Speaking from the Heart

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1:10I couldn't move a muscle or make a sound, although I was screaming inside.

1:19I tried to hold my head up and failed completely. My neck appeared to have lost all its strength and the back of my head felt as if it had been filled with concrete. I decided that I was semi-dead and being experimented on. Not a scene from a horror film, the real-life story of Anna, who was newly married and living near Oxford when in 1994 something terrifying happened. One nurse said, she looks dead. Where was God? And heaven? This is the documentary from the BBC World Service. I'm Mike Wooldridge. In this edition of Heart and Soul, which explores personal approaches to spirituality from around the world, I'll be hearing Anna's extraordinary story.

2:14To the outside world, I was in a deep coma. but some of my hearing and my mind was carrying on as normal. My brain worked fine. Where was my body? At the age of just 25, Anna had suffered a massive stroke which initially left her completely locked in, fully conscious and alert but unable to move or let anyone know she was even awake. Anna had had a Christian upbringing but how can you hold on to your faith in a loving God when you're trapped in a body which no longer feels like your own?

2:55To this day, Anna can barely speak so she's told us her story using a special software system involving a reflective dot on her glasses. That dot allows her to navigate her computer screen through slight head movements and that's how she's typed out what she remembers letter by painstaking letter. For this programme, her story has been voiced by an actor.

3:24Anna was brought up by her father, with some help from aunts and uncles, because her mother had died when she was still a baby. The lady who looked after me by day, from age one to five years, prayed one evening when I was staying with her. I asked her all these questions about God in heaven. Was my mum there? How would I know her when I got to heaven? When Anna was seven, she and her father moved from the north of England to Oxfordshire in the south. When I was in my early teens, I sent off for a lifetime horoscope, which came free if you sent away a lot of biscuit packets. I believed in God, not horoscopes.

4:06but because Dad and I loved the brand of biscuits, we quickly collected enough. My results said something like, Your life will be centred around hospitals and will be long and hard. Eventually, you'll be able to relax and enjoy what life has to offer. After this, Anna did actually consider nursing as a career but eventually she settled on a role in banking and she met a man she liked while babysitting at a children's playground, Des, who had a small dog. We had a good chat while he kept throwing a ball for the dog. We must have been talking for 45 minutes without exchanging names or anything. I remember talking to God and saying, do you think this man might be my future husband because he's rather nice?

4:56Which is what happened. Anna and Des got married in July 1994, took out a mortgage and bought a house. But all was not well. Almost at the same time as moving in, I suddenly became quite tired quickly. So the day we moved in, I fell asleep on the carpet whilst waiting for the fridge and freezer to be delivered. On the Monday morning, Des had come back from getting the newspaper. I started to get a bad headache. Within minutes, it was more than a bad headache. I remember telling Des to phone for an ambulance, then no more for a while.

5:40I'm Professor Stephen Westerby, and for the last 35 years, I've headed up heart surgery in Oxford. I've come to see Stephen Westerby, who's now retired, to find out what he and his colleagues discovered when Anna arrived at their hospital. She seemed completely unconscious, but was breathing, so she wasn't brain dead. She was investigated with a brain scan, and that showed that a very important artery that supplied her brain stem, called the basilar artery, was blocked, which had wiped out the brain stem, which had died so she could never move again. But everything above the brain stem was intact.

6:30So her cerebral cortex, the thinking brain, which allowed her to be conscious and so on, was intact. To find out where that blockage in the brain had come from, Anna was given an echocardiogram, or ECHO for short, which allowed doctors to see inside her heart. This revealed the culprit, a tumour known as a myxoma. Stephen Westerby was the surgeon who set about removing it. It was an exceedingly large tumour that was blocking the mitral valve and that's what had been making a breathless, but nobody had recognised the fact. And it was a very fragile tumour, so pieces of it had broken off. It was one of those pieces that had travelled to Anna's brain in her bloodstream and caused that catastrophic stroke, which had left her locked in, fully conscious, but unable to move.

7:28Her brain was frantically trying to work out what was going on. The first part of this strange new life became very, very frightening. I remember this persistent, intermittent beep. I felt so cold from inside out, even though I was covered in warm blankets. It was like my body had been frozen and strapped down. I couldn't move a muscle or make a sound, although I was screaming inside. I decided I was semi-dead and being experimented on. Where was God and heaven?

8:15I remember waking up in what I assume was the middle of the night because it was very dark. There was that intermittent beep all the time and what looked like televisions partly lit up, which I now know were the heart monitors in intensive care. It felt like my neck was resting on a bowl. Someone was pouring lovely warm water over my hair and massaging and rubbing my whole scalp. Whoever it was, was washing my hair It felt absolutely wonderful The sensations must have roused me After they'd finished, the bowl was removed I tried to hold my head up To look round to see where on earth I was And failed completely My neck appeared to have lost all its strength And the back of my head felt as if it had been filled with concrete What had happened?

9:15No one realised that I was thinking fairly normally, but panicking. I was thinking, did people think that I had composed a fraud taking out a bank mortgage? We had only paid one instalment. Why was I like I was? What had I done? Even where was I? Was Des paying the mortgage by himself? I felt so guilty. Was I me still?

