260. AB Robbed in Sidemen Hide & Seek!? Bradford Fight & Baby Voice Dilemma…

6:36Cal:no I know it's on everything but it's just difficult you know what do you mean by that? it's a fucking it's a gamers game really the sweaty game nah it's not sweaty but you just have to be a little locked in so it's sweaty I mean like gotta have that motor function skills bro yeah I've actually lost them so I won't lie you gotta have a bit of dexterity in your fingers and shit and I know them motherfuckers you know what I'm worried about

7:00Chip:is eventually you know when you you've got a kid and he just ends up being better than your games I can't I can't ever imagine that that'll be nice

7:07Cal:watching like passing that hand nah because for me

7:10Chip:I'll always have that competitive streak and I'll be like I will be better than you at this game yeah I'll just turn off the upstairs plugs if he starts getting better than me. That's what I used to do, right? My brother was like trying to make a YouTube channel.

7:22Cal:Fucking hell. We just make, but we're fucking his upload talk. No, no, no. But like, we were in a little war for a bit. Like, I don't even know what was going on, but I just remember him like fucking smacking me on the back and I'd run downstairs crying, go under the stairs and just flick off all the upstairs plugs mid-recorded. But yo guys, welcome back to the... How about that, bro? And I'd do it like five times in a row, but then I, because I was so small, I'd like hide in some mad spot after doing it so he'd come downstairs I rattled and I'm just nowhere to be seen little does he know I'm like on the fucking ceiling fan just watching it all unfold fucking spider pig from the fucking room yo that household sounds crazy would you to be fair me and my brother would never like do ones to like scrap and like really like some brothers get violent yeah there's just like there's just a little period where I was flicking off the plugs where it was just that's bad toxic

8:14Chip:Well, the good news is, bro, you won. Are you happy? Yeah, yeah. You won the battle. He won. Damn. I wonder if he sits at home at night and he's going like, that should be me. Yeah, if you didn't turn them fucking plugs up, that would have been me. Nah, one of his videos popped off. It was like a GTA Fast and the Furious garage recreating all the Fast and Furious cars. Nice. Like fifth take, because, you know, I was sabotaging downstairs. Like among us turning off the lights, turning off electrical. You just baited out his channel, bro.

8:44Cal:people are going to find that now.

8:46Chip:So.

8:47Cal:Just a GTA garage bro. That's all it is. Just trying to protect a fan. A fan? Oh a fan. He's not your family. Our family. Exactly bro. Let him know he's part of the family. They ain't fucking with a bottle it's not on my watch. I don't know if I fuck in my last name at all. Nah. It's a bad one. Nah it's bad. It's a bad one. I was known in school like people would say oh a bottle and when they'd say that I'd think oh I don't mind it but then I don't know. A girl last night Literally changed my name On Snapchat To Alfie Butthole And I was like It's not Yeah but like If any girl's doing that Like How old are she 12?

9:25Older at least God At least 14 mate No but I literally said like Genuinely I'm not even laughing Change that Yeah It's not that funny Did you crash out? She went I sent him voice notes Yeah She was like I don't know what to change it to I was like Maybe my fucking name Alfie Sir Alfie Butthole for you. Daddy AB hashtag your family. Change it to the your family guy. That would be good. That's worse than butthole I reckon.

9:52Chip:Do you enjoy do you enjoy getting the your families across the street? To be fair in London it's not much of a thing. Yeah. I've had the odd one here and there but pretty good. I got some in Dubai actually when I was in the mall. Oh yeah. For your families I went chill bro. Not her. Gotta be well behaved in this country. You were getting in

10:09Cal:Slovenia bro in the Mackies. Yeah. I was too bad. they wanted to pick with you but you were having a shit like that was like that was still a duo thing they were like where's Chip outside bro it'll be a while don't spoil me like that bro I was letting out the cheese bro that's not exposing you're allowed to have a shit yeah true that's allowed but yeah I feel like London no one really cares as much which I like because they probably will go on the tube and see like fucking I don't know Alan Partridge or something there's just guys everywhere you know what I mean I saw Groomio from Plebs biking biking around on a line who from who Groomio from Plebs Bro's name's Groomio Groomio's his name Pull this guy up please Don't let him Groomio You don't know Groomio?

10:47What's Plebs? Can't be nicknamed after fucking Grooming though Right landlord I've never heard of this before Oh yeah go on lad Sorry I'm fucking biking Do they have this trim? Wait when's this set? Nah not exactly It's an ancient Roman Oh okay Wait It's a good show to be fair It's well good

11:03Cal:Wait I feel like I might like this You will it's fucking class I can't even know if I watched it But what's that one picture? I like shows setting that here He's a slave. He's like, yeah, he's like his best made slave, but he's like a shit slave. He just kind of goes like, nah, I can't be fucked. That's basically his whole vibe. Why have I never heard of this show? No, it's sick. What's it on?

11:24Chip:ITV. Oh. Yeah, it's got that guy in it from Friday Night Dinner. Oh, I know the artwork's so cheap. Holy shit. Oh, it's like ITV2. Oh, that proper bottom of the barrel shit. Bro, this is breaking the fucking charts. This was on. Really? There's a plebs movie. oh there is have you seen it yeah I've seen it I've not seen it it's in my top three movies of all time no it's not no it's not it's not I'll tell you what recently made I think it's my favourite film of all time Django Django Chained sick I think it's my number one oh you know what I don't if that is your number one it's a respectable number one you know I don't mind it being being somebody's number one film it's a yeah it's a masterpiece got a bit of Red Dead vibe in it did you watch our Inbetweeners app I saw clips yeah I didn't watch it I only watched the ones I don't know

12:13Cal:yeah yeah yeah do you actually watch your own stuff I watch I watch this back yeah we're like fucking hell we should have upped our energy that's what I'll think I'm struggling right now I'm tired don't know why give my slap someone's fucking sought me out someone sparked me out I need some fucking

12:29Chip:can I actually give you one neck slap

12:31Cal:I'll do it left handed I'm so weak should we all have a neck slap just to fucking ride ourselves up the thing is about me I'll start crying and get upset then probably storm off. Ready? Come on. Oh, yeah. Fucking hell. And he's awake and he's in the room. Come on, bro. Nah, you didn't even hit me in the net, bro. I've got that ringing noise in my ear. Oh, he's going to tilt us.

