In short
Tottenham Hotspur’s disastrous season opener vs Brentford, analyzed as a “system vs system” failure, with discussion of captaincy/leadership, new signings’ integration, and what to expect next in the EFL Cup at Charlton.
Guests (backgrounds)
Two Spurs fans host the episode—Rick and “Ricky” (co-host). They speak from the perspective of supporters reacting live to the match and sharing personal anecdotes (including stomach/embarrassment stories). No professional guests are identified in the transcript.
Key claims
Tottenham looked uncoordinated because a largely new back line and multiple debuts meant roles weren’t understood; Brentford’s cohesion and second-ball dominance exposed Spurs. Archie Gray’s early captaincy felt “weird” to the hosts, though they don’t blame the result solely on him. The team needs time for De Zerbi’s patterns/pressing to click.
Notable examples
Brentford’s second goal likened to Barcelona-style quick passing; Spurs’ duels/pressing failures; specific mentions of Richarlison, Tell, Robertson, Sanesi, Van Hecke, Bergvall, Tonali, Kinski, and planned arrivals Savinho and Mamouj.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOReflecting on the Past and Present
0:42 to 1:00
Discussion on past experiences and personal stories that impact the present.
“You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new.”
Reflecting on the Past and Present
1:32 to 3:08
Discussion on past experiences and personal stories that impact the present.
Analyzing the First Game of the Season
3:08 to 5:36
Hosts share reactions and thoughts on their team's performance in the first game of the season.
“It's Malmouch on his way and Savini on his way.”
Team Dynamics and Leadership Issues
5:36 to 8:21
Discussion on team dynamics, leadership roles, and the implications of a young captain.
“didn't realise he was he would have a game like that and so all they've done is just add a little bit of quality to what was a really functional team that understands each other.”
Reality Check After a Disappointing Match
8:21 to 11:25
Hosts reflect on the harsh realities of the team's performance and the need for improvement.
“Well, my dad said, there's five captains.”
Understanding Team Cohesion and Strategy
11:25 to 14:01
Conversation about the need for players to understand each other and improve team cohesion.
“Yeah, like, who else was out there that could have?”
Analyzing Team Dynamics and Performance
14:01 to 16:42
Discussion on how team cohesion and individual performances affect outcomes.
“That's one player, let alone an entire fucking team.”
Reflections on Match Performance and Changes
16:42 to 18:26
Evaluating the match against Brentford and the need for system adjustments.
“And that's what that was, system versus system.”
Reflections on Match Performance and Changes
18:46 to 18:56
Evaluating the match against Brentford and the need for system adjustments.
“Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors.”
Reflections on Match Performance and Changes
19:00 to 19:47
Evaluating the match against Brentford and the need for system adjustments.
“It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks.”
Show all 22 chapters
Anticipation for New Player Arrivals
19:59 to 23:11
Discussion on the potential impact of incoming players Savino and Mamouche.
“Yeah, I was watching another YouTube compilation on Scout Nation of Marmoush yesterday.”
Player Performance Critiques and Team Morale
23:11 to 27:42
Critique of individual player performances and overall team morale after a loss.
“Sorry, just with Kinski, would you lay some of the blame at him not parrying the ball away sufficiently?”
Humorous Anecdotes and Fan Reactions
27:42 to 28:03
Light-hearted discussion on personal anecdotes related to football and fan reactions.
“Just on that point, I've got something to play you.”
Shitting Stories: An Embarrassing Spurs Moment
28:03 to 31:18
Hear hilarious and mortifying anecdotes about shitting oneself during critical football moments.
“about when's the last time we shat ourselves as grown men.”
Navigating Life's Messy Moments
31:19 to 33:41
Discussing the challenges and humor in dealing with unexpected accidents in public.
“I wanted to shout back, I'm wearing Converse and skinny jeans.”
Navigating Life's Messy Moments
33:42 to 36:02
Discussing the challenges and humor in dealing with unexpected accidents in public.
“oh yes our boy our boy Stuart who is a big Spurs fan he sold his pet care business and he basically saw on TV that there was a program about fatbergs.”
Looking Ahead to the Charlton Game
36:02 to 42:01
A preview of the upcoming Charlton match and discussions on Tottenham's performance.
“I admire your commitment, mate, because you, after that result, you were the only one who's going to Charlton.”
Frustrations of a Football Fan
42:01 to 45:11
Discussing the emotional toll of supporting a struggling football team.
“It wasn't just, I mean, they got shellacking.”
Charlton Match Preview
45:12 to 46:49
Previewing the upcoming match against Charlton and its significance.
“Do you know what on the preview we did for Brentford?”
Analyzing Player Performance
46:50 to 48:28
Discussion on player selections and their performances in recent games.
“And Deserby needs to use this as an important feature.”
