The divine gift of sex

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0:41I was raised in a very traditional Catholic household. 6 a.m. Mass, 3 p.m. Divine Mercy habit, and 6 p.m. Rosary. So growing up Catholic, I had to deal with parents who are very conservative. It's the kind of family where, you know, you'd watch TV and then you'd see like romantic scenes, romance scenes. And my parents would say, cover your eyes or look away or change the channel.

1:18Even as a child growing up in the Philippines, therapist Dr. Rika Cruz felt out of place in the conservative society that surrounded her. My goal was to educate and to show people that you can talk about these things openly without the malice and without being lewd and vulgar I did not decide to be a public figure It just happened They were the ones who put malice on it And even though my network fought for the show, they banned it I said, oh, I don't want to do this anymore. This is hopeless.

2:06I'm Jay Baruzzi, and this is the documentary on the BBC World Service. For heart and soul, we've come to Manila, the capital of the Philippines, and the city I called home as a teenager. I'm here to meet the psychologist and therapist, Dr. Rika Cruz. Her fearless mission for change set her on a collision course against media censorship and the institutions that influence this.

2:39I sat in the church and I cried and I asked, I asked, is this what I'm supposed to do? Tell me if what I'm doing is right. Because if it isn't, then maybe I shouldn't. I shouldn't do it right. This is because of the censorship. Her journey leads to television celebrity and to controversy, to publicly challenge her society's unspoken taboos, and then to be silenced as punishment. But our story begins long before all of that, decades ago, with a painful secret. And I should say that right from the start. This program contains references to sex and sexual abuse that some listeners may find upsetting.

3:35I went to a co-ed public school and we talk about having boys as friends, that would be fine. But whenever we talk about, you know, oh, do you like him? That would be like a no-no in our family. Like you can't have that. They would say you're too young for that, like you can't have crushes, you can't have boyfriends. All the works of being in a Catholic family. This is so rampant in our culture where people are raised through hiyak or shame. So there's this thing in Filipino culture and it's called hiyak. Like Rika says, hiyak means shame. and shaking off the shame is the root of Rika's mission.

4:23What was that like, the very conflicting nature of, you know, just growing up and being raised in a very Catholic way? I'll just go to it straight away, right? So as a young girl, actually, I learned about relationships in a very... It's something that you wouldn't want your kids to experience. So I was molested when I was really young. and it gave me a different outlook because no one explained to me what was going on. So growing up, I thought that that was normal, that was natural, and it's just how it is, but it shouldn't be like that, right? So I never really told my parents about it. Because hiyat means people don't talk about things that could bring shame or judgment on yourself or your family.

5:20And for Rika, hiya meant staying silent, even though it hurt. We can't talk about people touching, talk about sex, or even like the opposite sex touching my body. I don't know how they would react. So I had to, you know, I had to keep it with me for a very long time until I was able to process it myself. I just became my own solution. It's difficult, really, growing up with that kind of pain that you don't realize that it's pain. You don't realize that it's there. And it just follows you wherever you go in your relationships, in how you speak with people, in how you see yourself.

6:11so that on top of the sort of catholic guilt you know the upbringing of sex is bad we don't talk about sex sex is only to make babies and absolutely nothing else most people kind of shy away for the rest of their lives but you you went in a very different direction why did you make that decision what happened i guess it was more of looking for affection and understanding from another human being that prompted me to get close to the opposite sex at a very young age. And that one, my parents found out. My dad said, what would others think? How about your studies? And when they found out about it, it felt like everything that I achieved as a young girl was wiped out.

7:02I guess that was it. I was looking for affection and understanding from another human being that made me use sex as a medium. So it was a lot of bad experiences that led you to seeking information and knowledge? I've always wanted to be a doctor. After college, I went to med school, but then I got pregnant. so I had to drop out and I said I'm not going back to med school because I want to take care of my child by myself so I said okay I'll take my MA in psychology so that's what pushed me into sex research but when I like look back like what I said all these things that happened to me I guess going into sex therapy is my way of healing myself I believe really understanding and processing what I went through because in this country, no one else was there to do it for me.

8:00I couldn't find anyone to make me understand what was going on in my life. Rika's choice of career path to become a sex therapist was radical. In fact, it was so radical that there was nowhere in the Philippines to train. So she packed her bags and moved to Canada to study. How did your very Catholic family respond to that? Well, my mom died when I was 19. So when I had my first child, she was already gone. My dad, I think, when I became a sex therapist, I flew to Canada using his credit card. And he said, OK, why sex? Because he's like a lay minister, you know, that kind of person. I said, I just really want to do this.

8:52I really want to understand it. And after that, I believe he has accepted that whatever I want to do, I will do. He just accepted it and said that, OK, if that's what's going to make you happy, then go ahead. Two years of study later, Enrica returned to the Philippines, where a chance encounter would change the course of her life forever. Why did you decide to become a public figure and how did your media career start? When I came back from Canada, I was talking to my friend about my training. And that friend said, oh, you know what? Tony is looking for a sex doctor. Tony, Flick, Gino, and Tin.

