The Lord Of The Rings: The Aristocrats (ft. guests Simon Farnaby & Ben Gregor)

20:16Chris Hewitt:But do you get a kick out of watching him figure things out? Drive really well, yes, I do. You do? Okay. Interesting. Kobe? My final thought is another Mark Ruffalo piece is the Dark Waters. Oh, yeah. Where he just digs into what's going on behind Teflon. More diligence. Yeah. Actually, also maybe a few good men. Yes. Because, okay, there were moments of incompetence, strenuously objecting, not competence born. I object. But the breaking down of the case and the, you know, that's smart people working it over and then by extension a lot of Aaron Sorkin stuff and in particular the whole of our beloved West Wing definitely I think the final one there is well not maybe the final one but Marissa Tomei's character in My Cousin Vinny where she's overlooked as just you can't know cars and she knows cars and where is she from from?

21:10what's going on there? break that accent down for us I don't know what action it was it's potentially very xenophobic to a lot of the world. Brooklyn by way of Greater Manchester.

21:23Chris Hewitt:I don't know what happened there. I love that you made your point by being incompetent. That was great. I'll just get my coat. Four hours later. I've got it, guys. We should also mention anything that has Wolverine in it because he's the best he is at what he does. But what he does isn't very nice. True story. You're right, yeah. Is Steve Rogers competent porn? Yeah. Or is it just porn? I mean, there is an argument he made. Does he have the beard? I would say Infinity War because Thanos is nothing if not competent. And then he's nothing. I mean, he comes very close to fucking it up. He does put a lot of his plans in the hands of buffoons.

22:06Yeah.

22:07Chris Hewitt:You know, fine, I'll do it myself. Then he gets his four mates to do it for him and they fuck it up. It's a delegation, Chris. It's efficient. Is it though? Yeah. Ah, well. Anyway, there we go. All right, so we had so many questions sent in this week. We may, I may go back to that well again next week and get to some questions that weren't answered. But in the meantime... I would like to think about the knitwear thing a bit more. Helen would like to think more about the knitwear thing. But thank you so much indeed. That was a really, really fun way of getting lots of questions. May do it again.

22:36Chris Hewitt:Follow me on Instagram, cthah1976. Follow all of us on Instagram, at jamescdier. What are you, Helen? Helen084 Okay, Kobe? At KobeStar, K-O-B-E-S-T-A-R-R Why did you choose that name? Because I'm an idiot. And we're back to the incompetent.

22:59Chris Hewitt:Amazing. All right, shall we talk about some movie news, folks? Let's. Once again, there has been some, which is good to see. This is a week, I'll be honest with you, that has been filled for me anyway with headlines that have made me glance at the calendar to check if it isn't April 1st. One of them is not a movie thing. It was the news that Mo Salah will be leaving Liverpool at the end of the season. I was like, checking the calendar. Is this true? Oh, Christ, it is. Then I went away and I stared at the wall for a couple of hours. And the other one is the news that there is a brand new Lord of the Rings movie that is in the works.

23:37Chris Hewitt:It is called Lord of the Rings, Shadow of the Past, and it will be written by Stephen Colbert. Yes, that Stephen Colbert. And his Nepo baby son, Peter McGee and Philippa Boyens. So she's part of the crew at least. She knows her way around this stuff. And so does Colbert, in fairness. This man has forgotten more about Lord of the Rings. he is a super super uber fan he's read the unfinished tales and he finished them he actually finished the unfinished tales he's probably got the horn yeah he thinks the Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly and he has written a whole song about it and it's brilliant and I'm going to have to watch it again I mean there's a fairly strong argument for it I'm not sure I'd necessarily ascribe it but it's definitely in the running are you a rings hater?

24:28I'm not a hater me and Boyd align on the ring yes because Boyd Hilton of the Pilot TV parish famously does not think the Lord of the Rings films are particularly good I could not Wrong

24:39Chris Hewitt:What? What? That's a great What? How dare we Chris is like Who could possibly Have such an opinion? Those people Should be driven Out of here I agree Ideally on Giant elephants Yeah Timothy Olyphant They are films Aren't they? The films exist Which are quite good For people to watch Yeah People love those movies Because they're wonderful And Stephen Colbert Is one of those people But this This is Bad shit Insane news And it was announced The other day On this Tolkien day Helen I believe yes and he took time out from reading the Unfinished Tales to jump onto a Zoom call with Peter Jackson who is involved with these movies so obviously they're going to make The Hunt for Gollum Anti-Circus is working hard on that they're going to start filming very soon I believe and this is going to be the second one to follow on from The Hunt for Gollum and this appears to have originated from Stephen Colbert who if you don't know who he is is a huge talk show host who is about to be...

25:38Chris Hewitt:Not torture her anymore. He's going to find himself with some free time in his hands. His show is coming to an end in May, I believe. And over the years, he's actually in one of the Hobbit films. He's got a cameo. I think it's The Desolation of Smaug. He's got a cameo in. And he's a massive, massive Tolkien fan. And he thinks he has found a way in to tell a story that is simpatico with both the books and with Peter Jackson's original L.O.T.R. films. Helen, James, do you know what that story might be? Helen knows. Well, a little bit. The Shadow knows. It sort of seems to be centered around the Old Forest and Tom Bombadil.

26:17So all those Justice for Tom Bombadil types who aren't satisfied with Rings of Power, where he's quite good. He is, Rory Kinnear. Rory Kinnear. Old when the world was young. Indeed. This is his moment, potentially.

26:31Chris Hewitt:His perfect moment. This is his moment. So it's a musical. And it will also feature Eleanor Gamgee, who also born on the 25th of March, actually. Weirdly, it's mentioned in the books that she's born on the anniversary of the destruction of the rings in a supporting role to marry Pippin and Sam. So that means that Sam got busy three months after the destruction of the rings. Well, it's not one year later, I don't think. But it's the same day. So it wasn't like he destroyed the ring, well, or was there when the ring was destroyed. Yeah. Incompetence porn, once again. Hang on, no, I'm sorry. Okay, okay, all right.

27:03No one is calling Sam Gamgee, of all people, incompetent on my watch. Absolutely not.

