if that happens, you become significant in people's lives. But that's the number one challenge in this community. So significance, love, have attack. If you're significant, you're the individual.

8:46But I need to be connected. Well, if I'm so connected, who am I? And that's the pull. The secret to it all are the final two needs. These are the spiritual needs. Not religious, but spiritual. And that is, we all must grow. When you grow, you feel alive. And if you don't grow, you start to die inside. And this isn't my rule. Everything in the universe grows or dies, as you well know. This is the law of the universe. If your relationship's not growing, it's dying. Don't bullshit yourself. If your business is not growing, you're a businessman, you know. it is not growing it is dying you better do something now right but we grow so we have something finally to give which is where meaning comes in life when i grow i have something more to give and if i can give that to someone then my life is more meaningful than just the pleasure of i have the machine that you know makes me feel pleasure in certain parts of my body and feeds me and all the things you talked about if you went to vegas and you pull down that you know that little jukebox thing and you get boom boom boom bars bars bars what's your reaction amazing amazing wow this isn't it and you pull it a second time and you get it again amazing and you do it a third time you get it again that's amazing and now you do a hundred times yeah that's amazing and now what you have is a job you do this and you got a predictable outcome the fact that you don't know what the outcome is that that's the jackpot in it they get someone hooked on anything.

10:06That's what makes it significant because it's scarce, right? So when you do this, if I said to you, Osama bin Laden, what would you say is top need driving for us? Was it certainty? Was it variety? Was it significance? Was it love? Was it growth or contribution? I'd say probably significance. 100%. He was one of, I forgot the number, 27 children. Literally, he was 27 children. He was a nobody. He took his dad's money. He was not very religious, and he went to Afghanistan, and he used his money and became significant, not by shooting people. He provided resources. And then all of a sudden, his entire life changed.

10:42How do you know? The most significant thing is he sent other people to die. He didn't go to die. He sent other people. Now, his number one drive is significance, and his way of doing it was to get other people to die. On that same day, 9-11, there were men and women in the fire department and police department who went into those buildings knowing a good chance they would die to save a stranger. Also driven by significance but with different rules. If I die a hero, my life is meaningful. And that's a meaningful life. So people can even have the same need structure, but their beliefs about how to meet those needs are the most important thing.

11:21And the needs of connection and love, growth and contribution have no downside. Certainty make, if you have certainty is your number one thing, you're always trying to keep life the same way and you're going to be stressed out, especially with AI, you're going to be really stressed out. If you're a variety person, you can have a lot of fun, but eventually not much variety. The life you describe for all these people, now they have the money, they have the sex, they have this, they have that, they have the woman, they have the notoriety, they have the Academy Award. It all gets old because if we're not growing, it doesn't matter.

11:51How many people do you know that were famous, who were rich, who had supposedly everything people want and took their own life? Why did they take their life? They stop growing and stop having a sense of meaning by giving. I can show you example after example of people. So these need structures in the new world have to be met. We can meet certainty right now very easily by going online and controlling our communication. That's why people text. That's much easier than communicating back and forth with someone, right? We can get variety by going online so easily now. We can get significance, tear other people down, or work on something significant, we think, right?

12:24AI, explore the world. We can get a sense of connection through people online or through a robot. Or these days people have an AI and they talk to it like it's their boyfriend or girlfriend because it totally affirms them. They say something idiotic and they tell you you're so smart, right? You're better, right? But you're missing growing and contributing. If you're missing growing and contributing, you will not feel fulfilled. You, as a person, if I've read your books correctly and I didn't read them all, but I've had pieces of it, probably the best lesson you got early in life was there's the science of achievement, there's the art of fulfillment.

12:58They're two different skills. If you want an extraordinary life, you need both. You go to the East, they're really great about fulfillment. They can live in poverty and feel totally happy and connected to God or the universe. You come here and people can have an incredible external life, but their internal life often not so nice. They get really pissed off because they didn't get their special sauce on their burger, right? It's a different world. I believe you can merge those two. How? You master the science of achievement. There are rules to achieve, as you well know. You wrote an old book with 33 rules in it.

