The Rules Don’t Apply to Me! (Or, How Not to Be an Entitled Leader)

0:28Hi, I'm Michael Hyatt. in our own hearts and in our own leadership, because that's where entitlement has to be routed out first.

0:46I mean, I kind of want to just let my head smack on my desk at this point, because it's way more fun and easier to talk about the entitlement that other people have or complain as leaders about, you know, people who have worked for us or do work for us or whatever that have entitlement issues. And it's kind of like, you know, talking about character defects in your kids. Usually, if you look in the mirror, you can see the origin of those things, those character defects. And I think with entitlement, it's no different. Very often when there's an entitlement problem that we see culturally, that is a top-down problem that needs to be addressed.

1:28Well, I hate that because it's much easier to complain. You know, just to back up for a second, I think it's really easy to maybe dismiss what we're saying as being the province of narcissistic leaders. And what we know from the psychological community is that narcissism affects a very small percentage of people, truly. Like, we throw that word around and it's something that we, you know, like to attribute to people on a regular basis. But in reality, it's a pretty rare condition that people have. What that means is that the things we're talking about today really could be things that all of us find ourselves doing from time to time as leaders.

2:07And the more successful we become, the more likely we are to find ourselves in these places because there just tends to be less accountability. You know, you just tend to have the ability to get away with things that you might not have earlier in your career when you weren't the boss or when you weren't the leader in some way. So I just, in case you're tempted to kind of tune out for a second or think that this may not apply to you, I just want to say, I think it applies to all of us, myself included.

2:38Okay, so let's get to it. The basic premise of the show today is that entitlement is something that can exist in your organization, but the way to root it out is to address five areas of entitlement in yourself. So we got to start with a good long look in the mirror and address where these may crop up for ourselves. So area number one is that entitlement is thinking the rules don't apply to you. Where have you seen that in your experience? Besides myself at times? Well, yeah, I'm really talking about other leaders. Yeah. Because again, that's the focus of this episode is other leaders and ourselves and how entitlement can afflict leaders.

3:23Yeah. Well, I think the classic example of this that we have seen lately is you see leaders who are in a position of power who just frankly exploit people. And we see this a lot in terms of sexual harassment or inappropriate relationships in the office or affairs, you know, where there's just a sense of there's a expectation of professionalism or propriety everywhere. And for everyone except the boss, you know, so that's sort of like the most egregious example. But I think this is also where you see this in small ways, like, you know, for example, we have kind of a rule inside our company that we don't call or text on the weekends or outside of business hours for the most part, unless it's an emergency, you know, so we're not like doing work in the evenings or on weekends for the most part.

4:19And one of the ways that I could imagine doing this myself, and I'm sure I have done this is just sort of saying, yeah, yeah, but you know, I'm the boss, I don't need to follow that rule. I'm going to call somebody on the weekend because I just want an answer to this project right now. And meanwhile, what that does to the person on the other end is I'm disrupting their family dinner. I'm disrupting the soccer game that they're at with their children or, you know, they're out to brunch with friends. And I'm sort of using, giving myself permission to use my power in that moment because they're going to have to answer the phone if I call, you know, or text and just basically deciding the rules of basic respect for other people's time don't apply to me.

5:03Okay. I've been guilty of that for sure. And sometimes I justify it out of convenience. You know, for example, I think of something and I think, well, I don't want to forget that. And so I'll drop it. And usually for me, I put it into Slack. And thankfully Slack now has a new feature that allows me to schedule that message. So I can go ahead and dump it into Slack. So I don't forget it, but then I can schedule it. So it doesn't show up until, you know, Monday morning at nine o 'clock when people are in the office. And I really like that. So there's definitely the convenience factor. But I remember years ago when I was at Thomas Nelson, we published Jim Baker's autobiography.