Musical References and Light-hearted Banter
48:29 to 49:59
Engaging in humorous banter and musical references during the conversation.
“Because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain it still remains within the sound of silence.”
Musical References and Light-hearted Banter
50:00 to 51:23
Engaging in humorous banter and musical references during the conversation.
“So I thought it would be fun if we made$15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I. Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors.
0:32Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calsheet.com slash regulatory. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18+.
1:06Late night bites with friends? Already hard to beat. That first too hot bite of fries you couldn't wait for, followed by ice cold Pepsi. Now that hits different. Suddenly, the energy kicks back in. The night goes longer. And the laughs don't stop. Because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar today. It's the fighting It's the fighting Cock It's the fighting It's the fighting Cock Oh god Yeah Oh god Ricky For fuck's sake Oh god it's bad i thought it was gone but i thought the badness had do you know
2:10you know yeah i know i thought um it's like dad dad used to hit everybody especially mum yeah sometimes i'd put myself in between my dad and my mum just so it'd be me that gets the beating yeah and not mum yeah and then one day left and we thought oh thank christ that's over yeah saturday dad's back yeah oh god he's back to beat us all off again we had we had we had three months of bliss when he was there was new blokes coming round buying the sweets and that he's back all the new blokes they're still there they're scared anyway that's weird and dark place to start the podcast Rick yeah you alright just about hanging in there how was you on final whistle oh fucking hell I there was points of it's the first game of the season and I've been looking forward to this for so long but there was a point during the during the game that I was like I'm just gonna turn this off I can't bear this anymore it's just too much pain i'd rather just find the end the end result at the like final whistle and not watch anymore because when terrible things happen in your life and there was a button to make that terrible thing go away you'd press the button yeah or not view it just know at the end that that happened oh like your family members in a car crash i don't want to see the car crash just tell me that no press the button then the car crash is gone yeah but we can't you have to you have to watch the entire crash and the bloody aftermath and the replays and the people on the bystanders cheering as it happened and the analysis of the wrong gear and this right if we slow the frame down right there that's where the crash slide oil slick should have avoided the oil slick um i i i um i was really excited about the sooties i think we all are or were uh until the morning and i i had this sort of weird sort of sinking feeling in my chest my stomach whereas like oh my god i don't want i don't i'm not sure this is going to go the way we think it and then I arrived and my dad was like, it was like he's having kittens.
4:50He was like, I feel bad about today. And you know what it is? It's expectation. It's the buzz of the summer. It's Malmouch on his way and Savini on his way. But then when you look at the start in 11 and just see six new starters, five new starters, basically a brand new back line. And then I was thinking, what are the what's the one thing you can say about Brentford last season and that's super organised super together a unit yeah or they haven't lost a single player and they've brought in that Sangeri who I knew a bit about beforehand didn't realise he was he would have a game like that and so all they've done is just add a little bit of quality to what was a really functional team that understands each other.
5:47Yeah. And then we've got Spurs who don't know how to play together, had no pre-season of any note where the team was coherently together. And that's what it looked like, a team that knew what they were doing against a team that didn't know what they were doing. Yeah. The Zerbi himself said, we're not a team yet. Exactly that. It was worse, actually, than I'd feared. Make them a team then. Do it now. make them make them all sit in you know do you remember the old school baths that everyone would get into like 15 players would all sit in the same dirty water baths make them sit in that for a week keep topping up a pot of water and they have to keep yeah have to keep talking to each other right right what do they do and obviously they're in there naked obviously yeah yeah yeah because they're not going to go in with pants on no and they're sitting in a circle and the Zerbi standing over him he goes right looks you're right yeah and you know Archie Gray looks to his right and there's Kevin Danso and Deservey goes person to your right grab his dick all of you
6:58they're all naked all 25 of the squad yeah in a ring of yeah cock holding yeah yeah yeah good make them know each other good build a relationship I don't care at all this is about trust lads because the one to the right your man to the left might hold on too tight that might cause you to hold on too tight to the next one and then you just you've got a ring of screaming men no one wants that but in Brentford in Brentford's bath they just had each other they were just slowly yeah just gently tossing each other off in their bath yeah communicating well I want Grey's just going oh oh he doesn't know what he's doing he's a young lad why is he captain don't get me started on that it's too early in the pod for that why why is he captain or does it matter i don't think captains matter that much but someone's got to have the armband what why why is it actually great when uh so a mate of mine palace mate um he messaged me and he was like not dave not yeah yeah yeah yeah it's disco dave yeah he um said to me did you get a text from the serbe and i was like what do you mean what the fuck are you talking about he's like are you gonna be the eighth or ninth captain and i was like oh yeah i get it really funny what what's he got to do i don't know i don't know it's always fucking sending for me right but they're not much better no i know what did you send for him when they lost uh i didn't actually oh no i thought yeah you can't when you've lost you can't then and we lost 3-0.