9:40Boys night out. Magic 89.9. It just so happened that Tony was the DJ and radio presenter, Tony Bueno, host of one of Manila's most popular radio shows.

9:57That's Magic 89.9 and Boys Night Out, which I remember from my university years. Toxic Tuesday, my name is Slick Rick. It's a Toxic Tuesday, it is. Tony Tony here. My name is Tony Bueno. I host a show called Boys Night Out. show on radio. People know me as Tony Tony on the radio airwaves for the past 26 years. I'm a broadcaster, host, and entrepreneur. Our friend was like, hey, I'll bring this girl. She's a doctor, sex therapist. I'm like, okay, bring her and let me meet her. I do the introduction. Hi, I'm Tony. I work on radio. I would love to guest you on our show. And she's like, Oh, what show is that?

10:40It's called Boys Night Out. She's like, okay. You know, I had to pray. I had to pray about it because I was scared. I think two weeks after, I went on the show and then he started asking me to visit regularly until I became a regular part of the show talking about sex. Before that, we talked about how, you know, her voice and her mission. I can help her. A female speaking about sex on the radio might be too much if it's just her. But with Boys Night Out, with a show that has been there since 2006, and it's now 2014, I think this transition could actually make us more credible. Because we have now a sex therapist who actually can give factual, scientific-based evidence and credible answers to their issues or problems on the topic of sex and psychology.

11:38Magic 89.9. Texting or whatever with a married person. What's your advice, Doc? Stay away, right? From what? Married people? If you find a married person, and I'm talking about someone who's like with the person, because there are a lot of married people here who are separated, but if they're still with their wives or their husbands, and they're looking for someone else, and they're telling you that, okay, I'm going to leave my wife for you, or I'm going to leave my husband for you, Put an end point to it. How does a toxic masculine show do a 180? And that's to invite someone credible like Doc Rica to speak how it is for a woman of her stature, how she's treated, how she's disrespected because she talks about sex.

12:26And so bringing that to our platform with our listenership, with our viewership, helps send out that information much faster. And it's a win-win because we get our flowers too for bringing her on and educating a lot of the viewers and listeners. And she gets to also speak her vision, piggybacking on us. But in a mainly Catholic and culturally conservative country like the Philippines, Dr. Rica Cruz became a target. I think at the end of the day, the Philippines, I think they're, I would think, insecure. A lot of it is insecure about a female openly talking about sex. And maybe it's their lack of knowledge, lack of understanding how educating oneself helps the whole society.

13:22It's double standards. Because of religion, you want to be conservative. Tony said, you know, you trained for it, just say whatever you know, as long as you know that that's what you studied. I said, OK, OK. But again, people, people trying to demean me during that time, there were a lot of them. With her guest spot on Boys Night Out and then her own late night TV show, Dr. Rika Cruz was flying. Hello, I'm Dr. Rica Cruz, and I hope to see you all on Thursday on Love and Sex with Dr. The regulatory body didn't like that these terms were being said on TV. They said that it's unacceptable, it's inappropriate.

14:129 p.m. on FYE Channel.

14:18Suddenly, it all came crashing down. The regulator said explicit talk about sex had led to numerous complaints from parents, and the program was unsuitable. The culmination of her life's work was pulled from television. Even though my network during that time fought for the show, they banned it. I felt defeated, honestly, because I've been bashed. Cases were filed against me, my person, and they were fine. I'm fine with it. But this one was an attack on the advocacy. When I found out that they banned it, I said, oh, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, I don't want to talk about sex publicly anymore.

14:59This is hopeless. I was prepared to leave, like take my family with me and leave and just practice where it's accepted. And when it was taken away from me, I said, okay, I need to find the place where no bigger power can censor me. They weaponized it, and they took it away from our spirituality and our souls.

15:35At the Basilica in Manila's bustling Quiapo district, it's standing room only for more than a thousand Catholics attending Saturday Mass.

15:47And in the Philippines, religion also walks hand in hand with censorship. Religion does play a huge part, whether it's government, politics. They can make you win a seat in government. They can make you lose an election. They can make you win an election. When it comes to media, there is definitely censorship.

16:15How did all of this test your faith then? Because this is a lot. Oh, you know, my faith was never tested. I have a very strong faith in God and in the higher being. And I know that he gave me all these opportunities because I guess I needed to figure it out for myself and share what I've learned to others. I guess that gives it meaning. For the BBC World Service, this is Heart and Soul.

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17:30I'm Jay Beruzzi, and we're in Manila to meet Dr. Rika Cruz, psychologist and sex therapist who's breaking down taboos on a mission to educate.

17:48The Catholic Church in the Philippines, it's very influential. We know that for a fact. You see their influence leaking into politics, into the economy, into loads of different places. How does the Catholic Church's influence affect the media? Oh, wow. There's news blackouts. And religion will always play a big part in our society. And I think that's why you're seeing a lot of podcasts come out. Because a lot of people don't want to have to follow and be filtered. and news blackout when it comes to working for networks. Because the networks have a vested interest or have support from a certain sect.