5:43Yes, that Jim Baker, the guy that ran, what was it, PTL? Was that the name of the network? And it was an amazingly honest autobiography. And the title of it was, I Was Wrong. It was actually published right before I came to Thomas Nelson. But in it, one of the things he said was that he developed this attitude that the rules were for other people and necessary in order to maintain order, but they didn't apply to him. Now get this, because he was special. Now he had a whole theology that he used to justify that. It was like, you know, I'm working so hard for God. God understands that, you know, I occasionally need, you know, some kind of reprieve from the stress I'm under.

6:24So I can break the rules because I'm I'm doing this for God. And I think that's sometimes what happens when we're so committed to a mission that the end justifies the means. Right. And I think as leaders, we've got to be very careful of that because sometimes it will feel like in order to keep the rules or in order to observe the value or in order to engage in ethical behavior, that somehow it's going to sacrifice or put into risk the end goal, the vision. And I think it's just the opposite of what you think. You got to be willing to sacrifice the vision for the sake of ethical behavior. Does that make sense?

7:07I think that's integrity. I think it is too. And that's kind of a big example. I was just thinking of something that I have done on many occasions that in some ways, it's like a subtle form of entitlement. One of the things we do in our company is we have candor meetings. And so our leaders do this on a regular basis. And I do it with my direct reports where I ask them to come and answer six questions where they're giving me very candid feedback on my leadership. And one of the questions is, and they do this like once every six months, six different questions, you know, each time. One of the questions is, what is the one thing that I'm doing that's driving you crazy?

7:43Oh, wow. You know, it's probably one of those questions they hate to answer, but they do. And I always, I did this recently, I always get some really good feedback. And something that I've gotten feedback on a couple of times, and I am like, determined to fix this is that when I cancel meetings at the last minute, like let's say something really important comes up, and then I have to cancel all my one on ones and try to reschedule them. And usually that happens on Thursdays for me. That's when in my ideal week, my one on ones are, it creates a terrible domino effect of then they have to reschedule all their one ones to work for the reschedule.

8:16And then all those people have to reschedule. And you know, I could have 50 people rescheduling whatever needed had to be moved in order to accommodate my schedule when in reality, and I'm telling myself that's okay at some level because what I'm doing is so important. And in reality, the opposite of entitlement, of kind of valuing of other people as equals and of humility would be, we've got to get our ducks so in a row that this is mostly never necessary, you know, and that this is not, this can't be okay. And if it, you know, if we have to do it, we really need to fall on our sword and take ownership of the disruption that it causes because it's significant.

8:57And that's just kind of a subtle form of entitlement. I mean, that's not full blown, like having an affair or whatever, but that, but, but it's the seeds of, I can do this because of my position and the rules don't apply to me. And that's just not okay. Well, you know, what's missing in that, that kind of interaction sometimes, I'm not saying this with you, but it happens for a lot of leaders, is we lose our ability to have empathy for other people. So we see the disruption in our own schedule, but it doesn't occur to us to realize this is creating some level of pain or suffering for other people downstream.

9:33And unfortunately, and I've seen studies on this, although I can't quote them at the moment, but where the greater your power, the less likely you are to have empathy. And maybe some of that is self-protective. It's like maybe at a certain level, you wouldn't make the decisions you make because you realize there's going to be some suffering. But it's essential to maintain that empathy and to communicate it. And it certainly, I don't mean this as a manipulative tool, but at some level, it does help the medicine go down. If at least we can communicate, for example, in your case, look, I hate that I have to do this.

10:11I know it's disruptive to you. I know it's going to have a cascading effect on your schedule. But so, I mean, just to say that out loud, at least helps people know that you get it.

10:26Okay. So, that's entitlement number one, thinking the rules don't apply to you. Entitlement number two, expecting to have benefits you haven't earned. How does this show up? Well, I think one of the ways that this can show up is an expectation that you would have, for example, a big bonus payout or an ownership draw if you're an owner, even if the financial results hadn't been there. You know, that you're just kind of mad. You know, you think that your contribution is so significant that you should be able to have the benefit of those things when the results don't line up with it. And it's like a disconnect between the cause and effect relationship with things.