8:41Could have been more as well. Should have been five. Easy should have been five. But the captain thing anyway. So who is it? So Van der Ven is captain. Porro second in line. Who was third? Well, my dad said, there's five captains. I went, yeah. He went, who are they? And I was like, I've got four. Yeah, Madison and Gray. Gray, Van der Ven. Porro. Hold on.
9:19Who is the fifth captain, Ricky? Davies, yes. Davies. None of them are playing. I get right. I understand why we have given Gray that kind of leadership role, the captaincy, the young players look at Archie. If you train hard and listen and conduct yourself and professionally as well, you're a great human being, then there is a route for you here to be exactly like this exemplary young man. I didn't fucking know he was going to be captain on the first game of the season. We've just spent near on fucking 400 mil and he's the one that's got a shoulder at all. And I'm just like, if when we were 1-0 down, 2-0 down, whatever, I mean, a 19, 20-year-old beautiful boy, beautiful, and I'm not talking about I need a Roy Keane.
10:21That's not what I'm saying. Just who's going to pick the team up and be like, come on, boys, fucking, you know, let's. The traditions in football is that it's the one that's done the miles, right? Yeah. You either lead by quality or you lead by example. or the same things or experience. Like when Perryman, so Gray became the youngest Tottenham Hotspur captain in the history of our football club. And the last one was Steve Perryman. Perryman at 20 looked about 42. Whereas Gray looks like his voice hasn't broke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if it matters. I don't know how important it is to have a captain on an armband on a particular player because you expect leaders to be everywhere.
11:02But that was, it's just when you line up and he's going out and he's leading the team out. I was looking at it going, that doesn't fill me with confidence. But, you know, it's easy to say in hindsight, if we had a great, great, great game. We didn't have a great game, so it doesn't matter. Yeah, and I'm not putting the result on Archie Gray's leadership or his captaincy. I'm just saying it just felt a bit weird. Yeah, like, who else was out there that could have? Robertson yeah I know he's just joined but he's like hasn't he won the Champions League FA Cup yeah he's in it all he's won everything won everything yeah I don't know I don't know eh is this is it how much of a reality check is it it is that's exactly what it was wasn't it oh it was a big fan we'd all got carried away yeah yeah yeah it is yeah yeah it's not just a wet fish in the face it's they're forcing your mouth open and putting a fucking trout down there Yeah, and I really didn't want that.
12:04But I got it. Kipper. Yeah. Cooked Kipper down your mouth. That's exactly what it was like. It was a systematic capitulation. The press was terrible. They didn't, you know, there needs to be triggers. There needs to be understanding. And that comes with playing with each other. But, you know, you start the season, Richarlison's there again. And you've got a right-hand side of Mikey Moore. He's just, you know, he's not there yet. And Mattis Tell. And you just, you kind of thought, well, where are the goals going to come from? Where's the creation going to come from? And the few times we did get the ball up the pitch, there was a couple of moments of decent play.
12:46It was left to players that were inexperienced or not good enough. Yeah, I mean, seeing that front four of Gray, Richie, Tell and Gallagher, I already just knew that fucking stinks. Absolutely hums. But again, if you look at our back line, was it, I mean, that back four, sorry, the back five have never played with each other in that set. And then Robertson, Sanessi, Van Hecker, it was their debuts. Archie Gray, like right back. I mean, it was everyone. Like, it felt like they didn't know what their roles were. They didn't know if that player's going over on that side. Like, there was a couple of times where, in the first half, where Archie Gray got skinned.
13:47There was one where he got skinned and the ball got crossed in. There was another time where he was out of position. Then Van Hecker went over to cover. then there was a massive gap and it was like who is yeah yeah and who's coming in behind there and it's like people were working individually rather than as a team and that only comes through playing together and knowing that i know tonali is going to run out there so i'm going to cover him here there but they don't know that they don't know how each other plays and and this happens when you have a settled team and a player who is a squad player, he comes in and he's got to play for 10 games and he's a bit rusty and he's not got the rhythm and you don't know how he plays on the wing.
14:34That's one player, let alone an entire fucking team. So I get it, right? I completely get it. And Roberto De Serbi, last season, back to basics. Let's just avoid relegation. this season in pre-season let's push things forward right let's kind of work on the patterns and work on the pressing and work on the things that i how i want desirable to play out so they've got a lot to learn and they you know a lot of the players saying training is intense and there's a lot to learn and they're very knowledgeable about football and i just kind of just didn't expect it to play out like that. You know? No.