27:09Chris Hewitt:Are you sure about that, Master Frodo? No, Frodo put on the ring and disappeared, and he still tried to do the right thing. No one, that is not okay. No. In this house, we love and respect Sam Gamgee. Okay. The man can cook a tater. He can. Fry him, mash him, stick him in a pot. I mean, you know you're mature when you start shifting from finding Aragorn attractive to finding Sam attractive. That's wow. Really? You find, you know, Sam... He can cook. Yeah. He can garden. Yeah. He likes, you know, long lunches and probably falling asleep afterwards. And he definitely says he's six foot on hinge.

27:45He definitely does.

27:47Chris Hewitt:He can't carry that, but he can carry you. There we go. That's what you want in every man, right? All right. I take some of it back about Sam. But what I'm saying is after they threw Gollum into it, after they murdered Gollum, and threw him into the fiery pit of Mount Doom. Canonically, Sam then didn't just hightail it by a giant eagle back to the Shire and get his freak on. And then nine months later, out pops little Eleanor. Why do you think the gestation period of Hobbits is nine months? It might be, that's a good point. That's a very good point. I'm being Hobbitist, I'm sorry. But also, of course, I'm not saying it's the one year anniversary, I'm just saying it's the anniversary.

28:26So you don't have to worry about it. No, but I'm saying, but I'm saying, He's, you know, yeah.

28:30Chris Hewitt:Canonically, it would have made sense had he been like, whoa, celebrate. That's getting fucked up. And he goes back to the Shire. Look, we're not getting into the whole scourging of the Shire thing right now. Is that what it's called? Oh, boy. Jesus Christ. He gets his prancing pony on. No? It was like the aristocrats. Genuinely. Oh, come on. You've never seen anything like it. And Mary and Pippin are inside a massive talking fucking tree and they're leaping from branch to branch. Oh, my God. and there's a massive horn. And the fucking and the sucking and the... And then Gilbert Gottfried comes in and says, oh my God, there's a giant tree.

29:07Chris Hewitt:It's fucking the hobbits. The hobbits are fucking the dwarves. The dwarves are fucking the elves. And the wizards and their sleeves. Oh my God. The aristocrats. A wizard is never early, nor is he late. He comes precisely where he means to. this is all being cut this is all being cut or I'd remind you that that's a 20 year old documentary that nobody saw in the first place whoa whoa we saw it yeah we keep the flame flying that's right you fly a flame yeah let's go for it anyway so Helen you don't think that is this I mean these are chapters that Peter Jackson ignored so is there something cinematic in here I mean maybe I hope so I think there could be something cool.

30:00I don't know. I'm just honestly pleased that Stephen Colbert is getting to live out his Tolkien super nerd dreams. I don't have any strong opinion on this beyond, well done him. And that may change. You know, I may be like, this film may emerge and I may be like, oh my God, this is the greatest thing ever. At the moment, you know, hand on heart, does it feel like it doesn't need to exist? Yes. But I'm just really pleased that Stephen Colbert gets to do this, you know?

30:28Chris Hewitt:Yeah, good for him. Like, if they offered you the chance to make your own, you know, Evil Dead with Sam Raimi, like, what are you going to do, you know? I would say there are better people for the job. When can I start? Exactly, you know? And he's better than we are. Who's better than we are? Stephen Colbert is better than we are. Who's your proof? He's a better person than we are. He was in Bewitched. I don't think that's necessarily... I don't think that's his biggest achievement. I don't think that's, like, top of his LinkedIn page, you know? I think maybe like hosting the Oscars, hosting the, is it Tonight Show?

30:59I forget which one. Hosting that show he does. Being Stephen Colbert is probably like a bigger deal.

31:06Chris Hewitt:He's a very, very smart and very, very capable man. And I choose, he's competent porn. And I choose to be optimistic about this. Every day is Christmas Eve. I'm sure he and his prolific screenwriter son will bring this home. With Philippa Boynes, of course. who knows her way around a ring. And also, I mean, you're calling him a Nepo baby. I didn't say that. You did. Many Nepo babies are mad talented. Yeah. Yeah. So we can't rule out the possibility that this is going to be awesome. Frodo was a Nepo baby. I mean, well, Nepo nephew, but yeah. It's still the same thing. Nephew baby. Yeah. Nepo baby doesn't necessarily mean in my eyes that you're the son or the daughter of the famous person.

31:49Chris Hewitt:You could be connected familially to them. Nepotism is wider than meophilia. Absolutely. Yeah. Nepo Baggins. That's all I'm saying. Anyway, that'll be out at some point. We're looking forward to that. A couple of things that are hitting the small screen. I know I don't want to turn this into the Pilot TV podcast, but very interesting and exciting news from the world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. First of all, it was confirmed this week, much, I'd be honest, to my surprise, that Wonder Man is getting a second season. It is. Yeah. Who saw that coming? as confidently unpredicted by James on our Wonder Man spoiler special.

32:26I really didn't think they would and I very much hope they wouldn't and yet, here they are. And this novel I think is terrible. I just think it worked well as a very nice little one and done thing. I'm not sure that there's scope of them. She's something else, but who knows? Maybe it'll be wonderful. Hey. Hey, that's very good. I really loved the idea and the sort of tone that they were going for with the last season. I just didn't think that they kind of executed it brilliantly. I feel like there's potential for this kind of hangout, superheroing around the edges kind of an idea to be cool. I'm just...

33:00For me, that film, or that show, didn't quite nail it last time. So maybe season two will nail it. Now, the problem is, of course, that all that kind of hanging about and being undercover and trying to hide the fact that you have powers seems to now maybe be... Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Judging by the end of the series might be a bit more difficult.

33:18Chris Hewitt:Yeah, I would say so. So that's going to be, I guess, can you still get some of that tone that I'm really interested in you know while carrying on the story that's going to be I guess the challenge. Maybe less of the Hollywood satire and maybe more of an actual out and out superhero thing. I don't know. Kobe did you watch Wonder Man? I only watched the first episode so I'm quite excited it's going to be a second season which means at least there's some air of they feel it was on the right trajectory which is good. Not like She-Hulk for example which there's lots of things which have fallen by the wayside.

33:48Give her a second season you shits. Part of me just thinks they seem to have had the right idea of consolidating what they're doing and not doing spreading themselves too thin and my initial thought was is this going back to the spreading themselves too thin where they could focus elsewhere and make everything they're putting out like amazing

34:05Chris Hewitt:that's my initial thought it's interesting because not many Marvel shows have got a second season in fact this is only the second really Loki got a second season Agatha's spin-off-ish Agatha's a spin-off it's not technically a second season of WandaVision so yeah Yeah, this is interesting. And of course, Daredevil. We're literally in second season of Daredevil right now. So stop writing in. Speaking of Daredevil, we've been asking, Daredevil Born Again Season 2 has literally just started on Disney+. Our supported special for Episode 1 is up right now, folks, if you want to listen to that. And we've been asking where Frank Castle is, quite frankly, where Jon Bernthal's Frank Castle, who is a big part of Season 1, where he is.

