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The Double Win Podcast: Episode Summary
Episode Title
ELIZABETH OLDFIELD: Becoming Steady, Connected, and Fully Alive
Podcast Overview The Double Win Podcast hosted by Michael Hyatt and Megan Hyatt Miller emphasizes achieving personal and professional fulfillment simultaneously. The hosts delve into productivity, wellness, and work-life balance, offering strategies to integrate these elements into everyday life.
Episode Synopsis In this episode, the hosts engage in a heartfelt discussion with Elizabeth Oldfield, author of *Fully Alive*, focusing on cultivating meaningful connections in a fast-paced world. The conversation explores themes of community, steadiness, and the impact of modern distractions on human flourishing.
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Key Quotes
- “You need to put your roots down deep into love and work out how to find some steadiness.”
- “When we are honest about our full humanity, we give other people permission to do that.”
- “Where we put our attention is essentially who we become.”
- “Hurrying and distraction are not how we flourish.”
Key Takeaways
- Connection is Essential for Flourishing
- Authentic relationships, though often challenging, are crucial for personal growth and fulfillment.
- Attention Shapes Identity
- Our focus determines our character; distraction is a significant barrier to personal development.
- Structure Time Around Values
- Develop a "rule of life" to prioritize what truly matters, allowing other commitments to fit around these core values.
- Commitment Enhances Depth
- Genuine community is built on commitment and vulnerability; without these, relationships can falter.
- Ancient Practices Remain Relevant
- Rituals such as Sabbath can help ground us in stability and promote community engagement.
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Discussion Highlights The Importance of Community
- Elizabeth emphasizes the cost of living in community, noting that while it can be inconvenient and challenging, it is essential for becoming fully human.
- The discussion touches on the historical significance of community living and how modern life often erodes these connections.
Addressing Distraction
- Elizabeth introduces the idea of Ascedia, often translated as sloth, but more accurately described as distraction from what truly matters.
- This distraction is seen as a barrier to living a fully alive life, necessitating intentional practices to reclaim focus and connection.
Personal Experiences and Wisdom
- The conversation reflects Elizabeth's journey back to faith and the realization that Christianity offers wisdom and steadiness in turbulent times.
- She shares how her community's shared rhythms of life foster deeper connections and a sense of security.
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Concrete Practices
- Creating a Rule of Life: Begin with defining your core values and structuring your time accordingly, prioritizing activities that nurture your soul.
- Observance of Sabbath: Designate a day for rest and rejuvenation, disconnecting from devices and engaging in meaningful relationships and activities.
- Engagement in Community: Actively seek out or create groups that align with your values for accountability and support.
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Resources Mentioned
- [*Fully Alive* by Elizabeth Oldfield](https://www.amazon.com/Fully-Alive-Tending-Turbulent-Times/dp/1587436507)
- [*The Sacred* Podcast by Elizabeth Oldfield](https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-sacred/id1326888108)
- Watch the episode on YouTube: [Link](https://youtu.be/-anckhHSdHM)
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Final Thoughts Michael and Megan encourage listeners to embrace the ideas presented in this episode, focusing on the importance of community and intentionality in living a fulfilled life. The episode serves as a reminder that amidst distractions, cultivating deep connections and practicing ancient wisdom can lead to a more meaningful and steady existence.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00It's costly living in a community. It's costly being in a congregation. It's costly being a neighbor because we are not in control of other people and they impinge on our space and they come up difficult times and it's not efficient. And when we remove ourselves because of those difficulties, I think ourselves shrink. I think we become less fully human. Hi, I'm Michael Hyatt. And I'm Megan Hyatt Miller. And you're listening to The Double Win Show. Well, today we are so excited to share our recent conversation with Elizabeth Oldfield. So this conversation, y 'all, I cannot wait for you to hear because she is a kindred spirit.
0:39And Elizabeth is a writer, a speaker, a podcast host, and she's focused on ethics, culture, and human flourishing, emphasis on human flourishing, underscore. for. She is formerly the director of Theos, a think tank exploring faith and public life, and she's host of The Sacred, which is a podcast featuring deep, bridge-building conversations across ideological and religious divides. She's a frequent media contributor on topics of meaning, spirituality, and contemporary culture. And what we're going to talk about with her today is her book, which came out last year. It's just getting ready to come out in paperback called Fully Alive, and it explores, the subtitle is Tending to the Soul in Turbulent Times.
1:22And she talks about reclaiming depth, connection, and purpose in a modern world. And in some ways, I feel like that really doesn't do it justice because she's talking about how do we steady ourselves in a world that feels like it's changing faster than we can keep up with? It's unsettling, it's overwhelming. What do we do? And so we get into that in detail, including her story. She lives in an intentional community. She calls it a micro monastery in London with her husband and children, and she embraces shared rhythms of life and hospitality. This conversation will encourage you, inspire you, and be just the thing you need if you feel like you're a little weary in the world right now.
2:08Elizabeth, welcome to the show. We're so excited you're here. I'm really glad to be here too. Anytime we have a British guest on, we know our audience is just going to love it. You know, it's like, can you just read me a bedtime story and make me a cup of tea and then we'll be done. It'll be great. The accent privilege is definitely something I'm realizing this past year. Like people think I'm 25 % smarter than I am in America and I love it. I don't think it goes the other way though. Well, I think we find the American accent very warm and charming, but it has like different associations. That's very generous of you.
2:40I feel like that might have been a euphemism, but I'll take it. When I was listening to your book, I mostly listen to books as I read them. I felt like Keira Knightley was reading to me and it made my heart really happy. So if that isn't reason enough to get this book, people, just get it. Okay. So Elizabeth, I have so many questions and this book, I just absolutely loved. As I told you before we got started, there are people in my life that I love dearly who have a very conflicted relationship with their faith. And obviously this book is not just about faith, but I think that you write about it so beautifully.
3:19And this is really a conversation for everyone. You set a big table and everybody's invited. And I love that so much. When you were writing this book, as you know, we think about this idea of being fully alive and tending to our soul in turbulent times, which just that subtitle spoke to my heart and my soul because I just feel so true right now. Why was it important to you to include the faith perspective in the conversation? Because you're not the kind of Christian that people would be put off by. You don't seem like someone who would force faith into a conversation where it didn't belong. Why did it have to be in the conversation about being fully alive?
