In short
Tom Pardoe’s path from childhood athletics and ambition to Paratrooper service, then a spiral into alcohol-fueled violence, gambling addiction, and debt after leaving the army; he frames recovery around “taking action” rather than just talking.
Guest backgrounds
Tom Pardoe is a former paratrooper (3 Para; mentions 2 Para/16 Air Assault Brigade). He trained in gymnastics from a young age at an intense, national-level standard; he developed anxiety-related tics/twitching and later joined the military despite ADHD testing. He did one Middle East tour with force protection duties and stepped up to 2IC briefly. He later lived “civvy street” with his partner, boxing involvement, and addiction issues.
Key claims
Ego and insecurity drove his early aggression; alcohol and “prey drive” made violence more likely. He says gambling became an escape/distraction and used dopamine triggers from slot games and film-like hooks. He claims he got into roughly £20k debt via loans and gambling, sometimes using friends’ accounts and non-Gamstop sites.
Notable examples
biting a mate’s chin during a block-party fight; basic training “adult entry” ego clashes (including throwing ear protection/Amplavox); multiple knockouts and injuries from fights; a Middle East force-protection tour; leaving the army after a violent altercation with his dad over stolen kit (bat/kitchen knife injuries); later gambling via phone slots (including “free spins” leading to £1,400, then chasing losses).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOEarly Life and Military Aspirations
1:30 to 2:30
Tom Pardoe shares his path from childhood fascination to army life.
“Two fellas and a donkey, that was a weird one.”
Experiences with Anger and Violence
2:30 to 4:00
Discussion on the relationship between anger and capability in youth.
“And he did a book called The Zero Point.”
Path to the Paras and Personal Growth
4:00 to 7:00
Tom discusses his journey to join the Paras and personal experiences.
“I was like a young lad, and I was always obsessed with the military, the army.”
Consequences of Violence and Maturity
7:00 to 10:00
Conversation on the consequences of violence and personal maturity.
“You shouldn't laugh because it's something.”
The Role of Identity and Judgment
10:00 to 13:00
Understanding identity and the fear of judgment during adolescence.
“you're fighting and you have like turning points I'd say I was never a kid that liked a confrontation.”
Reflection on Life Choices and Future
13:00 to 14:00
Tom reflects on past choices and the influence of life experiences.
“Four years ago, we were just making TikToks.”
Struggles with Anger and Violence
14:00 to 18:00
Explore the challenges of managing anger and its consequences in life.
“I said, mate, there's a big difference between being angry and being capable.”
Army Experiences and Accountability
18:00 to 21:00
Understand the impact of military culture on personal behavior and accountability.
“But this is the issue is when I went into basic training.”
Consequences of Alcohol and Aggression
21:42 to 28:00
Discuss the dangers of alcohol-fueled aggression and personal anecdotes from the army.
Confessions of Past Relationships
28:00 to 28:39
Tom discusses his past relationships and the feelings of insecurity that influenced his actions.
“And I found someone, I come back off tour, I found someone, I fell in love, do you know what I mean?”
Show all 33 chapters
Bali Experience and Self-Discovery
28:40 to 30:10
Tom shares his experiences in Bali that challenged him and made him appreciate life back home.
“of course fuelled by insecurity absolutely it's insane but there's a lot of people in jail because of it they had to prove themselves they wanted to prove themselves they had to go one step further.”
The Impact of Love and Drugs
30:11 to 31:38
Discussion on how love and the rave culture impacted Tom's life, leading him to try drugs.
“I told you 2A, the HD brain, but still fascinating.”
Struggles with Gambling Addiction
31:39 to 33:56
Tom opens up about his gambling addiction and the extreme measures he took to feed it.
“which is something that I'd never felt before, so it was new to me where it was that real connection with someone else.”
Struggles with Gambling Addiction
34:24 to 34:35
Tom opens up about his gambling addiction and the extreme measures he took to feed it.
“You could have spent that money in the brass house.”
The Cycle of Addiction
35:32 to 39:58
Exploring the intertwined nature of gambling, drinking, and feelings of loss.
“People that have gambled, they'll have the...”
Confrontation and Violence
39:59 to 42:00
Tom recounts a violent confrontation he faced shortly after leaving the army.
“So from gambling, how did you spiral next?”
A Chaotic Encounter
42:00 to 43:34
Tom shares a violent confrontation and its aftermath involving his dad.
“me and my dad are you both yeah yeah yeah tag teams yeah tag teams yeah went in there there were no donkeys about yeah I know goodness so you steamed him in who ate him first?”
Reflections on Violence and Regret
43:34 to 45:40
Tom discusses his feelings of regret and reflections on his violent past.
“try and speak as say I want to speak as with as much sort of humility where it is it's like these are things that have happened and I really I don't like them just you are walking them down and it is me prizing it out.”
Identity Crisis After Leaving the Army
45:40 to 47:25
Tom reveals how leaving the army led to a struggle with identity and lifestyle.
“You've just weighed a lot of people in Your dad's been stabbed in the leg You're now like What's life all about?”
Alcoholism and Its Effects
47:25 to 48:59
Tom discusses his relationship with alcohol and its destructive impact.
“But again, it's, yeah, we have a, some of us have a gene, AL, I have to get it up, this gene, and it's the way alcohol reacts with your brain.”
Moment of Reckoning
48:59 to 52:52
Tom recounts a pivotal moment at a wedding that prompted self-reflection and change.
“I didn't appreciate my beautiful family.”
Healing from Heartbreak
53:28 to 56:00
Tom shares insights on heartbreak and the journey to self-acceptance.
“I didn't want to, like I said before, I didn't want to look in the mirror and go, you need to get a fucking grip of yourself.”
Seeking Validation After Breakups
56:00 to 57:20
Learn about the unhealthy ways people seek validation following breakups.
“When we're going to start to feel better, I believe is when we fucking nod up and we go, okay, I want change because the person that's going to do it, that's going to help himself is you.”
Accountability and Emotional Release
57:20 to 59:10
Discover the importance of accountability and the relief of expressing emotions.
“Advancing wage and trying to get an advance.”
Personal Transformation and Growth
59:10 to 1:01:00
Explore the journey of personal transformation and the pursuit of knowledge.
“We just want to be loved by, just like the next person.”
Building a Men's Network
1:01:00 to 1:03:10
Understand the significance of creating a support network for men.
“So when you drink, when you're doing drugs or like, you get your prefrontal cortex and that's in charge of your decision making.”
The Impact of Community on Wellbeing
1:03:10 to 1:06:40
Learn how community and shared experiences contribute to mental wellbeing.
“Did you feel like you redeemed yourself from when you went to the para training after taking the bumblebees?”
Pitching the Men's Social Network
1:06:40 to 1:10:01
Get an overview of the men's social network and its mission to support men.
“And then I looked at the male suicide rate.”
Struggles in Modern Friendships
1:10:01 to 1:10:36
Exploration of the challenges and isolation in friendships today.
“He believes, he believes is a God that higher power.”
Building a Brotherhood: Men's Social Network
1:11:14 to 1:19:24
Discussion on the importance of community and support among men.
“I'll open the session if I'm there and I feel like the moment's right.”
Encouragement for Struggling Men
1:19:25 to 1:20:39
Advice for men facing hardships and the importance of seeking support.
“Because fuck me, when you go and say to people you want to get fellas into the park and wrestle, when people initially hear that.”
Encouragement for Struggling Men
1:21:06 to 1:21:36
Advice for men facing hardships and the importance of seeking support.
“the wait is over football is here and so is DraftKings DraftKings is now live in all 50 states one app Every sport nationwide.”
Encouragement for Struggling Men
1:21:39 to 1:22:34
Advice for men facing hardships and the importance of seeking support.
“FedTax pass-through may apply in Illinois.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00An all-new season of the Hulu Original Series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in MomTalk. You act like you're better than everyone, you're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu Original Series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast.
0:35Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. We had a few bits robbed off us. He got his knees hit with the bat, stabbed him in the leg with a kitchen knife. Would you have gone to prison if you didn't go to the army? You're learning how to soldier, you're learning how to bayonet, your testosterone is high.
1:10I wanted to go there and I wanted to come back and be able to say that I'd killed someone. Human grenade. You're a bit of a hand grenade on the piss. You're going to get into a fight, you're going to get yourself hurt, you're going to get nicked and potentially really hurt someone else. There's a big difference between being angry and being capable. I think I come back with, I was like 17 grand, four grand on my teeth and the rest of that money was in the slots. How much debt did you get into? Well, 20 grand, because I got more loans out. Is it worth the gamble? With all due respect, you're an addict.
1:34Two fellas and a donkey, that was a weird one. That is a lot of effort to go through to fuck a donkey. Different cultures. Yeah, that's why we don't want them here.
1:47Tom. Yes. Thanks for coming on. Thank you for having me. Yeah, you are the future of this country in my eyes and what you're doing is nothing short of excellent. You went from a paratrooper in the three paras to a broken man on Civvy Street, basically living back amongst civilians. Start by telling me that story. It's a long story, so I think we've got a bit of time for it. But first off, thank you for the air. Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot. But I'm just like everyone else, just like everyone else. And I had a bit of an inspiration as to what it is that we're doing now. and I took action at it and that's one thing I want to sort of get across on this is the emphasis on taking action.
2:28And I first heard about that in a book called The Zero Point. I don't know if you've heard of Dr. Joe Vitale. I've heard of him. The author, absolutely incredible. And he did a book called The Zero Point. And it's on an old, let's say, Hawaiian healing technique called Ho 'oponopono, translated to I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. And he goes into something on that book called An Intention Being a Limitation. and when you look at it that way, it really is because when I come out the army, I intended to do so many things. Let's say save money, stuff like that and they all just stayed as an intention.