12:52Chip:Well, yesterday we were filming Simon's sleepover video. Oh, yeah. And we do this next slap. Now, I'd had quite a few drinks at this. And JJ lost this next... Yeah, I thought it was going to be as well. but I'm actually completely fine no you look nah I took my pre-pair I'm sweet and then what happened was JJ loses this thing so we everybody's doing neck slaps but they're doing two finger neck slaps right and I was a bit waved and I'd forgot there was two finger neck slaps so I smacked him there all of a sudden turn around everyone going nah nah you can't do that JJ gets a goal four fingers on your neck oh full KSI overhand the f I got a KSI neck slap and I swear to God I was actually concussed for about a good 15 minutes.

13:42Chip:Well, like really bad. I was actually fucked but I was playing, I was styling out because I can't fucking get You're on your mid-vid. I was like, oh no, that was so sore but in my head I've seen stars, everything, bro. The one that didn't make a slap sound, it was more of a thud. Like that. Like that. What kind of shit do you get up to? I'm not going to spoil the vid but Harry put together an absolute gem of a video. Like I was actually well impressed. That's like the ideal bit. There's another game that we play called, I think he spoke to us when we were in Dubai as well, called Blob. Blob? Right.

14:14Chip:So this game is, it sounds right. When I say this, it sounds so shit. But I swear to God, it was the best part of the video. It's called Blob Game or De Blob. It's no announcement. Anyway, video game. Now, what happens is, so there's two people, this is the way we did it. There's two people guessing how many people and who is in the blob okay and the blob is a massive blanket over you right so it would be like me harry randy in the blob we're moving around yeah making blob noises and they've got to guess who's in the blob right how are they guessing like is it not obvious this actually sounds quite funny harry oh no so all the potential blobbers go into a room okay and the blob comes out the door like that and so they have no idea alright who it could be and I and I won't spoil how it went but the best moment of the video came from the blob game okay so we might need to play the blob game mate it's actually unreal I'm actually down to play a few bevs in and it was getting alright let's do it

15:21Cal:guess who it is all three of us under the blanket oh no who's the blob who's been blobbing let's play naked twister we didn't play that you're like fucking five

15:35Chip:how's simon hide and seek oh i don't want to spoil anything now so don't say but just how was the video in general uh the most mental production fucking thing i've ever been on youtube ever i was literally that's such a big statement to me i've not i mean i've not got the xp you guys have got no but still that was ridiculous like i felt like it didn't feel like a video it felt like life or death oh my god i forgot i was in a vid bro like the survival instincts the lengths i went to to try fucking win that are just like i hope no human should ever be in that state like i was oh bro's getting flashback like it was in nam i was like in the i was in the car on the way back from the shoot and i hadn't eaten in like nine hours and i'm like drenched in mud and I'm literally just like, what have I been to?

16:24Do you get a shower after? Not that.

16:26Chip:So you're in the taxi, like stinking a shit. Yeah, I was in some wheelie, like cream fucking rainbow overseas. I was covered in mud. Were they not like... Full camouflage with face paint on. Guy who keeps looking at you, Ravey. How many people do the hide and seek vids? I want to say like, it was like 50, maybe more. But yeah, that was like, that was insane. Any other big YouTubers that we would know? They had H was there. Tiny Temp was there. Notes was there. Chip was there. The real Chip. Oh shit bro. There's a fair amount of rappers there. Bob Boys. Class. Yeah there's a lot. There's too many to name but there's a lot of people.

17:09Your boy Max Kedar. Oh yeah.

17:11Chip:Did you speak to him? Yeah yeah. He was just in the group chat being like oh I wish I was hiding with a gal right now fucking lips he always saying the most unhinged fucking shit that's fucking class okay I'm looking mate it sounds like the Simon have got two good videos out of us yeah I think I think that one's going to be a movie serious movie I wonder who's will perform better should we put a little sleepover will I don't know you know hide and seek always bangs for them by the way mate go on their YouTube channel look at the hide and seek I thought it stopped banging but I guess nah these things are fucking big boy for them this one will You know what?

17:46Chip:When you were telling me and you told me a little bit more detail about it, it made me actually want to go and do a hide and seek. Yeah. Because like, look at the numbers here, by the way. Yeah. So sort of like eight, nine plus mil for them is a big vid. And look, they're all in the 15s. One thing I will say is I should, because you could like loot and stuff. I wish there was just like hules or some fucking food in some of the chests because I was just actually dying. Okay, you actually needed more. And I was with Jack Joseph and he was like, after 20 minutes in, he was like, we need to go to the sides van.

18:19We need to get chicken. And I was like, and I was like, bro, we can't sacrifice this whole vid 20 minutes in. Just because you're hungry. He's like, bro, I left my mini cheddars up there. Like we can get them. I'm like, we can't. I was like, you can go by yourself. He's like, fuck it.

18:33Cal:You just got to start eating your own hand and shit.