4:04Thank you. I think it might be helpful to know a bit of my context, which is that I wasn't raised in a particularly Christian home. I had a conversion experience in my teens. And then I had a period of trying to be an atheist because frankly, a lot of it made no sense whatsoever. And I'm still slightly surprised to have found myself back in this particular wisdom tradition. Most of my friends, a lot of the people I interact with in my working life and in my personal life, the idea that Christianity could have any wisdom to offer in times like these seems unlikely to them. And there's been times when it seemed unlikely to me, but over the last few years, I think particularly since COVID, I have felt so destabilized by the pace of change, by big event after big event.
4:48And I could sense how these times were forming me, were changing me into being someone who I didn't want to be. I found myself more tribal, less patient, less loving, more cynical, more anxious. I was like, this is not who I want to be becoming. And I think I'm even less use in the world now if I'm allowing these changes to continue. And I had this ridiculous realization for someone who's been in and out and around this world that Christianity is an apocalyptic wisdom tradition, that it has been formed by repeated times where it's felt like the quote end of the world. And therefore it had so much it could teach me about how we find steadiness of soul and spiritual core strength when it feels like everything is moving beneath our feet.
5:34And so it was almost like I had to relearn all this treasure that was in a box that I supposedly knew. And the level at which that framing, that this is a wisdom tradition that has steadied people through existential dread, through multiple other times of great turbulence for centuries. And it's partly done it because it has this apocalyptic thing, which just means basically like looking forward to the end of the world or however you want to phrase it. And so I was finding medicine in it. And it felt to me like everyone around me was so desperate for wisdom, but that this particular brand of ancient wisdom was not a place where they would ever think to look.
6:12And it's got so much good in it. And so I wanted to say, look, you don't have to eat everything on the plate. You don't have to sign up for the team. Let me just dig some of this out and offer it because it's really, really helpful. It's a good metaphor. Really good metaphor. You know, you're talking about turbulent times and the times that we live in. Sometimes I wonder, and I love your opinion on this, is it really that the times are more turbulent and there are more big changes, or are we just aware of them because of the news media, social media, and all the rest? And because there's more transparency than ever, it's just like we get inside the inner machinations of all the things that are happening.
6:55So for example, we're aware of wars that are about to begin or stalemates and all this stuff, where in the past, it'd take you seven or eight days to get the news, maybe months, depending on how far you go back. By that time, it's resolved. So how much of it's a perception and how much of it is a reality? And does it even really matter? Yeah, I often think that, and I find it very steadying to go back through history and go, The Black Death happened, right? It wiped out huge numbers of people. Where did they find steadiness of soul? Where did they find wisdom? Like, what is Julian of Norwich saying when she's able to say all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well?
7:33But probably half her family was wiped out by the plague. My grandparents' generation, they went through world wars. In some ways, our lives are absurdly easy compared to previous times. And you're so right, the information overload, the sense that we have a view on things, we're just not designed to hold the knowledge of. And I think the particular thing about climate change, geopolitics, and the speed of change in technology that is upending things at an existential pace. So there's kind of rapid change, maybe more than actual increased danger than there have been in other centuries. But as you're saying, it's all about how are we being formed when we want to be wise people in the world who can both flourish ourselves and create the conditions for other people to flourish.
8:21The story that we're telling about this moment really matters. And I somehow wasn't able to tell myself, oh, it's not really that turbulent. You're only imagining it. I couldn't make that stick. But what I could make stick was it's always been turbulent and we've always needed wisdom. And maybe this is more turbulent, but it sort of doesn't matter. You need to put your roots down deep into love and work out how to find some steadiness. Otherwise you're going to make things worse. I love that word steadiness. I mean, that just, when I hear you say that, it just feels so calming to me. And it also feels like a realistic goal.
8:55You know, like if I think about being on a ship in a storm, which is sort of what life can feel like, you know, anymore, I can't calm the weather. I can't do anything about that storm, but I can steady my own heart and I can even steady my own body. You know, like I'm not just standing on a, I'm thinking of like, you know, Pirates of the Caribbean kind of ship, you know, right. You like plant your feet wide and you kind of get low and move your center of gravity low. And I sort of imagine metaphorically speaking, it's kind of what you're teaching us to do in this book, Fully Alive. What was the approach that you took in the book to help people study themselves?
9:39So honestly, I never set out to be a teacher. I feel like I read a lot of books about wisdom and also within my faith, within Christianity, a lot of books about that, where there's a kind of disembodied voice, where some people are imparting information. These are the answers. Like here's your 10 point plan. Here's your watertight theology. And some of them are useful and some of them are not, but I never felt deeply changed. The moments that I think really change us is when we are able to see another human being in all their fragility and complexity and acknowledge our interdependence and feel a bit less alone.
10:11And so I wanted to write quite honestly and in places quite exposingly about my own struggles and my temptations and where I fall down. And from that say, you too? Okay, great. Like, where might we find some medicine? What have those who have gone before us? What have our ancestors learned that we've forgotten that we could go back and pick up those dropped threads? I really believe in radical candor and honesty. When we are honest about our full humanity, we give other people permission to do that. And that's a necessary starting point for actually growing up our souls rather than pretending that we all know what we're doing and we're holding it together because my guess is there's very few people who actually know.
10:53I often say to women that I'm coaching, like in my mastermind group or whatever, those women that have it all together, like I haven't met them yet. And women or men, by the way. You know, nobody has it all together. We're all just doing our best to walk each other home, you know, as a great saying goes. And I think that it's helpful to not take the position of this is sort of the FedEx that shows up on your front door with all the answers, but more like it's kind of a travelogue in a way of your own experience. And very much trying to say, here are some ideas and some themes and some postures and some practices that I found helpful from my tradition, what might that look like for you?
11:32If this particular challenge or temptation is showing up in your life, what might you need? So it's designed to be a prompt for reflection, for people to go looking for the wisdom that they need, rather than me saying, this is my solution for you. I wonder, before we get into some of those practices and some of the things you write about later in the book, if we can explore this distraction and disconnection theme that recurs. And I love what you do with this connection, but could you say a little bit more about distraction and why is it more now? And why is it driving high achievers, especially?
12:05Interesting. Yes. So it's probably helpful to know that I do talk about sin in the book, which is, I did not expect to go down that well. I talk about carefully as a helpful concept and by what I mean for it is disconnection. And so when we're thinking about the things that are keeping us from fully alive. And it's what's getting in the way of us being fully alive, by which I mean connected, deeply connected with our own soul, with other people. And if it is something that you want in your life with God, right? But you don't have to go there. These other moments of connection are really important as well.