11:12So, for example, you might see this in an organization where there were all kinds of perks and luxury bonuses and things like that. And then the company is not doing as well. And the business owner or the executive start going into debt to keep that lifestyle or those perks going when the results are not there to the detriment of the company. You know, the private jet or the expensive retreats or, you know, the cars or whatever, and thinking that those things are owed to you because that's just the kind of person you are now, even though the results do not justify that kind of spending. I think entitlement fundamentally happens when we think things are owed to us rather than seeing this as privilege and a gift and something we need to be grateful for.

12:08So, whenever we sort of have that demanding attitude, like, you know, I deserve a company car. I deserve a bonus payout. I deserve flying first class. I deserve whatever it is, as opposed to being thankful when that happens, but not expecting it. And I think that's like the opposite. I think that the cure for entitlement is gratitude and not asserting your rights. You know, like, well, I have the right to that. When you start using that kind of language, that's when you know you're on the edge of entitlement. Because we have responsibilities, but not necessarily rights as leaders. And in fact, if we take servant leadership seriously, it means that we put others ahead of ourselves, not ourselves ahead of everybody else.

13:10Okay, so entitlement number two, expecting to have benefits you haven't earned. Entitlement number three, acting as though some work is beneath you. Now, it would be easy to kind of jump to the, yeah, I have employees like that, that I ask them to do something and the general attitude is that's not my job. But again, we're focusing on this attitude as it shows up in our own leadership journey. Right. And I think it's very easy as a leader to put in your time to do the work in those lower level, early career kinds of things, and then get to the place where you go, well, I'm not going to do that anymore.

13:46I'm above that. I have a position of status or a position in the organization where I'm not going to do that. And whenever you start thinking that or acting that way, you're kind of into this area of entitlement. You know, I remember years ago, I had a director who I promoted. And once she was in her new role, she really didn't want to do the work that she used to do, you know, so when she was asked to do a task, because there was a need at that point, you know, there was some kind of a, an event or a situation where that was needed, she didn't want to do it. And she was just kind of like taken aback.

14:26And it ended up that we had a lot of round and round conversations about her job description because it was really important to her from a status standpoint not to have to do the work that was in her previous job anymore. And, you know, we talk a lot in our company about doing the things that only you can do and just how that is ultimately good stewardship and how delegation enables you to ultimately make a greater contribution and all that stuff. So in a way, that's not wrong. However, I think this is really where the attitude comes in. Because, you know, it's important to be willing to do anything that you're asking somebody else to do.

15:08Now, that's probably not going to be necessary and should it be necessary on a regular basis. But if, for example, you're not willing to go clear your own plate from a lunch that was catered in and throw it away and feel, you know, like you wouldn't be willing to clear everybody's table or place at the table, that's a real problem. You know, it just it really ascribes a kind of value to different jobs that is that is dehumanizing. And hopefully as leaders, the way we see work is that all work is valuable, you know, that all work is is good and and worth doing. And I think sometimes if we're not careful, what we're willing or not willing to do determines the value of work in the minds of the people who work for us.

15:55And that's a really dangerous thing. You know, I was reminded, Megan, as you were talking about this whole idea of replication, that leaders inevitably replicate themselves and their behavior gets replicated in the lives of the people they're leading. So if you're unwilling to do certain things, you can be sure that you're replicating that in the lives of your team. They're going to be unwilling. Right. And is that really what you want is to build an organization where people want to stay in their lane? They don't want to help when it's necessary. I think of your husband, Joel, who's a great example to me of somebody who's willing to roll up his sleeves and do whatever is necessary.

16:30Nothing's beneath him. He's willing to do whatever is necessary for the sake of the team. And I think that's really what it comes down to. It's either going to be your status or the team's welfare. And I think certainly the kind of organization that we want to build is where we're acting on behalf of the team's welfare, not protective of our own status. Because at the end of the day, does that really matter? No, not at all. Not in terms of what we're trying to create. You know, part of this probably looks like doing things intentionally if you are the leader that are outside of your job description, not in a way that's driving people crazy and meddling in their roles.

