Neha Vyaso: Crafting consent in Bollywood

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1:07Neha Vyaso:BBC World Service. The following edition of In The Studio contains scenes of a sexual nature and references to sexual assault including child sex abuse.

1:23Green, green, green. Red. Red. Uh, yellow. The groin area is red, thighs and back of the legs yellow. I'm Chavi Sajtev and I'm in a rehearsal studio in Varsova, Mumbai. Varsova is where actors, directors and pretty much everyone affiliated with India's movie industry, Bollywood, lives and works. In her studio near the beach, Neha Vyasu is directing a body mapping exercise as part of an intimacy workshop between two actors preparing for a sex scene. You're going to look at your co-actor and you're going to touch your own body and ask, how would I feel if this person was touching you? We're creating a sense of a phantom touch.

2:18Long before there's any physical contact, Neha takes time to understand the actor's sensitivities, watching for flickers of discomfort or disconnection and building a language of consent between them. Are there any red zones that I have? Are there any places that I don't want to be touched at all by this person? Yellow zones are, I'm not sure, or I'm ticklish, or I have a reflex for this. So then maybe we can use it in the scene. And green zones are, okay, here you can touch. Okay. torso green moving out your back green your waist is green not touching your pelvic area going down to your legs the back of your thighs green This is the documentary from the BBC World Service Today we are in the studio with one of Bollywood's first and most successful intimacy coordinators and directors Neha Vyasu Intimacy professionals help actors navigate scenes involving closeness, desire, vulnerability, and violence.

3:24They are part choreographer, part mediator, part safety net. Tell me how, when you're working and you're on a set, so there's a director's vision, actors have brought something. How do you then step in to balance authenticity with ethics and aesthetics? That's a beautiful question. And I think that is exactly the job of an intimacy director. To bring out a choreography that feels authentic, that feels real, where someone can't look at the screen and say, oh, I would never do that. Right? Like, that looks odd. That doesn't look like real sex. As well as looking real, the actors have to feel confident and secure in their performance.

4:11Neha juggles their needs, the demands of a script, the director's vision, and the emotional journey of the characters. It's a constant and nuanced negotiation. Neha's worked on movies, TV shows for Netflix, Amazon, and even ads for Tinder and Bumble. and she's worked with some pretty big names, including action star Tiger Shroff, romantic lead Deepika Padukone, as well as Hansal Mehta, a well-known director of social dramas. So I've done about 50 projects now. She also leads her company Brave Spaces, consulting and running intimacy coordinator and director trainings across South Asia. But this is a very new way of working in the industry and it can meet resistance.

4:58Throughout this episode, we'll follow Neha through a workshop, guiding actors towards something rare, genuine comfort with vulnerability on camera. And we'll try to get where very few outsiders are ever allowed, behind the scenes on a Bollywood set. In an industry as fiercely competitive as this one, directors guard their sets very closely.

5:29So what does it take to craft trust and chemistry between two actors? In this workshop, Neha explains to actors Priyanka and Gaurav exactly what the camera will capture. In this scene, from a practice script that Neha wrote, their characters, Ira and Jay, are childhood sweethearts, but they've grown apart and this will be their last goodbye. She's moving out of the home that they've shared for like five years and this is goodbye sex. So it's that moment where Ira's packing and he's just watching her pack. In the script, the couple have a sexual cue. Pehle aap or you first. Two words to hint they'd like to get physical.

6:12And she looks at him and she says, Pehle aap. And then they move towards each other. They kiss as the clothes keep coming off. And then they drop on the bed and that's where we cut. And is it very like rushed, hurried or is it very slow? It's slow. It's a slow dance. And the camera moves with you. So after the kiss, your heads are joined and you're taking breath together. And that's when you start unbuttoning. And he slides the side of your strap, unzips the back of your dress. And then the dress falls, but we only see your legs. And then just before you fall on the bed, we see your shoulders.

6:51when both of you will seem like your clothes are off. So it's implied nudity. Okay. How does that sound? Sounds good, but I'm confused. Are we supposed to take our clothes off? You will be wearing modesty garments inside. Okay. So we give you tights, right? And for you, your shirt will be off. For you, you'll be wearing like a tube top inside with like tights inside. You'll be wearing just shorts. Neither Gaurav nor Priyanka have ever worked with an intimacy professional before. Despite having 34 years of acting experience between them, this is still very much a new field in India. I asked Neha what the work entails.