18:36Chip:Mate, that's unreal. That's so good. That was a banger. Yeah. Oh, maybe we should just do a hide and seek with us three. wouldn't last for it long

18:46Cal:I might chill right at hide and seek you are really good it's because I can just get into them weird little spots same I once hid in a grit bin for four hours shit in a what grit grit bin yeah the little yellow ones in summer holidays when I was in secondary school when I was in secondary school in the summer holidays we snuck into my primary school as a little throwback motive and did a hide and seek in the primary school that's big and I hid in a grit bin did you win more like 30 minutes I don't think so. Someone hit on the roof, which ain't really fair. Yeah. Getting high ground. What are we doing there?

19:18Game to game though, isn't it really?

19:20Cal:Yeah. They thought they had to get over there.

19:22Chip:You know what we need to do, by the way, boys, ahead of, this wasn't on the doc, but ahead of our, because the new year episode is essentially an award show with obviously a podcast as well. We need to shortlist nominees because what he'll do is we shortlist five nominees for each category and then also the fans can put in the six but we all individually need to shortlist people no together we need to come to a decision okay but we will do that but we just need to do that at some point this episode get some help from the fans in the comments that's what I mean

19:57Cal:so they can recommend categories and stuff well

20:00Chip:mainly recommend people for the categories that I've chosen okay cool yeah what categories the categories are let me get them I made a little a little thing

20:10Cal:is it like the basic best this best

20:12Chip:yeah yeah yeah okay um so i've um i've got five categories at the moment but i actually need more so we're gonna work on this together on this part let's hear them um best youtube clip moment so a clip it's a clip from a youtube video okay yeah okay so we'll do that so that's one category then we've got just straight up best youtube in there then we've got straight up best youtube video okay yeah understand we've got um best newcomer yeah so somebody that's burst onto the scene this year yeah i can't think of anyone um we've got best youtuber yeah we've got best tiktoker yeah um and that's where i got to and so that's one two three four five i could probably do two more categories tops uh best have you got a podcast award what about best group yeah but there is only okay fine let's not do that yeah fine

21:09Cal:it's not much competition in the UK really fine

21:12Chip:what was the one you were going to say best comeback best comeback can do that

21:17Cal:oh I like the look of that so there was an award for basement yard where they won sexiest podcasters what

21:24Chip:should we go with sexiest sexiest creator yeah

21:26Cal:let's do that sexiest creator it's like an accumulation of more than one thing you know it's not just about looks it's about vibe and everything to give enough you know what we'll do is

21:34Chip:what we'll do is we will have, we are going to obviously put our shortlist. We're going to put our shortlist onto Loaded and we will have the fans vote and then we will have our one. So there will be fans winner and a critics winner. I wonder what the fans put as sexy as creator. George Clark will win it, won't he? What is, you? We love George. The guy can't be nerfed. I'd put Batch up there as well. I think Batch is clear of George Clark personally. If I was to if i was to get railed that way i'd rather kiss match i'm above sexy it's really hard for me to choose which one i want but it's so wait what was the award who was it given to it oh it was given to my basement yard i do hear that good fucking lads then yeah there's some there's some some good chats but i think for for podcasters it's not us you know how i don't know why you even brought that up bro I don't think anybody was ever gonna say that

22:34Cal:chill bro no you're not even bringing our shit back bro I'm not gonna lie this pod's cooked bro sorry you better look in the notes for sure but there's too much shit wrong with you as well head shape you got that fucking rashard shit going on

22:52that was winding me up this morning as well because my mullet no no it was because my mullet wasn't coming out it was staying flat and I was like people can see it's because you're fucking

23:00Cal:what your mum did when you were a kid is let you she didn't give you any tummy time yeah my mum's been getting hate comments about that so the fucking back of your head's come like an ironie board yeah my mum's been like I did give you enough tummy time I don't know what the internet's on about I'm like chill out because now you're validating this flathead shit

23:18Chip:have you actually spoken to your mum about it yeah she's a good love she's a good woman she's a good love she's a great I don't fucking know you bro bro I was chatting to you would you ever do a mum app no Well you wouldn't pay me Really? Yeah We're getting his mum on Yeah but that's fine She's a rocket She's a bad bitch She like Arrests people Yeah Oh don't lock me up

23:42Cal:And hose me down What the fuck Alright no My mum is an innocent angel Yeah chill out She's a community service officer She's not one of them What? Parking tickets Yeah she just picks up Parking tickets It's called community service Patrol officer actually She just puts up the signs That say no ball games acting like she's some fucking next level fed she ain't locking up no one bro she's not she's taking lost Mary stickers off bins nah stop with a fucking fake laugh bro this ain't even that funny like he's not let him have his moment

24:15Chip:that is the moment oh that's good that might be the clip of the year fuck we'll see see how we get on that ain't even in my

24:21Cal:top swanny fuck off bro you're just angry about tummy time break that's crazy How do you approach the convo with your mum? I just went, do you know what tummy time means? She's like, yeah, I think so. And I was like, that's why everyone's saying my head's fucked. Basically. My head's fucked. That's why I have to have a mullet for the rest of my life. Because if I get a skin fade, it's a wrap. Yeah, that's fair. I can go up against a wall and it's just fully, it's like perfect fit. Doesn't it stress you out? You know, like sometimes you'll be at like a family gathering. Like all the people are there and you're like Christmas or something.

24:54Cal:And you'll be like, most of you lot have seen my knob. No. I've never thought that. I've never, bro. I've been sat there like Welsh dressed like. They've not really. What do you mean

25:04Chip:most of your family?