3:02I didn't take action and when you take action, that's when you see results. That's when you see change and that's one thing I'm really emphasising to men, my sort of audience at the minute, is taking action because, yeah, it's all good and well talking about the problems that we've got but then when we take action at them, that's when we start to see some change. that's when we start to feel better within ourselves. Yeah, talking's the easy part. Of course, mate, yeah. See, I'm 46, I'm 21 years older than you. Yeah. So I've got a bucket full of friends that still live in the coulda, woulda, shoulda stage.
3:31100%. Well, you should have took action. Yeah. The only thing you should have done was took action. Yeah, 100%. Not sitting around, sitting there off your tits in someone's kitchen, talking about what you're going to do next week. I know, I know. And listen, I was in that cycle where it was like, I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that. I want to stop drinking, but I fucking never want to, I never took action at it. Do you know what I mean? So tell me about taking action while you joined the Paras. So joining the Paras in the first place was, maybe it was ego-driven, but it was something I always wanted to do when I was younger.
4:01I was like a young lad, and I was always obsessed with the military, the army. My dad was in, he was in the Remy. You call them crap-hats and stuff like that, if they're not Parareg. I'm not crazy on all that, but it's like a little sort of army joke that you have. and my dad was in and I was just obsessed with like toy soldiers with ghillie suits stuff like that I remember getting a ghillie suit for me it was like my 10th birthday I'd be hiding in the bushes getting my mum to get a video like video recording of me going can you see me popping my head up and that and I was always always obsessed with it and we were speaking about it before say like ADHD and that I got um I got tested when I was younger and the doctor said to my mum like you can't go into the army or something if you're diagnosing with it.
4:46And my mum was like, no, like, just leave it. Let him be feral. In that case. Yeah, in that case, let him be. I think my destiny was lined up. And yeah, it was one of them. I really just, like any young man, I listened to my upbringing and that was absolutely amazing. I was from a great, great family. I feel like I'm on a podcast all the time. It's like council estate. I wasn't. I was from a working class family. And the upbringing was, it was like a sort of normal upbringing. My dad was an absolute crafter and he's incredible. Anyone who's worked with him, I'm sure they'll vouch for him on that behalf.
5:23Yeah, he's incredible. And I started, so I'll give you a sort of background. I started gymnastics at a younger age. And that was probably the best foundation for like sports or just growing up, let's say athleticism. And I'd say gymnastics is the best foundation for so many things, so many sports, except for ball sports and stuff like that because I can't play footy to save my life. I've got two left feet, I'm absolutely shite. But gymnastics has just been an incredible foundation but doing gymnastics at a younger age, it was like we were national level with it. But it was intense. It was three hours every night after school and it weren't just like you're going in there and you're doing an ordinary gymnastic session.
6:05The teacher was fucking ruthless so I got like a form of Tourette from it. so when I was younger if you were late to the session you'd be doing like 10 legless rope climbs and then you'd have the bar over your head and you'd be shoulder clanking back sorry like dislocating your hair shoulder clanking some word for it some terminology terminology must be a scouse for you yeah bully back and then it's like dislocating and she was a fucking menace but I tell you what she built some solid gym mass but yeah it fucked me where I was like I'd make noises when I'd get anxious and that sort of developed over the years where I'd be like sat in the room, my mum and dad and my brothers would just deal with it, but I'd be there like, I don't know if you've seen that film.
6:52Yeah, I have, when he's walking around the supermarket swearing at people. Yeah, it was like making mad noises and then as I got older I started to twitch. It was just weird. Did you call people cunts in public? No, no, not yet. Not until I started the park sessions. Shut up, you cunts! I know, yeah. You shouldn't laugh because it's something. It's such a terrible, like, nervous spree. Is it nerves, do you think? I don't know. I don't know what it was, but I just, it was, she was a fucking menace to us. She was ruthless. And yeah, I guess I developed like a former sort of Tourette's and twitching and I do weird things.
7:25Still fucking weird now, aren't I? So you had these tics and did this help cure the tics? So this was the thing. So I was going into high school and the reason I stopped gymnastics, which was weird, was I should have never, looking back now I'm grateful for it I wouldn't be where I am now I wouldn't have had the experiences I had but I stopped going into high school because I was worried I was going to get called gay do you know what I mean at 10 years old you're going into high school and that's the fear of judging oh because of gymnastics of course yeah did you wear like the leotard yeah I had the leotard on everything yeah and stopped stopped when I was around 10 something like that just before high school because I was I was worried thinking I'm going to get called gay by everyone wearing the leotard rocking up in high school And you are quite handsome.
8:07No, thank you. I wonder why you asked me that. And yeah, and that's when, you know, you start the fear of judgment from other people start coming in and that develops at such a young age. You're worried about what other people are going to think of you, especially in high school. Do you know what I mean? That's such a big stepping stone for young men where it's going to be a mixed school as well. So you're not just worried about boys' opinions, worried about girls' opinions and yeah. But when you're a teenage boy, that's sort of all you really care about. Yeah, of course. of course. And yeah, into high school and no matter what, all along this time I always wanted to join the Paras, well, not the Paras, the army itself.
8:44I wanted to be a soldier and that had chop and change, by the way, because it wasn't always like the army, it was the marines, then it was something else, then it was something else. But I always wanted to be a service, that's right. And I'm from, my family's patriotic, do you know what I mean? And my granddad was in, my granddad's brother was in, my dad was in. And I just, yeah, that was always something that seemed like an amazing achievement to me. That's a nice way to word it, that is. I always wanted to be of service. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. I mean, I didn't have that in me when I was your age.
9:12The older I've got, the more I feel like I should be providing some sort of service, like every day, even if it's opening the door for somebody. 100%. So that's really come on leaps and bounds as I've got older. But for a young man to have that intention is, again, I told you, your work is nothing short of excellent, Giza. Thank you so much. So why the paras in the end? Well, this is the funny part. So going in. There's no way you can be gay and join the paras. was that what it was I don't know about that it's probably even worse we're going to get we're going to get some exclusives here I don't know about that I don't know about maybe maybe see how much I let out once I start I can't stop it's the worst part as we said there verbal diarrhea roll with it brother you roll with it so yeah going in leaving high school and I'm in that environment then you leave high school you're getting mixed up of all sorts you're fighting and you have like turning points I'd say I was never a kid that liked a confrontation.
10:05I wasn't. I could always handle myself. I've trained for years now. And I wasn't someone that was like, about it, let's say, on a night out. And like I am now, fuck that. I ain't got time for it. But when you're a young man and you get that sort of, you start wanting to build a bit of a name for yourself, let's say, and you become consumed by that. And there was a bit of a turning point. We were at a festival. And I think we were about 15. and me and my mate ended up having it with some big, big traveller lad and it was in front of loads of lads, we were there and fucking hell we got that sense of like, what is it, like the thirst for it where you're like, people coming up to us, giving us validation and when they're giving us validation, as young men you're like, I like that, I want more of that.
10:52So then from that festival, me and my mates would go out and you'd be fighting, you'd be getting in trouble and it's all trying to build up this reputation but at the end of the day, that all boils down to your own insecurities because you don't feel worthy within yourself. You know, 17, fuck me, you're trying to prove something. I think at 17, possibly at your most dangerous because you don't fear consequence and violence you find empowering and then it becomes addictive. Absolutely. The adulation you get from the crowd that watch, the feeling you get, the supply that it brings as well. And also, if you was insecure before and you doubted yourself, all of a sudden you realise, oh, I've got a bit of a talent here that I never knew I had or I've got that inner aggression that I can just go 0 to 60 in like three seconds.
11:33You got that prey drive. And I talk about prey drive a lot. And I learned this from one of my previous clients who works with dogs. And every dog's got a prey drive in it. And the prey drive gives the dog the ability to bite. Now, I think every man's also got that prey drive, which gives them the ability to have that tenacity in anything that they're going for, to give them the ability to bite, say the goals, the targets, to give them that drive. And every man's got that sort of prey drive, but it's about drawing it out in certain situations, especially young men will put themselves in on nights out something might trigger that and it'll draw that prey drive out and sometimes people don't even realise that they've got it that's the key the key is to have the bite have the discipline of course not to go around biting people willy nilly yeah 100 % and again this is the thing when you're a young man and you're out and I'm not just speaking for me this happens on a weekend basis where young men are going out they're out with their mates and they're trying to prove something they're trying to prove something they think having a fight is going to prove that they think that going drinking themselves silly, getting on it, charlied up, that's going to prove something because when you're drunk, you can't fight.
12:37You've got to think, the drunkier you get, the belt levels, you probably go down in That's when you think you can fight the best. I know, I know. Honestly, I've been filled in more times, but it's proof of it. You can't fight after a drink and not even just young men, because there's still fellas in their 30s, 40s that are going out on the piss in there. An all-new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in MomTalk. You act like you're better than everyone.
13:08You're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.
13:48Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Oh, I still see it. I mean, I worked at the door for years and I used to tell a lot of people, always drunk people, I said, mate, there's a big difference between being angry and being capable. Yeah. You're very angry. I can see that. There's no confusion there. Yeah. But you're going to get your arse handed to you if you don't control that anger. 100%. Because someone's going to iron you out who is capable. Absolutely. How far would you say your violence escalated, your thirst for it? Yeah, I fucking weren't nice with it.
14:20And it weren't just this. went on into the army and as I went into the army, so let's say 17 it was, yeah, I made that decision where I was like, right, I'd stay work for my dad. I left school, fucking didn't like it, working with my dad, me and him, chalk and cheese. Too similar, let's say. It was, yeah, it just clash of heads as much as he's amazing, love him to pieces. Would you have gone to prison if you didn't go to the army? Who knows? Potentially, yeah. But potentially, no, I could have stayed working with my dad, do you know what I mean? I mean, like the violence eventually, eventually it lands you in jail.