7:34There are three kinds of roles that are emerging in India, right? One is an intimacy coach where they call you just for the workshop to work on the chemistry of the actors. Like the one we are witnessing with Gaurav and Priyanka. Then there's intimacy coordination. where Neha is on set for specific scenes negotiating between the actors and their director. My job there is to deliver to the director's vision and make sure that the protocols are in place. Finally, there is intimacy direction, Neha's favourite role and the most creatively involved. I do a script breakdown. I take a briefing from the director on what is the emotional graph of the character.

8:14I do actor calls. I do a mood board. I try and write the choreography details. Then we take the choreography to set. But before they can get there, in the workshop, Neha walks the actors through what will happen on set when the cameras are rolling and how she'll show up for them if the director asks for something they're uncomfortable with. What if the director wants her to touch me somewhere where I'm not comfortable? that's an amazing thing to ask that's why I'm here you're not going to have to do anything that you feel mildly uncomfortable if suppose Priyanka has a part which she says is dream but you are not comfortable touching that part you also have the agency to say that I would not like to touch her breast and I think the lower body but in real world what if an actor says no to something then I advocate for that actor I remember there was this one workshop I was in and this director saying, but why are you behaving like this?

9:15The girl is so comfortable. What's your problem? To the man. I literally asked the director to leave the room. But what if the director says, I want this scene to happen like this and I will throw this actor out? Usually an intimacy profession is supposed to step in and help you navigate that situation so that you are not telling the director yes or no. We'll always find a way around it. I know how to do one choreography in 10 ,000 ways. Okay? And I got you. Great. A key aspect of Neha's role is adapting, finding different ways to do something so everyone is comfortable. But her role as a person on set who tells a director no, or to halt a shoot, can make her job a difficult one in India.

10:01Bollywood films are full of longing glances and near kisses and stylized desire. but sex or other intimacy is rarely shown on screen. So in India, this work carries a particular charge. Conversations around consent remain complex and often polarizing, caught between a deeply conservative public sphere and an industry built on fantasy and seduction. Bollywood had this thing where you said, Na bola to haan hai, na mein haan chupa hai. when a girl says no she actually means yes and that's the adage we've grown up with the funny thing is if you see like pre-2000 before we really started kissing on screen we were okay showing violence we were okay showing scenes of sexual assault but we would put flowers when people are doing soft intimacy.

11:00Consensual, beautiful, desire-driven. The songs that I remember, which you could call desire or sexual, was Roop Tera Mastana or Dimple Kapadia. Jaane Duna, right? And those songs at that time felt so sexualized to you.

11:21Neha Vyaso:Right? I remember these songs, full of suggestion. The stars remain fully clothed and stop short of anything more than light caresses. The scene ends before their lips can meet. Today, films may show kisses, but frontal nudity and sex are still rare. But you would watch a scene of sexual assault and that was so normal. Yeah, because the vocabulary of love was not sex, but power and violence. Has that changed? I don't think so, to be honest. If you really were to sit down and look at our cinema even today, how many tender scenes of intimacy will you truly see? It's still a taboo, right, doing an intimate scene in Indian context of storytelling.

12:12Director Nikhil Advani collaborated with Neha on the TV show Mumbai Diaries, a medical thriller. And so therefore, if there is a professional who is making that person feel comfortable, right, for her to have taken this very big decision to do a frontal nudity shot or a lovemaking scene. I think that's very important. Nikhil was just such a great collaborator. When the famous directors choose the work, it sends a signal that the work is important. There was always somebody holding my hand and telling me, I think we can just do this a little more carefully. That is what I think is a true relationship between a storyteller and intimacy expert.

12:57Back in the workshop, Neha's addressed the actor's boundaries and is ready to move into chemistry-building exercises. When you're in a situation of intimacy, you're either pushing someone towards something, you're pulling them towards you, you are surrendering to whatever they want from you, or you are resisting something that they are advancing, right? This scene is about push, pull and surrender. There's no resistance here. At this point, actors Gaurav and Priyanka are handed two bamboo staffs, about four feet long, to hold together. They face each other and brace the end of each bamboo against open palms.