12:36And so my definition of sin is disconnection. And then I go through the seven deadly sins and look at the different ways that we disconnect. And so yes, the chapter that's called Ascedia, which is the Latin word that's often translated sloth, actually means, well I can't tell you what it actually means it's difficult to translate and the way I translated it was something close to distraction um failing to attend to the things that are important like failing to spend attention and our time on becoming the kind of people we want to be when we die essentially and instead getting blown around like a wave on the seashore just responding to all these inputs that we're all dealing with and it was as I was thinking about it I did have this sense that similar to what we were talking about earlier that this is not like this is a new problem right the reason the monks in the desert the desert fathers wrote about this and they just had a cell right they didn't have a smartphone they just had a cell and they still found not you call mobile phones cell phones so that doesn't really work in american english they had a small cave and they still found distraction and temptation it's always been part of the fragility of being a human but right now what we're seeing is it being weaponized against us and i think again and again as i was looking at all these temptations to disconnection, I got really angry because there is something so tender and a little bit foolish and a little bit fragile about human beings.
13:52And it's kind of beautiful and beloved. And yet we are being put in these conditions where those parts of ourselves, which don't actually know how to orient ourselves towards wisdom, are being amplified and encouraged and rewarded. And the bits that know how to grow towards virtue, who the bit of me that actually understands that fully aliveness means connection it's continually being drowned out by distraction by these devices there's a neuroscientist called Ian McGilchrist and he says attention is a moral act where we put our attention is essentially who we become and that was a very challenging thing to realize given if I look at my day what am I gazing on what am I contemplating because that's who I will become.
14:39And from that, wanting to put in rituals and practices of attention to give myself some chance, some scaffolding, right? To hold back that tide of distraction that's constantly coming after us. We recently interviewed Ian Cron. He's got a new book called The Fix. And in it, he talks about addiction. It's kind of like the 12 steps for everybody. But he says, basically, everybody's addicted, which is kind of similar to the sin concept. We place something else at the center of our lives than God. And some of those things are really destructive and some of the things are more socially acceptable, but there's an addiction thing.
15:15But here was the interesting thing that really aligns with what you just said. He said a lot of people think the opposite of addiction is sobriety, but it's not. The opposite of addiction is connection. Because he said most of these addictions we do in private. There's an isolating component to it. And I think for all the social media and all the ways that we're connected over the internet and every other way, people are more isolated, feel more isolated than ever. Yeah. I listened to that episode and I nearly cheered when he said that line because it is such a beautiful summary. In my chapter on gluttony, which is essentially me talking about addiction, my sense of what the opposite of addiction is transcendence in that connection, which goes beyond ourselves, some kind of spiritual connection, and that shot right through the recovery movement.
16:04It really helped me thinking about sin, not as this terrible thing that you were going to get beaten up with, or that you would need to carry around this like guilty ledger of all the ways that you'd failed, but as a movement away from life that we could become aware of. And repent just means turn, right? Turn and move towards life. And that when I am caught up in these numbing behaviors and they might be just doom scrolling on my phone might be around slightly too much wine just faffing buying stuff on instagram like whatever it is not to go you terrible terrible person to go what is the hunger that i'm trying to meet through this that actually is has a deeper source and he's totally right it is in relationality right is in knowing and being known seeing and being seen our full humanity i think is only present when we when we have those deep connections and those deep relationships.
16:55So I'm trying to be like, okay, put it down, go get connected. Yeah. I love that. And I love that definition of sin because I think for a lot of people who struggled with the idea of faith and of Christianity in particular, that concept is really hard to kind of become reconciled with. But I also think it makes a lot of sense and feels It's just intuitively true that we're made for more and that God wants something more for us, a deep connection, really communion, you know, is what we're made for. And what oftentimes we're willing to settle for is just this terrible counterfeit. And that's not good for us, you know, any more than like if I let my six-year-old daughter eat gummy bears three times a day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it wouldn't meet any of our nutritional needs, nor would it be like the highest and best expression of eating, you know not just for nutrition but actually for enjoyment joy you know yeah it starts to make the whole thing feel more congruent to me less about an angry god up there setting a bunch of rules and knowing we're going to break them and then delighting in the punishment of them which i think is a very unattractive way to think about faith so i appreciate that because it it really makes a lot of sense back to the idea of connection for a second one of the things that i loved hearing the story of it.
18:16It was seriously like talking to my husband. So I was listening to this while I was getting ready and I'm like, honey, they like moved in with another couple. And he kind of looked at me funny. I'm like, no, not like that. Like, like they decided that they were going to live with this other family and join their lives together to purposefully live in community because we have moved away from what used to be so normal, like multi-generational living and living in close proximity to other people and depending on one another. And that's pretty radical. I remember reading a story actually, I don't know if it was in the New York times or something years ago about a family that did this.
18:56And I was sort of simultaneously horrified and fascinated, you know, because I just thought like, I'm an introvert and I'm like, this is my worst nightmare. And also I see the virtue of it. So I want you to talk about like, why in the world would you do that voluntarily. Like being married to somebody is, is all by itself, you know, a big commitment to kind of reconcile two people in a life together. But you chose to live in even deeper community. Why? Like what's been good about it? What's been hard about it? Tell us. Yes, that's a very normal reaction. The Times of London called us a middle-class commune.
19:30We prefer micro monastery. Yes. It was really this growing sense of, I really want to pay attention to growing up my soul. I absolutely need some steadiness. I have this sense that fully aliveness is in connection, deep connection, horizontally and vertically. Certainly I was living in London and kind of busy professional worlds is mitigating against that. It's forcing us into ever smaller and smaller hutches essentially to live in, puts huge amount of pressure on the nuclear family. Friendship is hard. Everything's going online. It was particularly when my husband and I hit our early 30s and we'd had this kind of vibrant sense of our spirituality really blooming and wanting to live more aligned with the radical life we see in the New Testament, actually, which is just very beautiful and how hard it is to make choices that are in any way outside the mainstream otherwise.
20:20And so it was this sense that, okay, I care about my formation. I care about trying to live intentionally, not just accidentally, according to the patterns that have been laid out for me by my culture. And in my tradition, there are these centuries of people who want wisdom, who want deep roots, deliberately putting their lives closer up together, sharing money, sharing food, like needing each other, acknowledging our need, not getting all our needs met by the market without the entanglements of friendship and relationship, but making ourselves sufficiently vulnerable to meet each other's needs, which is messier, messier, more complicated, more annoying.