14:51100 % it's like anyone that's gone down that sort of path but what about models and principles I know a lot of men that are very violent but they'd never use a weapon no no never no no never never so you was more Queensbury stand up 100 % yeah the best way which I don't think there's a you know what I mean there's a problem with that if you've got a disagreement with someone and it goes to that 100 % have that over a weapon but it was stupid stuff where it was unnecessary situations disagreements on nights out and you're throwing you're throwing elbows you're throwing you're throwing stuff you don't need to throw and especially when you're fuelled by alcohol you're fucking you're nasty do you know what I mean but no weapons and stuff like that I'm completely against it I think it's disgusting biting there was an incident in the army like yeah where I did I ended up having it with my mate and this is the weird how the environment works in the army we're having a block party and he was I'm gonna blame him I'm not gonna blame him it was my fault no it's his fault but yeah let's blame him he was bang out of all I won't name drop him though.
15:51He knows who he is. He wore a Tyson Fury t-shirt and we were on the piss in the block as you are in a block party and he was calling everyone dossers and then he was like, he was like, I'll fight anyone. Fight anyone. And I went, I'll have it with you. I had it with him and we had a tear up. I had an absolute tear up in the block and I think I hit him with a shot and then bit his chin. You know, fucking put a big gash in his chin. But the maddest thing is we were getting pictures after it. So he's got a big gash in his chin and we're like, right, shake hands on it, sound, let's get a picture and then we're getting selfies and stuff the next morning.
16:29This was just before I went away on tour as well. A lot of good friendships there built on violence initially. I've got some of my closest mates we used to fight against each other in the nightclubs back in the 90s and we're still best of friends now. You get that mutual respect. 100%. This is the maddest part though. We already had that. We were already mates but this is what the ale does to you when you're drinking, you're in that environment and I'm thinking, I'm not going to... He was in 2-para, I was in 3-para and I'm thinking to myself, fucking not going to do something. Do you know what I mean?
16:57Like, I'm not going to let 2-para get better than me. And in his head, he's thinking, I'm not going to let 3-para get the better than me and it's fucking... Why? What's the difference between 2-para and 3-para? No difference, no. Both part of 16 Air Assault Brigade, there's no difference. But you still thought, I'm not having that. Just two big egos, mate. That's all it was. Two big egos. You bit someone's chin over a number. Stupid, mate. Stupid. And this is the message you try and push to young men who are going into the army. Because it's not the army that's going to give you the drinking problem at all or stuff like that.
17:25It's self-inflicted. You've got to have your own accountability there, your own situational awareness when you're joining the army because you've got to understand, yeah, there's a drinking culture there. Now, how much do you want to be indulged in that drinking culture or how much do you want to sort of keep it at arm's length? Still have a few drinks with the blokes because if you can balance it, amazing. But if you're someone that joins the army, you're a bit of a hand grenade on the piss. You go out, you're going to get into a fight, you're going to get yourself hurt, you're going to get nicked and potentially really hurt someone else, is it worth the gamble?
17:52Did you make any enemies within the team? No, no, I was never, I was always sound. I'm sound with everyone. Aggressive but no attitude. Yeah, absolutely. But this is the issue is when I went into basic training. So when you go into basic training, I was 17 going in and I didn't do Harrogate, so I went in adult entry. So there were lads in there that were 21 upwards, say, to 31. and it was like, I'm going in there. Big fucking ego. Icebreaker. They were like that on the icebreaker. I think I lied on mine and I was like, I was a fucking drug dealer. I fucking went. Do you know what I mean? I was just lying from the get-go, trying to just be something that I wasn't and straight away something had happened in the block.
18:32And for me, in the back of my mind, in the block, when we were in basic training and in the company lines, I'm thinking, right, let's have it. Do you know what I mean? Let's have a fight. I'd just be offering people out like a dickhead and even fellas that were like 31 at the age of 17, I was like, I remember lobbing a set of ear Amplavox at someone because he called me a liar. What's Amplavox? Ear defence. Ah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, let's have it. Be just ego-driven, stupid. Trying to offer a motive for something stupid. The fella's 30 or been through a divorce and then he's got some 17-year-old gobbling off to him.
19:05So again, I don't know where the camera is, young men going in. If you go in adult entry, fucking be respectful. Be respectful of the older heads that are in there. Take what you can from them. I was a bit like that, mate, when I was younger. I think we all are. In fact, I was, yeah, very much like that. I didn't really respect my elders at all. But then again, my role model wasn't somebody to be respected and I kind of had a chip on my shoulder against older, powerful people. Yeah. So I would see older, powerful people in the same light as I would who were supposed to be my role model and I'd instantly entertain violence.
19:37Okay, let's go. So I get all that as well. And again, I recommend that young men do respect their elders, as long as the elders are being respectful to younger men. Absolutely. And you've got to think about it. You're a young man, you're going in there. But also alongside that, you're not just going in there and just doing an everyday job. You're learning how to soldier. You're learning how to bayonet. Do you know what I mean? And your fucking, your testosterone is high at that age. Your testosterone's high. You're learning how to do bayonet charges. You're learning how to soldier. And in your mindset, you turn yourself into a soldier.
20:08and like, get me wrong, it's the same for anyone that sort of goes through basic training. They want you to do a job. Did you ever become a cropper? Did it ever backfire on you? A cropper, what? As in you stuck it on someone and you got your ass handed to you. Yeah, I'll tell you the funny story actually. Change are proudly sponsoring the channel. They're the UK's number one e-commerce mentoring programme taking you step by step through building your own business with no experience needed. I've seen their members make life-changing money and free up real time to spend with their families. Success doesn't happen overnight.
20:40You've got to put the work in. The more you put in, the more you get out. What really stands out is their community. It's ram-packed with like-minded people who genuinely support each other. You get one-on-one training, online courses, and group seminars, so you're never left on your own. If you're serious about building something new for yourself, message Ryan on Instagram at RyanJB. You can't just tell us about all the glory ones. No, mate. Oh, no, I'll share them all, yeah. Two Parra was a good one. I remember going into the block and I was having a boo, there was a booze up with fucking a few of the blokes and I ended up arguing with one of the lads because he called me a police officer on the piss, he said you're a narc and I was like what's a narc and he was like a busy, I was like what and then there was two of them in there, there was a Scottish leg and another lad, I'm not sure where he's from, I think his name's Charlie or something and there was two of them and I was like right, two on one, let's have it, two on one, thinking and I was pissed and one of them shat it thank fuck thank fuck he shat it and I was like so I ended up having it with this other lad and I gassed out absolutely weighed me in some lad absolutely weighed me in and same again happened in Colchester we were out on the piss being idiots and we ended up getting into a me, me, mate panhead call him panhead because he got walloped by a pan across the side of his head and his head was literally like that we went out we were on the boxing team at the time so you're not allowed to go on the piss or booze and we were like fuck it let's go out let's go out we're not going to get caught went out I did the backflip landed on my face see that scar there that's what that's from doing a backflip landing on my face split my head open and we were like that's sweet let's stay on the piss walking down the road and two lads two Essex lads were stood there and walking past them and I think one of them was like and I let on to everyone me I'll be like what's happening boys so I must have been like what's happening you okay and one of them was like you fucking what you fucking what and we ended up fronting it with them and I'll tell you another one after this I'll tell you the last one after this but yeah ended up having it with these two lads and I swear Panhead my mate must have got a kid that had never fought in his life and I must have got Brock Lesnar because I don't know if you've seen the Avengers where it was like Hulk smash and he was walloping me everywhere mate like a bag of shit and I got weighed in got nicked that night as well taken to the hospital and it fucking made that proper dummy self like head injuries because I was getting slammed on the floor and it's fucking dangerous and see I've got loads of none that weren't the glory ones you can sit here all day to hold the glories but we're also glorifying how fucking bad this can be well at least you own it oh mate 100 % yeah I'm happy to talk about my losses as well I don't mind at all you've got to waking up thinking what happened there it's like oh yeah I've been KO'd I was taking a girl back I was taking a girl back to camp and then I kicked off once with a lad in Colchester and I had a set of skinny jeans on you was asking for it skinny jeans no socks no I didn't whip my shoes off I shut off and I was walking back with this girl and the lad said something to me and I'm thinking oh fucking hell I'm going off to say something here walked up to him and it served me right because I half tried had to steal on him and I went to throw a head kick throw a head kick and my jeans got stuck and my leg went underneath me and I was like oh no I was getting walloped on the floor You're lucky your jeans didn't split I don't know mate I know we can laugh about it now do you know what I mean but we look at it from the bigger picture you go young man alcohol fuelled look at look at the outcomes of these situations because all of these have been fuelled by alcohol How many tours did you do?
24:30Only one What was that like? Middle East it was amazing I don't think I can say where it was but um yeah it was such a good experience a good experience at a younger age and I it wasn't like a let's say a kinetic tour where loads of rounds and stuff like that again but you know I learned a lot about myself on that tour and um I got a top top private soldier on for me that was a massive experience uh sorry achievement and I'm so proud of that it was it It was an amazing experience. Worked with some absolutely amazing blokes, some amazing sort of other groups out there, and it was incredible. And it was a lot of life experience at a younger age, let's say, where it opens your eyes up.