13:37I want you to move like you are the characters. You push as the character, you pull as the character, you surrender. What does that tell you about these characters? What is it making you feel? I feel like they're equal. The fact that it's not either of them dominating the relationship.

14:17Neha Vyaso:your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. At BritBox character is everything. Stream the iconic characters defining British TV on BritBox, including Ludwig. I think I might just have solved a murder. Vera. Now we're getting somewhere. Agatha Christie's Poirot. Bonjour. And more beloved favourites. I'm a policeman. I'm a professional. I'm a time lord. I'm the Duchess of York.

14:54Neha Vyaso:Once you know them, you never quite forget them. I being vain, I just am special. Stream the best of British TV on BritBox. Watch for the free trial today at BritBox.com. Today's episode is sponsored by NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast. Personal finance can feel like a pop quiz you didn't study for. This podcast is your study guide. On NerdWallet's Smart Money podcast, you'll hear from trusted journalists who explain the why behind major financial decisions. You'll get research-backed insights and clear pros and cons, whether you're planning a big purchase or just want to grow your wealth. Make your next financial move with confidence.

15:31Follow NerdWallet's Smart Money podcast on your favourite podcast app. You're listening to the documentary from the BBC World Service. I'm Chavi Satchtev and I'm with intimacy coordinator and director Neha Vyasu, who's changing the conversation about consent in Bollywood. Neha grew up in a conservative Marwari family in Rajasthan, where even watching films wasn't really encouraged. It was at boarding school in Hyderabad where Neha first fell in love with acting. Although she was a diligent Indian daughter, studying for a master's in business administration, she couldn't keep away from the stage.

16:12I still remember there was a college play. There's a playwright called Mantu who's famous for extremely bold content because that's the word we use here. There is a play of Mantu called Kholdo which has sexual assault in it and I was directing and acting in that play. We did a scene of gang rape, right? Where at different points of time different co-actors were touching me on top of me. After we finished that show, everyone was like, Oh my God, Neha, that was so brave. It was only much later when one of my friends asked me, Hey, were you okay? Because he just asked, it was very uncomfortable for me to watch.

16:56Were you okay?

17:01And that was the first time I realized that I should check in with myself if I'm okay. Were you? I wasn't, because we practice arousal non-concordance in intimacy work. Arousal non-concordance is the theory that bodies can respond to sexual cues automatically, without desire or consent being present. It can be uncomfortable, sometimes even violating, for co-actors to experience their colleagues' bodies responding in this way to theirs. It is not something that you're doing to violate another person. I think I felt like one of my co-actors had a moment of arousal. And we were all clothed, right?

17:45But it was only much later that it just sort of, you know. And now when I look back and I think, but this is why we have barriers. The barriers she's describing are called modesty garments. And they're made from silicone or molded foam and designed to prevent any actual physical contact, contact, saving actors from embarrassment or, worse, distressing their colleagues. So to save us all discomfort, what we do is we give both actors some barriers, like a sports supporter, so that you're feeling super confident. Anything happens, it's just you, right? You'll be having a cloth pad, and we will give you nipple pasties.

18:26And that way, at no point are you double Now I know this is why we have modesty garments. But that time I did not. And then the way we are brought up in India, actually, collective welfare is more important than individual agency. And that way we are very different from the West. I think Neha's right. We are socialized to accommodate and save other people from discomfort, to not cause a scene. On top of that, authority is very hierarchical. and listening to the people in charge, your elders, your teachers, or in this case, the director, is paramount here in India. It was in the West that Neha first discovered intimacy coordination, but as an actress.

19:10In 2018, Neha had broken from the script. She'd left her husband, quit her job and turned back to her love of acting. And she decided to do a Shakespeare course in the Czech Republic run by British theatre director Ben Crystal. The play we were doing was Two Gentlemen of Verona. For the final scene, Neha was asked to play Proteus, a character who becomes sexually aggressive. Goes from this nice guy to the anti-hero. He actually attempts sexual assault. And I am a woman who's just experienced extreme form of assault in that period of one or two years. Neha is also a survivor of child sexual abuse.