20:58And I think helps us become more fully human. and so yes my husband and I met another couple at church this comes after a long while of asking other people out and them looking at us like we were mad um eventually met the people who we now live with and then we went through a very rigorous process of discernment learning about each other with not at all rosy tinted spectacles about it because it can go terribly terribly wrong and we have kids we really care about the impact on them but yes now we live as a household we have rhythms of prayer, rhythms of hospitality, largely shared finances, a shared kitchen.
21:33And I feel so grateful for it because I have so much more steadiness and so much more capacity and so much more freedom than I did when it was just us trying to follow the pattern that our culture had laid out for us.
21:52Back when I first became a Christian when I was 18, this was a big movie. Yeah. And even when I moved to Nashville and I joined the church that I'm currently in, there was this whole concept of walking distance churches so that you would kind of come back to the parish idea where like on Sunday morning, everybody would be walking to church. Yeah. And you'd see your neighbors and your friends and the people that you're around. Yeah. And you would help each other during the week and have shared meals together and all that stuff. And so, you know, it seems to me like every technological invention that purports to connect us sometimes has the unintended consequences of making us less connected.
22:34For example, the automobile. Now, all of a sudden, we can work in one community and live in another community, and we literally don't know our neighbors. Or you could take the internet, or you could take video conferencing, or any of these things. And I wonder if, what do you think AI and robotics are going to do to this whole equation, especially humanoid robotics? I'm really cautious because I believe so deeply in this concept of formation, which is just a fancy way of saying, who are we becoming? You know, the Jesuits famously have a very developed understanding of formation, but I have come to be obsessed with how the choices we're making in the moment shape our characters and the shape of our character is the defining factor of what people will say about us at a funeral, which is often something I talk to my clients about, like, what do you want people to say at your funeral?
23:22And how do you work backwards to become that person? Because you're probably not that person yet, let's be honest, I'm definitely not. And anything that is attempting to remove the difficulty of actual human connection, I am always cautious about in terms of formation, because my thesis of fully aliveness is deep connection. And this comes from my, this is a theological anthropology, a fancy word is just, Christians believe that humans are made in the image of a God who's already relational, right? The Trinity is so weird and mind-bending and we don't know what to do with it, but one fundamental fact we can take about it is relationship comes first.
23:54Like before anything else, love. Before anything else, relationship. Connection, prior. And you know, if the theology language isn't good for you, you can stand that up sociologically, you can stand that up neurobiologically, right? Again and again, in all these disciplines, we are finding that we are not actually rationally acting individuals. We are interdependent persons made by each other, made for each other, so interdependent in ways that we're barely aware of. Basically, the quality of those relationships is the defining factor of our flourishing. But relationships are hard. Connection is vulnerable.
24:26It's scary. Other people are fragile and unpredictable. I am fragile and unpredictable. Sometimes, frankly, I'm just a bit of a cow. It's costly living in a community. It's costly being in a congregation. It's costly being a neighbor because we are not in control of other people and they impinge on our space. and they come up difficult times, and it's not efficient. And when we remove ourselves because of those difficulties, I think ourselves shrink. I think we become less fully human. And so my fear with a humanoid AI is that it is easier to deal with than a real human, because it doesn't ask anything of us.
25:02It's just there to serve us. But the more we allow ourselves to shape the world to become more convenient for us, to serve just our needs and our hyper-individualized preferences, the lonelier and less happy we are getting. And so I'd always want to say the hard work of relationship and connection is essential and worth it and actually does lead to more joy. It's the equivalent of the gummy bears for breakfast that you were talking about, Megan. I think an AI companion is probably gummy bears for breakfast in that it seems nice to begin with, but it's not actually going to nourish us. I might be wrong, but that's my hypothesis.
25:42I think you're right. I think the thing that concerns me is the technology is changing faster than we can process it through any kind of ethical or moral filter. You know, it's like it's having an impact. And before we can stop it or before we can think about it, the genie is out of the bottle. You know, I'm generally optimistic about the future, even with AI, but I think we're in for some bumpy roads ahead, for sure. Yeah. I'm trying to just slow down, right? Hold back, wait, not just adopt everything that's being given to me, you know, not be a complete Luddite to try and work out whether technology is able to serve connection.
26:19It's able to serve human flourishing and use it. And if it's just convenient, have a question mark and just pause for a minute. I think that's good because the truth is we really don't have a framework kind of from the perspective of human flourishing for how do we evaluate evaluate new tools and technologies and kind of assess what are the trade-offs? What are the second, third order consequences? What are the trade-offs now, but what are the trade-offs later? Unfortunately, you kind of only can know that in time because you kind of have to test it. But I don't even think we think about that.
26:57I think we're so used to this kind of consumeristic way of being in the world that we just adopt something and we don't even think about the trade-offs right now, much less later, we don't think about the other consequences. And I think that the problem is our brains privilege dopamine reward. They privilege our comfort, the elimination of pain and the prioritization of pleasure so much. And there's like, in other words, there's something driving us to say yes to adopting those things that is not rational. And we don't really know what those consequences are, not just, you know, know, kind of for our general wellbeing, but at a deeper level for our soul, for our own flourishing.
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27:39Yeah. And my concern is, and I think part of the reason that we've kind of shifted gears with the podcast and with some of our work is that we want to slow down the conversation a little bit and just take a minute to remember what does it mean to be a human? What is really at stake here and what might be lost and what needs to be protected, what's okay. And those aren't easy questions to answer or fast questions to answer. And we're certainly not anti-technology or anti-innovation. We love that. It's just that we also know, as you say, that humans have a tremendous propensity to mess things up, use a different word, you know, mess things up, right?
28:23And sometimes we don't realize we've messed things up until much further down the road when it's too late. and you're sort of just in clean up mode. Like I do a lot of work in just kind of mainstream secular social change spaces and I'm seeing a huge uptick in interest in religion specifically. Spiritual practice is more generally in religion. It feels like the US is in a slightly different place but in the UK and Europe, it felt like we hit bottom where there was a general social dismissal that there could be anything useful here. And now people who 10 years ago would have been massive Richard Dawkins fans are going, I don't know if we can do this without some scaffolding.
28:59Like what you've just said, basically our default mode settings, psychologists sometimes talk about it, is just responsive to stimuli, right? We're really simple, dopamine, pleasure, comfort, status, whatever it is. And it is often only in rigorous spiritual pathways, which have tended to be collective. And at the point they are collective, you could maybe call them religions, that has developed over centuries tools for helping us drop down a level to the deeper needs. to the real pathways to flourishing, to the choices that actually serve us and keep us fully alive and fully human. And so that I'm really interested in at the moment, the space that's opened up to talk well and hospitably and humbly, because the worst thing about Christians in public, we're arrogant and preachy and think we have all the answers.