34:44Chris Hewitt:What's he doing? And now we will have our answer because it was announced that The Punisher, One Last Kill, We knew that John Berthold was shooting a limited edition kind of TV movie, but we didn't know when it was going to drop. Now we know. It's going to drop after Daredevil Born Again Season 2 finishes. It's going to be dropping in May, which will set him up nicely for his appearance slash cameo in Spider-Man Brand New Day. It's called Punisher One Last Kill. We'll be made redundant by the fact he's showing up in the next thing Marvel do. But yeah, it could be interesting. Well, but in that one, you've got Spider-Man stopping him from killing anybody.

35:20So maybe it literally is his last kill. Who knows?

35:23Chris Hewitt:Yeah, you don't kill people in PG-13. No one has ever died. Never. No one has ever died. Frank's competent, isn't he? He's a very competent guy. Matt Murdock's competent. Yeah. Yeah. That's maybe why I like the MCU so much, because it's just lots of people being competent and porny. That's it. Anything else happening in the world of movie news? Well, there was a Moana trailer. Make way, make way. Make way for The Rock with an extraordinary wig. The wig has caused a lot of consternation online. There was a fantastic comment from Weird Al going, look, stop sending us headshots. We're not casting a weird sequel right now.

36:04But it's not not Weird Al-esque as wigs go.

36:09Chris Hewitt:Yeah, and he's playing, of course, this is a live-action adaptation of Moana. Moana, yes. and he is reprising the role of Maui. Is this the first time this has happened in Disney's much-funted, much-loved live-action animation adaptation series? James Earl Jones, I guess, technically. James Earl Jones. This is CNN. Yeah, is it? Right, okay, yes. But I think he's the first. Is he the only, I think? But anyway, this, you know, does it need to exist? No. There's a lot of hate for this, which I don't fully understand because it feels like if you were to tell me what a live action Moana would look like with The Rock reprising the controls of Maui I can't think that it would look any different to this like that wig is exactly what the wig should broadly be if he is playing with his own proportions Maui so I don't know what the hate is I'm pushing past him in the wig though because I mean some shots are hilarious but the point is it looks exactly like the CGI generated animation apart from the fact it's got real people in it.

37:14Yes. And I feel that makes it a bit more redundant than the other ones. Leland's Ditch, I think, was a great version of it because you had them in real places. You had real backgrounds happening, but here they are on the volume. They're on... They're clearly not anywhere in South Japan.

37:29Chris Hewitt:Yeah, some of the shots are quite jarring in that respect. And then other ones, they do seem to be on location somewhere. So I don't know. Like, hey, hey, the chicken looks like the chicken from the animation. Looks like the chicken. Yeah. I think, look, the problem with this is, look, we as, obviously, just in our job, we're going to go see it. You know, Kobe, you as a parent are going to go see it. Like, everybody with kids, they're like, we're going to go see this. And this is why they keep making them, they keep making loads of money. But at the same time, I think it is legitimate, even if you have a small child that you know will love it, even if, you know, it is your job to go and see this, to be thinking, where are the new things?

38:04Make the new things. And we keep getting this. and certainly, you know, I wrote, I think, accidentally three reviews of these in a row last year and basically kept saying the same thing. It's like, this is too similar to the animation. We need to do more with this.

38:19Chris Hewitt:This is Alanis-level irony. I know. You repeated this argument as well. You know, and I just, like, if we're going to, like, at this point, it makes it look like Kenneth Branagh's Cinderella was a high point of originality and trying to do something different with material because pretty much all of the ones since then have stuck slavishly. Cruella, I'd say. But Cruella isn't a direct remake. It's at least a spin. Jungle Booker Field is my favorite of the remakes. Right. This one is directed by Thomas Kale, who directed Hamilton on Broadway. He is not throwing away his shot. It looked fine. Again, I'm slightly with James.

38:57Chris Hewitt:I know where you're coming from and I get it and I feel exactly the same way. But we have it, so we might as well judge it on its own merits. And it looks fine. It looks fine. Catherine Legea, I believe, I'm not sure how you pronounce it, is playing Moana. She looks great. I'm sorry if I mangled that. Yeah, she looks good. Everyone seems to be doing what they need to do. And yeah, could be good. Of course, famously, famously. Of course, I've never seen Moana, so this could be my first... You've missed out. Please watch Moana first. Moana's good. Yeah. Please watch it first. You like Hamilton. You like Moana's music.

39:31Yeah. So, I presume, are there going to be any new songs? helmed by him. Oh, almost certainly. And if he's done it, that's reason enough to go.

39:40Chris Hewitt:They will try desperately to win the best original song Oscar next year, which I hope will be sewn up for Power Ballot. But anyway, that's moving on. There was another trailer, well, a couple of trailers this week, but there was one that caused quite a kerfuffle online. It was, of course, Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Harry Potter. speaking of remakes that don't need to exist I mean yeah let me just be very honest obviously politically, morally I don't love that this is happening let's just leave that said I thought the kids are charming I thought they look like they're doing a great job God bless them all I hope they get no hate whatsoever and nothing but love and support because they shouldn't be tainted with this in any way if it goes badly or wrong or people are protesting it or anything else.

40:37It's not their fault. It looks like Harry Potter. I don't know what to tell you. It looks like the same thing we've already seen. My bigger worry is not the trailer itself. It's the fact that the head of HBO has suggested they will be making one season of this, eight episodes a season, every two or three years. They're suggesting it's going to be like with kids. They have said this this week.

41:00Chris Hewitt:Have they? They've said it's unrealistic to expect a season a year, that this is going to be one of their showcase shows like House of the Dragon, et cetera, that take longer than that to make because they involve dragons and zombies and so on. And that this is going to be, they've suggested at least, they haven't given a firm time frame, but they suggest it's going to be more like once every two years. 21 years or so. I'm really looking forward to you. It's like 14 years. Deathly Hallows when Harry is like 45 and chain smoking cigarettes. It's going to be an interesting take. Yeah. You know, that seems bananas to me.