25:05Cal:Like, you know, like fucking whoever's changing your diaper and shit when you're a kid. What, your mum and your dad? Yeah, and like maybe your aunties and shit. Yeah, like your grandparents. Like grandparents and dad. It's not the same. That's like saying you've seen a tree. When you've only seen this happen. They've still fucking seen it, bro. It's not, bro. They've not seen your erect pubescent cock. It's not the same. a Vets preview it's bigger than it was but it's like that's not fucking thank you no but that doesn't that just doesn't even count that's just like that's just default baby you've seen it though it's not it is it it's not a different one I didn't lose it and it'd go get a new one alright if someone you kind of do though if someone shakes my hand when I was two months old and says like nice to meet you and then they come up to me now being like oh we've met before no we fucking haven't because I was not even real no but they have seen as a prop they have shook your hand same hand they'll be shaking now.

25:58Cal:Nah.

25:59Chip:It's not the same though. The hand is very different. The hand is grown

26:03Cal:but it's still the same hand.

26:06Chip:Yeah, but nah, I would agree that you don't know what type of shit. You don't know what

26:12Cal:I've been through and shit, but you know what? Not like that. I just thought on Christmas Day, I'm actually going to have to address this. I'm going to go Oi, let's address the other fit in the room. Everyone in here who see my shit is way bigger now and it's sick. So everyone just get that shit out of your fucking mind. That's what I've been saying It's all fucking Every single I'll show you a pig in blanket right now And then your fucking mum starts going Stop Josh You're fucking ruining Christmas again Again Crying and shit This every year What are you crying for? No one's even talking about your shit Chill out Don't play with the fucking VTech Little fucking screws and shit Oh my god New Toy Story trailer Let me see what they're doing No bro Stop

26:49Chip:Just chatting

26:50Cal:No one cares Chill out Toy Story's like Do you like Toy Story? Yeah but I'm not watching any new ones You're not bringing it up on the pot. Toy Story is done. One, two, and three, and then... Right, okay. That's where it ends. I thought the new trailer was good. It's like how the toys are now scared because it's like a little tablet comes in. Get a tablet for Christmas and shit. It's just not the same. You've got to like... I feel like you've got to end these franchises like with your age. It's a billion dollar franchise. I'm not going to just fuck it. No, no, no, but in my head, like it ended at three.

27:17Oh, I hear you, I hear you. That's where it's done. I'm never watching another.

27:21Cal:Nah, I'm going to be honest with you, bro. I ain't fucking with that.

27:25Chip:You'll be watching it. You'll be queued up outside on release day.

27:28Cal:I was at the cinema on my own the night. He bought two tickets so he could get a sofa. Yeah, that's what I mean. I couldn't buy a single ticket, so I had to buy two tickets to go on my own. What movie? They were like, oh, is someone coming with you? I was like, nah. Two for one.

27:42Chip:Wait, did you post stuff? You kind of do what I do on the bonus stuff and just like kick the legs out like that.

27:46Cal:It was brilliant. I went to watch Predator. One of my favourite franchises. I love it. So I had to go watch it. Sabina's not going to like that, is she? Was it good? Yeah, it was good. you know what that is actually I rate that you can do that but that is such something I just never ever do I've never go cinema by myself I've done it

28:03Chip:I loved it I went the first time I loved it so much I went back the next day and watched another movie just for the sake of watching I didn't even fuck with the cinema in general to be honest when we put you onto the primo demon one I've been everyman there's one in my hometown nah you get food brought to yourself I'm talking about a different one there's a VIP room. You don't have the attention span, bro. Yeah, that's it. It has to be a banger. It has to, actually, Loki has to be shit. Like, just a shit, jam-packed action film. Fast and Furious, The Rock. Nah, that's a bit too much. Jumping out fucking minds.

28:37I watched Creed 2 in the cinema and I was like, that got me fucking hyped. Yeah, fine. I watched the Spider-Man where all the Spider-Mans come back in the cinema, but I was faded on my mind, so I don't remember any of it, and my boys were falling asleep. I was like, bro, fucking Tobey Maguire's there. I was like, oh, fucking, I don't even care anymore. Oh, shit, man. That's sad. That actually hurts. That does hurt me.

28:57Cal:That does hurt me. Don't worry. We'll go watch some new Avengers shit or something when it comes out.

29:01Chip:Oh my God, boys. We've got to talk about Soccer Saturday. It's going to be out by the time this is out. Is it? Yes.

29:06Cal:Is it nearly done? Finally, we need to talk about it.

29:09Chip:It'll be out by the time this is out. Wow. Bradford. It's unloaded right now. Is it out unloaded? Yeah. No, no, no. By the time this is out, it'll be out unloaded. It will be out on YouTube. It'll be out later down the line and I think it's a proper cut down version. So if you want the actual real proper experience, you whack on your TV. Yeah, you got to pay for it.

29:29Cal:Yeah, that's kind of how this shit rolls. But it's a good app. So enjoy it. And you'll be supporting the fellas.

29:33Chip:Absolutely. Keep the light on. But yeah, let's talk about Soccer Saturday. So our lineup was us three, of course. We had Will. Will and A. Hines. Will, Hines, Arthur. And that was it, wasn't it? Yeah, Six Man Squad. It was brilliant though, wasn't it? It was. I mean well worst fucking case scenario was Bradford yeah I'm not gonna lie if I I'm gonna keep it a buck fifty with all the viewers here when Bradford came through we looked at potential ways we could cheat it yeah we were like should we look at the last Soccer Saturdays thing but it just wasn't really a way around it but like I was joking before like nah imagine it was Bradford but like it came through I don't think a lot of you lot really understood how fucked Bradford is I've been there I knew I know it's like I've never been people were sleeping on it a little bit they weren't really getting i was like boys i i know it's a video but i don't know if we can actually go and that's why i got fucking pressed within 30 seconds of being there in the fucking but besides that like it was quite a nice little city center wasn't it it actually was like the actual like if you just stand there and look around it looked quite nice yeah yeah better than i thought it was gonna be

30:43Cal:but then we went to spoons yeah what's wrong with the spoons the spoons was the spoons i thought that was the best place let's call it spoon a spoon it's basically the only place we went there yeah

30:51Chip:I mean it was alright let's talk about when we touched down straight off the train in the train station yeah so we get off the train we're like you know what let's be optimistic Bradford could actually be class this could be a new holiday spot for us boys go to toilet all the boys are lined up at the urinal I'm having a piss and we were thinking like fuck we're not going to be able to get the last train back so I was going to like say oh do you reckon we can get a plane back just some dumb conversation shit anyway I just turn and go I didn't even know where this guy spawned in from because I thought it was like half a TV next to me.