15:16There's lots of variables that went wrong and I still didn't think it would be that. Brentford also superb. Brentford were brilliant. Yeah. They really were. I mean, it was a complete performance. They won every second ball. We were losing all of the duels. It's just like what they did last season, but they've, you know, they had a quality. The second goal, it was like watching fucking Barcelona the way they popped it out. So easy for them. so you just got to kind of hold on to the idea that this is temporary it's one game it was terrible things like that can happen in football we've up the upheaval in the squad while you you it's you know looking better especially when Savino and Mamouche come that's clearly a better first 11 than we had last year but it doesn't matter if it isn't the quality of the player is really important, especially in the front line.
16:15Understanding the system is the bare minimum. You could be the 70s Brazil with Zico in the side and if you haven't got a system that you understand, then it doesn't matter. So they need more time to get this right. I'm sure it will happen because the Zerbi's a good manager and we've brought in good players. But the system wasn't there. And that's what that was, system versus system. And they've had a year, more than that though, because Frank's ideas and Keith Andrews' ideas are similar. So they've had years of, they know what they're doing at the football club. Whereas the upheaval at Tottenham, yeah, the upheaval at Tottenham means that, I mean, I'm putting it down to that, all of it.
17:06And then there was nothing individual to be impressed by at Spurs, really. Paul Fernandes looked brighter when he came on. Yeah. That was it. That was it. That was the only performance I could walk away from that game thinking he did okay. I think I feel like, I thought Tell came out of it all right. I think playing in his position, he looked like the only person that wanted to take a player on, that wanted to be a bit direct, that wanted to try and create something, that wanted to try and do what he was supposed to do there. I thought Robertson, I thought he swung in a couple of decent crosses.
17:46He got some, you know, some good tackles in. In the second half, Sanessi kind of grew into it a bit more, certainly more aggressive, got some of his tackles away. But, I mean, I'm clutching here, lads. You know, I'm clutching. it's um yeah i say all right robertson tell looks he looks he was trying weren't he but um before the season even kicks off soccer fans are already making predictions who wins the league who qualifies for europe and who's lifting the trophy at season's end on calci america's number one prediction market platform you're trading against peers in a live market meaning there's no house and as the probability changes you can buy in and out of your position for a limited time download the CalShee app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10.
18:40K-A-L-S-H-I, CalShee. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calshee.com slash regulatory. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks.
19:11Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required, compatibility and availability varies 18+. The perfect lunch combo. That first bite of your favorite sub, followed by ice cold Pepsi. Add a couple of friends, and now that's next level. Suddenly, the laughs get louder, the stories keep flowing, and the food tastes better. Because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Yeah. I mean, the sooner Savino and Mamouj get here, the better.
19:50Looks like a£50 million oboe with a loan to start. Feel all right about that, Mamouj? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was watching another YouTube compilation on Scout Nation of Marmoush yesterday. Okay. Was it to make you feel better? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, they just popped it out, and I was just like, I'll have a bit of that. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. It was good. It was good. Scoring from all over the place. Different goals, different skills. We need that. You don't need to touch the ball just inside our half, so you better be able to do it from the halfway line. But yeah, it's£50 million.
20:32The loan makes things, I guess, easier. I put in a group, I think the day before yesterday, was that my feeling isn't about that it's how much we spent because we've just put another£90 million cash in the bank. It's not like we can't afford to do that. I think we can. I think it's more about the wages. So he's on£295 ,000 a week, which would make him top earner at Spurs. I think that you'd imagine there'd be some sort of clauses in other people's contracts. I think if he's on loan that maybe Man City will cover a part of his wage and then come next summer we'll deal with that when it comes to it.
21:11That's what I feel, but it's obvious we needed him because even when Solanke come on the pitch, it's just no good. But then, again, it's hard to blame one player when the whole fucking system was falling apart. You can imagine my frustration with Baraval. Oh, God. He was everywhere and nowhere is what I kind of describe it. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. He was going to meet the ball, but then he was passed around within seconds and then he's catching up on himself and then he's playing the ball out like close to our box and losing it. and he had a I don't want to be harsh but it was a pretty terrible performance from him and I don't want to get you know just lay into him or anything but yeah it's and it's horrible saying oh like I feel like that goal was down to him if he hadn't lost the ball if he hadn't done this and there was a lot of mistakes wasn't it yeah there was yeah I don't think Van Heek had a good game either I felt he was indecisive he didn't look confident he didn't really know what he was doing so I'm not going to you know squarely lay it at Bergvot but no he he was right to be called off at halftime was it at halftime so was Gallagher absolutely rubbish yeah did you see that geezer at the end yeah it's just staring looking he must be I don't know you might even listen to this I'm not gonna slag him off too much but and he definitely didn't realize he was the camera was panned straight on him but his arms are all while looking at the players like I don't know if he thought that they were looking at him or they could see him he was just his arms I'm just shaking his head like what was that what was that i kind of felt like when i saw it i felt like it was like he was doing that to say what you're not going to come over and clap like you're just standing in the center circle fucking come here and clap oh it might have been i don't know but either way he was right go and clap the away yeah no he's right that's exactly that's exactly right exactly what was i what was that what was that at all and kinski didn't um necessarily cover himself in glory i think this is the first save was bad which they scored the knocking from the second one i was i had less issue because it came at him so quickly but yeah um what did you think of tonali's performance.