41:32At the very least, shoot the live action stuff one year at a time. Even if you have to bank it and do your VFX later, it is incredible to me that that would be their approach.

41:43Chris Hewitt:This is the HBO Harry Potter series, which nobody asked for, but it's happening anyway. And this is the first trailer for it. The first season is going to be out at the end of the year, and it's going to be Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and it looks almost identical to the film. so by necessity someone said we were talking about this in the office and someone said that's because all the Harry Potter merchandise and Harry Potter studio tour etc is all so keyed to the design of the films that they can't colour outside the lines but like Nick Frost's Hagrid doesn't look a million miles away from Robbie Coltrane's the sorting hat looks like the sorting hat Hogwarts looks like Hogwarts I get why they've done it they can't like retool the whole of the Universal Studios sub Potter section to fit this particular template that wouldn't make any sense it's been quarter of a century since the first Harry Potter film so it's been a while if you're talking remakes it's not that out there to remake it at this point and there is a lot of material in the books certainly in the later books when they're really fat that don't make it into the films and I saw a lot of people on TikTok and Instagram getting really excited at the nuggets in this trailer of scenes that are famous in the books which don't make the films and they get really, you know, thrilled about these moments, especially kind of the pre-Hogwarts, Harriet School moments, things like that.

43:05It's been a very long time since I've read those books, so I genuinely don't remember any of that. But I'm interested to see, like, it has a very different vibe. It doesn't have that very kind of hyper-real, very cinematic sheen that the films do. Like, it feels much more television, and I don't mean that as an insult, but it feels like it has a very, it has a very different cast to it, and I don't mean literal cast, I mean, like a visual cast to it. It has a very different tonality, a different palette to it. and it has a different vibe to it as well. And you can even tell from the trailer that, from a pacing point of view, it feels like it's going to be more...

43:36I mean, Pensive is maybe a little bit generous, but it is Harry Potter after all. But, you know, I like the idea of it being a more thoughtful, deliberately paced bit of storytelling. The thing that makes it most interesting to me is that HBO are doing it. Had it been Disney +, for example. So they could swear. So they could swear. Please don't say fuck. But I think that's where you're getting at, in terms of the pacing, in terms of the deliberate nature of it. I think that's the interesting piece of it. I know what you mean. And look, HBO tends to do a very good job of most of the things they do, but for me, it is just long-form versus short-form storytelling.

44:09And I often think, if you're going to do a book adaptation, even though the first book is not long at all. Yeah, but had it been in Paramount Plus, where Grease... I mean, I wouldn't throw shade at Paramount Plus. They've done some good IP work, they've done some bad IP work, but some of the stuff they've done well, they've done very well. And Disney Plus, again, I think certainly what I would take from what you're saying is, HBO have a much better hit-to-miss ratio. 100%. So that gives you certainly more faith in it. Also, this is arguably Warner's most valuable IP of, in fact, not even arguably, it fundamentally is the most valuable IP they have.

44:39Yeah. So they are heavily incentivized not to fuck this up.

44:45Chris Hewitt:Well, we shall see what happens. That's a big surprise, because they had said previously it was going to be one season per year for the next 10 years. Yeah, which makes sense. Because these kids are going to outgrow their roles. unless we are going to get Harry Potter and the male pattern baldness or Harry Potter and the sudden shooting pains up the left arm. I'm looking forward to that. Look, it would make sense to me if they would at least shoot the human bits you know, one a year. But the interview that the head of HBO I think it was gave this week suggests that they're certainly looking at releasing them on a much more languorous schedule.

45:22Chris Hewitt:That means they're going to recast? I mean, they talked about it original films they genuinely will have to if they don't do what Helen suggests I would suggest like there's no way you could do a season every two or three years and not recall by the time you get the end otherwise it's just I mean it's going to be the middle is the problem the middle where they're meant to be 14 and they're already 20 that's that's the issue you're a wizard Harry I know sorry I know anyway we shall see well we shall see with that one alright so let's have some guests now shall we Let's. Let's do it. So the Magic Faraway Tree opens this week.

45:59Chris Hewitt:It is based on the series of novels, Hellspells? Yeah. By Enid Blyton. About a magic faraway tree. Is it obvious I haven't seen this film yet? It's a little obvious. Okay. Yes, it's about a magic tree that has like magical lands that you can get to by a ladder at the top of the tree. So you like climb this ladder and then you can go to the land of birthdays. Oh, that's a much better tree than any of the ones we said. It's a big tree as well. it's not small it's far away hey there we go that's true that is it's very true and this is directed by Ben Gregor and is written by and also sees an appearance by the wonderful Simon Farnaby who you will know of course from the Paddington movies and from Ghosts and from Horrible Histories and Yonderland and Wonka and all that good stuff we love Simon Farnaby on this podcast and Alex Godfrey was the lucky chap who got to speak to Simon and Ben on Zoom just the other day.

47:00Chris Hewitt:Haven't heard this yet, but apparently no one died. So that's good. Hurrah! Here's Simon Farnaby and Ben Greger. Enjoy. Hi guys. Hi Ben. Hi Simon. Hello. Welcome. Welcome to this conversation. Welcome to the Empire Podcast. That's what this is. Great. It's good to be here. You both have different for the listeners, I guess you're both in your separate homes this is a this is a virtual call is that simon is that a mindhorn poster frame it is i i just realized it's there i mean it's not like an advert for mindhorn it looks like it's sort of place it is literally an advert for mindhorn well it is a poster i suppose yes this is in my ramshackle to the spare room i need to hang that up on that wall and i don't It's not a faraway tree poster yet, so I can't hang that up.

47:51Yeah. I mean, if this was a junkie, you'd have beautiful magic faraway tree. I would. Well, you would think they'd have sent us one, and that would be our background. Oh, some people. Ben, you seem to have some children's artwork. Yes, I've got children's artwork. I've got some old skateboards. Oh, yes. A mother war. You're a keen skater. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm a bit more of hobbling old man now, but I've spent the years of my life with mobility on a skateboard. Yeah. Okay. It's great to talk to you both together. Because you go way back, you two, don't you? You've worked together years ago, right?

48:31Yeah. Yeah, we've done lots of comedy stuff together. The first time was actually someone at the premiere said, I enjoyed you in Blake's Junction 7. Yeah. Which was a short film we did with Tim Plesser about 25 years ago, I'm going to say. Oh, that's a lot. It's not 25. It's 20. Yeah, 20 years ago. Yeah, that way. Simon was a very grumpy server of fish and chips to Martin Freeman and so slopped it, slopped the fish and the peas down on his canteen tray very well. So we go that far back. Yeah. The first book, I think, was published in 1939, top of my head. That's right. So getting on, you know, getting on for 90 years now, and it's boggling that it hasn't been made into a film before.