29:46But to say, actually, to my friend Casper to Kyle, cause them spiritual technologies. sometimes to counter some of these technologies that are deforming us we need to go back to the spiritual technologies which have always been known about and which can form us ritual and attention and communal practices and giving and scaffolding for our souls because without that we are just being meat puppets for the machine is what I think on my worst days wow that's so vivid let's kind of shift gears and make this really practical for people because I know people listening are going yeah that just feels really true and I maybe didn't have words for it until now that there's some words now to wrap around this feeling or kind of disquiet that I've been experiencing what do we do with that you were talking about busyness and how you know we don't have time to know our neighbors and sometimes even our family.
30:46But what are the spiritual practices? Maybe if you could even start there, how can we make space to do anything other than what we're doing? Because life seems like it's this never ending torrent of activity and distraction. So Ryan Williams talks about the fact that structuring time and thereby structuring attention is the hidden genius of religions. Everyone knows they give, or they can give, ethical guidance and existential comfort. But actually, if you look at most religions, what they do is they say, this is how you structure your time. And that is how you take some agency back over who you will become.
31:20I joked about being in a micro monastery, but our community is very influenced by the Benedictine tradition. St. Benedict was dealing with a ragtag, unruly group of humans who also had a high propensity to mess things up. And he said, how are we going to live together? How are we going to navigate our time? How are we going to keep focusing our attention on the thing that we want to be formed by, which in their case, my case is Jesus, but might be something different. And that tradition gives you something called a rule of life. And so we have a rule of life and it means not starting with, I'm so busy, where are the tiny slices of time where I can tend to my soul, but going, who do I want to be when I die?
31:57What are therefore my key values? What do I actually care about? And in our case, it's prayer, hospitality, celebration, creativity. Okay. So how are we going to structure our week so that there's time for those is put in first. So we have a practice of Sabbath where we switch off our devices and we spend a day being deliberately unproductive. And I tell you what, it's really hard. And when we do it, it's really good. And everything, the rest of the week gets easier. We have prior practices. We have open table cooking practices where we invite people and we get to know our neighborhood. And then we go, right, what time is left for work?
32:31And then work is going to have to go in those slots, which is really hard if you're an ambitious, successful person. I actually have found I am more professionally fruitful having done it that way round, which is interesting because it turns out it's not the more time you spend. It's how, as you've been saying for years, what you're doing in that time, what you're prioritizing. But that concept of a rule of life as a way of shaping your week and your time, in some ways it's not that dissimilar from just having a calendar, but the monastic wisdom is start with who do you want to be becoming? What are your deep values?
33:04Put aside time for those. Otherwise they're honestly, frankly, theoretical and then fit everything else around it and stick to it. That's the hard thing. Don't get seduced by some sexy new technique in three weeks time. This is like years. That's how long it takes to for formation to really work. You know, just insight for people that listen to this show and also have read our books is we talk about this concept of the ideal week. And I think for most people, and what you've given us is a distinction that I haven't thought of before. We talk about front stage time, you know, when you're in front of people delivering stuff.
33:41And there's your backstage time when you're preparing for the front stage, then there's off stage. But what I hear you saying, and what is beautiful is start with the off stage time and then let everything else fit in. Because if you don't put the big rocks in first, there won't be room for them, for sure. That is really interesting. It's basically your soul is the thing I believe that lasts. So that's the most important bit. And David Brooks is really great on this. He talks about eulogy virtues versus resume virtues. In resume virtues, we can get all manner of help, time, podcast, books, to help us become more effective and productive and successful and high status.
34:18The eulogy virtues, how do you build an actual character? There is so much less scaffolding for. There is so much less support for. and therefore requires much higher levels of intentionality. And it's actually really hard and lonely to do it on your own, which is why there's a genius in being in a congregation or being in a community or perhaps a fellowship group or a woman's group or a men's group or anything where you can give yourself permission with other people to go, I actually want to take my life seriously. I want to take who I'm becoming seriously. What practices and postures do we need that we can slightly hold each other to accountable on so we can be growing together?
34:54because otherwise our time is going to pass on to-do lists, 75 % of which do not matter and we will never remember. I can't help but think there are people listening who have been through, I myself have, though I'm still going to church, but have been burned in the context of faith. They have had some traumatic experience. They have had an experience in a church that feels indelibly armed and, you know, they can't imagine ever going back. And I think we've seen at least in the U.S., but I know it sounds like the U.K. is a little further ahead in kind of the rebound, but people exiting the church in mass and in some ways, interestingly, are coming back, but into more liturgical traditions, which I think makes sense based on what you're saying, because there's that scaffolding that's a part of it.
35:43How do you find a community, a spiritual community to join and be a part of without having a repeat of whatever your own traumatic history has been I know I found that very hard personally I think I have found that place but it's been long and slow and hard one how do you get yourself to risk again and how do you find a safe place yeah thanks for sharing that Megan that's really vulnerable and honest and I really value that. In some ways, it all comes down to this. Like my vision of a human is interconnected, interdependent, and we live in a world that's constantly fracturing those ties. And I think this is a very orthodox biblical understanding.
36:25So Luther and Augustine talk about their definition of, one of the definitions of sin is humanity turned in on itself, where we pull back from God and from other people into ourselves because we resist our interdependence. and the trouble is is that sometimes that pulling back is self-protective right and healthy and necessary when you've been in a community that is not functional not healthy not helping you become more fully human or more fully alive then naturally that is going to feel risky to go towards again and for some people they're just the idea that it could be a church or indeed another kind of religious congregation is just too much to contemplate right now and I totally understand that.
37:05My observation is that outside of religious congregations, there is very little alternative. And I have friends who've tried to build this, right? I was friends with the guys who set up the Sunday Assembly, which was a kind of non-religious church movement in the UK. I have friends who were trying to do something called the Nearness, which again was trying to create non-religious spiritual community for people. And some of those are beautiful and flourish for a while, but they're difficult to scale and they're difficult to sustain over time. My best guess is that, and it takes so much courage because you have to be the really earnest person, right?