25:11You've got to be switched on. I got to step up to two IC out there, not for long. Was it frightening? No, not really. Too much adrenaline in you? Yeah, well, when you go in, you go in there. You don't really know what... We didn't have much of an understanding where it was and what we were doing. So, like anything, like me coming here today, you've got them nerves, do you know what I mean? So what were you doing? What was your mission? So basically it was like force protection. Force protection of, say, a certain area that we were, yeah. Did you? Sorry, I don't want to say anything. Were you being respectful to the regiment?
25:42Yeah, no, absolutely, yeah, absolutely. And I'm being true to my job. I know you are. You're trying your best, aren't you? Come on, Tom. You're trying to get it on. What did you do out there? No, it weren't. It weren't not unlike... You didn't build any romantic relationships with any goats? No, no. I'll tell you what, we'd seen one. there was a mad one, yeah. I remember seeing two fellas and a donkey and that was a weird one. The blokes looking through on Stag and they were like, yeah, we've just seen a fella, well, two blokes doing a, one of them doing a donkey up the hoop and then the other one watching.
26:16That's pretty mental. Fucking round the bend. But this is the thing, I was going on tour. A menage a trois with a donkey. Now people know exactly where you were. 100%. And you've got to think, I was going on tour and in my head I was that ego driven though Liam I was I was so ego driven that I was so bothered about what people thought of me I wanted to go there and I wanted to come back and be able to say that I'd done something like I killed someone I was so like ego driven and it wasn't that kind of tour do you know what I mean it wasn't that kind of experience but in my head before going out there I was like yeah but what if what's everyone going to think of me when I come back home and say like I've got it confirmed or I've done this I've done that so still so bothered about what other people thought I was 20 going to a different country and those were the thoughts that were going through my mind.
27:02They shouldn't be the thoughts of any man going away on tour. It should be, I'm going to make my family proud. I'm going to come back. I'm going to do a really good job out there. I'll look after my mates. I'm going to come back home safe. Does that all stem from insecurity, do you think? Absolutely. And you strike me as someone that gets a lot of thoughts going through their head quickly, anytime. Massively, mate. So before I ask you why you left in the end and then we go into Civvy Street, was that donkey wearing lipstick? Purple. Purple lippy. Purple lippy. Purple lippy, yeah. And heels. Heels, yeah.
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27:29Need some tall fellas out there, aren't they? No, the worst part was they didn't need heels. The fellas stood on a breeze block. So one carried a breeze block out there, put the breeze block down, the other stood on. That is a lot of effort to go through to fuck a donkey. Different cultures. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, that's why we don't want them here. We're not here for that. No, we're not here for that. We're not here for that. So why did you leave the army? So you've got to think, all that, them sort of little past experiences and stuff like that I was speaking about, I was always on my own.
27:59I never had someone, I was single, just being a reg bloke, just chasing girls, brasses, living, living, living as a lunatic, let's say. And I found someone, I come back off tour, I found someone, I fell in love, do you know what I mean? Like any young man. Are you still with her now? No. I was going to say confessing to fucking brasses how's she going to take this that's how all this is being built it's just me grassing myself in repenting for the past literally mate don't grassing myself in for Thai massages and everything but you know what I've left that behind me but I said if we're going to talk about that we'll talk about it on a podcast men know what men do of course fuelled by insecurity absolutely it's insane but there's a lot of people in jail because of it they had to prove themselves they wanted to prove themselves they had to go one step further.
28:51Yeah. Yeah, insane. Sleep with women that you don't want to sleep with just because you want to prove to yourself you've still got it. Yeah. And then you feel even lonelier afterwards. It's a filthy feeling. It's sad. And I went away to Bali as well. So I went away to Bali. I think I was speaking to you when I was out there. I was away there for a month and that was the biggest test. I got baptised just before I went out there. Did you have one last for the road? Not even in Bali, no. And it was hard. It was hard. I got swerved off by a Russian, didn't I? I don't know if you heard that story. I met this Russian girl, probably a spy and I met her I was like oh let's go out went up to her out my comfort zone cold approach like let's go out go out on a date I said yeah mega nice Russian girl Christian I'm thinking I've got to find something here blanked me ghosted me next thing I'm on my fucking moped and I'm on a 50cc and by the way in Bali you get judged by your motorbike so if you're on a 150 do you know what I mean and a girl's going to get on the back of a 150 and I was driving on my 50cc moped.
29:52I looked to me left after I'd been ghosted and she was on the back of a big juiced head like that, just looking at her. Just cowering off on my 50. But yeah, Barley was mad. But that again was an eye-opener to me where we go to Barley and it fucking made me appreciate what we've got in the UK. Have we gone to Barley now? Sorry, it's just digressing. I told you 2A, the HD brain, but still fascinating. It's ruthless, isn't it? Because we can cover all, because I want to know, so why you left? Yeah. And then I want to tell me how you spiralled in Civvy Street. Absolutely, yeah. So I found love and don't get me wrong, I've always had love off my parents, off my family, but that connection with someone else, which was absolutely amazing.
30:33You know what it's like when you're a young man, the first time you find it, you're like, wow, this is amazing. And as I found that, I started getting comfortable in work, in the Paris, and I was like, this is good, this is okay. hot pitting happened which was the extraction out of Kabul in Afghan and we were stood on standby so I was like oh John I mean that's that's gonna out there that'll be cool little job didn't end up going on it we stayed in Bryce Norton and but then cream fields happened I went back you make got me invited off to cream fields and I had a Gary for the first time and when you never had one of them but people don't know what Gary is ecstasy yeah ecstasy so I had an ecstasy tablet for the first time.
31:16See, down here we call it a bumblebee. Bumblebee, really? I think they call them in Liverpool. Echoes as well. I don't, well, yeah. I used to say Gary's. Well, I still say fucking Gary's not. Not that we're glamorising drugs on the show or sleeping with donkeys. No, definitely not. Definitely not. It's all awareness. So the party scene got a grip on you. Love softened you up. 100%. So love gave me that comfort, you know what I mean, which is something that I'd never felt before, so it was new to me where it was that real connection with someone else. And it was amazing. It absolutely was. But then went back, did the Gary, and then I ended up having an OAC.
31:52I've forgotten what it stands for. So it's fitness tests before going down to SFSG, Special Force Support Group, which is one para. And that's fitness tests. But I did the Gary a couple of days before that. Well, no, I think I did a few. And it was the day before that, and then I went on it. You got done a few, going from one E. yeah yeah I had fun and yeah went on went back to back to camp and then did that amazing was shambles it was an embarrassment like 22 minutes to my left I think that's nothing can be in kind to me so I think it was like 20 23 24 minute which is a joke that's meant to be sure 18 minute with 37 pounds plus weapon um and yeah i got a stupid time and i was like this is this is a joke and then i went back on the boxing team straight away i had i had the misses back home so i was wanting to go back but then at this point also i started gambling again so before i went away on tour i'd received like a letter through the post about gambling it was like what is it 15 free spins on sutton so I was like mega 100 % I'm putting a fucking bet on free spins and I won like 1400 quid but just like anything I'm an extremist with it so it was like let's fucking put more in that that went straight in me overdraft I went away on tour went away I think I come back with it was like 17 grand fucking few quid I think I spent 4 grand on my teeth and the rest of that money was in the slots an all new season of the Hulu original series The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+.
33:33Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in mom talk. You act like you're better than everyone. You're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects.
34:09And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. You could have spent that money in the brass house. I could have. I could have. Instead, we took a gamble. It didn't look and pay off, so maybe I'd have had more luck in there. And yeah, I just wasted it, spunked it, and went back on the boxing team and then started going bad with it again when I got back. So I really went into a bit of a hole.
34:45I started getting little wonger loans out on the sly. Fucking hell, getting loans out to gamble? Yeah, like five grand within the space of a, two weeks this is how fucked it is and how easy you can get these loans out because you can just lie on the applications and you'll search like payday loan uk and one of the blokes that gambled as well told me about it so he was like yeah you can get these loans out like fucking sars they're like fucking 300 is it interest that you're paying back some of them even more and um i think i got two two and a half grand ones out within the space of two weeks that was five grand and i was like right well i'll just gamble a grand i'll try and win my money back all went in and what was you gambling on apps slots slots yeah is that on your phone yeah yeah yeah fuck me that's dangerous yeah 100 % so then when you're doing that you're like right I fucked up here I need to get on was you an addict yeah absolutely and addictions normally come in sort of twos and threes what else were you doing probably that and I don't know on the porn or something as well but that it does normally come in you don't normally have one addiction it's like beer gear porn gambling or all of them for me that was the that was the big one and that's always been the one where it was like...
35:54The gambling. Yeah. But that gave you the biggest hit. Mate, it was ruthless. Because there's no... And people will understand it. People that have gambled, they'll have the... It's funny because they'll bring films and put it into a gambling game. So like the Goonies, you'll wait for Sloth to swing past, screaming, hey, you guys, and you're waiting for that little trigger. And that's a little dopamine spike that it gives your brain. Just them little noises that it makes, tapping the screen, waiting for an extra to come in. and then you'll get that extra and sometimes it's fuck all and you're like, wow, a bonus.
36:25I was trying to get a bonus and you end up chasing that. That's dangerous, that is. And they know what they're doing, like using lines from films to hook you in. Clever. So clever. It wasn't just the casino, it was online. So I was doing it by my phone, but then I put myself on Gamstop and Gamstop can be great because you can't use any of the online sites or William Hill, any of them, let's say. Don't even deserve plugging them. any of them it's all disgusting but then we get into this cycle where we're like right i'm on this i can't get onto it so how am i going to gamble now i can't do that and if i go into a brick and mortar bookies the most i can win on the jackpot in a coral or a william hill is 500 quid through the slot machine so yeah you can go to the casino so a gent and a gent and you can get what 16 grand jackpots but no you want your phone because on your phone you get like jackpot king which is like three million pounds, do you know what I mean?