24:03Sorry, just with Kinski, would you lay some of the blame at him not parrying the ball away sufficiently? The first goal, yeah. And not looking where, like his surroundings and where to parry it before he saves it? I don't think you'd have had time to figure out his surroundings then make this that's disgusting rick it flows at home ricky's got like a massive a massive warble warble just you wrap your lips around it and just fell down your throat disgusting disgusting pig you are um i don't think he would have had time to kind of react to the save and then push it into a place that he knew absolutely there were no attackers Well, he should have, all right?
25:00No, I'm only joking. I mean, yeah, ideally he should have. But I think in that instance, they're sort of trained to push it away from them. And he didn't. He just pushed it back into the danger zone. He was right back in the danger zone. Where's the danger zone? Exactly where he put the ball. Keep the ball out of the danger zone, Kinski. And it's funny, isn't it? Because we've all been asked this question. I asked John Bass on the Be With John Bass show. And he was like, do you trust Kinski? I was like, yeah, yeah, I trust him. He kept us in the league. And I'm like, help, help me. Just fucking help me help you, right?
25:29I've backed you since day one.
25:33Yeah, so, but yeah, he's our manager now. What about Tonali's problems? I don't know, we can just go through them and just go, yeah, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I didn't think it was anything of any note, really. Just nothing existed in the game, didn't he? I think it was hard for both Bergvot and Tonali to have that partnership to decide who's doing what, really, who's going to what man. when are we going to press who's going to move forward and by the time like i think bergville was moving around so quickly and sometimes he's popping up on the left and then he's popping up on the right and then he's popping up and i was just a bit like where that's it still boy like calm down um i know and uh another thing as well like i don't know who van hecke or bergville one of you two's got a diarrhea we can't have two blonde lads and me getting confused every time I think Barraval needs to cut his hair but if you're going to have those type of performances it's like when you join the army, shave your head skinhead straight away less fucking flopping your hair about shave it off, think about your football all of them at full time they should have gone in there and the zurbe's assistant should have clippers and just shaved all their heads yeah remember like in the beginning of band of brothers where they're all training they've not gone to you know world war ii yet and their iron increases in the front of their trousers and what's his name sobel as a go i'm saying you're not paratroopers yet don't fucking do that what because he's because he's their iron increases and that's the fashion for paratroopers Yeah, yeah.
27:18So how does that relate to shaving his head? Well, no, he should shave his head, shouldn't he? All of them should. Don't have this foppish hairstyle and Alice bands and all that. You've got to be good. Take it off. Yeah, you've got to be good. Madison, shave your head. No, Madison's all right. He's put the time in. Oh, okay. Just bear a bow then. In front of everybody. Yeah. And then they all just piss on him. Yeah.
27:46Oh, God. That's terrible. Why? Why? Right, everyone. Cocks out. Piss on him. Terrible. Awful. Just on that point, I've got something to play you. Because we were talking in the group about when's the last time we shat ourselves as grown men. Yeah. And there was options. it was like under 12 in your 20s, 30s, or just recently. And obviously, end of last season was a big, big, big Spurs game. I think it was the Atletico Madrid game, actually. And just sitting on my sofa on my own, just sitting on my sofa to shat myself, just like that. There was no warning. It was just, it was there. Suddenly it wasn't there, and then it was there.
28:40And it was boiling up. me and Rick were talking about something similar on our podcast Lads Anonymous so if you can't bear listening to us talk about Spurs you can listen to us talk about all kinds of stuff on Lads Anonymous anyway this voice though which Ricky has hidden he changed the voice to keep the identity of the sender unknown so I'm just going to play this for you now. So here's a story for you Time difference is two hours here. I don't know what it is for you guys, but it's 7.15 in the morning-ish. Having my morning coffee on my own. I have to put the sun and beds down. I could do the shit, actually.
29:25Literally, before I finish that sentence, I shit myself. I actually shit myself. I felt it come out. Fuck. I literally ran. I had to go down some stairs to the toilet. literally pull my shorts down I shit everywhere in the toilet never done so much my pants were covered my arse was covered I honestly did 400 wipes all up my leg everywhere I had to wait for an LGMT swivel next door to the next cubicle get more toilet roll then I had to go back to the room I chucked my pants in the bin I put my shorts back over the top but they were covered in shits. I'd washed them in the basin when no one was there.