37:37I said in a fleeting way, you know, find a group, get a men's group, get a women's group as if that's easy. It's not easy. If you're not in a point where you can join existing scaffolding, you really have to be brave enough to be vulnerable because you keep getting rejected often. But my sense is the hunger for depth and the hunger for connection is so widespread now that if you're brave enough to keep putting out those feelers, making those bids, inviting people for dinner, saying, could we have a book group and maybe read some spiritual books, maybe from different traditions, like whatever people are comfortable with and keep going and keep modeling both vulnerability and commitment.
38:14So this is the really key thing. The reason I am still in church, despite church, is very strong scaffolding and it will be happening even without me. And it models to me that even when I don't want to, it's probably still going to be good for me to show up. And that's so counter to our individualistic culture. So where I've seen it working, it's often someone who's been prepared to go against that culture and say, at the beginning, here are some norms. How about we all covenants take this seriously? How about we block this out of our diary and don't flake unless we're really ill or these are the conditions on which it's all right to flake and otherwise it's actually not okay.
38:53Like we are going to commit to this together. maybe we'll just do a term and see how we get on but it's really difficult and it's really hard work which is why I think for most people looking for a congregation if they can bear it that feels healthy is what is still worth doing I think that's what works about the recovery community is yes I'm so jealous of the recovery community sometimes yeah it's like very high commitment and very high vulnerability and I think sometimes we talk about vulnerability in our culture like as a good thing. Like we want authenticity, we want vulnerability, but we're also because of our hyper individualism, we're really down on commitment.
39:33We don't want to commit. We don't want to commit unless we know we're going to like it long-term. And it's going to serve our needs right now, right? Our kind of top level needs, not our deep level needs. And I think commitment and intimacy and vulnerability, they have to go together or it just doesn't work. It is unsafe. Yeah. My perspective, and I've heard what both of you have said, and I agree with everything you've said. I think sometimes the church gets held up to a much higher standard than any other group. Because the truth is, people get hurt in all kinds of groups. You know, whether it's a trade association or a neighborhood watch program, just the nature of people is that they get political and they hurt each other.
40:15And the thing that is optimistic to me about the church, though, is at least we have a tradition of grace and forgiveness. But that has to be exercised. And some of the most unforgiving spaces I've been in, sadly, are churches. And at the same time, some of the most grace-filled spaces I've been in are in churches. And I don't know if you have this in the UK, but I'm a big fan of this TV series, The Chosen. Part of what I love about it, first of all, it shows the humanity of Jesus, but it shows the disciples really struggling with unforgiveness toward each other and then reconciling. And it's just beautiful to watch it happen.
40:55And it's a good reminder for people like me that this should be the norm. It's a really tender thing. And at the end of my chapter on Pride, which is all about community, I basically have a love song to the church in all of its bruised, broken, spiky edged self, because I think it's only when you've been outside of it for a while, or you have good friends who are so hungry for community and can't find it, that you realize that, and some are actively harmful and dysfunctional, I don't want to write that off, but most are just deeply human, right, and loving, and earnest, and sort of bodging along, and are places where people who would never otherwise meet are learning to love each other, are learning to walk each other home, and there is something extraordinary about that.
41:37So yes, I think we can both acknowledge institutional failure, which impacts all institutions, and it's maybe more disappointing in the church because we kind of see what it could be and go, to whom else shall I go, frankly?
41:59I want to talk about polarization and peacemaking. This shows up in the church, too, right? And it shows up in every group, you know, polarization. But how can we, through practice, be peacemakers and not just respond sort of impulsively to the way everybody else is responding? So this was one of the great eye-opening moments, realizing how central this is to my faith and how little I'd heard about it. I started reading the Gospels through that. I was working in kind of mainstream anti-polarization and peace building work, getting really interested in the dynamics that divide us and how easy it is to just stick to people like me.
42:39Scientists call it homophily. I call it people like me syndrome. How actually we find it stressful and threatening to be with people who are not like ourselves. And that's not just terrible people. That's all of us. These dynamics of tribalism that if we're not careful, drive us further and further apart. Jesus in the gospels is repeatedly upending. He is so disruptive of them. He's just messing up all of these dynamics by repeatedly going to the most outsider person in any situation, the person everyone else is tense, that they're even there, the person everyone else would never be seen with.
43:09He's like beeline, that person. And the bit of my tradition that has this incredibly radical difficult to apply command, which is not just love your neighbors, which is hard enough, love your enemies. This is a very central teaching of my faith. You would not always know it from the church. You would not always know it from looking at me, frankly, but it is a cornerstone. And it's been, you know, it's given inspiration to nonviolent protests and reconciliation movements, some of whom were grounded in Christianity, many of whom weren't all over the world, all over the centuries. And so I have come to believe that the best thing I can be doing in this moment to grow up my soul is to put my roots down deep into this teaching to really acknowledge.
43:54And I think it's sometimes helpful to just call it sin, to acknowledge my sin, which is that I get really contemptuous of people not like me. I like to roll my eyes at people I disagree with. I like to think I'm better and much more comfortable with anyone who reminds me of myself. If you start spotting that pattern in you, it's terrifying. Like if you notice who you feel warm towards, like seriously, Megan came on the screen. I was like, oh, glasses and lipstick. We can be friends. And this shows up in sociological study salespeople are more likely to make a sale on the doorstep if they share a physical characteristic in common with the person that they're selling to.
44:28We are all scanning the world for fragments of our own reflection. And many religious teachings, I think, and Christianity very explicitly says, take care with that because you are called to love each other, your neighbors and your enemies. And so it is a series of practicing, recognizing what's happening and then choosing to act differently. It's really simple, actually, and quite a lot of fun. It's not easy, but it really opens your horizons and you end up with a bunch of very wildly different friends. Thank you for that. That is fantastic. What do you want people to take from this book Fully Alive?
45:08What do you most hope that they'll walk away with and do with what they've experienced in this book? I do hope they'll feel a bit steadier. They'll feel some relief. It's hard to talk about this stuff, right? When we feel existentially very unsettled, we kind of don't want to unsettle everyone else and we don't want to be negative or moaning or whining or making it all about us. And being really honest about how overwhelming the world feels somehow. It's healing. I find it healing. But then going, okay, what can we do? Like what is in our hands? What do we have agency over? Probably my own soul.
45:46What am I doing in my actual neighborhood? What decisions can I make that are towards loving my neighbor, that are towards becoming the kind of person the world needs now? Kind of lowers that overwhelming globalizing sense of all the world's problems down to, okay, what can I do? And people have been doing these things for centuries, and maybe I can find some other people who are doing them, and then I feel less alone. I love that. Well done. Now we're going to shift gears to our questions that we ask all of our guests. And like we were talking about kind of at the beginning, our mission at Full Focus is to help people get the double win, which means actually our mission is to help make it nearly impossible for people not to get the double win, which is winning at work and succeeding at life.