37:17In your head, you're like, fucking, I'm going to get that. Like cap, how much you can gamble at a time? You can put your own cap limits on, but then you can take them off a day. You can just change them. So I was using my mate's account. I was like, listen, I was like, let us send you 500 quid. And they were like, what, you sure? I was like, I'm selling for money. And I was skinned. How much debt did you get into, in total? Well, 20 grand, because I got more loans out. And it got worse again. For me, gambling was like that little, when I was lonely, I found gambling was a really good sort of thing to turn to because it kept my brain busy and it was a distraction.
37:50It was just a form of escaping at the end of the day like anything. And like we said before, artificially stimulated dopamine. It's like when you look at your phone, you're bored, you haven't got nothing to do. Let's look at the Instagram algorithm and see what shit we're going to get fed today. Let's go to the bookies and jump on the screen and see if we can get a bonus. That's why social media, I've always known so clever because it's like having Vegas in your hand. And when I mean that, we're programmed to keep watching something that you can just slide. There's no coincidence why them slot machines in Vegas do that.
38:19Absolutely. Because it just keeps your... It keeps your eyes going. It keeps you hypnotised. It's the sound that it makes. We'll go again, we'll go again. Same as that. And it's the loss. It's weirdly the loss that you're chasing. Because you get dopamine off the loss, even losing when you go... Because you're getting to the Charlie as well. Yeah, that's later down the line. Because like gambling, if you're chasing the loss, it's like Charlie, you're chasing the first line. Yeah, 100%. You're always chasing the first hit, be it... that first high be it high or low and it's the best feeling in the world do you know what I mean it's such a good feeling when you do you take that you take that hit whether it be you win and gamble if it's a line a limo whatever it is but then yeah I made the decision to leave I was like well it's going to be long distance with my missus and I'd come clean with the gambling I'd come clean to her and do you know what she stuck with it a lot and she was an absolute fucking rock star with that she was great but even then I remember being lying in bed and I'd be fucking on the phone on the sly but I'd be on these non-gamstop sites.
39:12So they were like Chinese sites and they were just taking the money. I couldn't even withdraw it. And in your head, did you think like you was an expert at gambling as well? Mate, I thought I knew the algorithm for gambling and in my head, I was like... And were you expert at odds? Did you think, yeah, I can work out the odds for that and it should be that? I never did horse betting or anything like that. It was always the slot. It was never horse betting and stuff like that. It just never did it for me. And then some people, everyone's different. That's how crazy the mind is. Some people are really bad with the horses and stuff like that.
39:42For me, it was the slots, but I guarantee if you put me on horses for a week, I'll be bad on it. It's like too much of anything. We've got to channel this addictive tendencies, these traits, because you can. You can channel it into something good. I'm really, really, I'm a big believer on that. So from gambling, how did you spiral next? Did violence come back? Yeah, so I was still drinking. So it was any time alcohol was involved, there was going to be some sort of form of... Drinking makes you violent. Yeah, it makes me not able to fight. It's fucking, it's ridiculous. It makes me not be able to do the jobs that I believe a man should be able to do, which is to provide, to protect.
40:20And I wasn't in the fit state to do that as a boyfriend. You know, I was in a flat. I was coming back just starked out on the floor. Like, imagine someone come in and I'm there doing that. You've got to look at it from an outside perspective and to any men that are getting in them states, It's like, ask yourself, is your life manageable? If your life's not manageable, you've got a problem with it. Here's a question for you. So you're gambling to clock out of something. Yeah. And then you're drinking to clock out of something. So let's just say you're drinking to clock out from the debt you're in from the gambling.
40:51Yeah. What were you trying to clock out from with the gambling? So I'd left the army. The day I left the army was the day there was a nasty sort of confrontation, a nasty situation. that first day I left the army, seen more action than I did serving in the army. It was with me dad working the first day on the toll. There was an incident that happened. We had a few bits robbed off us, a few pieces of kit, equipment, and we used, find my iPhone to try and get it back. Got it back, got into an altercation, went through a house, and a situation happened in the house. and it was horrible. Even now, speaking about it, it's nasty, but we had this stuff right.
41:35Just get it all off your chest and go into detail. All over it, aren't you? We went in there, opened the door, banging on, looking for this kit that we'd had lost and it was a weird kit. Do you know what I mean? It's not crazy. Hindsight's a beautiful thing. You look back on it, it's a piece of kit and equipment. Could have fucking left that. Went to the house, knocked on, door opened. We've come into the house. when you say we who's that? me and my dad are you both yeah yeah yeah tag teams yeah tag teams yeah went in there there were no donkeys about yeah I know goodness so you steamed him in who ate him first?
42:12I got told not to hit and then he ate something like that mega and then fellas ran away upstairs I've stood in the hallway like right where's the stuff and other fellas come out we've not got it here not got it here I've gone into the living room with this fella so let's say your hallway's here, front door there, you've got a room there, stairway on the left. I've gone there into the living room with that fella, he's grabbed my arm, I've ended up getting into it with him on the couch and just, yeah, bloodying him up. I've had an altercation in there, I've come back round and then I've seen my dad stood at the doorway here and he's he's coming from there and fella's got a bath so when he'd gone upstairs he got in a bath and then he clocked me dad's me dad was stood there like fucking blood coming from his head and then I come behind the fella and stolen on him stolen on it didn't drop him even stole it on him and then put him a kip so put him out and then yeah his knees he was on the floor do you know what I mean so he was gonna get it he got his knees hit with the bat you being the one hitting with the bat nah me dad it's a good sport your dad isn't he yeah he's all right yeah but this this is why I want to talk about like say these things and you know it's it's not the best things to talk about but also I'm not glorifying it in any way and that's one thing I want to get across and I'll try and speak as say I want to speak as with as much sort of humility where it is it's like these are things that have happened and I really I don't like them just you are walking them down and it is me prizing it out.
43:48Yeah, you're so good at it too. I know you're not here to give it a big one at all. I know because you're on a very, very beautiful journey. Thank you. You're turning men and young men into real men. Thank you so much. So I do know why you're doing it, but it's important that people know. Absolutely. My sort of background, 100%. The dark side, where you went. Yeah, yeah. What you regret. What was your lowest point? Well, this was a massive catalyst because after that, knees got it. My dad went outside with the back to the van. Me and him went back to the van. I looked in the wind mirror. a person who had his knees hit resurrected stabbed him in the leg with a kitchen knife so got him good got him back in the leg um i'm going fuck driving back me and him are like fuck what's happened there do you know what i mean got back to the house he's checked himself he's done in the leg oh shit fucking hospital my head's all over but then straight away after that situation mate i couldn't fucking relax i couldn't relax i couldn't go anywhere i had a missus i couldn't go anywhere with my missus where I wasn't.
44:48Was that like a PTSD reaction? I don't, I never got diagnosed so potentially yeah but I don't know, I just wasn't comfortable, I was just living anxious because of that situation in the back of my mind. I was like well what if this happens, what if that happens? What about revenge, did you think about revenge? Of course, of course I did but then got the revenge, you know what I mean and it's so sad like and I do, yeah I really do, I pray on that and I think about that a lot and I pray for the lads involved and I hope they're healthy. Have you seen him since? No, no, it's out the way of where we are and I really do, like, whoever he is, yeah, it's water under the bridge, do you know what I mean?
45:28So talk me through your personal journey of how you then flipped your life around. So you've left the paras, you're back fighting, you're back drinking, you've lost your missus, you're gambling, you're 20 grand plus in debt. Yeah. You've just weighed a lot of people in Your dad's been stabbed in the leg You're now like What's life all about? That was the first day getting out of the army Liam So I was there And then from there it was continue on But my identity of going in at a young age You see how passionately they'd say I can speak about being in the army I wasn't in for long I was in four and a half years I'm a zipper Do you know what I mean?
46:02I'm never claiming to be someone who's had this amazing career I had some good experiences while I was in there And I absolutely loved it But the issue was I went in at such a young age and as we spoke about, I was so ego driven. So my whole identity was that I was a para. It was that I was a para. Although I wasn't in for long, I was in at a young age and that young age, you can really, you can subconsciously wire your brain where that's you. And I was in this mindset that I'm a para, I'm a paratrooper. So when I left that identity of being a paratrooper, it wasn't there anymore. And that identity was my foundation.
46:36Now you see this issue a lot and I do. I talk about this a lot. we see footballers I'd say they're in an academy from the age of 10 everyone in school is going to tell that footballer you're going to be pro, you're going to make it, you're going to do it but when they don't go pro when they get an injury, something goes in the way a lot of the time they can go to gambling, they can fall off a little bit they can get caught up and that's because their whole identity was evolved around being a footballer or for me it was being a para so yeah it was hard adapting back in, my humour was different to everyone else's do you know what I mean it's a dark humour in the army that's ruthless yeah for people that haven't got any friends it's ruthless it's funny it's a coping mechanism of course mate and even like drinking like I couldn't go to the pub with my mates excuse me and just have a couple of drinks it was like I'm going there to get twatted you know what I mean I'd end up in like a pool party I'd be getting bollocko and just jumping in the pool girls there and I'm like what are you doing what are you doing but that carried on Lucky you didn't get nicked.
47:39Lucky you didn't get nicked. Absolute idiot. But again, it's, yeah, we have a, some of us have a gene, AL, I have to get it up, this gene, and it's the way alcohol reacts with your brain. And it can be like a nuclear bomb goes off in your head when you have a drink. And a lot of people have this gene. Some people, it's fine. They can have that balance. I know a lot of people like that. And I know when you say the word nuclear, I know exactly what you mean. They become somebody completely different, totally unreasonable. Like you say, a grenade, a human grenade. I'm not the best drunk. I'm quite lively, but not human grenade level.