30:11I'd then have to run back to the room, jump in the shower, throw my shorts away. Best of them was like, why are you in the shower? I was like, oh, I just got sand on me from the beach. Obviously, I'll tell you later when she wakes up, but fuck me. It just never happened to me in my life. I don't know what happened. Literally, it was like my guts just dropped. Fucking winter. Shit's everywhere. My hands. My toilet. Pants. short fuck folks
30:43that was like when I think it was when Athletic Hope scored their third when I when my bowels betrayed me but the house is full of people the house my wife's there my kids are there and the last thing you want them all to know is that you've as a grown man the leader of the house the guy who's responsible for paying the mortgage can't stop shitting himself on sofa. So I had to navigate the toilet to the bin to chuck the pants away. I'm not washing them. I'm not putting them in the wash. Those pants are gone. They're done. All right. I've ruined them. So that was that, really. Didn't you have one at Spurs?
31:27Oh, I had a fucking nightmare at Spurs. It was against Chelsea at home. we'd drawn the game i was having a beer with tea spooky all the boys in beaver town after and i felt my gut go and i was just like i walked around to the east thanks i thought the toilets might be a bit more uh cleaner or just less of a queue so i went around there and then i was waiting to use the toilet and then it just started it you know my bowels just started evacuating because it knew is near toilet so I was just like right just start going and I was just like oh god like it's just coming out and then I got into the cubicle and it like like this lad it was everywhere it was everywhere all over my ass cheeks down my legs and I was having to like mop it up and like the the telltale sign of how bad I knew it was I got a bit of tissue and I was just like just graze the bottom of your balls just you know if it's there we really are in big trouble rick and i don't know how we're gonna get out of this if there's poop on on your ball oh yeah yeah that's how bad it got i and i wiped and there was and i was like i'd like sitting there thinking what the fucking hell am i gonna do now there's shit in my boxes shit in my jeans and i hear this bang on the door miles away from home yeah bang on the door mate you're taking ages what's going on and I'm like, I don't want to say I shit myself.
32:58I wanted to shout back, I'm wearing Converse and skinny jeans. I need to take these off. How am I going to get out of this? Did you have shit on the jeans? Yeah. Yeah, I did have shit on the jeans. And afterwards, I just sorted myself out as best I could, opened the door, looked at him square in the face and said, I'm really sorry. Walked to the sink, washed my hands. Didn't even say bye to the lads. Just walked straight out of the stadium, straight back home. sat on the train like a stinky shitty guy for two hours thinking I had stink lines coming out of me just sitting crossed arms really angry Spurs lost did we?
33:34We drew Drew alright so yeah so you've only heard all that because today's episode of the Fine Cock is sponsored by Flushkind oh yes our boy our boy Stuart who is a big Spurs fan he sold his pet care business and he basically saw on TV that there was a program about fatbergs. Do you know them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In our sewage. In the sewage, yeah. Sort of saturated fat and wet wipes. Yeah. It's a big problem and he just thought, let me solve this by making a product called Flushkind, which is like other wipes on the market but doesn't contain alcohol. which uh which is a good thing but mostly as we've discussed like ricky would have needed the spray on flush kind there to wipe his ass properly yeah um and actually even if you're just having normal pooing it's not enough just to wipe it with some towel on the continent they blast in fact across the world they blast their asshole with water jets yeah to give them the best possible opportunity to stay clean so why don't you buy flush kind today the link is in the description below keep your ass clean and if you do get in a situation it's you know it's handy so you know what it's like ricky the bottle you can fit in your pocket can't you use some this morning you some this morning uh went for a turnout cleaned everything was everything was fine add a little squirt of this little bottle of flush kind straight onto the tissue add a little wipe it's lovely as well because it's a cold isn't it like the cream like moisturizing your arsehole add a wipe let me tell you that that tissue wasn't white so you really do need to have a good cleanup down there so flush kind yeah i'd sort of me right about your arsehole about five times in the last minute.
35:38Yeah, I could see you wincing. Yeah, disgusting little thing that is. So if you fancy giving it a go, head to Flushkind and use the code FIGHTING10 at the checkout for 10 % off. It's on Amazon. But use the link so you can go straight through. Your bum and the drains will thank you. Yeah. Right, Rick. We move towards Charlton. We're both going, aren't we? Yeah, boy. I admire your commitment, mate, because you, after that result, you were the only one who's going to Charlton. Yeah. I'm going. Yeah. But that was it. I was going to go on my own and you were going to go on your own, so now we're going together.