18:36And there's so many sectors. I think there's like maybe 15 different religious sects that have a play in networks, in politics. So playing both sides, these networks, I don't know if they're funded personally, but they have a strong pull. If they don't like you, you can be casted out. You could lose your whole profession. Tony, what was your reaction to the cancellation of Doc Rica's TV show? When I first heard, I was like, oh gosh, are we that backward? Are we really trying to cancel a show that's main point is to educate and really bring awareness to the topic? Yes, I know it's on free TV. The Philippines ain't ready for free TV sex show.

19:32Maybe we may never be ready. But if free TV wants to survive the digital era, you're going to have to change the rules. She not only covered the science, but she also touched on the emotional side, which seemed to have irked people. I think Doc Rika's empowering of female to be open, be vocal is not within Philippine society. And you'll see that. And it's a double standard in our society, which is very unfair, especially for women like Doc Rika, who's wanting to better society and educate men and women. She did really well. But then I think just before the pandemic, she was having troubles with filtering censorship on the topics, on the language.

20:21I think she was definitely pushing the right buttons. And I think a lot of us in the Philippines, because of religion, we play a part and we're not our true selves. our true identity is because we're so glued on what other people are thinking and how we're going to look at or how we're presented and how we're acting.

20:48But in a country where 57 new cases of HIV are diagnosed every single day, getting the safe sex message into schools had become the priority for Dr. Rika Cruz.

21:02Hi, my name is Kaya. I'm Dr. Rika's firstborn daughter. Who better to hear this from than someone who does go to school in the Philippines? What is sex education like in the Philippine educational system? Whoa, so for me, it's like there's none. If you say like, it's like the lack of. I feel like a lot of my friends or classmates had to, I guess, search it up or ask me. I think I asked my mom a bunch of questions to just write on the chat. And how does that compare to what you're learning at home? How would you compare the school sex education to the Doc Rica at home sex education? Schools, they shun it.

21:47If ever you ask them anything or say anything about it, they just don't talk about it. so when you grow up you feel oh this is bad i think if you avoid having the talk with your kids it would impact your children's development what happens if they grow older and they try to have a relationship they won't feel safe they don't know what to do school education is like a grain of sand like a tiny grain of sand and then my mom it's like the whole ocean plus the universe My goal with what I'm doing is, I think, was amplified when I gave birth to Kaya. While I was doing my training, while I was, she was with me in Canada, I brought her with me.

22:33She was there. So I would, whenever she would ask me about sex, I would answer. Because I would take her with me to my sex talks and she would listen. She didn't have a nanny, so I took care of her. She would listen to my sex talks and she would ask me questions after like, Mama, what's HIV? So I guess that was my motivation. I was given an opportunity to change the environment, to change the culture so that they can grow up in a safe and respectful space. without people demeaning them or without people weaponizing sex against them.

23:22After processing all of that trauma, all of those things that happened to you that never should have, do you think things could have been different for you if society were more educated, if you had basically a figure such as yourself when you were growing up? Definitely, because I would have had the guidance that I needed to know that what happened to me when I was young shouldn't have happened. To know that, oh, I have agency over my own body. I didn't have to respond to pain and abandonment and looking for that affection through my body. because I would have the affection and the guidance and the assurance that I would have needed.

24:14So basically, that's what I'm doing now, not just for my kids, but for a lot of people. Because when they started asking me for help and I found out that, oh, I can actually help people, I can actually help them heal, it gave me purpose.

24:39Banned from Freeview Television, Doc Rica and Tony have now taken their show to a place where censors can't get to them. The internet. We're reaching and going further and uncensoring, unfiltering. That's the future. I really believe that Doc Rica was the light. I said I was still fighting for her. I will work with her. I will do an online show with her. I will do a podcast with her. Just so that her voice is heard. it's badly needed. I think it's sexual awareness and sexual health needs to be heard by everyone here in the Philippines because there's no family planning. Their AIDS is up where everything in Southeast Asia is on the downturn.

25:21We're on an uptrend. We have 10 to 13-year-olds getting pregnant during the pandemic, the highest percentage during the pandemic. We have babies having babies. It's badly needed. How does prayer and turning to God fuel your ambitions? Oh, that's like, that's the number one fuel. That's like, what do you call that in racing? That's 99 plus octane power. It's very challenging to go against the norm. Whenever I feel that it's not going anywhere, I really turn to God and pray. in truth sex and faith are intertwined you just need to look at sex from a place of love care and respect which is what faith has been telling us to do look at it from that perspective and you will discover so many things that can help you as a person that can also help your relationship with your partner, with your family, with the people who are closest to you, and your relationship with your community and the world around you.

26:43If we all just come together and see sex as something respectful, see sex without the malice and the guilt that was taught to us to control us. There's so many things we can do. There's so many things that we can have our children experience as they grow and have relationships with themselves and relationships with others. And hopefully with that, we get to empower parents to guide their children so that whatever happened to me will finally end for the generations to come. You've been listening to Heart and Soul on the BBC World Service. This program was presented by me, Jay Beruzi. The producer was Matt O'Donoghue.