48:21And I never really, I don't think I ever have been, but you don't realise when you're totally spangled at you, do you? Never. And it's always the following morning when we realise. But then when we start to recover from it, we're like, oh, it's okay. It's kind of, it's cool. It won't happen again. No, it won't happen again. Play it off, laugh it off. And that was my biggest issue. I used to laugh it off because it got to the point where it was really fucking bad. And I was drinking, I was going out. I was getting fucking, I remember getting volleyed in the head. Didn't fucking remember a thing that had happened.
48:49Just being volleyed in the head. Laughed it off because that's this, my mentality was on the piss. Do you know what I mean? I can't count that. Did you ever have a conversation with yourself, like whether you cared if you lived or you died? Yeah, massively. I didn't care. I didn't appreciate life. I didn't appreciate anything. I didn't appreciate my beautiful family. I didn't appreciate who I was deep down, back that young inner child, who that was, because that's all we are at the end of the day. What about your teeth that you had done? Did you appreciate them? I did, I did. I was made up with them.
49:19What do I care about? I never stopped smiling, no. It's all right. I never stopped smiling, no. Even when times got rough, I'll keep smiling. 100%. But that was the day. It was that fake smile with everyone where I was going out, getting on it. I was on the test. I was fucking, looked like the pink Hulk. Just read up to the gills, flying. And like, I was going out. I was stag doing Lisbon offering Albanians and that. Fucking round the bend, mate. Just so ego driven, but just so consumed by that. And what was the point where you went enough? I got caught where it was like, I was fucking drinking.
49:56I was self-sabotaging. and I got to the point I was at an event I'd say a little bit of a do I'm smirking there because I don't want to say what do it is but I was at a do and it wasn't one of them weird ones it wasn't a swingers party nah I was past that I was at like on a farm was it no it was like an estate but it was like like a like a get together let's say it was yeah a celebration a big celebration you can't be vaguely it was a wedding it was a wedding yeah getting it out there See your face, you're good at getting it out of me. You're like that. I'm like... What kind of an event is this?
50:31It was a wedding and I managed to source ket. So I was like, I got some ket in the middle of fucking a different country. And I was just sat there. Everyone else was fucking... They were drinking, they were doing whatever. But I'm sat there and I'm fucking low. I'm lonely because when I split with my ex, she'd moved on quick, found someone new. And I was like, what the fuck? So in my head, also, I'm fucking pissed off because I'm throwing out all this hate and resentment like, fuck it. But no, I needed to look in the fucking mirror and go, I weren't doing my job, I weren't being a man, and what my fucking resentment is against that there's another man in my shoes doing a job that I couldn't do.
51:16Do you know what I mean? And that's a fucking hard pill to swallow, and it's a hard pill for a lot of men to swallow when they look in the mirror and they go, do you know what, I've fucked up here, this is me. When we take accountability, because I was sat there with Ket and I was trying to just put myself to bed with Ket, just put myself in a fucking kettle. Did you put yourself in a kettle? Yeah, just sat there. I remember, mate, I put cars on. Do you know the Disney film? A wedding? Yeah, I was... On your phone? Yeah, yeah. So everyone else had, like, gone to bed and I was like, last night I'm going to sit here and watch cars.
51:49You know what I mean? I was sat there watching a Disney film, just putting myself in this kettle. And I was like, wow, what the fuck? and I was like, something's got to change here. And I went back and I was speaking to my dad and I was like, yeah, something's got to, something's got to change here because bearing in mind I was gambling again and I, I think I took a loan out against me car to get on, on that wedding. So I took a loan out against me car because I was like, I've got to go to my mate's wedding. And, yeah, I was fucking, I was, I was also living in this fucking victim mindset before I'm where I was like.
52:22An all new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in mom talk. You act like you're better than everyone. You're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers. Terms apply. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast.
52:58Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. Oh, you thought, poor me. I thought, poor me. Poor me. Like, this has happened. This hasn't worked out. This hasn't happened. I didn't want to, like I said before, I didn't want to look in the mirror and go, you need to get a fucking grip of yourself.
53:36Do you still love your ex? Nah. Nah. Fucking nah. Nah, not anymore. Nah, don't you say any question, nah. Nah. Nah. You caught me off guard, nah. Nah. No, and you know what? it took me a long time to get over that so so like but this is what i say like things are in the past now and yeah it's beautiful the way things are working out for me now and um yeah it's it's special did you ever think about doing the other geezer 100 100 was he did you know him nah friends friends of friends that's a so that that got to me as well friends is still a bit too close isn't it it was a complete stranger yeah yeah i didn't from a different area and at the end of the day like if I was in his position I'll be doing the same things you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah it's like yeah but cause some stupid thoughts go for your head I remember me brother show me saying he was like yeah in a place where they would me axe and I was up the road and I'm like nice I was with your mates as well some of them were fucking hand grenades and you've got one chimp on you sorry angel and the devil on your shoulder going and you should go down there the other ones like listen just fucking do another line of care you'll be sweet heartbreak is heavy heartbreak is it's funny do you know until you've had your heart broken yeah when you see your mates like completely destroyed yeah over a girl or a woman you think fucking put yourself together you're always thinking it's fucking 90 % it's very heavy I said in the field the other day in the park session I said put your hand up if you're a man and you've had you've had problems with a woman 45 fellas on the field Every hand went up.
55:18And we go, it's funny, isn't it? And probably about 99 % of men that I speak to, the problems are derived from love. It could be lack of love. It could be a love that's gone wrong. It could just be, yeah, just the love they're not feeling for themselves. Love is pain. A friend of mine had that tattooed on him when I was really young. Love is pain. I couldn't understand why. I got older and it's like, oh, I get that. 100%. It fucking is painful. It absolutely is because you can have so much love for someone I'd say you've got a love for the family member or a pet dog the best love in the world and then you lose that dog and a heartbreak or even a relationship I'd say you build that up and then when that love's taken away from you it's fucking hard and especially as men it's not spoken about enough and as us the easiest thing to do once we do go for a breakup or something like that is to seek that validation go fucking bang a load of birds do you know what I mean get yourself over it take yourself into the gutter if you think it's going to make you feel better fucking right and it's not mate It's empty, lonely feeling.
56:18When we're going to start to feel better, I believe is when we fucking nod up and we go, okay, I want change because the person that's going to do it, that's going to help himself is you. It's going to be you. So let's say you're struggling, Liam. I'm going to be someone that's going to help you, give you the resources to do it, but it's going to be you to put the work in because go back to the saying, take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. It is about taking accountability. This podcast we say you can take a donkey to water. Yeah I'll make a drink Yeah I went to give a cat a snus When I was away And they didn't take it I said you can give a cat a snus But you can't make it take it It's a fucking terrible one though That fucking is It's terrible It's terrible Don't put that in You're going to get absolutely killed In the comments for that Yeah don't put that in Nah stay it in You're going to start giving drugs To fucking cats You've got to go And um Snus is a nicotine poke So it's legal I know it is Yeah it's nicotine It's nicotine Erm And yeah it wasn't until so so again we digressed a little bit there but I was away and um when I got caught out I had loads of gambling stuff come through and I think it was a bank statement and my dad opened it and he was like what the fuck is this so I was like fuck I was on a building site in Birmingham and I just crumbled I just crumbled and I was like I've messed up and I was like I I fucked up I remember crying on this site because I just let everything out I was like I struggle with hell I've fucking done this I hate this I fucking hate myself I can't get over x, y and z I fucking hate this I feel shit this is happening and I let it all out to him and it was fucking relievement I was going to say did you feel relieved?
58:01Fucking yeah It was gone It was gone every bit of fucking debt that I was and by the way I was hitting a decent wedge from me dad I was getting paid and me fucking monthly outgoings were nearly me fucking wage So I was getting paid and then getting, what is it? Advancing wage and trying to get an advance. He's like, why are you getting a sub? I'm like, I need it. I need it. I've fucking done X, Y, and Z, or I'll have an excuse. I mean, it's good that you had that epiphany at such a young age, though. Yeah. Because if there's any consolation, mate, I'm 46 and I'm still battling most of them fucking problems.
58:32Yeah. Apart from the gambling. I've never, ever been one to, I've never, ever, never been a gambler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've taken big risks with my own life and safety. Hey, you've got to in life though. At the same time, you've got to take a gamble. There's a line. Absolutely. Yeah. I've sort of leapfrogged past that I'm taking the piss line many a time. So I get everything you're saying and I sort of, I admire you because I wish that I had that epiphany at 25 or at least learnt my lesson. Yeah. Because I'm still doing things I regret now. It's like, fuck me, you've been on this planet 46 years of age.
59:03You've made that mistake 10 times before. Yeah. You've done it again. Absolutely. So yeah, let's hope you don't make them mistakes. I hope not. and um i ended up i ended up getting into so yeah this had happened the truth had come where it was like okay what happens now because this is the difference of where we go we can talk about the problems which is talking about it and we can just talk about and not do anything to action certain issues against them i was like fuck i need to change so i started learning about what alcohol was i started reading books listening to audiobooks as i said back to there the zero point by dr joe vitally and that's where I learned about an intention being a limitation and taking action and that is where you see change and even that I just started adding in some spiritual stuff about the zero point and that's essentially this energy field around all of us where it's there it's connecting all of us and that's that's tuning into the zero point where you close your eyes you breathe in and you feel that connection with something that's bigger than yourself do you know what I mean and I didn't come to terms with God or I wasn't with my faith just yet and for me it was just that that little escape that I got and it was adding that in and that service to something that was bigger than me it fucking helped and how long did it take for you to start like your your personal transition to then building your men's network because I want to finish this off by talking about your men's network because this this the network you've built this is this is the main reason why I really wanted you on because I want people to take notes of what you've done because we desperately need it in the UK well men need it period like we're strong, we're ruthless, we're tough when we need to be, but we're also very soft on the inside.