9:48One nurse said, she looks dead, which didn't do my morale any good at all. Not being told what was going on, or occasionally perhaps not taking it in, led to some terrible misunderstandings for Anna. At one point she was pushed into a long dark tunnel. It was a scanner, but Anna thought this was the end of her. When I went in the machine, I thought I was being cremated. It was Anna's uncle who eventually realised that she was awake. My uncle was standing over me, talking. I must have made some facial reaction because he moved his finger around in the air from side to side and said, Look, she's awake.

10:34Follow my finger, Anna. This I did to the best of my ability. I was grateful that someone still loved me. But Anna was still almost entirely unable to make herself understood. The arrival of a speech therapist gave her hope. She brought a perspex board with letters and colours on. She said she would stick the instructions on the side of my locker. The notice on my locker was too far away for me to read As I am short-sighted When Des and Dad, plus often others were visiting I started to keep crossing my eyes at them Dad said, are you trying to tell us something? I nodded furiously I then used my head to point to some of the people around my bed who had glasses on Suddenly, the penny dropped that I needed my spectacles With her glasses found, Anna began spelling out words by using her head to point at letters on the board But, spiritually, she was more convinced than ever that God must be very upset with her My worst thoughts What had I done so bad in my life to be punished like this?

11:50Despite such spiritual struggles, Anna was making slow but steady progress. She got an electric wheelchair which she was able to direct with head movements. And she learned how to control a computer with a metallic dot on her glasses, enabling her to express herself in more detail. After about six months, she was moved to a rehabilitation centre. One quiet day, maybe a Sunday, I saw a vicar approaching the main entrance to the ward, holding the familiar mobile communion box. I could hear the clip-clip of his shoes as he walked down the corridor behind the dining room. I bowed my head, trying to shrink into my wheelchair.

12:36Had he come to pass judgment on me? He knocked on a bedroom door and went in. I then powered my wheelchair with my head down the corridor towards my bedroom. Halfway, something made me stop. What are you running away from, Anna? came into my mind. You love God, and he must love you. Stop. I remember turning back to try and find that vicar, but couldn't. As Anna recovered, physically and spiritually, the house she'd bought with Des was adapted for her needs. Just before Easter 1997, more than two and a half years after her stroke, Anna returned home. I had high hopes and dreams. Life soon fell away and reality hit me in the face.

13:32Many things upset me. If Des and I went shopping, people kept staring at us. I just knew that they were thinking, that lovely attractive man is lumbered with that woman. I was slowly going down mentally. Eventually, Anna stopped eating and drinking and refused to take her tablets. She spent some time at a respite centre and her mental health improved. When she returned home, more help had been put in place to support Des with her care. You're listening to the documentary from the BBC World Service with me, Mike Wooldridge.

14:18But all too soon, Anna would be back in hospital, an emergency once more. As Anna's surgeon Stephen Westerby explains, she had a genetic predisposition to develop further myxomas, in all likelihood inherited from her mother, who may have died of... From Taco Night in Tulum to Sushi in Tokyo, every bite is rewarding and post-worthy with MX Gold's four-times membership rewards points at restaurants worldwide. wherever you dine points are piling up so bring your friends along for your next course because it's not all about the posts it's about the company and the memories how can gold from mx sweeten your next food moment learn more at americanexpress.com slash explore dash gold terms and points cap apply wise the app for international people using money around the globe when it comes to sending money abroad many providers claim to offer free fees and competitive rates.

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16:33Make your next financial move with confidence. Follow NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast on your favorite podcast app. such a tumour herself the genetics of this was such that it was going to keep coming so in august 1998 a follow-up again with an echo showed a new tumour so i took her back to the operating theatre this caused a lot of distress to the family needless to say and we took that tumour out and she recovered. In April 2001 she came for another check, there was another tumour. I took the third tumour out and she went off home. In August 2002 she was back again and indeed she had two tumours on that occasion.

17:30And every time here the surgery was becoming more complicated, more difficult wasn't it can you explain why that was heart surgery is difficult in itself you perform heart surgery by splitting the breastbone down the middle and opening it wide and opening up the sack around the heart and so on but once you've done that everything tends to stick together through the inflammation you get during a healing process so each time it became more and more of a challenge to reopen the breastbone safely. And indeed, on each operation, I took away parts of the heart wall. When the myxoma was found to have grown again for the fifth time in late 2004, doctors were doubtful whether Anna could survive another operation.

18:24We had a big debate as to whether we should go back and try again. The conclusion was she had made such a success of her life and was enjoying her life and she wanted to live. And we all wanted a life for her. And her husband, Des, had been absolutely fantastic. Her father was dedicated and cared for her. So I was determined that I should give her the best on that last occasion. Friends from my church arranged a 24-7 prayer chain. As always, Des arrived to come down to the first room with me. I recall saying, Kiss goodbye just in case, but I hope to see you later. I then talked silently. Dear God, please help me get through this if you think I should.

19:20I think Des and Dad will struggle without me, but it's up to you. Amen.