49:26But then when you think about it, there are reasons why. When it came to both of you separately, did you both instinctively see the challenges there or did you just see the opportunities? I mean, I saw the opportunity really. I was actually reading the stories to my daughter, who was then three or maybe four. And I'd been reading them and they were and she really laughed a lot. Even actually when I didn't know why. I was going, this is so... What, the guy can't hear and he mispronounces things? But she'd be howling. And I would go, okay, I guess that's funny. And it taught me a lot, actually, when it came to writing a screenplay.

50:13But so when Pippa came, Pippa and Danny Perkins came with and said, do you want to sort of pitch for her? Or do you have an idea? I knew comedically that all the characters would be great. And, you know, I suppose having worked with, you know, slightly surreal, like the Mighty Boosh, you know, had crazy characters and was funny and, you know, and I thought you could do something really colourful and, like, surreal, but with these family-oriented characters. You know, you've got a fairy and you've got a guy with a moon head. So immediately I was like, they're fine. I was never worried about those characters in a way and the lands.

50:55the way the challenge was marshalling it all into a coherent story for modern families like as well that was the other thing never wanted it to be set in the 30s or 40s so um so that was a challenge and then hitting on the idea of sort of just some modern kids who were probably into their screens more than playing felt like a good routine and that was their journey and and it went from there yeah it's it everyone i know who who grew up reading these books um remembers the vibe of it the feeling of it and the characters i i no one remembers what happened you know no one remembers the stories because and i haven't really gone back to read them but you know as simon as we spoke about for that there aren't really big stories it's just they're just sort of things that happen you know up this tree with these people and you know i believe from from conversations i've had with some of you that um it was really interesting finding out how enid blighton apparently wrote which was to just write as if there was no tomorrow and never look back and never rewrite and never edit and i guess there are pros and cons there because on the one hand And it means you have this really free sort of fanciful flow of things going on.

52:16But on the other hand, there's not a lot of consistency. I think when I spoke to Nicola Coughlin, who plays Silky, she was saying, you know, in the first book, I think Silky's maybe a pixie. And then suddenly later she's an elf because Sainab Lytton never looked back to see what she'd written. So that's interesting. It'd be interesting to tell you about how you grappled with that. I mean, did you feel like you just had to almost start afresh with a solid foundation for what this film could be over the course of, you know, 100 minutes or so? You're right in all those things. And the characters actually change.

52:53And they're all generally sort of quite nice. And so we had to really sort of delineate the characters. And this is no, I don't want to take away from me in a blank because the characters are very vivid. But they're also quite jolly and nice. And so we had to add a bit of jeopardy. Well, there is a bit of jeopardy in the story. It's like you have to go, you have to get out before the land turns. Otherwise you're stuck there, which is bad. But, and Ben always had great ideas about, like, about Silky, because I sort of was going, well, Silky should fly around the place. And Ben was always keen that she'd be, to get an actress.

53:39we were lucky enough to get Nicola who would just be sort of human-sized. And then we ended up sort of using that. So it was a bit of to and fro as well with me and Ben and going, you know. So we were almost making it up as well as we went along. I think that I was really keen for the tree gang being genuinely bonding with the kids and having the kids really feel comfortable around them. And as soon as you get into, you know, tiny, tiny ferrers the entire time or people with giant VFX heads for Moonface, you know, you're instantly setting the kids back into a technical process and they can't muck around.

54:27The whole dancing before they went up the tree, I think we thought of that the day before, you know, and we're like, oh, let's make some gramophones into, uh yeah into like a dj table on sewing machines let's like dance let's go crazy let's let's not just queue up and go up the ladder um you know you mean literally the day before the day before i think it was very very just before oh wow you had no plans for it and no i didn't i didn't know anything about it yeah yeah because i was just like i was i was blocking i was like planning the day i used to get up very early and plan at about four in the morning and i was like and then they queue up and go up the ladder house like how how on earth am i going to shoot this to look interesting and like that's not what it should be it should be more exciting like wash a lot doesn't wash clothes she's the keeper of a portal to adventure she's the kind of lackadaisical gatekeeper of like risk and adventure and like she should like put on a tune and like let's go create and let's dance and like and then silk like you know at the beginning they go we all hate dancing you know and then you know and billy you know who's playing frang nods like grave solemnly you know the solemnness that kids get when they agree on screens too much i'm so serious um but and then and that you've got like nicola teaching her a dance which we made up on the spot um and you know that stuff doesn't happen if someone's right you're you know you do you're just dancing to an eye line and you're doing it later uh you know and moon face they spun and he did his back and actually he did a he did a spin and did that kind of thing i was like like leap off the ground when the beat hits and he's going i can't not do that again you bastard i can't move and i'm like okay no more close-ups of moon phase i think we got it and they were doing this dance and and you know and and it suddenly became this like really really vibrant coming out of the shell of fran and so so i wanted the that the lands that the sets that you know the characters to be so present and vivid for the kids because you see it in the kids eyes you can't fake that and harry potter some of our vfx team worked on the harry potter films and they said you will not believe how much money and time was spent on just realigning the kids eyeballs because they would just drift off and because they were so bored they had nothing to look at there were no dragons obviously there was nothing to see you know in harry potter a lot of it so the kids were just bored and they was looking all over the place and they had to like make them look in the same direction so they vfx their eyeballs for hundreds and hundreds of thousands you know and we didn't have to do that because we had the kids were just like whoa that's cool wow and we're like you can eat the set you know like you can eat and drink it all it's all it's all it's all it's all real the people are there like let's dance let's muck about let's play games let's have a spaghetti race that we thought of that on the floor because we had this meal that was going to be like oh the family are really bonded and they're all tired and it was really boring and they shot we shot the most boring boring scene of everyone just eating in silence i was like this is the exact opposite and then we were just like spaghetti race and then suddenly it became a scene you know and it's like because the kids were there and they were doing stuff so it was very very important to to create all of the character design all of the set design and schedule around what the kids wanted would find interesting and fun uh and not in a shallow way because it was about a family reigniting passion for living and each other so so if you don't you can't fake that um without looking like you're creating some kind of cult video or something yeah one of the most interesting updated things you had to wrangle i guess i i think is with the character of uh dame snap played in the film by rebecca ferguson um who you know as we know and people who have read the book might remember she well they'd have to be very old but originally in the books she was called dame slap because we lived in different times or they lived in different times where um physically punishing children was okay and so you have a character in the enid blighton books who um who slapped the kids i guess i can't i can't remember i mean did she do in the book did she actually slap children in the original books plenty of slapping isn't it plenty of yeah yeah yeah but i don't know i mean that was yeah she was it was quite recent it was changed should dame snap i don't remember that really was last met that stuff i mean talk i mean with things that we were talking about with dame snap were i mean up to the day pretty much when we were going crazy do you remember some of the stuff we were coming out of trying to work out how to do it um i know i think i think there's a couple of bits that are playful from my point of view anyway like remember the kenny everett hands oh yeah for a while i was like no let's call it dave slap but she would be fine because she said john kenny everett hands and then you were like they should be really long that's right and we were like trying to pitch it because simon and i would have these things the producers were brilliant uh they were so like they're so lovely and supportive this wasn't a studio picture this was a 100 independent film but Simon and I would still pitch our ideas to them you know because we had to have so many ideas so many of how we would do everything right so so they we like we think we work this out and they go right and some most of the time we went okay that sounds great actually but sometimes they're like we're not sure yeah I mean the silky is a good example as well because um as I say I was like I really think she should be small but but I was glad in a way we didn't have enough money to make her and as ben said the kids could react to her and beth have a friendship and i need to feel it on the screen but there is a little bit when she is a tiny she gets her wish and she's a tiny which looks we did do it we did do it yeah we had to scratch that itch i mean she is enough in the book yeah yeah well so the restriction in a way was a good thing definitely that we could have had too much of her being a tiny and to your question about snap and slap you You know, what we did do was we referenced it.