1:00:43We just want to be loved by, just like the next person. Of course we do. That's the nuts and bolts of it. Of course we do. That's all we seek. That's all we seek is love and validation. And the idea behind that was actually from Dagestan, Russia. Now, Dagestan, Russia. So I said - And what's your men's network called? The men's social network, MSN. MSN. We're doing what MSN back in the day could never do, and that's bringing men face to face, giving them real life interactions So yeah, how long did it take for you to sort yourself out then build the net 8 months 8 months Quick turnaround, yeah The thing is, with all due respect, you're an addict Yeah, yeah, yeah So if it ain't one thing you're addicted to, it's another 100 % And I know this because I am too So I get a new addiction But you'd rather your addiction be the gym and self-development than you would beer and gear 100 % Because one leads you to a happy place and the other one I mean, you're always never going to be fully content And one doesn't numb your prefrontal cortex.
1:01:37So when you drink, when you're doing drugs or like, you get your prefrontal cortex and that's in charge of your decision making. That's going to be in charge of your discipline because your discipline, discipline's not really a feeling, is it? Discipline is just a system that you follow. You follow a good system. Discipline's very hard though, isn't it? It's the hardest, isn't it? Of course it is. But if you start following a system, Liam, you get up in the morning, you do a cold shower. And this is what I sort of make my sort of team zero coaching for because fitness is more than just fucking going to the gym and doing bicep curls.
1:02:05It's your mindset. It's everything. What we want to teach men is a form of discipline. It's like a martial art. They call it a discipline. A boxer goes to the gym at a certain time, eats his food at a certain time, goes back to the gym at a certain time, goes to sleep at a certain time. These men are just following a system. They're following a system and there's a product of that system and it's a disciplined mindset. It's a disciplined lifestyle. So when you're following a system that works, when you add structure into your life, you start to become more disciplined. And it's not easy at first because you're getting out the comfort zone.
1:02:37But again, reverting back to what we were speaking about before, where it's easy for our body to take that easy option. When someone says something horrible to us, it's easier for us to go, fuck off. Do you know what I mean? Like, what are you on about Liam? I don't agree with that. So they're going, do you know what? I'm going to sit back and get an understanding of that. Now, the men's social network was after I did a 72 mile ultramarathon. So I ran two loops of the Wirral. and that was my goal that I sort of set. In one go? Yeah, it was 15 hours and it took us and take us long to train for it but I was fit naturally and I said, I've become obsessed.
1:03:11Did you feel like you redeemed yourself from when you went to the para training after taking the bumblebees? Yeah, the bumblebees, yeah. Did you think, well, that's, I'm even now? I was like that, I've, I showed myself when I'm capable of but then I, also that thought come to me going it's quite lonely training for a marathon all the time and it's quite lonely running that. Don't get me wrong, but what I... Did you get emotional after you completed it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let it out, let it go to an house. Had me family there, give us a bit of a gok and that. It was nice. I might tell you a story in a minute.
1:03:40Yeah. I might expose one of my vulnerabilities I've never told anybody. Well, let's do it, man. Do you want me to very quickly? Absolutely. Well, I'm not a running man. Yeah. I mean, you can probably see. I mean, I train for sanity, not vanity. Absolutely. I like my food and fucking a few Guinnesses here and there. Yeah. But one day I decided to get up on the 4th of Jan. Yeah. I mean, I took the piss all over Christmas. I've done all the naughty things that you shouldn't be doing and I preach to people that they shouldn't be doing mixed in with a whole load of, I mean, I know everyone overindulges at Christmas.
1:04:09Yeah. I took the fucking piss. Lucky to be alive taking the piss. Yeah. And then I got up one morning and I thought, right, enough. So, I put my trainers on and thought, I'm going to go for a 5K. Let me see if I can do 5K. And where I live, There's nowhere to run. You've just got one big long road. Yeah. So you can only, and it's like a kilometre. So you can just go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. It's the most mundane, mind numbing run you can imagine. Yeah. I'd done half a marathon. Once I started, I thought I'm going to go again. I'm going to do another, another kilometre, another mile, another mile, another mile.
1:04:47And so in the end, I ended up doing, was it 13 and a half miles? Yeah. I'd never done that in my life. Never got anywhere near, never, never got close. and I'd done it in a half sensible time and I didn't stop and I couldn't believe what I'd just done. Now this is going to make me sound like such a wanker. This is half a marathon, but I'm not a runner. I've never done it. And I pushed myself to an absolute limit. It's pretty easy. At one stage, it felt a bit like self-harm, but I thought I've disgraced myself over Christmas. I'm in debt to me. I got back home. I got in the kitchen and I'm voice noting my mate telling him what I've just done and how mentally it is what you can achieve when you put your head and your heart into it.
1:05:23As I'm telling him, I'm fucking choking up I'm nearly crying off the back of half a marathon so that's why I asked you if you got emotional because if I got emotional after half a marathon after 72 miles you must have been fucking crying your eyes out the furthest I'd ran before that was 40 so it was a fucking you gotta go is that it? yeah just a 40 I don't know you must have been you going then so I didn't fucking train crazy for it but what I seen from that was community and community is is common unity, commonly united people coming together for something better. But then it was like, I don't want to live the rest of my life having to do fucking crazy ultra marathons every fucking few weeks, months, some people it might work for and everyone's different.
1:06:07Everyone is different. But what I loved was just how everyone come together. And then I was sat on Instagram, I said, you look through the algorithms and stuff like that on Instagram. And I was like looking at the Dagestanis and I was like, look at them training there in Russia. And they're Muslims. They're Muslims out in Dagestan. But I'll tell you what they've got. They've got a sense of brotherhood. They've got a sense of community. They're all looking out for one another. And they do hard training. And that's something that we're missing in our society is men coming together, training hard together, feeling a sense of brotherhood.
1:06:41And I was like, I really like it. And then I looked at the male suicide rate. It's 90 % lower than the UK in Dagestan. 90 % lower. Because they're keeping their mind sharp. Of course. Of course. Now, I put the idea to Duffy. You've seen on my Instagram. Is he your partner? He's my best man, yeah. Yeah. He's my man. He's the... Older guy. Yeah, yeah. In great shape. Yeah, he's incredible shape, isn't he? Has he done that to the basketball? He's good, isn't he? He's good. He trains like an animal. He don't take the piss at Christmas, does he? No, no, he can't. And me and Duffy met through the BJJ gym that I joined, which I tried an absolutely amazing gym.
1:07:22Joined them. when I left the army and I did I've met some absolutely amazing people I met Duffy there and Duffy me and Duffy sort of went on our journey of sobriety together because I won't speak about too much of Duffy's background but again first of all he's a father of four that's the way he likes to introduce himself How many brass houses has he visited? I don't know I couldn't speak for Duffy he's got a beard so he's got a beard Rachel we go in you little shit I don't have a clue He weren't the bloke stacking the blocks for the geezers standing behind the donkey. I never say, I'm doing Duffy.
1:07:56But I'm just a great man. A great man. What else can we get him in trouble for? Oh, I don't know, mate. I was trying to have a think. Maybe we'll get him on. We'll get, I think he'll be. I'll let him put himself in his own trouble. Definitely. Pitch to me your men's network. Let's round this up with you pitching it to me. Sell it and sell me exactly what it is. We didn't create this. And that's the craziest thing because originally I thought that this was a bit of an idea and inspiration because I went to Duffy and I come to him with the same idea, the same inspiration. And this is what we emphasise on.
1:08:27Look for something to inspire you. And when something inspires you, take action on making that happening because that was just an idea that come to me sat in a bedroom and look what it's grown into now. It's changing lads' lives. Some men really struggling with... And explain what it is for people that don't know. So we get together in the park on a Saturday morning, Roydon Park. And this is what I'm saying about, we rediscovered it. Roydon Park was it's got something called Thor's Rock on it now we go back thousands of years to the Vikings is it thousands it's back to the Vikings anyway definitely a long time ago a long time ago and the Vikings the Vikings used to worship there they used to worship at Thor's Rock that's what it was called Thor's Rock the Vikings used to worship there but then a mile up the road there's a place called Thingwall I only discovered this the other night Thingwall Thingwall and do you know what that means assembly field right assembly field thing wall means that's a mile up the road from where we train and on the assembly field i think it's a parliament so i'm pretty sure they'll do the training there vikings wrestling wrestling's one of the oldest forms of martial arts so they're wrestling they're worshiping they're training now although they were worshiping something different it doesn't matter they're worshiping something that's bigger than themselves that's what we're getting across is you're there you're feeling that connection to something that's greater than you.
1:09:45You're getting out of your comfort zone. We rock up to the park. We'll speak to the lads. And it's funny because everyone's a little bit like quiet in a vulnerable state. They never met one another. And speak to the lads and depending if I'm there because Duffy's, I'm with my Christianity more than Duffy. Duffy's not quite there yet. He believes, he believes is a God that higher power. An all new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in MomTalk.
1:10:21You act like you're better than everyone. You're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.
1:11:02Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. So within your men's network, you train, you wrestle, you fight, you exercise. Do you pray as well? I'll open the session if I'm there and I feel like the moment's right. I'll say a prayer for the men. Or if we've just finished the hard wrestling factor, so we'll switch it up to partner drills, partner carries. Do you know what I mean? You've got men, all different backgrounds, just putting one on another's shoulder, feeling that sense of brotherhood, running across the field, dropping another one, getting in there.