19:34God was with us all and I survived. Mr Westerby had spoken to Des to say that this would definitely be the last heart operation and he recommended that there would be no more echo scans. No more scans, that is, to see if the myxoma had regrown yet again. Any new myxomas could have caused another stroke, this time most probably fatal. But amazingly, since that fifth operation 21 years ago, Anna has been well. Stephen Westerby again. The cardiologists thought that this was such a vicious genetic tendency that she'd got that it could never be overcome. And that's why I truly believe that what then happened was miraculous.

20:27The genetic storm abated. It went away. It must have done because we're 20-plus years away from it now, and those tumours were coming back viciously with a large size within 15, 16 months. And 20-odd years later, she appears perfectly well, apart from, of course, the disability that she had when I first met her. It's not often that you hear the word miraculous from a senior surgeon. I wondered whether Anna's case had touched Stephen Westerby in a special way. I've done now in my career more than 12 ,000 open heart operations on everything from premature babies to people in their 90s. and you don't win them all.

21:21But out of those 12 ,000 patients, I would only class two, three, four, perhaps five of those patients as having some sort of divine help and a miracle. And Anna, I think, is top of the pile because that genetic storm abated. and who would have predicted that? Absolutely no one in the medical profession. Through all of this you were aware, weren't you, of Anna and Des' very strong faith. In fact, for the fourth surgery, I think, you asked Des to bring God to the hospital with him, which sounds pretty unusual for a surgeon. What was your thinking behind that? Well, I respect people's belief. My own family had religious convictions.

22:18I don't know really where I stand myself, but, you know, I have always believed that on occasions there have been something sitting on my shoulder at that operating table.

22:36It's Sunday morning at Kidlington Baptist Church near Oxford and the worship is in full flow. Among the congregation of around 80 worshippers is Anna in her wheelchair, with Des by her side, alert and displaying a keen interest in what's going on around her, more than 30 years after her stroke. It's clear that Anna has inspired many here, such as Heather, who first knew her over 30 years ago, when they were both working at the same bank. The Anna that I knew in the early 90s was a very fun, loving, vivacious Anna, still that Anna. Long, blonde, curly hair with ringlets. She would walk with purpose and to see her ringlets bouncing, full of fun, extremely efficient in her job.

23:34The two women then lost sight of each other until they met again at this church, years after Anna's stroke and her many surgeries. Anna's wheelchair, Heather noticed, was decorated with frogs, and those have a special meaning. The frog, and I didn't know this when I was privileged to work with Anna in the early 90s, that Anna had lots of frog mementos on her desk. I had no idea why. but 20 years later, frog, F-R-O-G, fully reliant on God. Nora, who's originally from Singapore, met Anna at church about six years ago and like Heather, she's grateful for what Anna brings to the community. She would notice who is missing in church and then she would start to ask people like, oh, you know, do we know what's happened?

24:26and it puts me to shame because, you know, it's like what Jesus says, tend my sheep, tend my lambs, and there's Anna in that wheelchair and she is looking out for the people that Jesus loves. She is what I would call like a lampstand with that fire burning. It's like it doesn't matter what the storms bring and how difficult life is. And for Des, who is her husband and full-time carer, you know, they have been facing a lot of fierce storms. But you feel that the light and that flame never flicker. I mean, it flickers, but it doesn't go out. Des, Anna's husband, is a man of few words, but boundless dedication.

25:07During the almost three years Anna spent in hospital after her stroke, he only missed one day's visiting. What would you say, from your perspective, that the church has meant you both over this past three decades? Well obviously everybody's been supportive of us and when Anna had the operations I would go to the hospital and then go down to the theatre and obviously kiss her and say goodbye and then I rushed down the road to the church in Cassington and would stay there for three to four hours during the operation. 21 years later, we're still around. So God up there is probably looking down on us, you know.

26:00How would you describe the impact that faith has on both of your lives? Well, obviously quite a lot, you know, it's been good. Massive. Massive, yes, massive. That was the real voice of Anna, chipping into my conversation with Des to reinforce his point. Nowadays Anna can speak a little, with Des often acting as interpreter.

26:30I was struck by how profoundly grateful everyone at the church is for Anna's survival and her ability to participate actively in church life, despite remaining paralysed. And I'm also struck that a question remains. From a faith perspective, has Anna been healed? Phil Durrant is the minister at Kidlington Baptist Church. Yeah, I think healing is a much broader and wider concept than just physical healing. Sometimes I think those who haven't necessarily received healing in the way they might have done might actually have a ministry of healing to others. And I think Anna is, as a healing presence in our community, she just blesses and inspires and gives hope to others.

27:18is about working with God to bring out of tragedy something beautiful and something redemptive, something hopeful. Anna herself has no desire to conceal the struggles she and Des have been through. There have been many instances when I've needed a great deal of psychological help. Life is not easy. God throws challenges at us every day. The saddest thing for me is that we could never have children. So now we give presents to children we know. Anna appears to have made peace with her life as it is.

28:08Despite my disability, I thank God every morning that I'm still here.

28:18I can't recall being angry with God, not with the God who saved me using Mr Westerby's God-given talents and skills.