17:07But that sometimes you intentionally are the person, for example, that clears the table or takes the thing out to the trash can or, you know, steps in to help somebody finish whatever. Not obviously that can get way out of control. It'd be not good stewardship of, you know, what you're entrusted with as a leader. But symbolically, I think it's important to do that so that your people know, oh, yeah, I don't lose face if I help out with this thing. If I roll up my sleeves and help with some copywriting to finish a sales page that's going out because the copywriters are underwater, that's not a problem.

17:43Like that's totally – write a couple emails, like it's fine. And I think that people need to see this modeled because especially young leaders, maybe that's what they think they're supposed to be doing, that they're going to compromise their authority if people see them doing their old job. And it's actually usually in sharing our power and our authority that we get more of it, not the other way around. Yeah. But I've certainly seen examples where a leader in a room where I was took the initiative, like gets up from the table to go refill his iced tea and says, hey, can I get something for anybody else?

18:17You know, it's just kind of an other centered perspective that we need to maintain as leaders. It's critical. And again, I think it fits with this whole servant leadership model. You know, how can I serve the people that I'm trying to lead as opposed to seeing them as a means to my end? Right. You know, they're there to serve me. Right. And if you build that kind of organization, it's not going to go well. Well, it just becomes gross too. I think this is where it gets bigger and worse over time where you sort of have a whole organization that's about serving you and your needs and anticipating your needs in ways that really are very bad for your character.

18:56And when you start replicating that in other leaders, it's just it's unsustainable. And partly because you don't ever have to do anything difficult. You know, you don't ever have to have the discomfort of all kinds of things because everything's engineered for your comfort. And I think that that is a dangerous place for a leader from a character standpoint, because that's when the entitlement starts to feel really good, you know, and problems come. Absolutely.

19:36Okay, so that was entitlement number three, acting as though some work is beneath you. Entitlement number four is giving yourself license not to honor your word. Why is that important? Well, let me say what this is first. This is something, this concept of honoring your word is, I mean, obviously there's a biblical component to this, but this is something I really learned from one of my coaches, Nancy, a couple years ago. And it's this idea that when you give your word to something, you are committed. Now, it doesn't mean that you can't negotiate that. For example, let's say you have a deadline that you commit to get something to someone by.

20:14Obviously, there are going to be unforeseen circumstances, and you may need to renegotiate that. Like, can I get it to you on Thursday instead of Friday or instead of Tuesday, like I promised? But you never abandon your word. You always stay with it. So abandoning it is due on Thursday, and Thursday comes and goes, and I never say anything to you about it. Now, this is the kind of thing as employers, as leaders, it drives us crazy when our people do it, right? You know, they don't get some deliverable that they promised or they're late to a meeting or they said they would follow up with some article or supplementary material and we never hear about it.

20:52It drives us absolutely crazy. The problem is, is that what I have noticed in myself, and I have really worked to correct this, is that I was giving myself license to do that because I thought, well, you know, I mean, I'm the boss. It's less important in that direction than it is in the other direction. And that is so wrong. It's even more important because I'm setting the standard of what I expect from other people with my behavior. And that really is a thread through all of these types of entitlement that we're talking about. Because whatever my behavior is, if I'm the leader, and that could be you're leading one person or you're leading a big company or whatever, it just becomes the standard.

21:31So this can be little things like you show up three to five minutes late for every meeting. That's not honoring your word. Your word was you're going to be there at one o 'clock and you were there at 105. You know, if you say, hey, I'll call you when I get in the car and we can talk about XYZ to one of your direct reports and then you don't call and you don't say, hey, I'm sorry I got tied up. Can we talk in the morning? That's that is not honoring your word. You know, if you are supposed to get, like in my case, this would be a good example. If I'm supposed to get Aaron, my chief of staff, my notes for a slide deck she's building for me, and she's got her whole project schedule to build the slide deck on the back end, and I was supposed to have it to her on Monday so she had enough time, and then I just don't get around to it until, you know, Friday afternoon.