36:21Yeah, I know. It's worked out very well, actually. It has. I couldn't think of anything better, really. Yeah. But what are you expecting to see come Wednesday? Because a lot of it was like, we know we might not win games early on. Yeah. but we want to see a movement towards what you know what we're about what Deserveys football is about and maybe if we can't do it yet then go back a little bit to sort of basic stuff and just implement it slowly I'm sure he's thought of that so against Charlton who are doing well we'll do a full preview of the game on patreon.com if you want that but they're a good side but what do you want to see like what should what should be the next steps be for Tottenham Hotspur fans who are kind of really disappointed by that result.
37:08What do we do next? First of all, I could have done without a void. Charlton winning at West Ham at the weekend. Their London derby. That would have been... They're two on the balance now. Oh, is it really? Fucking hell. We need that like a fucking hole in the head. Yeah, I mean, if Charlton sort of beat us 3-0 at home. Jesus Christ. We just have to ride it out. Just go ride it out. Yeah, ride it out. What can we do? We've been here before, Rick. Yeah. We've been here before. Like for two seasons. What's the third season going to do? No, before that.
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37:48Well, I think... Yeah, go on. The heat I got after the game yesterday was insane. On Saturday. I can imagine. No, usually it's generally all right. This was mental. Like every corner, everything I opened, every app on my phone. I've even got like a Shazam app to tell me what music is yeah that was getting me sorry it's Shazam today you're not worth it not you Shazam as well no like I had a mate of mine Adam Rosenbaum he might even be listening to this I've already dug him out on one podcast I've done today yeah he came to my wedding that little slag yeah alright I love him like a brother yeah do you know what he said do you know what he said to me what did he say he texted me This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome.
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39:45Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. He's a Brentford fan. Okay. he said thought you lot spent a load of money this summer turned up looking like a fucking pub side on the first day of the season cheers ads and I was like trying to calm it down I was like you were excellent to be fair well played he went we were class I'm horny I went good for you now fuck off and he said tell more of a charlison there's a relegation front three I said what do you want from me right now what are you doing here Why are you sending me these messages? And she went, sorry, I'm just thinking out loud.
40:28Maybe it's it by a fucking truck.
40:33And it weren't just that. It was my builder texting me. I had my hairdressers. I say hairdressers, barbers, right? Barbers. It's a 15 pound cut. In message, you're going, are you coming in for an haircut this week? No, I'm not. I need an haircut. You can see, Rick, I need a bit of an haircut. Of course I'm not. I'd rather cut it myself. I'm going to go to the Turks. I'm going to the Turks oh good good yeah and I threatened him I threatened him before he goes to the Turks because you don't you go to the Turks to get your haircut and I went I'm going to yeah and once I had to go I had the overlap on Monday and it was Sunday and I realised I hadn't had my haircut and the only places open was the Turkish barbers of course and you're not sure if they're I mean I know this might be xenophobic but a lot of them are fronts like there are opportunities to you know like the sweet shops yeah money laundering that type of stuff well say a lot of them are I don't know that they are my dad tells me they are so for the purpose of this they're all money launders they're not actually barbers right i've gone in there and i went um can i just have like a i just have a 0.5 on the side and blah blah blah and i was like you can't speak english you can't speak english can you no he goes all right i went it's okay because i'll just show you yeah um trim it two moves to the skin on the side and leave a little bit longer on the chin yeah and that's all you have to do do you know what i got i got a goatee with a bit of stubble on the side so i thick goatee and stubble on my cheeks that's what i got and i'm i'm more likely to go back to that guy at fade zone in the britox than i am to go to mikey's the barbers because of him teasing me fair fair i would be the same yeah i i did have a fair few texts as well nothing compared to what you'd get of I thought you spent loads of money where are all these players I thought you were winning all of this just fucking leave me alone please takes time takes time to bed in you know that better than anybody takes time to bed in but I don't want to hear reasoned responses they just want to laugh in your face this is the bane of being a massive football club with ambition everyone's waiting for us to fail now to be fair when I saw Villa get folded up I was like thank god they've taken some of the shine off us.
42:49Thank goodness. They're such a strange fan base. Yeah. It wasn't just, I mean, they got shellacking. Yeah. First off. I think hopefully that's our own shellacking done with now. Yeah. No more shellacking this season, please. I can't take it anymore. I can't. We've done two years of this. First one was bad, but you won the Europa League, but it was bad. It was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. second one was really bad like the whole thing i hated it i hated it from about this calendar year i've hated it watching football yeah really really bad really really awful experience watching tottenham worst it's ever been in my life so i don't want to do that we don't i don't deserve none of us do deserve to do i don't want that again i mean going to the games the two hours there two hours back knowing that we were going to lose it's just like this is gone you always bang on about that but like what you chose to live where you were like tottenham didn't move you moved you moved yeah yeah sure so don't moan that the journey got longer no i'm not moaning that it got longer it's just that you've got you've got to make the journey yeah but when ricky when you said you don't have to be like me when you said when you said you know you'd always go with lose a game oh fucking wednesday we've got a blind wednesday now and i'm gonna take me all day together i'm not gonna get in bed till one o 'clock doing it again rick that massive jug of water disgusting anyway every time you're talking and I'm like, oh, maybe I can rehydrate.