31:25Just some massive fucking Bradford final boss, Jordan McCann lookalike, just right next to me. Just go, shut the fuck up. And I was just like, what? And I went, oh. And then he went, yeah, shut the fuck up. You and your boys out there throwing your weight about. And I was just like, oh, my bad, bro. And then he went, yeah, shut the fuck up. he's actually yeah and then i went yep understood and then he went shut the fuck up yeah and i was like yeah yeah understood i just walked out the toilet and then by the time we came out uh he was like going to press you as well yeah then he kind of came up to me and he's there

32:03Chip:like but the problem was like i was looking at him and is it like you could tell he was like fucked up we're not talking about all that he's not all there there's clearly something wrong with this bloke he's probably looking at a bender of just one eyes over there yeah on a bazinga vibe and the other one he was kind of looking at me but it looked like he was looking through me anyways two of the security guards at the train station had asked me for a photo yeah which kind of worked out quite nicely at the time because they were there and they were there like and the guy kept coming up to me like what you're doing in bradford what you're doing in bradford like uh what you're filming here you can't film around here stuff like this you're just saying that weird shit yeah and i was there like what are you on i was just looking at my what you want about and then the security guys just told him to fuck off but that was our genuine first impression 30 seconds and the guy I had like no idea who he were.

32:47Chip:He was just off his tits. Yeah, just fucking looking for a scrap. I'm not going to lie. I was this close to taking off my task. I'm getting fucking busy with him. No, you won't. I will, bro. I know these West Yorkshire men move. They always lead with the left. And then you fucking... Always lead with the left. I'm telling you. But you won't get on a tube? No, I'll get on a tube eventually. You haven't been on a tube yet? Not since I moved it. Oh, wow. Because it's just... Ubers are way nicer. I don't know. no but not even on some well I was like we were chatting about it the other day and then Cleaver was like oh yeah I was on the train train today and these guys were like oh if you're really about it you would have actually quenged him and then first of all I don't think first of all I don't think anyone who's quenging man are actually saying queng I don't think that's like that word's so funny yeah but they're like nah look what I got today and they're like showing Rolexes and shit they robbed and I just thought like I'm not like I've been on the tube plenty of times but if I don't need to get on it why would I get like surely I'm avoiding my chances of anything fucked happen like I'm lowering the percentage by a lot yeah I'd hear that honestly fine

33:53Cal:the tube is fine it's like when you go into New York Metro that's when shit is fucking mad it's mad that you're I've never seen you still Uber everywhere yeah I've never seen you on a tube no you don't no I've never I've never seen you bro I get the tube you don't I still even get the bus no you can't stop that gimmick

34:07Chip:all you do is Uber stop that gimmick bro I picked up this habit from you I got five Ubers yesterday and I feel like I went nowhere I do not do that I don't do that I do not do that that's because you're here all day though I've got places to be

34:20Cal:pull up a lime app right now let's see who's got more rides what on lime? yeah it's gotta be cow I reckon I'm giving you a run though I've never seen you considering you think I don't really muck about you don't go on lime bikes I do get on lime bikes in the last in the last four months how many have you been on? I don't announce my shit since your big crash no but I know what you're up to my big crash it's been less yeah it's been less for somebody who doesn't you know what I mean

34:44Chip:616 bro

34:46Cal:I'm 40 behind you I'm 579 and this is this is you Mr. Linebike connoisseur I'm on Mr. Uber and I'm still on your shit no but these days you are Mr. Uber like I know that's only because I crashed but you don't realise I know what you're doing at every minute of every day and I'd know if you're on a line bike

35:04Chip:you just don't anyways boys we're going away we're going away from the actual chat here I don't give a fuck how you get about London to be honest I don't give a fuck what was the chat again what was the chat we were talking about Soccer Saturday oh yeah So after we got, we had our first altercation, then we decided to go to Spoons. Kind of just sat around in a circle neck and drinks, realizing, yeah, it was a bit shit. Yeah. And then we realized after that, we were like, oh, let's find somewhere else. We were chatting to Bradford locals. They were like, nah, that's it. There's nothing else. There is nothing here.

35:33Yeah, that was so weird.

35:34Chip:I thought, because Bradford's a pretty decent size spot. I was like, where's your main bit? Yeah, well, it's like Halifax is similar to Bradford and I've been out there and it's like clubs everywhere like it's boot I thought it'd be that sort of vibe but it's not I reckon everywhere it's just closed because people are getting stabbed in the fucking throat and shit yeah damn I don't know it is weird for a place to have that little nightlife anyway we ended up in a tiny pub