13:27Me too, right? So I know those rules. I know I wrote books on finance, three of them. I want an answer. Is it still possible to win the financial game? Because so many young people think it can't be done. So I interviewed 50 of the greatest financial people alive today. All started with nothing. All billionaires. Nobody from the Lucky Sperm Club. They all did it on their own. Ray Dalio, Carl Icahn, Warren Buffett, all of them. And guess what I found? They're all different, but I'm a modeler. I found the strategies that are common between them, and I applied them. I taught other people, wrote the books, but I applied them myself.

13:56And that's how my businesses and my life grew geometrically. I modeled. I didn't have to learn on my own experience. You follow? I've got to ask you some questions on those two points. So on these six needs, because I also want to ask you about the 50 rich people that you've interviewed for the books. But on those six needs, when you look at someone like me, and you look at the broad world that I'm heading towards as a 30 30-year-old man. What configuration of these needs? Well, I'll tell you what creates all the pain first. Okay, please. So if I go to a room and I'll say, I explain these needs like I have.

14:27I know this is kind of a lecture here. I didn't mean to be that, but I just want to share because I'm so passionate about it. And I'll get people to understand what they are. And then I ask them, I want you to write down what you think your top two needs have been, not in what you want, but in the way you've been living. Because people may want love, but they think they have to be significant before they can get it. Or they might want love, but they want certainty that love will never go away. You follow me? And so that modifies things. And I'll say, so the way you've lived, the way you've lived, what would have been the top two?

14:56And then I say, I want you to write a paragraph about what's the downside of having that one so high on your list. And it's amazing. So then I say, now write what you think your list top two should be to go to the next level of your life. Okay. Let's have that you do that. What do you think your top two needs? I see you doing it already, which I love. I love how active you are. So what would you say your top two have been up until now? I think if I'm being completely honest. Yes. And by the way, I want to thank you because I watched several of your pieces and you are. You're not bullshitting about it.

15:28There's just no, I'm going to die someday. So there's no, even if being honest makes me look bad. It's like, who cares? My, of course, like significance, of course. Yes. Especially from where I, you know, where I came from. Yeah. That was the big problem was, you know, being different and not in a good way. That's right. And then I would say, interestingly, it feels like uncertainty and significance are really, really high for me. Yes, yes. Because for some reason, I have a huge appetite for uncertainty. Yeah, you're wired that way in a beautiful way. It also leads to learning for you. That's one of your vehicles for learning, is it not?

16:04Yeah. Dropping out of school, stopping going to school when I was younger, dropping out of university. Yeah, yeah. quitting jobs where, you know, I shouldn't have quit them after a month. Which, by the way, if certainty was your top need, would you have done that? No. No. No. Completely. So do you understand? I'm talking about the six controlling forces of your life. There's a million stories about your life, but there's only six reasons you do anything. Yeah. You have all these stories with reasons. So what would you say would be the downside of that? By the way, there would have been upsides, right?

16:31Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great. Yeah, yeah. We're sitting here because of the upsides. Your desire for significance made you look for significant ideas, significant application, succeed in business. Oh, the downsides of wanting significance is - At the top, not because it's valuable. Significance is valuable, period. Everyone should want it, but it's the sequence. So if it's the top of your list, what's the downside? For me, it costs me connection and love and all these, and some of these other opportunities. That's correct. Which is what you really want underneath it all. Yeah. Your desire for significance really came from the fact that you were not loved and connected by people.

17:03People judge you the color of your skin. They put you in a community where you were different. You were outside the, so it's like, I'll show them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Which, by the way, was a very healthy response, right? But now at this stage of your life, this is the gift that you have now at this stage of your life, right? You're entering this second season, right? Yeah. Now you don't have to be driven by that anymore. You already are significant. Like, what more are you going to do that's not significant? I'm sure you'll find more significant things to do, but you've done so many significant things.

17:30You've helped millions of people, I'm sure, through your insights, your elements. You've written books. You've built businesses. and you're only 33 years old. That's pretty effing awesome, right? So now you get the leisure of being able to sit back and say, now with a greater level of consciousness, what would ideally be my top two? What would you say your top two need to be to have the next level of your life, to go to the next level for you? It's really easy for me to answer this question. Connection and love and the need to grow and give. Yes, yes. Yeah, well, those are two different ones. Contribution, growth and contribution.