46:30And so in your experience, what is the biggest obstacle that you're currently facing in winning at work and succeeding at life? so I think this is possibly going to sound incredibly smug and arrogant but I feel like I have fewer obstacles than I have in other seasons of my life and part of that's living in community that I have a lot of support and accountability to both be living my values and to be courageously pursuing my vocation so there's all kinds of my own skills and the amount of time and trying to be a good parent, like practical things that everyone is struggling with. But the big stuff, your questions may be really grateful that there aren't, doesn't feel like there aren't insurmountable barriers.
47:15I love that. It's sort of like people say sometimes, you know, what's the one solution that eliminates the need for a thousand other solutions or I'm butchering that, but you know, that, that kind of idea. And I feel like what I'm taking away apart from this conversation is community is the one thing that solves a thousand and other problems. It creates other problems, but they're good problems. It's good friction, not bad friction. So yes. The second question we have is how do you personally know when you're getting the double win? Like what are the, what's the evidence? Everything comes back to relationship for me.
47:47So when my immediate family, my husband and my kids, when we feel like we actually know what's going on with each other, when we're having fun together, when we're just alongside each other rather than living parallel lives. Yeah. Fun together is really big collective laughter is probably the easiest to spot symptom where that bit of my life is flourishing because we're all flourishing together and when I've done a piece of work that again feels like it's really connected with someone where there is a moment of shared humanity and we've both gone and whether that's through a podcast and I know about it from an email or someone's read the book or sent me an email but when I've done some work that is humanizing that really feels like yeah that was a good day's work that i'm grateful for very good i love that okay last question and i feel like you are the queen of this so i can't wait to hear what you say but what is one ritual or routine that helps you do what you do and i think in this case i would say what you do is human flourishing so what is one ritual or routine chief of human flourishing yeah yeah i am i i'm not gonna claim that um i think sabbath that's this is a long slow coming to the conclusion that like a full 24 hours off devices in which we prioritize rest and celebration makes everything else easier and there's lots of others and sacred reading and singing and being a part of the congregation and journaling have lots and lots of other rituals but to take a seventh of the week and actively try and resist work and instead turn towards relationships and rest.
49:24Puts everything else into its right size. So it's become a bit of a cornerstone. So what would you do on that day? I just want to know very practically, like sketch the day out for me. There's a fair amount of panicking that I've forgotten to tell people that I'm turning my phone off. So that's the annoying thing about Sabbath. You have to be very, you have to look ahead. Otherwise there is very good reason to turn your phone back on. So I have to do a lot of like, I'm turning my phone off. Where are we meeting? If we're seeing people outside the home, are we going to a thing where the tickets are on, have to be on our phone?
49:52There's just like trying to work out how to reduce the logistical nightmare, which is ridiculous that it's as high as it is. And then Friday night, we will have family dinner or house dinner. We will light a candle. And I was chatting to a rabbi friend about this the other day. It was, it's cultural appropriation. He was like, it's the good kind, you know, and we say a prayer and then we try and, play a game together after dinner. And then the next day, we just try and do things that are joyful. You know, go to the park or do some art together or we'll see some friends. You know, in lots of ways, it looks like everyone else's weekend, but we are trying to do it in ways that are very boundaried around technology and which are attempting to slow down.
50:34I really do feel like this slowing down word has been a theme in this conversation and a theme for my life because hurrying and distraction are not how we flourish. And we're constantly being encouraged to do those things. So we need to provide, provide to kind of, we're never going to get equal pressure, but at least some counter pressure towards slowness and steadiness and presence. I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that. It's really helpful to just kind of imagine what does it really look like? Elizabeth, thank you so much for being a guest with us today. We really appreciate it. I have loved this conversation.
51:07Good. And I want to encourage people, get the book. Yes, get the book, get the book, get the book. And you can listen to Elizabeth's lovely voice reading it to you, which is, I mean, we don't always get to say that. You know, sometimes it's not even the author reading the book. But in this case, you get Elizabeth herself reading it, which is pretty fantastic. Thank you so much. Thanks for being here.
51:36well that was a fun conversation well all i can say is i just wish elizabeth lived here because i think we would be best friends and i'm sad that she lives all the way in london but that gives you reason to go visit london yeah which i love london so perfect done i'm there the big idea i walked away from was the critical importance of community. And it seems to me like it's one of those terms that's very often mentioned. We have the full focus community. We have all these online communities. But it's like the more we talk about it, the less there is of it. Because the kind of community that she's talking about that I think is so different and really resonates with me is physical proximity to other people.
52:20And there's something that you can't create. I mean, it's better than nothing, I suppose. But a virtual community, especially a virtual community that's just text only, there's places for it, but it's not going to replicate what happens when you live with some level of intimacy with other humans. I agree with that. And I think this is a real challenge. Many years ago when I was in college, I did a lot of research about urban design and city planning and just how that has changed over time. Like we live near a historic town that was planned with mixed use zoning and things like that. Right. So like houses or near businesses and it's walkable and all of that.
53:03But that's not with the advent of the car. that all changed. And most of us do not live in neighborhoods or near the other parts of our life, whether it's the grocery store or church or our kids' school or office. Those things are usually not in close proximity to where we live. And so we spend a lot of our time in the car. And I think there's some real obstacles to that and some real consequences as Elizabeth shares to our own soul in our human flourishing and our well-being because we don't have community because it just, it doesn't come easily anymore. You know, it's funny because I think I've tended to gravitate toward this without having the clarity of what I was seeking.
53:44But for example, you know, I'm three blocks from my office, you know, I have an office behind my home and then the office where everybody else is, is three blocks away. You know, I can walk to great restaurants two to three blocks away. You know, I have all of my grandkids live within five minutes of me. And so that's a pretty awesome thing. And I've often said if my church would just move where I live, I could walk to everything. I would have no need for a car. But there has been something profoundly lost through technology. And anybody who knows me knows I'm a technologist. I love technology.
54:24But I also realize that it hasn't come without cost. And I think those costs sometimes are slower to be realized. They're costs to our soul, they're costs to our heart, they're costs to our ability to really flourish. And I love that Elizabeth, in telling her own story, really frames up for us what we've lost, but also how to get it back. And I think that we are very wary on this show of talking explicitly about faith, not because we're ashamed of our faith or anything like that, but because oftentimes it gets done so badly that it's off-putting to people, that it just is a poor representation of what the gospel really has to offer.