1:11:34Is it like military group training? It's exactly, we take what we've learned. So let's say battle PT sessions in the army, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu backgrounds, Duffy's a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. I'm a purple belt. I fell off of my Jitsu though because I just train to enjoy it now. So we implement that into the start of the session, which is the wrestling side of things, the partnered stuff. We then go from that into sprints and a run. So then we'll do a run, a hard, hard run, and we'll get our, like say, we'll do a sneak. So we get the man at the back to sprint to the front, whoever the back man is halfway around that run.
1:12:10We put the man who's at the back of the pack to the front to take us in. So he feels, you know what I mean, fucking right. He's leading the men. It doesn't matter who you are. If you're feeling you're at the lowest, you're leading the pack in. How far do people travel to come to you? All over. We have men travel from all over. There's a fellow that comes regularly, travels an hour and a half. And you do it every day? Every Saturday. Every Saturday? Every Saturday at 8am. And how do you plan on expanding this business and scaling it up? This is the craziest thing I've got. I've got so many ideas, so many ideas.
1:12:38And obviously we do, for work now, I work as an online coach with Team Zero, where Duffy has also, and this is the beauty of it, how it's all sort of come together. Duffy's a mentor there and he's in a position where he's giving people advice, helping them. And Duffy will be stepping into a bigger role in that, where he's going to be helping a lot of people. And it's special that, but for the men's social network, where that can grow, I don't know. A lot of people say to us, how can we set one up? and we'll say just come and meet us. You could franchise it, couldn't you? Yeah, absolutely. But we don't charge for it.
1:13:10The Saturdays, we don't charge. We don't charge. We offer, obviously, Team Zero coaching. We'll never push that onto anyone in a session. Do you know the best thing to do and what I will do is? Yeah. Is I'll put your Instagram link in our description and encourage everyone to go over and follow Tom's page so you can get a real feel for what he does and what his partner does. and it is great and men need it up and down the country. Absolutely. Period. Every Saturday, every park in every town should be full of men like you. Yeah. Like 100%. Thank you. Otherwise they end up in the pub. 100%. With a drug habit, with failed relationships, depressed, fat and then the cycle continues and before you know it, they're either beat by the time they're 40 or they're dead by the time they're 40.
1:13:55Absolutely. And it gives you something to look forward to. It's something that can keep you in on a Friday night if you are someone that goes out and self-sabotages. But you know what, if you're someone who goes and doesn't need it, great. But there's a lot of people that might need it and not even realise it. Because I'm telling you, when someone comes on that field, they finish the sprints, we go into a stage of decompression, we then do breath work and we shock the bodies. We have fully grown fellas that will come off crying off that because of what it does to them. And it's something special, I don't know what it is.
1:14:20But we get fellas on that field and something incredible happens and it fucking really, yeah, it's working a lot. It hits the spot. Yeah. And I bet it gets you to sleep at night, doesn't it? Yeah. You know, you've done your bit for society and the community. And community is what we're missing. Absolutely. Everyone else has got their own community. We haven't. When I say we, like your traditional white British male, they've always tended to fly solo. Yeah. Like we don't need anyone. It's isolation. We do. Yeah. Men need men. Yeah. Men need men. Absolutely. And it's Proverbs 27, 17, as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
1:14:57And it's true. And what we do on that field, I believe, is proof of that. it's sharpening one another and it's the relationships and the network and after it because there is where you just go over you have a coffee there's a sauna there sometimes it's all free get in there we can have a coffee have a cake you might meet a fella yeah yeah Charles Charles she has performance one of the lads misses who comes she's adopted the position where she'll come in at the end bring tea cakes coffees so you're bringing the girls with you as well yeah at the end absolutely we don't do the session but they're there at the end where they give give cake stuff like that it's amazing and yeah we just fucking we we feel a sense of brotherhood and it's it's beautiful because i've met some of the fucking most amazing people in my life through setting this up and we say social media is bad but also you can meet some incredible people and i'm i'm so fortunate to have met some amazing people and people that i'll i'll be friends with for the rest of my life don't get me wrong i've i've got some personal goals that i want to I want to go and Smash I'm going to smash I like to think Yeah And I probably won't be online While them personal goals are going That's the best way to do it Do it in silence 100 % Final question then People watching this There's going to be a A large percentage I would imagine Sadly that are struggling Yeah A lot of men DM me I know this because my DMs Are flooded with men That are struggling Yeah They've lost their direction Or they've lost something Their job redundancy Family And it and they're torn apart, completely shattered, broken.
1:16:29What would your message be to any of those men watching? Like, what would their first step be to getting themselves back into their fullest masculine form? Let's find your tribe. Let's find your tribe. Come down. Come to the Men's Social Network. Come to Royden Park and meet us. Come meet us. Come give us a hug. We'll see what we're about. You know what it's like online. People have their agendas about who we are and what we're about. Come and meet us. Give us a fucking hug. train with us let's get together and let's network at the end because you might be a fella that likes fucking lego you might meet another fella there that likes lego but you know what you're doing you're getting out your comfort zone you're training hard and you're setting standards for yourself and you're realizing that training physical exercise stuff like that is what we need now these problems that you're feeling right now problems that i've felt problems that you've probably felt now you've not probably seen a change from them problems until you took action until you went you know what i need to start fucking firing into it and seeing how i can see change you can talk about the issues but we gotta we gotta seek help we got it we gotta go we gotta we gotta attack we gotta we gotta go and see what methods what things are out there to help us with the things that we're struggling from let's say you're someone that's struggling with gambling okay cool let's go gamstop let's see about breakeven which is an organization down in essex amazing meetings you can have ga stuff like that there's more than one way to skin a cat now duffy's someone that's done his 12 steps he's done guys anonymous
1:17:52That's why I fitted in so well.
1:17:59Fucking donkey, gays and ominous. You've teed me up for a few good ones. Absolutely, I have, haven't I? Duffy is someone that's gone through recovery. He's gone through therapy. He's gone through everything. I've got my faith. Faith's what really helps me. It keeps me on the right path. So does that keep, you know, your group, for example. It complements everything that's going on. Is there a criteria? Listen, any fella who's on his own, because at the end of the day, there's a man, not me and you are speaking, there's a fucking man, and he's on his own, whoever he fucking is, and he's thinking fucking low, and he'll be thinking that no one's asked if he's there, and statistically, he'll act on that.
1:18:35So whoever you are, fucking fella, don't ask who you are, where you come from, what's your background, just get to the fucking park, come meet us face to face, let's have a chat, let's do some hard training, let's get out your comfort zone and feel a way that you've probably never felt in your life, and the way that they're feeling is nostalgia. We talk about being an inner child. There'll be fellas on that field that have served in the army and it's nostalgic of being doing a battle PT session. That nostalgic feeling's special. So for them, it's that. For those that have never served in their life, it's going to be nostalgia of being 10 years old, playing in the mud on a football pitch, getting picked up by their dad.
1:19:08Their dad might not be there anymore. That might be a reason why they're grieving. So then they're going to get that feeling, that sensation again of being picked up by another man. And that's what you're going to get on that field. So no matter who you are, where you come from, up back and we want you there we want to we want to bring men together and I truly believe that there's some there's some scope really for what we can do here and I'm not that while I'm on here I'm just grateful because people say all the time are like look what you've done and I hate it like it's it's impossible without everyone else seeing that same vision and really coming together so more than anything else we're just blessed blessed to have amazing people around us people that support us.
1:19:48Because fuck me, when you go and say to people you want to get fellas into the park and wrestle, when people initially hear that. And then you start talking about GI as well. Keys and ominous in the park. People are connecting the dots here. And listen, we're not, we don't sit there and we don't just sit in a circle and speak. We shock the bodies. We had some great endorphin hits. We feel amazing. We do some breath work vulnerable Steve but don't give away too much because I'm going to put your links in there if you've enjoyed this conversation I mean I have I've kind of behaved like a big child half the time but I had such fun doing it and we got a lot out of that absolutely and yeah I thoroughly enjoyed it and if you did too give Tom a follow watch his work I believe it's necessary and needed up and down the country every park in every town should be having these military training programs turning young men into real men keeping them out of pubs keeping them out of trouble keeping them away from crime so follow Tom like and subscribe to this channel please and I'll see you on the next one and mate I'm just thrilled that you drove all this way and shared that with me and opened up and I hope it was alright gave me a few of your secrets oh thank you thank you so much cheers brother
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1:22:18Stop by your local Tecovas store for the full experience. Free drinks, boot shines, and complimentary boot branding to make your pair truly yours. Their team is there to help you find exactly what fits your summer. And of course, you can always stop by Tecovas.com. Tecovas. Forever West.
From the publisher
He went from elite Paratrooper to a broken man destroyed by violence, heavy drinking, crippling gambling addiction, and identity loss after leaving the Paras.
Now, Tom Pardoe is on a mission to save men across the UK through the Men's Social Network — hard training, wrestling, breathwork, and real brotherhood in the park every Saturday.
This is more than a story of redemption — it's a blueprint for any man feeling lost, addicted, or directionless.
If you're struggling, this episode might just change your life...
Proudly sponsored by Change - the number 1 online business and e-commerce mentoring program. Find Ryan on Instagram to start your journey to financial freedom: https://www.instagram.com/ryanjb/
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✅ About Liam Tuffs.
The Dozen with Liam Tuffs is a no holds barred podcast channel, where True Crime, Celebrity, Politics, Current Affairs, Combat Sports & Comedy are amongst the topics discussed! I sit down with some of the most fascinating and controversial characters including ex-gangsters, comedians, bare knuckle fighters, boxers, celebrities, and politicians to bring you raw & unfiltered conversations.
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