18:01Of those two, which one do you think is even more important for you? Oh, God, of those two. Yeah. It's hard because one you can see as a vehicle to the other. Yeah, exactly. I understand that, but I'm asking a different question. I'm saying, which is more important to feel, experience? It would be contribution. Yes. So for you, you're saying love and contribution? I'm saying love and contribution. In what order? Love first and then contribution. It's a good choice. In my head, I tried the other way around, and I thought, no. It's almost like monks have said to me many years ago that you need to fill up your cup so you have something to pour out for others.

18:34Yes. And that's what I was thinking of. I was thinking it doesn't work the other way around. That was a wise choice. Most people wouldn't make that choice. I, for most of my life, was contribution first and then love. It was my way of earning love. And so, like, I'd be on stage for 13 hours, and this is before people had phones, and everybody wants to sign something and give me a hug. I work my guts out, and then that was my take it in time. So, I'd be there, finish at 1.30 or 2 in the morning, and I'd be there till 3.30, till every person had an autograph, got, you know, don't have a hug and everything else.

19:01Now his picture is a lot faster, but that was my life. I met my wife, Sage, changed my entire life. She didn't care that I was Tony Robbins. She just loved me. And all of a sudden I never thought 12 ,000, 15 ,000, 20 ,000 people of love pouring at you could compare it. One person could compare, but way beyond that. So now I finished it. I'm going to give my guts. I go to one in the morning, but then I get up and I leave. I take pictures in the middle of the day, but then I leave at that time and I go and be with my wife. And it switched where love was there because think about this, if contribution is first, and this is what a lot of people do, then it's a way to protect yourself from feeling rejected.

19:40Because if I'm always giving to you truly generously over beyond what you can imagine, and then you treat me like shit, well, then you're clearly the problem, right? I don't have to think I'm not enough. So, but the more honest way is love because if it's love first, now I'm giving because I want to, not because I have to. Does that make sense? So tell me how you think that would change your life if you made love and contribution your top two and the way you actually live? Because you already value love and contribution, but if they were the highest priority, how would it shift your life for the better in your mind?

20:09I feel like I would be significantly less stressed. You are correct. You are absolutely correct. So when I ask the audience this, I have them write down, and I've got 15 ,000 people, and I'll say, okay, how many have certainty on your list? And they've come to an event that has a firewalk, right? And you get like 50, 60 % of the rooms on the top in their top two of their list, right? Because it's in our culture, it's still the most important one. It's the foundational. It's the one that's going to have the biggest problem with AI because they want things to stay the same and life isn't. The only thing that's for certain is change.

20:41And now rapid change, like geometrically rapid change. Okay. Variety, small number, significance through the roof. Social media has made significance disproportionate in our culture and it's why people are so unhappy. You used to maybe compare most yourself to your neighbors or your friends. Now you compare yourself to a billionaire of which there's only 3 ,000, right? And so you're like, my life's not that great anymore. Or you compare it to pictures that have been doctored. A friend of mine owns a gym and he says, so you can't believe it. Women and men come in here who are influencers. They lay everything out and then they do their video and they never work out.

21:17They're 27 years old. They don't have to work out for shit. I mean, it's like they do a minimum workout. They got jeans. They're just fine. They don't even do the workout. It's all pictures. It's all bullshit, right? You know, he goes, it makes me so mad because, you know, real people there are working hard to make something happen. So that's why people get so, women especially, depressed, comparing themselves to images that are not even real, right? It's totally absurd. So when I do it with the audience, though, certainty and significance is 80 % of the room, right? There's growth people, contribution people, but that's the dominant force because of our cultural conditioning and because certainty is basically a survival tool.

21:51Then I've asked them to do what you did. And I say, okay, tell me. I don't tell them anything. Like, I didn't tell you anything. And then I say, okay, who has certainty on their list now? And in a room of 15 ,000 people, 12 ,000 people, there might be like five. Okay, there's five people that really don't like pain. So I point that out to them and they'll look at me. And then I go, okay, how many you got? You know, variety. It'll be more variety. How many got significance? The number plummets just like it did with you. People, I didn't tell them anything. Their own intelligence knows this, right?

22:19How many got love? Through the roof, right? Contribution through the roof, growth through the roof. Those are the ones that expand. And then we show people how to condition that, though, because it's one thing to know it. It's another thing to start training it in your body to make those priorities happen in your life, right? Just like any other habit, working out or anything else. You have to build the neurology of that. You have to practice putting yourself in those states over and over again where you make the value based on love or you make the value based on contribution. See, before you do something to be significant and you miss out on some of the love.