1:00:28You know, she said, you know, I used to be called Dame Sapp, you know, until the school inspector came. You know, and it was just really great because we sort of – He does it brilliantly as well. She does it brilliantly. And Tom Eaton with her does it brilliantly with that scene. You know, you can be a little bit tongue-in-cheek. You can be a bit knowing about the kind of, like, the changes and the context and have fun with the historical context. You don't have to be all worthy. It's not like we're making it worthy. And it's sad to be modern and we're all woke and boring. It's like, let's just enjoy the fact.

1:01:06Let's enjoy it. Let's let the actors play with it. And let's go for it. I mean, that was another last minute. I think her song, Teddy Bear's Picnic, was very, very last minute. And I was like, it'll be fine, everyone, because it's free. And it wasn't. It wasn't free. so really no it's owned by i mean it's like happy birthday only stopped being free only only became free like about three years ago that's why in movies you'll go to you because that's the only amount of the song you can do without paying loads of money whereas now you can do it they finally but teddy bear's picnic which i am amazed by because there are like recordings of it in 1920 and then they and but uh they were like it's not free at all I'm like, oh, shit.

1:01:51Oh, well. Yeah. Sorry. That is funny. Let me talk briefly about one of the new characters in the film, which Simon is your character, the farmer and sort of landlord of this barn that the family move into. I think, if I remember, you told me that he was inspired by a farmer on or someone on Clarkson's farm, which I hadn't seen before. You told me and I did look him up and it is quite uncanny. He really does talk in a language that seems like it was invented by Tolkien or something. Had you just happened to see, were you watching it at the time? No, I was writing Wonka 2 with Paul King, and Paul had to look over the script.

1:02:43We swapped scripts, and Paul went, you know, you should play, you know, what about a farmer character, like, as a local, you know, give a bit of context of where the family are going. And he showed me a clip of that. So I've never actually seen an episode. He showed me a YouTube multi-clip, you know. Yeah. multi-clip montage montage it's a new word for you I believe it's called a montage anyway and I thought he was hilarious and also it's a good way of not having to learn any lines and then actually well we probably can't talk about the end of his storyline but let's not but there is an easter egg there is an easter egg that's i say to to the to do the viewers of that the wonderful potential viewers yeah it's not you have to wait long but yeah simon did you did you study him on tv to get that voice right or did you just do your own version of it oh i mean it's a very natural um thing for me to do very stupid voices um and and accents you know having done horrible histories and worked with Ben.

1:04:04So as soon as I saw it, I knew, I went, oh, yeah, I didn't do that. There's no problem. I said, that's no problem at all. Yeah, I remember giving, I was saying, more gibberish, more gibberish. Yeah, Ben was saying when we filmed that, he was going, yeah, I can understand too many words and you need to speak more gibberish. Well, look, thank you. we have to wrap up. But thanks for that. I love the nuttiness of the film. And like I say, the emotion is, is unbelievably moving and heartwarming and, and just so much fun. I absolutely love the film. And also it's nice to have had this chat and to have learned a new word.

1:04:49I'm going to be using multi-clip. I know this might end up in a multi-clip. Yeah, let's hope so. Okay. Thanks a lot, both of you. Thanks Alex. it's good to talk to you again. Thanks, Alex.

1:05:00Chris Hewitt:Okay, that was Simon Farnaby and Ben Greger talking about The Magic Faraway Tree and now it is time to open the reviews section of the show and talk about what is available for you to watch this week in the multiplexes and indeed on your sofa plexes although I think it's all multiplexes this week, right? Yeah, all multiplexes. Yeah, good stuff. I will say on Disney Plus this week we'll review it next week is the new film from Ben David Grabinski called Mike and Nick and Nick and Alice and it is a timey-wimey action comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Vince Vaughn and James Marsden and Isaac Gonzalez and it's well worth your time.

1:05:36Chris Hewitt:But we'll review it properly next week. That's on your Sofaplex. In the multiplex, the magic faraway tree, Hell's Bells. Yes, so we have a family who are led by Andrew Garfield and Claire Foy as the parents and they're three children played by Delilah Bennett-Cardy, Phoenix LaRoche and Billy Gadsden who are kind of disconnected from each other right you know the the mother has just quit her corporate job on a point of principle and they decide to move away to the country in the hope that being in a more rural environment can bring them together as a family they the parents are going to start their own business and the kids it is hoped will spend less time on their screens and more time talking to one another and their parents um this is this causes some consternation obviously on the kids parts um as they move to the country.