44:25And every time I don't, it's disgusting. You can't stop putting water down your throat for two minutes. We've only been recording for 40 minutes. You pig. Oh, more water. Look, if you've got to blame anyone about the distance, blame your wife because she moved you out there. When you was with me, you didn't have to do it. All we did was a little 30-minute bus journey, W3. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a little chit-chat. Do you remember? It was great. It was amazing. And your wife came back. Yeah. Your wife came back and scooped you up. Yeah. You put two babies in her. Yeah. She scooped you up and then you're back in fucking the land of the dead.
45:07I just realised I didn't even answer your question about Charlton. What are we going to do? I don't care. Do you care? Do you care? Just a little bit. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Do you know what on the preview we did for Brentford? We were laughing. We were joshing about how in cup games, managers, they always make wholesale changes and we end up losing. Keep a spine of senior players, experienced players, and then bring in a bit of youth and stuff. I do not want to see a new starting XI against Cholton. I don't want to see Byfield. Do you think we're going to give a run out to like Idogi, Madders, Solanke, maybe Kudus as well?
45:58Just a little. I don't mind a run out to those players. I don't want this to be seen as like an unimportant game. I don't care about winning the League Cup. It'd be lovely. I'd take it. But I don't mind. I don't care about it. I'm not prioritizing that in any way. I'm prioritizing a really sort of wholesome. Stop putting things in your mouth. every single sign I start speaking another object goes into Ricky's mouth won't see that just straight now it was like he's hydrating himself then he's putting himself full of fucking pollutants from his vape vape yeah
46:31what we talking about yeah don't use this as a game where you can just throw it away Rick yeah like where it's just oh it's just Charlton it doesn't this is an opportunity not to beat Charlton fuck them who gives a shit who we're playing is to re-challenge these players to display what they've been practising on the training pitch. And Deserby needs to use this as an important feature. And I'm sure he is. But that isn't, you know, bringing in Byfield as a centre-back. It's not that. It's something else. It's like, Senesi and Van Hecker were so uninspiringly, their performances. They need to be back out there.
47:09100%. Murkvill need to get back out. I think a loan. Oh, fucking hell. Loan him out. Right, okay. He's Pupini. I think he... You agree? Well, I... Not there yet? Yeah, not yet. Not there yet. Not there yet. I think within the pecking order, you've got... Ternali, Fernandes... Ternali in midfield. Together, just played together. Benninger, Gallagher as the backups. and then Bergvold can have cameos when we're like 3-0 up or something like that. Why did it go for him as opposed to Benton Kord, do you think? He said something weird in the post-match presser saying it was like, I went for Bergvold because Benton Kord was late back because of World Cup.
48:08but he said something like I knew that this was going to be a difficult game for Bergvall or something along those lines and I was like well if you knew that then why playing I don't know I don't know strange strange that'll do Rick yeah when I was watching it I could my brain was just like trying to i'm trying to watch it and my brain's going shall i play it now i'm like no no don't and it's just going hello darkness my old friend i've come to talk with you again and i was like no not now just kept doing it uh yeah you wasn't there was a couple other people that sent me that. Oh, God. Because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain it still remains within the sound of silence.
49:28in restless dreams i walk alone narrow streets of cobblestone neath the halo of a street lamp i turned my collar to the cold and the dam when my eyes were i've been trying to do the whole song oh dearie me bye rick bye
49:58Cock Cock
50:07F I G H T I N G Cock F I G H T I N G Cock We're the fighting cock and we don't give a fuck Like a top drawer who always don't see bucks Everybody wanna come and run it but they're funny Like a dummy in the barbie of your mommy Ha ha Fighting cock with me dog, give a shit Everybody knows flat bait's a prick We can get it sticky in the mini sucky willy When you're getting grilly, yeah, you got the bang the milly Ha ha F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G Cock Cock Cock Cock Cock Cock Cock Cock Cock Cock
50:53Cock
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From the publisher
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Flav and Ricky pick through the wreckage of Tottenham's 3-0 defeat to Brentford and ask how a summer of excitement ended with Spurs looking so disjointed on the opening day.
We discuss De Zerbi's admission that Spurs aren't a team yet, Archie Gray wearing the armband, a completely new-look defence, Bergvall's nightmare, Kinsky's mistakes, the lack of threat up front and whether we're simply going to have to give this team time to come together.
Plus, attention turns to Charlton and why the next game needs to be about more than just getting a result.
And, for reasons that become apparent, there's quite a lot of chat about grown men sh*tting themselves.
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