36:00Cal:what was that place called that little bar that we went to no idea

36:03Chip:what we got some food as well yeah before we I forget the name of it man I forget the name of it we were sat in there it was almost midnight yeah and it got to the point of the night where I thought you know what I need to whip out a fucking big movie oh you boys know who Ketema is them two really them two didn't some of the camera boys did like some people did Hines obviously knew because a lot of the art he's huge in Ireland because he's Irish okay and I was like oh well he's got a show in Manchester we could go 5 ,000 people behind the decks you guys weren't really feel like you're up for it but you didn't get quite how like do you want to know what movie this would be put it this way I'm glad we were in Bradford because anywhere else I probably would have just said let's just stay yeah because it was Bradford and I was there like this is about we've completed Bradford in two pubs by the way is it 3pm kickoff when like alright and Ketema's set started at 2am so like we were we were on a fucking myth mate we drank so much throughout the entire time we started drinking at 2 we started drinking at 2 so yeah but yeah we got our Uber to Manchester went to some swanky little spot there got on some Moscow mules and then went to the Ketema show and it was just like fucking best night ever I need a drink yeah so good I mean I've chatted to him for a while he watches the vlogs I'm going to do one with him soon actually but yeah it was like everyone in the crowd holding up fucking signs saying burger or like we miss the grotto your family it just felt like a fucking movie it was actually sick because we were all blasted as well it's all worrying though that we were so

37:45Cal:we're on so many cameras just fucks drunk

37:49Chip:yeah I didn't say no when you say it like that you're like oh we're on camera we're just fuck fuck it makes it sad because you know what the comments are going to be already yeah they already were yeah on tiktok's day when they're like oh you guys are on shit yeah fingers yeah no but we were literally working Yeah, we were just waiting. I think we're fucking hopping on. On the job. Fenton on midfellas video, Matt. Fenton? I don't know, bro. The accusations are getting mental. Yeah. Little Fent fall on Steve. No, that was one of the best sites ever. It was actually sick, and I didn't realize how good it was.

38:25Chip:Well, I'd never heard of his music before that. And then after that, obviously straight in the playlist. That one actually goes off. And I'd never been to, because it was, what was the name of the event? Techno something. I think it's technically called teletech teletech that's it yeah so I'd never heard of this and then it's got like some mad following yeah yeah it's got you've got like changed with Fred again all of that he's got a second one coming out it might just come no no no the teletech thing the teletech thing like it's a big promotion isn't it I actually don't know oh okay yeah and I didn't realize because everyone's there like oh my god they're at a teletech event oh that's the name of the event yeah that might be a genre no I don't think so oh fuck it could be now but that's it there you go oh I think it might just be his crew then it's like an events thing yeah it's an events thing and so they just go around putting on techno events I think but yeah fucking insane night mental mental spot and then that's when that meme spawned then we got then we I was really against this idea I was like my boys let's get a hotel it's like 4am and they're like nah let's just get an Uber back to London at 4am and then I was like alright And I messaged Cal and he was like, no, we've already gone.

39:38So he was already gone. So it was me, you, Arthur. And I was like, fuck, can we get a hotel? Chip already ordered a fucking 600 quid Uber and then his phone went out of charge. So I'm like, oh, we have to now. That was one of the worst ideas. I don't know why we didn't get... I was so...

39:56Chip:I still back it. I still think getting... I got home at 8 a.m. Yeah, I got home. In London. And I just got to be in my bed. I just slept and watched the football all day. I can't sleep during the day though. I had to just like live through the rest of the day. I just remember waking up drenched in sweat at 7am, like looking out of the Uber window and it was still bright and we're on a motorway still. And I was like, Oh, I feel like I've been on it for days. It was actually such a long period of time. It was genuinely like, it just went on and on and on. Yeah, that was fucked. The first hour was like, Oh, it's quite funny.

40:33Let's chat boys. and it was like, oh, Chip, stop talking.

40:37Chip:I'm in the back of the car. I actually have a hilarious video. Chip, there was a part of me, like I was sleeping and you just went, AB, AB, and like wake me up and I went, what? And he was like, you can't leave me here because Arthur was asleep.

40:49Cal:I was like, bro, try sleep as well. Nah, but I was just fucked. We were in this four hour Uber. It was getting bright. And I was like, looking out into the car, the distant road, like, nah, what are we doing? it was a fucking mental idea four and a half hour Uber home from the mall and I wasn't even really getting home I was going back to an empty flat with a mattress I even got back I was like fuck

41:14Chip:yeah you were having shit as well at the time it's sick now yeah it's getting there sofa bath mat came today cutlery TV bed frame that's meant to come today I haven't heard anything about it you want to check on it bro because this is big like I feel like once you've got the bread frame you've actually got a gaff yeah you've got a gaff and the other bits are just minor can't even find notifications there's too many girls sliding in is that true? yeah

41:47what else we talking about?

41:49Chip:so yeah but overall the soccer Saturday video was actually sick that's got to be one of the most mental like story arcs where it's just oh Bradford shit and then it just cuts it was because I said this as well when we were there when I was there like boys we just gotta go to Bradford is because see when you actually just fully commit to that sort of thing that's where the crazy shit happens yeah like if we don't go to Bradford that whole thing doesn't happen yeah if we tried to like finesse our way through it I mean admittedly we still left Bradford but we did stay there till 12 yeah we left there and got in a car around there yeah yeah and it was genuinely like there was nothing to do we would have just gone back to the hotel if we stayed there

42:25Cal:nah we would have probably still done the Uber home and that would be even worse because we did a shit night into a fucking four hour room. And further away from London. Further than Manchester to drive as well.