19:55And it is exactly this, that my body that has experienced extreme violations of consent is a body that constantly advocates for consent of others. Isn't all of this triggering for you? For me, it's just something that I have to do. I have to do it for the girl I used to be. I have to do it for the child I used to be I have to do it for the woman I used to be and yes there are projects that I have had to pass on because I wasn't ready for it yet so I do take care of myself but I'm also very aware that I want to do this work because I don't want another person to not know what consent in the body feels like I personally feel like what you're doing is really important.

20:54I grew up here watching scenes where intimacy is either flowers blooming and erotic rain dances and hip jerks or graphic and really sexualized and all about the male gaze. All of it is all about the male gaze. And here I have a director, Ben Crystal, who's telling me that, hey, let's figure out a way that feels most right for you. And I was blown because I was like, how? And then he told me that we're going to get an intimacy choreographer to consult us. Is this something that's normal in the West? It was something that was still picking up in the West also. Like I think intimacy work has only seeped into our lives from after Me Too.

21:49In 2017, the Me Too movement gained momentum to become a global symbol of strength and support for survivors of sexual assault. Allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein exposed the scale of abuse within the film industry. So this is a nascent profession technically. What were some of the challenges that you faced and the kind of resistance that you saw? Someone I used to know then, they were like, are you mad? India is never going to need an intimacy coordinator. What will the director do then? But Neha wasn't discouraged. Finding no trained intimacy coordinators in India, she began by coaching actors on short films.

22:33Word spread, the calls kept coming, and she was encouraged to train formally. But at the time, most of the accredited courses were in the U.S. and they were expensive. I don't know if I can afford it. And my acting coach, Damini Benivasu, she said, sell your gold. I was like, what? She said, what are you going to do with that gold? I was like, yeah, right. Neha exchanged her wedding jewelry for a ticket to New York to train with intimacy directors and coordinators. only to find that her teacher, Claire Warden, was the very same intimacy coordinator who worked with her for her role as Proteus in Two Gentlemen of Verona.

23:17So everything came full circle. I got certified in 2021. Now, one of the challenges in making this program is that, of course, intimacy work is, well, intimate. The very nature of a closed set is just that. Neha deliberately minimizes the number of people present. So that means we couldn't record in person. But Neha recorded some moments from a recent shoot on her phone so we could follow her work on set. Neha's workshopped the actors so they're already comfortable with each other. But being on a live shoot throws up new elements to discuss.

24:01It's a marking rehearsal. Neha is going through the actor's movements and discussing camera shots with the director, actors and the director of photography before the cameras start rolling to make for the most efficient shoot possible. At E-line, you should stick to the three beats. Because otherwise, for this scene, you will take away from the emotional journey of the character. How do you feel about that? This is good. This is good? Yeah. It's a non-consensual sex scene, so if this might be difficult for you to hear, you might want to skip the next 60 seconds. There are two things you have to remember.

24:37You have to grunt. Are we casting sound? We are, you have to do it. Yeah. So you have to grunt. We'll be putting microphones everywhere. You have to go.

24:50And the trick for you to crack the scene is to be numb. There has to be a numbness in your body. Making sense? Okay. Can we try that once? Okay. Let's go.

25:11Okay, stop. They're always funny. People think they're uncomfortable. They're more funny than uncomfortable. Right? But, so, right now what's happening is we see your legs moving more than we see your body. Okay. I thought you were moving the body. No. Okay. I just want to tell you a lot of these things are like a little workout. From your core. Yes, it's your core. It's literally that, right? So you have to feel your pelvis only, otherwise you won't get that. How are you feeling about it? Perfect. Three shots, we nail it, and we are good. But not every process is as smooth. One of the things that intimacy professionals are mandated to train in is conflict resolution.

25:58Because you are always going to have a conflict on set. Sajan. Costume has changed last minute and you're not aware. One of the things that I've learned in India is I don't make it a big deal. I just laugh through it all. I've realized if you smile the world is your oyster. No fake smiles. The minute you try to tell yourself this is going to be my way it's it's not going to work in India. You have to be their collaborator. And what if there's pushback or discomfort? I've had a moment where I was very uncomfortable with the way that scene was being shot. And I saw that the actors were not okay.