1:06:22The youngest girl, Fran, that's the Billy Gadsden character, in particular, literally hasn't been speaking. She's just given up on life a little bit. But she kind of blossoms pretty quickly in the country, not least because she sees a fairy in the forest, the enchanted wood nearby. She goes looking for this fairy who is Nicola Coughlin Silky and finds the magic faraway tree and then leads, you know, in the style of Lucy and Narnia, leads her brother and sister there as well. And they all go on magical adventures of the faraway tree. That kind of thing. There is actually a land of candy that they go to, yes.

1:06:55And they meet like Nonzo and Ouzi's Moonface, Sauce Pan Man, who's Dustin Demery Burns, et cetera, et cetera. Oliver Crisp is involved. I find this a bit of a film of two halves. I think the family stuff is very grounded and very sweet and very, without being schmaltzy, but just really well-intentioned, really sincere. There is a struggle, I think, to maintain connection as your kids get a little bit older. You know, these kids are like probably like 13, 14, maybe 12 and 10, something like that. So they're just getting to that point of kind of stopping talking to their parents and their parents are feeling a bit left out, but also worried about, you know, are the kids still talking to each other?

1:07:38Like, are they okay? And I get that. I think all of that works really well. And of course, Claire Foy in particular is fantastic at just empathy and warmth and everything else. Andrew Garfield I was a little bit up and down on sometimes. I think sometimes he's great here and sometimes he's cartoonish. Anyway, my problem is I think there's a bit of a disconnect between that and the rather pantomime characters up the tree. And it's something that Simon Barnaby has tried to kind of, you know, calm down a little bit from the books and give them thoughts and their own desires and their own, you know, character in a way that the books really don't, if we're honest.

1:08:16I mean, look, don't get me wrong. I loved Enid Blyton as a kid. My dad had to institute a rule that I was not allowed to only get Enid Blyton books out of the library. I had to also get something else. So I was in the tank for her as a kid, and I get it. But at the same time, like, he can't quite get past the fact that these are ridiculous characters doing ridiculous things. And I think, for me, it created a disconnect that made this not quite as good as a Paddington or a Wonka or something like that. So I liked it. I think it's charming. I think it's incredibly well-intentioned. I think the kids are really lovely.

1:08:52I think the warmth is all there, but it didn't quite work. It was very much a film of two halves for me. All right. Jimbo, I kind of have to respectfully recuse myself from this review because while I was present, I did sleep through 30 minutes of the film, which in many ways sums up how I felt about it. It is quite charming. It is quite whimsical. the production design is glorious and it looks beautiful, but it is I think it's fair to say quite plot light, and while I don't understand the whole, it's the new Paddington, it's not the new Paddington. It has some of the kind of twee charm that Paddington has, definitely, but it doesn't have any of the, I think, you know, the lovable character in the same way, it doesn't have Paddington himself, but yeah, I wasn't hugely engaged, and then I may have become asleep for about 30 minutes.

1:09:43Chris Hewitt:Why did you fall asleep? Was it just long journey a combination of tiredness and boredom so I'm so sorry so I will not render a verdict on this one because I missed 30 minutes of the film alright so will you give us one three stars yes I wrote that review so that it does reflect my opinion Helen was conscious all the way through the film I was conscious the whole way through and that's important I would say as well Rebecca Ferguson is in it as a sort of probably Rebecca baddie but she's like still awesome so it's really hard getting past the Rebecca Ferguson-ness yeah I would imagine alright so three stars then for the film five stars for Rebecca Ferguson always as with everything she is in and James how many seds would you give us out of oh definitely five and a half seds 40 winks then from James Dyer you absolute disgrace of a man sorry maths was never my strong suit oh my god alright so three stars then for the magic faraway tree Kobe they will kill you yes man they will kill you So this follows Zazie Beetz's character Asia as she's estranged from her sister after a quiet tumultuous start.

1:10:52She's estranged from her sister and ends up in prison for just under a decade where she acquires amazing skills in a John Wick-esque style. She learns how to fight, basically. Most people just don't know how to, you know,

1:11:05Chris Hewitt:get their diploma in prison. So this is quite good. She got a diploma. Kickin' ass. Andy Dufresne didn't run this workshop in Shawshank. When she comes out of prison, she goes to find her sister, and her sister has been located in a building called the Virgil. When she turns up, chaos of many different magnitudes ensues. This is gory, this is funny. I had a few qualms with the film, as it got towards the end particularly. But we have Patterson Joseph, Patricia Charquette, Tom Felton, Heather Graham. So there's a good cast there of people. Are these people that she has to kind of work her way through?

1:11:46Potentially so.

1:11:47Chris Hewitt:Murderous Rampage of Revenge, possibly? I haven't seen the film. Murderous Rampage of Survival. Survival, all right. So she's got what Survive the Night. So I think there's a lot of things. Is this Ready or Not 3? It's not Not Ready or Not 3. Andy Muschietti described this as a mix of The Raid and Get Out, which I think is a little generous. I think of The Raid in there. There's a bit of John Weekie-esque thing. and at some points there's RRR because I felt it was a bit nonsensical at some points but when there were some scenes that happened I thought okay I just need to be in the RRR state of mind where I just let it happen I feel like if Wes Anderson made The Raid it would look a bit like this yes and who did make this because you haven't mentioned the director yet it's Kirill Sokolov that's right okay who wrote and directed this sounds like one of my favourite movies of the year it's super gory but in a very funny way oh you were awake for this one were you I was very much awake for this I felt like I was being sprayed with viscera all the way through it.

1:12:42Incredibly gnarly kills in this. Some of them very, very funny. Some brilliantly choreographed fights. It borrows heavily from the Ready or Not playbook. Not just in terms of its beats, but also the whole fucking plot. Let's be honest. Yeah, very good. But yeah, just the whole plot. Like, it does feel a bit like, isn't this a film we've seen? Quite recently, in fact. But you do get past that, because it is a lot of fun. But I think for all the action, which works really well with choreography, which is great, and the gore, which is fucking gnarly at times. And some of that, like I say, some of the moments are really inventive.

1:13:11It's maybe, it's a little pedestrian at times. Like it doesn't, it's not super funny. It's not, the script isn't as tight as the choreography. Patricia Arquette's accent is a thing of, is it as bad as Robby's accent from earlier on? I mean, I could not tell you where she was from from one thing to the next. I think it's meant to be Irish. Is it? I'm pretty sure. I need to, Kirill, Kirill, I've got, I've got some talent. Cast Kobe in your next film. Yeah, I don't know where she was from, but she's always fun. She seemed to be channeling her Severance character quite a lot during this. I think what you talk about with the script is part of where I struggle with because I felt for the cast, Patton Joseph is a Shakespearean actor and I don't felt some of the Lydrian line reads could have been as strong as they were.