42:35Chip:So long. God damn, God damn. Yeah. Well, well done, boys. That was good. Oh, and then, I forgot we needed to, we didn't bring it up in the Calix up, I don't think, but the shoelace situation. Oh. This is actually embarrassing. This will be out on the vlog. Are you sure you want to talk about this? It's out today. Yeah. I was just like waiting for them lot in Dubai to wrap up their big wedge shoot I'm like bored because I've been editing in my hotel and I'm like fucking hell I've thrown in Dubai I've spent all this money on shit I've done nothing and then Cal messaged me oh I'm outside your door open the door on the vlog and he's like bro I forgot to tie my laces and his laces are untied and I'm like oh fuck off bro what we doing anyway no genuinely can you tie them for me I'm like bro I'll never tie another man's laces what you want about and he's like genuinely ass chip like truffle pig has to do it for me I was like I just forget I can't tie them and I was just like nah you're fucking I just don't believe it and then he was like bro genuinely like come on so yeah I just he ends up going down on his knees I'm on my knees tying his laces looked like he was given the craziest and then yeah I'm tying his laces and then as I just get up from doing a good deed I just heard good boy and my heart drops and I'm just pacing around the room thinking he's weirdly good

43:58Cal:I rate the ass chip shit you know it's like my word is gospel isn't it yeah I went mum's life and you went mum's life which I don't fuck with he don't even fucking rape mum like that no I do rape my mum like that

44:08Chip:I just think that's a lot of nonsense all that it is for our voice to tell my mum's life so yeah that was a good little bit I was proud of that it was a good bit we needed bits yeah that's why I was thinking I was there like oh AB's been in his room all day I'll see if I can sort him out a little bit here and then it was actually one of the most disrespectful bits to be fair I was just editing the part where we're in the in the Uber to the club and the TV's like right up in Chris's face oh yeah

44:33Cal:it's so funny you weren't there bro you weren't fucking there I don't remember that bit you weren't there good trip boys was a fucking little yeah I loved it man no if it makes you feel better I don't think you would have fit the vibe that's the I actually hear that though because it was just like you know when you're you're in a circle of people and you're like this is perfect the way it is nah yeah No outsiders can join.

44:57Chip:I do. Yeah. I mean, I felt that as well.

44:59Cal:That used to be me, bro. Now you're me. I used to be the tag along. What? I used to be a little tag along. Nah. You were never a tag along, bro. I wasn't even that, bro. I was the fucking little key chain you keep in your belt. What? You know, I was the gum stuck to your shoe, bro.

45:21Cal:Nah, he's actually in pain, bro. You all right? I was the fucking shadow, man. now what I'm know what I mean what's the shadow what a wisp in the wind what them fucking things called in the westerns tumbleweed fucking that's me you're the lint you're the lint in the belly button I forgot lint in the belly button I forgot a relic bro unbelievable forgotten relic fucking lock me away in an ancient tomb Indiana Jones will find me one day like fucking sad bastard what mate what are we chatting about again I feel like You always probably go like five jokes too far. Yeah. You double up. All right. It's okay.

45:59Cal:Fucking chill out. It's called a bit, mate. All right. Let's do some viewer dilemmas, boys. Nah, these are crap. At least you're optimistic about it, bro.

46:09Chip:Good to have you on the pod as always, Gabe.

46:11Cal:Let's do it. I'm just kidding. It's just a bit, bro. It's an angry bit, isn't it?

46:14Chip:All right. Go on. Go on, AB. What you got for us? What, you want me to read it? Come on. Yeah. Hi, Goon Squad. I've been seeing this girl for about six, almost seven months. she does MMA boxing and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and lately she keeps trying to fight me the other night we were in bed things were getting heated and she suddenly said if you keep touching me I'm going to have to put you in an arm bar instant mood killer I was just lying there in shock what do I even do it should I break up with her I'm kind of scared I'll get choked out if I try lol thanks goon masters shit I'm not going to lie I've been having your message and whack you in an armbar if you're just acting off fucking deck you is mental I you listen listen King yeah I think you gotta reverse the roles and imagine you were threatening to put her in an armbar right and how would this whole shit unfortunately bro that's how you catch a case that's true no no I'm saying like he should treat this how she would treat it if he did it is what I'm saying would she kick off at him probably so he's got if he was getting mad you can't do that If he was getting mad and he went, listen, girl, if you keep doing this, I'm going to have to put you in an armbar.

47:25Yeah. That sounds like a crime. Yeah, but when she's doing it,

47:28Cal:it's a bit like, I'm going to get the egg. Touch me one more time. I'll piece you up. What? It's a armbar. I don't think they said piece of it. It's just submissions, bro. It's not striking. Yeah, that's not... Someone would argue that's worse. I would say, depends how serious the threat was. If it was just a little bit, then fine. Yeah. But still, yeah, I don't really want to be getting too much.

47:52Chip:I think, by the way, if you are going to look to continue this relationship because you don't mind it, I think you're going to have to go and have Brazilian jiu-jitsu lessons as well because you have to be able to say, On the sky, he should just become a black belt. Yeah. He tries it. What the fuck? Like reverse that shit, you know what I mean?

48:10Cal:Could go on little dates there and shit. All right, Chip, you're up next. All right, okay. Hi, fellas. So I've got a bit of a dilemma. I've liked this guy in my friend group for just over a year now. I know, tragic. But recently, one of my other friends has started going on about how she really likes him and how she thinks he might like her back. The thing is, I'm actually quite close to this guy and I know for a fact he really doesn't like her like that. We've all got a party coming up soon and his best mate is trying to get me to flirt with him there. But I'm nervous my friend will see and things will get awkward between us.

48:42Cal:What should I do? Also, I love the part I listen every week and I'm proud to be one of your female listeners. Chip, you're so hot. Thank you. Didn't say the last part.

48:53I think if her friend who likes him, if she thinks it's obvious. You've actually got this exact situation right now, don't you?

49:01Chip:With that girl. This is a friend group. Who am I going for? Little Real Madrid. Nah, nah. Nah, you do pretty much have this situation going right now. Yeah. Do I? Not with the friend group, but like the thing where it's there like the best mates trying to get me to flirt with them or you know what I mean it's all up in the air anyway that bad to the dilemma nah let's stick to the dilemma he's going red he's going red he'll start his shit out I'm not going right I know you'll get yourself sorted so what would you tell this person to do I'd say you see that step over I'd say if it's obvious that the guy doesn't like your friend let your friend go up there and just fucking car crash it.