55:07And I think she did such a great job of laying out with full transparency of all the pitfalls and all the things that have gone wrong, why faith is an anchor in this conversation of human flourishing and kind of unavoidable in a way that we are made for that and that faith communities offer something in terms of the ability to kind of balance the scales with the con side being turbulence and instability, but steadying really comes in these ancient practices and in kind of the work of faith like day in and day out. And I love that because to me, it just feels so practical and kind of like hearty and trustworthy.
55:52I don't know how else to describe it, but that's part of what I took away was the old things are the things that we can trust, even if we've had bad experiences with them, that there's something there. There's some wisdom. There's, as she said several times, I thought it was beautiful. There's medicine there. And I think that's what we're all looking for is we're looking for that medicine, especially right now is things that feels like, you know, the center will not hold. And, and I think the center that does hold is our faith and is in the daily practices, the sort of ordinariness of life, anchoring ourselves to that.
56:24You talk about the ordinariness, hard to say, of life. I thought her thing about planning your non-work time was a key practice and starting there. Now, I've advocated for balancing, for sure, You know, try to do your very best to put that in your ideal week. But here, I think the insight that I got, and it was a little bit of a revelation, was start with the free time. So what would you do differently? Like, how would you think about your ideal week differently if you were kind of doing that, like, flip of the big rocks weren't your most important professional contributions, but your big rocks were kind of your most important soul care or connection?
57:10I don't know how we would say that, but how would your schedule look different? I don't know that it would look different, but I think that I would approach it from a different framework. You know, my work's very important, and it's not just a way for me to, you know, support the rest of my life. You know, I think there's a real calling and a real sense of purpose in what I do, and I know you feel the same way. So I don't want to diminish that, but I do think that observing Sabbath in the way that she was talking about is at the core of this. And it's interesting to me, and not to wax too theological, but Sunday for Christians is the first day of the week.
57:51And it begins with rest. And I think too often, and if you're not religious or a faith-based person, listen to me anyway, I think that a lot of times people think that rest is the reward for hard work. And as a result of that, they never actually get to it. And I think the insight here is rest is the prerequisite. And so by unplugging, powering down, focusing on rejuvenating kinds of activities, like she was talking about, that prepares you for making your best contribution without burnout. I think I've drifted into this idea, and literally on my calendar, I have the week start on Monday. and I think I need to change that just for my own sense of how time works and the importance.
58:41It's kind of like an orienting practice. My default on time that I have off is that I want to spend as much time by myself at home without other people as possible. Now in my life, I have five kids, three of them are still at home. That doesn't mean I'm alone, you know, usually, but it does mean that I'm not doing things with other people outside of my nuclear family very often. And I don't think that's what she means by Sabbath. And I don't think that's, I think the idea is the restoration that is Sabbath comes from being in community and community is more than your nuclear family. That's the whole point.
59:21So that was really challenging to me to think about. The other thing I was thinking, if I were going to answer my own question about how my schedule would change. I've always thought it was interesting that Catholics, for example, tend to observe the practice of going to mass every day. And you and I are not Catholic, so that's not part of our practice. But I often will go to an Anglican or Episcopal Eucharist service on a Wednesday. And I would love to start every day with that. You know, I think that would be a really beautiful, orienting way to remember what really matters, to be anchored to truth and goodness and wholeness in the truest sense every day.
1:00:01And I think that feels, I've always wondered, like, people who are Catholic, like, how do they fit that in? You know, because that seems like a pretty big commitment every day. But also, how cool to do that. I don't know if you remember this, but when we had Arthur Brooks on, who is Roman Catholic, he and his wife go to Mass every day. Yeah. Kyle, who works for us at the house here, he and his wife go to Mass every day. Yeah. And I think it's a steadying kind of thing. And this is why I think, darn that automobile, because proximity really creates friction for this. Because it's not like I'm going to go to a one-hour Eucharistic service and then come home, but it's a 20-minute drive there and it's a 20-minute drive back.
1:00:41You know, I don't want to be making excuses, but it's just, it's challenging. Well, it's something to really think about, like how to incorporate those spiritual practices and spiritual disciplines into life. yeah I don't know that's one of the things I'm really taking away is just thinking about that so obviously guys if you stayed with us this long you need to get this book I mean we get nothing out of promoting a book other than just knowing what it's meant to us but I I think it's going to be so meaningful to you so I really hope you will buy the book we have all the information in the show notes I think it will be helpful for you in this season of being a human it's a weird time to be a human.
1:01:18Yes, it is. And on that, we'll end. Thanks for joining us, everybody. Yeah, thanks for hanging out with us. We'll see you next week. Bye-bye.
From the publisher
What if the key to thriving isn’t managing your circumstances perfectly—but rooting yourself in the connections that matter most? In this heartfelt conversation, Michael and Megan talk with Elizabeth Oldfield, author of Fully Alive, about reclaiming depth, community, and soul-level steadiness in a culture addicted to speed and distraction. Elizabeth draws on ancient wisdom, modern insight, and her own experience living in intentional community to offer a hopeful path forward.
Memorable Quotes
- “You need to put your roots down deep into love and work out how to find some steadiness.”
- “When we are honest about our full humanity, we give other people permission to do that, and that's a necessary starting point for actually growing up our souls rather than pretending that we all know what we’re doing and we’re holding it all together.”
- “Where we put our attention is essentially who we become.”
“I have this sense that fully aliveness is in connection, deep connection, horizontally and vertically.” - “Hurrying and destruction are not how we flourish, and we’re constantly being encouraged to do those things. So we need to provide some counter pressure towards slowness and steadiness and presence.”
Key Takeaways
- Connection Is the Core of Flourishing. Relationships—messy, costly, inconvenient—are where we become more fully human.
- Attention Shapes Who You Become. Distraction isn’t just a nuisance; it’s a soul-shaping force. Guard your focus.
- Structure Time Around Your Values. A “rule of life” puts what matters most in place first, so the rest fits around it.
- Commitment Fuels Depth. Vulnerability without commitment fizzles; together they form lasting community.
- Ancient Practices Still Work. Sabbath, liturgy, and shared rhythms anchor us in what endures.
Resources
- Fully Alive by Elizabeth Oldfield
- The Sacred podcast by Elizabeth Oldfield
Watch on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/-anckhHSdHM
This episode was produced by Sarah Vorhees Wendel of VW Sound