22:17Well, that's not honoring my word, and that puts her in a very bad position. And so I think that we can tell ourselves a story that as leaders, you know, other people can just kind of figure it out. You know, like it's not that big of a deal. And it is a huge deal. Yeah, this is the problem of thinking we're the exception. Right. Right. So that's part of entitlement. So I want to tell a story that I don't think I've told for a long time. I don't think I've told it on this podcast, parenthetically, if I have, you guys stop me. But Dr. Stephen Covey talks about the difference between integrity and honesty.

22:53And this is a really good distinction. They're two sides of the same coin. But integrity is making your behavior conform to your words. Honesty is making your words conform to your behavior or reality. Okay. So back when I was fresh out of college, I took a job as a director of marketing for a relatively small publishing company back in Waco, Texas. It was called Word Incorporated, Word Publishing. And my boss, who would later become my business partner, is a man by the name of Robert Walgemuth. And he and I are still great friends to this day. We've been through a lot together. But at that point, he was my brand new boss.

23:37And so he hired me for this job. And this was back in the early 80s. And I needed$30 ,000 a year, which was pretty much what I needed to live on at that point. And so I told him that. And he said, well, I can't really pay you that much. He said, I can pay you$27 ,000 a year. And he said, the truth is you don't have really inexperience in marketing. He said, I think you can do the job. but I want to do it for like 90 days, 90-day probation. And if you kill it, if you really do the job that both of us think you can do, then I'll give you the raise to$30 ,000. So man, I love a challenge and I went crazy for the next 90 days.

24:18You know, I was working 10 hours a day. I was reading books like crazy. I was doing everything I could to really do an outstanding job. So it came to day 90. I was pretty proud of what I had done. And so, as I expected, Robert called me and he said, hey, it's day 90. Come up to my office. I want to talk to you. And so, I walked into his office and he did not look that happy. And I sat down and he said to me, he said, I'm afraid I have some bad news. He said, I want to start with the good news. He said, you have killed it. You've done a fantastic job over the course of the last 90 days. And I told you that I would give you a raise to$30 ,000 a year if you did a great job.

25:03And you've done a great job. But here's the problem. Since that time, our parent company has put both a hiring freeze and a salary freeze on the business. And I can't do what I said I would do. I'd like to. You've earned it. You deserve it. But I can't give you that raise we discussed. Well, man, I was crestfallen. You know, I was just so discouraged. I thought, wow. And that$3 ,000 meant a lot. So I went back to my office and kind of worked through the rest of the day, went home, talked to Gail about it. And Gail, like she always does when I go through something challenging, she said, well, honey, you just need to, you know, give this over to God and just relax and trust that it's all going to work out.

25:49But it's okay. We'll figure it out. You know, she said, I know you love this job. I know you love working for Robert. So let's just, you know, keep working hard and we'll just see what happens. Well, the very next day he calls me first thing. I mean, in the morning, it's like seven o 'clock in the morning. I got there early. He got there early. So he said, come into my office. I want to talk to you about some. So I walked into his office and he said, have a seat. And I did. And he was holding an envelope in his hand. And he said, I'm going to, I'm about to give you something that you can't refuse.

26:17But he said, I went home and talked to Bobby, his wife at the time. She's since passed away. He said, I talked to Bobby about this. And what I realized last night was that I made a commitment to you. The company, sort of this abstract entity didn't make the commitment. I made the commitment. And I want to be a person of my word. And so here's a check that I've written out of my personal account. And it's the$3 ,000, the raise that you would have gotten. I'm paying you out of my own pocket. Like I said, you can't refuse it. I know you're going to try to blow it off, but you can't. Well, guess what?