49:46You know what I mean?

49:47Chip:People got a face rejection.

49:50Cal:Yeah. But if the friend goes up, gets rejected, all that kind of shit, does that mean now that this girl can step in? He clearly don't rate you. Can I have a little go? Do you know what I mean? You've put your 50p in, you fucking failed.

50:06Chip:Yeah, my turn. Your father. I'm next.

50:10Cal:No matter what though, it's going to end up awkward that, isn't it? There's no way around if she wants to pursue it there's no way around it

50:17Chip:boys I need some advice because my girlfriend has started doing something weird we've been working together for about 6 months and out of nowhere she started talking to me in this baby voice that is mad weird actually that is so like completely unprompted we'll be watching a movie or cooking dinner and suddenly she'll go aww is my little man tired and I I'm reading the dilemma bro and I just stand there questioning every decision I've ever made it's not just once or twice either it's becoming a thing I've tried laughing it off but she doubles down like it's completely normal is this something I can actually bring up without sounding insane or do I just accept the fact I'm dating someone who thinks I'm a toddler please help before I lose it the thing is he's so dead serious about how big of an issue this is and that is like Chip's everyday But Chip gets off to it as well.

51:13No, I ain't qualified. I'll let you want to handle this. No, this is all you, bro. I actually don't. How would you deal if Sabina pulled some mental shit like that? I don't know.

51:20Chip:How about, let me swap this up, right? So Chip, you know how you like it when she talks to you in a baby voice and you talk to her in a baby voice. She doesn't talk to me. What if she flipped it? She talking to you like this. Oh, Chip. Oh, Josh.

51:34Cal:We're going to find ourselves back at the dilemma one. Oh, Bob. We'll get her in our heart.

51:41Chip:yeah nah Savita stop let's go back to the baby voice but I don't like the baby voice anymore baby voice dead satan is here yeah

51:53Cal:I can't relate to this one guys

51:55Chip:what would you actually do I would be there like oh please stop it's actually you just said oh it's actually putting me off here yeah I'll just be like oh no but on a real fucking stop here's what you do you gotta do it back no no because then she gets excited and she starts wheeling out in public.

52:11Cal:Yeah. I don't like it. And then you've just got to take the piss with it a little bit. But you do it back and she likes it. So that doesn't work. I don't do it back. You do. I've literally heard you on the phone.

52:19Chip:I do it around the boys. I don't do it. No, you do. I've literally seen her TikToks where she pranks you and you chat to her. I've got access to your puppy cam and I can see how you move. There's no footage. There's no footage. There is, bro. Watch it live. For sure. Is my little man tired?

52:35Cal:That sounds bar for bar. Like what? Yeah. you genuinely fucking PTSD chill out and you'll be like

52:45Cal:tough listen tough listen should we should we do that

52:50Chip:last the cringe what's the cringe TikTok what is it what is it I can't hack it though I'm not doing anything like that try not to cringe try not to cringe nah come on Chip

53:02Cal:you go first

53:03Chip:well what am I doing so you gotta do something really cringy and we gotta try and not laugh first person to laugh yeah Yeah, I'm good, bro.

53:08Cal:I'm good, bro. Made for a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is edgy money. I did a little personality switch about 10 minutes ago. I'm being a bit more serious. I'm speaking with substance now. Let's talk about something serious. Nah, shit, this could be a good claim. Let's talk about something serious, man. Let's talk about the events 24 years ago. No.

53:24Chip:I want to talk about this. I want you to start us off with a little cringe, man.

53:30Cal:Nah, I ain't doing that.

53:31Chip:I'm not... We can't lie.

53:32Cal:You've got to kick it off then, bro.

53:34Chip:Nah, you've got to kick it off. Yeah. Nah, I'm ready for you. Come on. No, I just, I want it to get around to me. I want to save the best for last.

53:40Cal:Come on, Billy Big Bollocks. That's what my mum calls me. Come on, massive balls Alfie, is what she calls me. It's not as snappy. I told you she's seen your shit, bro.

53:53Chip:Do you reckon your mum's been bricked over your shit? What the fuck? My God, bro. That's horrible.

54:01Cal:That's horrible. You need to leave.

54:03Chip:You need to leave. No, I'm not laughing at that, Quinch, but you tried to start her off I see what you did there nah I did alright my goal's done it's your goal now you're up Alfie nah big willy

54:12Cal:he's not done it he's not done it though what the fuck yo where's your watch boys you ain't been wearing your fucking watches recently cause we've gone over this I live in London this is why you wear this type of timepiece yeah but I'd rather go nothing that wasn't actually a day so I just mean I don't mind a bit of bare wrist he's a little bit cringy factory set fares

54:33Chip:alright now what boys should we should we wrap this one up We got a boner app coming soon.

54:37Cal:Yeah.

54:38Chip:Oh, you're jumping on that, bro. Yeah. Come jump on, bro. AI can edit your vids. You're sorry. True, though. Can I edit on the pod with Ed?

54:51Cal:Just do it. Just dial in every now and then. No, I actually do have my shit to do today, though.

54:56Chip:Mate, you told us the list. You've got to edit that vid. Bro, so do I. By the way, editing your vids genuinely is just putting this shit in a timeline and hitting Bro! I'll make sure no one says mad shit. All right. All right. All right. All right. So right guys, we're going to wrap it up here. I hope you guys have added an incredible time. Yeah, that's,

55:16Cal:that's the five on it.

55:19Chip:If you haven't already, then go and check out soccer Saturday over on loaded. Of course we are doing a giveaway of 500 pounds for the month as well. So make sure you check that out. And until next time guys, we'll see you in a bit. Thank you.