1:13:57They gave out little toy eyeballs at the screening and you will understand the reason why when you've seen the film. There is an eyeball that goes for a walk. I'm just going to say that. It's in the trailer.

1:14:08Chris Hewitt:absolutely sold this sounds incredible five five stars I wrote this review as well I'm afraid I also went three like it's a high warm three like I had fun I mean there's nothing resembling subtext or subtlety about this film the only thing it has is a lot of action gore and it's basically survived it's powered entirely by Zazie Beetz see it in the cinema you know see it in the cinema with a pats crowd yeah it's a lot of fun alright this sounds amazing I'm giving it a five I haven't seen it but it sounds great but we're giving it a three because we are cowards and fools three stars then for They Will Kill You Jimbo you also stayed awake I did hoping to see Splitsville Splitsville yes this is Michael Angelo Corvino's film and he directed it he wrote it with Karl Marvin much like they did with The Climb which came out in 2019 and this is a story of infidelity and kind of polyamory and all sorts of things as a way as a lens really of examining this friendship between two men.

1:15:10So, Carl Marvin plays Kerry, and he is a... He's a schlub. He's a schlub. He's a schlub. Thank you, Helen. He's a schlub. He's a schlub. And somehow is married to Adria Arjona. I don't know quite how that's happened, but it has. But he... They essentially split up in a car journey, which, should we say, goes somewhat... It goes amiss. It goes amiss. It goes amiss. It goes off the rails slightly, not least of all because their marriage ends during the course of that. He immediately runs to his best friend, Paul played by Michael Corvino and his wife Julie played by Dakota Johnson and then to find out you know my marriage has just ended how do you keep your marriage alive and the way they keep their marriage alive is through a sort of a blend of ethical non monogamy and to kind of talk more about where this goes would take away some of its charm because what's joyful about this film is you have no earthly fucking clue where it's going to go from one scene to the next because it is pure distilled chaos from top to bottom there are penis shots there is genuinely a bit where someone turns to a character and says why is your penis hanging out which is a decent question I find most of the time there's a brilliant sort of I think it's a one-er actually but it's a brilliant shot of like a load of shall we say I think Harry described them in his review as overlapping lovers because there's a bit where lots of people are cohabiting people jump into bed with that person out of bed in with that one there's a mentalist in it you genuinely it keeps you on your toes it keeps you guessing all the way through but what it does is it keeps this central core, which is this slightly dysfunctional, always entertaining friendship between these two men.

1:16:41One of the high points being at one point they have a, shall we say, disagreement, which is, you talk about choreography. It's amazing. It is a brilliantly choreographed fight in a beautiful lake house, smashing up the furniture, and it is a delight to watch. Considering we've seen They Will Kill You, which was wall-to-wall fights, this fight in this film was my favourite. Oh, it's wonderful. Yeah, it's fantastic. It's absolutely wonderful. You're just watching and thinking, how? why? Amazing it's just well for a go it's a brilliant sequence I mean watching them argue with each other is delightful Dakota Johnson gives the most extraordinary side eye you will ever see she's brilliant the punctuation on that scene with her is amazing she's really good in it she's fantastic both men are punching I mean Andrea Jonah and Dakota Johnson you can tell they wrote it this is why people write and direct films so they can cast women like that as their wives There was genuinely the first scene.

1:17:34I was like, what? With the what now? What is happening here? But I was so entertained by it. It's so well written. It's so funny. And like you say, it's really unexpected. Yeah. There's a novelty to this. A lot of films, especially ones dealing with relationships, I think can feel quite formulaic. There is nothing about this that adheres to any formula known to man. And that is its strength. It's a proper anti-rom-com, isn't it?

1:17:57Chris Hewitt:Yeah. All right. Sounds amazing. We give this one four stars. so by default we don't do this every week but it's the film of the week well done to Splitsville hooray hooray and on that note folks that is it for this week's Empire Podcast join us next week for more film related fun when we'll be joined by

1:18:20Chris Hewitt:Richard Kind yes that's right Richard Kind the legendary Richard Kind Bing Bong himself from Inside Out but obviously so many other incredible credits over the years He is in town to star for seven weeks as Max Bialystok in The Producers. And he's coming into the studio to tell us all about that. Very excited about that. There may be other people as well. There may be an episode of The Interviews. I don't know. Once again, what do you want from me? Organization. But anyway, on that note, until we meet again, until then, until that auspicious occasion, it is goodbye from my three colleagues of such lethal cunning.

1:18:57Chris Hewitt:James, I've forgotten your nickname this week. Are you admirable? admirable you are admirable but are you Admiral James T. Dyer or are you I'm sticking with the Mad Titan the Mad Titan goodbye from the Mad Titan James Dyer it is goodbye from Kobe Omanaka goodbye where are you off to I'm going to accent camp wow alright Manchester Manchester Manchester oh yeah alright and it's goodbye from Helen O 'Hara toodles I'm off to Star Trek night at Science Museum Lips that's very exciting I now have evening envy yes the Science Museum in London is running a Star Trek at 60 season and they're showing every Star Trek film even the bad ones every Thursday I think or at least over the next few months they're running some stuff as well so that's very exciting indeed you didn't give me a chance to say that Lisa Kudrow is on the Pilot TV podcast on Monday as is Elizabeth Moss who came into this very studio, well not this one, but the pilot one, to talk to us.

1:20:02That's exciting. What a comeback. Hey! She stole my cookies. Not a euphemism. Oh. Oh no. What would it be euphemism for? Ew! That's what Phoebe says.

1:20:12Chris Hewitt:Ew! Smelly cat, smelly cat. Oh, look at you. You watch a TV show. Fuck you. Well done. I watch many TV shows, but just ones that usually start with Law and Order. Someone told me Friends was a Law and Order spinoff. That's why I watched all ten seasons. Jack McCoy doesn't appear once. Law and Order Central Park. I was furious. Law and Order Smelly Cat. Anyway, stop talking to me. I'm off now to listen to Gilbert Gottfried's audiobook of The Lord of the Rings. It gets quite spicy halfway through, I must say. Anyway, thanks for listening. See you next time. Bye-bye.